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So, here we are. 4th of July. Independence Day. The Most Sacred Celebration in our Nation’s secular canon. A time to reflect upon the ideals our nation was founded upon and our efforts in striving to live up to those ideals. An opprotunity to gratefully cheer the wisdom of those who wrote our Constitution.

Yr Wonkette is . . . not feeling it this year. Anybody else? Show of hands, please? Wow! That many? Yeah. That’s what I thought. But, you know what? I’m still having people over for a cookout today, and, probably, some of you are, also too – simply because it’s That Time of Year. The long days and warm weather seem to demand that we get together outside: cookouts, garden parties, family reunions, potluck dinners.

Socially, it’s necessary to learn the details of Aunt Harriet’s gallbladder surgery, and entertaining to hear cousin Dick tell the story of his 8 year old’s hilariously humiliating performance in the school play, but there’s always an undercurrent of competition. We know our food is being judged, and we all want to knock that one smug, bitchy cousin who thinks he’s king of the kitchen* off his high horse, just to see that condescending smile slip.

Recipehub to the rescue! This week, we celebrate the bounty of our gardens with a wonderfully light, crisply flavored cold soup from Spain, perfect for a hot summer day. Today we make

Glorious Gazpacho

Garden In A Bowl
Garden In A Bowl

Drinkage: Vodka seems appropriate, since this would make a mean Bloody Mary mix.

Difficulty: 2.5/10. Once you get past the PITA step of thoroughly seeding the tomatoes, it’s all downhill.

Time: 30 minutes working, 3 – 12 hours resting.

WHAT YOU NEED!

Ingredientses
Ingredientses
  • 2 lbs Ripe, juicy tomatoes
  • 1 cucumber, 6 – 7 inches long
  • Red Bell pepper
  • Red onion
  • 1 Jalapeno pepper
  • 1 large clove garlic
  • 1/4 cup Olive Oil
  • 2 Tbls Basalmic vinegar
  • 2 Tbls Worchestershire Sauce
  • 2 Tbls lemon juice
  • 2 slices of plain white bread, or a 3 – 4 inch piece of french bread
  • 1/2 Tbls Kosher salt
  • 1/2 tsp black pepper
  • 1/2 tsp Cumin

WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU NEED!

  • Fill a large pot half full of water, place on burner over high heat & bring to a boil.
  • Fill a large bowl or pot with icewater.
  • Cut a small X through the skin at the bottom of each tomato. Gently place tomatoes in boiling water until skin loosens, approx 15 seconds. Remove from boiling water $ place in Icewater bath to cool, approx 1 minute.
  • Remove tomatoes from water, pat dry.
  • Peel, core, and seed the tomatoes, putting the flesh in a bowl and the core/seeds in a fine strainer over another bowl. Press as much juice through the strainer as possible. Reserve juice, discard seeds.
  • Peel, seed, and dice cucumber – you should have approximately 1 cup. Add to tomatoes.
  • Dice approx. 1/2 cup each onion & red pepper (seeded) . Add to tomatoes.
  • Seed and mince the jalapeno. Add to tomatoes
  • Mince the garlic. Add to tomatoes.
  • Whisk olive oil, Balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, salt, pepper and cumin into tomato juice, then stir mixture into vegetable mix.
  • Remove crust from bread. Place in water till soaked, then squeeze out as dry as possible. Set aside.
  • Working in batches as necessary, put the contents of the mixing bowl, along with an appropriate portion of the bread, in a blender or food processor. Puree/pulse process until well blended.
  • Pour into large bowl, cover, and refrigerate a minimum of 3 hours, preferably overnight.
  • Ladle into bowls. If desired, garnish with a dollop of yogurt or sour cream and a spray of chiffanoded basil.

And there you go. A refreshing blend of flavors, dominated by the crisp cucumber and the acidic bite of tomatoes, well balanced by the slight earthiness of the cumin, Worchestershire and garlic, and just a hint of a bite from the jalapeno. Even if it doesn’t knock that self-proclaimed king of the kitchen off that pedestal, he won’t be quite so smug anymore.

*Yr Wonkette condcedes that he may, in fact, be his family’s smug, bitchy cousin who thinks he’s king of the kitchen. But that’s totally different, because he actually deserves the kitchen crown.

Wonkette is totally supported by reader donations, and, as you can tell, IN ADDITION TO serving you the freshest dick jokes and in depth political analysis, we likes to eat! Send us monies so we can keep eating good foods and sharing them with you. It’s even easier than this recipe – just clickie-click the link right below this!

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  • William
  • Canadian_Bacon

    One of the best series on TV: Red Dwarf

    Rimmer: [drunkenly telling the story behind his last words “gazpacho soup”] It was the greatest night of my life; I had been invited to the Captain’s table. I had only been with the company FOURTEEN YEARS. Six officers and me… they called me “Arnold!” We had gazpacho soup for starters… I didn’t know that gazpacho soup was meant to be served cold. I called over the chef and told him to take it away and bring it back hot! So he did… the looks on their faces still haunt me today! I thought they were laughing at the chef, when all the time they were laughing at me as I ate my piping hot gazpacho soup! I never ate at the Captain’s table again. That was the end of my career. If only they’d mentioned it in basic training! Instead of having us climbing up and down ropes and crawling on your elbows through tunnels–if only just ONCE they would’ve mentioned that gazpacho soup was served cold–I would’ve been an admiral by now!…instead of a nothing, which is what I am, let’s face it… I never got off the bottom rung, and do you know why? It’s because I didn’t have the right nobby parents! I’ll bet Todd Hunter was fed gazpacho soup as soon as he was on solids! No, I’ll bet he was breast-fed on it! One side gazpacho soup, the other side freely-dispensed chilled champagne!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      And, obviously, someone beat me to this.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    This looks lovely, Pinks. :) Ima looking for moar Veggie recipes and cooling dishes to eat, I’ll try this. :)

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I always get out my DVD of the musical “1776” and watch it on Independence Day, not just to get in the proper mood, but also to drown out the noise of 43 neighbors shooting off fireworks until 3 am. After I watch it, I get out my DVD of “Rocky Horror Picture Show”. This makes the day brighter, although not as bright as it would be if I had some medical marijuana, which the Missouri Legislature refuses to approve. “Rocky Horror” is just not as good without chemical enhancement, which is absolutely necessary in order to dance The Time Warp properly.

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

    Could one serve this in a tall glass with a couple shots of vodka and a celery stalk garnish?

    Asking for a friend.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Of course you can. Try it with champagne. . .if you are a purist, use Spanish champagne. I recommend Freixenet.

    • proudgrampa

      Yes.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      From the body of the post: “Drinkage: Vodka seems appropriate, since this would make a mean Bloody Mary mix.”

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack
  • canes_pugnaces

    If you want real Spanish gazpacho: no lemon; no Worchestershire; no jalepeno; no cumin.

    It’s 5 lbs tomatoes, 1 cucumber, 4 red or green bell peppers, 1/2 onion, garlic, 3/4 c olive oil, 1/4 c red wine and/or balsamic vinegar. All in blender, and tweak ingredients to taste.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Gazpacho is only good if one is sitting on a sidewalk cafe, somewhere in Spain, watching the world go by, with a decanter of good Spanish wine on the table and some crusty Spanish bread to mop up the leftover bits, with a plate of paella to follow. Eating it in Missouri somehow doesn’t do it for me.

      • William

        Or some Sangria. The absolute best wine I ever had was from a dirt floor Bodega near Rota Spain.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          The best I ever had was Moc Baril Rosé d’Anjou in Saumur, France. I can taste it still, 40 years later. Can’t get it where I live now, alas.

          • William

            ” I can taste it still, 40 years later”. Wow that’s some serious aftertaste. http://gurumagazine.org/askaguru/whats-the-reason-for-after-taste-and-how-do-you-get-rid-of-it/

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I can remember how it smelled, too. This is called “Fragrant Flashbacks.” I don’t understand why anyone objects to aftertaste, as mentioned in your link. Aftertaste is the very best part of tasty food, it means you get to keep tasting it long after you have chewed it up and swallowed it, and aftertaste has no calories, LOL.

          • William

            I read somewhere that smell memory is the most accurate and imbedded.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I read that too, and it certainly is for me. Whenever I smell diesel fumes I am instantly 19 years old again and walking down Paseo de Gracia in Barcelona.

          • William

            I’ve been there. The cabs (Seats, Spanish Fiats for real). They were Diesel. When I was deployed to Rota, I took a cab to Seville to get a haircut, just so I could say I’ve been to the barber of….well you get it.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

            OMG It’s 16 and Heathrow for me. I had never smelled diesel so strongly and it still takes me back.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            This is what bothers me about getting dementia. I have so many wonderful memories that bring me great joy, and I don’t want to live without them. Interestingly, when my father had dementia I noticed that certain smells would trigger memories of things he had completely forgotten the day before, so smell is obviously very important memory trigger.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

            My late mother-in-law regressed to the happier times of her life, so there’s some silver lining, I guess. It’s still a wretched condition.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            My father slept 22 hours a day, and the rest of the time nurses and aides did everything for him and he got to flirt with all the nurses. He didn’t have a care in the world and was the happiest person I knew. But it was a kind of living death, so yeah, wretched. . .

          • Jukesgrrl

            I have memories of my Grandma totally triggered by smells. Some of them are funny, like she was a clean freak and every time I smell bleach I think of her. She also made a Pyrex percolator of coffee every morning and drank it all day, re-heated scalding hot in a tiny copper pan. So every Starbucks, with its burnt coffee aroma, smells just like her kitchen.

      • canes_pugnaces

        It’s pretty good on a hot day in Riverside Park after a trip to the farmer’s market, too.

  • William

    We vegetarians struggle with the resistance every day. This is a nice welcome recipe. Thank You. https://youtu.be/LRfHlBk4Pcg

    • Shoto

      Vegetarian recipes (such as the fine recipe noted above) are invariably enhanced by adding lotsa moar bacon. That’s just science.

    • Jennifer R

      I know an amazing Vegan Asian fusion place in richmond virginia that has amazing vegan crab rangoons.

    • Zyxomma

      My birthday was Thursday. A neighbor’s is a week after mine. For years, we’ve been sharing a vegan restaurant meal sometime between our days. This year, I chose the restaurant. Buddha Bodai makes amazing vegan dim sum every day, and he’d never had it. We had chrysanthemum tea (gook fa cha). The waiter was both surprised and pleased that I asked for that, rather than black, green, or jasmine. We shared four dishes: pan-fried turnip cake (I always get it, it’s stellar), watercress dumplings (rice dumpling skin, so gluten free), rice rolls with beech mushrooms, and vegan tripe, which I’d never tried before. It was delicious. We also had a nice walk to Chinatown and back, and I bought neighbor a dragon fruit, because he’d never had it. Btw, the REAL Buddha Bodai is at 5 Mott Street, and has been there for about 14 years (I ate there the first week they opened). There’s a new place that stole the name on Mulberry St. I haven’t eaten there.

  • Anna Elizabeth
    • grindstone

      I’m making ·Boeuf bourguignon because I’m looking forward to bastille day instead. (But we’ll do the 4th, too, because at the end of the day, this is still my country.)

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Beouf Bourguignon sounds awesome. :)

        I had a friend here that could not eat any color of Pepper without horrendous heartburn. I guess sometimes that our bodies just don’t like certain substances.

  • Shoto

    Sorry to o/t, but this important sports bulletin just washed over the transom.

    https://twitter.com/CulturedRuffian/status/881018132172853248

    • proudgrampa

      I can’t wait to show this to my hockey-playing proudgrandson.

    • Maxine Headroom

      There’s a longer video of that awesome cat (with sound!) going around Facebook, but I can’t find a public post to share. 😿

    • My cat does this with things! Things are the rings on the milk carton. She plays stop thing, fetch thing and also fling thing.
      And then she steals thing and hides it in her stash which I find once a week when I move furniture to sweep.

  • John Iwaniszek

    You have to be careful when making Gazpacho. I recall the great gazpacho incident of 83. It was amazing how much of the stuff we made with so little ingredients. (by the way, you have enough raw material in that photo to make GALLONS.

    The left-overs lasted a week and by the end, they had fermented. My friend could not let food go to waste and succumbed to gas and diarrhea. Not fatally, but enough.

  • Best gazpacho I ever had was at a little cafe in Key West. It had a bit of fresh yogurt in it and was heavenly. The only problem was it looked a bit like chunky style Pepto Bismol.

    • Gregory Brown

      When I worked in the kitchen we had a saying: People eat with their eyes first.

  • Gregory Brown

    Thanks for the reminder! Gazpacho is my go-to hot weather treat.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I love gazpacho. Sadly, I didn’t get my act together in time, so no garden tomatoes for me. (Am still gonna buy plenty from the excellent farmers ’round here, though.)

    I just got back from a vacation in Cannes. This was dinner two nights ago. And yes, I managed to eat the whole thing, a few oysters being shared with dining companions. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/967cbe32f307c2f5ef100ca1fde9f6dc97cf86b22349ffd2322e7f3e7a1884e8.jpg

    • Granny Sprinkles

      Holy cow, you’re fancy! No snark, you’re fancy as fuck. I had a sandwich for dinner two nights ago, but it cost $11 so I’m kinda fancy too. I drove to Asheville NC last week to see a band, then I got high and slept at a broom factory. We’re pretty much twinsies.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Ha, well, that’s vacation fare, certainly not the normal dinner.

        Honestly, you adventure sounds like a whole lot of fun. I’m very curious how one goes about crashing at a broom factory. It’s all about knowing the right folks, eh?

        • Granny Sprinkles

          Pretty much, and being willing to ask. I wish I knew someone with a broom factory outside of Cannes.

        • Culinary Mercenary

          Maybe they could handle it when he just swept his way in.
          I will go now.

    • Suttree

      Mmmmm, oysters, muscels, shrimps, clams, and crab…… I can’t see in the picture, what are those little guys to the left of the crab?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Those are little periwinkles. Too dang hard to extract from their shells, though, so I didn’t eat them(and many were apparently empty too, so maybe it was more about decoration?). There were also boulots, which I think translates into whelks in English. They were delicious with a bit of house-made mayo.

    • Doug Langley

      I hope there weren’t any CLAMS in that CANNES dish, WERE THERE?????

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Oh damn, there were. ME MONSTER!!!1!

        • II Gosala

          Don’t worry. It’s more a case of clammed Cannes than canned clams.

          • Moar Wordz

            That’s the kid. Remind me of that when I flee from Twitter bcse a quote of mine ends up in the script of oh hell, what’s that movie w/Matt Damon -Elysium.
            I kid you not. I’m literally afraid to go back on Twatter. S’kay, Twatter bores me, I must’ve not used it right

        • Moar Wordz

          Would’ve been better than those dried out Oysters ! There’s no oyster liquor in their shells -shucked hours before plating. I’m SHOCKED, SHOCKED I tell U

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Let’s see? Planting a tomato garden or vacationing in the South of France? Decisions, decisions!
      Think you made the right move. Farmers can grow excellent toms but not memories!

    • …it’s got eyes

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Apparently the gif was made by HanAssholeSolo on Reddit.
    https://twitter.com/GideonResnick/status/881523961196142594

    • Persistent Demme

      Looks like the Man-Baby is trying to provoke a civil war.
      (Small acts of violence are too little for him.)

      • Lori

        I wonder how many of the redditers are in any way prepared for a fight that involves something more than memes for morons.

    • Dankery?
      It was a poorly shopped logo over a head.
      These guys don’t know art.

  • Gregory Brown

    What’s with the radishes? I like to use lime juice, and a bit of chipotle to add a little touch of smoke.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Sekrit Ingredient. shhhhhhhhh!

      • Zyxomma

        One of my favorite things about a nearby Mexican casual restaurant is that the salad (which is excellent) always has plenty of radishes. If you’ve had a tonsillectomy, you are minus the signaling mechanism that tells the stomach “food is coming, pump hydrochloric acid (and other digestive juices.” Eating radishes (particularly before a meal high in protein) will kind of make up for that.

      • Gregory Brown

        Oh, right. Mum’s the word!

  • Mavenmaven

    The state of the Union, July 4 2017: If you eat these Spanish things in public, the Trump forces may attack or deport you.

  • bookish

    This kind of stupidity is why we’re losing the respect of the world.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/02/business/media/trump-wrestling-video-cnn-twitter.html

    • DrBigHead

      And the White House continues to defend him.

  • bookish

    Trump playing the base for chumps.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/02/politics/trump-wrestling-tweet/index.html

    Anyone who has followed his career in business or politics knows that there isn’t a more attentive media consumer than Donald Trump. He watches cable TV constantly — as evidenced by the installation of a 60-plus-inch TV in his dining room near the Oval Office. (Ask yourself: If he doesn’t watch TV, as he claims, then what does he watch on that TV?) He loves this stuff. Always has. Always will. And, if and when Trump ever reaches out to you as a reporter, he is tremendously solicitous; he praises your work and says you are one of the good ones. (Trump did this to me during the campaign.)

    Most people — particularly in the media — know this fact. But lots of other people, including many of Trump’s supporters, truly believe that he hates the media. That he is the fighter against “fake news” they have been waiting for their entire lives. They don’t get that Trump is playing a role, that he is doing a schtick because he knows there is political gain to be had there.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Trump loves anything media that mentions his name.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I read that last night. Sickest of burns.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      “Reality” TV president. But these folks also don’t get that “reality” tv is light on reality, is often scripted and/or edited for “dramatic” storylines.
      I wonder how long before someone leaks the outtakes from “Celebrity Apprentice”. All the way back last August, this is what Penn Teller had to say about his experience.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31tVXGBo2s0

  • Yr. Gma

    King of the Kitchen returns!

  • II Gosala

    I haz a sad. I cannot eat cucumbers and this sounds easy and delicious

    • SisterArtemis

      I bet you could sub something for the cukes, or leave them out and up the other veggies a bit.

      • I bet watermelon rind would be a decent substitute, though the watermelons I’ve bought recently have been bred for thin rinds.

        • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

          Ooh, I’ve never heard of cooking with watermelon rind. I has an intrigue.

    • Brendan_M

      Sub in some apple or jicama.

      • II Gosala

        Thanks! Never would have thought of that

    • CindyinEncinitas

      My dad can’t eat them either. I think you could sub zucchini. That’s what we do for him.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      How about zucchini?

    • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

      Google gazpacho. There are like five million recipes and their patrons will insist that theirs, and only theirs, is the right and true way.

      Anyway there are plenty sans cucumber.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The Declaration of Independence makes reference to Nature and Nature’s God, so perhaps July 4th is more Deist than secular.

    I believe the proper way to give thanks to Nature’s God is to run around naked all day. Certainly Ben Franklin would approve. Fireworks safety is even more of a must in that case.

    • mancityRed6

      try telling that to my neighbors

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “I was only being patriotic!”

        • mancityRed6

          “well, stop looking then!”

    • Tiffany de Houston

      My two year nephew agrees.

    • The Wanderer

      Be like Franklin, and fart proudly.

      • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

        And drink beer.

  • tehbaddr

    I have found that a little splash of canned clam juice really livens up the Gazpacho!

  • Shouldn’t a traditional gazpacho feature a double handful of barbiturates?

    • tehbaddr

      Nah, diazapenes are all the rage now.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        It’s just like alcohol that no one can smell on your breath!!!!

    • Moar Wordz

      TOTALLY !!!!! YES

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    I’m sorry, but soup ≠ cold.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Well, clearly you’ve never eaten at Denny’s.

      • Or been a mother.
        I swear I used to chuckle at that bit in Christmas story where he says his mom never ate a hot meal in a decade.
        Until I became that mom.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Really? Not even vichyssoise?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        If I want cold fish soup I’ll order hot fish soup then get distracted and forget I have it.

        • SterWonk

          Vichyssoise doesn’t contain fish…?

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            It doesn’t? Then I was, as I so often am, misinformed. (And now I have to wonder what I was thinking of…)

        • Carpe Vagenda

          That’s such a specific mission statement…

    • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

      WRONG. SAD. WEAK.

      • Jukesgrrl

        (You forgot the exclamation points!)

  • CindyinEncinitas
  • BloviateMe
  • nightmoth

    For those of you enjoying the bounty of your gardens, there are easy and delicious cold soups you can make with cucumbers and with squash, as well. Just google cucumber soup and summer squash soup—yummy!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I’m making cucumber-mint-elderflower martinis for the 4th (one of the guests is diabetic and doesn’t like artificial sweeteners).

      • nightmoth

        Oh, my! That sounds wonderful.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I had a Hendricks martini at a restaurant with cucumber water and sake, and it was stupidly good.

      • The Librarian

        Love elderflower and champagne cocktails.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I have a bottle of elderberry juice and some elderflower water. I’m psyched.

          • The Librarian

            Both are delish. Now I’ve got a craving….. :)

          • Carpe Vagenda

            We have a soda siphon we never use, but I’m thinking we could fill it with herb water…

          • The Librarian

            Hmmm. Mint is good or cucumber.

            ETA: just saw you mentioned cucumber below. Lemon or orange peel works well, too.

          • edked_v2

            Careful with that stuff; you don’t want to end up smelling like Uther Pendragon…

    • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

      I love cold soups. I’m a soup junkie to begin with, and a gardener, and cold summer soups from the garden…(*insert Homer Simpson-esque drooling sound*)

      • edked_v2

        I really prefer a rustic, chunky gazpacho to the pureed, smooth kind, myself, but yeah.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Oh, it’s cold pappa al pomodoro. That’s genius.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    If you are a fan of hot sauce, Gazpacho plays well with it. My favorite for Gazpacho is Tabasco

  • Zyxomma

    OK, Wonketteers. Technically, the only vegetables in the mix are the onion and garlic. Tomatoes, peppers, cucumber, and of course lemon (which I don’t use, I prefer lime) are all fruits. That said, I love gazpacho. Yum yum yum.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Smoothie is soup. Gazpacho vegetable stew. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Recipe sounds good by the way. Only problem is, where I live (Southern AZ) tomatoes are usually tasteless. I was born in Ohio so I know what tomatoes are supposed to taste like.

    • TundraGrifter

      Do you grow your own tomatoes in the summer? I also grew up in (southern) Ohio and they were about the only thing my parents and grandfather didn’t grow.

      • Jukesgrrl

        By the time I bought everything I needed to grow tomatoes I spent far more than the harvest proved to be worth. I stick to the little grape tomatoes for eating in salads, etc., and I buy canned Muir Glen Organic Roasted Tomatoes for cooking. They come in plain, too, but I find the roasted ones are more flavorful in sauces, etc.

        • TundraGrifter

          We’ve had great luck with the orange Grow Boxes. Use them year after year. The Onion had a great article a few years ago about how you can work all summer and save about twenty bucks. But the taste! Wow! I was out there watering and a cherry tomato had fallen onto the mat and I ate it and the flavor just exploded.

          • Moar Wordz

            What are orange grow boxes ?

          • TundraGrifter

            “The Garden Patch.” I’m sure lots of people are using them to grow their own – we just raise tomatoes.

          • Moar Wordz

            Thank-You !😊

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Take those supermarket tomatoes, put ’em in a brown paper bag for a couple of days – if they’re really hard or underripe, throw a banana or an apple in the bag with them – and let them ripen up. It won’t make them perfect, but they’ll certainly be more rewardingly edible.

      Failing that, use Romas or grape tomatoes… they’re often tastier.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Yes, I usually use grape tomatoes. Even fully ripened, Southwest tomatoes lack flavor. Even ones I grew myself in purchased soil.

  • Heather

    When I was about 15 or 16 and my best friend was just starting to get into cooking, she made gazpacho. Unfortunately, she mistook the direction to add 2-3 cloves of garlic and added 2 heads of garlic. It was wholly inedible, but we both gave it a valiant effort before throwing the whole batch in the garbage. It is still one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me.

    • Moar Wordz

      Mmmmmmmh, garlic !!!!

  • susan_g

    That’s a solid recipe. I use red wine vinegar instead of the balsamic–two tbs. is a lot but what you like, right? I came across a version in a Spanish restaurant in Santa Fe that used cantaloupe as a base and it was great.

    Gazpacho can certainly be part of your 4th of July delights but I like to go with traditional things on this day. Like lamb kofta kebabs grilled and served with tahini yogurt. USA!!!

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Ooh, cantalope gazpacho sounds nummy; gonna try that tomorrow!

      • susan_g

        ½ Cantaloupe, cut up
        1 yellow bell pepper, cut up
        1 cucumber, seeded and cut up
        1 large tomato, cut up
        2 pieces of bread, crusts cut off and cubed
        Olive oil—1 tbs.
        Red wine vinegar ( to taste—2 tbs or more?)
        Salt, pepper, tabasco (or a little chopped hot pepper, like
        jalapeno or Serrano)
        Put it all in blender and make it smooth.

        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          many thanks!

  • Carlill
  • This sounds good. Wonder if you served it warm with a lil cheese…..

  • TundraGrifter

    No. No! NO! Never a food processor or a blender. Who wants to eat orange mush?

    NEVER.

    The veggies should be hand cut. Come on – it really doesn’t take that long. It isn’t that hard. Texture is so important. Get a sharp knife and cut everything up. I can do it all in under an hour. And it’s worth it!

    As for seeding the tomatoes – why bother? I do seed the peppers.

    • toughsister

      Sorry. A food processor is a must.

      • TundraGrifter

        Only if you want a veggie smoothie. If you want real gazpacho cut the fruits and veggies by hand. I prefer soup to dip.

        Remember the old New Yorker cartoon when food processors first came out? “Don’t bother Daddy – he’s making green mush.”

        • toughsister

          Gazpacho is a soup, not a smoothie or a dip. If you need chunks, add them after the gazpacho is puréed in the food processor.

          • TundraGrifter

            No thanx. I’m good.

    • Mateo

      There seem to be two camps with this-one pro smooth gazpacho, one pro hand cut veggies and chunkier gazpacho.
      Personally I like a smoother, more consistent soup that’s cool and tasty.
      However, having some texture is nice. So..to each their own?

      • TundraGrifter

        This is Ford vs. Chevy. Peet’s vs. Starbucks. Right vs. Wrong. “…to each their own?” What kind of pansy librul attitude is that? This isn’t life and death – this is much more important.

        • Lily412

          I eat my gazpacho hot.

          • TundraGrifter

            We call that “vegetable soup.” But, if it works for you go for it.

          • Lily412

            (I was actually just kidding around. I’ve never eaten it!)

          • TundraGrifter

            ProTip: We’re all just kidding around. Most of the time, anyway. There are moments of sanity and seriousness, of course. But then the rum kicks in.

    • Fennec

      I puree half the veggies and then grate the other half. I also use shallots instead of onions. I like to watch the world burn! :-)

      • TundraGrifter

        Another important tip – V8 instead of regular tomato juice.

  • Zombishroom

    Yummmmm

  • Anna Rompage

    All I had in the kitchen was some tomato paste, dehydrated onions, and Ms Dash that had some red pepper flakes in it…

    I followed the recipe to a tee with what I had, and I must say, it’s didn’t turn out very well…

    • toughsister

      I’m not surprised.

  • doktorzoom

    Unfortunately, B. Kliban short-circuited my appreciation of gazpacho

    http://www.coldbacon.com/pics/kliban/neabtyh_shitfly.jpg

    • I know a joke

      “Out the way, you swine! A cartoonist is coming!”

      That guy kicked so much ass. He died too young.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Oh the memories…

      In the days before ready access to copiers and scanners and the interwebz, my college roomie and I painstakingly traced over our favorite Kliban cartoons from a book, went over the pencilled lines with ink, and hung the tracing-paper copies up all over our dorm room.

      This was the first one we did… the second was All the Callous Sophisticates Laughed at Judy’s Tiny Head.

  • Fennec

    Go buy a cheap four dollar thin skin peeler…. Has a serrated blade, you’ll never have to boil the tomatoes again.

    • toughsister

      I agree.

    • SomeOtherDude

      Tried it. All I got was tomato zest and tomatoes with skin stripes. However, a relatively new and sharp ordinary peeler works fine it the plum tomatoes aren’t overly soft.

  • Mateo

    2 Tbls Worchestershire Sauce?
    You really did want to make Bloody Mary mix eh?
    (seriously though-don’t use this for a Bloody Mary-the mix is easy and tasty without unnecessary additions)

  • Horn & Hardart Tomato Soup

    Get a cup of hot water. Take it over to the condiments table. Add ketchup until it’s the right consistency. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

    • manndan

      That’s not gazpacho. That’s Po’s tomato soup.

  • SomeOtherDude

    Sherry vinegar — not balsamic.
    Worcestershire sauce? Really?
    Skip the bread (yeah — I know it’s traditional) and food processor. Chop the veggies relatively fine and uniform by hand and add tomato juice. Chunky and crispy, not a smoothie.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      That’s salsa, Dude.

      Yes, the Worcestershire sauce is necessary for the umami. But I’m with you on the sherry vinegar, and I take about a third of the veggies and dice them finely, only pureeing the other two-thirds. Then add the diced to the pureed, chill, and yum.

  • Moar Wordz

    My Dad’s named John Thomas 2 !!!!!! When he went to Scotland, it was a bit embarassing.
    ” Yer John Thomas ” = Male Member

    Vinegar De Jerez, friends. Chili flakes, Olive Oil, V8.. Chop or blend and blend & chop 😜
    Croutons for garnish
    All Good

    Does anyone remember The Almovodar film that’s set in ( I think Madrid or Barcelona,)where the gazpacho gets spiked with sleeping pills or barbituates? Amazing film.
    The Gaspacho looks so effing good in that film, and it’s blended ! Spaniards drink from glass, in the film at least
    Ole

  • Moar Wordz

    That being said – does any one know a decent white gaspacho recipe ?!?! Googled one on the internet & struck out. Three cloves raw garlic mixed with bread and whatever else is upchuck time, ( really, these internet self-proclaimed Martha Stewarts…)

  • duckshoe

    This makes a fine gazpacho as is, PROVIDED you have fine home/locally grown tomatoes. If you just have Safeway’s “bred to travel” type, chop all veggies, put them in the blender, add flavorants (some people like woostah, some don”t), and top off the blender with between 3/4 or all of a bottle of pasilla, or strained tomatoes. I am sure there are Spanish/Mexican labels, I use Itallisima.

    I also think some of you are thinking of samorejo, but maybe not. Jus’ sayin’.

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