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This week was has been rough on us Wonkers. But spare a thought for the brave men and women in the White House, fighting the good fight against the Deep State within, and besieged by Soros-funded radicals at the gates.

JK. LOLOLOLOLOL. Those bastards deserve every second of what’s coming to them! So here’s your daily dose of…

ZOMGGGG!!! These People Are Losing Their Shit!!!

This episode is brought to you by Foreign Policy Magazine.

Try to remember all the way back to Monday, when we found out that The Presiderp was whispering sweet Code Word classified secrets from a foreign ally into Ambassador Kislyak’s ear.

“Sergei,” he said, “my intelligence goes all night long. The Israelis showed us how to do this thing with laptops that will blow your mind.”

Your Editrix broke it to you gently that night.

Then the White House trotted out Spicey and McMaster, but that just made it worse. Turns out denying a story “as written” is the same as confirming it. Go figure!

Team Trump was also GRRRRR, SO MAD because they couldn’t just call down to Homeland Security and say, “Get me the name of every scary Middle Easterner in the Kalorama neighborhood of DC!”

Members of Trump’s inner circle are apparently angry with the department for refusing to share certain classified information with White House staffers, because they lack proper clearances — a roadblock the White House insists doesn’t exist, because it has the president’s signoff.

On Wednesday Team Trump had A IDEA!

What if they found evidence that the Obama administration had leaked to the Russians, too! That would make it all okay, because then Trump would be just balancing the scales. The media would bow down in gratitude for such a fine and credible story, Congress would launch 978 investigations, and they could get back to stealing from the poor in peace!

One option under consideration? Attack former President Barack Obama and his administration over their handling of sensitive data, in particular through one information-sharing program regarding cybersecurity threats.

Since there is NO LOGICAL EXPLANATION for what came next, we are guessing it went something like this:

It was after Barron’s bedtime, and anyway he was in New York. So Stephen Miller called down to Homeland Security and said, “Do you ever computertalk with furriners from Not America?” And the career civil servant on the other end said, “Yes, we have this wonderful program called Automated Indicator Sharing. It’s an online registry of known hackers shared by several countries to keep the internet safe.” And then all the Trump flacks shouted, “Caught ya, Nerd! We knew you Obama deep state holdovers were the real leakers.” And then Trump chimed in, “No Puppet! You’re the Puppet!”

According to a source with knowledge of a White House meeting that took place Wednesday morning, Trump’s team is considering launching an investigation into a Department of Homeland Security program that shares information on cyberattacks in an effort to coordinate globally on countering digital threats, insinuating that it inappropriately opened up streams of sensitive data to Russia and other nonallies. Another option under consideration is placing a story in the media about the program, similarly accusing it of sharing sensitive information.

It was gonna be sweeeet! Once they launched an investigation of all the data Obama had leaked, the House would chase it like a labrador going after a tennis ball. And it would be a good excuse to “clean house” at DHS, get rid of those pesky leakers and bring in some patriots who know how to Build A Wall around the internet. Maybe they could even get that 400 lb guy on a bed to pay for it!

While there is some cybersecurity information that the United States shares around the globe, including with Russia and China, “there’s certain information out there that’s beneficial for everyone to have, like, ‘Hey, this Windows program has a bug.’ When we share cybersecurity information with the Russians, we’re protecting their systems, making sure that no one hijacks their planes and missiles.”

This might be an odd time to launch a witch hunt against the department in charge of protecting the country from cyber threats. Just last week the entire world was hit by the Wanna Cry ransomware attack. Sure, it shut down computer systems in hospitals, railroads and telecoms across Europe. But there are political points to be scored, dammit!

Luckily, the adults put the kibosh on this fuckery. By the time FP contacted the White House for comment, they denied any such conversation ever took place. Which might mean something if they hadn’t spent the past 120 days lying out their asses.

The administration’s approach in this instance is a “bag of crazy cats,” the source with knowledge of the meeting said.

Another source close to the White House confirmed to FP that Trump and his team have been interested in targeting the Homeland Security program for the past couple weeks. Nothing has been decided, the source added, but it’s an option on the table.

So, here’s your Nicetime for today. There is actually something so stupid and vindictive that the White House won’t do it. Yay??????

[Foreign Policy / US Computer Emergency Readiness Team]

We’ll be here this weekend keeping an eye on the Moron Squad. Please help us keep the lights on.

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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Say, you know who else’s approach was a bag of crazy cats?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    President Donald Trump’s inner circle is war-gaming how best to respond to the Washington Post’s bombshell report that he shared classified intelligence with the Russians about an Islamic State plot, sensitive information reportedly passed to the United States by Israel.

    One option under consideration? Attack former President Barack Obama and his administration over their handling of sensitive data, in particular through one information-sharing program regarding cybersecurity threats.

    Because the option of reviewing procedures for disclosing classified information with foreign leaders was–what? Too complicated and difficult?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fadf266d82164fe64948afd4a27fd980a60d7da36e7e34ed61d5ddf7770077c1.jpg

    • Koch Blockula

      I heard our local batshit crazy congresscritter on the radio yesterday blame Obama for leaking to the Russians. It’s all the fault of the Liberals! (I wish I could link to a podcast but the radio station doesn’t have one.)

  • Oblios_Cap

    It’s good everybody knows about this now since it’s still on the table. After the disaster Donnie’s foreign junket is sure to be, if we’re not embroiled in WWIII, they’ll probably try the strategy out.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      In Saudi Arabia: “America could learn a lot from you about religious freedom and women’s rights.”

      In Israel: “No one has suffered as much persecution as me.”

      In Rome: “The wine and little crackers were so delicious, I asked Francis for seconds.”

      In Brussels: “The best brussel sprouts are at the Trump Tower Grill.”

      • Rags

        In Saudi:”Wahabi? That green stuff with sushi?”
        In Israel: It’s a great wall – why is everybody crying?
        In Rome: “The staff said there would be two crackers and a button for more wine.”
        In Brussels:” Some asshole put mayo on my french fries!”

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I’m shocked. I didn’t think there was anything that wasn’t too stupid for them to try.

    • redarmyzombie

      Oh, it’s early yet…

  • Scooby

    All this time I thought Twitter was our biggest threat.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “While I’m out of the office, V.P. has full authority to blame Obama for my fuckups.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • ArgieBargie

    Classic Republican playbook: when everything else fails, go for the “Blame it on the Black guy” technique.

  • vivian

    Just give ’em time… there is NO idea so bad they won’t try it. They’re just waiting for the worst possible time.

  • The Wanderer

    Gee whillikers. They’ll do anything to deflect or project.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Sources with knowledge of the program found the idea absurd.

    One former Department of Homeland Security official, when contacted by FP and told about the Trump team’s plans, laughed in response. “That doesn’t make sense,” he said.

    “It seems ludicrous,” the former official added.

    If Donald hears that, he might reconsider and do this thing after all. Stay tuned!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Soundslike a plan, because he’s crazy as a fox moonbat!

      • vivian

        Nyet. Crazy like Foxbat.

      • Weird Fishes

        Moonbats everywhere are offended. How dare you, sir.

  • Alan

    But it makes no sense. Oh wait….

    • The Wanderer

      You have learned wisdom.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    OT: Clinton preparing for prez debates to avoid unwanted Trump hugs.

    https://twitter.com/PhilippeReines/status/865578947076997120

    • Vincent Ricola

      We could’ve had it so good. :(

    • Alan

      I want to see the practice avoiding pussy grabbing.

      • mappo

        I hear it involved a defensive junkpunch.

  • Atheist

    It’s only been a week? I guess time (and reality!) is relative when sucked into the black hole of GOP power.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Wait wait wait. You’re trying to insinuate here that the Cheeto team had an opportunity to blame everything on the black guy, and reality is what stopped them? Two words: Un Possible.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      At this point, it seems pretty far-fetched alright.

  • Edith Prickly
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that the reason they didn’t embrace the plan is because they came up with something even dumber.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Yes, I was going to say something similar. There is no such thing as a plan too stupid or vindictive for this group of dumbasses.

    • Edith Prickly

      Or they decided it was too much work and went back to “But her e-mails!!”

  • Weird Fishes

    This administration makes my head hurt bad, every day. Not even a million monkeys on a million typewriters could come up with this.

  • Kitty Smith

    Give it like 20 minutes. Someone will tell Trump that the NSA thinks he’s a pussy or something and then it’s on. Probably someone from Russia.

  • canes_pugnaces

    We now live in an America where the president openly tells our secrets to our adversaries, and the Republican Party cheers and says woop de doo, hurray.

    I am pretty sure pre-Alzheimer Saint Ronnie would be all scrunchy faced if he knew about that.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The information-sharing program came under fire when the system triggered false alarms about Russian cyberattacks on private company systems, including one utility company, following the government’s decision to publish a list of threat indicators about Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear in its Grizzly Steppe report. That report, which contained a list of IP addresses and other identifying information about potentially malicious accounts, was prepared by the Department of Homeland Security following concerns that the Russians had been meddling in the election. The alarms aren’t meant to be conclusive evidence of a hack but a cause for a deeper look, the department said.

    But the false positives aren’t the target of the Trump team. Sharing information with international partners might be used as an opportunity and excuse for “finger-pointing and house-cleaning” at the Department of Homeland Security, the source with knowledge of the meeting said. Members of Trump’s inner circle are apparently angry with the department for refusing to share certain classified information with White House staffers, because they lack proper clearances — a roadblock the White House insists doesn’t exist, because it has the president’s signoff.

    So because the department is being careful about how it handles classified information, it will be accused of being careless with classified information. Makes sense in Trumpworld, I guess…

    • SayItWithWookies

      Wait – this sounds like the Trumpers want to shut down this DHS program because it keeps tabs on Russian hackers. Which would be very convenient for Uncle Vlad. Makes me wonder if he ordered this, in fact.

      • Querolous

        Wait – this sounds like the Trumpers want to shut down this DHS program because it keeps tabs on Russian hackers pee hookersFIFY

      • FlownΩver

        “Thanks for the Israeli info, tovarisch. In return, let me suggest something that might help you with your terrible, terrible illegal leakers trying to make you look bad….”

        All too easy.

  • Edith Prickly

    The administration’s approach in this instance is a “bag of crazy cats,” the source with knowledge of the meeting said.

    Crazy cats libellzz!

    • Atheist

      The cats can’t help themselves, what’s the GOPs excuse???

    • cmd resistor

      My cat must have read that story. She crawled into the reusable grocery bag last night, after dragging it to the middle of the kitchen and hid there for a good while. She was only a bag of crazy CAT, though.

    • PubOption

      And Donnie is trying to find who let the cat out of the bag.

  • Internet Hitler

    Trump: What is all this fuss about classified information?

    McM: Well, sir…

    Trump: It’s in the back of the paper every day!

    • Querolous

      I haven’t picked up a physical newspaper in a long time. Do they even bother with classified ads anymore? I would think that Craigslist has made them obsolete.

      • Internet Hitler

        Trump likes to go through them every day. Not reading – egoscanning for his name.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    You know what strikes me as maybe the most telling thing about this story? That it dovetails so neatly with the way we’ve learned – in just 120 days – this White House operates that we don’t question anything about it.

    Crazy, stupid idea? Check
    Blame flinging? Check
    Obama? Check
    Blatant lying? Check
    Dodging accountability? Check
    Evil minions rubbing hands in the background and chortling? Check

    In fact, the only thing that’s weird is that they didn’t go ahead with it.

    • marxalot

      At this point, I think we could build a script to procedurally generate Trump White House ideas.

    • artem1s

      well lots of times they don’t go ahead with it because everyone involved in making it happen is unspeakably incompetent and has no earthly clue what step one would even look like.

  • DrBigHead

    I truly love that opening gif. The thought of that dog’s overwhelming joy will get me through the day.

  • Indivisible Snark Tank

    This is the job of the two sane people who are left in the entire Federal Government:

    http://youtu.be/1SmgLtg1Izw

    • Steely_Fan

      Best commercial evah!

    • OddMan

      Ah yes, good old H. Ross Perot, he started EDS.

  • anwisok

    hehehehe . . . I used to do that to my dog. Gather up a couple dozen tennis balls and go up to the loft, then poooooooour them out over the railing. He was SO HAPPY when I did!

    • Swampgas_Man

      I watched that gif in suspense– does the dog EVER find his original tennis ball?

  • Crack_A_Toe_Ah

    Bannon: “I got it! We use a Pee Herman “I know you are, but what am I” defense!”
    Kushner: “That could just work.”
    Trump: “Make it so!”

    • Nockular cavity

      Also, too, “I meant to do that!”

      • Ricky Gay

        and, “It’s in the basement of the Alamo!”

  • eyelashviper

    Actually, we are all missing the fact that the Hoofwanker-In-Chief is in deep grief, from the loss of his mentor, guide, and daddy figure, Roger Ailes, and now he hasta go over and talk to furriners without proper advice…sad.

    http://www.caglecartoons.com/media/cartoons/82/2017/05/19/195739_600.jpg

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    If Obama jumped off a cliff would Trump do it too? Please.

  • mardam422

    I’ve been thinking. Does anyone else see the parallels between the characters in this administration and those in the Dilbert comic strip? Dilbert=Trump (tie included). Pointy-headed boss=Reince Preibus (should be in charge, but nobody listens to him). Dogbert=Jared (megalomaniacal designs on world domination). Alice=Ivanka (probably proficient, but has no social skills whatsoever).

    • Swampgas_Man

      The whole joke of the PHB (Pointy-Haired Boss) is that he’s as evil as he is incompetent — that’s Trump. Dilbert is supposed to be the Everyguy (or at least Everyengineer) of the strip. I haven’t kept up with it ever since Adams went nutzy-coocoo, but I think Dilbert’s become a MGHOW by now.
      Alice, by contrast, is competent but surround by idiots, so she has to control her “fist of death”. And yeah, I think about these things too much.

  • jesterpunk
    • Alan

      My cat did that with my wife’s phone but actually got it in the glass of water. Cat owes me a couple hundred bucks.

      • cmd resistor

        I’m sure she/he is good for it.

      • jesterpunk

        Damn cat has good aim.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        if it was plain tap water or bottled water, you should be able to resurrect the phone. I’ve done it a couple times with the ol’ bag of uncooked rice trick. Or just take out the sim and the battery and leave it in a warm place with good air circulation.

        • Alan

          Yeah, I’ve done it before too, but there’s a limit to how long you can submerge it while plugged in.

  • Cogswell

    Thanks, Obama.

  • proudgrampa

    My worry is that the more crazy ideas they come up with, the more likely one of them is gonna slip through.

    We are freakin’ doomed.

  • ken_kukec

    The Donald, dumb and vindictive? Maybe Barrack & Michelle might wanna have the new crib in Kalorama swept for “wire tapps.”

  • Ricky Gay

    That idea is so dumb that later, Trump will decide to do it anyway!

    • Nockular cavity

      That’s the thing. For now, it goes into the “Two Dumm” pile. But next week, they’ll be digging through those, saying “Hey, some of these are pretty good ideas!”

      • Ricky Gay

        Like old cheese that you can still carve off the green mold and eat.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wait a second. The White House engaged in egregious skullduggerous fuckery? I MUST CLUTCH MY PEARLS AND SEEK OUT THE NEAREST FAINTING COUCH.

    • msanthropesmr

      You forgot to put the word incompetent in there somewhere.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Here — don’t forget your smelling salts.

    • SeriousSummer

      It’s already occupied by Lindsey Graham.

    • Chris

      Have a little sherry dear, that always helped granny.

  • jesuswasablack

    Too late our friends over at Alex Jone’s home for paranoid basement dwellers has already picked up on this idea, that deep state is deep!
    http://roguemoney.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/DeepState-e1398185022722.png

    • eyelashviper

      Correction: “Derp State”

  • Nounverb911

    Just as long as your family profits from them?
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/865573793531478017

    • BosGrl

      Well, the 1% are really the only true Americans. The rest of us are chattel.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Gonna wear my big boy pants, too!

    • Chadwells

      Grrrr…. Get fucked, moron.

      Who the fuck is he even talking to?!?!

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        That handsome feller he sees in the mirror every morning.

    • Alan

      Fuck off idiot.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “leaving” = “protecting American interests”
      If it’s a one-way ticket, sure.

  • schmannity

    Corker’s “downward spiral” is Schmannity’s Christmas In May.

  • capnkrunch
  • Mr. Blobfish

    They could try distracting us by doing something positive.

    • Nounverb911

      Leaving the country and staying there?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        There’s a lot of NotAmericans who would insist on sending them back.

        • Nounverb911

          AOT,K?

    • Mavenmaven

      HAHAHAHAHA as though there was anyone on their capable of that.

    • Alan
    • SeriousSummer

      Like starting the weekend with a long plane flight? How much trouble can the POTUS cause from Air Force One?

      • marxalot

        Now you’ve done it!

      • Chris

        Ah Jeez, you just had to say it, didn’t you? Now you’ve done it.

      • ZAmazingProfessionalCrastinatr

        Maybe it’ll have serious engines troubles midway across the Atlantic, or be accidentally shot down by friendly fire over Israel. That would be so sad, but only for Barron.

    • Khavrinen

      There’s a first time for everything…

  • Donkey Option

    Is it too early on the US East Coast to start drinking? How am I not dead of liver failure from all of this?

    • Nounverb911

      It’s after 11AM, BRUNCH TIME!

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      You can’t say you drank all day if you don’t start in the morning.

    • Mimosas and Bloody Mary’s before noon, beer between 12-5, vodka and whiskey after 5 pm.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Ya can’t drink all day if ya don’t start in the morning.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Somewhere in the Universe, it’s always exactly the right time to start drinking.

      • artem1s

        Pangalactic Gargleblasters for the house!

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        Imaging if you lived on a planet that was tidally locked to its sun. You’d have to move when you wanted a drink.

    • Marion in Savannah

      As long as Trump is in the White House it’s ALWAYS martini-o’clock.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    How did the Obama Administration become the Republican gold standard for moral and competent behavior? That’s a neat trick.
    Because the Obama era DHS sometimes shared cyber threats with foreign governments it was really ok for Trump to blab secrets to the Russians? How does this even make any sense?

    • Swampgas_Man

      Forget it, Vag, it’s Trumptown.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        “How does this even make any sense” is a dumb question these days.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Why would it?

  • BadKitty904

    OT: ‘Cause it’s Friday and we could use the break – EVERYBODY SING ALONG!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XG4K5mX7jgk

  • Mavenmaven

    I guess this means that Ivanka is now in charge of cyber security. It may work, for if her name is on all our state secrets, no one will buy those, either.

    • cmd resistor

      I thought Rudy got that job.

  • Nounverb911

    “beneficial for everyone to have, like, ‘Hey, this Windows program has a bug.’ “
    Has there ever been a time when Windows didn’t have a bug?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Let’s put it this way: they just released a patch for XP.

    • Marion in Savannah

      No. SASQ.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I always thought Windows WAS a bug.

  • Lizzietish81

    OT: Oh Linkedin…so this last weekend I went to my friend’s funeral, she died of cancer.

    So thank you Linkedin for asking me to congratulate her on her work anniversary.

    https://media0.giphy.com/media/MDw2JkJofdmZq/200.webp?response_id=591f103662a44f7dbb50f633#15-grid1

    • redarmyzombie

      oh, for fucks sake…

    • Swampgas_Man

      Condolences– I went to Linkedin to help me network a job-hunt– they’ve hooked me up with several people, all of them umemployed.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        I keep getting Linkedin invites from HR people just after they inform me I wasn’t chosen for an interview.

        • Lizzietish81

          They talked to you?!

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Yeah, like once every three months.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I can find you a large cosh if you wish to go express your feelings upon their thick heads…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    OH LOOK: Jared Kushner can add “arms dealer” to his resume.
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/18/world/middleeast/jared-kushner-saudi-arabia-arms-deal-lockheed.html
    His parents must be proud.

    • The Wanderer

      And a sweet deal on designer cruise missiles. “Ooh-la-la-baboom!”

    • Nounverb911

      What’s the commission on a $110Billion deal worth?

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Well, it’s usually a 10% commission, so….$30? I suck at math.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        You get your own F-22.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          And you suffocate on CO inthe cockpit.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Just open the vent windows. Sheesh.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        An island with it’s own water supply, fill staff, personal security around the clock, all the food you can eat and protection for life. . . that’s about the commission on $110 bllion

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Very handy for when a nuclear holocaust kicks off.

    • Lizzietish81

      I seem to remember several people claiming that Hillary sold weapons to the Saudis.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        And Uranium to Ukraine.

        • marxalot

          I sold Ukrainium to Urane, but no one cares.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      After WW1 they were called Merchants of Death. How quickly people forget.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m fairly sure his dad is really, really proud.

    • cmd resistor

      That whole article is distressing.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Well, he is Secretary of Everything.

      • cmd resistor

        I’m starting to think he is some kind of robot or alien.

    • schmannity

      Maybe he’ll inherit his daddy’s prison cell.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • William

    Nobody is ruining this weekend. I’ve lived long enough to celebrate my sons 40th birthday. Tomorrow, I will eat cake, pretend Maria Bamford is the President, and toy with the toxic effects of Merlot and pizza rolls. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9c93857afa685a8529834c6afeef5be492aecdb6a0b27dd94d94b22c1f1fdd0b.jpg

    • Phoenixdoglover

      That sounds like the perfect plan. Enjoy!

      • William

        It’s going to be huge. Thanks

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      That’s a definite plan! Kick back, enjoy the day with reckless abandon and tell your son Happy Birthday from me. I’ll raise a glass for a good 40th year for him.

      • William

        Thanks Jack.

    • schmannity

      Pizza rolls are just miniature Hot Pockets

      • vivian

        Maybe he’s just glad to see you?

      • William

        This is big. BRB, I need to call Jim Gaffigan right away.

    • norcalOG

      As a budding cultural elitist, I must question your use of Merlot with pizza rolls. Perhaps a (California, of course) Barbera would be be more appropriate.

  • Michael R

    Why Manafort ( and Flynn ) might turn on Trump …

    ” if you are trouble to the government under the FARA, you are a traitor or you’re an enemy of the state. They can take every dollar they can show Manafort got, even if he gave it to his children.” “

    • Lori

      They seriously need to do this. Every. Single. Penny.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I want Obama, in my dreams and on a black stallion, to lead a mob of angry members of the Deep State to the White House and take it back from these Russian infiltrators.

    • DainBramage

      As long as Obama’s wielding a flaming sword that will melt the Night’s King Donald.

      • Vincent Ricola

        But of course.
        And also, too, shirtless.

      • redblack

        you’d have to get through the weird hair helmet in order to inflict any serious cranial damage, though. i’m pretty sure it’s some kind of spray-on polymer.

  • schmannity
    • William
      • The Wanderer

        (laughs very inappropriately)

        • William

          Too soon?

      • Phoenixdoglover

        This is a trigger for everyone over the age of 60. Some people mark it as the event that ended an era, and ushered in a long decline. I am not so pessimistic, but it was a mighty body blow.

        • William

          I was in grade school. They dismissed class early.

          • Phoenixdoglover

            Yep, and half the teachers were crying. But I lived just outside Boston, so there was extra affection for JFK.

          • William

            Wow. Yeah we don’t joke much about that stuff up here in Maine either. Also the band Dead Kennedys probably never played a gig in Saugus.

          • marxalot

            My mom watched the motorcade go by- her mum was taking her to the doctor that day- and by the time they got back to the house, it was all over the news.

          • William

            Geeez.

          • Paul

            Me too. But it was a Catholic school and it was the first time I ever saw the nuns lose their composure.

          • William

            We had Franciscan nuns. They wore those ropes around their waists that sported the knot of pain and penance. They could easily raise a welt on your heathen head at 12 feet.

          • Paul

            Sisters of St. Joseph. They didn’t have those knots but could wield a mean blackboard pointer.

        • Augustus

          MLK / JFK / RFK / Kent State / Riots of 67 & 68. We’ve never recovered and we never will.

          • William

            Sadly (in my best curmudgeon tone), I think you are right.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            10 days after Kent State (May 14, 1970) authorities fired into the men’s dormitory at Jackson State University (an HBCU). 2 were killed and 12 were wounded by rifles and shotguns. The authorities were dispatched to break up an anti war protest.

          • Augustus

            I’m embarrassed to admit that I did not know about that. But since they were coloreds, those kinds of things tend not to be recorded and discussed as frequently in the history books. I also today learned about a similar event that occurred at SC State University, an HBCU, in 1968.

            I didn’t know in advance that I’d be incorporating more facts that provoke seething hatred and righteous fury into my mind-soul on this lovely Friday afternoon, but that’s what’s happened. Despite the distress it causes, thanks for enlightening me.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            I certainly am not trying to harsh anyone’s Friday mellow, but sometimes I feel like I have to drop knowledge like Galileo dropped the orange.

          • Augustus

            Paul’s Boutique – such a good albulum!

          • ZAmazingProfessionalCrastinatr

            My ex-brother-in-law was shot in the head at Kent State and lived.

      • natoslug

        So very wrong. Fortunately, I’m a sick individual who finds solace in gallows humour . . .

      • It’s like the Julius Caesar pen/pencil holder. True thing.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Jayne Mansfield necklace holder?

          • Isadora Duncan scarf rack?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Jeff Sessions doesn’t see anything wrong with the way Mandela was treated, and is offended that anyone would not support the police in their efforts to keep law and order.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Wait, I have a better plan. Let’s investigate that red phone as a potential source of Obama’s leaks, maybe get rid of it altogether.

  • proudgrampa

    OT:

    Once again, it is with great pleasure that proudgrampa announces his attainment of a NEW threshhold of UPVOTES.

    I am now the proudowner of over 22,000 UPVOTES!!!

    proudgrampa would like to extend to all of his Wonkette / Disqus colleagues his appreciation for the achievement of this milestone.

    And I proudly accept the Sally Fields “You Like Me! You Really Like Me!” Award.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Well done! Now, 25,000 upvotes and $3.75 gets you a coffee at Starbucks.

      • DrBigHead

        But only one of the plain ones, not the real fancy ones.

        • Phoenixdoglover

          Killjoy.

      • proudgrampa

        I know, right? I am SO excited!!!

      • OneYieldRegular

        Wonkette Rewards Program.

    • Ralph Gauer

      Can we get the Explosive News Orgasm™ banner on this post?

    • chimichanga

      It’s a deep state plot. George Soros is obviously paying Hilbots to inflate your numbers. typical Libtard. Have a nice Benghazi, Gramps.

      • OddMan

        🐀 Poe² =√(-1)

    • redblack

      congrats on your 21st century cyber-popularity, gramps!

      i’m trying to keep my ratio of upvotes to comments in the negative by poking RWNJ’s over at thehill. i’ll let you know when i break 300.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Crystalclear12

    How low is that bar?
    Watch out for molten rock.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Villago Delenda Est

    There are no adults at all in the WH. Even McMaster is suspect now.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Someone said McMaster was basically ordered to work for Trump by the military. Strategically, we may be under a military protectorship now, with Trump still in place as a figurehead, but tactically surrounded by the generals.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        He is active duty, so he had to either take the new assignment at the WH or resign.

        • keenanjay

          Generals usually aren’t forced to do something like this. And they certainly don’t resign. They retire, comfortably.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Note: Must watch Seven Days in May again.

      • DrBigHead

        That is an interesting possibility. In any other circumstance, the thought of military control of the government would scare the hell out of me. Now, I am almost relieved.

        • Phoenixdoglover

          Now you know how weak democracies turn into military governments.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        I believe this.

      • That’s interesting and makes sense. I remember way back when (around the election) someone (here i think) saying the only thing b/t us and trump was comey.

        certainly proved true.

        I heard an impassioned defense of McMaster by a colleague (on NPR other morning). Similar thinking. He HAS to do this and is the only thing between us and chaos.

    • Maybe mattis. I keep hoping he’s there for the greater good.

      (I’m still hopeful that McMaster is as well – trying to preserve whatever he can out of this shitshow).

  • lucidamente

    At this point, I can’t wait to read what Stephen Miller has written for Trump’s big Speech To The Muslims in Saudi Arabia.

    • Nounverb911

      He’ll probably start with this old tweet….

      https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/509881954326835200

      • MizzMazz

        WTF? Typical rich guy, demanding things for free.

    • Al Swearengen

      “How about Trump? Whatcha’ got to lose?

      C’mon…c’mmmmonnn.”

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Never mind what he’s written, Trump is probably going to wander off into pushing Trump Vodka.

      • Marion in Savannah

        [snerk!]

      • cmd resistor

        Or something about how thanks to his greatest victory ever, they get to be so lucky to have him come impart his wisdom about Islam, a/k/a Radical Islamic Terrorism.

      • Longstreet63

        It would be hilarious if he tries to offer booze to Saudis. And maybe a ham sammich…

        • Ghenghis McCann

          But in Saudi “Make me a sammich” is how the men speak to their wives, not just a slogan on a MGTOW t shirt.

  • Michael Smith

    They don’t need to go out looking for evidence of Obama “being the bigger leaker!!” Facebook already believes it.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “The bigger the hose…”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “…the more impressive the flows!”

  • Chadwells

    OT: Ok. This just baffles me. Can someone explain to me the finer points of this situation.

    From everything I read and know about the Saudis is that they hate the Jews. Banned Jews from working in the country, etc. So why the ever loving fuck are they dealing with Kushner, a pro Israel Jew, and when are they doing to stab him in the back?

    What am I misunderstanding? Does money put aside all those sensibilities of contention?

    “$110 Billion Weapons Sale to Saudis Has Jared Kushner’s Personal Touch”

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/18/world/middleeast/jared-kushner-saudi-arabia-arms-deal-lockheed.html

    • cmd resistor

      I assume yes, on the money thing.

      • Chadwells

        Has to be. I can’t figure it out any other way.

    • Nounverb911

      Fun fact: The Hadj Terminal in Jeddah where all the Hadji’s land on their way to Meccah was designed by a Jewish Architect.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b42f35a81e0b7a7a4915be085aaa59b38f70476ff0ffc28489ee5b9ed67c3cb9.jpg

      • Chadwells

        So their hate is more symbolic rather than literal?

        • HorseChestnut

          You know how some white people are horrifying shithead racists, but still manage to have Black friends/ spouses? It’s complicated.

          • Chadwells

            Hah…great analogy! I just thought the Saudis/Muslims were far more militant about their belief system than some moronic backwoods racist!

        • Paperless Tiger

          Semitic infighting over religion should logically be a limited regional problem, but somehow, it has sucked the whole world into the vortex.

          • Chadwells

            It’s bananas!!!

        • Chris

          Useful is the word I’d use.

      • Chadwells

        And that’s a beautiful terminal!

    • vivian

      Sadly, Religion has largely become a tool for social order. The interests of the wealthy and powerful come first. Religion is just one of the tools they use to subjugate ‘their’ people.

      • Chadwells

        Seems so. I can only assume that this ability to work with Saudis has inflated Kushner’s ego to Fuckface proportions.

      • Chris

        Uh, religion has always been used as a tool for social order. As long as people self-regulate (one of the ways religion comes in handy) it costs the state fewer resources. Imagine if you had to have law enforcement at every stop sign to enforce the law.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Like many oil rich countries in the region, The Kingdom is two things: 1) A theocracy, and 2) A kleptocracy.

      • Chadwells

        How the two are able to coexist is a mystery I’ll never understand. One negates they other by sheer hypocrisy.

        • Phoenixdoglover

          First hand observation: there is a division of power amicable to both parties.

          • Chadwells

            Ohhhh, Ok…so kind of a necessary evil?

          • Phoenixdoglover

            The best you can say is, it is a stable arrangement. The religion regulates the people, especially in their public behaviors. The royal family runs the oil concession, determines who is favored in business, and offers a slew of jobs to young men (in the police and army) to keep them employed and off the streets. And dissent is dealt with swiftly and with visible punishments.

            As for the whole region, when the oil runs out, these systems will likely collapse in a dramatic way. Low oil prices the past few years are a major worry among the elite re: social stability.

          • Chadwells

            That makes perfect sense. I get it now. Should have been obvious. I was foolish enough to believe their staunch religious beliefs would overpower their greed. Seems those staunch beliefs are only in play when they are suppressing the people they rule.

          • Phoenixdoglover

            Yeah, the whole “radical Islam” angle is overblown. Among the vast majority, it is not fanatical. It’s just an accepted way of life like church on Sunday, and Bible study Wednesday nights. At the top levels, pragmatic interests are very strong. Like the mafia, it’s a business, and you can’t turn it over to the nuts.

          • Chadwells

            Thank you for taking the time to walk me through this..I really appreciate it! I learned something today!

          • Phoenixdoglover

            My pleasure. I’ve been 6 years camped out near 58 E. Longitude, and it has been an education for me.

            Now today, winds blew from the west. Way out there is the “Empty Quarter”, which is desert in the extreme. When the wind blows from there, it is f’king hot here. Today about 115F.

            I am blessed to have decent Internet! Haha!

          • Chadwells

            Holy hell that’s hot! In SoCal summers…..I really want to rock a dishdasha or thwab…or whatever they are called! They look so cool and comfortable!

          • Rags

            i’m impressed. Do you have to take special measures to not comment here?

          • Querolous

            A different version of the divine right of kings. The king keeps his throne by enforcing the churches the noncompetitive right to tithes: the church says their congregations must obey the king or be damned. win-win

        • hendenburg2

          Not really. Show me a theocracy that ISN’T a kleptocracy!

          Edit: Except Vatican City.

          • Chadwells

            True story. I’ll never understand why I lean towards believing that secular people would stay loyal to their beliefs.

          • Lori

            Vatican City? The repository of much the the Church’s enormous wealth where Pope and his minions live in a literal palace? Given where that money came from and where it isn’t going I’m not sure that needs to be considered an exception.

          • hendenburg2

            You mean wealth that has been accumulated over more than a thousand years and was donated to them?

            It’s not like St. Peter’s Basilica or the Sistine Chapel were built after Vatican City became its own state in the 20th century.

          • Lori

            Oh sure, all donated and all donations completely voluntary and absolutely intended to keep the Church hierarchy living like kings in perpetuity.

          • Querolous

            Spellcheck tells me “Pediphilocracy” is not a word. Should it be?

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      The Saudi leadership hates Israel so they can have a boogeyman to keep the people in check and justify their staying in power. North Korea uses the US for this. Its time honored tradition. During the Cold War here in the US, it is was the Reds. At Faux News its Hillary.

      • Rags

        and at the WH it is the MSM

      • keenanjay

        Didn’t Jews, Christians and Muslims live in relative peace in the middle east before Israel came into being?

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          From time to time. The REAL period of ecumenical peace was between Mohammed and the Crusades. That was when the Muslims learned that you can’t trust Christians.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Jared is one of the Good Ones™

    • redblack

      there’s also the sunni – shia philosophical split. iran is majority shia. saudi arabia is majority sunni. i imagine israel is willing to work with the enemy of their enemy on certain policies.

    • The enemy of my enemy is my friend. for SA, iran is a far bigger threat/regional and religious rival. They hate barry O for that (the iran nuclear deal – kinda brought iran in from the cold). Israel is an island of stability in a region more unstable than the trump administration: so a PR enemy but a defense and intelligence ally.

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT — just back from shopping where a guy behind the Publix fish counter tried to get my attention. Another shopper pointed him out to me, and I went over and he said “Yes.” Just “yes.” Of course, I am wearing my T-shirt with a yooge picture of Obama that asks “Miss Me Yet?” Fish counter guy and I had a nice chat…

    • Chris

      Where shopping is a pleasure!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • cmd resistor

      Except most 12 year olds are capable of complete sentences that express a coherent thought.

    • Chadwells

      All day. I can not stand the sound of his voice let alone the shit that comes out of

  • Mary Sandoras
    • Phoenixdoglover

      Gotta get that mouse away from him.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      As long as tuna is cheap, it’s a win.

    • cmd resistor

      Wait, that looks like Socks, Hillary’s old cat. So, hmmm.

      • Ezio

        THE GLOBALISTS HAVE INFILTRATED

      • Mary Sandoras

        Shhh, I’m holding Socks for ransom.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        I though Socks was Bill’s cat, not Hillary’s. No gendered assumptions about pet ownership on the Wonkette plz.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          “Socks” was actually the code name MI6 gave him when he was infiltrated into the White House. He was really called Montmorency Chubbycheeks. For some reason he never returned to Britain after his mission was over.

          • ObscurePopCultureReference

            Obviously, he couldn’t bear the shame of being named after the dog from Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog), and so entered the Feline Protection Program.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            You’ve chosen your name well. (Although ObscureVictorianNovelistReference might work too.)

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            I believe he retired to northern Virginia. You must admit it is nicer than the UK, except possibly the Midlands.

        • cmd resistor

          I think Socks was really a family cat, but I mentioned the HIllary part of the connection because HER EMAILS, etc.

        • Yr. Gma

          Socks was Chelsea’s cat.
          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socks_(cat)

    • Ezio

      A cat would be far too competent to be picked up by the Trump administration.

    • Longstreet63

      The cat has been fired for reading Wonkette. Clear your browser history, people!

    • Vincent Ricola

      Probably the best option we’re going to get from this administration.

    • Al Swearengen

      Has Toonces been upgraded from “driving cat” to “coding cat”. Explains most app UIs.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Cats don’t do work. Especially for Republicans.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • MynameisBlarney

    Ok…
    This one literally made me laugh out loud.

    http://i.imgur.com/TKkAJjW.jpg

    • Al Swearengen

      Considering that Trump doesn’t think food gives us energy, I sometimes wonder if he doesn’t look down into his gold-plated toilet and wonder why there aren’t little pieces of ruined steak down there.

      • mancityRed6

        that would assume there aren’t

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Looking into his gold-plated toilet would be like looking into his soul.

        • Rags

          ..looking into a pustulent cesspool with a thin veneer of fool’s gold. FIFY

    • Wouldn’t it be weird if you suffered from some obscure medical condition that caused you to grow taste buds all over your body, even on the bottom of your feet?

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Now write a poem about it.

      • MynameisBlarney

        That would be horrible!

        • Ian Bruce 伊恩·布鲁斯

          No… That would make you an octopus. Oh yeah. Horrible too. Had to think about it (sniffs his socks).

      • Niblet58

        I would definitely be investing in cheesecake socks for sure!

    • H0mer0

      bravo to the artist who thought of this and to you Blarney for sharing it! Totes a question my butt wasn’t articulate enough to ask.

      • artem1s

        The Oatmeal he is a genius.

    • snark-lurker

      what made you go there?

      • MynameisBlarney

        It wasn’t like I was looking for literal toilet humor.
        I happened upon it whilst perusing dank memes and it made me laugh.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I can only speak for myself, but I suspect many of us are down with the literal toilet humor.

          • redblack

            i do my best reading in the bathroom, so i’m down with the literary toilet humor.

        • snark-lurker

          you….are a mental case. : )

          • MynameisBlarney

            *shrugs*
            Been called worster.

          • SeeTrain65

            And I’ve been called Jeeves. Funny ol’ world.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Indeed.

    • Gregory Brown

      All hail Jack Handy!

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Rosenstein says that whatever Trump’s reasons were, he was just GAF about Comey fucking Hillary and Justice.

    https://twitter.com/ZoeTillman/status/865592243276599297/photo/1

  • chascates
  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    “That’s a nice internet you’ve got there. Be a shame if something, y’know, happened to it.”– 45’s new cyber security guru.

    • phoenix00

      Basically what Ajit Pai is doing.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Exactly what he’s doing, almost verbatim. Net Neutrality costs absolutely nothing and doing away with it saves no money at all. It’s just a handout to the super wealthy, like everything else with this administration.

        • phoenix00

          Oh Pai’s not even trying to hide it or dress it up beyond the usual “free market” and “customer choice” Republican party lines either. It’s a roll-over-and-scratch-my-belly to big telecom.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    OMG ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK MY BRAIN WITH ALL THOSE TENNIS BALLS?

    • SisterArtemis

      I find myself fervently wishing the loop was about 5 seconds longer

  • Chadwells
    • Ghenghis McCann

      There’s always a “with extreme prejudice” missing.

    • Pisto75666

      “To make matters worse, after our client lodged a complaint about Mr. Beckel’s racist behavior, Mr. Beckel, in front of Chief Human Resource Officer Kevin Lord, attempted to intimidate our client and persuade him to withdraw his complaint .”

      Totally rhetorical but Jesus, who DOES that?!

      • phoenix00

        Anyone corpulent enough to be hired by Fucks Nooz

  • Atheist
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Good, I hope it keeps him up at night.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Arrogant ass. What was he thinking?

      “I’m hitching my star to a certified NPD with no impulse control and his clown train of wanna be Nazis and I somehow expect something heard by a room full of people, that proves I’m complicit in covering up possible treason, is never going to get out.”

      Delusional arrogance is the only explanation. Pride, falls , etc….

      • artem1s

        he was reveling in being on the inside, being in the know, and in a position of power. He is just as NPD as Trump, just a less corpulent. Give him time.

        • C4TWOMAN

          It really is a disease, NPD. They’re so concerned about looking smartz and successful, but can’t do the minumun to avoid/reduce the risk of looking dumb and losing.
          And then act surprised when their badly non-thought out plan doesn’t work.

          What in all of the fucks? How do they live like this?

    • Lori

      It couldn’t happen to a more deserving jackass. Paul Ryan is a terrible person.

    • chicken thief

      Golly gee whiz, I didn’t know that. In fact, I still don’t know that. I mean, I never heard of that, even after just hearing of that. I’m totally in the dark.

      ~ Mike Pence

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Geeze. Could it be (voice change) The FSB. Would they have any interest in embarrassing the GOP? Nah, gotta be those pesky Dems.

    • If that turns out to be true, there well may be more than Tumpence complicit in the collusion.

  • baconzgood

    “A bag of crazy cats”….I like it. I’m going to use that term.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Guys, iI we can finally pin something on Barack Obama, we might be able to dislodge him from the Presidency!”

    “Yes! A thousand times yes! He’ll have to give up the White House and then we’ll…we’ll…uh…we’ll…hmpf.”

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Thanks $5F,
    The Right’s “But Mommy, they did it first!” defense is getting old.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      The “whataboutism” isn’t working unless you’re already a member of the cult.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Mumen Rider Justice CRASH!

      …aaaaaannndd stolen!

    • Rags

      …to cure him of his desire to wear dresses
      ….to cure him of running away after a chastisement
      ….to cure him of accusing Minister Quickfingers of terrible things
      …..
      …..

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        … To keep him from his sister’s bedroom while she sleeps! Lookin’ at you Josh!

  • Notreelyhelping

    Yet.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Great. Just. F*ing. Great
    //twitter.com/davidfrum/status/865529379182362624

  • Serai 1
    • Ducksworthy

      This could escalate to the “I’m rubber and you’re glue” gambit.

    • phoenix00

      Credit my friend: The “No U” Administration

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    So Russian missiles are on a Windows XP system? Good to know.

  • artem1s

    so add the list of people Twittler has pissed off and attacked, FBI, IC, Israel, Mossad, Federal Judges, Yates and Preet, every competent career staffer in the federal government, and now….Cyber Security IT geeks. yea, that’s gonna go well for them.

    • Greyhame

      He’s just a walking threat to everything and everyone who isn’t currently part of his little mafia circle jerk.

  • whitroth

    They *want* to go after Homeland Security Theatre? Where does he *find* these people? Graduates of UPhoenix?

    • puredog

      Just the ones who transferred there from Trump U.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Oh good. There’s not nearly enough intrigue and sub-plots in this administration. So far, we’ve established that they are all secret agents. Now comes the difficult part of finding out who they work for, worse because double-agents. Are they Russian mafia, industrial espionage, or just Paul Ryan’s “family”. Thank God the deep state is rolling this out slow, because it could collapse society if it all came out. Trump may jump any minute, because the one thing that seems clear is that they have enough evidence to cook his goose if they have to. Surely, he wouldn’t push it that far.

  • ThunderCat

    Crazy cats? Woah! Wait a minute … I’m taking that personally, and I’m not liking it …
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a7ab02e7c96c57976f5b2e5d5328d32dcc0e6167135df1002fbc3727f590d7e7.jpg

  • Zyxomma

    Good thing I don’t tear out my hair (which now reaches past my butt to the top of my thighs) in response to news about the WH. I’d be as bald as my dear departed dad.

  • Axomamma

    You forgot “for now” but I am guessing someone else already pointed that out.

  • Bad Scooter

    Tune in next week, when the Trump Administration decides to Executive Order the CIA to execute a covert operation (code name: Loyalty or Death) on any FBI staff members that are known supporters of immigration reform, the ACA, and/or science!

  • Mirful

    Are you tired of all the winning yet?

    There’s going to be so much winning, you’ll be sick of winning.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      When it comes to Trump now, its more like are you tired of losing yet?

  • Wes

    Is their plan to create so many scandals that Congress doesn’t know what to prosecute first?

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