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Good freaking Friday, Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

In the final weeks of the Obama administration, officials prepared massive retaliatory measures against Russia that included cyber attacks and sanctions to crush the Russian economy, but left the trigger to Trump — and some former officials are still kind of pissed about that.

DNI chief Dan Coats told the House Trump-Russia investigators that Trump seemed “obsessed” over the investigation, and that has Trey Gowdy just so gosh-darn mad that the testimony of Coats leaked, telling CNN, “I’ll be damned.”

Paul Manafort’s son-in-law, Jeffrey Yohai, and Dustin Hoffman(!?) are now being dragged into the Trump-Russia investigation as the FBI is looking at financial records from Yohai over allegations that Yohai was running a Ponzi scheme with Manafort’s Ukrainian blood money.

The Comey tapes don’t exist. There are no tapes, the tapes never existed; whoever said there were tapes is a liar – or a leaker, not good. Bad, very bad. So, it’s not obstruction, or intimidation, you can close the case on that. Case closed.

As disabled and wheelchair-using protesters were hauled off by the Capital Police for staging a die-in yesterday, Mitch McConnell was praising his healthcare bill, even though it’s very likely to fail miserably before it can make it to the Senate floor for a vote. [Morning Maddow]

Here’s the transcript of yesterday’s press briefing that nobody was allowed to record. Marvel at how Sarah Huckabee Sanders lies through her teeth about Medicaid, TrumpCare, the Comey tapes, Trump-Russia, the Olympics, and more!

Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee are attempting to stall hearings for Trump’s judicial nominees, stating that there hasn’t been enough time to review them, or for the American Bar Association to issue their recommendations.

Republicans are changing the locks on their vape-filled rooms as the GOP starts its tax reform plans; maybe Marco Rubio can hold the door open with his retractable spine?

Princess Ivanka is discovering the taste of failure as her paid family leave plan falls flat in the halls of Congress.

The EPA is ready to roll out new rules for the Toxic Substances Control Act of 1976 — written by the former head of one of the biggest chemical lobbying groups as part of Scott Pruitt’s “back to basics” approach to rolling back Obama regulations — and some rank and file EPA staffers are calling shenanigans.

The guy appointed to run the Energy Department’s Office of Indian Energy is of bit of a racist, misogynist, anti-Semitic, neo-nationalist asshole, according to his tweets, but at least he’s apologized.

Nancy Pelosi isn’t going anywhere, so all you haters, nay-sayers, and sucker-ass busters better come correct before you start trying to bring the heat.

Maj. Gen. Wayne W. Grigsby Jr. has been demoted by the Army to brigadier general after military investigators found him having some sexxxy times with a female captain, making him the sixth general in the past year to be found fucking around and fucking up behind closed doors.

A federal appeals court has lifted an injunction on a Mississippi law that allowed discrimination against LGBQT people on religious grounds, but the fight is far from over!

Washington State is the next transgender bathroom battleground after some bladder-shy babies got worried about who might be peeing in the stall next to them.

The mayor of Richmond, Virginia, is forming a commission to correct the “false narrative” of the Civil War by exploring contextual signage added to existing monuments and additional monuments to African Americans instead of simply removing statues. Typical liberal!

Richard Spencer’s neo-Nazis will compete with Mike Cernovich and Roger Stone’s conspiracy crazies in DC this weekend during dueling rallies. Not only will people publicly identify three of the dumbest sons of bitches in America attempting to stretch out their 15 minutes of fame, but they may even get to watch the bitter slap fight that’s brewing between the alt-right and the “New Right.”

Alt-right Youtubers have been gaming social media algorithms to push false narratives so that they can force the hands of elected officials throughout the world, but you can call out these attention whores if you know what to look out for.

An intern for Tom Cotton is on tape calling the British “faggots” and Paul Ryan a “cuck,” and saying “American are the superior race to everyone in the world,” except Benedict Arnold, who was apparently a “homosexual.” Aww, bless your black heart.

The jerkoff that drove across the country to investigate #Pizzagate will spend the next four years in prison for being A Idiot and scaring the hell out of people.

That Netflix murder mystery that twisted undies across America last year got even worse after a federal judge upheld an appeal to overturn the conviction of Brendan Dassey on the grounds that he was coerced into a confession.

Mission creep in Syria is a growing concern for many as near-misses with Russia increase and an unchecked Pentagon ramps up troop deployments in the Middle East.

A judge in Detroit has stopped the deportation of 100 Iraqi Christians on the grounds that they might be tortured or killed if they were sent back.

ICYMI, your sexy Not American boyfriend from up north, Justin Trudeau, thinks people should take Trump’s tweets seriously and that social media has become “a new wrinkle in international diplomacy.” [Video]

Ex-CIA officer Kevin Mallory has been arrested for ALLEGEDLY being a Chinese spy, trading white papers in exchange for large bundles of Ameros. It’s treason time!

The butthurt and drama between the talking heads on MoJoe and Sean Hannity reached new levels last night as Hannity aired a montage of MoJoe “meltdowns,” because he has nothing to talk about now that Fox won’t let him literally make up new bullshit.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! The Daily Show noticed Trump’s Tortilla Curtain is more of a Tortilla Ramp; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at McConnellCare; Jimmy Kimmel had more Drunk Donald Trump, and talked to LOSER kids about healthcare; James Corden is “SHOCKED” there aren’t Comey tapes

And here’s your morning Nice Time! PENGUIN POOL PARTY!

Hey! We’re doing big things these days! Help us do more by GIVING US YOUR MONEY! Use the clickys!

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • arglebargle

      Sparky!

    • Stulexington

      The real ones aren’t suppose to do that, only the toys.

  • Nounverb911

    Are we at the threshold of impeachment yet?
    https://twitter.com/MerriamWebster/status/878221283640528896

    • BadKitty904

      Not as long as the GOP holds Congress, we’re not.

    • kaydenpat

      Not until at least Jan 2019 if Dems flip Congress.

    • coozledad

      I thought that was Old English for “Roger me starfish.”

      • From Russia with Love

        Chocolate starfish.

  • Shibusa

    “…an unchecked Pentagon ramps up troop deployments in the Middle East….”
    What could possibly go wrong?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Okay, Trey. Damn you.

  • BadKitty904

    …but left the trigger to Trump“, the one person – aside from Putin – who benefited most from Russia’s attack on the United States.

  • arglebargle

    Trump has a very short trigger finger.

  • efoveks

    Remember when Trump went a-rampaging across the putting green? The picture in the article from Business Insider referred to the Baby-in-Chief as “presidential candidate”, so…. Not My President maybe isn’t anyone’s president???? I can only wildly speculate.

  • Nounverb911
    • From Russia with Love

      And yeah, asshole, we finally do miss you.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        No. I do not miss him. He got us in Afghanistan (foolishly) and Iraq (illegally) and has so much blood on his hands that I seriously question how he fucking sleeps at night.

        Plus, those antics have destabilized the entire Middle East which at its best is fragile as fuck.

        Fuck him, now and forever, amen.

        • puredog

          He did a very good job on AIDS in Africa. He may have done other things well. Trump has not done one fucking goddamned thing well. I’ll admit that I miss Dubya, but the sentiment is the poster child for “all things are relative.”

        • From Russia with Love

          Yeah, I kinda know what a prick he is, I worked in the DoD during his entire presidency.

          I’d still trade Trump for him immediately. You have no idea what kind of shit Trump is going to get us into.

      • William Cook for now

        I miss the other side of the line we crossed in November. I miss how even at his worst, at his most idiotic and evil, he still respected that line.

        The scariest thing about Trump is that he respects nothing. He will ruin anything without a second thought if it gives him that atavistic feeling of ‘Winning’.

        Trump is the worst of humanity’s potential, base reptilian urges given full use of sentient faculty.

        • From Russia with Love

          “given full use of sentient faculty.”

          And worse, given full use of the instruments of national power.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Work it, Georgie. You created those veterans, you might help out a bit to help them.

  • coozledad

    Americans are a race? Man, when that’s your starting point, it’ll be a long time before you hop off Tom Cotton’s dick.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Apparently this ignorant, xenophobic, homophobic douche-bro asshole interned for Cotton for six months. That tells us even more about what a flaming asshole Cotton is if he liked having this guy around.

    • From Russia with Love

      Tom Cotton’s dick. Where he get’s all his cotton mouth.

    • PubOption

      Only one race, or is he thinking of ‘ein volk’?

  • BosGrl

    Oh fuck Sara Huckabee: (from the WP link to the presser transcript)

    “If Democrats really cared, they would try to be involved in the process.
    They said from day one that they didn’t want to be in the conversation
    if it had anything to do with repealing and replacing Obamacare. I think
    that it’s sad, that they’ve chosen to play partisan politics instead of
    trying to have a seat at the table.”

    The next reporter should have pounced on this, but no. It gets taken up as an R talking point.

    • eka

      conversation:

      “let’s repeal obamacare now”
      “no, let’s repeal it so it doesn’t hurt people until after i’m reelected”
      “Oooh, good idea!”
      democrat: “maybe we can keep it because people seem to like it?”

      “I don’t think enough people are hurt by this. can we repeal it a little harder?”

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      This reminds me of when the Republicans played partisan politics and refused to take a seat at the table when the Obamacare was being crafted. And look how bad things turned out for them! They ended up with control of House, Senate, White House and — because of a stolen SCOTUS seat — maintained control of the Supreme Court. I hope Democrats are learning a lesson from the Republicans on this.

    • Jim Johnson

      Outright lies. What is this, North Korea?

    • cmd resistor

      So, no video because she couldn’t say this with a straight face, I guess.

    • William Cook for now

      I would love to see the details of CNN and MSNBC’s employee coverage. How little do these going-through-the-motion motherfuckers have on the line?

  • FlownΩver

    The guy appointed to run the Energy Department’s Office of Indian Energy is of bit of a racist, misogynist, anti-Semitic, neo-nationalist asshole, according to his tweets, but at least he’s apologized.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttPwA8hitoY

  • kaydenpat

    Washington state is very liberal so I assume any anti-transgender law will go nowhere.

    • OutOfOrbit

      That’s what they all say.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Dem Gov. Jay Inslee will definitely veto any bills and I don’t think the GOPers have enough seats to overturn said veto.

      • William Cook for now

        Let’s hope. For Washington’s sake. After all, Cali and Canada are right next door, what the fuck does Washington State have to draw in business?

    • puredog

      The northern I-5 corridor is liberal. The balance of the state, not so much.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    HA HA! I thought you meant Dustin Hoffman THE ACTOR was involved in this Manafort mishegas. [clicks link]
    WTF

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I am confused. I clicked the link and it does say Dustin Hoffman the actor.

      • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

        Yes it does. At first, I was like “HA HA! That would be bizarre if it were THE ACTOR Dustin Hoffman that was involved.” Then I clicked the link and read IT WAS the actor Dustin Hoffman. So my jaw hit the floor and I said to myself, “What the fuck?” (WTF?) The end.
        ETA: ABOVE NOW EDITED FOR CLARITY

  • eka

    the state of the world: nobody believed there were tapes until the president of the US said there weren’t. Now everyone’s thinking “hey, they might exist”

    • BadKitty904

      That would be because Trump is a moron.

      • Stulexington

        Also too a lying liar who lies.

        • BadKitty904

          Too. Also.

    • FlownΩver

      Nixon wasn’t demented or crooked enough to destroy his incriminating tapes. Trump definitely is. He says he never made any, but I’d put him under oath about whether anyone in his cabal ever made any.

      • eka

        you think trump cares about oaths? his lawyers have hourly panic attacks which is why he backed off the promise to testify under oath, but he would lie happily under oath without feeling a thing. I thin it’s the mental issues where he believes whatever is in his brain so it’s not really conscious lying in a sense, it’s just that the world and reality can never be as good as he is.

  • Nounverb911
    • BadKitty904

      Good.

    • Oblios_Cap

      What a poor dainty snowflake Grassley is.

    • coozledad

      What’s that Bowie line? You don’t eat when you’ve lived too long?

      Well that sea cucumber seems to still be eating.

    • FlownΩver

      Assume conscience dead.

    • cmd resistor

      Is that the airport where some other protesters showed up to greet senators as they left town for the weekend?

      • bupkus231

        DCA – otherwise known as Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport.

        Other otherwise known as Hell.

    • Spurning Beer

      Grandpa Cornpants is NOT going to have another one of those darned colonoscopies, do you hear? The stuff he had to drink before the last one made him poop until his corn hole was raw! ENOUGH ALREADY!

    • Fuck that noise. You work for us asshole.

  • Jenny

    I hope Brendan Dassey gets a fair shake. Now his uncle, don’t believe for a second he didn’t kill that young lady. His mannerism and eyes just gave me the worst feeling about his “truth.”

    • rosenbomb

      I agree. Brendan is the real victim.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    *sigh*

  • BadKitty904
    • Mpeg

      I LOL’d. Wasn’t what I was expecting… (I have settings to *hide* the GIFs so I can read actual werds. So it was only when I clicked that I could see the kitty-yarn carnage)~

      • BadKitty904

        It’s a dirty job, but…

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          I am a knitter with 5 cats (that sounds more weird old lady than I wanted it to). I go to great lengths to protect my yarn stash, because strings of all kinds are irresistible to those furry folks. Plus, it is really bad if they ingest it.

          • BadKitty904

            Hey, that yarn’s not gonna tangle itself, lady.

            (But, joshing aside, yes, it is Bad if the lil’ dickens’ eat it, so thank you on behalf of felines everywhere.)

          • From Russia with Love

            Grab it from both ends of the cat and pull it back and forth. Cat floss!

          • II Gosala

            I will never forgive you for that image.

          • From Russia with Love

            Thanks!

          • William Cook for now

            That is actually how cats die if they eat dental floss.

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            How long since you changed the ribbon candy in the dish on the end table?

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            Don’t eat! Ornamental only!

      • BadKitty904

        Aww. Well, “great talent demands great sacrifice…”

  • Everything sucks and might blow up at any moment into another world war, but this time several of the participants will have nuclear weapons and the US might be forced to choose between the Saudis and the Turks.

    Thank God the intelligent, stable President is on the case…

    We’re doomed.

    • Bananas Foster

      Want to really freak out?

      Turkey is a NATO member.

      • From Russia with Love

        But only since 1952.

      • therblig

        can they show a receipt for their 2017 dues?

      • eka

        Weird things going on with turkey in my head these days. I’m reading Orhan Pamuk, watching on coursera a course on language where I see similarities between turkish and german, streaming whenever I can stomach the sitcomy cheesiness a show called “türkisch für anfänger” and reading a book about the ottoman empire in world war i. the long, close and complicated ties between turkey and germany are fascinating and confusing. turkey and western europe generally of course, but germany in particular.

    • Oblios_Cap

      We would better to ally with the Iranians because both the Saudi’s and the Turks are just using us.

      • From Russia with Love

        We’ve used the Turks quite a bit over my lifetime. Missiles on their soil, listening posts up north, Incirlik Air Base down south…

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Honestly, the world order we helped build after WWII is the ONLY reason we are not in a full blown world war again. What happened in the early 20th century after 1 country messed with another countries internal politics? Think Serbia-Croatia around 1913-1914.

  • Ninja0980

    https://twitter.com/Mediaite/status/878072936908730368
    In the nicest way I can say this… fuck you Bernie.
    I have friends that are worried sick about losing their health care and you chose to attack Democrats?!

    • BadKitty904

      Sanders is one of the GOP’s handiest tools.

    • coozledad

      He’s a Republican stalking horse. Always was.

      A cover for racists and misogynists who want to pretend their lives aren’t utter frauds.

    • Jenny

      Fuck him. Mister I don’t want people to shoot others in my political revolution. You know, completely contrary to the realities of revolutions.

      • coozledad

        Maybe he’ll shut the fuck up once the RNC buys him another couple of houses.

      • eka

        posted the following on facebook today, apologies for the length, but this is a bit of a fuck you to the bernie bros:

        On Extremism, the Left, and the Future

        I’ve always been an extremist and I’ve always been a moderate. To be more clear, I’ve always been on the extreme end of belief but espousing moderate tactics. I don’t believe in the “burn the system down” type of rhetoric, not only because I’m not good at shouting.
        American liberals look to Europe in shape but not strategy. Granted, European politics are also changing form. But let’s look at the shape of Europe, the Things We Do Not Have, the things that we on the left wish we had:

        – free education through university with high academic standards
        – free health care
        – pensions (though this is problematic)

        In other words, the social state. The welfare state, as americans prefer. Because social democracy = socialism = communism = dictatorship.

        Obviously, to first address an important issue: none of this is free. It is funded through taxes.

        Wrong! According to Americans. But wasn’t that why society was created in the first place? To manage areas of conflict so that violence didn’t kill off everyone?

        But I digress. I want this. I want the US to become a society that takes care of its citizens. But I don’t want to accomplish this by hurting people.

        And the main point of my post here is: this happened in Europe because of moderates. The extremists hated those who wanted gradual change. The social state came about to prevent communist revolution. And maybe you’re right, maybe the threat of revolution is necessary to get the powerful classes to go along with such changes. But we’re going in the opposite direction. We’ve somehow convinced the masses that every man on his own is the best solution and government has nothing to offer. The corporations are loving this, because failure is laid on the individual and not the state. This to me is key because it is a negative vision, not a vision with a plan for providing for people. There is an exquisite contradiction in the left of distrust of the government while wanting the government to address the people’s concerns. No matter what: if you want the government to fulfill its end of the contract you have to believe in its institutions and fight for their integrity and yes, you have to accept that they will never be perfect.

        I still fail to see a path forward through things becoming worse.
        And so yes – my views may be extreme – I couldn’t give a crap about religion except that I want everyone to feel comfortable practicing whatever religion they want as long as they don’t harm others (I’m looking at you scientology), I want universal government funded healthcare and university, I want us to lead in alternative energy like northern european countries, I want a society in short where people care about others. This, in the US, is astonishingly extreme. Hey, let’s be nice to each other! does not work here.

        But my methods are moderate and always have been and always will be. I don’t believe in killing people to accomplish my goals. And if you look at history, great things have been accomplished without violence.

        sidenote: I also think that the DNC, like every other organization, is flawed and could use renewal, but I don’t view it as a seething frothing murderous bed of corruption, so unfriend me now if that view offends you.

        • From Russia with Love

          If we can’t win them over with our ideas, I’m willing to co-opt them. “Here’s a living wage. Now shut up.”

    • Now, now, we all have friends who are Berners, and we’re all on the same side fighting for the same goals. Some of us are just new to the game and a little headstrong, so we need to guide forward.

      • mackafritz

        Except the Berners hate Democrats more than they hate republicans.

      • eka

        we’re not all on the same side, that’s the problem. A lot of people are more focused on destroying the democrats than moving the country forward. I attribute it to poor education and the desire to simplify everything and find an easy enemy, but it is a huge problem.

        • From Russia with Love

          Agreed. Difficult to move forward with them on our ankles like a ball and chain.

      • OutOfOrbit

        What we have here is misdirected rage, horror and fear.

      • Jenny

        I don’t have any bernie loving friends anymore. Winning!

        • Oblios_Cap

          I’m regretting the fact that I voted for him in the primaries.

          • We all make mistakes, especially me (Just ask Editrix).

        • eka

          You’re my hero. How do I get there?

      • coozledad

        We tried to guide one who was running for our NC Senate district. He was 24 years old, refused to wear a suit when talking to the elderly congregants of black churches, stood in front of the Person County Democratic Women and said he would not support Hillary’s candidacy in any way, and posted Breitbart screeds all over his Facebook page.

        My wife and I had donated $600.00 to his campaign, and he turned around and shat on the elderly black women who’d busted their ass for Obama, and when the time came, Hillary.

        I can’t help but think that’s the last six hundred dollars that fucker will ever see.

      • Marceline

        We aren’t on the same side. That’s become very obvious.

      • II Gosala

        I’m an old and don’t keep up the the words young people use very well; so, serious question: what’s a Berner? Is it what used too be called a Bernie bro back in the day?

        • Yeah. New name, same great taste.

          • II Gosala

            Thanks.

      • MrTusks

        I voted for Bernie in the primary and I’m not ready to concede that Trump would have beaten him. But I did my fucking job in the general and voted for Hillary and I’m not under any illusions that the Democrats are the bad guys. The Republicans are smashing and grabbing for all the evil they can get because they think their days are numbered. People showed up for Barry because he was exciting, and I thought Bernie was exciting, but the past is past. Hopefully the idea of saving the world in 2018 will be exciting enough to get people off their asses again.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Democrats should think twice before taking advice from someone who is not a member of the Democratic Party.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Ooooh, this has me wonering what Susan Sarandon thinks of the bill!

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        She wanted the system (all of them) to break down if Bernie didn’t win so I guess she’s cool with it?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’ve lost a lot of respect for him. I used to really admire him, but he should have shut up after he lost the primary.

      • Ninja0980

        I lost respect for him during the primaries when he dragged it out when it was clear he was going to lose and the attacks he used on Hillary that weakened her support among the Democratic base.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Same here. He wasn’t a Democrat, but he used our party to run his campaign, and then attacked our candidate when it was clear he was losing. He helped to weaken her, and then we got stuck with a big fat, orange, turd in the White House. It’s like getting invited to someone’s house for dinner, not bringing a bottle of wine with you, and then leaving a big, steaming turd on their living room carpet.

          • MizzMazz

            I really liked him too. Used to listen to ‘Brunch with Bernie’ on Thom Hartmann, and thought he had good ideas. Was delighted he was running, and voted for him in the primary, but yes, he needs to go away and do something else. He’s not helping.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            What really pissed me off was that after he lost (fair and square) he chose to not help Hillary win. He helped a bit, but he should have really been telling his followers “do not under ANY circumstances vote for Trump. This is a huge mistake.”

          • MizzMazz

            Agreed. And he should have acknowledged that he was riding on Democrats coat tails, because as an Independent, he would have fucked things up worse.

          • Little Lulu Ω

            He was a really good candidate for President of Vermont; but not at all for President of the United States. Bernie’s still angry? Tough shit.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Republicans were HOPING we’d nominate him. A lot of Democrats didn’t notice that the GOP was oddly silent about Bernie. They weren’t doing it out of fear, they were doing it because they couldn’t wait to blast him in the general election.

    • Marceline

      Bernie should be focusing on his own issues.

      https://twitter.com/politico/status/878187147827843072

      • coozledad

        Milovan Djilas already wrote the book on these fuckers. It’s called “The New Class.”

    • Persistent Demme

      Oh, Bernie!

    • Little Lulu Ω

      Yes, Fuck you, Bernie.

    • chortlingdingo

      If he thinks the Democratic party is so bad, why the hell did he try to run as one?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Jeebus, General Disorder. It’s okay fuck OVER your subordinates, not fuck’em.

  • Nounverb911
    • therblig

      i’m guessing he does fink on soul brothers.

  • FlownΩver

    A judge in Detroit has stopped the deportation of 100 Iraqi Christians on the grounds that they might be tortured or killed if they were sent back.

    The judge further ordered that all deported non-Christian Iraqis will receive a full ration of Thoughts ‘N’ Prayers™.

  • Mpeg

    Did Wonket come up with the “retractable spine” thing about Rubio? Inquiring minds want to know!

    • I’m pretty sure I/we did! It may be used in other places, but I know I’ve been using it for awhile now.

      • FlownΩver

        It’s pretty generous to the little dickwad, suggesting he has one at all.

        • He breaks it out when necessary, and loans it to other GOP congressional members who need a leg to stand on.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Dominic woke up. Yay!

  • boredcatlady

    I can’t believe I’m just now hearing about the hannity/MoJo beef. Where have I been?

    I’m going to go sit quietly, close my eyes, and imagine the 2015 cast of The Daily Show acting out all the parts. And then as Simpsons characters.

    OMG, does anyone wanna come over and play this slapfight with Barbies with two nu-Kens?

    This could be my whole day, y’all.

  • ariel_gee_398

    What’s that you say? McConnell is even more venal and hypocritical than I thought? Inconceivable.
    https://twitter.com/perlmutations/status/878074637208363008

    • Oblios_Cap

      I guess he grew his shell later in life.

      • therblig

        he missed the security of an iron lung

    • eka

      Okay, but he’s white. They’re just not allowed anymore to write that only white people get toys, so that means nobody’s allowed to play anymore. See where all your political correctness got you?

    • OutOfOrbit

      Another gate-closer pulling up the ladder.

    • William
      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Way too cute to be Mitch.

      • Jenny

        I just laughed during a very serious training presentation. Darn you!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Ron Perlman is awesome!

    • Lori

      Paul Ryan has spent the majority of his life on the public dime one way or another and his entire Congressional career attacking people who get anything from the government. His raging hypocrisy hasn’t hurt his career any. Republican voters aren’t going to care about McConnell’s shit either.

    • William Cook for now

      Part of me holds out hope that enough rednecks like Perlman’s movies for him to actually get through to people unreachable by the mainstream left.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The guy appointed to run the Energy Department’s Office of Indian Energy is of bit of a racist, misogynist, anti-Semitic, neo-nationalist asshole,

    Native Americans are used to dealing with his kind.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Paul Manafort’s son-in-law, Jeffrey Yohai, and Dustin Hoffman(!?) are now being dragged into the Trump-Russia investigation as the FBI is looking at financial records from Yohai over allegations that Yohai was running a Ponzi scheme with Manafort’s Ukrainian blood money

    Muller has just one question for Mr. Hoffman. Is it safe?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Oh Tom Cottonhead’s intern, “American” isn’t a race. Unless we are talking about native Americans, but I have a feeling that’s not the “superior race” that you THINK you are talking about.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I was unaware that there was an American race. Fun fact: the commenters in the story claim this intern is black.

      • Lori

        Pics or it didn’t happen, but there’s no rule that says black people can’t be dumber than dirt and racist AF.

  • Left Coast Tom

    OK, so there’s no Tapes, but what about Tapps?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Why the everloving fuck, at this point in human history, do we still have a prominent football team called the Washington Redskins, and a government agency called the Office of Indian Energy?

    • From Russia with Love

      Because it’s not Pakistani Energy?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      “Indian” is half the syllables of “Native American,” and people are lazy. Dunno about Redskins.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      File your complaint through the Bureau of Indian Affairs website…

      https://www.bia.gov

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I know…and any attempt to remedy this will be mocked as political correctness run amok.

      • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

        I hear Trump is searching for the great-great grandson of George Armstrong Custer, so that he may appoint him BIA director.

    • Because Dan Synder is a dick with a moat.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Indian Energy powerful wakanda, as they say in the movies.

  • Mpeg

    I don’t want to listen to some bigoted prick on Cotton’s team of ghouls dish out his slur-filled derp, maybe if I just view the penguins’ video over & over while I listen maybe I’ll get through it~

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Maybe Morning Joe should get their hands on tapes of Hannity paling around and sucking up to these fucking white supremacist militia assholes, a number of whom-in Arizona-went on to murder a man and his young daughter.

    • ariel_gee_398

      How about we put Hannity and Joe on an island for a reality show ala Survivor?Except without cameras. And no return tickets.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Great idea. Maybe we could finally get Hannity to do that “Waterboard Challenge” he bragged about but has been ducking for 13 years.

  • William
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Heck, even if there were tapes, they wouldn’t help Trump unless they were edited – and if he got caught doing that, hello impeachment. So even if Trump has any, he’s either erased them or they’re useless to him and are just sitting in a drawer/computer file somewhere.

      • William

        If lying about a former President bugging your building doesn’t get you impeached, I doubt if anything Trump does would ever shock the conscience of the majority party in either houses.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          The only way to shock the majority party in either house is to hold a 20,000 volt lead directly to their ears.

          • bupkus231

            Even then, they’d have to be properly grounded….

          • William

            In theory if you give them each a fork and put them in a room with an ample amount of wall outlets the problem would take care of itself, but we just don’t have that kind of time.

        • William Cook for now

          Wait for month 46 when ‘besmirching the name of a former president’ becomes treason.

          He can’t change libel laws without hosing himself, but he can make himself an exception!

          • chortlingdingo

            besmirching the name of a former Republican president

            FIFY

      • shivaskeeper

        That would be criminal charges. Impeachment is a purely political process. If my understanding of it is right, and using your example, he could be charged with editing the tapes, but no one could do anything about it while he was sitting President. They would have to wait until his term was up or he was impeached but in either case he would have to be out of office.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Colostomy bag libelz!

      • cmd resistor

        True, colostomy bags serve a useful purpose.

        • William Cook for now

          *Thoroughly perdorated colostomy bag.

          Fixed.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “American are the superior race to everyone in the world,”

    So all that mixing of races, over the centuries worked out just fine for America, then?

  • Mystery_Poster
  • Plans for the Trump library are underway!

    Donald Trump’s ancestral brothel gets a new lease on life
    There wasn’t much left of the flesh-pot that Friedrich Trump built on the road to the Klondike. Parks Canada and a Yukon First Nation are changing that.

    …The current U.S. president may own resorts on four continents, but his ancestral fortune began with a two-storey outfit selling swan meat and sex in Canada.

    “Everybody’s gotta start somewhere,” says Donna Laperle, a tourist from California.

    http://www.macleans.ca/news/donald-trumps-ancestral-brothel-gets-a-new-lease-on-life/

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fd1d8e91a4bdaa5235b533c876e21c1488d5e054add4b70d1bc119c6267052a9.jpg

  • Oblios_Cap

    Washington State is the next transgender bathroom battleground after some bladder-shy babies got worried about who might be peeing in the stall next to them.

    Who worries about shit like this? It isn’t normal.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If they’re in the stall next to you, unless they’re doing some advanced gymnastics, they can’t see you.

      So why are you worried?

      Oh, wait, these are the people who obsess over the gay couple down the block doing the nasty.

      Never mind.

    • shivaskeeper

      Everyone thinks WA State is a liberal bastion. Yeah, the state goes blue because of King County and Seattle, but right now we are in our third special session for the state lege, and we about to go into a partial government shutdown on July 1st because the lege is GOPer dominated.

      They are the sort of people who worry about that. Or their base is anyway.

      • laineypc

        We’ve got sites at Deception Pass reserved for July 1-2. If it shut down, so much for that. I know, first world problems, but closing state parks is so much suck for thousands of us summer-hungry Washingtonians.

        • shivaskeeper

          GOPer controlled lege.

  • Bebecca

    Stay with me here. I don’t watch the Bachelor or Idol but I do watch those reality shows about a failing business, restaurants, bars even hair salons. The owners think if you build it they will come but are really clueless about running their business and it’s one disaster after another. That is exactly what the whole Trump clan reminds me of, they think they have the magic words and magic touch to turn everything around and change the dynamics of the country and even the world-when in fact they are clueless and worse, driven by greed. They’re evil amateurs.

    • shivaskeeper

      They do have the magic touch. Especially DJT. He can take an operating business to bankruptcy is record time. Of course that may not be the kind of thing you are talking about. But it is his superpower.

      • MizzMazz

        Oh yes, it’s a magic power all right. When I used to believe in/study psychic phenomena, there was a thing called ‘anti-psychic’ which was a person who could shut down a room of psychics by just being in there. They were like a lead curtain or something.
        It’s a great excuse when a psychic fails – blame it on the anti-psychic in the room.

      • Bebecca

        it’s exactly what I’m talking about. Everything he touches turns to $hit. Next up: the USA

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald complains Mueller and Comey are friends and his staff is stuffed with Hilz donors. Dean Smith of UNC would say playing the refs in a NCAA only goes so far.

  • Michael Smith

    I thought that meant “cigarettes” in British. They’re going to be a bit confused.

      • Michael Smith

        haha excellent

    • Courser_Resistance

      My mom frequently referred to cigarettes as ‘fags’ in the British sense. No connection with homosexuality that I know of and that was most certainly not her meaning. But I’m really bummed that I can’t use her phrase of, “Light me a fag…” for lighting a cig. While we hail from Scotland (and other places) it was a couple of generations ago. She probably picked it up from Brits when she and my dad were stationed in Paris back when they were first married.

      • MizzMazz

        So did my ex. We’d often go outside for a ‘pull on a fag’. I’ve been wiping that out of my vocabulary, along with other words that might be hurtful to others. PC? Sure, if being PC is being decent to other people, I’m in.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Same here. It’ll pop into my head and I’ll give a little smile and remember Mom. No need to actually say it.

          • MizzMazz

            Yeah, me too. Back in the 80’s calling things ‘gay’ was okay as a slur, but not anymore, and I’m okay with that.
            Nice Mom memories are so good.

      • UnsaltedSinner
      • William Cook for now

        Both come from the same root slang, that is, a small bundle of sticks used as kindling.

        • Courser_Resistance

          That’s what she told us when we were little and asked, “What’s a fag?” when we were little. She explained about the twigs.

        • Actually it comes from the fact that homosexuals were burned to death on a pile of fags (kindling), according to some gay guy on TV.

          • William Cook for now

            No, it comes from calling a gay person a ‘fag’, meaning ‘worthless except for throwing on the fire’, and also from how they wouldn’t bother with a stake for homosexuals, like they might for other crimes. Just tie them up and throw them on, don’t waste a good log.

          • You say no, but you mean “yes, that is correct”. The word fag is used for homosexuals because they were burned to death on faggots.

            But I already said that. What was your point again? You sound confused. 🙃

          • William Cook for now

            Burned on something is not the same as burned as something. If I burned you on a pile of sheep shit, that is not the same as burning you because I think you’re essentially worth the same as sheep shit, and then calling your friends sheep shit as a way to say they are only good for disposal.

            Your explanation downplays the callous disregard for their very humanity. I am not confused, but I’m sorry you missed the distinction.

          • William Cook for now

            Also, don’t tell me what I mean based on ‘what some gay guy said on TV’.

  • rosenbomb

    I’m glad Trump is obsessed with the Russia investigation. I hope he’s losing sleep. I hope he knows, at his core, that he is one of the most hated men in the world. I hope he spends every waking moment paranoid and absolutely fucking miserable.

    • therblig

      and hobbling around on cripping bone spurs

      • eka

        points for bone spurs. maybe stuff like that is key to winning over the populace. call trump a cripple or something.

        • William Cook for now

          Maybe Obama could challenge him to some sportsball.

          No, wait, fuck that, Harris or Warren should.

          • eka

            i bet when billie beat bobby is one of his most hated movies.

    • shivaskeeper

      I think he was most of that before the election.

  • BigCSouthside

    Trump, a self described “counterpuncher” has been told by every Intel agency that Russia fucked us, has a retaliation plan handed to him, and won’t fucking do it.

    This guy retaliates to every perceived slight and won’t fucking touch russia.

    Collusion. End of story.

    • William

      That’s because Obama bugged his penthouse and Russia didn’t.

      • How would you know Russia has no bugs in Trump’s penthouse? 🤡

        • William

          Cuz’ Benghazi!…..that’s why, oh and Monica Lewinski something…and um…Kenya.

    • shivaskeeper

      Collusion; in hock to Russia up to his eyeballs. Po-TAY-to, po-TAH-to.

      • Barbarajphillips

        our neighbor’s sister-in-law makes 89 dollars per hour on the internet, she has been unemployed for 10 months.. the previous month her revenue was 20382 dollars only working on the laptop three hours per day…➤ go here to this link
        ➜➜➜http://www.ZoomOnlineTopJobsMarketZoom/Home/Wage….
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    • eka

      big problem is: is trump guilty of collusion or idiocy? he doesn’t give a shit about anything except: big crowds and fuck obama. the people around him are corrupt. if he doesn’t care about something and they do, he’ll sign off on it. when it comes down to convictions, is he cognizant enough to be guilty of more than being a complete and utter moran?

      • Lori

        You left out money. He gives many, many shits about money.

        • eka

          true, but he’s not too good at the money thing. it could be the thing the people who consciously collude lure him with. “sign this! you’ll make lots of money”. Also too, I think of accusing him of being too stupid to collude is a good strategy in today’s politics. dems should all be saying “ha, trump/russia? No way, guy lets everyone else control everything and anyway he’s too much of a moron to work out such a brilliant strategy. “

          • Lori

            He absolutely isn’t good at the money thing, but that doesn’t mean there’s no collusion. He’s an idiot, but that doesn’t mean he has no idea what he’s signing. Remember that time he said people should vote for him because he’s too rich to be bribed, unlike crooked Hillary? Remember that he lies about everything and it’s always projection with these assholes? I’d bet money I can’t afford to lose that he knew what he was doing.

          • eka

            … I agree to some extent. I think there are things he didn’t know about. But I think also that he has this idea that mafia-type business tactics are perfectly fine in government and has willingly done some things in that style. My hope is that while I think he probably didn’t know everything, he did know enough and decide enough that in a reasonable situation he’d be locked away for years.

          • I think there are things he didn’t know about.

      • BigCSouthside

        If he knows and signs off he’s complicit

        • eka

          but how much did/does he know? His attention span is anti-knowing. That wouldn’t be a defense for most, but obviously we’ve seen that well known and powerful people can get out of charges quite easily, so … normal standards of guilt don’t apply.

  • BrendaKay

    The Trudeau hug and penguin pool party are the only things keeping me sane this morning.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    https://twitter.com/DPRK_News/status/878235136101404674 Incompetent official to be tried and sentenced to participate in anti-aircraft skeet shooting competition.

  • CeeQ

    Paid family leave. *snort* pffft – fuck off Ivanka. Your party won’t even allow basic health care for poor and disabled people. What makes you think they’ll even consider PAYING parents to be able to take time off to be with their kids? Like some common lazy parents who are lazy.
    Try framing it as a tax credit or tax cut. They think tax credits solve everything.
    Also – go fuck yourself.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Does anybody seriously think that the Republican party is going to sign off on spending when the premise is that women work outside the home?

      • CeeQ

        Exxxxxxactly.

  • Me not sure

    Much outrage at Trump this morning seems to be aimed at the fact that he drove a golf cart across a green at a course that he owns. Really? C’mon people, we need to up our game here.

    • II Gosala

      Ya go with what works. If this is what gets the country club types to rethink, I’m fine with it.

      • Me not sure

        It’s all fun and games until the bombs fall.

    • Jamoche

      You’ve got to give rich assholes ammo they understand.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    FYI: Cotton’s intern was fired.
    __

    “Baked Alaska” also got into a Twitter war with Loomer after he posted a meme with her face Photoshopped into a gas chamber, outside which stood Donald Trump in a Nazi uniform, ready to pull the switch: “Et tu, brute?” it read.

    Loomer responded in shock: “Wow. I’m calling on @bakedalaska to fully condemn anti-Semitism after posting this pic of me inside a gas chamber.”

    He laughed at her: “It’s a fucking meme. You’re an SJW [‘Social Justice Warrior’] now and it’s hilarious.”

    First they we came for everyone who wasn’t a racist piece of trash…

    • UnsaltedSinner

      He seems nice.

    • The whole story is just full of teh dumz

    • HazooToo

      I hate these people so much.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Tonight is Sankthansaften (St. John’s Eve), which is bonfire night here in Norway (the sacrifice of virgin cops is optional). I suppose I should be in a boat heading out to watch the bonfires and eat hot dogs, but I can’t be bothered, and also the local weather is crappy. But unlike me, at least the people of Sandefjord take St. Hans very seriously. These guys will lead the annual boat procession, which is a thing there. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2ec833dee3566917e2855d8f8f6da49ebfcbe7be393902e7ce014e9cc1100263.jpg

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tlnrNJ2VQc

    Their invasion of Britain should begin in a few days, weather permitting.

  • Edith Prickly

    Richard Spencer’s neo-Nazis will compete with Mike Cernovich and Roger Stone’s conspiracy crazies in DC this weekend during dueling rallies. Not only will people publicly identify three of the dumbest sons of bitches in America attempting to stretch out their 15 minutes of fame, but they may even get to watch the bitter slap fight that’s brewing between the alt-right and the “New Right.”

    Cage match or GTFO!

    • UnsaltedSinner

      So little time, so many Nazi faces to punch…

      • It’s like a buffet, you keep going back for seconds or thirds just to get your money’s worth.

  • calliecallie

    There are African penguins? Who knew? I thought penguins liked it cold.

    Sadly, that African penguin pool party reminded me of the video after that African American pool party, where the cop threw that girl to the ground to arrest her or whatever he was doing. I guess we should be glad he didn’t shoot her. Jesus.

  • Doug Langley

    Here’s today’s installment of . . . The Fountainhead!

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/daylightatheism/2017/06/fountainhead-hooray-unions/#disqus_thread

    In our episode, Ayn Rand shows support for . . . unions???

  • Poly_Ester

    No Tapes! No Tapes! Digital.

  • White House reporters object to off-camera briefings

    C’mon guys. You know we look like a bunch of idiots on camera.

    Let’s be fair about this…
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/3oGNDk2Ue1PbGr8qty/200_d.gif#29

    So idiotic even blind people can see!

  • Poly_Ester

    Tom Cotton’s intern needs to realize that the Brits invented exceptionalism and that their amateur efforts are beyond anything anyone else can achieve.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I just heard the details about how immigrants on work visas won’t be allowed to apply for healthcare on the government exchanges under the GOP “health” “care” bill. Even if you hate brown dudes doing all the coding, how is this a good idea?

  • Khavrinen

    “Richard Spencer’s neo-Nazis will compete with Mike Cernovich and Roger Stone’s conspiracy crazies in DC this weekend during dueling rallies.”

    Anybody else hear banjos?

  • AuntyMaude

    I wish I were a penguin. Penguins are good people.

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