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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

James Comey may testify before Congress next week, but that’s assuming that someone in Trump’s White House doesn’t try to block Comey’s testimony.

Trump is giving back Russian spy mansions in Maryland and New York because the Russians were thinking about taking back U.S. spy mansions in Russia, and keeping the U.S. from building new embassies in parts of Not America.

Congress is looking at the possibility of additional meetings between Jeff Sessions and Russian Ambassador Sergei Kislyak (who swears on a stack of nesting dolls that he isn’t a spy).

Not Americans looking for US visas will need to include social media info and 15 years of home addresses, travel and job history; we’re sure sure the hollowed-out halls of Foggy Bottom will be able to keep up with the extra work load.

Trump will announce his decision on the Paris Climate Accords later today, and we can all thank Steve Bannon and Scott Pruitt. [Infographic]

You may want to start planning that summer vacay to Cuba NOW because Trump might roll back all the bans on Cuba that were lifted by Barack Obama.

Bye, the Pill!Leaked DRAFT legislation plans to kill the Obamacare birth control mandate.

Former CIA Director James Woolsey turned down a job to head the CIA as it carried the stipulation that he report directly to Mike Flynn. RUH-ROH! [Archive]

Will Reince Priebus get “You’re Fired” in favor of David Urban, a shadowy stooge for big pharma, big banks, military contractors, and the dirty foreign money so beloved by Trump and President Kushner?

Trump is exempting his senior staff from his own ethics rules barring lobbyists working at the White House, presumably after realizing that nobody wants to play in his pee-filled Russian sandbox.

Trump’s lawyers are begging him to stop tweeting, but in order to do that they need to keep him busy with buckets of fried chicken, some coloring books, and the occasional Euro-trash pee hooker.

How did President Kushner build his own monuments to greed? Why, by exploiting poor and under-privileged areas and jiggering the paperwork, of course. Just like his father-in-law!

Sean Hannity’s “private investigator” isn’t a licensed investigator, and was fired from the MPD. We are absolutely #ShockedSHOCKED because that’s a crime in D.C.!

Putin says Russia DEFINITELY doesn’t hack people at a state-level, but he can’t say the same of some “patriotic” hackers.

After Putin tried to stifle a documentary by his fiercest critic, PornHub decided to host it for free, prompting the creator to suggest making a film in the “relevant genre.”

Tim K. Lynn, a senior Interior Department official, has resigned after federal investigators found that he was sexually harassing women, admitting that he was a “touchy-feely type guy.”

The Obamas will be sticking around D.C. for a little while after they bought their fancy D.C. house near President Kushner and Jeff Bezos.

Yesterday, Hillary Clinton spoke to a bunch of nerds and trashed the DNC, Trump, Putin, and Comey, and ‘splainered how the perfect shitstorm exploded all over America. [Transcript]

Hillary Clinton also jumped in on the negative “press covefefe” train last night. LOL!

Lawrence O’Donnell has apparently re-signed with MSNBC. Hurray, Last Word, BOO Andy Lack!

Scarborough and the gang at MoJoe had some jokes this this morning! First, Scarborough wondered if Trump was Putin’s hostage, and then compared Trump and Spicer to a kid who’s pooped his pants. There’s something ironic about making poop jokes when half your audience may actually be pooping.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! The Daily Show talked about Trump’s spin cycle; and Sam Bee absolutely KILLED it last night, then body-slammed Greg Gianforte (with words).

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Baby Goat adventures!!

Hey! If you give us some of your money, we’ll give you more Nice Times, and funny ‘splainerings. Deal?

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  • Nounverb911
    • Ωbjectifier

      Officer in the tower. No good can come from this.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/870234811616677889

    Somebody’s back to early am tweeting.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Trump’s lawyers are begging him to stop tweeting

      What do Donnie’s lawyers know, anyways? The Big Fellow knows he’s the smartest boy in the room.

      • ichthyopteryx

        Also, it’s not like he’ll just let them burst in while he’s sitting on his throne.

    • Yes, the “unmasking and surveillance” of people who may have been committing the Constitutional definition of treason and/or spying. Indeed.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/da3d1d612ad520b990ad7d261813691afc9d248e75062c4e8e50c000634293db.gif

    • Gayer Than Thou

      The Big Story, Donny, is how you are the worst person ever to hold political office in the history of the U.S., by a mile, and yes, I am including the president of my HOA board in that assessment.

    • mardam422

      The bigly story was someone was watching while I sold out my country. Thanks, Obama.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Fuck you, Donny.

    • vivian

      Dude can seriously not grasp that he isn’t the center of the world. He thought he would be Emperor and can’t handle that we aren’t all playing along with his stupid, childish fantasy.

  • Nounverb911
    • MrTusks

      “Covfefe is totally an inside joke between Don and the cool kids, so of course you wouldn’t get it.”

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Apparently, the cool kids are already so over the whole “covfefe” thing, which is too bad, because I spent all day yesterday thinking of covfefe jokes.
    In unrelated news, I have received a “pay adjustment”: I’ll be receiving an additional $113 in salary. Per year. Obviously, I am going to use this money for my facelift and a gold-plated toilet.

    • Oblios_Cap

      You’ve hit the big time!

    • You could buy a lot of pee hookers with that money.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        It’s almost 6,400 rubles a year!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Trump expects your gratitude.

    • Those sweet Soros bucks fall like pastries from the sky right into your mouth, GTT!

      Good work, comrade.

    • therblig

      think of all the covfefe you could buy with…wait, what, not doing it anymore?

      fuck.

    • Rick Hill

      It did get old fast

      • puredog

        It got old instantly.

    • jodyleek

      Back in the ’90s, I got a raise of a nickle an hour. Not the 1890’s mind you, the 1990’s. A whole 40 cents a day! That’s $104 a year. Oh GTT, considering inflation, you got less than my nickle an hour raise in 1997. Sorry.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      That’ll help with the up to 19% increase in premiums for health insurance Trump just instituted to try to destabilize the ACA.

    • Hollandaise

      Back in the days of the wild pre-ACA health insurance premium increases I once got a 4% raise that didn’t even cover my 24% increased premiums for the year. That was fun! Then a few years later (and post-ACA) I got a promotion that put me into a higher “your monthly contribution $” bucket which made that promotion a net loss as well.
      I miss living in Canada.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • Oblios_Cap

      The Invisible Hand slaps labor once again.

  • Nounverb911

    Donnie is gonna be pissed when he sees this, he didn’t get Time’s cover again this week.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3560ff55f99a8d565dc678dbec30a83787507f22c9adc3f9df7f077fe863a11c.jpg

  • memzilla Ω
  • Nounverb911
    • Canis the Grey

      He’s not a suspect … yet. He’s just a wanker of interest.

      • Oblios_Cap

        But not an interesting wanker…

    • Crystalclear12

      Yes, that is very convincing.

      • snark-lurker

        methinks he protest too much

    • Perkniticky

      I hope the Brits are at least sharing intelligence with the FBI on this issue. It’d be great if someone could get to the bottom of the Cambridge Analytica affair.

    • vivian

      “I have no connections to Russia”… hmmm. where have we heard that before. These people are too stupid to see they’ve been played like a dime-store fiddle. Wait ’til he finds out which of his contacts and/or business deals was set up by the Kremlin. What a moran.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I suspect some donations to UKIP originated in Moscow.

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      I say, do fuck off, old boy, hmm what? You’re sullyin’ the brand.
      – Oswald Mosley

  • Crystalclear12

    When Joe’s laughing at you it’s time to go!

  • Rick Hill

    “…and keeping t̶h̶e̶ ̶U̶.̶S̶.̶ trump from building new ̶e̶m̶b̶a̶s̶s̶i̶e̶s̶ ̶resorts in parts of Not America.”

    Fixed it

  • Oblios_Cap

    Trump is exempting his senior staff from his own ethics rules barring lobbyists working at the White House

    They were more like guidelines, really.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GMkuPiIZ2k

    • OT: The “pirates code” is basically what keeps the internet together…that, software band-aids, and caffeine.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I do expense reports for IT resource travel. I have a terrible time getting them to understand that no, we don’t reimburse for 1,000 coffees a day.

    • I miss the days when johnny depp was hot and a donald trump was not president.

  • MrTusks

    Apparently during his overseas trip he was “given less unstructured time to watch television.” This is literally how one manages a toddler.

    • vivian

      Should we sign him up for dance lessons, or little league or something?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Fat Camp.

      • MrTusks

        This is what happens when you don’t read to your president enough.

      • Canis the Grey

        You would get a huge sob story about running out of batteries … oh god, that idiot theory of his on the nature of exercise makes perfect sense when you realize it’s something a toddler might invent.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Mmm… do you think that’s wise? I mean, I hate to seem unkind about the toddler-in-chief, but someone has to say it: he doesn’t seem … especially talented. Maybe something where his lack of natural ability wouldn’t be so obvious?

        • vivian

          Hmmm. You make a good point. Maybe swim lessons would work out for everybody, in a Darwin kinda way.

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            So who gets to toss him in the Potomac? Or would that violate the few EPA regulations that still remain?

          • From Russia with Love

            What grudge do you hold against the humble carp?

          • bupkus231

            There’s already enough snakeheads in the Potomac…

          • From Russia with Love

            “Donald, did you like the swimming lessons daddy gave you?”
            Yeah mom, the only hard part was getting out of the burlap bag.”

          • puredog

            Kathy? Kathy Griffin? Is that you?

        • Oblios_Cap

          He did get a medal for cleaning his room.

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            I wonder what THAT cost his father?

      • Courser_Resistance

        Piano lessons.

        • puredog

          Do we have a tiny piano?

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            I hope this wouldn’t be too advanced for him: http://www.disquiet.com/images/2007.10-toy.jpg

          • jodyleek

            I have the grandest piano. So many colors. The best colors.

          • ichthyopteryx

            “My piano is better than yours. Yours is black and white, but mine is colored!”

      • coozledad

        I wish they’d have let the imbecile take the controls of the plane over the ocean.

    • DrBigHead

      Christ, that is sad.

    • therblig

      did they drag him to museums?

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        They let him drive the golf cart around.

    • SadDemInTex

      *shakes head in disbelief*

  • Vincent Ricola

    PornHub is the great protector of truth in our time. No snark.

  • Nounverb911
    • Ryan Denniston

      If Trump was a real negotiator, instead of just playing one on TV, he’d stick around to see if he could get a better deal. But Donald knows he’s out of his league.

    • ManchuCandidate

      Sorry to break it to you Vincente. It’s always been Donald Joffrey Trump’s legacy. He might imagine himself as a self made builder man of the world, but he’s always been the ketchup smearing, spoiled, ignorant little fingered shit and fuckup deluxe you’re seeing run US America.

    • LadyLaz

      Vicente has been putting the pain on Trump.

  • goingohm

    It isn’t the negative press covfefe that is bedeviling Trump so much as it is the negative press fushigi. I mean, it just seems to float in the air. FUSHIGI!!!

    • chortlingdingo

      Ah, now I want to rewatch Fushigi Yuugi.

      • puredog

        I prefer Sashimi to Fushigi.

      • ichthyopteryx

        That thing sure got complicated after the two other girls got introduced.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Trump’s supporters claiming “covfefe” is Arabic for “stand up” and was not a typo. Why is our president sending out secret Arabic code words?????

    • Vincent Ricola

      Yes because “despite the constant negative press stand up” makes total sense.

      • Chyron HR

        Get up, stand up
        Stand up against voting rights

        • Ωbjectifier

          Peter Tosh wept.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        A few people on Trump’s Twitter feed pointed that out – it STILL doesn’t make any sense.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      His tweets are barely literate in English, but we’re supposed to believe he understands Arabic?

    • NellCote71

      Because it was a message to the former president who is a known Muslim. Duh.

    • Canis the Grey

      His Manchurian Candidate programming is suddenly kicking in, and he’s started broadcasting the encoded messages they’ve imprinted on his feeble mind.

    • chortlingdingo

      Um, any of the millions of Arabic speakers could say that’s BS. And so could anyone with access to Google Translate.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        It’s a good thing his idiot followers don’t worry too much about the truth, facts, or reality.

  • beingreleased

    Ok, I’m not criticizing the Obamas, but why does anyone need an 8200 foot^2, eight-bedroom, nine-and-a-half-bath home? Really, that seems excessive. Think about how much it would cost to air condition. And what if you need a new roof?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Nine-and-a-half-bath home? What use is half a bath?

      • beingreleased

        A half-bath is a bathroom without a shower or bathtub. Just a toilet and sink.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          So it’s a toilet?

          • beingreleased

            In American, it’s a half-bath, damnit.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            I prefer the Australian thunderbox.

          • puredog

            It has been rumored that there are people who like to wash their hands after going potty. So, no toilet without a sink.

        • vivian

          Maybe in your fancy house. In mine, it’s a tub that sticks thru the wall to outside because space.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Powder room, for guests.

        • LadyLaz

          I have a half bath for guests. Seriously.

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          I was caught out once while visiting a restored ‘tall ship.’ (Yes, I should have gone before I left home.) Desperate, I found a door marked ‘powder room’ below decks. Imagine my surprise.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Lulz!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Did you light a match to see what was there?

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            Well, it wasn’t like there were lights in there!

      • vivian

        It’s for when you’re only half-dirty, duh!

      • Serai 1

        A half-bath has a toilet and sink but no bathtub or shower. So yes, it’s very useful.

    • h4rr4r

      Why do you need more than one pair of shoes?

    • Shanzgood

      Hosting. They can’t possibly be done with politics.

      • beingreleased

        Maybe they’ll put the extra rooms on AirBNB.

    • Serai 1

      Gee, maybe because it’s their fucking money and they can live wherever they want?

  • Bill D. Burger

    This whole fucking mess. Well I’m not saying it’s covfefe…….but it’s …

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/05c1cfa4fae619daaae3d0a50e2958f0a022d101ee1acfe98f407ebe9778fd02.jpg

    • Mpeg

      He rather looks like a somewhat bloat-faced, sunburned David Arquette. I wonder what ever happened to him~

    • LadyLaz

      I am stealing this.

      It might be aliens!!!!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Anyone else reminded of the Christie hostage tape when watching Spicer’s press conference a couple days ago?

    http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/freechrischristie-n-j-gov-s-expression-trump-event-draws-laughs-n530161

  • Ferroequinologist Ron

    And while Donnie splashes gasoline all over the US and lights a match, the EU and China are beginning to resolve their political and trade conflicts, building a future that does NOT involve the US in any way at all. If Cheeto Pendejo manages to trash NAFTA as well the US will rapidly devolve from ‘trading partner’ to ‘occasional customer.’

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      So be it. Nicely done, MAGA-hatters and Purity Ponies.

  • therblig

    i, for one, welcome our new caprine overlords.

  • proudgrampa

    I LOVE baby goats! They are so CUTE! They are the first thing I go to when I’m in a children’s petting zoo.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Me too. My favorite.

    • Mary Theresa

      Do you have to have a child with you to go to the children’s petting zoo? Asking for a friend.

      • proudgrampa

        Actually, no. I have gone several times. Don’t be shy!

    • therblig

      when ms. blig and i first moved in together, we lived a few blocks from the pittsburgh zoo and, being poor college students, found a hole in a fence where we could sneak in.

      on one visit, we stopped by the children’s zoo and checked out the nubian goats. one of them had slipped through a gate and was kind of menacing (but in an adorable goatly way) a little kid who had no idea what to do.

      ms. blig walked over, straddled the goat like a bicycle, grabbed its horns, and steered it back into the goat pen.

      that’s when i knew i was totally, hopelessly, head over heels in love with her.

      • proudgrampa

        That is one of the most romantic stories I’ve ever heard!

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          MUCH better love story than Twilight!

  • beingreleased

    I don’t think Trump will pull out of the Paris accords. All these leaks saying he will are designed to make liberals angry and then when he stays in, Trump can say “All those fake news people were spreading fake news,” and he’d actually kind of be right.

    Unless I’m wrong about this.

    • DrBigHead

      Even with Ivanka arguing in favor of staying in, I am confident he is going to pull out, because Obama.

      • therblig

        paging dr. freud, dr sigmund freud, white courtesy telephone please

      • Courser_Resistance

        Exactly. His only true motivation is to destroy Obama’s legacy because Obama embarrassed him at the WHCD all those years ago. Yes, he is exactly that petty.

        Almost *everything* he does is motivated by that adolescent rage. Simply think of how to piss on Obama’s legacy and that’ll be his next move. Just watch, it’s almost scripted.

        • anwisok

          Well, that, and plundering the Treasury.

    • eka

      i don’t know, but i am really getting sick of the reality show teasers he does for fucking everything.

      • beingreleased

        Showmanship!!!

      • vivian

        The bigger they hype, the greater the probability of a Nothingburger at the reveal.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I suspect you are wrong about this. The good news is that most sane people have accepted that climate change is real, and he will further alienate even some of his own supporters who are still in touch with reality.

      • Rick Hill

        So….Not,K?

    • Rick Hill

      My prediction is that he will announce…that he is still thinking about it. And then five minutes about how great heis and how mean people are to him

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I hope you’re right. Of course, Pruitt isn’t going to go after violators.

    • Probably. Last second lucy football, seems his MO

    • puredog

      I decided yesterday that likely what he will do is announce that the Paris plan is a very bad plan, both for the US and because it won’t get the job done, and that therefore the US is going to pull out of it, and instead implement its own YOOOGE, BIGLIER PLAN, THE BEST PLAN, BELIEVE ME. See? Plays to his base AND tries to throw a bone to the sane majority. (It goes without saying that there is no alternate plan, and that nothing will get done.)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        “Repeal and Replace” is always a winning formula.

    • Serai 1

      It’ll be hard for him to claim it was fake news when he’s been saying all along that he was going to pull out of the Paris accords.

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger

    It was an epiphany. One night while watching TV, the idea for a back channel to the Kremlin just came to Jared. He couldn’t wait to put the idea into play.

    http://www.heyjake.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/coconutphone.gif

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Going through the daily briefing today is like looking at the left outs from the script for House of cards SE5 because deemed too unlikely.

  • From Russia with Love

    Mmmm, cabrito!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Oh FFS. “No, we won’t let insurance cover your birth control. And you want help feeding your unplanned kid? You really should learn to be more responsible.”

    • Nounverb911

      But Viagra is still covered?

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Oh, that’s for a medical condition. Medical condition=for a man. Good luck explaining you need the pill to counter the symptoms of endometriosis.

        • Mary Theresa

          Or hormone replacement therapy because you had your ovaries yanked out.

          • Bobathonic

            Well if y’all weren’t slinging those things hither and yon…

            No right to air, water, food, health care. But guns are a sacrament.

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            Seems to me that a couple more amendments might have been a good idea.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Oh yes, cuz it’s a ‘quality of life’ issue for men.

        • Shanzgood

          My daughter crying and puking from the pain of menstrual cramps 2-3 days a month obviously isn’t, though.

          Assholes.

    • h4rr4r

      Insurance companies are still going to want to cover it. Birth control is cheaper than birth.

      Now your employer on the other hand…..

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        My insurer covered 100% of my tubal ligation citing that exact reason. Cheaper in the long run.

        • True.
          I had a zip tuck after my second C-section.
          I got a bit healthy dose of part bill for C Section, nada for the zipping.

        • h4rr4r

          I am hoping they cover a replacement mirena for my wife. After this one I will likely get snipped. Just holding off until we are sure one kid is all we want.

          • Indivisible Snark Tank

            If I may…

            Spend some quality time spanking the monkey into a cup and freeze it (I’d suggest using a sperm bank rather than the Frigidaire). Then you don’t have to worry about reversal.

          • Shanzgood

            It’s surprisingly inexpensive, too, IIRC. I looked it up one time when an MRAsshole was whining online about bitches who get pregnant on purpose just to get child support. I told him it would be a lot cheaper to get snipped and save his baby batter for if he ever found someone who wanted to use it.

          • h4rr4r

            I can’t imagine that is cheaper than the mirena. The cost on that was $0.

          • rosenbomb

            I have three years left on mine and I’m worried about that, too. Mirena is the best.

          • Shanzgood

            Can you get it swapped out early?

          • rosenbomb

            I’ve thought about that, lol. I’ll wait and see how this plays out and ask if I start getting worried

          • Shanzgood

            Check it out soon. There’s been a big run on LARC devices since the election.

          • h4rr4r

            She had it for 3 years and it fell out.

        • h4rr4r

          A very short long run. The bills we saw and payments the insurance company made for the totally uncomplicated birth of my son were insane.

      • bupkus231

        Not if they don’t have to cover birth, either ( see “optional” essentail health benefits )

        • h4rr4r

          At that point what does this insurance cover?

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Viagra.

    • LadyLaz

      This. I just do not get it. But then I shook off the sky daddy guilt over having sex a long time ago

    • Shanzgood

      Back in 2000 the EEOC made a ruling that it’s sex discrimination to not cover BC. I guess “sincerely held religious beliefs” are more important now.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Can I refuse to pay the precentage of federal income tax that goes toward defense spending because of sincerely held religious beliefs?

    • chicken thief

      Aspirin between the knees and if the good Buff Nordic Jesus blesses you with a child you should just thank Him!

    • bupkus231

      Also, too, Rump and the GOP also want to allow states to say whether or not insurance companies have to cover essential services – like maternity care.

      War on reproductive care

    • Manders

      “Sex is strictly a rich people thing.”

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Just lay off the wine coolers.

      • ichthyopteryx

        Yeah, they want people to stick to the champagne popsicles instead.

  • LadyLaz

    Goats are so cute!!!

  • Nounverb911
    • ltmcdies

      https://twitter.com/nick_ramsey/status/870019116119105536

      I think the Europeans are having to take turns explaining the bleeding obvious to the American president

      • Yr. Gma

        I have to go listen to them in August when I go to France, etc. That fat loser is soooooooooooooooo embarrassing.

  • ManchuCandidate

    The Wikileaks Falcon: The Stuff Delusions Are Made Of

    It was a dark and stormy night when he walked in. A tall ill educated Faux News guy in a $4000 suit. He strode up to my desk and demanded a whiskey. I said “I don’t have any, but I have some strawberry vodka.”
    He looked at me with disgust as he took the bottle and chugged it down. Fucker.
    “I’m Sean Hannity and I want you to find who Hillary Clinton hasn’t killed.”
    Shit, I knew that it wasn’t going to be an easy case because I wasn’t a licensed private eye, but fuck I wasn’t going to tell the guy…

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Worst. Raymond Chandler novel. EVER.

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        The plot twist at the end is good though. Who’d have thought that it was HANNITY who killed Seth Rich, in order to frame Hillary Clinton?
        And did anyone catch that ‘The Fat Man’ was meant to be Trump?

        • From Russia with Love

          Where is the one armed guy?

          • chicken thief

            About a one minute commercial ahead of Dr Richard Kimble?

    • Serai 1

      …so I just kept wiping out shot glasses while eyeing him. He didn’t impress me as the type who listened; this was clearly a guy who thought the world should be listening to him. I’d heard from Soros to look out for this guy. “He’s a pain in the ass,” George had told me as he downed his customary shot of Chivas, “but he’s got friends.”

      Of course, these days his friends were jumping ship, and I could tell it was rattling him. His grip on the bottle was tight, and he wiped his mouth with an air of angry desperation. Things weren’t going well for him, which made it tempting to either ignore him or throw his ass out of my bar. But a dog’s most dangerous when it’s cornered, so I decided to try a little levity instead.

      “Uh, you, for one,” I answered.

      In response, he slammed the shot glass down on the counter and turned an angry glare at me. Hoo, boy, I thought, as I slid my foot over to the alarm button set in the floor under the cash register, here we go…

  • I’m beginning to suspect that Comey may be an attention whore…

    • Courser_Resistance

      I suspect he is, somewhat, but as long as he fries Donnie’s ass, I don’t much care.

      • From Russia with Love

        ^^^ This!

      • Yr. Gma

        Purity is a disease.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I don’t really mind if he’s a bit of a grandstander, but I actually don’t see it that way. When you’re as physically imposing as he is, you don’t have many choices in terms of public perception. Remember of that picture when he was literally trying to hide in the drapes? Yeah, there is no ‘low profile’ when you’re 6’8″ and not bad-looking to boot. Better to look dapper, particularly if you’re in the public eye, than look like a shlub. And no matter what, when the Big Guy speaks, everyone listens.

          I have no way of knowing, but considering his field, I’ll bet he’d love nothing more than to be able to blend into the background. Ain’t gonna happen.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I sort of follow his thoughts, though. Requesting a public hearing is important in that what he says can’t be hidden behind closed doors. Glad that he chatted with Mueller first, too. Now he’ll be clear on what can, and can’t, be said publicly.

    • chicken thief

      Maybe I’m being too generous but I suspect the original announcement of the Clinton email investigation set the rest in motion. Then, and thereafter he was in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” spot. Other than those specific incidents he appears to be highly respected in the intell community.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Comey, I think, hated Hillary and now hates Trump worse. Everything else makes sense in that framework.

      • Serai 1

        He’s hated Hillary since the 90’s. He was part of that crew that went after Bill for the Monica thing. What he did was a deliberate hatchet job, no matter what he claims.

        • Zyxomma

          And IMHO (I’m not a lawyer) that hatchet job violated the Hatch Act, for which he *should* have been you’re fired.

      • Everything makes sense in the framework ‘now hates trump worse’

  • OddMan

    Laurence Tribe had an interesting point about Trump trying to stop Comey testifying. Trump gave up that privilege with a tweetstorm a couple weeks ago.
    https://twitter.com/tribelaw/status/870254944749850624

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Which circles us all back around to “Trump’s lawyers wish he’d lay the hell off the Twitters.” And everything old is new again…

      • OddMan

        Trump needs better parental controls. More structured time to keep him off twitter.
        He really does have the mental maturity of a 5 year old.

        • chicken thief

          If only Prezdenting was a full time job….

          • Serai 1

            If only we had a President capable of sustaining a full-time job.

        • Kateaux

          5 year old libelz!

        • ichthyopteryx

          The new smartphones really should have a warning label, like “keep out of reach of children or orange-skinned narcissists.”

      • Serai 1

        “…and everyone else hopes he won’t.”

  • ok, CNN, WaPo, NYTimes……
    You are being schooled in journalism ethics by PornHub and Teen Vogue.
    In the immortal words of Nelson, ha ha

  • SadDemInTex
    • I prefer Tchaicovfefeski

    • therblig

      vlad loves it when trumpy gives him a Rimsky-Jobsky

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      “Peregrinus expectavit, pedes meos in cymbalis” fits you perfectly, you puckered sphincter on stilts!

      (Talking to tRump here, not you, SadDem)

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just made me wretch this morning hearing one pundit compare Jared Kushner to “….one of those young gun tech geniuses. He’s supremely confident, quiet and successful.”
    Most of those ‘young gun tech geniuses’ worked very, very hard to elevate themselves in a very competitive world. They were not born into unimaginable wealth and privilege to become slum lords and sycophantic son-in-laws to a shyster who bamboozled enough idiots to ascend to the presidency. In other words, they were not entitled parasites; they were indeed very smart men and women who bettered themselves through their skills and ingenuity.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I have an idiot Republican friend who thinks that anyone who has money is intelligent, even people who’ve inherited money. She thinks Trump is a great businessman.

      • From Russia with Love

        “thinks that anyone who has money is intelligent, even people who’ve inherited money”

        Fuck, just think about that. We are doomed.

    • Serai 1

      More of them were born into wealth than you think. They just don’t advertise it.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger

      The Maddow / Lawrence team is a super duo. It was so unsettling to read about its possible end.
      This is good news indeed. It’s a great one – two punch in the evenings.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I saw he was on last night, but didn’t dare hope it was more than a blip. YAY!

    • Shoto

      Looks like Andy Lack got the message.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Oh good! Moar graphics like “Confederacy of Dunces”, pleez!

  • Suttree

    Speaking of hopping, I just walked down to the store, and one of my neighbors let their bunnies out to roam. They wouldn’t let me pet themselves though, and they were definitely not wild. Too pudgy and tame.

    • Shanzgood

      Don’t let baconz see them.

      • Suttree

        Way back when, I lived in Ponchatoula with a woman who cooked up some tasty rabbit! I soon found out that was her best quality.

        • Shanzgood

          Baconz says he’s banned from adopting any from the Humane Society now.

          • baconzgood

            It’s because I was adopting rabbits and eating them. It’s hard to find fresh rabbit in Pittsburgh.

          • Shanzgood

            I’m still not sure I believe you…

          • baconzgood

            That’s what the humane society said. They thought I was selling their fur.

          • Shanzgood

            Because the truth was too horrifying for them to contemplate?

          • baconzgood

            A lot of people would eat rabbit if it didn’t cost $7 a lb

          • Jamoche

            Whole Foods tried selling rabbit a few years back but protesters had a fit. Yeah, they would’ve had expensive rabbits but once WF starts things other stores tend to follow.

          • baconzgood

            Why would you protest selling a rodent?

          • Shanzgood

            Why not raise them for meat? I hear they breed like um…

          • baconzgood

            It’s illegal here.

          • baconzgood

            Also to why bother because YOU can get them at the Humane Society now. Once I roast one for you, you’ll be waiting for them to open up the next day.

          • Shanzgood

            I WILL NOT

          • baconzgood

            You don’t have to…you just adopt them then go to the grocery store get these specific ingredients in these specific proportions…and the bunny would have escaped by then…I’ll use a different meat….fresh mumble and trail off.

            https://www.google.com/amp/www.food.com/amp/recipe/old-fashion-rabbit-stew-86093

          • Shanzgood

            …chicken is really cheap though

          • baconzgood

            I honestly think rabbit will be a good substitute for beef. Plus they don’t have the disease and poop problems chickens do. Bunnys poop chocolate from what I saw on commercials

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            You can still get dogs, right?

          • Suttree

            Free meat!

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I had a great grandmother who died from eating a diseased rabbit. My family is never ever under any circumstances allowed to eat rabbit. Period.

          • Suttree

            I was eating rabbit from the Piggly Wiggly. I assumed that they had some sort of standards there. however low.

    • janecita

      Last time that I pet a bunny I got bitten. The bite hurt like a bitch!

      • Suttree

        Last time I touched a hamster the same thing happened. I pulled my hand away real quick and hamster didn’t let go until there was much momentum. Poor little thing had to go to sleep for a while after hitting the wall on the opposite side of the room. He lived though! Stupid little fucker.

        • cheetojeebus

          Ha! same here. big Teddy bear hamster. That flap of skin between your thumb and palm, bit right through it and hung on.

  • coozledad

    I went to Rep. Mark Walker’s townhall in Graham, NC, Tuesday. Among the lies and dissembling, he said “1.Separation of church and state is not in the constitution. 2.Global warming is not caused by human activity. and 3. The CBO can’t be trusted to score Trumpcare.”

    He was traveling with a bunch of fundie pisswipes with fashy haircuts, and a dozen or so police officers, highway patrolmen and body men.

    Congressman Brad Miller never had to have a sweaty array of fascists. He dealt with the Tea scum on his own, and quite effectively. Republicans have thoroughly been co-opted by white nationalists. It’s on full fucking display.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sounds like the only thing missing was the arm bands.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Would it be a good idea or a bad idea for a Not American applying for a US vias to say that one of their “social media handles” was @realDonaldTrump?

    • ltmcdies

      this Not American won’t be visiting any time soon even if it looks like Canadians still don’t require visas.

      and if I did cross I sure as hell wouldn’t take my phone.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Do you have to get special health insurance when you come to America?

        • ltmcdies

          it’s always suggested we get travel insurance even if it’s just a couple of days. I’ve seen Canadians come back with huge bills from just a minor trip to the Emerg. And something major…our provincial plans have some reciprocity but not enough.
          I think most Canadians just get a lot of travel insurance.

  • BrendaKay

    Baby goats! Just what I needed. :-)

  • Lyly Sirivong

    How the hell are we supposed to remember and provide all prior passport numbers ? Same for the travel history. I go abroad quite often and I can’t even remember what countries I went to in the previous 5 years, let alone 15… No trip to the USA for me in the next four years *shrugs*

    • janecita

      You are not going to be missing much, the rest of the world is way nicer. Visit Cuba instead.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      This will do wonders for tourism in the US.
      Someone should tell Il Douche that it will mean fewer hotel reservations, and might cost him money.

      • bupkus231

        That’s okay – he’ll just raise the price for those who are hoping that staying in a Rump hotel will grant them favor with the OPOS….

        ( you know, like they did with Mar-a-lago memberships )

      • Claire

        He’ll make up for it with the new hotels he’s going to build overseas in locations people can actually travel to.

    • You do realize people like business consultants do multiple trips to multiple countries and some people have to frequently renew their passports because their pages are all filled. Forget the impact this has on tourism, HTF am I going to bring my senior execs from overseas now?

      • VirginiaLady

        Drop shipper? Those big metal containers can hold lots of folks.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        I feel for you. They don’t realize how much these measures are going to hurt american companies.

      • ichthyopteryx

        *looks at new restrictions*
        *looks at skin color*
        “Boss, I don’t think I can visit the main office for the next few years.”

    • Serai 1

      These assholes are dead set on ruining the country, and one of the major ways will be rules like that, that prevent people from coming here. This will not only be devastating to tourism here, it’ll be devastating to any industry or discipline that relies on people who come here from abroad. Jesus, in ten years this will be a fucking banana republic. It’s what they want, it’s what they’re aiming for, and it’s what we’re all going to get. Maybe I should try to get my dual citizenship from Spain. The economy sucks there, but I can’t see it sucking any less here eventually.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        If you have an american experience, it sure will be an advantage in Spain. And Spain’s economy is recovering.

  • ltmcdies

    does this mean Canada has “arrived”
    https://twitter.com/laura_payton/status/870281530584829952

    • Edith Prickly

      We never left!

      • Internet Hitler

        Thank crom! Otherwise we’d slide down the globe to the Antarctic.

    • phoenix00

      I’d watch for Tatiana Maslany! She’s awesome in Orphan Black.

  • The Librarian

    Mr. Lynn resigned rather than face discipline? Why not both?

    • chicken thief

      My thoughts zackly! The one who worked directly for him appeared to document the unwanted encounters pretty well.

      • The Librarian

        Yes, she did, kudos to her.

  • eyelashviper

    It’s almost 10:30 in the am, and so far tRump has not ignited a nuke, or tweeted another covert covfefe, so I am indulging in more coffee…

    http://www.caglecartoons.com/media/cartoons/12/2017/05/31/196218_600.jpg

  • chicken thief

    You know, it seems like a Senator, like Jeff Sessions at the time, would have someone, you know, like a staffer, that would have a calendar or something or another that would note what his itinerary was and who he met with, even if it was in like, sekrit code. Just spit balling here…

  • Yeah I know it’s hard to get a “Nice Time” out of people being stabbed, but hear me out.

    I know this guy is tired of “praise”, but though shit, because he is teh awe-inspiring awesome!

    http://koin.com/2017/05/31/micah-fletcher-this-is-about-those-little-girls/amp/

    Sidebar to whiny muthafuckers: THIS is what a “social justice warrior” looks like! THIS is why the focus on these underlying issues is not something to be dismissed in condescending tones as mere “identity politics.” THIS is why something that affects the lives and livelihood of a wide range of people (note how the stabber became a theat to ALL people on the train besides his intended targets. ) is something to take seriously. THIS is why the “White Man’s Burden” (ironically something that LEADS to attitudes like the stabber had) narrative is constantly being deconstructed and challenged by people like Micah Fletcher (despite the fact that I think he’s someone who’s actualy earned the heroic salutations in all sincerity since his selfless example can really bring out the best in people).

    On the last point, and following the advice on Fletcher, I though hearing the POV from one of the victimes anf focusing on her for a bit would be nice (if very heartbreaking) too. So take it away Destinee Mangum:

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/29/us/portland-train-teenager-stabbing/

    • Serai 1

      The irony of that young man saying it’s not about me, it’s about them in an article that barely mentions the girls he’s talking about, and instead focuses only on him. Jesus, tone deaf much?

      • Red Bird Ω

        Let’s be honest. The main reason the press is even focusing on him is because he is a white victim. If the situation had ended differently with the two women being killed and the three white men surviving, the news would have focused on the killer’s sad childhood and how it led to his poor choices. The two women would have been footnotes in the story. Or maybe I’ve just grown too cynical and am over analyzing everything.

      • I don’t think the guy was trying to contribute to that. And that in part one of the reasons I included a story about one of the victims describing her own experience (and I would point out that the victims and family seem to be trying to keep a low profile, perhaps because they are just as self-conscious about all the attention, especially since the victims are children).

        Stil, point. So I’m also going to include this article, which expresses the point a bit more clearly https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/31/us/portland-stabbing-hero-victims.html

        • Serai 1

          Of course he’s not contributing to it. That’s the irony I was pointing out. He’s trying to put a stop to the emphasis on him, and the website doesn’t seem interested in listening to him. Still though, I’m glad to have read about his efforts.

  • Zyxomma

    The vegan cheezecake and both toppings turned out perfectly. I’ll post the recipe the next time there’s a recipe thread.

    • phoenix00

      More cakes we like!

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Excellent post from LGM about the blatant double standard to which HRC is being held compared to Gore and Kerry. Links to a David Faris article. Worth a read if you want to angry up your blood this morning.

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/06/john-mccain-refused-adhere-tradition-republican-party-never-won-election

    • Zyxomma

      Thanks. That was well worth the read.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    OT: Matt Bai’s latest column on the rest of the world walking all over our sad, weak President.

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/forget-trumps-bluster-world-walking-090001198.html

  • chicken thief

    Mitchell McConnell is going to be super duper pissed that Sessions lied to Congress – twice! And you never want Mitch McConnell super duper pissed at you because he’ll…
    he’ll….. oh, wait, Sessions is a Republican? No biggie!

  • bookish

    Those babbies. I think my ovaries just reached escape velocity.

  • Serai 1

    Very glad to see that both Jim Carrey and Al Franken are supporting Kathy Griffin. I hope more comedians step up to the plate on this. If liberals think this is just some usual wingnut yaya, you’d better think twice. This is a volly in the wingnut war to silence all critics. And we’ve shown them how easy it is to get us to turn on each other – just pick something that’s “icky” or “over the line” and have at it. Liberals will cower and nod and hand over the matches. FUCK NO.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Interesting, but here’s the thing – Griffin shouldn’ta gone there. She’s lost some gigs and she’s apologized, but it will never be over as far as the right wing is concerned. That pisses me off. We’re going to be putting up with their hypocritical whinging until a stray meteor finally puts an end to it all.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        We’re going to be putting up with their hypocritical whinging until a stray meteor finally puts an end to it all.

        Exactly!

        That will be true no matter whether the controversy is based on something arguably reasonable, as it is with Kathy Griffin’s head-thingy.

        Or a controversy invented entirely out of whole cloth by their loons.

        For example: “Seth Rich Murder,” “Pizza-gate,” “Lois Lerner IRS Scandal,” “Clinton Body Count,” “Benghazi,” “Whitewater,” “Obama Apology Tour,” etc. ad infinitum.

        They don’t really have strict standards about whether their sources of whinging are entirely based in reality or not.

        We shouldn’t be all that upset at someone pulling their chain, doing a little in-real-life trolling, considering how easy it is to do, and the sheer magnitude of losing their shit over it.

        All that being said, yeah, prop comedy is damn lame on its own, let alone adding a suggestion of bloody murder to it. Those don’t really mix!

        Unless maybe she smashed a trump head painted like a watermelon. NOW THAT’S COMDEY

        • miss_grundy

          Just remember that their idea of art was circulating cartoons of Bamz being lynched or of Michelle as an ape and their children as monkeys. So, the hypocrites can go to hell without benefit of votes.

      • Serai 1

        “Shouldn’t” is a matter of opinion. Andrew Serna “shouldn’t” have created Piss Christ, but it was his right to do so. Lots of artists have done things that freaked people out, but “shouldn’t” didn’t stop them. And I hope it never stops them. The day artists start self-censoring because they’re scared of the OMG VIRGIN EYES of people who want art to be polite is the day art starts to die.

      • Serai 1

        And by the way, artists censoring themselves into cowed, irrelevant submission will do NOTHING to shut up the wingnut bigots. They’ll just find something else to scream about. Seriously, I’m surprised at how many people are advancing that naive and silly theory, that somehow if liberal artists “play nice”, we won’t have to hear any wingnuts shrieking. THAT is what being cowed by the bullies looks like.

  • Bitter Scribe

    The NYT article says that Trump is “citing human rights abuses by the Castro government as justification for a more punitive approach” to Cuba.

    You mean there’s an abusive dictatorial government that Trump won’t cozy up to?

    • ichthyopteryx

      I guess their offer was too low. ;)

      • Bitter Scribe

        Yeah, Cuban cigars are overrated.

    • Erala Contratista

      And Fidel Castro is still dead.

    • miss_grundy

      Probably because Raul Castro won’t stroke his ego……

      • Chris

        Probably wouldn’t let him build a Trump hotel.

    • Chris

      Color me shocked!

  • calliecallie

    Nice to see those baby goats training for parkour at such an early age.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Between this documentary thing and the fact that they added a sex education portal, go PornHub!
    Well, and free porn also too.

  • miss_grundy

    As long as he brings the hammer and nails so we can crucify the Orange Anus…..

  • roberteye
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