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GOOOOD MORNING, Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Donald Trump Jr. has admitted to meeting with a Russian lawyer who promised him “dirt” on Hillary Clinton back in the old’n timey days of the 2016 election.

Reince Preibus thinks all this Don Jr. traitor stuff is a big “nothing burger,” and he has “no idea” why Trump’s inner circle would sit down with some sketchy Russian lawyer.

Corey Lewandowski says Trump-Russia is over since Putin says he didn’t do it. Nuts! I guess I’ll pack my balls and go home.

ICYMI: That Russian lawyer lady is a mob lawyer who was being investigated by former US attorney Preet Bahara.

Will Trump officials take Don Jr. for a boat ride now that they’re calling Little Donnie the “Fredo” of the family, thanks to his tendency to keep screwing up?

Several Republican senators are doubting their ability to pass a healthcare bill, but someone forgot to send that memo to Ted Cruz.

Mitch McConnell hasn’t given up on TrumpCare/McConnellCare even as some Republican senators are quietly looking to exit negotiations via stage left.

President Bannon is back in the saddle of his red horse, indiscriminately swinging his sword against the enemies of nationalism and Donald Trump.

A former clerk for Clarence Thomas and fan-girl for Antonin Scalia, Neomi Rao, is spearheading the Trump administration’s regulatory reform efforts. What’s this pubic hair doing on the pillow that suffocated the EPA?

Congressional Republicans want to move ahead with the privatization of air traffic control, but they’re currently stuck in a holding pattern.

Conservatives want MORE guns in the wake of the shooting of Republican Rep. Steve Scalise. Why not just give them out in boxes of breakfast cereal?

Trump is walking back a Russian his plan for “an impenetrable cyber security unit” with Russia after people across the political spectrum began to laugh at the idea of giving your burglar the keys to the house.

Maryland Rep. Elijah Cummings wants to know why Trump has such a large financial stake in a massive affordable housing complex in Brooklyn. Cummings concern stems from the fact that similar programs are being cut, yet this one isn’t. Strange!

According to Donald Trump, all that Russia stuff is Old News, which is even worse than Fake News.

Former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper is pretty damn confident Russia hacked the election; and warns that they’ll only try again next year.

Former CIA director John Brennan finds Trump’s defense of Putin, and his repeated attacks on the US intel community, “dishonorable.” Clearly he’s just being a showboat now that he’s unemployed.

Ben Carson wants to cut block grants to poor and minority communities instead of trying to tweak the problems that allow some communities to build beer bars while others languish in food deserts.

Did James Comey potentially violate statutes regarding the handling of classified information when he made his memos about Donald Trump? There are obvious considerations, like the strength of the evidence, especially regarding intent. Responsible decisions also consider the context of a person’s actions, and how similar situations have been handled in the past.

Outgoing head of the Office of Government Ethics Walter Shaub rolls his eyes at Reince Preibus’s accusations that he was a partisan hack attempting to force the Trump & Co. into being ethical and honest. [Video]

Tennessee Republican Rep. Jimmy Duncan Jr. has been dumping hundreds of thousands of Ameros on his family for years in an apparent effort to keep up a political dynasty.

Membership fees to Trump resorts go right into Donald Trump’s pocket, an unusual policy that isn’t usually practiced in the bougeois world of high snobriety.

New York Rep. Joseph Crowley wants to give undocumented 9/11 volunteers green cards seeing as how they already risked their own lives.

GOOD NEWS, Dudes, Dudettes, and non-binary Duderinos! The University of Maryland’s School of Pharmacy will begin offering online courses for medical marijuana training in an effort to establish standards for the budding industry.

Mexico has been spying on investigators with cyberweapons in an attempt to halt an investigations into 43 missing students.

The US was the lone holdout on the Paris Climate Deal at the G-20, and all the other leaders treated Donald Trump like a messy booger eater who smells like snot and sadness.

A little bird told UN Amb. Nikki Haley that when Trump sat down with Putin, he immediately brought up the 2016 election hacking and told Putin to “cut it out.” Seeing as how the election has been over for 9 months, we’re sure it did the trick.

The UN passed the Treaty on the Prohibition on Nuclear Weapons, a move which will make the possession and use of atomic weapons illegal as opposed to just a moral dilemma. In response, the US, France, and Britain said, “Fuck that shit,” and are refusing to sign or ratify the treaty. [Nerdy Policy Stuff]

A Not American journo went on Not American teevee to say mean things about Donald Trump locking the US in a tiny room by itself.

Trump’s lawyer filed a motion to dismisses a defamation suit by former Apprentice contestant Summer Zervos by claiming Trump’s statements denying the allegations were “hyperbole.” The joke here is in the definition of hyperbole.

Kellyanne Conway is sick of the sexist haters who just keep hosing her in hater-aide.

Bamz is back, ya’ll! Obama will appear at a fundraiser for a Democratic redistricting group along with Eric Holder and Nancy Pelosi. Welcome back, Barry! <3

And here’s your morning Nice Time! ANDEAN BEAR CUB! He might fall down a lot, but he’s doing better than the Chicago Cubs!

Freedom isn’t free, but ‘Yr Wonkette is! Throw us some Ameros so things stay that way!

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Mr. Blobfish

      I’m sensing a pattern.

  • Nounverb911
    • “Assay, that boy’s dimmer than a one watt lightbulb!”

      -Foghorn Leghorn

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Squawk! I was just about to post a Foghorn Leghorn quote!

        Great minds, etc.

      • coozledad

        It’s not like I couldn’t have read down three damn comments.

    • Bill D. Burger

      The world to Trump: “Assay’ what?”

    • coozledad

      Foghorn Leghorn: “Assay, assay, if that Trump boy was any dumber, his daddy would be usin’ him as a wig stand.”

  • Why are the Bluths running the country, but without all the comedy?

    • eggs ackly-wright

      In Gob we trvst.

  • If Don Jr. is Fredo then what the hell is Eric?!?

  • msanthropesmr

    Donnie’s enormous mouth, well, it’s all right
    The boys got a very large mouth, but its all right

  • Michael R
    • msanthropesmr

      When do these guys start eating each other?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Let’s send steak sauce and get the ball rolling.

        • Querolous

          ketchup

    • Bill D. Burger

      Oh….for fuck’s sake….that Trump verbage…yuuuuuk’!

      https://media.tenor.com/images/c9069f27790d9bbd793c255a70a6df8d/tenor.gif

    • Oblios_Cap

      Instead they could only imagine a fucking ugly one.

      • willi0000000

        i’m worried that they took the holiday break to imagine ways to make it worse.

        – mandatory suicide booths for preexisting conditions
        – mandatory suicide booths for illness
        – mandatory suicide booths for voting
        – mandatory suicide booths for poverty
        – mandatory suicide booths for EWNW

        • Three Finger Salute

          I’m just sad we don’t have at least voluntary suicide booths. It’s up to the person whether they want to continue living their life or not, not the government or the church (or the government entwined with the church).

          People are going to do it anyway, and everyone has their “13 reasons why” — whether it’s unemployment, mental illness, some other illness or any combination of the above or anything else for that matter. Better to have a medically safe alternative to jumping bridges, drinking bleach, and self-inflicted gunshot wounds, just like it’s better to have safe and legal abortion rather than let women resort to coat hangers and knitting needles.

          Also, not sure what EWNW is, but I’m guessing it’s something the GOP doesn’t like.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Yeah, I’ve read more than my fair share of death certificates where elderly men shoot themselves rather than slowly suffocate due to mesothelioma. It’s sad that there is not an alternative.

          • willi0000000

            EWNW = Existing While Not White

    • Ill-Advised

      Yes. Yes it does.

  • Jgb979

    “Corey Lewandowski says Trump-Russia is over since Putin says he didn’t do it.”

    That’s how things work right? All charges are immediately dropped when a suspect denies all wrongdoing??

    Who can forget that fateful day in 1994 when OJ was released immediately after he plead 100% not guilty

    • msanthropesmr

      Well, the practical result of that day was equivalent. Oh well – can we file a civil case against these assholes?

    • Three Finger Salute

      If ya fulla shit, you must acquit.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Will Trump officials take Don Jr. for a boat ride

    I doubt he knows how to recite a Hail Mary, so he won’t be catching any fish.

  • schmannity

    I keep getting confused. Which Trump son is the one Czar Trump refers to as the “retarded” one?

    • msanthropesmr

      AOT,K

      • Lori

        Not the hot one.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Tom Arnold said he had tapes, but never released them:

      [Actor and comedian Tom Arnold claims he has unreleased outtakes from The Apprentice of Donald Trump using “offensive, racist” language, including the N-word, the C-word and the word “retard.”

      “I have the outtakes to The Apprentice where he says every bad thing ever, every offensive, racist thing ever,” Arnold said on Dori Monson’s KIRO Radio show last Friday. (The news station shares audio of the interview here.)

      “It was him sitting in that chair saying the N-word, saying the C-word, calling his son a retard, just being so mean to his own children,” he added.]

      http://people.com/politics/tom-arnold-apprentice-outtakes-trump-n-word-c-word-retard/

      • Lance Thrustwell

        At this point, I am of the opinion that, if Tom Arnold is actually telling the truth about this shit and he had such tapes before the election, he is a fucking traitor and criminal for not releasing them.

        But he’s much more likely lying. Desperate has-been with a dwindling bank account is flailing around, trying to draw attention.

        • snigsy

          Does your last sentence refer to Arnold or the Yam? (I know, I know . . why not both.)

  • Oblios_Cap

    The UN passed the Treaty on the Prohibition on Nuclear Weapons, a move which will make the possession and use of atomic weapons illegal as opposed to just a moral dilemma. In response, the US, France, and Britain said, “Fuck that shit,” and are refusing to sign or ratify the treaty.

    Yes, but what did Israel say?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “Nuclear weapons? Never heard of ’em.”

      • Three Finger Salute

        “…but the Palestinians do! We need to Holocaust them before they Holocaust us! With, you know, Knesset votes.”

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Russia said: “We have no such weapons, so we fully support this.”

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’ve learned way too much about treason and the unpatriotic fucks that engage in treason this past year when all I really wanted was to focus on my gardening skills. Now my tomatoes suck and my flowers have all been fried by the extreme heat. Thanks Obama.

  • Rick Hill

    “Heinrich. Did you hear trump will be in our fair city?”
    “Tja.”
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aNzK6ZK_700b.jpg

  • Nounverb911
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Every Monday is more dystopian than the last. Are you happy, Susan Sarandon?

    Fuck it. At least there’s this for the week:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2564ec8f429f7943a6a81f7a9019e72de5876355edc251f5cf448de7e4e0d88e.png
    (offer valid in US only, where they write the date different than eerybody else)

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Wasn’t she going to be leading the charge? Who’s organizing this revolution we were definitely going to have?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Bernie Sanders on his Charlie Sheen Look at Me Torpedo the DNC Tour.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I have a feeling the “Comey shared classified information” story is going to be pretty much entirely based on Sessions-Rogers-Coates nonsense theory that everything the President says is potentially classified, and is thus de facto classified.

    • Oblios_Cap

      It’s kinda hard to keep stuff classified when he’s twattering out stupid words all over the place.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Well, sure, if you use common sense and whatnot.

    • Crystalclear12

      Part of me knows this is a bs tactic but another part is pointing and laughing.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Will Trump officials take Don Jr. for a boat ride now that they’re calling Little Donnie the “Fredo” of the family, thanks to his tendency to keep screwing up?

    I always saw Eric as Fredo. Cuz he’s smart, OK?

    • Oblios_Cap

      He can handle stuff!

    • Lori

      As others have noted, they’re all Fredo.

  • Nounverb911
    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      To Donnie and family, ‘irony’ means something similar to ‘bronzey’ or ‘goldy.’

      • PubOption

        But without the class.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I’ll tell you why we don’t put guns in cereal boxes. Because you’ll end up eating a million boxes of the same cereal trying to get the elusive fifth of the five collectable guns, while you have 50 each of guns one through four and your mom’s gonna be all “We are not throwing away a whole box of perfectly good cereal just because you didn’t get the gun you wanted!”

    • Crystalclear12

      Come on glock.

      • grindstone

        Only in packages of Kaboom cereal.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
        • Three Finger Salute

          Wing Nut Cheerios

        • Doug Langley

          This will really puff your rice.

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          That was my favorite cereal back in the day. Also, too, ISWYDT.

      • Pilotshark

        Captain Glock and crunch.
        Super smith and wesson sugar crisp.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Count Glockula.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Shoot Loops

          • data_ninja

            No Background Chex

      • Ill-Advised

        Cookoo for Coco-Puffs will do a cobranding deal for ammunition sales, putting positive spin on the notion of eating a bullet. Glockolate Chocolate’s allegedly doing well in marketing trials.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Gives a whole new meaning to “Snap, Crackle, Pop”…

      • Ill-Advised

        Grape Shot Nuts.

    • willi0000000

      please, don’t tell them this is how it works.

    • ViveLaResistance!

      Just like 6-year-old Tee-Ball. You’re all winners!

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Man that’s a lot of news today. I just skipped to the puppy climbing a tree and I think that was the right decision.

  • Nounverb911
  • Oblios_Cap

    An impenetrable cyber security unit? They’re going to put chastity belts on all of the computers?

    • Three Finger Salute

      No, they’re going to make the computers put aspirin between their peripherals.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Fiona is climbing trees now? She’s made so much progress, bless her heart!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      And she’s grown really sharp pointy teeth. It’s a Festivus miracle!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’ve always feared what could happen if hippos developed opposable thumbs!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    My favorite part of the G20 were the pictures of trump sitting or wandering around by himself while all the other world leaders talked amongst themselves. Sad.

    • Suttree

      No wonder he hates the world.

      • Wontium

        o/` “This world that’s alwaaays haaated him!” o/`/Valjean

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Hey, he’s the one who shit in that diaper, it’s his own fault if he insists it never be changed.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      It reminded me of me in every gay bar ever, sadly, except I am not the most powerful man in the world.

    • dslindc

      SO. MUCH. WINNING.

      Is anyone else tired of all this winning?

    • BadKitty904

      Sadly apt symbol for present-day America. THANKS, REPUBLICANS!!1!

    • Three Finger Salute
      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Is it warm in here? Or is it just me.

  • BadKitty904
  • Trump and his henchmen prove we do not need so called “enhanced interrogation” to get to the truth. Investigators just need to believe the opposite of what they say.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Nikki
    Haley that when Trump sat down with Putin, he immediately brought up
    the 2016 election hacking and told Putin to “cut it out.” Seeing as how the election has been over for 9 months, we’re sure it did the trick.”

    She wasn’t there, she doesn’t know that. How is this news? It’s the account provided someone there, not her.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m sure Vlad promised to impale all of the election hacking.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Ryan Denniston

    “Reince Preibus thinks all this Don Jr. traitor stuff is a big “nothing burger,” and he has “no idea” why Trump’s inner circle would sit down with some sketchy Russian lawyer”

    You can’t carry water and keep your distance at the same time Reince. You’re gonna have to choose a side at some point.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Time is getting edgy!

      • BadKitty904

        Time is getting edgy accurate!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      More realer than the covers hanging in Trump properties.

      • Ill-Advised

        Like dildoes to Malheur…TIME covers to Trump hotels. Unless that’s the official portrait.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Fluffer LIBELZ!!!111!

  • Nounverb911
    • bupkus231

      ( Without reading the piece ) Republicans think the ship is rising on the tide of their ( promised ) tax cuts. They have no idea – except that going home for the August recess is probably a bad idea….

  • BadKitty904

    Former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper is pretty damn confident Russia hacked the election; and warns that they’ll only try again next year.

    After Russia’s wildly successful and unchallenged attack on the U.S. in 2016, of COURSE they are. And if they don’t, for some reason, their American collaborators, the Republican party, who’s Congress has very carefully done nothing to fix the 2016 damage – will hack the election themselves.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      They have certainly hacked the elections for the board of my HOA. I’m positive of that.

      • BadKitty904

        We warned you not to put that FUCK TRUMP sticker on your mailbox.

  • Suttree

    JFC Marc Kasowitz ought to do a heck of a job defending Turnip in the Russia inquiry, if he admits that Donnie is a fucking liar in legal documents.,

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      He proves that a lawyer’s fees usually have very little to do with a lawyer’s abilities.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Remember the memo from his lawyers in a previous civil suit where they said it was imperative for at least two of them to be present in any meeting with Trump for independent verification of his incessant lies? And those were his OWN fucking lawyers.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Junior is just a chip off the old block. I hope he inherits tRump’s hair too.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      That boy should be looking for a chin.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Check with his dad…he’s got two or three of ’em.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Well, exactly. Thank you!

        • Three Finger Salute

          More Chins than a Chinese phone book or a Leno family reunion.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Eastern Bloc*

    • ltmcdies

      I hope he inherits the prison jumpsuit too

  • Three Finger Salute

    Wonkagenda is incomplete without mentioning His Sparkly Mapleness, Prince Trueheart of Canalot, bestowing his graces upon Good America to address the Governors’ Conference in Rhode Island. Taylor Swift beach party on the Kennedy Compound? TBD. All I know is, he and Donnie are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together.

  • Michael R

    Which day will be declared ” National Throw Your Children Under The Bus Day “

    • Oblios_Cap

      Trump does weeks.

    • OutOfOrbit

      If I tried to throw one of my kids under a bus, he/she would throw me Over the bus toot sweet.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      AOT,K?

    • Stulexington

      Well 45 is a traditionalist so it’ll be a Friday night.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    The fine print Trump inserted into the entrance fees rules for his golf resorts sound like they were written by an unsocialized, insatiably greedy toddler. “I get all the money, I get to spend it on whatever I want, my diaper hasn’t been changed for a week and I don’t care, and I’m NOT taking a nap”.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Proud Liberal

    And I’m sure 45 knew nothing about this. Riiiight.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Donald Trump Jr.‏Verified account
    @DonaldJTrumpJr

    Donald Trump Jr.
    If the left is so “outraged” about Ivanka sitting in for a few minutes, maybe they’d be happier if I sub in for a while??? LMK 🇺🇸 #MAGA

    Best reply:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DEOjyvEUMAAH9jj.jpg

    • Ryan Denniston

      Yes, because it’s the left who have the problems with women and power.

    • Ill-Advised

      You know. I heard that in the voice of Hal from 2001. “I’m sorry Don. I can’t let you do that.”

  • Bill D. Burger
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “No fair! Eric got to steal from a children’s cancer charity, and all I got was this lousy weak chin.”

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Won’t someone please think of the rubles!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Will Trump officials take Don Jr. for a boat ride now that they’re calling Little Donnie the “Fredo” of the family, thanks to his tendency to keep screwing up?

    BURIED LEDE: Officials admit Trumps are a crime family.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Lori

      Donnie is not the pro. Other than that it works.

      • ziggywiggy

        Penis Really Orange?

        • ziggywiggy

          I’m sure other wonketeers can come up with more P.R.O. definitions

          • Doug Langley

            Kinda hard to top that one.

        • Lori

          Ewwwww

      • suziq

        Pro grifter?

        • Lori

          I guess, but the Russian mob seems really out of his league.

          • suziq

            Well, Russian mob makes everyone look tame by comparison. But by NY real estate standards maybe?

  • Jeffery Campbell

    No Republican is every going to exit state left. Stage right, maybe.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • willi0000000

      from The Book of Wonderfulness™

      “If you can convince the lowest white man that he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice that you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him someone to look down on, he’ll empty his pockets for you.”
      – Lyndon Baines Johnson

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        LBJ knew his audience.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Remember back in the golden days of yesteryear when Republicans would lecture President Obama that he’s in charge now and to stop blaming W for problems?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      No. Who or what is this W you speak of?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Ricky Gay

    The headline date is rong, your opinions are moot 1!!!1

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Fake news. Lying Dominic Gwinn,

      • Ricky Gay

        Sad.Weak.

  • subatomic

    The wrong date in the title originally confused me.

  • A Groucho Marxist

    Reince was further quoted as saying, “this whole thing is grody to the max”, and that “like, oh my God!”

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    The health care bill has been declared “dead” more times than Abe Vigoda was. I’m not gonna believe it until I see a corpse.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      If they pass it, you’ll see plenty of corpses.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’ll be satisfied with Walnuts! maverickly, unambiguously announcing he will vote against it. Then I’ll know it’s long dead.

    • Suttree

      The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
      Mark Twain BCRA

      • Bub, the truculent Zombie

        “The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated anticipated.
        Mark Twain BCRA

    • Three Finger Salute

      But Abe Vigoda is dead now. So… Keith Richards? Betty White?

  • Oblios_Cap
    • BadKitty904

      Contempt is earned, Donnie. Just like respect.

      • Bub, the truculent Zombie

        It is the only thing Donnie has EVER earned.

        • BadKitty904

          Literally.

    • Mystery_Poster

      I love Clay Bennett. He’s our cartoonist for the Chattanooga Times Free Press.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Mr. Blobfish

    None of the first three trump spawn look like their parents. DNA tests are called for.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Eric is obviously the product of an affair between Ivana and Count Chocula.

    • BigCSouthside

      Ivanka and Eric do. Ivanka is just altered. Don is shorter, and markedly darker. I’d lay money he’s not of the trump bloodline

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He obviously thinks he can curry daddy’s favor-and a slice of the will-by being the most gigantic douchebag. But then again, they all think that.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Pool boy.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Three Finger Salute

      Coke the soda, or coke the former primary ingredient it’s named for?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yes.

  • BadKitty904

    Mitch McConnell hasn’t given up on TrumpCare/McConnellCare even as some Republican senators are quietly looking to exit negotiations via stage left.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f6136053a1bb0f247f5ddc67d98cb9e963a5328b6ac06810a4b7dc6fa8f64394.jpg

  • Vincent Ricola

    “I’m a stupid dope that’s going to meet with a Russian mob lawyer to negotiate for some Hillary dirt.” – Uday, June 2016

    “Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing,” Mr. Trump said during a news conference here in an apparent reference to Mrs. Clinton’s deleted emails. “I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press.” – Twitler, July 2016.

    No puppet, no puppet. You’re the puppet.

  • CountryClubJihadi
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz https://goo.gl/images/cafmvl

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Priebus: “I did not have threats with that man, Walter Shaub.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Orphans, huh? What next? Saving Russian puppies and kittens?

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      My son was a better liar than that when he was 4 years old.

  • Apple Scruff

    ‘And everyone thought I was the dumb one.’ — Eric Trump

    • Bill D. Burger

      “I’m not stupid, like people say. I’m smart. Not dumb.”

  • Edith Prickly

    Watched Zoolander again on the weekend with the fam, and all of us yelled “AAAAAGH!” in unison when the Orange Menace appeared at the walk-off (alongside Melania when her face could still move.)

    • Wontium

      I don’t remember him appearing in that. Thanks for the warning.

  • TJ Barke

    Go get your fucking shine box…

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    Fredo libelz! Dimwitted Donnie Jr could never have as much class and dignity as Fredo:

    https://youtu.be/vYabrQrXt4A

    • Me not sure

      Fredo went out like a man. A stupid man, but a man, DAMMIT!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Uday is going to look smashing in an orange jumpsuit.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Can’t wait for the perp (cat)walk. Prison rompers designed by Yugo Boss.

  • ltmcdies

    OT….a politically pure tweeter for the the alt left developed a list of “neolibs” to not follow so of course….he has been mocked and I’m thinking those on list probably have more followers
    https://twitter.com/mayatcontreras/status/884271523376373764

    • armed_bears

      Why can’t Wonkette ever be recognized as a threat to liberal democracy?

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Is our sleeper cells napping?

        • armed_bears

          I think it’s all the cakes we like… we’re kinda doozing thru the sugar rush.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I think it’s due to the No Comments rule. If we were allowed to comment, it would be definitely recognised as a threat..

      • Doug Langley

        People don’t take you seriously when you go around with no pants.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        /dick jokes?

      • ltmcdies

        Too many dick jokes??

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        They know our kryptonite……………………….CANNED CLAMS!!!!!

    • eyelashviper

      Hard to imagine, but the alt left appears to be working harder at conspiracy flinging than Alex Jones, which is quite a feat.

      • Lori

        Nope. Nothing tops the 160% ape pig who talks but has no rights.

    • Okay, can we stop allowing this “alt-left” thing to take hold? There’s no such thing as the “alt-left”. Allowing them to pretend that there’s an equivalent to the AlternativeNazis that is the alt-right on our side is not helping.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        I actually saw an ostensible BernieBro, try to make the term “AltCenter” a thing the other day when complaining about Bamz and Hillary.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          ‘I’m WAY more centrist than you! WAY more centrist!’

      • Paperless Tiger

        Nope. After ‘neo-liberals’ took the heat off of the Bush war crimes, ‘alt-left’ is golden.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      from @mayatcontreras’ feed (I love Chelsea)

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/400a1a13ca387a9a6fd88b1d358aeec6b12a573b92563eb138c345dbf60ae200.png

      Bet Mat Yglesias feels all kind of important now that Trump has picked up his dank meme…

    • coozledad

      Where are the stars of David?

  • Stulexington

    Yes we were planning to adopt some Russian orphans who just so happen to have Trump DNA.

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    Donnie Jr makes the finals in the “Most Punchable Face competition. It’s a crowded field, but I think Shkreli still has the inside track. Of course you can never count Lyin’ Ted out either.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sean Hannity libelz!

    • eyelashviper

      Choices, choices….

      • So many faces, so few hands

        • MizzMazz

          “But that’s the wonderful thing about a fist, Baldrick. You can use it again, and again, and again.”
          Paraphrased from Blackadder Christmas Carol.

    • Stulexington

      Well the big thing going against Shkreli is accessibility, since he’s probably, maybe, definitely going to find himself locked away for contempt of court. Also don’t count out Richard Spencer, who has multiple videos of just how punchable his face is.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      You should keep a eye on Jason Chaffetz, hes a real dark horse.

    • Ill-Advised

      I need a list of the people on the other side in a bar fight, ranked for points and suitability, IYKWIMAITYD. I’m competitive that way. It’s all the winning, I’m sure.

  • TJ Barke

    Republicans; happy to cede the sovereignty of American democracy if it’ll help the rich fuck the poor just a bit harder.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Vlad dislikes competition. I wonder how long those riches will REMAIN rich. Or alive.

      • willi0000000

        they’ll just play nice until putin dies . . . or until they can positively knock him off and not get their hands dirty.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    All those other countries are just a bunch of uptight bitches, so we have no choice but to be a Country Going Our Own Way.

    • TJ Barke

      You just hit it out of the park…

    • Bub, the truculent Zombie

      The United States of America – the world’s incel.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Theres a reason a lot of MRAs are Trump supporters. They both have the same mind set.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Trying to drain our manly bank accounts and symbolically castrate us.

      • Naytch

        Purity of Essence!

  • jesterpunk

    So the Russian investigation is over because Trump said Putin told him he didn’t do it and that is good enough for Republicans. Meanwhile they still want to investigate Benghazi even though the first 8 hearings and 11 hour Hillary testimony found the Obama administration did nothing wrong.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Also too, they’ve continued to demand video of Bamz’s actual birth before they’ll take his birth certificate at face value.

      • John Thorstensen

        But Obama showed one at that infamous White House Correspondent’s dinner — didn’t it have lions and stuff in it?

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          It did indeed! I had forgotten!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “I met with this person — who I did not know — because she promised to sell me some smack. After we exchanged pleasantries, it became clear that she wasn’t holding, so I left.” #Vindication!

  • Three Finger Salute

    KEITH! Doin’ some REAL NEWS that could have Donnie in deep doo-doo!

    Keith Olbermann digs up old Trump treat that may confirm HE KNEW Don Jr. met with Russian lawyer

    Uday tweet of Trump wrestling 1990s SportsCenter logo to the ground in 3… 2… 1…

    • AJ Milne

      … and see also Loose Lips Giuliani and ‘Podesta will get his’…

      … these guys crime about as well as they govern.

      (… ‘course, they also prolly figure criming and governing are much the same thing, so kinda figures, I guess.)

      • Three Finger Salute

        When in Novorussiya, do as the mobsters do.

  • eyelashviper

    Will the bloom on the bromance last, or will there be broken hearts and revenge?

    http://www.caglecartoons.com/media/cartoons/226/2017/07/09/197691_600.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
    • BadKitty904

      So, why doesn’t the Republican Congress fix that?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        ‘Frankly, we’re looking for ways to get OUR useless kids onto the gravy train as well.’

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    I’m quoting someone here, and I’m not sure who to credit, but…
    “At the G20, Donnie finally put country above party. Unfortunately, the country was Russia.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Doug Langley

      Go ahead, Ivanka . . . say it . . . you know you want to . . .

      “I’m just here because I was hoping to get damaging info on Hillary from Putin!”

      • Three Finger Salute

        No, she was just there because she really wants to suck JT’s… neck.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Merkel ain’t having this shit. Trump looks like he’s already had a stroke.

      • eyelashviper

        And Ivanka is gritting her teeth, cause Merkel was next to her, and not that dreamy Trudeau guy.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Trump has that “What, Where am i? I want pudding” look. It’s not going to help the rumors that Trump is senile or is mentally impaired.

    • Alexander Stallwitz
    • Antonin Dvorak

      The range of expressions in the picture is just amazing. Trudeau looks full on sarcastic, Merkel is quite displeased, Abe and the other guy (new South Korean PM?) are there begrudgingly. Ivanka thinks she is doing something important, and twitler is Peter Boyle from Young Frankenstein.

      • Peter Boyle libelz!

      • Finnibar87

        Merkel is actually thinking ‘Oh for fick’s sake, Mein Gott. That Trump child won’t leave’

      • Three Finger Salute

        I love how there’s a 4,000-mile separation between Justin and Donnie. And the plastic succubus. Merkel is like “Justin, get a load of zees littel schitt” and Justin’s like “I can’t… I’m trying to be ‘polite’ and smile like a friendly Canadian, otherwise he’ll turn Ottawa into chocolate cake…”

      • John Thorstensen

        I’m reasonably sure that the unidentified guy is Jim Kim, the President of the World Bank. He used to be President of Dartmouth, so I’ve been in the same room with him many times.

    • No, really – why is she even there?

      • Dampnut needs her to help him wash the taste of VladCum outta his mouth?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        To stop him heading off to the Reeperbahn looking for pee hookers?

        • Querolous

          A St. Pauli girl?

      • You should ice that burn

        The others rose to prominence over years of public service, earned the respect and admiration of their countrymen, and were elected to the highest posts in their lands. You’d think anybody with any sense of decorum would know that you can’t just pose with people who are so obviously out of their league because you happen to be in the same room, but no, not the Princess. Ugh

        • You captured my disgust perfectly. Thank you.

    • BadKitty904

      THANKS, GOP!

    • Little Lulu Ω

      DT looks lost.

      • Finnibar87

        He hates being in the back row.

    • Justin’s all like ‘I’m farthest away from old man smell!’

    • DensityDestiny

      The look on Angela Merkel’s face…that is the exasperation of the smart girl when the pretty dumb girl is trying to upstage her on her own turf. Bitch, please, no one here has time for your Legally Blonde parody. Leave the heavy lifting to me, the de facto leader of the Free World. And get a tutor or at least a minder for the ferret-haired guy in the back next time? Christ.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      I thought this was a photoshopped pic when I first saw it, especially given the way Ivanky is standing. I guess she got that “I have to be center out front most noticed” narcissism from daddy.

  • willi0000000

    Dominic

    “the bougeois world of high snobriety”

    did you think that one up all by yourself? . . . or did you get it the same way most of us get our best stuff?

    • TJ Barke

      Stole it from wonkville?

    • Ill-Advised

      It’s excellent, wherever it came from. Need more like that!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • schmannity

    Even Palin could see Russia behind this meeting.

  • folderol

    I have a brother Fredo, his head is full of clay
    When he tweets or babbles, you don’t know what he’ll say
    Oh Fredo, Fredo, Fredo! Your head is full of clay!
    Oh Fredo, Fredo, Fredo! For treason you will pay!

  • It’s Monday, so here’s a Shout Band:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtN5BEvwNj0

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Tuba Dude is smokin’.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    If we removed the words ‘very’ and ‘many’ from trump’s vocabulary, what would be left?

    • TJ Barke

      Yuuge?

    • “I”

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Bigly.

    • Lori

      Beautiful.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Three Finger Salute

      Covfefe

    • ariel_gee_398

      Various iterations of the first person singular pronoun?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Many, many words. Very good ones.

    • Finnibar87

      Ivanka. Date.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      You’d be left with “bad,” “special,” and “believe me.”

    • Jim Johnson

      Me, me, and me.

    • chicken thief

      FAKE NEWS!!1!!

  • Does this mean President Bannon is using the White House to fuck America?

    Kinda sounds like it.

    By the time he left for Saudi Arabia on May 19, Trump had awakened to the danger the Russia investigation poses to his presidency. So he brought Bannon out of the doghouse and gave him a familiar mission: to organize a defense, go after his enemies, and head off the latest threat to Trump’s political career. Bannon’s first task was to create an outside war room to “put a prophylactic around the Oval Office,” as a White House official put it, one that would shield Trump from the encroaching crisis.

  • Ezio

    People are already having a field day with Trump’s valley girl-esque tweets.

    https://twitter.com/OhNoSheTwitnt/status/884372383452332032

  • georgiaburning

    Handing the keys to the burglars certainly reduces the number of break-ins.

  • Nounverb911
  • Ok people, no need to go any further. The cliched remnants of Small-Town Americana Mythology have spoken (yet again) and of course, the Russia stuff is “fake news”:

    https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/7/10/15904600/trump-russia-investigation-michigan-supporters

    Thank god Vox did this because we’ve only had 5 million articles this past year catering to and soliciting the uninformed opinion of “smal-town Trump supporters”, so you can see how they’re such an underserved demographic (the “liberal media” needs at least 5 million more if they want to make quota.)

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Eh. I don’t see anything wrong in Vox documenting this stuff. I mean, it’s a depressing reality, but a reality just the same. And it’s one that isn’t a given constant – opinions could change, eventually. Hopefully.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        It’s the way these pieces are written that is so galling.

        • BigCSouthside

          Here’s what I don’t get: why the fuck are the “small town virtues” seen as better than urban? How the fuck can the media just write off the big cities like they don’t mean anything? Most of these small towns are failing because they are ran by unimaginative republicans. i come from the city, but live country now as a progressive, but this notion that the country is “real America” is fucking bullshit

          • Three Finger Salute

            Because “urban” means bleh people. Everybody knows that.

          • BeachBum

            Agree on the portrayal of the virtues. They want the America of the 19th century. Prolly not gonna happen.

          • Ill-Advised

            That’s a fact. Heads permanently fixed in the 19th century. Unhappily prevalent in parts of the west.

          • Querolous

            Have you hear of Frederick Jackson Turner? I hear he says some great things!

      • mancityRed6

        if they would actually ask real questions like “why hasn’t tRump done anything for jobs?”

      • It’s not that we should NEVER talk to small town trump supporters, it’s just that we shouldn’t ALWAYS talk to small town trump supporters. I’m pretty sure NPR alone has talked to 67% of them.

        And maybe .05% of the rest of us.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I had no idea that everyone “outside D.C.” is a republican.

    • BigCSouthside

      I would love them to come to my small town. Red as hell, and interview the “Country Liberals” like me and my friends who are beer drinking outdoor truck driving gun owners who also happen to hold white collar jobs and be progressives.

    • Claire

      In fairness, it will probably take five million before people stop going around saying that Trump supporters are going to change their minds and stop supporting him any day now.

    • mancityRed6

      “I want to know more about the legislation that’s trying to be passed and things like that. I’m sick of hearing drama of politicians that has nothing to do with the people of our country.
      If they want to investigate and find some evidence on it, then so be it. But let our administration do their job. They won the election.”

      even though they hold a majority, they’re still having trouble passing a health care bill, and what else have they put forward?
      anything? at all?
      they can still pass legislation and tRump can still push an agenda all the while Mueller does his job.

    • Edith Prickly

      Is the media expecting these people will eventually change their minds? Even if some of them are having private doubts, they would never admit it to a fake news peddler. Hardcore Trumpers are cultists – the stronger the opposition gets, the more they’ll dig in their heels.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Trudeau 420 | Sessions 0

    Medicinal cannabis shown to be an effective remedy in fight against opiate addiction crisis

    It has also, however, been demonstrated to cause debilitating pain in the financial organs of the pharmaceutical and private prison lobbies. Side effects may include decreased profits, fewer yacht purchases, lower incarceration rates, and fewer deaths of the untermenschen.

    Ask your northern neighbo(u)rs about A Fucking Leaf today!

  • BadKitty904
  • Yeesh

    Seeing how Trump is not ever going to exit the SUCK PUTIN OFF HIGHWAY I’m more and more certain this country will soon be known as THE GOOD OLE U.S.S.R. Of A…

  • Oblios_Cap

    President Bannon is back in the saddle of his red horse

    I always thought of him as riding a pinto pony.

  • Ezio

    Boston Herald posts cartoon of Trump using steroids to power up the U.S. economy. It backfires.

    https://twitter.com/mindthet/status/884413950703669249

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      No murderous ‘roid rage? Typical Drumpf – he went with the cheap made-in-China shit.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I’m not sure his followers need to get any of that kind of rage. They seem to do ok all on their own. And to quote wonkette, “Yay, tits!”

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Conway, stop pretending you have any respect for women.

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Cheap Suit folded in less than 24 hours after HE proposed a joint Russia/USA Cyberattack Security Force.
    bwwaaahahhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    What a fucking moron. Next, he’ll give up his plan to stop nuclear proliferation by joining with Kim Jong-un.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/884211874518192128

    http://media.gq.com/photos/57ed2eca063096110cee4497/master/w_800/8-how-to-fold-and-pack-a-suit.gif

    • Finnibar87

      The cease fire will fail.

      Cease fires are like that.

      • Bill D. Burger

        And in that tweet, it was, of course, a ‘squirrel’ moment of deflection from his idiotic and laughable suggestion of a Russia/USA cybersecurity team.

        • Finnibar87

          Trump is a fucking idiot with literally no knowledge, skills or competence to be a president of anything.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            He was hoping we wouldn’t notice.

    • Erala Contratista

      Cease fire??????
      Didn’t recall hearing any shooting.
      Oh, I get it, Drmpf’s tinnitus stopped.
      I guess.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Well, now we know his next plan. Suck up to Kim Jong-un. I can hear t-rump now “He’s really misunderstood, like me.”

  • eggs ackly-wright

    Gotta give credit where due. Huffpo headline for article about Trump spawn: Scion’s Fiction.

    Ha.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is that the same super-duper Incomprehensible Cyber Unit that Priebus just said that they “agreed” to form?
      The W.H. should just install a random word generator for all official announcements. It would have a lower rate of self-contradiction.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Boy’s been huffing the sharpies again, huh?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Like we’d ever let Wolf Blitzer on our ship.

      • Well, we could probably use his beard to scrub oil off of animals caught in spills

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Or barnacles.

      • You should ice that burn

        The “Tax Spend Tax Spend” banner is humorous too, how else would they propose it work, “Don’t Tax Spend Don’t Tax Spend””?? Fiscal conservatives my shiny white hiney!

    • Bub, the truculent Zombie

      It’s like a glimpse into the deluded, tortured mind of the Republicans. Rather frightening.

    • This is almost impressively deluded

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        His most recent one celebrates how manly Putin and Trump are squashing Merkel, but is not good enough to post.

      • PubOption

        Water leaking out of the ship from way above the waterline?

    • Finnibar87

      Wear new Trump™ eyeglasses, watch the blithering idiot that is Donald Trump seem presidential.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Eyeglasses, or a blindfold?

    • therblig

      almost Onion grade

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      And from the other side of the nitwit spectrum… some dude posted this graphic as a way to identify “neo-liberal shills.”

      And the “neo-liberal shills” had a great time with it.

      https://twitter.com/ericgarland/status/884365991018364928

    • Wait is that Bill Clinton as our albatross?

    • bupkus231

      YA know whut? Fuck Ben Garrison.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Drumpf is still “president”? Fuck.

    • Proud Liberal

      He will be until at least 2019. Justice doesn’t move at a fast pace and Congress isn’t going to do shit.

      • Mystery_Poster

        Certainly not this Republican congress that all suck up to him.

        • sarafina

          So just what can Mueller do? Give info to Rosenstein who will sit on it?

  • therblig

    Always after me Glocky Charms

    • Bub, the truculent Zombie

      “They’re (semi) automically delicious!”

    • chicken thief

      My fav is the Raisin Granola Remington Flakes.

  • Paul Dietzel

    Don’t know if anyone covered these a’fore me but a couple of observations:
    . . . establish standards for the “budding” industry.- ISWYDT

    . . .Trump’s statements denying the allegations were “hyperbole.” – Hyper Bowl; isn’t that the game they play every February? The one that Joe Willie won over Unitas that one time?

    . . . “doing better than the Chicago Cubs!”. . . if MLB played by Girls’ Softball rules the Pirates would have “mercy ruled” the Cubs after five innings Sunday night.

    • BeachBum

      III is still one of the best ever IMO. To be fair, Johnny U was old and hurt, and Colts still at 18 pt favorites. Amazing !

    • Mike Steele

      Lady MS: Hey, watch it there! Seem to recall Joe Willie actually only had to beat backup Earl Morrell and HB Tom Matte at QB. Never, ever badmouth Johnny U with a B’more gal on board, hon. Nonetheless, will give the boy his props, Even at his (our) advanced age, Joe still looks good in fur. Had an uncle like him – stayed pickled throughout his life and never aged a day:)

      • Paul Dietzel

        According to Wiki, and my memory “Colts quarterback Earl Morrall threw three interceptions before being replaced by Johnny Unitas, who then led Baltimore to its only touchdown during the last few minutes of the game” BTW, I don’t think Joe is pickled anymore; kinda saw the light after the Susie Kolber kerfuffle.

        • Mike Steele

          Should have looked it up first. My own memory failed me; besides, that was a worse day in our family’s living room than all the funerals put together. You are right about the game, and hopefully about Joe. Do wish him well!

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    “What’s this pubic hair doing on the pillow that suffocated the EPA?”
    Is Wonkette suggesting Neomi Rao does not shave down there? WHOA if True.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Google “Clarence Thomas” and “can of Coke.”

    • sarafina

      TMI

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    “The Moron Sopranos”.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Teh Godfather, the alternate reality where Fredo takes over the family.

  • chicken thief

    “…but someone forgot to send that memo to Ted Cruz.”

    How could that be? It clearly said “share with all your Senator friends” at the bottom.

    • sarafina

      I read on TPM or C&L that using Senator Anchor Baby to try to get votes was a sure sign Yertle was giving up, and designating a scapegoat.

  • Wookie Monster

    So, if Uday Junior is Fredo, does that make Eric (Qusay) Sonny? Is Jared Michael?

  • Wookie Monster

    Is Steve Bannon Tessio or Mo Greene?

  • Three Finger Salute

    Hey look! Trump’s other BFFs Bibi and Viktor are having a bromance too! Who wants to play Liberal Scapegoat Squares? I’ll take “George Soros” for the block — er, Bloc…

    Israel backs Hungary, says liberal financier Soros is a “threat” to national sovereignty

    Or just, you know, a threat to autocratic Europutinist thugs like Viktor Orban, and hypocritical Lebensraum expansionists like Bibi Netanyahu. Gee, you ever think maybe ol’ George doesn’t like the idea of seeing Palestinians and other Middle Eastern refugees having to sew a star and crescent on their pajamas?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Netan-yahoo is going full fascist, pandering to Israel’s own wingnut fringe. How long before Putin is their best friend, same as with U.S. “Christian” white-wing nutters.

    • Mike Steele

      Also, too, Prez Doodah has just added Prez Duda to his A-list of fascist-trending BFFs. You gotcher Bibi, yer Viktor, yer Duda, yer Vlad, yer Recep and the ever-popular murderous Duterte. Rogue’s Gallery of RWNJs, enabled by a world population with an ever-shrinking attention span and non-existent grasp of history. As we say at Wonkette: What could possibly go wrong?

      • sarafina

        I thought we said: “It would be irresponsible not to speculate.”

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Man, that Daily Beast story is mind-boggling.
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/us-prosecutors-are-out-to-crack-russias-crooked-money-machine
    James Bond may have been fictional, but the sort of uber-wealthy, murderous, criminal bastards he went up against turn out to be real. And they’re running (and pillaging) Russia.

    • Mike Steele

      Read Nelson DeMille’s novel (WildFire) regarding Custer Hill Club of nefarious oligarchs, then substitute Russians + Mercer family and their Owl’s Nest compound on north shore of Long Island. Classic case of life imitating art.

  • Weird Fishes

    I’m starting to get the impression that Little Donny is being set up to be the fall guy to protect Daddy.

    It’s universally accepted that he’s as dumb as a bucket of mud and therefore him doing things to “help” Daddy without adultier supervision isn’t outside of the realm of possibility. Spun as a well-meaning son caught up in the mysteries off big-boy pants behavior, falling victim to the tricksy ways of foreigners and career politicians, he’s tailor-made for the only role he can plausibly play, unless you can bring yourself to believe that he’s somehow masterminding all of this.

    • chicken thief

      Even mah main man Louie Gohmert is smrt enough to have seen all sorts of red flags if suggested that he visit some Russian gal (D, Jr: “what’s her name?” Manafort: “Don’t matter, you can’t pronounce it.”) with Money Laundering Manafort and All Purpose Jared.

    • Nodrama4mama

      Nah, I bet they’ll find a way to pin this all on Tiffany.

  • CripesAmighty
    • Antonin Dvorak

      So many crash zooms!

  • Wookie Monster

    Okay, I think I’ve figured it out:

    Ivanka is Michael and Eric is Sonny. Reince Priebus is Mo Greene, Michael Flynn is Tessio, and Steve Bannon is Tony Montana.

    Okay, now I’m crossing the streams. Someone help me.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Make it easy on yourself. They’re all Fredo, period.

  • Those senators looking to exit stage left should be pursued by bear.

  • Khavrinen

    “That Russian lawyer lady is a mob lawyer who was being investigated by former US attorney Preet Bahara.” And somehow Preet Bahara ended up getting fired.

    I keep saying, “It’s Just a Coincidence” is a much more appropriate slogan for the Trump administration than “Make America Grate Again” ever could be.

  • Khavrinen

    “Cummings concern stems from the fact that similar programs are being cut, yet this one isn’t. Strange!”

    Oh look, yet another “It’s Just a Coincidence”.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    This is nothing, according to Louise Mensch Eric Trump, Paul Manafort and for some reason Kid Rock have all been hung at Nuremberg.

    • Bebecca

      meaning it’s not true or just a blip on things to come?

      • BreakingDeadMen

        The latter, I guess, mostly just a shot at Louise Mensch

  • Jamoche

    Psst, Dominic – it’s Bharara, not Bahara.

    • thanks, will change!

      • BJW

        Also today is Monday, July 10.

      • redblack

        copyedit in paragraphs 14, 25, and 30. i sent you a gmail ’cause i don’t know how wonkette handles copyedit after publication.

        or i could just go fuck myself. :)

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Rumor had it that Pres Obama and Holder were going to target gerrymandering. Good to see that project coming to fruition.

  • javadavis

    That Summer Zervos story, where Trump’s lawyer says they should leave him alone while he is president – isn’t another joke that this argument was deemed invalid when the Clinton administration attempted to get Whitewater et al put on hold for the same reason? is that whole thing thrown out yet because IOKIYAR for the Bush the Lesser years, or do they have to overrule that particular bit of precedent to get this case tossed out? I didn’t see this point addressed in the article.

  • SeeTrain65

    O.K., so I’m a day late, but who else (everyone) caught that Monday was July 10th?

    Yeah, I can be a real prick sometimes.

  • SeeTrain65

    “Will Trump officials take Don Jr. for a boat ride now that they’re calling Little Donnie the ‘Fredo’ of the family, thanks to his tendency to keep screwing up?”

    A family of Fredos.

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