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Can you see a soul in there? We can’t.

OK, we want to be clear that this post is probably FAKE NEWS, and might as well have been written by the Failing¬†New York Times. Because there is literally no chance in the world that Kellyanne Conway, adviser to Donald Trump and famed inventor of the Bowling Green Massacre, has an actual human soul. WHOA IF TRUE, and it’s probably not true, right?

Well, according to Mika and Joe Scarborough-Brzezinski, who have finally come clean about their unrepentant and incessant boning, Kellyanne Conway has an actual soul, and she really hates lying for Trump. Like, REALLY hates it. Listen to this, friends:

MIKA: [Kellyanne Conway] would come on our show during the campaign and shill for Trump in ummmmm … extensive fashion, and then she would get off the air, the camera would be turned off, the microphone would be taked off, and she would say “BLECH! I NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER!” because she disliked her candidate so much.

First of all, yeah, Mika said “taked,” which is not an English word. But after that, Joe Scarborough immediately chimed in and said Kellyanne Conway referred to Trump’s campaign as her “summer vacation” and her “summer in Europe,” and Mika said Conway was just doing it for the money, and then continued to quote Conway, ALLEGEDLY:

MIKA: “But first I have to take a shower, because it feels so dirty to be saying what I’m saying.” I guess she’s just used to it now.

Scarborough also said that after the “Access Hollywood” tape came out (you know, that thing about Trump constantly GRABBING THEM BY THE PUSSY), Kellyanne Conway took to referring to Trump as merely her “client.” She better hope there’s not secret “wire tapp tapes” of her saying these things, because then Donald Trump might get mad and fire her! That would be hilarious, because then Kellyanne Conway could do a big interview with Oprah or Ellen and spill all the Russia shit she knows. She could do it with James Comey!

So … wow! Remember how, in the early stages of their post-Trump grief, Joe and Mika decided Kellyanne Conway was such a big yooooooge tremendous liar that they would no longer invite her on their morning TV program, which is called “Literally We Are In Our 50s And We Are Playing Footsie With Each Other’s Privates Under The Table While Mark Halperin Watches”? This provides some interesting context for that!

Of course, we would be remiss if we didn’t note that Kellyanne Conway has made a conscious choice to take money and get famous by shilling for Donald Trump. She works in the White House and may or may not have regular sleepovers in the residence, on account of how she lies for him. She may not be on TV that much anymore, but she will live fat and happy for the rest of her life, because of the work she has done propping up the Trump regime.

So, while we know all of our readers are overcome with sympathy for Kellyanne Conway right now, because she literally sold her soul to Satan in order to further her career, and will now go to hell when she dies, forever separated from her sweet children, Wonkette encourages everyone not to waste time lamenting Conway’s situation! She made her own bed and she’s gonna fuckin’ LIE IN IT, in Jesus Christ’s holy name, AMEN.

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[Talking Points Memo]

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