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Why is Erik Prince back in DC? Is Donald Trump so senile that he only can keep track of like 27 names? Is that why they haven’t appointed anyone to all those open jobs? It’s like the White House got to the bottom of the list of Rich White Dudes Trump Knows and just started all over. And like magic, Betsy DeVos’s lunatic brother reappears to rub his guns on Poppy’s junk and make him feel like a Real Man™ again.

When last we left the unflushable Mr. Prince, he was sneaking in the back door of Trump Tower to inject testosterone into the transition team. And having a secret meeting with a Putin associate in the Seychelles, but definitely not on behalf of Donald Trump! Also, too, there was that time in November when Erik, Kellyanne, and future NSC member Kevin Harrington just happened to be on the same Acela train shooting the shit about reorganizing the US intelligence apparatus. As Bloomberg reported,

In one informal discussion in late November, Prince spoke openly with two members of Trump’s transition team on a train bound from New York to Washington. He boarded the same Acela as Kellyanne Conway and they sat together. Joining the conversation at one point was Kevin Harrington, a longtime associate of Trump adviser Peter Thiel, who is now on the National Security Council. They discussed, in broad terms, major changes the incoming administration envisioned for the intelligence community, as recounted by a person on the train who overheard their conversation.

National security analyst Eric Garland had some questions.

Funny you should ask! A mere three months later, Steve Bannon foisted Prince and his billionaire buddy Stephen Feinberg onto Defense Secretary Mattis for a pitch meeting at the Pentagon. Prince, the founder of Blackwater, and Feinberg, the owner of the military contracting company Dyncorp, had some “outside-the-box” ideas for incorporating more hired mercenaries into the US’s Afghanistan strategy. Safe bet that the pitch resembled Prince’s May op-ed in the Wall Street Journal where he called for the US to establish a viceroy in Afghanistan. Literally.

First, [the President] should consolidate authority in Afghanistan with one person: an American viceroy who would lead all U.S. government and coalition efforts—including command, budget, policy, promotion and contracting—and report directly to the president. […]

For 250 years, the East India Company prevailed in the region through the use of private military units known as “presidency armies.” They were locally recruited and trained, supported and led by contracted European professional soldiers. The professionals lived, patrolled, and—when necessary—fought shoulder-to-shoulder with their local counterparts for multiyear deployments. […]

GOT IT.

Step 1: Overthrow the Afghan government.
Step 2: Install a regent.
Step 3: Create a dependent warrior caste.

Wonkers, can you guess what’s coming? Are you on the edge of your seats?

An East India Company approach would use cheaper private solutions to fill the gaps that plague the Afghan security forces, including reliable logistics and aviation support. The U.S. military should maintain a small special-operations command presence in the country to enable it to carry out targeted strikes, with the crucial difference that the viceroy would have complete decision-making authority in the country so no time is wasted waiting for Washington to send instructions. A nimbler special-ops and contracted force like this would cost less than $10 billion per year, as opposed to the $45 billion we expect to spend in Afghanistan in 2017.

PROFIT! Step 4 is ALWAYS profit!

Yes, DynCorp has already pocketed $2.5 billion in Afghanistan. But if greed is good, then these guys are THE BEST. So Feinberg and Prince, who happens to have a paid militia in the UAE, want to help America by taking several billion dollars and overthrowing a country. Just. Like. The. Good. Old. Days. These guys even want to get the whole band back together and have the CIA supervise!

So, will Erik and Steve survive the Shark Tank? The New York Times is skeptical.

Mr. Mattis listened politely but declined to include the outside strategies in a review of Afghanistan policy that he is leading along with the national security adviser, Lt. Gen. H. R. McMaster.

Womp womp. Sadly, the former general saw one or two problems with the plan to outsource US army activities to a band of mercenaries. For one thing, Afghanistan is a giant opium factory run by warlords. Maybe turning the place over to a brigade of paid gunmen is a bad idea? We’re just spitballing here, but perhaps the US government doesn’t want to put a rent-a-militia in charge of the place where 90% of the world’s heroin is produced?

UNLESS…

Well, we know Steve Bannon and his nationalist goons are tired of spending money for the US to be “the world’s policeman.” Add in libertarians like Prince and Thiel who don’t mind the drug trade as long as they can make money. And Kellyanne has to cross her knees every time she even thinks about Ronald Reagan, PBUH.

Hooray! The ’80s are back! Sure we fucked up with the Sandinistas. But no one ever proved the CIA was selling cocaine to fuel a dirty war in Nicaragua! Anyway, Donald Trump could be selling black tar heroin in the rose garden and Paul Ryan wouldn’t hold Iran Contra hearings. Now we’re not saying that Bannon and Prince are planning to jack the Afghan heroin trade so they can fund the Foreverwar in Eastasia, get rich, AND cut taxes. But the New East India company needs to get paid somehow — ain’t nobody subduing Afghanistan for $10 billion dollars a year!

Yeah, yeah … we know it sounds crazy. But Don Jr. just tweeted email evidence of a criminal conspiracy with the Russian government. They’re dumb enough. They’re greedy enough. And if they can get away with it, they’ll do it for sure!

[Bloomberg / NYTimes / Wall Street Journal]

We are hired guns! Please pay us so we can make words instead of overthrowing a country and stealing its drugs! It’s the right thing to do!

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  • Joe Beese
  • Scooby

    Now I’m sorry I cancelled my subscription to ‘Solider of Fortune’.

    • Oblios_Cap

      The want ads will be YUUUGE!

    • Spurning Beer

      Do they put out a large print edition?

  • MynameisBlarney

    OH for fucks sake!
    These goddamn evil bastards need to fucking fuck off and die already.

  • TJ Barke

    Murderer and war criminal Erik Prince.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This guy…and every other member of the extended DeVos family…needs to be [redacted in deference to the Commenting Rules for Radicals]. With votes!

  • azeyote

    when your business is war this is probably the best for profits – American exceptionalism ain’t all that exceptional –

  • Joe Beese
    • Oblios_Cap

      And, apparently, stupifying.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Thank you! I knew that little shitheel reminded me of someone, but I could never quite put my finger on it.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I haz a good brain.

    • Bill D. Burger

      “I’m not stupid like they say I am. I’m smart.”

  • Oblios_Cap

    I hope that Mueller is able to tie Eric Prince into his Russia investigations and send that little shitheel to the pen.

    • willi0000000

      i want Mueller to get everybody in the line of succession down to the first Democrat!

  • Ezio

    Gotta love the pro-Trump Libertarians defending Trump and his administration doing the exact same things they chided Dubya for.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • mailman27

    Not sure the East India Company is really a viable business model, old shoe.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I thought that Jack Sparrow and Will Turner destroyed that outfit.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      If Eric Prince and Donald Trump were successful in developing a NEW East India Company, would I be required to learn cricket?

  • eyelashviper

    A better plan: Send Erik Prince and Peter Thiel to Afghanistan, leave them on a dark deserted highway in the middle of Taliban country, in their undies.

    • willi0000000

      don’t forget to leave them a flashlight . . . a good bright one!

  • Crystalclear12

    So, they made Bush seem not as bad and have moved onto rehabbing Cheney’s image?

  • Spurning Beer

    He and sister Betsy can corner the market: Charter Madrassas!

    • georgiaburning

      That’s been DeVos’ idea all along

  • goonemeritus

    Who knew that Joseph Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness” was a policy proposal.

    • Why not that? Idiocracy is already here, and The Handmaid’s Tale isn’t far away

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “The pee whore-er.”

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ‘The horror…’

  • Joe Beese

    vice·roy
    ˈvīsˌroi
    noun

    :a ruler exercising authority in a colony on behalf of a sovereign

    Sounds right.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Vice + Roy = King of vice.

      • Querolous

        Now I have a NSFW mental vision of Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. Or Trigger.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    “When we had a particular problem with someone, one solution we would try is to make him a maharajah. That’s a kind of a regional king. We would pay him off with an annual tribute and in return he would be loyal to the crown.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Joe Beese

      Cause it makes it sound dumb. And he’s smart! And he wants respect!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Well, hell. just put on some Rick Perry S-M-R-T glasses.

    • TJ Barke

      There is no issue he won’t fucking lie about…

    • jesterpunk

      He retweeted Faux and Frauds this morning.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I’m getting dizzy from the high-speed spin.

        • jesterpunk

          Someone should connect a powerline or something to him, we could power the word for years just from his spinning.

      • ariel_gee_398

        That’s not TV, that’s his morning briefing.

    • Spurning Beer

      Doesn’t drink, either.

      • Blackest Noobs

        but we’re almost certain he fucking uses cocaine.

        • Spurning Beer

          **sniff**
          **sniff**

        • Oblios_Cap

          Probably injects it, like his role model before him.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Hitler didn’t get coke until after the assassination attempt, for ruptured ear drums. Coke was considered a Jew drug. The Eye, Ear, Nose, and Throat guy applied it to his ears with a swab. Made him feel all better.

            He was worried about addiction, though, until the doc assured him that could only happen if you snorted powder cocaine. Adolf was getting lots of nasal swabs from said doc.

    • Bill D. Burger

      He doesn’t lie either…..just ask him.

    • Ezio

      LOL he can’t go a single day without mentioning how some reporter is making fun of him or some news story criticizes him. I venture to say he is a regular viewer of “fake news”.

      • ahughes798

        And we’re the snowflakes!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I wonder if he has days where he never gets out of his bathrobe?

    • natoslug

      So, considering how much TV he obviously watches, can we extrapolate from there and assume that anything else he denies is most likely actually something he does? What’s that, Donut?- you don’t drink, do copious amounts of drugs, and regularly roger Ivanka? Uh huh.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Nixon wandered the halls at night, drunk, talking to the portraits of the previous Presidents.

      Trump watches scandal coverage all day, then lies about it.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    A viceroy. How tone deaf can you possibly get? Next Betsy will ask that someone follow her around with a little parasol and refer to her as memsahib

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Erik Prince? I thought that was some snark moniker for Orange Julius Caesar’s younger idiot bastard son.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So we’re spending $45 billion dollars a year in a country we invaded 15 years ago, but we can’t afford health care? Sure, why not?

    • Blackest Noobs

      war is fun…healthcare….meh..not so much. (just in case…this was sarcasm)

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        We’re on track to spend $4 trillion on the Iraq War, but poor children shouldn’t get dental care because they’re moochers who just want free shit.

        • Blackest Noobs

          well if them moochers kids would just enlist…their dental care issues would be the least of their problems.

          hmmm perhaps Prez Trump can lower the enlistment age to 5?

        • ahughes798

          Not to mention their parents.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      We’re spending billions on an airplane that still doesn’t do what it was advertised to do, so why not?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Good point. Maybe we should start weaponizing children, so they can get to see a doctor. We could rename children “snot silos” or something like that, so the GOP would pay attention to them.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          ‘Hey, Mom…’
          ‘INCOMING!’

    • jesterpunk

      We have to pay for those tanks the military doesnt even want that sit in a field somewhere.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Why do you hate America and the troops?

    • Oblios_Cap

      The Afghan economy:

      Revenues $1.58 billion

      Expenses $50.000 billion

      What a capitalist success story.

      • goonemeritus

        It takes a while for the tourist trade to come back. I’m sure the Trump administration has plans to fund a really classy golf complex in Kabul.

        • Oblios_Cap

          “Trump Tower – Kabul”

          • Msgr_MΩment

            “Look. It’s a prayer tower. Nobody will bomb it.”

        • SigDeFlyinMonky

          Two words… “artisanal opium.”

      • schmannity

        It’s Kansastan.

        • Debravhorton

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pd170d:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !pd170d:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash460TopIndexGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pd170l..,….

  • President in Exile Firefly

    The Man Who Would Be ___________

  • Anna Rompage

    A new Afghan Colonial Concession? What, is that going to be one of those deep fried elephant ear concoctions they sell at carnivals, covered in a savory goat curry?

    • ahughes798

      They better use chicken or pork in the US. Decent people don’t eat goats.

  • therblig

    As a LEED AP, it is my obligation to provide the following definition of Blackwater:

    Wastewater containing urine or fecal matter that should be discharged to the sanitary drainage system of the building or premises in accordance with the International Plumbing Code.

    • Ricky Gay

      Don’t hire no shit, won’t be no shit!

    • Jon Sussex

      Well I built me a raft and she’s ready for floatin’

      • therblig

        in exchange for that earworm, i will mississippi moon you.

    • Querolous

      Even the Wonkabago has a blackwater tank.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Hooray! The ’80s are back!

    The 1780’s?

    • Ricky Gay

      And Iran, Iran so far away.,. A Flock of Numbskulls

      • Msgr_MΩment

        No. You get the land down under.

        • Ricky Gay

          Please no Vegamite sandwich!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Me, me, could I have Angola? Pleeeeeeeze!”

    • Michael Smith

      Somebody wake up the Hapsburgs!

    • schmannity

      Why do you hate the (Hessian) troops?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Well it did give us enormous weatlh and power but I doubt it will pass today’s ethics laws.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_East_India_Company
    ha, just kidding Dyncorp and Blackwater have no idea what ethics are.

    • jesterpunk

      “Ethics rules dont apply to the Trump administration.”

      Trump’s white house lawyers.

  • georgiaburning

    And, outside of opium and a lot of dead soldiers, what did the Brits get from their colonial adventure in Afghanistan?

    • Oblios_Cap

      The adage “Never start a land war in Asia”?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Some Kipling short stories?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        And the poem “The Young British Soldier.”

        When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
        And the women come out to cut up what remains,
        Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
        An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Some good classic films?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      A lousy t-shirt?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Butt sechs with swarthy, exotic, strangers?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      A history of rivalry with Russia in those parts, which is remembered as “The Great Game.”

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      A really good John Huston movie.
      http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073341/?ref_=nv_sr_8

      • Ghenghis McCann

        He’s supposed to have wanted to film it some time previously with Humphrey Bogart and Clark Gable, those famously British actors. I’m glad he didn’t.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Same things the Soviets got a century or so later.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      A really good reason to invent Gin and Tonic?

      • ahughes798

        Chicken Vindaloo?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I, for one, welcome our new human-like colonial overlords.

    • Blackest Noobs

      i welcome them with knives…oooooh i meant votes…yes votes…VOTES….that’s the ticket.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Sharp votes.

        • ahughes798

          With pointy teeth….

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’ve heard they’re 80% pig, and 80% human.

      • Ezio

        Every day really is becoming more and more like Seinfeld, huh?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Sure, but without the humor and warmth.

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            So….exactly like Seinfeld.

          • ahughes798

            I never “got” that show. A show about 3 or 4 sociopaths living in NYC.

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            I just found them way too whiny.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Stick that up your ‘halal’, you rotten Muslin bastards.”

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Is everyone on Capitol Hill dying of pleurisy and tuberculosis? Christ, I can hardly hear Diane Feinstein over all the coughing and hacking.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Thank jeebus they have government healthcare to get them through.

    • jesterpunk

      Its all the bullshit in the air from the Trumpcare bill, the stench will make anyone sick.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    People are being hard on Erik Prince, maybe justifiably so, but we can all be proud of him for overcoming that bedwetting problem.

  • Wow. Did they also discuss all the poppies as in “poppies will make the sleeeep” they could grow? The opium of the masses could indeed be opium.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Hence our current epidemic. It’s relatively cheap and it keeps patients quiet

      • ahughes798

        It’s not a current epidemic, it’s been ravaging the inner cities and poor rural areas for decades. It’s an epidemic now because shiny white teens are getting it cheap, using it and dying, in the surburbs.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Of course! It’s all so simple! Just put a former junior officer (who dropped out of the Naval Academy and later resigned his commission early) in charge of war planning! Certainly he has the strategic knowledge that dozens of British, Russian, and American generals have lacked!

  • Spurning Beer
  • arglebargle
    • Ezio

      Isn’t a dentist recommending cigarettes the equivalent of a dentist recommending you eat 10 chocolate bars a day?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Wait, they’re not supposed to? I need to have words with mine.

    • mailman27

      Those were crap smokes. Only marginally better than Parliaments.

      • Querolous

        Or Wings.

  • MynameisBlarney

    I literally can’t even with this shit…

    https://thinkprogress.org/steve-king-trump-russia-investigations-must-stop-or-new-clinton-ones-will-democrats-b757028e05c6

    Stupid fucking repubs threaten NEW Hillary investigations if the Dems don’t stop talking about Russia.

  • TJ Barke

    Military organizations for profit, an even worse idea than for profit prisons.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Shorter Erik Prince: Kill everything that moves.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Then check their pockets.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        There’s also the fine military tradition of stealing their boots.

      • Anna Rompage

        We will be allowed to pee on their corpses & rape their women too, without the threat of a court-martial?

        • Oblios_Cap

          The best America has to offer.

          • Anna Rompage

            I’m sure Erik will get the very best mercenaries that money can buy…

          • Msgr_MΩment

            You mean Congress?

        • ariel_gee_398

          9 out of 10 warlords agree that those are great for troop morale and for asserting your cultural dominance. The other warlord was a pussy so we shot him.

  • Anna Rompage

    Lets not forget, all that coke coming into the US in the 70s & 80s made for some great parties for the wealthy white people who used the stuff, and also filled our prisons with all the poor black people who weren’t deemed sophisticated enough to use the substance without facing severe penalties of incarceration…

    • Oblios_Cap

      “Sophisticated enough”? That’s rich.

      Thinking of rich, I’ve always said that coke was God’s way of telling you that you had more money than sense. Cause I spent too much doing that crap back in the day.

      • Anna Rompage

        Fortunately for me, I’ve never like speedy things and much preferred partaking in a little ganja from time to time…

        I’ve sen too many of my old friends from that time period, ruin their lives using coke & meth…

      • mailman27

        Not only a waste of money, but a total waste of time.

        • ahughes798

          To be totally honest, I enjoyed it. I used to buy a gram every Friday. I’d sit around with friends, play Hungry Hungry Hippos, talk, etc. Then I realised I was looking forward to Friday way too much, and not for the usual reasons, so I stopped using it.It also helped me recognise, much later on, that a certain president of ours was a user….while presidenting.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Perhaps those dangerous merc bloodsuckers should read the short story or watch the movie “The Man Who Would Be King.” Rudyard had been in that area of the world and despite the Britishness of his worldview, he wasn’t wrong about what happens to greedy ass foreigners who march into the mountains of Afghanistan.

    I don’t think they’d like the ending of that one.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Kinda wouldn’t mind seeing a (more) deranged Erik Prince shuffling around in rags and carrying Trump’s severed head in a sack.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        That’s what could be called a win-win situation.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I don’t see him going out like Sean Connery

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “Well, old chum, I would, but it’s the damned bone spurs again, you see. But if you’d be so kind as to carry off my share of the gold and jewels…”

          The Grifter Boy Has Gone To War.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Don’t bleed!

  • nightmoth

    As a person from North Carolina, I can say that Eric Prince is the biggest asshole N. C. has produced in my lifetime. Pat McCrory was no peach, although he did well as mayor of Charlotte, and Jesse Helms was awful, but he didn’t kill people. So, Eric, step forward and get your award!

  • Indiepalin

    Viceroy? I prefer Lucky Strike, but that’s me.

    • ahughes798

      I like the idea of having a Pall Mall leading Afghanistan.

  • Michael Smith

    The old imperialism stopped working for many reasons. You can’t just bring it back to life because you think its sounds cool and lucrative.

    The British still thought it was cool and lucrative in the 50’s, but they couldn’t hold on to it because the world had simply changed. It wasn’t practical anymore. It was never morally okay, but there was a time when it was at least within the realm of the possible for a large powerful state. Now its morally bad and practically impossible.

    Sorry this isn’t the 19th Century, not matter how badly you wish it was.

    • Joe Beese

      I can’t find the exact quote. But in Gandhi, some British poobah sneers at G, “Surely you don’t expect that we’re simply going to walk away.”

      There’s a short beat and then G replies, “Yes. In the end, you will simply walk away. Because a nation of 20 million* can not rule a nation of 200 million* if the 200 million do not permit it.”

      * numbers probably different int the moive

  • Proud Liberal

    FFS. What is Orrin rambling on about?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Hillary’s fucking emails.

    • No idea. Only thing i’ve ever seen him make sense on was his and Cory Booker’s ukelele band

      • armed_bears

        Really? Is that a thing?

        • It was on Parks & Rec

          • armed_bears

            Awww man…. now I gotta award Hatch 2 coolness points.

          • ahughes798

            He also helped Giant of the Senate, Al Franken, write a song.

  • The U.S. military should maintain a small special-operations command presence in the country to enable it to carry out targeted strikes, with the crucial difference that the viceroy would have complete decision-making authority in the country so no time is wasted waiting for Washington to send instructions.

    So he wants us into install an American warlord who is outside the chain of command, has his own private army, and a ready source of drug income for his army should anyone in the civilian authority try to rein him by cutting off funding?

    What could go wrong?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      AOI,K?

    • ManchuCandidate

      Besides the fact that Afghani heroin is dirt cheap and that with all those mercs looking for something to do with more money than sense?

      A whole army of whacked out smack junkies armed to the teeth… Didn’t work out well for some country that a guy named Putin runs who has a huge ass smack problem to deal with.

      • Aleister Crowley discovered a brilliant cure for heroin addiction – cocaine.

        He also discovered a brilliant cure for cocaine addiction. Heroin.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I find his ideas reprehensible and I do not wish to subscribe to his newsletter. Good day, Sirrah.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Why do I suspect Prince imagines himself as Afghan Viceroy and has a painting of himself as Napolean in his bedroom?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Probably on the ceiling above his bed.

    • RandomNameAllocated

      The Horror! The Horror!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    He Has A Plan

    A man, a plan, a canal: Covfefe.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Points go to Orrin Hatch for managing to bring up “BUT HER EMAIL SERVER!!!!” during Wray’s confirmation hearing. Interesting that he doesn’t mention Trump’s massive collusion with a hostile foreign power to overthrow our government. I guess that’s just not important.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I didn’t used to believe in term limits, but Orrin Hatch and John McCain have convinced me it might be a good idea.

      • ahughes798

        We already have term limits. They’re called elections.

  • Alan

    So this is what happens when an idiot runs for president as a joke and then somehow ends up in the white house.

    • Proud Liberal

      Ain’t it fun?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Who could have foreseen?

        • Proud Liberal

          Certainly, the Electoral College didn’t take it seriously.

          • ahughes798

            Somebody needs to fire the President of that College.

      • Alan

        Amusing at times but ridiculous that the wingnut congress is still trying to cover for these slimeballs.

    • Querolous

      Opening this fall on Broadway a new production of Bialystock & Bloom. The title is rumored to be “Springtime for Griftler.”

  • armed_bears

    Imperialism was an option in eras of technological asymmetry. Not so much now. And I’ll save everyone a repost of my gaseous analysis of asymmetric US military policy.

    EDIT: And I will choose to believe all upvotes indicate agreement with the first premise, and not …I’ll save everyone a repost of my gaseous analysis of asymmetric US military policy.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Say, you know what else would be a good idea? Maybe we can bring back slavery. Look how successful the South was when they used unpaid labor. Why can’t we make other country’s citizens work for us for free?

    • jesterpunk

      Ben Carson did say the slaves where just immigrants who wanted a better life for their children.

    • Where will Cotton find his next mistresses, if not this?

    • Anna Rompage

      Why bring back slavery, when a minimum wage worker actually costs a business less to employ…

      Not to mention, when you work a minimum wage employee to death or disability, there’s plenty more willing to fill their position…

      • Anna Rompage

        Think of all that overhead a slave owner would face, having to feed, clothe, house & take care of their worker…

        With a minimum wage worker on the other hand, you just give them a measly check, and not have to worry about whether they can afford to cover their basic needs

        • Sooooo, Wal-Mart?

          • Anna Rompage

            Yep, now if we can only get the govt to stop assisting these folks with food stamps, low income housing and medicaid, the people who have worked so hard to make their wealth will be able to keep more of it, and the world will be a tremendously better place…

      • therblig

        sounds good, but first let’s get rid of all the paperwork associated with uh, unanticipated vacancies. to use the word of the day, it’s very onerous.

    • Why use foreigners when we have millions of convicted prisoners just waiting to be impressed into involuntary servitude?

      • Waiting?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I like where your head is at on this one!

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        And it’s legal to enslave them.

        • Yep. A nice loophole in the 13th amendment just waiting to be exploited by a private prison corporation.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I say we appoint a Viceroy to oversee the South.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Or a Pall Mall? Raleigh? Kent?

        • Querolous

          But no Kool or Salem.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And black people had it so much better then, with someone to look after their every need!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    These fuckheads should read a few of the Flashman novels. Assuming they can read.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Maybe he should have stayed at the Naval Academy. He might have learned something about those “Presidency Armies” he’s so impressed with. Or, he might have learned that Robert Clive was an unstable psychopath and nobody to emulate.

  • Nockular cavity

    Say, since we’re bringing back ancient imperialist ideas, how ’bout we get smallpox working for us again? Get on it, Poindexters, do some of that genetic engineering! I’m sure it wouldn’t ever be turned against us.

    • rosenbomb

      Well, if the anti-vaxxers have their way…

  • rosenbomb

    I missed the part in history class where imperialism was a good thing. Guess my teacher forgot to expound on the virtues of a capitalist ruling class that benefits from pillaging other countries.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      It’s just that damn political correctness that’s infested education. Haven’t you heard of the ” White Mans Burden?” Somebody had to do it. They just happened to make a pile of cash.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Isn’t the “White Man’s Burden” what Sherpas have to carry during ascents of Mt Everest?

    • tomamitai

      Don’t worry, I’m sure the “historians” over at stormfront will take care of that problem, once Betsy DeVos gets the education department in shape.

  • jesterpunk

    OT, well the Trump administration travel ban sure is keeping out some really bad people.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/cancer-researcher-was-held-at-boston-airport-now-he-is-being-sent-back-to-iran/2017/07/11/7aedf3b0-6662-11e7-9928-22d00a47778f_story.html

    U.S.Customs and Border Protection has detained an Iranian cancer researcher
    and his family — including a baby — for more than 24 hours at Boston’s
    Logan International Airport and will force them to leave the country,
    federal officials and a grass-roots organization said Tuesday.

    Mohsen Dehnavi, a 32-year-old father of three, was traveling to Massachusetts
    on an exchange visa to conduct postdoctoral research at Boston
    Children’s Hospital, a world-renowned facility affiliated with Harvard
    University.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Anchor babby. Genetically engineered to go full radical in twenty years and blow shit up.

      • jesterpunk

        Say you know who else has an anchor babby?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
        • therblig

          did he assassinate JFK?

          • jesterpunk

            One of them did, the other is destroying the country.

        • Doug Langley

          Johnathon and Martha Kent?

    • tomamitai

      Thank god this fiendish plot to wage jihad against American tumors was foiled!

      • Ghenghis McCann

        “God intended you to have those tumours, and no mooslim is going to stop them.”

    • The Wanderer

      The return of Brolly Bunny, and not a moment too soon!

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I was about to compare his horrible idea to the East India Company in the non-existent comment section–until I read the excerpt–where that fucker brought it up himself.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Kasowitz may actually be forced to step down for reasons that have nothing to do with Trump. He said on Tuesday that he isn’t seeking a security clearance, though other attorneys say that would be absolutely essential for handling a case involving so much classified information. ProPublica reported on Tuesday night that Kasowitz may not be able to obtain one due to his issues with alcoholism:

    In recent weeks, ProPublica spoke with more than two dozen current and former employees of Kasowitz’s firm, Kasowitz Benson Torres LLP, as well as his friends and acquaintances. Past and present employees of the firm said in interviews that Kasowitz has struggled intermittently with alcohol abuse, leading to a stint in rehab in the winter of 2014-15.

    Several people told ProPublica that Kasowitz has been drinking in recent months. (The vast majority of those who spoke to ProPublica for this article declined to be quoted by name, citing Kasowitz’s penchant for threatening lawsuits.)
    The site said federal investigators commonly raise concerns when “behaviors might make someone vulnerable to blackmail or suggest poor judgment.”

    Ummm…didn’t they just describe the entire Trump organization?

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/07/don-jr-story-puts-white-house-infighting-in-overdrive.html

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      it’s pretty bad when the drunk guy has the most moral fiber.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m starting to think the Russian mob guy Trump worked with for years may be the guy with the most moral fiber here.

  • The Wanderer

    (mumbles) Sepoy Mutiny . . .

  • Covfefe

    Gubmint comes up with a bit of seed money, then we have an IPO.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Yet another example of people who don’t read history. The list of people who tried to take over Afghanistan and failed miserably is a very long one. Alexander the Great couldn’t manage it. The British tried twice, and failed, and we all know what happened when Russia gave it a try. The only rational solution is to build that Tortilla Wall around Afghanistan and leave it alone. I’m just joking, of course, there is no rational solution.

    • therblig

      When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
      And the women come out to cut up what remains,
      Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
      An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.
      Go, go, go like a soldier,
      Go, go, go like a soldier,
      Go, go, go like a soldier,
      So-oldier of the Queen!

    • Me not sure

      Hey, you left out the Moguls and the Huns!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Also Genghis Khan, Tamerlane and Darius the Great. Alexander said they were the most devious, deceitful, dishonest and untrustworthy people he ever met, and then he went and married one of them. After Alexander died, she had his first wife murdered.

        • Me not sure

          Also shouldn’t a colonial possession have something of value to offer other than opium.
          Oh wait, we have a drug policy created opioid addiction epedimic. $$$$$$$!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I was told by a friend who is a rabid Conspiracy Theorist that the US government is paying Afghani farmers to raise opium. I don’t know if this is true. Much of what this friend believes is definitely not true, so this might be not true as well.

          • Me not sure

            It’s called “vertical integration”.

  • 3FingerPete

    Here’s an idea. Put the mercenaries in Afghanistan to take over the opium production. Forcibly sell the opium to China. Use the profits to buy silks and tea and chopsticks for the US market. #MAGA

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Is it a normal thing to do, to discuss your plans for US intelligence in a train, where random people can hear you ?

    • Covfefe

      If you’re John McCain’s sons, no. They’re in the military. They could get court martialed. https://politicalwire.com/2017/07/12/quote-of-the-day-1659/

    • We’re living in a bad parody of a James Bond movie, and COVFEFE (Comittee of Villains Fostering Evil Fascist Excess) has taken over the government.

    • sosuume

      They believe it’s all ok. Cheney & Co. made a bundle in Iraq without repercussions. So yeah.

  • Covfefe

    This is something an English major has got to love. Comic relief in the middle of a RussIan-American tragedy.

  • doggiedaddy

    We don’t need no stinking private army.

    With Prince’s sister destroying the public school system and in turn creating army fodder, why pay prime rates?!

    Ahh, the pieces, they’re coming together.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/U1YnBiy8rNUqI/giphy.gif

  • bookish

    IntelBrief. The Soufan Center.

    PRIVATIZING THE WAR IN AFGHANISTAN

    Bottom Line Up Front:

    • Like the previous two administrations, the Trump administration is facing a slow-motion defeat in Afghanistan with no real options.

    • Increasing troop levels and the endless ‘train and equip’ are likely to continue.

    • Some in the Trump administration reportedly favor a strategy that would essentially privatize the war in Afghanistan.

    • The lack of an achievable U.S. victory in Afghanistan is compounded by the chaotic nature of the administration’s foreign policy.

    While Syria, Iraq, and other persistent conflicts garner the majority of headlines, the U.S. war in Afghanistan continues to deteriorate. The longest war in U.S. history shows every sign of falling apart, leading to the recent authorization of around 4,000 U.S. troops to attempt to reverse enormous negative trends—a feat that even 100,000 troops couldn’t accomplish during the 2009 surge. The situation has been deteriorating for years—with no obvious and politically sustainable options for success. For 16 years the U.S.-led coalition has tried to avoid a smaller-scale repeat of the Vietnam war—in which a dysfunctional government was perpetually propped up militarily, without the prospect of political reconciliation or a viable peace in the country.

    A July 10 report in the New York Times highlights the tension between the urge to ‘do something’ and the difficult reality of achieving lasting gains. According to the report, some in the Trump administration favor a strategy that would essentially privatize the war in Afghanistan—which is already heavily supported by civilian contractors that hide the true costs and commitments of a nation at war. The proposed strategy would drastically increase the government’s reliance on private military contractors, using ‘private military units’ to replace U.S. troops. However, the arguments for such a strategy make little sense, even when viewed strictly through the narrowest of economic lenses. As seen in Iraq and Afghanistan, the contracts for private military companies are often enormous in scale, but defended on the grounds that they are short-term, and that they relieve the government of the costs of deploying uniformed personnel, such as providing lifelong medical care or benefits for U.S. troops.

    While outsourcing war is often viewed as an effective cost-saving measure, it is also extremely profitable for private military companies, with the near-certainty of massive conflicts of interests by those advising the administration to let their companies fight America’s wars. Senior members of the Trump administration reportedly sought policy proposals for the war in Afghanistan directly from private contractors who would stand to benefit financially from the conflict. The suggestion that private military contractors may play an increased role in planning U.S. strategy in Afghanistan raises the prospect that concerns over financial profit might influence the military planning process, which in any democracy ought to be based solely on America’s national interests.

    The lack of accountability is just one of the toxic consequences of outsourcing war. In addition, a heavy reliance on private military contractors essentially hides the true costs of war in terms of both financial and human capital. Such a strategy enables the government to hide the fact that the nation is, and has been, in multiple continuous wars, even as it insists in law and sentiment that it is not a country ‘at’ war. The effect that privatizing war has on elected officials’ political calculations is obvious, yet powerful: the ‘boots on the ground’ aren’t officially U.S. military—the contractors executing American foreign and national security policy are very often not even American—so the conflict does not demand the same level of debate, authorization, and applicable legislation. With the true costs and impacts of war obscured from reality, both the public and the U.S. congress are less able to effectively scrutinize one of the most consequential enterprises of American foreign policy.

    The lack of an achievable U.S. strategy in Afghanistan—which has plagued the previous two administrations as well—is compounded by the chaotic and incoherent nature of the current administration’s foreign policy. There is no permanent U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan; the duties are now being performed by a very capable chargé d’affaires persuaded to postpone retirement due to the severity of the crisis and the lack of State Department personnel nominated by the administration. There is currently no ‘whole of government’ approach, simply because much of the State Department is missing as a host of senior-level positions remain unfilled. As with many other issues, there appears to be some conflict between departments over what the strategy is in Afghanistan, and how to achieve it. As the nation struggles to craft a winning strategy to turn the tide in Afghanistan, obscuring the true costs of the quagmire through outsourcing the war will present a politically appealing, but ultimately insufficient, option.

  • shivaskeeper

    I hate these mercenary mother fuckers with the fire of 1000 suns. They got more than one friend of mine wounded or killed trying to clean up their messes. Fuckers.

  • Me not sure

    “Heavy lies the crown on the head of the man who would be king.”
    Hey, whatcha got in that bag?https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/37214905bb3048106d3926e7f52275a74665304ca685903ce107a858ef80abe2.jpg

  • OrG

    Should I get out my
    Support the CIA
    Smoke Crack
    T-shirt?

    • HorseChestnut

      YES

  • JMP

    It really is nothing but a criminal clown show over at the White House now. Fucking mercenaries, really?

  • I could sign off on this, if it meant that Erik personally went to Afghanistan, along with his sister, Eric and Don Jr, Jared, Ivanka, and a few others, and then after they landed, we hit the Kabul airport with a bomb and declared the country a no-fly zone and banned them from coming back.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Sadly, I think 5DF is 100% on the nose here.

  • Bitter Scribe

    We’re stuck with backing hopeless losers in Afghanistan just as we were in Vietnam. And unlike Vietnam, there won’t be a fluke resignation to relieve pressure on the president who has to see our side finally, inevitably lose.

  • NotDarkYet

    I feel like I am in a terribly over-the-top production of a Tarantino satire about government — we’re already over budget by several billion but only have about 2 minutes of usable film in the can.

    In the backroom, the writers (all 73 of them) debate on what to call the set’s mascot when one of them remembers that we don’t have a set mascot.

    Everything has now ground to a halt while we are out looking for a mascot.

  • Gorillionaire

    If you liked the 19th Century, you will fucking love Trump America.

  • Zyxomma

    I love you, $5F.

  • Johnnymoreno

    Didn’t the Brits get slaughtered in Afghanistan, with only one guy, out of thousands, making it alive out of the Khyber Pass?

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Everyone gets slaughtered in Afghanistan, the Russians practically made it an art form back in the 80s

  • eggs ackly-wright

    Privatize the war? Great idea. That means they use private money, right? No public funding? Fine. The Kocks and Mercers can pay for it all.

  • akryan

    The Herion thing is the only reason for that approach. The East India Tea Company was in the region to make money. They made money off of the opium trade. That’s was the entire reason for being there. If you’re just going to have an American Viceroy and totally abandon all pretense of nation building, then the only way you justify it is by showing that it will produce a profit.

  • BadKitty904

    Prince is even eviller than his sister, Betsy DeVos.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    totally random – but there’s an amazing russian film from awhile back about one unit’s experience in their war there.

    Sort of a Russian version of Full Metal jacket.

    It would help if I could give you the name of the movie, but I don’t remember it.

    ; (

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    “the viceroy would have complete decision-making authority in the country so no time is wasted waiting for Washington to send instructions.”

    They make it sound like these instructions would have to arrive by packet steamer and pony courier. Have these guys never used phones or email before? Skype? Google Hangouts?

    • Querolous

      AOL!

  • Ωbjectifier

    Let’s bring back the Opium Wars!

    • WIDTAP

      I hear China is an emerging market, and lucky us there is an overland route just south of Tajikistan!

  • Fusilier 0770

    Jesus Christ! Is this trust fund fuckhead Erik Prince so tired of making money sucking billions off the government with his little private army for hire that he now he wants his own country to run? Granted, he and his investors stand to make a nice profit off cornering the opium market, but part of me also sees this as a rich asshole who is bored being rich and wants a new toy where he gets to play master and commander. This country is really going to shit with fake nobles like Prince trying to establish a nobility class while trailer park Darrel keeps voting for his own enslavement into serfdom because “he’s sticking it to them damn libtards!” Forget going back to the 19th century, lets shoot for 1300’s when there were no safe spaces and snowflakes were what you feared falling while shivering in your hovel and a short supply of peat to burn and no wood, because that was your lords forest and stealing from him was death.

    • Keith Taylor

      The evidence that this is exactly and literally what the bastards want is overwhelming.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      I persoanlly Prince wants to be able to run Afghaistan like the East India Company did to India. IE. Like its their own personal fiefdom accoundable to no one but God.

  • puredog

    At first blush I read that as “rub his gums on Poppy’s junk.” Phew. So glad I was wrong. All right, carry on.

  • cats530

    “Add in libertarians like Prince and Thiel who don’t mind the drug trade as long as they can make money.”

    I thought Prince was a Christian Reconstructionist like his odious sister. How does a belief in death for apostates, unchaste women and drug users (per Rousas Rushdooney – Father of Christian Reconstructionism) tie into a belief system in “not minding the drug trade as long as they can make money?”

    That being said, I’m good with letting El Chapo out of prison if he agrees to take out Erik Prince.

    • HazooToo

      It ties in quite neatly when you literally never apply those beliefs to yourself.

    • Wes

      It’s hard to take a guy who sells dead enemies seriously as a Christian without a life-threatening head injury.

  • whitroth

    They really, really want a real live Empire.

  • WIDTAP

    I see Erik Prince looking in a mirror, saying, “I’m dumb enough. I’m greedy enough. And Gosh darn it, people detest me!”

  • Querolous

    Peter Thiel and Hulk Hogan are going to Founder Fund the next generation of mercenaries. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d1d4df7026d9e4861f30a712467d0a2adda058d37e64b44f6fcb9651ad8ef186.jpg

  • Jennifer R

    So Eric Prince is going to take his army to Afghanistan and become the Viceroy. We are watching Cobra form before our eyes.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    That whole Just. Like. The. Good. Old. Days. was glorious, righteous fury.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Look at the big picture here. A viceroy doesn’t report to a president; a viceroy reports to a king. Just sayin’.

  • dshwa

    Erik’s home skoolin’ apparently lacked history classes. The East India Company was despised by every country East of Albania. Oh, and the driving force in inspiring the Boston Tea Party.

  • It didn’t turn out well for the British in Afghanistan. Although, Eric Prince being speared by the natives wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

  • Keith Taylor

    We’re living in a comic book universe that doesn’t even make as much sense as Marvel. And these people believe it can work. Every time I read the name Erik (with a “k”) Prince I think, “That’s a comic book villain. Has to be.” And doesn’t Marvel have a villain by the name of Erik Killmonger? I just googled, and yes it does. If Prince finds out he’ll probably think it’s chic and change his last name to Killmonger legally.

  • Debravhorton

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pd170d:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !pd170d:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash460TopIndexGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pd170l..,…..

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    So in effect Prince wants to turn Afghahnstan into a colony of the US like India was until 1947. Oh lordy, we are going back in time to the imperialism age. I am speechless and not sure where to start on how this is a bad idea. Dok hit on most of them through.

  • Akat

    I couldn’t read past holding the East India Company up as a model and an actual good idea…

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