Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.
- James Comey was making Trump so mad because Comey kept stealing the media spotlight and shinning it on Russian hooker pee, then started begging with those big, beautiful hands for more money, so Trump “You’re Fired” him, told everyone to lie about it, and now the FBI rank and file are pissed and calling bullshit. [Archive]
- EVEN JASON “MY FOOT HURTS” CHAFFETZ is requesting an expansion of the investigation into Trump-Russia, but it’s also possible he heard Trump say something about Hillary’s emails.
- The Senate Intel Committee wants documents from the Treasury Department on penalties imposed against the Trump Taj Mahal in 2015, seeing as how he seemed to have no trouble paying off $10 million penalty. Was there money laundering? Connections to Russia? They’re just asking!
- Comey says he’ll be just fine in a farewell letter that’s absolutely covered in tears and coffee rings.
- House Republicans are getting a little worried ahead of special elections as traditionally Republican districts have the potential to flip, and that’s causing some cat fights on Capitol Hill.
- Speaking of fighting on the Hill, the Republican legislative agenda may have just come to a dead stop now that the Senate has to appoint a new FBI Director to wade through Trump’s Russian hooker pee.
- Betsy DeVos was booed and and heckled during a graduation ceremony at Bethune-Cookman University in Daytona Beach, FL when students stood up in their seats and turned their backs to her.
- Republicans are being met with angry protesters at town halls who are worried sick that they could get sick and die because their representative voted for TrumpCare/WealthCare/RyanCare/FuckThePoorsCare. Don’t those people know how badly those tax cuts were needed?
- A Louisville attorney representing clients suing Trump after they were assaulted at his
Nazicampaign rallies argues the duties of presidenting are no excuse for avoiding the lawsuit, since “…Trump has played golf 20 times since his inauguration…He has the time for a deposition.” PPfff, do you know how long a golf game takes?
- Trump banned the U.S. reporters from his Oval Office meeting with Russian officials, but let the Russian “reporters” stick around and take photos. That’s not a joke, that’s true.
- Seriously, who the fuck let Russian state-news photographers into the Oval Office yesterday, and how many secret spy bugs did they bring?
- The DHS plans to ban laptops from all inbound flights to the U.S. from Europe amid new fears that a someone could stick a bomb in there, so you’re going to have to get clever about keeping babby quiet on those <s>trans-continental</s> intercontinental flights.
- Corporate overlords appear to be in the middle of an astroturf campaign that’s spamming the FCC with fake anti-net neutrality comments run by bots that have harvested the identities of real people, as well as a what appears to be a DDoS attack on the FCC website.
- And here’s your late night wrap-up! Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at James Comey’s firing; The Daily Show had a few thoughts on Comey’s firing; James Cordon found Sean Spicer’s secret hidey-hole; Colbert pointed out that Comey just got Trump’d; and Sam Bee checked in with our weekly constitutional crisis.
- And here’s your morning Nice Time! IT’S FIONA!
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