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HOPE FEDERAL PRISON HAS A GYM, BUTTERCUP.

Hey-o, it is time for our 6 PM dinner hour EXPLOSIVE NEWS ORGASM, and today we have a two-fer! (And maybe a three-fer and a resignation before we’ve even had a chance to get drunk!) We’ll have a full report in the morning on how Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein has appointed former FBI director Robert Mueller as a special prosecutor in the Russia investigation (yay we think!), but at about the same time, the Washington Post dropped another bombshell, with a dateline in KIEV, UKRAINE, and it is that prettyboy asshole Speaker Paul Ryan had a conversation with some of his Congress pals on JUNE 15, 2016, where everybody couldn’t stop laughing about how House Majority Leader Rep. Kevin McCarthy said he’s pretty sure Donald Trump was on Vladimir Putin’s payroll.

LOL! Isn’t that a gas? Just a month before Donald Trump won the Republican nomination, and as the WaPo notes, ONE DAY after the news of Russia’s DNC hack came out, Republican congressmen were sitting around giggle-jizzing about how maybe Putin was paying Trump to be his orange whore, oh and also Putin might be paying Republican Congressman Dana Rohrabacher too, who gay loves Russia almost as much as he gay loves the Taliban:

“There’s two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump,” McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.

House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy’s assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

The WaPo notes that just before this little chat session, which was attended by other GOP reps like Steve Scalise, Cathy McMorris Rodgers and Patrick Henry, McCarthy and Ryan had JUST met separately with the prime minister of Ukraine, “who had described a Kremlin tactic of financing populist politicians to undercut Eastern European democratic institutions.” Weird, does that even sound familiar? Nope, can’t think of a thing.

So anyway, LOL! Oh but wait, was McCarthy, a GIANT TRUMP SUPPORTER (so don’t think he was being some kind of whistleblower), laughing right there in that conversation? Was he just being “flip,” as bang-up good job-doer Greta Van Susteren concluded with her impressive brain on MSNBC as we typed this? No, let’s scroll way down in the WaPo piece, WHICH GRETA CAN READ HER GODDAMN SELF, where they give us a fuller transcript of how the recording goes:

… McCarthy brought the conversation about Russian meddling around to the DNC hack, Trump and Rohrabacher.

“I’ll guarantee you that’s what it is…The Russians hacked the DNC and got the opp [opposition] research that they had on Trump,” McCarthy said with a laugh.

Ryan asked who the Russians “delivered” the opposition research to.

“There’s… there’s two people, I think, Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump,” McCarthy said, drawing some laughter. “Swear to God,” McCarthy added.

“This is an off the record,” Ryan said.

Some lawmakers laughed at that.

HA HA! Sounds like McCarthy wasn’t laughing and had his serious face on though?

“No leaks, alright?,” Ryan said, adding: “This is how we know we’re a real family here.”

“That’s how you know that we’re tight,” Scalise said.

“What’s said in the family stays in the family,” Ryan added.

Like a bunch of incestuous traitors.

The WaPo notes that at this time in the campaign, Trump had already been whispering sweet nothings in Putin’s direction in a policy way, Paul Manafort and all his creepy Russo-Ukrainian connections were running the Trump campaign, and Hillary Clinton was already saying things like, “If Donald gets his way, they’ll be celebrating in the Kremlin.” You know, just for a little context.

The response from Ryan and McCarthy? DENY:

When initially asked to comment on the exchange, Brendan Buck, a spokesman for Ryan, said: “That never happened,” and Matt Sparks, a spokesman for McCarthy, said: “The idea that McCarthy would assert this is absurd and false.”

LIES LIES LIES!

The response from Ryan and McCarthy when WaPo said YOU DUMB SLUTS MUST BE IGNORANT IF YOU THINK WE’RE NOT LISTENING TO THE TAPE RIGHT NOW?

Buck, speaking for the GOP House leadership, said: “This entire year-old exchange was clearly an attempt at humor. No one believed the majority leader was seriously asserting that Donald Trump or any of our members were being paid by the Russians. What’s more, the speaker and leadership team have repeatedly spoken out against Russia’s interference in our election, and the House continues to investigate that activity.”

“This was a failed attempt at humor,” Sparks said.

HA HA!

Hey, guess who else was at the meeting? It was Evan McMullin, that nice Mormon man who is ALLLLLL OVER investigating Trump’s Russian collusion, who ran for preznit as an independent in 2016, and who at the time was the policy director for the House Republican Conference. Let’s see if he remembers giggling along:

“It’s true that Majority Leader McCarthy said that he thought candidate Trump was on the Kremlin’s payroll. Speaker Ryan was concerned about that leaking.”

HA HA! Oh wait, Evan McMullin, who also used to be a super cool CIA spy Mormon, doesn’t seem to be laughing.

Well well well. How far down in the line of succession are we now before we get to somebody who doesn’t have Russian pee hooker all over them? Orrin Hatch? Yes, that is where we are.

We wish Robert Mueller much luck in his new special prosecutor position, determining all the very good and true reasons all these assholes should GO THE FUCK TO JAIL.

Wonkette is really getting tired of these 6 PM news dumps. If you feel sympathy, plz click below, to give us dollars.

[Washington Post]

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  • Joe Beese

    Will poor Lula ever have time with her master again?

    • memzilla Ω

      SHE’S THE REAL VICTIM HERE.

    • BJW

      Lula libelz!!1!! (But to be fair, that was my mom’s name.)

  • Sheepshagger

    Well if you sit by the river the bodies of your enemies do float by if you wait long enough. Good night rethugs, and fuck you very much.

  • Ralph Gauer

    EXPLOSIVE NEWS ORGASM™ Trademark it now, and no more begging for money!

    • Ralph Gauer

      And get in 3XL, and I’ll buy the T-shirt, too.

    • JCfromNC

      I second this — CNN’s likely to snatch that phrase up if it gets out in the wild.

  • Turgid Love Skwerl

    FUCK YOU PAUL RYAN, FUCK YOU IN THE BOTTOM WITH A RUSSIAN NESTING DOLL

    Agreed: Lock him up!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    And now it’s time for everyone’s favorite courthouse game – “First to talk wins”

    • h4rr4r

      It won’t be the Orange Moron, it can’t be Ryan. So Pence?

      • Lambsendbeds

        Only if Mother says he can.

        • NellCote71

          May, not can. Mother, may I?

      • Notreelyhelping

        Pence.

      • Dazza

        Melania?

  • Sheepshagger
    • Lambsendbeds

      Ewwww….

    • h4rr4r

      Looks like Trump is pretty dehydrated.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Someone’s been hitting below the Borscht Belt.

    • Bozilingus

      Say it taint so, Paulie!

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Paul! Wait! That’s no salted rat dick!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Do you think Republicans are willing to discuss new elections now? Or will all of them be too busy in prison…

    • Sheepshagger

      Trump and Ryan are going to run an amazing, just tremendous ramen and sugar racket in Terre Haute

    • h4rr4r

      I suggest we simply give the popular vote winner and electoral college runner up the office.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Considering the person who came in second used to be Vice President, we might be able to make an argument for that.

        • h4rr4r

          You lost me. I am dumb. Please explain.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Before Thomas Jefferson hated Aaron Burr, whoever came second for the presidency was automatically vice president.

          • h4rr4r

            Oh yeahs, I remember they had the shooty times. They being Hamilton and Burr.

          • mt2099

            That was Burr and Hamilton. Burr was the first of two veeps to shoot someone.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            You really need to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack.

          • h4rr4r

            I am planning on seeing it next year at the local theater.

          • Lucky you. It’s coming to Toronto 2019 and my sister and are planning which organs to sell to get tickets

          • h4rr4r

            Come visit Buffalo, judging by the license plates at the Galleria mall most of you do on a regular basis. Shea’s is cheap and very nice.

          • We have both agreed to no US travel until you guys sort your shit out

          • h4rr4r

            I thought this was about next year? It looks like we might have this sorted out shortly.

          • tomamitai

            Oh, yeah, before the 12th amendment.

          • The song in Hamilton about that is hilarious

      • Roadstergal

        A solution that works for everyone but Putin.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Thank you for soldiering through to make a post for this story. Paul Ryan is no Donald Trump, there is no way he survives this with a job in government. He’s done in the most embarrassing and traitorous type of way. That warms my heart.

  • dslindc
  • memzilla Ω

    THIS WILL BE THE BEST PERP WALK IN HISTORY.

    • Vincent Ricola

      OMG I’M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!

    • Edith Prickly

      At this rate, it’s going to be a fucking perp parade. Highest attendance in history! YOOOGE ratings!

    • Serai 1

      What I wouldn’t give to be there to throw a few tomatoes. (We should TOTALLY bring that back for the occasion, by the way.)

  • What the ever-loving fuck? I just took a pee break at work hoping to check in my imaginary online family…WTF!??!?!?

    • dslindc

      Family meetings have been replaced with nightly newsgasms.

      • h4rr4r

        And laughing. So Much Laughing.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Imagine what would have happened if you’d stopped for a #2.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      It’s been a busy Russian pee hooker day here at the ole virtual online bar.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I know. I have to leave for a meeting in 40 minutes!

    • Serai 1

      So this is all YOUR fault? Alright that’s it. NO MORE PEE BREAKS FOR YOU.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    I think the news media should give us a signal when the shocking twist is the last shocking twist of the episode.
    http://dazedimg.dazedgroup.netdna-cdn.com/786/azure/dazed-prod/1060/9/1069244.gif

  • ManchuCandidate

    Now, Ryan has Russia taint. So now it’s onto Orrin Hatch. About the only somewhat decent guy is number 6 in the line of succession, Sec Def Mattis.

    4 and 5 are Tillerson (ha, no way) and McMunchin (again ha, no.)

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      Better stop at Hatch. Otherwise it’s Rexxxon.

      • ManchuCandidate

        Rexxon won’t pass the Putin test. Too much taint there.

        • Amy!

          Yeah, he’s pretty nearly as radioactive as polonium. If he has an ounce of the sort of self-preservation that it takes to become a CEO at a major corporation, he’ll gracefully pass.

          Mnuchin I dunno about, apart from being another of Trump’s lickspittles.

    • PsycWench

      My stepsister follows this blog that swears Hatch is already being groomed and that serious indictments are coming,possibly tomorrow. Sounds hard to believe but she says they’ve been pretty accurate so far.
      Now we wait

    • Serai 1

      Yep, it’s pretty much turtles all the way down. They’ve been working over thirty years to make sure the deck was stacked when the time came.

  • Roadstergal

    McMullin was there? That definitely helps. Someone who wasn’t a total fucking traitor.

    • tomamitai

      But he kept the conversation secret until the tape came out? That sounds traitor-adjacent, unless I has a confuse about where there was.

      • ltmcdies

        he’s been so critical of Trump and the GOPers in Congress, he probably figured he wouldn’t be believed.

        • Lamashtar

          There’s video where he swears to the anchor Trump is being pushed by the Kremlin and the mediaperson sort of chuckles at him and goes on to the next question. McMuffin was basically the sad, crazy guy in the race.

      • Lamashtar

        He was former CIA and present at the conversation? Gosh, who might be recording all the conversations around them? Its a mystery!

        For the why, the tape proves nothing. Its loose speculation. I suspect it was leaked NOW as part of the intelligence community’s general drip-drip-drip psychological warfare to push the politicians into doing their jobs or flipping and to drive Trump over the edge. Someone noted how the newsdumps were coming like clockwork at a specific time in the evening. Its on purpose, so that the enemy cannot relax.

    • Serai 1

      One of the useful things about Mormons is they have a real thing about honesty.

  • Jeff Ackerman

    I want to see Trump and his cohorts up on treason charges and have them stick. We all better hope Pence is taken out too. The idea of Pence in the Presidency is worse than the inept fool we have right now, he might be able to keep the wheels on the clown car and help the GOP with their race to the bottom. Hopefully this puts a big taint on Ryan so he is not considered for the Presidency.

    • jesterpunk

      As bad as Pence is (and he is bad) I really dont think he would bomb another country as after dinner entertainment.

      • BJW

        And the nuclear codes. Really, Trump shouldn’t be within 100 miles of said codes.

      • JCfromNC

        Probably not, but women’s, minorities and LGBQT rights will be rolled back about 150 years. Or at the very least, he’ll give it the ol’ college try.

        • jesterpunk

          Yeah, Pence or any republican is a bad option but compared to Trump they are slightly better but still shitty.

    • h4rr4r

      Pence is awful, but at least he is unlikely to be a traitor.

      • Lambsendbeds

        No, just a theocrat who thinks The Handmaid’s tale is an instructional video.

        • h4rr4r

          Still better than a traitor who sold us out to the USSR.

          He at least knows the constitution and supremes mean he will never get his fever dreams.

    • h4rr4r

      HAHA you said taint!

      • Roadstergal

        “Putting a big taint on Ryan” is a very specific subsection of Gaytube.

    • Randy Riddle

      All anyone has to do with Pence is leave him alone in the same room with a few women and he’ll just have a breakdown.

      • Jeff Ackerman

        If he was propositioned by a fair damsel he’d probably have a stroke.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      The only thing worse than an inept fool is an ept fool.

    • Serai 1

      “Considered” has nothing to do with it. He’s next in line, and unless he’s actually being prosecuted, I’m pretty sure he gets the job. Unless he doesn’t want it, and then it would go to Hatch.

      • Lamashtar

        If there is better evidence than this, he might very well be prosecuted. Or be under the table threatened with stuff like this tape coming out. Jailtime will remove him from succession. And threats of exposure might make him step aside as well. Which might explain the rumors that the only untainted one in succession is Hatch. Still a jerk, but clean.

  • dslindc

    And to think we could have had that very qualified Hillary Clinton, but you know, EMAILS

    • Randy Riddle

      Yeah, whatever happened to her emails, anyway? It’s like we went for what seemed like years hearing absolutely nothing about them.

      • shastakoala

        Since Hillary didn’t do anything wrong they imprisoned the emails.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Oh pretty sure this is the ace Drumpf thinks he has up his sleeve . He thinks he can get DOJ to indict her and distract us from all this shit.

        • Lamashtar

          He can try, but it will go like the ban on big drink cups in Manhattan. Her lawyers will point out every single other person who hasn’t been prosecuted for exactly the same thing and it would get thrown out of court.

  • We wish Robert Mueller much luck in his new special prosecutor position, determining all the very good and true reasons all these assholes should GO THE FUCK TO JAIL.

    From your keyboard to God’s iPad, Sir.

  • Joe Beese
    • jesterpunk

      AOT,K?

    • ManchuCandidate

      WAY too late now. Buncha dumb blinded by hate/racism/greed motherfuckers.

      They own it.

    • DainBramage

      Normal, even semi-intelligent people would learn something from this. But they’ll just back the next horrible monster that comes along.

  • Randy Riddle

    “What’s said in the crime family stays in the crime family,” Ryan added.”

    /fixed

  • yyyaz

    If Greta goes down too, just icing on the schadenfreude.

  • Joe Beese
    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Lol it’s almost like the rubes thought they were serious about their patriotism

    • Courser_Resistance

      This is getting delicious!

    • boyblue122

      Fox News ratings falter while CNN and MSNBC try to emulate their tabloid journalism model

    • shoeflyin

      Please, god. I want to see Fox AND the Republican party suffer irreparable damage from all this. They have lied so long, I hope more people are catching up.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    EXPLOSIVE NEWS ORGASM

    Hey, that’s the name of my 1998 heavy petting folk grunge band.

    • yyyaz

      Damn. Us oldz had to do with Bread and Dianna Ross.

      • Lambsendbeds

        🎶 Baby, Ima want you…🎶

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • LadyLaz

      Hooo hooo. Oh really????

    • boyblue122

      Trump to fire special counsel in 3,2,1….

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        He can huff and puff from now until Doomsday, but since this was a regulatory move he can’t even order Mueller to step lively.

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea
          • jowgajen

            He first has to fire Rosenstein or Sessions.

          • tomamitai

            I’m sure he’ll find a Bork in there somewhere.

          • Joe Beese

            He could declare martial law too. The optics would be about equally bad.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Does Donnie or the Republicans in Congress care about optics?

          • tomamitai

            Obviously not, have you seen these guys? They’d do better hiring a mortuary cosmetologist.

          • Ricky Gay

            Well, that blows!

          • Meccalopolis

            He can order DAG to fire him and fire him if he refuses or resigns first. Na ga happen mon

    • Courser_Resistance

      That can’t make Orange Shitgibbon happy! Squeeeee!

    • Edith Prickly

      Our bureaucrats is learning.

      • Lamashtar

        Some are calling it “Rosenstein’s revenge”.

  • LadyLaz

    You know – I like Evan McMullin and all – but I really do take this (THIS) with a grain of salt. It does sound like the kind of yucky off color joke someone could throw around. I am sure i was tossing stuff like that around too.

    That said, there is no excuse or “it’s a joke” that can be played off at this point by Ryan. It needs investigation.

    • Joe Beese

      “It’s a joke” would be more credible if they hadn’t said, 5 seconds earlier, “it never happened”.

      • Joe Beese

        Also, why do Republicans keep making “jokes” that, in transcript form, are evidence of felonies?

        • LadyLaz

          Because they have no sense of humor.

          • BJW

            I read that as “they have no sense of honor.” Unlike Klingons.

          • LadyLaz

            Clearly and indubitably no honor

      • LadyLaz

        Well because Ryan realized the optics suxed. I mean at this point I consider these guys anti American. But to crack that out loud seriously….

        Well they are idiots.

      • shoeflyin

        Also ‘don t tell anyone”

    • delete your account probably

      Why would you need to cover up a joke? Surely they don’t think they’re THAT funny.

      • LadyLaz

        Bad optics of course.

    • Vincent Ricola

      It’s a political nightmare. Even with the “just joking” excuse, there is at least one tape that will be used over and over to remind everyone just how seriously Paul Ryan took his responsibility to the country. It’s bad and, imo, he isn’t popular enough in GOP world to survive it.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        At best, they find it hilarious that the DNC was hacked by the Russians after acknowledging the power of their propaganda campaigns to disrupt other countries.

        • LadyLaz

          Good point. Pretty f-king foul

        • Vincent Ricola

          Maybe. I guess I’m hopeful the tides are changing now that there are serious investigations going on into Trump/Russia. Yesterday’s joke is today’s offensive voter turn-off.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Mafia killers have been convicted to life in prison under the defense that their taped coded references to murders were “just jokes”.

      • LadyLaz

        No shit? See learn something new from my wonketteers.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Prosecutors were able to establish patterns juries found credible that their repeated hilarious jokes about, say, “planting nasturtiums” were coded references to burying bodies.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Well, besides conspiracy, some folks will have some decisions to make when asked to testify under oath.

  • DrBigHead

    So finally, FINALLY, is this enough to prompt the handful of remaining sane Republicans to come out publically against these gangsters? I’m not holding my breadth.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      hashecrossedthelineyet.com

      One of these days I’m going to type this and it’s going to be real.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You already know the answer to that.

    • jesterpunk

      Sane Republicans? I know those words but they dont go together.

      • mt2099

        There have been some of them in my lifetime. Gerald Ford comes to mind. Can’t think of any who are still alive.

    • yyyaz

      Burr just weighed in as being on Team Mueller. They’ll be peeling off one by one.

      • LadyLaz

        Burr is from a very frothy and unhappy state. And he has power.

        • Amy!

          I despise Burr, but mostly because he always seemed like an apparatchik.

          He’s not a “moderate Republican” by any means. I don’t regard him as a “sane Republican,” either, but I also don’t know what that would mean.

          He’s not too unlike Lindsey Graham, I suppose. Old-style Republican hawk. I think a few more of those are around (I won’t count McCain in that, though; he’s gone weird).

          Some of the other raging assholes might sign up with a Republican foreign-policy/security faction, I imagine. Cotton, for instance. Not sure who else. They could create the core of a “conservative” Republican party that is capable of holding more than one idea, where that one idea is ‘Fuck tha poor.’

          • Lamashtar

            Burr puzzles me. He has Russian connections, but he may not have realized how serious the Russians were. He’s being looked at, in any case.

  • boyblue122

    Hopefully all the heads of depts like Tom Price and Betsy Devos go down too

  • goonemeritus

    Thanks to these bastard out of control Republicans we in Wonkette diaspora have been deprived of recipe posts for months. My kids are getting a little sick of bacon wrapped hotdogs smothered in a provocative sauce of Velveeta and half & half.

    • hendenburg2

      That’s Michelin-star dining in the South, right there!

      • Lambsendbeds

        Pimento cheese or GTFO !

    • Lambsendbeds

      Pigs in a blanket libelz!

    • dslindc

      But no canned clams, right?

      • goonemeritus

        I’m not a monster.

        • dslindc

          Whew! Are there any more of those cakes we like for dessert?

          • goonemeritus

            Last one in our house was for Valentines day.

    • delete your account probably

      There was a recipe for ribs… last weekend, I think? So not totally gone.

      • goonemeritus

        I feel bad now, I will scroll down and catch up.

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          It’s understandable. Last Friday actually was months ago.

          • goonemeritus

            No shit, Trumps capacity for monkey shines and shenanigans is truly breathtaking.

          • tomamitai

            Bullshit! It was at least a year ago!

      • Courser_Resistance

        Yeah, I think I’m going to make those for my Memorial Day potluck. They look really delish!

        • delete your account probably

          good plan

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    When there’s a half a Trillion dollars of oil up in them thar arctics, everyone in the GOP is complicit.

    They’ve already started wars over the Rumalia oil filed. A little light treason is nothing.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I think I’d feel safer with the Cosa Nostra running this country. These treasonous assholes need to be rounded up and buried under Leavenworth Prison.

    • Courser_Resistance

      No kidding! The mob I grew up with was very efficient, very well-run and they never gave their neighbors any shit. This Regime is the Keystone Kops Amateur Hour. Except it’s NOT FUNNY, IT’S TERRIFYING!!

    • Lamashtar

      At least it was a mob from a friendly country.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    True Fact:

    I ordered these bumper stickers from Cafe Press before the election: one for my car, and nine more to give out to strangers.

    Every single Republican clutching their pearls tonight is a goddamn liar.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1208be155ab30c5eda50ca7749dc2f703591f3eb22d7c6354b5c3f0e48cab190.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      You have the names reversed.

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

        Also, I think it’s spelled B-A-N-N-O-N.

    • LadyLaz

      Ooooo I want one

  • Edith Prickly

    Mueller helped put John Gotti away, right? Trump must be shitting his XXL Depends right now.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Gotti, Noriega, the Pan Am 103 guys…dude’s a heavy-hitter.

    • DrBigHead

      And as a former FBI director, I am sure he is pissed at what Trump has done to the organization. But I doubt that anger will show in any way other than in his dogged perseverance to throw every last one of the bastards in jail.

    • Courser_Resistance

      He was with Comey during that Ashcroft debacle. Kind of had his back. I expect good thing, though we may never get any satisfying details.

      • Lamashtar

        Supposedly, he is Comey’s golf and dinner buddy.

  • DrBigHead

    If in addition to Trump, this mess only takes down Ryan, I’ll be happy.

    And perhaps Cruz

    And Yertle,

    And Pence,

    Oh hell, its like trying to choose one scoop at Baskin-Robbins!

    • jesterpunk

      Why not all of them?

      • DrBigHead

        Don’t want to be greedy.

        • jesterpunk

          There are enough of us here we can all share.

          • DrBigHead

            Should I make a spreadsheet to keep track?

          • jesterpunk

            You might need one, each one of us gets 3 scoops.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Obligatory: AOT,K

  • TJ Barke

    Fuck these guys. Goddamned honorless curs.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Rabid feral dog libelz!

      • DrBigHead

        even a rabid feral dog has more pride than these assholes

  • BosGrl

    In case anyone was sticking pins in their Orrin Hatch doll, after him is Tillerson.

    • jowgajen

      Mad Dog or bust.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      How far down the list is Sleepy Ben? ‘Cause how wacky would that be?

      • House0fTheBlueLights
        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Aw geeze, that’s way too many dominos that would need to fall.

        • boyblue122

          Hatch and Mattis are palatable and maybe the dancing clown Perry.

          • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

            Nope. Perry is a horrible person. He decided against a stay of execution even (or maybe especially) after the committee reviewing the conviction raised serious questions about the associated arson investigation – basically, calling bullshit that the fire was arson at all.
            Fuck that guy with so many salted rat dicks lightly coated in wombat jism.
            That is all.

        • schmannity

          President Betsy DeVos *shudder*

        • yyyaz

          Reads like a “Least Wanted” list.

        • tomamitai

          Talk about a basket of deplorables.

        • LadyLaz

          Orrin Hatch is alright…. unless he too has gone around the bend recently…

        • violet moon

          So many are compromised

      • BosGrl

        #13. When I went to Google it, all I had to type was “presidential” and “presidential line of succession” was the first suggestion.

    • dslindc

      But his wife has to tell him to do it, right?

      • BosGrl

        He doesn’t call her mother, does he?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Tillerson has to be implicated in this mess, right?

      • yyyaz

        He’s dirty up to his hairline. Maybe beyond.

      • DrBigHead

        With his history in Russia? You bet your ass he is.

      • BosGrl

        Steve Mnuchin is next. Then Mattis and Sessions. After that is Ryan Zinke – don’t know anything about him.

      • He’s best buddies with Vladdypoo, so one assumes there’s LOTS on him.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I really don’t think simply impeaching and arresting all these guys is going to quell the public. Because this entire administration is illegitimate. The best possible outcome is http://feather-mag.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/MISSUNIVERSE.gif

      • BosGrl

        Agreed. If we really have to go down as far as Hatch, we really should have a new election. I don’t think the Constitution forbids it.

      • LadyLaz

        No, we have a line of succession for a reason, but as watergate taught us, this will sully all those who stood by and did nothing.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Special counsel! YES!

    • kaydenpat

      #Resist

  • chascates
    • yyyaz

      Fruit of poison tree makes sick splat.

    • kaydenpat

      Good to see that she’s as odious as her father.

    • LadyLaz

      But the internet never forgets….

  • Joe Beese
    • Reximus

      and will

    • h4rr4r
    • Crank Tango

      I always forget what to declare bribes under.

      • jesterpunk

        Other income, always put it under other income.

        • Crank Tango

          Income from farming or income for services performed as a minister?

          • jesterpunk

            Funny enough the IRS actually has instructions on how to enter that.

            http://money.cnn.com/2013/02/28/news/economy/illegal-income-tax/

            As ridiculous as it sounds, the federal government requires that money acquired through illegal means be reported and taxed just like legitimate income. It’s right there on the official IRS tax instructions:
            “Income from illegal activities, such as money from dealing illegal
            drugs, must be included in your income on Form 1040, line 21, or on
            Schedule C or Schedule C-EZ (Form 1040) if from your self-employment
            activity.”

          • yyyaz

            C? EZ-money.

          • Crank Tango

            Yeah I’m self-employed and I was all, just tell me where to report my Soros trolling ameros.

          • jesterpunk

            You get Soros ameros? Who do I have to talk to about my checks?

          • Crank Tango

            It was in an email, I had to scroll real far down, and then something popped up on my screen.
            The money was laying in the street, in a wallet, with another guy’s license and credit cards inside. Well when I say laying in the street, I mean more like in a car parked on a street.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            If you do the paper trail correctly, they can’t hand you over to criminal investigators without a warrant, something like that.

          • jesterpunk

            The IRS doesnt care where the money comes from and SCOTUS even ruled that is legal. But that is also why they have the other income line so you dont reveal exactly where it came from.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxation_of_illegal_income_in_the_United_States

          • LadyLaz

            It’s the final bulwark against the Capones

          • Amy!

            That’s partly because they know no one will do it, so if you can’t nick teh evil-doers for doing evil, you can nick ’em for failing to pay taxes on their evil-doing. And it’s easier to prove that they had income from somewhere than to prove that it was from evil-doing.

            It’s what they used to bust Capone, back in the day.

          • jodyleek

            Well, if it’s schedule C you can subtract expenses against it. What’s the per diem rate for a Russian pee hooker these days?

          • jesterpunk

            1 foreign country gets you 4 pee hookers in Russia.

        • bluicebank

          Or hobby income. That’s where all the bodies are buried.

        • tomamitai

          Bribes received or bribes given? The latter should be listed as business expenses, the former as “other”.

      • Thorn Spike

        “Miscellaneous.”

    • canes_pugnaces

      You can bet that’s step no. 1

    • Reximus
    • A_Changeling

      Okay, now I need a cigarette. I hope it was as good for you all.

      • yyyaz

        I’m already rebounding for the next round.

    • kaydenpat

      Now that would be hilarious. I can see the steam coming from Trump’s possum even now.

    • Michael R

      Check what he entered in the ” laundering ” space first .

    • Begin Anew Day

      Don’t forget to wipe donnie. Hygiene is so important.

  • Rick Hill
  • Crank Tango

    Did they pinky-swear to secrecy?

    If not, it doesn’t count, based on Pinky v. Swear.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Again, I refer to the Dutch TV doc on Trump, nefarious pee-loving hooker-crazed mafia bosses and deranged Israeli diamond dealers. It’s a wild ride. They all fucking knew, and they covered up. Even Obama. They let this happen.

    • jesterpunk

      The voters also knew this stuff too before the election and still voted for him.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Some voters. The minority.

        • jesterpunk

          Right but still over 62 million people voted for him even knowing everything he has done.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Fair enough. But don’t lump me or the folks around here in with those idiots.

          • jesterpunk

            Oh sorry, I didnt mean for it to sound like I was grouping everyone in that group.

          • shastakoala

            Sounds fishy to me.

      • canes_pugnaces

        Absolutely. Fuck ’em.

      • kaydenpat

        Thank you.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I knew – it was as obvious as the nose on my face.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        That’s why they voted for him.

      • ltmcdies

        THIS…..especially those third party purity types but also many who didn’t fall into that “economically” anxious fly over country crowd…

        they held their noses and voted Trump because…they didn’t “like” Hillary…girl cooties, whatever, Trump had R by his name….they hated that black guy and his ACA….blah blah.

        Trump was clearly from day one temperamentally unfit to be president, he demonstrated it daily but they voted for him anyway.

        when you’re in the voting booth it’s you and nobody else’s responsibility who’s name you pick.

        If they are feeling the weight of the appalling stupid decision Nov 9 …GOOD

      • LadyLaz

        Mmm. It was clear to me. We need to break up the spin zone bubbles. I mean it. We need to shatter pizza-gate proveyers

      • BJW

        The voters still don’t care. He’s THEIR bigot.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Lock him the fuck up!

  • chascates

    News reports say Rod Rosenstein didn’t tell Sessions or the White House about his decision until the document authorizing it was signed. They both had one hour advance notice.

    • Meccalopolis

      Ha ha! Would have loved to see their faces

  • Reximus

    Trumpy will quit…he’ll suddenly get “unwell”

    • La forza del resistino

      Malignant bone spurs?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      If he quits at all, it will because “he accomplished everything he set out to do, more than anyone else, bigly”
      I don’t care if he goes

      • Reximus

        If they go for his tax returns, that’s it

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He claimed today that he’s being treated more unfairly “than any president in history”. I’m like, fuck, let’s get his ass nailed to a cross already.

        • I believe he said any POLITICIAN in history, so y’know, even more of that hyper-bowl!

          • yyyaz

            Wait until he hears the good things people are saying about Julius Caesar, who is being recognized more and more, I hear.

    • Joe Beese

      KFC overdose?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Original recipe?

        • spacecat in space

          Putin’s special (irradiated) spices.

        • Hutch

          President Trump choked today on a “popcorn chicken nugget.” The funeral will be in Moscow on Saturday.

      • yyyaz

        Beats the hell out of the KAC overdose he’s been feeding us the past 115 days.

    • DrBigHead

      I wonder if he even comes back from his trip

      • Courser_Resistance

        I’ve wondered the same thing. He may just land himself in an extradition-exempt county.

        Of course, that would indicate he has some kind of functioning brain, but I’m afraid that fact isn’t in evidence.

        • DrBigHead

          He can join Julian Assange!

          • Lamashtar

            Funnier if he joins Edward Snowden.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I seriously think Pence has a brain and isn’t going to risk being caught.

      • Doug Langley

        “This bagel and lox is delicious! Say, Bibi, why aren’t you having any?”
        “Oh, er, I, uh, already ate. Yes, that’s it.”

    • kaydenpat

      Or he’ll have to resign for the good of his family. As if he gives a dang about anyone but himself. I’ll take it though.

      • Reximus

        If they subpoena his taxes…out he goes

      • Bebecca

        To spend more time with Melania and little Barron.

    • h4rr4r

      He can’t quit. He does not have it in him.

      He is going to drag this out until it is almost done, then in a fit of rage leave the USA for the motherland. For the rest of his days he will claim he is a political refugee.

  • dslindc
    • schmannity

      “out of context” “sorry IF I offended you” and if all else fails, attack: “PC SNOWFLAKE!”

      • Begin Anew Day

        Some might call this the cliff’s notes of the conservative playbook.

        But it’s not. It’s the playbook.

  • BJW

    Watch out, Evan, or there will be an 8 pm dump. Of course if it is the resignations of Trump, Pence and Ryan, with McConnell thrown in for good measure, we’ll forgive you.

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Forgive him? I’ll personally have a bottle of 18 year old scotch delivered to his front door.

      • BJW

        I may have understated my JOY!

  • Joe Beese
    • jesterpunk

      Nope, they get nothing after all of this.They should be happy they are not in prison.

      • TJ Barke

        They don’t deserve anything more, but they’ll get it.

    • DrBigHead

      Oh, God No! That’s a step closer to Gilead

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      They want this because they can avoid an independent commission and the evidence surfacing Pence is guilty as well.

      • Turgid Love Skwerl

        How could he not have known or been involved? He’s joined at the hip with Trump.

    • kaydenpat

      Maybe we can bring him down too. I wouldn’t start whispering so soon.

      • Hutch

        Ladies and gentleman: President Orrin Hatch! *wait, wut?*

        • Lamashtar

          I’ll take it, to avoid Tillerson and Mnuchin. Realistically, its the best we can get for awhile, barring a lawsuit to the Supreme Court over the voter purges.

    • Let’s wait a little while and go with President Pelosi, shall we?

    • Notreelyhelping

      Even though Trump makes Pence look like Henry V, he’s not the sharpest crayon in the box. If I suspected any of them would spill the beans, it’d be him.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    but at about the same time, the Washington Post dropped another bombshell, with a dateline in KIEV, UKRAINE

    Uh, guys. This happened yesterday.

    Ukraine accused Russia on Tuesday of carrying out an organized cyber attack on President Petro Poroshenko’s website in response to Kiev’s decision to impose sanctions against a number of major Russian internet businesses.

    Earlier on Tuesday, Ukraine slapped economic restrictions on Russia’s largest internet group Yandex (YNDX.O) and other popular online firms, saying it wanted to guard against cyber threats, and the Kremlin threatened retaliation.

    http://www.reuters.com/article/us-ukraine-crisis-sanctions-idUSKCN18C0SQ

  • schmannity

    Two guys I would not like giving me a legal colonoscopy: Robert Mueller and James Comey.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Or Malcom Nance giving you an extra-legal one.

  • Crank Tango
    • Meccalopolis

      Well? Throw the net!

      • Crank Tango

        I know right? I keep watching and watching…

      • Joe Beese

        It’s OK, I’m good with this, thanks.

  • Joe Beese

    Fucking amateurs.

    The Trump White House has done essentially no damage control in the aftermath of reports that ousted FBI Director James Comey wrote a memo alleging that Trump tried to kill a probe into former national security adviser Michael Flynn. No talking points have been distributed, and few reassurances have been given to Republicans, leaving frazzled and exhausted lawmakers to freelance their own response. …

    It’s a sharp break from past White Houses, which typically would coordinate responses to damaging leaks or negative news stories with key allies on Capitol Hill. And the lack of communication between both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue is compounded by the sheer magnitude and pace of the crises coming out of the White House on a daily basis.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/05/17/donald-trump-damage-control-238521

    • jesterpunk

      How can you do damage control when Turnip will just tweet or admit in an interview he did exactly what he is being accused of doing?

      • Edith Prickly

        Exactly. There’s no point. I’m waiting for them to all walk out en masse.

        • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

          Right? They got paid day before yesterday. I guess they might hand on until the end of the month…

    • kaydenpat

      Perhaps they know that the gig is up and there is no way to spin the mess that Trump has put the entire GOP in.

      • Turgid Love Skwerl

        Air Force One to make a side trip to Moscow?

        • kaydenpat

          I’d take that.

    • jowgajen

      Weirdly, I think this strategy works better than whatever the fuck they have been doing for the past couple of months.

    • LadyLaz

      I mean what can they do at this point

    • Sophia

      Who would want to go with the initial response knowing trumps’ going to throw you under the bus in 3,2…

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Well, note that yesterday’s WaPo report was refuted by an anonymous White House staffer who refused to go on-record.

  • Doug Langley

    So that rumor I heard that Hatch is getting Presidential briefings isn’t so far-fetched after all?

    • BosGrl

      I was just thinking that he’s been awfully quiet. Usually you see him popping up on the news shows.

    • that’s what i’ve been thinking since first reading this. THAT’S how you get to hatch.

    • Greyhame

      He’s a sanctimonious asshole, but I’ll take a President Hatch over a Pence or a Ryan in a god damn heartbeat, I can tell you that.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “This was a failed attempt at humor,” Sparks said.

    …and then the bartender says, that’s no Kremlin payroll, that’s my wife!

    Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

    So a President, a national security advisor, and a majority leader walk into a grand jury…

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      The Vice President has moved to Ecuador, where he was arrested for a sex crime, but that’s an entirely different joke.

  • kaydenpat

    Why in the world did Ryan think it was a good idea to pose for that photo at the top of this post? He looks absolutely ridiculous. I would have demanded that the photographer destroy all copies.

    • jesterpunk

      It was when he was running with RMoney after he washed some clean dishes.

    • Joe Beese

      Better men than he have had catastrophic failures of judgment.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR0j7sModCI

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Good one. Christopher Cross will also work.

      • kaydenpat

        Lol!! The video that may have wrecked his career. Oh dear!

  • Meccalopolis

    They gotta get the tape. His opponent in 2018 should be playing this thing 24/7

  • Aileen

    HAH HAH HAH the leader of our party is undermining our democratic process in the most treasonous way imaginable! So funny! Can I get you another drink? Light your cigarette with this copy of the Constitution that is in my hand which I have incidentally set ablaze?

  • boyblue122

    WH press release – Trump looking forward to a “quick resolution” from the probe led by the special counsel

    Me too Trump, me too

    • jesterpunk

      Damn you Trump stop making me agree with you.

  • Mary Sandoras

    Okay Editrex, another $100 on the way, wish I could send more for all this OT you guys have to put in with this admin.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I love when Republicans who have displayed absolutely no discernible evidence of a sense of humor in their entire lives claim they were “just joking”.

    • Rick Hill

      That’s a wiley ploy so that no one actually knows so they can play the “just joking” card when they need it.

    • Joe Beese

      Paul Ryan, in college: What do you say to an old woman after you take away her Social Security?

      Paul Ryan’s college roommate, warily: Uh… I don’t know.

      Paul Ryan: I guess you’ll die of starvation now! [laughs and laughs] Don’t you get it?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Anyone who not only read but FINISHED Ayn Rand’s books AND enjoyed them is obviously lacking in humor…among other things.

      • Ryan: Y’see, it’s funny because my family relied on the government for years, but now that I don’t have to, nobody else should ever be able to!

        • Mary Sandoras

          I think Ryan is just trying to burn down his past at the cost of citizens who need it.

    • NellCote71

      Like Trump saying he shared intel with the Russians for “humanitarian reasons.” As if.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        From the guy who’s never had a humane impulse, let alone genuine concern for another living critter in his entire life.

    • Pisto75666

      It’s the standard fallback response of someone who says or does something terrible and doesn’t get the response they were hoping for.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Josh Barro wrote a piece on this…a “joke” only in the sense that it is essentially true, you believe it, but have chosen, for malicious reasons of their own, not to do anything about it. I.e. a joke on the Democrats and democracy.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Officer: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
      Me: About 85?
      Officer: That’s… actually correct. Thank you for your candor, but I still have to charge you.
      Me: PSYCH! I WAS JUST JOKING!
      Officer: Oh! Well then, on your way! Have a nice afternoon!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        All my encounters with law enforcement pretty much go just like that!

  • jesterpunk

    Social Distortion has a song for Trump and company.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIWHlIhvt3Y

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Social D has a song for everyone.

  • Rick Hill

    But. Is anyone asking the really important questions? Like, just how much are the Clintons paying to manufacture all these fake news events against republicans? How many people have hey threatened to kill to get these stories printed? Inquiring minds wanna know!

    • Joe Beese

      Hillary has had six months to plot her revenge…

      • Rick Hill

        And the dominoes are all starting to fall into place as the last shoe drops.

        • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

          Can I have some dressing on my metaphor salad, please?

          • Rick Hill

            You can’t fight Chinatown Jake, it’s Rosebud.

          • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

            Ah. So Thousand Island, Catalina?

    • h4rr4r

      How much email has Hillary been sending?

      • Rick Hill

        Hunerds of thousands….

  • Hutch

    What kind of pittance am I giving Wonkette monthly?!? I need to re-evaluate. This is a stunningly great post!

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    The election was compromised, and they were all in on it.

    Hillary Rodham Clinton (winner of soooooo many more votes) is the legitimate POTUS.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5QGkOGZubQ

    • Parakeetist

      Yep. If Trump is an illegitimate president, it follows that Pence shouldn’t be allowed to succeed him.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Trump issued a statement.

    President Trump said in a statement Wednesday evening that he is confident the investigation will find no wrongdoing.

    ETA – wait, there’s more

    “As I have stated many times, a thorough investigation will confirm what we already know — there was no collusion between my campaign and any foreign entity,” he said. “I look forward to this matter concluding quickly. In the meantime, I will never stop fighting for the people and the issues that matter most to the future of our country.”

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/deputy-attorney-general-appoints-special-counsel-to-oversee-probe-of-russian-interference-in-election/2017/05/17/302c1774-3b49-11e7-8854-21f359183e8c_story.html?pushid=591cde8dfdd5491d0000005a&tid=notifi_push_breaking-news&utm_term=.609c268ba1a2

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      *laughs forever*

    • bluicebank

      Well, the inventor of “prime the pump” WOULD say that.

      • h4rr4r

        The question mark also too.

    • jesterpunk
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Oh, tomorrow morning when he starts screaming this investigation is all “fake news” from “loser” Democrats…I will laugh long and loud.

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Wow. So fkn delusional.

    • Joe Beese

      I do not share his confidence.

    • Edith Prickly

      Right, and Trump’s skin colour is totally natural.

    • data_ninja

      Well of course he would say that. Silence is the loudest sign of guilt.

    • TootsStansbury

      Of course; he’s the president. He can do anything and baBAM! It’s legal. Magic!

    • Notreelyhelping

      And that’s why he’s decided to hang out in Saudi Arabia for awhile. (That won’t save you from Mossad, dude.)

    • Sophia

      Okay, I just read the whole statement. Trump didn’t write that it didn’t end with FAKE NEWS! They still haven’t given him his phone back yet.

    • Amy!

      You can tell one of his aides wrote that and got him to send it out.

      All the words are spelled correctly, and the syntax and grammar of the sentences are correct.

      And it doesn’t end with a single adjective followed by an exclamation point. Sad!

  • Bebecca

    Appointing the special investigator is Rob Rosenstein’s fuck you to Donald trump.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yep. And understandably so.

    • jowgajen

      It’s career self-preservation. Robbie’s mom didn’t raise no fool.

  • BearLeft

    What an asshole! Because patriotism pales next to making sure the party smells clean ‘n fresh! What an unbelievable, cocksucking, motherfucking asshole. And I mean that in the nicest way possible, ’cause I don’t like talking ’bout people, y’unnerstand.

    • Darlene Underdahl

      It’s OK with me. Paul Ryan is vile and deserves every bad thing.

  • Terpsichord

    I may add to my monthly remittance as a result of this. Evan, you rock!

  • BadKitty904
    • Hutch

      I love cannolis.

      • I may buy celebratory cannoli tomorrow (the bakery i get them from is closed now)

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        Place by my school used to sell mini cannolis for $1. Closed now. So sad.

    • Chadwells

      Leave the gun – take the cannoli.

      Love this scene!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: The new oven/range was delivered today, along with teh dishwasher (thank god, I’ve promised ot praise the dishwasher as long as we have it so it never craps out again).

    ANYWay, the range functions as a grill! You can put pots and pans on it, or you can just throw, sausage/steak/chicken on top of it!

    (This brought to you my mother and late father’s army pensions, dunno where we’d be without it).

  • memzilla Ω

    RUMINT: MASSIVE WAVE OF INDICTMENTS COMING (Palmer Report)

    “The first sign of something brewing at the EDVA [Eastern District of Virgina] is that four of the eleven federal judges at at the Alexandria courthouse have nothing on their schedule for tomorrow, with three of them having had their schedules cleared indefinitely, according to the official docket at uscourts [dot] gov. We’ve checked with our legal consultant who has confirmed based on first hand experience that it’s highly unusual for that many judges to have their schedules simultaneously clear. It suggests that the court is expecting an imminent influx of high priority cases.” [EDVA’s nickname is “The Rocket Docket.”]

    “Then came word from political insider Claude Taylor, who was the first to break the story of Trump-Russia grand juries being underway at the EDVA court. Here’s what Taylor is sharing this evening, based on his inside sources: “Shortly after 12pm in the Eastern District of Virginia (EDVA) in a closed and secure courtroom colloquially known as a SKIF, a hearing was held. The Government argued before a 3 judge panel for a MOE (Marshall Order of Execution). The MOE was granted. A revised tactical and logistical plan was approved for Multiple Jurisdictions by the Court. This is a highly detailed plan using hundreds of United States Marshal Service targeting an unknown number of Trump associates. The operation commenced shortly after the Court’s approved of the MOE at about 2pm. The MOE filing and number will remain under seal until the indictments are unsealed by the Court.”

    “We haven’t been able to confirm Taylor’s report elsewhere, but his sources have consistently come through on these matters. Finally there’s a tidbit from political site The Reagan Battalion, which is teasing that according to its sources, “Major newspaper has a big Trump story coming in the next 24-48 hours that may be even more damaging than the Comey/Flynn story.”

    • jesterpunk

      Oh this is gonna be good.

      • data_ninja

        For liquor stores? Yes.

        • jesterpunk

          So thats what he meant by creating lots of jobs?

        • TootsStansbury

          Yep. The hell with popcorn.

      • Parakeetist

        Yes! Ice cream night!

    • Joe Beese
      • h4rr4r

        Fuck you Cancer!

    • LadyLaz

      Wow. Actually that is cold dead right. Wow

    • siggghhhh.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Hooooooolllleeeeee shit.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      BUY order on ALL the Orville Redenbacher stock. AOI,K.

    • h4rr4r

      So did Flynn talk already?

      • Ducksworthy

        Flynn was the FBI’s key to the whole weird sordid Trumpuniverse.

    • bluicebank

      I don’t usually get aroused by a nerdish legal report, but when I do …

      • Rags

        I drink​ about 12 equis

    • Crank Tango
    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      I feel a little faint

  • data_ninja

    So, this leak/story should cause Trump to attack the House leaders, the very people who can start the impeachment hearings (if I recall correctly). Shaking a jar full of bugs to see if they’ll fight.

    Can we just fast forward to the end where the bad guys are arrested and the country is saved? Is that one of the possible endings in this “Choose your own adventure” book?

  • Michael R
    • yyyaz

      Mega. Giga. Ultra.

  • Rick Hill

    Btw. Googles is now legal so it’s legal to start asking all those nasty things to search for you.
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aQ95PXr_460s.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    WATCH OUT, KILLARY WILL KILL MUELLER TO GET HIM TO CONVICT TRUMP

    https://twitter.com/TEN_GOP/status/864985834042404865

    • jesterpunk

      Really GOP? You are going to go there?

    • He was killed in a botched robbery? Hrmm… That’s sad, but not really relevant you cockweasels.

    • Spoken like a bunch of volunteers.

    • Sophia

      It’s hard to tell anymore, is that real?

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I don’t know who @TEN_GOP is but they are always all over twitter with this kind of crap. I just don’t know if it’s a real crazy person or some teenager in Eastern Europe making some extra money.

        • NellCote71

          Obligatory AOT,K.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If Hillz was really as bloodthirsty and efficient a killer as these goobers imagine her to be, we wouldn’t be in the middle of this shitshow right now.

      • Carole

        Also too, Paula Jones, Juanita Brodderick, and Monica Lewinsky would be wearing cement shoes instead of pumps.

    • jesterpunk

      You know what I hope his family sues the shit out of them and bankrupts the party and takes everything when they are done.

    • Meccalopolis

      Yeah, I’m sure he can take care of himself

  • DainBramage
  • memzilla Ω

    In case any of Teh Youngz were wondering what it felt like to live through the Watergate Scandal, THIS IS WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO LIVE THROUGH THE WATERGATE SCANDAL, BUT AT HYPERSPEED.

    • NellCote71

      And with 24/7 news streaming in. Remember watching the 6 p.m. news at actually 6 p.m.

    • boyblue122

      With today’s GOP, Nixon would have served out his full term with a mere one tape of evidence against him

    • At least they’re not interrupting Match Game and Tattle Tales this time around.

      • Joe Beese

        The good Doctor Thompson noted how the housewives were first upset at the pre-emption of their afternoon soap operas until they found that here was a interesting replacement one.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          It was better than any soap opera.

      • Carole

        My 10-year old self was enraged that I didn’t get to see my boyfriend Richard Dawson for two whole weeks!

        • Opalescent Riddles

          I always liked when Brett Summers said “boobs”.

        • Werewolf

          No Hogan’s Heroes reruns for this 9-year-old Werewolf!

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        So bloody true. I’d hie home from the school and see white men talking slowly, with long pauses, on ALL 3 Channels (not pbs) and not even getting commercials???

        It was like having to spend the weekend with the grandparents and trying to find something sexy in Sunset magazine. Christ, there wasn’t even a Sears catalog to wank to.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Holy shit. Were you me, or was I you?

      • Koch Blockula

        As long as it wasn’t Lawrence Welk, I was good…

    • Joe Beese

      That’s why I think Trump will be gone in less than a year.

      Back then, if an embattled president made it past the evening Cronkite, he could suffer no further damage until morning. Now it’s round-the-clock, with all the additional pressure momentum that entails.

    • Yr. Gma

      I’m kind of jealous these kids get to do instant gratification. We sat around for months waiting for something to happen.

      • Koch Blockula

        We also had to get up off the couch and walk 5 or 6 steps to turn the channel.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Yes. I was a young then, so there was less drinking and puking, in no particular order. IOW, it was nothing like this, speedwise. It’s like a Pentium vs. a mechanical calculator.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    WSJ reported today that Trump’s Toronto hotel was fully Russian financed via Putin’s personal signature….and THIS is like page fucking 10 news in the magnitude of venality in the Trump Crime Syndicate.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      WSJ. WSJ! What part of BizzaroWorld have we entered?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It’s only their editorial page that is to the right of Adolf Eichmann.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Granted. But perhaps a sign that Murdock is off the Trump Train.

    • Carole

      Someone named Zarina Zabrisky published an article on Medium to this effect on November 7. As per usual the WSJ Fucktwats are like 200 days late and $2 Billion short.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Something something “blind pig/acorn”.

      • Lamashtar

        Citizen journalists are first with the news, but it seems like we have to treat them like RUMINT until its been checked by the big media.

  • Joe Beese

    I am glad you are here with me, Corey. Here at the end of all things.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/23705893eec6cb8666953ad381d4bc94951fa29d8b68265710bbf56c585c432b.png

    • oh somebody please ‘shop trump and corey on an exploding mt doom.

    • Carole

      He’s the Campaign Manager at the End of the Universe.

  • WiscoJoe

    The stages of reading the latest Trump bombshell:
    1. This has to be a hoax.
    2. Um, this is solid sourcing.
    3. Ok, okay, maybe there’s a reasonable explanation
    4. Oh god this is somehow even worse than I thought
    5. [sobbing about the existence of evil in this world]

  • yyyaz

    Tumbrels to the fore! Step lively ye lads and lassies!

    • aux armes! aux armes citoyens!!

  • Ricky Gay

    Is it time to break open the cedar cheese?!

    • yyyaz

      Yes. And a barrel of nice Chianti.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        And the Fava Beans!

        • Carole

          Ffff. Ffff. Ffff.

      • bluicebank

        Coronas! I’m declaring tomorrow Cinco de Mayo.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          With tacos!

    • pussygrabber in chief

      Don’t forget those cakes we like!

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Maybe some Mac N Cheese with “cut up Hot Dog’s”* on top to celebrate!

        We can call those “Trumpyfingers”

  • pussygrabber in chief

    So at what point does Kiefer Sutherland become president?

    • NellCote71

      None too soon. Or Martin Sheen.

  • Joe Beese
    • bluicebank

      “Just lay back and think of Russia.”

    • Lamashtar

      Even some of the Republicans were reportedly “relieved”. They just want it over at this point.

  • if memzilla’s sources below are correct, we have another 4 days of this shit.

    this is what we get for the 8 second internet attention span. we live in hunger games sweeps week every fucking day.

    imma go watch eurovision 2017 again.

    • hendenburg2

      Is that Italian song about how fucking stupid it is for Westerners to get obsessed with Asian spiritualism still in first?

      • Lamashtar

        I thought Portugal won with that damn relaxation music.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Joe Beese

      And, for today’s health conscious consumer, Lay’s Baked Rat Dicks.

      • jowgajen

        Sounds … limp.

  • IOnlyLikeCats
    • Carole

      Dayam. A Fox I can actually befriend.

      • i don’t do twitter much, but he’s TOTALLY worth following.

        • Lamashtar

          I joined twitter just for the news updates. Someday I’ll be able to just follow funny people.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Te amo, Vicente!

  • ltmcdies
    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Daaaaaaaamn.

    • Joe Beese

      Totally emasculated!

    • IOnlyLikeCats
      • Mary Sandoras

        LOL…FTW!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I can smell the smoke from that burn right through the internet

    • “A collective sigh of relief by house republicans” as per CNN

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    People used to argue with me when I posted ‘The Republican Party has been nothing but a criminal organization since Nixon.’

    • Ducksworthy

      The RICO Party.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Ain’t no party like a RICO party cause a RICO party don’t stop!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Malcom Nance predicts RICO will be what ultimately lands Trump in prison for the rest of his miserable fucking life.

      • Carole

        Oh, I do hope so. It would be great if he could take Jared, Ivanka, Ouday and Qusay with him. Although these last 4 might get out in time to enjoy the fruits of their ill-gotten gains. Say, RICO has disgorgement provisions, doesn’t it?

        • Amy!

          Oh, my. Yes, it does.

          I had momentary beautiful fantasies of all the Trump family wealth going to pay down the national debt, but that would depend on him actually having a lot of money rather than a lot of bluster. I expect the courts would end up with a sack of coke, a warehouse of bad steaks, a percent or two ownership in various bits of property, a bent nickel, two pennies (one rusty and counterfeit), and the Trump™ brand.

  • mancityRed6

    Nixon at least won a second term before the shit hit the fan…

    • jesterpunk

      I have said it before but Trump is ahead of schedule and over budget with this.

      • mancityRed6

        yes and yes

    • Rick Hill

      Hey! Give him a break! Putin can drag a lard ass to office but he can’t make him smart enough to hide his entanglements.

    • Doug Langley

      Sigh. Now there was a cover-up.

      • tomamitai

        Yeah, I bet none of Trump’s guys volunteer to take one for the team like Liddy allegedly did.

    • MynameisBlarney

      True…but he had a slow burning treason.
      Turmp, not so much.
      His betrayals are revealed every 5 minutes.
      He won’t be in office to the end of his 1st term.
      I still believe he’ll be inpeached in less than a year.

      • mancityRed6

        tRump just doesn’t command that type of respect, that loyalty that Nixon demanded and received.

      • wait! what?

        I dunno. It’s like we’re looking through a glass tile at an explosion. You’d think the tile would shatter but the explosion expands out revealing more glass tiles. After a while we’re left with nothing but smoke damaged tiles. Meanwhile, someone on the other side patiently wipes away the smoke stains. People can say; “look how bad things got, look at how many tiles there are.” Then the defense comes; “sure, there are a lot of tiles, but look how clean they are.”

  • tomamitai

    Jesus, if you thought today’s drop in the market was something, wait until the opening bell tomorrow!

    • h4rr4r

      It’s time to buy friends.
      “Be Fearful When Others Are Greedy and Greedy When Others Are Fearful”

      Sell when the big bump comes from him resigning.

  • Ducksworthy

    Reagan’s Prime Directive for Republicans. Republicans do not talk about Republican treason.

    • Suttree

      Is that similar to the Hastert Rule? Republicans don’t tell on other Republicans for molesting children.

  • So are we gettin’ that Messican Wall or what?

    • pussygrabber in chief

      Yes, and Mexico is building it as fast as they can.

    • Carole

      Zombie eyed ghoul (Ann Coulter) money is on the noes.

    • BeachBum

      Yup ! Right after Chinese Factory Jobs move to the Rust Belt.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Pretty sure it’s now reduced to a very beautiful Wal-Mart.

      Where Mexicans will work in it.

  • Suttree

    These jackasses are so predictable. Get caught, lie about it, get shown proof, say yeah well that did happen, but it was a joke and/or taken out of context. (Then insert some Obama/Hillz conspiracy here) It’s grade school bullshit. Fuck these people!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Has anyone asked ZEGS why he would need to swear everyone to secrecy and guard against leaks if it was just a joke?

      • Suttree

        Hopefully sometime tomorrow!

        • h4rr4r

          He was just afraid Mencia would steal their joke.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          They’ve gotten so spoiled with their brainwashed base that they can’t even lie well anymore because they’re so out of practice at having to tell believable lies.

  • Edith Prickly
    • Oooo, i hope he’s on Rachel or Lawrence tonight!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “This administration’s toes just lost contact with the bottom of the pool.” Motherfucker has a knack for the turn of a phrase, doesn’t he?

    • mancityRed6

      “The end of business is no longer the end of business. It’s like being a volunteer fireman in hell.”
      Yr editrix says, “tell me about it.”

    • Marion in Savannah

      And we all approve of Brother Charles. May the FSM coat him with his holy marinara.

  • Joe Beese

    The bigger story about the Ryan tape is that it was leaked now. Whoever had it has been sitting on it. So they now must feel that this is the right time to go after Ryan.

    This is the bigger story.

    http://www.metafilter.com/167031/It-has-been-0-days-since-the-last-Trump-disaster#7032113

    • mancityRed6

      considering he’s third in line, that might mean they have things on Pence.

      • Andrew Rheinheimer

        Pence may already be in some trouble if he did work with Sessions to do most of Jeffies’ BS.

        • mancityRed6

          I read an opinion piece today…well, most of it…that said that the Comey memo isn’t worth the paper it could be printed on if he didn’t tell the DOJ…manned at that point by Sessions.
          Which means, if he did, then Sessions knew and did nothing. That last part wasn’t part of the opinion.

    • data_ninja

      So what’s the over/under on the Russian Pee Hooker tapes coming out within a month?

  • Hutch

    I know there is important political stuff going on, but why am I being propositioned by guys trying to follow me on disqus? Is this a common problem?

    • DainBramage

      The throat display of your avatar is driving them crazy!

      • Hutch

        I know, right?!?

        • Marion in Savannah

          Well, it certainly can inflame teh laydeez…

    • h4rr4r

      So is that a yes or no?

      • Hutch

        You’re a nut!

        • h4rr4r

          Not always, sometimes I prefer Mounds.

    • mancityRed6

      and now I feel left out. I haven’t had a chance to turn down a man since I left Joplin.

    • Yr. Gma

      Well, they have a thing for old ladies, too, I guess, cuz I keep getting them. I figured it was a Disqus thing.

    • Andrew Rheinheimer

      I’m sorry, but my reptilian blood got riled up from your throat avatar.

      You’re not supposed to know our weakness!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yes. And mine seem to have oddly nautical leanings.

    • Doug Langley
    • Suttree

      I have a few people following me. I have no idea what it does or means. It doesn’t seem to change anything. I followed a few people also, and it doesn’t seem to do or change anything.
      tl:dr Fuck if I know.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Rick Hill

    So, the first insider who jumps ship will be the one who gets some immunity and a sweet book deal. who’s it gonna be?

    • jesterpunk

      They all said asking for immunity means you’re guilty…

      • Rick Hill

        …and they all ARE!

        • jesterpunk

          i wouldnt even offer any kind of a deal except maybe life in prison instead of the death penalty. It sounds like they may have enough on them all now anyway.

      • shastakoala

        Or pleading the 5th, even better asking for a fifth.

        • BeachBum

          Both !

    • mancityRed6
      • h4rr4r

        Rat Libels!

        Fantastic pets. Way better hair than trump.

        • mancityRed6

          yeah, but they know when to cut and run when the shit hits the fan.

        • LadyLaz

          Aw! I love rats too! So smart and they don’t eat their young.

          • h4rr4r

            I can’t keep them anymore. The wife can’t take their short lifespans. We have 4 cats now, and once there are less of them I might get a pouched gambian

    • BeachBum

      Not a lawyer me, I wouldn’t give anyone immunity until someone has solid proof of Trump, his tapes, accounts, witness, and DNA.
      However, Sessions may not want to be the Newbie in prison.

    • Count Awesome

      I think your idea needs to be in a reality TV format.

    • Sounds like they have enough dirt that they won’t need a squealer.

    • Persistent Demme

      Where’s Rudy these days?

  • WiscoJoe

    I’m at a work thing, and I just told my boss about this. She turned white, her jaw dropped, she gasped for air, and then she immediately left to get a cocktail. INTERESTING TIMES

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Curious reaction. Has she been blackmailed by Russians?

    • jesterpunk

      How rude, did she at least offer you one?

      • WiscoJoe

        NO! I have to stay here for another hour to lock up after everyone leaves. Thank god I have you all to help process this.
        (I will be getting a drink as soon as I leave.)

        • Marion in Savannah

          A drink? Just ONE drink? What’s wrong with you?

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      You work for Kellyanne Conway??

      • WiscoJoe

        In this work relationship I’m the Kellyanne (but with integrity and a basic level of competence).

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I showed my boss the WaPo article and he laughed. Then again, his wife put a Dump Trump bumper sticker on their car the day after the election

  • ltmcdies

    this is why I have twitter and Wonkette open at the same time

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/864983946827882497

  • Cat Cafe for the Investigation
    • h4rr4r

      Good news, the special prosecutor is the same guy who sent Gotti to jail.

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        I am finally feeling a tiny surge of hope.

  • Count Awesome

    Any time more than one Republicans get together, it’s like they enact the first two rules of “Fight Club”, thus “I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise”.

  • Elendira

    damn you, Libtards! Speaker Ryan and Majority leader McCarthy are all American patriots. Are you grateful that the Republican Leadership saved America and possibly your life in that meeting. No! you Spit on patriotism.

    watch the following video of the Speical Report by reporters Cleese, Idle, Champman, Gilliham, Jones and Palin and see why the Republicans had to keep this meeting secret!

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Are you… are you snarking? Literally Trump is a traitor and they knew. They knew and they supported him.

      • DrBigHead

        I would have to believe that anyone who provides a link to Monty Python is one of us.

        • jowgajen

          one of us. one of us.

          • h4rr4r

            Gooble gobble.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I didn’t originally see it, Poe’s Law. XD

          • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

            I know, it’s hard not to explode immediately these days. I follow one of the Jezebel ladies, who said something, people responded, she took their responses as insults, I chimed in to say they were just adding to what she said, and she personally attacked me by name “OH GEE THANKS [my name] I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED WOW” or something like that. I was so hurt! WTF?

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I didn’t explode, was kind of weirded out, looked at their comments, followed video link, laughed. Pretty proud of myself for staying calm under pressure tbh.

          • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

            No, you didn’t, sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that. I was just venting about being attacked on Twitter for no reason. The video link is pretty awesome, isn’t it?

      • h4rr4r

        Watch the video.

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        Of course he/she is. He’s linking to the “world’s most dangerous joke” Monty Python sketch and saying that’s why it had to be secret.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      just post the link, don’t try to format the html

  • TheGrandWazoo2
  • Thorn Spike

    “Like a bunch of incestuous traitors.”

    Sounds more like a bunch of mob bosses. The entire GOP needs to be RICOed.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Incestuous mob bosses. Also traitors.

  • Michael R

    … I just heard Trump on the radio addressing Coast Guard cadets , apparently
    this is all just some kind koo-koo nutty of misunderstanding !!!

    ” Never, ever, ever give up. Things will work out just fine. Look at the way I’ve been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history, and I say this with great surety, has been treated worse or more unfairly. You can’t let them get you down. You can’t let the critics and the naysayers get in the way of your dreams. … I guess that’s why we won. “

    • pussygrabber in chief

      Winning! I wonder what losing looks like in Trump’s world.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Every time Drumpf wins, someone loses. That’s how Drumpfworld works.

    • Suttree

      Did he also tell them that he had the largest electoral college victory in history?

    • Persistent Demme

      Ha, ha, ha!
      Whatever you say, Trumpy-boy!
      Does anyone, (with a brain), believe him anymore?

  • BadKitty904
    • Mos Eisley Libelz!!!!1!1!

      • Suttree

        I have hung out in worse canteens than that. And it was where everybody always knew my name.

        • Serai 1

          I take it they were always glad you came?

  • Turgid Love Skwerl
    • ltmcdies

      3 separate committees, huh

    • MynameisBlarney

      Aaaand it’s gone.
      FUCK!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Just lost it too.

  • Marion in Savannah

    PRO TIP — Do NOT piss off the FBI. Now, as you were.

  • memzilla Ω
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    In my heart of hearts, I didn’t actually think it was possible these motherfuckers could really be as soulless and evil as I imagined. Silly punk.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Never underestimate the level of douchery and outright evil these assholes are capable of. Just because you or I could never imagine ourselves doing such things, doesn’t mean they have not only imagined it, but actually did it if they could.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Whereas they, through the lens of their own malice, presume that others are incapable of genuine altruism or empathy. What a fucked up way to go through life.

        • TootsStansbury

          This is it and this is now. I can’t imagine I share a country with such evil.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          and it’s also why they always assume the worst about everyone else and constantly project all their moral failings on us- because in our situation they would always go low and lie, cheat and steal with abandon. It’s so ingrained in them and intrinsically part of who they are, that they can’t conceive that the rest of us aren’t that way too.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      I was saying this months ago. This is what happened prior to WW2,too–no one could imagine how brutal and evil the Nazis actually were.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        That’s why Ike was so adamant about photo documenting the horrors he found at Buchenwald…so that it could never later be denied.

        • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

          Yes, exactly. Although it turned out, later, that the SS were so utterly twisted in their genocidal fanaticism that they took millions of photos and films as well. It’s astonishing.

    • BJW

      I remember Nixon. So I believed it, sadly. And these dudes are worse!

    • Serai 1
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I need a juice box and a nap…in my safe space.

  • LadyLaz

    Some one needs to get Boehner drunk. And see what he has to say. I bet he is soooo happy to be mowing his lawn now.

    • Blackest Noobs

      while smoking ciggs like a goddamn chimney.

  • Count Awesome

    Nothing says being a patriot and loving the Constitution like not paying attention to it and doing all you can to circumvent it.

    • Khavrinen

      For RWNJs, all you gotta do to “love” the Constitution is thoroughly embrace the Second Amendment; you can just ignore the rest of that shit, it’s not important.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    OT: Will love to see how the Trumpkins spin this. Considering Trump said it was, “The worst deal ever”:

    Trump Administration Upholds Iran Sanctions Waiver, Keeping Nuclear Deal Alive

    http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/05/17/528806647/trump-administration-upholds-iran-sanctions-waiver-keeping-nuclear-deal-alive?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20170517

    • Pfft, that was CANDIDATE Dumbass, President* Dumbass doesn’t even know who that guy is!

      • Suttree

        As he’s wiping his ass he can’t remember when he took his last shit.

  • Pre-existing Ugly Dude

    Who’s laughing now, assholes?

    • I am.

    • Suttree

      I chuckle and then get angry again.

    • Serai 1

      I will be, when I see that shit-sucking motherfucker’s face ground in the dirt. Goddess, I HATE his smarmy, vicious, hateful little smirk. That’s a guy who deserves to be slapped off a cliff.

  • Suttree

    Yay! Prometheus is on. Shut up! It is too a good movie!

    • Blackest Noobs

      it is?

    • Chadwells

      Debatable.

    • data_ninja

      I’ll allow you to have this opinion, even though it is eternally wrong.

    • LadyLaz

      I liked it. Until the end. I liked watching the engineer melt in the beginning too.

      • Suttree

        I admit Charlize should not have run straight. :)

        • ltmcdies

          her and that Rickon Stark kid….ZIG ZAG…

          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

          • Suttree

            Might want to check that link.

          • Brad H

            Oh, does your cat like to walk on the keyboard too? xD

          • data_ninja

            I don’t believe that disqus accepts that HTML function.

      • Serai 1

        I remember I liked the android (played by Michael Fassbender, a serious ball of yum). D in the series, yes? I wonder why Scott has decided to end that little running thread.

    • Chadwells

      I liked it up until they couldn’t figure out how to turn left or right to avoid the rolling ship.

    • Chadwells

      Damn it. I gotta read others before I post!

    • data_ninja

      Also too: Deleted Scenes sort of maybe help explain the movie a TINY bit better
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5j1Y8EGWnc

    • Serai 1

      I don’t remember enough about it to have an opinion, which isn’t a very strong endorsement, come to think on it.

    • Meccalopolis

      I liked it

  • TootsStansbury

    A fire hose of info. So the usual suspects are in here; is twinga turdle involved? It needs to be. How do we take down the insidious fuckers like the Kochs and the Mercers, etal?

    • yyyaz

      The same way we kept them down until shithead Ronnie was first propped up in the WH. Tax rates that do not allow individuals or corporations to accumulate democracy-destroying piles of money.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And laws that limit how many millions they can invest in their wholly-owned subsidiaries pet politicians.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Transparency in political donations: all PACs must disclose their donors.

        • yyyaz

          And overruling Citizens United with legislation, re-instating Glass-Steagall, und so weiter.

          • Lamashtar

            Forcing everyone who does business with US banks to reveal identities. No more shell corporation masks!

  • boyblue122

    The whole family is gonna do the perp walk

    https://twitter.com/juliettekayyem/status/864813160771072000

    • DainBramage

      He Jared went to Jared prison.

      • Meccalopolis

        I wanna see the whole bunch in that oblivion prison from superman 2

    • Rick Hill

      “Daddy! You said we wouldn’t get in trouble!”

    • Rick Hill

      What would be funny is if all their little deals and grifts just dried up and vanished, overnight

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Fucking dumbass. He has no idea how this thing works.

  • Did somebody say “Speaker Ryan was concerned about that leaking”?!?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4643b1dbdeb7f59b4f804e78f3a247d73a5d83910d5b0838d8a1a19e7482b608.jpg

  • Count Awesome

    When you wrap yourself in the American flag, it isn’t supposed to have the Russian flag on the inside for no one to see.

  • tehbaddr

    Yes, that’s all fine and wrong, but has Her Trump done something today that will call for outright prosecution?

    • BJW

      Wait a minute…

  • data_ninja

    Somewhere a drunken John Boehner is reading the news headlines, gigging in a light hearted way that only someone who no longer worries about things can. He then prank calls Eric Cantor for the 7th time that evening, only this time he makes raspberry noises into the voicemail before hanging up.

    • Notreelyhelping

      I can see him swirling the wine in his glass while making bubbling sounds.

      • BJW

        Or drunk calling Obama.

        • BeachBum

          ” Bammers ? Did you see the shit show ? I really miss you ! ” Tears. Lots and lots and lots of tears falling on phone and Into wine glass.
          ” I miss you too. But I’m hanging up now. Please don’t drink too much.” -Bamz
          ” Jeeze, Honey, I don’t know why you take his calls.” – Michelle

        • Notreelyhelping

          “Hey! Barry! Barry, baby! You believe this shit?”

          • BJW

            That’s exactly what I was thinking. And Obama would laugh along!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        …in the bathtub.

  • Edith Prickly

    An EPIC burn from our beloved founder: http://www.mtv.com/news/3013820/dont-pity-paul-ryan

    • Mary Sandoras

      FTW…..”Ted Cruz, you could argue, has sunk the furthest, from full-throated opponent to toothy eater of shit (on White House china!).”

    • LadyLaz

      Very good

  • memzilla Ω
  • not_vh

    wish me luck folks. rather late in the day i got informed that i have to make a presentation early am tomorrow to a bunch of corporate heads. my first draft was ruthlessly dismissed. way too math heavy. wtf? i’m like piss scared plus i’ve been ordered to dress in formals. i’ve not worn a tie forget suit in ages, and have to search attic to dig up tie and suit from wedding day. wtf did i get into man. i was told there would no suits.

    all this because my boss is sick.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You can do it. Really. You can.

      • not_vh

        thanks.

    • BeachBum

      Good Luck ! (I would buy a new tie)

      • Persistent Demme

        Great idea!
        And if you go to Nordstrom, they will help you and probably tie it for you.
        Now kick some ass!!!

    • La forza del resistino

      Think of them all as being naked and you’ll be fine.

    • data_ninja

      Good luck! A somewhat similar situation happened to me, and I lied myself into believing “I’m lucky to have this opportunity to demonstrate my skills” rather than “For fucks sake, really? They want me to do what?”. It’s mostly helped.

      That and the booze.

      • not_vh

        you know how it is right? some small problem i might have solved well. to expect me to know the greater context is a bit much. i’m a geek not an obama. you know what i mean?

        • Persistent Demme

          But Obama was/is a geek!
          Step up!
          You can do this!

        • data_ninja

          I would explain what you do know, and explain it well. They can’t actually expect you to know everything, but if you can solve one problem you may be asked to tackle another. And ASK for COMPENSATION. (although maybe not right away)

          • not_vh

            my pressure representing the team well.

        • BJW

          Pretending confidence will help. Even if you’re inwardly quaking, the ones you present to will see it and be influenced by it.

      • just for yucks: at the end of my corporate career i wanted something to shake me up because i was so bored.

    • Break a leg!

      • not_vh

        imma end with something broken for sure.

    • Marion in Savannah

      You’ll do fine. However, it’s disgusting that they’re forcing you to wear pants.

      • not_vh

        and ties,

        • Marion in Savannah

          The MONSTERS!

    • Sophia

      Good luck, we know you can do this!

    • DainBramage

      I was once sent to make a technical presentation to a partner company. My boss told me I’d just be talking to “a half dozen or so other tech people,” so I wasn’t too worried. Drove down there and the president assembled the entire company to hear me jabber.

      • DainBramage

        Oh, good luck!

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      You’ll be fine. Pick one friendly face in the audience and address your talk mostly to them, occasionally looking around without making any other eye contact, then come back to the friendly face. Also–yoga breaths. Three seconds in, three seconds out–it really, really centers you–do a few of them before you start. If you feel your heart racing, stop, and take a slow deep breath–it will physiologically calm you down. You can do it. The suit is irrelevant. You’ll probably look sharp!

      • Marion in Savannah

        A tip — if you want to appear that you’re looking someone in the eye look at the top of the bridge of the nose.

      • not_vh

        this is godd stuff. i will stick to this.

        • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

          Also–remind yourself “I’m learning how to do this, and will get better every time I do it, it’s okay not to be perfect. I’m proud of myself for learning a new and really difficult skill.” Oh, and if, especially at the beginning, your voice trembles, all the usual stuff, literally just plow through it. Do not stop and make a little joke or call attention to it–it makes it worse. Literally, just keep going. Think “Yeah, my voice is trembling, SO WHAT FUCK YOU!” Remember, breathing. It really helps. And you’ll just come out on the other side of it and no one will notice. Good for you for stepping up to something so hard to do!!

          • not_vh

            hey thanks pal. thanks for stressing on joke. you seem to have been there before. what’ve realized is i’m not gonna change over night. i have a certain perspective of things. and i’m gonna go with it. let hem chips fall where they may. i will be aware of my audience. thats the best i can do as of today.

          • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

            I have so been there, and often unexpectedly find myself there again —
            (especially the voice trembling–it seems to attack out of nowhere). But the more you do it, you do get better and better at it. And mostly you get better at understanding “okay, I’m nervous, it’s still okay, I’ll get through this okay.” I think you’ll be good. Another little trick is to actively plan a little something for yourself afterwards and focus on that if you hit a rough patch (bourbon and soda, and a jelly donut, perhaps). Good luck. Don’t stress the suit and tie AT ALL–no one will really pay any attention as long as you look presentable.

      • Meccalopolis

        Breathe

    • wait! what?

      Imagine everyone in the audience owes you small amounts of money that they refuse to pay.

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        In their underwear.

    • actor AND former corp pres type here. and i’m sure you know this:

      get as acquainted with your material as you can. mostly, know the story arc. if you can get yourself back to the major outline talking point it will ground you.

      have quick confident answers to likely questions – esp answers to things you don’t know (‘i don’t have the specifics on that but i can talk to the sales folks for you…’)

      have a couple quips (in your own voice). even something about being a stand in for your boss and vulnerable. being vulnerable can be very disarming.

      take your time (i talk way too fast and my mouth gets ahead of my brain when nervous). for most people, you really can’t be too slow.

      breathe. slowly.

      wear the most comfortable formal clothes you have.

      you can totally do this. everyone’s voice is interesting.

      • jowgajen

        This is good. I find it very helpful to practice my presentation and record myself. You get a lot better in a very short time doing this even once or twice. It’s doubly useful – your mouth gets used the words and your brain gets to hear them as well as read/write them. Plus it’s the absolute best way to find mistakes.

      • not_vh

        you seem to have done this a few times. good stuff.

        • as an actor i always needed money so i’ve done corp speech coaching.

          seriously the more comfortable you are with YOUR voice, the better you will be. you don’t have to be churchill. you just have to be grounded.

          also: have water available.

    • Doug Langley
    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Make fun of their heritage (ie polack jokes) That always works.

      • not_vh

        in my accent? fat chance.

    • vivian

      One page summary of your five main points. Ask them which ones they want to know more about then go into detail on those if they ask. Works EVERY time.

  • WideStance

    Hmm. Leaked FBI transcripts revealing a conspiracy of treason. Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to fire Comey, Mr. Trump.

  • WiscoJoe

    Congrats to the rotting corpse of Joe McCarthy. You’re officially no longer the most cynical and corrupt politician from Wisconsin!

    (Word to the rotting corpses of Jeffrey Dahmer and Ed Gein: hang in there guys! Ryan isn’t quite at the serial killer cannibal level yet.)

    • Hutch

      Hey, say what you mean, WJ. Don’t pussy foot.

    • Edith Prickly

      Scott Walker libellzzz!!

      • and he’s STILL in power.

  • Count Awesome

    “but, but…blowjob,…Emails,… Mooslim president,… Benghazi…”

  • Vincent Ricola

    Hannity is going to spend his entire hour talking about the breaking news concerning Hillary Clinton and a jaywalking ticket from 1974.

    • Hutch

      I heard Tim Allen had show he lost other than “Home Improvement!”

      • ltmcdies

        I’m sure he’ll be Hannity’s guest tonight….

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      No Kid Rock interview?

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      Maybe he’ll have Scott Baio on.

  • dshwa

    It’s a sign of the times that I contemplated “President Orrin Hatch” and immediately thought “I could live with that.”

    I need moar alcohol

    • Vecchioivan

      There will be no access to alcohol under President Hatch.

      • wait! what?

        Paper bag and spray paint can sales are gonna go through the roof.

      • Count Awesome

        Caffeine too, also.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        There will be no “down the Hatch” with President Hatch.

        Fuck that noise.

      • dshwa

        Goddamn it

  • Carpe Vagenda

    the prime minister of Ukraine, “who had
    described a Kremlin tactic of financing populist politicians to undercut Eastern European democratic institutions.” Weird, does that even sound familiar?

    Devine, even.

  • shit i knew i should have reorganized my pension. got greedy.

    going to be like 2009 all over again.

    • jowgajen

      Should be fine if you have time to ride it out, say 4 to 8 years.

      • i do. i have 20 years likely but still. i WAS going to get out. just to be smart.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          leave it alone. it’ll bounce back in a few years. Unless you’re an expert and can devote the extensive time to researching, don’t try to outguess the market in the short term.

    • boyblue122

      Trump sworn in…markets soar

      Trump likely to get the boot…markets crash.

      Id like to think it should have played out the other way around

      • h4rr4r

        When he leaves it will go back up.
        This is uncertainty and the market hates that.

        • boyblue122

          His presidency has been uncertainty from a policy standpoint from day 1…this changes nothing though

          • h4rr4r

            This is a huge add to the priced in level of uncertainty.

          • boyblue122

            true

          • BeachBum

            Eggzactlly .

          • BeachBum

            Yeah, that’s what WE think. But Wall Street really was hoping for big tax cuts and deregulation (legalized theft). For the first time they actually might not get it.
            When he’s gone, growth may be 1 – 3 %, but it will be real, on productivity and full employment.

          • wall street is a sociopath. but i STILL left my money in too long.

        • BeachBum

          I think so too.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Why? Wall Street loves deregulation and they love having the entire cabinet filled with their ex CEO’s even more. Everyone was betting on huge corporate tax breaks, repealing all those pesky rules about pollution and whatnot and labor being further hobbled by an all RW government. Now that they realized that none of that is likely going to happen (beyond the few anti environment EO’s and filling his cabinet with GS flacks), they’re panicking- especially since it appears to be far worse than just the agenda being cock blocked, but full blown constitutional crisis.

    • BeachBum

      I got too cautious. I didn’t think shit would hit the fan this soon.
      The buggers on MSNBC are freaking out. Fucking Brilliant Analysis : ” The Trump Trade is over.”

      • jowgajen

        I think moving some into bonds is just smart right now. Bond rates will go up regardless of any government policy moves. Market is due for a correction/regular down cycle which may get short term “interesting” with political uncertainty.

        • h4rr4r

          Only if you want to miss an opportunity.

          • jowgajen

            Market hasn’t gone down yet. ;) When it’s down, then yeah I’d agree. 2% off on a weird Wed is a bobble.

          • h4rr4r

            I am just sure it will happen is all.

        • BeachBum

          I dunno. Bonds are usually the fear trade. Everyone piling in will make the prices go up and rates go down. Also Janet doesn’t want rates too high.

          • i bought a bunch of stock in 2009 at bargain prices. but i was in a place to do so. now i’m not.

      • right?

    • h4rr4r

      Buy now. This is a tiny bump in the road.

      • BeachBum

        That’s what I’m hoping.

      • dude. i’m an actor doing obamacare as a day job. and i have squirrels in my f&cking attic destroying my a/c.

        i do not have cash.

        • h4rr4r

          I would instead recommend you get a Daisy 880. Much better investment for someone in your situation.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    In case anyone was interested in the “alt-left” (lol no, I just heard about it through Twitter) https://www.aol.com/article/news/2017/05/17/bernie-sanders-trump-doesn-t-fully-understand-being-president/22095098/

    • Marion in Savannah

      No fucking shit, Bernie. What was your first clue?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Nice to know he doesn’t think we should impeach him, we should let Bernie try and see if he can use him for his own ends.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I thought that Sanders was simply saying that we’re not ready to impeach him yet, that we needed to let the investigations finish

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            No, he’s saying he thinks Donnie can learn and he’s willing to teach him.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            That’s not what I read elsewhere. And even in this article the ‘learning’ comment comes off as snark to me and it says “the former presidential candidate doesn’t think it has risen to impeachment just yet” (which is true, in terms of the unfolding drama regarding the leaks). Hopefully Bernie isn’t actually saying that the boy king is capable of learning and staying in office. But given the things Sanders has said in the past about Donnie and the fact that he seems to think very little of him, I’ll give Bernie the benefit of the doubt.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            I watched the video and we’re both a little right. He thinks if Donnie has colluded, he should be impeached. But he also thinks he can learn not to be completely incompetent. My opinion remains unchanged.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            to be fair, I didn’t watch the video

    • Carpe Vagenda

      but unlike being a ‘neoliberal’ with a 93% identical voting record and a vagina, not disqualifying.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Emails, woman, THOSE are disqualifying.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Except not, as it turns out.

    • violet moon

      What a dope.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Nice to know he won’t use his influence for noble reasons.

    • h4rr4r

      Until they start calling for genocide, alt-left is a nonsense term. I am asking very nicely that you not make this a thing. It makes alt-right seem like a thing, which is it not just a new name for nazis.

      I know I can’t force anyone to do anything, but please for all our sakes at least consider it.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I say alt-left because they asked to be called that, just like some people use the term “tea-baggers”. I call Nazis nazis and white supremacists interchangeably.

        If you have a problem, you should really bring it up with the white guys in that movement.

        • h4rr4r

          I don’t want to talk to idiots. I want to ask you not to do as they say since you are hurting all of us. Using this nomenclature lends credence. If these are the alt-left then the alt-right seems not that bad. You are literally making Nazis seems not that bad.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            How? How am I hurting anyone since people in the alt-left want to separate themselves from real progressives who also want to advance social movements? How am I hurting anyone when I see them attack Black Twitter and make racist and sexist comments?

            How am I hurting anyone when the non-existent comments on Wonkette continue to call crazy wingnuts “teabaggers”? What’s the difference?

            There’s no such thing as an alt-right, just Nazis and White Supremacists. Either debate with me or accept that they are a thing, but don’t tell me what to do. And don’t insult me or my intelligence, since I’m at least not stooping to ad hominem attacks with no substance.

          • h4rr4r

            By using the term alt-left for a bunch of a purity ponies you are making it seem like that is all the alt-right is.

            They are shitheels I agree, but their use of that term lends credence to the idea that the alt-right is a thing that exists.

            The difference is these terms will enter the culture. That is what I am asking you to think about.

            I am not trying to debate, I don’t expect you to agree, I am just asking you to consider it. That really is it. I have no secret motive here. I really just don’t like Nazis and don’t want the language to let these bastards get away with a name change. This threatens to help with that.

            I was not aware either of us was engaging in such tactics. I only called the folks who prefer the term we are discussing idiots. I was rather certain you thought they were idiots as well.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Oh, yeah, they are, I’m using the term to mock them. Tone doesn’t always come across through text alone.

            I see what you’re saying. And since my mind doesn’t recognize the alt-right as a thing, I don’t see myself as legitimizing them. I see how that could be otherwise taken and I will think about it. I’ll probably still use it, but I will mull it over.

            They’re idiots and a most of them are (again) racist/sexist/etc as well. Privileged nitwits…

          • h4rr4r

            That was all I was asking for. Thanks.

            Yes, they are all a bunch of privileged moron kids. Do try to remember they are mostly kids. At that age I was such a douche, I mean a full on marxist douche, but still a douche.

    • Serai 1

      Oh, fuck me. Soon as I saw the headline, I said NOPE and closed the tab.

      I am DONE listening to that fucking dog in the manger pud-pulling self-worshipping delusional shouting grandpa gypsy dildo PUNK.

      • Daisy

        Agreed. Bernie makes me ragey.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        If you could just edit out that racial slur, please. Everything else is true.

  • Picabo

    “Fight is definitely on now.” Malcolm Nance on Twitter.

    • La forza del resistino

      I like that guy, He could probably kill me 9 diff ways using just his thumb, but still like him.

    • tehbaddr

      Yeah? Well I’ll take that Picabo. See you after class behind the gym!

      Wait, who is Malcolm Nance? Oh never mind I think I might need to trim my ear hairs.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Incestuous traitors?

    LOCK THEM ALL UP!

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Sounds like one of those “you had to be there” type of situations.

    Or you have to know it’s actually entirely true, but also funny, because, “ha ha, we’re traitors — we’re taking foreign monies when we bash Hillary for doing that through the Clinton Foundation…somehow.” I’m sure Gingrich, Livingston, et al. made similar jokes during the Clinton impeachment — you know, jokes about how they were all adulterers, hardee-har-har.

    I don’t know. It’s hard to take too seriously, except McCarthy is basically best known for accidentally telling the truth about the Clinton probe, which is why he is not speaker right now and Paul Ryan is. There’s also such a thing as there being an underlying truth to a joke. Or it could also just be a hit piece on McCarthy, lest he be thinking of taking a role in a “rebooted” Trump admin.

    • Lamashtar

      Its a hit, but not on McCarthy. This is an incremental raising of stakes.

  • natoslug

    Pssst! Hey, Canada! I know you overbearlngly polite motherfuckers don’t have much in the way of expansionist dreams right now, but if you did, now would be the time to annex most of the east and west coasts of the embarrassing America. Our president probably won’t even notice, and if he did, just tell him it’s a negotiating tactic, call him a puppet, and offer him a taco bowl. Strike now, you funny-talking hosers! There’s nofuckinbody in charge down here.

    • Left Coast Tom

      California, alone, has more people than all of Canada.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I ain’t goin nowhere. Except, maybe, Catalina.

        • sw19wilson

          For the wine mixer?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Or mess with the buffalo.

      • natoslug

        And as a proud Californian, I am willing to buy a red plaid shirt and learn the lyrics to Yo Canada! and help Canada more than double their population. As long as Nickelback stays in the states that don’t get to go all Canucky.

      • sw19wilson

        7th largest economy in the world, also, too. IIRC
        Ca and CA would make a great team.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I refuse to be in a flyover state. And I already know the new national anthem of British Cascadia.

          https://youtu.be/QgaRd4d8hOY

    • ManchuCandidate

      Naw. No way. Unlike your CIA and your GOPers, I think our gubbiment has enough sense to leave US Amercia to its own mess.

      If we were to then we’d take the west coast and the east coast to about Virginia and probably Minnesota (ND and SD because of the nukes) then leave the rest.

      • VirginiaLady

        NOOOO! Please take us too! We will build a wall at the NC border if you want. Just don’t leave us here!!

      • Marion in Savannah

        [sob] If we beg REALLY hard can we come too?

      • please include chicago. chicago and toronto have a long complicated relationship (well at least my mom and dad have a long complicated relationship…)

        please take chicago.

    • Yeah, it’s probably best for everyone if we just take over for a while….

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Not till the Stanley Cup is over.

  • Randy Riddle

    Wait … with a dateline of KIEV, UKRAINE, wouldn’t that imply that the Post’s source for the recordings are representatives of the Ukraine government??

    • h4rr4r

      Now why would they know about Russians meddling in elections?

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      I suspect a Eurovision connection

  • WiscoJoe

    Orrin Hatch? Oh god, the Mormon’s White Horse Prophecy is true.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I thought it was White Buffalo Calf. Oh — my bad, never mind…

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “Down the Hatch!” Bumber stickers are being planned.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Ugh…well, back to Z Nation I reckon.

    • tehbaddr

      You fancy with your cable and sify!

      wishes I could afford that at the moment.

      • MynameisBlarney

        No cable.
        Netflix. I don’t even own a tv. Or pants.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      ha! don’t make a conclusion until the middle of season 2.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • WotsAllThisThen

      I thought as President he had to approve everything. Doesn’t he? Well what has he been signing then??????

      https://i.redd.it/ol7ea42tl1dy.gif

      • Lamashtar

        Gotta wonder who convinced him to hire Rosenstein. Did he just go through the prosecutors of Clinton (Rosenstein is a Whitewater alumnus) and pick one?

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Says the guy being paid by Glenn Beck.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Free Tomi!

  • memzilla Ω
    • tehbaddr

      Considering the legislative beating they’re laying down, I think they’re OK for maybe, um 1.5 yrs!

    • Doug Langley

      Sigh. And that’s what I was thinking in 2008.

  • GreyWolfSC

    Drop a house on the witches… all of ’em.

  • Count Awesome

    Since Trump is such a big supporter of waterboarding and torture it would only be fair to use those techniques on him so we can get a straight answer.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Marion in Savannah

      Borowitz has been on fire lately!

    • Opalescent Riddles

      And trump can’t tell the difference.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • yyyaz

      Persist this, asshole.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Hahahahahaha! I wonder if that was the first time he heard about it – he did a weird eye thing and turned bright red. Hahahahahaha!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Jesus, he did turn beet red…

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      I could watch that 1000 times. Yertyl is going down along with Ryan. They’re shitting themselves.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Spicer has his talking points ready for tomorrow.
    https://image.cagle.com/195557/350/195557.png

  • Daisy

    I can vouch: Kevin is just stupid. There’s not any other motive there, he’s just dumber than a pet rock.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      You’re the local expert: if my resistance group were to add him to the list, any chance that we could throw his sorry ass out?

      • Daisy

        You’d have to find a Republican to replace him; he got 69% of the local vote.

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          Aw crap.

          Oh well, plenty of other targets to choose from!

          • Daisy

            Yeah, the 23rd district is solidly Republican. He is in danger of being primaries from the right though, thanks to the AHCA.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Yeah, McCarthy’s district is the most GOP House District in California, even more so than La Malfa’s district in the far northeast.

          • Daisy

            It has fucking Oildale in it, that doesn’t help.

        • Shoto

          If this news can be made to stick in his district, that 69% can be dented. Same as for PunchyFace ZEGS Ryan.

          Looking at YOU, DNC.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      This is the same guy who screwed himself out of the speakership because of his big mouth, blabbing about how the House hearings for Hillary were really just political witch hunts

      • Daisy

        Yeah, my English teacher and I had an entire conversation about how not smart he is.

  • Edith Prickly

    Somewhat OT (but not) – Glenn Greenwald sent out a begging e-mail for The Intercept today. COINCIDENCE??

    Dear Intercept reader,

    I’m writing to encourage you to join The Intercept’s new membership program, to help us sustain and expand our journalism.

    In 2013, Jeremy Scahill, Laura Poitras, and I founded The Intercept to serve as a platform for the kind of adversarial, independent journalism we believed was missing from mainstream outlets. Central to our mission was editorial independence and journalistic freedom: empowering journalists to pursue their passions and convictions in confronting powerful factions and exposing corruption and injustice — without fealty to any politician or party.

    The initial impetus for The Intercept was the need to create a journalistic environment where we could report on the Snowden archive with the fearlessness and aggressiveness those materials required. But from the start, we intended to build on that ethos and apply this style of journalism to all areas we covered. The first three years of The Intercept were devoted to this vision, and it continues to guide us as we expand.

    As many of you know, The Intercept has been published and funded by First Look Media, founded by Pierre Omidyar. This support has been critical in enabling us to build our team and preserve editorial freedom for all of our writers. But we believe that diversifying our funding sources is imperative to maintaining this independence over the long term and continuing to expand our journalistic impact and reach.

    We’d like to invite you to become a member of The Intercept.

    On the simplest level, reader support will increase our funding and enable us to hire more great reporters, editors, designers, researchers, and others who make our journalism possible, ensuring that we continue to thrive and grow. But on a deeper level, being accountable to readers is a highly valuable attribute. Reader support transforms a journalistic outlet from a one-way conversation into a collective endeavor; it is an indispensable means of ensuring that coverage remains exclusively focused on the public interest.

    Perhaps most important, reader support is key to our ability to maintain our status as a nonprofit journalistic venture, ensuring our stories are never influenced by click-bait or advertising pressures. That we are not geared toward profit has enabled us to keep our focus where it belongs: on high-impact, substantive, quality journalism.

    From the time I began writing about politics on a free blogging platform back in 2005, reader support has been central to my ability to build a journalistic platform that is accountable to nobody but readers. That is the type of freedom and accountability we are determined to maintain at The Intercept, and turning to readers for support is a vital means of achieving that.

    Finally, diversity of funding is a healthy model for journalism in general. We have been fortunate to have a publisher that has fully adhered to its commitment to support our journalism without any attempts to dictate or constrain what we do. But a funding model that relies on a range of supporters is inherently preferable to one that relies on a small handful or a single funder. Our new membership program is principally designed to fortify The Intercept for the long term and allow us to expand and strengthen the journalism we are doing now.

    Please consider supporting us in our journalistic mission by becoming a member of The Intercept.

    Glenn Greenwald
    Co-founder of The Intercept

    • Edith Prickly

      I am considering replying “LOLWHUT I gave all my munneez to Wonkette so they can buy booze and those cakes we like WHO’S A RUSSIAN STOOGE NOW bahahahahaha go die”

      • Shoto

        Mmmmm…Those cakes we like…

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        DO. IT.

    • Left Coast Tom

      What happened, did Putin’s check bounce?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It would be McCarthyite to suggest that he might have noticed that Putin is not as supportive of his marriage as he may have assumed.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • ManchuCandidate

      Fuck him.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Verbose, isn’t he?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “Sorry, Glenn but I just ran out of Rubles to give you. Fucks, too. Have a great day!”
      –Hamilton Ω

    • memzilla Ω

      GO SUCK ROBERT MERCER’S DICK AGAIN BUT USE MORE CHEEK ACTION THIS TIME YOU GOD DAMNED FSB OPERATIVE.

      • H0mer0

        [tell us how you really feel]

    • WiscoJoe

      I interpreted that as him wanting to take credit for Chelsea Manning’s freedom, but having just enough tact to not come out and say it directly.

      • Daisy

        But when has Greenwald ever had tact?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Well, considering how much effort he put in to helping take away her right to use the fucking bathroom, Imma say he maybe needs to hush. She may not be pleased with the way he and Assange used her as a stick to beat everyone with without, you know, helping her.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        What with it being Obama PBUH commuting the sentence. As was well reported.

    • Shoto

      Is Omidyar getting tired of writing checks, maybe?

    • ltmcdies

      Putin put Glen to voicemail too?

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      As usual, way too verbose. If they get rid of Greenwald, I’d contribute. The others are good journalists.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Nah. At this point I think it’s fruit of the poison tree. They should get jobs at news organizations.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      IOW “eBay dude has decided that he’s less excited about having his wealth nationalized than I am about having his wealth nationalized, so we need to explore the natural paying audience for keeping Republicans in power from the left through incoherent conspiracy bullshit and slogans. Who’s with me?”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He forgot to add “millionaire abetter of treason, living in luxurious exile in Brazil”.

    • Meccalopolis

      Did vlad turn off the tap?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • WiscoJoe

      Meh, he’s going to go to their holocaust museum for like 15 whole minutes. What else do they want?

    • Crank Tango

      Yeah but wait til you hear the reasons why, he got this amazing yooge intelligence…

  • WiscoJoe

    Paul Ryan bragging to the group about “taking a strong stand up against” Russian interference at the exact moment he’s helping to cover up Russian interference is probably the most Paul Ryan moment in Paul Ryan’s career. Some might say it’s a Very Serious moment for a Very Serious person. VERY SERIOUS!

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    I go away for 30 minutes and there’s 350 new comments!

    • pussygrabber in chief

      We’re off our game. Come on people, make with the non-comments!

    • Doug Langley

      You should know better than to trust us.

  • Shoto

    “This entire year-old exchange was clearly an attempt at humor….Haw haw haw, right? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take this telephone call with my criminal defense team. That’s an attempt at humor, too. Haw haw haw again…”

    –ZEGS Ryan, Diseased Sociopath Congressidiot, Wisconsin’s 1st District.

  • BMW
    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Too soon

    • RobKanC

      I can think of atleast one who was blocked by senate to make him a one term president.

    • ManchuCandidate
      • therblig

        except for the mom jeans, he can pull off any look, can’t he?

        • WotsAllThisThen

          How do we know he isn’t wearing mom jeans underneath?

        • H0mer0

          the mom jeans were necessary to pitch a baseball the way dudes are supposed to pitch. But yeah, I was thinking he still looked hawt.

      • Lamashtar

        The tie makes it.

    • TJ Barke

      Christ, Obama was treated far more unfairly, at least by the foxbots.

      • Doug Langley

        Yeah, I seem to remember some obnoxious lout claiming Obama was born in Kenya and wasn’t really President and he should produce his birth certificate. Let’s see, what was his name?

      • TootsStansbury

        I remember fucking Inskeep on Morning Trumpdition seeing President Obama’s high polling numbers and basically saying oh, we’Lloyd take care of that! And running sound interviewing racists.

    • Crank Tango

      All of history, huh.

      • Suttree

        Tell me that after you get surrounded by a bunch of senators and stabbed to death. Asshole.

    • So to speak…

    • ltmcdies

      literally…

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Garfield and McKinley on Line 2
      Andrew Johnson on Line 3
      Oh, and some guy named John Tyler here to see you…

      • Jennifer R

        Harvey Milk?

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Sent a very eloquent letter.

      • Daisy

        Abe Lincoln also sends his regards.

    • Kakkeltje
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      May’s not even over

  • Me not sure
  • boyblue122
    • Rick Hill

      Ok, now that’s the ticket. Actual crimes that no one can deny, not just the “Oh, be a buddy and drop this on my good frind. I’m certain he did nothing wrong.” kind of charges the Comey memo would bring

  • Jennaratrix

    I’m calling it now – President Mattis. The rest of those fuckers are going down.

    • boyblue122

      Hatch is probably clean. Who knows though with this clown show

      • ltmcdies

        boy there’s a thank you for years of sevice…here yah go President Hatch…clean up this mess…thanks..

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Caretaker President while we try to have an all-American election.

      • Jennaratrix

        Yeah, I think you’re right. It’s really just wishful thinking on my part. Mattis is a stand-up guy.

  • Reximus

    Fox spin is delicious and fatalistic:

    Dick Morris just stated: “The prosecutor; hired to investigate something that never happened, will not report Trump’s innocence. Special prosecutors never do. They
    justify their own existence, importance, budget, and staff by finding something to prosecute.”

    • WiscoJoe

      Yep, I knew this was coming. “Look how unfair they were to Bill Clinton and that proves that we should never investigate a Republican president.”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Paging Trey Gowdy and Kenneth Starr, paging Mr. Gowdy and Mr. Starr, there’s someone calling themselves “Clinton Death Squad” on line one for you.

      • DainBramage

        If there were a Clinton Death Squad, how has Dick Fucking Morris survived?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          He owns a lot of african american ministers in NJ.

    • Shut the motherfucking fuck up Dick Morris, you are human ipecac.

      • H0mer0

        I thought he was more like a human enema but I might be splitting hairs here

    • anon_the_great

      Irony rose briefly from the grave, paused, then lay back down.

      • Marion in Savannah

        After she chugged a quart of bourbon.

        • anon_the_great

          Sadly, not even that worked any more

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      All the shit they made up about Obama, it never got to the point of a special prosecutor in 8 years. Trump didn’t make it 8 months.

    • Jgb979

      #not all special prosecutors.

      Just ones hired to investigate a shitty real estate deal and end up impeaching the president (unsuccessfully) three years later because of a blowjob.

      Pretty sure a real special prosecutor might be able to find something on Russia

      • Suttree

        I should have read down one comment. GMTA

    • Suttree

      I wonder what his opinion on Ken Starr is? Also too, fuck you Dick.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Funny, that the prosecutor doesn’t get assigned until there is a case.
      Get The Fuck Outta Here.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Tucker Carlson says White House canceled an appearance by Kellyanne Conway on his show tonight— Igor Bobic (@igorbobic) May 18, 2017

    • ltmcdies

      they are going down into The Bunker now….

      • Marion in Savannah

        To the mattresses, boys…

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Trump Tower is not really a bunker. I expect Trump to self-deport to his safe space.

    • America’s Filthiest Couple Alive!

    • Bill D. Burger

      So back to her crypt, huh? ___ Even Sewer Rat Barbie isn’t up to shilling through this specific appointment.

      • Sophia

        She knows she’s being left behind while the rest of the entourage leaves the country

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Bummer. Tucker will need to do an update on some other NYC bathroom.

  • WiscoJoe

    Okay, lets see if Josh Marshall can explain this in a way that doesn’t leave me feeling empty and alone… OH GOD Josh Marshall hasn’t tweeted in almost an hour and there’s no new editor’s blog up at TPM. This is even worse than I thought. He only goes silent when shit is really bad.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Dear God, because I don’t believe in you, I rarely ask you for favors, but if by some crazy chance you’re real, and if you grant me this one, I swear I’ll never ask for another. Can you let me die happy by seeing Paul Ryan in prison stripes, out in the yard, FINALLY doing some squats?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      It would not be the first time he lived on the gummint dime.

      • Carole

        I don’t think he’s ever NOT lived on the gubmint dime. I’d like to see him experience prison health care. Perhaps in the Milwaukee County Jail. That would be juicy and delicious.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          While being born rich, is the best part.

    • Bill D. Burger

      .[….FINALLY doing some squats. ] ..with lifer Big Peter Johnson standing right behind him with a look of longing and desire on his face.

    • ManchuCandidate
    • data_ninja

      Or actual dish duty would make me smile. On meatloaf night, and it got burned in the pans.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Or after breakfast, with oatmeal burned on the bottoms of the pans and congealed in all the dishes.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        How I’d love to see him peering at the world through a set of steel bars, penniless, and unloved.

        I genuinely hate these people, and I hate them for MAKING me hate them, since I generally find hatred to be a very negative emotion.

        • data_ninja

          Agreed. I’d rather have other feelings than hate, it leaves a stain on the soul that only holding actual puppies and kittens can try and wash out.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            It’s hard NOT to hate them, because they’re just all the worst sort of traitorous scum and villainy. Hearing what Ryan said after he learned that Trump was probably getting paid by Russia was chilling. If hating Paul Ryan is wrong, I don’t want to be right. God I hope the stupid rubes wake up soon and start voting these idiots out of office.

  • Left Coast Tom

    One way for Our Wonkette to deal with these 6 PM News Dumps would be to start operating on the Pacific Time Zone, turning the Trump Dump into the actual Open Thread.

    • II Gosala

      Communist!

  • Jgb979

    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE ITS TREASON.

    Love how that taint weasel was like “NUHUH DIDNT HAPPEN” “were listening to your voice you walking human penis” “OK WELL THEN- JOKES”

    Janesville Wisco had to find a way to murder this fuckers political career dead with votes.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I think this is my favorite most ill-treated politician tweet.

    https://twitter.com/greg_jenner/status/864989187858104321

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      That’s just wrong!

      Donnie Dump seems to have forgotten all the invective that was hurled at Obama and the Clintons. I guess when it happens to a nice little liar and crook like Donnie, it’s bad and mean.

  • anon_the_great

    Of course Ryan knew. Why do you think he’s hiding.

    • Shoto

      With any luck, this episode will destroy Ryan’s (alleged) career in politics.

  • Jenny

    Boy we sure dodged a bullet with that crooked Hillary!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      We would have been eating Podesta’s risotto, and enjoying our retirement with Social Security intact. Now we’ll be lucky if we survive the poison water or the nuclear war that Trump will start with North Korea to distract everyone from Russia.

    • ltmcdies

      didn’t yah though…competence…who the hell needs that….and then there were those emails.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I voted for Trump because he had no experience, and pisses liberals off!

        • Paperless Tiger

          Boy oh boy, are they pissed now!

    • Bill D. Burger

      We never would have survived all that experience, competence and ability.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        You have to admit that she was quite shrill, plus all the murders.

        • jodyleek

          And those pantsuits! Oh the humanity!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Plus her husband cheats on her, so she’s obviously a lesbian.

    • Persistent Demme

      So glad the purity ponies never stopped shouting “Shillary!”

  • Picabo

    There seems to be a misunderstanding about what would happen if the president is removed from office. Most people are using the Presidential Succession Act of 1947. However the 25th amendment section 2 states “Whenever there is a vacancy in the office of Vice President, the President nominates a successor who becomes Vice President if confirmed by a majority vote of both Houses of the Congress.”
    The 25th amendment was ratified in 1967.

    Historical note. Gerald Ford was nominated to take Agnew’s position on October 12, the first time the vice-presidential vacancy provision of the 25th Amendment had been implemented.

    If dolt 45 is removed Pence nominates a VP which is then subject to approval by both houses of Congress.

    • jowgajen

      Yes, this is the most likely outcome. The succession thing is a fantasy where Trump, Pence, Ryan, etc. all go down together quickly enough that a new VP is never appointed.

      • sw19wilson

        Agreed. The GOP will cauterise this well before the rot creeps up into the torso.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Mike Pence: “I’d like to nominate a Jewish carpenter I know to be my VP.”

      • h4rr4r

        A republican nominate a Jew? Are you kidding?

        I guess Lieberman(I-Israel) might be an option.

        • Marion in Savannah

          True story — the big cathedral in downtown Savannah is The Cathedral of St. John the Baptist. A friend of ours used to drive carriage tours downtown and had a load of Baptists on board who ACTUALLY THOUGHT that John the Baptist was, you know, a Baptist. Stunned they were to find out he was a Jew…

          • h4rr4r

            That is their founding myth. They like to claim their church is that old.

            Makes even us lapsed catholics laugh. Silly protestants.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Hey, we’ve got Kushner and Lieberman in the mix now! Bannon is sulking, but his days are numbered anyway.

        • Carole

          The GOP Jesus is a neocon.

      • You sure he wouldn’t nominate “mother”? Just so that he wouldn’t ever have to have a meeting with a woman without her being there to stave off his temptation?

      • MrTusks

        That socialist humanitarian? Uh, okay.

    • h4rr4r

      I are confused.

      I thought Nixon nominated Ford to replace Agnew and Ford nominated Nelson Rockefeller who was the 25th amendment pick. Or were they both?

      • Picabo

        Ford was the first. Rockefeller was the second.

        • h4rr4r

          Thank you.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • You’re still a craven, complicit asshole

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        … who just hasn’t been caught yet.

        • NellCote71

          He’s the one left out of the loop when the cool kids were plotting to put the cow on top of the schoolhouse.

        • ZAmazingProfessionalCrastinatr

          I just posted an article down thread from palmerreport.com about him. Oh, that it will be true. It is my fondest dream that he would go down with the Trumptanic. I hate McConnell more than Ryan or any of them.

          “Claude Taylor, who stated today that he’s “Starting to hear chatter that there are intercepts w/ Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell discussing funneling illegal Russian money into campaign””

          http://www.palmerreport.com/politics/intel-community-chatter-paul-ryan-and-mitch-mcconnell-caught-red-handed-in-trump-russia-scandal/2333/

    • … yet

      • Marion in Savannah

        You beat me to it.

    • DainBramage

      Don’t touch that thumb. You don’t know where it’s been.

  • Jennifer R

    donnie just bribed ryan 100,000$ right to the super pac.

  • Apple Scruff

    Remember when this was a thing?

    https://twitter.com/jonfavs/status/864968514213355521

    One long gone, two more implicated in that WaPo piece. So this is what schadenfreude feels like, eh? I like it. Just needs more wine.

    • TJ Barke

      Young Scums?

      • NellCote71

        Swamp scum is the new pond scum.

    • ltmcdies

      hahahahahaaaahhaaa……these were the new faces and young blood of the GOP…..

      so GOPers…how’s that working out for yah

    • ManchuCandidate

      Shot down (with votes or treason) in a blaze of ignomy!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I would die happy if I could see Ryan tried for treason. Also high crimes and misdemeanors against the American sense of decency.

    • WiscoJoe

      You know, maybe we all should have been more suspicious when they based their own hagiography on a shitty Emilio Estevez movie that no “young” person actually remembers. (Also, aren’t the young guns supposed to be outlaws?)

      • Carole

        Repo Man?

    • Nothing says “youth” like one dude who is fully grey and one dude who is salt and peppery….

      • Jenny

        They only need half a dose of viagra, so young!

  • Carole

    “The Government argued before a 3 judge panel for a MOE (Marshall Order of Execution).” Now normally, I’m against Marshall Law, especially when it involves executions. But in Trump’s case, I might make an exception.

    http://www.palmerreport.com/politics/edva-mashals-trump/2901/

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      An MOE is not “martial law”. “Marshal”, AKA, “marshall”, and “Martial” are two different words that have different meanings.

      Marshall Law is the name of a character in some game

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Marion in Savannah

      That never gets old.

    • BeachBum

      Great Pic ! She just needs her sword ! You’ll pardon me for feeling a wee bit vengeful, but I would go with a Hattori Hanzo !

    • BeachBum

      See, THIS is why we need more women in places of power !

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So if Trump goes, we get an unpopular governor from a red state that found him so distasteful that he was NOT going to get re-elected? Mmmmm…sounds delicious.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    One of them “funny because it’s true” jokes?

  • Bill D. Burger

    My first question for the new Counsel. ” What did Pence know and when did he know it?”

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Pence had to have known at the convention. When they were adding all the pro-Russian crap into the platform.

  • Chadwells

    This is full of so much awesome! Rosenstein fucked them over good!

    “‘It’s still sinking in,’ one administration official said told CNN. ‘We were told about it. Not asked about it.'”

    Yeah morons….THEY DON’T HAVE TO FUCKING ASK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

    “WH told about special prosecutor appointment moments before it went public”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/333978-wh-told-of-special-counsel-appointment-just-before-it-became-public

    • NellCote71

      May we please to special prosecutor on you? Thank you very much.

      Geez, these guys. How’s that deconstructing government thing working out for you.

  • Red-Eyes Ezio

    You know, I used to go months at a time without even thinking about Donald Trump or his name. Heck, I know one guy who legit only knows who Trump was because of a Fresh Prince episode. Do you guys remember those times? How soothing it was?

    • Edith Prickly

      Yeah. The Apprentice was so much easier to ignore. I thought “who the fuck would watch a show with that idiot blowhard Donald Trump?” and went on with my life. Little did I know…

  • Bill D. Burger

    “You can Trump all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot Trump all the people all the time.”

    A fresh dose of Abraham Lincoln truth serum for the Grand Old Prevaricators and the fake party of Lincoln.
    Poor Donald Trump never realized the separation of powers could be ‘so complicated’.

  • DainBramage

    I wonder if Putin has an invasion of somewhere lined up right now. He could just go ahead and release all the crap he has on Trump to heighten our distraction.

  • RobespierreHoo

    Otter and Bluto knew the elixir for down times when things seemed darkest: ROADTRIP! ROADTRIP! Looks like just the time to take a Pennsyltucky twin spin with the yokels.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      The fake media is so unfair to me! Why would I take Russian money when I’m so rich? Nobody’s interested in my tax returns, it’s just another vicious left wing cabal headed up by George Soros and Hillary Clinton to turn you gay. Hey, did you guys see my inaugural crowd? It was the biggest in history!

      • NellCote71

        Here, take this signed copy of my electoral college map.

      • Zero chance that Dampnut knows the word “cabal”

        • Bozilingus

          It’s how he watches Faux Newz.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I thought that sounded kind of wrong. I needed to dumb it down a bit more to capture his tone.

    • KevinShinn

      Pittsburgh the birthplace of our next president! (Orrin Hatch)

  • KevinShinn

    Oh! Oh! Dunno if this is the open thread but heads up! I’m monitoring enemy communications and coming up with Tucker Carlson? Blackwater Prince Eric with secret plan to end Afghanistan

    • KevinShinn

      Well that was quick and easy: a modern day East India Company! That’s the ticket. Ya wonder how could he even think of that?

  • snark-lurker

    Guys: tRumph can fire this SpecCouncel.

    • ManchuCandidate

      It’ll work out like the Yates and Comey firings.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I called my mother the Republican today and said “looks like Trump fucked with the wrong two people.”

        Jesus, could he have been any stupider than to fire Comey?

        • Edith Prickly

          I think the stupid has just begun…

          • snark-lurker

            new amazings every day

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            If Ryan gets tried for treason, I can die happy. Is that too much to ask?

        • BeachBum

          He fired an FBI agent who was also a lawyer. And smart.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            …who took really detailed notes. Yeah, this is going to work out well for him.

            Comey basically knew Trump was obstructing justice, but didn’t do shit about it until he got fired, so he can bite me, also, too.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Give him time.
          Give him time.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      He could but he won’t. Firing all the US attorneys, the ambassadors, the State Department staff, Yates and Comey are enough.

      • NellCote71

        If he did fire he special prosecutor, then just maybe one or more of the boot-licking, ass-kissing Republicans would do the right thing.

        Nahhh.

    • Elendira

      If he fires this one he is metaphorically cutting his throat politically in front of every single American. It is tantamount to admitting that his is guilty of everything. He could have survived firing Comey (maybe) if he and his staff were smarter and more competent, but firing Mueller is unobtainable.

      • snark-lurker

        he has nothing to lose after comey

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’m not sure. I think he can ask Sessions to fire him, but Trump can’t do it himself. And if Jeffy does it’ll be torches and pitchforks time.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “Bring it, Donald!”

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Dan Rather weighs in:

    https://twitter.com/DanRather/status/865001259702435841

    “And then the dam broke.
    A flood is coming that will shape the future of our Republic in ways no one can predict. Except that the speed with which this has all happened, just over a hundred days into President Donald Trump’s dumpster fire of an administration, means it was all very predictable. And no one who played a role in normalizing this President should be allowed to forget it.
    We have news that the Department of Justice, under Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, will appoint a Special Counsel to investigate the Russia interference scandal. Apparently the President was only given a 30 minute heads up, and it came while he was interviewing new heads for the FBI. The Special Counsel will be former FBI Director Robert Mueller. These types of investigations tend to stir up more dirt than anyone thought was there. We will see if that happens now.
    The stock market plummets. The White House staff is in chaos. The chorus of Republicans suddenly eager to be on the right side of history gets louder. Most of the time Washington moves in slow motion – except when it doesn’t. And this moment is one of those times. We are living in a news cycle that can be measured in nanoseconds.
    And amidst the news, another blockbuster report by the Washington Post. House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy apparently said last June that he thought Putin pays Trump. At which point Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, who was also there, stopped the conversation and swore those who were present to secrecy. When the Post asked about the incident, spokesmen for both representatives denied the story on the record. When they were informed that the Post reporters had heard a tape of the exchange, they changed their tune – saying it was a joke.
    What all this makes clear is that the concerns which now threaten the integrity of our government were well known and played for cynical theater. Well, the curtain may be coming down on this act of this tragedy. New actors wait to take the stage for a drama for which the script is yet to be written.”

    • Crank Tango

      Remember when Chump was a billionaire who couldn’t be bought by anyone?

      Me neither.

      • ManchuCandidate

        Turns out he was the yuugest whore of them all.

        • Crank Tango

          Lives in a solid brass penthouse, eats burnt steak for dinner.

      • Doug Langley

        All he did was cut out the middleman.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Dan Rather actually said “dumpster fire” when referring to the shitgibbon’s administration? Lovely.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I had the same thought. lol

      • Marion in Savannah

        Dan don’t got no more fucks to give.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Any chance he drops by here every once in a while?

          • H0mer0

            [oh pleez, oh pleez]

    • II Gosala

      The chorus of Republicans suddenly eager to be on the right side of history reelected gets louder.

      Fixed it for you, Dan.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So red state idiots, how’s all that “take our country back” stuff working out for you? The market dropped 400 points today! Get ready for your house and 401k to become worthless again. It was probably worth it though, because you made a few snowflakes cry.

    • ltmcdies

      they only cried election night ….then they because a great big snowball….

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I cried like a fucking baby the day after the election. Great heaving sobs of despair. The only other times I’ve cried like that in the past two decades were after 9/11, and when my dear friend Vito passed away.

        • ltmcdies

          how are you feeling today? Because you should feel proud…all that marching and yelling and taking no guff is what got this special prosecutor today.

          Trump being dumb as a box of rocks helped.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m actually feeling a lot of different emotions. Delighted that Trump might be impeached, terrified that Pence will be a competent loon, giddy that Ryan could end up in jail (probably not), scared that the economy is going to crash again, etc… Sigh, who knows how this shitshow is going to end?

          • ltmcdies

            as has been said by some sadist….may you live in “interesting times”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Poor Donald! He never realized the separation of powers could be ‘so complicated’.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I have never seen so many former FBI agents on TV. And. They. Look. Pretty. Damn. Serious.

    I’m ok with that, btw.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      That whole squared-away, let’s-get-busy mien they have would make me wet my pants if I was Trump or one of his bootlicks.

      • NellCote71

        They make me wet my pants but in a good way.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    For the right wing pundits-Brooks, Douthat etc.-for whom the light bulb has finally come on, the narrative is that Trump is essentially a helpless and maladjusted child incapable of either restraint or true evil, rather than a malignant sociopath. Word, assholes: He’s both.

    • Marion in Savannah

      It’s been almost amusing watching Bobo and Wee Ross “Don’t” Douthat tie themselves in knots over Mein Fubar. Almost…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Amusing would be them sharing a prison block with him, but yeah…them pretending to have both morals and backbones has been a real laugh riot.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Also word, assholes. You supported him. You own this. None of this was secret – the Russian ties, the mental instability. You chose to support him. How’s that personal responsibility thing working out for you?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Word.

        • Red Bird Ω

          Is it 80’s night?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            What, you didn’t get the memo, yo?

    • TootsStansbury

      They like to go on about a Republican Party; so much like their idea of an America, some ideal that never was.

    • laineypc

      Just be glad that it came on. Far too many right wingers prefer to stay in the dark for their own dark reasons. Seriously, the only way he gets impeached is for the Republicans to face the consequences for themselves, if not for the country, of him being allowed to continue this ruse.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Little Jeffy Sessions is maay-ud, y’all. Not sure if that fire arm is for Rosenstein or himself.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dce528c04f7d96de38aed2a55fa5becabab8683bfb7d2d63487c30ed28961aa5.gif

  • Suse

    Ryan must have threatened McCarthy.

    From The Hill: House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) says that unearthed footage of him accusing President Trump of being paid by Russian President Vladimir Putin is “a bad attempt at a joke.”

    “If you listen to it, everybody laughs,” he told reporters Wednesday in Washington. “So you know that it’s a bad attempt at a joke, and that’s all there is to it.”

    “No one believes it to be true,” McCarthy added, noting he has “100 percent” confidence in Trump.

    McCarthy doubled down on his claim that the statement was made in jest, tweeting that it “was an attempt at humor gone wrong.” He also said in the tweet the Washington Post “tried to contort” his words.

    • Daisy

      Oh shut up Kevin. Just admit you’re an idiot; it’s true and people might actually stop talking about you..

    • laineypc

      I know at first I said that it never happened, but now that I know you have proof, well of course it was just a joke. Please just ignore that I initially denied my falsifiable statement…say..why aren’t you going after the leakers? Look, over there, the leakers!

  • Rick Hill

    so…should we all expect to wake up and find that all this has been too much for trump? Either his battered frame cannot handle the stress or it’s along the lines of the call to all world governments to handle this?

    http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/0000223050_6701.jpg

  • Jenny

    I don’t know about you guys but I feel pumped. Like election time pumped. So many possibilities can happen if WE THE PEOPLE make it happen. Regs against super pacs and dark money, single payer, real tax reform.

    We could be heading into the new progressive era! Hope and change! Hope and change!

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Fired up! Ready to go!

      • Rick Hill

        Hey! Stop counting those chickens before they come home to roost! These people are weasels and the rules of the game have definitely changed if it takes this much to even get a whiff of justice coming their way.

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          We’ve got to pace ourselves here. We are in it for the long haul, and we need to take breaks and celebrate the small victories while we work toward the big ones!

          • Rick Hill

            Yeah. Right now we’re riding in a shit wagon and someone cracked the window a bit. Nothing more.

          • Sedagive ’em Hell

            Wise words.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    This whole thread (thanks to Rachel for calling attention to it):

    https://twitter.com/philindc/status/864932003564707840

    • ManchuCandidate

      Clarke has Rooshin ties too.

      Via a group known as Right to Bear Arms…. I’m not joking.

      • Marion in Savannah

        He’s ripped the arms off the Russian bear?

      • NellCote71

        Enough throwing shade on Michelle’s arms.

    • Crank Tango

      My prediction: heckuva job clarkie.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Ryan, McCarthy, Trump, Pence, Bannon.

    REVOKE THEIR PASSPORTS!

    • anon_the_great

      Wait. Let’s not be hasty. At least they’ll be gone.

  • BetsyBleedingheart

    The other day my husband found a four-leaf clover while he was walking our dog and then he got a job offer. Today he found a four-leaf clover again so I feel like good things are about to happen for all of these United States of Murrica.

    • Parakeetist

      Thank you.

  • Bill D. Burger

    In reality this is end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. We still face the ongoing challenge of maintaining our republic with the presidency in the hands of a fucking nutjob who colluded with a foreign power, who is unqualified, inexperienced and judgmentally impaired.
    How many months or years must this go on?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Perhaps the fact that Trump publicly admitted to obstruction of justice will hasten the stately process.

  • Suse

    Hayes is on this right now.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Rick Hill

      I’m guessing trumpis blowing a gasket and throwing things, as I type.

      • snark-lurker

        i bet no one has told him

        • Rick Hill

          Someone else mentioned he is on his way to the mideast. I was thinking he was sleeping and no one wanted to wake him with the news.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Right about now one of his assistants pokes her head in the door and asks, anything you’d like to tweet, Mr President?

    • ManchuCandidate

      https://popiplaw.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/youaretechnicallycorrect.jpg

      Lesson is: Don’t fuck with career bureaucrats.

  • anon_the_great

    This investigation will be an extinction level event for GOP Congressional leadership.

    • Rick Hill

      Especially if it’s not let be forgotten how much they went along with trump and covered for him

    • boyblue122

      theyll be branded as an organized crime syndicate

    • wait! what?

      Donald will try to get NASA to build spaceships to nuke it.

    • Count Awesome

      Which christianist elected official is already working on their version of Noah’s ark?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      “Giant Comet 2017”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Good, because I once thought the Trump candidacy would be an extinction level event.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump’s epitaph: “Lived By The Twitter. Died By The Twitter.”

    • laineypc

      Yah, that’s good. I also like: “No Puppet. No Puppet. You’re the Puppet”

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • ManchuCandidate

      Yes. Sessions should be shitting his pants worried.

    • Meccalopolis

      Every picture of him should be photo shopped with beady eyes darting about

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • wait! what?

    I guess everyone who voted for Donald Trump didn’t believe he would behave like Donald Trump.

    • Count Awesome

      You mean he isn’t acting statesman-like and presidential?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Trumpanzee: “He’s a gonna’ pivot real soon now. Real soon . Any day now. “

      • TJ Barke

        Just like Bamz was gonna declare Martial Sharia law any day now.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        “Give him a chance”

  • ltmcdies

    Oh Wikileaks decided they have something to say….and it’s not even original

    https://twitter.com/wikileaks/status/864994472492453888

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, sure, uh huh…

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Good luck smearing the guy who investigated “Teflon Don” John Gotti. He ain’t scared of your bullshit.

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      Yawn.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      anything besides courier font to prove it?

    • Ok, Glen G and his acolytes, tell us again how Wiki is NOT working for Russia?

    • h4rr4r

      Da, Comrade.

      They do understand that we all know that WikiLeaks is a Russian psyop right?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    If those assholes in the reign of Donald the Terrible don’t pay up, time for a GoFundMe page!

    https://twitter.com/mmcauliff/status/864988757463846917

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Might I suggest starting with the same budget they spent investigating Hillary’s emails?

      • ltmcdies

        or the million BENGHAZI hearings…..

  • laineypc

    What I don’t understand is why Ryan ISN’T behind impeachment. He gets one step closer to the presidency, he gets Pence, who is defs thumbs up and then some with all the horrible nasty GOP legislation they would send his way. And wouldn’t it also be better for the GOPs retaining their seats if they had a less obviously delusional president to get behind?

    • TJ Barke

      For all the work that’s gone into painting Ryan as some sort of smart young gun wonk, he’s really just another sociopathic, idiotic randroid.

      • Jennifer R

        His only political win was ahca and THAT was more of an own goal.

      • He’s dumb. I mean, not Dampnut dumb, but the idea that he’s some sort of “policy wonk” is completely fabricated out of the idea that there must be SOMEONE in that party must be smart…

        • TJ Barke

          Pretty much.

    • Count Awesome

      Your point is makes too much sense for GOP leadership.

      • not_vh

        you ask vulgar kweshuns pc laine.

    • Jennifer R

      Well donnie just gave Ryan 100k sooooo

      • Lamashtar

        That was an old donation, apparently.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      He knows in his heart that impeachment means the entire election was illegitimate, and he cannot face that fact, perhaps?

      • not_vh

        he cannot face consequences of facts

    • not_vh

      imo, contrary to popular belief, the american voter is not dumb. he/she will ask obvious questions – like why the fuck did ryan support trump for so long. to cover that up he has to pull another long con.

      iow at this stage he is pulling cons to cover other cons.

    • dshwa

      He’s too complicit at this point.

    • Because he has not passed his tax breaks for his owners yet.
      That is about it.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    There are not enough o’s in “smooth” to describe that response.

  • Suse

    Drumpf will rue the day he decided to run for POTUS. He could have just gone on being a private corrupt asshole, but his massive ego got in the way. He’s going to lose everything and so are his kids. I can’t wait!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Narcissists don’t fail. They are the victims of traps set by jealous people. Trump will never rue anything.

      • Suse

        I don’t know about that. No one will want any association with him whatsoever.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          I hope you’re right. That’s what I want for him. I don’t want him to go to prison. I want him to watch other people go to prison. I want him to watch them turn on him. I want to watch him be shunned. I want to watch him choke on the ashes in his mouth for a good, long time. And I want him to be a constant reminder of what the right-wing was willing to inflict on this country for the sake of power.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          I want the Russians to call in their loans.

    • Bill D. Burger
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    EXPLOSIVE NEWS ORGASM

    Yep, combine Comey testifying before Congress, yet more revelations of GOP-Russia skullduggery, and Kimberly Guilfoyle at the podium for the White House press briefing, and we got something to fap to.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Left Coast Tom

      What they didn’t want to go with their normal “…Trump (D)…”

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • La forza del resistino

      Many pols thru history have failed to note that slime sticks to you and doesn’t come out in the laundry.

  • La forza del resistino

    Is Donald’s twitter machine broked or is he just busy getting prepped for his travel next week by this person?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/12942d838af8384e8b89662b2298475dcb54f73e5e29093f7605060675562f89.jpg

    • ltmcdies

      Ivanka sent it for a swim in the toilet.

    • h4rr4r

      Maybe he is packing for Moscow?

    • Nounverb911

      He was busy complaining to the cadets at the Coast Guard Academy that no body likes him.

  • Count Awesome

    I’m waiting for Paul Ryan to hold an off the record meeting with other GOP elected officials and tell them to “dig upwards.”

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • ltmcdies

    OT…but nice to see…Seth Rich’s family is done with FOX and their shit

    https://twitter.com/passantino/status/865004776898969601

    • Wild Cat

      Sue Murdoch until he bleeds out of every degenerate pore in his rotting body.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I hope they get ALL the money from those sleazeballs!

    • Sophia

      Yes

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Bill D. Burger

      And Lincoln….hoooboy!

    • Daisy

      Quite frankly, I’m also pretty sure that once Hillary reads this, she’ll laugh her ass off.

  • Nounverb911

    “McCarthy, a GIANT TRUMP SUPPORTER”
    Doesn’t that make McCarthy a giant jock strap?

    I’ll lead myself out now….

    • cheetojeebus

      No, No you’re good. Take a seat, can we get you a drink?

    • snark-lurker

      WAIT THAT IS NOT A DOOR!

    • Rick Hill

      Oversized for such a small load, I’m sure

    • “And, remember: if you can’t be an athlete, at least be an athletic supporter!”

  • Count Awesome

    Putin must be so happy to own the smallest three ring circus that fits neatly into the Oval Office.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Chadwells

      I’m no numerologist or anything….but I can’t help but notice 4/5….president 45….

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        and it’s a losing bet if you win. How apropos.

  • Chadwells

    Maybe they just won’t come back from their trip to Europe/Middle East.

    • Michael R
    • Left Coast Tom

      …especially not if he plans to lecture the Saudis about Islam.

      • Chadwells

        Seriously….LOL! Isn’t Miller writing that speech too?!

    • tomamitai

      Maybe if Trump converts the Israelis will let him stay? He’d better do it here, though, as I understand the Orthodox who control religious matters in Israel are a lot stricter than American Rabbis.

      • Chadwells

        Not sure they’ll be over that intel error soon enough to open their arms and let him into the club!!

        • yyyaz

          It weren’t no error. Just look at what has transpired. *heheheheheheh*

    • Suse

      Perhaps cocaine will be found in his luggage. That would be a darn shame.

    • ZAmazingProfessionalCrastinatr

      If we’re lucky there will be an airplane malfunction midway over the Atlantic and AF1 will mysteriously disappear.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • not_vh

      short note. see mirror.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “Point of order.” — John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

    • Wild Cat

      How did both of them fit into one stall?

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Nounverb911

      Paging Hillary Clinton!
      Paging Hillary Clinton!
      Paging Hillary Clinton!

    • bluicebank

      Marie Antoinette was just finishing her big, beautiful cake …

      • yyyaz

        … and don’t even get me started about Caesar.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Et tu, Brute?

          • vivian

            Gesundheit!

        • dang now I did not scroll. feh

    • The Wanderer

      Nicephorus Phokas, who was publicly whipped, castrated, and blinded on three successive days, then beheaded?

    • Lori

      Certainly not the black guy whose birth certificate I kept demanding to see.

  • Rick Hill

    Well…trump wanted his term to be like a reality show. He’s getting the ratings he lervs, at least

    • Count Awesome

      No such thing as bad publicity, or so I’ve heard.

      • Rick Hill

        Will the perp walk be PPV?

        • Count Awesome

          Knowing the justice department they PPV it just to screw the poor.

          • h4rr4r

            I would be more than happy to pay to watch that. Then we can put it up on piratebay for all to enjoy.

          • yyyaz

            I know I would.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Oh JFC, Douthat is on tweety. And while I agree that Donald is batshit crazy, it’s just like a Republican to take no responsibility for getting us into this situation.

  • Picabo

    “No politician in history has been treated worse or more unfairly.” -dolt 45 https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e7c40fa77f59fd39af49d363762b96d922b16c9b32110ae8f992df98f39e40f3.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Crank Tango

      Maybe she doesn’t have an opinion on stinky bathrooms?

    • Wild Cat

      Well, duh, Carlson pays in cocaine, not meth.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Perhaps she’s drunk? It would be her first rational move in months.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      They couldn’t find her … bank accounts cashed out, kids left school early, SUV gassed up …

      Kellyanne is doing a runner.

      • The Wanderer

        She read Lavoy Finicum’s book! She’s got her bug-out bag and she’s headed for the hills!

  • Me not sure

    I have four questions :
    1.) Who, by name, was responsible for taping that exchange?
    2.) Why and for whom was it done?
    3. ) Why was it kept undercover until now?
    4.) Who released it?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Vlad. Vlad. Vlad. &, Vlad.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Vlad also too.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Some guy named Nave Mullimnic.

    • snark-lurker

      (R)s 1 & all

      • Me not sure

        Two more
        5.) Is there more?
        6.) If so, does the WaPo have them?

    • Nounverb911

      Why is this night different from all other nights?

      • Spurning Beer

        Dayenu!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Quit. Or stay as long as you can stand to and get enough material to write the tell-all, then…

    https://twitter.com/PostRoz/status/864995376541118465

    • Rick Hill

      Jeebus. Didn’t any of them pay attention to what anyone who’s ever worked for him has said?

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Rachel’s gonna be ON FIRE tonight isn’t she? What a night for my cable to be out!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Try you tube. That’s how I’m watching.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Not sure my cel service has the bandwidth, but . .. got a link to the livestream?

    • snark-lurker

      in-depth history lecture right now

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Every night!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump might well consider cancelling his upcoming trip abroad_____he’s already a lame duck.
    ~snicker~

    http://motivateme.in/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/10-Funny-Social-Media-Pictures-of-Donald-Trump-10.jpg

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      At first I read it “he’s a lame dick,” and that worked too.

    • ltmcdies

      so no more Supreme Court picks for him if god forbid a justice leaves

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yeah, we’ll get Pence appointing Sarah Palin.

    • NellCote71

      Maybe a little duck ramp for him to waddle away on, far, far away.

    • redarmyzombie

      Lame Duck… Worst. Chinese Dish. Ever.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • ManchuCandidate

      There is no (sane or cogent) way to defend Trump.
      They FUCKED.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Trump is a great patriot of the Russian Motherland!!

        …oh…

    • The Wanderer

      Yes, Thune should. I daresay we shall, once Trump manages to get his phone away from the staff.

  • Rick Hill

    A question that has absolutely nothing to do with trump: If you are speinding the night drinking and you need to eat supper, does it count to just look at some websites that have pictures of food?

    • Jennifer R

      You have to lick the screen.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I do that when you post the good food.

    • pussygrabber in chief

      What kind of food?

      • Rick Hill

        I was thinking ribs would be a good choice, tonight….

    • Alan

      Nope.

    • La forza del resistino

      Go to the Weight Watcher’s site and you might even lose some pounds.

    • Count Awesome

      Why eat? You get more moneys worth when you drink on an empty stomach.

  • Red Bird Ω

    Hmmm…..I smell something, something good.
    So, that certainly explains why a relatively unknown ex-CIA agent would randomly run for president on an independent ticket. Check. That also explains why the GOP was so quick to protect Trump. Check. Now all we need is to find out who encouraged our Brother Bernie to run in the first place. Certainly not anyone we know. Hengh????

  • Chadwells

    First time since November 9th that I’m feeling hopeful as I leave work….

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I am floating.

      • Parakeetist

        Me too!

        • Meccalopolis

          Me 3!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    More like this is a bad attempt to cover your ass, Kevin:

    https://twitter.com/AlexNBCNews/status/864973840857935873

    • The Wanderer

      It may cost you your job, laddie boy.

      • Daisy

        *snorts* Doubtful; my home district is deeply Republican.

        • The Wanderer

          I meant his Majority Leader post. I didn’t think he’d lose his seat.

          • Alan

            He could be indicted.

        • Parakeetist

          My condolences.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    I wonder if Kimberly Guilfoyle is rethinking joining the trümp administration …

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1542c62ceaa6c736a5a8841f4977bf6b87f205f3be5f330e6ffa8b3b57a5ec52.png

    • Bill D. Burger

      “My administration is running like a fine tuned machine.” ___ DJT

      • Count Awesome

        “You know it’s working properly when the wheels just fly off like that.”

    • ManchuCandidate

      https://media.giphy.com/media/Re7tRYVtNNKBG/giphy.gif
      Trump is Fury Road minus the crazy rock guitarist shooting flames out of his guitar.

      • redarmyzombie

        IMMORTAN JOE LIBELZ!!!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • ManchuCandidate

      Irony is a man without empathy for others when down, crying for empathy when he is down.

    • Bozilingus
    • Count Awesome

      He looks like a reject from Batman’s rogues gallery.

      • TJ Barke

        Like The Joker, Paul is a nihilist.

        • Count Awesome

          The Joker was at least smart.

          • Ferroequinologist Ron

            And funny.

    • TJ Barke

      I quite dispassionately want you all to hang, Ryan.

  • Sophia

    Ex-ARMY officer who worked with McMaster: ‘He’s not telling the whole truth’

    Lt. Col. Nagl recounted a story of a class on the West Point Honor Code that both Nagl and McMaster took while attending the service academy in the 1980s.
    “One of the scenarios that they discussed was what happens if you’ve been invited to a dinner and the dinner is horrible, and the hostess asks, how did you enjoy dinner?” Nagl recalled. “And what we’re taught to say in that point is I really enjoyed being here in the company I was in.”
    Nagl claimed that analogy explained the precise wording used by McMaster, in light of a similar “horrible” situation.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/05/ex-army-officer-who-worked-with-mcmaster-hes-not-telling-the-whole-truth/

  • Suse

    I’m going to have a G&T…

    • yyyaz

      I’m having Beam and bock.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m having a Matrix Tripi Vineyard Zin.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I feel like I need to be mainlining vodka. This shit is wrecking my nerves. Is the economy going to collapse again? Will my house be worthless by next week again?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    okay, sherlock season 4 has descended into, “uh, whut?”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • yyyaz

      #lawyersgunznmoney too also.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Watching Alan Dershowitz on CNN arguing that Trump may have done something wrong but the real criminals are the government employees leaking that Trump leaked national security secrets makes me wonder just how difficult it is to become known as a prominent constitutional scholar.

    Because this guy comes across as batshit crazy sometimes.

    • Suse

      He’s always been an asshole.

      • Juan de Fuca

        He’s a dipshit. Trying to find the quote but I just watched it live on Anderson’s show after I got home so nothing on the Internet yet. If I heard him correctly, the real criminals, the people who endangered the lives of people fighting against ISIS are the people leaking that Trump is leaking.

        That guy irritates the hell out of me.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Ah, I was worried about Dershowitz when he started making vaguely sane-like noises yesterday. It’s good to see he’s recovered.

    • Alan

      He’s said a lot of really stupid things in the past for someone who’s supposed to know what he’s talking about.

    • La forza del resistino

      Here’s a whistle Alan. All you have to do is put your lips together and blow.

    • TJ Barke
    • pussygrabber in chief

      “Why should *you* go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I genuinely had no idea he was nuts until this year. I don’t even remember how I found out. I was kind of stunned that someone so smart could be such a flaming idiot.

      • Juan de Fuca

        He is incredibly smart and seems to know the law better than most people. It seems to be the common sense thing he struggles with. He seriously said, “The real story should be the leaking of the Trump leak by the media”, or something very close to that.

        Jesus christ on a fidget spinner.

        I’m off now, have to go study. Later ma’am :-)

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Later, my friend.

  • Nounverb911
    • ManchuCandidate

      Oooh. Sean is mad.

      Fuckwit.

    • The Wanderer

      I think Hannity needs a diaper change and his binky.

      • Suttree

        And a nice soothing waterboarding.

    • laineypc

      Glad to see you’ve come to see the President as the rest of us, Sean!

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Starting to feel the noose around your own neck, Sean?

      • pussygrabber in chief

        The way his tweet is written, I thought he was referring to himself.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Even Ivanka can no longer deny it.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C8Nf4TuU0AAe8ut.jpg

  • Reximus

    All of this is because Trump is a giant blowhard con-artist that sucked in just enough rubes to get elected. His endless bogus claims of being this great manager and judge of talent, as opposed to an idiot who only appoints sycophants no matter how flawed, is the cause of this.

    If he actually knew how to manage and hadn’t been so stupid and vain as to need to keep a dangerous bootlicker like Flynn around, he wouldn’t have got in trouble with trying to get Comey to roll over; he wouldn’t have fired Comey when he wouldn’t and there wouldn’t be this special prosecution, which will go on for ages.

    Trump isn’t the victim here. His own terrible character is the cause.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      What kills me is that he COULD have chosen to do the right thing by the rubes, and the rest of us. He could have attempted to fix Obamacare, he could have raised taxes on the wealthy to start paying off Bush’s wars, he could have hired some competent people, but instead we got this insane shitshow. Maybe Jared and Ivanka will save us!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I could have chosen to diet down to a size 10. I could have chosen to shave my legs more than twice a year. Hell, I could have chose to go to grad school. Wasn’t going to happen for me. Because life history.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          He really could have chosen to not be an asshole. I guess he figured it had worked for him the other 70 years, why bother to change? I think he’s genuinely puzzled that America isn’t rallying around a flaming asshole, traitor, and grifter.

      • Suttree

        Hahahaha! Jared and Ivanka are there for the same reason as Turnip. How much money can we swindle out of this deal. It’s amazing how every single one of them are equally horrible.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    How is it even possible that nobody in the Republican Party has compared Trump’s travails to The Holocaust yet?

    • NellCote71

      Paging KellyAnn Conway.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      cause its not a dem?

    • Suse

      Give it a couple of days. Don, Jr. will probably be the first.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I forgot Donnie is headed to Israel. He’ll probably do it himself. “Nobody knew the Jews had it so tough. Did you know that? Nobody knew that. Terrible things. Not as bad as what’s happening to me . . .”

        • Suttree

          “I died in a concentration camp. Twice. But I got better through the strength of my resolve! Just like you Jewishes.”

        • pussygrabber in chief

          He’ll be at the Holocaust Museum for 15 minutes. What could go wrong?

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I feel like there needs to be an expression more extreme than “what could go wrong?”

      • WomanInThePersistence

        He ought to know.

        https://youtu.be/FN7r0Rr1Qyc

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Holy Tapdancing Dog Butt Jeebus™ … FFS!

    https://twitter.com/AnnCoulter/status/864995716988534786

    • Crank Tango

      Wanna bet on that?

    • ManchuCandidate

      So pathetic.

    • Suse

      I hear a gnat flying around.

    • Bill D. Burger

      That is just Media Whore Coulter’s way of saying, “Look at ME!”

      • Therefore the appropriate response is to point and laugh

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          She’s out-trolled by her President.

    • Nounverb911

      What are YOU hiding Ann, you seem nervous.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        A penis?

        • Still not funny!

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Even if she keeps it in a jar in one of her homes?

          • h4rr4r

            Then depends on whose it was.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            does it?

          • h4rr4r

            Yeah, it would be way funnier if it is one of the Fox News molesters.

        • doktorzoom

          While it’s not in the official rules, we don’t do “Ann Coulter is a dude” jokes here, because they’re insulting to trans people. The entire premise of the joke is that there’s something wrong or shameful about being trans, and that is not OK here.

          You’ve been here long enough that I’d have assumed you’d be aware of that.

          — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • Yeah sure, Ann, you keep thinkin that ^.^

    • The Wanderer

      BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      let’s talk about it again in 6 months ann.

    • Alan

      What a fucking idiot. I note she made no attempt to explain that insanity.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      At this point, I think she probably believes that.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      IIRC, special prosecutors (counsel, whatevs) are limited ot a certain topic.

      Like TRUMP AND RUSSIA.

    • Blackest Noobs

      aw she’s back at spinning…isn’t that nice.
      and here i thought she was about to hang herself.
      yes….Mueller is gonna somehow find some dirt on all of them somehow never mind the fact all those Congressional Committees on Benghazi found nothing criminal during an investigation about collusion between Trump, his campaign, and the Russian.

      H I L A R I O U S L Y.

      i take it back…she is fucking funny as fuck!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yep. She’s drunk.

    • Michael R

      Let’s take a minute to tour Ann Coulter’s birthplace

      https://s21.postimg.org/s70l2xayf/alien_eggs_coulter.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      Irrelevant fascist bitch queen says what?

    • Rick Hill

      Uh…the group, fantasy chat is the other link, Ann. Just…go. Get over there before we hear anymore….

    • La forza del resistino

      Can’t Barack Obama get some Ann luv too?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Ewwwww. I wish much better things for him.

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Hi, Ann. The GOP Home for the Terminally Irrelevant is over that way. Hucksterbee can show you the way.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I know she fancies herself a provocateur (bitch, please) but I honestly can’t tell if she truly believes this shit.

    • SeeTrain65

      Sorry, Ann, I can’t hear you over the gurgling sound of Bill Maher’s jizz in your mouth.

    • pussygrabber in chief

      I assume someone on the twitter machine will school her on how a special counsel actually works.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Piss off the media (except for Fox, which doesn’t really count). Piss off the assistant AG. Piss off the Ukraine. Piss off the FBI. Piss off the CIA/NSA. How’s that working out for you Donnie?

    And anybody else seeing a pattern?

    • Anna Rompage

      He’s looking to hear those two glorious words “you’re fired” because he’s found presidenting is too hard…

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      also america’s cops if clarke indeed ends up doing “outreach” from the DHS.

      • Well good, nothing like having the cops sucking ties with the GOP finally severed

    • Bill D. Burger

      “We’re going to win people. We’re going to win so much. We don’t win any more. We’re going to win so much you’ll be sick of winning.”

    • laineypc

      I think we can include Israeli intelligence in that litany.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Silly me. Editing!

  • Anna Rompage

    Wow, I wonder if Paul Ryan made everyone super pinky swear on their reelection Republican Congressional Committee Funds, that they would promise that this was a super triple dog secret, and anyone found breaking this promise would have to sit right next to Donald the next time the was invited to participate in an event with him…

    • “Family” says it all.
      Party before fucking country. Protect the BRAND before anything else.

      • Anna Rompage

        I wish I could say the majority of the dems were better, but unfortunately, they are not…

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Sorry, I disagree heartily. The Democrats are not a bunch of grifting, pretend Christian, wealthy taint lickers, who commit treason (letter to Iran) because they didn’t like the mean black man that was sullying THEIR White House.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I say this with love, but I disagree. Sure, some Dems are awful what with being human. But the majority aren’t treasonous scum-monkeys.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He sounded exactly like Tony Soprano, and it sent a chill up my spine.

    • Count Awesome

      He may have made everyone pinky swear, but it is going to turn into a game of “Telephone” soon.

    • WomanInThePersistence
    • Master Contrail Program

      Pinky swear? As in cut off the tips of them? Oh wait, that’s the Yakuza.

      Yes, yes. Yakuza libelz.

  • Vecchioivan

    James Conway: Never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Flynn has apparently been shopping around for an amnesty deal for a few weeks. The fact that he hasn’t gotten one is pretty telling.

      Lock them up! Lock them up! Lock them up!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I guess the “or you’ll end up buried in the basement” is implied?

  • Nounverb911
    • Michael R

      Republican human is meant to make you lose hope in humanity .

    • BosGrl

      Trying to be relevant. Failing spectacularly.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Still managing to be a total asshole though.

    • Rick Hill

      Where is your gawd now, grifter man?

    • Point and Laugh.
      Your man is goin down, fat boy! Kill any dogs lately? hahahahahahahaha

    • jesterpunk

      Mike dont you have a pedophile and bigot to defend?

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Oh, Mike. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never, ever become a real boy. Just give up, okay?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Maybe we’ll luck out, and he’ll get to dodge some REAL bullets in crime ridden hellhole, and Obama stronghold of Chicongo.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Oh no. That would make the ignorami who think he’s a swell, likable good old boy think they were right about Chicago all along. Plus he’d be a martyr. Never give your enemy a martyr to rally around.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Here in Chicago we just LOVE it when some ignorant idiot who has no clue about what’s going on here or some of the reasons for the ongoing tragedy goes and runs their mouth. And here this hypocritical sociopath is making jokes about it? Dying slowly and alone is too good for him.

    • NellCote71

      Good lord. What an asshat.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Bwahaha, you are so fucking funny you squirrel eatjng cousinfucker. Suck a deep fried warthog anus, shitstain.

    • Master Contrail Program
    • SeeTrain65

      Mike Huckabee is to comedy as a brain tumor is to comedy.

      • h4rr4r

        Does this mean he will get a brain tumor? With votes of course.

        • SeeTrain65

          I an unable to confirm or deny this.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Mike Huckabee is the funniest Republican in the world.

    • The Wanderer

      Funny as a spring-loaded crutch.

    • Alan

      He might be the biggest idiot.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      Managing to be racist AND sexist–quite a feat for the human waste of space!

    • Left Coast Tom

      Well, Fuckabee, I doubt any Chicagoans actually asked you to speak in their city, so you have the perfectly good option of fucking off elsewhere.

    • get the fuck out of my city.

      asshole

  • pussygrabber in chief

    I know we’ve got Colbert and Oliver and Bee. And SNL. But damn, I’m really missing Jon Stewart right now.

    • I think he had to step down for his health. He looked AWFUL that last year.
      Still does not look quite right yet, but better

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Throw that shade, assholes … Robert Mueller:

    During his tenure, he oversaw prosecutions that included Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega, the Pan Am Flight 103 (Lockerbie bombing) case,[4] and the Gambino crime family boss John Gotti.

    https://cdn.meme.am/instances/72724403.jpg

    • yyyaz

      My hero.

  • bluicebank

    Conversation today at the White House caught on tape:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7lGGhHZSZs

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Wild Cat

      I’m pretty sure the Ochs and Sulzbergers are child fuckers and the Russians know it. The NYT is a pure Russian/GOP propaganda tool now. Blow, Krugman, and a few decent humans there should walk out.

    • h4rr4r

      Gee, I wonder why I am not subscribing to that paper.

    • …erm…what is with the twin towers?

      • janecita

        The 9/11 Independent Commission. They are just explaining the different types of investigations.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I don’t know. Famous investigative bodies we have known?

  • Nephilim

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,Hardy-har-har, ROFLMAO Oh Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck We are in the shit.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    YESSSSSSSSSS. The possibility of this whole shitshow managing to take down simpering weasel piece of shit fuckstain Paul Ryan as well is making my heart grow three sizes Grinch-style.
    Call me naive, but I am an incurable optimist. I think it was George Carlin who said that if you scratch a cynic you’ll find an idealist beneath the surface.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Saaaay, you know who else made a failed attempt at humor?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      every conservative ever?

      • yyyaz

        Yup.

    • yyyaz

      Every Replicant everywhere at every time?

    • Suse

      Mike Huckabee?

    • Wild Cat

      The Big Bang Theory’s writers?

    • SeeTrain65

      Jeff Dunham?

    • Wild Cat

      Edith Piaf?

    • Rick Hill

      It was me, wasn’t it? I swear I thought lesbian nuns in a satanic cult was a funny premise for a joke.

    • Doug Langley