HELLO AND GOOD MORNING! Evan has the day “off,” so this post was wrote by me, your Editrix! And since it is my husband Shypixel’s forty-fifth birthday, and he expects me to cook “food” for a “party” and probably also a “birthday” “blowie,” we shall make this fucker SHORT AND SWEET!
Here are your top ten stories of the week as chosen by GOD.
1. James Comey Kept A Motherfucking Paper Trail On Trump Because COMEY. IS. A. MOTHERFUCKING. BEAST. Y’all liked this one A LOT. As you should have.
2. Noted Adulterers The Gingriches Sent To Vatican In Diplomatic Move Of The Century. It’s your move, Nice Pope!
3. THIS IS FUCKIN’ BAD Y’ALL. Oh, our innocent yesterday, when it was just Trump telling the Russians secret intel in the Oval Office!
4. FUCK YOU PAUL RYAN, FUCK YOU IN THE BOTTOM WITH A RUSSIAN NESTING DOLL. Oh, our innocent yesterday, when it was just Paul Ryan dicking around on tape swearing the GOP to secrecy about whether or not Trump was on Putin’s literal payroll!
5. Hillary Clinton Re-Murdered DNC Staffer All Over Again Because Wikileaks. Obviously. Sorry, Seth Rich’s family, that Fox CONTINUES to repeat this bullshit even now.
6. Trump Hires Pre-Cog Sheriff David Clarke To Arrest Whole Country For Future Crimes. The Department of Homeland Security says it’s not official till they announce it. So here’s hoping!
7. USDA’s New Top Researcher Is A Godfearing Patriot, Which Is Way Better Than A Scientist. Five Dollar Feminist has the scoop, and it is TERRIBLE.
8. Marco Rubio’s Twitter Getting All DaVinci Code Secret Bible Messages And Shit. Killermartinis dived into this stupid shit. It was stupid. And shit!
9. Missouri GOPers Thrilled To Bless St. Louis With A Lower Minimum Wage. Robyn got this one. Prepare to be pissed!
10. Andy Lack Wants To Make MSNBC Great Again (By Losing Like A Common Trump). As far as we know, MSNBC STILL has not reupped Lawrence O’Donnell’s contract, because the MSNBC dick wants to keep DONALD TRUMP happy???? With Trump’s 38 percent approval rating, that just makes all the sense!
Now it is Robyn’s turn to do “work” for you, because you may have noticed we were able to hire for her weekends, with help from VIEWERS LIKE YOU!
You are good; you may have baby pictures.
Catch the birdie. pic.twitter.com/yBo66wOF3l
— Shypixel (@Shypixel) May 19, 2017
And an OLD ONE TO GROW ON!