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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Sen. Chuck Schumer has graciously extended an invitation to Donald Trump to appear before the Senate Intelligence Committee so the president can perjure himself. We bet he’ll accept that 100%!

Jeff Sessions SAYS he’ll appear before the Senate Intelligence Committee Tuesday, but we’re wondering what kind of smarmy garbage he’ll pull in order to dull the damage.

Republicans are nervously whispering that zombie TrumpCare/McConnellCare/WealthCare is dead (again) as GOP members in the House and Senate can’t agree on how badly they could and should screw the poor.

Reince Priebus has until July 4th to fix the Trump Train or else he may be “You’re Fired.”

You all need to stop making fun of Marco Rubio and his retractable spine! Rubio is doing his best to at least ACT like he cares about something (other than himself), even if that means phoning in Trump-Russia questions.

RNC Chairwoman Rona Romney McDaniel wants to kill Trump-Russia investigations because “there’s been no evidence,” despite ALL the existing evidence from over a dozen different U.S. intelligence agencies.

LOLOLOL Lindsey Graham thinks Trump could “go down” because he can’t shut up.

Jeff Sessions may be subpoenaed by his own Justice Department for a case involving former Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s open defiance of an Arizona federal judge for racially profiling all the Messicans.

D.C. and Maryland attorneys general are expected to file suits alleging Donald Trump has violated anti-corruption clauses in the Constitution for taking Ameros from Not-America through his businesses. To build the case, the plaintiffs want to take a gander at his tax returns.

Trump’s Justice Department is arguing it’s totally legal to accept payments from foreign governments because the money paid to and for Trump-branded businesses was not intended to go to Trump. Also, George Washington, eagles, beer and boobies.

John McCain said he misses Obama in response to questions about Trump’s foreign policy. So do we, WALNUTS, so do we.

Trump’s Team plans on combating Trump-Russia by calling James Comey “a pussy” which shouldn’t come as a surprise considering Trump’s familiarity with sexual assault and character assassination.

Former U.S. attorney Preet Bharara went on teevee to talk about all the times Trump tried to pick him up like a common pee hooker hiding in a shady Moscow ally. [VIDEO]

Some idiots tried to ruin D.C.’s pride parade by claiming it had become too friendly to “corporate scum.” There’s no joke, these people are just stupid.

Dan Scavino’s is Trump’s tweeter-in-chief, and the one who’s usually firing off insults as Trump screams at cable news in a stolen hotel bathrobe.

Carolyn Lerner is leaving the Office of Special Counsel, an ominous sign for whistle-blowers in the federal government.

Small groups of racist nutjobs gathered to protest Muslims over the weekend, but they were greeted by a colorful coalition of people who don’t believe in drowning the First Amendment with cheap, watered-down beer.

Trump might cancel his U.K. trip because everyone hates him and Theresa May, too, but it’s being denied by the White House and Downing Street. Intrigue!

Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny has been “detained” this morning after leading massive anti-corruption protests across Russia despite attempts by the Kremlin to silence the filthy proles.

We’re bombing terrorists in Somalia after religious extremists began attacking U.S.-backed forces in Not America.

Puerto Rico voted for statehood in a symbolic, nonbinding referendum that will undoubtedly fall on the halls of Congress with a muted thud.

GOOD NEWS: Italy’s Euroskeptics lost badly in mayoral elections, setting the stage for general elections next spring.

Princess Ivanka graced the groveling hosts of “Fox and Friends” to complain about how mean people are to her at all the fancy cocktail parties. Poor bleached-blonde snowflake.

Melon Trump has left behind her glass house in New York for a sweaty marble dungeon in Washington. Expect a sad reprise of the “Green Acres” theme.

Your late night wrap up is John Oliver explaining the UK elections because it’s kind of important!

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Jaguar Cubs!

HEY, give us money and we’ll keep giving you all ‘splainerings, dick jokes, and mommy blogging! Deal? OK GO!

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  • Nounverb911
    • Logic of Color

      Woah! Thought I was looking in a mirror for a second there.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Phoenixdoglover

      You will not question the authoriteh of the Predisent!

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Put some bars on those windows so you can get used to the view you’re gonna have in a few months.

    • Shibusa

      Something tells me Mel really isn’t looking forward to the memories she’ll make in her new home.

    • cmd resistor

      I remember reading an article about how many of her twitter photos are views outside through windows. There was some kind of prisoner type theme in the story.

      • The Wanderer

        Only a bird in a gilded cage.

        • puredog

          I see that she is now incorporating a theme of iron bars, as well. Very meta.

          • The Wanderer

            Oh great, now I have To Althea, from Prison in my head.

            “Stone walls do not a prison make,
            Nor iron bars a cage:”

    • Nounverb911
    • Suttree

      Hey kids, remember when they perp walked daddy out the front door?

    • Ill-Advised

      I b’lieve that woman may have planz.

  • msanthropesmr

    “But Olivah, I don’t want to live in Washington!”

    • Mpeg

      I *guffawed* at that one~

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl
  • ManchuCandidate

    Relax Ivanka. It’s just words.
    https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/joffrey-poop.gif?w=650
    Better than hit with flying cow shit.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      There’s a lesson in GoT for every member of that shitty family.

  • anwisok

    RNC Chair Romney McDaniel: “The Democrats have a playbook. We know it: It’s resist, obstruct.”

    You know it because you wrote it!

    • Nounverb911

      Reality, how does that work?

      • Ill-Advised

        She’ll answer if her lawyer’s present.

  • Nounverb911
  • God Emperor Emeritus

    Thank goodness, I was just saying that the thing the world really needs is more disgustingly rich people publicly complaining about that one time someone didn’t kiss their ass.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Uh oh! Somebody needs a champagne popsicle.

    oh..of course ___ shoved up her ass with votes.

    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Ivanka-So-Mean.jpg

    • jodyleek

      I was thinking someone needed a shampoo and blow out, but popsicle up the patootie will do.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    “The militants were operating a command and logistics note approximately 185 miles southwest of the capitol, Mogadishu,”

    Presumably our learned Shitheads at CNN mean “node”. Anyhoo, I don’t remember the US’s last visit to Somalia ending all that well. How many targets that are appropriate for Smart bombs or Predator drones can there even be in Somalia?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDYY-zC7sUw&index=2&list=PLgA_QpnjZQyycQd4W09H3mByh5R3o60cR

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Maybe they were right and it was a “note”. Probably saying “Dear Americans, we’re not here anymore, we’ve moved.”

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        HA! I like that idea. Well Played, Sirra.

      • The Wanderer

        “Dear America,
        We are writing this slowly, because we know you can’t read fast.”

  • Nounverb911

    So Megyn, while you are polishing Jones’s ballz, are you going to interview any of the Sandy Hook parents he tormented?

    https://twitter.com/megynkelly/status/874053387389513728

    Best reply yet.

    https://twitter.com/ccingraham/status/874123860265906176

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Fuck you, NBC Entire. There Shall Be a Reckoning. Bet on it.

      • Jennifer R

        Andy Lack is a piece of shit.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Yes, and he’s far from the only one at NBC.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah, but he gets to call all the shots.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Oh, I know.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      She named one of her children “Thatcher”? After The Wicked Witch of the West Margaret Thatcher? Tell me it’s not true.

      • PubOption

        Yes, she has a kid named Thatcher, although I don’t know the reason for it. It would be unfortunate if he (yes, a boy) ever needs to go to Argentina or any former-mining areas of the UK.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Puerto Rico voted for statehood in a symbolic, nonbinding referendum

    Since they’ll be reliably Democratic voters, this will fall on deaf Republican ears. Plus, there was that little shooting incident.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      They should apply for membership of the EU. I believe there’s a vacancy coming up soon, (or maybe not.)

      • Querolous

        They should become a Canuckistanian province. If the US can have an “island in the Pacific” surely they can have an island in the Caribbean.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • PubOption

      You can add Trump Tower Toronto to the list of his failures. It has been repossessed by his lenders.

    • LucindathePook

      He did do a spectacular job selling out the country to the Russians, you must admit. So I’ll judge him by that alone.

  • BadKitty904

    Good.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If both the British and US government are denying the same thing, it must be true.

  • Suttree

    Just quit already Rancid Pubis. Merlin and Gandolf together can’t fix this shitshow that Turnip put together.

    • Crystalclear12

      Wrong team.
      Sauron and Voldemort couldn’t fix this mess.

    • TheBoatDude

      No no…Rinse Penis…

  • BigCSouthside

    I was just thinking about how I really need a surgically altered rich girl who has been handed everything in life Shane me for being mean as I leave my middle class house to go to my job.

  • Bill D. Burger

    C’mon now. Would these people lie to you?

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DB82tfLUQAA099V.jpg

    • MynameisBlarney

      Jesus H.W. Fucking Schmidt!
      What a couple of stupid looking fucktards.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Collect the whole set!

        http://replygif.net/i/1579.gif

        • Ghenghis McCann

          It took Britain centuries of selective breeding to produce the Upper-class Twit. The Trumps have managed it in a couple of generations.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            American ingenuity!

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Not one of his “children” looks like him. Why has no one investigated this?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Somewhere, there are a couple of milkmen who are happy they’ve dodged a bullet.

    • AndyC316

      Lordy!

    • Nounverb911
      • cmd resistor

        I have seen these people in the local Wal-Mart parking lot, I believe.

      • BigCSouthside

        I love how they stand there looking all proud of their hunt. Trophy hunting animal cruelty aside, their “hunt” probably entails being driven out to the animal (that was likely baited) in a Range Rover and shooting out the window.

        • Suttree

          With an actual hunter in the truck behind them to take the kill shot so they don’t get embarrassed?

          • BigCSouthside

            I’ve heard there’s usually a backup shooter on these “hunts” to make sure the animal is down. Wouldn’t want a rich white douche getting mauled by a wounded animal. Bad for business

          • Ghenghis McCann

            There might be more than a few people who would like to see a rich white douche being mauled. I’m willing to contribute that idea to anybody who’s looking to create a different Safari experience.

        • Jim Johnson

          Yeah, who knew that killing endangered species could be so vicious.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        I hate those fuckers.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I mean really…how the fuck did they manage to get so much derp in one room?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Trash compactor, how else?

        • Canned Covfefe

          LOL

    • cmd resistor

      For a family obsessed with “looks” one has to wonder about these guys?

    • Me The People

      That’s some …er…good genes there.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      I think the best part of these two ran down the crack of Mama’s ass and became a stain on the sheets. Holy shit, these two could help me with my diet.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      One’s a shmuck. The other’s a putz.

      • puredog

        Together, they’re schmutz.

        • LucindathePook

          Libelz on the name of my kitler kitty.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Good thing they’re rich.

    • Major_Major_Major

      They look so different without their Metallica and AC/DC t-shirts.

    • Jim Johnson

      Anyone else thinking that a 100% Inheritance Tax is a good idea?

      • What’s 100% of nothing?

        • Pilotshark

          “my zero to your power of ten equals nothing at all.”

          Jethro Tull

        • Jim Johnson

          Nothing.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        105%.

      • bupkus231

        retroactive….

    • canes_pugnaces

      They are really hideous people. I now believe they have a full time plastic surgeon at the Trumphouse.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        If those two are an example of his work, he’s to be avoided at all costs.

    • Ill-Advised

      Are there no orthodontists?

    • Yr. Gma

      Dear God. They don’t look human, especially the taller one (Beavis?).

    • TheBoatDude

      Wow! So teeth! Such gums!

  • Crystalclear12

    Somewhere out there, there is a pissed off screenwriter mumbling to himself:
    I wrote better shit than this and nobody would buy it. “Not believable” my ass!

  • Shibusa

    Trump may regret grabbing the FBI by the pussy.

  • Ninja0980

    Where the fuck was she when her father and Republicans were attacking Obama for the past eight years, at her sweatshops in China?

    • NastyBossetti

      Living a life of extreme privilege. Same as now.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Nounverb911

      Betsey DeVos’s brother is already working on it.

    • anon_the_great

      That’s not funny

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I like the little voice in the corner: “Do they know you don’t pay your contractors?”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Pollos Hermanos
    • MynameisBlarney

      The burrito.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      The burrito is useful and delightful.

    • Jennifer R

      I know which one I would rather have in my mouth.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      The nice thing for Just Jared is that the burrito is a lot less grab-ass’y.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Even if it were one of those burritos from Chipotle that made people sick I’d still pick it.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I know which one I’d have sex with.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Who can resist burrito cleavage?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Joe Beese

    Mel… looking delighted to be sharing a roof (though probably not a bedroom) with her husband again.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/51dc6d0cf838d9663215a383804699acf1ebd766c806b20abe3baf945d04c9f9.png

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Mel, just think of Secret Service guys with normal-sized hands….it’ll be OK.

    • Ill-Advised

      At least she’s pretending to grab his ass.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      “Fuck, this is gonna suuuuuuck.” – Melania

    • TheBoatDude

      You’re still the same old girl you used to be…

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Your mission Reince, should you choose to accept it, is to move an Everest size mountain of bullshit with a garden trowel.

    • The Wanderer

      He’ll just put an SEP field on it.

    • Ill-Advised

      Cf. Aegean stables. Although that might be Mueller’s job now.

    • Doug Langley

      As usual, should you or any of your team members be fired or indicted, the Predisent will disavow all knowledge of your actions.

    • Dinz6315

      By the 4th of July.

  • Nounverb911
    • TheBoatDude

      Looks like your man Rowe took a few lessons from Ralph Steadman…

  • Nounverb911
    • Canned Covfefe

      That is perfect!

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      In case anyone wonders: It says: Lonely struggle.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This is getting exhausting.

  • The Wanderer

    I love John Oliver’s new name for Theresa May. “Thatcher in the Rye.”

    • I love John Oliver. FTFY

      • The Wanderer

        LORD BUCKETHEAD RULES!

        • He does! I have already accepted him as the Brexit negotiator

          • The Wanderer

            He’d certainly do a better job than May. I liked his schools policy.

    • Me The People

      She’s just a shambling zombie now. And who the fuck are they going to replace her with? Bojo? Michael ‘Tory Boy’ Gove? One thing this election has done is give people the taste of Tory blood. People who felt there was no point bothering to vote now know for sure that there is.

    • Ill-Advised

      She’s that far out in left field? Or that far into a bottle?

      • The Wanderer

        In the video, the interviewer asked May what her ‘naughtiest’ moment was, and the best she could come up with was running through some farmer’s wheat field.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          if she didn’t steal pick ‘n’ mix sweets from Woolworth’s at some point in her childhood, there’s something very strange about her.

        • Hah hah, imagine if someone had asked that of one of the Sinn Féin MPs.

        • Ill-Advised

          Here’s to wishing she runs her way into ergot. I’m very disappointed in her (and my Tory relatives).

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • ibwilliamsi

    She’s right – we ARE mean. She should take her dad and go home.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Nounverb911

      And don’t forget he gets Secret Service protection.

    • MrTusks

      Well obviously she shouldn’t have (choose one or more):
      A. Had sex, ever.
      B. Married someone who would turn out to be an asshole.
      C. Married someone who would turn out to be dead.
      D. Been not-white.

  • OddMan

    Those pictures of Trump just stopping by a wedding party at his club in New Jersey, that is all part of the deal when you book a wedding. If it is on a weekend when he is there, he “will likely” stop by, it is a selling point.
    Fucker makes money off every damn thing he can.

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/871020725980811266

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Wait. He’s doing this shit on my tax dime? Playing golf and grabbing willing brides on their wedding day? Can this guy be any more craven? Rhetorical question.

      • The Wanderer

        Has he claimed ius primae noctis yet?

        • Ghenghis McCann

          If he has, Melania is going to be glad that he’s not knocking on her bedroom door so much.

          • The Wanderer

            I award thee an upfist.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Ivanka better hide.

      • Ill-Advised

        Good to know that droit de seigneur is not dead.

        • OddMan

          Droit de énormes faux cheveux

        • Dinz6315

          Hope that it is!

    • Shibusa

      Grifter in Chief

  • Nounverb911
  • Me not sure

    After Reince cleans up the White House he must perform one more task… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fc3150f4331c35f88dd64524d25fc29a35def05aac342b799c313b53f05a4d3a.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      LOL

  • Antonin Dvorak

    While we were all discussing the death of Adam West this weekend, some of you may have missed the passing of “Mr. Holland’s Opus” and “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” star Glenne Headley. She was 62.
    http://img.wennermedia.com/article-leads-horizontal/glenne-headly-01-530ede65-e206-4287-a377-80b5fe621f84.jpg

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      :(

    • mardam422

      I LOVED her in both of those. But especially in DRS. She was marvelous.

  • anon_the_great

    Meliania must be thrilled to bring her son and join her husband now that he’s done so much winning.

    Lady Constance and young Arthur.

    (King John, bitches. Look it up)
    (Yeah, I know. Not a perfect fit. Focus on Constance’s love for her ill-fated son)

    • I played Constance a while back. Opening night the board malfunctioned and Arthur died in full light – of embarrassment apparently.

      Also there was a ghost.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger

    “You can run but you can’t hide” ___ Senator Leahy to Jeff Sessions.

    Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) has a message for Attorney General Jeff Sessions: “You can’t run forever.”

    “Atty Gen. Sessions provided false testimony in response to questions from me and @SenFranken about his contacts with Russian officials,” Leahy tweeted Saturday.

    http://thehill.com/homenews/senate/337310-leahy-to-sessions-you-cant-run-forever

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DCHyGdMVYAEqGDq.jpg

    • Oblios_Cap

      The Dark Elf doesn’t fall far from the tree?

    • Dinz6315

      That’s our Pat. Don’t mess. (VTer)

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Jaguar cubs are sweet.

    • The Wanderer

      Kitties!

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Predisenting Ron

      A second American Revolution? I’d go for that.

    • MrTusks

      bitch we’re trying

  • Mavenmaven

    “Ms. Trump gave the predictable response that “my father felt very vindicated,”” Now officially complicit.

    • puredog

      I thought the most notable thing about that comment was her studiously avoiding agreeing with him.

      • cmd resistor

        Yes, better than what Donnie Jr. said.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I think after complicit, vindicated is the next word the Trumps don’t understand its meaning of.

    • cmd resistor

      Of course, she could have followed that with, “and, of course, he’s full of shit for feeling that way.”

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Very vindicated. Just plain vindicated ain’t good enuf? Do these people ever speak without extraneous superlatives?

      • Mavenmaven

        It does get very extremely annoying.

  • Bill D. Burger

    When all is said and done, we’ll see who’s leaking.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DB-9ADFUwAA4ZIF.jpg

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    John Oliver brilliantly on point as always.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    What a weird thing I just saw. A breakfast cereal commercial with a father and daughter sharing a moment to the strains of the opening riff of Werewolves of London. I just can’t make the connection.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Was their hair perfect?

      • Predisenting Ron

        No, but later today they’ll be drinking pina coladas at Trader Vic’s.

    • TheBoatDude

      Just watched it. I think they needed a bouncy tune and “Excitable Boy” was too inappropriate…

  • Mpeg

    McWalnuts can’t redeem himself just because he recognizes when a former Administration was competent enough to highlight the flaws of the current one. If he can’t distinguish when one investigation (past tense, complete, fulfilled) has different purpose, timeframe, target and circumstances than another investigation it’s time for him to hang it up. And he’s not the only one!

  • La forza del resistino

    Hi Ivanka. Margaret Truman’s dad at least could write and stand up for his lil girl..
    http://www.rjgeib.com/heroes/truman/truman-daughter.html

  • Predisenting Ron

    Is there any way you lot can arrange to have Lord Buckethead run for President in 2020?

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      I’d be for it, but I don’t think he was born in the USA.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Is owning a copy of “Born In The USA” enough?

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Maybe? xD

      • Predisenting Ron

        Who can tell?

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          You’re right, by Jove! Let’s draft Lord Buckethead, Everypony!

  • canes_pugnaces

    A friend of mine was at some fancy UES joint not so long ago when old Jarhead and iWanker sashayed in, SS in tow. They were all hey, our people made a reservation for the best looking table, and we want it now despite the nice elderly couple currently enjoying it. To their complicit surprise they were soundly booed and jeered and turned on their Chinese sweatshop heals and moved on to the next joint. Probably. Maybe they ordered takeout.

    • From Russia with Love

      There’s the door, bitches!

    • Oblios_Cap

      *Sniff

      I’m a sucker for stories that end well.

    • CripesAmighty

      Video or GTFO (pleaseohpleaseoh…)

      • canes_pugnaces

        I wish I could say I knew of some corroborating pixels… but I don’t.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      jarhead libelz!

  • Edith Prickly

    If Trump thinks he is going to intimidate Comey with sexist trash talk he’s in for an unpleasant surprise. Comey stood up to the Bush White House and Alberto Gonzales eventually got the boot. The Orange Menace should have stayed in the private sector if he intended to keep on taking Russian money.

  • From Russia with Love

    LOLOLOL Lindsey Graham thinks Trump could “go down” because he can’t shut up.

    So Lindsey is pretty happy about this I guess?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Lindsey might have a different definition of “going down” …

    • Persistent Demme

      But he’ll tow the GOP line.
      He (sometimes) talks the talk, but he’ll never walk the walk.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    Whatcha bet Melania has every Straight guy on the Detail before Labor Day?

    • chicken thief

      Think the SS has created an award for any members that tag both Melon and Ivanka?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        The Purple Cock, with Penicillin Cluster.

  • Rick Hill

    “Princess Ivanka graced the groveling hosts of “Fox and Friends” to complain about how mean people are to her at all the fancy cocktail parties. Poor bleached-blonde snowflake.”

    It’s ok. Foreign governments have already found the way to curry favor with trump is to invite Ivanka to galas and other social events

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Ima be Bitchy Fashionista – I adore both open shoulder gowns and cleavage, but Ivanka has that weird overlong neck. It’s disturbing.

      • Mavenmaven

        Probably Meitu enhanced.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          xD

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Don’t worry. Will be useful come the revolution (with votes, of course)

      • chicken thief

        I’d never noticed that she shared the giraffe gene with Tom Cotton before. Still I think her looks, even though too “modely” and made up for my taste, are the least repulsive thing about her.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Agreed. I find her even-featured and bland-looking, actually.

      • eyelashviper
        • Yr. Gma

          And of course some help from the scalpel. (I wonder if she had an extra vertebrae installed.)

          • Amalga

            She always makes me think of that Thai tribal group where the women stretch their necks with metal coils. Just the coils are off.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Yiss! xD

    • cmd resistor

      SO, Where Is Jared these days?

      • chicken thief

        Holed up in the Lincoln bedroom playing with the funbags pictured above?

    • Persistent Demme

      The picture of a modest, orthodox couple.

      • Amalga

        Ivanka appears to be using Melon’s trademarked squint.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    A really good book on America’s involvment in Yemen, Somalia among others is Dirty Wars by Jeremy Scahill. Its very eye opening.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Added to the list, thank you.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I hadnt realize we were still in Somalia until i read it. Scahill charges we are openly destablizing the country.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          I did not know it until just recently, I’m looking forwards to learning more.

          • Alexander Stallwitz

            The country to watch is Yemen, we have had dealings with them for awhile. Its no accident the raid that went wrong was in Yemen

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            I’m going to get a copy of the book Payday, and I’ll be watching out for news about Yemen. Thank you. :)

    • Zyxomma

      See the movie of the same name. I think it’s the last movie I saw in a theater; it’s available on DVD.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Why would they call Sessions to testify when he’s lied to them before. If he said he’d had a dozen previously undisclosed meetings with Russians, I still believe he’s undercounting.

    • canes_pugnaces

      It’s called ‘correcting testimony’ in Oz.

  • McCain saying that he misses Obama is a really serious burn on drumpf.

    • MrTusks

      He’ll still vote for anything Trumplestiltskin wants, though.

  • CripesAmighty

    Time was that office holders actually had to make some effort to make lies plausible–if tenuously. Dump’s flagrant mendacity has tossed that out the window as this Cathy McMorris Rogers congress critter just throws pure bullshit in everyone’s face about ‘protecting pre existing conditions’ being a ‘core principle’ of the republican…blablabullshit…

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
    • YoBunnyBunny

      She defended herself by saying President Donald Trump had praised Jones…

      I just stopped reading at this point.

      • Pisto75666

        And here I thought it was just Faux News that made her lose her dignity

        Turns out she just doesn’t have any.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      I’ve been boycotting MSNBC for 3 years.

    • chicken thief

      Sickening?! Was he bleeding out of his whatevers on air?

    • phoenix00
  • nightmoth

    So John McCain is making sense again and Miss Lindsey has hopped to the other side of the tennis net again. Also, more lawsuits against The Rump. I’d say our week is off to a good start.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Miss Lindsey has not forgotten how Trump gave out his personal cell phone number. Since he’s not exactly a profile in courage, he’ll stick the shiv in Trump when he thinks it’s safe to do it.

  • Old town Urbandale

    Ivanka, as an Iowa legislator said about university students needing healing spaces or meditation to help with post-election trauma, “Suck it up, Buttercup.”

  • Lefty Wright

    Concerning John Oliver’s comment on Theresa May using empty platitudes in answering serious questions on a major issue facing the UK, she was just following the path Trump took to the White House. Basically spouting bullshit with no details on what he will do, why he’s doing it, and how it will help. I guess the British are smarter than the average white American. Although she still got the plurality of the votes.

  • Raan

    Re: Sessions testifying in Congress
    He’s going to bring a pecan pie for each of the senators.

    • natoslug

      At which point, the whole damn place is going to erupt in fisticuffs as they argue over whether it’s pee-can or puh-kahn or something else entirely.

    • chicken thief

      Pah, or no pah, I hope that Elmer Fudd looking racist motherfucker lies again.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        It’s his MO.

  • Me not sure
    • phoenix00

      Heathrow needs a third runway. Full-stop.

      I can get onboard with 7. though.

  • calliecallie

    Speaking of stolen hotel bathrobes….it looks like Ivanka is wearing one in that photograph. WTF?

  • Randy Riddle

    “Puerto Rico voted for statehood in a symbolic, nonbinding referendum that will undoubtedly fall on the halls of Congress with a muted thud.”

    Obviously, flag manufacturers aren’t spending enough money on lobbying.

    • Covfefe

      Technically, it’s illegal for Chinese nationals to lobby Congress.

      • chicken thief

        The White House, otoh….

  • calliecallie

    I think that one jaguar cub has a learning disability. He just sits there.

    • Yr. Gma

      Cats are cats no matter the size. There’s always a lazy one who just wants to go take a nap.

  • gallbladder

    Yappy-mugged moron.

  • thewalkindude

    GA state senator and (R) gubernatorial candidate Michael Williams posing with anti-Sharia law group over the weekend-his excuse was he thought they were just a “pro-gun” group https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f6eed30535a3e421d74162814a6da64d942a040ae2a96f1f22541fc15728c45d.jpg

    • Parakeetist

      So, he’s against the rights of Muslims in his district. Has he ever read the First Amendment?

    • eyelashviper

      So when they hold up the three finger salute to White Power, does that count the IQ of all the members in the group or just the one person?

  • chicken thief

    Good to see the states picking up the legal fight since it appears that the GOP Congress is setting the stage to get rid of Mueller.

  • eyelashviper

    We need Maxine Waters in here to give Ivanka a little lecture about viciousness.
    The Obama family was subjected to the vilest, most vicious personal attacks, and never once whined like this vile and entitled little twit.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Yeah, get back to us the next time someone calls you an ape.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Or spends all of their time accusing you of having murdered 50+ people and being the worst criminals ever, as they’ve done to the Clintons.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          not to mention claiming someone is part of some pedo ring that kidnaps kids.

          Jeesus.

  • Weird Fishes

    “LOLOLOL Lindsey Graham thinks Trump could “go down” because he can’t shut up.”

    Melania recoiled in horror, remembering the last time he tried that and burped ice cream on her Princess Parts.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Eric Zorn of the Chicago Tribune makes a good argument that Comey is, in fact, a pussy.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Poor Melanoma. I thought everyone got the fuck out of Washington for the summer. Maybe she can sneak Barron and herself off to Camp David or something. Or visit the Obama’s in Hawaii.

    • BehaveYrself

      I’m sure they’ll hold the door open for her.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Thatcher in the Rye made me unattractively snort diet coke.

  • bookish

    I like the fat baby tummies on those vicious lil kitties.

  • Zyxomma

    John Oliver’s writers are truly among the greats. Thatcher in the Rye made my day. Oh, and thanks, Dominic, for all the Wonkette news-to-be.

  • Rosslynite

    You can be a full fledged libtard, pinko, commie whatevertheycall us and still enjoy copious amounts of cheap beer. How else am I going to keep my svelte figure for all the sinful goings ons at the Pride festivals?

  • unclejeems

    Over there, Lord Buckethead got about 200 votes. Over here, our Lord Buckethead carried Pennsylvania, Ohio and Wisconsin and won the election. Go figure.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Give John whatever prize he wants for “Thatcher in the Rye”

  • SeeTrain65

    You make Puerto Rico a state, you make Washington D.C. a state, too.

    Not like either will ever happen. And certainly not with this Congress and “President.”

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