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Newt Gingrich with Callista, his third wife

It’s a good thing we have Cool Pope in here now because we are sending the Gingriches to the Vatican! (Assuming Callista gets past the ethics check, obviously.)

Now, it’s important to note that the Gingriches are Very Catholic. This came to happen because Mrs. Gingrich The Third sings professionally in a Catholic choir and Mr. Gingrich The Only went to Mass every week to see her sing and then obviously he converted, which presumably wiped the adultery slate clean. Otherwise it would seem a bit weird to send a woman who had an affair with a dude for years then married him to the Vatican who are notoriously a bit strict on this whole marriage thing, even with New Pope!

One assumes that His Most Frightening Of Combovers hasn’t heard that the Vatican is having a bit of a kerfuffle about the whole divorce thing and this might not be the most diplomatic of endorsements. Or maybe he has! Someone somewhere heard the man himself joking that sending Callista overseas would conveniently rid him of Newt as well, which is a canny move actually! Or maybe someone told Trump that the Vatican was a fan of nationalistic children’s literature!

It is never a bad time to remind everyone that Newt Gingrich was having a pretty flagrant affair all around DC while he was calling Bill Clinton unfit for office based on the strength of a blow job. And now the woman he was having the affair with gets to be an ambassador, wheee!

We here at Wonkette would like to remind you that it is never your fucking business who’s sleeping with whom, unless of course those people are trying to pass actual legislation based on people’s sexual behavior in which case LOLOLOLOL FUCK ALL THOSE BITCHES.

[NYT/CNN/RS/CNS/Wonkette]

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  • Nounverb911
    • memzilla Ω

      JEEZ. Trigger warning, dude!

    • jesterpunk
    • JMP

      How much plastic surgery does it take to make her so inhuman looking with the Joker grin? Brr, that’s scary.

      • Rasilom

        It’s more of a steel frame and plaster affaire at this point. The plastic gave up and went home.

      • Longstreet63

        She just had to jump into a vat at Axis Chemical. It was very reasonable.

      • onedollarjuana

        I want to know who does her hair, because the same hairdresser must do Pence’s, too.

    • The Wanderer

      HOLY FUCKING SWEET EMBRACE OF THE GODDESS TAKE ME NOW!

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      What I think of every time I see that photo of Mrs. Goat-Fucker:

      http://i.ytimg.com/vi/UbyKywWvlCE/maxresdefault.jpg

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Makes me wanna do something… rhymes with “pic snap.”

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      That’s her helmet for when she is Ambassatrix to the Moon.

    • leemoder

      Callista & Hugh Hewitt were built in the same lab.

      Yeesh

  • empf

    As a long married Catholic of the New Pope variety (social justice sort), I am sickened by this news. Both these people are despicable for multiple reasons, most of which have nothing to do with adultery and everything to do with hypocrisy.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Pope Frankie knows how to handle the low level political leeches. He sees people like this every day.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Why do we have a separate ambassador to the Vatican? Is there any reason that the ambassador to Italy can’t do both? S/he is already in Rome. Hell, you can throw in San Marino as well.

    • Nounverb911

      Donors are ambassadors too, also.

    • jesterpunk

      Ambassadors to friendly countries are typically someone the president likes.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      What, and eliminate a cushy overseas position for friends, donors, and annoying people you want to get out of DC? You must be one a them budget hawks.

    • Stulexington

      I believe it’s because The Vatican City is in fact it’s own country, an actual Christian country so of course people in the government want friendly relations with it.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        That is fine, but can’t the Ambassador to Italy cover those duties? The country is a square mile and has like 500 people in it. It isn’t like they have to cover both Germany and France, for instance.

        • Stulexington

          Um, I could maybe see the ambassador to the Vatican covering the rest of Italy but I suspect it’s very important to the religious right that we have official diplomatic relations with God, or at least his spokesperson. Besides it allows us to have Pope Awesome the first come over and lecture congress on just how big an asshole they all are.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Wait. Does the religious right consider Catholics Christians now?

  • Nounverb911

    So is Fox Noise going to set up a studio in Rome for Newt so he can ‘pontificate’?

  • jesterpunk
  • Master Contrail Program
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Something about clowns, and Satan, and never sleeping again.

    • MynameisBlarney

      GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

      • schmannity

        Needz moar AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAs

    • DrBigHead

      I think Jack Benny said it best…

      “NOW CUT THAT OUT”!

      • The Wanderer

        “Sorry, Mistah Benny!”

        • schmannity

          Now, Rochester!

    • PubOption

      It looks like Newt has been embalmed.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Breakfast at the Vatican!….(remake with Callista as Holy Gofuckly)

  • Nounverb911

    Papal State to declare war on trump in 3…2…1…

    • Querolous

      “How many divisions does the Pope have?” – Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili

  • goonemeritus

    Its been decades since we Catholics have stoned adulteress. I knew going all soft and politically correct was going to comeback and bite us in the ass.

  • JMP

    Now, divorce is OK; it’s remarriage after getting divorced that’s a giant sin and not allowed, which is why according to Catholic theology these two are not in fact married, it is an invalid fake marriage.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Nah, they’ve found a way around that – Newt’s first two marriages were the fake ones because they weren’t done in the Catholic church.

  • Chadwells

    I can’t help but think there’s a papal smear joke somewhere in here….

    • Rasilom

      Vatican, Vagina, almost rhyms…

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Vaticunt…Vapid something…

    • The Wanderer

      Papal schmear? Is that the topping on Red Light Frankie’s morning bagel?

      • Chadwells

        HAHA!!!

    • Bobathonic

      I don’t buy insurance so she can have a papal smear.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Rasilom

      ^^^THIS!2!!!11!!^^^

  • Nounverb911

    Will Newt shut down the Vatican if he doesn’t like his seat at the next Papal Mass he’s invited to?

  • memzilla Ω
    • ltmcdies

      and shouldn’t it be stamped on his forehead…there’s plenty of room

      • Querolous

        and shouldn’t it be stamped branded on his forehead…there’s plenty of roomFIFY

  • Bill D. Burger

    This is just another chapter in that great Catholic Church movie: “Pope Fiction”

  • The Wanderer
  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN

    Sadly Kim Davis was considered unqualified, as she has been married four times, and not three.

  • Nounverb911
  • Wild Cat

    “Gee, Mister Opus Dei Cardinal, is that a bottle of holy water in your pocket or are you just happy to see how much I resemble a mentally challenged young boy?”

  • The Wanderer
  • Bill D. Burger

    Unless she dresses up as an altar boy, she’s going to be so frustrated at the Vatican….much like at home. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e98bae6236e6518ee6e3eb2e44252fc6c3a44155301ebc9700ec94d54273571c.jpg

    • Rasilom

      That is the most terrifying and most life like version of that photo I have seen yet!

  • Ezio

    As a Catholic, the interactions between Pope Francis and The Gingriches should be very entertaining…. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/20280cc601c9ec4bfd8484d97d0df353649d5e9f79f44861d4100fd0c8cbd50d.gif

    • Longstreet63

      The question is whether there will be any. Does the Pope meet with adulterous remarried Catholics?

      • BigCSouthside

        Well they have a habit of hiding kid fucking priests, so I’m kinda thinking they just see things more as inconvenient guidelines than moral rules

        • Longstreet63

          To be fair, that’s because the kid fucking priests pretend to repent.
          And, you know, the Church’s Reputation.
          The reverse on both is what we have here.
          Although, if they want to send Newt to some obscure monastery, I’m okay with that.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Has the appropriate bullshit annulment paperwork been filed?

        • Longstreet63

          How many sets? Maybe a blank copy for future use, just in case?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        This is Callista’s first, and of Newtie’s marriages, only the Callista one was done Catholickly. The other two were Lutheranish, and don’t count, according to the church…so, since Newtie wasn’t married to either of his first two wives, there’s no adultery. Spiffy, eh?

        Even so, Callista still got marriage #2 annulled just to be on the safe side.

        • Longstreet63

          Oy! And they say Judaism is the one with all the technicalities…

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            There’s ALWAYS a way.

    • Rick Hill

      Pope Francis(Upon hearing the news)-“Do we still have the dungeons or did those gt converted to saunas?”

  • Well, the official motto for the Catholic laity seems to be the same as for the Protestant laity… “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.”

  • Michael R
  • Rick Hill

    Okay, gawd’s definitely out of the picture. Could we at least get some talented screenwriters to hash out this new reality script?

    • JohnE_o

      I was thinking more of a sitcom format

  • Bill D. Burger

    Miss Lindsey has taken to his fainting couch. He had already picked out his furniture and wardrobe when he made the move.

    http://www.urantiansojourn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/PopeGraham.jpg

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Thanks Killer.
    To me, anything that gets Newt out of the country is a good thing. And Pope Frankie don’t give a crap about these two. He’ll listen to them jabber, pet their heads, and maybe give them a cookie.
    He will then get back to his real work, throwing child molesting priests out of the church.

    • snark-lurker

      i bet the newt’s never get a private audience wit duh pope

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Latverian Diplomat

      The head of the Holy Don’t-Wanna See.

  • Anna Rompage

    Seeing that I’m not fond of organized religion (though this pope is almost kind of cool), or the Gingrich’s, this seems like a match made in heaven, and the super double bonus is that we get rid of Newt in the process…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Pseudo-intellectual in loveless marriage appointed to meaningless job in country that is not really a country.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Anna Rompage

      I was thinking it was a collar to keep him from chewing on himself…

      BTW< the doorways in the Vatican must be huge for him to be able to wear such garments…

    • Lance Thrustwell

      AHAhahahaha… Excellent.

  • Crystalclear12

    Ignorance and arrogance are a powerful combination.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Newtie has already picked out his new wardrobe. Stylin’…

    http://www.urantiansojourn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/PopeNewt.jpg

    • Clyde Barrow

      He’s having a hard time saluting Herr Trump with that huge chunk of gold around his finger…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “We survived the Habsburgs, we can handle this creep.”
    — Official Vatican statement, which admittedly, sounds more diplomatic in the original Latin.

  • chascates

    Newt, please explain to the Pope your theory of how blowjobs don’t count as actual sex.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Unless received by a sitting president………….then, wow, all bets are off!….

  • ariel_gee_398

    Whenever I glance at pictures of Callista, my first instinct is always that she’s translucent.

    • snark-lurker

      i always wanna grab a bottle opener–a BIG bottle opener

    • Clyde Barrow

      I think that maybe Newt and Bill Cosby have the same pill connection…

  • Joe Beese

    From the Christian point of view, Mrs. Gingrich 3.0 is no more or less a sinner washed clean by the blood of the Lamb than His Holiness. So the whole “man-stealing hussy” angle doesn’t really enter into it.

    To quote C.S. Lewis:

    … God has infinite attention, infinite leisure to spare for each one of us. He doesn’t have to take us in the line. You’re as much alone with Him as if you were the only thing He’d ever created.

    When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you’d been the only man in the world.

    https://www.awesomestories.com/asset/view/C.S.-Lewis-Only-Surviving-Episode-of-Broadcast-Talks

    Strains credulity, I know. But that’s Christianity for you.

    • The Wanderer

      All religion strains credulity.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        It is supposed to. If there is a Supernatural it should be very hard to understand, and even harder to agree upon.
        We can’t even get people to understand and agree on the Natural.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Too bad the greatest intellect in the universe, with infinite resources at His disposal, can’t come up with a way to at least explain the basics to us.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            She is busy. Why waste the effort. She knows that we are just monkeys with big brains.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        If it were plausible, why, just any old heathen could believe it.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      In terms of her salvation, well sure. But what about the sacramental validity of her marriage per se? I thought that would be a separate issue.

      • Professor Fate

        well yes that is the case. Still I’m sure that they bribed sorry contributed enough money to the local Bishop’s parish (who if memory severs is the one who does annulments) that it was decided that the earlier marriages in the eyes of the Church did not exist therefore there is no problem with their being married in holy mother church (yes lapsed Catholic).
        Still I’m sure it’s dealing with folks like the Gingriches that has made the Pope less prone to judge Atheists – he’s got enough trouble with his own people.

        • Bobathonic

          My mom got her marriage annulled like 20 years after the divorce. I asked her if that makes me a bastard.

          • snark-lurker

            her answer?

          • Bobathonic

            Well, she said no, but i haven’t heard from any prelate.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            According to Wikipedia:

            “Annulment of marriage does not change the status of legitimacy of children born to the couple during their putative marriage, i.e., between their marriage ceremony and the legal annulment of their marriage. For example, canon 1137 of the Roman Catholic Church’s Code of Canon Law specifically affirms the legitimacy of a child born to a marriage that is declared null following the child’s birth.”

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legitimacy_(family_law)#Contemporary_situation

          • Bobathonic

            LOLz. Well, we can’t have donors leaving the church now, can we?

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Some Bullshit takes a Canon (Law), a catapult can’t fling it fast enough.

          • EKinDC

            No joke I found my mom’s annulment papers (stored securely on top of the basement fridge) when I was in 7th grade and took them to munch catholic school and asked if I was a bastard!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        She hadn’t been married before, and he’s in the clear, not only because neither of Newtie’s previous marriages was done in the Catholic church and aren’t considered to be “real,” but also because Callista helped Newtie get his marriage to wife #2 annulled on the grounds that wife #2 had been married before.

        The only “real” marriage he’s had, according to the church, is his third one.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          And the first one didn’t count at all ’cause she got cancer, which means she was a bad person to begin with.

    • Crystalclear12

      Catholics are in the details.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Probably for the best that C.S. Lewis was Anglican. They’ve historically been a bit more permissive on the matters of divorce and remarriage.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        They’ve figured out more angles on the subject.

        • GoutMachine

          Look, either you Anglican or you Anglican’t.

      • Longstreet63

        That was sort of the founding principle of Anglicanism: Bitches be Lyin’.
        Or at least “Bitch won’t give me no sons.”
        One of many heartwarming stories attending the foundations of religious sects…

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      C.S. Lewis was C of E. Tolkien was Catholic.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Still the go-to guy for folks of any Christian stripe who like apologetics.

    • SnarkON

      Um, yeah, man-stealing hussy though.

    • Shibusa

      I never got how Jesus died for umpteen trillions sins that had yet to be committed.

    • Thiazin Red

      Unless you’re a teenage girl who likes dresses and putting on makeup, then no heaven for you Missy!

  • Michael R
  • La forza del resistino

    Maybe Newt could be useful and contribute to his taxpayer paid stay by janitoring the Vatican or helping out in the cafeteria.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Santorum is, today, a frothy mix of rage and hate that he was not picked.

    http://missionrefudiated.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Pope-Santorum.jpg

  • Clyde Barrow

    Apparently the administration was deeply disappointed that their preferred first pick to serve as the ambassador to Vatican, Dennis Hastert, was unavailable due to prior Federal commitments.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I’m sure there’s a cushy position heading up the Presidential Youth Fitness Program waiting for him once his schedule frees up.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The Catholic Church has decided to rename it facePalm Sunday.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Will she be staying in Hadrian’s tomb?…

  • Bill D. Burger

    Damn! The Holy Mother is really upset about this. Every statue at the Vatican has been cyin’ for days.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c3e1761f1a7c17bda5bf1624390eb9f670b415d41a99324ade3bad094be9fe3b.gif

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    So what you’re saying is that in 3 months we’ll be at war with the Pope?

  • vivian

    I am utterly transfixed by the helmet hair. Is it a wig or does she spend an hour every morning with a six-gallon pump dispenser of Aqua-Net?

    • Certified Green Bastard

      Neither. The hair is surprisingly easy to maintain when you don’t​ sleep, but stand in a closet on ‘hibernate’ mode for six hours a night.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Closet? I believe she prefers the term “recharging stall”.

    • “Tease it and make it look like a football helmet.”
      -Shelby STEEL MAGNOLIAS

    • Longstreet63

      Nah, it’s actually what happens if you let Silly String set for an hour.

    • natoslug

      It only takes 30 minutes, but you have to use the proper ratio of lacquer to gibbon jizz.

    • Marion in Savannah

      That ain’t Aqua-Net. That’s a thick coating of polyurethane.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Spray-On Shoes!

    • EKinDC

      She once attended a fundraiser at my job and it was soooo hard not to try and poke at her helmet hair

  • beingreleased

    OT but too good to pass up: Trump’s lawyer’s argument in court for why his statements about banning Muslims should not be considered is that he was just lying to the rubes:
    https://twitter.com/SethAbramson/status/864158259070029824

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      “The truth? You can’t HANDLE his candidate truths…which haven’t really changed since he was elected, so yeah. Fuck it.”

    • jesterpunk

      That isnt how this works, he said its a muslim ban, his website says its a muslim ban, he has said in rallies since being sworn in its a muslim ban now they want to claim none of that matters?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Psych!…

      • therblig

        i believe the latin term is “Ixnay on the uslimay anbay”

      • Michael Smith

        It appears we are seeing a re-emergence of a line of reasoning used during Trump’s campaign – the normal outward signs are not to be used in Trump’s case to determine his intent. His intent can only be signified by what his defenders claim is “in his heart.”

    • jesterpunk
      • The Wanderer

        (quickly refreshes his memory on Korematsu) Ouch.

      • Michael Smith

        Hey, Korematsu still stands

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      And here’s where the GOP’s doctrinal obsession with originalism comes to bite them in the ass. Because they’ve spent decades insisting that the intent of the drafter is the dictating principle.

      Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it.

    • Longstreet63

      How about the stated reason that the 90 day ban was so that they could get “Extreme Vetting”* put into operation? 90 days is long past, so there should be no need for the ban, right?

      *brought to you by Mountain Dew Code Red!

      • Marion in Savannah

        And here I was, thinking that extreme vetting was what was done when you have to take your pet to the emergency vet clinic…

      • keenanjay

        I heard on the radio this morning…someone saying that the administration had done none of the updating/review/etc. that the EO said they would do in the 90 day period of the ban. He said that it would start when the EO went into effect.
        WTFF?

    • Clyde Barrow

      So they’re following Alex Jones and Foxsnooze’s paradigm on “backtracking”.

      “We are not liable for what we say because we are strictly for entertainment value.”

    • Stulexington

      Well duh, no one expects politicians to be honest so of course I never meant any of the stuff I said that would be bad for my case now.

    • canes_pugnaces

      the truth is nothing Trump says matters.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        The truth is nothing Trump says.

        They oughtta put that in a fortune cookie.

  • Certified Green Bastard

    The Chicken Lady has done v well for herself, even if she did land a Newt instead of a real man. https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HHOFmHMTN5k/maxresdefault.jpg

    • Crank Tango
      • Certified Green Bastard

        I will totally do this sometimes when I’m out & bored.

        • MynameisBlarney

          HA!
          Me too.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Wonder how many buildings they’ve added to Vatican City based on Kennedy Family applications for annulments alone?

  • SnarkON

    What the actual, everloving fuck?????

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    According to Jonathan Swan at Axios, Donnie was actually reluctant to send Newt out of the country

    About six weeks ago, the President was kibitzing about the Vatican ambassador role. Trump told our source he was reluctant to send Callista to the Vatican because he likes seeing her husband Newt defending him on TV. Our source told the President they were sure satellite hook-ups could be arranged for Newt at the Holy See.

    • Crank Tango

      LOL can’t do anything about the time change tho. I hope the lack of sleep isn’t hazardous to his health.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        His next mistress will make the coffee.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Unfortunately, the Vatican is kind of a sausage fest, so his next mistress could be Father Dominic.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            I do believe they have a few Nuns around to make coffee and sweep up, but there are plenty of Roman women with poor decision making skills nearby, I’m sure.

    • ltmcdies

      yeh I’m sure the Vatican will get right on that…fuck

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Points to Trump for knowing the Vatican is outside the US, I guess?

    • GoutMachine

      His Popiness might take issue with a TV studio within the Vatican that’s built for the express purpose of lying one’s ass off.

  • TJ Barke

    The “moral majority” everybody!

    • Vecchioivan

      “The Aristocrats!”

      • TJ Barke

        Prezactly.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Which is neither “moral” nor a “majority,” so there’s that…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Aristocrats!….(oh, fuck Vech, I shoulda looked down….)

  • Marceline

    Do we have an extradition agreement with Vatican City?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Apparently not?”
      — Cardinal Bernard Francis Law

  • arglebargle

    She turned him into a Newt.

    He did not get better.

  • Rick Hill
  • Chadwells

    Sooooo…when are they building that moon base?

    • Clyde Barrow

      Just as soon as lazy entitled poor people stop asking for food and shelter.

      Two Corinthians 2:12, “And Jesus said to the masses, “Poor people are a scourge on society. Socialism must be crushed. Minimum wage is a jobs killer. Here’s some moldy bread, deadbeats.”

      • Longstreet63

        He concluded with the famous four hour monologue about John Galt.

  • Fartknocker

    She’ll look very nice as the U.S. Ambassador wearing her Tiffany diamond collection he was able to treat as a lobbying gift. A more pressing concern for the Vatican is finding chairs capable of withstanding the dead load of Newt’s big ass.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/25/us/politics/25gingrich.html

  • schmannity

    The Gingrichs will move into the embassy after the lightning rod upgrades.

    • Longstreet63

      Probably to Jerusalem.

      • PubOption

        Next year?

  • jesterpunk
  • snark-lurker

    just think of all the virgins the newt will have access to yo

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Yeah, but they’re all 80 year old men.

      • snark-lurker

        i mean the nuns

        • Antonin Dvorak

          I knew that. *looks around sheepishly*

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Nuns are all 80 year old men? I always knew I was right!…

          • Celtic_Gnome

            When I was in 8th grade, they gave the nuns at my school the option of dressing like stewardesses if they wanted to. Those that did brought home immediately that no nun has ever been invited to her senior prom.

            Julie Andrews or Sally Fields they ain’t.

    • jesterpunk

      He could have stayed here and joined Y’all Qaeda.

      https://funny-pictures-quotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/CUsNhCN.jpg

      • Clyde Barrow

        Nordstrom’s exclusive camo & trucker hat clothing line has really taken a hit since the Great Redneck Nordstrom’s Boycott of 2017.

      • Stulexington

        Ya know, I look at this and feel like the left needs to take their flag back. If you are planning to attend some of the many upcoming protests, and have the additional funds, consider bringing a flag. Don’t just feel the patriotism, steal the right’s idea of showing patriotism.

  • Now I really want to read about that Patriot-American elephant who lived in Revolutionary War Days.

    • Rick Hill

      Well, turn in your liberal membership card. Only republicans are true patriots and you know it. If you’re not willing to support treason in the defense of your country, you have no right to call yourself American.

      • snark-lurker

        you dirty rotten mind-bender

    • timpundit

      I’d like to learn more about how his right ear became a penis. Maybe in the sequel.

  • Iam Reading

    Gingrich and wife are going to hell, assuming xian god exists. Clearly, they don’t belive, not really.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Catholics aren’t like those crazy Christians on the right who have to be crazy Christian 24/7. Catholics can compartmentalize. Go to church on Sunday and holydays and act like a regular person the rest of the week.

      Hell, we gots the alcohol down good.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I heard that, if Newt moves there, Italy is thinking of changing the spelling to “Roam”…

  • jesterpunk

    Newt and republicans follow the gospel of supply side Jesus not the hippy Jesus.

    http://www.beliefnet.com/news/2003/09/the-gospel-of-supply-side-jesus.aspx

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    The whole Russian Puppet administration and all their behavior to date has been an epic trolling of liberals. No agenda except to destroy. This, Callista’s appointment, is just a continuation.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Your party of family values, everypony! As if we needed more proof that the republican party doest give a shit about values and ethics.

    • Longstreet63

      Money is a value and “Anything goes if it fucks the poor” is an ethic, so you are clearly wrong…

      • GoutMachine

        “Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude. At least it’s an ethos.” – Walter Sobcek

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Shut up, Donnie!….

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Touche

  • Crank Tango

    Something something Side-Piece on Earth.

  • Steve Cole

    But… but… how will Newt write the autobiography of Trumpolini while sorting out the DaVinci code?

  • coozledad

    I hope somebody is busy temporarily adding Newt and Callista’s faces to everyone going to hell in Michalangelo’s Last Judgement. But they’ll probably steer her clear of the Sistene Chapel anyway. Afraid she’d try and walk away with the candelabra.

    • FlownΩver

      Well, that and the increased likelihood of lightning bolts. The insurance premiums for that ceiling are already pretty steep.

  • timpundit

    Personally, I don’t give a blue rat’s ass about the Vatican’s preferences for ambassadors. But no one should have to put up with this Whistledick, for plenty of reasons that have nothing to do with his adultery and 2 divorces.

  • Stulexington

    He makes a terrible looking piece of eye-candy on the arm of your new ambassador. And he smiles too much.

    • jesterpunk

      His smile is creepy, he should smile more in a non creepy way.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Not his face…

    • timpundit

      His human costume needs dry cleaning that’s for sure.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      He could be a little less shrill also, too.

  • schmannity

    Newt’s coming to The Vatican. HIDE THE NUNS!

    • snark-lurker

      and WTF a pussy-haver being ambassador to an all-dick club?

  • Thorn Spike

    Maybe we won’t have to listen to the lizard flap his yap so much now.

    • timpundit

      What do you have against the Italians?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Sergio Berlusconi?…

        • Saint Stephen

          Silvio

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Vaticanians?

      • Thorn Spike

        The Italians? Nothing. The Church? Don’t get me started.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Tell the pope his palace could use more gold trim.”
    — Donald Trump

  • Certified Green Bastard

    Oh, I’m a god-fearin man/
    You can’t lock up for griftin/
    I’m off to Vatican City!

  • cheetojeebus

    Someone should warn Roman sex workers he’s on his way. The poor things.

    • cats530

      Egads! Can you imagine (in your worst nightmare) servicing THAT?

      • cheetojeebus

        Female Manatee libelzz11!!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Certified Green Bastard

      He’s also v concerned abt rentention of his precious bodily fluids, Mandrake.

  • snark-lurker

    newt’s first words to the pope: Which way to your harem?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The little boys room is the second door on the left

      • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

        I laughed but…. too soon.

  • cats530

    “The Only went to Mass every week to see her sing and then obviously he converted, which presumably wiped the adultery slate clean.”

    Now don’t be silly…going to Mass every week and converting did not wipe the adultery slate clean…but a YUGE amount of money DID.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Wiping the adultery slate clean brings to mind 6 years of towels or wash cloths

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

        Eeeeeeerwwwwwwwww

    • Raan

      Fuckin’ indulgences, man.

  • mardam422

    I watch lots of Asian porn. Can I be ambassador to Japan? Please.

    • Crank Tango

      Warning, the response may be pixelated.

      • Mavenmaven

        darn you beat me to it. Now I’ll just have to stay tied up here in the corner.

        • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

          Pics or GTFO

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          How do the tentacles figure into this?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Are you sure? You know that vagina dentata isn’t fiction there.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    It’s not like she was married while she was fucking the otherwise married Newt. And, since the Newt’s then marriage while he was fucking Callista was annulled (I think) doesn’t that mean really he wasn’t technically otherwise married while he was fucking Callista? So he wasn’t sinning, so she wasn’t, and so she might have even been a technical virgin notwithstanding her 6 years of alleged (and admitted) fucking.

    Pure as the driven snow, unlike that adulterous monster Clinton!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      That means she wasn’t an adulterer. Just a fornicator.

  • Mavenmaven

    I mean, how many electoral votes does the Pope have? I got so many electoral votes, more than [blah blah blah]

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Wait until someone tells Trump about how Popes are chosen and announced. He’ll insist on having golden smoke wafting out of the White House chimney until he’s impeached.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Are they both going to Rome? ‘Cause I’m betting Newt’s staying home with a new intern.

    • cats530

      Good old Newt: Russian hands and Roman fingers.

  • Ulricii

    They will be welcomed with open arms by the Vatican. Two converts! What a proof that God is still alive and well in Roman Catholicism!

    The adultery and multiple divorce kerfuffle? You are ignoring the Pauline and Petrine Privileges, two escape hatches shoe-horned into the alleged no-divorce marriage doctrine as propounded by Popes everywhere and for all time: Marriage breakup is okay if it accompanies conversion to Catholicism and frees the divorcing–oops! Pardon–the separating party for entry into a Roman Catholic marriage.

    Moreover, as Saint Augustine illustrated for all time, former big sinners make the best saints. Much better than folks that never had a raunchy life style they abandoned for church membership. Come to think of it, that was illustrated by Saint Paul, inventor of the Pauline Privilege, even before Saint Augustine hit the sawdust trail.

    So come on down, Newt and Callista! A Vatican welcome is awaiting you, and if you play your cards right, maybe a halo and church pedestal after you depart this vale of tears.

    • PubOption

      Is Newt hoping for chastity and continence, but not yet?

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Does this also come with magic underwear… or am I confusing my dogma with my catma again.

  • cats530

    What is the “A” card on his chest all about? Asshole? Adulterer?

    • Certified Green Bastard

      Yes.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      New and improved scarlet letter.

    • wavicles

      A idiot.

    • Raan

      Aleph-null.

      Wait. Too smart for them.

  • Nockular cavity

    Who wore it better, Callista’s hair-helmet and the Washington Monument, or the 1939 World’s Fair?
    http://www.lemog.fr/lemog_expo_v2/albums/documentation/autres_expo/pays_divers/new_york_1939/perisphere_01.jpg

  • Lefty Wright

    You would think Callista would have pressed Trump to set up a full embassy in Monaco. I heard the jewelry shops there are much better than those in the Vatican, which mainly consist of cheap beads and a guy nailed to a cross.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And often just the cross.

  • FlownΩver

    Pox Romana.

  • Pollos Hermanos
  • frrolfe

    I’m a “resting” Catholic but, in this case, I’m prepared to become a rabid traditionalist. “Living in fucking sin”. Pardon my latin.

  • hendenburg2

    Is this on-par with the time we appointed Joseph Kennedy Sr., an Irish immigrant and JFK’s dad, to be the ambassador to Great Britain?

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      We did that? Cool.

  • Rickyphoo

    I have yet to come across a republican with even a passing knowledge of the meaning of the word Hypocrisy. Or for that matter, Shame.

  • WiscoJoe

    Something I haven’t seen reported, but is a crucial detail here:

    Callista grew up in the same diocese that Raymond Burke was first a priest in and later Bishop of. She’s definitely #TeamBurke all the way and vice-versa. Pope Francis hates Burke (as much as the Pope hates anyone) and vice-versa.. Appointing a close associate of Burke as Vatican Ambassador at the same time that Burke is in active opposition to the Pope is a typical troll move from the White House.

    • Of COURSE. Now it all makes so much sense.

      Because this administration is incapable of a non-malignant act.

      • WiscoJoe

        It’s pure Bannon.

        I’ve seen a few reporters already speculating how Callista will be able to manage Burke’s growing mutiny within the Vatican, as if she were a normal ambassador that cared about diplomacy. She’s there as part of the mutiny.

    • richardgrabman

      Now it makes sense… and sounds like Steve Bannon was behind this. There’s every reason for Francis to either refuse the appointment, or sideline the US Ambassador then.

  • Edith Prickly

    Callista has already been punished for her sins – this is what she looked like at the beginning of their relationship: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/377f5d413a8fec6d47cc7adda2000e559e527fdadba92a6fbc5a784496bdcbc6.jpg

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Whoa… what a difference! You know what that means, right? She’s way overdue for a trade-in; way past her expiration date. Maybe this is it. Maybe Newt will dump her by text once she’s in Vatican City.

    • guppy06

      Wow. She almost looks human in that pic.

      And I’d have thought that sex with Newt is punishment in and of itself.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      No way it’s the same person. Are we sure she hasn’t been replaced by an alien ?

    • jodyleek

      What makes a young woman, who at that time was at least physically attractive and potentially had better options, look at Newty Newt and say to herself, “I gotta get me a piece of that!”?

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        REALLY low self-esteem?

      • Edith Prickly

        It will remain forever a mystery. I wouldn’t let Newt get close enough to breathe the same air I’m breathing. Ick!

      • DainBramage

        Money? Power? That’s the usual stuff.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        “I gotta get me a piece of that [Tiffany’s jewelry, every day of the week]”

        FTFY

        And she probably said it to Newt, too.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!
    • violet moon

      Weirdly he looks worse.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Imagine looking up in the middle of sex and seeing that looming over you.

  • TundraGrifter

    Welfare for an elderly white dude. Washed up “Former.”

  • guppy06

    Non-Catholic marriages don’t count. It was only fornication.

  • StlSaxist

    Maybe it’s just a way to say “Fuck you” to the Pope for not being a Trump fan.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    If your marriage wasn’t performed by a Catholic priest, it doesn’t count. Newt was a virgin when they married in the Church’s eyes.

    • Divorce lawyers disagree all the way to Bank.

    • Astraea_Muse

      Nah he had to get an annulment.

  • jodyleek

    As they are both members of the one true religion (pffft!), I can assume they have never had sex because they don’t have any children between them, correct?

    • DainBramage

      Every sperm is sacred!

  • guppy06

    Ellis the Elephant looks of African extraction. Not a good thing during that time period.

  • Raan

    I wonder if I can lie my way into an appointment as ambassador to Hawaii, since he clearly doesn’t think it’s part of the United States.

  • Shibusa
    • miss_grundy

      Except that Pope Frankie will say it in such a gentlemanly way that it will go right over Dolt 45’s combover.

  • MisterShoebox

    How much do you wanna bet the pope will troll him with a whoopee cushion? I just…I know he probably won’t, but the idea of His Holiness making this sentient case of syphilis sit on a whoopee cushion makes me laugh.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    I never fail to be impressed by the ultra-reactionary Catholics I have the bad luck to know, all of whom loathe Pope Francis (there’s a lot of “not my pope” malarkey swirling around in that set), and all of whom adore Donald, and will no doubt regard this as an adorably funny little prank on that phony Pope, haha, so much for God.

    PS Father C John McCloskey, the reactionary Opus Dei priest and former Merrill Lynch stockbroker who converted Newtie, specializes in converting crazy righties to the One True Faith. He also converted Sam Brownback, the late Robert Novak, and Larry friggin’ Kudlow. What a résumé

    • Mark Schmidt

      Never knew that…I have had a few verbal/online run-ins with McCloskey a few years ago…Newt is just his kind of guy. I bet he’s pals with Paul Ryan, too…
      Thanks for the info.

    • miss_grundy

      This McCloskey clown sounds like a current Fr. John Coughlin. The Roman church cannot change fast enough.

    • 3FingerPete

      I spent 13 years getting a Catholic school education (That’s counting kindergarten. I’m not a dumbass) and did a stint as an alter boy, and I have yet to get invited to join Opus Dei. What the fuck is up with that?

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        Your bank account maybe not big enough? Opus Dei (which got its start in Franco’s Spain) takes the long view, and the long view requires quite a bit of cash up front.

      • Justin Martindale

        Why would you want to join.

        • 3FingerPete

          It’s just nice to be asked, that’s all.

      • Flashman

        Try cinching up the celice a little tighter.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      That must be tough to rectify in one’s brain considering the pope is supposed to be infallible.

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        The horrible convert Ross Douthat, major neckbeard and prince of piety for Pinch Sulzberger’s New York Times, once wrote an entire column, asinine even by his standards, explaining away infallibility in the era of a pope who appears to be, oh, I don’t know, actually Catholic–a fundamentally decent man, struggling with his own and the Church’s dark history in Argentina, struggling for redemption for the Church.

        Apparently infallibility vanished when Benedict stepped down, but it’ll be back once the reactionaries manage to outlast Francis and install one of their own. Meanwhile, the proper response to the gentle Francis for angry right-wing Catholics appears to be roughly, “Nuh-uh, you can’t make me, you think you’re so big.”

        • Erala Contratista

          If I recall, papal infallability only showed up in the 19th century….

          • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

            Yes and no. It only became dogma in the 19th century but the premise goes back hundreds of years before that, rooted in the politics of the medieval Church.

          • richardgrabman

            And, if I recall, it’s only been used once… in relation to the bodily assumption of the Virgin Mary.

      • richardgrabman

        But not Donald Trump.

  • Olav_Pompatus

    “Now the Gingrich Stole Christmas”

    …apologies to Dr. Seuss

  • Mark Schmidt

    Well, ol’ Trump is certainly consistent – Not a bit of awareness of life other than his own…and of course the fascist very rich who backed him and tell him what to do.
    And of course the amazingness of Newt and the Mrs…I bet the Pope will be tickled to death to have them over…

  • miss_grundy

    Since Dolt 45 has a very superficial relationship with Christianity he probably doesn’t understand that adultery isn’t really accepted. Which is why he is sending this chick to the Vatican as the U.S. ambassador. So, what happens when Pope Frankie tells Dolt 45 that they won’t be accepting her credentials?

    • Bobathonic

      Most of his supporters think Catholics aren’t real Christians, anyway.

    • gffish

      The Vatican’s runway gets bombed?

    • Old Top Kick

      Mebbe he’ll do it the way that it was done a few hundred years ago. Reject the credentials and return her severed head to the point of origin.

  • 3FingerPete

    To be fair Teh Geys ruined Newtie’s first two marriages.

  • puredog

    This may be appropriate after all, It has often been noted that it is the sinners who most need the good offices of the Church. Besides, Italy is just about far enough away from me for Newt.

  • SurfandTurf

    The only survivors of the Trumpocalypse will be the cockroaches and Callista Gingrich’s hair.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Way to bury the lede! That thing is ALIVE??

  • rocktonsam

    Pope Francis to staff: ” when the gingrinch’s come to call just use paper plates and plastic forks. They’ll steal the good stuff.”

  • Bebecca

    Is anyone else amazed that the Vatican needs an ambassador? Her qualifications are that she’s catholic?

    • richardgrabman

      The US has only had an Amb to the Vatican since the Reagan Administration. Even as a mini-state it makes sense, though: the RCC being in a lot more countries than even the US military, and having better relations with most of them, or at least more credibility in some issues.

  • pgjack

    Republicans have no shame and apparently no memories.

  • whitroth

    I dislike techies being called geeks, because I know where geek came from: it’s carny slang, and referred to the usually retarded guy in the freak show, who was billed as something like the Wild Man of Borneo, and made his living biting the heads off live chickens.

    Not, the Grinch qualifies as a geek, given that he had his first wife served divorce papers while she was in the hospital for chemo.

  • Greyhame

    Ye gods, they even plagiarize their cartoon elephants!
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/0f/Babar1.jpg

    • Popillius

      That was my exact thought – that elephant looks a whole lot like Babar!

    • SeeTrain65

      Dr. Jellyfinger: “Now, how long have you had these pains, Mr. Barber?”
      Fletch: “No, that’s ‘Babar.'”
      Dr. Jellyfinger: “Two Bs?”
      Fletch: “One B. ‘B-A-B-A-R.'”
      Dr. Jellyfinger: “That’s two.”
      Fletch: “Yeah, but not right next to each other. I thought that’s what you meant.”
      Dr. Jellyfinger: “‘Arnold Babar.’ Isn’t there a children’s book about an elephant named ‘Babar?'”
      Fletch: “I don’t know. I don’t have any.”
      Dr. Jellyfinger: “No children?”
      Fletch: “No elephant books.”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-zf2UBp7fY

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    The Catholic Church may be hell on divorce, but officially Newt isn’t divorced because he was never married in the RCC. And that means Newt and Callista aren’t aldulterers, merely dirty fornicaters, and have presumably repented and been forgiven.

    • Not how it works.
      In the Catholic Church if you were married in any church, you are still married to that person because /in the eyes of God.
      So even if Newt married wife 1 in a Unitarian church, the Catholic church would consider him still married to her, and thus, living in sin with Calista, and her too since she is schtupping a married man.
      Now, if he were to pay the pennies for an annulment…..

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Um, Newt and Callista were married in a Catholic ceremony.

        • Astraea_Muse

          That’s because he had his prior marriage of 18 years annulled because it wasn’t a “true marriage” because his 2nd wife was previously married. Yes, that’s just as hypocritical as you think it is.

      • Erala Contratista

        Tried to get a price on Noot’s annulments. So far only have a general price of 9K each, but that was not for two counts of adultery, just plain vanilla annulments.

  • BMW

    Jesus forgives, but the rest of us still think you’re an asshole.

  • norcalOG

    Funny. Those who are concerned about the possible existence of a very dark Jesus have no problem with a pasty serial adulterer doughboy and his one time pin cushion as official reps to the Vatican.
    But that means more comic relief on family values from right wingers who love spouting moral platitudes for others to follow.

  • SCK

    fuck those bitches. him and her.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Oh you liberals are just upset because God prefers people with helmet hair who are serial adulterers, not like those muslim monogamous people who came before. God didn’t like them.

  • Poly_Ester

    Century, try millenium

  • Iron Monkey

    I think an institution that overlooks its own history among the Borgias, the Orsini clan (including Pope Celestine III, known as the one of the first of the great nepotist) plus Julius II (Giuliano della Rovere) the Warrior Pope, will be bothered by the Newt’s attitude toward his marriage vows. Eager employers of condottieri, more than eager sexual predators and pederasts, forgivers of Nazis and enablers of Fascists as they are and have been, a bit of extramarital humping by a fat American won’t even register.

    Most of the pearl clutching and fainting couch using will come on this side of the Atlantic.

    • honeywest

      And that says it all!

    • richardgrabman

      Well, yeah. The Vatican is one of those tiny European states where the US Ambassadorship is a cushy job given to the President’s friends and supporters, the only difference being that a lot more people care what the Pope has to say about US policy than what the Grand Duke Henri of Luxembourg or Prince Hans-Adam II of Lichtenstein has to say.

      • Astraea_Muse

        And you figure a woman who has a degree in music and a few years as a Congressional aide is well qualified?

        She is replacing Ken Hackett, who was head of Catholic Charity Services prior to his appointment.

        • richardgrabman

          I thought I’d mentioned that in another comment. I think this is Steven Bannon’s doing… Bannon being one of those Raymond Burke Catholics who wants a return to the US Church of the 1950s, and the Gringri being Burkers… Burkians… Burkezerk?. Not that the Vatican has to accept the appointment… they’ve refused ambassadors before.

          This is more a payoff to the right-wing (and right-wing Catholics) than anything else,

  • Moon Base to Space Case…

    Do you have Pope-on-A-Rope Soap? Over.
    https://media1.giphy.com/media/utHtRhMxQYpk4/giphy.gif

  • Poly_Ester

    Ronnie views the Vatican as a primo redevelopment opportunity. Newt is their to get contract for Trump Enterprises.

    • Iron Monkey

      Sistine Chapel is in a primo location. Doesn’t even need much work–just repaint the ceiling and put in more gold leaf and you got a winner.

      • tomcor

        How about a big “T” on ST. Peter’s dome?

      • Mark McAllister

        Terrible floor plan…outmoded…a real looser.

  • Run2Live

    I would have assumed serial adultery was grounds for excommunication from the Catholic Chuch.

    • Poly_Ester

      You are forgetting indulgences, the “get out of hell for a fee card.”

      • Mark McAllister

        Maybe you can find someone to sell you one but it has been determined that it will no longer work as advertised.

    • Astraea_Muse

      He actually got his 18 year marriage annulled, because his second wife was previously married. I wish I were kidding. But that is the current Catholic Church.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The Catholic Church rolls around in so much shit hypocrisy on this issue (see Ted Kennedy) that I just laugh at the whole comedy of Newtie and his hair helmet fucknugget being the US reps to the Vatican.

  • Granny Sprinkles

    Granny has had both a husband and a boyfriend for many many years, she probably shouldn’t throw too many stones.

    Then again, Granny doesn’t go around telling people who they are allowed to fuck. Except Grandpa, he’s not even allowed to have a celebrity hall pass.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Does Italy have the bomb?
    Just askin’.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Now they have both Gingriches. Does that count? Some bombs blow up. This pair just bloviates.

      I hope that Italy keeps them both; we are happy to be rid of them. And I understand that there are still sturdy lamp posts along Italian streets.

  • Internet Hitler

    Mom got divorced in the 1960s and was forbidden from receiving Holy Communion ever again.

    • Kim Darnell

      That’s sad. One of the reasons I don’t care for Catholicism.

    • richardgrabman

      What’s interesting right now is that about the only objections to changing the rules on divorced Catholics receiving Communion are coming from a few cranky US clerics.

    • Jenn

      Hypocrisy

  • honeywest

    Maybe they give discounts to Children of the Corn?

  • CATMAN

    If I remember history well, the Vatican had a cozy relationship with both Mussolini and Hitler, so dealing with sleazeballs like the Gingriches should be a minor problem

    • Kim Darnell

      But not with this Pope. He’s proven to be a better man.

      • Jenn

        We can only hope

      • Lickylick

        2000 years of pedophelia and being able to make demands that always get honored or taken care of doesn’t change because a new pope is pontificated.

        • ahughes798

          Name an x-tian church that doesn’t get the same ass kissing from Uncle Sam.

        • Kim Darnell

          I agree…but I still like this guy. I’m not Catholic, either.

    • Jenn

      The Roman Catholic Church is the biggest , most evil satanic worshippers in history. Pure evil and hypocritical…

      • ahughes798

        No such thing as Satan, Hell, or God as far as I’m concerned. I look churches like I look at corporations. They’re moral, amoral, or somewhere in between. The Catholic church has not been the best corporate citizen. It’s going to take more than one really good CEO to fix it’s problems.

  • Justin Martindale

    The Catholic Church teaches that we can be forgiven. The SOB still makes me sick.

    • Jenn

      Yes but only if you confess with your mouth and repent which promises you’ll will never do it again…

  • Flashman

    Dr. Kervorkian wasn’t available?

    • Dutchman

      Dr. Kervorkian was thoughtful, intelligent and compassionate to his fellow humans. Not sure I understand your process here.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    This shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, it’s not like she wants to be a priest.

  • Scooby

    I’m not that worried about the fact she a slut as much as I am she’s trying to screw poor people in Jesus name.

    • Kim Darnell

      It takes two

      • ahughes798

        Newty is the real slut in the family.

  • Lambsendbeds

    I take a good look at Newt ( then bleach my eyes) and wonder what would possess ANY woman to touch him, much less sneak around committing adultery with him. He looks like The Portrait of Dorian Gray – if Dorian Gray had been The Pillsbury Doughboy.

    • Dinz6315

      Doughrían Pillsbray

    • gffish

      On the other hand, take one look at Callista’s face.

      • ahughes798

        I think I’ve seen pictures of Callista before, or just after she started adulterating with Knewt. She was actually pretty, as I recall. Then she went to the plastic surgeon’s and got the “Republican Wife” package of work done, and dyed her hair platinum. And here we are today.

    • tomcor

      She rented in my neighborhood in Arlington when he was “courting” her. We would see him on the street. Sometimes the press staked out her unit. These two are just more examples of the hypocrisy of Republicans (and Catholics).

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Maybe it’s not so bad. I mean, it does get them out of the country.

  • Cynthia Lane Brown

    I cannot believe this is true!! Calista? I am a seriously lapsed christian, but if this new, good-ish Pope accepts this, I will become an non-believer.

    • Jenn

      Don’t do that, the Catholic Church is notorious for its hypocrisy. Not your fault its the evil that men do.

  • richardgrabman

    Maybe the Gringri will fit right in. As to Newt, Ambrose Bierce said that a Diplomat is a person who lies abroad for his country (maybe he should have said “lays a broad… or two or three?). As to Callista, Luis Martinez y Rodriguez, the Archbishop of Mexico City back in the 1940s and 50s was, in addition to a cleric, a known wit and linguist. Asked to define oral sex, he said it was a prayerful attitude assumed in the face of devotion.

  • phoenix00

    Putting the Sanctimonious in Sanctimony! Or is it the Sacristy?

  • Prof. Arawana Arrigoni

    Look at his badge, a giant “A”. Too bad it’s not scarlet.

    • tomcor

      But shouldn’t she be wearing the “A” like Hester?

      • Prof. Arawana Arrigoni

        Scarlet wouldn’t go with that dress, what is wrong with you?

        • ahughes798

          They both should have the letter “A” branded into the center of their foreheads. With votes, kinda.

  • clever_sobriquet

    Almost as if No45 had a sense of humor and irony… Almost

  • Hazel Blumberg

    Fake 45 has just slapped the country’s, the world’s Catholics, as well as the Pope, in the face. Does he have any idea how many Catholics are out there? Does he have any idea about Catholic doctrine vis a vis adultery and divorce? But then again, it would be politically correct to not send a slut like Callista (and her slut husband Newty) to a Vatican posting. So, yeah, let’s just go ahead and spit in the Pope’s face. This insane dude is beyond clueless.

  • Sekhet Bast-Ra

    Maybe I just have a filthy imagination but SERIOUSLY WTF IS UP WITH THAT ELEPHANT’S EAR?!?!?

  • Cranky Man

    You see, this is why I don’t watch “House of Cards” anymore. The real life shit storm of Cheeto Benito makes Frank seem like a reputable public servant.

  • CVASN

    Maybe The Donald knows that they need absolution in a bad way.

    • Mark McAllister

      That must be it.

  • NotConvinced
  • Mark McAllister

    This will be easy enough to fix but someone is going to have to tell Trump that Berlusconi is not the Pope or if that’s too much for Trump just tell him Berlusconi is no longer the Pope.

  • mary5920

    That book cover! It is real?? LOL
    The artwork is much better than the crazy book/video series that Huckabuck was promoting but still….https://www.mediamatters.org/static/images/item/learnourhistory-20120103-nativescordoba.jpg

  • lhall1016

    I hope the Pope rejects them !!!! but probably won’e being the Xian many that he is !

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