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Coming up with new and exciting conspiracy theories is an exhausting business if there ever was one. Hell — it’s almost a Rule 34 kind of thing. If you can imagine a conspiracy theory, you can probably also find someone who literally believes in it. For instance, just now I thought to myself “What if there are people who think gnomes are real?”

Surprise! There are people who think gnomes are real.

And people who think STIs are not.

H/T r/badwomensanatomy

I play this game pretty often, as I am a super cool human person with a very full life. In a way, it has given me a strange sort of appreciation for what Alex Jones does, on account of the fact that it is actually really hard to come up with a weird conspiracy theory that no one else has come up with yet.

But given this difficulty, they can’t all be winners. For every “They’re turning the frogs gay!” there’s a dud. And I gotta say, this most recent one, a collaboration with Roger Stone, is not terribly exciting.

On Jones’s show this week, he and Roger Stone decided to ponder the hairstyle decisions of several dudes in the CIA — namely the fact that they all had shaved heads. Which may or may not mean, per Jones, that they are leather daddies.

Transcript via Media Matters:

ROGER STONE: I want to raise this question, though. Why is it that General [James] Mattis, General [H.R.] McMaster, John Brennan, formerly of the CIA, Michael Hayden, formerly of the CIA, and James Clapper. Why do these guys all have shaved heads?

ALEX JONES (HOST): Because that’s part of being a leather daddy.

STONE: Is it some secret club or something that they’re in? I mean, it defies the odds of coincidence, that every one of these guys have the same kind of look. There it is. Extraordinary. By the way [McMaster’s] smirk at the end of this kind of gives the whole thing away.

JONES: He looks like he could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

(He is talking about sucking on penises.)

Stone — who actually was in a secret leather daddy club — is trying so hard to jump on the conspiracy bandwagon, with his “Why do they all have shaved heads?” crap that it is almost kind of adorable. Secret clubs for CIA dudes with shaved heads though? That doesn’t seem very exciting. And leather daddies? Kinda mundane. Like, a bunch of CIA guys being in a secret leather daddy bald guy club has to be one of the least sketchy things a conspiracy theorist could come up with. They might as well accuse them of having tupperware parties at this point.

It’s kind of unfortunate, really, because the fictional world is full of fascinating bald dude conspiracies.

For instance, on the seminal 1990s teen soap opera “Swan’s Crossing,” there were a bunch of bald Russian spies that were referred to as “baldies.”

What were they up to? Why were they bald? What kind of spies go around spying on teenage dramz? No one knows, because the show was canceled pretty quickly. But it was probably something way more exciting than a Secret CIA Leather Daddy Club.

Then, on “Fringe,” there were all the bald dudes from the future who traveled through time just observing stuff.

If I were in charge of the “Why are all the CIA dudes bald???” conspiracy theory, I totally would have come up with something more like that than dumb ol’ “Secret CIA Leather Daddy Club.” Like, obviously Mattis, McMaster, Brennan are time traveling spies from the future who are overly invested in the career of a pre-Buffy Sarah Michelle Gellar and also came here to save Pacey from “Dawson’s Creek” from drowning as a child. ALL THE BALD DUDES ARE THE SAME PERSON OMG.

Perhaps Jones is just not on top of his game these days, what with his child custody case and having to apologize to Greek yogurt and what have you. I’d like to think that he’d be able to come up with something better if he really tried. I mean, come on — they could at least be lizard people.

[Media Matters]

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  • crabbychic

    Couple of geniuses. This should go well for them.

  • Crank Tango

    Shit-tons of them rightwingers have shaved heads, goatees also, too.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So all those cops, who, like Walt White, shave their heads to look more menacing, are all leather daddies. Makes as much sense as anything else he spouts.

    • calliecallie

      My cousin was such a cop. He was getting typical male pattern baldness anyway, so he shaved his head. The kids on the street called him Kojak. (He was a big tall guy, though, not short and paunchy like the teevee Kojak.)

  • DerrickWildcat

    The Illuminati, The Bilderberg Group, Section 31, MI6, The Freemasons, and Opus Dei could not stop Jones from getting the truth out.
    It took Big Yogurt to finally silence Jones.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      There’s a reason this type reaches for their guns when they hear the word culture,

      • calliecallie

        Never mess around with probiotics.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          They outnumber us.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    This shines a light on basic training I had not considered.

    Off to check the AO3 for stories.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    He keeps this up, and the CIA may eventually really be out to get him.

    • ltmcdies

      again Hillary has a Hit Squad crowd….this POS still breathes…

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    If anyone would know about leather daddies it would be Roger Stone.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Who literally embodies the stereotype which gave the world “cucks”

    • ManchuCandidate

      He’s got the Nixon tramp stamp.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Yogurtsayswhat?

  • Shoto

    Meanwhile, the sitting “president” has a cotton-candy ferret perched on his skull.

    These wingnuts need to cobble up some new shtick.

    • weejee

      In today’s NY Timez Wonket icon Brer Brooks said it was glowworms.

      ‘We’ve got this perverse situation in which the vast
      analytic powers of the entire world are being spent trying to understand a guy whose thoughts are often just six fireflies beeping randomly in a jar.’

      • Nockular cavity

        I’ve got a theory: it could be bunnies.

  • Chadwells
  • mardam422

    They aren’t in a secret leather daddy club. For Chrissakes. I’d have seen them at the meetings.

  • ManchuCandidate
    • mardam422

      No. The other end of the chain would be attached to his nipples.

    • Crank Tango

      One is an anal rapist, the other is trying to find work as an actor.

  • Mary Sandoras
  • BigCSouthside

    Look, just putting it out there

    I think it would be a safe bet to say Alex jones has probably sucked a dick at least once in his life.

    • BadKitty904

      And been a dick for his entire life.

    • C4TWOMAN

      It would be irresponsible not to speculate…

    • BearGHAZI

      Bless you for having the courage to go there

  • btwbfdimho
  • Chadwells
    • BadKitty904

      That was one creepy-ass flick…

      • Chadwells

        I loved it. Made me cry. Don’t tell anyone.

        • Mary Sandoras

          Ditto.

  • Anna Rompage

    So these fine folks are part of the master race so many folks are talking about, and the brain trust that is responsible for exposing the Deep State?

    Good fucking lord…

  • Pre-existing Ugly Dude

    Gnomes aren’t real? Then I guess I should tell Joe Maddon to get off my lawn:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c7154a094f84679a480ad2f69951ba98ba3be1f326f685eb4a01e89de9f9960b.gif

  • mrFawkes

    Jones and Stone are members of the Herr Club for Men.

  • Joe Beese
  • C4TWOMAN

    Sigh…


    ALEX JONES (HOST): Because that’s part of being a leather daddy.

    Next lawsuit in 3….2……

  • The Wanderer

    Wasn’t Stone the guy who “went undercover” at the Folsom Street Fair years ago?

    • Anna Rompage

      Under cover…
      down on you knees….
      Is there any difference in this case?

      • The Wanderer

        Not at all. I’ve often wanted to go see the Folsom Fair.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Since it’s always projection with these assholes, I feel like it is safe to assume that Roger and Alex regularly exchange large amounts of bodily fluids with one another while wearing mostly animal-skin attire.

    And I’m not judging. If it were any men other than these two, I’d be interested in watching.

    OK, not ANY other men.

  • BadKitty904
    • cats530

      Poor Aunt Pitty-Pat.

  • calliecallie

    Robyn, I think you watch too much television. I say this because I believe I am the only other person who watched every episode of Fringe.

    • Mary Sandoras

      I really liked that show.

    • Robyn Pennacchia

      It was a good show!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Perhaps these guys are just trying to distance themselves, follicularly, from their boss.

  • BearGHAZI

    Perhaps they are bald with dignity, instead of surgically grafting cornsilk to their pates?

    • Al Swearengen

      Remember Gawker’s story? That he has a couple of extra hairs manually tied to each and every one of his remaining hairs for 10s of 1,000s. Call it a “microweave”.

      • BearGHAZI

        I will #nevhairForget

  • HorseChestnut

    golf ball through a garden hose

    That is TOO MUCH SUCTION, sir.

    • hendenburg2

      Right now, a thousand televangelists just got hard and they don’t know why.

  • whitroth

    It’s a fad. Guys who see themselves getting thinner on top decide to follow the fad and shave their heads, with the added advantage, they think, that they look Tough.

    Thank you, I’m a leftover hippie, and I’ve still got long hair (on the sides and back, at least…)

    Otherwise… could someone please slip Alex a few doses of extra-strength laxative, so he won’t have any more stupid shit stories to pull out of his ass?

    • HorseChestnut

      I shave it because I have very little hair left and it’s nice to not have to style it or anything. No bad hair days!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Wait. What? Fad?

      That’s kind of an uninformed opinion.
      I shave my head because I’m going bald and it looks ridiculous when I let it grow. It also makes me look much older. I won’t ever have a combover or a bald-guy ponytail.

    • mardam422

      I thought about going for the Larry Fine. But now my head looks more like a Titleist in the second cut of rough at the US Open.

      • Al Swearengen

        I’m scared of what my noggin looks like without hair. Kicked by horses, smacked in the head with stirrups, drunken 4 wheeler wrecks without a helmet..

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I had the shaved-because-receding hairline from about 1999, but last summer decided to let it grow out. I just comb it back (working on collar length) and now look less like a gay man and more like a suburban dad or maybe just an art fag of a certain age. No combovers ever, but I have reached an age where I just don’t care what others’ opinions are. I’m comfortable with the fact that I’m an old guy with longer hair than is approved of by custom.

  • Mary Sandoras

    OT: But LOL.

    Robin Wright: ‘Trump has stolen all of our ideas’ for House of Cards
    http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/334096-robin-wright-trump-has-stolen-all-of-our-ideas-for-house-of

    • Thaumaturgist

      Russians hacked House of Cards also too.

  • Crank Tango
    • HorseChestnut

      $**#@%U)#$@()I)!% I had just managed to forget about him :(

  • Thaumaturgist

    Donald’s natural condition is a shaved head. He takes mess for it. Just sayin.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Because testosteron makes your hairline receding and most tough guys rather shave off the remains than walk around with a comb over as a last sign of their manlyhood, mister JOnes.

  • specialcircumstances

    I would pay good money to watch Alex or Roger call McMaster a leather daddy and then imply he can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Good money.

  • dslindc
    • UnsaltedSinner

      Is that his swingin’ wife?

    • msanthropesmr

      Well, at least he has a sense of style.

    • BadKitty904

      If that’s supposed to be a morning suit, he’s wearing the wrong collar. Just sayin’…

      • dslindc

        I mean, everything else was wrong that day, so I guess it fits. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

        • BadKitty904

          On the plus side, the morticians did a wonderful job.

      • msanthropesmr

        I think it is supposed to be a morning suit, and he’s wearing a spread collar.

        • BadKitty904

          Call me a purist, but I say a wing-collar is still de rigueur…

      • Al Swearengen

        He’s a rebel!

        • BadKitty904

          I’m going with “posing yahoo”.

    • ariel_gee_398
    • Boscoe

      Roger Stone cosplaying as the Monopoly guy?

  • DrBigHead

    This is a bit off topic, but does anyone want to guess what this afternoon’s Trump-related revelation will be?

    • dslindc

      He is actually just 4 schizophrenic cats in an ill-fitting suit?

      • msanthropesmr

        I can do it with two cats and a terrorized dog.

      • DrBigHead

        I will be chuckling about this for the rest of the day. Thank you very much.

      • HorseChestnut

        OT: If a cat were schizophrenic, how would you tell?

        • dslindc

          Fair point.

    • msanthropesmr

      He’s a space 👽. Or as my auto-correct suggested a space cowboy.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I have to get up early tomorrow but I staying up for it even though it will be about midnight by the time it’s on.

    • HorseChestnut

      I’ll bet he’s going to make an unscheduled stop on his Middle East tour, and then cut the whole trip short.

  • WiscoJoe

    As someone with plenty of personal experiences with leather daddies, let me just say… men, especially men old enough to be considered ‘daddies’, shave their head because they’re going bald. The alternative is looking like a desperate Trumpster trying to cover up normal aging with an elaborate rat’s nest. Or going the Roger Stone douchebag route and trying to cover it up with a fedora.

    • timpundit

      ‘Xactly.

    • Nockular cavity

      Yeah. If it’s going to be shaved head vs. combover, the only wise choice is to get out the razor.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank
      • Parakeetist

        Tribbles!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      But a bunch of us self-induced baldies ARE leather daddies also too. There’s no need to deprive Alex and Roger of their Sekrit Sexxx Conspiracy Dreams. Agenda 2-in-1… Jade Helmet…

    • Cliff Hendroval

      Or you can do what I do, which is just accept that most of the hair on the top of your head is gone and keep the rest as natural as possible without any fancy combing. It’s a hell of a lot easier than shaving your head every day.

  • Boscoe

    Pfft. EVERYONE knows that when The Thing copies you, it can’t replicate hair. -Or was that dental fillings? I forget…

    • TJ Barke

      Dental fillings, but that was in the crappy prequel.

  • msanthropesmr

    My conspiracy theory is that the Russians help Donald Trump win because they wanted to destabilize NATO to restart territorial expansion to recoup losses from reduced oil revenue. Nah, you’re right
    Too far fetched
    Nobody will believe that.

    • Michael Smith

      Needs more sex.

      • msanthropesmr

        Ok. Sally Yates and Barack Obama as eye candy saving the day.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      And you claim it would WORK? Get out of here with this obvious bullshit.

      • msanthropesmr

        I know? The American people will not fall for a snake oil salesman, and his own party would place their dedication to America above their own interests.

    • Crank Tango

      But they will believe that anchovies=anal, or some shit.

      • msanthropesmr

        I spell my name Danger.

    • HorseChestnut

      Those central Asian oil & gas reserves aren’t going to seize themselves.

      • TJ Barke

        It’s almost like getting over oil would be a real smart strategic move…

        • msanthropesmr

          That’s democratic thinking. That has no place here.

          • TJ Barke

            I’m a dreamer…

          • msanthropesmr

            I’d like to think that your not the only one,

          • TJ Barke

            I dream of fusion power and hydrogen fuel cells… Maybe new battery tech…

    • DerrickWildcat

      And bust up the EU. Russians behind Brexit too.

      • msanthropesmr

        That subplot is ludicrous. Just like the attempted coup in Turkey.

  • Michael Smith

    Are they high?

    “Dude, like, what if, like… the top generals and stuff in the U.S. are actually all gay dudes who are in like one of those clubs where you dress in leather and stuff?”

    “hahahaha, oh man, dude that would be hysterical. I mean, seriously though, they all kind of look like leather daddies. They’ve got the hair and stuff.”

    “Dude, they’re totally all leather daddies.”

    “For sure. This is going to be a huge scandal haha.”

    “Oh man. We should totally have our own show. People would love this shit.”

  • Alex Jones with his shirt off and Gnomes… I mean, if it was regular coloured puke, this would be pretty much mandatory…

    http://i.imgur.com/e7aKxBK.gif

  • BadKitty904
  • jesterpunk

    it couldnt be because they are all former military and used to short hair anyway who decided once they start going bald its easier to just shave it all off.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      Right?

  • WiscoJoe

    Gee, you’d think Roger Stone and Alex Jones would be more comfortable with skinheads.

  • AndyC316

    Why is it that any story featuring Alex Jones leaves me at a total loss for fucking words?

    • clubseal

      “Coitus”

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • SadDemInTex

    In folk tales gnomes and fairies are almost always malevolent (primarily I suspect because they are not “human”). I’ve always thought that was a laugh because there is nothing more malevolent than Homo sapiens. The horror of the conspiracy theories of today is their inconceivable wide decimination and the sheer numbers of people who believe them. I sincerely hope there is an “afterlife” for all beings but it is one where we are all learning. Read Mark Twain’s “Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven” for what sounds good to me.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      I think it was because simple people needed something to understand the randomness of the universe–bad things were caused by supernatural beings. Luckily no one is that simple any more. /s

  • anwisok

    Pretty sure Alex is descended from a long line of phone sanitizers.

    • Parakeetist

      Haaaaaaa

  • hendenburg2

    Would it really be too much to ask that someone dressed like the biker from the Village People deliver a case of Chobani to InfoWars’ front door?

    • HorseChestnut

      Speedy Delivery!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      “Um, this isn’t yogurt…”

  • JMP

    Or they decided to try and hide their baldness and failed to realize that white guys usually look awful with shaved heads.

    • TJ Barke

      Hats. Lots of hats.

    • Greyhame

      Seriously, Evan McMullin can never even have a shot at being president until he lets his hair grow out a little.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Alex, Roger… I’ll tell you if I see them at the club, OK? Until then, keep fucking that chicken.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • No way. All I know about McMaster so far is that the world refuses to create a suit that will fit him. We have to know the leather content of his wardrobe and how he fills out said outfits before we speculate on things like the ghey.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    back in the late 90’s, i was walking around the south loop of chicago, where i lived and went to school. For some reason I kept spotting big dudes in leather in teh area. Had i just never noticed them before? WERE WE BEING INVADED?

    Later found out it was the Mr. Gay Leather Universe competition in town for a thing.
    Remember that scene in the first episode of Arrested Development where all the gay dudes jump on a bus to go protest? Yeah, that happened except it was gay leather daddies.

    Anyway, they had a fantastic fireworks show that night (i mean that literally, not figuratively).

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Ha, jinx! You posted while I was typing!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’d say “great minds and all”, but that would be an insult.

        ; )

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Nah. You’re here aren’t you? We’re a smart bunch!

    • chazmanr

      The Palmer House has a very different clientele for one weekend per year.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        heh, we actually lived near the hilton, i think, the one Robert DeNiro walks down the staircase in in the untouchables…
        my buddy worked at a little cafe that got a lot of hotel quests, he was a west virginia redneck, but he said he kept “dropping” things at work that whole week.

        • chazmanr

          Actually, I was confusing the Palmer House with the Congress Plaza which is about 2 blocks away. There is a big gay BDSM conference there every year

    • Robyn Pennacchia

      Oh! They have IML every year. It is actually a pretty good time.

  • Jeff Ackerman
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    FFS, all kinds of guys shave their heads. If I were a dude and were losing my hair, I might do the same thing. These people are utter lunatics.

  • Bureaucrap

    Generally when leather daddies get together to trade information, it’s usually to swap recipes or share secrets about restaurants in Puerto Vallarta.

    • exinkwretch

      I joined the buzz club in June 2001 when my only other hairstyle option was a combover. Three months later, the Twin Towers come down. Coincidence?

    • h4rr4r

      Fantastic resort town by the way.

      I had no idea about it being popular for the LGBT crowd until after I got there.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Now now… many of us self-induced baldies ARE leather daddies also too. There’s no need to deprive Alex and Roger of their Sekrit Sexxx Conspiracy Dreams. Agenda 2-in-1, Jade Helmet…

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack
    • h4rr4r

      A fantastic film.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        One of my personal faves. Jennifer Connelly is ethereal in that. Rufus Sewell was at his best as well.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Check their travel itineraries. If they all happen to be within a few hundred miles of Chicago over Memorial Day weekend, they’re clearly in town for International Mr. Leather.
    QED

  • Lyly Sirivong

    OMG, that laugh. Makes me want to punch the screen.

    And there must be a conspiracy theory about that bright purple tie.

  • Randy Riddle

    “He looks like he could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.”

    Is Pence part of the conspiracy?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Pence’s expression always looks like he’s passing a golf ball through his “garden hose.”

  • Swampay

    Really? I thought the shaved head was a go-to solution for men who embrace the reality of their growing bald spots and have so few hair style options to choose from: The fringe – including (GAH!) the pony-tail fringe – the shaved head, and the comb-over.

    Me, I just bask in the glow of my luxuriant locks and the jealousy they engender.

    • Johnatx

      Yep. That’s what I did. Was flying back home from a long trip. Looked in the mirror in the airplane toilet. Saw the dreaded combover look. Said “screw it”. Got a number 2 buzz the first chance I had

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Roger Stone is such a creeper — true this: he was at my personal training gym one evening when I was there and was really just leering at me. It was creepy. I really got to know how women walking by a construction site feel. Oh, he’s gross fugly too, btw.

  • The obvious answer that secure, mature guys who have largely lost most of their hair shave their head rather than wear a syrup (of fig) or get a weave or hair plugs.

    But the obvious never makes a mark on Alex Jones

    • kaydenpat

      If Trump were secure and mature, he would let that possum go free and go bald but alas.

  • Edith Prickly
  • anon_the_great

    Roger S: “Yannow, it is possible that back in the 90’s I might have fed Alex a bit-o-long pig sausage in the SRO row of a porno theater. Juss sayin'”

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    It’s because they DON’T USE Z-FLOOPTICS, MY POWERFUL NEW TINCTURE!

    He can’t even bother to push his shitty snake oil, either? Did someone have a double serving of Kosher Kush Chili again??

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Why are there so many old white men in suits who want to tell me what I can do with my uterus? Is this a conspiracy? You betcha.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Yes.

      • thixotropic jerk

        AOT, K

  • Greyhame

    Jesus, these guys are out to ruin gay sex fantasies just like they ruin everything else! And I have to point out that a half-naked Alex Jones somehow manages to look like someone has photoshopped his head onto his own body.

  • Edith Prickly

    For real, I don’t know how anyone can stand to listen to Alex Jones for more than ten seconds. His voice sounds like Cookie Monster on steroids (apologies to Cookie Monster, he’s my favourite muppet.) and the crap he spews is so transparently nonsensical it would be laughable – if unbalanced, socially maladroit people didn’t take it seriously, that is.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Funny you should bring up Cookie Monster because not many people know that he was the only muppet of African descent. It wasn’t until they hired Elmo that the Children’s Television Workshop had a truly diverse puppet staff.

  • Clyde Barrow

    The projection oozing off these creeps is beyond obvious. I see a future of these frail egos in intense therapy, showing the doctor on the doll where their drunk uncle and liberalism touched them. Sad!

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    See? My claim to being a unicorn is nowhere near the most ridiculous thing you’ll be asked to believe today!

    • kaydenpat

      But you are a unicorn. I’m looking right at your picture.

    • whitroth

      Heh. Heh. Heh. Old carton: unicorn and another critter, at night, standing in front of a store window crammed with toy stuffed unicorns. Caption “If I see one more Cute Unicorn….”

      No one’s ever disputed the fact that I’m a dragon. You wouldn’t either. Do Not Make Dragon MAD….

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Oh, I can think of much better things to do to a dragon… *wink*

        • whitroth

          *sigh* You a) probably don’t live anywhere near DC, and b) you’re probably way too young for me (as I’m not the Orange Thing nor Trumpolini, someone half my age is too young….)

          Otherwise….

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            hee hee… I’m 53, but you’re right: wrong side of the continent.

          • whitroth

            Oh, *piffle* – you’re actually not too young (I’m well into my sixties, but don’t look it)… and you’re on the other coast.

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        ‘Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.’

        • whitroth

          Yeah, well, I prefer mine medium, and steak sauce would be nice… of course, that depends. The Orange Thing, forgeddaboutit….

  • Daniel Hooper

    One more to the Alex Jones crazy story pile. Leather daddies, huh? Leather comes from cows… cowgirls! All bald men in high government positions are secretly anthropomorphic cows! It all fits!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      India’s in on this, too?!?!?!?

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Not a leather daddy, I just decided that if some of my hair was leaving then THE REST OF YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT TOO!

    My nostril and earhole hairs are out of control. Probably listen to Alex Jones

    • Erala Contratista

      I saw a diagram of Drumpf’s comb over on the inter web one time. Creative combing and sufficient product could turn nose/ear hair into a plus!
      Nobody’s nose or ears ever seem to go bald.
      Always look to the bright side…..

      • It’s the Law of Conservation of Hair- you don’t lose your hair, it just migrates.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Something, something, Edward James Olmos?

    • It’s the “I see you God, and I’ll raise you” hairstyle.

  • Red Bird Ω

    I was a Degrassi fan myself. But I’ll check out Swans Crossing on Netflix this weekend.

  • Mavenmaven

    I was a seminal 1990s teen.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    They are just jealous; if they shaved their heads, Stone would look like a pinhead and Jones would resemble Charlie Brown.

  • You guys you guys YOU GUYS!?!?! did you see that gnome video?!!?

    I totally believe in gnomes.

    • Bee-Doo

      I want to believe.

    • ahughes798

      I believe in ghosts. Seriously.

      • I just can’t, I watched too much classic “Scooby Doo” as a kid. I do believe in Old Man Higgins, though.

        • ahughes798

          Well, if I hadn’t actually seen one, I wouldn’t, but since I did, I do.

      • whitroth

        I believe in really fantastic things… like the Constitution.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I’ve been slowly turning into a leather daddy for years then.

    • kaydenpat

      So you can suck golf balls through garden hoses. Good skill to have.

      • President in Exile Firefly

        You can’t?

        • kaydenpat

          Lol!!

  • kaydenpat

    Hmmmm. Hubby is bald. Hmmmm.

    • Beowoof14

      Has he recently bought any leather items?

      • Does he suddenly have a job that requires him to jet off to Khazakstan or Uruguay at odd hours?

        • zerosumgame0005

          are there non-odd hours to go to those places?

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          No, YOU’RE a gay.

          …Sorry. Something about the end of the workday always makes me act like a 12-year-old.

  • Beowoof14

    I am working on going bald, but not quite there yet. Does this mean I have a change coming for my sex life? Probably not, no one is interested particularly me these days.

    • kaydenpat

      You’ll develop unbelievable strength and be able to suck golf balls through garden hoses or something like that.

      • Beowoof14

        I dunno, unless I was looking into a career recovering golf balls from water hazards, I don’t believe it’s a skill I can find a use for.

      • Bad Tom

        See, this is why you should get an operating manual at birth.

    • You might have naughty girls who want to grind themselves on the top of your head… or so I have read.

  • Peter Walford

    I laugh till I …

  • WTF? Nobody issued me a pair of leather chaps and a top secret security clearance!

    Also, Rob Halford is acting CIA director.

    • Bobo the Dork Boy

      Electric eyyyyyyyyeeeee
      In the skyyyyyyyyyy!!!….

      • Moar Wordz

        That’s so funny you write that bcse I feel it watching me constantly. Some one told me it was God but I was like ” Nah. “

    • Parakeetist

      Yes! At last!

  • Paperless Tiger

    What part of skinhead do you not understand? Mind the part where they stomp your lying ass with hobnail boots votes.

  • TundraGrifter

    This is not good news for Kojak. Or Yul Brenner. Or that Mike Morris villain.

    • Bad Tom

      Or Captain Picard.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    That is so cool that gnomes actually exist.

  • peteywheats
  • Shibusa

    Roger Stone’s “hair” wouldn’t look any more fake if it were held in place with a chin strap. And he’s ragging on guys with shaved heads?

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    Counterpoint. Not only not bald, but hairy in lots of places besides his head.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6d400de156034d9111457b28fa12a4e0cdc7174c2859ae85ae872a29dbf24a05.jpg

  • Me not sure

    I’m all business in the front, leather daddy in the back. ….Wait. … That could have been better stated.

  • Bad Tom

    Some people shave their heads because it’s a good hairstyle for them.

    It’s true, gay leather daddies often have that look, because it’s macho and we like it.

    We don’t mind if CIA dudes, or anyone else borrows it. There’s enough shave cream and razors to go around.

  • Stulexington

    So he’s calling all the skinheads leatherdaddies now? This can’t possibly backfire.

  • chascates

    And all guys who believe in ridiculous conspiracy theories are fat asses with small dicks.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Didn’t he just get done groveling to the yogurt guy to get his ass out of a wickedly bad defamation case. Really don’t learn, do they? No wonder the shit keeps happening to the Rethugs.

  • Jgb979

    You know who WOULDNT surprise me if he was a secret leather daddy …….

    (Prototypical bear who seems obsessed with masculinity and who brags about his ridiculous heterosexual conquests- and yet is frequently dropping his shirt for no real reason)

    Weird how I’d probably get sued if I had a public forum and said that….

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Yes… By bears!

  • 3FingerPete
    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Hate to admit it, but Jesus God yeah.

    • No safewords in his dungeon…

    • Moar Wordz

      He’s ” Mr.Biggles, ” the black cat yahoo news story quoted a source as being ” An utter, utter, bastard ” of a cat. Supposedly, Mister Biggles likes cuddles , but if you do them wrong he ” might give you a nip.” He likes eyeballing the chickens in the yard with, ” murderous intent.” And throwing tantrums.

  • Scooby

    Wasn’t ET bald? In fact aren’t all aliens?

  • Moonunit_s

    isnt roger stone gay tho.

  • Your Planet Is A Toilet

    What did Jones tell you, what DID he tell you (through his lawyer)… “It’s just ENTERTAINMENT…”!

  • Good thing we have Alex Jones and Roger Stone to warn us about what the queers are doing to the soil.

  • ken_kukec

    “STONE: …. I mean, it defies the odds of coincidence, that every one of these guys have the same kind of look.”

    Say, Roger Stone, what are “the odds of coincidence,” anyway?

    I’m laying 6-1 you don’t know WTF you’re talkin’ about.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    “ALEX JONES (HOST): Because that’s part of being a leather daddy.”
    Is this just wishful thinking on his part, or does he have some kind of experience in the area that he is keeping from his loyal minions? You are not to infer anything from that, I’m just asking.

  • Panika MCD

    where does Powder fit into this theory?

    • pixeloid

      Obviously, Powder was a CIA spook.

  • Phrieda Ω

    Lice and early 20th century reality of large groups of men posing a hygiene problem. Prisons and armies are where involuntary ultra-close haircuts came from. Then headgear then evolved to favor such haircuts and conformity culture meant you weren’t going to advance if you didn’t buy in. Having male pattern baldness and owning it is something to be proud of. An insecure narcissist might not need to brag so much if he embraced it.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Yup, not every one is so insecure that they take up origami craft to cover up their receding hairline.

  • Zyxomma

    Michael Cerveris, the #1 bald dude from Fringe, is not only a fine actor but an amazing singer with great range. I saw him on Broadway as Tommy, and at City Center as Sweeney Todd (with Patti LuPone as Mrs. Lovett). I adore him.

  • pixeloid

    I’m sure CIA guys shave their heads for the same reason cops, thugs, and white supremacists do: they think it makes them look macho. It also makes them look like giant walking dildos which I’m sure factors in there somewhere.
    In this particular case, it looks like it’s just an old guy who’s going bald and said, “Fuck it! I’m not going to try to pretend I’m not going bald,.”

  • Moar Wordz

    Just read that he, Stone, had a tattoo of Nixon’s face done large scale on his back.
    He seems nice !
    ” Stone is a veteran Republican Consultant, ” ( from Wikipedia, self-described.)
    In my opinion, if you need a consultant in the first place, you were never playing with a full deck.
    Yates does not need a consultant.
    Trump definitely does..

  • phoenix00

    I can neither keep up with Alex Jones nor will I ever understand why he is anywhere near “celebrity”

    • Mike

      He’s the best example of what’s wrong with the internet

      • phoenix00

        Rightwing Nutjob nee plus ultra?

    • Brian Fowler

      Blame Richard Linklater. He gave Alex Jones TWO cameos; one in Waking Life and one in A Scanner Darkly.

  • svejk

    mafioso nickname: “queens baldy.” he’s part of it too.

  • Mike

    I use a 00 clipper every 5 days … it’s easy, neat, and cool in the summer.
    Peacocks like Stone n Jones are too worried about being pretty.

    • UpstateNYObserver

      I would never use the term “pretty” with either one of these jackasses

      • Henry B.

        How about “pretty fucking ugly?”

        • UpstateNYObserver

          I stand corrected…

  • irishdave3

    Ever hear the saying….The less hair you have the more head you get?

  • Jukesgrrl

    Robyn, I wonder why gnomes came to mind when you are talking about Alex Jones. He can show off all the muscles he can build but he’s still a tiny man with an over-sized head. I’m surprised he doesn’t shave his noggin since obviously he’s losing his hair.

    Have you ever dipped salted dicks in yogurt, Alex?

  • nightmoth
  • Duchess Gummybuns

    Just remember, Alex…being a complete shitbag of a human being is why you lost your kids.

    I hope they write a tell-all book about him one day. Also, I hope they become liberal activists…he’d love that.

  • Internet Hitler

    Hmm, I have a bald patch. And I’m wearing a leather belt.

    *sigh*

    Okay, what are the dues and when’s the next meeting?

  • Kevin Taylor

    Is it my imagination or is Jones turning orange?

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Wonkette gets a million bonus points for referencing Fringe. Also, Its telling how much Jones and Stone are obessed with gay sex and bondage. I dont know any LGBT persons who are as obessed with gay sex as Jones and Stone. Considering how much Jones likes taking his shirt off…

    • Marla

      …and to the approval of other men.

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