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Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!
Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!

One of the joys of comment moderation is finding brand-new comments on a story from years ago, as we did this weekend; some genius calling himself “Michael Johnson” made himself a fresh new Disqus account so he could vent some TRUTH about this trend of Southern states getting rid of their Confederate flags all of a sudden — without noticing the article was from June 2015. In any case, Mr. “Johnson” wanted to let us know a Southern Man don’t need us around, anyhow:

I for one would ABSOLUTELY LOVE, for any one of these pathetic sheeple to bring themself, and whatever they THINK will protect them on down to Dixie Land. And run they’re mouth about the southern cross like that. I can guarantee they wouldn’t leave in the same condition they arrived!

It would be something I told my southern brothers about for years. LMAO

What we love about this comment is that our Proud Southerner didn’t even seem to have noticed that every single example in the article involved southern governors and other officials announcing plans to remove the Treason Flag and other Confederate detritus from their capitol buildings, license plates, and such, following the massacre at Charleston’s Emanuel A.M.E. (two years ago yesterday, Jesus). Apparently he seems to think the Citadel is run by damnyankees — or he saw our headline on Google about Confederate flags and didn’t read the article at all. He had other thoughts, too — some of them in reply to a stupid liberal who called him names because they were stupid and made fun of some typos:

  • Hey dip shit it isn’t nor ever was the caise of our resentment toward yankee traitors. It was the continued attack on the southern people after the war was “over”. Just keep doin’ whatcha do & blame a flag. But when this does all finally create the conflict they are hoping for, it won’t be our stars, & bars shooting at ya. LMAO
  • Yankees will never ever really beat us! Because you’ll never be able to annihilate the rebellion. You’re all a bunch of tyrants come get my flag, & be introduced to another close personal friend of the south; a rifle. Sissies!
  • As far as I’m concerned I could careless or even take anything derogatory you say as a complement. Seeing how you went to a government school and perceive it as an education. I despise such lame ignorance with a passion! The WORLD literally gets dumber ever time you utter a word. For the love of life lady SHUT THE HELL UP 🤐 hahaha
  • Just displaying my southern pride and it was the dumb ass autocorrect that was screwing my sentences up in the first place you stupid ass imprudent cunt! Speaking of cowards I’m tired of replying to you “bad ass” telephone tough guys. You wouldn’t ever run your sissy ass cock sucker in the south. Lol
     
    So I’ll escape this ignorance before you dumb down retards piss me off. 🙄 Watch out for them terrible flags & Jews they’re everywhere!

The strange comment about “Jews” appears to be a reference to something a different late commenter on the piece said; we’ll get to that in a moment. The main thing you need to understand is that “Michael Johnson” is a mutimedia troll: mere words alone were insufficient to adequately express his Southern Prod. Prepare to witness the power of his fully armed and operational jpegs:

We were especially impressed by that last one: it takes a truly tough guy to fearlessly post such a sloppily elongated image of an M-16, unafraid of anyone pointing out it’s all out of proportion and squooshed. Maybe that’s why no one will come and take it. But wait, he had more Proudly Defiant images to shame us stupid Yankees!

Note the broken chain on that “heritage not hate” thing, symbolizing that the white Southerner will no longer be enslaved by political correctness, or maybe that the War of Northern Aggression was never about slavery, or perhaps simply that his underfed pit bull has broken loose again.

At least we can all come together in appreciating a clever dick joke. Especially if it’s on a t-shirt. Which he will show to all his friends and they will all laugh and laugh at the hilarity of it all.

Marilyn Monroe is the Statue of Liberty, she has a gun, and she is standing in front of an American flag. If that doesn’t say all you need to know about Southern Pride, you probably are a communist.

Before leaving us to stew in our ignorant ignorance, “Michael” had a little bit of True History Science to lay on us — suggesting he’s either incredibly dumb or engaged in 11th-dimensional trolling. (And yeah, there’s the Jews thing again; he really latched onto that one). We’re leaning toward “actually that dumb,” but who knows? It’s the internet!

BTW how many Yankees does it take to figure out your stars & stripes was designed after & in the likeness of the stars and bars? The colors and stars were on our flag first. So if you’re so offended by the confederate flag I’d suggest you get a new flag.

So worried about those “terrible” Jews that are always blowing themselves up & flying planes into buildings full of people who pose no eminent threat to anyone. You worry about a historical american flag & people who mean you no harm. Mean while you openly support the mass migration of countless possible terrorist into your cities. And when a suicide bomber finds his way into the Sears Tower or flies a plane into the Empire State you’ll have to remember it will be because of you & like minded people. You won’t be able to point at Jews, Isreal, or rebel flags for that. That’ll be on you!

Yes. The Continental Congress stole its design for Old Glory, adopted in 1777, from one of the several flags of a breakaway confederation that lasted from 1861 to 1865. It is believed they borrowed Obama’s time machine to commit the intellectual theft. Also, why are we worried about a historical, non-hateful flag saluted by Marilyn Monroe and Jeff Sessions alike when the real problem is all the Muslim terrorists we are welcoming to sit on our laps, HUH? Guess he told us! We have no idea what, but he definitely told us.

Now, for the bit about Jews: “Michael Johnson” was very taken by another latecomer to the post about Confederate flags, a comment from a year ago by one “Joshua Johns,” who wanted to take us to task for our hipster commie-chic and all the Che Guevara shirts he just knew we were all wearing. Also, leftists are all anti-Semites since we hate Jews, even when, like Yr Editrix, we are one:

Leave it to the same people who will proudly raise a USSR flag and wear Che Guevara on their shirt to demand the confederate flag come down but defend the right for people to fly the flag of any other country they want. They might get upset if they see a Nazi flag of course while wearing their hammer and sickle or the face of some communist murderer. I’m not talking about the guy who wrote this particular article of course, it’s just annoying how hypocritical people can be. Maybe I’ll fly an Israeli flag on the back of my truck some time to piss off a liberal since they hate Jews anyway; everything that comes out of a liberal’s mouth seems to have something to do with this huge conspiracy about how Zionists are taking over the earth. All I hear is anti Semitism and hate coming out of their mouths; they’re practically saying ‘crank up the gas’ every time they say Zionists are the reason the whole world is screwed up.

Yr Dok Zoom is gratified to know “Joshua Johns” — who has interesting thoughts on weather control, “Planet 9,” and Area 51 as well — didn’t accuse me of wearing a hammer and sickle before launching into a rant about the universal anti-Semitism of liberals. The comment made quite the impression on “Michael,” who was apparently instantly convinced that Wonkette readers see evil Jews in the woodwork everywhere, because, after all, he read it on the internet.

One more latecomer to the comments on that story: “Undecider” — who also likes to explain that nobody died at Sandy Hook — just wanted us to know we’re a bunch of indoctrinated sheep who think we’re smart, but are actually being played for patsies by the international Elites who really run things, and somehow keeping the Treason Flag flying is important to resisting the New World Order’s attack on our brainspace:

What the editors this site fail to realize is the “Elite” they worship, who masquerade in the American and various European flags, are also a bunch of inbreeds. It’s always amazing how the Leftists, Liberals and Progressives try to think of themselves as somehow Elite or “educated.” No, they had been indoctrinated during what they thought was education. These folks have their nose high in the air and look down on people who hadn’t walked the same ivory halls [of education]. What’s needed is to learn how to think. Not, what to think.

Again, all they received was an indoctrination in carefully crafted and rewritten history designed to keep their minds in a box. It’s as the captions common to the Confederate flag state, “if this image offends you, you need a history lesson.”

Yes, Wonkette, you need a history lesson.

When they can pick off one flag, more will follow. Last to be removed will be the U.S. flag. What will replace it?

Gosh. If only we had learned to think critically, we could see all the connections between the Zionists (“Undecider” doesn’t like ’em, so he must be a liberal, like us!) and the fake Sandy Hook massacre, the fake 9/11 attack, the fake history of the Civil War, and of course, the “The Masonic run gay agenda.” This person’s comment history is worth a visit if only for the vast crank magnetism on display: “Undecider” appears to think Alex Jones has sold out by accepting at least part of the official lies about Sandy Hook. Damn that Alex Jones and his kowtowing to conventional thinking!

As for more recent Wonkets, “KYS Twice” — your guess is as good as ours — had quite a lot to say about our story on probable Russian hacking of election-data systems in 39 states. A sampling:

  • GOOD NEWS: Donald J. Trump is now the President of the United States. MAGA
  • Let’s see all the evidence you have on Russian influence. Don’t be shy. Post it.
  • Trump is THE MAN. You, on the other hand, are the CUCK. Go join Antifa and throw a tantrum, LOSER. lol
  • It’s obvious you’re a product of public education and very bad parenting. My accept my sympathies.
  • You’re liberal, which means you can’t win. Liberals are born losers with diminished capacity.
  • Oooo. Generic. Ooooo. Big word from little mind. Ooooo.
  • Do you realize how stupid you are? Oh, wait, stupid jerks like you CAN’T realize how stupid they because they’re too STUPID.

We’re not sure what we loved most: the one with all the “you’re stupid” in it, the notion that “generic” is a fancy-ass elitist vocabulary word used only by pretentious liberals, or the simple fact that all of the above taunts (and a dozen more we didn’t include) were posted after “KYS Twice” announced he’d had enough fun showing us to be simpletons, and bade us farewell forever with “Okay, kids, Daddy has work to do. Play nice, now. Buh Bye!” Not that we can really blame the poor snowflake — Wonkette is addictive, after all.

Finally, this VERY IMPORTANT EMAIL from “John DeH______,” who demanded an explanation from us about the lies and misinformation being spread by Wonkette’s first editor (2004-2006), who hasn’t sullied her keyboard writing for Wonkette for years:

Hello, it came to my attention that the former editor, Ms. Cox, has published inaccurate and incomplete information about the Article V Convention. In this day and age it’s almost impossible to get ahold of media elite. My question is, has Wonkette addressed the issue of a “constitutional convention” and if so, what is its position?

Sincerely,
John De H_____

Gosh, someone who hasn’t been at this internet establishment in a decade was wrong on the internet, and you’d like to set her straight? Here, let us get right on that for you! We asked if the email at least had an interesting subject heading; Yr Editrix said it was simply “Article V,” which was disappointing. Therefore, we’ll take Evan’s suggestion and tell you all the subject line was really “Article V … IN YOUR BUTT!”

And that’s it for this week’s deletia! OK, yeah, we heard from a bunch of White Power Rangers who wanted us to know that the legacy of the asshole who coined the phrase “Anti-racist is a code word for anti-white” would live on forever, because he was right, but fuck them, you know what they said without our needing to copy-paste a single word — or even 14 words — of it here. It’s Father’s Day, and far too nice a day to mess around quoting a bunch of idiots. Err… more than we already have.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” clicky below to send us your filthy Ameros!

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  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • RobKanC

      Oh please. Like the Preznit can even come closer to having the class of my President, Barack H. Obama.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I could say something rude here about Donnie and Ivanka, but being a gentleman, I won’t.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Nope, too busy waving his dick around on twitter.

    • Ninja0980

      Can we have him back?

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Strange realisation this would be something said by the people now voting for Trump approx. 150 years ago.

    • He’s too busy wishing Ivanka would serve him breakfast in bed for Father’s Day. Yes…breakfast.

    • doktorzoom

      Notice how he has to make EVERYTHING about himself!!!!!!!1!

      • cleos_mom

        And everything, including but not limited to NATO, is a “deal.”

    • Caustic Elvisfellow

      Well, Mike Pence has him beat. The thing he’s proudest of is being VP to Trump. I bet his wife and kids were flattered.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Wasn’t he proudest of serving god?

        • willi0000000

          he is most proud of being so humble.

        • desida

          Same thing, as far as he’s concerned?

    • Shibusa
      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        Wait, that was REAL?!

        • Shibusa

          I think it is. Jake Tapper retweeted it.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            Holy shit. He just gets more and more garbagey every day.

          • Shibusa

            I just looked at DJT’s twitter feed and it’s not there. So … fake news! :-o

          • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

            Look at the date.

          • Shibusa

            Thanks! (Duh: me!)

  • The President Is Not Under Investigation…

    The President will start that new diet and exercise program tomorrow.

    The check for the money the President owes you is in the mail.

    And President Putin won’t cum in your mouth, Mr Trump.
    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/fb/ae/cb/fbaecb6012f653945ab624bbe1705c03.jpg

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Noe of them, Katy.

    • H0mer0

      I was looking for the LOL cat pwomising to tell selected porshuns of the twooth if it didn’t get him in trouble, but that was probably from 8 years ago so I haz disappoint.

  • msanthropesmr

    OOoh mister fancy man – “generic” oooh”

    I think we were invaded by Moe Syzlak

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXJkLBj6G1k

    • H0mer0

      [I liked how Homer henceforth or ‘heretofore’ referred to his “garage” as the “carhole” in that episode.]

      • Le Covfefe Royal

        To this day, I only call it a car hole.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    We must concede that “KYS Twice” has defeated us by dint of his irrefutable logic and sheer rhetorical brilliance. We simple libtards, with our “diminished capacities” and inability to recognize how stupid we are, (because we are too STUPID) – stand humbled. I tip over my king, sir. The field is yours.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Spoken like a gentleman. Now, did you want to eat his brain, or should I just impale him?

      • Raan

        I vote impale. No brain that comes up with that is fit for consumption.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    I hate to get all technically historical, and all that: but, due to the limited industrial base of the Confederate States, most of their “longer cannons” and “big balls” were made in Europe.

    • Bobathonic

      There’s a strap-ons and merkins joke in there, somewhere.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Who wouldn’t favor big French balls?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Mother of God…these white peckerwoods are even dumber than I imagined. They need to git themselfs some book larnin’.

    • I sometimes miss the old days, when computers were harder to operate than TVs. (Instead of vice-versa.)

  • La forza del resistino

    Talking Battle flags again? Paging William Tecumseh Sherman

  • memzilla Ω

    If I want to see what these gormless rednecks think I’ll put a mirror in the toilet bowl and when I get up it will STILL make twice as much sense as they do.

    • weejee

      Pressed ham instead of smoked?

  • weejee

    Imprudent Cunts

    Sounds like a Lizard Skinner band name to me.

    / gimme three steps…

  • lowenufc

    Traitor Flag. End of story.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I love Charlie Pierce’s term for it — the gonfalon of sedition.

      • Predisenting Ron

        More erudite than my fave, ‘Dixie Swastika.’

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      P.S. Loser flag also too.

    • Bobathonic

      It’s a “Thanks for Participating” Ribbon.

  • memzilla Ω

    O look, another Twitler apologist massacres logic and gets the “confused Labrador retreiver” look from Jake Tapper.
    . https://twitter.com/brianstelter/status/876432716203302912

    • lowenufc

      Seriously, to be a talking head on some sort of broadcast media requires the consciousness of a potato. Tell me I am wrong.

      • H0mer0

        Maybe that’s what David Byrne meant when he sang “Bon Chance, you might get what you’re after.”

      • GreyWolfSC

        Tapper cannot tell the original tweet was 31 characters below the limit. ’nuff said.

      • Doug Langley

        It never ceases to gall me how different my career path would have been had I been born handsome.

        • Maggielle

          I know, right? It’s such a darn shame. I have a face made for radio. But my voice is kind of annoying. And no one deserves mimes, so no options but anonymous typing.

      • Paul

        And the soul of a raisin

    • H0mer0

      [I call that the Abe Vigoda with a hemorrhoid look. Does that mean that Tapper is a Labrador with a hemorrhoid? They are also cute]

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Should Trump be impeached and removed from office, he will sit around twatting about how he was never impeached and is still POTUS.

  • BosGrl

    KYS = Kill Your Self, I believe. Yes, stupid troll is stupid.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      He needs to watch that nowadays. Someone was just convicted of manslaughter for basically that very thing.

      • BosGrl

        Yep. The ACLU is fighting it. I don’t agree – I think her encouraging him to do it is not free speech, especially where he was just a teenager. She should have called his parents, a teacher, somebody to help him.

        My daughter’s boyfriend saw a fresh needle mark inside Katie’s elbow 2 days before she died; he was here at my apartment and said nothing. She would have been furious, but I could have done something, even if it meant a section 25. I will never forgive him. You can’t just do nothing or egg people on. It’s wrong.

        However – is it criminal? I’m not smart enough to answer that. I’m interested in hearing the ACLU’s argument.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          I’m not smart enough to answer the legal question either. It’s juts such a sad thing that didn’t need to happen at all. Human cruelty cannot always be prosecuted and that is simply frustrating. I don’t thing what she did was protected speech, but I have to fight my personal desire to see the book get thrown at her for it.

      • Boojum

        She talked him out of changing his mind. She should be convicted.

      • onedollarjuana

        Seems equivalent to inciting to riot. Not protected speech.

    • SnarkON

      I’d like to think it’s the kinder “Kiss Twice.”

      • BosGrl

        Yes, I’d like to believe it too…

    • Beowoof14

      And here I thought it meant how much KY he needs to use when he has sex.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hope lotsa fans bring themself to your first gig.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Ghenghis McCann

      No, No: For fuck’s sake they’re deranged enough without telling them that it comes from “South America.”

  • Le Covfefe Royal

    Wait until Michael Johnson hears New Zealand plans to remove the southern cross from their flag and replace it with a fern.

  • eyelashviper
  • Jgb979

    The thing that always amazes me about people with so little a grasp of history that they’re 100 years off on basic facts…

    They nevertheless feel the need to write pages and pages and pages of easily disprovable bullshit

    Did someone tell him the magical space Jews stole ol glory from the stars and bars? Is Dunning-Kruger syndrome officially a pandemic?

    • efoveks

      Somehow, somebody hit the Sears Tower. THAT is what I learned today. XD

    • Ricky Gay

      Drown em in derp!

  • The Green Bastard

    The Marilyn Monroe one offends me. It’s so shittily done, so ugly. My aesthetics are burning!

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      You haven’t seen all the terrible Marilyn Monroe as a gangster shirts the kids are wearing these days? They’re awful!

      • The Green Bastard

        I have & they definitely are. Bleh.

  • Ricky Gay
    • tomamitai

      Or too much time with her rheumatis medicine!

    • Boojum

      Jeff Sessions libel!!!

  • FlemmishSpy

    When they can pick off one flag, more will follow. Last to be removed will be the U.S. flag. What will replace it?

    http://www.seasonsflags.com/media/catalog/product/cache/6/image/400×300/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/k/i/kitty4.png

  • Rick Hill
  • PubOption

    Workers of the South unite, you have nothing to lose but your chains.

  • I’m going to assume that KYS Twice would be “Kill YourSelf Twice”, which would be an impressive feat.

    • Rags

      Nah, it’s double lube before getting busy.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    You’re all a bunch of tyrants come get my flag, & be introduced to another close personal friend of the south; a rifle.

    My stars and garters! They have themselves a squirrel gun!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Unfortunately, the squirrels have an attack helicopter,

    • SnarkON

      Skwerl: It’s what’s for dinner, in Kentucky.

    • Doug Langley

      Sure glad we didn’t invite this guy to our Capture The Flag game the kiddies played last week.

    • Boojum

      Sure. It can meet my shotgun.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I’ve got a flag to suggest for “Undecided.” It’s the flag of Planet Earth. I made it myself, and I use it for my profile picture. The light blue represents the atmosphere, the green the continents, and the darker blue the oceans, all crossed by the double helix of DNA to show that there is life in all three regions, and all cellular life on Earth contains DNA. The double helix is gold and silver, to represent the mineral resources on our planet. Why don’t we send it to “Undecided” and suggest he adopt a bigger picture and give up his tribal dances. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/123362b53dd78bb3c41fb9b3a724e23cfe4e8c57808ea5511a118b4fc8aec5b5.png

    • eyelashviper

      Nice, but you know that “Undecided” will see aliens, Bilderbergs, and commies lurking on those stairs…

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I suppose that is OK, because part of the Planet Earth scenario is crazy, egotistical, ignorant members of homo sapiens. I chose not to refer to that, but it’s reality.

      • Incoming Ham

        Put an owl at the top of the stairs and they will go apeshit.

    • SnarkON

      Libtard!

    • tomamitai

      Our Robot Overlords won’t approve of such bio-centrism!

    • I love this.

    • Boojum

      Conservatives are incapable of including people they don’t know or aren’t related to or don’t share hatred of the other as being part of the group to protect. That’s a liberal thing.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That’s a pretty good description of tribalism. A researcher named Dr. Robin Dunbar did a study on primate brain size and came to the conclusion that it is determined by social group size. His conclusion was that most human brains can understand only an average of 150 individuals as fully developed people, and this is known as “Dunbar’s number.” Other researchers put that number at between 290 and 231. I disagree with all of these studies. I think this number can be infinite if a person is raised in the right environment, particularly if that environment involves extensive travel and reading.

        • Swampay

          We only appear to expand Dunbar’s number because we are able to maintain a level of abstraction in our relationships. We can intellectually accept that all humans are as one, we can have a lot of relatively shallow encounters with a large number of people, but our ability to sustain true community is limited as suggested by Dunbar.

          In order to sustain community I believe there are 2 forces that are native to all humans – the drawing in and the keeping out.

          The drawing in seeks out members of the community and potential members of the community and builds bonds of support and trust.

          The keeping out is equally important in primitive village society. You need to be able to identify someone as “not us” because they may be a threat to “us”. You also need to keep the village size pruned to a Dunbar-manageable number. Once a village reaches a certain size, they need to either split off a new community, divide among other existing communities, or develop sub-communities within the village.

          I believe that our brain chemicals create these tendencies in our selves. At a very simple level, oxytocin for drawing in, testosterone for keeping out. And yes, those two tendencies in our society may cross-influence our gender roles.

          These tendencies are not our fate, but if we choose to ignore them we limit our ability to grow our community to encompass all humanity.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I think this issue is extremely complex and it is dangerous to generalize or develop a theory based on superficial behaviors. Not 15 minutes ago I was talking on the phone with a friend about this very subject. I retired 3 years ago, and he lost his job after an accident 9 months ago – a job he had held for 30 years. We both developed strong relationships with coworkers – not intimate relationships, but friendships based on shared experiences over a long period of time. Yet we have both noticed that none of these coworkers have stayed in touch with us after we left off working, even though we have reached out to them more than once, and even though they gave every sign of wanting to stay in touch. I have had the same problem with some intimate relationships – very close friends have moved away and never communicated with me again. Several have visited the town where I live and not bothered to call me – they always say they didn’t know how to reach me, although I am listed in the phone book. It is just a stupid excuse. They are “out of sight, out of mind” people.

            What is interesting about this is that the friend I was talking to 15 minutes ago is as different from me as he can be in most obvious ways. He is an uneducated, working-class guy who has never traveled anywhere and doesn’t know much about anything. He voted for Trump. He watches NASCAR. He hasn’t read a book in 45 years. He watches FOX news. I am exactly the opposite. Yet we both feel a strong bond with many people we have known for years, even though they were not intimate friends, and we think of them as part of our “extended family.”

            What do we have in common? He is a very kind, generous, caring human being who likes to help people, and I have never heard him say anything racist or sexist, which is a bit unusual for a person with his background, and is the reason why I am friends with him, because we don’t really have much to talk about. I like to think I am that same kind of person. Is this tendency to want to maintain relationships with casual friends and to see them as part of our “extended tribe” genetic? I don’t know, but it is obviously not related to education or I.Q.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    In the words of the late, great Ralph Kiner, Happy Birthday to all the fathers out there.

  • Mary Theresa
    • Ugg, Rasmussen is just the worst.

      • Keith Taylor

        Agreed. A poll that shows Trump with an acceptable approval rating would have to be Rasmussen. No other would.

      • tomamitai

        Isn’t “Rasmussen” Danish for “son of a bag of unsalted rat dicks”?

        • Bobathonic

          I heard they are a cannery.

    • Predisenting Ron

      To ol’ Two-Scoops, ‘accurate’ = ‘agrees with me.’

    • tomamitai

      Cheesus, thank Christ Trump didn’t pardon Nixon! … Yet!

    • ariel_gee_398

      I am sick of winning.

    • BosGrl

      Geez Louise. I’ve seen many cases of arrested development, but none as severe as Drumpf’s.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      On Jun 18 2009, Rasmussen had Obama approve/disapprove at 55/45. Except at Trump University, 55% approval is HIGHER than 50%. So Little Babby Donnie is a lying fucktard.

      Also, FWIW, within STRONGLY approve/disapprove, Trump is -11.

    • Le Covfefe Royal

      “How does Trump compare with past presidents?”

      It’s hard to compare leaders to oranges. Mainly, he’s older, fatter and more corrupt.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Such an insecure little middle school bitch.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    A few observations based on my entire life’s experience. Nobody here calls it “Dixie Land”. I mean, if it’s jazz, it’s “dixieland”, one word, not two. Also, its South, with a capital “S”. It just is and people around here know it. Finally It is just a fucking flag. A useless piece of fabric. It’s not a god and the world is a better place without it. There are very few people who ACTUALLY live here who give two shits about this anymore. It’s mostly people like Steve King who care anymore. Most of the people I talk to don’t actually care one way or the other and would really just like for all this nonsense to blow over, even if that means REMOVING THE FLAGS.

    About that flag, I have never seen one hanging on the wall or flying anywhere but some capital buildings. It’s largely actually considered an embarrassment to a group of people who are really tired of embarrassment. We hate being viewed as backwards rednecks. We wince at this shit, we shun this shit. We. Actually. Do.

    These people have never even been here. If they had, they’d have come back with some perspective. The South is not a model to be emulated. We’re among the poorest in every category in the country. In income, education, opportunity, all pretty much dead last. If these people had ever seen what they glorify as “the south”, then they’d go back home thanking whatever god they believed in that they didn’t have to live here.

    Basically, fuck and them.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      The only flag I salute is one of those “Show us your boobs” flags frat boys fly.

    • eyelashviper

      True, and when you see idiots from Maine to Wisconsin and other Yankee states flying that flag, the truth is evident. It’s a racist symbol, full of hatred and ugliness.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Exactly!

        It’s like the Klan, right? They hoods, the robes, all of it means a completely different thing in some ancient European countries. When it’s done here, it’s always out of racism.

      • bupkus231

        Hey, ifn it’s “heritage”, maybe those idiots moved to the Yankee states ( after being unable to make it in the South ).

        No, no, you’re right – it’s just blatant racism….

      • Jamespuck

        I live in Mass, yes we are very blue in most places. But on a trip to good old Cape Cod, a large truck passed us, had a conf. flag waving in the back with a bunch of Budweiser drinking white boys. They saw my girlfriend ( she is Moroccan) they cut me off, threw beer cans at us and were yelling N______r, N_______r lover. I pulled off next offramp to avoid any danger. Idiots don’t usually know they are idiots.

        • eyelashviper

          I lived in NH and Maine for decades and never saw a confederate flag, but they have popped up in recent years, a very sad commentary on our nation.

    • SnarkON

      If the South only had more religion and guns, though, things would be better.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        No kidding! Churches and gun stores all the way down.

    • VirginiaLady

      Take 295 to the 64 east exit. Go over the fucking tall ramp. When you hit the bottom going towards Norfolk start looking to your right. There is this one house there that flies it in proud dumbness for everyone to see.
      Virginia is for fucktards.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Jeeezus! These people are a fucking embarrassment.

    • George Kaplan

      The only thing I would add is that the people down here who do care about the flag, and who defend it as ‘heritage’, do so with a certain intellectual dishonesty and a near-absolute zealotry.

      And, fact is, you don’t know what else comes with their Happy Meal Deal, either.

      They are to be avoided, for one’s own mental (and physical) health.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Anyone down here who cares about preserving or flying this abomination are your basic white supremacist. See a bumper sticker with the flag? Racist. Tee-shirt? Racist. It’s a nice way to tell the shit human beings from the somewhat normal ones.

  • Predisenting Ron
    • Gigglesnort

      Always struck me as strange that the aliens, for all their advanced tech, had not cured male pattern baldness.

      • Predisenting Ron

        They’re technologically advanced, but they’re not miracle workers!

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    What will replace the American flag? I propose the Iraq flag that the GWB administration created that the Iraqis immediately told him to shove up his ass.
    ROI, people!

    • SnarkON

      You lost me at your disqus name. Brilliant!

  • eyelashviper

    Another American symbol under arrest:

    http://www.suprmchaos.com/masked-with-scale_061817.jpg

  • chascates

    President Lyndon B. Johnson once said, “If you can convince the lowest
    white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re
    picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll
    empty his pockets for you.”

    Confederates were traitors, Robert E. Lee was no better than Benedict Arnold, and Jesus was a Jew if he existed at all.

    The majority of worthwhile things that came from the South were created by the black men and women who left the damn place and moved elsewhere.

    And I am a multi-generational Texan who is eligible to join to Sons of Confederate Veterans but would rather jack off a bobcat with a hand full of cockle burrs than do so.

    • SnarkON

      No traitor! No traitor! You’re the traitor!

    • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

      The south should have been burned to the ground and all of the confederates should have been tried for treason.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Join the Sons of Confederate Veterans or jack off a bobcat with a hand full of cockle burrs”
      Worst. Price. Is. Right. Episode. EVER

      • Raan

        And I thought the Showcase with the lawn furniture was the bad one.

    • Paul

      I’m glad you feel that way.

      -The Bobcat

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    In this day and age it’s almost impossible to get ahold of media elite. My question is, has Wonkette addressed the issue of a “constitutional convention” and if so, what is its position?

    Hi,
    As part of the media elite, I support the Article V suggestion on calling a constitutional convention to repeal the second, third, and tenth amendments. These amendments are old and outdate, We also need to abolish straight marriage, and force all white men to watch gay porno for two hours a day.

    Sin-cerely,
    Skwerl
    Media Elite
    X-Gopher porn commenter

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      The second and tenth can go, but the third is our only protection from trannyical government invading our bedrooms. LITERALLY!

    • baconzgood

      Can it be transgender or some
      Lesbian porn?

      Just askin’ for a friend.

  • SnarkON

    Have we considered that the illiterate, angry Confederate with his flag and gun memes schooling us idjits on the glory of the South is in actual fact a brilliant liberal troll? Because that shit is almost too cliched to be true.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Are you invoking Poe?

      • SnarkON

        Yes. Yes, I guess I am.

        • Oh, it’s real all right.

          There are over 42 million American adults, 20 percent of whom hold high school diplomas, who cannot read, as well as the 50 million who read at a fourth- or fifth-grade level. Nearly a third of the nation’s population is illiterate or barely literate. And their numbers are growing by an estimated 2 million a year. But even those who are supposedly literate retreat in huge numbers into this image-based existence. A third of high school graduates, along with 42 percent of college graduates, never read a book after they finish school. Eighty percent of the families in the United States last year did not buy a book.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            That is so sad.

          • I work with a Republican idiot with a college degree. Almost everything he talks about is factually wrong.

            He could only name one non fiction book he’s ever read since graduation.

            One.

            Above average for a Trump supporter. 😂

          • Incoming Ham

            That nonfiction book wasn’t “The Art of the Deal” was it? Because that is fiction.

          • Jamespuck

            Very sad. I have read over 100 books so far in 2017. People I know do not understand why I read so much. I try to explain to them the merits of knowledge and wisdom. But they are hard to convey to, as they do not know the diff between knowledge and wisdom.

          • cleos_mom

            I’m guessing that sometime in the next decade, we’ll be hearing “serious questions”: ‘does everyone *really* need to learn to read and write?’ The foundation is already there; a few decades back you didn’t see people being proud of being uneducated, claiming it somehow makes them more “real.”

            And don’t think the Looney Left won’t play a part. “No, no, no, we don’t say ‘illiterate’ anymore. We say ‘member of the non-reading community.’ ” Count on it.

          • Says an uneducated, ignorant Trump supporter?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      My sacasmometer says “NO”.

    • Boojum

      What makes me laugh is that I’m a nasty liberal and I was born in Virginia, raised in Tennessee and live in Georgia. Does that mean I can kick his ass?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I think Dok included it in the list of possibilities.

  • ManchuCandidate

    So touchy these foolish Sothrons (and not all Sothrons, etc.) I can’t imagine what these jackholes would be like if the Sonthron had actually won the wah instead getting the living shit stomped out of them by the industrial might of a bunch of allegedly small dicked Northrons.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Poorer that dirt.

      • ManchuCandidate

        More than likely.

        The funny irony to me is that much of the Sothron’s infrastructure was paid for and built by the North. Including the vaunted Tennessee Valley Authority, all the NASA launch facilities, the many military bases and the Oak Ridge nuclear facilites among others. Any semblance of an industrial base was also due in part to spread out US Amercia manufacturing facilities from the North East because of the Cold War.

        The South would be a festering economic mess (outside of Texas and Louisiana for the oil) now if it hadn’t been for the North.

        This is a major reason why I laugh at the many alternative histories which had the Sonthrons winning da wah. Couldn’t win without getting advanced (to them) weapons like M-16s, lasers and F-16s, even if the Sothrons won militarily they would have lost everything else.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          And their economy would be in the toilet because the limited number of markets willing to buy their slave-labor produced agriculture products would have left them in poor bargaining positions for negotiating prices.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        If the South won the war, everyone who lived outside major urban centers would still be living by candlelight, because they wouldn’t have been included in the Rural Electrification Program.

        Also, too, highways and byways beyond the major urban areas and the roadways connecting them would be dirt paths impassable during inclement weather because they wouldn’t have been part of the Federal Highway System.

    • VirginiaLady

      Pondering this. Our official bird would be a Large Mouth Bass, there would be no minimum drinking age, drivers licenses would be optional, and goats would be even more afraid than they are today. And everyone who’s grandparents came here after 1900 would be somewhere else because coming here to escape the horrors of Europe back then would have been a joke. Dang it, I might have been Canadian!!

    • willi0000000

      if they had won they would still be fighting.

      [ you don’t give up on a good war just because you won ]

    • Jamespuck

      Not only the Sothrons. Know a Native American. He is illiterate, says its the white mans fault for not teaching him properly. He also says that the injuns would have won the war if whitey didn’t cheat by using muskets and thievery. Anybody want to buy Manhattan now?

  • TJ Barke

    Where’s General Sherman when you need him?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • janecita

      He was way too lenient, if you ask me.

    • baconzgood

      He was the only general of the war that understood modern warfare. Lee used out dated tactics for the weapons employed.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        And his half brother married his own sister-in-law embezzled her inheritance and murdered their child.

        Seriously, not the guy anyone should “emulate”.

        • baconzgood

          We all have black sheep.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            With him, it’s black sheep all the way down. Dude claimed he opposed slavery but fought for the confederacy. Either he was a liar, an idiot or a lying idiot.

            He was also a shitty general, but that’s just an opinion I have,

    • cleos_mom
  • chascates
    • HorseChestnut

      Like everything else, it’s only really illegal if you’re not a rich white Republican.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      It’s gotta be a scam. Roger Stone is involved.

      • Jamespuck

        Stone has a Nixon bong in his office.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      He doesn’t even have anything packed in that ridiculous calabash.

    • Anyone that thinks Trump won’t crack down on weed is high.

  • “I can guarantee they wouldn’t leave in the same condition they arrived!”

    Moot point given that folks that have the cash to visit the south are going to go to cool places like beaches, theme parks, and resorts and not go to Nascar races, mud runs, and catch the greased cousin competitions. (a pastor will be on hand if needed)

    “So worried about those “terrible” Jews that are always blowing themselves up & flying planes into buildings”

    What.the.everloving.fuck?! Shit…I can’t even…I mean, getting a history lecture from someone dumber than my cat? Words fail.

    • tehbaddr

      “catch the greased cousin” would make a great name for my Psychobilly Eurovision mashup band!

      • Jamespuck

        Went to a wife carrying competition once. Felt dumbness creeping in, had to leave and then sterilize my brain with copious amounts of cognac.

        • tehbaddr

          That’s when being married to your skinny little 13 yo cousin really pays off!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The one about the Jews was new to me. I didn’t think any redneck believed anyone other than a bona fide Muslim flew those plans into those towers.

  • janecita

    I weep for the state of public education in the south. These people are so proud of their ignorance, I just don’t get it!

    • Incoming Ham

      Edumacation is fer eeleets

  • Incoming Ham

    The “heritage” bullshit is all that these people have and are hanging onto? When you read that shit it’s hard to imagine them doing much besides sitting around outside their trailers (complete with confederate flags taped up over the windows as curtains) drinking shitty beer and complaining about how they were screwed over by a bunch of people who have been dead for over 100 years. Occasionally they have someone hold their beer while they fire their guns at imaginary ISIS in the woods behind the outhouse.

    If the south is going to rise again it better stop taking the majority of federal assistance money, clean up its opiate and meth problems, create its own jobs and quit fucking whining.

    • willi0000000

      i think they could do all of that . . . except, of course, the whining.

    • cleos_mom

      The “heritage” bullshit is all that these people have and are hanging onto?

      A traditional culture.
      Strong on family.

      • Incoming Ham

        Two questions:
        What is that culture exactly?
        What does “strong on family” mean in their context?

        • generalleeme

          strong on white families…

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          Traditional culture is living and believing the same way your grandpappy did, and strong on family is being clannish with a big dose of patriarchy.

        • cleos_mom

          What does “strong on family” mean in their context?

          Half the population being utilized as pack mules, breeding stock and, on occasion, punching bags.

  • btwbfdimho
    • tomamitai

      Renfield!

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • HorseChestnut

      Southerners don’t always realize that when someone north of the Mason-Dixon Line flies the Battle Flag, it always means exactly one thing- and it ain’t pride in Southern heritage.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Hell, when someone south of the line flies it, it means exactly one thing, racist asshole.

        That’s how we tell at first glance who the racist assholes are. They’re the ones flying that shitty flag.

    • willi0000000

      that gate they are flying those flags from is just screaming “chain me shut . . . and use the good chain and a stout lock”

    • Mary Theresa
  • Shanzgood 19 Days

    Following on from “imprudent cunt” I believe I shall now allow baconz to refer to me as an Impudent Quim. But only under certain conditions.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Quim: now there’s a good, old-fashioned word I haven’t heard in a while.

      • Bobathonic
        • Incoming Ham

          It’s amazing how they got away with that.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            Probably because most people don’t know what it means and the ones who do would think it’s awesome.

          • MizzMazz

            Joss Whedon did a lot of that in Firefly too, using Chinese swears, and modifying English words, like Gorram, and ‘rutting instead of ‘fucking’

          • Maggielle

            I always liked Mal’s “What in the sphincter of hell are you playing at?” It’s awesome and perfectly appropriate for viewers of all ages.

          • Bobathonic

            I was a gobsmacked snowflake.

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        I like it! It doesn’t have as much baggage as “cunt” does but there are good arguments for reclaiming it.

        “A Nasty Name for a Nasty Thing: The History of Cunt”

        http://www.thewhoresofyore.com/kates-journal/a-nasty-name-for-a-nasty-thing-a-history-of-cunt

        (NSFW pics)

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          Well I’m a Sarah Lawrence girl: I took 18th century literature and Women’s Studies, so it has a warm place in my heart.

          I (briefly) used the word “quimmy” sometime in the ’80s.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            That’s a good one but a bit diminutive, like peener or willy. Quim sounds sturdy, like it should!

          • Sedagive ’em Hell

            I should have specified: “quimmy” used as an adjective (not a diminutive form) as in “I’m feeling a bit quimmy today,” not “My Little Quimmy” (which does, on reflection, have a certain appeal).

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            “My Little Quimmy” wins my vote for best new cartoon series pilot.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • vivian

      Now that’s an IQ I can respect.

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        *snicker*

    • baconzgood

      I prefer “vexing slit”

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        It’s not as poetic, though.

        • baconzgood

          What do you know? Your small woman mind only understands how to clean bathrooms.

          By the way, why aren’t you making me a sandwich right now?

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            Because the bread would get all soggy in the bath.

    • BosGrl

      When I used to type for surgeons, they always did a “time out”, where all of the medical people in the OR agreed on the side of the body and/or location, and then the patient also had to voice agreement. I guess that wouldn’t work in an emergency but it seems like best practice.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I’ve heard stories where surgeons have written a large “R” or “L” on the leg they’re supposed to operate on, or putting a “CUT HERE” on the limb to make sure.

        • SadDemInTex

          They definitely marked me both times I had kidney surgery and I had at least 3 people ask me to explain my surgery and which side it was on.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba
        • BosGrl

          Whatever they can do to make absolutely sure is good.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          there’s an old episode of house that has this moment. (It’s actually one of my favorites).
          We learn how house ended up with a bum leg.

      • Jamespuck

        Had a cataract removed from my eye. They asked me multiple times which one. I finally just said the right one, not the wrong one.

    • The Wanderer

      (Doctor): “That guy doesn’t have the balls to sue – oh, never mind.”

    • Le Covfefe Royal

      Australian dollars? Talk about adding insult to injury.

    • desida

      On the one hand, yikes. On the other hand, if you wait fifteen YEARS before maybe seeing someone about that ongoing pain in your junk, you can’t have been that attached to it anyway.

      …also, “tesitcal”?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I bet that doctor is sorry now that he didn’t hire legal eagle Jay Sekulow as his attorney.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Standard procedure with surgery is the surgeon comes in and hands the patient a big black mark and says, “Please draw an “X” on the limb (knee, whatever) you want me to operate on.

      So, either the people were to embarrassed to ask him to draw the “X” on the correct nut, or maybe he was too fat and couldn’t see his own balls.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Or maybe his surgeon was a graduate of the Trump University School of Medicine.

  • baconzgood

    To the southern gentleman,

    Go fuck yourself. I’m sick of you living off productive northern and west coast states. You wanna leave? Fine take 1/3 of the nation’s debt (and that’s baconz being kind) that YOU caused and pay the federal government for all the dams, dikes, locks, bridges ports and military bases the federal government built.

    Sincerely

    Baconzyankee

    P.S. Sherman was the best military mind in the war.

  • janecita
  • honeywest

    I thought the Southern Cross was a constellation. But that’s because I work at a Sheeple School. Walls aren’t ivory; towers are ivory. Get yer insults straight!

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      It is a constellation. I have never heard the rebel flag called that until, well, reading this.

      The only time I heard “southern cross”, outside of the song was Fist of the North Star. The Southern Cross was Shin.

  • btwbfdimho

    Yankees will never ever really beat us!
    Watch out for them terrible flags & Jews they’re everywhere!

    But they voted for Trump, a yankee who put a Jew in charge of almost everything… No comprendo.

    • Toledo Window Box

      He’s one of the good Jews, apparently. (-;

  • chascates

    Trump NOT under investigation as he has not been notified that he is under investigation, as is the custom.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0ee4807e23e21aa7548a284290b1647bb647e8d05835afde63025f6922491565.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      Apart, of course, from Trump tweeting to everyone that he’s under investigation.

      • Bad Tom

        We are to disregard that. It was from behind the curtain.

        • generalleeme

          Can anyone explain why Trump, Pence and their staff are now lawyering up if they weren’t under investigation?

      • Reince Pubis

        And Sekulow making reference to the fact that Trump is under investigation when he wasn’t insisting he wasn’t under investigation.

    • Rick Hill

      “…no notification….”

      That’s because it’s a sekrit

      • willi0000000

        oh . . . like double-secret probation?

    • ariel_gee_398

      I’d like to take a minute to appreciate how INSANE it is that 5 months into an administration, the president has representatives going on the Sunday shows not to talk about policy aims, legislative agendas, etc, but whether or not his fat ass is under criminal investigation.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Do they in fact “notify” the subject, or do they just send out their requests and subpoenas, talk to witnesses, and gather evidence?
      Or maybe it wasn’t a “certified” notification.

      End of the day, “notified” or not, the shitgibbon is under investigation. Throwing straws for his fans to grasp hardly seems worth the effort.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And they can’t investigate Trump until they notify him off that fact. Isn’t it amazing how Trump and his people constantly insist that everyone else play by the rules that they consistently ignore?

  • HorseChestnut

    If that guy does fly an Israeli flag off his pickup, he’s going to be surprised at the response…

  • Nounverb911
    • Yeah, I don’t know why poor Marilyn has to be slandered like that.

  • vivian

    At first they came for my star & bars and I said nothing…
    because they kinda have a point on that one…
    then they… that’s all I got really

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      “First they came for the rebel flag and I said nothing. . .

      Then we went out for a burger and beers, shot some pool, went to a movie and called it a day.”

    • azeyote

      i like to go to a bar that’s at least one star

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Question for Dok: are they ALL fucking morons, or are you cherry-picking them?

    • Sakonyachen

      Why not both?!

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        It’s not cherry picking if they’re ALL morons. Then it’s just shooting fish in a barrel.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Yes.

  • A constitutional convention in this day and age would result in a break up of the United States, because it would be called by Republicans and the outcome would be: no gayz, no birthright citizenship, state’s rights and nullification, no abortion, the first amendment really only applies to Christianity, the second amendment means no gun laws at all, and maybe let’s get rid of the 13th and 14th amendments while we’re at it.

    • bupkus231

      “… would result in a break up of the United States…”

      You say this as if it wouldn’t be a good thing.

      • cleos_mom

        Motives count, apparently.

      • BosGrl

        Yes and then they can build their wall, which will keep them in. They can shoot each other all week and then go to church on Sunday and pretend they are pious.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’m ready to join Canada or go indy, myself.

      • Incoming Ham

        They would starve to death and implode within a year.

  • baconzgood

    Actually I’m pretty impressed with this “Michael Johnson”. Not his cognitive ability but that he’s able to type while being so heavily medicated. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/831742da629a597a7530fff79fdfdf0f2fab1de05ece650c4e5582a84c7717dd.jpg

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Which one is he?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I think it’s the dumb one – but it could be the cat.

    • Marion in Savannah

      That picture was taken just moments before his cat turned around and ripped his lips off. (Any self-respecting cat would.)

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The annoyance in the cat’s expression tells the tale.

        • BosGrl

          Also: What lips?

    • Shanzgood 19 Days

      I was impressed with his ability to get me to hear his drawl on the screen.

    • Toledo Window Box

      The cat is the smart one.

      • Nockular cavity

        The cat controls the other one telepathically.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      If he was medicated, he needs a new cocktail ‘cuz that shit ain’t working.

  • cleos_mom

    the notion that “generic” is a fancy-ass elitist vocabulary word used only by pretentious liberals

    Well, the word does have three syllables.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And nobody knows what it means.

  • Rick Hill

    So, speaking of ignorant asshats, Ted is just “reaching across the aisle” to all of us hateful, violent Democrats/. Why, that man has never even suggested violence against anyone….
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/06/i-am-reaching-out-across-the-aisle-ted-nugent-says-he-doesnt-want-obamas-lips-near-my-machine-gun/?comments=disqus

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    “I for one would ABSOLUTELY LOVE, for any one of these pathetic sheeple to bring themself, and whatever they THINK will protect them on down to Dixie Land. And run they’re mouth about the southern cross like that. I can guarantee they wouldn’t leave in the same condition they arrived!

    It would be something I told my southern brothers about for years. LMAO”

    “I’ll be right over.” – William Tecumseh Sherman

    • Rick Hill

      “No, you want those other Southern guys…over there…”

      Yoinks!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I still do not understand affixing emotion to the place you happen to have been born. Assholes are assholes no matter where they live. It’s really sad if the only thing you can say for yourself it “I was born here”.

    • motmelere

      The dude with the DIE N-WORD !DIE! sign cracks me up; who let that PC sheeple into the crowd?

  • Querolous

    The libtard dilemma: Should we slog through the hard work of GOTV or spend our time breeding?

    • BosGrl

      I’ll slog. I’m post-breeding.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Put me down for “slog” as well – I’m non-breeding.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I’m post-breeding as well, but I like to keep my hand in to preserve my amateur status.

    • anon_the_great

      Yes

    • Incoming Ham

      How about doing the things that are involved with breeding but not breed?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Slog. It’s all about the slog these days anyway.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Hey, I already gave your library army two half-brown Muslim atheist kids. Now I plan on drinking for the rest of my life.

  • OrG

    Some of these guys seem to be really confused.

    • shastakoala

      I think a bit beyond confused. But it must be nice to live in your own little world.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Some? Seem?

      Is there a stronger word than “confused”?

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Delusional?

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Stronger.

        • Beowoof14

          Now a days that would be feeling presidential.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Did you mean to type “prednisential”?

  • shastakoala

    Happy Birthday Dok! And happy Father’s Day to all you fatherly people!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Gun-toting Statue of Marilyn America has given me a little bit of a headache. I think I might need some Vitamin Gin.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Sounds like “Undecider” needs more vitamin H, as in Haldol.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Vitamin L, as in Lobotomy.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    Watching Trump’s “popular” support crater amidst the steady drip, drip, drip of the Russian investigation while his unhinged twitter rants ratchet up and his private isolation deepens in tandem with the congressional GOP rush to gut the ACA and kill millions of Americans (myself included) before the Final Fall and the 2018 midterms is like being stood in front of an old-fashioned firing squad that doesn’t know how to load the shot and tamp the powder in their muskets.

    We might just manage to escape a moment before they fire, but in the meantime I’m wondering if dropping and rolling is a better idea than screaming and coming at them head-on.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      I’m not worried. Their powder is wet from all the drooling and masturbation.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Straight into the barrel, for sure.

  • Thorn Spike

    Looks like “Michael Johnson” misspelled “I’m You Dingleberry” in that one JPG.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Forget it, Dok. It’s dumbasstown.

  • Anna Rompage

    Good times! My sweeties neighbor dumped a whole bag of Weed & Feed (enough to treat 5000 sq feet of lawn) on the 300 sq ft patch that they share & that separates their houses.

    seeing that this is way too much fucking lawn poison to spread in such a small space, and there was eveidence the lawn was starting to burn from the fertilizer, the mother in law went out last night to heavily water the bejessus out of the space, and to try to get the shit to absorb into the ground a bit.

    What else are ya gonna do?

    Now she’s exhibiting signs of mild lawn Chem poisoning, has been feeling very dizzy since last night, and is quite anxious…

    Yay for modern living through chemistry!

    • The Wanderer

      Ugh. I had a lawn service and they managed to seriously fuck over my gardens by being a touch too indiscriminate with their sprayers. Two years later, I still get calls and fliers from them.

      • Anna Rompage

        That’s a tomato plant? Ah Christ, im sorry, i thought it was a dandelion…

        • The Wanderer

          “Well, sure, the tomatoes look a bit deformed, but cut out the eyes and they’re good eating!”

          • Anna Rompage

            Hell, I hear the eyes are the best part! Much like a slightly salty, tomato flavored grape…

  • Nounverb911

    And today in our second daily episode of “Somebody’s Lying”:

    https://twitter.com/davidmackau/status/876433051135467520

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Next up, the Chewbacca Defense.

  • Raan

    In the spirit of Confederate rememberance, I made this, suitable for social media posting on April 13th or December 20th.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/212e2601984c598d2b06fb011efb4bb3563a727f8e1500d5be093d7d42dde649.png

  • Nounverb911
  • motmelere
  • The Wanderer

    Holy Happy Donkey Fuck, this guy “Michael” thinks that the US flag was patterned after the Traitor Rag? Personally, I blame the school system in the South.

    • Lefty Wright

      Probably home schooled, like the other deleted comments.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        “Probably home schooled“– IFIFY

    • shastakoala

      I blame chemtrails.

      • Lefty Wright

        It could be. I’m at a loss to explain how almost 50% of the voters abandoned all sense of logic, reason and history to vote for Trump, a failed businessman with a long history of running scams.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          7% of adults think chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

          There’s your answer.

          • The Wanderer

            I’m not going to ask where they think brown eggs come from.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Brown chickens. It’s so obvious, really. If a food is one color, the animal it came from MUST be that same color.

            That’s why goat’s cheese is. . . grey? ish? I gave myself a mini stroke there.

          • You know eggs come out they ass, right?

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Every time they put smart people in office, it doesn’t change their particular situation, so they decided to go a different direction this time.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Isn’t the Southern Cross a peanut shell encrusted honky-tonk outside Tuscaloosa?

    • tomamitai
      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Never heard that one! LOL!

    • Lefty Wright

      No, that’s what southern belles do with their legs when they get near Trump.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Here’s a little primer on heritage.

    Heritage is what your parents taught you about your place in the world. It’s not a stupid flag or a set of guidelines written out by people a hundred or so years ago.

    My own heritage has nothing to do with the south. My grandparents came over from Scotland. They were Campbell of Argyle. That doesn’t matter to me either.

    None of my ancestors were in this country at the time of the war. That’s actually true for most of the people I know. Where I live, there are a lot of French, Vietnamese, German, Irish, Scotch. Nobody really gives a shit about civil war garbage. It’s not “heritage”. It’s all a huge fucking lie meant to make shitty people feel less shitty because “white supremacy”.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Coincidentally, Stupid Ass Imprudent Cunt is the name of my new garage band. We specialize in Ted Nugent covers and projectile vomiting.

    • Beowoof14

      The only way to cover Nuge is with dog shit.

      • The Wanderer

        I’d opt for buckets of plague glemmies and leper pus.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      That seems redundant.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I for one would ABSOLUTELY LOVE, for any one of these pathetic sheeple to bring themself, and whatever they THINK will protect them on down to Dixie Land. And run they’re mouth about the southern cross like that. I can guarantee they wouldn’t leave in the same condition they arrived

    I know of someone who begs to differ…

    http://slideplayer.com/7540786/24/images/55/General+Sherman+After+defeating+Atlanta%2C+he+continued+his+march+to+the+sea+to+Savannah..jpg

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      To be fair, he did warn them of what was coming:

      “You people of the South don’t know what you are doing. This country will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end. It is all folly, madness, a crime against civilization!”

  • azeyote

    why would anyone want to go out of their way to take mr. johnsons gun – sooner or later he’s bound to shoot himself, probably in or near his own johnson, and we’ll have another story to entertain us –

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I don’t care one way or the other about Johnson’s gun. I would, however, like to say in his presence that he can pull the trigger on a rifle with his big toe. If he can fill in the blanks there, then that’s no fault of mine.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Say, you know what was the caise of resentment toward “yankee traitors”?

    • Beowoof14

      Said the man defending his traitor flag.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      In today’s stupid, actually fighting FOR your county is treasonous but fighting AGAINST your country is patriotic?

      ISIS would love this guy.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      They got a bad batch of Sam Adams?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        There’s a “good” batch of Sam Adams?

        I really don’t know, not a beer drinker.

        • Jennifer R

          They made a boysenberry beer in like 2006 or so that was damn amazing.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Now craft beers are a thing I can get in to.

          • Chocolate raspberry stout is a thing of beauty when done well

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            That sounds delightful!

            I had one that was green tea and honey, I think, I quite enjoyed that.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Smith’s Double Chocolate Stout is my favorite.

          • Predisenting Ron

            They actually let you climb into the vats? Cool.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            That just creeped me out, Ron. That says a lot.

        • kareemachan

          Lucky used to make a bock beer in the spring. I loved it, and that’s how I got hooked on craft beers (hey, you gotta start small, right?).

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heritage not Hate

    This might be more believable if you Confederate flag defenders would ever get over the fact that You. Lost. FFS:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2520437f7d3b618802458a9e8767d60b8fad2616bb3698e33cb38fbc48092a0b.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Longer Cannons and Bigger Balls

    Um, I hate to break this to you and the mileage of others who sleep with men may vary, but large dicks are overrated and bigger balls have fuck-all to do with being good in bed TYVM. In fact, after seeing that image…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/68e9d7043eaf545f1f9d5804e4031c0781c305d95a8815473ff93a28270cf27c.jpg

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      If you have to brag…

    • Jennifer R

      there is an upper limit for comfortable penis size, and a lot of these children lie about being firmly past it.

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        And that limit varies from person to person. An “average” for one might be a “Whoah, dial it back!” for someone else.

        • Jennifer R

          Yeah, this is true. I’ve had people flat out turn me down after everyone is naked and ready to go, because physical reality is a thing.

    • You know. I think that whole, I gotta bigger dick so you should want to fuck me is part of rape culture.

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        Yeah “I gotta ______ so you should want to fuck me” is pretty much the same.

        • Like I always say, “It is ALL men. It is just some have a wider range of situations and others narrower.”

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        It might be male dominance: mine are bigger than yours so I’m the top monkey and you are lesser. Of course, a flaccid penis is no indicator of tumescent size, so to be really effective it has to be erect and here comes the latent homosexuality!

        • Yeah, humiliating other men as lesser is part of rape culture, too. It is the entitlement that the rapist feels and the lack of empathy.

    • Lori

      There’s also the fact that “big” tends to refer only to length, and for a lot of women girth is much more important.

  • Jenny

    It is barely noon and I’ve already lectured about white privilege. It’s a new record!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Where? Here? Who lectured you and why? We’ll gang up on them and pelt them with canned clams.

      • Jenny

        Ha no. My kids are a quarter mexican, and they get lectured all the time. Like when I took them to a mexican popsicle store and my son was like where are all the toppings?? Where are the gummy bears?? That’s not how it works here, kid. Fruit popsicles and fruit water. No gummy bears.

        But the boyfriends kids are all white and super snotty. It is a long story but I gave his daughters my daughters barely worn clothes and they turned their noses up.

        I just wasn’t having it.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          That’s just rude. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

          • Jenny

            It is ok. Her response was that she was too wealthy for hand me downs. So I said, “Oh really how much money do you make? None. Your dad has money, you don’t. You’re reliant on what adults give you. And that kind of attitude is why I don’t take you out to the places I take my kids because their attitudes are an embarrassment. It’s shameful and I don’t want to expose people to their judgement. They’re extremely lucky to have the privileged life and they need to start appreciating it.

            She shut up and put on the clothes.

            These girls are so young but they act like teenagers and are just rude shits to everyone.

          • kareemachan

            Ick. I’m sorry for you and for them.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Total lack of gratitude there.

          • Jenny

            The kids are supposed to be in therapy but they “graduated.” My boyfriend and his ex had a long messy divorce and the kids use it to belittle their dad. The boyfriend has guilt about everything and he is in therapy. I’ve been stepping in to stop the manipulation. It probably isn’t my place but someone has to.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            If you care about him and hate seeing him suffer, maybe it is your place. I’m the last one to give advice though. Just that you’re right “someone has to”.

          • Jamoche

            The stepbrat is now 30. At age five he explained to me how to manipulate his dad, who was sitting in the front seat of the car with my mom. I have no idea what the stepdad thought of that but he took no action toward fixing it, which is why the stepbrat only escapes being the perfect example of a basement-dwelling leech by there being no basement.

            Step in. It’ll be worth it.

  • The Wanderer

    Assholes will be assholes. Same as it ever was . . .

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1wg1DNHbNU

    • OT…was an obnoxious 13 year old (redundant?) when this vid was on MTV every 17 minutes and for a brief period I did that shot-in-the-shoulder-by-an-unseen-gun David Byrne move whenever my mum would be yelling at me to do some chore…’round about the 4 or 5th Byrne twitch, she threatened my ability to reach 14 and I removed this tic from my portfolio. My rural Ontario classmates all wore AC/DC concert shirts and I wore over-sized jackets with padded shoulders. Oh, memories music brings back.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Well, here are The Atlantic comments section. I posted this on Facebook for rightful mocking,too.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dc7411f4ebb2b830f3d14bc1e4866f5b0c67c0fbd537c1ad8f855cf264ae0ba2.png

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I don’t envy the Editrix the future burden of explaining the whole genocidally antisemitic elder of Zion thing to the kid.

  • Nockular cavity

    Given all the stupid, and the Planet 9 reference, we need to hear from the original Plan 9:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qro7oBzUBos

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    My sister done did that Ancestry.com DNA thingy, and it turns out we got some Jew mixed in with all the German and Scottish also too. She seemed most surprised, however, that ancestry’s DNA profile said we all had some West African in us some place until I reminded her that I am pretty sure we all have some African in us, though some of us may have to go back 70,000 to 170,000 years ago.

    So anyways, I can now claims some Jewish heritage, so there!

    • Jenny

      Ha my ex husband did the testing with his brother. Mostly to prove that my ex’s dad wasn’t his dad even though his mother says it is. DNA said they didn’t have the same dad. My ex is european jew, his brother welsh. Scandal! It explains so much!

      I want to take one but 100 dollars for food or 100 dollars for dna? Food wins.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      My sister did the same thing and got the exact same results.

      I’m not sure it really matters at all. Does it change anything because you share some chromosomes with people from a certain region? That’s what it boils down to, what piece of dirt someone a thousand years ago was born on.

      • Nockular cavity

        We’re all mongrels, no matter what we look like. Which is a major part of why racism is so dumb, on top of evil.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          I happen to like being a mutt myself. If I found out I was “pure” any one thing, I’d go to my grave believing that a lie.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Mixed breed (to be polite) dogs possess “hybrid vigor” that purebloods lack.

    • shastakoala

      I wonder if there’s a DNA marker for fancy pants elitists and the vocabulary impaired?

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        might be a nurture thingy.

        • shastakoala

          Naturally.

          • Predisenting Ron

            ISWYDT

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Welcome.

      Start with a simple knish, and work your way toward eyerlekh.

      Actually, I take that back – no one should eat eyerlekh.

    • kareemachan

      Same here. Finnish, English, E. European, E. European Jew, and South India!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Maybe I’ll fly an Israeli flag on the back of my truck some time to piss off a liberal since they hate Jews anyway; everything that comes out of a liberal’s mouth seems to have something to do with this huge conspiracy about how Zionists are taking over the earth. All I hear is anti Semitism and hate coming out of their mouths; they’re practically saying ‘crank up the gas’ every time they say Zionists are the reason the whole world is screwed up.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6014928bfb576011f1428184401c25f1db010e62cfea05390fb9efab4ad69f3e.jpg

  • Mr. Johnson – At a Sunday cross burning, some slack-jawed knob wearing a stars & bats hanky in his right rear Wranglers pocket meets & greets some closeted goober wearing one in his left rear pocket.

    So who gets to cum first? I trust you cuz you’re like the Emily Post of RWNJs.

    • The Wanderer

      Hmm. According to the old hanky code, I think the guy with the rag in his right pocket would cum last, as left means dom.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Pretty sure Wranglers are made in Mexico, btw.

    • therblig

      order of secession?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    No, they had been indoctrinated during what they thought was education. These folks have their nose high in the air and look down on people who hadn’t walked the same ivory halls [of education]. What’s needed is to learn how to think. Not, what to think.

    Well, with impeccable grammar like that, this Deleted Commenter is the perfect person to lecture us on educational matters!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/28db1bd6f1a0c5eceabb630652b3bfae1498facabbad738f74657f79a7d1cb23.jpg

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I swear, every comment from him feels like opposite day.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      If he’d had some education, he might recognize the irony in his own statement.

    • mailman27

      I went to an elitist public school, and even though it was a long time ago I can safely say that the halls were not made of ivory. I assume it’s because there would be too many slips, trips, and falls if the students had wet shoes. Also too, the cost would have been prohibitive.

      • theCryptofishist

        How many elephants? Or is it walrus ivory?

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Ivory soap. When necessary, the halls can float.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Not too mention that the towers are ivory, not the halls.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Imprudent cunt is best cunt !!!1!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    When they can pick off one flag, more will follow.

    First, they came for the Confederate flag, but I did not speak up because I am not paranoid enough to think that once one flag is removed from a public setting, all of them will be FFS…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b6b7a9086a74d7e3474bf4315a9e4f8bcc4a4699beeb8bf3b2e73795765e3e2.jpg

    • Jennifer R

      Like flags even matter.

      • And that’s why you Yankees lost even after you won!

      • Jamoche

        I believe we’re the only country that pledges allegiance to them or gets all butthurt when they are burned. The symbol is not the thing, folks.

        • Jennifer R

          Bill Hicks had some choice words for people who talk about how their ancestors died for a flag.

  • Shoto

    Ow, The Derp! It breaks my brain real bad!

  • Charon_69

    ‘KYS twice’ is either bragging about double-lubing or that some Kentucky State team had 2 championships?

    Also congrats Wonkette on being ‘media elite’!

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I’m guessing they’re trading in the ‘Bago for plush new digs in downtown New York any day now?

      I’d be happy to be a cub reporter. :-)

    • Celtic_Gnome

      According to rightwing media, they’re fake news, too.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Let’s see all the evidence you have on Russian influence. Don’t be shy. Post it.

    Thanks for asking, KYS Twice, but if you’d just keep up with the news (no, FOX does not count) you’d see that more evidence is coming in by the day TYVM.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    It’s obvious you’re a product of public education and very bad parenting. My accept my sympathies.

    What was that about public education again?

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      *sputter laugh*

    • bupkus231

      He was prolly hoem-skooled….

  • I’ve got one word for y’all: yankee traitors. Is that an oxymoron coming from an Oxycontin moron who is an actual traitor?

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      We traitored by not letting the South traitor.

      Honestly, we only traitored ourself by not stamping everything we did down South during the Depression with “Made With Yankee Dollars.” *shrug*

      • Persistent Demme

        There’s only one thing I think of these days when I hear the word “traitor.”
        It rhymes with “drump.”

    • Predisenting Ron

      Argument by assertion, I think. Though yes, odds are that he’s an OxyMoron too.

  • George Kaplan

    You see, those of us who are at least vaguely aware of our own existence cannot even wrap our heads around the Bottomless Pits of Stupid that are out there saying stuff like this, … and believing it!

    They’re hard to identify, sometimes.

    They look like us, and they’re out there in Legions!

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I think that they can’t really grasp the totality of the wingnut theories they hear but latch onto certain phrases that get them riled up. They are subsequently unable to articulately express the point of view and it comes out argle-bargle.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Redneck: “Ya’ll need ta respect our heritage!”

    Also redneck: “Slavery was a long time ago, ya’ll need to get over it”

    • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Republicans: Obama needs to own this economy (2009), he can’t blame Bush forever.

      Republicans: Jimmy Carter caused the housing crisis and financial collapse (2008)

      //almost 30 fucking years after he’d been out of office, and everyone who bought a house during his presidency had long since paid their mortgages off, but why let facts get in the way?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Facts have a liberal bias.

        • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

          The universe has a Liberal bias.

        • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

          Actually, I should have said reality has a Liberal bias.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            I still can’t believe someone actually said that. I mean, it’s true, facts do, in fact, have a liberal bias as we liberals are more concerned with facts over fictions but it was strange that it was said as a slur.

    • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

      And not a one of ’em has gotten over losing the civil war. Oh, the irony.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        More than irony, obliviousness. Not a one of them has gotten over losing a war that, had they won, would not have benefited them in the least. Poor white trash thinks that hating on black people gives them some kind of moral high ground. They puff their chests and crow about “heritage”, yet never really had any themselves. They own no inheritance and the moment they wake themselves up from this racist fever dream, ditch the past and move in to the present, we can start building a future.

        Or they can wave a traitor flag because it pisses off the liberals and die miserable, lonely little deaths.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    “imprudent c–t”

    “misguided vagina”?

    • SisterArtemis

      I hate it when my cunt is imprudent, and my vagina gives the wrong directions….

      • I’ve gotten so many wrong directions from vaginas it ain’t even funny! Hell, I’m still lost from the last one’s misdirection!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          You think it’s any better for us guys who let our dicks be our compass?

  • Shibusa
    • Predisenting Ron

      Clearly some Yankee carpetbagger who snuck in to throw the war for Lincoln.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Southerners are never going to stop being aggrieved. That is our true heritage. I wish to God the North had the sense to only let our votes count for 3/5ths of a regular person’s.

    • Werewolf

      The one and only honorable thing that R.E. Lee ever did.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      RAPID OXIDATION ABETTED BY PETROLEUM BYPRODUCT LIBEL!

  • Nounverb911
    • Predisenting Ron

      Still beats going on TV and screaming ‘FIX!’

    • shivaskeeper

      True story: In the Army who is senior can be important. So if two people have the same rank, seniority is determined by date of rank, or who got promoted first. If they have the same date of rank, whoever has been the Army the longest is senior. If Active Federal Service time is the same, the oldest is senior. The joke was after that, whoever was tallest is senior.

      • SisterArtemis

        Interesting. This is similar to how seniority works at our tattoo shop. And my boss was an Army kid. COINCIDENCE? I think NOT…

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        What if they’re the same height?

        • SisterArtemis

          Fisticuffs, obvs

        • shivaskeeper

          Height was the joke, but we assumed it would go alphabetically by last name.

          Then best two out of three at paper, rock, scissors.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Dick measuring?

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            No good if there’s no dick involved.

        • TootsStansbury

          They play rock, paper, scissors.

      • Jamoche

        I used to teach karate; you line up in order of rank with similar rules. I had a reputation for tough but fair grading on belt tests. A couple of kids were arguing over rank order one day – same age, same rank, earned the same day. Same grade too. It ended with no further complaint when the winner said “and Jamoche graded mine”.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Yes, Marilyn Monroe, the famous Southerner.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Southern California, yes.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Commonly associated with the confederate flag.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Southern California!!!!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      She made him tingle in his southern regions, hence she’s an unofficial Southerner.

    • I dunno. I wish I had thought of casting her as Lady Liberty. Damn. That was genius.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I have visited many of the Civil War battlefields: Shiloh, Vicksburg, Gettysburg, Lookout Mountain. Somehow I missed the Battle of Los Angeles (which is probably redneck for lots of angles cuz they’re always thinkin’).

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Happy Birthday….
      Mr. Jefferson Beauregard…..

      /sexy, husky voice

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    OT: Why isn’t Trump interested in Russian meddling even though he’s been told they attempted to manipulate state board voter rolls and infiltrated voter rolls in at least 39 states?

    A man was on trial for killing his wife, despite the fact that her body had never been found. During closing arguments, the man’s defense attorney said to the jury, “She’s going to walk through that door in ten seconds, proving that my client is innocent!”

    All eyes turn to the door. Ten seconds pass. Then twenty seconds. Then thirty. Finally, the defense attorney says to the jury, “She didn’t come through the door, but you all looked. That is reasonable doubt, and you must acquit my client.”

    The jury leaves to deliberate. Less than half an hour later, they return, and find the man guilty.

    “But,” says the defense attorney to the jury foreman, “You all looked!”

    “I did,” said the foreman, ” And so did ten others. You had eleven of us. But Juror #12 didn’t look at the door, she looked at the defendant. And the defendant never looked at the door.”

    Trump has never looked at the door.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      As Al Franken keeps saying “none of them are acting like people who are innocent.” If Trump had nothing to hide he’d say “sure, let’s investigate Russian collusion, and while we’re at it, Obama “wiretapping” my phones.” Instead the motherfucker is throwing up every road block he can and screaming “fake news! Witch hunt!” Christ, I wish we could hunt that witch. I’d move on him like a bitch, with my broom.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ziegler calling the Watergate break-in a “third-rate burglary” is what tipped off Woodward & Bernstein that the White House was involved.
      Il Douche calling it “fake news” and “a made-up story” is vastly more transparent.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Note the broken chain on that “heritage not hate” thing, symbolizing that the white Southerner will no longer be enslaved by political correctness, or maybe that the War of Northern Aggression was never about slavery, or perhaps simply that his underfed pit bull has broken loose again.”

    This slayed me Dok. A slow golf cap and a tip of the hat to you.

    Signed,
    A. Southerner

  • Poly_Ester

    I have several comments, I will post them in about 2 years.

    • Wild Cat

      In two years his wife will have left him for a straight, educated African American, like Giuliani’s cousin/first wife/enslaved beard did.
      Why kick an old useless neo-confederate when he’s down?

      • kareemachan

        Because it’s fun? Because we can? Because he deserves it?

        • Wild Cat

          I’ll join in, then.

          PAYBACK, BITCHES!

      • SadDemInTex

        I like what you said but got lost in the thread. Who are you talking about?

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    It’s pathetic how these assholes always assume they know something about University education when they barely got through high school, all to justify their resentment.

    • shastakoala

      You misspelled elementary school.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Education passes for what they read on WND or Brietbart.

      That’s REAL education.

    • Count Awesome

      They prefer not being indoctrinated just as they prefer not being inoculated.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      They always tell me something I didn’t know about my education…like how I was force-fed specific facts, or how the halls were actually made of ivory.

      • Marion in Savannah

        With ebony trim?

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Liv[ing] together in perfect harmony?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Republican profiles in courage are kinda thin on the ground these days, have you noticed?

    https://twitter.com/MotherJones/status/876492333142986752

    • ariel_gee_398

      What wouldn’t Mitt Romney say for the chance to lower his tax burden from “almost non-existent” to “effectively non-existent”?

      • SisterArtemis

        Those car elevators aren’t going to finance themselves, you kniw

    • Shibusa
      • Nockular cavity

        God that’s creepy.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        ‘Member how Trump only smiled around Russians?

        Looks like he’s having a good time there.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Christ, I can’t believe Romney would do shit for Trump, after Trump invited him to NYC pretending to offer him a job, just to embarrass him. These people will literally do anything to get another tax cut.

      • Wild Cat

        You must admit, the GOP is very much against ageism—even turds in their 70s and their 80s still thrive as whores.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          He looks even MORE evil in that picture than usual. He must have been stewing in his venom after getting beaten by a black guy, only to have a complete dingbat end up as the GOP’s nominee, and winner (allegedly) of the 2016 election.

          • Wild Cat

            He’s pathetic. All religions are insane, but his religion is openly recorded in modern times as being insane, brutal, murderous, racist, and an open scam. I just can’t take the stupidity and greed of the US anymore.
            But, my lordie, word is Mitt can swallow real good.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You forget. Trump has access to the IRS. All sorts of skeletons some people would prefer to keep in their closets.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          I don’t think the president has access to tax returns.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            He has no compunction against breaking the law or threatening to, so there’s that.

        • Marion in Savannah

          He’s probably too stupid to consider that. Now Nixon, on the other hand…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      All of these asswipes are showing their true colors…that “moderate” shit was just a futile ploy to be ditched as soon as it failed.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Our conservative values”? Go grab a woman’s hoohaw, demonize the parents of a dead GI, refuse to disclose your tax returns (whoops, you beat me to it), cheat on your wife, stiff your business associates and subcontractors, and lie your ass off about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, Mitt, cause that’s apparently what “our conservative values” boils down to.

    • Predisenting Ron

      Psst!
      Hey, Mittens!
      Just a heads-up, dude, but Donnie Two Scoops isn’t running in Georgia, Karen Handel is. Y’know, just in case that matters to you.
      Okay, you can go back to licking Dear Leader’s taint now.

  • Jennifer R

    Fun fact, when I was a working girl, I got the most work by far in Arkansas and Oklahoma. The follow up was Virginia. Southerners like trannies with giant dicks is the take away.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Rednecks and government officials.

      Makes sense.

      • Jennifer R

        A LOT of military contractors. I lived in Fort Smith so, the state line saw a lot of people jumping over for cheap smokes, when you could still buy a pack of cigarettes from the reservations duty free.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      When I was on OKC I got more contacts from the Southern USA and from men in the Middle East.

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah OKC was nothing but straight guys with like 4% compatibility. Maybe I should make a new one now that I’ve lost a ton of weight some, facial hair, and a dick.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Have you checked under the cushions?

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I’ve gotten marriage proposals, offers to let white men watch me have sex with Black men, and a ton of Christian single fathers. I left for good last December, it’s always the same losers and assholes.

          • Jennifer R

            Well there goes that idea.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Maybe it’s better in Cali. I hate to scare you off, I had met 2 girlfriends there, a Cisgender Lesbian and a Transgender Lesbian.

          • Jennifer R

            Maybe, fetlife wasn’t really. I’ll probably stick to how I used do it which is get introduced to people and then 50/50 chance it goes somewhere.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Fetlife was shit here too.

            I’ll see if this new guy keeps our date for lunch tomorrow. I figure it’s 50/50.

          • Jennifer R

            I guess part of it is fetlife is fetlife. I wish it wasn’t so hard to find decent, hard kink.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            *nods* I know what you mean. Too many Vanillas out there.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah really. It’s not like I am asking for someone to fuck me up like I owe them drug money (though that could be negotiated), just some nice ropes and bruises.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I knew a girl like that. We had fun. I’m a Switch, usually I end up Domme with women, and Sub with men, but most men I meet are Vanilla weenies.

          • Jennifer R

            The best dommes and owners I’ve had were women, or nonbinary. Men don’t seem well suited to it, all truth be told.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            That kind of makes sense. I can enjoy being Domme, and I just wear a Choker everyday the last few months.

          • Jennifer R

            Collars are fun. I should get one to wear again, even if it won’t mean anything this time.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Obviously you need a Mistress to put a collar on you.

    • SadDemInTex

      I think the traffic on porn sites probably reflects that.

  • Wild Cat

    “Old racist neo-confederates never die. They just lose their cannonballs.”

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      And marbles before posting on years old threads.

      • Wild Cat

        I wonder what they did during the telegraph era?

        I AM SURROUNDED BY MONGRELS STOP PLEASE SEND SHEEPSKIN STOP THIS NEW MUSIC BY THE NIGRAS MAKES ME WANT TO CUM IN MY MULE STOP THE JEWS ARE PLOTTING AGAINST ME STOP

        • Shanzgood 19 Days

          STAAAAHP I’m dying here!

        • Celtic_Gnome

          And, today’s internet goes to…

  • SisterArtemis

    OT: when you have a lot of Guinea pigs to name, an AI tool comes in handy
    http://gizmo.do/EA7wA1x

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I am going to share this with my bestie. She has a piggie problem.

      • SisterArtemis

        There are some great pet/ avatar/ Performance artist names in there.

  • JackLinks

    Found, day-care center photo of “Michael Johnson and his close buddy “Joshua Johns”!
    The photo was taken right after their morning nap!

    http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/gallery/2002/02/01/ballen_twins.jpg

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      That shit creeps me out every time.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Dafuk?

    • SisterArtemis

      Those ears…
      Those necks…
      Those eyes…
      That fucking filthy shirt….
      *shudder*

      • Dg Hacket

        What about the wristwatch? If he’s a bit late, would you really mind?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Inbred liblelz!

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Man, they’re throwing old Rod Rosenstein under the bus like he’s a common Democrat.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        It was their plan all along, probably. That’s why they asked him for the memo. Except Trump bragged his plans like a common movie villain.

        • Predisenting Ron

          ‘A RUNABOUT!
          I’LL STEAL IT!
          NO-ONE WILL EVER KNOW!’

  • Bitter Scribe

    At least we can all come together in appreciating a clever dick joke. Especially if it’s on a t-shirt. Which he will show to all his friends and they will all laugh and laugh at the hilarity of it all.

    His male friends.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I’ve got a clever dick joke for him.

      “Hey, your dick is a joke”.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    With all of this, I defer to Barack Obama. “It doesn’t matter where you start, it matters where you end up.”

  • OddMan

    Just when you thought it was dark, it is blacker on the horizon. This article in Forbes spells out very clearly just how stagnant this Congress is and how it looks like the GOP has locked themselves into doing absolutely nothing about the economy, and that will not be good for business.
    https://twitter.com/NormOrnstein/status/876472818132713473

    Forbes article:
    https://www.forbes.com/sites/stancollender/2017/06/18/its-time-for-wall-street-to-stop-its-wishful-thinking-about-washington/

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      No one could have predicted!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Actually, I’m hoping these assholes do NOT do shit for the economy. It was doing just fine before Trump got elected, and if they manage to do anything, it will be to completely screw it up.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      The idea that the only options for tax reform are “budget neutral” or “increase the deficit” makes me insane. I do not fucking understand why we are not allowed to increase revenue, and why even the Dems go along with this bullshit, as though there’s something wrong with making more money this year than last.

      Because “budget neutral” means “tax breaks for the rich at the expense of programs for the poor and middle class” and “increase the deficit” means tax breaks for the rich at the expense etc. etc. with increased military spending”. How about true progressive taxation and massive infrastructure spending with the increased revenues?

      • OddMan

        The GOP choices seem to be, let’s give tax breaks to the rich – cut revenue/programs, or stand around doing nothing and see what happens.
        They can make it bad by action, or inaction. Two choices only?

      • Mathew G. Smith

        Becauase the people with all the money run both parties and have a comfortable little niche where they pay almost no taxes.

    • Lori

      Forbes’ idea of “good for business” is usually shit for everyone but the executive class, so I don’t know how worried I’m supposed to be that Forbes is worried.

      • OddMan

        Yes that was my thought too. I think the market will react in a negative way when Wall Street finally wakes up to the damage that trump can do to their bottom line. He can’t deliver what they want, and he’ll mess up what is there.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So is “public education” the new “Mexican anchor babies?” Are we all supposed to hate the public education system now?

    Also, what is it with these people and the Jews? Don’t they have their hands full hating the gays, the blacks, the Muslims, and the jerb stealin’ Messicans? Christ, give hate a rest already. Go drink a beer, let some man put his pinky up your butt, put on a dress if you feel like it. I can’t imagine being that hateful ALL the fucking time.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Now? They’ve been trying to gut public education for decades.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        They seem to be really focusing on it now for some reason though. I guess DeVos and Trump are trying to figure out one really lucrative grift that they can get in on before he’s impeached.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Yes. It’s a new talking point. The term “government school” was coined a few years ago but it wasn’t directed to be used widely. Some Fox News talking heads used it sometimes but it was just one of many terms in their vocabulary. It seems now that Betsy De Vos is in charge of the DoE use of “government school” is being promoted as a derogatory term. If you’re told over and over to hate public education you won’t have anything to object to when it gets dismantled. These trolls are doing the work they’ve been told to do.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Anything that is good, or great, about America (free press, social safety net, free education) they seem to want to destroy. It kills me that these goons think they’re patriots, when they keep voting for the party that’s actively trying to turn the USA into a Russian style oligarchy.

        • Jamoche

          They thought all that stuff was great until they had to let the blah people use it too.

    • Mathew G. Smith

      Well American public schools have been an international punchline for decades. Mostly because they’re so poorly funded and flooded with useless standardized tests. Plus idiots trying to get creationism in biology classes every few years.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Also, what is it with these people and the Jews? Don’t they have their hands full hating the gays, the blacks, the Muslims, and the jerb stealin’ Messicans?

      No, and neither did their predecessors, who were very good at multitasking, apparently:

      First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
      Because I was not a Socialist.
      Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
      Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
      Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
      Because I was not a Jew.
      Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Saaaaay, you know who else needs a history lesson?

    • janecita

      I know this one!!!! Trump! Where is my prize?

    • starfanglednut

      Hitler?

  • kareemachan

    Totally O/T, but I got a call from some California cop association wanting $$$. I live in WASHINGTON STATE. I told them to fuck themselves, piss off, and never call me again.

    If they do, I’m putting the phone on top of our parrot’s cage – he has a shriek that can break eardrums.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I have a metal referee’s whistle for just such occasions.

      • SadDemInTex

        I keep the whistle next to the phone. First, I put in earplugs.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      I do the same. After a while they stop calling.

      • Notreelyhelping

        I’m fairly polite to them unless they call during dinner or turn out to be assholes who won’t disengage. Then I start answering every statement or question with a question. When we finally get to a question they can’t answer, I say I’m not interested because they clearly don’t know what they’re talking about.

    • The Wanderer

      I answer the phone in either Japanese, Russian or Klingon. If people are legit, they know me already; if not, they either hang up or try gamely to soldier on.
      By the time I reach “Izvintye, ya nye govoryu pa-angliskim,” they give up.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Some of those are scams.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack
    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      This is what happens your parents are brother and sister and this the son you had with your sister. It’s called West Virginia.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The thing is, though, we really have let that part of the country slide into the third world. Heifer International has added them to the places they’ll send livestock to for subsistence farmers.

        • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

          It’s hard to help when the help is not wanted. Seriously. How many times did President Obama talk about workforce retraining programs and environmental recovery efforts in Appalachia? What did they do? They told him to go fuck himself as they didn’t need no help from no guvmint especially from no uppity black man. It seems that they like to live like that. At least they have their heroin and meth to keep them happy.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Yeah, but I wonder how much of that they actually heard.

          • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

            Not much, I’m sure. Their elected representatives made sure of that. The thing is why they keep voting for the same people? Appalachia went for Donald almost by a 100%. Good luck to them.

          • Lori

            Not much, because their racism and misplaced pride make them kind of deaf.

            That doesn’t change the fundamental problem of how we’re supposed to help people who have been conditioned to refuse help in any form that isn’t hidden welfare that benefits whites while deliberating excluding everyone else. Because it’s not welfare if it only helps white people.

          • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

            I’m sure Donald is going to take the HOA approach in gentrified neighborhoods: isolate them, let them rot in their own filth but keep their ugly house out of sight from the nice Tuscan-inspired stucco vulgarities and their nice, white suburban occupants.

          • miss_grundy

            They heard. They just don’t care. There are families in Appalachia who can trace their ancestry back to the colonies. They like to live the way they live. I guess they consider themselves “rebels”. The rest of us see them as sad.

          • William Cook for now.

            One way or another it all comes back to information access. Ignorance is the rich loam in which grow the roots of xenophobia and all of society’s other ills.

            A left politician hell bent on ramming education reform through the Federal government would me one hell of a vote related tightness in my pants.

            The deplorables are a product of their social environment, and I feel society has a much responsibility to help them as it does someone who has been disadvantaged and disenfranchised by our society’s more obvious flaws.

  • shivaskeeper

    Funny thing, is I lived in GA for a few years. I used to laugh and point at the traitor flags all the time, I used to tell the people around me I could care less about the buillshit they spouted about heritage, because their ancestors were traitors. I called them out on slavery and states rights on a regular basis.

    I seriously doubt I changed anyone’s mind. I got called some vile shit by them on occasion. I never did get shot at or beaten up though. Maybe I lived in the wrong part of The South. Or maybe the keyboard warrior there was doing what keyboard warriors do and making more empty threats. Who knows anymore?

  • janecita

    OT, I want Mario Batali and Ina Garten to come over, and cook me dinner for the rest of my life.

    • Lori

      Mario Batali is a sexually harassing douche bag so you might want to just have Ina make you dinner and bring Jeffery along for the company.

      • Marion in Savannah

        I dunno — there’s something about her that just makes me want to slap the snot out of her. Maybe lock her in the kitchen and have Jeffery at the table. (But she’s not as bad as Bobby Flay…)

        • Lori

          I can understand that. She doesn’t really bother me, but I can see how she would bug people. I think it’s the laugh. Rachel Ray is the one who gets on my very last good nerve and Bobby Flay likes himself so much he doesn’t need for me to add to the love.

          The person I want to have come over and cook for me is Nigella Lawson.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Oh, yes — Nigella please! (Mr. MinS would probably keel over from delight, and drown in drool!)

          • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

            Nigella. Yes.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            Cook for you? Riiiight!

          • Lori

            :)

          • janecita

            Rachel Ray sucks.

          • The Wanderer

            She’s too happy and bubbly. I distrust people who smile to excess.
            (Fun fact: I had a coworker – he’s since retired – who smiled so much I called him The Hyena. He was even grinning while a client was doing his best to strangle him. Creepy.)

          • janecita

            She is weird, and her food looks kind of nasty.

        • janecita

          I love Ina! I hate Bobby, Giada and Rachel Ray.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Nobody is as bad as Bobby Flay. Nobody.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Well, maybe Guy Fieri, but it’s a close call.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I would have said so, because Fieri is a poseur and a douche and maybe a homophobe whose name is really Ferry and who never at italian food growing up. But then I saw Flay announce drunkenly to a round table of chefs that all his friends were trying to get him to run for mayor of NY, because he’d be so awesome at it. Bobby Flay dropped out of school from seventh grade when he was 19, and his rich restauranteur daddy logrolled him to where he is today. That Karine woman who always judged his Iron Chef wins? His personal publicist. Just, blech.

      • janecita

        I didn’t know that! Fine, Ina and Jeffrey it is!

        • Lori

          Yup. Bill Buford wrote about book called “Heat: An Amauter Cook in a Professional Kitchen” about his (Buford’s) midlife crisis foray into restaurant work. He worked for Batali for a while and recounts the story of a dinner at another one of Batali’s restaurants where Mario drunken told the waitress to show the table her tits.

          The story was told in a way that made it pretty clear that this behavior was not out of character for Mario. Buford is apparently also a sexist asshole because he didn’t seem to find anything particularly wrong with Mario “joking” with one of his employees in that way.

          A pox on both their houses.

          Mario is apparently not the most racially sensitive soul either. He refers to the various brown folks who keep his kitchens running as “The Latins.” As in, from Latin America. Oy.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I don’t think you can be a sensitive flower and work with Joe Bastianich, with all due respect to his awesome mom.

          • Lori

            As workplaces restaurant kitchens tend to range from uncomfortable to hellish. I’ve known more than one person who quit the field because they just got tired of being screamed at all the time, while sweating and getting cut & burned & stepped on.

            “Show us your tits” is still not an acceptable thing to say to an employee and objecting to it is not being a delicate flower, it’s just being a decent human being.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Ah. No, I wasn’t suggesting that the women were fraile. As somebody who’s worked on both sides of the line, far from it. I was suggesting that I don’t believe it’s possible to have a thug like Joe Bastianich for a partner unless you’re an asshole.

            I am, of course, exempting his mom.

          • Lori

            Ah, I understand.

            Yeah, he’s not exactly brimming over with charm, even by the standards of prima donna restaurateurs.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            That is a good general rule, although there might be an exception in the rare instance that the plat du jour is fricasseed chickadee.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Stephanie Izard won the new Iron Chef, so hopefully they’ll exile Alex to the judge’s table where we only have to watch her sulk for a few minutes, possibly only during Flay segments. Between Morimoto, Symon and Izard there’d probably be some pretty good episodes, now that they’ve jettisoned all the gimmicky crap.

          I’m going to miss the Chairman, though. Douche Alton isn’t nearly as much fun as nerd Alton was.

          • Lori

            “Douche Alton isn’t nearly as much fun as nerd Alton was.”

            OMG, this. So much this. I used to love his show because I learned a ton. I have an easier time remember why I’m supposed to do things a certain way if it’s been explained to me why. As cheesy as it was his nerdiness really worked for me. I could always tell that he was probably kind of a dick IRL, but it wasn’t overwhelming. Now it’s all asshole, no nerd and he’s unbearable.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Give the new Iron Chef a shot, if it happens to be on. It seems as if he’s trying to reframe himself as more of a prestige figure now.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oh, I almost forgot

        “Cooking for Joffrey”: A Barefoot Contessa Cookbook and Plea for Help
        For Joffrey Baratheon, who has trapped me in my customized-barn kitchen.
        I started cooking when I was in my twenties and, ever since, for me, preparing food has always been about making other people happy. These days, though, since King Joffrey conquered my East Hampton home, it’s become more about avoiding a painful and sadistic death. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still have fun and experiment in the kitchen! My favorite trick for creating recipes that both my captor and I will love is to take something classic and reinvent it in a way that will prevent him from slicing my throat from ear to ear…

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Still on coffee #1 (brain boot up 20% complete), so somebody want to explain this to me:
    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/876394578777174021

    • Jennifer R

      42 (your picture or link or whatever never loaded so everything after your colon is white space for me)

    • Ryan Denniston

      Oh good, only half the country hates your sorry ass, and you recognize it as an improvement!

      Edit: By the way, screw your layer’s appearances this morning, you are under investigation.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      heh: President Donald Trump unleashed a series of tweets Sunday morning, touting a poll that showed him with a 50% approval rating, which he said was higher than his predecessor. But that wasn’t all true.

      https://www.yahoo.com/news/president-trump-says-higher-approval-170004266.html

    • bookish
    • Msgr_MΩment

      If it weren’t for false facts
      I’d have no facts at all
      Gloom, despair, and agony on all you losers

      — Apolgies to Roy Clark and Hee Haw

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Trump is referring to the Rasmussen poll which apparently always polls high; the average of the polls is much less. See https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/trump-approval-ratings/.

      Also, Rasmussen polled “likely voters” and the others polled Adults.

      • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

        Rassmussen also only polls land lines.

    • Michael R

      Polls don’t show that people hated Obama for the wrong reasons ,
      and they hate Trump for the right reasons .

    • RobKanC

      So, he was going to fire Mueller and force republicans to do something about the whole Russia thing. And so the Repubs made Rasmussen do this to appease the Orange idiot.

    • OddMan
      • Msgr_MΩment

        That’s one shit-covered cherry to be out cherry-picking.

      • The Wanderer

        No, that’s what you call “wildly wrong.”

        • Msgr_MΩment

          #fivesigmapointsmatter

    • Jamoche

      It’s those polls we like, just ask the Aussie PM.

  • bookish

    http://nbcnews.to/2sGJTyk

    WASHINGTON — It’s crunch time for health care in the Senate, where GOP leaders could bring up a bill soon that would partially repeal and replace Obamacare. But the process is taking place behind closed doors and it’s often hard to keep track of what’s going on amid major news developments elsewhere. Here’s what you need to know about where things stand, which lawmakers could make or break a deal, and which policies might end up in a final bill.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Do they even need to invite Democrats to the vote?

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        If the bill fails, drumpf will blame it on the Democrats.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Would be interesting to know how much her price is/was.

        Interesting as in fuck-all-those-Ratfucklicans-in-the-ear

    • Jennifer R

      The rumor I am hearing is that Collins is leaning yes.

      • NotALiar

        Yea just ask rick santorum how susan collins will vote

    • starfanglednut

      Ugh. Whatever comes out of there, it’s not gonna be good.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Semi OT: At first I thought that was a fake NBC site (like nbc.com.co) because of the nonstandard domain. Then I realized it’s a URL shortener like for use with twitter and stuff. I don’t mobile web or social media so those things drive me nuts.

  • JD Mulvey

    “Ivory Tower” doesn’t describe my public school very well at all. “Cinder block” would be more accurate, and no towers involved at all.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      right? Overcrowded and aging was mine (I thought it was a nice campus, but ya know).

    • Jonny On Maui

      ‘Criminal Institute’ describes mine…

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    Little known southern heritage fact: How Nascar really got started can be traced to the time honored rebel tradition of runnin’ from the Yankees. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f061695db9ad27dcdb776b46e16ee3a842470181306ec811f6fd7230b1637229.jpg

    • Marion in Savannah

      And after that the Revenooers.

    • Jennifer R

      My grandfather sold a lot of moonshine down thunder road.

    • Fartknocker

      That photo (if memory serves me correct) was the Oklahoma Land Run, which wrapped up the taking of large portions of the Oklahoma territory from the Indian Nations, creating the 5 Civilized Tribes, and created a mechanism for the large Chicago meat packing plants to obtain more acreage for cattle grazing. I suspect a lot of those folks in the photos were Confederates getting something for nothing, while oppressing the Native Americans.

      • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

        Yes, it is a Land Rush photo. We couldn’t leave any gaps in the manifest destiny.

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        Don’t be naive. To them oppressing other people, especially if they don’t look like them, means something.

        • Fartknocker

          I’m not naïve. I still believe that most people generally try to help their fellow man and take care of the family and community. Saying that, I think it’s disingenuous to categorize a whole group of people based on their latitude, longitude and that fact some of their community members as shit-for-brains. Not all Southerners are Confederates.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        And “sooners” cause they cheated and left early in order to rip off the Red Man earlier.
        I always wince at the people who think it’s “OK” to be proud of that moniker.

        • Lori

          They wear the moniker proudly—while complaining about all the “illegals” coming to take their jobs. IOKIYAR

  • Michael R

    Gun violence this week :

    262 killed , 559 wounded

    • therblig

      that’s heritage, not hate

    • Predisenting Ron

      Gun deaths have managed to exceed traffic accident deaths. And cars are getting safer.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I for one would ABSOLUTELY LOVE, for any one of these pathetic sheeple to bring themself, and whatever they THINK will protect them on down to Dixie Land. And run they’re mouth about the southern cross like that. I can guarantee they wouldn’t leave in the same condition they arrived!

    It would be something I told my southern brothers about for years. LMAO

    History tells us that the last sentences are correct. Sherman and Grant brought themselves to the South 150 years ago, went home having changed their condition to national heroes, and Southern bros are still whining about it.

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    Happy Father’s Day to you, Dok (Hope Kid Zoom is taking you out to dinner somewhere nice. :-) ), and to all you Fatherly Units out there – thanks for raising us some hope that the world will eventually be a much better place.

  • DainBramage

    KYS Twice = Kiss Your Sister Twice.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Here’s a nother cup of idiocy for ya hon:
    “As Bill O’Reilly sees it, the same forces that led to his ouster at Fox News are out to get President Trump. And, in much the same spirit as Trump, O’Reilly is determined to settle the score.

    “In the weeks to come, there will be a bunch of news stories that will explain what happened and why it happened,” O’Reilly told fans at a show on Saturday in Westbury, New York. “It’s pretty grisly. It’s pretty nasty. It has to do with far-left progressive organizations that are bent on destroying anybody with whom they disagree, including the president.”

    For weeks, O’Reilly has vowed to reveal the conspiracy behind his firing, offering hints and teasing a blockbuster exposé that has yet to come.

    “I can’t really get into depth about why I left Fox and what’s going to happen now,” he explained Saturday, “because my lawyers are pleading with me, ‘For once in your life, O’Reilly, could you just shut up?‘””
    http://money.cnn.com/2017/06/18/media/bill-oreilly-dennis-miller-tour/index.html

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      “As Bill O’Reilly sees it,”

      Stopped reading. So should you.

      • jesterpunk

        He does have a great view from the top of Bullshit Mountain.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Looking forwards or backwards in his colon?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Bill O’Reilly’s lawyers – they’re just like us.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Is this going to be like Glenn Beck’s thing in D.C. that he claimed was going to “change the world” and it didn’t? Poor Billo. His grifting machine needs a reboot and he’s desperately trying to figure out how to do it. Fuck him.

    • jesterpunk

      Was it George Soros? I am betting George Soros is involved somehow.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Meh. O’Really is just working on his next book, Killing Credibility.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        heh, I meant to tell you guys. I went to the library to renew my card and look for a few books. They had THREE unchecked out copies of Killing XXX (I forget which one, Kennedy, Lincoln?)

        (Also too, they had ONE PHilip K. Dick novel – guess which one – and one Cormac McCarthy novel.)

    • Lori

      So, has anyone pointed out to BillO that if he wasn’t a sexually harassing asshole it wouldn’t have matter how many “far-left progressive organizations” were “bent on destroying him”? No matter how he tries to paint himself as a martyr, he did not get fired for his politics.

      Dickhead needs to listen to his lawyers.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        that story says four protestors were standing near his “talk” with signs calling him a serial sexual harrasser.
        Some right-wingers in the crowd said, “What about bill clinton.”

        • Lori

          Sigh. There is no way to explain to those morons why that’s a dumb question.

    • shivaskeeper

      Blah, blah, fucking blah.

      I have inside knowledge of a nation, if not world, spanning conspiracy that is powerful and sophisticated enough to not only bring down the person in the most powerful office in the world, but is able to do it without leaving any fingerprints on it/ I know all this because I was a test run for the tactics they are using. In fact I was a test run due to my popularity and the amount of people I could reach on a daily basis with my TV show. Due to being in the TV industry and having access to all the associated equipment I was able to document all of it in real time as it happened. The proof I have of this nation wide conspiracy is incontrovertible. Once you see and hear it, you will not be able to deny any of it.

      But my lawyers won’t let me show it to you. You’ll just have to take my word about all of it. Lawyers. What can you do? No one can explain it.

    • Predisenting Ron

      Yup. It was that far-left progressive organisation FOX NEWS that done it.
      Oh, Bill. How can we miss you if you won’t just go away?

    • Pickles

      far left falafel

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I just learned that the 7 missing sailors of the USS Fitzgerald were found drowned in a flooded compartment of the ship. Breaks my heart and I hope that if anyone on this website or reading this by chance is related to any of them will accept my heartfelt condolences.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic8zMkYwnq8

      Eternal Father, strong to save,
      Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
      Who bidd’st the mighty ocean deep
      Its own appointed limits keep;
      Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
      For those in peril on the sea!

      • Marion in Savannah

        That hymn never fails to bring me to tears. When I was still in school we sang it at assembly the day after the Thresher was lost.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          It brings me to tears as well. There is a stanza for every realm the Navy fights in, Submarines, Aviation, Special Operations, etc.

          • Marion in Savannah

            We recently sang it at a funeral for a church member who was a Navy veteran. Not a dry eye in the church.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I can imagine.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Well this is pretty much still the song of the Dutch armed forces. It is pretty much 300 years older but still considered our marching song:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehDnHcKey1o

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Darn. I thought I hid the onions real good.

      • Yr. Gma

        The American military has wonderful choirs and orchestras and bands. I know a woman who was in the AF band and saw the world.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Seconded. When will our maladministration make some kind of statement that will demonstrate their caring and empathy? I’m still holding my breath for that one (not really, I’m still alive, right?)

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Drumpf did a tweet yesterday. A fucking tweet. He claims to love the military but can’t even put out a formal statement or make a public address.

        • Apple Scruff

          It’s his day off and he was making up for such a shitty birthday with that baseball shooting and all that.

          What do you expect?

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          well, that was before teh sailors were found dead…so I’d expect him to say something else. (No I don’t).

          Even then, the consensus here was Drumpf did’t write the tweet yesterday. No exclamation points, no capitalized words, nothing about himself, no insults, no misspellings.

    • The Wanderer

      Eternal rest grant to them, O Lord,
      And let Light Perpetual shine upon them;
      Lord, have mercy; Christ, have mercy.

      What shall a sinner say on his behalf?
      Who will speak for them
      When even the just are scarcely safe?

      Pity them, O Lord,
      And grant them rest. Amen.

      • marxalot

        As we say in the cheap seats: turn off that light, Lord, I’m trying to sleep.

        • The Wanderer

          Hee! Good one. For things like this, I have condensed versions of the funeral prayers for each of the Abrahamic religions.

    • William Cook for now.

      They were in their berthing compartment (bunk area), and I’ve heard speculation they were asleep at the time. I can’t even.

  • Mathew G. Smith

    Wait, why would you compare southern cannons to your dick? The one thing everyone knows about Confederate cannons is that they never hit their target.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Didn’t them southern canons have a tendency to misfire or fire too soon? I can’t remember all of my history learnings.

      • Mathew G. Smith

        Mostly overshooting.

  • Brian Loudermilch

    Show your “Southern Pride” by celebrating the side that LOST.

    • Lori

      They lost the won, but they won the post-war, which is why this country is as screwed as it is. We’d have been a lot better off if the North had finished the job. I’m starting to think the failure of Reconstruction is going to haunt us forever.

  • therblig

    Hey Mason and Dixon: Fuck you!

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Were they like Abbott and Costello or more like Seals and Croft?

      • The Wanderer

        Marx and Engels – the greatest stand-up act of the 19th Century.

        • Predisenting Ron

          ‘And then I said… the workers control… the means of production!
          Audience: ‘Ha ha ha! Hilarious! Can you believe he said that?’ etc.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba
  • Michael R
  • Le Covfefe Royal

    If he’s a Southerner, I assume KYS stands for kiss your sister.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “You wouldn’t ever run your sissy ass cock sucker in the south.”

    He’s right. I’ll only ever run my sissy ass cock sucker where it’s properly appreciated.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e2ea9d930e97417be05ae95d48503fab1f46513bcb3f92335412f6f410202238.jpg

    • bookish

      Of course you would. Check out the church choirs.

    • Jennifer R

      I was stuck in the south for the first 26 years of my life and I ran my goddamned cockwasher all the time and not once as an adult did anyone punch me for shitting on white racists.

      • unionthuggery

        Racists on the internet definitely overinflate the acceptability of overt racism in the south. Shitty white racists were the butt of jokes constantly, and people expressing those opinions, even among an all white male group, often got their asses shut down with words or a beating.

        They’re just real brave behind a keyboard.

        • Jennifer R

          I mean, I did grow up in the mountains of NC. When I was in high school there wasn’t a LOT of racism, but what was there was 100% tolerated. The kid who wore KKK T shirts 3 days a week never got punished even though the dress code expressly forbade it. And I graduated in 2002, so this isn’t granny yammering on about the 70s.

          • unionthuggery

            Middle Tennessee, we had a statistically significant African American population, even in smaller towns. So maybe it was different for me on a few levels. Too many people with friendships across racial lines. I graduated in the late nineties.

          • Jennifer R

            My high school had about 1200 students when I graduated and maybe 6 of them were non white.

          • unionthuggery

            I’ve noticed that the farther east I travel up into the mountains of Tennessee and North Carolina, the less diverse the population seems.

    • tehbaddr
      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Those poor dogs!

        • tehbaddr

          I figure most living things would want to fart rainbows.

  • BosGrl

    OT: Here is a very long but excellent thread regarding Father’s Day…
    https://twitter.com/cmclymer/status/876495031506538496

  • bookish

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/transcript-jay-sekulow-on-face-the-nation-june-18-2017/

    On Sunday, “Face the Nation” sat down with Jay Sekulow, a member of Mr. Trump’s personal legal team and chief counsel at the American Center for Law and Justice.

    A transcript of the interview, which aired June 18, 2017, on “Face the Nation,” is below.

  • msanthropesmr
    • Msgr_MΩment

      “….and THIS is your dog on drugs…”

    • memzilla Ω

      ¡ʎuɐǝq

    • tehbaddr

      Needs desperately to be rolled on!

    • I wish that were me

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Jay Rosen has a thread about Megyn Kelly and how she let Alex Jones play her.

    https://twitter.com/jayrosen_nyu/status/876284150378102784

    • BosGrl

      This is excellent.

  • marxalot

    Hey, comrades, I’m looking for good monster story recommendations. Anything from creature-feature to atomic-mutant to the lurking coiling darkness which takes shambling form and kills, just easy on the Lovecraftian stuff.
    Also, who here would read a story about a woman, haunted by the ghosts of friends and never quite free of the Thing she killed that night in the desert, who comes back home to remodel the house?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      About all the horror I read anymore is Lovecratian or Mythos-inspired, but your story idea sounds interesting.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Infinite Jest

      :)

      You might try Coraline or The Graveyard Book, if you haven’t yet. Also It.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Dread Lord Cthulhu wants to know why you have a problem with Lovecraft.

      • Jennifer R

        Maybe, they have already read it all? Or find the racism overwhelming?

        • tehbaddr

          The racism of the loathsome fish people, or was it the ancient frog things, or…

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah pretty much. At least Alone in the Dark subs in dead white people for all the evil dead things.

          • tehbaddr

            Oh, the evil rhythmic music and chanting of the dark people in the night? I remember that from a few stories. It was not an overarching themes as I recall.

          • Jennifer R

            I mean, all the enemies and antagonists were evil rich white men. A robber baron, a pirate, and a cattle rustler. How often is the bad guy of a video game the reanimated ghost of a robber baron?

        • unionthuggery

          Yeah, Lovecraft’s stuff comes from an almost mythical level of WASPishness, that undermines some of the stories by being racist to the point of bordering on cartoony.

          • Predisenting Ron

            I found that the cartoonishness of it made it easier to pass over. Not that I’d give him a pass on it, but the underlying ideas are so ludicrous that the brain just skips over them.

          • unionthuggery

            Yeah, those swarthy wicked Italian anarchist types summoning their Catholic devils and what not. It was some next level racism.

          • Jennifer R

            and that’s an understatement.

      • marxalot

        It’s not a problem it’s just that I’ve read a lot of Mythos stuff and I’m trying to go outside my usual fare.

    • The Wanderer

      The Night of the Living Dead Interior Designers?

    • Jennifer R

      I would. Sounds like it would make a good IF prompt too.

    • shivaskeeper

      Who wouldn’t read that?

    • Thiazin Red

      It Follows is sort of a monster movie. The creature can take the form of anyone or anything. The Brood is scary, and has some good creatures.

      The story sounds cool.

    • tehbaddr

      I’d give that a read!

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      The Historian by E Kostova isn’t strictly monster but it has that marvelous creepy atmospheric feel.

    • Predisenting Ron

      I would. Lots going on there!

    • Collossal with Anne Hathaway and Jason Sudekis. Do it, NOW!

      • marxalot

        Saw it in the theaters, no less! And yeah, that’s a good one.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      “Who Goes there’ by JW Campbell is a great read if you’re interested. Here’s a link to the story for absolutely zero Soroses
      http://www.goldenageofscifi.info/ebook/Who_Goes_There.pdf

  • reelreeler
    • Predisenting Ron

      So festive!

      • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

        So stolen!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Ghaaaaa! Dafuq is that?

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        They lost the War on Christmas, too.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          And we all had a very merry Christmas.

          • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

            Not me. I had a Happy Holidays.

  • miss_grundy

    So, the liberals are supposed to be the inbred morons, eh? These right-wingers are truly ignorant. It is a shame that these people take their cue from books approved by education committees in Texas. They are truly performing a disservice to America.

  • NotALiar

    Unfortunately I know what KYS means because I play video games. It means kill yourself and I see it in my ps4 message inbox frequently.

    • Jennifer R

      Well stop being better than angry 13 year olds playing on the parents credit card!

      • NotALiar

        Lololol

  • boredcatlady

    Seeing a trend amongst the deleted intelligentsia—first one drops “government schools” and the next one kicks public schools too. Sooo, this is a thing now? Schools are bad?

    • unionthuggery

      Oh yes. It’s been coming for some time. Public schools are railed against by the RWNJ radio bobbleheads, by tea party politicians, and from the pulpit on Sundays in many the Evangelical Church. It’s all part of a coordinated effort to undermine the public’s support for public schools, while vouchers are pushed. This has been going on for a while now, and the Christian homeschoolers movement is very much to blame.

      Here in the south, I’ve met no end of idiots homeschooling their children into deeper dimensions of idiocy because”Gawd ain’t allowed in them skooz!”

      • jesterpunk

        They also complain about property taxes and how its so unfair to have to pay them, also the newest thing is to push for just renters paying property taxes.

      • theCryptofishist

        Universal education is one of the things that made America “great.”
        *gags*

    • shivaskeeper

      Schools have been bad for a long time. Home schooling and charter schools are a direct response to segregation. Currently the home school market is huge due to “religious choice”.

      See DeVos, Betsy.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Yes, because public schools teach kids that it’s okay for people to be different.

      Oh, and evolution, also too.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Yup. Public schools (said with a sneer usually reserved for watching someone commit unnatural acts with a goat) are nothing but “liberal indoctrination centers” that teach little Jim Bob that gay people are people, the earth isn’t 6,000 years old, and ma and pa are sometimes wrong.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Also too, they do not require kids to engage in overt flag-worship or Amurkan hagiography anymore.

        How can a kid be a paytreeyut iffn he’s learned about Japanese internment camps or the Trail of Tears?

      • boredcatlady

        I have to admit, I mean, I knew a fringe was always anti-public schools but I didn’t know it had become so mainstream. Being an old spinster, I haven’t interacted with lower ed in years.
        Disturbing. Besides the fact that I got an excellent public education and wish today’s kids got the same, I’m reaaally concerned about homeschooling and child abuse. Like, oh cool, Carrie’s Mom is going to be teaching your K-12 in her basement. Uh….

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I ask you, how is a good liberal supposed to reach out and dialog, come to a compromise, with a guy like Michael Johnson when literally everything he knows is wrong?

  • bookish

    Summary Trump recent financial disclosure, and link to original.

    https://www.forbes.com/sites/mattdrange/2017/06/18/business-is-good-for-president-donald-trump-mostly/#17654f463004

    President Donald Trump’s expansive business empire brought in nearly $600 million in revenue since January 2016, according to a financial disclosure report released late Friday. The documents, which Trump was required to file with the Office of Government Ethics but not until 2018, provide a limited glimpse into the mixed success of his business during his campaign last year and, more recently, while sitting in the White House.

  • NotALiar

    “As far as I’m concerned I could careless or even take anything derogatory you say as a complement. Seeing how you went to a government school and perceive it as an education. I despise such lame ignorance with a passion!”

    This is art.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We’re clearly no match for his home skool edumacation.

  • ZangoCrudmonger
    • tehbaddr

      Cats and weed, and Goodwill pants! You fancy! Umm make sure the pants fit proper because all sales are final, don’t ask me how I know this.

      • BosGrl

        Savers gives you store credit!

      • Thiazin Red

        Weed is very poison to cats, don’t smoke around them.

        • Shanzgood 19 Days

          My aunt and uncle’s pets used to LOVE getting stoned.

          • Thiazin Red
          • ZangoCrudmonger

            I like the death (rare) part. This cat nibbles leaves and stalks and seems fine. Hard to tell with a cat. They all seem like they are some sort of cray cray.

          • William Cook for now.

            My position is the same as people. While the brain is still developing it has the potential to really fuck things up. Goes x100 for cays, as every one I’ve known who was exposed as a kitten was a touch… off as a result.

            Once they’re grown, some will be attracted to the smoke and some won’t. All the dogs I’ve met have left the vicinity, but plenty of cats are known to appear as a pipe is lit or a bag opened. And they seem normal afterwards.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            They weren’t feeding them the plants, just blowing smoke in their eager little faces.

            Anyway, that was 40 years ago and my parents let me smoke it as well. Times have changed, obviously.

          • Thiazin Red

            The smoke is also bad. Animals aren’t smart enough to avoid things that are bad for them. Dogs will eagerly gobble up antifreeze too.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            Well, the cats and dog enjoyed it and didn’t die or suffer any other ill effects. Neither did I.

          • cleos_mom

            Animals aren’t smart enough to avoid things that are bad for them.

            Neither are human beings. Last November proves that.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Lived with a Labrador Retriever who was positively hooked on the stuff. The Greyhound? Not so much.

          • Lori

            Why would a Lab need weed? They’re kind of naturally stoned all the time, the big dumb sweeties.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            He just liked the smell of it. It was kept away from him, but like all things dealing with humans, he found a way in.

            He was a real sweetheart and I miss the hell out of the big idiot.

          • Lori

            Labs—stomach of iron, head of lead, heart of gold. I love the big goobers and would have one if it was remotely practical for my life.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Me too! Apartment doesn’t allow pets or we’d have a few dogs right now.

            Never gone this long without a dog before. It sucks.

          • notaten

            My pet donkeys loooove eating any weed trimmings you may want to give them, with no ill effects that I’ve seen.

        • ZangoCrudmonger

          She eats the fuck out of it, oddly enough. Seems alive.

        • tehbaddr

          I’ve smoked up a few cats before, they seemed OK with it, and lived!

          • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

            As a teenager, my brother blew weed smoke at our cats faces a couple times (or more) and smoked around them. One died in a very weird way a few years later, and one was diagnosed with lung cancer. Nobody else smoked anything in that house.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Speaking of fancy, the goodwill bins don’t allow returns, but the stores do. The moar you know.

        • tehbaddr

          Not the store that I am “familiar” with, except electronics, and that has a 48 hr window and…

    • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

      ewe just one the inner nets

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Now that, my friend, is a palate cleanser.

    • Yr. Gma

      What happened to the bird?

  • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

    Trump’s Lawyers Lose Their Minds As White House Gives Up On Stopping His Insane Tweets

    By Jason Easley on Sun, Jun 18th, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    The White House has given up on trying to get Trump to stop tweeting insane things, and as a consequence, Trump’s lawyers are pulling their hair out as the President is impossible to defend.

    Moar @ the link

    • shivaskeeper

      Easy answer is to give him back any retainer they might have collected and don’t defend him.

      • ThirdAmendmentMan

        You think Trump paid?

        • shivaskeeper

          Lawyers are supposed to be smart. If he has anyone else defending him who isn;t Jay Sekulow, they should have been smart enough to get a retainer and cash the check before they did any work.

          Sekulow is a far right Christian lawyer who suffers from the same delusion that Christians are the most marginalized group in the country. He has been working to get the separation of church and state to be declared illegal for a long while. I don;t care if he gets paid or not.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          They get exposure. And maybe a case of Trump vodka.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Trump Atty. Jay Sekulow did at least a 3/5th Ginsburg today. All I can say is he’s quite the dancer, but not in a good way.

  • Jennifer R

    Ooh thought of a nice alternative to “cock washer”, “bean cleaner”

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    Every morning, I wake up and pray that the Rapture happened in the night, because if it had, then they’d all be gone, and nobody left down here but us sinners.

    Oh, please, God. It would be such a small kindness. It’s not as if You’ve done a whole lot for us lately.

    • jesterpunk

      The funny thing is if the rapture ever happened they wouldnt be the ones taken.

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        A benevolent God would take one for the team.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    This seems to belong on this page, somehow.

    https://twitter.com/DBarriosONeill/status/876043958228590592

    • Shanzgood 19 Days

      I cackled!

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        So did I!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Hehe!

    • William Cook for now.

      Wonkette; a wretched hive of leftist pedantry. <3

      • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

        I LOVE pedantry!

        • William Cook for now.

          Keeps the mind sharp!

          • Pisto75666

            And tastes of chicken!

  • theCryptofishist

    I’m pretty sure that we stole our flag from the French flag (tricolour?)

    • William Cook for now.

      I’ve heard that. Makes sense considering they were the world power assisting in your coup.

      Whenever I see a right-wing asshole using the statue of liberty for their bullshit I wanna tell them it’s French just to see how their worldview contorts around that fact on the spot.

      • theCryptofishist

        Actually, now that I think about it, it was the Fluer de Lys we used for inspiration.

    • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

      Just the colors…

  • bookish

    Document creeping authoritarianism.

    https://mobile.twitter.com/Amy_Siskind/status/876135763506864128

    Amy Siskind @Amy_Siskind
    ·
    Jun 17

    Experts in authoritarianism advise to keep a list of things subtly changing around you so you’ll…

    • jesterpunk

      Gaslighting.

  • jesterpunk

    Tourists in SC hate freedumb it seems.

    http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/news/local/crime/article156851669.html

    “Multiple people down!” Bubba Hinson exclaimed as he live-streamed a video of what started as a mob stalling traffic, but turned into a mass shooting outside the Wayfarer Motel early Sunday morning.

    Eight people were injured in three shootings that erupted this weekend around often heavily-trafficked tourist areas in Myrtle Beach. At least one of the shootings was caught on the camera of a visitor, who posted it on Facebook. The video went viral.

    Some tourists say they won’t return to Myrtle Beach anytime soon.

    • tehbaddr

      It’s Summer time! Fun and Sun by the beach!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    i’m looking through nonfiction eBooks from my local library, I didn’t realize Jay Sekulow wrote books.

    Here’s the cover:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dfd8274e6dd139ed1a1f29aa55523c4946add318ffa021f3f5570f4c2c064632.jpg

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Gag me with a spoon. Right-wingers are such craven nitwits that one wonders how they manage to power-up a PC to spew their stupid e-bile.

      • jesterpunk

        They had someone turn it on for them then never turn it off.

        • theCryptofishist

          Plus, cowed lackeys.

          • wavicles

            Wait, I thought we were the cowed lackeys. Do they call in a liberal like I’d call a plumber?

          • theCryptofishist

            They used to. Then they realized that the sighting of cracks was a) not accidental, and b) making them hot.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        All signs point to Russian FSB agents writing most/all RWNJ material.

      • Jeff Ackerman

        They have a techie set their computers to turn on by pressing alt/right

    • BosGrl

      With blurb by Hannity!

      • HorseChestnut

        Who then immediately forgot what he had presumably read, about Russia being a Bad Friend.

    • Michael R

      Evil ? Count him in !

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      In another book, he talks about “fourth branch of government”. aka, the deep state that is so popular now. Doesn’t realize how important civil service is and now it’s needs insulation from the whims of politicians.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        first we needed an “outsider” (aka unexperienced, untrained peson) in the white house, now we need them all through government.

        That’s gonna work out swell.

      • Michael R

        I see some Christian victim bullshit
        ( From Intimidation To Victory – 1990 )

    • Three Finger Salute

      Sean Hannity? A ringing endorsement.

  • Jennaratrix

    He could. He could careless.

    • theCryptofishist

      I’ve never seen careless used as a verb before.

      • Verbing weirds language. But I thought that was actually quite clear.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I’ve never seen someone more upset over an obvious missing space than the fact that it’s “Couldn’t care less” goddam it! :)

        • theCryptofishist

          Wait, did my sense of humor just go right over your head, or vice versa?

          • Latverian Diplomat

            I was kidding, but it wasn’t one of my better efforts. I did get your joke.

      • Jennaratrix

        So many things wrong in just two words; I’m usually busting on them for saying “could” when they mean “couldn’t.” But careless as a verb was just too much.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    AM Joy was kind of fun this morning with her and the Democrat panel members laughing out loud at practically every word that came out of the Republican panelists mouths.

  • bookish

    https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/07/power-causes-brain-damage/528711/?google_editors_picks=true

    The historian Henry Adams was being metaphorical, not medical, when he described power as “a sort of tumor that ends by killing the victim’s sympathies.” But that’s not far from where Dacher Keltner, a psychology professor at UC Berkeley, ended up after years of lab and field experiments. Subjects under the influence of power, he found in studies spanning two decades, acted as if they had suffered a traumatic brain injury—becoming more impulsive, less risk-aware, and, crucially, less adept at seeing things from other people’s point of view.

    Sukhvinder Obhi, a neuroscientist at McMaster University, in Ontario, recently described something similar. Unlike Keltner, who studies behaviors, Obhi studies brains. And when he put the heads of the powerful and the not-so-powerful under a transcranial-magnetic-stimulation machine, he found that power, in fact, impairs a specific neural process, “mirroring,” that may be a cornerstone of empathy. Which gives a neurological basis to what Keltner has termed the “power paradox”: Once we have power, we lose some of the capacities we needed to gain it in the first place.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Oh you, with your “science”. Next you’ll be trying to convince us the quantum physics in CO2 wavelength absorption (omitted from the Bible for some reason) predicts global warming.

      • The Wanderer

        Worse, he might try to convince us that sheep’s bladders can’t be used to prevent earthquakes.

  • BMW
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Jenner got laughs and applause from the [college Republican] crowd for her quip about the shooter, who was identified as a supporter of Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.). “Fortunately, the guy was a really bad shot — liberals can’t even shoot straight,” she said.

    I just can’t stop laughing. WAIT! Is laughing where you shake your head in dismay? I may not be laughing.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It’s funny because crazy right wingers kill way more children.

    • Lori

      I knew that some RWNJ was going to say this.

    • Yr. Gma

      That person needs to go back to Kardashian fucking.

      • Me not sure

        “Harsh But Fair.”
        Wonk News

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      What. A. Bitch.

    • shivaskeeper

      I got nothing for this.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Caitlyn appears to have forgotten that it was the liberal black married lesbian who shot the shooter.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        really? that is so cool … except for the shooting part.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      It’s really hard to comprehend the level of self-loathing Jenner has for herself.

      • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

        She seems to think she still has white male privilege.

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      …but their guy didn’t kill Gabrielle Giffords, either. This is a good thing, of course, but would that be a sick burn in their fucked up minds?

  • Shanzgood 19 Days

    For Father’s Day. My dad made this picture of his dad holding him as a baby and him holding me as a baby.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d8d4ea1f84227f5aacaa110dec4115ed47b8962dca56625c9ec1f68eab387cc8.jpg

    • Yr. Gma

      Awwww.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Awesome

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Cool!

    • Me not sure

      Boy! There’s no mistaking that he’s your dad. Genetics!

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        Yeah, and my son looks like a blond version of him, but he got the fierce red beard. They even walk the same!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Shit, I seem to have got pollen in my eye or something.

      That’s just awesome, Shanz.

    • therblig

      nice having that continuity. years ago my mom took a picture of blig jr as a baby, holding my baby picture

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e3f9b144bd93e6e55148e4044e7864d246160d15a6c4d364a3f43ce4e45583fc.jpg

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        That’s sweet!

  • Anna Rompage

    Their minds ain’t bright
    They live in fright
    Deep in the heart of Dixie.

  • MAZS

    Mr. Johnson talks awfully tough (when he’s not “LMAO”) for someone who’s side got spanked last time—-biggly.

  • Jim Kobrinetz

    The revered M16 rifle was designed by a Yankee (yes from Gosport Indiana so technically a Yankee) for a company in Illinois, so definitely a Yankee weapon. It was a Yankee – FDR – who threw tons of evil government money and investment during the depression into the south because HE was a patriot who believed this was one nation – silly FDR! But that investment is credited by historians with laying the ground for the “New” South, with industry and productivity and herbs, not just strip mines and over farmed dirt. Willis Carrier, who made miserable places like Atlanta and Houston livable through air conditioning – Yankee. Public school educated too, until college. Sooo-wipe your fat worthless asses with your traitor flag, loser rebel scum. By the way- Sherman stopped WAY too soon. Hugs and kisses!!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      And wealthy Southerners hated FDR for it…his 1940 opponent Wendell Wilkie made his name fighting against the TVA on behalf of Southern power companies like Duke Power.

      • Jim Kobrinetz

        Of course wealthy southerners hated FDR for industrializing the south Sharecroppers and others in the landowners thrall were no longer (effective) indentured servants

  • bookish

    Oliver Stone, “The Putin Interviews”.

    https://qz.com/1008284/oliver-stones-the-putin-interviews-reveal-a-cynical-brooding-and-oddly-optimistic-leader/?utm_source&google_editors_picks=true

    An oft-reviled world leader. An inexperienced political interviewer with no shortage of ego. Hours of screen time.

    The parallels between Hollywood legend Oliver Stone’s new documentary about Russian president Vladimir Putin, which aired this week on Showtime in the US, and Sir David Frost’s The Nixon Interviews have been much remarked upon. Stone even named them The Putin Interviews. But Frost/Nixon this was not.

    • cleos_mom

      I heard Stone interviewed last week on Sirius “Progressive” Radio. I had no idea that he talked like a clinically depressed robot.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Clinically Depressed Robot Libelz!”
        — Marvin

  • Paperless Tiger

    The Yankees were doing okay till they got Trump. That proved they’re just as ignorant as Southerners, so don’t go putting on airs, y’all. I’m looking at you, Wisconsin.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They were signs of the decline and fall of Wisconsin as early as Tommy Thompson winning the governorship back in 1987. He went on to be W’s first secretary of HHS.

    • unionthuggery

      Tennessee was doing okay. Then in the late nineties it started gaining popularity as a place for white flight racists to move to from Michigan and Ohio. The real estate boom from that priced the locals out of the land market. These northern Republicans started taking over our legislature fueled by the influx of voters running south because it was warmer and all those brown people moving into their old neighborhoods really made them “go downhill”.

      I married an Ohioan, when I met her family from the Cleveland area, I was appalled at the racism. Just virulent, casual, outspoken racism, accepted as fact by everyone in the place. I had never experienced that in my entire life anywhere else I had lived.

      There’s a retirement community nearby where I live, they come out for any of the festivals and street fairs. My wife is a vendor at many of them, and as soon as they hear her Ohio accent, they start talking the most racist shit because they think she’s one of them. We constantly have to shut down old northern racists.

      This is not to say there weren’t southern racists here before, but they were in the minority and they kept the shit to themselves. Not anymore.

    • cleos_mom

      Me, I’m looking about 40 miles west toward Kansas.

  • JDM

    Poor guy with the Marilyn Monroe fetish might be saddened to learn that Marilyn was one to push civil rights. If he did the Google about Marilyn and Ella Fitzgerald, he’d find that Fitzgerald credited Marilyn with kicking her career into the big leagues by working a deal with a major nightclub to book Fitzgerald in return for Marilyn to be there every night, guaranteeing massive free publicity. It was all roses for Ella career-wise after that.

  • Tiny kaiju

    Yesterday, in our tiny tri-state corner of Vermont, we saw a pickup truck with a rear window cover consisting of the U.S.flag on the left side fading into the Confederate battle flag on the right and a bored looking eagle in the middle. It made no sense what so ever. I still don’t really get what connection rural northerners, New Englanders in particular, have to the Traitor’s flag. Just because you’re favorite country singer is a good ole boy from Tennessee doesn’t mean you have shit in common with him.

    • shivaskeeper

      Nazis in Germany have long known to fly the Confederate flag to show what they are about since it is illegal to fly the Nazi flag. Just saying.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        The Russian Separatists in Ukraine have a flag expressly modeled on the Confederate flag.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I see traitor’s flags all the time here on Lawn Guyland. It always makes me want to yell “yo, Vinnie… the creeps who used that flag to intimidate people of color weren’t all that fond of your Eyetalian grandparents, either, you fuckwit.”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “We lost the war but won the peace…thanks to racism.”
      — The Confederacy

      • cleos_mom

        Of course the reason they ‘won the peace’ was that racism was then, and is now, a national affliction that has morphed into a frantic national state of denial. Newspapers, magazines, even schoolbooks from the mid-19th century make it painfully clear: the North and South disagreed about slavery to the point of going to war about it but there was no disagreement whatsoever about race: “Negroes” were an inferior branch of human life. The assignment of racism as a regional problem, not a national and cultural one, has borne some strange fruit since that time.

        There were exceptions: a few fringe religious groups such as the Shakers. But they were not taken seriously then and would not be taken seriously now by either the Left or Right.

    • Suttree

      It doesn’t really make any sort of sense. The only thing that I connected that stupidity to is the Second Vermont Republic. Is it that hard to find one of those flags, or is it just that traitor flags were on sale at the Walmart over in New Hampshire? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that there are Walmarts in Vermont now. There weren’t any when I lived there about 10 years ago. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5b94fd18657e02e8a8f44552103f84fb99a28f43e66d73c5fe43764883663916.png

      • Tiny kaiju

        I’ve actually seen the confederate ones displayed on porches as well in the form of various automobile decorations. I did not know about the SVR. I may have seen one of their flags but it may also have been the Vermont Regimental one. Sadly, there are now Walmarts in VT. There’s one of the super SqualorMarts in Bennington even. It is occasionally convenient for random things but they don’t seem to have soap dishes for some reason. I’m a relatively new transplant from eastern CT so maybe soap dishes aren’t a thing in VT, but I digress.

        • Suttree

          Just FYI. This has nothing to do with the Second Vermont Republic. Those are the wingnuts. And don’t forget to only purchase King Arthur Flour. They are such a great company. They sent my step mother to baking school on their dime.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So, I have the impression that Planet 9 is a conflation with Planet X and the old Nibiru nonsense? It’s a mess. Is it too much to ask that our conspiracists use clear and concise terminology?

    • Three Finger Salute

      It used to be Pluto until he got demoted to a goofy dwarf.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Strangely enough, Pluto was also Planet X (as in the unknown) before it was discovered, back when they predicted it from orbital anomalies of Neptune (which IIRC, turned out to be math errors, because tiny Pluto is too small to have caused them .

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Spending the afternoon with dad – ballgame and then burgers at Red Robin. Those who celebrate the day, have a good one. Those who don’t, still have a good day. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/197a51977bac5e44e04202c099b22f4c10df7de97f5c23b634e6185d72778d1d.jpg

  • rebecca

    IT IS DOK’S BIRFDAY. GIVE HIM CAKES WE LIKE.

  • Jim Kobrinetz

    JERBS. JERBSJERBJERBS. Damned spellcheck

  • OddMan

    For the news geeks, if you want some background on Mali after the attack today Andrew Leibovich wrote this detailed commentary on the security forces trying to protect the region.
    With Malian, UN, and French forces in the region under almost-daily attacks from an al-Qaeda-linked militant coalition, France is seeking to operationalize existing plans for regional military support. Paris pushed hard last week for UN Security Council authorization for a joint Sahelian military force, part of the EU-supported G5 Sahel comprised of Mauritania, Mali, Burkina Faso, Niger, and Chad.

    http://www.ecfr.eu/article/commentary_serious_questions_remain_over_g5_sahel_military_force_7300

  • Jim Kobrinetz

    It is pathetic that “Americans” know about the traitor flag and the loser rebel army, but when I referenced the Grand Army of the Republic in a conversation with a guy from Ohio (!) it drew a blank. I no longer think history is written by the winners…or perhaps histrionics are spouted by the losers.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      You’re right. It’s obviously too much to ask that anyone at LEAST read “East of Eden.”

  • Jim Kobrinetz

    Dok-Happy Birthday and Many Years to the literate

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Maybe we should all get banhammered for Dok’s birthday so he can take the rest of the day off.

    • jesterpunk

      Commenting isnt allowed here anyway.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Of course! *slaps forehead*

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      How is spending all day forcing Dok to banhammer a bunch of idiots (US, I”m TALKING ABOUT US) a relaxing day for him?

  • Treehopper1104

    So you’re saying you had superior weaponry, but you still lost? Must have terrible technique then.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Terrible technique, no brains. . .

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    This says it all, really. Racist? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7dc661b9a3e84a51de18d3c17f6b1eb1ffbf89e72ae4de80989b4d5744ceaa40.jpg

    Yeah, doesn’t get more racist than that.

    • Jamoche

      It’s punchin’ time.

    • The Wanderer

      The things you see when you can’t call in an airstrike.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      NSM? Nazi-Stream Media?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I have no clue what that even means. That’s the image I got by Goggling “failed rebellion flags”. It works.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          We can make up our meanings. I also like Not Scholar Material.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            No Stomach Muscles.

          • phoenix00

            Mastiff libelz!!! Those are good dogs.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            I know. I was just on a roll and couldn’t stop.

            My apologies to misanthropes as well.

          • phoenix00

            Hey no need! Keep rollin’!

      • MCA

        Holy shit National Socialist Movement. Just wow.

      • Shoebutton

        The National Socialist Movement ( AKA Present day Nazis)

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Thanks. Sometimes we make jokes around here, or so I’ve heard. :)

          But it never hurts to have the real answer in the mix as well.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Man, the Rotary International has really gone downhill.

    • Alan

      Trump rally?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Inauguration.

        • Phrieda Ω

          Naw, too many for the inauguration.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Yeah, the traitor flag is just a symbol of tradition and “heritage”. That’s why these history scholars love driving around heavily armed in giant trucks in black neighborhoods flying it. Some traditions never get old.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “The Bible is the only history I need…well that and Birth of a Nation.”
      — A Trumpkin

      • The new version of that is for shit.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Not really a new “version” per se, just a provocative repurposing of the title.

      • therblig

        and a big old sears catalog in the outhouse

      • phoenix00

        Don’t forget “Art of the Deal”

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    Hahaha “telephone tough guy”, this motherfucker literally can’t tell he’s not yelling at people on the phone.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Telegraph Terrorists.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Carrier Pigeon Pugilists.

  • GRH

    I suspect both flags were based on the British East India Company flag…
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_of_the_East_India_Company#Great_Britain

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c0/Flag_of_the_British_East_India_Company_(1801).svg/400px-Flag_of_the_British_East_India_Company_(1801).svg.png

  • There are things I like about being southern (mostly the food). People like this are not one of them. Neither is that damn flag.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Amen!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I admire the way gently-bred southerners can squeeze oblique insult into the forms of exaggerated politeness, like Jane Austen or Edith Wharton. I learned a lot when I lived in NC.

  • William Cook for now.

    Do you realize how stupid you are? Oh, wait, stupid jerks like you CAN’T realize how stupid they because they’re too STUPID.

    Dunning-Kreugerception.

    • jesterpunk

      Says the guy who voted for a president they have to make excuses that he is literally too stupid to know how anything works when he breaks a law.

      • William Cook for now.

        That explanation really killed me. Like, this is not an excuse! How the fuck can these people treat POTUS as an entry level pos- ohhh yeahhh Bush.

        • jesterpunk

          Bush wasnt even that stupid, he knew something. They have also pretended that it went from Clinton to Obama with nothing in between for 8 years.

          • William Cook for now.

            He was dumb enough he lowered the bar to within Trump’s reach. At which point, like anything else in reach of an unsupervised toddler, he threw it on the ground and walked all over it.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Every time America elects a dumb president, the next idiot candidate gets his wings.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Too, too true. Nixon —> Reagan —> Papa Bush —>
            Baby Bush —> Mittens —> Mein Fubar.

          • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

            Mittens? Why is he in there?

          • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

            Why is Mittens in there? Was my nap too long?

          • William Cook for now.

            Red Pill gives them wings!(tm)

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Today I learned the three branches of government are the Corporate Executive, the Legalistic, and the Judaical.”
        — Donald Trump

        • Marion in Savannah

          You forgot the Pharisaical.

        • nosuchuser

          Or the three branches are Brannon, Kushner, and daughter-wife…

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Three branches, or three stooges?

          • nosuchuser

            I’ll take what is a synonym for $50 Alex.

        • Three Finger Salute

          The Animal, the Vegetable, and the Testicle.

  • Swampay

    the notion that “generic” is a fancy-ass elitist vocabulary word used only by pretentious liberals

    So when Walmart sells a product marked as generic, they’re appealing to my snooty pretentious liberal tendencies? Good to know.

    (ps, no I don’t shop at Walmart)

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Clearly they are hoping that their non-elite customer base will think, “I don’t know what generic means, but it’s so sesquipedalian, it must mean something good!”

      • Swampay

        all the upfists.

    • phoenix00
      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        That is the worst shit. It’s the “The Thing” of food. It tries to look like food, but it’s not.

        • phoenix00

          You see why I don’t shop at Wal-mart either?

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Because Wal-Mart basically fluffs Satan for a living?

          • phoenix00

            For various definitions of “living”, yes.

        • William Cook for now.

          Yeah, most Great Value products are actually name brand product sold to WalMart from the factory in exchange for merchandising and other such favours from the store. Smuckers Jam, Old Dutch chips (In Canada), etc. Former Wal-Mart merchandiser speaking.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Still, I don’t trust it. I side-eye that mess.

          • William Cook for now.

            Oh there is no lack of good reason not to buy that brand, but package content isn’t usually one of them.

    • Anna Rompage

      Not all genetics are bad however some are…

      For example, a slice of Kraft American cheese food product is almost entirely made of milk, with a handful of chemical stabilizers that create a cheese like substance…

      Generic American cheese however is made up almost entirely of oil, bound together with a large amount of emulsifying chemicals and only has a handful of milk…

    • HorseChestnut

      no I don’t shop at Walmart

      I do. No shame.

  • Anna Rompage

    Not all confederate flag worshipping white trash are neo-nazis, but most neo-nazis are confederate flag worshipping white trash…

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Can I be completely honest here? I do not understand ANY type of flag worshipping. I mean, even the American flag. It’s just not in me. I was raised military, lived on an Army base, just never clicked.

      So I can’t feel anything about a flag from a failed rebellion from long before my ancestors arrived on these shores. It’s just stupid.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Flags serve practical purposes. Often just answering the question, as in a military base, who’s is this? As such it can be just a pragmatic symbol devoid of sentiment.

        Some people can’t do symbolism very well. They can’t revere an abstract entity without imbuing it’s symbols with the same feeling. This problem is the reason conflicts over iconoclasm show up over and over again in monotheistic religions.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          I just don’t see any use in draping one’s self in a flag. It’s basically surrendering all individuality and become a monolith. It’s wiping away ll sense of self and no longer being a human with a name and a personality, but a word. I am American! I am Southern! These are shorthand for what people want to make others believe about them. Actions speak louder than flags.

          Now for the practical purpose of identifying friend from foe, it’s invaluable. It hasn’t changed since, what? The prehistoric age? No need to do away with it entirely just yet.

          But some day, Yog willing, someday there will be no need for flags

          • BosGrl

            This.

          • AJ Milne

            ‘Flags are bits of colored cloth that governments use first to shrink-wrap people’s minds, and then as ceremonial shrouds to bury the dead.’

            –Arundhati Roy

            (I’d grant she’s a little hard on them. The longer essay I’d write would expand on something like: there are principles nations claim to stand for that _can_ be worth fighting for. But symbols are such slippery things. There’s a bait and switch we’re all too vulnerable to, and flags as such abstractions, around which some attach such passion, have a particularly chequered history. And see also Clemens on the last refuge of scoundrels.)

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance
      • Wild Cat

        A bit simplistic on my part, but:
        One can argue modern flag fetishism and nationalism began with the long-dead libertarian left asserting their First Amendment right to burn the flag in the 1970s–early 1980s (a tradition that started in anti-Vietnam War protests). This protected act was firmly rejected by the cretins. Rick Monday of MLB fame became a “star” by saving the flag from an evil flagburner, etc.
        This united the right (along with the patriarchy of anti-abortionism). It was only a matter of time before a murderer and liar—Oliver North—made wrapping oneself in the flag an orgasmic act for the neo-fascists/”true” patriots of various stripes.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          That makes sense. It doesn’t seem simplistic of you at all.

          • Wild Cat

            Well, it’s only part of the story.
            There was also the reinvention of Vietnam: “We were doomed by our government not to win it. And they were all Democrats.”
            Before Limbaugh, hate radio became fashionable, from Jesse Helms (who invented it in 1958) to NYC’s repulsive Italian racist Art Grant (hated his own ethnicity, I guess) to Mort Downey Jr (who repented before he kicked off from cancer). Uber-racist Howard Stern and that pig, Givens, also hid behind the First Amendment to promote fascism.
            They all spread ugly, racist, anti-poor, pro-military, pro-flag memes.
            More graves past and present for me to piss on.

      • nightmoth

        Same here. Also, what really makes me sick is seeing the national flag in a church. If you believe in a god that’s way bigger than anything else you can imagine, then don’t sully that belief with implying he/she/it likes your pathetic little nation state better than anybody else’s.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          You know what will not stop bugging me? The damned lapel pins. Those pins came out after 9/11 and they have just stuck. I find it creepy as hell.

  • bookish
    • Anna Rompage

      I wonder how Rand feels about that now, seeing that he was being shot at for his perceived tyrannical views…

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “How could Republican Senators possibly be viewed as Tyrannical government? Now a black President on the other hand…”
        — Rand Paul

      • HorseChestnut

        Only Liberals do tyranny. Republicans are spotless angels whose only wish is to serve.

        • Marion in Savannah

          You left out the important bit — to serve the richest of the rich.

          • HorseChestnut

            Money is evidence of God’s favor/ their hard work and good decisions. By serving the rich, they’re doing the right thing. American wealth and power are distributed in a way that closely correlates with virtue of some kind, whether earned or bestowed divinely. Caste system? What caste system?

    • phoenix00

      Scalise was quite tyrannical when it came to LGBTQ rights….. so according to Rand he got what he got coming to him? With votes?

  • Growing up in Canada, I was taught this was the only Confederate flag that really mattered…
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9be03a1074e84365b50a42811b5303845f560e240dfa2b1aa70b640823787f49.jpg

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    It’s Dok’s birthday and all he got was a bunch of wingnut gobbledygook? That ain’t right, man!

    Happy birthday, to a guy we adore! Keep on truckin’!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bfd24d3e65ee57cafe5f2d50acc0c1fd11a6febd5716b0a8ee3641e0a6600f1e.jpg

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Happy birthday Dok. Mine was Friday!

    • BosGrl

      Happy belated! :)

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Thanks to you!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Happy Two Days After the Anniversary Of The Day You Was Born!!!

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Thank you!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      So was mine!! Happy birthday!!

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        You too!

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          It’s the best day to have a birthday on!

          All of Dublin celebrates with us… well, for Bloomsday, but still!

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            I’ve never been one to not co-opt a celebration. Happy birthday belated to you.

  • GRH
  • Swampay

    Dad’s day AND birthday? You must be one happy Dok indeed. All the best.

  • Rick Hill

    Dok’s b-day? You know who else had a b-day?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • Wild Cat

      The Iranians? How far?

    • Guy Cole

      Ya, that is interesting stuff. Syria: the party never stops. Hopefully Trumpolini not decide that he needs larger ineffective fireworks show.

  • btwbfdimho

    Happy birthday Dokest!!
    And remember: age is a question of mind over matter: if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjF1bG5LUcs

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I for one would ABSOLUTELY LOVE, for any one of these pathetic sheeple to bring themself (sic), and whatever they THINK will protect them on down to Dixie Land (sic)

    Challenged accept, Jethro! How about I show up with zombie Bill Sherman’s army of Tennessee and Georgia and we finish the job? You can show up with your redneck rifle and Bill can call in the airstrikes he would have loved to have back in the day and then send in a battalion or two of the tanks named after him and we’ll drive you slack jawed yokels into the Gulf of Mexico where you can spend the short remainder of your miserable lives being shark bait?

    • Vecchioivan
    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Well, his challenge was met a long damned time ago. I was fucking born here, my mom was as liberal a feminist as you can get and SHE was born here. We didn’t let the klan scare us off, this keyboard commando isn’t about to succeed either.

    • Jim Kobrinetz

      suggested rule 1-only locally designed weapons allowed. Suggested rule 2- entry fee equal to last years tax balance with the federal treasury. You southern states can just direct deposit that into our Yankee pockets

    • JD Mulvey

      … with votes!

    • nightmoth

      What he fails to understand is that plenty of us Yankee sympathizers already live in Dixie and we are not impressed by ignorance and bluster. Also, we, too, have guns and know how to use them.

  • jesterpunk
  • Anna Rompage

    What a lovely lazy Sunday, little bits of work in the garden, mixed in with Portland’s favorite Olympic sport; brunch! Not to mention non-commenting with you lovelies, and hopefully an afternoon nap!

    • jesterpunk

      In the end, it was the Sunday afternoons he couldn’t cope with, and that
      terrible listlessness that starts to set in about 2:55, when you know
      you’ve taken all the baths that you can usefully take that day, that
      however hard you stare at any given paragraph in the newspaper you will
      never actually read it, or use the revolutionary new pruning technique
      it describes, and that as you stare at the clock the hands will move
      relentlessly on to four o’clock, and you will enter the long dark
      teatime of the soul.

      Douglas Adams HHGTTG.

    • UnsaltedSinner
  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    And lastly, about flags, what does the Engineer from Miss Saigon have to sing about that?

    “If you want to die in bed

    In times of revolution

    When the flag they fly is red

    Let pride fill up your chest

    Meanwhile pack your sack

    And take the first boat heading west.”

  • Marion in Savannah

    Happy Birthday, Dok! It’s too hot to turn on the oven to make you one of those cakes we like. How about some cedar cheese instead?

    • vivian

      Howzabout a cedar cheesecake?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Is there a no-bake version?

        • vivian

          Pretty sure Kraft could whip something up in the lab.

          • Phrieda Ω

            With Miracle Whip and Miniature Marshmallows.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Curse you, digital media! Is any recording ‘very rare’ anymore?”
      — And Audiophile

      • therblig

        “um, well, I might have one around here somewhere…” – Ghost of Rosemary Woods

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          I thought I had one, but I was wrong. There is a copy of Queen covering “New York, New York” from Highlander on damned Youtube.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • rick

    As far as I’m concerned I could careless or even take anything derogatory you say as a complement. Seeing how you went to a government school and perceive it as an education.

    Yeah…because a mommy-teacher will give a better edumacation as we’ve seen by Michael’s error free posts.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I love the “I could careless.” Well, of course you’re careless, you sloppy troll.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        I’m actually considering changing my username to “I could careless.”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Math: two loaves divide into five fishes miracle times.
      History: Jesus wrote the Constitution, and gave it to James Madison.
      Science: Dinosaurs died out because they were so tasty, people ate them all.
      English: Ain’t an’t a word!

      Mommy-teacher’s work here is done.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        But don’t you just know that was the twenty-first draft of his “post”?

        Imagine what the rough draft must have looked like.

  • vivian

    Happy B-Day Dok! I’d give you a cake but then you couldn’t eat it
    or I guess you could but then you wouldn’t have it anymore and it
    would be like I gave you nothing, which is pretty rude of you if you
    ask me, when I went to all that trouble and here you just gobble it
    up like some kind of cake-eating monster which really makes me
    think next time I should give you pie but then maybe it would just be
    the same problem all over again except pie, so no, really, it’s better
    to stick with cake even though you can’t eat it and just leave it out
    there gathering dust like some kind of ornament WHAT IS WRONG
    WITH YOU???!!?! I SPENT DAYS ON MAKING THAT and now I’m
    pretty sure that no matter what this whole cake idea of yours has
    been a complete disaster and we all know who to thank for that
    DIFFICULT situation… *breathes* anyhow, I just want to say that
    Dok is the kindest, gentlest, warmest, nicest person I have never met
    and that I do hope your birthday is a happy one despite long pointless
    posts from people you don’t even know.

    • cmd resistor

      Just don’t leave the cake out in the rain.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    “It’s very frustrating that he gets pushback on everything that he tries
    to do. It’s just everything. Everything,” said Debbie Maddox, 61, a
    retiree and Trump supporter from the Houston area who visited Trump
    Tower this month with her daughter and two grandchildren. “They just
    don’t give him a chance to do it, no matter what it is. He’s always
    wrong.”

    Really, Debbie? What is “he” trying to do? Kill healthcare? Build a goddam wall? He has a fucking majority in EVERYTHING. He has not “tried” to do a damned thing.

    These fucking people. Sorry, rage moment.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’m at the point where I’m over giving even half a fuck about those people. I almost hope that her daughter has some medical condition and that the AHCA causes Mommy Dearest to lose her health insurance. With votes, of course…

    • UnsaltedSinner
      • mancityRed6

        so many faces to slap, so little time.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      “All of this stuff just makes you hate politics,” Maddox said. “All of
      it is just so negative. I don’t think I’ve heard so much junk during any
      other presidency.”

      Ummm. . . What? Stupid woman. What?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I’m sure glad she’s awakened from her eight year coma…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “It’s almost as if there are some sort of checks in place, intended to balance the distribution of power in the system.”

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        These are the same people who STILL talk about Benghazi.

        • Mike

          And Obama the dictator…we were enslaved for 8 long years…!

      • bookish

        It’s a nefarious liebrul plot.

    • mancityRed6

      dammit Debbie, you left your home state for what, again?

    • therblig

      i’m 61 and still working, and in the immortal words of Eminem…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpW9RQodtC4

    • Uh, Debbie, you do realize that his party controls both the house and the senate as well, right? Who is this “they” standing in his way? Or, are you referring to how awful it is that your fellow citizens are exercising their first amendment rights? Either way, fuck you.

    • Fartknocker

      Debbie also loves Goberner Strangelove Abbott because he’s worried about assigning transgendered kids to the appropriate school bathroom. So Debbie, what the fuck has Donald actually done besides build a shiny, gold tower in NYC funded by the Russians? Debbie, you’re an ignorant slut.

    • Lori

      Well, she’s right about one thing—Trump is always wrong. If he doesn’t want to get pushback he could try doing something that isn’t awful, but we all know that’s not going to happen.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Debbie doesn’t seem to get it that we don’t want to give him a chance to do those terrible things.

  • Andy_Kreiss

    I always wonder if that “molon labe/ come and take it” stuff would stand up in court if I went and stoled some goober’s flags and guns. Looks like an invitation to me.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Moar like Moron Labe, amirite?

      • Andy_Kreiss

        There’s a little gaggle of gun bunnies who show up at Media Matters, usually on weeks-old NRA threads, to obsessively upvote each other’s grunting.

        Once, I mentioned to them that “molon labe” was Greek for “come and take it”, and “Greek” was slang for the buttseks, so the motto was obviously a signal from “catchers” that they were up for some Greek-style action.

        Gun fetishists, I found out, don’t have very good senses of humor.

  • memzilla Ω

    Here are the details on the legislative fuckery that McConnell is planning on to get Trumpcare through the senate. “Mitch McConnell and a few republican senators, can waste the required 20 hrs having debates over a bill that Mitch McConnell will then propose an amendment to that will zero out what has been debated, substituting that Bill at the last minute with a Bill of his choosing.

    “It’s not just the lie that Obamacare is ‘collapsing’ as every republican politician has been spreading to cover their malfeasance. It is as Chris Hayes named it: ‘almost unbelievably devious.’”
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/09c9ef21cd37c898f9bf02c2fbb6eb262b4caacf09f7e496783d57553f7d3902.jpg

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I’m not sure I get the point of being that tricky about something that’s going to be a purely party line vote anyway?

      • Mitch just need the practice to keep his Heartless Monster Turtle Powers sharpened.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6cc0e9db287e11430ecccf51a8fd5c2fad2060c308c73672e32bdfdfbe87993a.gif *

        * NOTE: Illustration for amusement purposes ONLY. Gamera is actually the friend of all children. Also he is neat and full of turtle meat.

        • mancityRed6

          I’ve seen enough MST to know that.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          If Gamera would like to take on Mitch for the honor of turtle-kind, I and all my votes would be down with that.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            I’d donate to arm Gamera for that exchange.

        • Rags

          Top this, Gamera!!

          https://youtu.be/TjJMeAAMvm0

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        They’re trying to trick US, that’s the point. This is all a part of the reality distortion

        • Latverian Diplomat

          I still don’t see why? Aren’t the people who would be fooled already on their side?

          Well, and Wolf Blitzer I suppose.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            In cases like this, I assume the trickiness is to cover up something highly illegal.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            AFAIK the only legal question is whether the bill will or won’t qualify for reconciliation. (It needs to, to pass with just a majority). I’m not sure how this would help with that, but I have trouble understanding how these people think.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        To keep squeamish GOP Senators from getting cold feet after they hear from angry constituents

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It’s this idea that the thing the bill is trying to fix is getting votes for a bill. Doesn’t matter what’s in it. Just passing a bill. That is what passes for political discourse in our country now.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        in our Republicans now. FIFY

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      The stories and reports are concentrating on the people who will lose ACA coverage and not on the overall impacts to everyone’s coverage, whether they are ACA or employer provided. Also, not reporting on the impacts to the healthcare delivery systems, the clinics and hospitals, the trauma centers, emergency rooms and urgent care facilities.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      I hate McConnell more than any of them, even more than Paul Ryan.

  • “Do you realize how stupid you are? Oh, wait, stupid jerks like you CAN’T realize how stupid they because they’re too STUPID.”

    We sound like the kind of thing Julie Brown needs to unwind:

    https://youtu.be/pvvGR09P5XI

  • Grokenstein

    Regardless of whether he’s just play-acting or completely sincere, “Michael Johnson” seems to have an extremely tiny penis.

  • Red Bird Ω

    Happy birthday Dok. Molotov!

  • unclejeems

    It always struck me as odd that the confederate battle flag was modeled on the Scottish saltire, that is, on the crooked cross of St. Andrew. I supposed it was because so many southerners (like my folks) were and are descendants of Scots and Scots-Irish immigrants. (And the Scots are not known as the most amiable of races, anyway.) Then it struck me that that cross was the symbol of a supposed martyr.

    So when you have the cross of a martyr as a symbol for 150 years, and then nine or ten states full of whinging martyrs constantly complaining of Yankee suppression, and all that supported by a religious tradition that glorifies martyrdom, it all begins to make some sense.

    But it’s been 150 years. They need to: Get. The. Fuck. Over. It.

    • mancityRed6

      rumor has it they settled in the Appalachia because it reminded them of home.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        FWIW, the Appalachian ones didn’t tend to own slaves and mostly opposed secession. That’s one reason why there’s a West Virginia.

        (Another reason is the Robert E. Lee fucked up his first Confederate assignment.)

        • mancityRed6

          I just know that that’s where a lot of my family is from, and HST and Depp got along because they were both from there.

        • unclejeems

          That’s right. But the mountaineers weren’t alone in opposing secession. Texas held a plebiscite on secession, and at least one-third of the population voted against it.

      • unclejeems

        Which was all for the best, because it kept them away from exterminating each other as fast. I’ll swear, if the southern states hadn’t picked a fight with the north, they’d have fought each other. It’s in the blood, I reckon.

        • mancityRed6

          there’s a family story that the Williams’ and the Gentles were hillbilly fighters until there was a wedding to tie them together.

          • unclejeems

            Capulets and Montagues redivivus.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          It’s a pattern common in mountainous terrain. See also the Balkans, and to some extent New Guinea.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Yes–not rumor–it’s absolutely true (I just posted about this above).

      • LadyLaz

        Hatfields and McCoys. I’ve known some. It’s dying out now but it was serious as recently as 35 years ago. My sister’s riding instructor – clarentine – went to jail for shooting the husband of a woman because he beat her. Walked into a littl story in ivy Virginia and shot the man dead. Third murder. All for a mixed bag of honor and blood feud.

        Reason 20 for having a functioning justice system.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I’ve heard it said that cultures based primarily on animal domestication tend to be feisty “honor-based” types because herd animals are easy to steal. The only way to protect your wealth was to have a reputation as someone with a hair trigger for the slightest offense.

      • unclejeems

        I’ve heard it said that Scots wore kilts because sheep can hear a zipper from 100 yards.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          This is true. Historical fact!

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        I have actually heard this too–the Scots who first came over were the tough, independent, don’t-even-think-o’-fuckin-wit’-me folks who worked the land, and they had to be tough as nails, extremely territorial, unforgiving, and also part of a clan to which they’d be loyal to the death. They brought that mentality with them, which is why you had feuds like the Hatfields and the McCoys. I really admire their toughness, but it’s de-evolved in later generations to this kind of witless stupidity over nothing. I think even their ancestors would despise these fools.

        • Rags

          Scots are the original ‘rednecks’ also too – before they arrived here.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      They will never forget “The War of Northern Aggression”.

      • therblig

        personally, i could care less if they ever get over the War of Northern Passive Aggression.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Me either. I think it’s absurd that they call it that in the first place, considering THEY started the war.

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        A friend, on the tour at Fort Sumter:
        “Isn’t that usually called the ‘Civil War’?”
        “No, son, down here it’s called ‘The War of Northern Aggression’.”
        Raises hand again:
        “Don’t the winners usually get to name the war?”
        “Son, it’s not over.”

        • Lori

          When someone tries to pull that shit on me my response is, “You mean Treason in Defense of Slavery?” That usually ends the conversation, but in the rare cases when it doesn’t it leads to us compromising and just calling it the Civil War.

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            How….civil of y’all. :-D

      • pat tolle

        Sheerman too@Pre-Existing Condition Jack-I’ve a long-time friend, ex-Army Ranger who had the misfortune to be assigned to f post in the old Confederacy upon his return from our too soon.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Some a’ ye Highlanders are amiable tho’ 😉

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CmTP8BGVYAAi4iD.jpg

      • unclejeems

        And an’ a bonnie pair they are, too. Slainte!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    For a while there, it looked like Trump might just resign so he could play golf seven days a week instead of just three. But given recent reports that he’s making bank on all those emoluments, I think he’s in it to the bitter end.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      And probably can’t be personally sued while he’s President.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        No, that at least isn’t true. The Supreme Court said otherwise in the case of Paula Jones, who was (life is an iron) represented by Kellyanne’s husband.

        • LadyLaz

          That is hilarious

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I kind of enjoy it myself.

    • Red Bird Ω

      And by bitter end you mean the end of June, right?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Jeebus willing.

      • Three Finger Salute

        July 4 won’t be our Independence Day though. We’ll still have the spiteful closet case Pence and his theofascist brigade.

    • mancityRed6

      *rubs hands with glee*
      he’ll be dragged out and won’t that make for some very nice television?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      He better get it now. His brand will br trash shortly.

    • Rags

      I’m puzzled by that report. It lists 4-5’s assets as substantial, but do we know what his liabilities are? I mean apart from narcissim, dementia,etc……

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Oh, I think it’s quite possible he’s in way deep to the Russians,

        But regardless, the cash is really rolling in now.

  • “I’m your huckleberry”?

    What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

    • One grade above a dingleberry

    • shivaskeeper

      Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone. It thinks that will make it sound as bad ass as Doc Holiday from a fictionalized account of what happened at Tombstone and the OK Corral

      • jesterpunk

        Wasn’t that shootout actually over someone not turning in their guns when they went into town?

        • shivaskeeper

          That is the claim, but no one is really sure. Tombstone did have an ordinance against carrying weapons in town. There was a lot of bad blond between the Earps and the Cowboys. The Earps and allies claim it was because the Cowboys wouldn’t turn over guns and made threats. The Cowboys say they had their hands up.

          Autopsies showed none of the Cowboys were shit with their hands up as claimed.

          According to Wiki, none of this was really known about until after Wyatt died and a biography was published. Wouldn;t you know it, the biography was probably exaggerated also, too.

        • yyyaz

          Yeah, but the ones who the Earps wanted disarmed were The Cowboys, a gang of outlaw horse thieves, cattle rustlers and general domestic terrorists who threatened the Earps’ newly expanding mini-empire as saloonkeepers, gamblers, pimps and lawmen.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Pretty much assholes on both sides, just one side had the backing of law. Also too, Tombstone is touristy as hell, though Big Nosed Kate’s does have pretty tasty sarsparilla

          • yyyaz

            I’ve been to Kate’s a couple or more times. I also spent a semester working at the Tombstone Epitaph, back when it was a requirement for a journamalism degree at the Ewe. Tombstone is the only Hollywood depiction of the OK Corral dustup I’ve ever really enjoyed.

      • clubseal

        I love the way he delivers that line. It’s probably my favorite Kilmer role.

        • shivaskeeper

          It probably is. He’s not a great actor from anything I’ve seen, but he pulled off a good Doc Holiday not caring if he might die in a gunfight since he was going to die from tuberculosis anyway.

          • clubseal

            That should have probably been my qualifier … I’m not sure I’ve seen that many Val Kilmer movies, other than Top Gun and that piece of shite movie where he’s a blind guy who goes through a procedure to see for a little while.

          • Lori

            Real Genius is still my favorite Val Kilmer movie.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I thought he did a decent job in the Doors movie

    • mancityRed6
      • pat tolle

        @mancityRed6- that’s not a huckleberry, that’s a Hucksterberry. Proof positive that the very best training ground for grifters and con artists of all stripes is a seminaryand probably a Southern Baptist seminary.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I have no damned idea. This is all Greek to me.

      I have always “known” there were people like this down here, we just never actually listened to them, invited them to things, etc.

      • vivian

        Is there some kind of Shithead Hick-to-English translator?

    • Lori

      It’s a quote from the movie Tombstone that has been memed into weirdo shorthand for “I’m the man you’re looking for.”

      In the case of shit fer brains I’m pretty sure the only people to whom that actually applies are process servers and the local warrant squad.

  • aktlib101

    Well, one thing is for sure, they keep trying to fuck that chicken, over and over, again:
    “Rick Perry’s plan to kill funding for wind and solar power
    The Department of Energy has ordered a staff report to show renewable energy harms the electric grid”
    http://www.salon.com/2017/06/18/rick-perrys-plan-to-kill-funding-for-wind-and-solar-power/

    “Energy Secretary Rick Perry is cooking up a case to stifle further federal support of renewable wind and solar energy. He’s ordered a dubiously sourced staff study that is aimed to paint renewables as an unreliable source for the nation’s electric grid.

    The study, due June 23, seeks to determine whether federal tax and subsidy policies favoring renewable energy have burdened “baseload” coal-fired generation, putting power grid reliability at risk. It is being spearheaded by Energy Department political appointee Travis Fisher, who’s associated with a Washington policy group that opposes almost any government aid for renewable energy”
    Energy Secretary Rick Perry sounds just as surreal as President Donald Trump.

    • mancityRed6

      he tried to pray for rain in Texas. in Texas. oh, and my governor (Brownback) played along so it’s not like I’m playing favorites.

      • jesterpunk

        I am confused by that, dont they claim the gays and women who have abortions are responsible for hurricanes? So they make it hard for anyone to stay in state that isnt a white christian conservative man then get rid of all regulations then pray for rain? By their own logic shouldnt they just make the state a nice place for everyone to live then they would have more rain?

        • mancityRed6

          the fact that they are asking a sky god for anything is where my brain shuts off. I do not comprehend. more alcohol please.

          • jesterpunk

            Something something the lord helps those who help themselves also dont pray in public you damn hypocrite.

          • mancityRed6

            ha! these people are already stupid, like they’re really gonna read the book they claim to live their life on.

          • jesterpunk

            Well they are praying to the wrong god too, if they want rain Thor, Zeus or Jupiter would be better gods to pray to for rain. Although Zeus will sleep with anyone if they are willing or not…. hey he would fit right in with the modern republican party.

          • mancityRed6

            dammit, now I’m thinking of W turning into a goose
            thanks for the nightmares.

          • jesterpunk
      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Well, they had a few thousand years worth of “praying away the gay”. How’d that turn out for them?

        • Fartknocker

          I remember Prayer-A-Pooloza.. Nothing changed and the gays in Austin are fabulous.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      This whole thing is so horrifying it’s absurd! “Let’s kill renewable energy! Which has millions of jobs, is a growth industry, will extricate us from the middle East, and is the future, to save a dirty, dying industry that has about 60,000 jobs total!”

      • aktlib101

        I don’t think they can succeed, the fossil fuel train is being derailed by the cheap solar and wind and nothing can stop the growth of the green industry. However, oil-backers will find tooth and nail to keep the profits going to further enrich themselves

    • Predisenting Ron

      ‘Alright, people, we’re commissioning a study to look into renewable energy. Here’s what your conclusion will be. Go find stuff to put in the middle that supports it.’

  • Happy Birthday, Dok.

    As a contemporary who will likely lose health care as a result of the ACA “repeal and replace” fiasco, I’d like to let you in on my new retirement/health care savings account plan:

    “Jury awards $870,000 to man whose doctor removed the wrong testicle”

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2017/06/18/he-underwent-surgery-to-remove-his-right-testicle-when-he-woke-up-his-left-one-was-missing/?hpid=hp_hp-more-top-stories_tyh-testicle-1245pm%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.3bcc343e2200

    May your day be filled with aged scotch, laughter, and both testicles intact.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Cakes, we like. And we like you too. 🎉🎂

    https://anonimag.es/i/yoursign0c174.jpg

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Scrofula

      Nick Denton sees this every night.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Good.

        Fuck that guy.

        Fuck Hulk Hogan too, of course, but fuck Denton more.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution
  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Anyone know when Rachel’s Rolling Stone will be out?

  • mancityRed6

    alright, dad’s gonna be home from work so I gotta get on the horn.
    happy birthday dok…my mom’s dad was also known as “Doc” but he wasn’t a doctor, just an air force man, lumberjack, and farmer. I really wish I could call both my grandfathers today.

    • kareemachan

      I wish I could call my father. He went downhill after my mother died, and I miss both of them.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Offering hugs.

        I just got off the phone with mine and I realize how lucky I am to still have him around.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Chicks, its like you can’t even threaten them with violence without them getting all uppidy about it. Sheesh. Good thing Twitter does NOTHING about it, though.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea
      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Jesus Christ. Pathetic.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Freeze Peach!

  • Weird Fishes

    Happy Birthday, Dok.

  • LadyLaz

    Happy birthday Dok! Anyone who loves my little pony as I do and studies philosophy can’t be all bad. With many returns….

    🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🌈🌈🌈🌈💕🦄

  • Holly

    Dear Dok,
    When we went out to buy all the ingredients for your cake I thought it’d be a great idea to stop by the local tavern and have JUST ONE to celebrate your birthday! Well…..this is what happens when you decide to celebrate before you bake the damn cake.
    I blame Paul.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/acaabf822178de2679cc33f20deafd67273942999d5ba3e476468246713a2f4f.jpg
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOK!
    Love,
    Paul and Holly

    • Gregory Brown

      That’s one contrite cake.

  • therblig
  • Shanzgood 19 Days

    Baconzgood, Baconz Jr., and Hambone at Pirates v Cubs game for Father’s Day. I know his looks and that’s his Happy Dadding face!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8893edc7adf137ffa9c0c439c8283fddb1f038e63d955ca7be5c275b4da5cd2a.jpg

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      That’s some good Dadding right there!

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        He’s lucky like me in that both our youngest ones turned out as weird as WE are.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          It gives me faith in the future of this spinning ball of rock.

          Honestly, Shanz, I’m loving this ongoing story of you and Baconz and the minis. It warms even my dark heart.

          • It makes me giggle!

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            That’s because you’re a good little pervert.

          • Well, duh!

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            *snicker* We love you!

            (No, not like that, don’t worry!)

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, PORK-FONDLER!

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            Hey, I just meant baconz and me! You can love wherever you want to as long as you get affirmative consent first!

          • Fuki just likes that i don’t know how to wear pants properly

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Well that and your scintillating personality, and humor, and erudition, and linguistic skills, and that you’re an admitted pervert.

            APART from that, yeah. The pants do still make me laugh though.

          • Upside, it’s too hot here for pants so i’m wearing this dress today:
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/17d0b711897008e0a56ee86f81cfa63a4af68e9d7a4026275c8004c51d0210a9.jpg

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Watch out for that guy on the right. The eyebrows say he’s about to cop a feel.

          • Well, his finacee at the time (now wife) took the picture

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            Aww! I’m trying not to be TOO annoying about it but sometimes I just can’t help it. But in person, we’d probably make everyone vomit.

          • Gregory Brown

            Yeah, took a while to figure out the countdown.

          • LadyLaz

            Agreed. I haven’t caught much but it is super sweet.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      sorry kids, but my Cubbies took two out of three- should have gone yesterday

      • Shanzgood 19 Days

        That’s ok. Baconz is a lifelong Cubs fan, for some reason. I told him today that I don’t follow the baseball anymore so I don’t have a favorite team. His response?

        “NOW YOU DO!”

        • Suttree

          I don’t watch baseball anymore but, Let’s Go Mets!

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I love baseball. I’m a Giants fan.

            There is no need to say any more than that right now.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            I honestly haven’t watched it since the Royals won the World Series against the Yankees.

        • Three Finger Salute

          The Cubs are my backup team in case the Red Sox don’t make it, because Theo Epstein. But in the event of a Sox-Cubs World Series, I guess I’d play cards.

        • Gregory Brown

          My son mike declared himself to be a Cubs fan as a five year old, and now, nearly three decades later, he not only has been vindicated, but lucked into Game Seven tickets at face value and was at the game in Cleveland.

  • La forza del resistino

    Someone said, if we ban the Confed. flag, how will we be able to identify the truly terrible people.

    • Shanzgood 19 Days

      MAGA hats.

      • mancityRed6

        I actually heard someone call into a radio show, it was a throwaway line, but they called themself a “red hat”, not knowing it also comes in white.

        • Shanzgood 19 Days

          Huh. I’ve never seen a white one.

          • mancityRed6

            the butler at the “summer white house” said tRump only wears one when he’s in a pissy mood.

          • Suttree

            So whenever the high wears off from his last twitter storm?

          • Three Finger Salute

            I thought the winter White House was in Moscow.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            They need different colors for the Maga picnic softball games. You do not want to see those guys play shirts vs. skins.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            *grk*

        • BosGrl

          Wow. That’s like calling yourself a “brown shirt”.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Amazon Linux fan.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Red Hat Linux itself being a Buddhism joke, I believe.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Sadly not. As I hear the story, Steve Noodlebot* was apparently the guy everyone on campus went to in order to fix their unix problems, and was known as “the guy in the red hat”

            * Couldn’t be bothered to google his real name.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Fair enough. The parallels between Linux distributions and religious sects seem apt, but probably a bit too culturally insensitive for many people.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            Isn’t Linux that kid from Charlie Brown?

          • Latverian Diplomat

            His Security Blanket is called OpenBSD.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          They tried called themselves MAGAts, but people kept confusing that with something else.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            Heh!

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      By the slobbering ignorant hatefulness?

  • mancityRed6

    so I’m kinda halfway watching Inglorious Basterds and Hitler is on, ranting and raving…and I’m struck by how much easier things would have been for him if he’d only had a twitter acount.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Radio was the Twitter of the time, and they played that shit like a Stradivarius.

      See “Charlie and his Orchestra”.

      The internal-consumption broadcasts were masterful, as were Riefenstahl’s films.

      Although a Hitler Twitter account would have been less insane than the account of a certain ferret ball-sac who apparently is President.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Goebbels had four different newspapers, newspapers came out several times a day, and numerous radio stations, which were required to be on, and turned up whenever Hitler was on. Adolf not only had “twitter” to the nth degree, he had armed meth-crazed barbarians in uniform to make sure everyone listened and that was ALL they listened to. It’s like if we were surrounded by billboards and personal big-screens that could only blast out Fox News and speeches by Twitler’s henchmen, and everything stopped whenever he decided to speak or tweet and we were all forced to stop and watch, and if we were caught even briefly watching, say, a BBC America show, we’d be hauled out of bed in the middle of the night by armed SS officers and deported to Auschwitz.

  • aktlib101

    And here is another view on the possible “New World Order” Trump and his cabal are seeking to implement, that of a bi-polar conflict between fossil fuel countries (US, Russia, Saudis, etc) and green energy countries (Europe, India, China).
    Personally, I don’t think Trump, Putin and their cronies can stop the green revolution, I rather think this alliance is simply aiming to divide the world among autocrats and their billionaire donors, to simply further plunder the wealth of the nations to their own selfish interests. Simple as that. But an interesting view, nevertheless, of dirty vs green
    http://www.tomdispatch.com/post/176294/tomgram%3A_michael_klare%2C_%22the_battle_lines_of_the_future%22/#more
    “Is Trump Launching a New World Order? The Petro-Powers vs. the Greens
    By Michael T. Klare”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Interesting idea, but if so, I think Putin is the brains behind it, not Trump. Trump is just easily pointed in the right direction.

      • aktlib101

        Yep, in this age of grotesque alliances, the old Soviet communist, Putin, a multi-billionaire grifter, dictator from a long line of other autocrats, is being revered by the alt-right and christofascist evangelicals in our country as the “savior” of the Christianity, presumably the White version of it. Putin, himself not a great thinker, and rather of low IQ, in the same mold as Donald, nevertheless has the KGB-style apparatus and techniques behind him to help con both Russia and the world, from interfering in elections, to stifling opposition, to magically make himself the most ardent supporter of JC. And the rubes are swallowing all of this, hook, line and sinker.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Repukes love Russia now because they’re jealous that Chechnya (which, ironically, is majority Muslim) gets to kill teh gays and not face any consequences for it. Nothing would happen if the Tsarnaevs had waited a few years until Trump got into office and bombed Boston Pride, instead of the marathon while Obama was at the helm. Alex Jones would be screaming “False Flag!” at the top of his lungs, and Trumptards would be burning rainbow flags. The GOP is a hate group, pure and simple.

        • Gregory Brown

          Or hook, line and stinker.

      • Gregory Brown

        When you said that, I instantly flashed to Headley Lamarr pointing Gov. Lepetomane and marching him across the room.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I read that article. I wondered what happens to the petro-powers when the non-renewable resources run out, and as demand declines as renewable power ascends.

  • Suttree

    I still don’t understand how this Liberals hate Jews thing works. I thought that we were being paid by Soros to protest Turnip. Could it be that I don’t like seeing the population of Palestinians in Israel, Gaza, and the West Bank being treated as second class citizens? And also, too I thought that we were fascists. Wouldn’t we be in agreement with Israel’s and Turnip’s policies?

    • Jamoche

      In the RWNJ world, the good guys support Israel because of the whole Rapture checklist thing. Therefore by definition the bad guys oppose it. As far as they’re concerned, policies are not a factor on either side, just the existence of Israel.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        My favorite examples of the people trying to help the Rapture checklist along are the guy in Texas (IIRC) with a “Red Heifer” breeding program, and the guy who want to project a hologram of a Jewish Temple over the Dome of the Rock.

        • shivaskeeper

          I remember the red Heifer guy. It was not going well for him. One non-red hair means it;s not as described in the Bible. I don;t think I heard about the hologram guy. What would that accomplish? The checklist specifically says they temple has to be rebuilt, not a hologram.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            God will not be mocked, but maybe we can trick him?

            Here’s an article about him:

            https://www.wired.com/2004/04/holyland/

          • Suttree

            I didn’t read the whole article. The first few paragraphs were enough for me to go fix a drink.

          • shivaskeeper

            Okay. I got nothing for this. Nothing. On one hand you have people going on and on about how the prophecies have to be fulfilled to the letter. Exactly as written, or translated, or mistranslated. And then you have this. We can just project and image and fool God.

            This is why I don’t fear a Mike Pence theocracy push when DJT steps down. None of these people of groups are going to be able to work together for more than a few minutes.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Let’s put it another way; at the time the article was written, hologram guy clearly also thought there was money to be made.

          • shivaskeeper

            Of course. If there is a group that will literally throw money at you it is American Evangelicals if you tell them it’s Biblical.

        • Suttree

          My favorite part of the wikipedia entry,

          It is cited as the prime example of a ḥok, or biblical law for which there is no apparent logic.

    • shivaskeeper

      It’s simple. Libtards are critical of Israeli policy on occasion. Critical of Israel = hates Jews. I’m not sure how a minor criticism of a government policy gets that twisted, but it does.

      Mind you, this comes form people that will blindly support anything Israel does because Israel is needed to fulfill some prophecies in their end times death cult Bible, but all the Jews are going to go to hell. So they must stand with Israel at all times, but all the actual Jews in Israel are going to burn for all eternity. Except the 144K singing male virgins who will be proclaiming Christ’s divinity.

      It doesn’t make any sense and it doesn’t have to.

      • Suttree

        But these fuckers support actual Nazis!

        • shivaskeeper

          As long as the Nazis leave Israel the country alone, all is good for them. They need the geographic chunk of land for the end times. The actual Jews in Israel are almost all hell bound Christ Killers. They do not matter at all. Only the ground they stand on matters. If libtards are critical of the government that holds that ground, that could in any way cause them to lose some of the ground, then we hate Jews.

          You are asking for sense in something that doesn’t make sense on it’s face..

          • Suttree

            Trump Tower Dome of the Rock should fit in nicely then. And I know all of this shit. I just don’t understand how people handle cognitive dissonance like this.

          • shivaskeeper

            By not thinking very hard about it at all. By pretending it’s a matter of faith. By getting stupid and shouty with anyone who comes even close to making them see the dissonance for what it is. By a hundred other ways as well.

      • Anna Rompage

        The funny thing is the Jews, Christians & muslims all worship the same god…

        Can’t wait to see their faces when they get to heaven and find out they have to share it equally among one another..

        If there was a heaven that is

        • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

          I dealt with this in my own spiritual life some years ago when I realized either there is no God, we’re on our own, and we have an urgent obligation to do the right thing because there are no second chances, or else there is a God, and he’s a major dick.

          So we’re not dealing with anything in the next life, which is just as well based on how we’re dealing with everything in this one.

        • Jamoche

          Classic joke: a person is getting their first tour of Heaven. They keep walking past closed off rooms. The response to their query: “That’s the ____, they think they’re the only ones here.”

        • shivaskeeper

          if they are right, a lot of the American Christians are going to Hell, so they will be doubly surprised I guess.

        • miss_grundy

          All three faiths claim Abraham…..

    • Three Finger Salute

      The only reason theocons claim to like Jews is on a temporary basis to facilitate their stupid rapture fantasy. They don’t really like Jews, even the rabid nationalist Zionist ones. They think that there has to be a massive war in the Holy Land that exterminates all the heathen Saracens (ironically, “infidels”) and unbelievers of all stripes (which would include Buddhists and Hindus in Asia, and followers of traditional indigenous practices in Africa, the Americas, Australasia, and non-religious secularists all over the world) — at which point Jesus will come home from college and settle in Jerusalem, and either convert all the Jews or kill them outright.

      They not only follow NRA Jesus but Hitler Jesus. The more pragmatic ones are just greedy cynics who consider the theocons as useful idiots selling snake oil to the rubes, so they can plunder the resources and eliminate anyone who gets in their way. Hence why fucking Greenpeace has long been regarded as a far more dangerous terror group than any of the Dominionist organizations on C Street.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      Liberals hate Jews because Liberals ARE Jews because George Soros is a Jew because we’re self-hating Jews, is why.

      The good Jews are Alan Dershowitz and David Horowitz, and Bibi Netanyahu.

      And we are fascists because Jonah Goldberg says we’re fascists.

      Period. Easy peasey.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Liberals hate Jews ’cause they won’t let Israel kill all the Palestinians fulfilling prophecy, so Jeebus can come and kill all the Jews and liberals.

      • Suttree