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Hey, Wonkers! Five Dollar Feminist here with a recipe. Before I switched to checking Twitter and shouting profanity all day long, I used to bake a lot. I even took some food-porny pictures.

Lately, though, it’s been all adrenaline rage and no living your best life. But no more! Because Donald Trump is not the boss of me! And he’s not the boss of you, either! Shit is really, really bad, but we still gotta eat. I’m going to bake these muffins — and you go do some small thing that makes you a bit happier. RESISTANCE!

A note on measurements: MEASURING CUPS ARE FOR SUCKERS

I (used to) bake all the damn time, so I have all the baking things. You don’t need all the things, but your life will be so much easier with a kitchen scale. Do you want to find the measuring cup, fill it with milk, pour out the milk, put the measuring cup in the sink, then wash the measuring cup? Or do you want to pour 227 grams of milk into the bowl, press the tare button, and get on with the resistance? King Arthur Flour will even tell you how much everything weighs.

You’ll still need measuring spoons, though. If you have a scale precise enough to register 1/4 teaspoon of table salt, you should probably seek alternate employment.

Oatmeal Nutella RESISTANCE Muffins

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (150g)
1 cup quick oats (80g)
1/2 cup of sugar, or a little bit less if you prefer (100g)
1 tablespoon baking powder (15g)
1/4 teaspoon table salt
1 cup milk (227g)
1/4 cup vegetable oil (56g)
2 eggs
3-4 tablespoons Nutella (57-76g)

2 mixing bowls
12 cupcake papers

  1. Crank your oven up to 500˚ (475˚ convection). Yes, I’m serious!
  2. Line a 12-cup muffin tin with 12 cupcake papers, because Nutella is hella sticky.
  3. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, oats, sugar, baking powder and salt.
  4. In a medium bowl, whisk together the milk, oil and eggs.
  5. Gently whisk the wet ingredients into the dry, being careful not to overbeat.
  6. Drop the Nutella by tablespoons into the muffin batter. Use a knife to marble the Nutella through.
  7. Divide the batter evenly among the liners – an ice cream scoop works best for this, but whatever, dude.
  8. Place in the oven and immediately drop temperature to 400˚ (375˚ convection).
  9. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until tops are just starting to brown. Serve warm or at room temperature.

If you put a dollar in the tip jar, I’ll tell you how to make that porno cake!

[recipe adapted from King Arthur Flour]

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  • The Wanderer

    Here’s a tenner.

  • baconzinlove

    There is a dangerously low amount of bacon in this recipe.

  • Ankyloglossia

    Stuffs bills in jar. Please send Porno cake recipe.

  • aktlib101

    Hmm, great recipe, I am sure. End result looks good, too. However, personally, I don’t have much use for flower, oats, etc etc. My take on life with Nutella is as follows: grab spoon, open Nutella Jar, turn on TV/computer/phone, watch a movie or read Wonkette, dig repeatedly. Finish when empty jar. Very dangerous. Don’t do this at home.

  • Khavrinen

    “Was Kushner swapping blini recipes on the DL with Sergei Kislyak?”

    Hey, these aren’t blinis. I thought we were gonna make blinis…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Dammit–just when my medically mandated abstinence from alcohol had me on the road to my UGW!

    (UGW = ultimate goal weight. Which I can kiss goodbye if I try this recipe out!)

  • BosGrl

    I have ALL of these ingredients! Woo hoo!

    • h4rr4r

      I need to find an old jar of off brand nutella that I fear I have tossed.

  • h4rr4r

    What I need my high precision scales for is my business. Also very very boring.

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      Ha! I was thinking only people in narcotics distribution have precise scales. But, of course, you’re right.

      • h4rr4r

        Oh yeah, totally needed for selling the jazz cabbage or even more so bolivian marching powder. Also useful for lots of boring hobbies.

  • Pookabun

    I cannot make muffins :( I can bake and cook so many complicated things and yet muffins are beyond me.

    • Lori

      Is the problem that the texture is weird even though the flavor is OK? If so, speaking from personal experience, you may be stirring them too much. My main baking is bread and breadish things, which means that I tend to be an over-mixer for everything else. My muffins & scones & biscuits got a lot better when I started forcing myself to be really conscious of mixing a lot less.

      • Pookabun

        The problem is that they are either dense or cakey (but not tender)or both. I barely touch them! I have tried muffin method (melted butter and oil and a mixture), creaming the butter and sugar, playing with the leavening, sour cream vs buttermilk vs milk… you name it. They are never light and never tender. Seriously though, there is no physical way to mix less than I do and still be blending ingredients at all. I leave the lumps and bits of flour like they say to. I generally use a silicone spatula to mix the liquid into the dry so I’m being as gentle as possible. I have baked muffins in multiple states and even a couple other countries so it isn’t likely humidity or sea level. Sigh – I dunno. I make a hell of a scone though!

        • Lori

          Well bummer. Good job on the scones though.

  • Chadwells

    Kitchen scale FTW!!!!! That and a stand mixer…done!

    • Shanzgood

      I love my scale. It goes between metric and imperial and has a tare button.

      • Chadwells

        Yup! Invaluable!

      • h4rr4r

        I wish I could find one without imperial.

        • Shanzgood

          I like it because I have a lot of recipe books from the U.K. and Australia.

          • h4rr4r

            Good point, I am just a little mad these dumb units refuse to go away. Makes math too hard.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Can you sell me a lid?
        kthnxbai

        • Shanzgood

          I don’t do those things, so…

  • Yr. Gma

    Three things:
    1. Thanks for being militant and optimistic and the inspirational battle cries.
    2. I am one of 46 people on earth who do not like Nutella.
    3. Bacon and Shan are so cute.

    • snark-lurker

      I have never tried Mutella.

    • snark-lurker

      And I have never seen Baconz & Shanz.

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      Thanks. Pretty sure it would work with peanut butter.

      • The Wanderer

        It does, yes, but marshmallow cream is best with peanut butter.

      • Yr. Gma

        Bad news. I don’t like it much either. I am a nut butter bigot. My daughter loves Nutella, and she bakes, so I’ll pass this recipe along.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      I share your disdain for Nutella. Ovaltine can also die in the same fire.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        But how will you get your Little Orphan Annie decoder ring?

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance
    • Claire

      I don’ like Nutella either. It just tastes meh. I hope that doesn’t make me 45, because I call not it on that unlucky number.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      2. That’s fine. More for Meeeeeeeee mwahahaha!

    • Shanzgood

      Ugh. We are nausea-inducing. Even to ourselves. Baconz has been retching since he got home.

      • Shanzgood

        (Baconzgood on shanz phone)

        We are so cute it’s like epicac

    • Khavrinen

      “2. I am one of 46 people on earth who does not like Nutella.”

      Hah! Small timer. I don’t like Nutella, or coffee or alcohol.

      Most people who learn of the latter cannot help but conclude I am Not Of This Earth. I just wish I knew how to go back; maybe the Presidents there aren’t like the one we have here.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Tell me how fucking dense Michael Kinsley is, NYT link:

    Paid Family Leave Is What Liberals Want, Right?

    There are two debates here. There is the highbrow debate about the metaphysical distinction between a tax and a penalty. And then there’s the practical decision about who this financial burden — whatever you label it — is going to fall on. It can be just a little too easy for a president and Congress to require someone to do something that costs money, rather than doing it, and paying for it, themselves.

    So maybe the president is playing us for fools. Maybe he has no real intention to allow this expensive new mandate to be placed on the crippled backs of the nation’s heroic martyrs, small-business people. Or maybe he has stumbled upon something he truly believes in. Any guesses? Weigh in at somethingnice@nytimes.com.

    1. There is a third debate, actually: should paid family leave be designed in such a way that the least needy get the most benefit (Ivanka’s plan, though it does top out for the very wealthiest), or should it help those who are most in need (the proposal of most feminists who are not just using the movement to pad their business’ bottom line)?

    2. Still pushing the “something nice” crap for an administration whose collusion with Russian hackers is becoming clearer by the day, eh?

    3. Oh, for fuck’s sake.

    • h4rr4r

      Why not simply make it X weeks paid at some fixed amount?

    • Shoto

      “Tell me how fucking dense Michael Kinsley is”

      Um…All of the fucking dense?

      • The Wanderer

        Neutronium?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        black hole…

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Why does he continue to believe that His Fraudulency is capable of any higher-order thinking? Today he was blasting all the leaks as “fake news” after spending the last 2 weeks saying the leaks are real and the leakers should be prosecuted.

  • ichthyopteryx

    I’m trying this the next time I get access to an oven. These look wunderbar!

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    I pine for the days when we never thought we’d miss this fucker: http://heavy.com/news/2017/05/george-bush-bono-photo-crawford-ranch-instagram-w-friends-africa-aids/

    • Claire

      Post-presidency W is so weird. It’s like he’s been replaced by a Bono-befriending, oil-painting pod person. I wonder if doing his time as president finally got him out from under the weight of his parents’ expectations and now he can live the rest of his life just doing what he wants.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Agreed. I used to want to stab him with the votes. Now, I wouldn’t mind picking his mind over a drink on the patio. I half wonder what’s going on in his head, where before it was a whole wonder.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Nope. You seem to be forgetting that he launched the U.S. into two wars in a way that we have never done in the last century, through starting them, that he reshaped the notion of torture downward, and that he nearly entirely destroyed the economy of the US, putting us in line for a Depression that could only be avoided by giving the corporations responsible half the investment value of the American people. Sorry. I’d have to kick his ass behind the barn a few times before I let him buy me a beer….

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        It got him out from under the thumb of Dark Lord Cheney.

  • snark-lurker

    OT?Q: Did ‘vanka know she was marrying a guy who’s over $1billion in debt?

    • The Wanderer

      I’m sure she did.

      • snark-lurker

        Zook!

    • Lori

      You know what they say about girls growing up to marry their fathers.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        In her case, twice!

  • Resistance muffins!
    And here I was trying to do the reconciliation thing by making an opposite thinking people’s sea food special platter

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b31d32bfc9e37773fb8773409790b686ff8d26a425f101edc2ece3e13ce041b6.jpg

    • snark-lurker

      Ooooo geez.

    • The Wanderer

      Hot dog octopi! It’s batrachianly good!

    • HorseChestnut

      Alternative seafoods

    • Fartknocker

      Is that the main course for Stars and Stripes 4th of July celebration meal at Trump’s Miralax-Lego resort?

      • That’s the meat course, followed of course by the taco bowl course.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          It leaves out the greatest slice of chocolate cake in the world course, i.e., the entrée.

          • ichthyopteryx

            …with two scoops of ice cream, of course. And everybody else only has one, neener-neener.

    • cheetojeebus

      Mmmm tasty tasty cephalodog.

    • phoenix00

      mmm tentacles.

    • ichthyopteryx

      It’s not enough that hotdogs are (partially) made of appendages; now they have to have appendages too.

  • Gary Charound

    This recipe does not tell me how much alcohol to drink.

    • The Wanderer

      AOT, K.

  • Claire

    Angela Merkel has dropped the banhammer.

    https://twitter.com/Independent/status/868838993122795522

    • The Wanderer

      And there was no Loving Correction about it.

      • Claire

        Nope. This was the Banhammer of Get This Fool Out of My Face.

        • The Wanderer

          Der Verbot Hammer von diesem Dummkopf aus meinem Gesicht.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Dummkopf was Little Gramma’s favorite word!….

          • LucindathePook

            I must be your aunt, ’cause that was Ma’s favorite word.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      She is right to do so. Macron agrees with her.

      My guess is that FRG Intelligence has some choice intercepts to share, and Macron just took the leash off of the DGSE. The DGSE is known for more, as you say, “Direct” actions.

      • The Wanderer

        Like I said about two posts back, the Heavy Mob. They’re not afraid to get their hands dirty.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Indeed. :) I’m glad to see them in play. France & Germany, leading the fight for Freedom. :)

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        High on the list of people you don’t fuck with.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Roger that, Affirm. I feel strangely hopeful knowing Macron has told DGSE to do it’s thing.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I didn’t know much about Macron and he was a long-shot before Fillon a baisé le cabot, pour ainsi dire. But I am beginning to feel good about him.

            He prepared for Trump’s handshake bullshit and humiliated him publicly.

            With DGSE involved, it is only a matter of time before pee-hooker tapes and worse become a daily routine.

            The Donald’s next move will be to follow Tovarich Putin’s example and start assassinating people. Assuming he can find hit men who don’t demand payment up-front.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Yeah, I think you are on-target about all. Moving to “wetwork” is going to be the Donald’s next step.

          • ichthyopteryx

            Eh, you know he’s gonna stiff the hitmen, also too.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I think he may be counting on indy nut jobs like Jeremy Christian to do the dirty work but it won’t wash.

            Sure, a Horst Wessel here and there helps but for real, wholesale intimidation, you need real organization, something that Trump is not so very good at.

            Eric Price could fill the Himmler bill but he is abroad, hiding from subpoenas.

            Maybe he could email sister Betsy some pointers. It’s not as if she is busy with edjamacation stuff.

    • Claire

      Oh. ERRBODY hates us now. And after that shitfest of a G7 conference, how could they not?

      https://twitter.com/JeremyCliffe/status/868859435401261058

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Only took 5 months to become an international pariah. He really is setting records.

        • Claire

          The bigliest fuckup ever to hold office!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Well he is ahead what was widely believed to be the unbeatable record of Kim Jung-un.

          Oh, well, records are made to be broken.

          Next goal: Surpass Jared Fogel.

      • Doug Langley

        Why, it’s almost as if Germans know very well what happens when you put a whackjob into power.

        • Claire

          And we only saw the tiniest bit of that meeting here. What kind of fuckery do you suppose he committed out of reach of the cameras?

    • Ankyloglossia

      Europe is no longer alone, Americans can no longer rely on America. Trump is gutting everything except more military spending and a boarder wall. In addition, he’s attacking the freedom of the press.

    • ichthyopteryx

      Ah, so this is the “big result” the POSOTUS was talking about in his tweet…

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Also too – I just now read that Germany & France are cooperating on a new generation of Main Battle Tank, known for now as “Leopard 3”. The Leopard-series of tanks have been top sellers worldwide for decades.

      How happy are Drumpf’s corporate Masters going to be when he drives weapons buyers back to Rheinmetall and Thompson?

      • msanthropesmr

        Yeah – it might not be the optics associated with the treason, it may be the sheer matter of pissing off our biggest trading partners after Canada and Mexico…

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          *nods* Whatever works, I suppose.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          At least he’s pissed off Canada and Mexico too, so all bases covered.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Leopard 3 has been under construction for a while longer. Not Just German/French cooperation but also Dutch and some other Euro countries inclusing Italy if I am not mistaking.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Here you go.

        http://nationalinterest.org/blog/the-buzz/get-ready-russia-european-power-has-plans-lethal-new-tank-15251

        By the way the Dutch are not involved I just learned but will finance a battalion and support in testing.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Nice. The main picture is a MBT Revolution 1 upgrade for the Leopard 2A4 tho.

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3275cd04eb32bac0b93af3941e9e0c5926c1e1816c268df658e069a0f24cc548.jpg

          here is what I saw on “Leopard 3”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co29T3Wo0bA

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Awesome.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            It’s a bloody 21th century Königstiger. :D

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Ain’t it? :D It looks like something from a video game, too. Command & Conquer: Freiheit Europa?

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            We are on our own again so yeah. I just fear 2030 is way too late.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Stout Hearts. The Bundeswehr are still so Badass that the Russians are afraid of them, the Poles are NATO-qualified and re-equipped with Leopard 2, and the rest of NATO are still what they have always been – resolute.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Yeah they won’t launch any major military attack but worried for the Baltic states.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            That’s why the Poles have been crash-upgrading. I feel for the Baltics as well, and with Drumpf, the USA just might be out of the game.

      • Jamoche
        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          That’s awesome!

    • wait! what?

      I think she should change “no longer” to “never.”

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      What makes me despair, is that the Trumpanzees don’t understand this, any of this, and what it means for us. It means that we are losing our necessary allies. It means we won’t have countries to place our military bases. In a world with global weapons, and an alliance where the only time the treaty was actually activated was when WE WERE ATTACKED, we are now going to be isolated. If we end up at war with them, THEY will have the superior weapons.

      I wrote this somewhere else, so sorry if I’m repeating myself, but the Germans in the 1940s smugly believed all the propaganda, right up till it turned out the RAF bombers DID exist and COULD fly all the way to Berlin, and the news from desolate forests in Poland started filtering back (no one believed that for a long time), and turned out they didn’t have that much fun at Stalingrad, Mr. Hilter. I really really desperately hope it doesn’t have to come to that.

      I suppose the idiots are just idiots, including Trump. But the Republicans? Surely they understand what this means. Or are they in up to their necks with the Russians too? Where is everybody? Where is the media? Where are the responsible adults? Why is it only Ted Lieu and Adam Schiff and George Takei?

      • Claire

        No, they don’t, and they probably never will; that’s what happens when you keep a population pig-ignorant and hopped up on jingoism so they won’t notice you’re paying them almost nothing for back-breaking labor.

        The Republicans won’t do anything, partly because so many of them are getting Russian money too and partly because they’ve been playing their voters for fools for years and can’t stop now. The media, I suspect, is still trying to find a way to avoid facing the utter nihilistic irresponsibility of their own role in putting Trump in office.

        But ultimately I don’t get it either. This moron is lumbering around the globe alienating every ally and trade partner we have – it’s got to be in the best interests of every power structure in the country to make him stop doing that immediately, and yet everyone seems to be sitting on their asses. Are they all still in denial about the magnitude of the disaster or what?

        • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

          Yes! This, exactly! I don’t understand it!!!

          • Claire

            I have to be fair and point out that Evan McMullin is screaming about this stuff, and so is Jennifer Rubin. But the only Republicans speaking out aren’t in Congress and can’t do anything about it.

      • Jamoche

        All the writing advice about characters that are pure evil says they aren’t realistic because real people never consider themselves to be evil. So what explains the Republican congress?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Let me count the ways.

        • Claire

          The Prosperity Gospel. And a contempt for their base so deep that they believe fleecing the rubes is not merely easy money but a moral imperative.

      • HazooToo

        It’s more than them. I-forget-who, D-congress, stood up and introduced articles of impeachment. They probably have not seriously considered any of that, but he did it. Formally.

    • phoenix00

      This is a grown-up LADY speaking here!

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Orrrr….for those of us whose landlords are too fucking cheap to fix the A/C that’s been out for over a week, ’cause “we can’t afford it” even though once my portion and HUD subsidies are paid the rent for a 500 sq ft apartment for persons living with mental health disabilities nets $660/mo, and, therefore, don’t want to heat up the oven….I’m thinking instant oatmeal with a big glob of Nutella added to it!

    • The Wanderer

      Do it. It’s a Moral Imperative.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        So is filing a complaint with Equip for Equality, which I am doing on Tuesday.

    • suziq

      Is Jared your landlord?

    • WeaselPoo

      btw , how “out” is your A/C?
      Some questions to help determine the likely/possible problem and thus the cost of the fix:
      1) Power to A/C Yes / No
      Obvious problem and there could be others with A/C itself
      2) Power okay but fan completely silent, won’t turn on? Yes/No
      Fan motor burnt out, new fan-motor assembly probably needed.
      3) Power okay but low humming noise, fan won’t rotate Yes/No
      Capacitor ( that stores energy then releases it to get the fan turning) has failed, capacitor is a $5-ish part, simple 3-wire disconnect re-connect, just note which wire went where .
      4) Power good, compressor not running. Bad news, compress expensive to buy and replace—new A/C the expedient choice.
      5) Power good, fan turns on, but A/C frosts up and stops cooling
      The radiators (called coils, evaporator and condenser) and air filter are dirty. Special chemical clean of radiators is best ( $50-$75 cleaner cost) but radiator fins can be brushed, vacuumed, sprayed with general household cleaner; replace or clean filter.
      6) Power good, fan good, compressor good, radiators/filter clean, still frosting and not cooling?
      Thermal Expansion Valve (TXV) clogged with some crap—quite pricey part and requires evacuation of refrigerant, cut out TXV from pipe, braze in new TXV, recharge with refrigerant—prob not worth it.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Well, seeing as she refuses to call someone out to look at it, we may never know. There was a guy out last week but she never followed up with him.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      ugh, I did something like 2 weeks without one (with a quest in town!) in Miami…in the summer.

      It was awful.

  • William

    Quick and easy. Goes well with the muffins. https://www.facebook.com/FallonTonight/videos/10155389957668896/

  • William
    • President Grabembythepoosea tweet: “Just returned from Europe. Trip was a great success for America. Hard work but big results!”

      Leader of the free world: Can’t trust the US and Brittan anymore.

      https://www.yahoo.com/news/merkel-warns-us-britain-no-longer-reliable-partners-130825785.html

      • The Wanderer

        It was “Hard work but big results.” But those results were to the benefit of his Russian masters.

        • I though he was referring to the fact that he got a golf cart and the other losers had to walk.

          Thank a god he had the stamina to fight for a golf cart!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          You sure made a lot of hard work for others, Dipshit.

      • h4rr4r

        I bet she never dreamed she would have to worry about Russian occupation again.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “If you have a scale precise enough to register 1/4 teaspoon of table salt, you should probably seek alternate employment.”

    Why yes, I believe I do. It’s in the beer gear.

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      Sure it is. Right next to the sudafed. 😉

  • ichthyopteryx

    “If you have a scale precise enough to register 1/4 teaspoon of table salt, you should probably seek alternate employment.” – well, in a former life, using these was nice, if a slight pain in the arse for needing to be fussy with gloves. Guess I’ll have to make do with cups these days.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Speaking of activities for which precise scales are requisite, how ’bout some recipes for our Coloradan, Oregonian, Washintonian, DCian, etc., etc. reader/bots?

      • ichthyopteryx

        I don’t think the recipes I knew from my occupation in a past life can be had without a doctor’s prescription. ;) OTOH, I’ve never once thought about using an analytical balance for my hobbies, like baking.

      • h4rr4r

        Replace 56g of oil with 56g of infused oil. Tada!

  • Jonny On Maui

    If you have a scale precise enough to register 1/4 teaspoon of table salt, you should probably seek alternate employment.

    What? Alchemy and micrograms don’t mix?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      1/4 teaspoon is two dashes or four pinches, just as Albertus Magnus prescribed.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    OT – Oh, my: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwLvWo9G46w

    Fucking Badass! Tiger Models is about to release the MBT Revolution 1 in 1/35 scale, I’ll have to save my pennies.

    • Doug Langley

      Did I see a laser weapon on that thing?

      • phoenix00

        Pew pew!

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        I think they might be to defeat anti-tank missiles

  • Me not sure

    Not being slaves to convention, we get muffins on National Hamburger Day. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e71c609731d17f30dc2496c33c20241368355580e16e044affe8553796b82458.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      I’m cooking ribs for National Hamburger Day.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        I made Angel Hair spaghetti with sliced up hot dogs. :) I put extra sugar in my sauce, it’s like Chef Boyardee, but homemade. :D

      • Me not sure

        National Muffin Day was on February 20th. For fans of Scrapple that day is yet to come.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Is it the same day as national livermush day and national fasting day?

          • Suse

            When is National Haggis Day? Asking for a friend.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            In Scotland, it’s every day.

            Elsewhere in the world, it’s the day after never.

    • wait! what?
    • Lyly Sirivong

      I ate burgers. But I was totally unaware it was National Burger Day. It’s Mothers’ day here !

      • Me not sure

        Happy!

    • Yr. Gma

      Guess I better shoot on down to In-N-Out.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    And this is why IndyCars are built to shatter on impact. Both drivers (Scott Dixon and Jay Howard) walked away with just bruises.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGobWIV1xcg

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      At the GP of Monoco today, Jenson Button shunted Pascal Wehrlein into the barrier:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YcXm4vlH4E

      No injuries, thankfully.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        And Alonso’s engine just blew up with 21 to go (Hondas had been knocked all month for not being as reliable as Chevy, even though they were faster). It’s gonna be a dash to the flag.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          There was a time when the label “McLaren-Honda” meant Total Dominance. Today, besides the Indy, neither McLaren finished in Monoco either.

        • phoenix00

          Hondas breaking down, and Chevys not-Corvettes are actually fast.

          This world is strange.

    • Doug Langley

      Amazing stuff, carbon fiber.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Fuck it – I’m having ice cream!…

  • Raan

    It’s not what Fuckbrain is doing that has me worried (at least, not in an immediate sense). What has me worried is whether the power will be shut off the next time they read the meter, and what we’d have to pawn to get it back on, because we can’t be without power for a week until the next paycheck.

    • h4rr4r

      Payment plan an option?

      • Raan

        We already have one. We should be alright though. I went back and looked at the payment history – they have about a two-week grace period. I also just really needed to vent.

        • h4rr4r

          Wow that’s ​short. Sorry to hear your having trouble.

          • Raan

            Well, we were only able to make a partial payment on April’s bill, which we got pushed to the middle of May, and the bill for May just came due, so it’s all just cascading downhill.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            My power company worked with me, Mom got us deep in a hole by the time she moved out. My sister wouldn’t even tell me what the bills were while Mom was in hospital/nursing home, so I just guessed until I got it clear.

            After she passed, I got it done, and her Final bill was for $24 dollars. I’ve stayed current since.

            In Colorado, Catholic Charities will help you pay one bill. Do you have anything similar in your area?

          • Raan

            There’s apparently a Catholic Charities chapter affiliated with the St. Pete Diocese, but the only information I could find on their website is how to​ give them money. Other than that, I don’t know.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Not sure, but here is a link: http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/catholic_charities_financial_a.html

            There are more states on that page, I hope someone will/can help you.

          • Yr. Gma

            You can pay a visit. Catholic Charities is a very good organization where they (mostly) try to be Christlike and not asshole “Christian.”

          • h4rr4r

            When it rains it pours.

          • Raan

            Amen, sister.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          I’ve been there. ~hugs~

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • ichthyopteryx

      So, how often is this thing calibrated? :P

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Happening as pic was taken. Milligrams come and go at random.

    • Alan

      Take your finger off.

    • phoenix00

      Funny, I swear it was 1.5 million Spicer grams.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      close enough?

      ; )

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Thanks for picking up my slack, F$F!

    • Yr. Gma

      She’s great, but we don’t forget you, Pinks.

  • h4rr4r

    So totally OT, but to whomever it may concern Aldi has chicken thighs for 69 cents a pound.

  • Atheist

    Nom nom nom.

    If not for food allergies I’d probably make some.

  • Shoto
  • Latverian Diplomat

    Nutella, now in new canned clam flavor.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    I haven’t left the house since Friday, and I think Ima just isolate ’til Tuesday. Holidays usually mean more street harassment since Drumpf & Putin stole the POTUS, and I’m hair-trigger on the temper – I mean moar than usual – and I’m lucky to get 4 hours of sleep a day.

    • BosGrl

      I don’t leave the house for days at a time if I don’t have to and I don’t have your stress to deal with. Sending you love, Anna!

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        ~hugs~ Love to you, BosGirl. :) We do what we must, eh?

    • Parakeetist

      Hug

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Wow, I can’t stay in the house longer than half a day. Stay strong.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        I usually walk a mile or more everyday. I’ll start again Tuesday.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          That walking stuff is, apparently, good for you. I need to do it more often, myself…

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            I love it, and the sidewalks in my neighborhood mean I can wear my heels. :) There are nice trees, wildflowers, and several directions to go.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Stay safe and sane Sister! At least as sane as you wanna be… ;-)

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        xD Will do, Big Brother. I got my model kits, music, and Teh Wonkette. I’s good.

    • snark-lurker

      Danm, girl. Sleep is more than important for peeps like us, it is a MUST. Can you not get help on this?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        If it goes on much longer I will. It’s so hard to trust the doctors here. I’ve been to the ER so many times, but not since I Came Out. They do not like Queers here.

        • snark-lurker

          Bummer. I got the bestest doc. East Indian. Finally got me squared away to sleep with LORazapam and over-the-counter meletonin.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            I used to take Lorazapam, I’m hoping to not do that again.

            The mood stabs they used to have me on didn’t make my moods better, they did put over 100 pounds on me, made my hands shake where I couldn’t do my hobbies, and made me sleep 14 hours a day.

            I wont be a Zombie again, I wont let these animals experiment on me, and I wont be handcuffed by a Sheriff for the crime of saying No to abusers.

            Last year, wen I told my sister I wasn’t taking it anymore, she waited 3 hours and then told 911 I had threatened to kill myself. I was painting a model tank when 2 Deputies knocked. After they read the eMails in question, they suggested I never speak to my sister again.

          • snark-lurker

            It took awhile to get my med’s dialed in, over a 1-1/2 years–I too did the zombie. Now it is 1 mil Lorazapam & 10 mil meletonin 30 min before bed; 40 mg Fluoxatin & 100 mg buproprion when I get up, then another 75 ml of bupropion after noon. We were all over the map to get here & now I’m good…altho’ I still get anxiety attacks I get thru them with caffine tablets! Yup: No Doz to settle me down go figure.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Caffeine is a strange substance. I used to have to take Ativan/Lorazepam just to go to the grocery store, my anxiety attacks were quite lessened after I came out, and now that family isn’t abusing/Triggering me everyday, I maintain a lot better.

            This month has been a rough patch, tho.

          • snark-lurker

            When my doc told me, “You need to deveolope new coping skills,” I had been under his care for a year & I thought, “Seriously?!” But then I thought: no harm in trying. Then everytime I started “going off” I made a conscious effort to…”Cope with this. You can handle this. Deal with it!” 2 years later and I am still telling myself that, still learning and still coping. Now I am bullet proof…but I DO sleep good every night, 8 – 9 hours, and that is the one thing that keeps me coping.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            I hear that. ~hugs~

            Anna is stronger than the person I was before, and I was strong enough to finally get free of my family. I’ll get thru the next couple of days, and get back at life. :)

          • snark-lurker

            I”ll be with you–in spirit & full of faith in Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl!

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            ~hugs~ Thank you, Doll :) It means a lot to me.

    • Last year I had to spend several days in the hospital due to a nasty stomach thing. It was the first time I’d been in the hospital since I was a little baby.

      I admit here and now those five days were WONDERFUL – laying around watching Netflix and Acorn TV in between many nap times, and a seemingly endless supply of Jello and chocolate pudding..

      AND THAT WAS ALL ANYONE EXPECTED ME TO DO.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Lucky you.

        My last three hospital stays were agonizing.

        Although, to be fair, under Trump Care, the greatest health care system in Opposite Land, they would not have been so much agonizing as fatal.

    • Yr. Gma

      Good plan. Avoid stupid people and get some rest. Also do something nice for yourself like a bath or listen to music. Planning ahead is the best strategy for potential triggers.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        Thanx. :) I’ll do another long soak after while, I adore my tub here.

        Ima planning to start another tank. A few years ago, when the Poles joined NATO, they started buying German tanks, and the first Polish unit to get NATO-qualified is 10th Armored Cavalry. I have a Leopard 2A4 kit, decals for the 10th, and a female Polish tanker.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Nicely done! :)

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        With a Dutch team way weaker than the competition.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Very cool! Sometimes spirit is what matters. :)

  • Apple Scruff

    Wow. *Someone* is upping their food photo game!

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Raan

      It’s because the UK gave them self-rule rather than them taking it.

      • brittany

        They didn’t give it to us out of the blue, we asked…politely.

    • greyXstar

      Another reason to move north

    • phoenix00

      Have fought, can confirm.

      (It’s us Chinese FOB immigrants that lose our minds batshiat.)

  • zerosumgame0005

    speaking of photo’s here is a sweet story about when NOT to let your picture be tajen!

    http://addictinginfo.com/2017/05/28/paul-ryan-is-so-unpopular-even-8th-graders-refuse-to-pose-in-pic-with-him-video/

    “I am so proud of my son and 1/2 the 8th grade at South Orange Middle
    School,” Malespina wrote on Facebook. “They went to D.C. on a field trip
    and toured the Capitol building. The kids had a chance to have their
    picture taken with Paul Ryan and over half the class choose not to,
    including my son! What a powerful statement.”

    • HazooToo

      It was Carly Fiorna, wasn’t it, who basically wound up “borrowing” a field trip during the campaigns and taking pictures with them after telling them about abortion? I think it was her. Good thing they ASKED this fucking time!

      • zerosumgame0005

        oh and the same Paul Ryan who went to a food kitchen after it closed an pretended to wash dishes that had already been washed :)

        • HazooToo

          Not just didn’t want to see an actual poor person… didn’t want to even actually help in any way. Rules may keep me from saying what I’d like to see him go through, but they sure don’t keep me from shouting it every time I see his smug asshole face.

  • Me not sure

    Castroneves / Sato duel is brilliant

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      And Sato takes it! Wow! That was a fight to the end.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Good finish, and a terrific drive by Sato. Too bad Alonso’s engine blew up though.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bff24db275db008e55af17103ee5627c8fda46a5e60c53c2c25b41aef9a3f597.png In just a few days Jerry Garcia’s legendary guitar — nicknamed “Wolf” — will be auctioned to support the SPLC’s work fighting hate and bigotry.

    In conjunction with the auction, Joe Russo will front an impressive array of his musical friends for a concert dubbed “Joe Russo’s Friends with Benefits.” You can join us on this exciting night from your home through a live webcast of the show.

    Watch the concert and auction starting at 8:00 p.m. EST on Wednesday, May 31. There is a small fee to view the live webcast, but all proceeds will be donated to the SPLC.

    Our special, limited-edition SPLC-Wolf T-shirts are still available.

    Thank you for your ongoing commitment to the SPLC. Our work and accomplishments wouldn’t be possible without your support.

    We hope you enjoy the show.

    • phoenix00

      > “Joe Russo’s Friends with Benefits.”

      Are these the benefits we like? Like the cakes?

  • greyXstar

    The revolution will be golden brown and delicious!

    • Ezio

      Nutella tastes way better than fluffer nutter. An apt analogy.

      • Raan

        Okay but imagine the two combined. Nutella s’more cupcakes.

      • I used to think Nutella and Marmite were basically the same thing.

        IT IS NOT

  • brittany

    Say what you will about Lord Damp Nut, even if he fucks America to hell and back, at least he’s entertaining…especially his diplomacy skills!

    https://imgur.com/B3vj7fr

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      There are simply no words to adequately describe what a fucking boor he is.

      • brittany

        I think the title could have been better. There has to be some sort of pun about Roman fingers. Anyone know how to say flip the bird in Italian?

        • ichthyopteryx

          Since it’s Italy, a mano cornuto would be most appropriate.

          • brittany

            nah, wrong fingers :P

          • ichthyopteryx

            I know, but it’s more culturally apt. :)

          • brittany

            Just Googled it…”capovolgere l’uccello” I think this means we can call him “Captain Vulgar” now.

      • puredog

        My take is that it was likely a random finger choice, selected by his randomly-firing synapses.

    • The Wanderer

      I love how he did the juvenile “surreptitiously hide it as brushing your hair back.”

    • phoenix00

      He wants to fuck around. With the Italians.

      Real SMRT.

    • Yr. Gma

      Okay, I’m sorry I have to ask, but it is Donnie: Is that fake?

      • brittany

        Sadly, no. Completely real. I’m sure it would have been bigger news if it were anyone else, but seeing as it was Drumph, it wasn’t even close to the rudest/stupidest/most fucked up thing he did that trip, so it fell through the cracks.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Best tweet of the day:

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/868502563347451904

    Sure, Donald. I can totally picture you eagerly reading that report.

  • ichthyopteryx

    Well, this oughta be interesting…

    The goal is … a universal contraceptive: one that works for both men and women and could be taken either orally or released slowly through an implantable ring. That would bring some much-needed gender equity to the pregnancy prevention pantheon.

    https://www.wired.com/2017/05/scientists-found-sperms-power-switch-way-turn-off/

    • The Wanderer

      And expect a howl to be raised by the “Christians.”

      • ichthyopteryx

        Well, if even a rubber suit gets them all hot and bothered… personally, I’m cool with anything that doesn’t inconvenience the ladies.

        • The Wanderer

          So am I. Contraception’s a mutual responsibility.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I used to date a really fun feminist woman who always said that she wanted contraception to be a female thing. Quite surprised by this position I asked her why. She said because she wanted to be in control and didn’t trust men to take a daily pill or regulate whatever other contraceptive. Not because men would be too uncareful in general but the result would be something they would not think through enough because it wouldn’t be their body involved the most. I could only agree.

      • proudgrampa

        A Pig and a Chicken are walking down the road.
        The Chicken says: “Hey Pig, I was thinking we should open a restaurant!”
        Pig replies: “Hm, maybe, what would we call it?”
        The Chicken responds: “How about ‘ham-n-eggs’?”
        The Pig thinks for a moment and says: “No thanks. I’d be committed, but you’d only be involved.”

  • Ezio
    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Fucker means any R that isn’t assaulting people.

      I’d say what I feel, but Ima don’t want to tempt fate, or the Banhammer.

      • puredog

        Oh, you certainly have built up enough cred to scream, at least once, “FUCK THE BANHAMMER! THIS IS WHAT I *REALLY* WANT TO DO TO DRUMPF!”

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          I don’t want to push my luck with Dok.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Those who don’t body slam reporters. Unlike manly Republicans like Dinesh.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Crackers?

    • Vecchioivan

      I think that’s next week’s recipe.

    • Yr. Gma

      You know, I don’t think this asshole is white enough to hang with real Republicans. Is that reason for the white side piece in his picture?

      • DrBigHead

        He doesn’t realize that they will never accept him, no matter how big an asshole he is. Some things just cannot be overcome.

        • Yr. Gma

          Yep. When legal shoot-a-brown season commences, no winger with a gun is going to stop to ask him about his politics.

    • Michael R

      He’s so stupid his intended audience hates his films .

      In January 2014, D’Souza was indicted on charges of making illegal contributions to a 2012 United States Senate campaign, a felony under U.S. law.On May 20, 2014, He was sentenced to eight months in a halfway house near his home in San Diego, five years probation, and a $30,000 fine

  • WeaselPoo

    You can stop trying to make yourself ‘happen’ now, Dinesh.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Sunday Sunday can’t trust that day. Okay, gonna try again to go outside. Maybe this time is the real cessation…

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      I keep trying to get off my ass and go outside, but cat shaped weight is on my left arm.

      • phoenix00

        Don’t let that stop you, drag that kitty outside with you!

  • Jamoche

    Which part of Cali is unfortunate enough to have this idiot?
    https://twitter.com/dbernstein/status/868928729560625153

    • Yr. Gma

      He’s been a thorn in our side for awhile.

    • The Wanderer

      A part rich in Stupid.

      • Yr. Gma

        East and inland–rich agri-farming area. 85% white. Much smaller populations than the coast. We try to ignore them.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Aren’t they water gestapo as well?

          • Yr. Gma

            Yes.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Makes sense. “It’s mine, I’ve got it, so fuck off.”

            Wonder if that would fit on a bumper sticker?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      McClintock represents all the inhabited stuff on the western slope of the Sierra Nevada, from Truckee down to Fresno. It’s mostly trees, deer, and wingnuts.

    • TJ Barke

      What a fucking idiot.

    • phoenix00

      Sounds like he really ought to, you know, move?

    • bobbert

      Me, for one

  • Jamoche

    https://www.someecards.com/news/politics/white-supremacist-muslim-history/
    “White supremacist asks Muslim lawyer why there is no ‘Christian ISIS,’ gets schooled.”

    Personally I’d just say “look in the fucking mirror”, but that’s probably why Soros has been withholding my checks.

    • The Wanderer

      A beautifully cogent and devastating counterargument by the lawyer.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        “Don’t bring a moran to a battle of wits and intelligence.”

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      That was Epic.

    • DainBramage

      Didn’t even get to all those priests raping kids.

    • puredog

      I noticed this was upvoted by Lori. It is heartwarming that she has abandoned her quest for the big bux to become a Wonkette reg’lar.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • The Wanderer

      Apparently, current polling shows the Tories’ lead over Labour narrowing. If it’s a referendum on May’s leadership they want, a referendum they will jolly well get.

    • Yr. Gma

      Go Angela! We need to rely on the rest of the civilized world to help us out of this mess.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Yeah as a Rhineland European we do feel quite alone and more determined to create a continental alliance and finally realize Eurocorps

      • Claire

        Does Europe have big tracts of unpopulated land like America does? Clear some space for us, we’ll come help.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          Be careful suggesting lebensraum but you are more than welcome.

          • puredog

            Nasty buzzword, that. Whatever it is in Esperanto, that’s what she meant.

          • Claire

            I looked up “lebensraum” and it took me down a two-hour internet rabbit hole. Maybe we can just buy some land and set up a post-America hippie commune.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I’m the only person in the world that doesn’t like Nutella. But it really doesn’t taste very good to me.

    It’s a lizard person thing. Deal with it.

    • DainBramage
    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      There are 2 of you. My friend thinks it’s an abomination, and a terrible waste of chocolate. Myself, I could eat hazelnut butter until I drown in it.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Dont like it either. Choba is the thing we want.

    • Yr. Gma

      You are not alone.

  • My wife, bless her heart, will watch me cook everyday, then every 6 months or so, will try herself. She recently baked a chicken.
    (cooks will notice right away, others may take a few seconds…)
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fde47d2c8bffa63f132139d793801d61f612756cddadcc90fff9d25b6100610f.jpg

    • ichthyopteryx

      …story oughta be interesting.

      • I told her it looks like the poor chicken was praying…

        • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

          It looks like it’s facing Mecca.

    • boyblue122

      pinkness on the legs?

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Nice crispy chicken ass you got there.

      • Crispy-back pollo

        • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

          Like a beach lizard that fell asleep in the sun. You gotta turn over, man.

          • Keep yer wheels down and yer boobs up

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Hard to tell for sure, but the plastic bit on the right looks like the giblet bag might have been left in.

      • Jamoche

        That looks like a fork next to the cutting board – zoom in enough to see the shadows.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Ah, thanks.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Reminds me of an old “Fabulous Furry Freak Bros” cartoon. Fat Freddy roasts a turkey for Thanksgiving, and the bros (And Fat Freddie’s cat) devour it down to the bones. After the meal, Freewheelin’ Franklin compliments Freddy on the delicious bird, and asks what he stuffed it with. “Oh, I didn’t stuff it” Freddy replies, “it wasn’t empty!”

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      is a good lookin’ hunk o meat.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      She means well, bless her little heart.

    • Claire

      I’m a “We have microwaves for a reason” person. What’s wrong with it?

    • natoslug

      Is that a delicious sushi-grade chicken?

      • The Wanderer

        Chicken sushi! Hai!

    • puredog

      Well, I’m a (blush) cook, and I have no idea what you are talking about, though it does look a bit rare, and I would have trussed it.

  • Reximus
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
      • WeaselPoo

        With this White House and its associates, it’s asshole rabbits in rain-gear, all the way down

    • DainBramage
    • ariel_gee_398

      Well, geez, when the Director of Homeland Security and this ass-clown agree on something, there’s no chance that they’re both spouting propaganda lines to please Putin and Trump.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      No puppet, no puppet!

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Ah, well, if the Russian propagandist say it’s OK…

    • WeaselPoo

      The DHS Sec. John Kelly told Martha Raddatz on ABC News:

      “Any way that you can communicate with people, particularly organizations that are maybe not particularly friendly to us, is a good thing, It’s not a bad thing to have multiple communication lines to any government.”

      “I know Jared. He’s a great guy, decent guy,” he said on “Meet the Press.” “His number one interest, really, is the nation. So you know there’s a lot of different ways to communicate, backchannel, [or] publicly with other countries. I don’t see any big issue here relative to Jared.”

      JFS! Jared wasn’t looking for a ‘back channel” (a non-public communication, directly or more usually through a trusted third party, that would still be known to and monitored by State, CIA/NSA and a functioning NSC) with “other countries”!

      He was specifically looking for a direct communication line exclusive to him and the Russians ONLY. And of course Jared’s NOT a “great guy” and his #1 interest isn’t “the nation”,

      Gaaahhhhh!

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        When the communications lines he wants are solely under the control of the Russian government, it’s a problem.

        • WeaselPoo

          Right! They could totally increase the line maintenance fees, or cap his data, and he’d be stuck with the contract for two more years!

        • Claire

          Wasn’t the line he wanted to use literally at the Russian Embassy? I’m sorry, there’s no way to spin that so it’s not skeevy as fuck.

      • Reximus

        and using RU diplomatic service to do it, so the NSA wouldn’t catch him

      • Thaumaturgist

        The problem isn’t that the Russians would have Jared’s offer and acceptance on tape; the problem is they already have enough to blackmail Jared.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        first he’s great, then he’s decent?

        also, Jared’s number one interest is the U.S.? really? REALLY?
        Yeah, spoiled rich brats born to criminals are the real patriots, apparently.

    • Michael R
      • Reximus

        not mutually exclusive choices

      • ichthyopteryx

        It’s “stupefarious”!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      “financially motivated?”

      That’s like saying climate change scientists are making it all up to get rich…IOW, it’s stupid.
      CIA already has an OBSCENE budget, from what I’ve gathered.

  • Rick Hill

    Substitute the chocolate with a good heavy grease and it will make you all happy little ‘bots

    • ichthyopteryx

      Maybe a compromise is in order… chocolate-flavored lubricant?

      • Rick Hill

        Only important if your hardware compatible, with the new spectrum array of flavor sensors

      • TJ Barke

        Go on…

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      I prefer a good quality synthetic blend. best of both worlds.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    SECDEF Mattis on “Face The Nation”: Trump’s mere appearance at NATO summit sufficient proof he will uphold Article 5 commitments.

    So yeah, that’s where we are. If His Fraudulency is there, then he must support it even if he spends all his time tearing it down.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      https://twitter.com/LabourLeft/status/868823710521806848

      You know what? Fuck off altogether. The Germans, French, Dutch, Spanish Italians and many eastern European willing countries will fix it outselves.

      • WeaselPoo

        ‘Theresa Won’t’ seems the most obvious headline here

    • bupkus231

      Earlier today, I excoriated John Kelly. Now it’s Mattis’ turn….

      Never mind. I am just too spent….

  • Picabo

    “Heat oven to 500 degrees.” Maybe in January but it’s over 90 outside. Trying to stay cool is hard enough. Looks good though.

    • puredog

      “Heat over to 500 degrees, leave house. Dart in, throw muffins in oven, leave house. Dart back in, remove muffins, allow to ‘cool’ as you leave house” etc.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Nice moral compass you’ve got there:
    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/868936180439687169
    https://twitter.com/AJEnglish/status/868119554324647936

    It’s only brown people far away, so why should we care, right?

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      “Civilian deaths are a fact of life” says ISIS, too. You are playing right into their hands, Mattis. You are going after them because they cause civilian deaths, so how exactly are you any different then they are?

    • Rick Hill

      Gee. I wonder if he’s as cavalier with everyone’s lives. Maybe the battle to defeat ISIS needs more top brass and politicians dying.

    • ariel_gee_398

      It’s really hard to have faith in the national security apparatus when they don’t seem to get the very basic killing innocent people leads to more terrorists thing.

      • snark-lurker

        Iraq: 1 US bomb & 100(+) civillians killed, nuttin.
        England: 1 suicide bomber, 22 civillians killed, VILLANS! OUTRAGE! COWARDS! LOOSERS! THE WHOLE WORLD CRIES OUT!

    • The Wanderer

      Considering his war record:

      Persian Gulf War
      War in Afghanistan
      Iraq War
      • Invasion of Iraq
      • First Battle of Fallujah
      • Second Battle of Fallujah

      And I fancy he didn’t get the appellation “Mad Dog” because of his rabid canine impression at parties.

    • WeaselPoo

      Mattis is right, in that whilst a GPS guided bomb will hit within 1 meter of its intended target, a 500lb bomb ( smallest in US inventory now) has a 100% immediate personnel kill radius of about 50 meters, and a less than 100% but still significant lethal fragmentation affect of about 85 meters. Typically dropped in pairs.

      So “precision guided” munitions are only precise regarding their point of impact, and of course one doesn’t have to be in the calculated “kill radius” or “lethal radius” to still die later from whatever wounds are received and whether or how they are treated.

      So Mattis remark is ‘reasonable’–but the strategy of bombing is shite, so Mattis is shite and he should feel shite,

      • The Wanderer

        I suppose that the only reason Trump didn’t hire Curtis ‘Bomb ‘Em All’ LeMay is because that bloodthirsty old shit’s dead.

        • WeaselPoo

          The US claimed the Norden bomb sight provided “precision” bombing too, but that was relative then as it is now,

          Of course the US, having more men to draw from, more resources and industry undisturbed by enemy attacks could churn out bombers and crews faster than the British Empire, and went with large attacks in daylight, with a belief that more guns on the bombers would ‘naturally’ protect them sufficiently from the fighters. The strategy was severely flawed.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Maureen Down admits to talking to photos in airports:

    Of all Maureen Dowd ledes, this is perhaps the Maureen Dowdiest. pic.twitter.com/hh1MCyL7td— Jeff Greenstein (@blue439) May 28, 2017

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Why is she horning in on Peggy Noonan’s shtick?

    • FDRliberal

      How sweet. It sounds like Mo Dowd is quite charmed by the man she one called “Obambi”.

      • Mister Atoz

        Is she coming to her senses? I stopped reading her years ago.

        • FDRliberal

          I still recall the time back in 2004 when Dowd, who finds policy talk about things like health care, just oh-so-boring, dissed Howard Dean’s wife because she wasn’t glam enough…

          Dowd: “In worn jeans and old sneakers, the shy and retiring Dr. Judith Steinberg Dean looked like a crunchy Vermont hippie, blithely uncoiffed, unadorned, unstyled and unconcerned about not being at her husband’s side – the anti-Laura.”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      She’s still better than Peggy Noonan.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Let’s lock Peggy and Maureen in a room with only one bottle of vodka and see who comes out of it alive.

        • bupkus231

          One bottle of vodka, and a few “edibles”.

    • proudgrampa

      What is WRONG with that woman (over there talking to the poster)?

      • puredog

        She was probably tripping balls.

    • La forza del resistino

      So says a woman still smarting over that non-invite to the state dinner for the Irish PM back in 2011

  • FDRliberal

    Jerkoff apologists, like Bob Corker, who love their party over their country, are the only reason this scumbag is still fouling the White House.

    https://twitter.com/KeithOlbermann/status/868881261980463106

    • TJ Barke

      And seriously damaged our relations with our allies.

    • Michael R

      Trump loves yes men who feed his delusion , history will not .

    • Jamoche

      What’s that ratio of replies to likes that shows you’ve said something really fucking stupid? Yeah, Corker’s well past that: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/680ecd6cec777b407e00357e14ead029ba08d17f474712d893262766c168b170.png

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      if you click through, corker says the trip went with “near perfection?”

      What trip was HE watching?

      • FDRliberal

        And Corker is supposed to be a Trump doubter. What a fucking joke. Is there one Republican in Congress who has consistently opposed this abomination? It’s all about Party over Country for these dirtbags.

      • puredog

        It’s easy.
        1. U S of A leader always deserves to be in the front of the photo scrum and everybody knows that. Montenegro? Are you fucking kidding me?
        2. It’s hot in Taormina in almost-June, and all those other so-called “leaders_ of their so-called “countries” are much younger and did not have to go through jet lag to get there. Why are you liebrals so ungenerous?
        3. Well, they ADMIT that they haven’t been paying what they agreed to pay. But only because Il Douche made them ‘fess up!
        u.s.w.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Clearly Corker was ON a trip, not watching one. LSD is one hell of a drug.

    • bupkus231

      After looking at Corker’s tweet, I lost whatever respect I may have had of him….

      Who am I kidding – Corker has always been just another deranged, traitorous GOPper, and I KNOW this. It’s just that, once in a great while, he sees an opportunity to say something “critical” of the GOP with no chance of him actually paying any penalty ( either from his constituents or the GOP party leadrship ), so he sneaks something in.

      Despite all the other examples out there, Corker is the main reason I hold the entire state of Tennessee’s Conressional representatation in contempt ( altho’ Marsha Blackburn is always a close contender ).

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        The only reassuring thing is that the response to his statement is almost all negative, and the responses excoriating him are getting hundreds of “likes.” The few that agree with him…not so much.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I like Jack Schofield on here, is that okay?

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      I like this reply in the thread that followed Corker’s absurd statement:

      https://twitter.com/smatterchus/status/868909564585889792

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Sentient Potato for TN Senate 2018!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      weh, based on the timeline, it actually looks like he fell through the entire trip.

      but yah, his supporters are dumb.

    • Rick Hill

      I personally think the “Yeah, he’s ok, whatever…” effect kicks in because too many people do not pay attention to anything. To be fair, it’s acomplex world, anymore and we all need to work like hell to keep even

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      This is one of the things that bothers me. The realization that if he had simply stopped with the tweets after the election there would probably be more than 50% of Americans approving of his job performance! That is insane!

    • Rags

      Temporary trip bounce. Today’s tweets will renew the decline.

  • Ezio
    • Claire

      Yeah, they’ll just dismiss that too. They’ve been whining about the global Jewish elite and the New World Order and One World Government since the 90s at least.

      • Jennifer R

        They can whine and dismiss it all they want, won’t stop the dollar from crataring and our reputation from being pisssed away.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          But that won’t affect them until the prices on beer & bullets goes up. Or Walmart prices … or something. You know, sweeping generalizations of trümp voters.

          • Jennifer R

            Those German auto plants are all in red states with red governance.

        • Lori

          They won’t blame Trump for that though. They’ll blame Democrats somehow. A bad economy or a lost war are never the fault of Republicans.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Actually, the global emerging markets are gonna be the only way to make money in the next decade (use global index funds, you idiot)…(meaning all of us)….

          • CripesAmighty

            And short the fuck out of the US (but not just yet–end-stage FOMO bubble still has a way to go–but getting close.)

        • Claire

          Sure, but they’ll blame it on Hillary and Obama. Or “The Gumbint,” where somehow The Gubmint has nothing to do with the people they elect to Congress.

          For real, we have to stop hoping that there’s anything that Trump voters can’t ignore or rationalize away. They still think the coal jobs and unautomated factory jobs are coming back, ffs. They’ve bought whole-heartedly into a fantasy and they aren’t going to let go of it. Nothing that happens from this point on is going to change their voting habits.

    • Lori

      Has this person met any Trumpers? They do not give a shit about the global reaction to anything, except in the sense that they treat it like the treat the opinions of US liberals—if they’re mad it means that Trump is doing something right.

    • Chris

      I have a feeling PoliticalKelus hasn’t met any Trumpers. They can’t stand Americans who look/think differently. They won’t give two hoots about what ‘furriners’ think.

  • ichthyopteryx

    Welp, that’s it for me today. Don’t let the White House’s citrus-complexioned conman crap on your composure. Toodles!

    • The Wanderer

      Have fun!

    • Major_Major_Major

      ¡Hasta la fucktrump!

  • William Cook

    I used to love Nutella, but I made myself stop eating it because it’s loaded with palm oil. :(

    • Lori

      If you’ve got an oven to roast the hazelnuts and a food processor to grind it all up you can DIY a very tasty version using the oil of your choice,

      • Chris

        For us poor-uns (or just cheap SOBs) try your local thrift shop/garage sale for used coffee grinders. I picked one up to grind nuts only and one for herbs/spices. Total cost was less than $5 and takes up way less space. Just be certain to label them correctly.

        • Lori

          That will work for this as long as you also have a strong mixer or a very strong arm. It takes some doing to get the ground nuts thoroughly mixed with the other ingredients.

          • Chris

            I’m talking electric coffee grinders, don’t have the upper arm strength anymore for the manual ones – if you can find them. Much easier to find the electric ones.

          • Lori

            I understood. I meant that once you have the nuts ground you have to mix them with the other ingredients and that takes some work. The mixture is kind of stiff, so it’s not easy to stir. A food processor comes in handy for that and a stand mixer would also work, but if you’re doing it by hand with a spoon you need a pretty strong arm.

          • Chris

            That part I might be able to do. But I see what you mean now.

        • Alan

          Oh, I thought you were going to suggest going to garage sales for hazelnuts.

          • Chris

            Not hazelnuts, pecans – at least where I live. But if you are really cheap you pick them off the lawn – yours or your neighbors.

  • BadKitty904
  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
  • Zyxomma

    This recipe can be very easily veganized. I have a vegan organic Nutella substitute, and aquafaba (liquid from cooking chick peas) replaces egg beautifully. I’ll let you know how the alternate recipe turns out when I make it.

    However, I’m baking vegan cheesecake tonight or tomorrow to take to a Shavuot picnic on Tuesday. I’m going to make both pineapple and strawberry topping, but not top the cake — since people have allergies to both strawberries (my late mom) and pineapple (the ex), I want people to just spoon the topping of their choice on the cake.

  • Ezio

    I’m promoting my own tweets now but it’s still relevant.
    https://twitter.com/andre_tarulli/status/868918805703032833

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Good point. There is nothing as unAmerican as flying the flag of the confederacy. I mean, even with unneeded respect to the confederacy, they did attack the country and succession was all about not being American anymore.

      • If we are to believe the South’s versions of events, it was all about the State’s Rights to not be part of the US anymore. So True that to the max

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Speaking of chocolate, the lady M&Ms seem to be getting cosy these days. Hawt!
    https://twitter.com/mmschocolate/status/615220459253141504

    • BosGrl

      If people looked like M&Ms, I’d have a perfect body.

      • I have an M&M body myself. With some help from mac and cheese.
        Mmmmmmm mac and cheese

        • BosGrl

          Yep. It’s a toss up between ever dating again and mac and cheese… :D

          • right?
            Was discussing this with my co workers the other day (disclaimer, they are all youngs and it tickles me when they wax on so) whether or not they would date again after present spouse.
            My spouse is 64. I was all…ain’t no wai I am breaking in any others, fergetaboutit

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Go with mac and cheese, dating is overrated anyway.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Or date folks that also too love Mac-‘n-Cheese….

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Yup, love mac and cheese, date mac and cheese people. It’s the dogs and cats principle.

          • date me date me!

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Kay! :D

          • I don’t dance and don’t drink and I don’t much care for heights. And am about as vanilla as a bean. Also prudish a bit.
            But what I lack in fun stuff I make up for in scintillating conversation :D

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            xD I can work with this, as long as you can handle me dancing with other partners.

            How are you with spanking?

          • BosGrl

            Yeah, but I’m getting tired of being alone, so… I love you guys but it’s not quite the same thing.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Yeah, that was a stupid thing for me to say. Meh!

          • BosGrl

            Nah, LOL.

          • puredog

            If you look long enough, you will find someone who wants to eat the mac and cheese from your body. Rule 34.

          • but….I want to eat the mac and cheese

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        You and me both, Bos, you and me both.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        Lemme just say, one of the best partners I’ve had was a very curvy woman.

        Beauty comes in a variety of shapes and sizes.

        • If you got beauty beauty just raise them up cause every inch of you is perfect from your bottom to your top ^.^

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Me too, Anna. I married her.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            xD Good man.

            This one, we weren’t meant to last, but we had a lot of fun. Latina, short, and bouncy. :D

      • Chris

        People DO look like M&Ms, we just aren’t happy about it.

    • Alan

      Oh god, now Mike Huckleberry will be boycotting lesbian M&Ms.

      • he really really ought to

        • Alan

          Except I would like him to crawl into a cave, never to emerge. He annoys the shit out of me.

          • Eh, hucksterbee is fangless and knows his usefullness is near at an end.
            How much more rewarding for him to remain in the spotlight where we can document his demise by inches :)

          • Alan

            Demise by inches. I like that. Do we start at the top or the bottom. Maybe remove the fingers first so he can’t tweeter anymore.

          • We don’t have to do a thing. As time goes on he becomes less and less and less relevant.
            He knows it. You can see he knows it with each desperate tweet.

          • Alan

            I would volunteer to help though. You know, if needed.

          • puredog

            Tell the Huck that boycotting oxygen is all the rage. Who knows, maybe he is stupid enough to give it a shot.

          • Alan

            Liberal oxygen.

  • I would like to point out three things:
    1. Those are some seriously blue Hydrangeas! Very pretty! If you plant azaleas or roses I suggest some coffee grounds tho.
    b. Nutella would kill me YOU MONSTER.
    III. No really, jealous of that blue. Pretty!

    • Yr. Gma

      Blue hydrangeas are so beautiful, and I have never mastered them. Yes, I read all the books.

      • books don’t know.
        I got a mix of paler blue and purple in my yard because nuetral/slightly acidic soil.
        But short of removing the soil you have and replacing it with basic AND controlling the rainfall in your area (down wind of cities have more acidic rain, imagine that) you kinda get what you get XD

        • BosGrl

          I thought adding copper to the soil made them that vivid blue?

          • Not sure since I tried that once but it might not have been enough copper XD It’s acidic soil vs basic soil for the most part, but a lot of that is the water source- if your soil is basic or neutral but your water source is acidic, you’re gonna get pink no matter how much copper you stick under there. Reverse also true. Something about water going up stems faster than nutrients or whatever.
            Couldn’t hurt though!

          • Some good advice on the cultivation of hydrangeas!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBDhoUZgsDo

          • Nice thank you!
            Edit: forgot to mention not poisoning them is a good thing

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            NO!….

          • BosGrl

            If you feel so strongly about it, I won’t try it!!!

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Copper is a terrible thing to put in any soil you’re trying to grow anything in…

          • Could be why my lilies didn’t come back there

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        It’s all about the acid. But most modern soil people say, don’t bother to amend. Find stuff that works there and make the most of it…

        • True that.
          Columbine is currently one of my favs <3 Is so blue!

        • Alan

          Yeah, I gave up trying to force things, I just go with what’s happy. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8e06f7961bedc4ced47a22d8161e0fbfa44dd2021ed1016a812891e9996983a2.jpg

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            That’s happy!….

          • PURPPPPLLEEEEEEEE Damn that is a glorious clematis. I think, my eyes+computer screen not always reliable.
            DO WANT anyway!

          • Alan

            It is glorious. But I planted its sibling around the corner and spent years nursing it but it just didn’t want to live there. Now I’ve learned what to plant where.

          • Plants have their own thing.
            I did a circular garden in the middle of my yard when we moved in here and ringed it with Hosta. Mind you, not that big a garden, maybe all of 4 feet in diameter, with a lilac tree in the middle.
            On one side the Hosta is all SHAZAAAAAM! on the other side it did not want to play at all.
            Same basic sun conditions, same soil, same water, just did not want that one side for whateve reason. Stuck in day lilies, they’ll live anywhere

          • Alan

            Bird of paradise are one of my gotos for I have no idea what will live here.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            That’s the way!…

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Yup, clematis….just getting started climbing, too….

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Is it the brown acid? I’m sure it’s the brown acid.

        • puredog

          I pee on my hydrangea roots. Seems to work. May not work for you, depending on among other things your immediate environment.

        • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

          Enough acid, and anything looks blue!

    • Zyxomma

      You should see the hydrangeas in Newport, RI. They’re effin’ indigo!
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7c5c453e9a32626b8b35b89322639a3a8454d4cc8a37a5403285de4568cce9f0.jpg

      • Snopes Shop

        WOW!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I would like to have one of these muffins, after reading this:
    “At his press conference today, Paul Ryan insisted that access to affordable health coverage for one and all is truly his goal:

    What do we want? What do we all want? We want everybody who doesn’t get health care from either Medicare or Medicaid or from their job, about 11% of Americans, we want them, too, to get access to affordable health care.
    There is all kinds of sophistry and distortion in Ryan’s remarks. He argued that, by freeing up states to “innovate,” his bill would somehow lead them to fund high-risk pools to cover the costs of people with expensive conditions. He did not explain why the states would somehow pony up this money when they were free from Obamacare regulatory burdens for decades leading up to 2014 and did no such thing. There is zero reason to believe that letting states go back to the deregulated insurance markets that prevailed before Obamacare would have any different result.

    If Ryan was honest, he would admit he thinks that’s fine. He doesn’t like taxes, spending, or regulation, and he thinks going back to the pre-Obamacare system would be better for that reason. Instead he smarmily insists his plan would do that while also making health care affordable to everybody. Whatever design he decides to use for the health-care system, cutting a trillion dollars from health-care subsidies in order to reduce taxes is going to deprive a lot of people of their coverage. This is the core effect of his plan, and he won’t fess up to it at all. Ryan is a Social Darwinist without the courage of his convictions.”

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/05/heres-paul-ryans-biggest-health-care-lie.html

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      He’s an asshole. Even 8th graders know this.
      https://twitter.com/Bipartisanism/status/868821755191853056

      • BosGrl

        Damn, I’m impressed that 8th graders from NJ know who Paul Ryan is and what he stands for.

        • Not hard to know what he stands for. It’s only ever “fuck those not rich”

        • puredog

          Oh, their libtard parents put them up to it.

          • I love that argument. Whenever some self aware kid says something it is their parents put them up to it and for shame they didn’t teach them respect and instead taught them to speak out!!!! and I am all…your poor children

    • Alan

      “…access to affordable health coverage for one and all….” Did someone tell asshat that the rest of the civilized world has that and it’s called socialized medicine?

      • Ah no, the rest of the world doesn’t have “access” to affordable health coverage. They just have health coverage

        • Alan

          :-O These days I believe someone might actually say that.

          • We ought to. Over and over and over again very very very loudly every time Paul Zeggs says the word “access”

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Trump wasn’t ever planning to deliver on any of his promises, so he might as well promise them the moon.

    • Canis the Grey

      That is the dilemma for what the GOP has become. They can’t be straightforward with the public about their actual views, because it’s all so abhorrent. But their actions reveal who they really are.

    • puredog

      “If Ryan was honest. . ..”
      There are universes contained in these four words.

  • BosGrl

    A reminder (to myself) to not go off before I’ve got all the facts…
    https://twitter.com/AskCharlesA/status/868571104301928448

    • Alan

      Whoops.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Hey! You got your peanut butter in my chocolate!…

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      My hope is that someone did steal it and they return but lock it back up with a dozen locks.

  • Ezio
  • Red Bird Ω

    I’ll add this muffin recipie to my repertoire

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Anybody here think that the infamous “shove” was a shoutout to Putin? I’m not the only one who thinks that.

    https://twitter.com/CarolsDaughter9/status/868834865386532865

    • Very possible since Russia didn’t want more Nato guys

      • sw19wilson

        Especially from former soviet satellite countries that he plans to reinvade.

        • ugh took the shove from merely buffoonish to sinister then

    • Lori

      Wouldn’t that assume that Trump knew who he was shoving? Is that really likely?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Never assume anything with this guy, but it’s safe to say he at least knew he was meeting with NATO, so any shove was a good shove to Putin.

        • Lori

          Fair point.

      • He knows what he is told and remembers the last thing whispered to him

      • Canis the Grey

        Trump’s Razor: the stupidest explanation is probably correct.
        I’m betting he had no idea who he was shoving, he just wanted to get into the limelight.

    • “Everybody keeps say I shoved this negro named Monte. FAKE NEWS!”

  • Ezio
    • lololol

    • DainBramage

      WW is the first DC movie I’ve wanted to see in eons.

    • boyblue122

      Time to reaccess your life if one show time of one movie you are not invited to pisses you off

  • Rags
    • lol sure, he sleeps 4-5 hours a night….and the 3 hours in the early evening and do not forget his morning nap.
      He is on the eld schedule

    • Alan

      In all fairness, as you get older you tend to wake up at strange times. That’s why we have naps.

      • Rags

        I don’t believe this is only a recent habit. I recall seeing reports in the 80’s.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        And nightlights in the hallway and bathroom.

        • Alan

          Yikes, I have those too.

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Saves time and potential cleaning bills.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            jokes aside, the TX mom had a fall about 2 or 3 months ago (light was off and dishwasher door was down).

            Was a very bad scene.
            IOW, they help prevent injury too.

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Hope she’s doing OK! Falls exponentially increase in danger as we age.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            aye, she is thanks…we thought she broke a rib, but I guess it was just a muscle strain or pull…she was in pain for a number of weeks.
            Thanks!

          • Alan

            Mostly saves bruising and concussions for me.

  • HazooToo
    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      xD

    • Hazoo, you’re a rock star

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        This

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      You made me snarf my water with this.

      • WATER? On a Sunday afternoon? AROUND HERE?

        …I don’t even know you, anymore.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Waiting for Lady J to get home before I imdibe, but fully intend to be completely in the bag before ten.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Well, all righty then…

          • Well, thank goodness for that!

          • Emmafsharp

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !de180c:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
            !de180c:
            ➽➽
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        • Alan

          He didn’t mention what’s in the water.

    • The Wanderer

      LMAO, literally!

    • Zyxomma

      “And when they did go to the public latrines, one of the things they used to wipe themselves was a sponge on a stick, which was shared by everybody. Little wonder, then, that the Romans’ toilets—advanced though they may have been—weren’t exactly a public-health revolution.”

      From an article by Julie Beck https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/01/ancient-roman-toilets-gross/423072/

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        LOL

        “Maximus, you might want to eat fewer legumes.”

    • Ezio

      M. Gillingwater prefers to use Infowars Brand anyway.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Is it a joke? IS IT A JOKE?!?

      I CAN’T TELL ANYMORE!!!

      *runs off screaming and tearing hair*

      • Laurarknutson

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dw223c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
        !dw223c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs513TopGalaxyGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dw223c:….,….

  • sw19wilson

    Great news on the scrapping-this-crappy-experiment-and-starting-fresh-somewhere-new front!
    https://twitter.com/WorldAndScience/status/868953796059254784

    • I just wanna know if the Trappists brew good beer

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        if they did and it was free, i would gladly welcome our new trappist overlords…

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Those orbit periods are Crazytown.

      • sw19wilson

        Trappist 1 is ultracool, baby!

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          It really is, we will learn so much. :)

    • DainBramage

      39.5 light years away. That’s only 232 x 10^14 miles. Pack the bags.

    • Doug Langley

      With our luck, we’ll land and they’ll say “Masters of the stars! Our world is under dominion of an obnoxious, ignorant, tweeting, bullying fool! Please tell us how to solve our problems!”

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnvl5CiMzY&index=91&list=PLgA_QpnjZQyw9-UFG42YRb4_eTWDjjvBr

    She’s Prettier than I’ll ever Be
    Got Yourself a Beauty Queen, yeah
    But there’s Something I got to Say
    She can Love you Good
    But I can Fuck you Betta

  • Shanzgood

    Guys, today baconz had me read his stash of Wonkermail y’all sent him over the past few months.

    You guys are amazing. You helped him get through a really dark time and just…thanks for that, from the depths of my heart.

    I gotta go slay all the onion ninjas now. Those fuckers are everywhere today.

    • I did not know we could do that darn it, always late.
      But awesome that it was done :huggles:

    • vivian

      If we are not for one another, than what are we for?

    • CeeQ

      We’re family. ❤️❤️

  • JustDon’tSayNATO

    Well, hell, it’s almost 3:30. Maybe I should change outta my PJs. Time to see what the food trucks have on offer this week.

    • JustDon’tSayNATO

      Well, hell, no food trucks. Guess we’ll eat some leftover lamb. Nice day for a walk, though.

  • II Gosala

    Seems to me these neo muffins are a neo plot by neo bots to neo oppresse the neo nut neo marginalized.

    Neo signed,
    Neo II Gosala

  • Jennifer R

    NK missile lands in Japan’s economic exclusion zone.
    https://twitter.com/th3j35t3r/status/868948096918724608

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Wonderful.

    • Lori

      We are totally screwed because there is no possibility that Donnie won’t make this bad situation worse.

    • h4rr4r

      You mean they hit fish again?

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Japanese Kongo-class Guided Missile Destroyers are equivalent to US Burke-class and should be able to splash a Ballistic missile, but that is further escalation.

      • Jennifer R

        Currently am hearing it was a SCUD type of some sort. I don’t know if it was one of their existing stockpile they bought decades ago, or if it was a homemade one. Either way a less than impressive delivery system now that anti missile crews are active.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          OK. Definitely can be handled by the Kongos then, and by late Block Patriot, which the Self Defense Force also use.

          These damned provocations. I wonder if the DPRK wants China to step in somehow?

          • I am just more curious how come these tests always seem to follow Trump doing a stupid to piss off our western allies.
            Conspiracy hat and all, I know, but idk, coincidence was never a good friend of mine and this is becoming a pattern

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            They’d have to work hard to pick a moment when he wasn’t doing a stupid.

          • This is true.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Yeah, I think it’s all weird myself. When we *know* that Russia is the enemy actor here, I don’t think it’s Tinfoil-hat to think they are acting on more than one nation.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            See, that there is coincidence. Not a day goes by that donald doesn’t do a stupid to piss off our western allies…..and me, too, for that matter…

          • Jennifer R

            Well they launched a missile a few weeks ago that came within 60 miles of that Russian port. It almost makes me wonder if they have so little control of where their missiles go, that they can’t even really pick a general direction.

          • Jennifer R

            Don’t forget that SK currently has 3 SeJong the Great class ships with Aegis systems. And three more in production. And now has 2 THAAD systems as well.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Oh, I didn’t know that. Thank you. :)

          • Jennifer R

            A friend of mine was stationed at the DMZ last decade and she keeps me up to date on what is what about NK/SK news.

        • h4rr4r

          Pretty much their whole inventory is SCUD derivatives.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        What about the King Kongo class destroyers?

    • BosGrl

      Crap.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Getting closer anyway

      • Jennifer R

        It was a SCUD type missile. So that either means they wanted/needed to fire one of their stockpile (to show off, or to test a random missile for functionality of a batch), or they were testing a homemade knock off’s performance.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      “Release the Kraken!”

      • jesterpunk

        Isnt this how Godzilla starts?

    • The Wanderer

      Time for the Japanese to drop by Ogosawara-jima and see if they can enlist Gojira.

    • Doug Langley

      Technically, if it hits the Korean beach it’s in Japanese waters.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • sw19wilson

      Attacking innocent civilians has opposite effect on nation than desired. Who’da thunk it?

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        Yeah, the country that single-handedly held off the Nazis for two years–without even having a decent army (France did, but they collapsed)–ain’t taking no guff. If only we could get the terrified weakling rubes to understand that.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “Never in the field of human grifting has so much been stolen by so few from so many.” That’s your difference right there.

          • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

            “We will grift them on the beaches…. “

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s the spirit! I’ve heard there are a few openings available in the Trump administration.

  • Mary Theresa

    Any recipes that will get rid of muffin tops, asking for a friend.

    • Alan

      Just eat them.

      • Mary Theresa

        LOL.

        • Alan

          Reminds me of the old joke. I’ll have a donut hole…and the donut you cut it out of.

    • Lori

      1. Separate muffin top from muffin bottom. A serrated knife works well for this.

      2. Eat the muffin top

      3. Muffin top is gone

      • vivian

        profit!!!

    • Michael R
      • Alan

        I’ll have a couple of those.

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        Of course, now they’re coming back, if the repeated sighting of high-waisted pants (“they’re so cool! So fresh”) on the starlets on talk shows is any indication.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          I bought low-rise in Size 8 this month – Yays! – and I got the last pair in my size, and they haven’t restocked as of last Tuesday.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Cheerios w/Skim milk and Club Soda are helping mine.

      • Alan

        The club soda is separate I hope.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Yeah. xD I should specify I’ve replaced sugar soda and juices with Club Soda.

          • Alan

            Toss in a slice of citrus fruit.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Good idea. I usually have Limes around. :)

          • h4rr4r

            Then you just need gin.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Diet doesn’t allow alcohol. :(

  • msanthropesmr
  • Ezio

    I am going to check out for this evening, Wonkers. Hope to see you all tomorrow. You know, one of the days that Conservatives pretend to care about Veterans despite shutting down all bills that could help the homeless or disabled ones every other day of the year.

    Buona notte!

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Ciao Bello

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    If you have scale that will accurately measure a quarter teaspoon of salt, you are a drug dealer

    • h4rr4r

      Or reloader, or airgun benchrest shooter, or rocket hobbyist, or chemistry hobbyist,etc.

    • Zyxomma

      Or a jeweler. Or a gem dealer.

  • I just at 2 cups of rice. And now i’m going to have a large bowl of birthday cake flavoured Fruit Loops. I am such an awesome grown-up

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend
  • TJ Barke

    Welp, weed whacker’s broken, there goes the rest of the yard work I needed to do this weekend…

    • sw19wilson

      ‘Need’ is a very harsh word.

      • TJ Barke

        Well FSM knows I didn’t really want to do it.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          And FSM heard what was in your heart, and a miracle!

          Ramen.

          • TJ Barke

            By breaking my weed whacker? Couldn’t it just have started raining?

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Been there, done that…

          • WomanInThePersistence

            That would make the problem worse.

          • sw19wilson

            His Noodliness floats in mysterious ways!

        • The Wanderer

          He has blessed you with His Noodly Appendage!

    • Doug Langley

      Sigh. This is why God invented nail clippers.

  • Canis the Grey

    So OT, how many Tic-Tacs did Dampnut pop before moving on John Kelly like a bitch? Did he take him furniture shopping, or what?
    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/john-kelly-jared-kushner-moscow-backchannel

  • BosGrl
    • Suse

      Very cool. Thanks!

  • Pinkham’s Law
    • CripesAmighty

      Yup. And the responses were as dense and obtuse as one would expect.

    • I would be embarrassed to have a friend who felt embarrassed by president Obama. In fact, I believe I’d be looking for a new friend if one of mine expressed that to me. Having a sentient Cheeto for a president is embarrassing. Sharing a country with people who would vote for said sentient Cheeto in large numbers is goddamn humiliating.

    • jesterpunk

      Good article, he is right though there are so many people who claimed to be “embarrassed” because Obama had a foreign sounding name and was brown.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      embarrassed by Obama, but not by Trump.

      Ye gods, what is it like in these people’s heads?

      • Mary Theresa

        A conglomerate of space debris.

        • sw19wilson

          space debris libels!!!

          • Doug Langley

            Obviously, you never saw “Gravity”.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I never want to know.

    • h4rr4r

      I have been embarrassed since he left office.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • Edith Prickly

      Oh great, now Evan will never come out of his bunk again.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I bet they were speaking French to each other … très sexy!

      • Canis the Grey

        Seems like as good a time as any to start learning French.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Good idea … France and Canada sound like good places to land after escaping Trümpistan

          • Canis the Grey

            You must have read my mind! I was going to add a bit about how the last resort of seeking political asylum was still on the table, but I figured I could just leave it at learning French being it’s own reward.

        • ariel_gee_398

          “Je suis désolé pour notre président” is a good start.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’d learn french due to it’s ubiquitousness, but i’m having a hard enough time with accent marks in spanish, and in french they go BOTH directions AND have that funny looking g thing.

          • ariel_gee_398

            My French is terrible, but I spent a little bit of time there during the Bush years, so…

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            when i was little, our family was stationed in germany, so I picked up german. I studied it in h.s. for some reason (instead of more useful spanish).

            During spanish class in college i would occasionally mix up the word for something in spanish with the corresponding word in german.

            I don’t *get* how people can speak 4, 5, 6 diffferent languages.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Usually, learning young is an advantage. I’m the same, I can speak Italian, restaurant French and German, and can understand Spanish, but my brain usually goes to the Italian word first because that’s what I know best.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’ve heard that. same with music.

          • Canis the Grey

            Well that explains how quickly you would become fluent with certain phrases!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Notre? Ill n’est pas mon president. Jamais.

            Le spellcheck n’aime past le francais.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            I think we would have to add “we’re sorry” to that …

      • Yr. Gma

        Mais oui, bien sûr.

    • Lori

      Just think how good Obama would have looked hanging out with them.

      sigh

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Since we’re doing baking, I’m going to chip in a recipe I’ve grown very fond of:

    Blueberry-Orange Resistance Cornbread

    1/2 cup buttermilk
    1/4 cup canola oil
    1/4 cup orange juice
    1/4 cup sugar
    1/4 cup lightly packed golden brown sugar
    2 eggs
    1 tbsp. orange zest
    1/2 tsp salt
    4 tsp baking powder

    3/4 cup yellow cornmeal
    1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
    1 cup blueberries (frozen are fine, do not thaw)

    Preheat oven to 375° Butter an 8″ loaf pan
    In a large bowl, whisk together buttermilk, oil, O.J., eggs, both sugars, zest and salt until blended. Scatter baking powder over top and let stand until foamy, about 3 minutes.

    In another bowl, stir together cornmeal, flour and blueberries. Add to liquid ingredients and stir until batter is just free of lumps. Pour into loaf pan and bake until a toothpick inserted in the centre comes out clean, about 35 to 40 minutes. Cool on rack for 10 minutes, then turn onto wire rack to cool completely. Delicious eaten warm for dessert with a scoop of good vanilla ice cream (two scoops if you are hosting president Trump) or just have a slice for breakfast with a cup of tea or coffee.

    Notes: I find the zest and juice of a medium navel orange is usually enough. I always whisk the liquid ingredients again to combine the baking soda before adding the dry ingredients. I bake mine for 45 to 47 minutes, but that’s probably my oven, your results may vary. Enjoy!

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      This sounds really good! I love Cornbread in any form, and the fruit will make it fun. :)

    • sw19wilson

      I bought some cranberry sourdough bread from the local bakery yesterday. I like to leave that kind of shit to the professionals! :)

  • Bill D. Burger

    Well shit! Didn’t we read his Bigly Powerful lawyers were going to snatch the exhausted and no stamina Trump’s phone?
    Trump apparently hid the Adderall & an iPhone under the lid of a toilet tank.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DA6xj_NU0AQ29mU.jpg

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Jesus Christ. I can’t even with this asshole.

    • jesterpunk
      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        “puny god”

    • Canis the Grey

      Imagine all the shit they’d be getting away with if the Beast didn’t reveal his true nature, via Twitter, on a regular basis.

      Public perception of his reign at this point would still be “Tonight he became the President of the United States. The end.”

    • Mary Theresa

      Just STFU DJT, it’s a holiday weekend and I don’t want to hear your crap.

      • jesterpunk

        Does anyone want to hear his crap the rest of the year?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Tienemos Wonketeers que hablan espanol? Estoy practicando hablar Espanol y necessito personas que puedo hablar conmigo.

    (I’m sure I fucked that all kinds of up, but I’m pulling stuff from college spanish that I haven’t gotten to yet in my Rosetta Stone program)

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Un poco. Español de high school con un refresco desde telenovelas y algunas malas palabras de las idiomas Chicana.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        heh, las primeras palabras que (I learned, cause i can only do present tense) son palabras malas.

        Es la frontera (shrug).

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Mi hija es trabajando en un restaurante. Muchos latinos trabajan en la cocina. Ella tiene aprendido muchas malas palabras. Soy de Colorado originalmente y aprendo malas palabras como una joven. (I know I screwed tenses up there.) And she is learning from many countries not just Mexican American profanity.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            sadly my profanity is limited to Mexican-American ones.

            In spanish 2 in college, we were going to learn some curses. And the teacher looked at me and said, “yes, we know you know these.”

            Proudest moment of my college career.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            I need to ask my daughter to teach me some of the Columbian and Central American curses.

  • btwbfdimho
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i’m looking forward to the reason excuse given by his defenders on why that golf cart was necessary.

      • btwbfdimho
        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ugh, don’t remind me…that was pure unadulterated, weapons grade, bullshit – and people believed it.

          • Lori

            Did they believe it or did they just not care as long a the White House was once again occupied by a white Republican man?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            given their hatred for liberals, they’re total delusion (with apologies to people with mental health issues), and they’re love of htat lunatic, I’m going with actually believed it.

          • Lori

            I think my Trump voter family members just didn’t care. They knew the doctor was talking out his ass, but they took it as mere exaggerating rather than recognizing it as another in the Trump campaign’s parade of lies. They so badly wanted to beat Hillary that nothing else mattered.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            it’s that whole figuratively but not literally b.s.

            ugh.

        • Canis the Grey

          It’s because he never depletes his battery. Just been hoarding all that energy up inside for the last 70 years, feeding it fried chicken and steak briquettes soaked in ketchup.

      • snark-lurker

        he does his best brain work on a gulfcart

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’m curious if golf carts are now equipped with a socket to charge one’s phone.

          • snark-lurker

            me not know but guess so for he Teetler

    • Michael R

      To the tune of ” Yakety Sax ”

      https://s3.postimg.org/s7oay8iyr/trump_golf_cart.gif

      • Mary Theresa

        OMG…trigger warning . Do not watch if you’ve had more than 2 drinks.

  • jesterpunk
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      saw the headline…nope nope nope.

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah, I actually read the article.Texas and Florida lead the nation in minors getting married and its normally between minors and adults to avoid statutory rape laws.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          what’s awful about that is, at least in Texas, IIRC from family law class, you have to have parent’s permission (or be emancipated).

          In other words, these parents GAVE THEIR BLESSING.

          blech.

          • jesterpunk

            Yep, that is what the article talks about. An 11 year old raped by an adult from the church. Her parents and the church suggested the marriage to avoid legal problems. Later in the article it says the marriage didnt work out but it did affect her grades in ELEMENTARY school.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ugh…nope, nope, nope.
            Don’t wanna.

            So, the weather is getting very hot out here..but that’s the desert for you. I was shocked, SHOCKED to learn in h.s. (from tv) that places in the NW still get snow in May…but that was 20 years ago, so global warming has probably taken care of that.

            Meanwhile, about 4 years ago it was 110-114 for several days in austin. And I was out walking around – it was brutal.

          • BosGrl

            That whole article made me sick. Mass. has minimum age laws, but if parents sign off and a judge agrees, it’s A-OK. Being underage, they are virtual prisoners to their husbands because they are too young to go to a shelter, get an apartment or any kind of government assistance, a decent-paying job, etc.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            One question no sex-hating, Slut-shaming Christian has even tried to answer is – where were you when my Deacon dad was raping and molesting me?

            They are all Johnnies-and-Janes-on the Spot now, hating my short-shorts and my Sex Positive lifestyle, but ain’t none of them were helping thru all the tears of agony.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            FWIW, my mom would have been there. We joke about her being the “practice mom”. All of my gay friends came out to her as a warm-up to coming out to their own parents. She’s UCC, and was one of the people who campaigned to have gay marriage recognized as a sacrament.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’m sorry you had to go through that.
            It’s an inadequate thing to say, but I want you to know I mean it.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Thank you. :) ~hugs~ It helps just to say it. He can’t and wont defeat me if I’m not ashamed anymore.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah…well you do you girl.
            hugz back.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            :)

          • jesterpunk

            Anna, I am really sorry you had to go through that. Parents are supposed to be the people you can trust to take care of you not the ones who are hurting you.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Thank you. :)

            I want to make it so no other child has to go through it.

          • Yr. Gma

            Yep. I’ll tell you where they were. At home beating their own kids. One reason I have such a good command of the Bible is from hearing it quoted as reason to slap, punch, kick or slug me. This is the refuge of the scoundrels, the “Christians” who brag about their holiness. What saved me were some Christ-like people in my life who would come to the rescue (when they could.) I know I was lucky, and I wish you had had some of those people in your life, too, Anna.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            ~hugs~ I’m sorry for what you went through.

          • Yr. Gma

            What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            That’s for sure. :)

          • Lori

            When your entire sexual ethic boils down “Sex outside of marriage = BAD, sex inside of marriage = good” you inevitably end up supporting some really terrible shit. Purity culture is incredibly unhealthy.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Ugh. Just….ugh.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      There will come a reckoning, “Good Christians”.

      • jesterpunk

        That is a nice way to put it. Saying what I really want to say would get me banned from here.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Indeed. I’ve taken abuse, sexual, emotional, verbal, from Good Christians my entire life.

          Beware the day when I dish out Payback.

    • Vecchioivan

      Well, that was sickening.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Snopes Shop
    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Deep. I mean, Derp.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      why yes, Huck, that is indeed true.

      (Backs away slowly…)

    • Canis the Grey

      To self: “What does that fucking mean, even?”

      (searches internet) “Oh, because climate change is like a sunburn … haw haw –christ, what an arsehole!”

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i know right?

    • Michael R

      When it comes to Trump , can’t it be both ?

    • WeaselPoo

      It’s this kind of shit that makes me feel so stabby

      • Snopes Shop

        That’s why I shared it, if my day was ruined, I wanted all y’alls to be ruined to. It makes me feel better.

    • SayItWithWookies

      And which one did your son do to that dog, Huck?

    • bookish

      Is that supposed to make some kind of sense?

    • Yr. Gma

      There he goes, trying to be funny again. What a tool.

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    Here’s a really good alternative Nutella recipe:
    1 Jar of Nutella
    1 Spoon

    • Duke

      I call that “bachelor cooking.”

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it’s the recipe of my youth (when you could only get nutella at the military commissary, cause of all the german transplants – and german officers who trained here).

        • BosGrl

          Right. 20-odd years ago, you often had to go to a imported-food store to find it. After my parents brought it back from Italy, my Katie ate Nutella on an Eggo every single day (until she got to high school and discovered “everything” bagels). When I found it, I had to stock up :).

          • Major_Major_Major

            mmmmmmm, everything bagels.

  • Edith Prickly

    Son of Prickly and I just put our batch of muffins in to bake. He’s already planning tomorrow’s breakfast around them.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    KingArthurFlour.com is the greatest food site ever. Full stop.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Agree.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Not being much of a sweets person, I think this is my favorite recipe from them: http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/cheddar-cheese-and-scallion-scones-recipe

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        I’ve been making my Spoon Drop biscuits with King Arthur Flour. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5ae8f86eb1e4597c116bf522e391b79c9286055efcbddd2a44b761d9239e7207.jpg

        They are so good, I don’t use my biscuit cutter even after I found which box it was packed in.

      • Edith Prickly

        THE BEST KIND OF SCONES. Bookmarking for later in the week…

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          you guys ever experimented with mexican empanadas? Good stuff.

          (I specified b/c apparently cuban empanadas have meat in them, I had never heard such a thing before going to florida…here they are typically fruit based).

          • h4rr4r

            Puerto Ricans make them with meat. So much better than the fruit.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            eh, I get the hearty breakfast thing, but I liked the fruit ones.

            I don’t think I ever actually TRIED a cuban empanada; from my limited experience cubans are big on ham and lots of grease.

          • h4rr4r

            Breakfast? They are lunch and dinner.

            Ham and grease are good.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i did a gig once with some dudes and they bought them before the day started…i’m such a food coward.

          • h4rr4r

            I will eat any damn thing.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, cabeza de vaca?

          • h4rr4r

            Cow’s head is not what I would consider adventurous eating. Cheek meat is awesome. Tongue is great. Not much unusual there. Even tripa is more interesting. I love me some tacos with tripa.

            Unless you meant the Spanish explorer. Cannibalism is a bit much even for me.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            rofl, I have been around it, but never partaken of lengua, tripas, or cabeza de vaca (which stunk).

            I was at a haitian restaurant in south beach once. Everything was goat, the place reeked. I was too nauseous to eat anything, which was good cause it was ALL goat.

          • h4rr4r

            Goat is awesome! I would recommend cabrito (goat lamb basically) to anyone, but especially to someone not familiar with goat.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i told ya, I iz a coward…i’ll take a nice mexican skirt steak, though.

            Dammit, I made myself hungry.

          • h4rr4r

            My favorite taco place burned down a few weeks ago. They had everything. It was a pretty big loss.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            : (

          • Lori

            My sincere condolences. The loss of a good taco place is a hard blow.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Jamaican goat curry.

          • HorseChestnut

            Puerto Rico’s similar. It’s a land of pork.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            aye…I mean, I don’t mind swine (breaded pork chops is good eatin’)…I just have this weird thing about ham. Texture and taste, just no.

            admittedly, I went to Florida thinking Cubans had spicy food like Mexicans do, but nope.
            When I was there for the interview, they took me to a little cuban place for a mid-morning meal. The cuban editor ordered a plate of eggs, ham, and cuban style bread.
            It was the blandest meal I’ve ever seen outside of white bread, mayo, and…ham.

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Pasteurized Processed Cheese Food libelz!!!111!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            nonsense! I love pasteurized processed cheese “food”.

          • Edith Prickly

            The empanadas I’ve had are South American – filled with meat or cheese. Fruit sounds good though – what kind of fruits?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            apples and pumpkin immediately spring to mind (i liked the apple ones)…but it’s basically just a fruit turnover, so I imagine you could do damn near anything.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            There’s a little Mexican bakery here that sells mango ones. Delish!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah, see that’s a good one.
            I’m too afraid to try a panaderia – not because of the food, just cause their common and I don’t know a good one.
            In chicago, my mexican american roommate would come home with stuff from one on sundays.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Dude, don’t start. I’m already drooling.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, you know what I’m talking about!
            (It hot out your way yet? my computer tells me it’s 88 degrees out. my computer is a filthy liar!)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It was over 100 a few days, then we got a respite. The last one though. Gonna be brutal for the next 4 months.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            aye, was thinking the same thing on my beer/smokes run.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The almond flour lemon shortbread is epic.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s a cooperative. This makes it the least evil form of corporation.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        and their products are reasonably priced and impeccable.

        • TJ Barke

          It’s almost as if we should have workers seize the means of production…

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            I thought we already were an autonomous collective. Or am I just fooling myself?

          • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

            You are. We’re living in a dictatorship!

          • TJ Barke

            There’s some lovely filth down here.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You have to say “PERIOD!” or no one takes you seriously.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      You could say they are the Holy Grail of food sites.

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        You Galahad to say that, didn’t you?

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      I just added it to favourites. And I am going to regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow…but soon, and for the rest of my life.

  • snark-lurker

    having lightly skimmed the STS [sunday talk shows] it looks like republicans of all stripes are circling their wagons around the WH: backchannels to an enemy are ok and the “whistle blowers” are flirting with treason

    • Michael R

      Well both sides can’t be right so let’s see how it goes and who is shamed for eternity ( or four years which seems to be voter attention span )

    • WeaselPoo

      Apparently Joy Reid was having none of that shit ( ref: Raw Story). I don’t get to see the Sunday political shows, but I doubt much has changed since I was able to regularly yell at them in exasperation a few years ago.

    • TJ Barke

      IT’S NOT TREASON TO TELL YOUR FELLOW COUNTRYMEN, MORONS!

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Especially when telling your countrymen about criminal activity at the highest levels!

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl
  • BosGrl
    • TJ Barke
      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Do you ever get concussions, TJ?

        • TJ Barke

          Concessions? Sure, they’re delicious. What were we talking about?

    • ariel_gee_398

      As evidenced by their efforts thus far? Completely unimpeded by Democratic intervention? Or is “Healthcare” just the name of his personal slush fund?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Yes?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Derpsperate fuckhead attempts derpsperate bullshit spinning?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      *sigh*
      talk about internal inconsistent logic.
      REPUBLICANS DON’T PUT MONEY INTO HEALTHCARE.

    • jesterpunk

      More dollars for tax cuts for the CEO’s of the health care companies? Their plan hurts anyone not rich and they have another plan to allow companies to genetically test employees.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • ariel_gee_398

      Also, you’re the fucking President. Don’t “suggest” bullshit on Twitter. Propose some legislation. Call fuckface Ryan and Yertle and put them to fucking work.

      • WeaselPoo

        But isn’t that Jared’s ‘job’ ?

    • msanthropesmr

      Single payer? That’s more dollars to “Healthcare”/

      Add more dollars? What the fuck does that even mean?

      • WeaselPoo

        It’s simple:
        by ‘adding’ (instead of not doing that ) the sum of a quantity of ‘dollars’, (for example), multiplied by ‘more’ , we can then take that product and plot it on a graph where the x axis is ‘Healthcare’ and the y-axis is a scale from better to best, we can then draw a vector from the point of origin to the intersection of ‘Republicans’ and ‘dead Obamacare’, so ‘we’, can derive the value of ‘anywhere’.

    • WeaselPoo

      Your bold ideas intrigue me, Mr Trump, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol…everybody shush and let him try it!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      It’s now official. He’s batshit crazy.

      • TJ Barke

        His brain is broked.

    • ltmcdies

      Has he met “The Republicans”?

    • Rick Hill

      e’s going to do it, too. Of course he means add dollars from consumers, er, citizens but still

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Yr. Gma

      Add a few more dollars that you have promised to your buddies in a tax cut?

  • Thiazin Red

    Thing I have learned today. Wearing sunglasses around the house does make it much easier to deal with a migraine. However, I can’t work with them on, because the polarizing lenses make it impossible to see the screen.

    I bought one of those cat toys with the ping pong ball in a plastic track. My dipshit cat decided to sleep on it instead of playing with it.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Resistance Dog Molly on duty. Don’t even think about it, assholes! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/25b24d37a84761031b27bd04d5aef98da1ce93de1009d3fff29182df0e08bc89.jpg

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      “checkpoint front gate is clear, over.” – Molly.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I love that dog. Mostly because she’s awesome.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Any menacing stranger coming to the door runs the risk of having to throw a tennis ball for her for the next few hours.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol.

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          Don’t you have to put up a sign or something for that?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “Warning! Playful dog on premises!”

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Ignore the bad guys long enough and they’ll go away!”

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          Calvin looks…sort of alert. Of, course, he’s just wondering if I’m about to get up to feed him…

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, the orange one is like, “5 moar minutez!”

      • WomanInThePersistence

        A) those are some beautiful cats
        B) aren’t you Canadian? And
        C) Let’s keep fighting!

  • Major_Major_Major

    Sooooo, completely off-topic, but until the left invests in completely biased talk radio, teevee, and decides on a uniformed smear messaging campaign, the fucjkards on the right are never gonna lose the ignorati… We will continue to tilt at manufactured windmills while the fascists systematically destroy everything in the name of ‘merican kleptocracy.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Hazzoo posted the best defense of tp ever downthread.

      • Major_Major_Major

        I would expect nothing less of Hazzoo.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          It’s brilliant. I don’t have the skills to repost. But I laughed very hard.

          • snark-lurker

            tp? wut dat?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Trust me, it’s better than brushes.

          • snark-lurker

            ah huh humm “thumk” *sound of soft body meeting carpet*

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      But Republicans are dying off, we have the young.

      • Claire

        I just read an article that presented evidence that young Republicans are ditching the party at an alarming rate. Well, alarming if you’re a Republican; gratifying for the rest of us.

        • Longstreet63

          Well, they’ll probably only be able to cheat their way to absolute power for another 40 years at most, then.

          • Claire

            Maybe. It depends on how fast they kill off their voters with no jobs, no social security, no drug rehab, and no medical care.

    • Claire

      I can’t disagree with this, but the left has a bazillion podcasts and Youtube videocasts. I’m guessing that an investment in dying media like talk radio and TV will only pay dividends for another twenty years or so. That’s a long time, admittedly, but you’d also have to somehow get market penetration into rural areas in red states where people are already comfortable in their Real Murrican fantasy world and won’t listen to anything that contradicts it.

      I think that going after the talk radio and TV market would just result in monetary losses trying to reach the same Luddite demographic that we mock the GOP for depending on. Instead of going after them, maybe we should be courting members of our own base who don’t vote.

    • Alan

      I’m feeling more confident that the normal people will get off their asses and vote next time.

  • andyshelt

    The final leg of Trump’s trip was the G7 summit in Sicily, where he met the leaders of Canada, France, Italy, Germany, Japan, and the UK.The other six world leaders managed to play nicely posing for a group photo in front of their respective flags after a brief walk.

    Trump was late – because he couldn’t manage to walk 700 yards (that’s about a third of a mile or 640 metres) to take the photo. He waited for a golf cart and rode down to join the others.

    The news has led to an interesting edited version of the leaders.

    https://twitter.com/DNaghizadeh/status/868711419046506496

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Poor bastard needs an oxygen mask.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wd_ZITiiKs

    • Rags

      He probably took the cart for security reasons. If he had walked with them, some crazed assassin aiming to kill the free world’s leaders might have accidentally hit him.

  • Michael R
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      trump in 2 photos.

    • WeaselPoo

      How about ‘Fatas, Dumbas et Traitoras’ ?

      • Michael R

        ,, and Grabass

    • Lori

      They had to change it because it belongs to another family and because when it comes to Trumps “integrity” is just straight up false advertising.

    • therblig

      wouldn’t the trump crest have rampant douchebags instead of rampant lions?

  • ariel_gee_398

    This seems far too generous. At least drunk tourists put something back into the local economy.
    https://twitter.com/scottbix/status/868978018320076800

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A drunk tourist with a nuclear arsenal and the most efficient military on earth at his disposal.

      • ariel_gee_398

        And yet he still couldn’t get a parade of tanks for his inauguration.

    • Michael R

      Let’s revisit Trump slowed down ( sounds like any drunk )

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pex6o6f3YE

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Still can’t understand what the fuck he’s trying to say …

    • Thiazin Red

      I have been a drunk american tourist in Europe, and its really not that hard to not be a national embarrassment.

      • Claire

        Samesies. Keep your voice down, don’t make a scene, and attempt the local language. And don’t shove Montenegro, it’s rude.

        • Longstreet63

          Montenegro shoved me first!
          eh, no, that was Macedonia. My bad.

    • Alan

      Except drunks are drunk.

  • jesterpunk

    Kind of OT but if you are planning on making meatballs and you forget to make sure you have breadcrumbs first ( like I did) croutons thrown in a blender work really well as a substitute.

    • JustDon’tSayNATO

      I shall call them ‘Meatballs MacGyver’

      • jesterpunk

        That is a good name for them. 😀

    • Jennifer R

      Rice works well too. (Grew up hearing ones made with rice called porcupines).

      • jesterpunk

        Oh good idea, I have lots of white and brown rice.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Any starch will help. It’s a panade, and will help bind the ingredients.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Toast works well, also too.

  • Jennifer R

    Awesome! It took me like 20 minutes to implement the first shop in my game over to the new data style. Now I need to do the second shop and make sure item filtering works.

    • h4rr4r

      This had better not be some IAP thing.

      • Jennifer R

        Don’t be silly. I mean shop as in the page where your character in this off line single player interactive fiction can buy and sell items.

        • h4rr4r

          Interactive fiction?

          • Jennifer R

            You are given a bit of narrative (anywhere from a sentence to a couple paragraphs) and are then presented with a series of choices and pick which one to proceed down. Sometimes you need to have an item or an event needs to have already happened for a choice to be available to you, like someone recognising you because a previous choice put you at a place where you could be identified by them. I also have some rudimentary combat in place.

          • h4rr4r

            Will I be eaten by a grue?

          • Jennifer R

            No, but if you insist on playing with bear cubs you might get your shit wrecked by a momma bear.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGPBfbeAh5w

    I didn’t get to see Ghost in the Shell when it was in-theater. I just found this video, and it made me cry and I don’t know why.

  • Thiazin Red

    These are adorable, the one with her warming her feet on him is me and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is the one who texts instead of getting ready though.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/artist-turns-life-with-his-wife-into-adorably-relatable-comics_us_59285e0fe4b053f2d2ac3cc9

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i’m missing the point again, but good lord that dude’s wife is gorgeous.

      • Thiazin Red

        They are a very attractive couple.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          aye…the comics were funny.

          I kinda wish I had somebody to…oh nevermind. (and the hot/cold thing is totally true, i had an ex who was ALWAYS cold, even when her body was giving off enough heat to over heat me. Also, she flopped around in bed like fish).

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            I once accused my husband of flopping around in bed like a dead fish — I meant one pulled out of water onto the boat before it died but was too sleep addled. He reminds me dead fish don’t flop.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, the same one told me i slept like a vampire, with my arms crossed over my chest, never moving.
            THat was mostly the result of sleeping in tiny beds and working crazy hours at that time.

            Now, I roll around in a circle and for some reason almost always the same way. Back, right side, stomach, left side. Repeat till i’m asleep.

    • Alan

      They all look quite familiar, particularly the bowl of cereal requiring multiple loads in the dishwasher. And the shower, and the feet, and….

  • Rick Hill

    I’m getting too old for this shit

    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aRmpQOQ_700b.jpg

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • RobKanC

      LAME!!!!

    • not_vh

      omg the invectives and the blood-letting

    • Count Awesome

      It’s so polite

    • CripesAmighty

      Oh, the humanity!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Why, they might even use minced oaths!

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Small dog needs a walk. He’s a bit adamant. Btw, dogs are. The. Best.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      my cats tell me to disagree.

      ; )

      • therblig

        our dogs and cats have always co-existed harmoniously and even accepted a rabbit and a cornsnake into the fold. tropical fish, while colorful and soothing to watch, proved too high maintenance. praying mantises were intriguing (science fair) and ant lions (aka Ceti Eels, also science fair) were a lot of fun.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          my mother once told me we had cats cause they take care of their own (small) poops.

          I didn’t disagree. Some neighbors back in the day had a backyard that lokoed like a minefield.

          • therblig

            i once had coworker who told me when she was younger, her family had a saint bernard and it was her brother’s job to clean the backyard.

            the way they found out he wasn’t doing his job was when their father ran the lawnmower and huge chunks of dried saint bernard shit started hitting the house.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ye gods.

        • Persistent Demme

          My daughter came home from a Renaissance Fair with a “Baby Dragon” (lizard).
          I was buying live crickets (*shudder*) for that thing for years.

          Our poodle would get all jealous when I misted the cage, so I sang her a song: “It’s raining in Lizard-ville, but it’s dry in Poodle-town!”
          (Why yes, I’m crazy. Why do you ask?)

          • therblig

            Crickets are disgusting. I ended up catching flies with a butterfly net for blig jr’s mantises.

            We constantly reassure Gary that he’s the best poodle in Poodleopolis. And I ask him in song “pardon me boy, are you the whackadoodle poodle? To say the least, a belligerent beast.”

          • Persistent Demme

            So glad to hear that other people sing to their pets!
            We will never live down the “No nose is good nose” incident of ’85!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i mangled a child’s tune and sing it to babby kitteh.

            No, now I won’t tell you the lyrics.
            : D

    • JustDon’tSayNATO

      The Best!

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl
    • jesterpunk

      The military has a shit load of extra tanks they dont even want sitting in the desert. I wonder if we could borrow a few to drive around for a few hours or days?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        Ima game! You drive, I’ll gun?

        • Longstreet63

          I could sit in the turret hatch with field glasses if you like…

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Sounds like a plan. :)

        • jesterpunk

          Sounds good, I have never driven a tank before but they are study enough to take a few hits while I figure it out. Wait actually you can blow up things before I hit them then we can be presidential.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Damn right. xD

    • Persistent Demme

      Looks like Mr. Demme doing “donuts” in the snow-filled parking lots of Rochester, NY.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        xD Nice!

    • Pinkham’s Law
      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        Geez Louise! Are they going to get their butts kicked!

        T-90, I think T-90S.

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Ha, they’re using the counterweight in the turret to keep their balance! Clever!

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        Watching it again, not only are you correct, but I think that weight is an auxiliary power generator to run the electronics without burning loads of fuel or creating a huge thermal signature while idling.

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          Could be. I can’t find any motes on where the APU is located but putting it in the counterweight makes sense, since everything it runs is in the turret anyway.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      O.M.G.

      this fuckin’ guy.

    • BosGrl

      ::runs screaming::

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        apparently the “real story” is whatever trump tweets at us.

        Yes, presidenting can be reduced to 140 characters.

        • Count Awesome

          Trump’s tweets are fake news in 140 characters or less

      • snark-lurker

        Donut stop I right behind you!

    • Count Awesome

      It’s like a prelude to gay porn.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Do I need to know what “hay porn” is?

        • Count Awesome

          Refresh. I have a new phone I hate.
          ETA in response to Landshark: If you were thinking farmer’s daughter porn you’ll be sadly disappointed.

          • JustDon’tSayNATO

            lol. I keep downvoting posts when I really want to see the image.

          • Count Awesome

            Google *farmer’s daughter xxx”. I expect an upvote.

          • JustDon’tSayNATO

            Maybe when the wife’s out of the room….

          • Count Awesome

            Why wait? Get her involved too.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Shucks. I thought it was farmer’s daughters and horses …

          • Count Awesome

            The farmers daughter isn’t Catherine the Great or even Linda Lovelace.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            OK … I guess I can settle for the farmer’s daughter sans horse …

            sad face

          • Count Awesome

            How can you not get excited about corn fed titties held in place by a red checkered napkin that is just little too small?

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            I’ll be in my bunk …

          • Count Awesome

            I hope you have company in your bunk.

    • Thiazin Red

      Whoever is writing these isn’t very convincing. Grammar and vocabulary far too good to really be from trump. The use of complete sentences alone is a dead giveaway.

      • Count Awesome

        So someone is taking dictation from Trump doesn’t his Twitter due to his Alzheimer’s?

      • BosGrl

        Yeah, it’s kind of a stretch to think he knows the meaning of “disparaging”.

      • Rags

        Maybe the lawyers are actually now vetting his tweet. Extremely.

    • JustDon’tSayNATO
    • h4rr4r

      Demeaning? That word is way too bigly for der Trumpety.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        It’s amazing he even knows demeaning of that word.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • Alan

      Did he finally hire someone to write his tweets?

  • Michael R

    Can you resist Betty White’s muffin ?

    https://vimeo.com/24423906

    • Count Awesome

      Maybe. Is this pin-up Betty White?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Holy crap, why didn’t I see this BEFORE I went grocery shopping?

    Those look amazing.

  • chascates
  • Panika MCD

    howdy! it’s raining. what have I missed?

    • snark-lurker

      SN:AFU

      • Panika MCD

        do what to who?

        • snark-lurker

          : )

      • jesterpunk

        I think it has moved past that to FUBAR.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          SN: FUBAR?

          • jesterpunk

            Sigh yeah that fits.

        • Count Awesome

          It’s a disastrophe.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      If it’s been raining 40 days and 40 nights, you might wanna check in with your local sky god for mass murder.

      • Panika MCD

        it just might. but fest is only 2 more weeks long. my tent is dry, but my air mattress is dead. may have to shack up with one of those cute boys that are running around.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Did it have a rewarding life keeping your butt off the ground?

          • Panika MCD

            for 10 years. though it was 10 years where its butt was held off the ground by cots. going to get a new one at Gibson’s tomorrow.

        • snark-lurker

          Why are you living in a tent?

          • BosGrl

            Soon we’ll all be living in tents.

          • snark-lurker

            : (

          • Count Awesome

            FEMA camps!
            Oh wait, Obama is sadly no longer President.

          • Lori

            You think we’re going to be able to afford tents? You’re quite the optimist.

          • Panika MCD

            what else would I live in during an 18 day folk festival.

          • snark-lurker

            Alone?!

          • Panika MCD

            I’m in a camp and hope to not have my tent remain single occupancy the entire fest.

        • JustDon’tSayNATO

          Have you found Ron yet? He should surrounded by empty Dr. McGillicuddy bottles by now.

          • Panika MCD

            no. but I thought I was pretty clear about, you know, not doing that.

          • JustDon’tSayNATO

            You were. I just have a feeling he’d be hard to miss. He’s hilarious in a goofball way. If you’re able to sleep at all, he must be a good distance away.

          • Panika MCD

            sounds like he’d be pretty easy to miss in this place.

          • JustDon’tSayNATO

            Oh, and I didn’t ever mean any sort of match-making. Ron’s married and also too A Old. And his wife’s probably there with him.

          • Panika MCD

            I wasn’t going to look for him because I have Operation Stuff & Things to do and am not wild about song circles of all covers. I didn’t think you were match making.

      • Count Awesome

        Tickets are sold out for that Christianist theme park with the ark.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          I hear their wave pool is like, gnarly to the max.

          • Count Awesome

            It can’t be an infinity pool because science.

        • CripesAmighty
          • JustDon’tSayNATO

            Which reminds me: we went to see Roman Holiday yesterday, and Georgia Engels played the aunt. She was a hoot!

        • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

          Yeah, like that fucker would float.

          • Count Awesome

            It was designed to do everything but that .

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            It is, I understand, bolted to the ground. So, you’re safer with pool floaties.

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Have we no faith?

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            I’d rather rely on the floaties, TYVM.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Science fact: Black Panthers have spots only visible in long-wave infrared.

    They are basically jaguars with excess melanin.

    • RobKanC

      Actually no. There was a thing in Reddit proving otherwise yesterday.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        black panthers in the Americas are black jaguars (Panthera onca)

        • RobKanC

          Oh. Maybe I read that Reddit thing wrong.

    • Count Awesome

      Another science fact: A tiger’s stripes are on their skin as well.

      • Sheepshagger

        Also too: shit is currently fucked.

      • Alan

        I’m not shaving one to find out.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You can always identify them by their Afros and black berets.

    • Sheepshagger

      Did the FBI put them there?

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Appendum: In asia, they are leopards.

      Black panthers in Asia and Africa are leopards (Panthera pardus) and black panthers in the Americas are black jaguars (Panthera onca).

      • Alan

        And, while we’re at it, Floridians are so stupid that Florida panthers aren’t panthers at all.

    • Count Awesome

      More science facts:
      Big cats in the family “Pantera” cannot purr since they can roar.
      The purring if a house cat is like an area effect spell of healing
      An ordinary house cat’s kidneys are so efficient it can drink salt water.

    • Persistent Demme

      Sorta on topic. Here’s a baby lion cub I saw in Oz. All the cat owners were amazed at how similar he was to their pets. He was very curious about us. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a8e6bbac26bcb566b05adbdb045572f4fc22e7fc532b2b0e78666e4845781def.jpg

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i love big cats…

        • Persistent Demme

          He was adorable.
          Kept crossing his paws.
          The other cubs wanted to play, but he was more interested in watching us.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            they’re really just big kittehs – who can EAT you.

      • Three Finger Salute

        > baby lion cub in Oz

        someday he’ll be king of the forest :D

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOCNY9pJ850

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          Rrrrrrrrrrf!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • wait! what?

      Roll out the babble…

    • ariel_gee_398

      Merkel, Macron and Trudeau should have gone out for drinks last night and let photos leak out of them sitting around a table tossing back martinis and giggling while the boys pretended to have handshake battles.

    • Alan

      She’s celebrating because asshole left.

  • Pinkham’s Law
    • BosGrl

      How’s your hand feeling today?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        I have catlike reflexes! I let go before I had hold of it, so only very minor blistering.

        • BosGrl

          Thank goodness!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        What happened?

  • Sheepshagger

    While I have to eschew the pleasures I can’t bite off these days, Big Ben has its usual good advice: https://twitter.com/big_ben_clock/status/868996327102873602

    • RobKanC

      No wonder it’s that high.

      • Sheepshagger

        Elegantly wasted.

    • JustDon’tSayNATO

      Shouldn’t the time be 4:20?

      • Three Finger Salute

        No, that’s the clock on Parliament-Funkadelic Hill in Ottawa :)

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Peter Tork introduces Buffalo Springfield? Who woulda thunk it? (yes, I’m going down a rabbithole)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXp7AAirwqo

    • Zyxomma

      Lousy performance of a great song by a great group.

  • Ok. I worked 6am-5pm today. And was on call until 9pm. I am stupid tired

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/67e0994ca978481e89409036eeac955cc21c926be4f5fd156bc1e838ef389e30.jpg
    Donald and Melania Trump walk to the White House on Saturday night after returning from a nine-day trip abroad. Photograph: Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images

    Melania: THANK FUCKING GOD! I CAN GET AWAY FROM THIS FUCKING LOSER AND HEAD BACK TO NY! YAY!

    • Count Awesome

      “Baron needs his mom!”

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        “And I need some fresh air!”

        • JustDon’tSayNATO

          “Times Square!”

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            “Dahling I hate you so give me Park Avenue!”

        • tehbaddr

          Don’t we all? When does this nightmare end?

      • tehbaddr

        Boron will likely need some life long therapy!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      that is literally the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her.

      • jesterpunk

        She is happy she can go back to NYC away from him.

    • Three Finger Salute

      OhChristThisFuckingAsshole.jpg

    • tehbaddr

      She seems to be enjoying his failure. Good on her!

  • memzilla Ω

    The Hill reports that Lord Dampnut’s campaign didn’t preserve relevant documents about its collusion with the Russians. I have a feeling, however, that the NSA did.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Oh … you bet yer ass they did.

    • jesterpunk

      Oh oh by his own comments he should be locked up. Maybe Russia can help find those doc?

    • Count Awesome

      “My dog ate homework.”

      • Three Finger Salute

        That thing on his head? That’s a genetically mutated Wookiee.

    • Alan

      Federal Records Act? This is fucking ridiculous.

    • Alan

      Found it. 18 U.S. Code § 2071 – Concealment, removal, or mutilation generally

      https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/2071

      • BosGrl

        It’s fine. No, really, laws don’t apply to The United States of Trump.

  • BosGrl

    My ex is watching some crazy show on my teevee so I’m BORED.
    https://twitter.com/xeni/status/869000108016361472

    • Count Awesome

      Bank butt? Stanky bean? What kind of porn is he watching?

      • tehbaddr

        Stanky Butt. Bank Bean. Must be Jared!

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      “Bunflow”.

    • TJ Barke

      Turdly. Excellent.

      • BosGrl

        That was my favorite too!

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        It’s the Color that also describes the POTUS!

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      “Dorkwood” should be the name of a comic strip. “Stanky Bean” would be a good name for a small dog. I don’t know what “Burble Simp” would be good for, but that’s part of its charm.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I notice “Testing” has RGB values of 156, 101 and 106.

        Shouldn’t it be 1 2 3?

    • BUrble Simp, grade bat, stargoon….yup. sounds reasonable

    • Three Finger Salute

      Calling it now. Turdly is officially the name of the vomitous hue that is Trump’s spray tan.

      Wonder what happens when you mix Stoner Blue with Dope.

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      I’d’ve thought Stanky Bean would have been a bit less pink.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Rabbithole shit. Janis being human.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmgSzbdL1So

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      god bless janis, PBUH.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω
        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          can’t help singing along to that one…it’s compulsive.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose :(

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            she just wanted somebody to love her.
            She mentions in that clip above that being on the road was lonely. All that talent and she just didn’t want to be lonely.

            : (

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            I like this recording a lot … pure vocal talent and nothing else. Nothing else needed … but you can hear the plaintive tones much more clearly than the full studio recording.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      She had a cute laugh.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR?
        She’s always so shy and then gets up on stage and just lets it frickin’ rip man…
        I too, like Dick Cavett (?), wonder what it would be like to get up on stage and just vomit out all your rage and anger and frustration by way of a punk rock tune.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Not on stage, but there are times I just sing out at home, it’s cathartic. Rage Against the Machine is a good source for songs to get that stuff out.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            checkout no cash, Choking Victim, leftover crack, star fucking hipsters, and propagandhi (gay lead singer! they’re the most pissed off canadians i’ve ever heard of, but I love them.)

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Will do, and thanx. :)

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            : D

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            aye, I did it in the car when I had a radio. Best break up song evah:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HswBPF8xRek

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I have a story about her…………….but this interview I’ve never seen, and it just makes me love her more…

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        wait, tell us your story!

    • Zyxomma

      I always loved that vest. I remember this interview from back in the day. Guess that means I’m old.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I just got back from walking the beastie. And I live in the Best. Neighborhood. Ever. This is seriously what paradise looks like.

    • JustDon’tSayNATO

      We had a good walk in Oakland. Unless you live in this neighborhood, I might have to challenge your assertion!
      It was just that nice a walk.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I’m glad your walk was nice. Mine was lovely also.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      I just walked from the Q train to our place in Prospect Heights. This neighborhood is… eh. It’s OK.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I’m feeling damn bubbly. My neighborhood is black/white/latino/Asian etc. And all the little kids wanted to play with my dog. He’s good with kiids.I actually ran out of treats. And both Thor and the kids had a splendid time.

      • Zyxomma

        I’m in the east village, 2 blocks from my mother’s first home, but I lived not far from you when I was born: St. Marks Avenue between New York and Brooklyn.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Which part of town?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        North Portland. Piedmont area.

        Eta-not too far from our 1st drinky-thing.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          I think it’s improved a lot since I lived near Williams and Killingsworth. Man, that was a long time ago.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Geez, I thought paradise was living beyond earshot of my two neighbors…

  • Count Awesome

    Every world leader will avoid meeting with Trump because he shakes hands like a crazy person.

    • BosGrl

      He missed his calling as a lumberjack.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Maybe that’s why he wants to punish the ones in Canada.

        He’s not a lumberjack, and he’s not OK.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgaRd4d8hOY

      • Count Awesome

        My great uncle was both a lumber jack in the Pacific Northwest and WWII veteran and would ignore Trump.

        • bookish

          Merkel just told Drumf she’s movin’ on.

          • Count Awesome

            Of course. Trump can keep his tic-tacs.

        • BosGrl

          Was he ok? Did he sleep all night and work all day? (j/k, great uncle sounds awesome)

          • Count Awesome

            I never met him. He was born after my grandfather was born in Seattle and of the right age to serve in that era. He fought in WWII, survived, and brought a Mauser rifle home as a souvenir.

    • Alan

      I would probably stab him with my pencil if he tried that.

    • Claire

      They all know how to counter it now, thanks to Justin Trudeau. They’ll probably relish meeting him just so they can humiliate him on the field of handshake battle.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Forget the handshake. I’m at a point I just want to see him put on his boxing gear again and go all Rocky on Preznit Drago’s Kremlin ass. Maybe after impeachment. “I got yer bully pulpit right here, eh. Your face is that of a bully, so I’m going to pulp it.

        When that meeting happened in February, I kept hearing this song in my head.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL3lJfpenAc

        Yo…! Hadrien…!

        • Claire

          Wouldn’t it be epic if Trudeau challenged Trump to a boxing match for charity? Trump’s ego wouldn’t let him turn it down, and either he’d have a heart attack in the first round or Justin would knock him out with one punch.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Or it’d be like those Bugs Bunny cartoons, where all he has to do is blow a birthday-candle whiff at the unworthy weakling and he falls over.

            Canada, Germany, and France… they might be giants :)

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pG0QTzO-K0

  • tehbaddr

    So this is where all the cool kids are hanging out, talking about muffins? No thanx! Let me tell ya a long salty tale about some baked clams.

    • Wild Cat

      Muffins? Remember muff diving? That’s long gone . . . but I won’t miss the lice.

      • tehbaddr

        Them hairs in yur throat!

        • Wild Cat

          Can you imagine Clarence Thomas’ legacy if genital infantilization was popular in the 1990s?

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Coke libels…

    • jesterpunk
      • tehbaddr

        Well, if need be, yes!

      • RobKanC

        Stay with me on this. Clam Bread.

        • tehbaddr

          Wow! I thought I was a Monster!

    • Alan

      Clam muffins?

      • tehbaddr

        Whisker Biscuits!

        • JustDon’tSayNATO

          Purple donuts?

          • tehbaddr

            Um, didn’t have to go there. Kinda like summoning the blue waffle.

    • Count Awesome

      Need moar stuffed beaver a la “The Naked Gun: The Smell of Fear”.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Jane: “Are you finished?”

        Frank: “Finnish? No. Scots-Irish. My mother was from Wales.”

        FYI: Nordberg is probably getting out of prison this year….

        • Count Awesome

          My favorite:
          “I don’t want any trouble from you like I saw on the south side like last year”
          “When I see six nutjobs in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of a public park I shoot first and ask questions later!’
          “That was a Shakespeare in the park production of ‘Julius Caeser’. You shoot six actors. Good ones.”

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Taco night at The Lamplighter!….

      • tehbaddr

        Your ideas are intriguing to me…

  • delete your account probably
    • BosGrl

      That the fuckweasel should need to be told this. That nobody around him is telling him this.

    • RobKanC

      Like President Bannon will give a shit about this.

    • boyblue122

      Trump would rather not offend his base by calling out the radical white extremism or even honoring those who stood up against the human filth

    • DrBigHead

      Trump could not possibly care less.

  • Count Awesome

    The Trump administration is like a bad BDSM porn from the ’80’s. They are trying so hard to get the stilted and awful acting right that the sex scenes areawful

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    To prepare you for the upcoming week (or cure you of the last one, whatever, I’m not your shrink!)
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/48ba5f9d01dfaedc1d64f6247b6537d4cb083b40631194826c7b0d522d19cfbc.jpg

  • Jennifer R

    I think I need to add buttons to the rotating map thing I have. It’s annoying waiting for it to rotate to where I need it to be.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Resistance Dog Molly sez , “bring it, motherfuckers!”.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      She got Trump’s toupee!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Molly libelz!

        • Elvis Causticfellow

          On the contrary, if she yanked that thing off his head, she’s an American hero.

      • jesterpunk

        Trump’s toupee ran away.

        https://i.imgur.com/AHdxl7q.gif

    • Count Awesome

      Too bad that’s not Trump’s toupee.

    • Persistent Demme

      OMG!
      How cute can she get?!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Vicious. Vicious I tellz ya.

  • alwayspunkindrublic
    • Tiffany de Houston

      She is absolutely adorable!

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl
    • Wild Cat

      ‘Tea for the Tillerman’ was such a nice vision of what we could have been.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Did Stumpage ban him from the USA too? I mean the fucker banned Muhammad Ali’s own son, so it wouldn’t surprise me if Cat Stevens is on a no-fly list that Orange Julius scribbled in his coloring pages.

  • jesterpunk

    Rewatching Sonic Highways and its kind of sad seeing Obama being interviewed by Dave Grohl now. Back when we had a real president who wasnt an international embarrassment.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Z9hQcxR64I

    • Three Finger Salute

      I have a plan to Make America Great Again. It’s an awesome plan, a very, very smart plan. Believe me.

      – Michelle runs for and wins a seat in Congress. Schumer steps aside, and Democrats make her the minority leader.

      – Trump gets impeached. Then Pence and everyone down the line for aiding and abetting the illegitimate KGB presidency.

      – Democrats take back both houses. House minority leader is now majority leader, thus Speaker of the House. With Pence gone… this means Michelle is president. Selects Hillz as VP. Bamzies and Clintons move back into 1600 Penn. Ottawa declares the current year “National Year of Everyone Do a Disco Happy Dance Like Mama Trudeau,” while “Ode to Joy” rings out from every corner of Europe. World saved. The end.

      Let’s make this happen, ‘k?

      • jesterpunk

        Pelosi would have to step aside for that to work.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • jesterpunk

      Save it for Tuesday too, Monday is a holiday.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        aye, good point…

    • Wild Cat

      Just remember—white-supremacist Oakie Tom Joad would vote T^%$P if he were an actual human.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        goddamit, can’t we have anything nice.

        • Wild Cat

          No. Rough times ahead. I wish we could,

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        “Wherever ICE agents are tearin’ children from the arms a’ their mamas–I’ll be there.”

    • Canis the Grey

      Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
      Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
      https://youtu.be/HZnaXDRwu84

  • Picabo

    Our skydiving community lost one of our own today. “U.S. Navy skydiver killed in parachuting accident in New York Harbor.” http://www.reuters.com/article/us-new-jersey-parachutist-idUSKBN18O0NB

  • Wild Cat

    I’m sheltered living in NYC. I went to a Skanks game today (Mets fans’ pet word for the Bronx greedheads) and saw my first-ever T$#*P/Pence 2016 T-shirt worn by a 30-something white-male asshole. On the subway platform heading home, a young lady with a Skankee cap wore a Reagan/Bush retro T-shirt. Except for some T$#*P assholes riding with a T%$#P flag pre-election in my Latino hood, this is rare exposure for me to this psychosis of a nation bent on self-genocide.
    a) I feel sorry for you in Red States.
    b) We’ll need a Marshall Plan over here in a few decades after things devolve to civil war, but the Marshalls of the world will be long gone.

    • Three Finger Salute

      You think the Allies 2.0 (France/Germany/Canada) will band together like the Super Friends and bail us out, or just let the Potemkin Titanic sink?

      • Wild Cat

        Sink. In a world of 7 billion-plus humans, the US consumer may be very unimportant to a world economy where China and India and Germany are serious about entering the 21st century.
        And with our racist/imperialist history, we may deserve that.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          And the rest of us will have emigrated to one of the Super Friend’s countries leaving nothing here but dead Walmarts and MAGA hat wearing fools. After the Republic of California secedes, of course.

          • Three Finger Salute

            If they let us in, that is.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            The emigration test will be simple: can you name the forefathers of your former country, the United States of America?

          • Three Finger Salute

            Chief Joseph, Sitting Bull, Geronimo, Red Cloud

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

          • Wild Cat

            Ann Coulter, Grace, the Mule-Faced Woman, Girl Revolutionary Amy Goodman, Dennis Miller’s overworked shrink . . .

          • Wild Cat

            Maybe. Other countries are full-up. We’ve little to offer—we have to import doctors and engineers. And California needs water piped in from Red States.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Annex Colorado … actually, they’d probably beg to join the Republic of California along with Oregon (west of the mountains) and Washington State.

          • Wild Cat

            That would be good. I dream of a Velvet Revolution in the US before I die. I’ve lived most of my life under indirect Confederate and Sovereign Citizen madness/control.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            My condolences. I have been born and raised as a part of that northeast liberal “elite” y’all keep hearing about.

          • Wild Cat

            I’m a proud NYC elitist. I’m educated, work a glamour job, and travel yearly to Europe for pleasure. My cats are worth more than a T$#*P voter’s annual income.

            The Red States do not deserve my tax dollars.

            The Revolution should also get the racist/classist/fascists into the Red States where they belong. 57th Street should be obliterated.

  • II Gosala
    • Oh, for fuck’s sake.

    • Shibusa

      I didn’t get much further than the headline.

      • II Gosala

        The headline pretty much tells the whole story.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I posted this one earlier … self-entitled twat from Long Island.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Clutch the pearls!” ___ Honest and trust? WTF
    Imagine this in the good ol’ USA. In Norway a farmer sets out his potatoes in 10lb bags and a plastic container for the money.
    Everyone pays and no one steals the money___or the potatoes.

    Such inhuman behaviors must be stamped out! “USA….USA….USA….”

    https://i.imgur.com/8BJ1W8t.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      What kind of communist socialist place is that? Someone should have taken the bench and umbrella too.

      • Three Finger Salute

        The People’s Republic of Scandinavistan. A-Ha Akbar!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djV11Xbc914

        • Wild Cat

          Trivia—they used to play this before screenings in cinemas back in the ’80s.

        • Count Awesome

          Seen part II? Better song and stranger video.

          https://youtu.be/a3ir9HC9vYg

          • Three Finger Salute

            That one’s sad. He goes back to the cartoon world. I really wanted them to be together in the comic book :(

          • Count Awesome

            I wanted them to be together too, but playing a concert to a bunch of mannequins must be a lot like a Trump rally.

          • Three Finger Salute

            No, a Trump rally is full of killer robots. Daleks in humanoid form. They know no other words but “Destroy!” and “Bigly!”

          • Count Awesome

            I’m sure they know “Lock her up!!!”

          • Canis the Grey

            Oh nice. Big Sister had that album on vinyl, but I never saw the video until now.

          • Count Awesome

            “Sun Always Shines On TV” is a better song.

      • Bill D. Burger

        “USA….USA…” ____ That would show good ol’ Murrikan’ capitialist ingenuity and drive to succeed.
        “What’s mine is mine…..and what’s yours is negotiable.”

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Here in the USA, nobody understands our potato.

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      In America, someone would drive up with a truck and take the potatoes, the money, the picnic table, the chair and the umbrella. Fuck.

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        In Soviet America, potatoes take you!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      This happens around here, but with bundles of firewood.

  • jesterpunk
  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl
  • Count Awesome

    What Europe might be hoping from us right now:

    https://youtu.be/7spypBHaH50

  • BosGrl
    • Doug Langley

      “I have total confidence in him”

      Yikes! Update your resume, Jared!

    • Three Finger Salute

      “I have total confidence in him … He is a very good person.”

      Alzheimer’s confirmed.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      “He is respected by virtually everyone.” Name three.

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        VIRTUALLY everyone, ie, people who aren’t real, just virtual.

    • “And perhaps most importantly, he is a very good person.”

      So, he didn’t believe it in his heart, then?

    • Picabo
      • Canis the Grey

        Only in this Godfather sequel, everyone is Fredo.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      “Perhaps more importantly, he is a very good person.”

      Even if that were true, for which the evidence is vanishingly small, where do these guys get the idea that “being a very good person” is more important than whether or not he conspired to sell out our country to a hostile nation?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Two hostile nations. Israel is no one’s friend but its own.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        good intentions do not equal competency – if they did i’d be attorney general.

      • Serai 1

        Trump thinks anyone who sucks his dick is a good person.

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        Exactly what I’ve been wondering.

  • bookish

    https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2017/05/trump-nato-germany/528429/

    There’s an effort now to spin words to present this trip as something less than an utter catastrophe for U.S. interests in Europe. National-Security Adviser H.R. McMaster has insisted that President Trump did indeed affirm Article 5. Compare Trump’s words to those of his predecessors, and you can see for yourself how untrue that is. The Republican chair of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Bob Corker, went on record to declare that he could not have been more pleased with the trip. If true, that would reflect poorly on Senator Corker’s judgment. I prefer to think that the statement reflects poorly on his candor.

    Here’s what’s really true: Donald Trump is doing damage to the deepest and most broadly agreed foreign-policy interests of the United States. He is doing so while people associated with his campaign are under suspicion of colluding with Vladimir Putin’s spy agencies to bring him to office. The situation is both ugly and dangerous. If it’s to be corrected, all Americans—eminent Republicans like Bob Corker above all—must at least correctly name it for what it is.

    • Claire
    • cmd resistor

      Mcmaster sure is turning into a spinmaster in the style of kellyanne.

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      ‘If it’s to be corrected, all Americans—eminent Republicans like Bob Corker above all—must at least correctly name it for what it is.’
      I guess it won’t ever be corrected, then.

    • aktlib101

      A similar take on Shitler’s trip to Europe, this time from Der Spiegel:
      http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/us-president-trump-can-t-escape-troubles-on-the-road-a-1149424.html
      “During the trip, a change became palpable in Trump. He appeared to become more secure and more disciplined — and he held back any possible outbursts, initially at least. Instead of the threats he often tweets out, this time he stuck to links to his speeches. His advisers seem to have him under better control when traveling. Besides, to this point, he had largely been well-received with little criticism, aside from a few newspaper editorials that criticized his weapons deals and what they saw as his excessive closeness with the Saudi ruling family.

      But when he spoke, Trump’s voice sounded is if he were on Valium. It wasn’t that long ago that he criticized Obama for using a teleprompter, saying nobody wanted a scripted president. But it is Trump who is the teleprompter man now — and he seldom goes off script.”

      “Afterward, Trump joined newly elected French President Emmanuel Macron, of all people, for lunch. Trump, after all, had seemed to support Macron’s opponent, right-wing populist Marine Le Pen, in the election. When the two men shook hands for a closing photo op, the Frenchman grabbed Trump’s hand and squeezed hard. Trump squeezed back. For a moment, they looked like opponents locked in a wrestling match. Trump wanted to let go, but Macron squeezed even harder until his knuckles turned white.

      Not long later, the two met again for the opening ceremony of NATO’s new headquarters. Behind him was a piece of twisted metal from the World Trade Center while next to him stood Angela Merkel. While Merkel gave a ceremonious speech about the historical importance of NATO, Trump spoke again about alliance funding — about the “massive amounts of money” that 23 of the 28 NATO member states allegedly owe the United States. He then said: “I never asked once what the new NATO headquarters cost. I refuse to do that. But it is beautiful.” The others stood next to him like schoolchildren. Merkel repeatedly looked at the ground while Macron grinned. The applause was reserved. To make sure that he was in the front row for the joint photo following the event, Trump rudely shoved aside the prime minister of Montenegro.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I thought of something today. This fucking moron has alienated more countries in 6 months than North Korea has in 70 years. Our mortal enemies are Germany, France, and fucking Canada. (How the fuck do you make mortal enemies of Canada???) Our BFFs, meanwhile, are supernationalist, bloodshedding, corrupt thugs like Netanyahu, Erdogan, Duterte, Modi, and of course Putin.

      He, and thus the U.S. (which had enough morons with MAGA hats and an outdated election system from the slave era that put him in office on a technicality), are reviled throughout all seven continents — yes, seven. He’s going to pull out of the Paris Agreement (Fred Trump should have pulled out in 1946), which means I’m pretty sure he’s even got penguins in Antarctica running for cover.

      Can’t stop winning! Ughhhhhhhh…

  • So, a man from Honduras is riding his bike to work and gets hit by a truck. The responding police officer’s first question was, “Are you illegal?

    • BosGrl

      This is disgusting. The officer should be ashamed.

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        Hitler’s Germ–wait, Trump’s America, that’s right.

    • jesterpunk

      What the fuck?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Well…..fuck yeah! Our children iz’ learnin’!
    And good for them:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DA84e-FWsAASRtg.jpg

    • Three Finger Salute

      The fact that Daily Fail is even bothering to report this says Trumpism is officially over.

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Our childrenz is learnin.

  • SeekingResistanceBarbie

    I got this cute little catnip-filled monster with a trump thatch for Miss Pepper today and she just went “Meh.”
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d66ea6e54d01aadc730c5afa9e0500122fad985d9a35a722b4b41d6a3f259fc2.jpg
    I am crushed.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      the balled up receipt would probably have been more appreciated.

    • Count Awesome

      Does she like the box it came on much more? Our family cat was indiferrent to everything on Christmas morning, except for the box that was perfect to curl up and sleep in.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        oh god, wrapping paper!!
        A few years ago, I was wrapping gifts and bastard cat decided on the present and UNDERNEATH the paper was the place he NEEDED to be.

        • Count Awesome

          Must have been something you really needed in that moment

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            well it WAS x-mas eve.

          • Count Awesome

            Of course it was and I’m sure there was an indignant look from the cat along the lines of “Why are you bothering me?”

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        Alas, it wasn’t in a box.

        • Count Awesome

          It must have been comfortable for a cat.

    • BosGrl

      You can’t win with cats. They’ll break your heart every time.

    • Did she like the wrapper, though?

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        It was attached to a piece of cardboard. No joy there.

        • No fun mom! Crinkly plastic is funner without cardboard, you know that!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Ol’ Dan “Courage” Rather still shows he has the right stuff:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DA80k-iUwAE13IH.jpg

  • tehbaddr

    Time for some TOS I found on the world wide entertainment system. Because I gave up my cable and internet a few months ago. So what would you do with an access cloud hanging over your domicile?

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      What’s an access cloud?

      • tehbaddr

        It was Star Trek, via extensive wifi cloud. I enjoyed “The Trouble With Tribbles”. Had no Idea what episode was on the stream.

    • phoenix00

      P.
      O.
      R.
      N.

      Come on, isn’t it obvious?

      • tehbaddr

        Fuzzy little balls of pr0n.

    • Logic of Color Mumen Rider

      I agree with SeekingResistance…and what is TOS? Gave up internet? I’m intrigued but not sure what that means, because you are clearly on…ahh ok NM

      • TOS to me is The original series of Star Trek but, as always, I have to constantly remind myself that not everyone does Trek.
        They should, but they do not.

        • Logic of Color Mumen Rider

          I beg you. Please change your avatar. You are a wonderful ‘tater but that asshole’s likeness, even when being mocked, is so disturbing.

          • I like begging :D
            I meant to change it yesterday actually, or last week, just been busy. Lemme go see what I got.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
  • Treg Brown ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ
    • Merkel doesn’t deserve that

      • Treg Brown ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

        The whole world is laughing at us or pitying us. I don’t know which is worse.

        • I’m going with a little of both. My PM is the young one in the blue suit. Also, you’ll appreciate the fact that i’m watching Barrowman comic con panels on youtube

          • Treg Brown ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ