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True fact: a German once asked Mike Meyers if he’d touched a monkey. Thus a character was born.

Something a little out of the ordinary this week, kids: An email from some fans somewhere in the wilds of West Germany or possibly New Zealand (the email has a “.nz” suffix, but could have been sent from anywhere). They have a proposition for us! We will mutually benefit from their anarchist outsider art, and we are quite taken by their pitch, even though we honestly have little idea what they’re really getting at half the time. Here is the email, which somehow made our computer smell of absinthe (must have been that absinthesizer app).

Hey, Dear Wonks and Fabulous D.R. (future Pulitzer/Nobel Wonk),

Here’s what we gots:

OK, so far, no email click, OK you’ll get it someday for us I am sure

Your site really needs the long green, – God we know, we know.

We are €uroid anarchist Komsumverweigerer (Consumption deniers) so we all (here at minnesinger5- please look up what minnesingers do – there’s all kinds of opras written about our kind and we are known to consult kings and have, so far saved the world a few times over)

The current activities off the minnesinger5 are to keep us off the street and dumpsters- no lie! we earn collectively < 630€ per month- this is all the gods' truth but we want to pay something, so here's the deal. "Little Miss High and Mighty" here and her pet Kiwi, Walther von der Vogelweide (real name) make freakish, expensive puctures from which proceeds we are sometimes able to purchase, Oh, say cheap food- Quark, Hefeweizen, Weißwurst not always cheap, but heck we hungry minnesingers)

‘Das Dorf am Meer’

We looked up minnesingers: “Any of certain German poet-musicians of the 12th and 13th centuries.” They were big on courtly love, and were mostly members of the minor nobility just singing away and looking for patronage. The dumpster, we should note, was not invented until the 1930s. Walther von der Vogelweide was a celebrated Middle High German lyric poet, and also apparently a Kiwi. We like learning things!

‘Dorfplatz’

Minnesingers are also the focus of the Wagner opera Tannhäuser, although it is unclear whether any were known to have seen C-Beams glittering in the dark. Whether they have actually saved the world many times over is something you may wish to debate in the comments.

We like having fans! They want to make and sell art through Wonkette, we think. We’re actually pretty charmed by their own attitude toward said art, and those who purchase their puctures (we’ll assume that’s an intentional portmanteau, not a typo, and these are in fact very puckish pictures):

Attaached are a few of the pictures- the origionals are hanging in Hotels and rich peoples’ dens and a gallery or 2.

None have sold in ages but they go for between 350€ and 5,555€ each depending on the gulibility of the (usually) rich snobs who like them. They are all expensively framed and they are nostly colored pencil on wood- laquered and flavored to the tastes of whomever invites us onto their gold foursomes or Opera boxes (no kidding we made it last year to a world premier of “South Pole” with Villazon and Thommy Hanson and Tara Erraught (whom we are all in love with) al 5 of us in one big, fancy Nationatheater Box downtown München (town full of nazis and 1% phillistines) We are opurselves €urotrash to the max, hence our collective <630€ per month incomes. We use our landlady's computer (not the landlydy from "South Pole" (another musical thingy you should look into)

We actually like these puctures, so we aren’t sure how to feel about that pitch, since it’s pretty much “People who buy this stuff are gullible snobs! Think your readers would go for that?” Well, MAYBE! (Rebecca to interject here for naysayers in the comments; these are fabulous, very Fauve, the “wild animals” of French painters doing crazy colors and nuttiness before the wars, see Matisse, Derain, et al., no YOU shut up!)

Also, later on they mention “golf foursomes,” which doesn’t sound nearly so decadent as being invited to join a “gold foursome.”

‘Die Drei’ (there’s a kitty!)
‘Fish’

And now, the best line in the whole thing, for our money (which in this case is €uros):

So, we is, like BROKE except for some moldy Weißwurst and some questionable Wackelpudding in the unplugged fridge (our electricity has been turned off untill we can secure back our hovel deposit interest to pay it up so we can paint and practice our music at night. We are semi jobless.

If somebody hasn’t changed their Disqus username to “Questionable Wackelpudding” by the end of the morning, we’ll eat our Weißwurst (but not the moldy stuff). Also, we looked it up, and we think Wackelpudding may start out pretty questionable. The pitch continues:

WE PROMISE 75% of whatever you (or your contacts) can get for “Little Miss H.and M’s wonderful too expensive) surrealist cartoon wood panels, expensively framed behind real glass, including shipping, batteries not included.

‘Meer und Erde’

We promise to post comments (with votes) on your site only after we get enogh to get by through the unexpectedly wierd summer here (thank you Exxon and BP and W.VA coal miners). Only after because we wold guilttrip our lazy selves without first having paid up. So, you see our desperation . e truly do want to comment and we indeed (as real ,true minnesinger5s we have pots of snark to snort- as as mentione our Unmurikan InGlisch is not so bad, no`?

Please consider our offer — any of the attached pictures sold for us — by you — you keep 75%

‘Der Trommler’

Now we have been know to donate in the past but ever since that first Tuesday in Nov, 2016, our better angels ave been on a protest strike and everybody here thinks (wrongly) that we are AMERI TRASH since our Unmerikun InGlisch is so good — we think.

Big sacrifice here for Little Mis H and M who thinks she is the new Signorin Gentilesi or Saint Hildegard von Bingen with her talents — the rest of us contribute to an underground literature quarterly who never sends us checks. Explains our jobs sweeping up in Muic Gymnasia and collecting empty bottles for deposit (pricey here in Bavaria).

‘Die Bratschenspielerin’

We all are here as refugees, minus our better angels who are playing refugees on Pres.Abe Lincoln’s lap. They also have the attached link to our pictures but, so far, No dinero, Hombres Y Dames. (part-chicano better angels).

This seems like a good place to pop in and say that while we certainly do appreciate donations and subscriptions, which are the things that make us go, we would never restrict commenting to donors only. If you can’t afford to donate, for Crom’s sake, we’d never ask you to become a dumpster-diving arteest. Or sit on anyone’s lap, for that matter. But back to the pitch, plus some grousing about the place of the artist and the perfidy of agents and… things:

Here are but a few of the images. You sell, we contribute. Our Hotels and Galleries here are useless, tasteless inefficient agents of capital growth and we do not believe in agents — the last ones took our fancy beeswax colored pencils and broke our copyright to make the wood parts in Indonesia out of rainforest wood instead of the Utah cedar we were using so we lost both our copyright AND our pencil necklaces and got, well as you UnMurikans are wont to say “BUPKISS” (we call it DIDDLYSQUAT”) so after Helen is no longer NZ PM and Yulya is no longer boss in the Ukraine and Abe came back in Japan we up and split for the Bavarian (non Illuminat tea) hinterlands. Pce Pace lets us use an unused email acccount to write stuff like this and try to fromp Little Miss H.and M’s pictures to, like not starve (and sometimes score black Hasch from our Dutch roomie-eg: Me — when I can get it for them) otherwise WE IS HUNGRY. Nerry a smart phone amoung us, no TEA VEE no uttin’ we swipe newspapers off the seats of trains we ride without first buying tickets to get to our sweep up jobs and collect bottles.

We are in no way connected to any Freemasons, Fundamentalist Christians or Julian ssange, promise — we think that stuff is just wrong, right now, besides WE BROKE and HUNGRY!

We laugh at Wonkette and the Landlady pays the electricity in her own office for which we made a key copy — do not tell her!

Our rooms are dark and lonely and in the fridge…. welll we won’t go into that right now.

If that ain’t Bohemian as fuck! We haven’t seen Rent, but this artist collective may be working on the sequel, Rent II: The Questionable Wackelpuddening. Also, thank heavens they’re not Illuminati. That’s in all our partnership contracts.

Finally, the wrap-up, with a pitch for an indie record label thrown in, because why not?

But we will, (third offer ) donate 75% of all proceeds from these attached picutres. they are small, med an large- mostly colored pencil on wood, laquered, unsigned (by Little Miss H.and M. herself) The rest of us can only sing for our suppers but we are academy-trained supper singers who just do not like having money or golf foursomes or Opera boxes for ourselves (except to schmooze the rich gullibles who just bought one of L.M.H&M’s pricey pics.

Whaddaya say?

‘Cello’

Otherwise, we will pay someday if the dog don’t bite us first or last.

We love you, specially D.R. We just wish we could email click that post with all her baby pictures so we could get ins spy ered.
Send for price list and mailing forms if ennybody is interested.

Your pals in Bavarian Hinterlands,

minnesinger5

p.s. do not let pace pace find out we used their email address to contact your wonderful subversive Montania

Oh, yeah, send for TRIKONT’s free catalog- oldest ind. record label ever ennywear.

M5: (LMh&m, Z.v, X,X Ü.G, Kj ä und ߧ &Öö) True minnesinger5s, all.

Rebecca wrote back — in German! — to say that while their art was fabelhaft and their offer was indeed generous, we couldn’t possibly take their money since they is so very poor. Also, she had no idea what the dumpster diving was all about.

After that reply, we also got more art, which we’ve interspersed throughout the post; it came along with this charming note:

Dear Edetrix, Shy,D.R., Dr.Z, 5$ Fem et al,

Thak you so much for your interest in the picture we sent you. Here are a few others we managed to attach somehow. Lots more.
Freakish dolls and sculpture and music we also have in abundance.

Know any good agents?

Maxbe part of a clearance here- we are running out of space and no telling how much more content we can hold befor the walls burst apart on us.
Thank you- offer is still good . Rewards for all if we can find deliverence from our overly active output and immagination(s).

Be well
This Republican nightmare in the neew world cannot last forever.
Maybe the pictures and dolls and stuff are subversive enough to help get things right once and for all.

Your new faithfuls,
minnesinger5

So now they want an agent? Make up your mind, you nutty anarchists! Also, dolls? We see no dolls, but we find their ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to their newsletter.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations, preferably of the monetary sort, as we have all the cedar cheese we know what to do with. Please click the “Donate” clicky to send us your Ameros!

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  • Nounverb911

    If I had a kid.
    It looks like they stole the art that my kid did in the first grade.
    But then again, I don’t have kids….

  • lucidamente

    You know another German who was a really bad artist?

  • Vincent Ricola

    “Nerry a smart phone amoung us, no TEA VEE no uttin’ we swipe newspapers off the seats of trains we ride without first buying tickets to get to our sweep up jobs and collect bottles.”

    I have no snark. I, too, am charmed.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      What are these “trains” they speak of?

  • cleos_mom

    Nice colors.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Say, you know who else had all kinds of opras written about them?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    we are known to consult kings and have, so far saved the world a few times over

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/40b72f581d88ed7d423e22dcc74176ceb3291564744655a245e69b99e7a34d17.gif

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “… Already long ago, from when we sold our vote to no man, the People have abdicated our duties; for the People who once upon a time handed out military command, high civil office, legions — everything, now restrains itself and anxiously hopes for just two things: bread and circuses.”

    (Juvenal, Satire X)

    Our great republic has been reduced, like the Roman republic, to a shit show that uses sensationalized media as the circus and cheap subsidized commodities like oil and food to keep a massive segment of the populace sitting stupidly in front of the television cheering for more. We are doomed. Happy July 4.

    • II Gosala

      Nuh uh. I do NOT sit stupidly in front of the television cheering for more.

      I sit stupidly in front of WONKETTE cheering for more.

      Happy 4th

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Tweet.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Man, I’d pay good money to be a gullible rich snob with the highbrow artistic taste to appreciate questionable Wackelpuddening. But me, all that Wackelpudd goes right into my leiderhosen, because of the cooling effect against this summer swelterlieberin. No amount charm school can fix this mess.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The current activities off the minnesinger5 are to keep us off the
    street and dumpsters- no lie! we earn collectively < 630€ per month-
    this is all the gods' truth but we want to pay something, so here's the
    deal.

    "Little Miss High and Mighty" here and her pet Kiwi, Walther von der
    Vogelweide (real name) make freakish, expensive puctures from which
    proceeds we are sometimes able to purchase, Oh, say cheap food- Quark,
    Hefeweizen, Weißwurst not always cheap, but heck we hungry minnesingers)

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f9659005f5397e207e0b25f68d1f6d80bbc458f9fe36f3ad9216cc4363beedb5.jpg

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I think it’s kind of charming hat they spend their scant shekels on beer.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’d like to be in a place with cheap hefe, myself.

  • Steve Cole

    Burning man is soon.

  • boredcatlady

    Yeah. Not for me.
    The words hurt my brain. I liked the art.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Mee Too.

  • The Wanderer

    God bless Rabo Karabekian!

  • Bill D. Burger

    $$$ and art. I like art on my money…..like this awesome gonzo found at a local casino. Somebody took the time to deface a 10 spot, but…….AWESOME.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/57251ca67bb1cc3ed53c563e6401f892271aedb72be356187ec5192206a8d173.jpg

  • Gote

    I will say it’s art. But then people have used actual shit as art as well, so…

  • OutOfOrbit

    Unsolicited Advice: When water-skying, ascertain direction jump is facing before attempting its use. Always heed the Wrong Way sign..

  • eggs ackly-wright

    Utah cedar??? Good heavens.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m wracking my brain, but . . . I got nothing.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    OK, with the snark about their incoherent grammar out of my system, I will say that this week’s Deleted Commenters (Commenter?) amused me. That puts him/her/them way ahead of the usual ones at least.

  • folderol

    Oh, I’m familiar with consumption deniers. They think they cough up blood because of questionable Wackelpudding. Their moms never took them to get a TB screening.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I told Todd he’d shoot his eye out!

    • The Wanderer

      Kids, don’t drink and use a lightsaber. Todd cut his own head off without realizing it for half an hour.

      Drink responsibly.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Minnesingers are also the focus of the Wagner opera Tannhäuser, although it is unclear whether any were known to have seen C-Beams glittering in the dark.

    Bazinga!

  • Me not sure
    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Hi Art, how’s it going?”

  • Weißwurst Supreme

    Ah, ze Germans… I actually like a few of those paintings, I don’t know that I’d pay thousands of euros for them, but I’d definitely hang a couple on my wall.

  • AJ Milne

    That. Is. Awesomely. Hilarious. For serious, I think I’d almost start doing a blog again just to get email like that. Don’t think I’d wanna get tangled up in business like that either, mind, but I wish the questionable Wackelpuddings well, I truly do.

    Also/mandatory: here’s hoping they do get some decent distribution deal going… History is… unsettling, on the subject of German commercial artist types feeling they’re not quite making it…

    Also also, re:

    ‘…must have been that absinthesizer app…’

    (Shakes fist.)

  • Carpe Vagenda

    snort.

    Can we just pretend that White people wrote the ACA and enjoy it? Like Elvis Presley, but with healthcare. Or can we just pretend to discover that it was always a part of our healthcare system? Like when you “discover” that you’ve always been able to check out National Treasure for free at the library. Yea. That. But with flawed but reasonably crafted insurance marketplaces.

    If Republicans really want the “W,” we can scrap Obamacare for everyone else, but just not take away my insurance. That is how health insurance works, after all. Or what if we just go with a plan that provides insurance, but is just offered by somebody more trustworthy, like Bernie Sanders or Mitt Romney? Really, I’d support anything that allows me to keep my health insurance and is also spearheaded by somebody more, um, presidential.

    As a side note, whoever came up with the idea of tarnishing a reasonable, middle-class solution by attaching President Obama’s name and face to it did a great job. Totally got me. But manipulating me through my deep-seeded tribalism isn’t a good enough reason why my 24-year-old bartender son deserves to lose his health insurance, is it? I mean, it was probably why he became a bartender, but that’s beside the point. Isn’t it? …

    • jesterpunk

      They could pass a bill renaming the ACA to Trumpcare. Naming things is one of the few things congress can agree on.

      • AJ Milne

        Hee hee…

        Rename and retire.

      • Shanzgood 6 Days

        Right? Trump just loves to put his name on things. Big gold letters should work.

        • jesterpunk

          He can even bring back the geocities thing and make them gold, flashy and blinky with gold dust floating down from the letters.

    • The Librarian

      Wait a minute. This dude freely admits that he hated the ACA because our Prez was black, but now that a white poseur is there, please keep it? Dafuq?

      • Priiiiiiiitty sure it’s a thing called “satire”. I know, I know. Who can tell anymore?

        • The Librarian

          Yeah, I should have known. Need moar coffee, obvs.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It’s from McSweeney’s. It’s satire.

        • The Librarian

          Thank you. I used to have a decent radar on satire, but apparently it’s broken.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I think satire is having trouble keeping up.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Kissinger’s Nobel Peace Prize killed it.

          • The Librarian

            Too much material to work with.

  • BloviateMe

    Sometimes when I have a bizarre, but not unpleasant dream, I’ll lay in bed trying to figure it out. I never really can.

    That’s kind of how I feel about this post.

    • Just the other night I was laying in bed, looking up at the stars, and it came to me… “What the fuck happened to the roof?”

  • VirginiaLady

    Germans have nice art but an odd name for jello.

  • jesterpunk

    Bullshit. Keep sucking up to Trump, he will still throw you under the bus once you are no longer useful to hm.

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/340431-homeland-security-adviser-on-trumps-cnn-fight-tweet-not-a-threat

    ABC’s Martha Raddatz pressed Bossert on the tweet, saying it “seems like a threat.”

    “Yes, it’s certainly not, though. I think that no one would perceive that as a threat. I hope they don’t,” he said.

    Also

    “He’s the most genuine person and the people that see politicians and then see him find him to be someone that they can understand and relate to,” he said.

    No he seems like a 70 year who never grew up after middle school not someone people can relate to.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Not impressed by people slamming objects that can’t slam back. It might amuse a few morans is all.

      • Ducksworthy

        Either this thread is giving me a stoke or I need moar coffee.

        • mancityRed6

          start with the latter, first.

    • mancityRed6

      lord help me, I’m arguing over there, now.

    • mancityRed6

      aaand…done now.
      some idiot over there is trying to argue that O’Queef is a Serious Journalist.

      • jesterpunk

        O’Queef and serious journalism doesnt belong together in the same sentence.

    • The Librarian

      “He’s the most genuine person and the people that see politicians and then see him find him to be someone that they can understand and relate to,” he said.”

      If you find yourself being able to relate to Trump, please see a doctor or a psychiatrist.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Wow. That was really a lot of fun, and the art is charming, in a sort of Chagall-y way. But then came this:

    “…surrealist cartoon wood panels, expensively framed behind real glass, including shipping, batteries not included.”

    Batteries? Now I haz a confuze and my brane has turned into Wackelpudding.

  • BloviateMe

    I have zero artistic ability, so I think this is about the only medium I could work with:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/221e4e4b82ad1af51e406f021924ecaa27453be2638e0f4379ada986fa889b30.jpg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Evocative! Primitive, yet quite profound.

    • leemoder

      Foot is the only true medium.

    • lowenufc

      Pretty certain I’ve worked in that medium before. It cost me.
      Also worked in Forehead/wall, elbow/wall, and the results were one of drywall plus spackle plus costs.
      Thank the dark gods for Bobby Darin. If I wasn’t listening to BD while making he repairs…

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Brilliant! It represents Man’s Inhumanity To Man.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I was a bit more literal in my interpretation; man’s inhumanity to drywall.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        I was thinking it was the emptiness of being. The hole in my soul.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I don’t like to complain, but that is a total ripoff of Bill O’Reilly’s groundbreaking “Domestic Abuse” series, in particular #2, “That Time I Put My Fist Through the Wall and My Ex-Wife’s Head With It.” (On loan from the MGTOW Collection.)

    • Ilgattomorte

      God I hate modern art. The only true art is, fist through glazed plaster over an under painting of lathe. You know, the traditional Sicilian technique

  • II Gosala

    Charming and funny — the parts I could understand. I have a suggestion for the Minnesinge 5. Buy some cheap tea and lace with a few herbs (ahem!) And sell it to the rich gullibles as Illuminat Tea.

    (OK, not a very good suggestion)

    • AJ Milne

      … Value add: get our own Bill D to endorse it.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Hey, hey, hey!
    I’ve already seen some of this artwork hanging around in certain golf clubs I frequent.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eea72fd73fd196d87f28ef7115af56a04a8fa0b0ccbac2238cacf3865e198f3c.png
    Aber, herzlich Willkommen an unsere Neuseelanischen Minnesangerfreund(inn)en. Gesundheit, danke schoen.

  • Ryan Denniston

    expensive puctures from which proceeds we
    are sometimes able to purchase, Oh, say cheap food- Quark, Hefeweizen,
    Weißwurst not always cheap, but heck we hungry minnesingers).”

    I thought they were consumption deniers. Or do they mean consumption, like starvation?

    • Me not sure

      …or tuberculosis? Who can tell?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Any non-non-commenters who spend their money on subatomic particles and Hefeweizen (We are agreed, trub, not kristalklar, gell?), is okay by me.

      • H0mer0

        Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      It means they’ve all been inoculated against tuberculosis. As one does.

  • proudgrampa

    Wow. That was like an excerpt from Ulysses or something.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Stately, plump Buck Wackelpudding descends the stairs.

      • mancityRed6

        go on…

        • eggs ackly-wright

          And goes for a stroll around town. The end.

          • mancityRed6

            worst erotic fiction ever.
            wait, that was what it was supposed to be right?

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Well, she did say yes.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    *strokes chin and makes grunts of “hmmmm” over and over*

    • mancityRed6

      hey, not in front of the children!

  • Shoto

    “The mail has a “.nz” suffix”

    So it’s from someone who’s Not Zorro?

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I only buy art from Zorro. I mean, he uses a sword.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Nordrhein-Zestfalen

    • Boojum

      Everything that’s less than zero.

  • Ryan Denniston

    This is too good, this has to be a commenter. Reveal yourself sir or madam!

  • TundraGrifter

    Those look like they would be neat illustrations for a children’s book.

    I do not mean that in a pejorative way – here on Wonkette, if comments were allowed, they might be misinterpreted.

    • H0mer0

      I’m not an artist or art critic but I’d agree (to part one and part two of non-comment)

  • Jenny

    Uhh…what?

    • proudgrampa

      It’s all about the Wackelpudding.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        What isn’t?

  • Swampybigfoot

    That unfamiliar sound was me laughing out loud for the first time since November 8! And I like the artwork!

  • Walther von der Vogelweide

    Oh, I like these guys! That art is pretty swell, too. I collect Alice in Wonderland stuff, and if H and M ever did a scene from the books I’d be all over that.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a4cc3264e013b6f179f291161808fdcd3a6c4c8c36f9c66bb39288dfdafe69ed.jpg

    • snigsy

      Hi Walther.

  • The Wanderer
    • proudgrampa

      Whatever happened to that guy?

      • The Wanderer

        He became the Embodiment of Slack.

    • BloviateMe

      Wow, truly a stock photo. I like the subtle puns.

      • The Wanderer

        (bows) Thank you, thank you. I had to personalize the weapon somehow.

      • President in Exile Firefly

        I don’t have the intellectual caliber to enjoy puns on guns.
        I’ll show myself out now.

        • BloviateMe

          But they are a barrel of laughs.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Setting my sights on those.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          I’ve seen stock photos like this in various gun magazines.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          They probably had to rifle through a lot of images to find that one.

        • President in Exile Firefly

          Just don’t bore me.

          • folderol

            This pun has backfired. Badly.

          • President in Exile Firefly

            Don’t worry–it’s just a flash in the pan.

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          These puns sure are making me go ballistic!

    • mancityRed6

      oh, Bob, how I miss you.

      • The Wanderer

        Praise ‘Bob!’

        • proudgrampa

          Said Old Thrashbarg.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      J.R. Bob Dobbs is my god.

    • It is BULLDADA.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Rebecca wrote back — in German! — to say that while their art was fabelhaft and their offer was indeed generous….

    Just when you thought you’d run out of reason to lurve our fearless leadertrix, she proves to be even more fabelhaftiger.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    I didn’t really understand that, having skimmed it at 100 MPH, but Trikont is, indeed, a very fine record label.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’ve never tried more than Doublekont.

      At one sitting.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • H0mer0

      do they make Wackelpudding for Whacking day?

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Only in Whicker’s World.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Looks like that layered Jello from back in the 70’s.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        This one was amusingly named “Ampelpudding” or streetlight pudding.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      The Germans even do JELL-O better than we do.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    There’s a great big wide world out there that the Trumpkins have no clue about. This would make less sense to them than it does to us.

    • mancityRed6

      I can read Irvine Welsh novels, so, it took me a minute (InGlisch), but it’s not too hard if you pronounce phonetically and are half drunk.

      • H0mer0

        kinda funny that they would spell Englisch in that manner since the moniker derives from the Angles, but I could be missing the point or humor or AOTK

  • janecita

    I love their artwork, it is kind of whimsical.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Are there any pictures of the expensive framing?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I KNEW you were going to say that. I just KNEW it.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        There’s too much bad framing out there. People should know.

  • Ralf Schabatka

    Mein Gott, what a sales pitch …

  • GreenGoldSharpie
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Guy on the left looks like Uday or Qusay.

  • BloviateMe

    “Freakish dolls and sculpture and music we also have in abundance.”

    I’d like to see the freakish dolls and sculpture.

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    “Freakish dolls and sculpture and music we also have in abundance.”
    I’m of the mind we have the freak market cornered at this point, and would prefer lupines, truly

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Nockular cavity

    No wackelpudding. No wackelpudding. You’re the wackelpudding!

  • snigsy

    Somehow reading all that lifted my hangover. : )

  • Ryan Denniston

    “We are in no way connected to any Freemasons, Fundamentalist Christians or Julian ssange”

    Nice to see Julian Assange in this company.

    • eyelashviper

      but whadda bout Putin????

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Doesn’t not being connected to Julian Assange imply no connection to Putin these day?

  • eyelashviper
  • Me not sure

    I have this strange urge to rewatch “The Cabinet of Dr, Caligari”. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7f1669c921fa0bf5c0c80d31ef75478fe9c595f1bcb8a5aadc09ebf5db16f4a5.gif

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Cesare approves.

      • Me not sure

        One had better hope so!

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Well, he might have been too tired to approve. Hear tell he’s a somnambulist.

    • snigsy

      I’m not sure minnesinger5 would appreciate being associated with German Expressionism. But who knows.

      • Me not sure

        I think it was the Deiter/Cesare convergence, actually.

    • Jennifer R

      Now I want to watch Frankenhole again.

      • Me not sure

        Who has time?

  • PigDootsMolloy
  • President in Exile Firefly

    I can’t tell if this is a poorly designed/executed grift or culture jamming that is so sophisticated that I don’t get it.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Whenever I watch Rent, I can’t help but think that Mark and Roger should really move into a smaller apartment. They’d have less trouble heating it.

    https://youtu.be/fjbMKO6hOOk

  • Msgr_MΩment

    We should definitely give these guys some business, before they go nihilist on us.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2qP-xQ_7o

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      “Ve believe in nothing!”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Obligatory:

        “Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, at least it was an ethos.”

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    From Bavaria with love.

    https://youtu.be/LdPMSd7xA7U

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Yes, in Bavaria, where the sheep seldom wear spectacles…

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        …And the trees are made of wood.

  • Edith Prickly

    I’m not sure I get this, but it’s a nice change from the usual wingnut brain spew.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I bought a painting I liked at an Art Fair once. Very nice painting, cost me $50. The framing and matting, however, cost me $150, so no thanks, minnesinger5.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I think that the person who sent you that email is Kim Dotcom.

  • Suttree

    I think I bought acid off of these people about 20 years ago in New Orleans. Or at least their doppelgangers.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Do they have any left?

      • Suttree

        Either that or they never came down.

      • Shanzgood 6 Days

        Is aged acid better?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Dunno. I’ve never tried to find out.

          • Shanzgood 5 Days

            I’ve never tried it fresh so I wouldn’t know the difference. When I was about my daughter’s age, my dad offered to get me anything I wanted to try so I could do it safely at home. I just…no, thanks, dad.

          • Jennifer R

            Reasonable of him at least.

          • Shanzgood 5 Days

            We smoked pot at home until I was about the age most kids start. They quit doing it regularly after my little sister and the “war on drugs” came along

          • Jennifer R

            Sounds about right.

        • Jennifer R

          No, it degrades even when kept in a cool dark place. A dry dark refrigerator will keep it stable for a few years though.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Only if you keep it in the freezer, wrapped in foil.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      What kind of tabs were they?

      • Suttree

        Plain blotter.

  • Shanzgood 6 Days

    These silly people are terrible at business. A 75% discount for “expensively framed” art and they ship it WITH the glass on it? No wonder they are reduced to eating moldy whackadoodles in a darkened hovel.

    • Marion in Savannah

      But they don’t include the batteries, so that’s how they can discount.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Careful. They’re from Europe, so you might have trouble finding those 50Hz batteries stateside.
        /the more you know

        • Marion in Savannah

          Maybe we can order them from the intarwebz?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    How much for the Wackelpudding?

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    I read the whole post and got a headache. I think the art is very cool. But who knows if it is an internet scam. At least they don’t claim to be from Nigeria.

  • Canuckistanian Ron

    Who says the Modern period in art is dead? These delightful persons were clearly born 100 years too late, but good on them!

  • II Gosala

    Dammit! The first rule of Wackelpudding Pudding Club is you don’t talk about Wackelpudding Pudding Club.

    The second is you don’t eat Wackelpudding.

    The third rule, there is no third rule.

    And five is right out.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    I want the painting named scha·den·freu·de

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    The closest I could get to surrealism on such short notice. Really skewed the perspective on it.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0f6737019781c6324c193f62496fa46173526931c0e8cbf0dc47b295567dd41e.jpg

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      But where’s the ironing board, sewing machine and umbrella?

  • Marion in Savannah

    Hmmm… I’ve found a place that can generate captions for their puctures:

    http://inspirobot.me

  • Carpe Vagenda

    MSGOP is both sidesing Ted Lieu on coarsening the discourse as we speak. I don’t know why I don’t turn it off faster after Joy every week.

  • eyelashviper

    Portrait of the artist as a young man, er whatever.

    http://pre03.deviantart.net/37c8/th/pre/i/2010/021/a/b/golum_by_pixiens.jpg

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Just finished watching “The Void” online and it damned on me that Donnie’s just a monster who thinks he’s a god. Sadly, he has too many people willing to go along with him into the yawning chasm of insanity. In the olden days, trumpeters would have donned robes and sinister hoods. They also would have been burned at the stake for crimes against nature.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Perhaps people back then were on to something.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Well, I think you’ve given them a platform for their art, which is interesting, but then again, I’m more into “socialist realism” like David. Although I do like me some Monet, impressionism rawks! OTOH, Jackson Pollock makes me think of kindergarten art classes.

    • mancityRed6

      the ex was an art major with a plan of becoming a teacher. we once had an argument over Pollock.
      I kept saying, “just tell me what you see in it.” she never did.

      • Shanzgood 5 Days

        I just see Ed Harris now, which is much more appealing.

        Yes, I am an idiot about art. Except for Georgia O’Keeffe and Edward Hopper and Thomas Hart Benton. I like them a lot.

        • Lori

          While I was living in DC one of the museums did a huge Hopper exhibit and I got to see a bunch of his lesser known works. The whole thing was so good. The first time I went it was pretty crowded, so I went back for a 2nd visit so I could get a better view*. The experience made me appreciate his work so much more.

          *One of the best things about DC is all the museums that don’t charge admission.

      • Lori

        I’m still waiting too. Most of Pollock’s work just doesn’t speak to me.

        • Panika MCD

          I didn’t get him until I went to the MoMA and saw some of his work in person. there’s something about it…like he tied energy to the canvas so that it licks your whole body, but can’t leave the location.

          • Lori

            I’ve seen his work in a couple of museums. Still nothin’.

          • Panika MCD

            well, at least you tried.

          • Lori

            Yeah. I try to be open to things and I’ve fallen in love with pieces in museums that didn’t do much for me just looking at pictures in books, but nothing speaks to everyone.

            Of course, sometimes the stuff that doesn’t work for you is entertaining in its own way. Many years ago a friend & I went to the Museum of Fine Art in Boston together. One of the galleries had a display of enormous paintings of wood floors. If they had been a perspective exercise done by a 9th grade art class they would have quite impressive. As museum pieces they struck both of us as hilarious and discussing them kept us entertained the whole way home on the T. A thing of beauty is a joy forever, and sometimes so is a confusing oddity.,

    • Panika MCD

      have you seen a Pollack in person?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Sadly, no. I’ve seen the Mona Lisa in person, though.

        • Panika MCD

          seeing them in person was a whole different experience for me…though not for Lori. it’s worth a try. is the Mona Lisa as lonely as everyone says?

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Hard to tell with the endless crush of humanity around her, even in the off hours. I had the Davids all to myself, though.

          • Notreelyhelping

            You’re absolutely right: seeing “Gray Mist” (I think it was Gray Mist) at MOMA was a revelation. Same with Cezanne. I’d seen reproductions of his paintings for years and was kind of…meh. When I stood feet away from them, I realized how amazing they are. It’s like the difference between seeing live dance or theatre in a performance space or on tape.

        • Yr. Gma

          It’s an experience. You cram into a room with every person born in Japan and a few others speaking in tongues, fight your way up to the front of the crowd and behold Mona hanging there behind bullet-proof glass in all her 30 by 21 inches glory. Then your mother asks if that painting is famous just because it’s famous, like Zsa Zsa Gabor. The Lourve has moved her around a couple of times during my tenure as a tourist, and the last time I was there (2014?) the room they used was twice as large as the last one. It’s worth the struggle, I’d say, just so you can say you saw her.

          • Clark_Nova

            I saw it long ago in Washington DC. No glass, normal light, you could get so close that every crack showed. I could have actually touched it but I’m sure that this would have ended with me at St Elizabeth’s, DC’s infamous gulag hospital.

            Saw it again in Paris and the presentation was just bloody awful.

      • Shanzgood 5 Days

        I saw several Georgia O’Keeffe’s in he same room. That was magical. I just sat on a bench for ages, surrounded by them.

        • H0mer0

          Are you talking about paintings or the models?

          • Shanzgood 5 Days

            Ha! The paintings. I’ve never been to a wax museum.

        • Lori

          O’Keeffe maintained that her flowers were just flowers and that people who saw other things were reading too much into them. My experience in the O’Keeffe gallery can be summed up as, “These are so beautiful. Also, Georgia come on.”

          • Shanzgood 5 Days

            I agree. There were others as well, her Southwestern ones and the New York cityscapes. I think it was in the MoMA in London but it was along time ago so I forgt now.

      • Yr. Gma

        Yes. Texture. That’s what I noticed first.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      David annoys me for some reason. Perhaps it’s the fawning over Napoleon in his best-known works. It’s as much propaganda as anything the Nazis or Soviets commissioned, just more meticulously painted.
      You can see his influence on that wossname who does the nausea-inducing Jesus-was-a-Republican paintings that have been mocked here before. McNaughton?

  • Nockular cavity

    Let me just add that, if golf foursomes are going to involve the use of halberds, I will be much more interested in them than heretofore.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Me as well. I’d put all my money down on the Swiss Guard to win. Or, however golf is played. I don’t know.

      • Nockular cavity

        I’m pretty sure it involves the occasional disembowling.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Blood on the links is my kind of golf.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      The sport the whole world is waiting for:

      FULL-CONTACT GOLF

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Mr Hedonist refers to that game as “whack-fuck.”

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I’ve read it twice, and I still have no Earthly idea what they’re on about. Do I need to be drunk to understand this?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Possibly, sounds like they were drunk when they wrote it.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Sounds better in the original Bayrisch.

    • jesterpunk

      Its still easier to understand then a Trump interview.

      https://www.apnews.com/c810d7de280a47e88848b0ac74690c83

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Or him trying to “explain” infinity. Sheesh!

        • jesterpunk
          • clairence

            ha! ha! ha!!

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Poor Buzz. From walking on the moon to this.

          • Gregory Brown

            Buzz not happy.

          • tomamitai

            Looks like Buzz is thinking “This guy has never had a drink in his life? I almost wish I hadn’t quit!”

          • SmotPoker

            That moment when you fully come to understand that the nation you are so proud of, and that has achieved so much is swirling the toilet, being lead by a complete moron that suffers from one of the worst cases of Dunning-Kruger ever recorded with an ego that can’t be measured…..

          • folderol

            It could be gas.

        • weejee

          A large infinity or a small one? Cantor discovered a modest herd of the critters.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Like he knows the answer to that.

          • Shanzgood 5 Days

            Were any of them next to the cyber?

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            “You know what uranium is, right? This thing called nuclear weapons like lots of things is done with uranium including some bad things.”– Uhuh.

          • folderol

            Neil DeGrass-Tyson, move on over.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            A big infinity. The biggest infinity. Obama’s infinty is a total failure. Under my plan, we will have the biggest infinity and it will cost loss. You will be sick of having so much infinity. Believe me.

      • weejee

        Sprechen Sie Kakerlake

      • Tiny kaiju

        ‘Gen. Mattis, who had to sign the deal when it came to his office, said, “I’ve never seen anything like this in my life.”
        Somehow I suspect Mattis didn’t mean that as a compliment. OTOH,I aslo suspect any good Marine is too dignified to face palm in a President’s presence.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Donnie has transcended meaning.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You need to eat another special brownie.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Those ARE the cakes we like.

      • Duke

        Sometimes they have the Ghirardelli brownies mixes at Aldis. If I eat two brownies then my head sorta tingle. Is that special enough?

    • Subliberal

      I *am* drunk, and I don’t understand it.

  • weejee
    • Villago Delenda Est

      The face that launched a thousand tweets.

      • Boojum

        All of them going the other direction.

  • Panika MCD

    ugh. I can’t stand the L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E camp.

  • Boojum

    But comments aren’t allowed…

  • proudgrampa

    So, I decided that I needed help in my analysis of the artwork, and found this:

    You, too, can generate your own Critical Response to the Art Product (or CRAP).

    “The Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator”
    http://www.pixmaven.com/phrase_generator.html

    “It’s difficult to enter into this work because of how the reductive quality of the biomorphic forms threatens to penetrate the essentially transitional quality. Although I am not a painter, I think that this reductive quality of the spatial relationships contextualize a participation in the critical dialogue of the 90s.”

    • mancityRed6

      “Umm… the metaphorical resonance of the Egyptian motifs threatens to penetrate the essentially transitional quality.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “I’m having problems visualizing the struggle of the proletariat in this particular work.”

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Sheesh. You’re only supposed to fap to it.

        • BloviateMe

          “Ultimately, a climactic piece.”

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        “That’s because it’s a picture of a cat that my kid drew. Get me a beer out of the fridge, willya?”

    • mancityRed6

      anything with “69” brings up the Egyptians. just saying.
      and, yeah, I did.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Is there one of those for wine, too? It would randomly spits out phrases like “a hint of huckleberry?”

      • mancityRed6

        https://phrasegenerator.com/wine
        but you don’t have to input anything, even better!
        “The 1997 Zinfandel from Pepsi Vineyards blends cantankerous halibut midtones with a run-of-the-mill brussels sprout flavor.”

        • proudgrampa

          “The 1992 Chardonnay from Champs de Rissacher binds German brussels sprout flavors with a toasty shrimp aftertaste.”

          • Villago Delenda Est

            “This 2017 Thunderbird has just a hint of strawberry recycled through the esophagus aftertaste.”

      • mancityRed6

        “A crude squid perfume and rare potato flavors are combined in the 2000 Cabernet from Champs de Monet.”

      • II Gosala

        This is not a wine for drinking. This is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          A bouquet like an Aborigine’s armpit.

      • Swampybigfoot

        ” a hint of huckleberry, leather, pencil shavings and nile flood mud…”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “I’m your huckleberry”.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Bold, yet amusing.

    • Shanzgood 5 Days

      Where’s the Plain English Campaign when you need them?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      That’s the sort of thing that will make a Vogon throw you out the airlock.

      • Shanzgood 5 Days

        I would volunteer.

    • Panika MCD

      why would an art critic say they are not a painter?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        IME art critics are PROUD of being completely non-creative.

        • Panika MCD

          but that’s something they brag about at a gallery opening or something…not in their pieces…no? (Prima Brother is an art critic…)

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            I couldn’t say. Being exposed to art criticism makes my fists itch, so I avoid it as much as possible. people get all judge-y when you shred their newspaper while screaming imprecations.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Sounds like an article from Artforum.

    • Notreelyhelping

      It’s not easy to isolate the transcendent framing of nothingness while working solely within the cultural context and capitalist confines of aggressive frottage.

  • clairence

    So if I’m an artist and I write in garbled foreigner-ese, will you share my work with the world? That would be so cool! I’m agonna hafta get rite on it. Loock for an emale from e soon.

  • Anna Elizabeth
    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      I like the hat. It’s kinda got a Che Guevara/Chairman Mao thing going! But with pearls.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thanx. :) I got it on clearance at Family Dollar, and several other women bought them after they saw me wear it.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        So Zsa Zsa Guevara really?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Anna! Good to see you!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Hi Kiri, thanx! :) How are you?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Okay. I should go do some chores. In a bit.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Ima be lazy today myself.

    • mancityRed6
      • Anna Elizabeth

        I like it! :D I think it suits your face well.

      • Jennifer R

        You look like a guy who was going back to college the same time I was going to college that I knew.

        • mancityRed6

          I’m thinking about it. maybe pick up a Spanish class at the local community college.

      • folderol

        What is Tom Friedman doing here?

      • Doug Langley

        I used to have a ‘stache, but 10 yrs ago it turned snow white and made me look even older than I was. Kept it shaved ever since.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Nice to see you, Anna! Diggin’ the hat. :D

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thanx Jack. :) It’s good to see you too.

    • Jennifer R

      Love the style.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thanx Hun. :)

    • Itakecofefewithwackelpudding

      Lookin good!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thanx! :)

    • BosGrl

      You are so damned adorable. You make my day when you post pictures.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        ~hugs~ Thanx Hun, that makes my day. :D

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Yes, more stylin’ pics please.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I like!
      But why is there a Hot Wheels car pinned to the wall behind you?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Old Skool Shark Nose Ferrari. :) It’s a prized possession.

    • Yr. Gma

      I love all your hats. It takes a girl with self confidence to wear hats.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        :)

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      You rock that hat! I love hats.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thanx! :D I love hats, I have quite a few.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I like the art. The comparisons to Chagall and Cézanne are apt. And the artists are starving, appropriately enough.

  • H0mer0

    I’m no German Language scholar but wouldn’t “Scheisskopf” work just as well without the possible error in semantics?(don’t wanna be antisemantic here*)

    *I would say that I was just leaving, but that would be disingenuous.

    Also too, my German speaking son (the other “speaks” Latin) said that “Schoenkopf” means “beautiful head.” I thought it meant “shiny head” but it must be one of those etymological things you literary types know better than me.)

    • BloviateMe

      Beautiful head? Is head a verb or a noun in this instance?

      • Ryan Denniston

        Cum for the dick jokes. Stay for the dick jokes.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Goodhead.” As in “Holly Goodhead” from Moonraker.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Schoen or Schön means beautiful in German. Kopf speaks pretty much for itself but means head.

    • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

      Lieutenant Scheisskopf libelz!!1!

      And your son is correct.

  • Panika MCD

    speaking of artistic endeavors: new publication with 3 Elements Review is up for free download.

    http://3elementsreview.com/current-journal

    • mancityRed6

      bookmarked
      halfway through “visitation rights”

  • thatdamnbob

    Just in time to save the world again. I, for one, am grateful. The art is tremendous and could very well be a wellspring of revenue flow for Wonkette. That’s not to say that only snobs visit here (that’s not for me to say, as only snobs would be able to identify their own kind) but you snobs know who you are. The world is refreshed with their energy and creativity. I’m certain that their fortunes will improve nevertheless, when the free stores begin to appear as if magically, next to the corner liquor stores. Stranger things have happened when Minnesingers are about.

    • Panika MCD

      everyone’s a snob about at least one thing…usually more than that.

      • BloviateMe

        Psssht, like YOU would know.

        • Panika MCD

          I know you are, but what am I?

      • II Gosala

        A few of us have cultivated a genuine humility that lifts us above the ordinary failings of humanity to a height from which we look down upon you ego driven grubbers of self importance with disdain.

        • Panika MCD

          hey, I don’t only grub self-importance. I also grub food with grubs and dumpster dive!

          • II Gosala

            Have you considered life as a Minnesinger? I hear the Wackelpudding is very good this time of year.

          • Panika MCD

            nah. I’m not a fan of interpretive dance.

          • II Gosala

            Silly. It’s not interpretative dance. Its a small sewing machine.

          • Doug Langley

            Now why would a Singer be dancing or sewing?

          • II Gosala

            Singer sewing machines. Get it. HaHaHaHa. I crack myself up sometimes.

            But seriously, Disney should get right on that dancing sewing machine.

          • Yr. Gma

            Costumes.

          • Panika MCD

            again, I’m not a fan of interpretive dance. I don’t care if it’s with a sewing machine or K-Con’s toaster.

        • Bozilingus

          Aw, grubs again! (grumble, grumble)

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Probably not even free-range.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            But they are wery tender baby ones!

        • Yr. Gma

          Donnie stole Gosala’s disqus!

      • mancityRed6

        you just keep quiet about coffee, whisky/whiskey, and British comedy!

        • Panika MCD

          but my one of my old jobs made me a coffee snob! love whiskey, not a fan on whisky–tastes like turpentine and oak bark. you can do whatever you want with your British comedy.

          • mancityRed6

            the ex worked at an expensive speaker company. we’re talking minimum $3k a pair for the good ones. $100k+ for the best. she was in customer service and helped a guy in Hawaii. he sent 25 lbs of Kona–real Kona–as a thank you. she didn’t drink coffee, so I got a great thing.
            for whiskey, try Highland Park.

          • Clark_Nova

            Kona smells great but has insipid flavor. Kona drinkers are like the doctors and dentists who used to buy Sony TV’s.

          • mancityRed6

            are you…wait, are you trolling?
            real Kona, not the blends they sell at the market, is a beautiful thing.
            especially through this:
            http://chemexcoffee-e9b.kxcdn.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/485×684/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/c/o/coffeemaker-classic-eight-detail_3.png
            just don’t.

          • Clark_Nova

            Insipid, just like post 1970’s Jamaica Blue Mountain. Try a nice Panama Esmerelda Gesha.

          • mancityRed6

            wait, is that weed or coffee?

      • tomamitai

        I refuse to use anything less plush than two-ply on my posterior. Is that snobbish, or just good sense?

        • Panika MCD

          SNOB ALERT!

        • mancityRed6

          do you not defecate at work, or is your employer just that awesome?

          • tomamitai

            Work? I’m a old TAKER!

          • Clark_Nova

            At work, the TP usually is so thin that it only has one side. One brings one’s own supply with them, like when visiting SE Asia (or Russia, where the TP actually has wood splinters into it.

            Did you know that Zappa’s Barfko-Swill enterprise used to buy wood scraps from the Taiga and turn them into high quality TP for the Russian market?

          • mancityRed6

            thumbs for Zappa, can you not just wrap it around like I do?

        • Clark_Nova

          Your fingers thank you.

        • epazote

          I use baby wipes rather than toilet paper
          Am I a “snob” ??

  • Sophia

    His thin skin just can’t take that he’s not adored

    From Political Wire

    Trump May Make Surprise Visit to Britain

    “Ministers are on the alert for a flying visit to Britain by Donald Trump this month. Senior government officials say they expect the American president to make an unscheduled stop at his Aberdeenshire golf course as part of his trip to Europe to attend France’s Bastille Day celebrations on July 14.”

    “Theresa May’s team are on standby for Trump to visit Downing Street as well. It is understood that any visit would be confirmed only 24 hours in advance so anti-Trump protesters did not have time to disrupt his visit.”

    • Ryan Denniston

      Oh FFS.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      Very bad idea. It didn’t go well last time, it will be worse this time.

    • Panika MCD

      thou shalt not protest where the First Amendment doesn’t apply! they have their own? is it called “the First Amendment” or “1A”?! hmmmmmnn?! no first amendment! no first amendment! you’re the first amendment!

    • Jennifer R

      Do these people not know what flash mobs are? 24 minutes is more than enough time.

      • mancityRed6

        in London no less.

      • Yr. Gma

        I’m pretty sure Donnie and crew do not know from flash mobs. He is so determined to be LOVED DAMN IT that he’s trying his sneaky best to get at least one good photo op in the UK. He is stupid.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      These people are not aware of the instantaneous communications medium called the Internet, are they?

      • Panika MCD

        not unless they are MODERN DAY PRESIDENTIAL…I’m starting to feel like this administration is performance art.

        • TJ Barke

          I really wish Andy Kaufman would take the Trump mask off already…

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            He always did tend to take a joke a bit too far.

    • mancityRed6

      we’ll see how May handles it. does she tell the press? who leaks it?
      in sportsball, seconds are minutes. in protesting, 24 hours is a lifetime to get ready.

      • Vecchioivan

        It doesn’t take long to dust off your “Trump is a Cunt” sign.

        • mancityRed6

          it’s just sad that the footy hooligans don’t give one whit about politics.

      • Jamoche

        Donnie will tweet it.

        • mancityRed6

          “off to London”
          *spikes sharpening gets louder*

    • Nounverb911
      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        That nice lady will be able to dust off her “Trump is a Cunt” sign.

    • suziq

      If Theresa May had any sense she would be conveniently out of town herself during that time.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      “I’m sorry I wasn’t available on such short notice. We’d love to have you over to #10, but please give us a few days’ notice so we can straighten the place up.”
      –What Theresa May should say.

      • kareemachan

        As if she’d say something like that. cnut.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Oh, 24 hours is plenty of time. Sharpie ink dries in about a minute.

    • kareemachan

      Wait…. Aberdeenshire is in Germany? Or France?

      WTF?

      • Clark_Nova

        They’re all right next to each other. Where I live, there are counties larger than European nations.

        • Doug Langley

          True story: I once worked for a Denmark company. I was in a branch office in Los Angeles. The president flies in to LAX and we drive him up to the office. When we got there, he was visibly shaken and said “LA is bigger than Europe!!”

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Tower of London still has some available rooms. Just sayin’.

      • Clark_Nova

        And an executioner’s block.

    • ‘flying visit by donald trump’ is my new indie horror title.

    • Mildred Broxon

      They got internets in Britain, too.

  • Jennaratrix

    That was the best kind of crazy.

  • TJ Barke

    “The machine is mankind’s madness and disfigurement. Industry castrates art. The only honesty is in suicide.”
    “I can’t take anymore of these German sitcoms!”

    • H0mer0

      wuz that an actual line from Sprockets?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    As if the jackass wasn’t already unpopular enough:

    New Jersey’s government shut down at midnight on Friday, the result of a budget impasse between Gov. Chris Christie
    and the Democratic-led State Assembly. More than 50 state parks, historic sites and recreational areas are now closed, just as tens of thousands are headed for the parks and beaches for the Fourth of July holiday.

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, but guess who still gets to use it…

      • tomamitai

        Why N.J.’s state beaches are closed to everyone — except Christie’s family

        By Claude Brodesser-Akner
        NJ Advance Media for NJ.com
        TRENTON — They won’t be kicking one family out of a state park because of the state government shutdown. That would be Gov. Chris Christie, his wife and kids.

        The governor said he and his family plan to spend the long Independence Day holiday weekend at the governor’s summer house at Island Beach State Park.

        The beach house is one of the perks of being the state’s chief executive. While he doesn’t live there, Christie also has use of Drumthwacket, the official gubernatorial mansion in Princeton.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          If anyone deserves to be drumthawacketed, it’s Christie.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Wacklepuddinged?

          • thixotropic jerk

            Puddwackled– with votes of course!
            Insert that cameltoe pic of Krispycreme that I can’t bring myself to foist on you on a Sunday HERE

        • Lori

          Jesus, talk about slapping a “kick me” sign on your own back. His security staff apparently has his full confidence. Also, he’s clearly not a long term thinker. He’s not running for reelection, but there are still ways for people to make his life, and the lives of his family, a living hell. It’s New Jersey for gawd’s sake.

          • tomamitai

            I’ve been to Jersey, and I don’t think God deserves the blame for it being like it is.

    • mancityRed6

      and this is the guy who took the state helicopter to his kid’s soccer games before someone raised a stink about it.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Except he will be at the State owned beach house on a beach closed to everyone else. Asshole.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Leaving office on a low, note, I see.

    • tehbaddr

      Who?

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Wimps! 762 days and counting since the idiots in Springfield have gotten thier shit together, but our state parks are (barely) open.
      https://rebootillinois.com/2016/06/21/map-from-chicagoland-to-downstate-the-illinois-budget-battle-is-causing-damage-across-the-state/

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Christie just wanted the beach to himself.

      • Clark_Nova

        His mass can create its own King Tides.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Indeed.

  • Granny Sprinkles

    My oldest grandson speaks German (and French and Hungarian) but not a lick of hillbilly, so I can’t get him to explain any of that to me. What I’m saying is, fancy schools will ruin your children.

    Anyhoo, I hope they get rich and spend all their money unwisely.

    • Kakkeltje

      They won’t because they are against consumerism.. (I think that is what they meant with consumption…)

      • Granny Sprinkles

        Valid point, but it’s easy to be against consumerism when you’re broke. Also, who’s to say they can’t spend it all teaching fish to dance? Give me my dream, just this once.

      • mancityRed6

        I remember the anarchists in Joplin. too broke to buy their own cigarettes, so they bought papers and rolled what they wanted out of the butts that people had put out.

      • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

        I bet they’re against consumption as well, leading cause of death among artists that it used to be.

  • Mavenmaven

    You think you have it bad? When I was growing up, we would have killed for some wackelpudding.

    • Suttree

      We ate dirt in place of wacklepudding. And we liked it!

      • Doug Langley

        You had dirt? Luxury! We grew up in the sewer tunnels and had to eat infested water.

        • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

          You had water? We had to suck the moisture off of each other’s tongues!

          • thixotropic jerk

            You had tongues? We had to sell our tongues to make the payments on our lips!

      • Vecchioivan

        You had dirt? Luxury!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Wackelpudding sounds like something that should accompany “spotted dick”.

    • Clark_Nova

      We DID kill and made wackelpudding from the bodies.

  • Finnibar87

    We had to eat our wackelpudding on the rubish tip.

    Anarachists today have it so easy!

  • Panika MCD

    I prefer Spacklepudding.

    • efoveks

      For breakfast? ??

      • Panika MCD

        nah. tacos for breakfast. spacklepudding for brunch!

        • efoveks

          How… decadent. :)

  • MilwaukeeKent

    I closed my gallery way back in 2006, but I’d have shown these strange interesting folks or people if they’d have approached, though wackelpudding is hard to find even in cosmopolitan Milwaukee.
    It is also possible, with the references to dumpster-diving and the curious syntax of the word-strings, that Wonkette has been propositioned by an actual family of literate, highly cultured raccoons.

    • shocktreatment

      Cultured raccoons are not as rare as one would think. There’s a raccoon collective here in Chicago, they run a shabeen/salon.
      Always going. Booze and lively, informed conversation, ’round the clock. Art, history, literature, current events, politics… Just don’t mention celebrities or reality TV.

      I heard about it from a member, an actual racoon. He plopped down next to me at the movies (a rare screening of ‘The Godfather’, 35 mm print in great shape).
      Cleverly, I said “you’re a raccoon!”
      “Yes”, replied the beast. “A Florida Raccoon”
      “But what are you doing here?”
      “Well, Florida is so full of goddam Floridians, and they keep electing republicans–”
      “No,” I interrupt, “I mean at the movies!”
      “I really, really enjoyed the book” says he.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Beautiful!

  • Notreelyhelping

    It’s a tarp!

    • Doug Langley

      Said Admiral Acrylic.

  • Nounverb911
    • suziq

      Yeah no shit. Nobody does including Donald.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Right now watching a documentary about JFK and his handling of the Cuban missile crisis and how he used Bobby Kennedy to make a deal with the Russian embassy on the missiles stationed in Turkey. Now imagine the same scenario with Trump as CIC.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Shhhh. Please don’t ask us to think about it because trying as hard as we can to NOT think about it is already keeping us all up at night and boosting liquor sales in this once fine land. If we were to actually think about it would, well, I don’t know what it would be because I DON’T, WON’T, CAN’T THINK ABOUT IT!

          Except, yeah, I’ve thought about the movie version of those events, “13 Days,” from time to time and when I do I fear for us all.

        • Wild Cat
        • suziq

          It’s like it isn’t even the same reality. At least not mine. I still can’t believe that he IS our president. How could that have happened? And not only are so many people okay with it, there are many that are enthusiastic about it.
          I am not handling this well. Maybe I will move to Munich or New Zealand and be an artist. I am impressed with the vivid colors of the pencils, maybe I will try to find some of those!

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Well if you make your move to Germany feel free to visit the Netherlands for a guided tour of the Van Gogh museum and Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam.

          • suziq

            Oh that’s a good idea! I have never been to anywhere in Europe and I so want to go. Used to have money but no time, now I have time but no money. Though maybe I could just hang out and dumpster dive with the local artistic anarchists.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            My favorites! I love both countries. Sunflowers are amazing (I couldn’t decide which version I liked best) and Irises looks more like stained glass than a painting, so luminous.

          • Clark_Nova

            The Van Gogh museum should be done a little at a time. Seeing hundreds of Van Goghs a few inches in front of you can really overload your mind’s ability to understand them.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            So much has changed since then for the better I reckon. :)

        • mancityRed6

          how is it that I had to watch a show to know that JFK didn’t actually stare Khrushchev down and it was, in fact, a draw?

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            Because that is how the world works. Keith and Mick had it right: You can’t always get what you want, but if you try, you can get what you need.

          • kareemachan

            Can you explain that to drumpster?

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            Unfortunately, the Dumpster heard it as “You can always get what you want, ’cause if you lie, you can make yourself believe”

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron
        • Doug Langley

          Trump: “Alright, Vlad, here’s the deal. I’ll remove the missiles in Turkey.”
          Putin: “Good. And I assume you want me to remove the Cuban missiles?”
          Trump: “Wait – there’s more?”

    • Pisto75666

      Dear Russian State TV

      Get in line.

    • Which means they know precisely what he is thinking and planning, right?

  • FauxAntocles

    If they like Hefeweizen, they’re okay by me.

  • natoslug

    It all makes a lot more sense after the shrooms kick in.

  • pstockholm

    I’ll have whatever they’re having.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Saaaaay, you know who else was an under-appreciated German painter?

    • Doug Langley

      Dutch Boy Paint?

    • Phrieda Ω

      Alas, Hieronymus de Bosch was Dutch so it can’t be him.

    • Bozilingus

      Henrich Platz, an up-and-coming farmer known for his field of wheat.
      Oh, wait, you wait painter, not planter.
      Still, he was outstanding in his field.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Ba-dum-tish

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Coulda made hisself a scarecrow and taken the afternoons off…

      • President in Exile Firefly

        And sometimes standing out in his field.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Well somebody tell him his dinner is getting cold.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Now you are just chaffing.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      There was that Schicklgruber guy. Allen? Albert? Something like that. Whatever happened to him anyway? Wasn’t he in the news for a while?

      • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

        Austrian libelz!!1!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Happy National Ice Cream Month, everyone!

    • Grokenstein

      “Hey, why does ice cream get a month?!?!” — saltine crackers and white bread

    • tehbaddr

      Are you in the pocket of Big Frozen Dairy?

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Deep, delicious pockets.

  • NotALiar

    They. Fucking. Rule. I wish i cld buy all the art

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Damn. That is some good acid.

  • Micky9finger

    No reality, no reality- You’re the reality.
    Have you bavarians tried getting commissions to paint the sides of houses. I know this is popular in bavaria?
    Greus Gott.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      It’s the “two coats” bit that makes it a challenge…

  • Doug Langley

    From the book Muscle: Confessions of an Unlikely Bodybuilder:

    “So what do you do for a living?”
    “I paint.”
    “Ah. Portraits? Landscapes? Still life?”
    “Nah. Banks and grocery stores. I can put on a coat in an afternoon.”

  • Mahousu

    Minnesinger saving the world? I have my doubts:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_w4VaUaeCI

  • mancityRed6
    • Dudleydidwrong

      Thank you for bringing back one of my old favorites. The Priest, too, is one of my fondest and funniest memories.

  • mancityRed6
    • tehbaddr

      I used to read that weekly back in the day! It’s been so loooong!

      • mancityRed6

        the favorites you forget when the links on this modern world won’t there anymore.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    I wept that I had no buyers for my fine art, til I met a man who could only draw flies and seagulls.

    And sold the shit out of ’em on the Boardwalk on weekends.

    Then I screamed….

  • MilwaukeeKent
  • If I had money, I’d buy their paintings and decorate my room with them. I might also hang up framed copies of that email. I’m pretty sure it has artistic value. Sadly, I have my own poverty and questionable wackelpudding to contend with.

  • Alan

    They seem charming. Especially compared to the usual emails.

    • kareemachan

      My thought exactly.

    • tehbaddr

      Charmingly absurd and bizarre! My kind of people!

  • tehbaddr

    That is some nice art. I’ll trade a few cans of my Hobo Beans from the food pantry for one of those!

  • boll ocks

    This is a breath of fresh air from the usual emails.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Originaldeutsh oder hdfa (Hol’ die Fuck aus)

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    I like their art a lot, and Mrs. Grammarian would enjoy seeing “Cello” hanging in our living room, since that is her favorite instrument. Alas, money-bombing Planned Parenthood (and sometimes Wonkette) is a higher priority.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Can I put Razzleberry dressing on my Wackelpudding?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      I keep reading that as “Wankelpudding”.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Three-sided pudding. Go on…

        • Doug Langley

          It’s fast, but wears out after 20,000 miles.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    But is not all Wackelpudding questionable?

    • 3FingerPete

      I thought it was chocolate.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Wackelpudding is just jello after Bill Cosby adds his secret ingredient to it.

      Wackel is the sound that women make right before they faceplant on his coffee table

      • thixotropic jerk

        Hmm brings a whole new meaning to Wackel The Füch???

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Does their cello have a name, and is it Biafra?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Damn, all the spam email in Wonkville is just people trying to sell shoes…

  • JustDon’tSayShank

    Vetter Stefan! Bist du minnesinger drei oder vier?

  • FeloniousMonk

    I als too looked up Wackelpudding, and got this. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z-9Cq1kGDrw

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Jello songs. No shit.

    • I would call that questionable, yes.

  • Susan Szews

    I love their colors! If they weren’t a bunch of scam arteests and if I saw their work on a blanket for sale here on a sidewalk in Chicago (or at an art fair, or on the walls of a coffeeshop), I would totally buy some. I have so much (unhung, unfortunately, you should see the floor behind my unused dining room table – it is chock FULL of to-be-framed original art) art that I buy because I love supporting stuff like this.

    But, uh, I suspect something is amiss here. They are adorable, however. And I did see Tannhauser this past year at the Lyric Opera, and it’s a very accessible bit of Wagner. I highly recommend it for people looking to get into opera, and Wagner, and the Ring Cycle.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Yes, I too. I think the whole German thing is invented, and they are probably regular folk inventing this whole persona. And their arglebargle is unhinged and inconsistent. Definitely scam artists.

      However I must beg to differ about Tannhauser. I personally find it interminable and turgid. I’d say the most accessible Wagner opera to introduce oneself to Wagner is probably Die Meistersinger. But for people looking to get into opera altogether, I’d heartily suggest starting with Mozart (Marriage of Figaro) or Verdi (Rigoletto), and try to see it at a major opera house if you can–their performances will be better and more beautifully staged. Read up on it a little before, too. There are probably nice introductory lectures online, using bits of the music to explain things. (Source: used to be music professor. Even got 17 year olds to listen to Wozzeck raptly.)

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or go see La Bohème, because it’s Bohemian as fuck and you can say you’ve seen Rent.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Perfect!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        However I must beg to differ about Tannhauser. I personally find it interminable and turgid.

        I’m not sure that I would go that far. Parts of it are as good as and even better anything he ever wrote. From the Overture through the Venusburg ballet music (in the revised version) it sounds like a masterpiece.

        Then, I’m afraid, it starts to get a bit tedious. He hits the typical Wagnerian theme of purification through sacrifice on the nose pretty hard and I, at least, start to recall how little sacrifice he made for anybody else, ever. And, dramatically, it goes nowhere at great length.

        Question: How long can you extend a scene based on this central idea: “I want to fuck your brains out but I am, IMHO, purer and nobler than that, so the burden is on you to release me from my horniness?”

        Answer: Not as long as Wagner thought he could extend it.

        Another problem is that Tannhaüser’s music is almost impossible to sing. I only say almost impossible because the gargantuan Lauritz Melchior (1890-1973) could actually do it and the equally gargantuan Leo Slezak (1873-1946) probably could do it (though some his recorded evidence is very ancient, indeed.)

        Unless the tenor can negotiate both the heldentenor and the coloratura demands of the role, almost all of his music until the third act is painful to experience.

        The second act perks up quite a bit. A good aria for the soprano. Entrance of the Guests, great stuff. And then the singing contest. A complete dud.

        The third act has the Song of the Evening Star. Everybody likes that one. Then Tannhaüser enters and his long monologue is much more within the capacities of modern tenors, though I still think that Melchior and Slezak beat them all with a stick. Then there is a lot more monk music which we’ve heard hours before and then over and over again.

        Now, in a great performance, preferably with time-travel-Melchoir, this could have a magical effect. But with an OK tenor, on an OK day in an OK production. Not so much.

        I’d say the most accessible Wagner opera to introduce oneself to Wagner is probably Die Meistersinger.

        Me, too, but if you aren’t a native German speak as well as Wotan or an actual member of the German mythological family, better go slow. Wagner takes some getting used to.

        But for people looking to get into opera altogether, I’d heartily suggest starting with Mozart (Marriage of Figaro) or Verdi (Rigoletto), and try to see it at a major opera house if you can–their performances will be better and more beautifully staged.

        I’m not sure about Rig in the current Met production.

        Many regional companies in the US put on impressive productions these days.

        As far as getting into the opera in the first place, I would suggest Jussi Bjoerling and Robert Merrill, sinking their teeth into “Au fond du temple saint”:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PYt2HlBuyI

        It hooked me.

      • Is it turgid and full of love? because….

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Everyone knows that there’s only one way to get into Wagner- Kill the wabbit!

      http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1atzuy_what-s-opera-doc_shortfilms

    • CatDog

      seems to me that inventing a persona as an artist, especially one so transparently bizarre, is a very different thing than being a ‘scam artist’. My bet is that they are knowingly crazy and creative Noo Zilunders (correct pronunciation of New Zealand).

  • CatDog

    I have personally and directly questioned a wackelpudding. It pleaded the fifth as I drink a fifth. We decided to party. I can’t really talk in public about the rest.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Is there such a thing as an unquestionable wackelpudding?

    I am doubtful and I would question any and all wackelpudding, since it sounds like something you serve with canned clams, YOU BASTARD!!1!1,.1,1!1,1!!!!<1!!<!!!!,

    I

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Incidentally, I believe the original minisingers were The Lollipop Guild.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    On a slightly less clueless note, Walther von der Vogelweide figures in two Wagner, albeit only as an offstage reference in the second one, Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnXkI41X7vk

  • mfp, Unmerikun InGlisch sogood

    this is probably the (unintentionally, i’m sure) funniest and most charming post i’ve ever seen on the Innerwebs…if i were 20 and not 60yrs old, i would run away from home and join the minnesingers right now

    also, too–i like the ‘cello’ and ‘die bratschenspieleren’, the latter esp making me think of a linus/pigpen/charlie brown dance mashup

  • Rick Allen

    Very long winded and rambling they are…. but I do like the work.

  • mfp, Unmerikun InGlisch sogood

    where do we sign up for the wonkville gold foursomes?

  • handyhippie65

    they sure sound bavarian to me. kinda weird, and hard to understand. that’s what i remember. the art is cool, but 630 euros is way out of my price range. hell, 30 euros is still zu teuer.

  • Jon Sussex

    Here, have a Kleenex and clean up your Wackelpudding.

    • mfp, Unmerikun InGlisch sogood

      ew

      • Jon Sussex

        Exactly.

  • I have never before seen Expressionism applied to writing. It’s a little hypnotic.

    • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

      Expressionist writing can be great fun!
      I can’t actually think of anything in English, but Paul Zech’s Die lasterhaften Balladen des Francois Villon is a seminal work in poetic profanity.

      It was Zech’s only real literary success. Ironically, he had claimed that he had merely translated and “re-rhymed” medieval French poet Francois Villon’s works, which he apparently wasn’t able to do since his old French wasn’t much better than mine, so he never got the recognition for what was, while inspired by Villon, basically his own work.

      • Thanks for the heads up! I’ll have to try to find some of that. …And brush up on my woefully inadequate German. . .

        • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

          It’s worth it, you’ll learn so many colorful ways to insult people. There’s a little pocketbook edition by Rowohlt which includes a highly entertaining biography of Villon as well.

          What’s interesting is that Zech wrote this in the early 30s but before the actual nazi Machtergreifung and what an uncouth proletarian answer he had in his poems for nationalists, militarists and people too full of themselves.

  • SadDemInTex

    Actually quite like the art. I hope they get some money somehow.

  • Belasaurius

    I like their art. I hope they make some bucks

  • crisptickle

    Götterspeise and Wackelpudding are NOT the same thing, you monsters.

  • chascates

    I don’t know what drugs they’re taking but i had better try some just to investigate.

    I’ve been wanting to try microdosing LSD but I’m assuming they’re into macrodosing.

  • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

    I’ve just returned from having a wonderful Schnitzel mit Pfifferlingen und Bratkartoffeln and a Weizenbier at a very good Landgasthof not far from where I live.

    Lo and behold what the landlady brought out as a dessert, without us ordering any?

    Green Wackelpudding, which was delicious as well.
    Coincidence or Minnesänger involvement?

    • Jamespuck

      Wish I was MIT you

  • I know a joke

    2017 isn’t real

  • m3bosha

    I feel like this was a Monty Python sketch. In written form.

  • msanthropesmr

    I like the art. A lot.

    • Zombishroom

      I’m creepy and uncomfortable to art. It avoids me.

  • Daniel Hooper

    Questionable Wackelpudding is nice and all, I still prefer the Righteous Indignation. It’s the name of Captain Bucky O’Hare’s ship, and also probably one of the best pseudonyms for a male’s genitalia.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    I wish those folks well. On a day when our president made it obvious he is mentally ill, these folks actually gave me some good thoughts.

  • I… actually really like these a lot. Sadly my “art budget” is about as close to $0 as it gets. (it’s $0)

    • Jukesgrrl

      Dear Rt. Hon. Blamethrower,
      Same here. I’m convinced that being a true art lover almost guarantees that we will never amount to anything, strictly financially speaking.
      Best regards, Poor as Fuck

      • Zombishroom

        As long as you can experience art there’s no problem. Money whatever. Art exists because it must.

      • I am very fortunate to be relatively comfortable financially… I’m just not “can buy art” comfortable.

  • Angry Red Bird DGAF

    This was a nice change compared to the usual deleted comments.

  • i wish i was a borgeois pig. i would totally be buying that witches (bishops / angels?) walking the cat.

    • I want the thing with the big peen in it.
      And I will go “Did you see my giant peen today?” and my friends and family will roll their eyes and go, Jen, for the umpteenth time, it is some sort of tower.

      • Zombishroom

        Nope. Big green giant peen.

  • SnarkON

    Today, we are all questionable wackelpudding.

    • Zombishroom

      All we are is questionable wackelpudding.

      • Smibo

        I’m sorry, but I’m more than just a pretty beer gut…

        • Zombishroom

          Perhaps there is a pretty beer butt. Also, too PLSTHNX.

          • Smibo

            Nah, you’re right; we are all Wachelpudding!

          • Zombishroom

            OMIGOD! I LOVE Wackelpudding!

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Those are some very pretty pictures.

  • pixeloid

    I’ll have to pass on the art. I’m a snob (especially with beer), but not very gullible and certainly not rich.

  • Zombishroom

    I love outsider art. I hope someone understands. Or at least sympathizes.

  • natoslug

    I like Die Drei, but I am known to have notoriously bad taste in art.

  • CatDog

    I would like to hang mins-fish in my office. Sort of like Cezanne rose from the dead and got together with David Hockney to create a multi-perspectival, non-linear cartoon after ingesting some nice mushrooms. For some reason.

  • Jamespuck

    Being a Bavarian hefeweizen drinking art lover. I find it all quite charming. And I have a cousin named Deiter who I think may have touched a monkey or two in his life. I was born in Nuremberg. Mom is from Oberashbach. Brother born in Hamburg.

  • Moldy Weißwurst

    If I had money I’d throw some at them. I kinda like the untitled with the Seattle Space Needle next to the church(?).

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      The ‘Dorfplatz’ is oddly soothing.

  • x111e7thst

    I like this art. I feel that with more drugs I could like it even better. Please send me more drugs.

  • CatDog

    I think they may have overlooked the fact that, given this site is full of committed libtarderaces, everyone is by definition waiting for FREE STUFF! (look at the post just below).

  • Tina in Spokane WA

    I normally hate modern art, but these remind me of some illustrations in a children’s book and I can’t for the life of me remember which. I think if you colored in “The Little Prince” illustrations, this comes closest. Anyone else have an idea? I do like these for some odd reason.

  • catnmus

    I like the girl playing the cello. If the background was blue instead of green, she could be playing on the Titanic.

  • Welp, that was the most interesting thing I’ll read today. One question: any Wonkette staffers familiar with the writings of Robert Anton WIlson? (Looking in yr direction, Dottore Zoom). I ask because there are, let’s say, similarities.

  • (Jackie Gleason voice) mmmmMMMMMMmmm, that’s good wwwwWACKELpudding!

  • Too Much

    Not even.

  • Jgb979

    I’m imagining that sent from actual Dieter and it makes me as happy as a little girrrrlllll

    https://i.makeagif.com/media/8-05-2015/h7ZyQv.gif

  • BearLeft

    Now we know what to call what comes out of T-Rump’s mouthhole and little tweetering fingers. Try to fromp THAT, you food- Quark!

  • Marsupial

    They were big on courtly love

    To be fair, I’ve always had a thing for Courtney Love myself.

    What?? Oh…..

    Disregard.

  • Lordpnut

    I would have taken Der Trommler for four hundred, Axel, but, alas, all these…moments…will be lost in time – like farts in the wind…

  • Resistance Fighter Puipui

    I think their art is both oddly beautiful and beautifully odd. I would throw money at their faces for “Meer und Erde” if I wasn’t a Poor.

  • Ducksworthy

    Wait. In Germany you get paid interest on your rental deposit. Can I come?

  • Moar Wordz

    Nothing but Weinersomething in fridge ? Call Wonkette !
    Actually, their puctures are lovely. I make them blutsausage in my new Bavarian Kitchen, w/Noch ein glass bier ?
    Rebecca is the shit -she answered them in German ?
    Also, how is that crazy gothic script ” B ” pronounced ?!?

  • Moar Wordz

    What’s WeiBwurst ?!?
    Do you eat it w/Heifenwezer or whatnot ?!

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