OH HEY WONKERS! Yeah y’all, we are very ZZZZZZZZ, so we hereby present to you the most halfassed top ten post in the history of top ten posts. Above, a picture of Wonkette Toddler Human Woman on her way to see her niece! (More pictures of that forthcoming.) In the next graf, we will ask you for money, and you will like it, and you will GIVE US MONEY. After that, a list of the top ten posts of the week. And then we are done. K? K.
So! We’ll count down ALL the top ten stories in a sec, but first, we must shake you down for donation moneys. See, we have no ads. NONE. Remember back when we had ads and they ate your browser and made your grandma cry a lot? God that sucked! But we got rid of them, and that means YOU, LITERALLY ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, pay our rent and our paychecks and our other things and stuff. And we’re trying our best to keep up with the fucking Trump regime, and in that spirit we’re taking on more writers, which costs $$$$, and we want to take on EVEN MORE! So please please please do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
Look, it’s the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is also tired of Donald Trump Jr.’s malarkey right now probably:
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. VEGANS! BUTTHOLES! YODELING! What more could you want in a Wonkette post? Number one for the second week in a row!
2. This asshole “patriot” who threatened a Muslim couple cried REAL TEARS after he was arrested.
3. Sarah Palin went full Nazi last week. It was not pretty.
4. Chuck Todd figured out a thing. It was not pretty.
5. Wonkette had to raise the Trump Russian Pee Tape Threat Level to Code Yellow this week. That is still in effect.
6. Special counsel Robert Mueller hired the world’s most badass lawyer in the universe for his team. Again.
8. Donald Trump Jr. was SO MAD how Hillary Clinton tricked him to colluding with Russia that one time. Our very first post on the subject!
9. And then Donald Trump Jr. tweeted out the EMAILS PROOF of how he colluded with Russia. He is very stupid.
10. And finally, Donald Trump went to France, grabbed First Lady Brigitte Macron’s arm by the pussy, and then he perved on her some more.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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Yours in Christ,
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