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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Too perfect!
      Even the toothbrush-moustachioed one isn’t sure what to expect next.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • snark-lurker

      needs moar tappe

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Positioned slightly higher, also too.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Republicans and Democrats want Trump’s tapes, but Crom only knows what sort of cringe inducing old-man rants they’ll contain, IF they exist.

    I’m sure the redacted version will contain a lot of these:
    TRUMP: *DUMBFUCKERY DELETED*

    • Opalescent Riddles

      That’s gonna leave a lot of blank tape. There ain’t enough blank tape in the world to contain all his deleted dumbfuckery. And if it’s recorded digitally, there ain’t enough petabytes in all the servers in all the interwebz for that.

  • Nounverb911
    • Opalescent Riddles

      I read that in his voice.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Didn’t it make you want to hurt yourself? His voice makes me mildly nauseous.

  • Ellen D.

    Republicans and Democrats want Trump’s tapes, but Crom only knows what sort of cringe inducing old-man rants they’ll contain, IF they exist.

    Has it not occurred to anyone other than me that what Trump was alluding to was his accusation that Obama is “taping” his conversations? Because that’s what his tweet about Comey and tapes looks like to me. I’m not sure he really believes this, and there’s little logical sense to what he said (this is Trump, since when does logic factor in), it’s just his usual economical method of trying to smear as many of his enemies as he can. It’s a dogwhistle.

  • MynameisBlarney

    So…I finished Season 2 of Sense8…

    No spoilers, but HOOOOOLY fuckin shit!
    Can’t wait until the next Season.

    • Annie Jomes

      I just finished it last night. So good. Only a year to wait until next season! Heh.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Please tell me that “unqualified” was meant to describe his “success”.

    • snark-lurker

      i donut do math but i wonder if some voted moar that one werd

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      “Traitor”.

      • MynameisBlarney

        “Puppet”

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          “Puppetraitor”

          • Msgr_MΩment

            “Shitgibbon” or GTFO

        • From Russia with Love

          “Stooge”

    • snark-lurker

      illegal voters: They DO exist!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Surprised cock holster isn’t up there. But then again, that’s 2 words.

      • arglebargle

        as is Hoofwanking Bunglecunt

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Hoofwanking bunglecunt is a phrase you just don’t see enough these days.

          • Amy!

            It all evens out though.

            We see an example every. fucking. day.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Moran

      • JohnBull

        GET A BRIAN!

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          Get a life, Brian.

    • JohnBull

      I want to see the complete breakdown of replies. No way in hell were these the only words said about him.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        They must have filtered out the sweary ones.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        The list is longer, but I added it up and discovered that the negative words were more than double the positive or neutral (I counted words like “leader” and “president” as neutral), which made me happy.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I can’t wait for the Scottish edition!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        They get two words. Not fair!

    • Apparently a Strong Businessman President is a Leader if he is an Unqualified Incompetent Idiot Liar!

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Ima going to log off for a while, I’ll be back for Open Thread. Take Care Wonketeers! :)

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      kiss kiss- See ya!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        ~hugs~

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Take care!

  • Nounverb911
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Baby cheetah says exactly what I’m thinking this morning.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/K7EcS2MSbPpWU/giphy.gif

  • Scooby

    So, anyway I am in China at One Belt One Road party. Apparently, Trump is so erratic and has alienated so many allies that they are now looking to China for world leadership. As the foreign minister said Trump has ceded Asia-Pacific to us it’s now just getting the Americans to realise it.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      The whole point of the TPP was not so much trade, directly, but to create a cordon around China to keep this from happening. However, Drumpf is stupid.

      • Scooby

        Exactly right. They are now writing a Asian-Pacific deal that greatly benifits them. So, while Trump is cutting the state department and foreign aid China is quadrupling thier diplomatic corps and earmarking almost 2 Trillion USD for foreign aid.

        • PubOption

          Greater Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere?

          • Scooby

            Chinese doesn’t translate well. But the are calling Trump the 24/7 president. Meaning 24 positions in 7 days.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        “However, Drumpf is stupid” could be the rationale for anything that’s happened since he took office.

  • Me not sure

    Look Ma, I’m non-commenting before 10 AM! MORNING! WHAT A GREAT TIME OF DAY! Wait…I just read the Wonkagenda. Fuck it, I’m going back to bed.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • House0fTheBlueLights

    If Illinois does not elect Daniel Biss, who is our next Obama, but with mad math skillz, Illinios is a idiot.

    • PubOption

      Illinois elected Rauner.

  • Iranian presidential elections are on Friday, but the poorest people still don’t see any change coming anytime soon, thanks, in part, to conservative fears stoked by authoritarian jerks like Donald Trump.

    I continue to wonder why we support Saudi Arabia and the extremist Islam it supports, spreads, and funds, while we continue to remain hostile to Iran, which is arguably, less atrocious in many ways compared to the Kingdom.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Easy — oil, the R’s god.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Bill D. Burger

      I may have to rethink this “There is no God.” thingy!

    • Opalescent Riddles

      All beer is designed to drink in the shower. I suggest it be poured into a plastic stein, however. And bourbon, also too.

      Source: original research.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Well, that answers that question.

      Why did the chicken cross the road?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Suggested on several sites over the past two days of chaos and turmoil:
    “Trump’s thinking that if we don’t have a terrorist attack in the next short while, I’m going to have to bomb somebody.”

    Sounds about right to me.

    • wait! what?

      Well, here’s hoping it’s not an American city…

  • Truck Fump

    There was another national leader who made his citizens pledge allegiance to him. I can’t quite remember who it was though…

    • Rick Hill

      Pee Wee Herman?

    • From Russia with Love

      I would imagine during the last couple thousand years that having citizens pledge allegiance to a person has been much more popular than pledging allegiance to an idea.

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      You’re thinking of the army. Or as we say auf Deutsch: “Wehrmacht”.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He was heil-y memorable.

      • Rick Hill

        If I guess and don’t get it reich, can I try a second or third time?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Go ahead. We’ll be here a thousand years.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Please be more explicit and stop playing heil-and-sieg games with the facts.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Ya vole!

    • wait! what?
  • Crystalclear12

    Anyone want to bet there is at least one recording of Trump yelling at a cloud?

    • Rick Hill

      Too much effort. He’d tell someone he would pay them to yell at a cloud. And then not.

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      Only after someone told him the cloud was critical of him.

      • Crystalclear12

        Well, people have been saying there is a black cloud hanging over his administration. . .

        • Opalescent Riddles

          All the more reason for “his base” to yell at it for him.

  • Nounverb911
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      That approval rating is still way, way, way too high. What in the actual fuck can anyone find to approve of?

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        Pissing off libtards. Hard to imagine that explains all of it but WTF else could explain it?

    • Mary Sandoras

      Gallup had him at 39% yesterday, but I’ve seen Gallup flip 4 points in his favor in 1 day???

  • Crystalclear12
    • Left Coast Tom

      Additionally, Politico‘s sources say that Trump fired
      Deputy Chief of Staff Katie Walsh earlier this year after someone
      slipped an article posted on conspiracy theorist Chuck Johnson’s website
      alleging that Walsh was responsible for all the damaging leaks coming
      out of the administration.

      Somehow this seems perfect for L’il Donnie’s “administration”.

    • cmd resistor

      Amazing.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Oh, btw…bank says my account wasn’t hacked. They just made an error on Friday so my deposit wasn’t available until this morning.

    • From Russia with Love

      Whatever happened to “Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s become “The customer is always screwed.”

        • From Russia with Love

          Welcome to Wells Fargo.

  • Chadwells

    Soooo….this weekend fucking sucked. Was getting dressed yesterday to go make my mother in law and family a wonderful Sunday brunch….get a call that my brother in law was found dead at 1pm, he apparently committed suicide via OD…on Mother’s Day….a month after his brother did the same thing. I can’t even imagine what his mom is going through. Losing her only 2 kids…in as many months….and the 2nd on Mother’s Day. So I had to spend the day with his 6 year old daughter trying to keep her happy an occupied.

    Shit was rough y’all and I’m worn out. Can’t take raging against Fuckface because I’m scared I might get violent.

    • keenanjay

      Sorry for you loses. Best wishes.

      • Chadwells

        Appreciated. Thank you.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Wow. Keep holding things together. You’re doing the Lord’s work.
      I can’t begin to even.

      • Chadwells

        Fucking nuts, right?! There’s actually more to the story….but I figured that was enough!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I’m so very sorry, and I have only one thing to offer, the saying that got me through some rough times last year. “When you’re going through hell, keep going.”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Damn, that’s the worst. Yeah, take a timeout.

    • Crystalclear12

      The only words worth listening to in the Bible:
      It came to pass.

      Hold on and go thru.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Oh fuckin hell man

    • John Thorstensen

      Oh, my God. How unspeakably terrible. That poor kid — poor everybody!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Damn. That was seriously unfair on pretty much every level. I wish you (and your relatives) peace.

    • Shanzgood

      I’m so sorry. How awful.

    • Dg Hacket

      I’m so sorry for your loss

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m so sorry. This is really terrible.

    • grindstone

      Oh gosh, I’m so sorry for your family.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      That’s awful… I’m so sorry you and your family are going through that.

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      I am so sorry.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Senseless losses. My condolences.

    • Oh my god I’m so very sorry. We will rage against fuckface for you.

    • TakingAmes

      I’m so sorry, man. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

      • Chadwells

        Thank you. Much appreciated!

    • Yr. Gma

      That is unspeakably grim.

      • Chadwells

        It gets worse…but I reckon that was enough to share. Pretty surreal.

  • Chadwells

    Just thought I’d share. I needed to vent. Not fishing for sympathy or anything like that.

    Crazy fucking world. Pretty absurd if ya ask me.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Stay classy, Pop.

    • Rick Hill

      Another trump class leader. It’s always the fault of someone/something else

    • YoBunnyBunny

      You know, just for shits and giggles, I’d like to see Trump even attempt to try to any of the things, Pooty–to his credit–can do (at least with minimal competence). See Trump ride a horse or go out on the ice hockey floor or martial arts or play the piano.

      The irony of all the Strong Man Man-Crush Idiot FanBoys is that most of those twerps don’t even come near close to measuring up to the strong men they admire.

  • https://twitter.com/MichaelCohen212/status/863913873400836097

    Edie Sedgwick?

    The girl who lived in her parents empty swimming pool in Santa Barbara? The one who appeared in a movie about herself (Ciao! Manhattan) partially filmed during “The Summer of Love” in 1967 that has hippies and drugs, yet seems so far from “love” as possible? That one?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Bet Trump has a matching pic of Ivanka…..in his wallet.

      • From Russia with Love

        In his cummerbund.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Who killed herself with drugs, as I recall.

    • HazooToo

      What is with Dad’s who share sexy pictures of their daughters?

      • From Russia with Love

        They can’t get the wife to play.

    • snark-lurker

      today & forever more, daddy’s name is Mud [with a cap’ M]

    • therblig

      creepy AF

    • ariel_gee_398

      Well, Trump Models is going under, so daddy is trolling for a new contract for his little angel, no doubt.

    • I have such a soft spot for her. No idea why.

      Also: gross

  • Nounverb911
    • Chadwells

      What is digital? USE GODDAMN STEAM!!!

      • John Thorstensen

        You’d have to be Einstein to understand it!

        Which is very funny. A late colleague of mine, Bob Naumann, as a very young professor at Princeton in the 1950s, was dispatched with another junior professor over to Einstein’s house, because Einstein had expressed puzzlement at how atomic clocks work (they’d come to Einstein’s attention because they can be used to test general relativity), and these two whippersnappers were up on the technology.

        Einstein quickly grasped the rather arcane physics involved in stabilizing a microwave oscillator using an atomic transition, but he was still puzzled because the experiment involved electronically counting clock oscillations at what seemed to him to be an impossibly high speed. How did that work?

        It fell to the young professors to explain that this was a scaling circuit. Einstein had never heard of these, so they had to explain how an “on” switch was like a 1, an “off” like a zero, and how to build up binary numbers.

        Weirdly, Einstein had never heard of this, but he immediately grasped it, and was delighted to hear of it — he said something like “Oh, I see, it’s just like base 10, but with only 1 and 0 and based on powers of two!”

        For many years afterwards, Bob would relate this story by saying — “I was Einstein’s teacher!” And indeed, he was. Bob was “no Einstein”, but he was a great guy and an excellent scientist, and he will be missed.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          My favorite Einstein story is of of an exasperated conductor, tired of Einstein messing up the timing of the piece he was playing, yelling “Albert! What is the matter with you? Can’t you count?”

        • Chadwells

          That is so cool!!!!!

    • Mary Sandoras

      Is it an 8 track tape?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Reel to reel… just like in the movies. He deserves THE BESTEST.

      • HOW VALUABLE ARE ELVIS 8 TRACK TAPES????

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Luegenpresse.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Also sprach’ der Scheiß-Affe.

  • Nounverb911
    • Vincent Ricola

      JFC, these assholes.

  • Nounverb911
    • therblig

      he really is a fucking turd.

      • From Russia with Love

        Damning with faint praise?

    • Moebym Reborn

      Those two scoops look like a butt, which he is.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Opalescent Riddles

      Shit, now it is.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It will be when the drilling rig arrives.

  • Nounverb911

    OUR NEW NATIONAL HERO!

    https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/864097468883107840

    (Next time, do it with votes).

    • Bill D. Burger

      If she starts a GoFundMe page I’ll gladly help with her court costs.

      • From Russia with Love

        Plus, she seems nice.

    • HazooToo

      Not really. I mean, I understand the anger, but have some self control and don’t try to kill people.

      • NastyBossetti

        “Have some self control and don’t try to kill people” is also good advice for Republicans in congress.

        • HazooToo

          Absolutely, and I would 100% support creating a road block that prevents these people from leaving their house without holding an on-the-spot town hall about their choices in healthcare, but attempted murder seems like a bad idea.

          • NastyBossetti

            Definitely agree with you there. We need to learn how to harness the power of everyone’s anger before more people start trying to outright kill each other.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I’m not condoning what she did, but man there is some great irony in her being the one charged with “reckless endangerment” in this situation…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        She can argue, cogently, that it was self-defense.

    • shivaskeeper

      It would be more effective to nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

    • She could be off the hook in some states if she could prove the congressman was protesting.

      • Spurning Beer

        If Florida, she’d be in good shape legally, since she obviously feared for her life.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It was wreckless endangerment, and I disapprove.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Good morning Wonkette. Be cool and please patch your PCs, especially if you are in an office – your IT team needs you and they are tired and grumpy and spent much of the weekend, including during their mother’s day celebrations, discussing network worms.

  • Parakeetist

    Kitteh video too squee. I have squee in mah eyeballs nao.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Up to this point, I was confused about why the really obvious channer alt-left trolls were making a pitch for Gavin Newsom as the second coming of Bernie, but if his embittered ex-wife is going to be holding daily WH press conferences I can sort of see it.

    • h4rr4r

      Please stop using that stupid alt-left phrase. That is a not a real thing, it was made up by Nazis. Let’s not make it a thing.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        When Greenwald (who embraces the term, or at least has), Uyger et al quit acting like their brethren on the right, I’ll think about it.

        • h4rr4r

          So they have started calling for extermination of certain races?
          That would be big news. Please provide a link of one of them calling for genocide.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            No, they just start whining about McCarthyism if anyone is tasteless enough to bring it up.

          • h4rr4r

            So then they are not the alt-right counterpart on the left cool.

            I am glad you agree with me.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            No, obviously I don’t, in any particular, but since I don’t really waste time with you guys that shouldn’t be a problem for either of us.

          • h4rr4r

            Thanks for enabling Nazis.

            Have a nice day.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            They’re the spokesmodels for the kind of leftie derptitude I saw on display last week when a potential challenger to my useless Congresstwerp swam into view. Rather than finding out what her platform was, all these morans could think of to do was to harass her as to whether she supported Hillary or Bernie in the primary.

          • h4rr4r

            Ok, so they are dickbags, fine I get that.

            But to be the counterpart to the alt-right they have to call for genocide. Since that is what the alt-right does.

      • HazooToo

        “neoliberal” annoys the shit out of me, too.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Only in the sense that it’s used to mean “not pure enough in your impeccable leftiness for people who accepted hundreds of millions from right-wing scumbags and work with dataminers.”

          • HazooToo

            When the Right stops using every single dirty, underhanded, possibly illegal, probably unconstitutional trick they can think of to win elections, maybe then Democrats can win by collecting $25 donations from the little people and never accepting fees for speaking anywhere or donations from large groups and businesses. But that’s never going to happen, so those people can ride their fucking purity ponies right the fuck out of my sight.

      • Querolous

        How do you feel about ctrl-left?

        • h4rr4r

          Its correct position is where heathen keyboards have Caps-Lock.

  • Nounverb911

    Did anyone notice that donnie didn’t wish the mothers of 4 of his 5 children a Happy Mother’s Day?

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/863774341921742848

    • From Russia with Love

      Donny can’t count that high.

    • therblig

      is he implying that Melon ISN’T one of the great mothers out there?

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      He can’t remember their names…

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Back in the late 80s and 90s, if you went camping/backpacking to the Escalante Canyon area of Utah and were driving a vehicle that somehow in any possible way identified you as a “tree hugger”, it was almost a guarantee that your vehicle would be vandalized, tires slashed, and threatening messages left inside. Good times. I’m glad we’re getting back to that.

    • HazooToo

      How do people who enjoy going to nature places hate people who want to protect nature places?

      • From Russia with Love

        They’re called fishermen.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        The only thing the inbred Mormon fundies that live around there enjoy about nature is fucking it up with their ATVs and defacing indigenous archeological sites.

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      What happens in these areas is that slowly the only money that begins to come in is from these “tree huggers” and that provides 9/10 ths of the economy. Business owners start reminding locals that tour-ons feed them and allow them to live in such beautiful places with actual services instead of boresville where the only entertainment is alcoholism.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Absolutely the case in these areas of southern Utah that are beyond remote. If we could raise money to build a recreational park where the locals could fire weapons at and piss on replicas of Native American petroglyphs, it might ease tensions.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I’m pretty proud of our Nazi-expelling powers here in Charlottesville (all of which occurred only 4 blocks from my apartment). If only our Freedumb Caucus Rep. Tom Garrett would take the time to condemn the alt-wrong interlopers who showed up in our district to white power all over us. Instead, he’s spent the past day whining about how people were RUDE at his townhall last week. Priorities, asshat. Priorities.
    https://twitter.com/JFSmith434/status/863947691633635328

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      This is exactly what the alt-white mofos need to see: mass rejection, every time they show their ugly faces.
      Nicely done, Charlotttesville!

    • OneYieldRegular

      It was so great pathetic to see how the President stepped up immediately meandered around in a fog as usual and denounced hatred and white supremacy petulantly whined until his nurse brought him his bottle.

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      When I saw that torchlight parade I thought “That needs a counterprotest with Super Soakers”.

  • beingreleased

    In response to WanaCry, Trump has ordered the executive branch to stop using computers, have all documents typed up on typewriters, and then sent by passenger pigeon. He knows how to keep America safe.

    • Spurning Beer

      Plan B: hand-written with Sharpies.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • baconzgood

    OT

    EX-Baconz is being a real bitch to Baconz (beyond sending me into a jail with the 2nd highest suicide rate in the country). Now she’s trying to dictate that I can’t get BaconzMa to pick up Baconz Jr & Hambone unless I’m there. This was Baconz response via text message

    “I will try to be there during the pick up of the boys. Unlike you, who can write your own work schedule, my schedule was set a year ago by Major League Baseball. If you get a schedule (be sure to grab it fast so you get a paper cut) you can see the days I work you puss filled festering boil on my unwiped ass hole of life.

    Sincerely,
    The guy who prays you get cancer”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      That should calm her right down.

      • baconzgood

        I hope not. I’m shifting from a strategy of placating to a strategy of antagonism.

        I’m sick of being “reasonably” and “meeting her half way” ( her “half way” is the same as the tea party’s “half way”)

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Please don’t put stuff like that in writing. Judges alter visitation agreements over things like that.

          • Turgid Love Skwerl

            They do. Don’t feed the EX. Feed the T-Rex.

          • baconzgood

            I’m really not mean or stupid enough to actually send that. But it was therapeutic to write.

          • Shanzgood

            You’re killing me, Tallz.

          • baconzgood

            Only YOU know the truth if I sent it or not. And I’m you’re only 75% sure at that.

          • Shanzgood

            I’m still wondering about your “adopted” bunnies.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Venting is good, just be sure to get it all out safely

          • baconzgood

            Like thrill killing a “non-person” aka homeless man or prostitute?

          • baconzgood

            They dont. You should see the shit she wrote about me that didn’t alter the agreement. I have stacks of it.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            They really do. I was the kid in an ugly custody battle. Trust me on this.

          • baconzgood

            PA plays on much much different pitches (trust me)

    • Rick Hill

      Paper trails. What does Rick Hill always say? Don’t leave a paper trail, even on a non commenting website

      • baconzgood

        Nothing I told her was legally binding. Even a judge told her “it’s perfectly legal to hate your EX”

        In fact it’s a right enshrined in God damned constitution.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      FWIW, if those restrictions aren’t in the custody agreement she is interfering with your rights and using the kids as pawns, which generally does not work out well in the long run. Stay strong and proceed with integrity as much as possible.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        This.

      • baconzgood

        I DID point that out to her. But to no avail.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          She may be too horrible and dumb to understand or care, but in my experience judges frown on people deciding to revise orders unilaterally. If there is a GAL involved to advocate for the best interest of the little cracklin’s that might be good…

          • baconzgood

            No…she’s pretty horrible. I honestly see nothing in that woman that I could have ever loved. After 20 years of knowing her…she’s a complete strangers to me.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            The kiddos are the point now. Stick it out long enough to watch her fail in the future from afar, and be the sane parent. Of course you’re dealing with a universe of bullshit currently, but it will pass and you will be marinated in sweet, tangy justice!

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Msgr_MΩment

      It’s a shame that Donnie didn’t take advantage of having Henry over the other day to do the same.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Cutting VA benefits. Sure. Now that America is Great Again, we like veterans who didn’t get disabled?

    • wait! what?

      Veterans are considered disposable income by Donald. It’s a CEO of America thing…

      • JohnBull

        The Don prefers vets who aren’t disabled.

      • miss_grundy

        But how many of them voted for that moron? And how many of them insulted Bamz and Michelle, even though they supported the vets? They will now rue the day they were mean to the Obamas.

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      Real disabled veterans don’t get disabled!

      • Rick Hill

        Not in any of the movies that trump saw. And if they did, they certainly weren’t wimpy enough to need long term treatment

  • Bill D. Burger

    Flash Mob Spells Out ‘Resist!’ On Trump’s Rancho Palos Verdes Golf Course « CBS Los Angeles

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/30512ae84889a5bd416c2576e43df08de48f1d8fdb45852e02a905fff6ed199a.jpg

  • HazooToo
    • I think we’ve found a new candidate!

      • HazooToo

        Somebody needs to get her on Emily’s List.

        • Marion in Savannah

          She’s 17. Better to start her a GoFundMe campaign to pay for her college costs and grad school. THEN get her on Emily’s List.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            She is more qualified, as is, than most congress-critters.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Right about that, you are!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      She was epic, and so was the young man she went with.

    • Dinz6315

      OMG.
      I could cry. What a brave, poised girl. I love her.

      • HazooToo

        She’s got the fire.

  • canes_pugnaces

    The Disunited States of Chaos. Are we ready for another bumper week. Our frothy leader is off to Saudi Arabia (go jihad), Israel (go settlements), and Rome (go pervy priests and misogyny). What could go wrong?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He could come back?

      • canes_pugnaces

        Do you suppose any nation on Earth wants him?

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      I can’t wait to see what kind of reception he’ll get in Europe. I wonder if he’ll declare war on Belgium?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Belgium’s too big. He’ll bomb Monaco because their casinos don’t all go bankrupt.

      • Apparently NATO is trying to figure out how to deal with his ADD

    • John Thorstensen

      Pervy priests are one thing, but Pope Francis is another. I cannot imagine that His Holiness views Trump as a giant among men.

      • canes_pugnaces

        (which is why I left him out of the equation).

    • janecita

      Pope Francis doesn’t like him, I hope that he tells him off.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Pope Francis don’t give a fuck when it comes to insulting the rich and powerful.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Actually, the previous guy, the one Bannon wants back so he can toss Vatican 2 and get back to punishing jews for killing Christ, is the pervy one. This one said Trump’s immigration policies are unchristian during the election and set up free showers and washing machines for homeless people. There’s a reason Trump assigned the third wife of Babylon to be Vatican ambassador.

    • miss_grundy

      He will probably insult everyone. And he will play golf a lot.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I had such a lovely Mother’s Day, y’all. I got to spend it with my grandson and his daddy (my son) and mommy, and I didn’t have to think about Fuckface von Clownstick at all. It was wonderful. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/271c200fa0403c6bb50a3df2450bc6c9732531ca0b394138289431de10c81acf.jpg

    • Yr. Gma

      Gpa made me stroganoff (sticking with the Ruskie theme) and my assorted kids and grandchildren showed up with lots of little Minnie Mouse themed kitchen gadgets for me. Then I sat around and did squat. Great Mother’s Day.

    • SeeTrain65

      Hi, baby. Aren’t you a little cutie?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump: “All these losers keep messing things up for me. I’m the victim here.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C_0IMydWAAAK06l.jpg

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I feel that it’s safe to say that anyone who would consider replacing any of these people must hereafter be considered soulless, mindless, greedy, banal, evil, and stupid, so the pool of potential candidates is pretty much limited to 4Chan, Breitfart, and Alex Jones, at this point.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        You don’t think Jared will just widen his portfolio? It’s not like servicing the badly overleveraged Manhattan real estate holdings he bought at the top of the market before his father-in-laaw took an axe to the revenue of the tri-state area is going to take up much of his time.

      • Rick Hill

        And also not worry that this is a temporary position

    • msanthropesmr

      Hahahahah hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha

      I can’t breathe!

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      That would be awesome. All the leftist voices (i.e. everyone NOT FAUX News) should demand that he keep them all for at least his first term.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Twilight and American Psycho are underrepresented in the WH, their wives also too.

    • PubOption

      Night of the long knives ties?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Is the attorney that McGahn character who willfully ignored Sally Yates?

    • Doug Langley

      Careful Donnie, before you accidentally fire yourself.

    • TakingAmes

      Do you think President Bannon goes right back to Dead Breitbart and spills his guts?

  • Nounverb911
  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Bootleg WinXP installations are being held hostage and Microsoft is not the prime suspect? This completes our transition to an alternate reality.

  • baconzgood

    I was watching Meet the Press and Talky-Head-Host read Donny’s tweet and said “‘…’tapes’ is in quotes, whatever that means..”

    True story.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I suspect that he can’t see well enough on the screen of his phone to realize that people put *asterisks* around words they want to emphasize on platforms that don’t allow italics, and he was trying to say something along the lines of “Comey better hope I don’t have TAPES,” but his basic illiteracy got in the way, as usual.

      • baconzgood

        Well donny played the Obama “bugged” my toaster riff to play it off as a joke.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He’s not very good at spelling, so why would anybody expect his punctuation to be any better?

      • baconzgood

        It be easier to list what Donny IS good at.

        • miss_grundy

          Grifting……

        • Doug Langley

          Alec Baldwin’s career . . .

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I think that was him trying to be clever. Remember when ‘tapps’ really meant the grand range of modern electronic surveillance? ‘Tapes’ is probably a stand in for any form of recording his staff can make an argument for the legality of.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • puredog

      So how’s that Palmer Report thingie coming today?

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Same Shit Different Day in other words

  • Michael R
    • Doug Langley

      I still remember when Tricky Dick tried to tell us that’s how the tape got erased. NOBODY bought it.

      • From Russia with Love

        Goddamn foot switches!

        • Doug Langley

          Even Olga Korbut couldn’t do a move like that.

    • Yr. Gma

      Rosemary! Love that IBM Selectric!

    • SeeTrain65

      A bit during the times from Robert Klein from the track “Wallowing In Watergate” from his “Mind Over Matter” album:

      “In my opinion there was always a hum. We’re not entitled to know everything. This is top secret code. They gotta run the government. Nixon and Haldeman and Ehrlichman were having a conversation and Nixon said, “BEEEEEEEEEP!” … And Haldeman went, “BOOOOOOOOP!” … And Ehrlichman went, “BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!” … And Rose Mary Woods was typing the whole thing down as quickly as she could!

      “Quite an acrobat, Rose Mary Woods. ‘Well, your honor, the phone rang as usual and suddenly MY HAND WENT HERE, MY FOOT WENT HERE, MY NOSE WENT THERE, I THINK MY TEETH DID IT! … Well, I know it is a 10 feet spread, your honor. I am from a circus family, this is not generally known … Yes, sir, we were a circus family, … The Flying Woods.'”

      There’s more, but it’s too hard to try to transcribe. I wish there was some easy way to let you listen to it, but like many things I like, it’s hard to find.

    • phoenix00

      “Hello Miss Moneypenny!”

  • memzilla Ω
  • Crystalclear12
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Well, IMO the dumb bitch didn’t have to take the job, so if she feels like Dolt 45 is loathsome, she should quit.

      • Crystalclear12

        Yes, she did it to herself but self harming behavior usually hides a bigger issue.

        • DrBigHead

          The problem is that I believe that you can make a case for her behavior harming far more people than just herself, and for that I have no sympathy.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Look what happened to Bowling Green!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          In this case what it seems to hide is “I want all the money, all the fame, and all the power, and if it destroys the country, oh well.”

    • HazooToo
      • From Russia with Love

        Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a fish hook in it.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Well yeah. She spent the first part of the primaries shitting all over Trump for the exact same reasons we were because she was working for Canadian Ted Cruz. Everything she does is for the $$$.

    • DrBigHead

      Fort me it is much, much less. If this is truly her opinion, then she has absolutely no integrity.

      But I thihk we already knew that.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Make me like her even less.

      If it’s true that she hates him, but is willing to assist putin’s puppet in deconstructing this nation….that makes her much worse than if she was 100% behind him.

    • Crystalclear12

      So we are agreed. It’s definitely less!
      The woman has no soul.

    • jesterpunk

      Less, she willingly lies for Trump just to collect a pay check. Also if the media could stop trying to make Trump’s people seem like good people while they are helping destroy the country that would be great.

    • Yr. Gma

      KaC has no principles. She’s a fame whore. Liking her “more” is impossible.

      • Crystalclear12

        Speak the truth and shame the devil!

  • OneYieldRegular

    That poor mother cheetah looks exhausted.

    • DrBigHead

      Wait ’til the kid is a little older.

    • Doug Langley

      Well, she’s working 2 jobs to afford milk for the babies.

      • From Russia with Love

        And the occasional bunny rabbit, it would appear.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Mike Pence and ‘Mother’ Pence and Mike’s mother (damn this is confusing) hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C_1M8NgWAAYAKfz.jpg

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Optional REQUIRED music…
      https://youtu.be/cyIxdOctioo

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I doan think Disqus likes the iframes.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          DIsqus use to be fine with the youtube videos, but for some reason I can’t get them to post right…

    • From Russia with Love

      Where do they manage to find these guys?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • TJ Barke

      Please FSM let it be true…

      • weejee

        Crom too, also.

    • Have not seen that in forever and I LOVE it.

  • Chadwells

    Thank you all for the kind thoughts. You guys are aces!!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Hang in there, broham.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Nounverb911

      WIll he wear a short skirt to show off his legs?

      • Mary Sandoras

        Or a glass desk for some crotch shots?

      • weejee

        Ow!

        / reaches for the brain bleach

      • MynameisBlarney

        Hot pants?

      • From Russia with Love

        At least the one that is causing him all that pain, poor dear.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          I think I know what caused that leg injury. He had it stuffed up his own ass….

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Vincent Ricola

      Everyone involved is a gross.

    • mackafritz

      Of course. Where else would he go?

      • MynameisBlarney

        To Hell.

        • TJ Barke

          Eventually, Blarney, eventually.

        • weejee

          Or Nigeria on a mission to Boko Haram.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Well, close….

    • wait! what?

      They could call his show:

      “Take my foot and shove it”

      • Yr. Gma

        That might hurt though with his recent surgery and all. Wait…

    • Wild Cat

      They need another token ex-Jew.

    • Bill D. Burger

      He’s been auditioning for them for a looooong’ time.

      http://media.caglecartoons.com/media/cartoons/53/2016/10/21/186340_600.jpg

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He’s been an unofficial shill for years. Figured he might as well collect some dolla dolla bills from Rupe.

      • bupkus231

        Supposedly, there are laws that prevent a retiring/defeated Congressman from immediately cashing in as a Congressional lobbyist – but it sure seems like becoming a “media figure” or pundit immediately should also be restricted.

        I would say this even if it was some other TV “news” organization” hiring Chaffetz – it’s just more egregious that it’s Fix News hiring him, since they depend on an audience that doesn’t have the intelligence to turn away…

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      As someone who lives in Utah, fuck that guy, hope he drags Fox down with him.

    • TakingAmes

      I am SHOCKED! Shocked, I tell you!

    • Wild Cat

      Hey, at least none of the preists will be interested in her.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Heeeeyooooo!

      • phoenix00

        The priests are all interested in the boys.

        *goes off to repent. Mightily.

    • wait! what?

      What did they call Pope Benedict XVI after his last day?

      Ex Benedict.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Hope Tarentino direct her memoirs of her tenure: “Pope Fiction” ___ the sex, violence, plot twist…Winning!

      • wait! what?

        “Valley of the Dolls III – Rise of the Revenge”

    • Bill D. Burger

      Newt should be appointed as The Holy Representative of The Sanctity of Marriage .

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Breakfast at the Vatican….(remake)…

  • baconzgood

    “Nazi-punching counter-protesters”

    Sounds like a very target rich environment for Baconz patterned* Cock Punch

    *paten pending

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    XP was worlds better than that goddammed trainwreck Vista that came after it.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      It’s all been downhill since punch cards.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Since the Abacus.

        • wait! what?

          And then someone just had to go invent “0.”

          • MynameisBlarney

            Stupid mathematicians!

          • LucindathePook

            And we all know who that was, right? Ban the Muslins!

        • From Russia with Love

          Clay tablets or GTFO!

      • Crystalclear12

        Babbage was the last one to get it right!

        • Jamoche

          Babbage was the first one to get sucked into the “just one more feature” trap.

      • Yr. Gma

        You know, I still resent the fact that I had to sit through that stupid class in 1968.

    • h4rr4r

      Not really no.
      But it is a popular opinion from folks who don’t know what they are talking about.

      That driver support was not there is not microsoft’s fault.

      I am a known MS hater, personally the entire OS is still a joke.

      • major_asshole

        Sooo…lack of driver support wasn’t Microsoft’s fault. Fine.

        Now what about the fact that Vista was a RAM hog and all the *other* problems with it? I actually had a laptop that ran *better* (and more reliably) with Win7 than it did with Vista, and I did nothing to the hardware.

        • h4rr4r

          No, because microsoft’s ecosystem stupidly relies on 3rd party drivers. The Linux drivers in mainline method is far superior. This stupid decision means borked drivers are not Microsoft’s fault.

          It was not really a RAM hog, it finally started using RAM as a cache for disk. The indexing on the other hand was questionable. This meant a lot of IO for no good reason.

          Yes, Win7 was a massive improvement, but we are comparing Vista and XP. Just as Vista was an improvement over XP, Win 7 was a huge improvement over Vista. If they keep this up they might catch up to OSX and Linux in another hundred years.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            If they keep this up they might catch up to OSX and Linux in another hundred years.

            Assumes that all development on OSX and linux stops for a hundred years.

          • phoenix00

            Also largely because of two reasons: 1) MS folded under the weight of Intel and HP, who wanted to dump cheap underpowered PCs with lousy integrated graphics, and lowered Vista’s minimum specs; and 2) WDM 1.0, which made many many unnecessary memory copies between system RAM and VRAM.

            Win7 introduced WDM 1.2 and 2.0 which made things much better. Also Intel got its act together and vastly improved both CPU and graphics performance. Netburst got Scalia’d in favor of the Core architecture, and we haven’t looked back since.

          • h4rr4r

            1) Good point!
            2) had you had enough RAM this would not have been a problem. See your point 1.

            Yeah, and Ryzen is finally going to push Intel off its perch and back into action.

      • phoenix00

        I hate Vista too, but to their credit MS overhauled their entire driver validation procedures and made driver updates easier to access through Windows Update around this time.

        • h4rr4r

          Sure, but they need to start being the source of drivers. The windows driver situation is still a nightmare compared to OSX/Linux. Yes those two have less drivers, but they are much better for it.

    • But still not suitable for running the computer system of the NHS or that of Trident submarines

      • phoenix00

        Heck I don’t even want it anywhere! I’ve largely moved to Win10 except for legacy testing.

    • phoenix00

      It still needs to be retired. Win7 and 10 beat both to a pulp.

  • Well, the arc of justice just bent a little our way.

    From a WaPo “breaking news” lede:

    Supreme Court won’t review decision that found N.C. voting law discriminates against African Americans

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Ann Coulter wants to get off the Trump train because he’s not building the Tortilla Curtain fast enough.

    Nope, sorry. No cookies for her. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/618458c06fab7d3f4f4ef501172510cb3c625c029b1e7ea533a2b76d03b84ed6.jpg

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I thought the Trump Train ran her over already, and she’s been limping after it ever since.

  • Duke

    It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood!

    Gosh, I hope they don’t cut PBS.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Well, the Legislative probe into AG (and potential candidate for Governor) Adam Laxalt is getting pretty hairy. Besides rending the Nevada GOP asunder (Senate Minority Leader Michael Roberson is demanding the Gaming Control Board be investigated for colluding with Legislative Democratic politicians to smear Laxalt, while Governor Brian Sandoval is waiting to see what happens but saying an investigation is needed), it’s now been revealed that Laxalt demanded the GCB intervene in Sheldon Adelson’s civil case after his own deputies told the GCB they should not intervene.

    • BrendaKay

      I knew Laxalt wasn’t a great choice for AG (and therefore did not vote for him) but I would not have guessed he would be this incompetent (or corrupt? or both?)

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I knew he wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer (he sure isn’t like his granddad, who is revered by both parties despite being a Reagan Republican), but I figured it was his big mouth would get him in trouble before some sort of undue influence attempt.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Turmp helps solved conundrum historians have struggle with for over a century…
    Not on purpose obvs.

    http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/5/14/1662171/-Trump-Has-Just-Solved-a-Conundrum-Historians-have-Struggled-with-for-a-Century

    • wait! what?

      I’m not suggesting that Trump’s bungling, his treasonous ties to Russia or brutal immigration policy might in any way add up to the unspeakable evils of slavery. But what I am suggesting is this. The people who make the biggest moral claims are invariably the ones who accept the most jaw-dropping moral compromises.

    • eyelashviper

      Excellent writing, thanks for posting it…she nails tRump and his evil cadre.

    • VirginiaLady

      Very good read!

    • TundraGrifter

      Abraham Lincoln made a great point about slavery that sometimes gets lost in the conversation. Slavery came to the Colonies long before democracy.

      Remember – The early settlers didn’t come to the New World for religious freedom (for example). They came here for the freedom to practice their own particular brand of religion. And to put down the rest.

      Others came to plunder and pillage. Most came to start a new life because the old one wasn’t working for them.

      When the American Colonies began to unite and work to regain the rights they had in Britain as subjects of the King, slavery was long-embedded. Wrong as it was – and it was very, very wrong (and made worse by the way it was practiced hiere) it was here first.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I’m sure we all wish Rachel well as she moves on to other opportunities

    https://twitter.com/nedoliver/status/863847759614541824

    • TundraGrifter

      Did the dying medium predict her own death?

      • Yr. Gma

        I thought print news was the dying medium.

        • TundraGrifter

          Dying to present the truth?

  • canes_pugnaces

    RE: Helmethead Fingerich as Emb. to the Vatican:

    I forget, what is the Pope’s view on cheating and divorce?

    • VirginiaLady

      I’m quite surprised they didn’t select a young man for that appointment. How clueless are these idiots??

      • TakingAmes

        Maybe they figure this pope is super liberal on everything else, maybe he won’t mind the serial adultery so much.

    • phoenix00

      I’m pretty sure The Good Shepherd takes a very dim view towards cheating on a dying cancer-ridden spouse.

  • eyelashviper

    Back to square one, time for another revolution…

    http://editorialcartoonists.com/cartoons/HallE/2017/HallE20170515_low.jpg

  • Carpe Vagenda

    One bright spot: this is apparently an apple they’re not super comfortable letting Kennedy get another bite of

    https://twitter.com/CharlesMBlow/status/864124158887821313

    • Jennifer R

      Only takes 4 votes to hear a case so it’s probably both sides worried Kennedy is a wild card.

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    Say, when do you think the next extinction event will happen? I’d say we’re due for one, eh?

  • Perkniticky

    I went to a panel session where Carole Cadwalladr was talking about her research on Cambridge Analytica and Mercer – it’s a great story, told extremely poorly in the Guardian. Maybe Vox could give them some tips on how to reach a wider audience. Because it is a really important issue, which probably requires a public inquiry. It very much seems that Brexit was a dry run for the Trump election.

  • ltmcdies

    OT…apparently NATO is child proofing the meeting room

    https://twitter.com/TDPattillo/status/864147369427968000

    • Lyly Sirivong

      I don’t believe this. What good would it do to pander so much to him ????

      • phoenix00

        Losing the US and its military would be magnitudes worse.

  • Yr. Gma

    Thanks for the nuggets of good news, Dominic. Yesterday was pure despair. Let’s get back to our fighting mode, kids.

  • Panika MCD

    what is with this new trend of the GOP being opposed to animal welfare. just 2 years ago they were all, “yes, animal abuse is part of the sociopathic triad and don’t fuck with a man’s dog!” and this year everyone has all of a sudden decided that animal abuse can be accidental or something.

    this horse show stuff is especially stupid. horses prance if they want to prance. I worked on a horse ranch when I was 14 which had polo horses and American Saddlebreds. being show horses, the saddlebreds had their tails broken and re-set to be this odd pompadour, but they got the good drugs for it. they also pranced a lot. my favorite polo horse being part thoroughbred, from Argentina and a “proud cut” gelding liked to show off also and he’d prance any time he saw a saddlebred. (he also had one of the derpier runs I’ve ever seen because he paddled.) I should note that because saddlebreds (and many other show breeds) wear the equivalent of heels as their horse shoes, it’s also not uncommon to cut a certain nerve so that they don’t feel pain. (however, not all nerves are cut because they can founder if no one notices that the heels are fucking up their arches.)

    • Internet Hitler

      Dork Trump sons hunt defenseless animals and daddy can’t be trusted near pets – or anything else really.

      • Panika MCD

        that doesn’t mean people reverse their positions at the state level.

  • guppy06

    Ann Coulter wants to get off the Trump train

    That train is not slowing down on its way to the cliff. Tuck and roll, bitch!

    • phoenix00

      I was pretty sure I saw Coulter shoveling more coal into the broiler.

  • Lily412

    Are you sure you have the right link on the Boston story? I’m seeing an AP story about North Korea.

  • SeeTrain65

    “Chuck Schumer went on teevee to say that he’ll block any nominee to head the FBI unless there’s an independent special prosecutor named to lead the Trump-Russia investigation, joining similar calls from Mark Warner, Heidi Heitkamp and Kirsten Gillibrand.”

    I’ll be honest … I’m surprised Heitkamp gives a shit.

  • pixeloid

    Hey, where are the deleted comments this week? What the hell kind of snark mob are your running here?

    • phoenix00

      Dok decided this past week’s weren’t worth writing about, is skipping a week, and wrote a nice takedown of Roger Stone instead.

      https://wonkette.com/617082/get-me-roger-stone-is-a-very-good-movie-about-a-very-bad-human-being

      Which counts in my mind! Because Roger Stone is a gigantic and rich Shit For Brains.

      • pixeloid

        I saw the Roger Stone bit and it was interesting, but he’s a true monster and the less I think about him the better it is for my sanity. Hopefully we’ll get a full derp buffet of light idiocy next Sunday (well, Monday for my time zone).

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