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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Lindsey Graham and Chuck Grassley want to see the FBI’s Trump-Russia search warrants after reading about how Carter Page was being investigated for potentially being a damn spy.

Trump’s legal team seems to have slipped a leash and muzzle on Trump tweeting hand, at least in response to firing off insults at James Comey and special counsel Robert Mueller. (Not so much for insults at Mika and Morning Joe.)

Obama had reasons not to start a panic about Trump-Russia during the election because he’s not A Idiot. So there!

Smoke-filled rooms are full of Republicans seething about healthcare, despite their forced laughter and canned applause lines, because moderates don’t feel like killing their base of old folks who need Medicare.

Hey Everyone! Do you want an unconventional way to protest TrumpCare? Then why not send your Congress member a vibrator to let them know you’re down with OPP and PP. [h/t Daily Kos]

Anthem is hitting the gas on bailing out of ObamaCare in Nevada and will now sell insurance in only three counties state-wide. There’s no joke, this is getting beyond serious.

People are starting to whisper “bipartisanship” through the cacophonous halls of Congress in order to offer up a healthcare bill that isn’t a moldy shit sandwich.

After the National Republican Senate Committee abandoned an $800,000 ad campaign to support Ron Johnson, leaving Johnson “mega-pissed about what McConnell and Leadership did to him during the Senate race,” Johnson had little incentive to support TrumpCare.

Senate Republicans are quietly biting their nails about more than just healthcare as their ultra conservative legislative agenda for fucking over poor people is now in jeopardy as skeletons with knives in their backs begin to spill out of closets.

Blue Dog Democrats were ALLEGEDLY willing to work with Trump, but then he started tweeting, so they decided to say, “Fuck you too, buddy.”

REXXON woke up and started screaming at White House aides for repeatedly tying his hands and screwing him for simply trying to staff his offices with competent people.

A new PBS NewsHour-Marist poll shows Trump’s support among independents cratering by 17 points since February.

Trump is bitching about Nancy Pelosi and CNN behind closed doors in order to raise money for Republicans and Reince Priebus to put out the fires he keeps starting.

Government officials around the world are SUPER pissed at the NSA for allowing cyber weapons to fall into the hands of nefarious assholes and trolls who stalk the Internet, committing digital muggings and stealing data.

An FBI agent has been indicted for LYING in a case involving the death of Bundy-buddy Robert “LaVoy” Finicum. You may remember Finicum followed Cliven Bundy and several “sovereign citizens”/patriots/’Mericans/jackasses in taking over a federal building in Oregon for several months and threatened anyone who tried to stop them.

A new study out of Georgetown University Law Center on Poverty and Inequality finds that black girls between the ages five and 14 are seen as more adult than white girls, and are considered guilty of something (ANYTHING) because everything is terrible.

The lawyer for Prince Jared and Princess Ivanka, Jamie Gorelick, is still fighting Trump’s sanctuary cities policies, which is great, albeit weird.

Republican gubernatorial candidates in Illinois, Maryland and Virginia are in a bit of a bind as they try to run their campaigns with that deer-in-the-headlights look in their eyes.

The Republican Party in Maine is splitting apart thanks to Governor Paul LePage, who is threatening to shut down the state government over budget cuts and Susan Collins’s lack of support for TrumpCare. Why do arch-conservatives always think shutting down the government is a viable political option?

Perjury charges for the arresting officer in the Sandra Bland case have been dropped after the officer agreed to “You’re Fired” himself from his career in law enforcement forever.

The Petya hack that has infected corporate computer systems around the world is getting even weirder after the code’s author resurfaced to deny his involvement, a move that has some good guy hackers calling “bullshit.”

Syrian President Bashar al Assad says that he he’s not about to attack civilians with chemical weapons (again) and that Trump’s White House is a bunch of lying liars blithering fake news.

The Pentagon’s plan for Syria was apparently pulled off a shelf of Obama-era policies, so naturally they just scratched off the old names and just wrote their own.

The Russian and British navys are in the middle of a pissing contest over aircraft carriers, with the British mocking Russia’s “dilapidated,” smoke-spewing, Soviet-era Admiral Kuznetsov carrier.

Leader of the free world Angela Merkel gave a speech saying that “Whoever believes that the world’s problems can be solved by isolationism and protectionism is mistaken,” in an obvious slam at Trump ahead of the G20 summit.

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! The British government doesn’t want to let Rupert Murdoch buy Sky, with culture secretary Karen Bradley stating that Murdoch would have way too much capability to brainwash, indoctrinate, influence British subjects, and the deal is probably going to be sent to the Competition and Markets Authority for investigation. Indeed!

Attorneys for Martin Shkreli hope to convince a jury that he is literally a stupid asshole who lost $10 million Ameros due to incompetence, not a scammy douchebag who purposefully stole $10 million Ameros.

THERE’S A NEW WRESTLER BOUNCING OFF THE TURNBUCKLES, LADIES AND DUDE-BROS! See the amazing “Progressive Liberal,” Dan Richards, the most hated man in Appalachian Mountain Wrestling! Watch out for his devastating Liberal Agenda!

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Sam Bee ‘splainered McConnellCare, and had some talky time with Elizabeth Warren; Colbert asked a baker why he’s butthurt over weddings with buttsex.
And here’s your morning Nice Time! Baby goats and puppies!

We love you a lot, but we need your Ameros. Ain’t nobody got dimes for free love here!

$
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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Pre-Truth Ron

      Now there’s a kid whose parents will NEVER get him to go to sleep.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Me The People

    Shocking admission from Cardinal Pell during debate with Richard Dawkins:

    https://youtu.be/y8hy8NxZvFY?t=47m48s

    • Nounverb911
    • Antonin Dvorak
    • Me The People

      I just watched the whole debate out of interest, and was surprised how poorly Pell performed. Some really terrible right wing talking points on ‘intelligent design’, climate change, same sex marriage etc, shamelessly playing to the rube contingent in the audience, and what was really bad was that he seemed very fuzzy on Catholic doctrine itself in several areas. After watching this, I’m not sure he’s even really a believer himself.

      • JCfromNC

        I don’t know how true it is, but I’ve heard that loss of faith is a pretty common outcome of seminary school. Learning the history of the bible apparently isn’t good for blind acceptance.

  • Nounverb911

    Macron announced that trump will come to Paris for Bastille Day. Trump said he looks forward to tossing out the first head at the Guillotine Games.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
    • Thanks!

    • Ryan Denniston

      I thought they were all about gun safety. These days, they seem more interested in watering a few trees of liberty.

      • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

        Civil war is good for business!

      • BigCSouthside

        They used to be about safety and education. Now they are 100% about selling guns. I’ll never join them

    • therblig

      how do you fire a gun if your fist is clenched?

    • pussygrabber in chief

      Fucking liberals and their inflammatory rhetoric!

      Wait . . . what? Never mind.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • janecita

      I don’t think that he should be fucking with the Fanjul Brothers.
      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanjul_brothers

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        I guess that plus lobbyists is wat Garland was talking about.

    • Randy Riddle

      New Sugar? I was getting used to Old Sugar.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Hell Big Sugar owns all of the GOP pols here in in Florida. Well, them, FL Power, and the Mouse.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Jeesh. What on Earth were the morning blow crew talking about this morning that set off the orange rage tweets?

    • IDK, the bottom half of the hour is when I’m scrambling to finish the Agenda, BUT THIS JUST HAPPENED….
      https://twitter.com/morningmika/status/880415526371176448

      • Nounverb911

        BRILLIANT!

      • Nounverb911
      • Lance Thrustwell

        Mika reads President’s tweet, walks to break room during commercial, and creates a better put-down just by photographing her cereal box.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I sincerely hope that somewhere, some fine employee affirmatively set out to troll the Orange One with that.

        • Lori

          I think it might actually be better that they didn’t. That messaging has been on cheerios for a long time. They know that a significant part of their market is moms buying them to carry around in the diaper bag because they can keep a toddler content without getting too sticky. The fact that the message is so perfect for POTUS is both hilarious and enough to make you cry uncontrollably.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      They were making fun of tillerson being chastised by Jared, Trump’s insanity, and his tiny hands, in a nutshell.

  • Nounverb911
    • Pre-Truth Ron

      Once again, he got his, fuck everyone else.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yes, I’m sure good health care is affordable to a US Senator.

    • Lori

      Available evidence says polio taught McTurtle, “I got mine, fuck you,” which is worse than nothing.

      • pussygrabber in chief

        It’s the GOP motto.

  • Nounverb911

    Macron is ready for upcoming handshake with trump….
    https://youtu.be/Teya0rAL36Y

  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger

      My god, my god….and he sits in the Oval Office of this country. It’s such a sad and horrible disgrace.

      • Jon Sussex

        Awful orifice occupies Oval Office.

    • Ryan Denniston

      ” The Democrats are obstructionists and investigating fake news accounts of collusion with Russia because the Democrats lost a race that many people expected them to win, and it’s very hard for a Republican to win the Electoral College because of how the system is rigged against Republicans, and have you seen how big we won [hands map], and, just so you know, Lincoln was a Republican, not a lot of people know that, and he’s being recognized more and more everyday…”

    • BigCSouthside

      Omg that’s real. I thought those were parody tweets

    • kareemachan

      LOVE the last line of that article. Too bad he’ll never take the advice.

      ‘Grow up, Mr. President.’

  • Panika MCD

    I think TX passed a bill in 2015 to keep law enforcement agencies from “passing the trash” so that people like Officer Encinia can’t just go get a job at a Sheriff’s Department after being “you’re fired”…but I’ll have to look it up later.

    • bupkus231

      So, he moves to Oklahoma or Florida….

      • Panika MCD

        oops.

    • “M”

      Ohio didn’t do that. The troglodyte who shot Tamir Rice in Cleveland had come from some other OH backwater town’s police department where he’d already been disciplined more than once for anger management and weapons use violations.

      Yeah.

      • Panika MCD

        I just remember the bill getting through one chamber. I’d need to look to see if it made it through both and wasn’t vetoed. (we have the pocket pass, rather than the pocket veto.)

  • Lance Thrustwell

    That goat is not messing around.

  • Michael R
    • Phoenixdoglover

      No problem, new model Roomba can clean multiple threads.

      *thinks, all threads today need cat-shark on Roomba*

      • Crank Tango

        Is it cat-shark week already?

    • kareemachan

      Again, once again about my kid. Their neighbor has a REALLY cute cat. Last Halloween, he showed up in a shark costume. Outside. And he still looked cute.

    • Just when i think america will never recover, somebody posts a cat in a shark costume on a roomba and I know we will survive.

  • OddMan

    OT, a lot.
    I don’t normally post about my issues, but I am going in for a Colonoscopy in about an hour. Cleaning out was a bitch and I was up all night. My electrolytes are all out of whack, my blood sugar is low as hell, but I did lose 61/2 pounds over the last day.
    Now I am just nervous as hell about what they might find, I know this is perfectly normal, but still, I’ll be damn glad when this is over.
    Thanks for letting me rant a little.
    Damn I need a drink.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Stay positive. After my first colonoscopy my wife said, as I came out of it, “There dear. It’s all fine and you’re now officially the perfect ass I always knew and loved.”

      • OddMan

        Thanks Bill, I needed that.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Hope all is well. Here — I’ll hold your hand.

    • Crank Tango

      I thought the fentanyl was a particularly good time.

      Good luck!!

      • h4rr4r

        Do they give you Nitrous too?
        Because that ruins it for me.

      • OddMan

        I am a little odd as in I am allergic to fentanyl. So not sure what they will give me. I have an anesthesiologist scheduled because of my long term taking arthritis drugs and my allergy to fentanyl.
        Fun.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          I just had two endoscopies (going the other way, by mouth) and they used propofol. Too much the first time and I slept for 24 hours after.

          • kareemachan

            My kid had one of those as well. Now we have pics of a shiny, shiny stomach. Gack.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            The first time, I still had food on my stomach. I have a picture of the plug of half digested food that prevented them from proceeding through my stomach. And it had to be repeated the next week.

        • Canned Covfefe

          Sounds like they are well prepared.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Take it easy. The Night of a Thousand Waterfalls is the worst part. Good luck, and don’t drink (alcohol) for 24 hours after; it plays hell with the drugs.

    • Pre-Truth Ron

      This is all 100% normal. I would imagine they’re used to it and will try to ease you through the process.
      And if there IS something wrong, it’s better to know so it can be dealt with. IME, anyway.
      Oh, and never be afraid to bring up your ‘issues.’ In a weird and wonderful way, we’re almost family here.

      • OddMan

        Thanks. Thanks to all of you.

    • Mpeg

      Sending best most snark-free wishes for good news with the results not bad.
      Hope you don’t mind if I ask your age?
      I approach turning 50 next year which is when I figure I’ll get my first colon screening. Colon cancer is the only kind (that I’m aware of) in my family and the only known incidence was just one, my grandmother succumbing to it at age 80.

      • OddMan

        Sure, I am in my late 60s, this will be my second one I had one about 13 years ago and it was fine.
        Reality is this one should be OK too.
        It is mostly the wierd mind things that happen with all that cleaning out. The electrolyte imbalance throws off my brain. Also I am a damn worry-wort.
        This too shall pass. Hehehe

        • Marion in Savannah

          iswydt… As long as you can still snark you’ll be fine!

    • h4rr4r

      You lost 30.5 pounds? Wow!

    • PubOption

      Corporal Jones strikes again.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhWlAKdlQp4

    • William
      • Mpeg

        You are a sick man. (In the best possible sense of the word)~

      • Doug Langley

        This is a man with such base tastes he asks for meatloaf on his birthday. True story.

    • pianoplayer1

      I am in iCU right now. My RA attacked my lungs. Two lung surgeries in two weeks.I. Pray you will home soon. Hospitals suck.

      • OddMan

        Good luck back at ya. I also have arthritis but not as bad as yours. My thoughts are with you too.

      • PubOption

        Interesting my autoimmune conditions went the other way, started with sarcoidosis and then developed into RA.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      I only go for those so I can drop a dress size or two. It’s a literal pain-in-the-ass, but you gotta do it.

    • bbayliss

      The worst is already over.

    • cmd resistor

      The cleanout is the worst. I am going for my 3rd in relatively short time. First one found something odd that I had to go to a specialist to get removed, and although it turned out benign I have to do a 6 month followup with them. Hope it all goes well. I have dedicated my last few prep sessions to Trump.

      • Canned Covfefe

        I love this!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Oh, it’s better from here – you just wake up feeling a little date-raped and confused, but that’s all in the past, so, there’s the door to the sunlight…

    • kareemachan

      My kid (age – 27) had to have a colonoscopy. The worst part, according to her, was the crap they make you drink beforehand. So, I really, REALLY feel for you.

    • grindstone

      Good luck; you’re through the worst of it. My second one is next month. The aftereffects are a little too public for my liking, and god bless the poor nurses who work in those facilities!

      DO NOT DRINK until you get your blood sugar back to normal and some food in your stomach or you will face plant on your kitchen tiles. No, not speaking from experience, what are you implying???? ;-)

    • SweetDeeKat

      Applause for being an adult. I think there should be a line of greeting cards for these ordeals. “Happy negative biopsy result!” “Proud of you getting a mammogram!” “Congrats on passing your prostate exam!”

      • Oblios_Cap

        I’ve Gone Lightly before. Thank God you’re asleep when they do their thing. My Doc was playing Neil Young music when I woke up, so it wasn’t all that bad.

    • May sweet oblivion keep you in thrall until you are resting comfortably with a large slice of pizza.

    • OddMan

      Yeah, all over, I am a perfect asshole.
      I seem to have a very strong constitution when it comes to the anesthesia. ( lots of practice back it the day?)
      Anyway, I was completely awake during the whole thing and chatting about Trump with the nurse and anesthesiologist. No discomfort, then the doc says ‘all done you are good to go for another 10 years’.
      Both docs were surprised at how alert I was. And the entire operating room hated trump.
      My advice to you if you need a colonoscopy, and we all do. Get it done. Preparation colon cleanse is worst part. If you have one due, get it done, could save your live, I have had two close friends die from colon cancer.
      Now back to the real asshole, Our Dear Lord Dampnut™.

      And thanks to all of you for the kind words of encouragement.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Thanks for sharing I’ve been putting it off since I turned 50.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “(Not so much for insults at Mika and Morning Joe.)”

    I watched that yesterday. I think Mika even laughed at Trump at one point. I’d hoped Trump would have watched or DVRd it. Sad!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Oh he watches. He won’t admit it, but he at least hate-watches.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    U.K. media regulator Ofcom said there was a risk the deal could increase Murdoch’s influence over British politics and public opinion. He already controls three newspapers — The Sun, The Times and The Sunday Times.

    Dear CNN, the Sun isn’t so much a newspaper, more something to put in the bottom of your cat litter tray.

    • h4rr4r

      But I like my cat.

  • Nounverb911
  • Ryan Denniston

    “The Russian and British navys are in the middle of a pissing contest over aircraft carriers, with the British mocking Russia’s “dilapidated,” smoke-spewing, Soviet-era Admiral Kuznetsov carrier.”

    Britain laughs now, but the HMS Queen Elizabeth can only launch the F-35s that we are planning to build (and UAVs). Nice F-35 program there, be a shame if Putin convinced Trump to have something happen to it.

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/06/hms-queen-elizabeth

    • Lori

      One the plus side for Britain, a lot of defense contractors have their fingers in the F-35 in one way or the other pie and they have more influence with the Reps who actually decide how the money gets spent than Donnie does.

  • middleclassman1

    Time to tell Anthem and the rest of them if they are going to pull out of markets and can’t make the ACA work for the American people then we are going to single payer and taking your greedy asses out of the picture!

    • You know a modified form of this has been in circulation in policy / advocacy circles: if you don’t play nice with ACA in our state, you get locked out of employer markets and medicaid and medicare markets in our state.

      • Jamoche

        California should do that. We take this shit seriously. We don’t want to go back to picking up the slack for Walmart.

  • I got MSNBC playing the background as I do some hydrocodone-fueled housework.

    Apparently Comcast is having some issues and the sound keeps cutting out. To me it sounds like the Whatever Comes On After Morning Joe gang are cussing like drunken sailors.

    They’re talking about TRUMPCARE, so maybe they are cussing after all.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Tell me, does the hydrocodone help with the chores, because I am sick to death of them and I’m thinking that big pharma might be able to help me. That, or Martin Shkreli comes over to swab my toilets as part of his plea deal. I’d be good with that

      • kareemachan

        That’s too good for Marty. I think I’d need him to clean out our septic tank.

        • bupkus231

          From the inside!

      • This was the first time I’ve taken these in years, and it seems to make me energized, sociable, and inspired to do the stuff I’ve been putting off. So now I know anytime I need to be extroverted and full of pep simply have my oral surgeon yank out another molar.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          You know, I think that’s more than a fair trade…

  • Joe Beese

    For clear audio of Tillerson losing his shit, I will happily pay 5 Ameros.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I want Big Brother to wire the White House for sound. Actually, no I don’t. I couldn’t survive the minute-to-minute rage-fits. My own, as well as theirs.

    • bupkus231

      Fuck Tillerson losing his shit – he could just resign.

      But, noooooo – he’s as bad as an ancient shogun, in the need to save face. No way in hell will he resign, not the former CEO of the most powerful corporation in the world, who’s only slumming in “public service”..

  • William

    Trumpcare popularity ranged from 27 percent (Fox news), down to 13 percent (actual news), and the GOP has the audacity to act surprised when a party that controls both Houses and the executive branch is afraid to vote on it…..BTW, this article needed ponies. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3c72808073430faeb9a0dce9348e7231bfda79ef482be3738f22ad029fabddcf.png

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Proud Liberal

      That, ladies and gentlemen, is the President of the United States. Blech.

      • h4rr4r

        Once again proving class cannot be bought at any price.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Yeah, you don’t watch. You have an aide watch the show for you and detail the gossip in a memo. Liar, you watch. Also too, Psycho Joe says that you help his ratings by acting like a lunatic.

      http://freebeacon.com/politics/scarborough-trump-has-made-media-stronger-contributed-to-record-ratings-at-morning-joe/

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        The NYT would like to thank Twittler In Chief for their increased circulation, also too. Apparently he doesn’t understand, among a myriad of things, the inverse relationship between his anger and the resultant winning for his targets.

        • OddMan

          Mother Jones has also increased circulation and hired new staff.
          ACLU also has more monies now.
          Seems like terrible donald is good for some things.

    • She was bleeding badly from a face lift. I said no

      To what?

      A face lift?

      Or two more scoops? 😁

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        blood and double scoops just don’t go together as well as chocolate and peanut butter…

    • Pre-Truth Ron

      He’s sounding more than usual like a spoiled six-year-old today. Did someone forget to give him his blankie before bed last night?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        That would be Melania. I don’t think she’s actually in the White House. Has anybody seen her lately?…

        • Pre-Truth Ron

          Don’t look in the basement!

        • PubOption

          Perhaps she is bleeding from a facelift, so Donnie has her hidden away.

    • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

      Donnie, you spelled Mag-a-Lardo wrong

    • Ryan Denniston

      I heard poorly rated #WhiteHouse speaks badly of us (don’t watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q Loopy Donald, along with Psycho came… to North Carolina 3 nights in a row around New Year’s Eve, and insisted on joining me. He was foaming badly from untreated narcissism. I said no!

  • Randy Riddle

    Wonkette needs more pro wrestling.

  • Nounverb911
    • Persistent Demme

      GOP:
      There Will Be Blood…um…(AFTER we are re-elected).

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    “moderates don’t feel like killing their base of old folks who need Medicare Medicaid.
    64% of the people on Medicaid are seniors in nursing homes who need those funds to help pay for nursing home care, beyond what Medicare pays.

    • Randy Riddle

      Can’t these lazy slobs laying around nursing homes all day get jobs working in coal mines?

      • Notreelyhelping

        As canaries?

    • grindstone

      Florida has more than it’s share of elderly and care centers, traditionally. Let’s think about what will happen when old folks start partial-paying or defaulting on their care bills. First, the quality of care given, which may already be borderline, is going to decline. Cleaning staffs will be cut first. Then nursing. So in addition to having elderly folks being put on the street, we’re going to see a decrease in health care jobs and the quality of care. There will be shock channel-7 news! shows showing “nasty assisted living centers, maybe near you!!”. People will hand wring, folks will die. And yet, based on politics in Florida, our elderly will STILL vote in assholes like Voldemort and Rubio.

      Sorry, I’m a little shouty today.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I live there too, I was in the health care industry, and you are so right.

  • 28.2M Uninsured Americans still waiting for coverage…

    Relief? Hell no!

    We ain’t gonna do Jackshit about it!!1!1
    https://twitter.com/PressSec/status/880092408096096256

    It’s what we do. Absolutely nothing

    • Bozilingus

      Hey, Sean, you should be telling the Republican Governors to get off their asses and accept Medicaid.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Sounds like a job for Single Payer!

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Single Payer – the Republican Solution!!!!….

        • Phoenixdoglover

          Proof that the world is round.

    • Proud Liberal

      If Republicans would stop gutting Obamacare, these people would have insurance.

    • Crank Tango

      I’m glad they used little symbols to represent whatever the hell 28 is. I wouldn’t have known otherwise.

      • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

        Where’s the .2, though?

    • Pre-Truth Ron

      ‘And by “relief” we mean adding to their number so they can find solace in company.’

      • Crank Tango

        Misery loves company.

    • pussygrabber in chief

      Republicans will fix the problem by taking away the insurance of an additional 22 million people. Winning!

    • pussygrabber in chief

      Question: Do ANY high-ranking dems EVER respond to this shit? Or do high-ranking dems not know how to use twitter? They might want to learn, because if they haven’t noticed, national policy is now decided by tweet.

    • Einar

      Why should the net taxpayers pay for your sick care?

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    You know it’s bad when Fox shows the actual approval number (27%) from their rigged survey (in a polling sample designed, unlike those polls from LiberalMediaBiasWorld, based on the assumption that 85% of Americans proudly identify as conservatives and Republicans and everybody hates the libtards), instead of just making up a much higher number the way they ordinarily would.

  • Guys, fair warning, I’m moving into a new place today. The Agenda tomorrow may be a lot shorter than it’s been in the past few days. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d53e8bbf7cb4d5778ccf9587984a89636bb9fa0afc69f1286f5e253dab9b4334.gif

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Congratulations! Lift using your legs, not your back.
      –Your Mother

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Jinx!

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          Great minds!

      • Almost all my furniture is flatpack modular stuff, I should be OK!

        • Marion in Savannah

          All of your books are on Kindle? Boxes of books are HEAVY… What Your Mother said.

          • Yep. I’ve spent a good number of years homeless, and I live out of a backpack most of the time. I spent my first year in college working almost exclusively on a cellphone. Yes, that includes writing papers.

          • grindstone

            Thumbs of steel!

          • Canned Covfefe

            Holy crap! I hope your new place is great because you have clearly earned it.
            Maybe you could just reuse some of today’s. We’ ll be happy just to have a non-place for those things that aren’t comments.

      • Canadian_Bacon

        ALWAYS err on the side of caution when lifting. Believe me, the last thing you want is a bad back for the rest of your life. Two-wheel trolleys should be your newest bestest friend.

      • calliecallie

        And do a good job cleaning the old place, so you get your security deposit back.

        • kareemachan

          AND TAKE PICS!

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          SLUMLORD!….

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          Adulting tip (if you can afford it): I ask the landlord who they use as a cleaning service for people who do a crap job on cleanout. I then hire them to do my cleanout, telling the landlord I’m doing so. I’ve always had good luck with that. Sure, you don’t really get the entire deposit back, since you have to pay the service. But you don’t have to do your own cleaning and there’s no argument about the cleanout.

        • Doug Langley

          I’ve discovered that spending a lot of time on cleaning the old apt makes you hate it so much that you’ll never worry about growing nostalgic over it.

          • Doug Langley

            Cleaning tip: I asked the maintenance guy at my place if there’s any really strong cleaner on the market and he said Soft Scrub. Damn, that stuff’s unreal. It’ll strip off soap scum, mildew, even burnt on food like it’s not there.

        • Jamoche

          And take pictures.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Good luck, and lift from the knees!

    • Phoenixdoglover

      In Russia, Agenda writes you up.

    • janecita

      Congratulations!

    • Proud Liberal

      Enjoy your new place!

    • shivaskeeper

      Watch out for the ob-stack-als.

      • grindstone

        Fear not the ob-stack-als!

    • rosenbomb

      Last time I moved I fell down the stairs at my apartment complex. Don’t do that.

    • UnsaltedSinner
    • chortlingdingo

      That’s one of my family’s favorite quotes from that movie. 10/10 excellent taste.

  • Nounverb911
  • h4rr4r

    It’s cute, the Limies and the Ruskies think they have navies. Aww.

    At least the Brits have an excuse, they spend their money on other things.

    • The Cold War-era diesel ships the Russians use are a, to the Russians, considered a scare tactic. In essence, “Our shit is so big, noisy and old that people are scared when we come,” which is half-right. People are scared when they come because they’re worried their shit will just break down and they’ll be forced to deal with a bunch of Russian sailors for six months.

    • Crystalclear12

      Russians don’t need a navy they got hackers.

      • h4rr4r

        America could end the hacker gap too if we fixed our hiring practices.

        • Incentivize and education.

          • h4rr4r

            Neither one of those is the problem.

            Find me someone skilled who has not smoked pot in the last 7 years. That is the current rule that kills us.

  • Crystalclear12

    Anyone else feel like we are 50 years into this presidency?

    • Proud Liberal

      At least….

    • Marion in Savannah

      Has it been only 50 years? Seems like longer…

      • Crystalclear12

        Your horror may vary.

    • Ryan Denniston

      My liver says yes.

    • Marceline

      I’m going through my weed supply at warp speed.

      • Crystalclear12

        I worry about alcohol shortages.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Elizabeth Warren said we should measure the Trump regime in dog years. It’s feeling more like mayfly years.

  • Nounverb911
    • Ryan Denniston

      Maybe her husband can provide a little insight?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Hahaha. I’m going to “continue to be thoughtful” about the project I’m avoiding at work.

      • kareemachan

        And that’s why I’m still at home instead of being at work….

      • Marion in Savannah

        Just saying — shit like that may work for Melanoma, but I seriously doubt it will fly with your supervisors.

    • Pre-Truth Ron

      Aww, that’s cute, Malaria is waiting for another ‘thought’ to turn up while her fat fuck of a husband cyberbullies everyone on the planet.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Hold your horses, she’ll get to it right after she holds her presser on her past immigration status and working in the US. It might be awhile, as all of those papers are buried underneath Trump’s tax returns, which are youuuuge.

    • tiredalways

      She is working on bully-in-chief that lives in her house! That work itself is going to cover her next 4 years! T’s tweet about Mika is the very definition of bullying from pulpit!!

    • Lori

      The construction of that sentence is so odd, and not really correct word usage. She’s thinking about her platform (pretending to any way), not continuing to be thoughtful about it. Isn’t there anyone in the Trump White House who talks like a normal person?

      • Hollandaise

        This is what it sounds like when someone is trying to sound smarter than they actually are.

      • Jamoche

        I interpret that as “yes, I think that’s a good idea”, not actually thinking about it. Like having “thoughts and prayers” which usually means they haven’t even thought about it at all but know some reaction is expected of them.

  • cmd resistor

    For some reason, this line from the story about the political fundraiser made me chuckle. It made me think of a Wild Kingdom episode or something.
    “After the event was over, a number of Trump allies were seen roaming the lobby of the hotel, including oil executive Harold Hamm and senior campaign aide Brad Parscale.”

    • John Thorstensen

      All presided over by Marlin Perkins and his hunky sidekick!

  • Panika MCD

    fun with McSweeney’s. will post a non-political one on the open thread tonight, but for now, THIS:

    https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/11-ways-that-i-a-white-man-am-not-privileged

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      perfect!

  • ariel_gee_398

    Apparently a discussion of the fake Time cover is what set him off: https://twitter.com/TomNamako/status/880421916477149186

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Thankfully, because Donald Trump has done such a poor job as president, you won’t see another white president for generations!
      https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/537157586316165120
      Right?

      • ariel_gee_398

        The rate this is going, we won’t see another President period.

    • cmd resistor

      I was wondering if he’d respond to that whole Time thing.

    • I know a joke

      The President of the United States of America is having a public tantrum because two airheads made a joke about his tiny hands.

      • I know a joke

        There’s nothing I can add to that to make it either funnier or worse.

      • ariel_gee_398

        And the son of a bitch did it at an hour where it would be problematic for most of the country to have a fucking drink.

        • Pisto75666

          And that’s just rude.

        • Maxine Headroom

          Didn’t stop me!

        • This was my immediate thought. And i have rehearsal tonight so won’t be able to have a soothing Cabernet until at least 10 PM

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He’ll love the Guardian. They’ve created fake Trump covers for several magazines. Gotta love “The 50 Greatest Ted Nugent Songs Of All Time” on the Rolling Stone cover.
      https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/shortcuts/2017/jun/28/fake-news-magazine-covers-donald-trump-couldnt-make-up-time

  • tiredalways

    On the subject of Mika and his gauche tweet, may be one of our in house psychologist can shed light as to why he needs to mention bleeding when discussing women and why he thinks women are going to be insulted by that word?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Mommy issues?

      • kareemachan

        ..

        • Pisto75666

          Daughter issues (with ones not named Ivanka)?

          • kareemachan

            Yeah, I just put it in a way I wasn’t proud of, so ellipses instead.

        • tiredalways

          that made me think may be it is ‘daughter’ issue. case in point – his obsession with Ivanka

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      That one time he grabbed a pussy on her period?

    • HazooToo

      Because women are supposed to understand that they are gross and be ashamed of that, and embarrassed by their period.

  • Pisto75666

    So Shkreli’s attorneys think LADY GAGA LYRICS are a decent defense? (Saw this on the news this morning and the smug look on the guy’s face when his lawyer said it. Christ, what an asshole.) I hope he at least pays well, and on time.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Plus, his attorney is trying to argue both that he’s a misunderstood genius and just a fuckup. Those things don’t work together.

      • Pisto75666

        “One of these things just doesn’t belong!”

        I really have to admire defense attorneys though. It has to be hard when you know your client is guilty as hell.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Hey, it’s been my motif for most of my life!….

      • Has he brought up how new he was yet?

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I want your ugly
      I want your disease
      I want your everything
      As long as it’s free?

      • pussygrabber in chief

        Love me some Gaga

        https://youtu.be/qrO4YZeyl0I

        • Zyxomma

          I love her because she looks like the daughter I never had, and because I performed back in my 20s (rock’n’roll poetry).

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          That outfit with the crystals is to die for! Also the polar bear cape.

  • How do you indict a dude for shooting a man who said with his mouth parts that they were not going to take him alive?
    I mean…really. Is this the only “cop shooting” case that people are all no wai bad cops where the dead guy, who did not comply with law enforcement, and who was in fact armed and ready to use force?

    • Mystery_Poster

      Is it because he was white?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I think these days, polite people say “melanin deficient”.

      • Me not sure

        Don’t know. I could hardly make him out in all of thar snow.

    • pussygrabber in chief

      Something something something WHITE!

      ETA: Too late again.

    • Jennifer R

      He was indicted for firing at the truck while it was moving and lying about it.

      • covfefesumgame0005

        well, that does not happen to cops who kill black kids so you can understand the confusion I hope…they lie all the time and even with video getting them into court is very very rare, and convictions are almost unheard of…

        • Jennifer R

          Oh yeah this still only happened because Noted Child Abuser “LaVoy” Finicum was white.

      • John Thorstensen

        Yes, the full story was basically that — he was not indicted for shooting Finicum. In fact, the State Troopers who shot him were fully vindicated, because Finicum was in fact reaching for his weapon. For once, Wonkette’s summary is not 100% accurate, or to lift a sentence from our very all-time favorite news organization, “The article was not initially subjected to the high degree of editorial scrutiny we require for all our reporting.”

  • CogitoErgoBibo
  • SterWonk

    Why do arch-conservatives always think shutting down the government is a viable political option?

    Because St. Ronnie said “… the government is the problem …”, and please ignore any context around those five words.

  • Me not sure
  • Jennifer R

    The Kuznetzov is a huge floating hunk of garbage. It’s got a fucking skateboard ramp on the end to help launch its compliment of shitty old MiGs.

    • VirginiaLady

      I gots a bad feeling about it. Trojan horse? Does anyone know what she’s really packing? Don’t judge a book by it’s cover? They are not stupid.

      • Oblios_Cap

        But their economy doesn’t lend itself to the types of toys that we have. That’s why there’s no USSR anymore.

        • VirginiaLady

          Way back in the day, people used to win impromptu races with a beat POS car that had a raging Hemmy under the hood. Why would they parade out a scow? This isn’t a show of might. The cake is a lie.

          • The only logical arguments I’ve ever heard for shoving it around is to participate in the global power pissing contest. They know it’s shit, but they need to make it seem like it isn’t a oil burning shit pile floating on water. Honestly thought? The only way that thing would be useful in a fight is if nobody else had a carrier, and the only way that would happen is an EMP, or to knock out a network/comm system, and I really don’t think that they’re capable of that level of techno fuckery.

          • VirginiaLady

            OK, third and final nightmare idea. They are using an old shoplifting trick (also currently in use by our own beloved GOP). Watch the crazy person or trainwreck over here! Make it good enough and all focus will be on the squirrel and not on the racoon stealing the cupcakes or doing other fuckery. They aren’t going to look stupid without a damn good reason. Think about all the unimaginable havoc they managed to pull off. Never underestimate these guys.

          • Less likely. Culturally, the Russian people are boisterous and proud, they pride themselves on their ability to survive. Historically, the Kremlin has manipulated public opinions in order to maintain power, sort of an “All Is Well” thing so that people believe the lie despite the evidence.

          • VirginiaLady

            It might work well for their people but why spotlight it for others? IDK, it feels eerie in a way.

      • Jennifer R

        MiG29s and MiG35s, while it putters almost by at like 20 knots because its coal fired and needs a fucking ramp. Canada and Australia have superior carrier setups even.

        • VirginiaLady

          There’s an even worse scenario. Say they like the way car bombs work. They load the old hulk with every evil known and position themselves in a place where blowing it would do hellish damage. Better still, provoke some hot head to open fire on it and let them detonate it. I can imagine Putin laughing his evil genius ass off as WW III begins. And it would be cheaper than refurbishing with new secret weapons type devices.
          DRINK!

          • Jennifer R

            That aircraft carrier represents their sum total of force projection. Let me dissuade that idea from your mind by telling you that idea you have is factually the dumbest thing anyone could do with their lone carrier, no matter how shitty and garbo. Without it they can reach out and touch exactly as far as their land supply chain runs, which is pretty much “Russia”.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The Russian and British navys are in the middle of a pissing contest over aircraft carriers, with the British mocking Russia’s “dilapidated,” smoke-spewing, Soviet-era Admiral Kuznetsov carrier.

    The Russian carrier runs on cheap fossil fuel. The British carrier is fueled by rum, sodomy, and the lash.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      As God intended!

    • And held together with witticisms, and tea.

    • covfefesumgame0005

      Long Live the Queen(s)!

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Sounds like a fun Saturday night!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Obligatory Pogues!
      https://youtu.be/FJt4y4fH938

  • BMW

    I never thought I would feel bad for Rex Tillerson, but here we are.

    • Everyone is grumpy when they first wake up

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Rexxon should stop taking so many naps in that case.

    • timpundit

      Not I . He knew trump was a underdeveloped and racist venomous snake when he picked him up.

  • Zyxomma

    It’s my birthday, so maybe I’ll give myself a Trump-free day.

    • Happy Birthday!

    • The Librarian

      Happy birthday!!!! 🎂

    • lroom

      Happy Birthday!

    • Pisto75666

      Happy Birthday!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Happy Birthday!

  • nightmoth

    Mr. Nightmoth here with a small correction: The FBI agent was indicted for lying, not killing. It was a state trooper that killed the guy.

    • FIXING!

      • nightmoth

        Thx, Dominic. Hubby likes your wrap-ups, as do I.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Hi Dom – also too – in the assad entry you have “he he’s” – I don’t think you meant that one.
        ; )

  • Hardly Ideal

    Man, Elizabeth Warren is way snarkier than I expected. Like, that shit’s so thick you can drizzle it on your pancakes.

    Now I wonder if she reads Wonkette.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Will the real Elizabeth Warren please stand up?

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        …please stand up…. please stand up… will the real Elizabeth Warren please stand up

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          That has been racing through my brain since I since I didn’t comment it.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Attorneys for Martin Shkreli hope to convince a jury that he is literally a stupid asshole who lost $10 million Ameros due to incompetence, not a scammy douchebag who purposefully stole $10 million Ameros.”

    If accurate, that’s rich – i kept seeing a headline yesterday that one of his attorneys was calling Shkreli a misunderstood “genius.”

    • jaspersdad

      He doesn’t know what he’s doing? Where have I heard that before?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Bluedog Dems need to not be such fucking pushovers. Just because you also don’t really like women or coloreds doesn’t mean that you need to work with this prick.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Baby goats and puppies. Do you have any idea what kind of trouble you’re causing?

  • Poly_Ester

    Graham and Grassley is the GOP ideal of by-partisanship. A mid-west republican and a southern republican. What could be more bipartisan than that.

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