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Nobody here is a very good investigator

As we noted yesterday, the Wingnuttosphere is going nuts over the evidence-free assertion that Seth Rich, a former Democratic National Committee staffer who was murdered last summer, was absolutely definitely 100% maybe the real source of Wikileaks’ purloined DNC documents, which of course means Russia never hacked nothing and they are our bestest friends, and also (probably) that Hillary Clinton is back to her murderous ways. All this is based on a story run by Fox’s DC affiliate, WTTG-TV (“Fox 5”), on Monday, with the sensational claim that Rod Wheeler, a private investigator working for Rich’s family, had found evidence Seth Rich was in communication with Wikileaks, and that the contacts had been corroborated by a federal investigator. Wow! Hot stuff! Except maybe not; CNN reports Wheeler admitted to them Tuesday that he learned of the “new evidence” from the WTTG reporter he spoke to, who then laundered that to be its own proof. (It is sort of like how the White House summoned House Intel Chair Devin Nunes to give him information that he could then give to the White House. In fact, it is exactly like that.)

But Tuesday afternoon, Wheeler told CNN he had no evidence to suggest Rich had contacted Wikileaks before his death.

Wheeler instead said he only learned about the possible existence of such evidence through the reporter he spoke to for the FoxNews.com story. He explained that the comments he made to WTTG-TV were intended to simply preview Fox News’ Tuesday story. The WTTG-TV news director did not respond to multiple requests for comment.

“I only got that [information] from the reporter at Fox News,” Wheeler told CNN.

Asked about a quote attributed to him in the Fox News story in which he said his “investigation up to this point shows there was some degree of email exchange between Seth Rich and Wikileaks,” Wheeler said he was referring to information that had already been reported in the media.

Huh. That is something less than compelling, we think. But hey, even though Wheeler has actually not seen any real evidence, he did talk to a guy who said it exists, as he told Sean Hannity in a bizarre interview Tuesday night:

Strangely, Wheeler never volunteers to Hannity that he’d told CNN earlier Tuesday that most of the stuff attributed to him by Fox 5 WAS ACTUALLY GIVEN TO HIM BY THE FOX 5 REPORTER, not the result of his own investigation. Hannity also seems not to notice at all that Wheeler acknowledges he’s never seen the computer or any emails on it, but he’s heard there might be, especially if Rich was in contact with Wikileaks. Not that he knows whether Rich was in contact with Wikileaks. Wheeler even acknowledges that, sure, it’s entirely possible that the DC Police are right, and that Rich died in a bungled robbery. Even when Hannity suggests there’s something very suspicious that Rich’s wallet and watch weren’t taken, Wheeler says that’s not so unusual — before rabbiting off on the possibility that other stuff might have been going on, too. Maybe. So despite the complete lack of evidence that Rich was a victim of Hillary Clinton’s death squads, it’s important to keep an open mind, you know?

NBC updated their story on Rich yesterday with further reporting on that computer:

Meanwhile, a current FBI official and a former one completely discount the Fox News claim that an FBI analysis of a computer belonging to Rich contained thousands of e-mails to and from WikiLeaks.

Local police in Washington, D.C., never even gave the FBI Rich’s laptop to analyze after his murder, according to the current FBI official.

And a former law enforcement official with first-hand knowledge of Rich’s laptop said the claim was incorrect. “It never contained any e-mails related to WikiLeaks, and the FBI never had it,” the person said.

As we noted yesterday, the Rich family issued a statement saying they had seen “no facts, seen no evidence, [and we have been approached with no emails] that suggested any link between their son and WikiLeaks. Brad Bauman, a spokesman for the Rich family, told CNN that rightwing news outlets

“have shown over and over again that they are willing to lie and manipulate the facts” to further “their own political end.”

“I think it’s important for everyone at Fox News to be careful with this information and how this story breaks because using the legacy of a murder victim in such an overtly political way is morally reprehensible,” he said.

Bauman also said the family was considering legal action against Wheeler, who’s being paid by a third party, for violating a contract that prohibited him from speaking to the media without their consent. For his part, Wheeler seems not to know what was in his contract:

Asked whether he was in breach of a contract, Wheeler said, “I don’t know, it’s hard to say.”

“I think that’s something I will have to work out with [the family],” he added.

That’s one detail-oriented investigator. CNN’s story also confirms Wheeler was put in touch with the Rich family by Texas financial adviser Ed Butowsky, who had previously denied to NBC that he had anything to do with Wheeler. Butowski sounds like quite a piece of work, too! Why had he denied his involvement when he spoke to NBC? “I didn’t want to talk to NBC,” he explained to CNN. Well OK then!

Butowski also said that while he’d offered to pay Wheeler’s expenses, Wheeler is investigating the case at no cost, so he hasn’t made any payments. Gee, you sort of have to wonder why a really top-notch investigator would work for free. Maybe he’s just that interested in the truth.

Or maybe he’s just that interested in being on TV, since it turns out Wheeler, a fired DC police officer, has a history of highly imaginative crime reporting for Fox, including the time he pulled his eyes back at the sides to explain that a Chinese rape suspect would have “eyes like this”:

Wheeler also joked, regarding a guy who got tasered — yes, the “Don’t tase me, bro!” guy — at a John Kerry speech in 2007, that “The guy should have been tasered. Anybody listening to John Kerry should have been tasered, first of all.”

But our favorite Wheeler story of all was his contention on Bill O’Reilly’s show in October of 2007 that a “national underground network” of lesbians packing pink pistols were roaming America, raping straight boys and forcing straight girls to become lesbians, at (pink) gunpoint:

“Well, you know, there is this national underground network, if you will, Bill, of women that’s lesbians and also some men groups that’s actually recruiting kids as young as 10 years old in a lot of the schools in the communities all across the country,” he reported. “And they actually carry a number of weapons. And they commit a number of crimes.”

He claimed he knew of at least 150 such gay crime gangs in the DC Metro area alone, and that they’re all over the country. And then he got to the pink guns:

“Now, the other thing, too, that our viewers are going to find very, very interesting, is the fact that they actually carry—some of these groups carry pink pistols,” Wheeler said. “They call themselves the pink-pistol-packing group. And these are lesbians that actually carry pistols. That’s 9-millimeter Glocks. They use these. They commit crimes, and they cause a lot of hurt to a lot of people.”

You may be shocked to know the Southern Poverty Law Center found no actual evidence of vast numbers of lesbian gangs running around with pink Glocks. Even though it was on TV!

Still, Fox is determined to ride The Seth Rich Did Wikileaks story as far as it can, which means probably until some other moron shows up with an even more ridiculous claim. Fox Business talker Lou “Yes I’m Still Employed Somehow” Dobbs also ran with the story Tuesday night, because there certainly hasn’t been anything else going on in the news. Dobbs and Fox News talking head Ed Rollins explained that Seth Rich’s family is obviously in on the cover-up, because don’t most people want to avoid the real truth about their son’s murder from coming to light?

Rollins: We begin with the motive, and the motive obviously was this was someone who took 40,000 documents out of the DNC and gave it to WikiLeaks. He’s murdered in the middle of the night. That’s a pretty straight line for most law enforcement to go find that and look for the evidence.

They’re basically trying to say it was a street crime, some guy stumbling out of a bar and gets murdered. Well, there’s been no murders in that neighborhood. You know, my sense is that this should be a big investigation, this should continue, and I think at the end of the day, you’ll find some other facts than they have today.

Dobbs: The fellow, Bauman, who is speaking for the family, he is — he is connected to the Democratic party, he’s doing pro bono work, but nonetheless, you have now a partisan shroud around the family. You have an investigation that is going nowhere. The department admits that. And the FBI investigator is the one who has a specific number, 44,053 emails that were transferred from his computer to WikiLeaks, and guess what? The police department, the federal investigators, none of them know where that computer is.

Oh, and the proof that Rich had taken 40,000 documents from the DNC? That mysterious, unnamed former FBI guy who knows stuff. Seems a bit unlikely, given that, as Yr Wonkette pointed out the first time this dumb story got traction in the loonosphere, Rich worked for the DNC on

voter expansion, which is a fancy way of saying he helped people find their polling place. At 27, Rich had only been working for the DNC since 2014, making it unlikely he’d even have access to any high-level information that would document some kind of nefarious plot to install Hillary Clinton as empress of the Earth.

But sure, now we know, from a guy who warns about pink gun lesbian crime gangs and gets his own investigative details from reporters who interview him, that this is all the Deep State trying to cover up where the DNC emails came from. Sure makes a lot more sense than relying on all the intelligence agencies in the government, doesn’t it?

[CNN / NBC News / Media Matters / Buzzfeed / SPLC]

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  • MynameisBlarney

    Goddamn, I fuckin hate Fox.

    • natoslug

      I don’t hate Fox, but I’ll feel better when they’re no longer around. (with apologies to C. Bukowski)

      • Celtic_Gnome

        They need to be sued as well. You can’t hide behind the First Amendment when you’re straight up lying.

  • canes_pugnaces

    As I have mentioned before, there was a brutal gangland murder on my block last summer. Initially, it was attributed to a Dominican drug deal run amok. Thanks to Fox we now know it was Hillary &*Podesta. Kill the kids, steal the drugs, sell them on the black market, use the cash to fund a pedophilia ring in the basement of Comet Pizza because, and here’s the best part, they don’t have a basement. Perfect crime. Pure Evil those Clintons.

    • jesterpunk

      Did Podesta kill them to hide the secret risotto recipe?

  • Joe Beese
  • Boscoe

    Fox is like physics: for every legit Trump story, there is an equal and opposite made up piece of shit about Hillary.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      “Isaac Newton is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice.”

      • Boscoe

        “Gravity” is FAKE NEWS!!!!1!11!!!

        Isaac Newton is part of the Deep State conspiracy keeping us from knowing the Earth is really flat!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “F=ma, I just thought of that the other day.”
        — Donald Trump

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Great man. Most people don’t even know he was a scientist, right? Does anyone know? A lot of people don’t know that.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          “Newton invented the conservative movement.”
          — Donald Trump

          “Do you mean conservation of momentum?”
          — A reporter

          “That’s what I said, after my historic electoral college victory, conservatives have tremendous momentum. And Newton predicted it, unlike the FakePolls.”
          — Donald Trump

          • Little Lulu Ω

            The Electoral College is one of the schools recently signed to play Liberty University in football next season.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          “Sir” Isaac Newton. Says who? I don’t know where he gets off. Mister Fancy Boy Newton. Weak.

      • OddMan

        You can buy his little fig cookies everywhere.

      • “Isaac Newton is great. You can catch his show on Friday afternoons at my trump hotel Vegas. Great show, always a big sellout”……

  • Treg Brown
  • Vincent Ricola

    At what point does the law allow for well-known but private citizen Hillary Clinton to start bringing defamation charges against well-known but fake news networks?

    • miss_grundy

      I really wish she would because nothing would make me happier than having her take multi-millions from Faux News and all the right-wing nut job sites out there.

  • dslindc

    Hillary emailed me once to see if I would join her death squads because being in DC, it would save on travel costs. I declined though because I was busy working for George Soros.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I heard positions are opening up in her new death squad super pac and rumor is that she’s letting us split time if we already work for Soros! That’s DOUBLE the protest payments.

  • Chadwells

    Is Rod Wheeler related to David Clarke….or are they just fucking? Seems like that could be a thing.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      It is on Pornhub.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I’m reposting, because accurate:
    https://twitter.com/jbendery/status/864860013495549952

  • Turgid Love Skwerl

    You may be shocked to know the Southern Poverty Law Center found no actual evidence of vast numbers of lesbian gangs running around with pink Glocks. Even though it was on TV!

    I rented that movie once. I think it was Troma’s Pink Lesbian Gangs in Heat.

    • goonemeritus

      Who doesn’t like a good cautionary tale of Lesbian totalitarianism?

  • exinkwretch

    I’m reserving comment until America’s greatest journalist, Jim Hoff, weighs in on this.

  • Oneofthebobs

    When is Hannity going to make Hillary’s hit list?

    • Vincent Ricola

      She’s got to finish taking out low-level nobodies that have zero power to do anything anywhere before she moves on to the big hits.

    • exinkwretch

      “Danger” is Sean’s middle name, right between “Asswipe” and “Dumbfuck.” He’s far too busy searching for the truth to be worried. By “searching for the truth,” I mean “rimming Trump 24/7.”

      • miss_grundy

        Rimming? More like sticking his head up Dolt 45’s anus! What more can you expect from a couple of stupid, racist, bigoted assholes from Queens.

      • leemoder

        Adding “Grundle”, “Gooch” and “Taintmarshall Skidmark”.

    • Darlene Underdahl

      How did she miss Anthony Weiner?

  • Edith Prickly

    I sense an Infowars Special Correspondent gig in his future.

  • dslindc

    Clickhole has recently rebranded as PatriotHole. Perhaps this “investigator” could apply to work there! http://www.clickhole.com

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Tell us more about what is going on in RWNJ World, NYT link:

    Pushing back against the biggest threat so far to Donald Trump’s young presidency, his most fervent supporters are building alternative narratives to run alongside the “mainstream media” account — from relatively benign diversions to more bizarre conspiracies.

    “They’re going to say that Donald Trump has Alzheimer’s,” said the president’s friend and longtime associate Roger Stone, who made an online video laying out how the president’s own cabinet could trigger a never-used provision of the Constitution’s 25th Amendment to stage a coup on the grounds that Mr. Trump is mentally unsound. “This is the game plan. Watch carefully,” Mr. Stone swore…

    With varying degrees of credibility and credulity, conservatives have fed stories that Mr. Trump is the victim of sabotage by an adversarial intelligence community full of Trojan horse holdovers from the Obama administration.

    “There is someone burrowed into the intelligence community who wants to hurt Trump,” the conservative author and radio host Laura Ingraham warned.

    There’s more, but you get the point…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/713868f09cd6fbf0c00253640b60959177b057363d51905dc63a3c2494a9e946.jpg

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      This makes sense as Obama was an incompetant criminal mastermind that was going to take everybody’s guns away by loosening gun restrictions, and faking his birth certificate while still an infant, and Jade Helming people in underground labor camps between Walmarts, and the REAL RACIST.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Wing and a prayer. Silly putty doesn’t stretch that far.”

    • artem1s

      I kind of think this is what the GOPers have been counting on all along. That twittler’s stooges would go tin foil hat again and blame ‘them’ (DNC, Killary, Billary, chem trails, et al) for taking down their dear leader. It was a pretty stock go-to excuse for Crazy Uncle Liberty Ron Paul never, ever making it to the finals of the GOP primaries.

      • kindness

        Yea but what you bet Trump has instructed his driver to avoid all grassy knolls?

  • Joe Beese
    • Chadwells

      Well, Kelly…you’re already falling on it…so let me know when you’re done.

    • PubOption

      Did Donnie rattle the saber, while muttering something about North Korea?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      NOT FUNNY!

    • cmd resistor

      Man, between that and Trump’s sucky speech, those graduates should demand a do-over ceremony.

  • Michael Smith

    Thus, the new Golden Rule of American politics: If it sells advertisements, its true.

  • miss_grundy

    I’m sorry I had to stop reading the article because the derp from Faux News is just too much. I hope Seth Rich’s family hits the D.C. Fox News affiliate and FNC with a multi-million dollar lawsuit and drags that propagandist network through the mud, including all of the anchors and pundits who would impugn this young man’s character because these people have absolutely no shame.

  • Treg Brown
  • Joe Beese
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Actually, Sean, only one person is trying to destroy Trump. It is Trump.

    • ArgieBargie

      6 – Trump himself.

    • 3FingerPete

      7 – Underpants Gnomes

      • Nockular cavity

        8 – Americans.

    • miss_grundy

      Actually, no Fuckface. Dolt 45 is doing a very good job all by himself of destroying his own presidency. And not only do I want him to continue to do so but I also want him to walk into handcuffs and be charged with treason by his own actions. And after he is found guilty that he is walked to the execution wall so that the sentence can be passed. And by the time that happens, everyone in the line of succession will be tarred with the same treason brush and they will all end up just like him and THEN FINALLY, we can get back to having an adult in the Oval Office.

    • yyyaz

      Damn! Why doesn’t our wonket ever make the list? I feel slighted.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      What he means to say is da Jooz.

    • Pre-existing Ugly Dude

      …and the Unions. SIX groups.
      AMONG the groups are the media, the deep state, the democrats, republicans the never Trumpers, the unions, and the chartered accountants. DAMN.
      Start over.

  • Clyde Barrow

    To be Fair & Balanced™, it’s just a wee bit early to start sniveling about the ‘War on Christmas’, so the dead horse that is the Clinton Red Herring will just have to keep the ratings afloat over at Foxsnooze.

  • schmannity

    Since Fox claimed during the campaign that Hillary was dying from inoperable brain cancer, suffered near-continuous seizures, and was unable to navigate stairs, she must have had a remarkable recovery before her Ninja-like slaying of a DNC staffer.

    • Boscoe

      Time travel, obviously.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “My Thirst for Murder is the only thing that gets these old, frail bones out of bed in the morning.”
      — Hillary Clinton, Fox alternate universe edition

    • Lulu Mac
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Honestly, they must think she’s some kind of horrifying hybrid of Eleanor Iselin and the head-spewing demon-possessed kid from The Exorcist.

    • Crystalclear12

      You know, with the whole Republican projection issue, now we know what’s wrong with Trump.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Wheeler even acknowledges that, sure, it’s entirely possible that the DC Police are right, and that Rich died in a bungled robbery. Even when Hannity suggests there’s something very suspicious that Rich’s wallet and watch weren’t taken, Wheeler says that’s not so unusual

    It really isn’t. Robbers typically don’t want to actually kill people. But sometimes they panic, pull the trigger, and then flee because they don’t want to go down for felony murder.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      you’re just a liberal lawyer, who has years of experience working in criminal law. Obviously you’re in on the coverrup!

      -Conspira-trolls.

  • ArgieBargie

    I didn’t realize Hillary was still running for President.

    I’m beginning to think Wingnuts don’t know how/when to fuck off.

    • Proud Liberal

      It’s their safe space. They can’t handle the truth!

    • Boscoe

      Also too, Obama is sometimes still President! It’s amazing!

    • JohnBull

      Well, MAYBE if Trump got out there and told us he won…

  • Cats for Clinton

    Ahh, lesbian gangs with pink pistols . . . He’s so cute. Can we keep him?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I’d like to meet these roving lesbian gangs. They sound like wild people to hang around with.

      • msanthropesmr

        I think Suzi Quattro is a.member.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Tonight on FoxNews at the movies: “I Was a Gunpoint Lesbian”

    • Boscoe

      Nope, he’s going to “a farm upstate” where he can frolic and play…

  • goonemeritus

    So you are saying Hillary fired Comey to hush this up?

  • schmannity

    Pink Pistol Pussy Posse sounds like a Hannity fantasy.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I’m seeing a big production number where Lord Dampnut is tarred and feathered on the stage in the big finale.

      • schmannity

        Springtime for Trump!

      • yyyaz

        Don’t leave out his golden shower. Please?

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Yaaaaaasssssss.

  • Joe Beese
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Also whining that ABC is biased because Tim Allen doesn’t get to stay on TV no more.

      • empf

        My 77 year old dad stopped watching it because it got “too political “. A 77 year old liberal stopped watching Tim Allen’s dumb show because of politics. I wonder how many others did the same.

      • JohnBull

        When you consider part of his astronomical salary went to coke anyway, I can see why they shelved it. And Hector Elizondo was the only funny guy on the show.

    • Wild Cat

      Fuck! He’s cruising again!

  • ariel_gee_398

    I’d like to laugh at the irony of Donnie whining about the unfair treatment he gets from the media while his favorite “news” channel is trying to exploit a family who lost their son for political gain. Maybe once I stop screaming in rage I can…

    • Carpe Vagenda

      He was also the one who sacrificed the most compared to the Khan familly. They only lost a child. He created jobs. Granted he created them for undocumented foreigners and third world factory workers, but he created them.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        how is it i had forgotten about that DUMBFUCK comment from Trump?

        • La forza del resistino

          His sacrifice was learning he had to pay the people for their labor.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Needle in a haystack?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    That asshole Joe “you lie” Wilson got himself pasted on CSpan.

    https://twitter.com/RawStory/status/864903436298539008

    • Wild Cat

      He’s still alive? I thought inbred racists died fairly young, like the other inferior vermin they are kin to.

      • JohnBull

        Not young enough.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Yes, unless they have healthcare through their employer.

  • Joe Beese
  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    oh god, the conspira-trolls are going to be back again aren’t they? I can’t spend all day today fighting trolls (like I did yesterday).

    DAMMIT WONKETTE!

    ; )

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      It’s good exercise! Builds stamina!

  • Crystalclear12

    Hey, the river of denial has to be feed.
    And bullshit is easier to float on.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Pink Glock….I’d go see their show.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “All this time we thought we needed serial harassment ogres to suck this hard…but they’re gone and we still suck. Live and learn…”
    — FoxNews

  • OT: Is drumpf jr. Beavis or Butthead? I forget which is which:

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/don-jr-suggests-trump-comey-memo-true

  • Crank Tango
    • Carpe Vagenda

      Fun fact: there’s a line of paint that makes your gun look like a children’s toy named after Mike Bloomberg.

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      Do we need any more proof. Wake up Sheeple!

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    More like “Buttinski.”

    Thanks, I’m here all week.

  • Wild Cat

    Another self-genocidal hustler . . .

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    I hope the family sues his ass off.

  • Ralph Gauer

    Again…. I got no more “Ewww”s left to give.

  • TJ Barke

    What the actual fuck? Who would ever refer to themselves as the pink pistol packing group?

    • Thaumaturgist

      Wonketeers. Wonketeers would refer to themselves as the pink pistol packing group. With votes.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      tell me that phrase doesn’t sound like something a 4 year old would make up when they want to tell you a story.

      • TJ Barke

        You know it.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I was thinking the exact same thing.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      The Pink Pistol-Packing Panzer Pussy Patrol.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      The Prominent Predatory Pink Pistol-Packing Pussy-Pants Patrol would like to have a word with you, son. Pronto.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      There is a gay group called the Pink Pistols that advocates guns for gays. Their motto is “An armed homosexual doesn’t get bashed.”

  • BearGHAZI

    I’ve never seen a lesbian with a pink pistol, but I can hypothesize EXACTLY where they are hiding them

  • Pre-existing Ugly Dude

    Why are private investigators still a thing? It seems like everything Sam Spade and Jim Rockford used to do (looking up documents, following people) can be done just as effectively with technology and the interwebs.

  • Daniel Hooper

    So an investigator can’t even solve the mystery that is his contract? Might make one question how good he is at his job right there…

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      great point:
      “i can totally solve a murder with no evidence or witnesses, but woo-boy, don’t ask me to explain whether I broke a contract. that’s complicated!”

      Sigh.

  • Nockular cavity

    Sure, this guy’s a ghoul and a complete knob, but he deserves some kind of credit for “women that’s lesbians.”

  • Indivisible Snark Tank

    I’ve always said that if I were King, I’d pass a law legalizing just about any firearm you want. But they’d all have to be painted like Hello Kitty. Let’s see the NRA bitch about gun control then.

    • Lulu Mac

      I would love to hear the creative legal arguments on how pink paint schemes were obviously thought to infringe on the right to keep and bear arms by the founding fathers

      • Michael Smith

        The NRA would file an amicus brief saying something like “In regards to self defense, the chief purpose of the gun in prevention of crime is not its use as a direct weapon, but as a signal of intimidation. Therefore, the more intimidating a firearm is in appearance, less is the likelihood that it will be fired and cause injury or death. In essence, requiring firearms to adhere to a Hello Kitty design scheme will lead to more gun deaths.”

        • Shanzgood

          Oh, very good!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I think they would make a freedom of speech argument”

        “The look of my gun is a personal statement.”

        “So, what you’re saying is, I just want a long black cylinder to hold onto?”

    • Mpeg
    • Latverian Diplomat

      “The problem with that regulation is, if you lay your assault rifle on top of your dakimakura, it blends right in. You may not find it until you reach for a cuddle with your Otaku.”
      — A perfectly normal NRA member

    • Bozilingus

      If toy guns are regulated to have red tips to distinguish them from real guns, then why not use your plan, also, too.

    • Mr. Blobfish
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Fox – Morally Reprehensible in News

  • empf

    I hope the family sues Fox and Wheeler.

  • artem1s

    yep, all the dumbasses in the world who have been BREAKING NEWS about Killary’s evil plans have to wait to get murdered by the she-devil because she’s got her hands full with some 27 year old staffer who googles polling places for the blahs. If only she had waiting and gone to Wisconsin instead! /FFS

  • Latverian Diplomat

    In fairness, CNN would probably be ignoring the Trump story too if there were any shark attacks, plane crashes or white woman disappearances to cover.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    I look forward to another extremely boring series of conserva-trolls who come in to tell us why a random DNC staffer is dead but, somehow, Anthony Weiner is still alive.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Anthony Weiner is still alive.

      Along with James Comey, Bernie Sanders, Jill Stein, and the entire staffs of Fox News, Breitbart, and InfoWars.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      This is going to be amazing.

  • proudgrampa

    Are you fucking kidding me???

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Nope. Great study in contrasts last night. CNN, MSNBC and CNBC had chryons talking about the Comey memo. Tucker’s show, at the same time, was talking about the Clinton Foundation.

  • La forza del resistino

    I’m going with the Vince Foster escaped from his pizza parlor basement shackles and did the deed theory.

    • Boscoe

      Look, a murder happened and Hillary exists. QED, muthafukkaz!!

      • 3FingerPete

        Obama’s grandmother died two days before he was elected! Do I hafta draw you a diagram?

    • JohnBull

      And they’re keeping him in a Jade Helm tunnel under a Wal Mart in Las Cruces.

  • OddMan

    Tucker Carlson says no to investigations until the Men’s bathroom at Penn Station is cleaned. Really, he said that, he seemed quite concerned about the Men’s bathroom at Penn Station.
    https://twitter.com/CoreyinNYC/status/864882942270746624

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      The late-night public bathroom jokes just kind of write themselves, don’t they?

    • mackafritz

      Why hasn’t his head imploded due to the vacuum?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      and they said hillary and obama were out of touch.
      “The train station I leave from every day is dirty! wahhhh.”

      Snowflake.

      • How can he possibly afford to live in Manhattan on his salary, huh.

    • Vincent Ricola

      He’s so repulsive.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I didn’t realize the DOJ’s remit included janitorial duties…

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        apparently, the U.S. government, largest employer in the U.S. functions about the same as a small restaurant.

    • JohnBull

      Everyone’s attacking Carlson about bathrooms. Let’s see YOU try to score an angry handy-j in a rank bathroom and try to preserve the memory.

    • Michael Smith

      Guess you gotta make your stand somewhere.

      • Crank Tango

        It’s a very wide stance indeed.

      • I’m vacillating on wide, but I’m fully on board with the far part.

    • jesterpunk
    • snark-lurker

      mebbee he slipped in his own santorum

    • cmd resistor

      In that picture at least, his mouth has the same strange shape as Trump’s. Maybe all of his pics do. I try to avoid looking at them.

    • Crank Tango

      I would have had him pegged for more of a Port Authority kinda guy.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Report: McMaster Didn’t Realize Import Of Classified Intel Trump Gave Russians

    McMaster in CYA mode.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      It gives me such a feeling of confidence that the National Security Advisor doesn’t know what’s going on!

      • Boscoe

        -And HE’S the “competent” one!

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

        • Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I’m just glad his integrity remains unsullied.

    • McMaster: I’m in Importing and Exporting.

  • Bozilingus
    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      I am constantly surprised by the inventiveness of the sex toy industry.

      • Bozilingus

        The picture of the 4 dildo guns was from an article about the protest of guns on Texas college campuses.

        • Shanzgood

          That’s what I was hoping!

      • MynameisBlarney
        • snark-lurker

          now THAT is… …something…something…else

          • MynameisBlarney

            Aye…it’s The Anal Intruder

          • snark-lurker

            i never wanna see one in active doody

    • snark-lurker

      me sez nuttin cuz i wood get in trouble with the ladies here

    • Shanzgood

      What is WRONG with people?!

      • snark-lurker

        : )

        • Shanzgood

          YOU be quiet!

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        You got a couple hours?

        • Shanzgood

          IT HAD A FOOT PEDAL

      • Crank Tango

        Suction cups a bit too much?

        • Shanzgood

          I didn’t notice that.

          Wow, people are amazing.

          • snark-lurker

            why are you blushing?

          • Shanzgood

            That’s just what color I am!

          • snark-lurker

            woooo

          • Crank Tango

            Well, otherwise it will just skitter about the room, dildoing at the air.

          • snark-lurker

            unless the crab-walker is deployed

        • Shanzgood

          Here’s a good use for one:

          https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tyy44g4eBzA

          • Crank Tango

            Reminds me of my favorite collision repair porn, but without all the Bondo.

          • snark-lurker

            i not clicken on that

          • Shanzgood

            It’s funny!

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      And every last one of those is still bigger than anything the 2A nutz are packing.

      • Bozilingus

        Nothing bigger than a Derringer, I’ll bet.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I like how level and well-placed they are on the wall though. Someone out there put in a lot of work getting their gun dildo display just right.

    • jesterpunk

      The sad thing is those are illegal in public in Texas but carrying a gun isn’t.

    • therblig

      so there is a legitimate need for cock holsters?

    • snark-lurker

      these things are not sxclusive to lesbeans

  • Michael Smith

    Yes, the Clinton murder is their current distraction. And whenever they feel obliged to discuss the myriad crimes and scandals in the White House, the story from Fox is that the liberal media is lying about all of it and getting information illegally. In addition, they usually throw in some stories about a veteran helping an old lady cross the street, or police officers volunteering to play basketball games with orphaned children.

    Then some people taking money from a GOP funded organization go into the comments sections and connect the dots for people too dense to understand the implications of the propaganda: “SEE?!! And the liberal media would like us to believe that all police and soldiers are EVIL! Shame on liberals for destroying this country.”

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I’m beginning to think Fox is doing the rest of us a service. Inadvertently. By keeping trump’s base placated and docile for a couple more months, the gangrenous rot of Trumpism will spread deeper into the GOP body. I’d much prefer GOP death over an amputation of a Trump.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • CindyinEncinitas

      I’ll believe it when I hear the handcuffs clink shut.

  • DrBigHead

    Its easy to scoff at the complete idiocy of stories like this, then I remind myself that the Fox viewership wholeheartedly believe this, and that is not an insignificant number of people. And that is frightening. And I am sure that fact is what is keeping the Repubs from moving on Trump.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      On the other hand, if they’re forced to dredge up Hillary Clinton stuff they must be desperate. Were this a normal Trump scandal this story would distract for long enough for the next to come up, but this one at long last has some legs.

      • Vincent Ricola

        This. The more desperate and insane the Fox story, the bigger the GOP trouble.

    • Proud Liberal

      It should be against the law to report the trash they report but, the courts disagree with me.

    • Marceline

      We’ll never get our democracy back until we find some way to destroy Fox News. I fear that will never happen.

      • yyyaz

        The steady march to the right of all the other corporate media worries me even more.

      • Maclare

        They are slowly imploding… too slowly though.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      While it’s not an insignificant number of people, it’s also not a significant number. Research has shown Fox has about 20 million regular daily viewers. The three network nightly news shows have 60 million regular viewers, and 60 Minutes usually has 30 million regular viewers.

      If the mainstream media didn’t report on what Fox told their viewers, very few people in America would be aware of it.

  • High Times magazine claimed people on Wall Street got the best drugs (because they were willing to pay top dollar), but apparently even the best drugs wear off and you come back down to Earth…
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/36c29009183f1cbd2faf447ebd08c237ad988d0527a47dee3dfcf4bd2ff1eed5.png

    • JohnBull

      If most of us hadn’t cashed in our mutual funds to pay rent, this would mean something.

    • Joe Beese

      Amusingly, just yesterday on Marketplace, they did a story on “Why are the markets unruffled by the Trump shit-show?”

  • Marceline

    Everything about this situation is heartbreaking. The Pizzagate crowd is turning Seth Rich into Chris Stevens. They are amoral and will torment anyone in service of their frenzied hatred.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      I literally just scrolled down to say the same thing. They are feasting on the dead, like some kind of cannibals. They have no souls.

      • jodyleek

        Zombies gonna zombie.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      What’s worse is that their paranoid delusions can only expand. Family tells these assholes to fuck off? THEY MUST BE IN ON IT.

      • Oily Messiah

        Got paid off by the Clinton’s no doubt. *cue incoming concern trolls*

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        I don’t even think they are delusions–I think they are deliberate lies. The problem is they are talking to mentally ill people, who actually believe them. There is no bar too low for them. There is nothing they will not stoop to. They all need to be in prison.

      • Boscoe

        Clearly the “family” are the same actors they always use in their false flags!

      • jesterpunk

        Its deflection, they are bringing up this story again because Trump fucked up really bad. The deplorables on reddit are spreading it too so this takes up more of the news then Trump’s fuckups like firing Comey to end the Russian investigation or giving classified info to Russia.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Considering Hillary isn’t even a political player anymore, I sincerely doubt that this one will distract anyone that doesn’t want to be distracted.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      If I ever supported a Trumpian “opening up the libel laws” it would be for people like these. This family didn’t ask to be in the public eye- they were forced there because they lost their child. They should be left in peace.

      • aureolaborealis

        I don’t think any opening of the libel laws would be necessary here; they are not public figures.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I don’t know enough about the libel laws to know how that works. I also think it’s terrible that a grieving family was victimized by a publicity hound “investigator”

  • therblig

    any lesbian gang worth the name would call themselves the “pink pistol packing pussy patrol”. alliteration is important when crafting an identity.

    • Boscoe

      But only “lesbians” on Cinemax would carry pink weapons.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        They would also have long fingernails, which I never understood.

        • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

          That made me cringe…. I have NEVER understood that one. It’s… beyond painful.

          • therblig

            how do they even pull the triggers…uh, never mind

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            I dated a woman who was a soft butch but identified as femme (I never understood the point of these butch-femme declarations, but whatever). She had long fingernails and once she went to brush a stray piece of fluff off of my collar or something and sliced my chin open. I made her cut them before we had sex. She was really bitter about it, but I didn’t want to know what those Edward Scissorhands were going to do to my lady garden.

          • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

            Long fingernails are a no-go in my house. When my g/f’s nails start to grow a little too much, I get nervous.

    • Goposaur

      As they make conservatives faint, they should shorten the name to Syncope.

      5 “P”s
      cinco p

      geddit, geddit?

      I’ll see myself out.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Okay, so this is all Clinton derangement syndrome with these people? The ship is on fire and they’re wanting us to ignore the petulant child with the smoking matches in his hand and focus on the mermaid we passed last year. I just can’t even with this shit.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      She reminds them of MOM and MOM was so mean that time she tried to make us take our diarrhea medicine! We want to be soaking in our feces! WE HATE MOM!

      • Joe Beese

        Mom has a lot to answer for.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Apparently. I mean, holy christ! Hillary Clinton will be dead and in the ground and they’ll still be trashing her for the horrible crime of being an uppity vagina haver who dared to be smart enough to run for president.

        To hell with these vultures!

        • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

          It’s such a pathetic mommy-obsession, so revealing of how weak and terrified these assholes are.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            I think that’s my revulsion to them. My mom raised me, she taught me how to live. She taught me the value of work and how to be a critical thinker. I loved her, still do. More importantly, I respected her. I will always hold her in high esteem even as I get older and start to reflect back, I see the flaws. Seven years dead, and all that has changed is that I love her more for her humanity,

            I admit, I see a lot of Clinton in my own mother. She reminds me of her in all the good ways. I don’t idealize her either. She’s human and by definition, flawed.

          • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

            Exactly!! I loved how Louis CK embraced it and went even further: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/louis-ck-hillary-clinton-mom_us_58193eb5e4b07c97c1c54ba1

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Hey, they still trash Teddy Kennedy whenever a Republican gets caught in a sex scandal.

      • RazorBack

        Hmmm….

        Funny you should mention that, as it reminds me of a rather traumatic story of domestic abuse about an incident just like that one involving a certain male whose last name just happens to be “male” spelled backwards.

        Apparently this incident led this certain “male” up the steep, winding mountain path of “activism”, a path so hard that he has to sometimes “fuck their shit up”, and refuse to let “them”, um, give him oral gratification (even though they really really really really want to) in his undying quest for equal rights and justice.

        /s

        • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

          Yes, that was exactly what I was referring to. It couldn’t be more textbook pathetic if he tried.

  • Joe Beese
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Since it is always projection with these folks, I’m going to assume that Hannity killed Rich.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Or the Russians, who had a much better motive if Mr. Rich found out about the hacks. Also too, a much broader history of assassinating people in that exact way.

      But that’s not true because I just made it up like a common redditor, even though it sounds right and makes much more sense than the weak Hillary did it claim.

  • Robert James Nugent

    “I only got that [information] from the reporter at Fox News,” Wheeler told CNN. Circular firing squad.

  • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

    You guys. This whole piece is so horrifyingly accurate.

    “He is something more terrifying than a child. Children can learn. The Trump presidency is the discovery that what you thought was a man in a bear suit is just a bear. Suddenly the fact that he wouldn’t play by the rules makes total sense. It wasn’t that he refused to, that he was playing a long game. It was that he was a wild animal who eats fish and climbs trees, and English words were totally unintelligible to him. In retrospect, you should have suspected that after he just straight-up ate a guy. But at the time everyone cheered. It was good TV. Also, he was your bear.”

    You have to read the whole thing–it gets better.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2017/05/17/the-president-is-not-a-child-hes-something-worse/?tid=hybrid_collaborative_3_na&utm_term=.3e4bdd4294fe

    • Mumen Rider Justice CRASH!

      Awesome. I really enjoyed this one too:

      “…but Trump’s statements don’t necessarily come from anywhere, lead anywhere or have a permanent reality beyond his wish to be liked at any given instant.

      “We’ve got this perverse situation in which the vast analytic powers of the entire world are being spent trying to understand a guy whose thoughts are often just six fireflies beeping randomly in a jar”

      https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/15/opinion/trump-classified-data.html?src=me&ref=general

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        Yes, six fireflies beeping randomly in a jar, brilliant turn of phrase!!!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      So, he’s a scorpion and we are all frogs?

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        No, he’s a frog and we’re forgetting we’re scorpions.

  • This is what happens when you don’t have a robust mental health care infrastructure. THANKS RAY-GUN!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Let’s not let the Dems or liberals off the hook for that one: deinstitutionalization was a bipartisan effort of Dickensian cruelty, stupidity, laziness, ignorance, and lack of foresight.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Preachin’ to the choir on this one. I deal with this shit on a daily basis.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Saw this down thread…but what the ever loving fuck?!?! The fucking NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR whom is also a LT. GENERAL didn’t know the importance of classified Intel?!?!? Who is that even possible??

    “Report: McMaster Didn’t Realize Import Of Classified Intel Trump Gave Russians”

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/nbc-mcmaster-did-not-realize-significance-of-trump-classified-info-russia

    • jowgajen

      I think this is plausible.

      • Chadwells

        You mean in terms of these incompetent buffoons or that this could happen to anyone?

        • jowgajen

          Nah. McMasters isn’t the best candidate for NSA, he’s the best candidate available. Few people were willing to work for the Trumpster Fire White House. McMasters is capable, but out of his depth at moment, and focussed on distractions rather than learning his new role.

    • jesterpunk

      That excuse wouldnt fly at any job in the country or in any court in the world. “I didnt know i wasnt supposed to give out company secrets” will still get your ass fired.

  • Joe Beese

    Dead Bretibart, which apparently holds a much different estimation of Walnuts than we do.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f4d780817d9aaae1ceca54a1b65d0a7e2cfc2e13e93becebbd63a0fc2617d7d5.png

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Rock out with your nuts out, McCain!

    • JoeChristmas

      Wait, I thought McCain was the rogue! Either way, he voted for Devo’s and the Perjurer General. Enough said.

    • jodyleek

      Whatever threat Walnuts! made, expect him to back peddle it in 3, 2, 1…

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I thought McCain’s war injuries left him unable to raise his arms.

      Couldn’t be a better nearly literal vignette of this whole shitshow:

      McCain isn’t knifing you; you walked right into it.

  • BigCSouthside

    Out of curiosity, what the fuck did the clintons do to be so hated? He was a pretty good president who liked hummers from not his wife, and she is a smart ambitious lady who has served well at basically every level of government.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      He was a DECENT MAN WHO TRIED TO HELP AMERICANS, and she had a VAGINA! I thought it was clear!

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Ehhhhh, I like Hillary, but Bill Clinton’s claim to being a decent man is… complicated. At the very least, he has really questionable personal judgment.

    • MynameisBlarney

      They were competent and excelled at making republicans look like the fools they are.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Their major crime was proving that trickle-down economics is complete bullshit, and if you RAISE taxes on the wealthy, THAT’s what really stimulates the economy.

      Everything else is just window dressing.

    • Boscoe

      You do realize you just answered your own question, right?

    • jesterpunk

      She was a women who wouldnt make cookies and sammiches.

      https://qz.com/762881/the-blatantly-sexist-cookie-bake-off-that-has-haunted-hillary-clinton-for-two-decades-is-back/

      “If I ever entertained the idea of voting for Bill
      Clinton, the smug bitchiness of his wife’s comment has nipped that
      notion in the bud.” Then add the annoyance of homemakers like Cindy Berg
      of La Crosse, Wis.: “I resent the implication that those of us who stay
      at home just bake cookies. We hardly have the time!”

    • Swampgas_Man

      Because librul demoncrats.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      “smart, ambitious lady”, describe everything conservatives hate.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Is this the major bombshell that Hannity that blathering about a few weeks ago when they fired all his Fox buddies? Or is there more? God, please tell me this is as low as he sinks.

  • OddMan

    First of all the pink gun of choice among the enlightened sex is “The Judge” it’s a little short barrel thing that shots a .410 shotgun shell. Advertised as perfect for women at close range, no need to aim, just point it at his balls and fire. Does have a hell of a kick I bet. PS image came out wonky.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/48d5a97b678a42e242b7d3a6b15b48c81e9fc6ca609c8a1021fd6a0d51e0c6e8.jpg

  • But our favorite Wheeler story of all was his contention on Bill O’Reilly’s show in October of 2007 that a “national underground network” of lesbians packing pink pistols were roaming America, raping straight boys and forcing straight girls to become lesbians, at (pink) gunpoint

    Great, now everyone knows my pitch for the next great HBO series.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    okay guys, I have stuff to do. stop being funny, smart, and sexy for just an hour, kay?

    ; )

  • BearLeft

    Serving up fact-free “news” for way too fucking long.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The only one that can stop a bad pink pistol packing group is a good pink pistol packing group.

  • Wheeler insisted in his Hannity interview that as a good investigator, you have to keep every possibility open. So I’m waiting for his return visit tonight, where he will discuss the more plausible theory that Rich’s murder was committed by General Flynn in order to cover-up their the campaign’s deep ties with Russia.

    Why won’t Hannity ask the real questions!!!!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The bodies of dead Polish prisoners were dressed up like Hillary and left at the Gleiwitz radio station.

    • WeaselPoo

      Nicely done!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Someone prolly said this ‘ready, but if it ’twere Hillary, criminal genius, who tried to make Rich’s murder look like a robbery… why would her people have forgotten to take the wallet? *They* would be the ones that wouldn’t forget a detail like that.

    #pinkpistolpackinpussypleasin’progressive

  • anwisok
    • Parakeetist

      Hey!

      • anwisok

        What!

  • LeftyProud

    Gawd, the Trumptsers are all “CNN is telling lies that this is not real!

  • Reximus
    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      They did. Ketchup.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Hannity is a sociopath. He doesn’t give a shit about what he says.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Or he’s just a plain old whore.

      • jodyleek

        Why not both?

  • Fucking assholes called the family of this murdered man partisan.
    FOR REAL.
    There is not enough levels in hell for these assholes

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      That’s, oddly, the one possible upside of this. Dobbs fucked that up. There’s some lines you just don’t cross, and saying that the family would cover up Hillary’s involvement because they’re Democrats or liberals is too far even for Fox’s viewers (you’re certainly allowed to insinuate, but Dobbs is too dumb for that). It’ll live on at Breitbart and in the fever swamps because the Internet breeds assholes, but I don’t think Fox can carry this too much further.

      • Relativicus

        Assumes facts not in evidence.

      • CripesAmighty

        Nothing. Nothing is too far for Fox viewers (except icky gay whatnot).

  • Ryan Denniston

    Too bad the big international trip has Trump so busy. Perhaps we can look forward to a few tweets about how Hillary Fostered this poor guy when he gets back. Also how hard it is to win the electoral college and the unfair media, especially the Failing New York Times.

  • Michael R

    Attention stupid fucking conspiracy theorists : PROVE IT !!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OULLiXkwVck

  • CripesAmighty

    Lesbians ravishing unsuspecting men at the point of pink Glocks? Damn, how’d I miss out on that action?

    • chicken thief

      That was one of my favorite letters to the Penthouse Forum!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Young ladies and gentlemen are lining up to claim that you have depraved and despoiled them. Certain other ladies and gentlemen are complaining bitterly because you haven’t depraved and despoiled them.”

      • Gregory Brown

        Not to mention debauched them.

  • chicken thief

    “Rich had only been working for the DNC since 2014,making it unlikely he’d even have access to any high-level information…

    Hey, Trump has been Preznit for only about 110 days, but he knows all sorts of cool Israeli sekkrits to share with the Sergeys.

  • Khavrinen

    “using the legacy of a murder victim in such an overtly political way is morally reprehensible”

    “Fair and Balanced”, “Morally Reprehensible”; to-may-to, to-mah-to…

  • WeaselPoo

    In Theory, evidence and ‘evidence are different things but in practice they are different things also too,,,,but if you cancel out the two different things and also move ‘evidence’ to the left of the decimal point and evidence to the right and then change the decimal to an = , you get a developing story that “someone should look into”. See?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I was told there would be no math.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      actually, in the bizarro world of law, you’re right. i posted a law definition of evidence – which differs from scientific evidence in that not all evidence is admitted.

  • Tj McGee Wright

    Desperate much?

  • Jamoche

    “because using the legacy of a murder victim in such an overtly political way is morally reprehensible”

    Y’know that scene at the end of the first GotG where they’ve all been pardoned and Rocket can’t quite grasp the concept of “not stealing anymore”? Imagine the same whooshing noise happening over the heads of Fox News reporters.

  • chicken thief

    Does dumb fuck Hannity realize the super powers he and his ilk attribute to their foes, in this case Hillary?

    First, senior citizen woman murders young healthy male. Then the cover up, including the Lame Stream Media, the DC Police and FBI, and then even the Rich family! I wasn’t much of a Hillary fan, but damn, if true I have a whole new respect for her.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      But didn’t you get even a clue because of the short blue tights Hillary wears, you know, the ones with the white stars? And that red bra thingie that shows off her luscious boobs? And the red boots that encase her long legs? I heard she sometimes wears a cape. Hillary always dresses like that, but doing evil things is her game. And she always laughs when she offs some young guy. C’mon–everybody’s seen her like that. Ask Hannity.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    I have to say this, yet again, I am not choosing to be afraid. I am afraid at what I see these people doing to my country and, more personally, my own life. I wish I was capable of seeding to their demands that I “give him a chance”. It would be a lot easier if I could.

    That’s the thing, though, I just can’t. I have no choice but to resist. I do wish I could change with the tides of politics, drift like a gadfly on the breeze, but I simply cannot do that. I am a liberal, that is my nature and that is how I have always lived and viewed the world. Politics did not make me a liberal, I was born this way.

    Everything that conservatives stand for repels me. The slimy nature of their politics is at the same time insulting and sickeningly stupid. The steady diet of wild conspiracy theories with a healthy side dish of fascism turns itself around and swallows them up until there is nothing human left inside them. They are a crazy circus show. Badly painted clowns with cracked white faces and fraudulent smiles drawn in sharp contrast to their cruelty.

    Even now, even after all that has happened, they refuse to accept the truth. I’m a realist. I face far more deviant truths than they could ever dream up in their sweaty, Hillary pitched fever dreams. Every night, I stand in the gaping maw of hell and glare down at the endless pit of nightmares. Every morning, I awake with a smile and face the world without being corrupted by it. I do not let my fears dictate how I behave toward others and Crom knows I have every right, reason and damned good justification to just give in to my world of terror.

    World of terror, that word they use to describe a political football. They have no concept of what terror is. Until they spend a month long bender of nightmares that leave them waking in a pool of seat, trembling like an epileptic and screaming words that never pierced human lips, then they know absolutely dick about terror.

    I don’t get to give into my fears and punish the world by killing the flame of life, so neither can they. They need to grow the fuck up and realize that the world is, obviously, complicated. Until they have seen the grinning face of death, up close and personal enough to see what breed of spinach it has wedged between its teeth, then they will never understand the nature of life as I do.

    Fuck ’em, feed ’em fish heads.

    • Amalga

      Are you from Alaska? Only place I have ever heard “Fuck ’em and feed ’em fish heads”. Just curious.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Nope, from Alabama. That was a thing my dad always said. It just stuck.

  • mailman27

    Jesus, this guy’s almost as incoherent as Trump. I see a DOJ job in his future.

  • Reximus
  • Maclare

    Is this guy still working for the family? It’s implied that he is, which makes no sense.

  • Sophia

    Shit that’s even too crazy for the supermarket tabloids and Lou Dobbs is a fan of his guy. Sounds about right
    “Now, the other thing, too, that our viewers are going to find very, very interesting, is the fact that they actually carry—some of these groups carry pink pistols,” Wheeler said. “They call themselves the pink-pistol-packing group. And these are lesbians that actually carry pistols. That’s 9-millimeter Glocks. They use these. They commit crimes, and they cause a lot of hurt to a lot of people.”
    Another thing filed under “something I never thought I would read”

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Well, folks, I hate to break it to you, but the lesbians packing pink guns are real. I’ve been packing heat since ’78, to force straight women into bed with me. If you snowflakes don’t want to believe that, well, that’s on you, just make sure that you lock up your young’uns before I hit your town.

    ~Cowgirl Vagenda and Pee-ara, the slowest, sexxxiest gun in the South

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It’s a method. Less efficient than attending a women’s college, moreso than trying to find a straight girl to convert on Craigslist.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Jesus, I wish I knew about sororities back when I was in college! Those places are apparently hotbeds of sexxxy girl on girl action, no pink pistol required!

    • Me not sure

      Wife says if it vibrates instead of shoots bullets https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/20f674fa35d434aeb52738b62d5d13188b312e9ecf702c91274218fed4b4c65d.jpg , she’d be okay with it.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Hey, that’s my gun!

        • Me not sure

          Confiscated. Damn you, Hillary!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Thanks, Obama!

            Sniffle, I miss having my Obama scapegoat.

    • LucindathePook

      The first five years of my school life were spent being taught by a pack of women who were not only living in a lifestyle that is exceptionally alternative to the American sexual norm, they were actively trying to recruit us to join them someday. But I knew from the get-go there was no way I was ever going to be a nun.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Rim shot!

      • Gregory Brown

        Ba Dum Dum, Ksssshhhhh!

  • AJ Milne

    ‘… a “national underground network” of lesbians packing pink pistols were roaming America, raping straight boys and forcing straight girls to become lesbians, at (pink) gunpoint…’

    (Blinks…)

    Sometimes I get to thinking my own fantasies are…

    I dunno… insufficiently colourful?

  • Thiazin Red

    Wait, did that guy watch The Violent Years and think it was a modern documentary?

  • tomamitai

    “For fuck’s sake, I hope they didn’t find any blonde hairs on his body. I had enough of this shit in the 90’s.” — Dee Dee Myers

  • whitroth

    Wait, lesbians raping straight guys? I’m having trouble making any sense out of that…. Of course, if one wanted to do me, I’d fight sooo hard…
    #insert “picture_of_cute_kitten_fighting”

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Isn’t this getting all too transparent? I mean, even braindead Fox viewers have to realize what’s happening here at some point, don’t they?

    • Ricky Gay

      Um no.

    • Meccalopolis

      They’re very stupid

  • Hollandaise
    • Perkniticky

      National Review making a lame attempt to put wingnuts back in the box. Sad. Weak!

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    I’ve heard that the Pink Pistol Packers are at war with the Baseball Furies. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dee09dcd6627be32b9133a49bf26cb7553c33b3459d079680aa0700450f0159b.jpg

    • Blackest Noobs

      come out and play ( clangs beer bottles between finger tips)

  • Gorillionaire

    Actually heard Tucker Carlson say on his show in drama queen exasperation “since when has Russia not been our friends?!?!”

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      FFS…

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Why do I feel like there is a distinct possibility that Bill O’Reilly was touching himself “doing it live” during that description of the pink pistol packin’ lesbian gang?

  • shastakoala

    What is this, a pissing contest? Who can leak better?

  • wavicles

    Dammit! My pink glock is what I’ve been calling my… well it’s MY nickname for somthing, dammit!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Ugh…Butowski needs to get reamed over this.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I’d like to know how they get those Glocks to be pink. Do they use spray paint?

    • Once&futureFred

      You can buy some pistols pink from the factory, you know..girl guns..

      • Nyumbu

        Only during breast cancer awareness month.

  • kindness

    Fox News has to be the biggest circle jerk operation in the world.

    Having made that clear why does Fox hate the gay so much?

    • 3FingerPete

      They ruined the previous marriages of Trump, Gingrich, Limbaugh, Ailes, Murdoch, Sanford,…

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Larry Craig, Aaron Shock, Jerry Sandusky…

  • Ricky Gay

    More chaff. Chaff being dried, white flakes of shit blown right outa Hannity’s ass.

  • Internet Hitler

    BREAKING!: WTTG reporter gets raise, promotion, the termination all in one day

  • Suttree

    Well, I’m sure glad we had those trolls yesterday to tell us the truth about this matter.

  • The Wanderer
  • Mehmeisterjr

    Shouldn’t they be pushing for pink Glock control laws?

  • Thaumaturgist
    • mancityRed6

      Funnily enough, they’re marketed towards the ladies who don’t want just a blued or nickel plated handgun.

  • 3FingerPete

    Also beware Irish gangs. You will know them by their green guns.

    • Gregory Brown

      Faith and begorrah! Guns as green as the shamrocks of old Ireland.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Hillary Clinton’s death squads are professionals. They would have taken the watch and wallet to make it look like a robbery.

    • AndyC316

      Obvs — they made Vince Foster look like a suicide!

      • Khavrinen

        Not to mention making Scalia look like old age — it takes years to pull that one off…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    They got to Wheeler. Meanwhile the corpses continue to pile up around the Clinton’s. Wake up sheeple and you will know everything.

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      The Clinton’s what? And which Clinton is “The Clinton”?

      • Gregory Brown

        Well snarked.

      • Dinz6315

        Thank you from grammar lovers everywhere.

        • JustDon’tSaySurety

          Honestly, it’s exhausting.

    • Zen Diesel

      You are one snarky Joe….. :)

  • Jacob Prescott

    Well to be fair, it would be irresponsible not to speculate….

  • Bitter Scribe

    A mysterious former FBI guy who knows stuff told me that Lou Dobbs blows goats.

    • Gregory Brown

      It must have been the same former FBI guy who knows stuff who told me that Sean Hannity fucks sheep.

      • Lara

        Probably those NY bureau agents that are loyal to Giuliani and started the whole “missing Clinton emails on Anthony Weiner’s laptop” nonsense.

        • Gregory Brown

          yup

      • unionthuggery

        I heard from a source at the Bronx zoo that Hannity fingerbangs orangutans.

        • Gregory Brown

          And then they spank him.

  • Swampay

    Wow, trying to sort this out. They know he had a laptop with emails on it, the fbi is supposed to be analyzing it but the fbi never had it because it mysteriously disappeared. Before they could even find out about the emails.

    This just isn’t making any sense. Is it me?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      except every part of that is wrong.

      He had a laptop – there was no one who said it had emails to wikileaks on it (okay, no one credible). And none were found on it.

      Some jackass claimed the FBI or DC had it, but it was never sent to the FBI. And the DC police said there were no relevant emails on it.

      See how much sense it makes?

      • Swampay

        Thanks, that’s so much better than when they say it!

  • Paperless Tiger

    If it was pink, it might have been a love gun.

  • Lefty Wright

    Isn’t “morally reprehensible” part of the Fox News mission statement?

  • Carole

    So the Clinton Death Squad killed this poor kid, but they left Juanita Brodderick sitting in the middle of Ar-fucken-saw for the past 50 years? Worst. Death. Squad. Ever.

    • Lamashtar

      I say the same thing about the CIA and how Julian Assange and Edward Snowden are inexplicably still alive. Its like they don’t even try.

    • Lara

      And they left Anthony Weiner alive four no good reason. Kind of a crappy death squad.

  • chascates
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      of course, as i understand it, rich wasn’t shot in the head, but in the back.

      Sigh…they can’t even get the most basic facts right, I discovered during the great conspira-troll battle yesterday.

      • Gregory Brown

        I look back on those days of yesterday — and the stench of troll bullshit still lingers above the battlefield.

    • TundraGrifter

      He’s got to just be Joshin’. I don’t think that maroon could be correct if he predicted the sun was going to rise.

    • SeeTrain65

      Podesta kills with risotto. Everyone says his recipe is “to die for.”

    • Lara

      Podesta and Clinton should sue Fox for slander. I’m 100% serious–make them defend this garbage in court.

  • CATMAN

    I flipped on FOX News a few minutes ago–big discussion on how Trump’s troubles were caused by a conspiracy between the Deep State and the mainstream media–just shows how far they are going to defend their beloved President

    • HorseChestnut

      It makes me sick.

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        It makes me giggle.

        • Keith Taylor

          It would make me giggle — uncontrollably — if it didn’t make me sick.

          • Gregory Brown

            It’s good to laugh at life … as long as the laughter does not become … uncontrollable.

  • HorseChestnut
  • TundraGrifter

    “Pink Pistols” would be a great name for a punk rock group.

    Do they still have punk rock?

  • Ferroequinologist Ron

    In my [redacted] years on this planet, I’ve watched and read a LOT of detective stories, both fact and fiction. It led me to believe that investigators work long, lonely hours manning stake-outs, risk life and limb finding clues and questioning suspects, and doggedly following the evidence wherever it leads.
    Imagine my disappointment when I found out that you can do the job just by making shit up, whatever your client wants to hear. No evidence, no research, just pulling it out of your ass… and you’ll be believed.
    OTOH, that would have made the Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot stories awfully dull.

    • Charon_69

      Upvote for the Poirot reference

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    You’d think seeing Sean Hannity fingerbanging a family of squirrels live on teevee would be somewhat shocking, but apparently FOX fans are inured to that kind of thing.

    • Duchess Gummybuns

      That’s not the kind of spank bank deposit I was looking for tonight!

  • Scooby

    I thought Hannity was supposed to be happy with Trump as president. Why is he still pissed?

  • Keith Taylor

    Occurs to me that the NAACP and similar groups put a lot of effort into fighting that stock image of blacks as childish, unstable people who lie a lot. A few more Rod Wheelers and that good work could be set back quite a distance.
    Oh, wait, no it couldn’t, not any more. Not with Donald Trump and company going to so much trouble and effort to promote the image, on a huge scale, of whites as childish unstable people who lie a lot. The Rod Wheelers are outclassed.

  • Vaara Thaumetergist

    is it time for all of us to start writing to the advertisers on Faux Gnus about why they want to support Fake News so desperately?

  • unpocketedstupidcomments

    Before y’all laugh off the lesbian gangs with pink pistols, you should watch a short clip from this documentary on that very subject:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KLJJ_fENGc

  • Zyxomma

    I WISH there were gangs of lesbians with pink guns. Not raping anyone, of course, but the VISUAL.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    FAKE NEWS!

  • pixeloid

    This story is sure to generate some derp for this week’s deleted comments.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      hopefully we dealt with all that when he had the great conspira-troll invasion earlier in the week.

  • guppy06

    a computer belonging to Rich contained thousands of e-mails to and from WikiLeaks

    I don’t even have “thousands of e-mails” to and from my fictitious Canadian girlfriend!

  • Since the baby murdering, fake flare wearing, cowboy coon from Milwaukee is going to DHS Faux News needs another house Negro.
    Signed,
    Pissed off black woman with really bad hyperthyroidism symptoms.

  • It’s Me

    What’s worse, there are gangs of kids roaming around with orange-tipped barrels on their guns! They call themselves the “orange-tipped weapon brigade” and I know of at least 200, maybe even 250 of them. But you won’t hear about this in the librul news…

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