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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the FIVE BILLION things we may be talking about today.

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • John Thorstensen

      Ow.

  • Nounverb911

    Is Roger Ailes still dead?

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      His farts still linger.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Someone sprinkled salt on him.

    • Me not sure

      Not still dead enough for me.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      It can take up to 24 hours for the zombie virus to kick in.

    • laughingnome

      He’s having paella with Franco.

      • The Wanderer

        Who is Still Dead.

    • Claire

      Dead or sleeping in the depths, one of the two.

    • onedollarjuana

      So is that linky.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Cheetah cub rushes over to leave kitten snot on the camera lens… I seem to spend half my life scrubbing kitteh snots off my windows where they’ve been sitting and watching the birds outside.

    • John Thorstensen

      I love Gary Larson’s cartoon of the cat glued to the window — outside, we see that two delivery vans have collided in front of the house, from “Al’s Rodent’s” and “Bob’s Small, Flightless Birds”.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • WiscoJoe

    I will not speak ill of the dead, but I’ve got a shitload of mockery saved up for the first person who suggests Hillary killed Roger Ailes. (You know it’s coming.)

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Well smarty-pants, has anyone accounted for her whereabouts last night? Hengh?

    • BadKitty904
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Hillary killed Ailes! Okay, mock away.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      I (and others) suggested it already in the other thread. But we were being snarky. Does that count?

    • I speak ill of the dead
      Fred West was evil
      so was Ian Brady
      so was Roger Ailes

    • OneYieldRegular

      But it must be true: who ever heard of a morbidly obese person dying at such a young age of 77?

      • WiscoJoe

        Scalia libelz

  • proudgrampa

    And…the hits just keep on coming, eh?

  • Chadwells

    We lose one good guy Chris Cornell…super sad.

    We lose one piece of shit…could care less.

    • janecita

      Couldn’t, if you “could care less,” you care too much. I don’t think that you care too much:-) I love Soundgarden, poor Chris Cornell.

      • Chadwells

        Ugh…I was in such a hurry to be pissed. Thank you !! I’m gonna fix it!

      • Chadwells

        I got to hang out with him and Kim in Chicago. Ran into them at a coffee shop in the wee hours and we ended up hanging out and joking around for a couple hours. They were the coolest guys. I will remember that fondly. Really bummed!

        • janecita

          That is great story, thanks for sharing it:-)

  • Bozilingus

    Would Brian Williams pass the Voight-Kampff test?

    • Greyhame

      Let him tell you about his mother.

  • Chadwells

    You guys can go ahead and be good people…not talking about him since he’s dead.

    I’m not so nice. Fuck that guy. The world is a better place.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Welp, God must hate us. Ailes had hemophilia and God let him live long enough to just about destroy us.

  • Nounverb911

    “I am not a witch!”
    Christina O’Donnell

    –DJT

    • OneYieldRegular

      If Trump says, “I’m you,” it’ll be the first time he’s ever used that pronoun.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    One effect of the “Special Cownsell” is that Republicans in Congress can dodge questions and culpability for Little Babby Donnie’s treason, claiming “let’s let Mueller do his job”.

  • susan_g

    I hope that this Ailes story is one of those things that happens in threes.

    • janecita

      Me too! O’Reilly and Hannity next!

      • 2 words Rupert … Murdock

        • janecita

          I forgot about him! Yup, Rupert Murdoch it is!

        • Eh. His spawn mostly run the show now. Too little, too late

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          You can’t kill what’s already dead.

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            And in strange aeons even death may die.
            And you gotta admit, it really has got pretty strange.

          • Sedagive ’em Hell

            Amen brother.

  • Conspiracy warning:
    I wonder just how many other conservatives with complicit ties to der ferret will be suddenly dropping dead.

    • Dutchman

      AOT,K? If there’s any karmic justice in this universe.

      • Counsel appointed and they started dropping off like flies. No one can explain that!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Obligatory — ferret LIBELZ.

      • sorry sorry, was sposed to be der ferret head or Heir Ferret

        • Marion in Savannah

          Still, poor ferrets…

    • snark-lurker

      Well he was 77 and “work” was the only thing keeping him going, I think.

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        That was my first thought. Without Faux Noise to rule, he really had nothing to live for.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Well, that and his vigorous exercise regimen.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Glenn Greenwald is a corner somewhere, shaking in the fetal position and refusing to answer his door.

      • He’d be smart. Him and Julian should quietly disappear for a year or two.
        Loose ends, snip snip

        • Vincent Ricola

          Jill Stein, also, too.

          • The Wanderer

            Someone needs to start giving her the third degree.

  • Dutchman

    One less black heart beating today. It’s a start I guess…

  • Nounverb911

    I get the impression that Ailes was not well liked.
    https://twitter.com/AureliaJones15/status/865195718620975104

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Shouldn’t the house be sitting somewhat higher off the ground?

      • FlemmishSpy

        With oozings.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      It’s not just us?

    • CeeQ

      Good riddance to evil rubbish.

    • Scooby

      Fox is spinning it as an extended vacation. They just can’t help themselves.

    • Little Lulu Ω

      Really, most sincerely dead. Thank you, God!

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      FOX News is nothing like ruby slippers, though.

      The Ruby Slippers required a little focused thought, then they’d whisk you back to reality.

  • Marceline

    So who do we credit with taking out Ailes: Obama or Hillary?

    • data_ninja

      Yes.

    • His many victims who ultimately brought him down?

    • why not both?

    • JohnBull

      Obama. With a pillow. In the library.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Deep State?

    • I want to crack jokes, I really do, but…*sigh*

      • We understand. Sucks when you are one of the responsible ones

      • OddMan

        Roger has gone on to that Great Dick Joke™ in the sky.

    • Me not sure

      Gretchen Carlson with a poisoned ping pong pizza in the parlor.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Saul Alinsky’s ghost, paid by Soros.

    • schmannity

      I’m going with Hillary. She’s obviously on another of her killing sprees–first the DNC leaker, now Ailes. The thirst for blood must be slaked.

      • artem1s

        If they had only let her be Preznit. Maybe she would have been content on feeding on an odd intern or two for brunch everyday… but no….

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Given a connection to the Trump campaign: Putin.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Cholesterol?

    • SeeTrain65

      Liam Neeson and his particular set of skills.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I hope all the ladies that Roger Ailes sexually assaulted throughout his life feel some type of peace this morning.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Oh, we’re gonna hear it now…
    TPM: Ex-Fox News Honcho Roger Ailes Dead At 77

    “You killed him!”

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Kennett Square Mushroom farmers are having a tough time finding workers to harvest their yield. I can’t imagine why.

    • Khavrinen

      Unfortunately, all those Trumpanzees slavering to get rid of more brown people by any means possible really won’t be able to imagine why. And will be absolutely certain that the sudden, “inexplicable” rise in price/drop in availability of produce is because of some nefarious Obama/Clinton conspiracy. Because of course it is…

  • Ferroequinologist Ron

    Today ought to be… interesting.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I can’t even imagine how it’s going to end.

      • With more bleeding fingers by our crack Wonkette staff.

    • Claire

      I keep checking twitter to see if the wingnuts have organized around a hysterical conspiracy theory yet.

      • artem1s

        oh yea, the leaks were coming from an Obama plant in the WH whose secret mission was to bring down Twittler. and Killary killed some low level DNC staffer who was secretly feeding info he wouldn’t have access to, to Wikileaks, because he was gonna talk to the Fibbies about Pizzagate in the basement with Pineapples or something, something. Needs moar aliens really…

      • Darlene Underdahl

        Something, something, dragons and zombies, something.

  • Nounverb911
    • Fuck Reagan. He started it.

      • Marion in Savannah

        And there’s no way he’s in heaven…

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          That’s how loud he’s shouting.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        He refined the sludge that Nixon oozed.

    • artem1s

      can’t be Raygun, not hot enough… Maybe Eisenhower.

  • This is normally the time where I would remind all us bleeding heart asshole libtards that no matter how evil, the fellow had a loving family who will be hurting today.
    But fuck that guy.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Like Joe Paterno, he got off easy.

  • data_ninja

    Thanks Obama!

  • Nounverb911
    • Shanzgood

      Dude! That’s my cousin!

  • beingreleased

    Should we refer to Pence as President 45b or 45.1?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Defendant #23.

    • snark-lurker

      45 II

    • Wild Cat

      MinisterRapist will be sufficient, thank you.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I like “indicted co-conspirator” and Prisoner 3572, but that’s just me.

    • 45b*
      with an asterthingy

    • Me not sure

      Are we really sure we want someone this stupid? He seemingly missed the point of the whole New Testament. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b8476da39a49738853be6beca1901a1d1b84094e5ad60ff3a325d88df20459f7.jpg

      • proudgrampa

        He has obviously NEVER read his fucking bible.

        • Me not sure

          Or the US Constitution, for that matter.

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            Both would have got in the way of his Sincerely Held Beliefs.

      • Wild Cat

        Judas did some pretty damn good business with Jesus as the bossman.

      • The Wanderer

        Hang on a rag-picking minute. The Bible loudly proclaims that “All have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God.” So how does anyone get any business done in Indiana, when no workplace will admit anyone?

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          Industrial robots?

        • Me not sure

          Jesus?… Is that you? Welcome back!

          • The Wanderer

            I applaud you. You’re the first person to call me that in, like, forever.

          • Me not sure

            Tanned and rested, are we?

      • jodyleek

        Uh, “He who is without sin cast the first stone” – does that ring any bells, Mike? What an imbecile.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I hope he goes down in history as “who?”

      • artem1s

        or ‘oh, that asshole!’

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          It’s not so bad once you get used to it.
          – Dan Quayle

    • artem1s

      Putin 45 Manafort 45.1 Twittler 45.2 Bannon 45.21 Jared 45.22 Pence 45.3 Ryan 45.32 Hatch 45.4

      worse windows release since Vista

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      “Daddy”

      *vomits*

  • Wild Cat

    “Tramp the dirt down!”

    “Roger that!”

    A nice new grave to piss on . . .

    • artem1s

      can they just put him between Scalia and Breitbart so we only have to make one trip?

      • Wild Cat

        Just keep its corpse away from female bones . . .

        • snark-lurker

          Now how yuh gonna do that?

          • Wild Cat

            Hopefully with O’reilly, Hannity, Wallace, and Kelly’s bones pressuring his own downwards . . .

            One motherfucker dead. So many more to go.

        • artem1s

          I knew I was forgetting someone. I’m fine if they are next to Schafly.

  • bookish

    In a range of interviews with Capitol Hill Republicans, Trump allies, and veterans of past presidential scandals, there was broad consensus on only one point: The fate of the Trump presidency has never been more uncertain.

    But past presidencies, and Trump’s own record in public life, suggest four dramatically different alternatives that may play out in the months and years to come.

  • artem1s

    It occurred to me today that CYA should henceforth and forevermore be known as ‘Comeying Your Ass’

    • proudgrampa

      “I Comeyed that meeting…”

      An excellent verb…

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Bigly cromulent.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Yesterday when this broke, I said he would get all pissy and say it was a cooked-up thing.

    Now I will laugh and laugh and laugh. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/55138828f886b72f373adba3c30b4dbd8cd90b5c820b7ad2e3944a4632692d24.gif

    • First he cried witch hunt THEN he said oh well nothing to hide!

  • Chadwells

    Sorry…I’m just scorched earth with those a-holes. I don’t mourn sexual predators. Just as I would dance in the street if it had been BillO.

  • Nounverb911

    Today, we are all twitchy’s monsters.

    https://twitter.com/Rschooley/status/865196908825804803

    • Ghenghis McCann

      It’s “Don’t speak ill of the dead.” There’s no mention of tweeting, blogging, texting or skywriting, just speaking.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I’m not speaking, I’m typing. I type ill of the dead all the time. I’m working on a book wherein a lot of ill is being typed about the dead.

      I’m also twitchy, can’t help it. Always have been. Anxiety disorder.

      Also not a monster, mostly. i never, y’know, raped a person or abused anyone, so that makes me waaay better in the humaning department than poor dead Rog ever was.

      In related news, Chris Cornell died before Rog did, and he gets my attention because freakin’ Soundgarden.

    • CeeQ

      Fuck them. They spent years cheering evil and disgusting people – and now that one of them is dead we’re ALL supposed to mourn like he was someone worthy of respect?? Fuck. That.

  • proudgrampa

    Could the game be ahand?

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    All this might actually shave a point or two off Trump’s approval ratings with Republicans.

    If he dips below 82% he’ll really be in trouble…

    • Crystalclear12

      Remember, it’s easier to defend a bad decision that make a new bad decision.

      Chagrined and embarrassed have low voter turnout.

  • schmannity

    Statement from Elizabeth Ailes:

    I am profoundly sad and heartbroken to report that my husband, Roger Ailes, passed away this morning. Roger was a loving husband to me [and at least half the women at Fox over the last 20 years}, to his son Zachary, and a loyal friend to many [who blew him]. He was also a patriot, profoundly grateful to live in a country that gave him so much opportunity to work hard, to rise—and to give back [by his penis]. During a career that stretched over more than five decades, his work in entertainment, in politics, and in news affected the lives of many millions. And so even as we mourn his death, we celebrate his life. [ He’s back with Dick Nixon now.]

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      I think she got her last sentence backwards.

  • rocktonsam

    Ailes will still be grabbing pussy out reflex probably

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Why would James Comey write memos about his conversations with Trump? Was he covering his ass, or pissed that he didn’t get two scoops of ice cream?

    Anyone who has ever had a bad boss understands this. You don’t need to document a good boss. The bad ones? HR is gonna need a paper trail.

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      This will probably be a twelve-lane paper superhighway.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Anyone who has ever called Bar Counsel knows the answer to that question.

    • Hollandaise

      Anyone anticipating filing an EEO claim, anyone with a crap boss/crap employee, anyone who knows they’ll soon be talking to an ethics officer, SO MANY REASONS who has never had to do this?!?!?!

    • SeeTrain65

      “Eamonn.” I mean “Amen.”

  • Crystalclear12

    Wow, Republicans really suck at . . . well, everything.

  • coozledad

    Tillis collapses, Ailes shits his last, and Trump starts going down in flames. Something tells me god isn’t a turd sucking meth addicted hickbag.

    • Nounverb911
    • Marceline

      And we still haven’t gotten to Donnie’s trip overseas. Have fun explaining to Mossad how you put one of their agents in danger!

      • FlemmishSpy

        “I’ll have a shrimp cocktail and a BLT.”

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Bacon cheeseburger

      • Doug Langley

        Place yer betz on how Donnie insults them.

        “Let’s head over to Trump Tower Jerusalem for lunch. They make the greatest ham sandwiches!”

      • The Wanderer

        “Hey, Bibi! You gotta try the shrimp au gratin with bacon when you’re in New York! It’s great!”

      • bupkus231

        Or speaking on Islam in Saudi Arabia.

        Rump will probably ask for a tour of Mecca…

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      it has a lot to make up for

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Argh. Mueller is going to be ultra-methodical and scrupulous, which is good, but he’s also going to be verryy slow, which is bad. Also bad is the probability that he’s going to be very literal-minded and lawyerly about the whole thing, which means he may straight-up ignore any amount of sketchy shit if it isn’t technically “illegal.”

    Sigh. Oh well, here’s hoping for the best.

    • True. But perjury also counts as a crime, and Trump lies like a rug.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Shih. Tzu Libelz!11!1!1

    • The Wanderer

      Watergate took 669 days. And it’s best that we take the time and get all of the details.

      • Marceline

        Yep. It’s clear this thing goes way deeper than any of us thought and well past Donnie. I want them to rip it out from the roots no matter how long it takes.

        • The Wanderer

          Exactly.

      • therblig

        how long is that in internet days?

        • YoBunnyBunny

          A millennium… at least.

        • sillybill

          At least until the mid-terms.
          eta: oops, Marceline beat me to it.

    • Marceline

      I don’t think that slow is bad. Slow means the drip, drip, drip continues all the way to the midterms.

    • laughingnome

      I think he’ll secretly like the fact that he can write his name in history as the guy who took out a president. He’s going to go after Trump hard.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        He’s got to get public opinion on his side or else it will look like a witch hunt by people who lost an election. That’s going to be difficult as long as the Fox propaganda machine is in overdrive.

        • Lori

          Mueller isn’t a Dem, the Dems didn’t appoint him, and the Dems will not control his investigation. Donnie’s witch hunt crap is delusional and needs to be pushed back on, hard. The Fox crowd will believe it, but we need to keep it from spreading to the slightly more reality-based part of the population.

        • Claire

          If he’s got the facts and the evidence, fuck what it looks like. The rule of law is more important than PR spin. If we wait for Fox News to communicate the situation accurately so it can be understood by people who only watch Fox News, we might as well settle in for eight years of Trump.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            I just can’t see how this is going to play out without destroying our country.

          • Claire

            Neither do I, but if the country is going down in flames anyway, better to go down with the people who tried to save it than wringing our hands and worrying that Fox News will say mean things.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            That’s not exactly what I said or meant, but, okay.

    • laughingnome

      My fear is Trump gets more time to really do something awful to the country or world.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        …and that’s the side of the coin I worry about too.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        Yes. Politically I don’t think slow is bad, but he can do a lot of damage in the meantime.

        • From Russia with Love

          Depends on how busy we keep him. He hasn’t done any damage in two weeks (except to himself). Multitasking is not his strong suit.

      • Lori

        Being investigated tends to limit a president’s power. Most of the awful stuff he can do at this point could be done even more easily by Pence. If Trump is removed from office and replaced by Pence the media will trip over themselves portraying Pence as the good guy who will clean up Trump’s mess and the Christiansits will see it as a sign from God that they truly are meant to rule as all. That is not a good outcome.

    • writersbloc

      Lots of people over at NYTimes convinced me yesterday we don’t really want a speedy exit for Trump because Pence will basically get all the terrible legislation passed drama free.

    • Lori

      No. Very slow is good. The longer this drags out the closer we get to the midterms. We need a constant drip of leaks and rumors and deal-making with small fish to get to the big fish. We need that to go on for months and months. We need it to paralyze the GOP agenda in Congress, not just in the short term, but after summer break and well into the fall at least. We need for the it to kill their fund raising as rich donors seek to avoid becoming part of the news cycle. We need scandal fatigue to destroy GOP voter turnout for 2018. Slow is good.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        This is why there were multiple investigations of the nothingburger that was Hillary’s emails. As long as the investigation goes on, the subject looks bad.
        Difference being, there is substance this time.

        • Lori

          Exactly. And if anyone deserves to be hoist on their own petard its the GOP.

    • ltmcdies

      Or slow hamstrings Trump, keeps Pence out of the Oval Office allowing both to be hung like millstones around the GOP’s neck in 2018

  • Nounverb911
    • Little Lulu Ω

      To his dismay the only women in hell in short skirts look like Bill O’Reilly.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Nounverb911

      1600 Pennsylvania Ave, ask for donnie

  • elviouslyqueer
  • Miss Dill
    • MynameisBlarney

      Damn, that sucks.

  • Nounverb911
    • MynameisBlarney

      I’d say that would qualify as a “Hitch Slap”.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I can agree that Falwell was a venal, evil man, and far more of a grifting politician than a man of god and still feel the need to point out that Hitchens was an unhinged islamophobic warmonger and a bit of a bully himself.

      • That’s the funny thing about heroes and villains, they both have blood on their hands.

        • Yr. Gma

          Shouldn’t you put that in quotes and attribute Shakespeare?

      • MizzMazz

        He was far from perfect, and he also wrote some very nasty things about women, but damn if he wasn’t a good writer and orator.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Deft, anyway :)

          • MizzMazz

            Had to think about it for a bit. It’s like still appreciating Bowie and Jimmy Page after finding out they were basically rapists. When is everything about that particular artist ruined for you? I guess that’s up to each person themselves, what is your breaking point. I can love a good Hitchslap, I can love a good Stephen Fry bit, I still listen to Bowie and Page, but it’s with the knowledge they were far less than perfect people. However, I will never look at Tom Hiddleston the same way, after that Taylor Swift bullshit. ;)

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Bowie and Page didn’t present themselves as moral exemplars, though. Fry is just such a bodgy censorious old tory, but as the role I liked him in was as a bodgy censorious old tory it doesn’t hurt much.

            I don’t really get the whole Hiddleston/Cumberbatch british actors who look like well-groomed stick insects thing, but the kid is a big fan :)

          • MizzMazz

            *blushes* I have to admit I had a thing for Hiddleston back in the day. I realised I had a thing for Loki, but I watched a lot of stuff he’d done. The Taylor Swift thing was a joke, but that really put me off him, as I sussed it was some sort of publicity stunt, which it turned out to be.
            I still like Stephen Fry as you put it, “A censorious old Tory” My favorite role is his in Blackadder, but I have also enjoyed many of his speeches.
            I love my old 70’s musicians who were far from pure; I think that’s why I liked them so much – I’m not pure either, and as much as people say that it is excusing them, times were really different then.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I think Fry was a marvelous Jeeves. And John Lennon was always my favorite, and he’d be the first to tell you he was kind of awful.

            I can tolerate a fair amount of impurity, but the whole calling for war based on sort of a lie but mostly having a genocidal rage hard on for Islam really horrified me.

          • MizzMazz

            I have no love for any religions, and agree with Hitch that they have been the cause of so many of our problems, but what he said about Islam, and what’s still going on is nasty. I gringe ( typo and it stays) at what Trump is going to say in SA.

  • Chadwells

    This should be a lesson to live your life better than he did. This is how you’ll be remembered.

    Live well, folks.

    • proudgrampa

      Yeah, We only get the one chance.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Claire
  • dslindc
    • The Wanderer

      No argument here.

    • proudgrampa

      Yup.

    • CeeQ

      Made the World More Awful – great epitaph. And true!

    • ltmcdies

      Says the guy who tweets a storm of bile if Hillary/Chelsea so much as say good morning online.

  • proudgrampa

    “Mueller… Mueller…”

    What’s hilarious is that that is EXACTLY what I thought when I heard the news.

    Scary, too. Also.

    • dslindc

      Fry? Fry? Fry????

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        “somethig economics. Anyone? Anyone? Voodoo. Voodoo economics.”

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    LOL if true. Which I can totally see happening. “Gimme that thing. I’m gonna tweet about witches!”
    https://twitter.com/RogueSNRadvisor/status/865199935972491265

    • dslindc

      Christ, what whiney little man-baby.

    • MynameisBlarney

      That is…
      I’ll never forgive or forget all the stupid fucking twats that made his unpresidency possible.

    • ariel_gee_398

      God forbid he ever stumble upon The Crucible somewhere on cable…

  • Nounverb911
    • laughingnome

      Ailes’ found dead with Hillary’s email server on his chest.

      • From Russia with Love

        Next to a Cleveland steamer.

  • Scooby

    Bold prediction: next week Trump gets BJ in Oval Office and denies it under oath. Republicans say it’s way too frivolous for impeachment.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      He’s already on tape bragging about getting away with sexual assault. A consensual BJ is weak tea by comparison.

  • MynameisBlarney

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029080821

    Reports suggest turmp handed rooskies contents of comeys FBI comp.

    Holy shit if true.

    • Shanzgood

      Jesus. Watergate was a game of Tiddlywinks compared to all this.

      • From Russia with Love

        Not according to fuckface Alan Dershowitz:

        Dershowitz: “Come on, no one’s going to indict Trump for obstruction.”

        No, but treason perhaps.

        Seriously, go for a treason conviction or two, and give a few of these motherfuckers the ultimate penalty. Bet that would stop a whole bunch of Republican horseshit.

        • Yr. Gma

          Alan Dershowitz is too old and dotty to let out of the house. But Greta Van Cespool has the eternal hots for him, so he’s back on TV.

    • Doug Langley

      Personally, I doubt Donnie has the brains to hack an Etch-A-Sketch.

    • FlemmishSpy
      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Does Comey treat objects like women, man?

  • OrG

    How did flynn stop anything at the pentagon before trump officially took office?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Damned good question, really. I’d like to know more, myself.

      • Lefty Wright

        Obama knew that this action would not get underway until Trump took office so he granted Trump approval or veto of the plan. Flynn told Trump to hold off. At least that is what I heard from numerous secret inside sources.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Thank you! These stories are developing so quickly, I have almost no time to keep up with all of them. I appreciate this a lot.

  • Beowoof14

    I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. Clarence Darrow
    Bye Roger

    • The Wanderer

      Well quoted!

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • I wrote my thing above, and then five minutes later he tweeted, and I had to rewrite the damn thing….then Roger Ailes died, and I had to think of something to write.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend
    • NastyBossetti

      Well.. it is pretty fucking great, if you ask me.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    More shifting amongst my longtime friends.

    Lady J’s longtime friend, an ardently apolitical person until today, put up this.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4b9f60912b9c021a901513dbd1038fdb79885d7febdce814200f3d9aca1bfeab.jpg

    He’s also saying, openly, that he’s done with hateful people. People are getting woke bigly.

  • writersbloc

    Perfectly summarized how we’re all feeling about the passing of Roger Ailes. Thank you for your kind words.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Lefty Wright

    I think you are wrong about all the whites not wanting the shitty jobs the browns take. I heard they are just waiting for farmers to air condition the fields and develop lettuce that heads out at waist level so they don’t have to bend over. Then they will be all over it.

  • Ωbjectifier

    “Roger Ailes died this morning. And, yeah whatever.”

    A fitting epitaph.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Fitting that the link is 404’d.

      • Fixed.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Ah, lol
          Thought it was intentional.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Kinda like Ailes himself.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        404 The fucks you are looking for could not be found.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Apparently Trump had an “extremely measured” response; he didn’t even yell or scream because he had nothing to hide”

    We’re normalizing this guy when we implicitly praise him for not yelling and screaming.

    • That’s the joke: We expect him to yell and scream, acknowledging that it’s not normal, thus reporting that he didn’t yell and scream becomes news worthy.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    I am seeking investors for my new business venture: Roger Ailes Grave-Pissing Destination Vacation.

  • eyelashviper

    Some very sad news this am, Chris Cornell found dead in his hotel room.
    RIP, you brought joy to our world:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWlkmkZW2hk

    • jesterpunk

      RIP Chris Cornell

    • Notreelyhelping

      One hell of a voice, gone silent. We’re all the highway. Adios, Chris.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • “Joy is the proper response to being alive” – Robert Fripp describing his late pet rabbit

  • Ferroequinologist Ron

    Time to get more outside stuff done while the weather’s warm, the sky is blue, and there’s still a bit of give in the adductor minimus muscles I pulled in BOTH legs yesterday.
    Ow.
    Later!

    • Courser_Resistance

      Ooh, take care of that… It’s snowing in Denver this morning and will snow on and off all day through tomorrow night. Not much will accumulate but it makes doing outside chores (which I have none) a pain.

  • MynameisBlarney

    They say it’s not proper to speak ill of the dead.
    Fuck that.
    I hope that bastard ailes burns in fucking hell.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      I’ve been listening to the Hallelujah Chorus on YouTube this morning. If that makes me a horrible person, so fucking be it. Ailes was a pussy boil on the anus of humanity and I am glad he’s gone.

      • Yr. Gma

        I can Handel that.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      A friend of mine was ranting about someone we all knew that died. One of our coworkers said “don’t speak ill of the dead” My friend replied “dying didn’t make him any better”

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Ma, they done killed ole Rando.

  • Shibusa
  • Claire
  • eyelashviper

    Some new furniture delivered to the Offal Office:

    http://editorialcartoonists.com/cartoons/AnderN/2017/AnderN20170518_low.jpg

    • bupkus231

      Should be a potty chair, rather than a booster seat…

      • SeeTrain65

        Sir, you have crystallized my thoughts eloquently.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Who are “they”? “They” say I shant speak ill of the dead? Shakespeare says otherwise.

    “The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones. . .

    So let it be with Roger.

    Nuff said.

    • From Russia with Love

      Well, at least he’ll have plenty of elbow room in his coffin.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      He’s done more to ruin this country than anyone I can think of.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    It’s like the guy lost the will to live once he didn’t have access to and influence over unknown numbers of women.

  • Me The People

    Republican consultant Rick Wilson: If you work for Trump, it’s time to quit

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2017/05/18/if-you-work-for-trump-its-time-to-quit/?utm_term=.15f70ceada23

    Sticking with Trump to the bitter end and pretending the unfolding
    chaos is just “fake news” won’t save your reputation as the walls close
    in. It won’t ease the judgment of history. It won’t do anything to
    polish up your future Wikipedia entry.

    Cutting ties with a man who is destructive to our values, profoundly divisive, contemptuous of the rule of law and incontrovertibly unfit to serve in the highest
    office in the land just might. Do it now.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      They’ll still carry the taint of rats deserting the sinking ship. Should have never jumped on board to begin with.

      • Al Swearengen

        And they have the appearance of rat taints.

    • From Russia with Love

      Not to mention that treason has some rather serious potential consequences. Might want to get while the getting is good.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      I would also advise (not that a lot of Trump staffers read Wonkette) to copy every memo, email, and file you can get your hands on. You might need something to trade if the prosecutions trickle down to your level

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    “Roger Ailes died this morning” and no reminder to reveiw the commenting rules? ARe they temporarily suspended? You can’t wish death on a dead person after all.

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      this is when we get into metaphysical debates about the commenting rules for radicals

      • Yr. Gma

        What comments?

    • doktorzoom

      Thanks — see the new featured comment.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Ailes didn’t die a natural death. His soul was collected by Satan.

  • Crank Tango

    This should be a real wake-up call for all of us. I mean, if somebody as young and healthy looking as Roger Ailes can kick it, we all can.

    • From Russia with Love

      Musta grabbed the wrong pussy somewhere along the line?

    • natoslug

      Alas, poor raw hamburger-scrote — ripped from our lives far too soon! I was hoping he could be sued into poverty first.

    • phoenix00

      Geeez that’s what’s wrong with me! I don’t look enough like Jabba The Hut! I better start working on that.

  • eyelashviper

    The existential quandary being experienced by Gopers across the land:

    http://editorialcartoonists.com/cartoons/PettJ/2017/PettJ20170518_low.jpg

  • doktorzoom

    A quick note from your Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator on the death of Roger Ailes: Yes our commenting rules are still in effect today. That means you can insult Ailes all you want and be glad he’s in hell (which doesn’t exist), but we won’t tolerate calls for anyone still alive to join him prematurely. That really shouldn’t be too hard to understand.

    Also, keep in mind that the comments are likely to be visited by rightwing trolls looking for heartless liberals wishing all conservatives would die, which we emphatically do not (we wish they would change their minds) and wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t give them ammunition?

    — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • bupkus231

      “Ammunition? We don’ need no stinkin’ ammunition… We’ll make it up ourselves!”

  • SweetDeeKat

    More legal rumors from yesterday:

    “We have some idea what happened today. There was a closed, confidential hearing held in a SCIF courtroom in Alexandria. A SCIF is a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility used for highly secret matters. The government requested a Marshals Order of Execution or MOE before a three judge panel. They wanted to get court approval for a plan of mass arrests over multiple jurisdictions. It will tie the court in knots as hundreds of marshals track down and pick up Trump associates across the country . The Moe was granted and the operation commenced. The MOE application and order are sealed until tomorrow at 2:00 pm.”

    Stay tuned.

    • Source?

      • SweetDeeKat

        Gathered from Twitter by another attorney I know who also practices in the federal courts. I just cut and paste from her facebook. Third and 4th hand stuff, but so far pretty good.

    • From Russia with Love

      Sorry, but you don’t need a SCIF to hold a meeting that is classified Confidential.

      • ZAmazingProfessionalCrastinatr

        Is there a difference between small c confidential and big C Confidential?

        • From Russia with Love

          It’s usually written that way in the biz, but no.

  • CeeQ

    Didn’t wish Ailes death. Not sorry he has actually died. There. That’s the best I can do.

    Alright alright. FINE. My condolences to his family and those who loved him. May they find peace now that they have been freed from his wretched presence in their lives.

    • Well if you’re like me, at least you can get some work done because that’s coverage that will bore me to tears.

  • FOX News is reporting that Roger Ailes is happy groping Satan’s cock, which was his one goal in existence.

    He is looking forward to being joined by Bill O’Reilly shortly.

  • Al Swearengen

    Is Robert Mueller THE Witch Hunter?

    Sounds like a photoshop opportunity. If only I had the skills…

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hdSqk2NzD1M/maxresdefault.jpg

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Anyone having a celebratory hamburger for lunch (done rare of course)?

  • Zyxomma

    Quite a day.

  • VirginiaLady

    What a beautiful morning! The sun is shining, birds are singing, everything is looking up. Doing my happy dance. No special reason, I just feel positive universal energy for a change. What a sense of joy!!
    (Not included in the non comment is the sound of wild giggling for the planet’s recent loss.)

  • Why are cheetahs and puppies a thing?

    This seems weird to me.

    • Internet Hitler

      Trying to breed them into new hipster trend pet.

      • Odd Jørgensen

        cheetas you can dress up and carry in your purse.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    OK… first, Russia, now Turkey. What’s next ? North Korea ???

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I’m sure network security at Mar-a-Lago is just fine because Trump hires only the BEST people! Oh, yeah, I forgot, then he fires them and doesn’t pay them. I bet Mar-a-Lago has already been hacked. Also, how hard would it be to hide secret microphones in golf carts? What about the caddies? Do they have security clearance? :-)

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I am sorry for Mr. Ailes’ family, but unless I hear that they are bankrupt and must start a GoFundMe campaign to pay for his funeral and hospital bills and they are now living in a trailer park on Food Stamps because he never bought life insurance, I will find it hard to muster a great deal of sympathy. However, grief is nothing to laugh at, so I am not going to do that.

  • Chris

    One should never speak ill of the dead so this is what I have to say about Roger Ailes: isn’t it lovely that he is dead. The world is now a more beautiful place for him having left it.

    • Jim Johnson

      It feels like a modest upgrade for planet Earth.

      • Chris

        We will take it where we can get it. One small step for mankind, one giant gaping wound for the universe.

  • LadyLaz

    Aye Aye King Dok Zoom.

  • David Chaillou

    How convenient for him to kick off before all those lawsuits can bankrupt him. If I were one of the plaintiffs I would request a DNA test of the body, just to be sure.

    • Bitter Scribe

      IANAL, but I don’t think lawsuits die because the defendant does. Can’t his estate still be held liable? Perhaps his widow shouldn’t go on a huge spending spree just yet.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, estates sue on behalf of dead people, so I think, ya they can.

        But i only went to paralegal school.

  • Yr. Gma

    Those cute baby cheetahs remind me that I haven’t been to the San Diego zoo for awhile. I need to do that. The meerkat colony there always cheers me up. (They were doing some major renovation last time I was there. I hope they’ve finished.) (The zoo was renovating, not the meerkats.)

    • phoenix00

      I’d hire the meerkats for reno work!

  • M.E. Lawrence

    Of course Comey took notes. All dedicated pros take notes of important meetings (especially when dealing with an unhinged twit).

  • SeeTrain65

    One the death of Ailes, I have only one thing to say.

    I miss Poochie.

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