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It's getting Hoth in herre...
It’s getting Hoth in herre…

Donald Trump has announced his plan to screw over the planet — or at least the living things on it — by withdrawing the U.S. from the Paris Climate Accord, and while climate deniers and fossil fuel companies are very happy about the development, there’s already a whole bunch of folks who would prefer not to roast to death, which is of course hyperbole anyway. As ecosystems collapse, humanity would face a whole lot of starvation, wars, and pandemics long before we roast, so there’s the good news.

Immediately after Trump’s Rose Garden announcement (good news: some rose varieties can handle temperatures up to 100 degrees F!), a group of 83 city mayors in the USA pledged to adopt the greenhouse gas reduction goals of the Paris agreement for their jurisdictions — actually, that had been 61 mayors, but as of Friday morning another 22 mayors had signed on. The Mayors National Climate Action Agenda issued this statement:

We will continue to lead. We are increasing investments in renewable energy and energy efficiency. We will buy and create more demand for electric cars and trucks. We will increase our efforts to cut greenhouse gas emissions, create a clean energy economy, and stand for environmental justice. And if the President wants to break the promises made to our allies enshrined in the historic Paris Agreement, we’ll build and strengthen relationships around the world to protect the planet from devastating climate risks.

In addition, the governors of New York, California, and Washington announced the formation of the “United States Climate Alliance,” promising to organize states whose people want to stick with the Paris agreement — if you go by polling, that would be majorities in all 50 states, although obviously a lot of their Republican governors and legislatures won’t be signing up. In a statement, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo called Trump’s decision “reckless” and an abdication of leadership that would leave the U.S. “taking a backseat to other countries in the global fight against climate change.” He signed an executive order confirming his state would comply with the Paris goals and added, “We will not ignore the science and reality of climate change.”

California Gov. Jerry Brown, who has already said California will do its own damn climate science if Trump cuts NASA funding, was exactly as blunt as you’d expect (even though he’s not a fan of blunts):

“This is an insane move by this president — the world depends on a sustainable future,” Brown said. “It’s tragic, but out of that tragedy I believe the rest of the world will mobilize, will galvanize our efforts.”

It’s not just crazy liberal governors and mayors, of course — a whole lot of corporations think rising sea levels and extreme weather events might not be so good for business, and plan to continue their own efforts to use cleaner energy. Before Trump announced his decision, 25 companies bought full-page ads in national newspapers urging him not to, and after the announcement, Tesla Motors/SpaceX CEO Elon Musk announced he’d resign from a presidential economic advisory council, as did Robert Iger, the CEO of Disney (which includes the ABC TV network). Jeff Immelt, the CEO of General Electric, said that if the president is going to be a doodyhead on climate, then businesses will have to do better:

And so on — other businesses pledging to keep working to fight climate change included Google, Twitter, Facebook, Apple, Microsoft, Amazon, and IBM. And then there were the surprises: Lloyd Blankfein, the CEO of Goldman Sachs, got on the Twitter machine for the very first time ever to take exception to Trump’s move.

Of course, if he were really serious, he could threaten to take all the former Goldman Sachs executives in the Trump administration and go home. He’d only have to activate the homing microchip in their heads, you know.

Another surprise: Shell Oil said it wants to always have Paris, too, sweetheart:

That might seem hypocritical — and yeah, Shell did try to drill in the Arctic, so they’re not exactly Captain Planet — but in 2015, Shell CEO Ben van Beurden acknowledged the reality of climate change and said it only makes sense for the energy industry to prepare for a shift to sources other than petroleum, because screw hugging trees, the money is going to be in clean energy.

Not everyone gathered around a tree sapling and sang Kumbayah, of course. On CNN, twice-failed presidential candidate Rick Santorum supported leaving the Paris agreement and explained you can’t trust green energy because it’s so terrible. Solar and wind, you see, are “not reliable, not consistent”:

After people started making fun of him, Santorum got really angry at all the stupid liberals who don’t recognize that the sun doesn’t shine at night, and sometimes the wind doesn’t blow, you big dummies!

You’d almost think Santorum had never heard of the electrical grid, which uses power from a whole bunch of sources, huh? Also, secret message: No one thinks we can go to all wind and solar overnight. Really! Yr Dok Zoom is reminded of the girl in his 11th-grade history class, in 1978, who had a great comeback to another classmate’s speech about solar energy. The first kid ended his speech by saying oil companies would never go for solar, “since you can’t put a meter on the sun,” and the girl’s hand shot up: “It would be stupid to put a meter on the sun. It’d melt!” I didn’t help — I said, “That’s not a problem. You could put the meter on at night.” Her reply? “No, it would still melt in the morning.” We should not let high schoolers set energy policy, is what we are saying.

Ted Cruz had his own thoughtful comeback to Elon Musk, explaining that nothing the man says can be trusted because Musk is a huge hypocrite:

Haw-Haw, gotcha, stupid liberal! All the energy saved by the electric cars you make are negated by using a single private jet! Frankly, we won’t be surprised if Musk’s reply will be to roll out a prototype jet that runs on his own brain waves.

Vanity Fair’s Tina Nguyen took a look at rightwing Twitter and speculated that much of the impetus for Trump’s abandonment of Paris was simply to troll liberals, since wingnuts may not have given much thought to science or energy policy, but they sure were happy yesterday:

Mike Huckabee continued his record-breaking streak of never-funny jokes on Twitter with this hilarious observation on environmental concerns:

Haha! Liberals wet their pants!

Speaking of, it’s difficult to beat reputed pee-drinking enthusiast Todd Starnes for a reaction that celebrated his own stupidity, because in the good old days there warn’t no climate nohow:

I’m old school. Back when I was growing up we did not have climate change or global warming. We had something called weather. Hot in the summer, cold in the winter. It’s an inconvenient truth, but it needed to be said.

And many of us appreciate President Trump putting America first – instead of a bunch of godless European vegetarians who don’t put ice in their soft drinks […]

So, let’s celebrate, America! I’m marking the occasion by firing up the grill, smoking a pork butt, cranking up the air-conditioning and driving around the neighborhood in a gas-guzzling SUV. And later tonight, I’ll remove an ice tray from my freezer to watch the ice cubes melt.

By god, in the good old days, nobody went a-botherin’ us with godless science talk about “vaccinations,” either. We’d get polio and be in an iron lung, and we’d like it! And on TV, the doctors would tell you which brand of cigarette was best for your health, too, until liberals invented “cancer” (hat-tip to the commenter I stole that from, whose name I forgot to note).

And for some real old-timey Science Denial, let’s close with Michigan congressman Tim Walberg — just guess which party! — who declared in a speech to constituents last week there’s nothing to worry about at all, because climate science is almost certainly all fake. But if it’s not, there’s still no problem at all:

I believe there’s climate change […] I believe there’s been climate change since the beginning of time. I believe there are cycles. Do I think man has some impact? Yeah, of course. Can man change the entire universe? No.

Why do I believe that? […] Well, as a Christian, I believe that there is a creator in God who is much bigger than us. And I’m confident that, if there’s a real problem, he can take care of it.

As far as we know, Rep. Walberg has not yet volunteered to cancel his family’s medical or car insurance in the belief that God will take care of everything. You’d think he’d have a little faith.

Yr Wonkette runs on reader donations, not prayer. Please click the “Donate” clicky! Also, please consider greening up your own energy use with a wind or solar power plan from our partners at Arcadia Energy.

[Curbed / Business insider / NYT / Vanity Fair / Fox News / HuffPo / Image by Scott Johnson at Extra Life]

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  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    My blood is already boiling, and this is not helping.

  • armed_bears

    They seem nice.

  • Indiepalin

    Today Trump is working with House leaders to draft a bill that will allow tax credits for research and development related to coal-fired cars and trucks.

  • I think the right is basically saying outloud with their mouths that they want to collectively win the Darwin award this year.
    Because anyone this stupid is bound to stick a fork in an electric socket.

    • laineypc

      GDR! As long as it’s a coal-powered socket!

  • memzilla Ω

    I liked Dok’s Imperial-Walker-On-An-Icefloe pic, but for Alderaan reasons.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Now, that’s a sithy saying.

    • DrBigHead

      Oh god, here we go again…

    • Edith Prickly

      You can show yourself out.

    • Nockular cavity

      Enough of your puns, you damn Leia-bout!

    • Crank Tango

      Too soon!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Pruitt: Climate change exists, but is it a bad thing? Noted non-scientist Brett Stephens says the science is wrong, so who knows?

  • reelreeler
  • Oblios_Cap

    By god, in the good old days, nobody went a-botherin’ us with godless science talk about “vaccinations,” either. We’d get polio and be in an iron lung, and we’d like it! And on TV, the doctors would tell you which brand of cigarette was best for your health, too, until liberals invented “cancer” (hat-tip to the commenter I stole that from, whose name I forgot to note).

    And that commenter was…..

    Someone other than me.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Yeah. I remember those cigarette ads: “”80% of doctors who smoke prefer Camel cigarettes” or some such stuff. Then there were such things as “80% of doctors who tried camels prefer women,” but that’s just false news.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        9 out of 10 men prefer women with big boobs. The tenth man preferred the other 9 men.

      • TheBoatDude

        One brand had a tag line “like a breath of fresh air.”

    • ez

      Sounds like Dana Carvey as the Grumpy old man.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5x7S2H-g60c

  • Bill D. Burger
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Reporter: You’re just sticking your head in the sand.
    Pruitt: “There’s no evidence of that.”

    • The Green Bastard

      Just that your ass is hanging out, Mr. Pruitt.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not enough upfists in the world for this.

  • When the last plant dies and the last cow collapses from heat exhaustion and starvation, I can look on the blasted hellscape I have made… the dry earth, cracked and burning… the methane clouds reflecting the sunset… the Jawas crawling along in their sand crawlers looking for droids… and as I hold my dead children in my arms and my last parched dying breath escapes me, I can be glad that at least I pissed off a bunch of leftie hippies.

    • ez

      You paint a nice picture Mr Shadow.

    • TheBoatDude

      Yup.

  • Yr. Gma

    There are more of us than there are of them. I think that’s worth remembering.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Jeesh libs – why do you always have to trust scientists about science stuff instead of listening to Rick Santorum’s frothy explanations and Ann Coulter’s quest for attention contributions??1!!1!

    Quit being politically correct and just trust that POTUS might not know how to read, but he for sure knows bigly about climate science more than everyone else in the world!!11!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Pruitt has to go catch a plane right this instant. Whoever scheduled a press conference that conflicted with his travel schedule is gonna get a stern talking to.

  • memzilla Ω

    Idiot Rethuglican: “…I’m confident that, if there’s a real problem, [God] can take care of it.”

    God: “Bitch I sent you scientists.”

    • TheBoatDude

      As well as two boats and a helicopter…

    • unionthuggery

      Or, God: “Bitch, I put you in charge of the stewardship of the Earth!”

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Ahh, the old “I have to have to head to airport” bail from Pruitt after the press briefing starts late (as usual).

  • GunToting[Redacted]
  • biologydave

    “Your pain is our gain!” The new Republican rallying cry

  • Skwerl the Impeachanator!

    So, let’s celebrate, America! I’m marking the occasion by firing up the grill, smoking a pork butt, cranking up the air-conditioning and driving around the neighborhood in a gas-guzzling SUV. And later tonight, I’ll remove an ice tray from my freezer to watch the ice cubes melt.

    What a pathetic life you have, Todd. I like some BBQ, but driving around alone just to waste some gasoline and watching ice cubes melt is just too weird for me. If that’s your version of fun, count me out!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Watching ice cubes melt? We know that’s your code word for fapping, Todd.

    • The Green Bastard

      He used to like watching paint dry til the commie liberals took the lead out & the chips weren’t as tasty.

      • Oblios_Cap

        The grass grows too fast.

    • proudgrampa

      That pork butt better have a maduro wrapper or GTFO.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    It’s stupid on parade! Without Shriners!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump’s ‘vision’ for the future of the country. First: “D.C. Waterworld.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DBKRSxUVYAAPNoo.jpg

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I’m old school. Back when I was growing up we did not have climate change or global warming.

    For fuck’s sake. According to Wikipedia, Todd Starnes was born in 1967. This video was shown to school children in 1958.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-AXBbuDxRY

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’m old school. Back when I was growing up, we didn’t have the internet. That’s why I don’t believe it exists today.

      • Suttree
        • The Wanderer

          I traded my 1968 edition in for the 1985 series when it was new. I still treasure them.

          • Suttree

            Awesome! I am envious! Take care of them and give them to someone special when you die. My parents “lent” them to my aunt and uncle. We never saw them again.

          • The Wanderer

            I learned the difference between male and female anatomy from the 1968 edition (as well as how to build an atom bomb). I was a rather precocious grade schooler, I was.

          • Suttree

            My father promised to pay me $5 for every book of the encyclopedia that I read. At that time I started making $20 an hour watching my mother’s co-worker’s satan child, younger autistic brother, and a 3 month old baby. Needless to say I never read the whole thing. I did however use to take book at random and flip pages randomly, and wherever I stopped i read a few pages. I’m good at Jeopardy if nothing else!

          • BosGrl

            My grandfather gave me the huge one-volume edition when I was in high school and I truly did treasure it. I would just open the book somewhere and find something fascinating. Thanks for reminding me – I need to grab that from my parents’ house.

          • Suttree

            Hehe! I love reference books! It is so much fun to just open one up, and wherever you land, learn something new.

          • BosGrl

            We are nerds I think. :)

          • Suttree

            Random knowledge makes me smile. I was walking home from getting smokes earlier, and the was this chunk on the side of the road. As I walked by I placed it in my memory. By the time I got to the end of the block I had it figured out. It was a brake shoe backing sans the braking material itself for a semi trailer. Then I started to think about how it could have come off and not had the automatic mechanical spring-loaded system not bring the truck to an immediate stop. Blah blah blah. I remember being shown a trailer braking system a few years ago. I never worked on one. I am full of useless shit!

          • Bobo the Dork Boy

            My brother!

          • Suttree

            It is always stupid shit as such, that makes my hamster want to run really fast on his wheel. Cogs, spurs, cams break free of their rust-lock. Rotational movement starts, and then I walk three blocks past my house. :)

        • proudgrampa

          We had the World Book Encyclopedia. Britannica was for the elitists… ;-)

          • Suttree

            Playing scrabble with my father sucks for two reasons. One, he was an english major, and two he has one of those two volume OEDs with the included magnifying glass. You can pretty much string a few consonants and a vowel together and it will be in there!

          • proudgrampa

            I have always wanted the OED and magnifying glass. Make sure you get it in the will.

          • Suttree

            Oh yeah! My step-mother is constantly sneaking boxes of books out of their house in the dark of night to give to the local library. I get a box of books at least once a year. My father has doubles and triples of the same book.

          • proudgrampa

            I think I like your dad…

          • Suttree

            You can barely walk through his office. It is a tiny corner room upstairs, and all of his bookshelves are crammed full. The walkway such as it is, is in between books stacked on the floor waist high. It is similar to a deer’s path through the forest, meaning that it is only as with as that patch of dirt, and the trees are books. It is not dissimilar to a cave.

          • Bobo the Dork Boy

            I got me one’a those! But boy am I sad I don’t have my childhood Britannica any more…

          • Querolous

            No love for Funk & Wagnalls?

          • TheBoatDude

            Look that up in your funking wagnalls…

          • TheBoatDude

            I see I’m a day late, here…

        • TheBoatDude

          We only had World Book. We weren’t fancy people that had the English encyclopaedia…

        • TheBoatDude

          Take two: “We just invented the Internet!”

          World Book and Encyclopedia Britannica: “Fuck!”

    • The Wanderer

      Saw these in grade school, and still recall bits of them.

    • proudgrampa

      Dr. Research was AWESOME!

  • The Wanderer
    • DrBigHead

      Oh My God, thank you for this! This hit me with a wave of nostalgia like you wouldn’t believe. These films were shown on a regular basis when I was in elementary school. The best one (IMO) was “Hemo the Magnificent” about blood. Had a strong Darwinian message that we all descended from single-celled marine animals. I am sure that idea would have the Right, and the current Secretary of Education, frothing at the mouth.

      • The Wanderer

        I recall Hemo, and Meteora (she was a looker). I saw them in grade school as well, and I am not surprised to see them on YT.

        • DrBigHead

          Well I plan to head down the YT rabbit hole tonight.

    • proudgrampa

      Donald was at home with his bone spurs that day, which is why he missed this class.

    • LucindathePook

      Oh, yes, Hemo the Magnificent and Our Mr. Sun got me started on a love of popular science reading.

  • Suttree

    I’m still waiting on Turnip to tell the Pentagon and Sec. Def. Mattis to stop making any future planning related to climate change. https://www.defense.gov/News/Article/Article/612710/

    • The Wanderer

      That’ll go over well, I’m sure, especially since the DoD likes to plan for every possible contingency.

  • Nockular cavity

    Can’t we get Cohen in here with a “Says who?” to climate scientists?

  • georgiaburning

    Pissing off the tree hugging hippies always plays well with the base. But will Jerry Brown replace Nancy Pelosi on the I-hate-California posters? Don’t think so.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Even “reasonable” right-wingers think that Nancy SMASH is some sort of lead weight on the Democrats. Which means that she’s not.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    And back in the goodle days, we pissed on the ground, thereby wasting all that delicious pee that Todd Starnes craves!

  • Crystalclear12

    The ” to spite your face” party is in charge.
    Great.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Spicy is, right now, explaining how Turnip will “…get a better deal.” ….Yeah …a better deal. Uhh….NO…THAT IS NEVER GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN.

    So many great deals….but Spicy can’t name ONE.

    • The Wanderer

      The Fucking EEdjit Gang rides again!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Mother Nature does not make deals. Mother Nature sends you to dirt nap country.

      • The Wanderer

        Nature balances her books, and when things finally achieve equilibrium we may not find ourselves exactly welcome.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          The planet will go on. Humans? Not so much.

          • The Wanderer

            True.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Todd Starnes is a lying liar, or he wasn’t paying attention, or maybe he was home-schooled. Climate change was indeed a thing when when he was growing up – it wasn’t called weather, it was called the Greenhouse Effect. Dumbass.

  • Rick Hill

    “…a group of 83 city mayors in the USA pledged to adopt the greenhouse gas reduction goals of the Paris agreement for their jurisdictions ”

    Legislation that, not only makes it illegal to stick to Paris Accord but requires cities to begin burning tires soaked in coal oil, coming in 3….2…

  • ichthyopteryx

    Now, this is firmly in “cutting off your nuts to spite your crotch” territory.

    • Augustus

      I’ve always heard “cut off your nose to spite your face,” but I like yours, too.

  • stankbait

    Pittsburg vs Paris my ass. If the agreement was hammered out in Pittsburg vs Paris it wouldn’t make a pantload of difference to Trumpito, the cheeto in chief.

    • The Wanderer

      I’ve just had a mental image of the Penguins taking on Paris-St. Germain.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Would you like a souffle with that puck, sir?”

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Does Spicer prepare at all for these things?

    • BosGrl

      Probably, but then the press asks a question and his brain gets all swirly.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I think he has been very clear on that issue.

    • Bill D. Burger

      More and more he’s just staring at the headlights. It’s cringe worthy and embarrassing. Trump sends him out totally unarmed and with nothing.
      But he will not be DE-TURD’!

      https://media.tenor.com/images/38efccd93dcf86994863c4e1d0970297/tenor.gif

  • laughingnome

    When I was a kid there were no Wonkette comments which is why I believe there are no comments now.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Fake news. There have always been no Wonkette comments.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Sad!

  • Crank Tango

    OK Paul Joseph Watsyerface, I’m calling bullshit.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/MncRccQYx7LVu/giphy.gif

  • wide_stance_hubby

    At least we’ll have plenty of the covfefe we like, which will fatten us up so the post-apocalypse roaches can eat like kings.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Don’t shake your head, April!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Somewhere, a 24″ dildo named “The Enforcer” is missing Rick Santorum’s finely puckered asshole.

    • Suttree

      Is it black? I’m sure it’s black. And ribbed for his pleasure.

    • Bill D. Burger

      [… a 24″ dildo named “The Enforcer”]

      That’s also a euphemism for “Cory Lewandowski” !

    • wide_stance_hubby

      You are too kind, EQ. I bet his ass is as puckered as a used kleenex, which it kinda is.

  • BosGrl

    Oh fuck me. Pulling out of Paris is now a “states rights” issue?

    • PubOption

      Yes, but to a Republican, the wrong states are claiming the rights.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Conservatives” = Love their hatred and resentment more than their own children.

    • Pisto75666

      More than their guns, even! (which is saying a lot.)

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Sun comes up. Sun goes down. Who can explain?

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s gawd, he controls the sunrise & sunset, just like he controls the weather…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A greater conundrum for Billdo than the tides, methinks.

    • The earth, being flat as it is, has a giant chariot in the sky driven by helios who fights against hades, but unfortunately, at the end of the day hades wins and steals the sun and puts it back underground, until sneaky helios steals it back the next morning. Except in the wintertime, when we have to burn the yule logs to remind helios that the chariot needs to keep coming out every day.

    • Suttree

      Jeebus?

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    Laugh it Up, you worthless Reichwing Fucksticks.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    “Back when I was growing up we did not have climate change or global warming. We had something called weather. Hot in the summer, cold in the winter. It’s an inconvenient truth, but it needed to be said.”

    *headdesk* No you twat, the inconvenient truth is that we do have climate change and global warming now.

    • Anna Rompage

      Jeeze, I wonder if when they were a kid, if low lying coastal areas in FL, HI, and other parts of our country & the world used to flood nearly as bad as they do now during the highest of tides…

      • Or have hotter summers and warmer winters – some places nary seeing snow in the past 5 years.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        They don’t care about what happens to other parts of the world. Floods, earthquakes, droughts or hurricanes in Peru, Bangladesh or Ethiopia ? Who cares ? Until they are personally and severely affected, they won’t care.

        • PubOption

          If Ivanka is going to have her shoes made in Ethiopia, it could explain why she was arguing in favor of the Paris Accord.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Over course they don’t want to talk about the real reason Trump pulled out.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/35eb959ab30a08323e3072a48439ac8551c117795b96bccf3103afea271f0d5b.jpg

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • wide_stance_hubby

    Sun and wind are a gazillionfold more reliable than stable oil prices, Mr. Buttslick.

    • laughingnome

      My solar panels are pretty reliable at reducing my energy costs and reducing the amount of carbon I put into the atmosphere.

    • zerosumgame0005

      but but but if we capture to much wind the wind will slow down! ans the SUN! OMFG the SUN will go out if we put up too many solar panels!

      PANIC PANIC PANIC!!!!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The sad thing is, this is not far from how they actually think. Poe’s Law strikes again.

      • Suttree

        I refuse to look up which asshole said that wind power with stop air circulation on earth. I will throw my computer out of this fifth floor window.

      • Boscoe

        I’d laugh, but we both know there are mouth-breathers out there who already believe that. They believe exercise saps your finite, vital energies and makes you die sooner, also too.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Progressives should start saying how much they love climate change.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m still pissed at Obama for two things:

      1. No mass roundup of wingnuts into FEMA camps (my Camp Commandant uniform is gathering dust)

      2. No public pleading with them to not drink bleach.

      • Pisto75666

        He also forgot to implement Sharia law. Thanks, Obama!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        He took all the guns. That’s all that really matters.

      • Boscoe

        And Michelle was supposed to start a “Let’s all breathe oxygen!” campaign, dammit.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Where are my fucking death panels?

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
  • BosGrl

    Republicans are basically George Costanza, pushing their own grandkids out of the way as they exit the burning building.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      And stomping on pigeons.

    • Suttree

      With shrinkage, much much shrinkage.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      On the contrary, these people are very happily standing in the burning building.

  • Crank Tango
    • ichthyopteryx

      Remind me… why is Ross in such dweeby clothes?

      • Crank Tango

        It’s from 30 Rock, he’s playing an actor doing the GE corporate greenwashing character. Here’s a sample of his other work: https://media.giphy.com/media/VWNIEtdhmdDwc/giphy.gif

        • ichthyopteryx

          Ah! I’m going to look for that episode, then. Thanks!

          • Crank Tango

            Yeah it’s pretty good, and Al Gore even makes an appearance.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m still hoping the Melon and the security guy story hits the mainstream press. Those toothless yokels will be crestfallen, and Donnie will become unhinged.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    This dance about whether or not Trump believes in climate change with his surrogates has gotten ridiculous. At this point, just assume his previous tweets are still operative — just cite (and mock) those.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    OT: Dammit. So after spending the last two months getting beat up in the public over the budget, and finally coming to something that is at least palatable the state decides two weeks before the budget’s due to recalculate our funding. Which now blows another $6.6 million per year hole in the budget. Which if we’re going to fill without state help (and right now the Legislature is in full-on war with itself) means all the cuts we tried to avoid will be coming back.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Upfist out of sympathy for teachers forced to do yet More with Less. :(

      • Boscoe

        Well, that’s what they get for not becoming investment bankers or getting elected President. Why don’t they just ask their Dad’s for a loan or sell off some stocks?

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Right?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Is it too late to blame tribal gaming?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yeah. This one’s on the funding formula change being pushed to send more money to Clark County and hose the rest of the state.

  • OddMan

    I believe it was the redneck liberal who said something like, ‘these motherfuckers would burn their fuckin house down if they could watch the liberal next door cough.’

    No fuckin shit.

    • Patriciapcox

      Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !du285c:
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    • BlissfulScribbler

      I forget where I first saw it, but ‘they’d let conservative leaders shit right into their mouths if liberals had to deal with the smell’ nails it also.

      • Mabelwbernard

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !di184c:
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  • beingreleased
  • georgiaburning

    Eventually those mountains they’re flattening for strip mining in WY or WV will be used for wind or solar power installations. But most of the locals will not have the skills needed to build or manitain them and will find themselves used as research subjects on the health effects of coal debris leeching into the water supply. Fate can be dark.

    • Rick Hill

      Nor be able to afford the electricity or devices that need it

  • Anna Rompage

    I heard Jim Inhofe interviewed about our pulling out of the Paris Accord, needless to say, what a fucking moran…

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      You heard him? Why does he bother saying words? Shouldn’t the mere brandishing of a snowball communicate his position?

      • William

        So true. Also I ate today, which means there is no more world hunger.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Poor Donald. I bet a campaign rally is just the thing to cheer him up.

    • Boscoe

      or a war with North Korea.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    VERY OT: Need to share this right away. As an early birthday present (July 12th) to myself, I bought a copy of the new Roger Waters album “Is this the Life We Really Want?” and WHOA! Seriously, scooby gang, y’all need to check this out. Here are the lyrics to the title song for your personal perusal.

    [Intro: Donald Trump]
    So as an example you’re CNN. I mean it’s story,
    after story, after story is bad. I won. I won. And the other thing,
    chaos. There’s zero chaos. We are running- This is a fine-tuned machine

    [Verse 1: Roger Waters]
    The goose has gotten fat
    On caviar and fancy bars
    And subprime homes
    And broken homes
    Is this the life, the holy grail?
    It’s not enough that we succeed
    We still need others to fail

    [Verse 2: Roger Waters]
    Fear, fear drives the mills of modern man
    Fear keeps us all in line
    Fear of all those foreigners
    Fear of all their crimes
    Is this the life we really want?
    It surely must be so
    For this is a democracy and what we all say goes

    [Verse 3: Roger Waters]
    And every time a student is run over by a tank
    And every time a pirate’s dog is forced to walk the plank
    Every time a Russian bride is advertised for sale
    And every time a journalist is left to rot in jail
    Every time a young girl’s life is casually spent
    And every time a nincompoop becomes the president
    Every time somebody dies reaching for their keys
    And every time the green land falls in the fucking sea is because

    [Verse 4: Roger Waters]
    All of us, the blacks and whites
    Chicanos, Asians, every type of ethnic group
    Even folks from Guadeloupe, the old, the young

    Toothless hags, super models, actors, fags, bleeding hearts
    Football stars, men in bars, washerwomen, tailors, tarts
    Grandmas, grandpas, uncles, aunts
    Friends, relations, homeless tramps
    Clerics, truckers, cleaning ladies
    Ants – maybe not ants
    Why not ants?
    Well because its true
    The ants don’t have enough IQ to differentiate between
    The pain that other people feel and well, for instance, cutting leaves
    Or crawling across window seals in search of open treacle tins
    So, like the ants, are we just dumb
    Is that why we don’t feel or see?
    Or are we all just numbed out on reality TV

    [Verse 5: Roger Waters]
    So, every time the curtain falls
    Every time the curtain falls on some forgotten life
    It is because we all stood by, silent and indifferent.

    The whole album so far is THIS woke! A lot of resistance stuff and maybe a good modern anthem for us all. This marks the first Anti-tRump album of the year and is worth a listen or twenty, even if you hate Roger Waters.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      OOh, I saw that on my Prime Music newsletter. I’ll check it out, thank you. :)

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Believe me, it’s worth it. He sings with the anger and outrage I’m feeling right now. It’s cathartic.

      • William

        Um…. It was fifty years ago to today. Sgt Pepper taught the band to play. https://www.facebook.com/pbs/videos/10154713066417169/

        • The Wanderer

          And it’s also the birthday of the Marquis de Sade!

        • jaspersdad

          See the OPP patch on McCartney’s left arm?

          “In 1964, Ontario Provincial Police Sgt. Randall Pepper was tapped to head security detail for the Beatles, who were in Toronto for two concerts.”

          http://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/canadian-sgt-pepper-1.4141074

    • anwisok

      I’m going to have to check that out tonight.

  • Pisto75666

    Oh Huckabee. You know who’s NOT gonna be ok? Your DOG. Because your son killed him.

  • beingreleased

    Well, as a Christian, I believe that there is a creator in God who is much bigger than us. And I’m confident that, if there’s a real problem, he can take care of it.

    I wonder how god will take care of this problem? Maybe by making people smart enough to understand the consequences of their actions? Nah… that can’t be it.

    • William
      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        *steals*

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        *stealing as well* Expect to see this again.

    • mackafritz

      He sent us two rowboats and a helicopter. What more does this asshole want?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Magic?

      • William
        • MynameisBlarney

          That’s really damn stupid.

        • The Wanderer

          Complete morons. If you could successfully demonstrate that same sex marriage can make flowers bloom or stop radical Islamic terrorism, you’d see these same evangelicals shoving their own kids into bedrooms. “No, Billy Bob Joe Silas, you need to get yourself in there and let Bubba Joe Frank Bubba have his way with your sweet farm-boy ass!”

        • WotsAllThisThen

          So they’re saying gay sex is really hot, is how I read it. Because if God didn’t like it he’d send cold water, wouldn’t he. Warming things up just makes people take off their clothes faster.

          • William
          • teele

            How come God always hit the god-fearin’ Okies with tornadoes because of what Nancy Pelosi did in Washington, DC? Why does he punish the fervent, tongue-speaking believers in Alabama with hurricanes because New Yorkers are sinful? Oh yeah, that’s right, his ways are above us. If we pray hard enough our questions will be answered. People who fall for that shit while they keep taping up their windows deserve what they get from their great and powerful Oz.

          • William

            …and why don’t they just move out of the hurricane belt? I mean how hard can it be? Their homes are on wheels fer-fucks-sake!

        • Lance Thrustwell

          The light, I haz seen it! Thank you, newspaper writer, for taking the scales from the wool over my eyes.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          I’m trying to look at it like this – I’m just the chick that likes heels, makeup, and sexxy times with mens and womens, but I have to power to make grown-ass Xtians and the POTUS quake in their skivvies.

          Ima fucking Super-Villianess.

          • William

            Tell them you found a way to buy gay porn and birth control with food stamps….just to watch their heads explode.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            xD LOLOMG

          • Lance Thrustwell

            You are, sweet thang.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            ~hugs~

          • Bobo the Dork Boy

            I ain’t scared’a you motherfuckers. You don’t understand!

    • Oblios_Cap

      I was always told “the lord helps those who help themselves”. I think it was meant to explain why prayers never get answered.

    • proudgrampa

      I believe the word is “smite.”

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Two world wars, the flu epidemic early in the 20th century, the Holocaust, cancer–as a Christian, I do not believe these were real problems.

    • Boscoe

      Wait, what makes him think global warming ISN’T God taking care of “the problem” (hint: the problem is US)?

      • desida

        I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it’s an excellent argument, for those who believe in that sort of thing. A lot of religious people seem to think that “the end of the world” would happen very quickly and be immediately obvious, but Noah had time to build a giant boat and gather up two each of every land-based animal on the planet. That would have taken quite some time. One could argue that that is happening now, except there is no boat – God’s giving us all the chance to save ourselves, if only we’ll stop being idiots and take it.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    That slab of Grade A derp from Santorum just begs for some other washed-up Republican to say “Hold my beer” and try to outdo it. Wonder where Bobby Jindal is these days?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Monitoring volcanoes?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Hey! I made a joke! “Santorum.” “Washed up.” Get it? Because God knows everybody wants santorum to be washed up. Get it?

    • anon_the_great

      Hiding from the KKK?

    • Me not sure
      • Bobo the Dork Boy

        Stolen for my Facebook background.

        • Me not sure

          Take a load off.

    • Boscoe

      I’m sure Ben Carson will have some thinky thoughts about how climate change is just a state of mind or something any minute now…

  • MynameisBlarney

    Good god…the stupid! It’s EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE!

    https://www.memecenter.com/fun/7171076/flawless

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
  • Lance Thrustwell

    Todd Starnes is gonna celebrate like that, huh? Well that’s pretty wimpy if you ask me. A real man would arrange for an army of psychopaths to hide in their huge office buildings ’til everyone went home, then run around the building, opening every window, and turning on every light and every A/C full blast until morning. Then they could go hang out by the electric and gas meters and pleasure themselves while they watch the little dials spin around like toy propellers. Ohh yeahh…

    • MizzMazz

      Wow. That makes me tingle. The only thing missing is warming your old car up in the driveway for 15 minutes while you get the last cup of coffee. Energy wasting porn – who ever thought this could be a thing? :D

    • Me not sure

      Probably giggles when he lights up his own farts, too.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Plus a glass of Todd’s favorite nectar. You know the one I mean.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Natural Asparagus Mist, by Bawls Soda Company?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Assmouth continues to bring people together – who’d’ve think that he could unite blue states, red states, evangelicals, big business and tree-huggers in thinking he’s dangerously ignorant?

    • h4rr4r

      He did promise to do that.

    • Cat Covfefe

      “In KNOWING he’s dangerously ignorant and trying desperately to warn his moron followers about him” FIFY

  • It’s funny how the responsible, mature, smart people all say “Live for today, forget about tomorrow”…

    But the dopey, immature, selfish people all say “Let’s take care of Mother Earth for the 5th Generation (your great-great-great-grandchildren)”
    https://youtu.be/a2zgmKtH_7M
    Damn hippy Trump supporters

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Yes, definitely something to remind people of next time somebody starts talking about saddling our children with debt.

    • William

      Is that a Freudian midnight confession?

  • baconzgood

    You know, that Australia and the United States are the only western nations that use climate change as a political football? I read that once.

    All other western and industrialized nations accept that climate science is real and CO2 increases are caused by man.

    Edit…

    I forgot GO PENS!

    • mackafritz

      They know climate change is real. They just don’t care since it would cost them some money to mitigate it.

      • jesterpunk

        They are also old and dont care what happens after they die. The ones who are not old think the end of the world is coming and hope this will make it happen sooner.

        • baconzgood

          Funking baby boomers…

          (Sorry for the over generalization).

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      There are a lot of stupid, willfully dumb as fuck “rednecks” in Australia (also too).

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Ann Coulter once shit herself a friend, but it flushed itself to a watery grave after half an hour of watching her drink boxed wine, and blame minorities and feminists for her sad, lonely life.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Can you even imagine going out to brunch with her?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Worst brunch ever, at which I chug mimosas, and try to choke to death on my pancakes.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          While she unhinges her jaw so she can eat the entire boar brought screaming to the table?

  • jesterpunk

    Damn CNN why did you have to let Santorum spread across the country? Do you know how hard that is going to be to clean up?

  • Cat Covfefe

    In response to the God argument, plenty of folks on Twitter are saying “God: Assholes, I sent you scientists!”

    • jesterpunk

      Do we have to get Jaden Smith to explain this to them?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUNcyyhXVlU

    • mackafritz

      Do they actually expect god to come down to Earth to take care of it personally? There is always a middle man when it comes to god. God is much to busy doing whatever gods do.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I’ve heard they’re into canasta.

        • wait! what?

          Samba. More decks, more fun!

      • Indivisible Snark Tank
      • Boscoe

        Unless they believe God created Adam to be a moocher, his job was to be steward of the garden. Modern Conservative “Christians” are such entitled snowflakes…

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I seem to remember a little story about God fixing things with weather for 40 days, and 40 nights. These people think they’re Noahs, but they’re gonna find out they’re actually the 3rd elephant who isn’t welcome on the boat.

      • Boscoe

        You forgot the quotes around “fixing”. ;P

  • wait! what?

    Ann has been working in the right-wing crap mines for so long she’s gone nose-deaf.

    • Boscoe

      Well, you are what you eat…

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Smell blind!!

  • BosGrl
    • Boscoe

      All good “Christians” know that God made this planet for us to do whatever we want with. You know, like when you were a kid and your Dad was totes down with you shitting on the carpet, Dumping garbage in the bathtub, kicking out all the windows and spray painting your name all over the walls. Yeah, just like that.

    • wait! what?

      Foot fungus is a myth!

      Insert pic here.

      They were all too gross..

      • WotsAllThisThen

        For some reason that’s emerged as a paramount issue for the left foot.

    • wait! what?

      IT is a good egg.

      From the wiks:

      Tribe testified at length during the Senate confirmation hearings in 1987 about the Robert Bork Supreme Court nomination, arguing that Bork’s stand on the limitation of rights in the Constitution would be unique in the history of the Court. His participation in the hearings raised his profile outside of the legal realm and he became a target of right-wing critics. His phone was later found to have been wiretapped, but it was never discovered who had placed the device or why.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Yeah it must be because we can’t accept Hillary lost or something. Show us the electoral college map again, that’ll fix it.

    • MizzMazz

      So now I’m bad because I like clean air, water, and a non-acidic ocean. Gotcha.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        You lefty!!!

        • MizzMazz

          Guilty as charged, and I like your nym.

  • Boscoe

    STILL waiting for one of these “Christians” to point to where in the Bible God ever intervened to rescue us from our own mistakes. Seems to me he was too busy wiping out 99.9999% of all living things with floods/plagues/pestilence and murdering the family/slaves of his most loyal worshipper while giving him boils and leprosy and ruining his livelihood all for a bet he had with Satan. You know, because all-knowing, benevolent and loving.

    • h4rr4r

      This is the same god that allows babies to get cancer.

      What makes anyone think he cares about us anymore than babies with cancer?

      • Boscoe

        Clearly those babbies just weren’t living RIGHT. :(

    • Manders

      I mean, whatever happened to “God helps those who help themselves?” That was in every book I read published before like, 1960.

      • wait! what?

        A lot of people are in for a rude awakening when they find out the actually saying should be:

        God hells those who help themselves.

  • Cat Covfefe

    You know what’s really horrifying? I actually think the Orange Sub-Moron is literally acting from this train of thought:
    1. “It’s called the Paris Accord, which means it’s Paris telling us what to do, and Paris is that guy ALL the girls think is SO CUTE, who wouldn’t let me do the hand-yank, fuck that guy!”
    2. “I like cheers! Where are my cheers! Hey, guys, what do I do to get more of the cheers? What? Tell Paris to go fuck himself? Because the Paris Accord is Paris not letting us have BBQs? Really? I didn’t know that! I like BBQs! Okay, I’m pulling out of the Paris Accord–you’re cheering now? Steve, are they cheering? Loudly? Oh thank God. Thank God. I love cheering. What do I do to keep them doing more cheering?”

    • MizzMazz

      Damn. I think you nailed it.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      People have been saying that Trump’s decisions are based on maximizing grift or consolidating power, but I’m becoming more and more convinced he’s an idiot savant at recognizing and remembering perceived slights against himself and does everything to get back at someone for a perceived slight be it real or imagined.

      • Cat Cafe Honors Paris Accord

        Yes, I agree completely. Except for the “savant” part.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    We’re having solar panels installed in a few weeks (contract has been signed, monies have traded hands) and no, there won’t be batteries to store excess because they are incredibly fucking expensive and we’re on the grid so no point to it. The way it will work is that when we produce more than we use, that yummy solar juice will flow back to the power company who gives us credit for it, said credit being applied to our bill.

    The solar guys estimated that the number of panels we’re installing (the max number that will fit on our actual roof) will offset about half of our usage.

    These stupid fuckers just don’t even know how it fucking works.

    • h4rr4r

      I would like to have a small amount of batteries, just as a backup power source. Instead of a generator.

      I would have to cut down some trees, but am considering doing it anyway.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        The earth needs more than trees to be healthy. Plants you some wildflowers and then don’t needz feel guilty about them few trees.

        • h4rr4r

          I like trees.

          • Put on roof?
            There was some guy at MIT I think working on developing a sort of solar paint for roofs

          • h4rr4r

            That is where I am talking about.

            Trees are big.

        • Boscoe

          Or a Chia Pet.

    • jesterpunk
      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Twisted fuckers. Though being twisted fuckers I reckon they consider it a two-fer in that they get to screw the planet and their citizenry all in one swell foop.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        The ironic thing in Arizona is that utilities are making a case that solar should be way cheaper than natural gas.

        • jesterpunk

          That is for the utilities though not for the customers.

    • Ms.Moon

      I love my solar panels. Unfortunately we don’t have a south facing house so we only have half the roofline covered but in the summer even with all the ac’s running and we got better windows installed our “bill” is all fees because we’re on the grid it comes to about $40 a month.

  • Marsupial99

    Wait a minute… how come Ann Coulter (whoever that is) censored the word “sh*t” but left “shitting” intact? Is this some weird wingnut grammar rule?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Gerunds are never considered swear words. It’s the 17th commandment in the wingnut bible.

      • proudgrampa

        You’re shitting me…

        • snark-lurker

          grampa!

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Well if it’s good enough for two Corinthians, it’s good enough for me. They have the best leather, so they must know something.

    • It’s code.
      Arabic for “Available”

    • proudgrampa

      Uh, she’s A Idiot?

    • Marceline

      I wondered that too.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Maybe it’s something like “Hate the shit, love the shitter”

    • Rick Hill

      Doanknow but conservatives seem to be the ones with the most scattish bent.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • georgiaburning

    Asking God to take care of a problem you caused by your own actions is normally suicide, if you read the Old Testament. In a nice mood, OT God will send you into bondage for a few hundred years. Yes, I know, some Repubs like that kind of stuff…

    • Boscoe

      Well, they assume that doesn’t apply to THEM ’cause they are entitled snowflakes…

  • Marceline

    These Evangelicals really think God is their daddy. it’s not even religion anymore. It’s third world superstition. Soon they’ll be sacrificing goats to read the entrails.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      *nods* A year or 18 months ago, the Evangelicals were up in arms over high schoolers doing the phrase “There is no God but Allah” in Arabic script, because apparently prayers are magic spells, and even writing them makes shit happen.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        As a kid who played D&D in the 1980s, in the bible belt no less, I can attest to their belief in magic spells.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Yeah. The ‘rents wouldn’t let us play D&D, cos “Satan”. We did sneak Gamma World past them. xD

      • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

        So don’t leave us in suspense! Did it work? IS there a God besides Allah?

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Last I heard, nothing happened except Reichwingers blowing their corks.

          • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

            Whew, that’s a relief. I was afraid I’d have to redo all those samplers.

    • The Wanderer

      Prayer is a type of magic ritual. I got the Stank Eye for saying that to my pastor.

    • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

      Sacrificing goats, while cruel, is tolerable. My worry’d be that, when it doesn’t work, they’ll start sacrificing people.

    • Ms.Moon

      They could just ask me I’ll get a book and read tea leaves for them.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Really? Wind is not consistent? Does he not realize how fucked our planet would be if the fucking wind stopped?

    This is absolutely basic knowledge and these are absolutely basic people. You’d think there’d be some overlap there. That’s what you’d get for thinking.

    It really is just about “sticking it to the lefties” with these people. Okay, fine, you know what they can do to REALLY show me? I’d be super hurt if they all resigned and left the planet. That’d learn me good!

    • William

      Wasn’t there some Goober GOP politician that went on record worried that wind turbines would so down the earth revolving around it’s axis or some shit? Ok here it is. and somewhat true. http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/bartonwind.asp

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Tide power too, the moon is already gravitationally locked in its rotation. Someday the Earth will be too.

      • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

        More to the point, wind turbines absorb some of the extra energy that ‘global warming’ has been putting into the atmosphere.I doubt it makes a huge difference, but everything helps, right?

    • TundraGrifter

      I think it is probably true that the winds could stop. If the earth is no longer spinning.

      • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

        Nope, then you get MORE wind – nasty convection currents driven by the extreme heat of the side facing the sun.

        • TundraGrifter

          Thanks, Buzzkill.

          Actually – I do appreciate you correcting my error. Science and all that. But your pesky fancy-pantz librul “facts” ruin my joke.

          • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

            Then my work here is done.
            Hiyo, Silver, away!

          • TundraGrifter

            What you mean “We,” Kimmo Saeb?

    • wait! what?

      …and how does this whole “wind-thing” work on our flat Earth, anyways? Does it just stop at the edge or get farted into space?

  • Kitty Smith

    “Who else is celebrating Trump pulling the U.S. out of the #ParisAgreement by having the heating on full blast & running the taps all night.”

    That would be stupid.

    • I guess these people have someone else paying their electric and water bills?

      • TundraGrifter

        Their landlords?

        • Their mommies and daddies

          • TundraGrifter

            Landlords who never see the rent.

      • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

        Cleek’s Law brings out the stupid.

  • Magic Juan

    “Another surprise: Shell Oil said it wants to always have Paris, too, sweetheart:”

    Luckily some CEOs realize they need to make products or provide services that don’t kill off their customers if they want to stay in business. Oh and they may be decent people too.

    • baconzgood

      It worked for cigarette compani…oh wait. It didnt.

      • h4rr4r

        They are actually following their customers to alternate products.
        While nicotine might not be good for you, any method of ingesting it is better than cigarettes.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          When I finally quite smoking I found I loved the gum, chewed it for like a year or two, sweet little buzz that was.

      • BosGrl

        I am old enough to remember marketers giving out sample packs of Benson & Hedges outside the subway…

        • Suttree

          About 10 years ago they had these very pretty girls who would come around the bar once a week and give away packs of Wintstons. You just had to give them your email address and you would get 3 packs for free. Winstons suck ass but if you drink enough…….

          • alpacapunchbowl

            The whole summer of 2000 I barely had to buy any cigarettes! Winstons are grody though, I had a bf who smoked them by choice. That boy wasn’t right.

          • Suttree

            I have been smoking Camels for 20 years. Everything else is blech. I have noticed that people who purposefully smoke Winstons tend to be crazy as fuck though. And not the good kind of crazy.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            When I still smoked I was partial to Lucky lights and P-Funks (Parliament).
            And yes, he was bugfuck crazy.

          • Suttree

            Luckys are good, and when I used to work in Newark I bought Parliaments, because they don’t sell no Camels in the hood.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Good times, good times. I also remember smoking on airplnanes and hospitals, by the patents!

          • Suttree

            Never smoked on an airplane, but I have smoked on many a bus and train. I was underage but they still served me in the bar car on Amtrak.

          • BosGrl

            So much easier back then… when the drinking age was 18.

          • Suttree

            I moved to New Orleans when I was 17 almost 18 and the drinking age was 18. They finally changed it a year later to 21. I was working doorman at a club just outside of the French Quarter. So i was illegally drinking on the job and not letting underage people in.

          • BosGrl

            Heh. I too got screwed. Same thing – I was 17 when they changed the age and too young to be grandfathered in. Oh well, I’ve more than made up for it :)

          • Ms.Moon

            I grew up in the West Indies there was no legal drinking age I remember going to the store to buy alcohol for my mom when she had to soak cakes. I also made wine because we has so much fruit from the trees that to prevent them from rotting on the ground my great grandmother taught me how to make wine in buckets from them.

          • BosGrl

            A trip back from Paris with a plane full of Gauloise smoke nearly choked me. Damn, those things stink.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Shell has ben very forward going in renewable energy. I have many friends working at the Headquarter in The Hague and they all confirm there is a very different attitude towards green energy. Both from a PR point of view as well as serious conviction this is the way forward.

  • TundraGrifter

    The Regressives howled when President Obama correctly pointed out America can often accomplish more by leading from behind.

    Now President Trump is telling us we can accomplish more by simply not bothering to lead at all.

    • BosGrl

      They want the wall to extend all the way around the country. And the rest of the world is going to say, “prego”.

  • x111e7thst

    and god said “bitch that’s why I made scientists”

  • Professor Fate

    “And I’m confident that, if there’s a real problem, he can take care of it.”
    Just like he did with the Black Death – oh wait.

    • Crank Tango

      Yeah I’m pretty sure God has never solved any problems. In fact, He seems to have created many many problems.

      Like stepping on Legos, for example.

  • baconzgood

    Having the Penn Hills School District Rip Off Artist (aka Ricky “InSaneTorum) talk about the environment is like Baconzgood suggesting Jewish recipes.

    Edit.

    GO PENS!

    • whitroth

      Or as I’ve referred to him forever, Santimonious Sanctorum. (Or should that be Rectum?)

      • teele

        It gives me the shivers even to see that bitch’s name in print. The story of him bringing home his miscarried child to pass around to his surviving children made me sick, I still feel physical revulsion when I think of it. I can’t begin to imagine the problems his offspring will face in the future.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    The most terrifying five words to inject in any serious scientific discussion are “As a Christian, I believe. . .”

    I simply can’t stress this next part enough, modern conservatives would commit literal mass suicide, Jonestown style, if they thought it would make a liberal cry. That’s how things are now. Maybe it’s time to employ the Briar rabbit strategy? Would it violate anything to make them THINK doing something we might want them to do would upset us?

    Seriously, I’m strategizing ways to deal with emotional children. It’s that fucked up.

    • I once signed a petition begging Obama to suddenly declare that every American should keep breathing now!

    • whitroth

      Agreed. A couple-three years ago, I was talking to a woman on the Metro, and she actually said that she didn’t believe that God ™ would give humans the power to change the global climate.

      • Bobo the Dork Boy

        Yeah, hear that one a lot from my neighbors. What I get for living in Texas.

    • Crank Tango

      I would be so upset if they all killed themselves.

      Something something microagression, cultural appropriation, I dunno, just do it already.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Fuck future generations. What have they ever done for me?

  • whitroth

    Hey, Doc, you missed one: Macron, President of France, tweeted “Make the earth great again”.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      By firing Trump? Into the sun? With votes?

      • DrBigHead

        No, I think we would need a rocket for that.

        • The Wanderer

          But we need to go at night.

          • Boscoe

            That rocket’s gonna need bigger headlights…

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Fuck this shit. Fuck all of it. I’m feeling like just pulling the plug on myself today. I can’t deal with this shit now. My hand is healed up now so maybe I can go out in the shop and make something so that I don’t feel so fucking helpless. Bye.

    • BosGrl

      Pet some animals. Read a good book. Listen to music you love. <3

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Take care of yourself.

    • William

      Old movies. The ones they made before this shit went crazy.

    • snark-lurker

      my “shop” is a spare bedroom where i make sawdust

      • Boscoe

        Mmmmmm… hand-crafted sawdust the way the old masters made it. Kids just don’t appreciate good quality sawdust anymore.

        • Cliff Hendroval

          Artisanal sawdust. It’s all the rage in Brooklyn these days.

        • snark-lurker

          I make the best sawdust, the best sawdust anybody has ever seen, there’s nothing else like it, I make the best, the very best sawdust, the best anywhere, anywhere, believe me.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Get some rest and recharge. :)

    • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

      Making something is good. I’ve spent most of today patching the driveway and building up one of my garden patches, and later I’ll be making some sewing patterns. Making stuff is two raised middle fingers to entropy.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Well, as a Christian, I believe that there is a creator in God who is much bigger than us. And I’m confident that, if there’s a real problem, he can take care of it.

    Think of the money we could save in the defense budget if we trusted God to solve all our problems like that.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      If you trust in God, why do you have a spare tire in your boot?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Would God make an SUV so big he couldn’t lift it?

      • empf

        Or a doctor. Or health insurance.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • anwisok
    • The Wanderer

      Red pandas! Hurrah for the wah!

    • Pre-existing Ugly Dude

      Thank you for not posting a babby polar bear. That would have given me a sad.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Ha, Dutch green party just posted this. Translation: Ok Donald, If you don’t want to we will go on. Without you.

    https://twitter.com/groenlinks/status/870616242733932544

    • OrG

      I wish our Green Party was more like the Dutch Green Party.

  • alpacapunchbowl
  • TJ Barke

    All of the worst things need to happen to republicans. The. Worst. Things.

    • snark-lurker

      Gun Safety Fails work

  • BosGrl

    OT: Did anyone just see Katy Tur talking about the guy in Arizona with the driver’s license with the colander on his head? He says it’s religious, he believes in FSM (<3). The DOT in AZ is going to void the license. Why? It doesn't cover his face at all?

    • wait! what?

      Because AZ doesn’t like it when it’s laws are strained.

      • vivian

        Fine. Sieve I care.

        • wait! what?

          The case will be ruled by the honorable Marie Colander.

          • Yellerduck

            It’s pasta time to end these puns.

          • wait! what?

            Oh, great; you just un-raviolied the entire thread…

          • Yellerduck

            I cannelloni take anymore. I’m getting all gigli.

          • wait! what?

            It’s a pizza history, now.

          • vivian

            I hope the case has enough holes in it.

    • sadboy

      Dunno, but I’m sure Katy prefers this beat to having to follow around the Trump campaign.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Supreme Court justices Bader Ginsburg and Kagan and Fed Chair Yellen just looked at each other and said: “Oh, fuck it, what’s the point?”

    https://twitter.com/CNNPolitics/status/870690227924353024

    • ariel_gee_398

      Powerful is right. Look at all the times she’s managed to move her father’s positions closer to her own alleged views…

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Oh, look, a dybbuk.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      WUT.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      But she’s accomplished so much! CNN lists all her accomplishments, like… saying she’s Jewish… or Instagramming pictures of her kids.

      • vivian

        Hey! Don’t overlook the power of champagne popsicles!

  • MynameisBlarney

    For communion….suuuuuuure…

    https://i.chzbgr.com/full/6093190144/hED397EAA/

  • PigDootsMolloy

    2 old links (WaPo 2016/Politico 2012) . WaPo story covers a 2016 bill to privatize parts of NWS, with a mention of Old Frothy’s bill to restrict the NWS. Politico article has a link to the bill Old Frothy proposed in 2005.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/capital-weather-gang/wp/2016/06/09/congress-is-considering-privatizing-key-roles-of-the-weather-service-thats-a-mistake/

    http://www.politico.com/story/2012/01/7-year-old-attack-on-weather-service-could-cloud-santorums-campaign-071129

  • delete your account probably
    • Jennifer R

      It caused a little bit of outrage back in the day for Palestine to be listed.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Speaking of Palestine, I noticed a new kerfuffle on FB this morning. The “boycott Austin/Alamo Drafthouse because women-only screenings” nonsense went over like a lead balloon, so now I’m seeing MRA types speaking out against the Wonder Woman movie and talking about how the producers have ruined the character by casting Gal Gadot, who is Israeli (gasp! Not Murrikan!) and served in the IDF.
        Why do I have trouble believing that most of these guys give two shits about Palestinians?

        • Jennifer R

          Because they are subhuman racists who want to return to the bad old days of raping women in bars?

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Yep, that would be part of it.

        • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

          I’d love to watch them say that to Gal Gadot’s face.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Fuck. Yes.
            Make it a double feature with WW. I’d pay lots of ameros.

          • empf

            Yes.

    • wait! what?

      Schnitzelbank or GTFO.

      Hairy chest, he’s not dressed
      Pair of pants, shorts from France
      Otto’s gut, Otto’s butt
      Oh, du schöne
      Oh, du schöne
      Oh, du schöne
      Schnitzelbank!

      • Gregory Brown

        I have no idea what you did there, but it made me laugh. Upvoted.

  • baconzgood

    “You can’t put a meter on the sun”

    Actually you can. And everyone who’s ever owned a camera has used one.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • baconzgood

    So basically if launching a nuclear missile to destroy all the baby seals and puppies in the world would make us communist/fascist/environmentalist/woman rights loving/Anni DeFranco listining/ America hating/Pris driving/New York times reading/Hollywood watching/NPR donating/ free lending library using/bus pass owing pinkos mad?

    Good philosophy. Making other people mad is an ethos I can get behind. This is why I like to punch racists.

    • whitroth

      No, no, *they’re* the fascists.

      But Ani DiFranco, YES! I’m one o’ them…

      Oh, sorry, you were singing Randy Newman’s “Political Science”, yes?

      • alpacapunchbowl

        More often than not, I see them spell it “facist”. I have no idea what a facist is, so maybe I am one?

        • baconzgood

          The important isn’t the spelling. It’s the cock punching.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I’m quite tall, so it’s hard for me to land a truly satisfying, solid blow to the nuts, but I have other methods at my disposal.
            And don’t forget that there are female Nazis! (not to be confused with the mythical creature borne of oxy addiction and known as a feminazi)
            So make sure your workout routine also includes cunt punt practice.

        • Gregory Brown

          A facist is a person who discriminates against people whose faces he doesn’t like.

      • baconzgood
  • TundraGrifter

    Remember when Rick Santorum’s campaign expense reports were reviewed and a single hamburger from a joint very near his home was found to have been charged? Or the sweetheart mortgage deal he got from a private bank for high net-worth individuals when he didn’t begin to quality as a client? Or charging his local district for sending his kids to school elsewhere? Or not really living in the house he claimed as his residence so he could run for office?

    That Rick Santorum?

    • OrG

      Lying, cheating rethug? NO WAY!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    True story. I once met a woman who had lost her first baby to SIDS. She was 8 months pregnant with second baby. I told her about a local program that provided free SIDS monitors to parents in her situation. She replied “Oh, no, I couldn’t use one of those. If it’s god’s will for my baby to die, it would be a sin for me to intervene.” I was so sickened I had to leave her house immediately. That was 35 years ago, and I bet you $1 she’s a Climate Change denier today who voted for Trump.

    • The Wanderer

      Unless she accidentally drowned while looking up at the sky while it was raining.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Funny you should mention that. We had really severe thunderstorms for several days last week – the kind with non-stop lightning that kills people and shuts down the power – and I had to go to Wal-Mart to pick up urgent prescriptions for a disabled friend, otherwise I would not have gone out in that weather. The parking lot was packed. There were people everywhere running to their cars in the pouring rain, or pushing carts in the pouring rain, all soaked to the skin. I did NOT SEE A SINGLE UMBRELLA ANYWHERE. I was the only person using an umbrella and wearing a raincoat. It had been raining hard for 24 hours, they surely noticed this. Where were their fucking umbrellas? And why were so many idiots out shopping in that terrible weather?

        I think I am going to have to stay home from now on and buy everything online, because every single time I go anywhere in this town I encounter nothing but stupid people. It’s too depressing.

        • Jamoche

          Last time I lived in a place that had thunderstorms, umbrellas were useless – the rain would come in sideways. Though I agree on not being out in it if you don’t have to.

          • Gregory Brown

            Unless the wind is really strong, you can aim your umbrella straight at it without it collapsing.

          • Jamoche

            The wind is really twisty. You can’t keep up with the direction changes, so why bother for the time it takes to get to the car? And once you get there, if you aren’t soaked already, you will be once you deal with the umbrella. I could see it in a city like NYC where you might be walking for a while and there are overhangs over every entrance where you can deal with umbrellas, but not for a mad dash in the parking lot.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Well my point is that it was a packed Wal-Mart parking lot, which is about the size of 10 football fields, and they weren’t making mad dashes, they were walking quite a distance to their cars, pushing carts. It’s hard to make a mad dash with a loaded cart. Also, with the kind of rain we were having, there wasn’t much point in dashing as you got soaking wet in about 5 seconds whether you dashed or walked.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I admit that an umbrella was only about 50% effective with the kind of rain we were having at the time, which is why I donned a raincoat before leaving the house, but it certainly helped.

        • Yellerduck

          Maybe they didn’t have umbrellas! They should have gone to some store that sells umbrellas or som…oh…

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yeah. You got it. I keep a collapsible one in the car. Surely I am not the only person in the world who does this? Apparently I am.

          • Cliff Hendroval

            I’ve actually got two, just in case I leave one in my office.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Good for you! Great minds think alike. 😃

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Someone told me to have three: one to use, one to lose, and one to leave at home. Works with pens also, except instead of leaving at home, one to run out of ink.

      • Gregory Brown

        Rimshot!

  • sadboy

    Sure, God can straighten this out. Just like God straightened out those fuckin’ dinosaurs.

  • Aaron Wise

    Trump’s base is really energized about this latest snafu.

    Meanwhile the energetic Nancy Pelosi had a press conference today to counter this snafu.

    She really needs to get another job.

    • OrG

      Speaker of the House?

      • Aaron Wise

        Not in a million years.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Approval ratings for Congress too high when she was in charge?

          • Aaron Wise

            Ask the remaining Dems that have survived under her “leadership”

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Yes, please. That one.

    • vivian

      I’m trusting the moniker is a nod to the potato chip company, amirite?

  • wait! what?

    I can’t wait until they remake “The Empire Strikes Back” starting out on Earth:

    Your tauntaun will drown before you reach the outer marker!

    Oooh. Good point. Got any of those really big floaty thingies?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Commissars and pinstripe bosses roll the dice
    Anyway they fall, guess who gets to pay the price?
    Money green, or proletarian gray
    Selling guns instead of food today
    So the kids they dance and shake their bones
    And the politicians throwing stones
    Singing ashes, ashes, all fall down
    Ashes, ashes, all fall down

    Throwing Stones

  • Jgb979

    Wow Goldman Sachs couldn’t pull the strings there…..

    Thankfully they’ve still got noted climate scientist dr. Frothy himself.

    Literally the only way the US comes out ahead here is if all 99.6% of scientists who believe in global warming are lying, the entire world universally stops putting money into green jobs, and a vortex in the space time continuum causes fracking to no longer exist. EVEN IF THE ALARMISTS ARE WRONG, the United States will be left in the dust when it comes to incentivizing new technologies for a profit (which is why such noted liberals as Goldman Sachs were for staying in).

    Turn out the lights on the final vestiges of the intellectual wing of the Republcian party. All that’s left are the willfully stupid toddlers

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      15+ years ago the GOP would have been terrified of China investing a ton of money into energy technology and seen it as a national priority to remain far ahead of them.

      Now….their only goal is ruining the country to spite liberals.

  • Skwerl the Impeachanator!

    In SGTOW (States going their own way) News:

    Minnesota is all like, “Whatever Trump, we’ve been on this thing since 2007”.

    http://www.startribune.com/minnesota-will-proceed-with-its-own-climate-change-strategy/425826963/

  • MynameisBlarney
    • jaspersdad

      Pruitt, is my opinion, is the worst appointment on trump’s staff.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Sessions? Hello?
        Nazi!

        Oh…no…wait. They’re pretty much all nazis.

      • SeeTrain65

        Every Trump appointment is the worst.

  • John Frum

    Trump just wants Don Blankenship to suck his dick. He doesn’t give a fuck about the people Blankenship killed.

  • Aaron Wise

    Pelosi: Trump dishonoring God by pulling out of Paris Climate Accord.

    Go get ‘m Nancy!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUmzrA7sH_k

    • Paperless Tiger

      It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Try our new “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Fossil-Fuel-Derived Electricity!” now available in a gigawatt family size tub.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Here’s my biggest problem with the state of our nation.

    As some of you know, I was Catholic. I was raised under the belief that the holiest think a human being could do is renounce Earthly things and devote one’s self to service of humanity. I thought for the longest time growing up that I wanted to be a priest.

    Now I see people blatantly profiting in this world while claiming to be Christians. I see what I can only describe as anti-Christian ideology running rampant in this country. Supply Side Jesus is the Antichrist and Prosperity Gospel is it’s dogma.

    I was warned against these kinds of people. I was taught to beware false prophets the same as all of us, I’d imagine. I found these stories and warning too fantastical to believe. I was certain that human kind would be able to spot such blatant hypocrisy a mile away. I was convinced that open idolatry would be shunned by the masses. I was convinced that admitted adulterers would never be embraced by the faith I shared. I was convinced that people tried to be decent yet sometimes fell along the way. I was wrong.

    How can these people claim to adhere to a faith system that casts them in the role of stewards of the Earth and so easily cast aside that role for 20 pieces of silver? Surely, the Jesus of my understanding sees their betrayal as far more egregious than Judas’. The Jesus I was taught about cast out the money changers, rebelled against the Romans. Modern conservative xtians ARE the Romans, ARE the money changers.

    I haven’t been to a mass in over twenty years, as the crow flies. My faith in that sloppy religion has long since subsided to be replaced by reason, love of science and freedom of thought. Still, in my core I am far more fundamentally Christian than these people. I feel contempt at the way they misrepresent Christianity. I feel contempt at all those who let them get away with it.

    The god of my understanding punishes those who offend it by blipping them out of existence. It annihilates them. It once caused a flood because the Nephilim sinned against the Earth. In fact, that is the greatest sin. The only sin by which god retalliated with total destruction.

    Then there is the first commandment which implies sins against hope, but I don’t have time to get into that.

    Back to my point, for those still with me, I forget my point, or maybe I already made it? I really have no idea anymore. I think maybe I’m going completely crazy.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I’m in that same boat with you, Jack. Exactly the same … the nuns taught us humility and service.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        They taught us sex education. “Bees buzz, and birds poop on your head; that’s all you need to know!”

      • CatDog

        the nuns and brothers taught me to stand still and cop a beating. Until I was expelled for refusing to let them do so. But I get your point.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          We had the Sisters of No Mercy … and still we learned about hippie, socialist Jesus helping the poor and healing the sick and throwing the fucking money changers out of the temple!

    • empf

      Amen brother.

    • RazorBack

      No, you’re absolutely right.

      These people are not Christians by any stretch.

      They sold their souls on the altar of money and power a long, long time ago.

      • CatDog

        yup

        • CatDog

          Atheist for life, but I appreciate people who try to be Christian in an actually Christian fashion: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/blogs/secretlife/environmental-science/katharine-hayhoe/

          • jim heffner

            My problem with the ‘good’ Christians is that they stood by and watched the wingnutz, especially the right hand threaded ones, co-opt the word Christian and change it’s meaning to encompass the mean spirited, anti-intellectual True Believers, including the money changers. I usually enjoy watching words in the English Language evolve and change their meaning but in this case I didn’t.
            Makes me think about the Dark Ages and the anti-intellectual movement that took place in Islam.

      • Querolous

        The only book of the bibble that they have read is Two Corinthians’ Epistle to the Covfefe.

    • Donerito

      Hallelujah, brother, hallelujah!! It’s not you going crazy – it’s just being sane in an insane world. Good Luck.

    • SeeTrain65

      Back to my point, for those still with me, I forget my point, or maybe I
      already made it? I really have no idea anymore. I think maybe I’m going
      completely crazy.

      So say we all.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od6hY_50Dh0

    • Zyxomma

      Jack, I’M more Christian than they are, and I’m a Jewish atheist.

  • Daniel Hooper

    “High schoolers shouldn’t set energy policy…”
    …Have you seem who the President is? Methinks that ship’s already sailed, Dok.

    • Zyxomma

      Dictator Tot is not a high schooler, he’s a terrible two.

  • BearLeft

    Just like the odds of the two synapses in Santorum’s semblance of a brain firing at the same time: not reliable!

  • Edith Prickly

    The hell with Drumpf and his fluffers, Imma watch my new BF troll him again with SEXXXX avec la vérité
    https://www.facebook.com/EmmanuelMacron/videos/1973855302847046/

    • Zyxomma

      Thanks, Edith. I loved where he said, “I know your history — our shared history.” These pootriot “real merkins” probably never learned that without France, we more than likely would not have won our independence from Britain.

  • Jo Mathie

    God Republicans are stupid. Everything they defend Trump doing unless they are really wealthy is completely against their own best interests. And shut up Anne Coulter you hateful crone, I can’t believe you are still around.

  • OneYieldRegular

    By Rick Santorum’s logic, we should just get rid of sailboats and sundials.

    • CatDog

      also plants. photosynthesis does not provide certainty.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    If we encase Ann Coulter in concrete, we could build the wall.

    • ichthyopteryx

      No; if someday day should have to demolish the wall, she might escape!

    • CatDog

      there might be some way to use her oral methane emissions as an infinitely renewable energy source.

  • jaspersdad

    Back in 1970s there was a joke about the Vice-President Spiro Agnew, along the lines that there was a fire in his library, and both his books had been lost.

    Even worse, he hadn’t finished colouring them in.

    • unclejeems

      They had to close the library at Texas A & M when somebody checked out the book.

  • bluicebank

    I’m going to lay this at the feet of Christianity’s “end times” death cult. At every opportunity, they back anything that will advance Big Armageddon.

    Ya’ll prolly know this, but these fuckers are getting sick and tired that Revelations isn’t happening fast enough when mid-way God fits them all with space suits and raptures them into the blessed darkness of outer space, where shit most definitely will be awesome. SO THUS, they work diligently to force God’s hand. Like the Almighty is some ultra maroon who’s going to notice the Earth getting all fucked up, and throw up his hands: “Well Jesus, I guess I better bust out these seven fucking vials.”

    I know, utterly insane and hubris on steroids. But that’s how they be: criminally insane.

    • Mike Steele

      Lady MS: No ordinary folks of faith in this crowd. You got your fundie Protestants, your dominionist Catholics, your Zionist Jews and whatever the hell Betsy DeVos is. Religious extremists of all stripes (‘cept for those Mooslems) are welcome aboard the Trump Train.

      • SeeTrain65

        “… and whatever the hell Betsy DeVos is.”

        Vacuous, doe-eyed, grinning simpleton? Oh, you meant what religion. …

        Then, the Vacuous, doe-eyed, grinning simpleton religion?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    https://theintercept.com/2017/06/01/trump-putin-form-axis-mass-destruction-climate-french-minister-fears/

    “Trump and Putin Could Form “Axis of Mass Destruction” on Climate, French Minister Fears

    […]

    Hulot, who was an environmental activist before joining President Emmanuel Macron’s new government, expressed his concern after Trump ordered the E.P.A. to rescind restrictions on carbon emissions and Putin said that the melting of Arctic ice was most likely a natural process that Russia should take advantage of, not try to stop.”

    • Jamoche

      “At last! A port we can use year-round, and we didn’t even have to invade anyone for it!”

  • jaspersdad

    “Oh yeah, well they (whomever they are) changed the name from Global Warming to Climate Change.”

    Here’s a scientific paper published in 1956:

    http://cvining.com/system/files/Plass-Tellus-1956.pdf

    That’s a link to a scientific paper written in 1955 and published in the journal Tellus in 1956.

    “The Carbon Dioxide Theory of Climatic Change”

    This idea that “global warming” was changed to “climate change” is yet another myth invented by deniers to confuse people.

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    While this is potentially really bad, he didn’t change the timeline of the agreement. This means that the US is part of the agreement and will follow the rules until November 2020. So as long as he (or whoever is president at the time*) doesn’t get reelected this is fixable.

    I can’t imagine that anyone who replaces him won’t have Trump taint all over him, so I don’t see Republicans having the WH for 8 years.

  • To paraphrase the leader of the free world, Angela Merkel, “we are on our own”.

  • BigCSouthside

    I’m just going to say it: if you vote republican, you are a fucking stupid person. Like with legitimate diminished mental capacity.

    They fucking bathe in ignorance.

    • Donerito

      And dry themselves with selfishness.

    • CatDog

      you do know that indulging in that attitude will ensure the Democrats never win an election again? Attack the party, destroy their arguments, but woo the voters, that’s how you win in politics, isn’t it? Telling people who didn’t vote the way you wanted that they are stupid seems to me the height of political stupidity, and a significant part of the reason Trump won. same thing when atheists join in with fundamentalists in insisting that scripture can only be read literally, It’s doing the work of the right for them.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    The problem is that all this will just lead to “see, you don’t even need the federal government anyway.” SO much better to have hundreds of different jurisdictions approaching this from their own idiosyncratic direction. Plus, this way, Republican legislators can defang or make illegal any attempts by those pesky blue islands in their states to act on their own (as happened in Illinois with Chicago’s plastic bag ordinance).

  • MisterShoebox

    There are “14” reasons why that Nazi Catch-You-Next-Tuesday Ann Coulter should never be taken seriously.

  • Street Light

    American Century now officially over. Eurasian deals will contain and constrain mad Russia and stupid USA. Trump has destroyed USA’s global leadership forever.

    Welcome to the (real) multi-polar world.

    • phoenix00

      China? Australia? Canada?

  • cmd resistor

    what a large collection of dumbass turds.

    • SnarkON

      It is breathtaking.

  • SnarkON

    The element of all of this I hate the most is that I am now on the side of Goldman Sachs, GE, Exxon and the rest of those evil corporate fuckers.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    As far as we know, Rep. Walberg has not yet volunteered to cancel his family’s medical or car insurance in the belief that God will take care of everything. You’d think he’d have a little faith.

    Giving up insurance for God (or His Servant on Earth) is a classic cult scam. I wouldn’t be surprised if Prosperity Gospel goons are pushing it as a strategy for getting into heaven.

    Viz. the A. J. Liebling essay in the New Yorker “Who is this King of Glory?” covering 1930’s cult leader Father Divine.

  • Randy Riddle

    For some reason, Mike Pence isn’t interested in a problem unless he can pray over it, give it electroshock therapy, or take away its food stamps.

    http://thehill.com/policy/energy-environment/336070-pence-for-some-reason-climate-change-is-a-key-issue-for-the-left

  • bookish
    • Zyxomma

      Thanks.

  • CatDog

    RE: the unreliability of the sun: one possibility is that Santorum is well versed in David Hume’s empiricist arguments regarding inductive logic and has rejected the assumption that the sun will necessarily rise tomorrow just because it has done so repeatedly in the past. Another possibility is that he is a lying, cynical, fundamentalist douchepod who doesn’t give a flying fuck about the future of his own children or anyone else’s and deserves to spend eternity getting hot pliers applied to his withered testicles in a hell of his own imagining. With votes, I suppose. (here I planned to paste in a youtube of Jack Nicholson saying “which one a dese?” in Prizzi’s Honor, but could not find said clip).

    • CatDog
    • Regret

      I think the idea that you are allowed to have solar panels on all sides of the planet completely baffles them.

      Someone should introduce them to the idea of a Dyson sphere just to see what happens.

      • CatDog

        this would require acceptance that the world is not flat, which is clearly an elitist conspiracy and a bad deal.

  • chascates

    God will take care of climate change the same way he ended World War II and stopped the Holocaust of European Jews.

    • CatDog

      TheoIdiocy says so!

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Wait till we find out God was way too busy helping various sportsball teams win to take care of the global warming problem.

    “Your prayer is very important to us. Your prayer will be answered in the order it was received. You are supplicant # 9999999999*glitchcracklehiccup*. Your miracle will be approximately *glitchbrrrrrrrrtPOP* minutes. Thank you for your belief in God!”

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      “God can’t help, he’s too busy helping Reggie White win football games” Servo Mystery Science Theater 3000

  • Kooolest G

    I wouldn’t put too much stock in exxon and shell supporting the paris accords. have you seen an ad for any oil company in the last 10 years that wasn’t about green energy? it’s all for PR, it’s to make you hate them slightly less. I’ll believe it when they put their money where their mouth is and stop giving huge donations to politicians who think climate change is a myth. also not getting sued might have something to do with it “Exxon Mobil became the target of probes by the attorneys general of Massachusetts and New York five months after InsideClimate News and the Los Angeles Times published blockbuster reports revealing that the company’s scientists internally recognized the risks of climate change while publicly claiming the opposite.”

    • phoenix00

      But how else can they expect to become Secretary of State?

  • La forza del resistino

    “Why do I believe that? […] Well, as a Christian, I believe that there is a creator in God … And I’m confident that, if there’s a real problem, he can take care of it”.
    There is a 50/50 chance the creator is a she. Last I checked women were 100% in charge of creating life.

    • Tom Mears

      What about the story in Mathew where Satan says for Jesus to leap off a cliff and the angels will save him. JC’s response is “don’t tempt God”. Maybe we should fix the problem we made ourselves rather than wait for divine intervention.

    • Donerito

      Last I checked no woman can get pregnant without a males sperm. Idiot.

      • Weird Fishes

        Science! 😄

      • Regret

        Try again, your reading comprehension failed you.

        • Donerito

          If women could snap their fingers and make themselves pregnant I would agree with the statement – they can’t, so I don’t.
          I make typos but my comprehension is just fine.

  • Dazza

    I just gave some Ameros to Wonkette, because its snark is an excellent carbon sink.

  • ggaston1960

    Oh, such witty folks… explains the abundance of conservative comedy…

    • H0mer0

      (yuk yuk) They are killing us–no, I mean they really ARE killing us.
      Enjoy your deathtrap, earthlings!

      [/sn]

  • teele

    Hey, Todd, I’m right there witcha! I note you are a decade and change younger than me, so you are just young enough not to have watched the teevee showing the Cuyahoga river catching on fire! You don’t remember sitting in stalled traffic, breathing all those lovely leaded gasoline fumes! Hell, I bet the panty waist city council in your hometown had outlawed leaf burning by the time you were old enough to be handed a rake by joe mama. Actually, I remember the smell of burning leaves with fondness; how’s about I haul my leaves over to your place this fall, and we set them suckers on fire in your backyard! We can set some freon free while we are at it, change your oil and dump it on the ground, paint your shed and discard the extra paint down the storm drain, and haul your garbage to the nearest creek (or better yet, the retention pond in your subdivision!) and let it swim, and laugh our asses off at your neighbors when they get pissed off! Golly gee, ain’t bein’ a dumbass fun?

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      And which one of us olds can’t remember the ddt trucks?

  • ThunderCat

    Why don’t we just pray the greenhouse gases away?

    Kentucky’s Matt Bevin has such great success praying away the violence! O, wait …

  • Spurning Beer

    There’s an Irish aphorism that goes something like, “We trust God, but we still plant the potatoes.”

  • in the name of the moon

    Jesus, Ann, you don’t need to censor “shit” if you just typed the uncensored verb version, ignorant Nazi wart.

  • Nick.Trite

    Christ, how did we get in a position where “capitalism will save us” sounds like a plausible answer and not a joke?

    • Zyxomma

      Really.

  • Incoming Ham

    Oh the stupid. My family lived in a rural area where they only had a windmill that powered a battery. You know what? It fulfilled the mission of providing enough power to run the lights and other electrics when needed, and they weren’t in an especially windy area. Please do Shut. The. Fuck. Up, Former Somewhat Relevant Know-Nothing Santorum.

  • Greg Comlish

    Outraged but not surprised. You know who else wasn’t surprised? Elon Musk. That dude totally joined the advisory council just so he could get good press by quitting when Trump left the Paris agreement. Well played, Elon.

  • Pirate Jenny

    Does Paul Joseph Watson understand that if he blasts the heating and runs the taps all night, it will cost him a lot of money? And also that if the planet keeps warming and water becomes ever more scarce, he won’t want to do one, and won’t be able to do the other?

  • Patriciapcox

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !du285c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
    !du285c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs565DirectServiceGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!du285c:….,……..

  • SeeTrain65

    Donald Trump and Mike Huckabee’s “Dead From The Neck Up” Comedy Tour, coming soon to your local Christian School’s Crystal Cathedral.

  • Longstreet63

    Sometimes I think the only solution is for progressives to all come out solidly in favor of banning self-immolation. If we name the bill after Obama, the problem should solve itself.

  • BPMM

    It’s amazing how most conservatives have low IQs and are willing to put their faith in God rather than science.

  • Regret

    HEY TODD STARNES! WHO YOU CALLING A VEGETARIAN!
    THE REASON I DONT PUT ICE IN MY SOFTDRINK IS BECAUSE IT LEAVES MORE ROOM FOR MEAT! FROZEN STEAK COOLS MY SOFTDRINK JUST FINE!

  • Thomas Dylan

    If Lloyd Blankfein is in favor of the accord then I’m against it. “Lloyd don’t you have better things to do like stealing”

  • Mabelwbernard

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !di184c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
    !di184c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs474MarketGameGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!di184c:….,……

  • I wish John Kerry would stop being so diplomatic and tell us what he really thinks about Trump pulling out…
    https://twitter.com/camanpour/status/870756161934548993

  • RugzYaBurnt

    Watch: Now the Lefter-Than-Thou contingent will swiftly pivot to being pro-climate change because Goldman Sachs is against it.

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