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Strong challenger to Betsy DeVos in the Fake Smile Olympics

Oklahoma has always resented that Texas won Molly Ivins’s title as the National Laboratory For Bad Government, so from time to time the Oklahoma Lege will toss up some spectacularly bad idea like banning sharia law or keeping fetus parts out of food or banning abortion over and over again. So it shouldn’t come as any surprise that Republican state Rep. Mike Ritze has offered a brilliant, if slightly unconstitutional, plan to help close the state’s $900 million budget gap: Just find all of the 82,000 schoolchildren in the state who don’t speak English, turn them over to Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and then they and their families can be deported, or at the very least, they can be kicked out of school.

State Rep. Ritze told CBS affiliate KWTVthe idea was part of the 22-member Republican Platform Caucus’s plan to find up to a billion dollars in budget savings. In there among ideas about eliminating some tax credits and maybe saving as much as $39 million by eliminating all “promotional swag” given out by state agencies, the caucus had this humdinger of a plan, as Ritze explained:

The caucus said there are 82,000 non-English speaking students in the state.

“Identify them and then turn them over to ICE to see if they truly are citizens, and do we really have to educate non-citizens?” Ritze asked.

The caucus thinks that could save $60 million.

The killjoys at the Washington Post point out that refusing to educate kids because they’re not citizens is actually a tiny bit on the unconstitutional side, since the Supreme Court ruled in its 1982 Plyler v. Doe decision that states can’t deny education on the basis of immigration status. Hell, that seldom deters Oklahoma from all sorts of nifty bills, like that proposal to outlaw all abortions we mentioned. Sometimes the Oklahoma Lege even passes the things, like the Sharia Law ban or placing a big ol’ Ten Commandments monument on the statehouse lawn, and then it spends a bunch of money losing lawsuits as a result. And hey, here’s a coincidence — Mike Ritze headed up the effort to install that Ten Commandments monument, which managed to misspell “Sabbath” as “Sabbeth” the first time out. Nevar forget!

The Associated Press tried to get details from Ritze on how all this would work — would the state actually round up the kids or just turn their names over to ICE? — but he is suddenly not answering his phone.

By the time Ritze’s comments started getting national attention, other Republicans, even members of the Platform Caucus, were wisely backing away from their crazy colleague. Chuck Strohm, the co-chair of the caucus, told the AP Ritze wasn’t accurately describing the group’s discussions, and that the citizenship test appeared to be all Ritze’s idea:

“On this subject of deporting students, that is not a position that we support” […]

Strohm said the caucus discussed the additional financial burden that students who require additional English instruction create, but never the idea of reporting students to ICE.

“This caught many of us by surprise, because that’s not the direction that we talked about.”

Well that’s a heck of a relief! It sounds like the real caucus proposal wasn’t to turn the kids over to La Migra, but simply to save $60 million by not teaching the little boogers English or providing them other second-language support. Now there’s a fine example of Oklahoma moderation! Sadly, if that’s what they had in mind, it’s illegal, too: The feds require schools to help kids become proficient in English, and even to communicate with parents in their home language. (Maybe we shouldn’t say that too loud so Trump won’t go after those regulations.)

In an update to the KWTV story posted Friday, Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin said the idea of examining non-English speaking students’ citizenship status was “not on the table for me. I’ll just take that off the table right now. Real simple.”

Yr Wonket would now like to congratulate ourselves on getting through this whole piece without once questioning the English skills of Oklahoma legislators. We feel good about ourselves, yes we do.

Please click the “Donate” clicky below so Yr Wonkette can continue our tradition of mocking doofuses in state legislatures across our great land.

[WaPo / KWTV / AP / WaPo]

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  • Me not sure

    The Russian judge gave him a ten.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      I gave his face multiple middle fingers before I even read about his proposal.

  • Treg Brown

    So commenting on his looks would make me a bad person right?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Depends. Were you going to say he looks like the result of someone hitting Joe Pesci in the face repeatedly with a cast iron skillet? ‘Cause that would be bad.

      • msanthropesmr

        Joe Pesci libel.

    • BearGHAZI

      Nah. Man’s got legit melting clown face.

    • Ilgattomorte

      Well, maybe. But you’d definitely be an astute person.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      No… just observant.

    • Chadwells

      Be brave. Have at it. These fucks do not deserve the decency we give actual human beings.

    • Crystalclear12

      Go southern and say:
      Bless him. He’s outside matches his inside.

    • Nockular cavity

      Yes, and you are in excellent company here!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      It would establish that you have a firm grasp of the obvious.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Well, considering his picture made me say out loud, “There’s a child molester,” I’m guessing you’re in league with the rest of us.

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Why? He’s looks like a fine candidate for Goatfucker of the Year.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      He dyes his eyebrows…….any derision is his own fucking fault.

      • Treg Brown

        That’s all I noticed about him!

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      If so I’m there with you. He looks surprised and oddly delighted, like someone just shoved a lubed dildo up his ass.

    • arglebargle

      You would still be a good person, with a few exceptions.

  • msanthropesmr

    We could save even more money by not providing public education. Oh wait, it appears that Oklahoma has already done that in your case, shitheel.

  • Ricky Gay

    Is he sitting on a stick?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Someone jumped on his enama bag.

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

        I think you misspelled ‘anime’

  • msanthropesmr

    Vere are your papers?

  • Crystalclear12

    I would like to say I don’t think southwest Missouri is bad, we’re just in a bad neighborhood. We are surrounded by Kansas, Arkansas and Oklahoma.
    For proof I refer to the above.

  • Jim Gormley

    I am already considered a bad person; why do these old pale guys think that we won’t see that they are dying their hair? C’mon…

    • PubOption

      Nobody noticed when St. Ronnie dyed his hair.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Nobody spoke about it. Trust me, everybody noticed.

      • snigsy

        Johnny Carson once said something like: “Ronald Reagan doesn’t dye his hair; he bleaches his face.”

  • jesterpunk

    If Trump goes to Oklahoma will they deport him back to Russia? He doesnt speak English good.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    It ain’t about actually making law. Now that it’s out there, those kids will be afraid to go to school because the mean government wants to arrest them. Savings!

  • memzilla Ω

    Bills like this one, which discriminates against ESL students, are PERFECTLY LEGAL AND CONSTITUTIONAL,,, with a few exceptions.

  • snigsy

    “Nevar forget!” Thanks for the laugh, Dok!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Anyone who allowed that pictured to be released for promotional purposes must have the greatest collection in the world of lawn jockeys, plywood cutouts of fat women bending over and glow in the dark garden gnomes in their front yard.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    You had me at Oklahoma. I was expecting at the very least, “Oh, what a beautiful mornin'”

    Instead, you gave me a grinnin’ shit pig with a god awful hair dye. Harrumph, sir, good day to you!

  • Chadwells

    Talk about a face for radio. Get a face that fits your head, you sick evil fuck!

    (When they go low…I go lower.)

  • jesterpunk
  • Nockular cavity

    which managed to misspell “Sabbath” as “Sabbeth” the first time out.

    Maybe they were facing lawsuits from Black Sabbath?

    • Bobathonic

      Sounds to me like he can’t speak English. DEPORT!

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Has he ever googled, “Misspelled TEABagger signs”?
    A LOT of inbred white folk gonna be deported back to Europealand!

    • Mintie

      I’m fairly certain the majority of people haunting the Wonkette comments section has not just googled, but in fact bookmarked, several sites with misspelled Teabagger signs. It’s how we cope with our horror show of a current administration.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It’s the perfect Mothers Day gift.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Say, do you know who else grew up in the US speaking not-English?
    https://youtu.be/-aWkhuAu8go

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    What, if anything, could this end up doing to non verbal students? I was non verbal until I turned eight. It’s a reasonable question.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oklahoma could maybe generate more tax revenue by maybe improving their schools, couldn’t they? More skilled workers = better jobs = higher pay, right? Or is there some component of that they don’t understand?

    • jesterpunk

      Better educated workers.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      No can do. Sadly, that would require spending money on poors and POC and we just don’t have the funds – we need to save money for the lawsuits. Sorry, pardner.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Educated people stop listening to pablum and start using their brain for something other than skull filling.

    • AmusedAmused

      Skilled workers who can command higher pay will move the hell out of Oklahoma. To increase revenue, it’s not enough to invest in schools — you have to invest in EVERYTHING to induce people to stay.

  • Shibusa

    Fun fact: Rep. Mike Ritze actually funded the $10,000 cheesy Ten Commandments monument that was installed on the state Capitol grounds.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Anyone who’s that stupid with his own money has no business handling anyone else’s.

      • Shibusa

        He was also the good “Christian” who insisted that all those poor, unaccompanied Central American refugee kids had to be “quarantined” in 2014 so they didn’t give Oklahomans any cooties. Meanwhile, homegrown Oklahoma anti-vaxxers are throwing their weight around the state Senate.

  • canes_pugnaces

    I have some ideas:

    1) Make schools all white;
    2) Make public transportation white only;
    3) Make laws that penalize brown people;
    4) Make Donald Trump president;
    5) Make Jeffy Pop Sessions AG; and,
    6) Burn some crosses.

    (oh, and move to Bali)

  • Oneofthebobs

    Donald doesn’t speak English. Deport him.

    • dslindc

      Donald has words! The best words! Bigly!

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Somewhere in Oklahoma, a Trump supporter is probably thinking, “It would be cheaper to shoot ’em than deport ’em”.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “No, seriously man, it’s constitutional as fuck.” — Morgan, Lewis & Bockius LLP

    • laughingnome

      Does LLP stand for Lie Lie Pee?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Religious plaque build up causes truth decay.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Aaaaaaaannnnnnndddddd, Stolen.

  • Bec Jenn

    I heard about this yesterday and I was in tears. It followed my mistake of watching local news last night about all the deportations and immigration arrests made in the Valley (Phoenix). I’m tired of the evil in this world. Hell, I’m going to quit the internet today and play some games.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    I’m not liking this remake of the remake of The Manchurian Candidate so much at all. How did they cast this guy to play Liev Schrieber’s role? My isn’t Meryl Streep in this one at all?

    • jesterpunk

      Whoever wrote this story needs to go back to school, the main character is crazy and not believable at all.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Vlad makes for a pretty good Khigh Dhiegh, though.

  • jesterpunk

    If they put up the 10 commandments again can the Church of Satan put up a monument too?

    http://kfor.com/2015/07/02/satanic-temple-looking-for-new-home-for-baphomet-statue-after-oklahoma-courts-ruling/

  • DrBigHead

    You know, I would think that a basic understanding of the goddamn Constitution would be a prerequisite for being a lawmaker. Obviously I am delusional.

  • MynameisBlarney

    OK…
    He looks like one of those people that failed at everything in life, yet somehow managed to be smart enough to get a bunch of idiots to elect him.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Being the smrtest windowlicker, still means you are, in fact, a windowlicker.

  • Me not sure

    I used to teach in a county where we had two distinct groups of immigrant students. Many were here illegally and because of the SCOTUS case cited above, were educated for free like any other student. The problem arose from the fact that we had a large defense related aircraft plant that employed a number of engineers and skilled workers from other countries. They were here legally, working for a defense contractor, but the school system charged them a tuition fee for education because they weren’t covered by that ruling. The conservative Republican dominated school board could have waived the tuition but didn’t, because “Goddammit, somebody’s gonna pay!”

    • BosGrl

      Geez.

  • laughingnome

    HR McMaster looks like Mr. Clean.

    • BosGrl

      Also: Why is he yelling?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m getting pretty motherfucking tired of all these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking continent.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Another vile piece of shit who strains the very seams of the Commenting Rules for Radicals.

  • AmusedAmused

    I have a suggestion for how Oklahoma can save money. Stop passing patently unconstitutional symbolic legislature and wasting funds defending it in court knowing you’re gonna lose.

    Also: the most outrageous thing here isn’t the targeting of immigrant kids even, but the idea that a child may be arrested for the crime of speaking English poorly, being autistic, having a speech impediment, speaking a foreign language, speaking with an accent, speaking suspiciously GOOD English, or being adopted. I am certain at this point we’ll never see the bottom of Republicans’ monstrosity.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      The list in your second block pretty much describes every child in Oklahoma.

    • LucindathePook

      Query: Do they have to speak Spanish to be deported?? ‘Cause my in-laws spoke Yiddish cradle to school age, though born here, and I have a Ukrainian friend born here who only learned English at school. Or does you has to be a brown to be deported?????

      • AmusedAmused

        I live in NY, so I know whole Jewish communities that have been here for several generations, and they speak Yiddish. Kids speak it as their first language, and adults’ English is shaky, or at least accented.

        As to your question, anything that’s not English is “Spanish” to right-wingers. I still remember the incident in one of them square states when a couple of Hebrew speakers got attacked for speaking “Spanish”.

        • LucindathePook

          I remember some story about a RWNJ who complained on an overseas trip about people not speaking English in England. They were in Wales, and it was Welsh.

          • Heard a similar story about a lady speaking Navajo in Arizona.

          • LucindathePook

            She should go back to where she came from.

  • Shoto

    With a winning smile like that, Mike Ritze could be a world-class used car dealer. “Hell no, we didn’t roll back the odometer. Several times.”

    • mailman27

      Dude confuses “smiling” with “showing his teeth.”

  • Ilgattomorte

    Wow! What a savings. Why stop there though? Language alone can be deceiving. A lot of people don’t know this, but many sneaky immigrants actually speak English.

    Maybe the budget would be better served by simply comparing the child’s complexion to a Pantone color chart of beige through brown. I bet we can pick up a lot more immigrants that way and save even more. That’s true conservative compassion! In fact, it’s the Republican motto, “We save, because we care”.

    And, yet people still think of the GOP as a bunch of heartless bastards. Go figure.

  • Jenny

    Was just legislative room talk guys, not serious! Every legislator talks like that in the privacy of their locker eeeerm legislative rooms.

    • Oily Messiah

      Usually while having phone sex with Bill O’Reilly.

      “Oh, yea! You’re going to deport those immigrant children aren’t you! You’re such a rock-hard american”

      *Fap fap fap*

  • Oily Messiah

    Wow, this guy manages to make Failin’ Fallin look reasonable. Wingnutception (wingnuts within groups of wingnuts)

  • Creepoman

    “Chinks and WOPs and ‘Spics better scurry,
    When ICE rounds you up in a hurry.”

    • WomanInThePersistence

      With a fringe on top.

      • exinkwretch

        With the fringe in charge, you mean.

  • anwisok
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Yr Wonket would now like to congratulate ourselves on getting through this whole piece without once questioning the English skills of Oklahoma legislators. We feel good about ourselves, yes we do.

    And a serious lack of dick jokes too. Man, I don’t know why I bother to obsessively haunt these pages anymore.

  • Internet Hitler

    What ever happened to asking folks who won the World Series? That worked to catch spies in WW2!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Alas, I would be arrested. Because baseball.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        There was an incident where a high-ranking officer did get arrested for about half an hour because he didn’t know the Chicago Cubs were in the National League.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I’d be doing hard time. Because baseball. Imho, ugh.

    • Querolous

      Someone tried to tell me that the Cubbies won the World Series last year. Obviously a Nazi spy!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Chadwells

      Meh…it’ll be about as effective as them asking him to prove his “wiretapp” bullshit.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I’m not so sure about that.

        • Chadwells

          I hope I’m proven wrong!

    • Oily Messiah

      I think Trump dug up a bunch of old hidden nixon records, because he’s pretty much following the nixon scandal playbook

      • jesterpunk
        • Oily Messiah

          Well, I didn’t say he was following the Nixon playbook intelligently. Nixon was an intelligent, evil fuck. Trump is just an evil fuck.

          • MynameisBlarney

            That’s a dang lie!

            Turmps an incompetent evil fuck.

  • Chadwells

    If I were in the briefing with Spicer today….I’d be holding up an iPad with the Melissa McCarthy video on a loop as she is riding on the podium up and down 58th….just trolling that dude live and direct.

    • BosGrl

      It’s been a bad day but seeing that all over my Twitter feed has cheered me up.

      • Chadwells

        Hah! I’m sorry! I hope your day turns around!

        • BosGrl

          Meh, just a usual bad day :). I’m feeling better!

  • JackLinks

    Mike Ritze
    Office: State House (OK) – District 80, Republican
    Contact Information

    Capitol Email
    mike.ritze@okhouse.gov

    Capitol Website
    http://www.okhouse.gov/District.aspx?District=80

    Office Social Media

    Capitol
    2300 North Lincoln Boulevard, Room 436
    Oklahoma City, OK 73105
    Phone: 405-557-7338

    District
    18574 East 101st Street South
    Broken Arrow, OK 74011

  • Dave Wayne

    From now on any person who says we need to do outreach to wingnut Trump supporters will automatically be sent to OKLAHOMA and confined in the legislative chambers.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    OT In these dark times, I take refuge in my youth. Maybe you do as well.

    As Pete Townsend remarked to Bjorn Ulvaeus, you know, SOS was the best pop song ever written.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5Ze2Ie-8Ms

  • Bill D. Burger

    The dyed hair and eyebrows to match. Gaaaak’! He has all the cache and appeal of those TV snake oil selling Talibangelicals.

    Fake, ignorant, bloated ego, self righteous, filled with hate of ‘others.’

    • cats530

      And the coup de grace: Believes himself to be so much more intelligent than everyone else.

  • beatbort

    Come on, that’s no living human being in that photo. That’s the reanimated corpse of George “Goober” Lindsey

  • Morningside

    Oklahoma legislators have never let the constitution or common sense get in the way of proposing idiotic bills. Has Oklahoma wrested the title of most idiotic state from Mississippi yet?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I think Oklahoma is still battling it out with Florida.

      • jesterpunk

        Isnt Kansas trying to get in on this too?

  • Wild Cat

    Don’t you just want to have a mass burning of every copy of “The Grapes of Wrath”? And dig up Steinbeck and have him just write a novel about sociopaths called “Wrath”?

    Seriously, can’t we just split up as a ‘republic’ already?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      No. Do you have a problem with Steinbeck?

      • Wild Cat

        Blocked for lack of reading comprehension.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          As you wish.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Plz to not be fighting each other, humanz. We must all unite against the fascist Oompa-Loompa and those he has inspired.

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            For real. Everyone around here is so touchy.

            Including me, who went off on someone about linguistics the other day. What am I, on the rag?

            ETA: I block people all the time when they bore me.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I generally try not to be boring.

            Damn, am I really that dull?

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            I haven’t blocked you.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Thanks!

            For you especially, I will try to be amusing.

            And yes, we do seem to be a bit touchy lately.

    • anwisok

      “can’t we just split up as a ‘republic’ already?” That’s already in progress.

      • Wild Cat

        Can you believe the human, below, actually thought I was criticizing Steinbeck instead of Oklahoma?

        • anwisok

          *eyeroll* Some people just don’t get snark.

          • Wild Cat

            Which makes it ironic they’re hanging with a snark mob, eh?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I don’t get snark? Really?

          • anwisok

            You, in fact, are normally very, very good with snark – both detecting and using it. Still, I think you missed the mark this time. Would have phrased it differently if I had realized it was you – sorry about that.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            No worries. And sometimes I miss the mark. Stupid being human.

            I’m just unused to being treated like a troll and blocked. Perhaps this will make me a better person. Heh, heh, heh.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      They came and ruined Orange County, too.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    The people in charge of Oklahoma can’t even pass a citizenship test and they’re supposed to be good at law (the people elected or their staff). Should… should we check up on that state? Make sure people aren’t constantly walking into walls? I’m worried.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I think it’s because of all the fracking caused earthquakes. They’ve all got shaken baby syndrome.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      Maybe we should withhold their allowance (our taxpayer dollars) until they start behaving properly.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Wait….WHAT? These are truly strange times. I’d have figured that these dicks would have been jizzing all over the place about it. Color me surprised.

    “Koch network criticizes Sessions sentencing memo”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/news/333142-koch-network-criticizes-sessions-sentencing-memo

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Their afraid the fascism is too blatant too soon.

    • jesterpunk

      The Cock brothers are upset it didnt specify private for profit prisons.

    • Oily Messiah

      The koch brothers have generally pushed for positive reform in criminal justice, even if its only justified by decreasing gov’t spending.

      • Chadwells

        I didn’t know that. Pleasantly surprised….but only for a split second.

        • Oily Messiah

          Yea, its one of those instances where conservatives sticking to their principles leads to something good, like almost all of Scalia’s 4th amendment jurisprudence

    • I guess they sold all of their Private Prison stock during the Obama years…

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    “The caucus said there are 82,000 non-English speaking students in the state.”

    Right, but that’s just the people who are born there. I thought this was an article about immigrants?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      What was that phrase that Putin had when he was asked in the hockey tunnel how he thought donald trump was doing?…

  • Treg Brown

    So Oklahoma is another welfare state supported by the filthy libtards in California, New York, Massachusetts, Delaware and Minnesota?

    Well, I’m sure the money spent on the 10 commandments monument was well worth it.

  • Meccalopolis

    Tits on a ritze mm good cracker!

  • It doesn’t have to be ‘on the table.’ All they need to do is float the idea a few times and maybe the immigrant community starts keeping their kids at home.

    • Wild Cat

      Yes, we are going to have rule by ‘veiled threat.’ It almost makes war sound good—more sociopaths will be overseas rather than stomping on our faces over here.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’d sooner not have to read this sort of thing.

    • Wild Cat

      In ten years, 90% of US citizens will only be able to read text messages, tweets, and my bad puns.

  • cats530

    Sigh. Poster-geezer for the ugly mug of Christian Sharia law.

  • mardam422

    “…since the Supreme Court ruled in its 1982 Plyler v. Doe decision that states can’t deny education on the basis of immigration status.”
    And who made the Supreme Court into the Oklahoma legislature, hmmmmm????

  • Mavenmaven

    Step 1. Round up all the children
    Step 2. “Resettle them in the East”
    Step 3. Kill yourself in a bunker

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Inglorious Basterds, to aisle 3…

  • mardam422

    OR, they could just slice off the panhandle and make it Texas’ problem.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    They’re just not even bothering to camouflage it anymore, are they.

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Nope. Hell, they’re PROUD of being awful people.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    I keep thinking back to George Bernard Shaw’s excellent quote from Major Barbara,

    “He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points
    clearly to a political career.”

  • fawkedifiknow

    Sounds like the Okies from Muskogee are not dead yet.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      We don’t smoke dope in Muskogee. BEING one, on the other hand…

  • Chris

    We started with pictographs, grew languages with complex sentence structure and now have moved on to emojis. Progress.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Notice they’re not rounding up the people who don’t write English so good. They’d be bereft of voters.

  • Swampgas_Man

    So glad I left, embarrassed to have been there at all. Necks red as their dirt.

  • mailman27

    When I used to deliver parcels, etc to immigrant families an elementary school-aged child would often answer the door. They would speak flawless English to me, then turn around and rattle off rapid-fire Spanish or Korean or whatever to their moms. The dads were invariably at work at one of two or three jobs. Ya know, immigrants coming to try to make a better life for their children. Same as it ever was. Brave, selfless parents.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Those damn takers!

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      Also hard-working, dedicated people who love America and make sure their children will give back. Like the Syrian refugee whose kid invented the iPhone.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Seriously, give a new immigrant one year in the US in a public school, and they will most likely be speaking English fluently. My mom arrived in the US in March when she was 5 years old, and picked up enough English in time for kindergarten in autumn (but she already spoke three languages and was a fast learner).

    • Cliff Hendroval

      My father-in-law spoke German and French but no English when his folks sent him here in 1938 just after Kristallnacht. He was sixteen and picked up English when he joined the Boy Scouts.

  • Moebym Reborn

    Oh, I know one: a 70-year-old with the temperament of a 3-year-old, and poor English skills.

    • Carole

      And about 50 million of his followers who can’t read and write at an 8th grade level.

      • miss_grundy

        Yep!

    • miss_grundy

      Bigly!

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Poorly developed social skills as well. Too inept to be a successful bully, but he hangs around picking targets for them.

  • Olav_Pompatus

    “… a tiny bit on the unconstitutional side.”

    Sure, like that’s still a thing.

    • Professor Fate

      or more likely the OK GOP would describe it as “Constitutional with a few exceptions”.

      • capnkrunch

        No exceptions involved. The GOP constitution stops at the second amendment and crosses out all the parts of the first that don’t deal with religion. More importantly it only applies to white, male, Christian Republicans.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      United Nations: American Anti-Protest Bills Would Breach U.S. Obligations To International Law
      (Lead) “The United Nations has gone on record criticizing anti-protest bills popping up around the United States. In the time since Donald Trump won the presidency, more than 20 states have introduced legislation restricting rights or increasing penalties for protesters.”
      https://theintellectualist.co/united-nations-american-anti-protest-bills-would-breach-u-s-obligations-to-international-law/

  • Raan
    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Hang on, do you live in my house?

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Yeah, if any of the Crystal Gems started day-drinking it’d be Pearl.

      • Raan

        Shit, she’s basically one of Amethyst’s hijinks away from tilting a bottle of whiskey to her lips and whispering “easy operation”.

  • Jamoche

    Don’t normally remember dreams unless something wakes me up in the middle of it, so thanks to the city lawn mowers this morning, I know I’ve been dreaming about hiding refugee kids in my attic.

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      The Diary of Anna Francisco

  • maxneanderthal

    You’re from Oklahoma you twat- you don’t speak English too good yourself..

  • beingreleased

    It would really make my day if my mother-in-law with her deep Boston accent was questioned in Arizona or Oklahoma for “talkin’ funny – maybe a bit furrin-like.”

  • Professor Fate

    I don’t like to comment on folk’s looks – I am no prize jewel in that department for sure. But this clowns face makes one suspect he is the result of an experiment involving squirrels and whiskey that went very very wrong.

  • azeyote

    another republican bad, and mean spirited idea – usually they are put into action before anyone really thinks them through –

    • gratuitous

      Well, and that whole “Oh, you saw that, did you?” inconvenience when word leaks out ahead of time of the latest cruelties and nastiness coming out of Camp Republican.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        We are lucky they love sound of their own voices, think their ideas are sheer genius and have no filter between think and brag. And watching them trip on their tongue while backpedaling the next day just adds a special gloss to the whole turd polishing display.

    • miss_grundy

      They think? (Since when?)

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I could live with a “build the wall” type if s/he was willing to at least give a break to the people already here. Come on you assholes – they’re here, they’re working, they’re your neighbors. No new illegals – okay, maybe. But be a fucking human being to the kids and families here.

    • Bitter Scribe

      “AMNESTY AMNESTY AMNESTY ARRGGGGHHHHH!!!!1!11!!!”

      Signed,

      The Republican National Committee

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      No! NO! They must all be PUNISHED!! Make them SUFFER!

  • If I had the “Beat A Republican In The Face With A Baseball Bat” concession at the county fair, he would be the first one I would hire.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    You can’t save 900 million by saving 60 million? What kind of new math is this?

    • Carole

      Evidently he didn’t learn Common Core math.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Maybe instead of rounding them up, the OK authorities could just require non-English-speaking kids, and their parents, to wear a standard, highly visible symbol on their clothing at all times.

    It could be a moon or a sun, something like that. And it shouldn’t be a color that’s too bright, like orange. Something more muted but still noticeable…

  • Carole

    As if the teachers at the Chicago Public Schools weren’t overworked enough, they’ve had to spend tons of time since the election comforting worried kids and reassuring them that they aren’t going to get deported. At least Illinois GOP doesn’t have anybody who approximates this nuclear level asshole.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Oh, our esteemed governor definitely has his moments. Luckily, he’s held firmly in check by a solidly Democratic lege.

  • miss_grundy

    Does that include all of those red state Republicans who cannot string a noun, predicate and object together and make sense? Just asking for a friend…

  • Greyhame

    Is this what they mean when they call themselves the Party of Family Values? As in, “Hey non-white families, if you value your children, you better come down to the ICE detention center to explain why all these little boys & girls we’ve rounded-up failed to meet Mike Ritze’s standards for speaking proper English at school!”

    http://villains.wikia.com/wiki/Child_Catcher

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Deport children who can’t speak English very well? Goodbye Little Donnie.

    • norcalOG

      And quite a few more in the old CSA.

    • Incoming Ham

      If you are multilingual and your English not so good do they get to deport you the number of times equaling the languages you speak?

      Asking for a friend.

  • Paperless Tiger

    I still can’t understand how anyone can survive as a politician who openly advocates attacks against children. Even the Bible beaters hate King Herod.

    • norcalOG

      You forgot Jesus charged extra to heal sick children?

    • DustBowlBlues

      Unless he’s persecuting Mexicans.

  • JParkerSD46

    How many times do we have to say to these people, “Fuck you, you fucking fucks!”?

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Many more times I fear. Stay hydrated.

      • Keith Taylor

        Yeah. Let’s ALL stay hydrated. We’ll need to.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I wrote my master’s thesis in 1977 on the subject of “Illegal Mexican Immigration in Texas Border Towns and its Effects on Local Government and Community Services.” At the time, a few Gringos in local government in those border towns, or who had plans to be in local government, were yelling and screaming about how much it cost to educate illegal immigrant children in the public school systems, but nobody paid them too much attention because more than half of the Spanish-speaking children in the border town public schools were legal. Gringos constantly ignore the fact that more than 80,000 Mexicanos were already living in Texas when the US annexed it in 1845, and those people became US citizens, and they reproduced, and their descendants still live there today, still speaking Spanish. They also got some of their relatives to join them.

    I wrote that paper 40 years ago, and nothing has changed except that the Gringos now have louder voices, deeper pockets, and a Republican-majority legislature.

  • TundraGrifter

    Just why is it that women can get their hair dyed and it looks very natural (OK – I know not all the time but a lot of the time) but when men do it it almost always looks terrible.

    Like this idiot.

    I’ve still got most of my hair and it’s pretty gray (or white). I blame our two kids for that. I’m not worried about the color. I just want the hair.

    But fools like this ultra maroon just look bad.

    • emberglance

      What makes this guy special is that he’s dyed his eyebrows too – maybe with a toothbrush? and his eyebrow roots are showing.

      “I’m ready for my closeup now”

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      I assumed it was shoe polish. Actual hair colour doesn’t look that unrealistic.

      • TundraGrifter

        Ron Propeal’s (sp?) hair spray paint doesn’t look that unrealistic.

        • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

          Popeil. And that was actually flocking to thicken the hair. 🤡

          • TundraGrifter

            Thank you! I was too lazy to Google it. Now I have to get the flock out of here.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Big deal. When I was in college, I saw on the teevee machine the lege debating whether foreign language should be taught in school. One dispirit said, and I quote, “If English is good enough for my Lord Jesus, it’s good enough for me.” Oklahoma has just gotten stupider since. With our schools collapsing owing to Mary Fallin and her merry bunch of Southern Baptist Republicans want to waste more money on defending indefensible legislation. And they love #45 like he was an actual president of America.

    • Keith Taylor

      The terrifying thing is that you can’t even say to yourself any more, when you hear something like that, “Maybe he’s kidding, being satirical … yes, sure, he must be.”
      Nope. These days that’s taking refuge in fantasy. Ignorance will have to be fought all the way now, in a steep uphill heartbreaking struggle.

  • emberglance
    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      F-.

  • Ferroequinologist Ron

    ‘You know, we haven’t done anything reprehensible in a few days.’
    ‘Really? Hold my beer…’

  • Incoming Ham

    I was reading Le Monde yesterday. The people who voted for Le Pen had the least immigrants in their communities. Was it the same here? Did Podunk Kansas freak out about the Messicans even though they rarely or never see one?

    • Keith Taylor

      Funny, that. And 1930s Germany fell for Hitler’s ravings about the Jews even though Germany didn’t actually have all that many Jewish citizens. Holocaust deniers make something out of that, or try to. “Six million victims? Pfffft. Obvious lie. There weren’t even six million Jews IN Germany.”
      No. But then the death camps, like Auschwitz and Sobibor, weren’t established in Germany either, but in countries like Poland that did have a significant Jewish population and which the Nazis conquered.
      Always check the actual facts when a racist tells you anything. They’re like believers in ancient astronauts who built the pyramids. Reality is not their thing.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      It’s easier to hate someone you know nothing about. Even easier when you have been told all your life they are sub-human freaks who will eat your baby if left unchecked. I call it the “other village syndrome”. People used to believe weird things about any village more than a day’s travel away. Further than that and they would believe the inhabitants were all witches. And in other countries they ate people.

    • khanurik

      Speaking as a former Jayhawk, the average Kansan doesn’t encounter much diversity unless you go to Wichita or Kansas City (which is mostly on the Missouri side). To encounter any Messican folks you’d have to go to western Kansas where the meat-packing plants are. Weirdly enough, I grew up in Pittsburg where there’s a university and when I was a kid in the 60’s there were all kinds of foreign students there (Iranis, Iraqis, et. al.). We didn’t think anything about it at the time, but I imagine those students today probably need to watch their backs…

      • Incoming Ham

        Do you think there is paranoia among groups of people (in this example) Kansas that think Isis dressed as refugees and Messicans ready to rape their women are going to show up on their doorsteps and must be stopped?

        This is a genuine question. I get this attitude from family members who voted for Brexit. They are no where near an immigrant. British who have lots of melanin? Yes, asylum seekers and immigrants? No.

  • chascates

    Their parents just need to fork over half a million each to the Kushner Realty bunch and they’re in.

  • MuttsRule

    Rep. Ritze is a doctor AND a Southern Baptist deacon. I wondered what the “$39M in promotional swag” was, and Rep. Ritze’s example was pens embossed with state agency logos. Also, Oklahoma’s educational system is so awful (#43 among states, using 2015 numbers) that if it were a country, it’s educational system would be ranked with those of Greece, Turkey, and Hungary. Even thinking about cutting education funding is crazy.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Greece, Turkey and Hungary LIBELZZZZZ!!!!1!!1111!

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        They are poor and trying to do better. OK is poor and trying for #53.

    • James Lamere

      Republicans are determined to pollute America in order to maximize corporate profits . Educated voters are their enemy . Power and personal enrichment are every republicans only goal . They are traitors to our democracy !

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Remember that face when the inevitable scandal breaks out.

  • Keith Taylor

    Strong challenger to Betsy DeVos in the Fake Smile Olympics? He reminds me quite chillingly of Jack Nicholson as The Joker.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Jack was faking a fake smile. He’s actually a fun guy. These people are really faking smiles. They are as creepy as Hell. And probably lack some important part of the brain that is fundamental to being human.

      • ShinyBlueThing

        Of course they do, that’s where the alien parasite sits.

        • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

          If was a parasite, I might be inclined to sympathy at their condition. But they do it to themselves. And truly evil, they do it to their kids.

      • Keith Taylor

        Bad Hombre, I couldn’t agree more. I’m a Jack Nicholson fan and have been ever since EASY RIDER. Longer ago than I like to calculate that I first saw that, but doesn’t matter, I’m happy … and of course Nicholson was acting the part of a creepy maniac while these people really are. I used to keep telling myself, “You are kind of inclined to the left and maybe you are being unfair just a bit … ” It’s been brought home to me hard that no, I wasn’t, they are quite a bit worse than I feared at first.
        They must go.

  • Scooby

    Start with this kid that keeps tweeting us.

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    The OK legislature in not OK by me.

    • khanurik

      Even when the wind comes sweeping down the plain and the corn is as high as elephant’s eye? C’mon dude, us Oklahomans need some sympathy up in here…

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        For the citizens my sympathy is a endless as the prairie.

  • Scooby

    Start rounding up the newborns.

    • khanurik

      In case you think all Oklahomans are cray cray, the Tulsa World newspaper (what I would call a slightly right-of-center newspaper) published an editorial cartoon a couple of days ago that expressed your exact sentiment. Darn, evil newborns!!

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    It’s a good thing he didn’t suggest looking for people who don’t speak proper English in the White House! Whew! I can just imagine the Twitter rants.

  • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

    WAPO refers to this slime-sucking shitweasel as a Tulsa legislator. I want to make it very clear that he is NOT from My Fair City, but from Broken Arrow, a vast wasteland of decaying Traditional Minimals and ticky-tacky, three-story McMansions surrounded by sterile former farmland. I get physically nauseous when I have to travel there.

    • Carole

      I noticed that. Everyone I’ve ever met from Broken Arrow has been batshit crazy.

  • Tokays_don’t_blink

    Is it me, or is $60 million a pretty specific price tag for an idea no one discussed?

  • Keith Taylor

    If that expression wasn’t real, on a real face, and some political cartoonist drew it on a cartoon Republican, the cries of “Slanderous! Unfair! Leftist libtard bias libel!” would be louder than thunder.

    • doktorzoom

      Official state House of Reps photo, too.

  • SeeTrain65

    Let’s do this. It will send 92 percent of Oklahoma Republicans back where they came from, including this addle-minded dimwit and their brain-dead governor.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Ritze is crackers.

  • Dutchman

    OOOOOklahoma
    Where the wind goes whistling through their ears…

  • ThatDale

    Jebus. I am at this moment cruising up the Danube, and our largely Slavic crew speaks better English than these yahoos.

  • Daru Titor

    I’m surprised that he reached that idea, Sam Brownback didn’t(despite Kansas’s shortfall).

  • Somecallmetim

    Ritze has the most maniacal picture I’ve seen since the old 60s batman series. He should read his bibul better.

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