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If there is one thing we know (unfortunately) that Bill O’Reilly likes, it is phone sex. He is very, very into phone sex. We know this specifically because of his former producer’s lawsuit against him. You know, the falafel one. For the lawsuit, Andrea Mackris presented tape recordings of Bill O’Reilly talking about how awesome he is at phone sex, and how he has given many women many orgasms in that way. Or, at least, that is what the ladies at 1-900-LOOFAH-SEX have told him.

If you have recently eaten lunch, go take a moment if you need a moment.

Several of the other lawsuits filed against him by women alleging sexual harassment include his attempts to phone sex them as well.

It is now being revealed that O’Reilly’s ex-wife, Maureen McPhilmy O’Reilly, who divorced him in 2009, swore in a 2011 affidavit that she once walked in on him engaging in phone sex, and that he subsequently beat the ever-loving shit out of her.

Via Jezebel:

According to McPhilmy’s account, she discovered O’Reilly engaging in phone sex in their bedroom at roughly 10:30 p.m. one evening. O’Reilly then “flew into a fit of rage” and slammed her into a nearby wall, leaving a hole one foot across. He then, the affidavit claims, wrapped his arms around her shoulders, neck, and hands to immobilize her, and violently dragged her out of the bedroom and down a hallway on the second floor of their 4,600-square-foot, $2.4 million home in Manhasset, New York.

O’Reilly went on, the affidavit claims, to drag McPhilmy by the neck down a flight of stairs and through the kitchen, as McPhilmy screamed that he was hurting her. In the kitchen, the affidavit claims, a security guard assigned to protect O’Reilly and his family saw what was going on, at which point O’Reilly stopped the attack. When the guard asked her if she wanted to report the incident to the police, she declined, McPhilmy added.

The guard was startled by O’Reilly’s appearance, McPhilmy wrote, because he was naked from the waist down while attacking her.

This is not the first time O’Reilly has been accused of beating McPhilmy. In 2015, Gawker obtained transcripts of court transcripts in which his daughter testified to having witnessed him choking her and dragging her down the stairs by her neck.

These allegations are, of course, unproven. Sadly unsurprising, but unproven nonetheless. His daughter also accused him of having some pretty serious rage issues — which, given the way he behaves on air, are not particularly difficult to believe.

O’Reilly, of course, no longer has a show on Fox due to the fact that he can’t stop sexually harassing women. He is, however, still weighing in on important topics — like the James Comey firing and his dinner plans — on his own website.

Via Bill O’Reilly.com:

There is a lot of stuff here – but it is a big story. It’s very, very big. We are going to follow it, obviously, and we will give you the No Spin approach, no speculation approach, and we will chastise those who make a political deal out of it, as it is going to be tonight.

I mean, I am going out to a nice dinner in Manhattan, so I don’t have to listen to this headache-inducing stuff. I do it for you, but I know what they are going to say already!

Nothing says “NO SPIN” like “Nothing to see here folks, please move along!”

And now you can move right along to your Open Thread :(

[Jezebel]

$
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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    If this had been reported while he was still on the air, conservatives would have given him his highest ratings boost ever.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ” BillO’! Hey honey! Dinner’s ready. We’re have your favorite…falafels!”

    https://hugelolcdn.com/i/256636.gif

  • schmannity

    O’Reilly is not very good at multitasking. He went from choking the chicken to choking his wife.

    • FlemmishSpy

      And now he’s choked up about choking his career.

  • Mavenmaven

    Did he hang up before beating his wife, or did they continue to charge him by the minute while he was smashing his wife into the walls? Things to ponder (as one who never understood the concept of phone sex; I share the contemporary aversion to talking on the phone, for one thing).

  • kindness

    So remember people, when you go over to Bill’s house make sure not to forget to bring your cell phone. You don’t want to touch his (his ANYTHING!)

    • Oily Messiah

      Do we have to go to Bill’s?

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Trump just had a great idea! He’s going to create a new unit of top people! The best people! Their mandate will be to stop leaks! He’s going to call it…wait for it
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    The plumbers!

    Brilliant, right?

    • The Wanderer

      No one ever’s heard of such a thing before! It’s new! It’s sassy! It’s got legs!
      .
      Am I being too sarcastic?

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        NO! You are NOT!!!

        • The Wanderer

          Thank you. It’s hard for me to judge at times.

      • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

        No one’s ever heard of such a thing because Bub just made it the other day.

    • clubseal

      I’d prefer The Tampons, if for no other reason than the shock value.

    • SterWonk

      Well played!

  • The Wanderer
  • Serai 1
  • Me The People

    Trump threatened by complicated thing he doesn’t understand, vows revenge:

    President Trump set his sights on the Navy in a new interview,
    calling the service’s new digital catapult to launch planes off aircraft
    carriers “no good” and saying that the Navy needs to go back to
    “goddamned steam,” the method used for decades.

    The comments, published Thursday by Time magazine,
    came during an interview Monday evening at the White House. Trump
    recounted a conversation he had March 2 while visiting the
    yet-to-be-commissioned aircraft carrier Gerald L. Ford in Newport News,
    Va., and said that he was told the catapult on it does not have enough
    power.

    “It sounded bad to me. Digital. They have digital. What is
    digital? And it’s very complicated, you have to be Albert Einstein to
    figure it out,” Trump said, according to Time.

    [Trump promises ‘great rebuilding of the Armed Forces’ while signing order at the Pentagon]

    “And
    I said — and now they want to buy more aircraft carriers,” the
    president continued. “I said what system are you going to be — ‘Sir,
    we’re staying with digital.’ I said, ‘No you’re not. [You’re] going to
    goddamned steam,’ the digital costs hundreds of millions of dollars more
    money and it’s no good.”

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/checkpoint/wp/2017/05/11/you-have-to-be-albert-einstein-to-figure-it-out-trump-targets-the-navys-new-aircraft-catapult/?utm_term=.edfd50fcc5b1

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, that would only delay the activation of the almost-complete Gerald R. Ford, indefinitely delay the John F. Kennedy and Enterprise and cost hundreds of millions of dollars in redesigning, re-engineering and rebuilding the systems. And of course, severely shorten the active life of the carrier class. But I’m sure those are just minor details.

      • Me The People

        He wants to make steam great again!

      • The Wanderer

        “You have to be Albert Einstein to figure it out.”
        Cthulhu’s Left Rear Nard, what a fucking idiot. That’s why they have people like engineers.

        • Me The People

          ‘Look at all those buttons. No-one alive could possibly understand what they all do!’

      • Nockular cavity

        ^^THAT

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        And while those unbuilt aircraft carriers are stuck in the construction yards, ISIS will be able to float right in on inner tubes. Unless … unless … Little Donnie builds an unstoppable fleet of trash bag rafts.

        Seal Team 7:
        https://3ezfh222wf7f3501pa3arzc0-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Capture-800×409.jpg

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      This is a link to The Onion disguised as a WaPo link, right?

      (clicks, reads)

      Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

      PS: the naval and shipbuilding personnel behind Donald look as if they are collectively thinking “OMG FFS WTF?” I’m with them FFS.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yes, the EMALS system is still in development (what he terms “digital” works on the same principles as maglev trains). But it took a long time for steam catapults to be reliable, too.
        And the system isn’t really designed for current planes. It’s designed for planes that haven’t even been conceived yet.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Hook Trump up to a digital catapult and see how far it can toss him. Then try what’s left with an older steam version. Then he can make an informed decision, something he’s never done before.

    • proudgrampa

      “Steam”???

      What the everloving fuck?

      • MizzMazz

        Okay, my brain just broke. This is real. Not just steam, but goddamn steam.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Well, steam is what we use on the current Nimitz class. It is also what we used on the Essex class carriers 70 years ago.

      • stopthemovie

        Coal fired. Need to put them minors back to work don’t ya know!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My cat is a more competent naval architect than Donald is. And my cat has never been within 50 miles of an ocean.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      “And, battleships. Why’d we stop using them? Bring ’em back, bring ’em back. Just look at ’em! Yuuuuuuge! One of those shows up, Korea’s gonna know we’re not playing, right? Right?”

    • WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS FUCKING COLOSSAL COCKWIT HAVE ANY MORE AUTHORITY THAN NIGHT MANAGER AT ARBY’S?!

    • Nockular cavity

      Does the digital catapult just throw fingers, or little 1s and 0s?

    • Serai 1

      Methinks I’ll get a lot of use out of this.

      https://youtu.be/Y9KyBdPeKHg?t=25s

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I sincerely believed that this was satire at first.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        Me too.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      But not just any steam. Coal-powered steam. MAGA!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Ethics, it’s a mystery how they work.
    https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/862773578059702274

    • The Wanderer

      Just because it’s true, and they got caught at it.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Grifters gonna grift!

    • ManchuCandidate

      Jared ordered General Trump Chicken with Duck Sauce to go.

      • FlemmishSpy

        Don’t forget the misfortune cookie.

    • not_vh

      how about emails, phones, faxes, courier service, llcs etc?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The entire Kushner family needs to be in the cell next to the Trump family when this is all concluded.

      • Maybe not his kids. But they should get outta there before they have a corrupting influence…

    • Serai 1

      Facts go in, facts go out. You can’t explain that.

  • ManchuCandidate

    He tried to beat her with one hand?

    • Oily Messiah

      The other one was probably busy

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Here’s hoping they decide to do something about it now:

    https://twitter.com/Tom_Winter/status/862436292059168769

    • The Wanderer

      I think that I shall file that under “No Shit, Sherlock.”

      • C4TWOMAN

        Another gripping episode of “The Duh Files”.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      In other news, National Academy of Sciences announces: “Water is wet!”

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Did Bill O’Reilly Beat His Ex-Wife

    Is Bill’s dick Catholic?

    • Serai 1

      Do his balls shit in the woods?

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Phone sex? How did O’Reilly get his dick in the SD card slot? Or did he use the USB charger or the lightning port? Did he invite people over for a three-way? (I guess if he’s got a dick the size of Drumpf’s, he can use any opening on his phone but I can’t verify that.)

    • Beanz&Berryz

      For phone sex it would be a 6P4C socket, unless he was the socket, then it would be a 6P6C plug…

    • Internet Hitler

      Blue tooth

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Air “guitar”

    • Greyhame

      I think we all know where his phone has been.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      You kids are obviously unfamiliar with the 8″ floppy drive of yesteryear.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        You kids! Hell, I’m 82! I go back to Commodore 64s, TRS 80s, and Apple 2Es. I tried but never was able to make good use of the 8″ floppy drive. Now all I have is a floppy and the goddamn computer holes are way out of my league. Aaaaargh! Fuck Bill O with a Zip Drive.

    • vivian

      headphone jack = perfect fit

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    The albino basement-dwelling rapist has things to say on the Twits today.
    https://twitter.com/JulianAssange/status/862765437288927232
    https://twitter.com/MaxBoot/status/862766172520890368

    • Me The People

      Fascist pipsqueak. Fuck him.

      • jowgajen

        Fascist pipsqueak says what?.

    • ManchuCandidate

      I feel dirty agreeing with a neocon dipshit like Max Boot.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Gosh, I hope the arresting Swedish authorities have an unfortunate firearms malfunction…

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        With votes?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Sharp, pointy votes!

    • Nounverb911

      Still needs more flaming bags of dog poop at the Ecuadorean embassy’s front door.

    • Serai 1

      What the fuck is Tooms whining about now?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Sorry, Julian, you’re still a rapist, no matter how law enforcement and intelligence agencies are arrayed.

    • Nockular cavity

      Oh yes, by all means, tell us how we should re-organize our government, accused rapist who can’t even step outside of an embassy.

  • clubseal

    When I read the name McPhilmy, I couldn’t help but think it would be the name of a cartoon mascot in a movie theater’s training video.

    • MizzMazz

      Ew, took me a few seconds there! Yeah, if that name’s not made up, I would change it so fast. You never want to see a porn theater when the lights come up.

      • clubseal

        “McPhilmy here, let’s all get ready to learn about cleaning a popcorn machine!”

    • SnarkON

      LOL. I thought “Her alibi is pretty McPhilmy.”

  • proudgrampa

    So, Mr O’Reilly. When did you stop beating your wife?

    You prick.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I find this story about Billdo to be completely credible, knowing all we do about Billdo. He’s slime.

    • Serai 1

      I knew he beat his wife the first time I saw his angry schtick on TV. That guy was obviously psychotically angry and a nightmare to live with.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        You talkin’ ’bout BillO or Little Donnie?

    • C4TWOMAN

      Billdo Grabbins?

  • Michael Smith

    That’s because being a conservative in America requires one to puree the soul, and being a conservative leader means encouraging other people to engage in such self-harm. No surprise that a man like O’Reilly is a raving monster.

  • miss_grundy

    Ewew, thanks alot for putting that image of that putz not wearing underwear. Yuck!

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Oh baby! I got it…..Just like I told Trump: Grab em’ by the falafel.”

    https://theamericanreligion.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/bill_oreilly_fox_news_the_fact.gif

    • DrBigHead

      You know, I used to really like falafel. Now not so much. Brings up too many distasteful thoughts

  • Internet Hitler

    Is Bill O’Reilly psychic????

    • Dudleydidwrong

      You spelled it wrong: P S Y C H O T I C. See “Trump, Donald.”

  • BadKitty904

    Every time I see Malaria Trump with her hair up, I keep expecting her to bust out into Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina. Is that wrong?

  • Serai 1

    Oh, dear. LOL, oh dear.

    Trump slams Colbert as “no-talent”

    Waitwaitwait, don’t… *sigh*

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v123/Serai/Comment%20pics/wait…uhm.gif

  • Greyhame

    So he’s not just a pathetic falafel wanker, he’s a god-damn monster.

    • Vecchioivan

      Everything about this guy says psycho rage-monkey.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Very much open-thread’y, this is, in the scheme of things, stupid and inconsequential. Yet it says so much about the toddler-in-chief.
    https://twitter.com/KatyTurNBC/status/862695083241603072

    • The Wanderer

      Spoiled little brat.

      • C4TWOMAN

        He never grew up and I suspect never had friends. Or even a pet(please I hpe not…). Any peer relationship where you learn to practice give an take. And more importantly, you get more respect by being a known as a generous friend.

        Contrary to what Liberaraian Randriods would like to believe, in pre industrial societies, one gets respect and esteem not by hogging as much resources as you can, but by being generous and hospitable.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          In other words, too, you learn to not be a dick.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s how you show ’em who’s in charge…

    • BosGrl “Unmasked”

      Is anyone else picturing George III at the table?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        66 million hands raised.

    • Oily Messiah

      Kindergarten dominance games

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Leaving aside that creamy vinaigrette is a solution to a problem that does not exist, jmo, does it amaze anyone that his chosen salad dressing can be assembled at the fixin’s bar of a truck stop?

      • Oily Messiah

        He’s a gastronomic pedestrian

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        And it’s probably that really crappy 1000 Island that comes in the 3-gallon plastic tub.

        • jowgajen

          Nah, they probably don’t keep it on hand except for Lord Dampnut, it’s Kraft from the local Piggly Wiggly.

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Geez, at least I buy Ken’s. It doesn’t quite taste like caramelized sugar in a bottle.

          • jowgajen

            They don’t stock Ken’s at the Piggly Wiggly. Kraft is the top shelf brand.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Is there not-crappy 1000 island? The three recipes I found are some combination of storebought (ketchup or chili sauce / mayo / pickle relish). I think if you can’t make something without high fructose corn syrup without having access to a specialty market you probably should just not bother having a salad.

    • MizzMazz

      That whole dinner sounds like it came out of a box.
      ETA Or a cheap shitty wedding.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Diet coke AND two scoops of ice cream. Lardy McFatass doesn’t know how food works either.

    • Does he EVER try anything new?

    • Creepoman

      “what appears to be Thousand Island dressing . . .”

      Say, do you know what other kind of salad dressing looks remarkably like Thousand Island dressing?

    • Rags

      nixon always had his own special fancy wine at state dinners; the waiters hid it in a napkin so the guests wouldn’t know he wasn’t drinking the plonk. Sound familiar?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      And everyone tries to ignore Bannon whose rumpled, untucked shirt sports a single binder clip pinched on the nipple. He appears to be miming the act of masturbating over several sharp knives from the kitchen stuck decoratively into a raw potato.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Worst. Dinner. Party. Ever.

  • tehbaddr

    What a real man, strong family values!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • weejee
    • Carpe Vagenda

      That seems a big drakeonic.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Tastes like loofah.

    • Yellerduck

      They have wings!!

    • I should not upvote this sort of pun

      I have

      That Duck has been tainted by code pink

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Honestly, I’d be amazed if there was anyone in his family that he DIDN’T beat.

    • Parakeetist

      I say we interview the goldfish.

  • AJ Milne

    (Blinks at ‘your gross and horrible open thread’…)

    Why can’t we have _nice_ things?

    • Oily Messiah

      Because the GOP?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Because Putin got there first?

    • jesterpunk

      Because of “economically anxious” white male voters.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Okay. It’s my fault. I keep trying to post on the open thread, despite being warned…

      • Historicat

        Are you saying you “persisted”???

  • wait! what?

    Bill is the only person I know who uses a loofah for a cell phone case.

    • SnarkON

      He is very exfoliated.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
  • SnarkON

    “…we will chastise those who make a political deal out of it…”
    Yeah, nothing political at all about the Politician-in-Chief firing the head of the FBI for political reasons.

    Also, Bill, for the love of Christ, the next time you want to beat the crap out of someone, put on your pants.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Bill O’Reilly has a Donald Duck costume – what’s so weird about that?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Lyin’ Sean has a bunny costume.
      Ivanka has a suit of armor she got as a teenager.
      Melon has a smile she can put on when necessary.

    • AJ Milne

      It’s more that his spluttering incoherent rabid RAB SQUAWK PHHHBLT! angry duck impression is so disturbingly spot on.

      • Nockular cavity

        Daffy & Donald libel!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Join us and add your name now to our petition calling for an independent special prosecutor to investigate the Trump administration’s ties with Russia!

    Sen. Tammy Baldwin
    Sen. Michael Bennet
    Sen. Maria Cantwell
    Sen. Bob Casey
    Sen. Catherine Cortez Masto
    Sen. Al Franken
    Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand
    Sen. Maggie Hassan
    Sen. Heidi Heitkamp
    Sen. Mazie Hirono
    Sen. Angus King
    Sen. Ed Markey
    Sen. Jeff Merkley
    Sen. Bill Nelson
    Sen. Gary Peters
    Sen. Jack Reed
    Sen. Jeanne Shaheen
    Sen. Jon Tester

    Rep. Pete Aguilar
    Rep. Don Beyer
    Rep. Tony Cárdenas
    Rep. Bonnie Watson Coleman
    Rep. Elijah Cummings
    Rep. Rosa DeLauro
    Rep. Elizabeth Esty
    Rep. Lois Frankel
    Rep. Ruben Kihuen
    Rep. Grace Meng
    Rep. Rick Nolan
    Rep. Mark Pocan
    Rep. Raul Ruiz
    Rep. Dutch Ruppersberger
    Rep. Jan Schakowsky
    Rep. Mark Takano
    Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz
    Rep. Nydia Velázquez

    Attorney General Xavier Becerra
    Attorney General Bob Ferguson

    AMERIPAC
    CHC BOLD PAC
    Daily Kos
    Democratic Action
    Democratic Party of Virginia
    Democratic Party of Wisconsin
    DLCC
    DWS PAC
    End Citizens United
    Equality PAC
    Florida Democratic Party
    Grassroots Victory PAC
    Left Action
    National Democratic Training Committee
    South Dakota Democratic Party

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Thank you, our Michael Bennet (D). Now, Cory Gardner (R). You have shown some balls in the past few months. Do you want to be reelected or not?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        I sent that fucking coward Gardner a very pithy eMail yesterday, but I’m sure that weasel-dicked scrote-sore wont do a fucking thing about anything.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Okay, I have to work on my other great Senator to make this a slam dunk….

    • whitroth

      I’m pissed, not either of my Senators (MD) nor my Rep, and I called ALL THREE yesterday.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Imma have to talk to Kamala and Dianne.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Nounverb911
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Hands are too big.

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Oily Messiah

      Richald Trixon. (Now Trump just needs to do the nixon jowel thing from futurama.)

      • Bill D. Burger

        I almost feel like I’ve insulted Nixon by doing that. ____ Whoah.
        Let me let that sink in.____Goddamn….that’s how bad Drumpf is! ManO’Man!

        • Oily Messiah

          One was tricky dick, the other is Russia’s dicky trick.

        • jowgajen

          Nixon had an entire career in public service.

      • not_vh

        Tricky Dixon

        • whitroth

          Little Dick.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      “Hey, I resent that–I may have been a crook, but I wasn’t also an idiot!”

      – Tricky Dick

      • Bill D. Burger

        rotflmao….See my post below. I wuz’ conflicted.

    • BadKitty904

      Tricky Dick meets Stumpy Trump.

    • Crystalclear12

      Bill, I love ya, but, seriously, trigger warning!

      But thanks for helping me with my diet.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Lulu Mac
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Andrea Mackris presented tape recordings of Bill O’Reilly talking about how awesome he is at phone sex

    BO: Fuck it. We’ll do it live.
    Woman: GAH! (click)

  • BadKitty904

    Meanwhile, in the Civilized World….

    France’s New President Just Displayed His Commitment to Gender Equality
    Half of the candidates he submitted for Parliamentary elections are women.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/emmanuel-macron-gender-equality_us_59148c7be4b030d4f1f0ac2f?1bd&ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    • Parakeetist

      Yes.

    • Crystalclear12

      Salt applied to wound.
      Moving on.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      I wonder what it is like to live in a modern, civilized nation, and do they have sandwiches there?

      • Baguettes …

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        I can attest, the sandwiches flow like wine (which also flows like wine).

        But seriously, the sammies are delightful, come on wonderful bread, and are often enhanced with a schmear of really tasty butter.

      • BadKitty904

        I had hoped to find out, sometime in my lifetime…

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          I admire your optimism.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        “You’re in the right place. Unless there’s another hardworking, equally starved Starfleet officer around.”

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          I was hoping Somepony would get the reference. XD

      • Edith Prickly

        They have cheese. So much cheese. And wine.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Yes they do on awesome bread with wonderful cheeses and sometimes ham.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Joe Beese

      As Sydney Greenstreet said in The Maltese Falcon: The shortest farewells are best.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Wild and scary times! ManO’Man! Just saw this.

    https://twitter.com/LouiseMensch/status/862712367876100097

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Woah if true! (Please let it be true)

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Dammit! GMTA strikes again!

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          I don’t know whether to be flattered that I think like Cally, or horrified for you that you think like me.

      • proudgrampa

        NO! You do not want this to be true. “President Hatch” is REALLY a bad idea…

        • jowgajen

          But so is “President Pence” and “President Ryan”.

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            Really, the entire line of succession is pretty terrible. But at least the deranged man-baby wouldn’t be in charge and edging us ever closer to nuclear armageddon.

          • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

            Really just, “President (insert name of any random Republican here)”.

          • proudgrampa

            Well, they’re ALL bad ideas…

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      WHOA IF TRUE.

    • jesterpunk

      Ok will anyone in Trump’s administration without ties to Russia please stand up?

      Anyone?

      Anyone?

      Bueller?

      Bueller?

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Does the men’s room attendant in the White House count?

        • not_vh

          i had asked this here before, apparently his wife’s cousin is a Russian. So ruled out.

        • AJ Milne

          I’m picturing this one, slightly confused intern, sitting way back in the corner… And he’s _starting_ to sit up..

          … then gets this ‘oh, right’ expression on his face, and sits back down.

        • jesterpunk

          Wasnt he fired and replaced yesterday by one of the assistants during the closed door Russian meeting yesterday?

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          You mean, Pikov Andropoff?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Chief leaker enforcer….

      • not_vh

        As Borowitz asked, will anyone in Trump admission with allegiance to the United States please stand up.

      • whitroth

        As I’ve been saying for weeks, the press is asking the wrong question: it’s not if someone in Trump’s campaign or transition had contacts with Russian agents or officials, it’s other than possibly some unpaid interns (who were having their pussies grabbed), who *DIDN’T* have such contacts?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Andrew McCabe?

        Oh sorry, dead man walking.

    • jowgajen

      Can’t we get all the way down to Mad Dog Mattis?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Probably not. Hatch may be hard right, but he’s (probably) not a crimer. At least, not in a way that this investigation would catch.

        • jowgajen

          I actually have a lot of respect for Hatch. But he’s still complicit.

      • Meccalopolis

        No, mattis would probably be reelected. Unless.. he’s a democrat?

        • jowgajen

          Independent.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I refer to Mensch as “a source of rumors and pure speculation that got one thing right”.

      • janecita

        I agree, she is wrong 90% of the time.

    • BadKitty904

      Will anything come of this?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I’m guessing this is where Rachel wanted to go last night but ran out of time.

    • Greyhame

      “President Hatch”? Great, get ready for a healthcare system that consists entirely of unregulated dietary supplements. Coffee will be reclassified as a Schedule II controlled substance. And of course, we’re going to drill-baby-drill in all the national parks and monuments.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Nailed it!

      • Meccalopolis

        What about weed? Can we keep our legal weed? Alright then

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    This one goes out to the GOP in it’s entire:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJlN9jdQFSc

  • janecita
    • not_vh

      be nice to gramma now. gramma libelz.

      • janecita

        It’s ok, she is dead, she won’t find out.

        • not_vh

          be nice. especially since she is dead.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Trump said Colbert’s show was failing until he started targeting the president.

      “And it only builds up my base. It only helps me, people like him. The guy was dying. By the way they were going to take him off television, then he started attacking me and he started doing better,” Trump told the magazine

      And Donald thinks this makes him look good because…?

      In the interview, Trump said he is avoiding consuming negative press reports.

      Then he wonders why his firing of James Comey was a thing, as opposed to the NBD reaction he was expecting. Makes sense!

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yeah, that’s why Colbert’s been offered to host the Emmys in September. They must think he’s terrible…

      • janecita

        The man is beyond crazy.

    • He also slammed certain CNN anchors, saying Chris Cuomo comes off like a
      “chained lunatic” on television and Don Lemon is “perhaps the dumbest
      person in broadcasting.”

      Well, I guess you’re not technically in broadcasting anymore, Dampnut, so…

    • Mary Sandoras

      You have to know where the line of decorum begins and ends. Grabbing women by the pussy is aok.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      lol – pwned

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Putin “asked”? If a Democratic President acquiesced to such a request the GOP would be falling all over themselves to scream they’re “weak”!

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Obama’s head would be spiked on the Washington Monument by now.

      • whitroth

        Oh, yeah, just like “Only Nixon Could Go To China”, because if a Democratic President did it, they’d be IMPEACH!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    LOCK HIM UP! That is all.

  • Joe Beese

    I am going out to a nice dinner in Manhattan

    Order the scampi!

    • jesterpunk

      Can we give him some of those red oysters? (Yes I watched NCIS LA this week)

  • Nounverb911
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Who knew Steve Harvey was such a bitchy diva?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        All of us, Katie.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Who is Steve Harvey?

      • jowgajen

        Trump supporting TV announcer who fucked up the Miss Universe pageant.

  • boyblue122

    Yeah, but Colbert said a bleeped out bad word on late night TV so…both sides do it and what not

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      It’s the whatnot that is so galling.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    If even FOX News can’t ignore it, this has legs:

    https://twitter.com/PuestoLoco/status/862308941698654210

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Will you PLEASE tuck in those elf ears, ya moran?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Oops, thought this said something else. Well, it does show their hypocrisy at least…

      • boyblue122

        Clinton email lol….i didnt read it all initially either

    • not_vh

      i shudder to think there are people out there who put him in the position he is in today.

    • DainBramage

      I saw Session’s face and the word “lynch” and my mind went somewhere else.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just keeps on coming. Now CNN is reporting that Russia is saying that Putin and Trump will have a face-to-face meeting and discussion of global affairs this summer!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Assuming he makes it to summer. This thing is unraveling mighty fast.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Maybe it’ll be a conjugal visit.

    • BadKitty904

      Donnie, you got some ‘splainin’ to do!!1!

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I do not care to hear about intimate sleepovers, tyvm.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    Last night I was severely depressed, this morning even more so, but I do have a little hope now.

    • Nounverb911
    • janecita

      I’m sorry sweetie, here is my boyfriend Nek, singing to you in Italian:-)
      https://youtu.be/zs5G5qPudzo

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Have you had a chance to read any of “Rommel’s War in Africa” yet Anna?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        No, not yet, I’ve been reading my tank references for my model kits – Tigers, M4s, and Abrams.

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          When I was visited Israel, I saw an abandoned tank from the 1967 war on the roadside. A T-34 I think. I think they left it where it stopped as a reminder or something. The weapons had been removed of course but I could climb on top and look in. I was struck at how cramped it was inside for a crew of 3 or 4 men. Sailor’s berths on ships and submarines are the same way; barely room to move. Like they design these things then say “now where will the people go?”

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            That’s cool! T-34s are notoriously cramped inside, the Russians used to choose short men as tank crews. I’m guessing it was a T-34/85.

    • janecita

      One more, a very old Spanish song that my dad used to sing to me when a was a kid, Ana.
      https://youtu.be/jKB3LS7erpo

  • hendenburg2

    Okay, so I went to the doctor’s office to have a look at something, and he prescribed an oral medication that has a 3-month regimen. When the pharmacist handed the prescription over to me, the only warning that he said was “do not have alcohol while on this”

    For 3 months.

    Fuck.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      You might need this to get by:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY

      • hendenburg2

        It’s pretty much athlete’s foot. I have to stop drinking so I can take a pill that has a 50% chance of curing friggin’ athlete’s foot.

        • vivian

          Fuck that. Drink and try something else for the foot.

          • hendenburg2

            I like the cut of your jib

          • jowgajen

            Certainly reasonable to call the doctor and find out if there’s a better option. The rationale for not drinking while using has to be something nasty like liver toxicity.

        • notaten

          My Dad had horrible athletes foot and toe fungus, and he was 87 and did not like taking pills. I soaked his feet in tea tree oil for an hour every day for a month, and it cleared it up. Worth looking into, at least.

        • Crystalclear12

          Yeah, that medication is going to make you real tired but I promise to wake you for the impeachment.
          Also, keep a look out for yellow eyes.

        • Sounds like the fungus has gone systemic, nasty

    • Serai 1
      • hendenburg2

        Nope. My job involves sometimes traveling to sites that are governed by the Mine Safety and Hazards Administration. Which is a federal agency.

    • whitroth

      I’ll have one for you, if that’ll help.

      • Vecchioivan

        There’s a good chap.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Fuck seems like an OK substitute for alcohol…

    • janecita

      Please, if pregnant women can go 9 months without alcohol, you can do it! Have instead lots of sex, chocolate and Zumba.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Bec Jenn

      Why does it look like the Orange fuckturd is dropping a deuce? I mean, I’ve seen that face on wee toddlers who don’t want to potty train. Does it mean he’s never been potty trained? Curious minds want to not know.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yet at the same time, it’s his “I don’t give a shit” look.

  • Nounverb911

    Next weeks New Yorker cover seems exceptionally appropriate.
    https://twitter.com/JesseRodriguez/status/862769024236756993

  • mrFawkes

    If you try to do a coup against a democracy Henry Kissinger appears out of a cornfield like a baseball loving ghost. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c79cd187f8417f8689cab8f1327ee3316604f2aec277d4fbce2cfbdf29e9e464.jpg

    • not_vh

      Kissinger, hopefully he has the unique distinction of being consulted by the most number of presidents resigning in disgrace.

    • BadKitty904

      He looks like he should be on the Gringotts Board of Directors.

    • Joe Beese

      Baseball shaped ghost.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Shoeless Joe Jackson libelz!

  • WiscoJoe

    Fuck it, we’ll do it live jokes are not appropriate in this instance.

    • Nockular cavity

      “We’ll do it live…and half-naked!”

      BRB, must puke now.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And on this note, I am sufficiently pissed and energized to do a short lifting session. Back in a little while:

    https://twitter.com/Impeach_D_Trump/status/862756705934946304

  • Paperless Tiger

    O’Reilly always gave me the creeps. Trump too. Maybe I should make a list and publish it as a warning. That’s right: Creeps List.

    • Mary Sandoras

      Don’t forget to add Cruz.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He’s already got another Committee to RE-Elect the President.

  • O’Reilly doesn’t put his phone on vibrate – he puts it on *vibraslap.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihaH_EsYf7M

    *Vibraslap: Widely considered the cheesiest of all percussion instruments. Best know for its use in 1970s TV show themes, Blaxploitation movie soundtracks, and soft core porn films.

    • Crank Tango

      I love that sound! Cake uses it a lot.

    • DainBramage

      A gift for all your young nieces and nephews.

    • DrBigHead

      When I was in junior high band, we played a piece of music that called for the vibraslap. The band director had no idea what it was, and I remember we had great fun trying to figure out what the hell it could be. Ended up using a maraca instead.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Never heard it, or of it, before. I must not watch enough soft core porn.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      I actually used one of these in HS band way back when. Never knew what it was called.

  • Bitter Scribe

    The moral of the story is, If you have a live-in security guard, maybe beating up your wife is not a good idea.

    • DainBramage

      “I hired you to protect ME! Not her!”

  • Nounverb911
    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      There’s tape for your pee pee?

      Is that some Russian kink I had not previously been aware of?

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Unlike his ties, he’s not taping his pee pee because it’s too long.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          I recall Nixon’s tape was 18 minutes long.

          I’ll be here all week folks. Or until I pass out.

          • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

            Just the part that’s only audible to dogs.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        Is that like that labia glue?

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

          Wait.

          • snark-lurker

            labia glue… is it [for] labia or made [from] labia?

        • snark-lurker

          o…m…g…

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          That’s the one Emily Litella uses to repair foreign relations, amirite?

      • snark-lurker

        have herd of stickin postage stamp on wee-wee at bed time, not know why

    • boyblue122

      This must be the sister twitter account to DPRK news satire account

      • Carpe Vagenda

        What a waste. Should be called Sputnicht.

  • Edith Prickly

    Bill O’Reilly having phone sex…BRB, throwing up forever.

  • Al Swearengen

    This clown.

    ******************
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/us/iowa-voter-anger-rod-blum.html

    For Mr. Blum, it was the latest stop in a rocky recess.

    On Monday, he walked out of a television interview after being pressed on why his office was checking identification at the door to restrict attendance at the town halls to residents of his district. When the reporter, Josh Scheinblum, asked Mr. Blum whether he would also reject donations from outside his district, Mr. Blum removed his microphone and left the room, trailed by a cluster of children from a local nonprofit who had been surrounding him.

    “This is ridiculous,” Mr. Blum said, as the youngsters filtered out, two of them waving goodbye to the still-seated reporter. “Unbelievable. Do you take donations — wow.”

    https://static01.nyt.com/images/2017/05/12/us/00iowa-02/00iowa-02-master675.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      But he still didn’t answer the question.

    • Serai 1

      My gods, what spoiled, petulant brats these wingnuts are.

    • jesterpunk

      No fair that is a “gotcha question doncha know”.

    • snark-lurker

      those socks! i wantsum just like them!

    • MizzMazz

      Remember in the Stargate movie, when Ra surrounded himself with children? that kind of cowardice.

  • DainBramage

    How long until O’Reilly is the new Press Secretary? Who else can really do it properly for Trump?

    • BadKitty904

      Alex Jones seems a natural.

  • Mary Sandoras

    Okay, time to wind down with some cuteness.
    https://twitter.com/AprilCupcake68/status/862745267640168452

    • Bec Jenn

      TY, I needed that.

    • Parakeetist

      Shkweeeeeeeeeee

  • Bitter Scribe

    Why is it that so many of these conservative icons turn out to be utter shits as human beings?

    • Nick Scroggs

      We should make a list and study it. My one reply of the day.

    • jowgajen

      Possibly because the underlying world view is “I got mine, sucks to be you.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The Venn diagram has a huge amount of overlap.

    • Meccalopolis

      Because nobody likes them

    • not_vh

      question is why does it take so long and so many victims before these “conservative icons” are outed as “utter shits as human beings”?

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Side effect of the soul-ectomy.

    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s a pre-req?

  • Nick Scroggs

    Okay, my one comment for today during this break, I actually had an idea as a joke a while back to create a situation where all the “manly men” and “bad boys’ and “jerkasses” would go off to fight each other and kill themselves off, meanwhile losers similar to myself would thus be the only ones left, and thus women turn to us for the good stuff. Just couldn’t figure out how to make it work. Also, watched Hearts and Minds again, the crowd and parade at the end just reminds me of proto-Trump people, am I wrong?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      You’re not wrong.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      Nick, you are in no way a “loser”, I wish I could make you and other Good guys like you believe that.

    • Many years ago I read about the reindeer breeding season. Apparently what happens is, all the testosterone-laden “alpha” bucks spend it whacking their heads together to establish their dominant position in the herd.

      Meanwhile, the rest of the bucks are getting the job done.

      No point. I just like that story.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Fleas apparently do this. The alpha males make a huge display of guarding their woman outside of a flea cave, and beta males dig a hole in through the back and get busy with the missus.

    • We need to pick two islands. We call one Rand-land, we call the other one New Zion.

      We offer to move all the Libertarian freedom bros to one and all of the zealot fundamentalists to another where they can build their own little fiefdoms to their heart’s content.

      I’d give both islands about 6 months before everyone was dead.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Are there any islands in the Arabian Gulf? Perfect place for New Zion.
        Randland will be located in the Namib Desert and will be provisioned with nothing but bootstraps.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Or we just have the right and left coasts secede and get the same result.

        • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

          #notallflyoverstateresidents

    • Paradoxically, the vast majority of people who fight are genuinely nice. When you enter a dojo or a boxing ring or a wrestling mat, you literally trust others with your life- there has to be a high moral standard.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      You might want to read “The Gate to Women’s Country” by Sherri Tepper. Sort of a similar idea.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      How to make it work? Call it “The Apprentice: Death Match”. Those people will sign up. Believe me. SAD!

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack
    • Stulexington

      With all the not so subtle threats about the loss of The Pen, I was wondering if France would retaliate by threatening to repo Lady Liberty.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So, former future FBI director Benito Giuliani is not having a great day.
    https://twitter.com/chrisgeidner/status/862790201332183040
    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/862790352373243904

    • boyblue122

      Neil Gorsuch will still find a way to rule in favor of the ban when it inevitably finds it way to the Supreme Court even if theres some skeevy memo showing they tried to work around the laws

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I wonder. I mean, probably? But there’s some vague hope Kennedy-the-nominally-Catholic has been paying attention since Papa Post-Palpatine got in.

        • Yr. Gma

          Yes, now that Gosuck is installed, he doesn’t have to cater to Donnie anymore.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Bill D. Burger

    ot..but ….The WSJ is reporting that Sarah Huckabee’s claim that “…the president’s firing of Director Comey will bring the Russia investigation to a close very soon.” is bullshit…..and not only an exercise in alternative facts but coming from an alternative universe. They report FBI insiders say the probe is widening and speeding up, but not in the way Huckabee implied or would wish.

    Boy o boy! Get yer’ popcorn ready.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Pretty much an admission of obstruction of justice too, right?

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        FOR real. She said that? Out loud? On purpose? To people?

        • Bill D. Burger

          (CNN)The White House said Thursday that removing FBI Director James Comey from his post will hasten the agency’s investigation into Russian meddling.

          “We want this to come to its conclusion, we want it to come to its conclusion with integrity,” said deputy press secretary Sarah Sanders, referring to the FBI’s probe into Moscow’s interference in last year’s election. “And we think that we’ve actually, by removing Director Comey, taken steps to make that happen.”

    • Crystalclear12

      So the WSJ has turned on a Republican president. . . let me look that up. . . yep, that’s one of the seals.

      The end is nigh.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Hell’s getting colder!! ;)

  • Shanzgood

    Baconz has been on hiatus from Wonkette and me today, for the most part. I think he overextended himself yesterday in his excitement over trying to enjoy every bit of his freedom he could get back all in one day. So today he’s pretty much been sleeping off the after-effects of everything that’s happened since January 25, including yesterday.

    I guess that’s what happens when a 40-something tries to act like a 19yo for 18 hours in a row! Not that I’d know anything about that myself.

    NO THATS NOT MATH

    Also, we still love all you Wonkers.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      We love you two, too. I get the concept of trying to do too much, too fast after a long period of tight restriction.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      We look forward to his return!

      • Shanzgood

        He’ll be back. He just needs some time to get himself back to being himself again. I wasn’t “inside” like he was over this time and I recognize how it made ME different. I can’t imagine how hard it was for him to maintain his own self all this time.

        He’s a real hero as far as I’m concerned.

    • TundraGrifter

      Everyone of the face of this earth should have a friend as good as you are!

      • Shanzgood

        That’s sweet!

        I just love him though so it makes the hard stuff easy. Well, easier. Because some of this REALLY SUCKED. For both of us.

        But it’s like he said last night: We’ve been through the thick already. The rest is thin from here on out.

        • TundraGrifter

          I’ve never met either one of you. But I’m going with the thought he got the best part of this deal.

          • Shanzgood

            You’re too kind!

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Right back to you!

      PS: he’s probably also a little tired after last night’s heart attack on a plate game. GO PENS!

      • Shanzgood

        I don’t think he wAtched it. He was out doing other stuff!

    • La forza del resistino

      Maybe it’s time for a bacon IV drip to get the wind back in his sails.

      • Shanzgood

        I think he just needs a good long quiet nap. He hasn’t had a quiet minute to himself since January 25.

    • BadKitty904

      Jeez, Shanz, did you break Baconz?

      • Shanzgood

        No, we’re still 1000 miles away from each other. I’ll let y’all know when I’m headed out there so you can check for realz on his wellbeing.

    • janecita

      Yay, he is out! I missed the news yesterday!!!

      • Shanzgood

        He’s out!!!

    • Sophia

      Probably his first really good sleep in a long time. Take care

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Yikes. I’m really glad the part of this which involves loss of freedom is over.

  • canes_pugnaces

    There is no sane reason I had to know this. Now I can’t unknow it. Ick.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Greyhame

      Silly Republican congress, this is what happens when you loudly and publicly lash yourselves to a dumpster fire.

    • BosGrl “Unmasked”

      I can’t remember what I was watching last night but some Republican said it might be a good idea for the Dems to take the House back… I almost fell off the couch.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Why??? So they can sit on the sidelines and wonder aloud why the Dems aren’t cleaning up the GOP’s shitted-out drawers faster???? Fuck them! Fuck them all!!!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Well, get your asses to the polls in 2018!!!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    No spin or death spiral. Not sure which at this point.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    More bad (and unsurprising) news from Quinnipiac for TrumpCare and its Congressional enablers.

    Do you approve or disapprove of [the AHCA]?
    Approve: 21%, Disapprove: 56%

    Do you think that giving states the ability to decide whether or not to allow health insurance companies to raise insurance rates for Americans with pre-existing conditions is a good idea or a bad idea?
    Good idea: 21% Bad idea: 75%

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Yeah, but 100% of the 1% love it (for the huge tax cuts they’ll get). And that’s the only poll the GOP cares about.

      • boyblue122

        Thanks for the Citizens United ruling Scalia. Idiots

  • memzilla Ω
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Is it possible to die from shame? I feel like it should be possible.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e030e8a136b46ac6917784cc5cbdee83908bada3dd74c5acaae632050e6641aa.gif

      • jowgajen

        ScoJo is all of us.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          psst… Emma Stone

          • jowgajen

            Fine. Thin white lady is all of us.

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            EmSto is so much more than ScarJo will ever be.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • jesterpunk

      Thank you Mr Trump for documenting everything you are doing, its going to make it really easy when you’re impeached.

    • Greyhame

      Getting ready to make his pitch that all sanctions against Russia should be summarily lifted, I see.

      • Meccalopolis

        Well that is what it’s all been about. Sell out your country for a pipeline

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Say that in your best bad Russian accent:

      “Let’s make piss”

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      O, really? Seems like Pence was the one to have the meeting. Anyway, it may be that Greyhame below is on to something. Peace for lifted sanctions. But how that peace is defined may be at the expense of Crimea.

      https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/05/10/readout-vice-president-mike-pences-meeting-foreign-minister-pavlo

      • Greyhame

        It depends on how much of the Steele Dossier is verified to be true, but it certainly looks like there was some kind of quid-pro-quo arrangement made before the election. And the fact of the matter is that there’s a $500-billion-dollar oil deal with Exxon at stake here.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Why can’t we just get along?

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Watching Donnie trying to control the narrative on the Russian investigation is like watching a maladroit orangutan trying to stuff toothpaste back into the tube while wearing boxing gloves. And I am enjoying it immensely.

  • BadKitty904

    The “feline” version of the Blue Danube Waltz soundtrack still has me laughing…

    Google Is Surreptitiously Making Amazing Movies from People’s Cat Photos
    “Meow Movies” are our new favorite thing.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/google-photos-meow-movies_us_591335b4e4b050bdca617ff4?section=us_good-news

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      The music is great!

      • BadKitty904

        I was amused by the soundtracks.

    • clubseal

      Missed opportunity to introduce “meow-vies” to the lexicon.

      • BadKitty904

        Point taken.

  • It’s too bad that O’Reilly’s wife never dumped a pot of boiling water on the scumbag while he was sleeping off a bender.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      That’s what the in-house security was for.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      boiling votes … with some fava beans and a nice Chianti

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I would never wish a jail sentence on his poor wife.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Things are going so badly for Little Babby Donnie that he’ll need another campaign rally real soon. But he better not showboat too much. I understand that’s a firing offense in his “administration”.

  • Ricky Gay

    BillO is not sponge-worthy

    • Courser_Resistance

      Nope. And a hearty ‘EW’

    • He’s totally loofah worthy, though!

      • What have you got against a harmless seed pod????

  • memzilla Ω
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Niiiiiiiiiice. Hoisted by his own pee-tard.

    • jesterpunk
    • YoBunnyBunny

      Trump is definitely the asshole who must have the last word… even when observing the right to STFU and be quiet is clearly the best option and the most self-preserving.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Good for the eventual prosecution.

    • Jgb979

      When and if this ever sees a day in court.

      Discovery is going to be hilariously awesome. The requests to work pro bono will be hundreds of thousands deep

  • mailman27

    What a hump.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    No, Sarah, they are not buying it:

    https://twitter.com/TIME/status/862789828513083393

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      She keeps stepping in it, but we keep refusing to sniff.

    • Joe Beese

      For the last two days I’ve been trying to analyze why she irks me so much. I did my normal internal gut check: Is it subconscious misogyny? Does she remind me of someone I don’t like? Is it jealousy? I kept thinking she reminds me of a snotty teenager with her bored-stiff body language and her voice dripping with condescension as though she couldn’t believe she had to talk to a big dummy like you. Not to mention the ever present smirk as though she was particularly pleased with herself.

      Finally this morning, hashing it out with my husband, I realized she is a Fundamentalist Baptist child. There is a special attitude taken on by children raised to believe they are morally superior to everyone else. It also explains the 50’s housewife get up: pearls, cardigan, modest dress, long hair. It is the fashion adopted by the Duggar girls and other so- called “Fundie Royalty.”

      I made a bet with myself that she went to a Fundamentalist school because a secular institute might have polished some of those edges down. Sure enough. Ouachita Baptist University

      The only thing surprising about her is that she was allowed by the Patriarchs in her life to work after marriage and children.

      http://www.metafilter.com/166862/Its-fake-news-until-its-old-news#7023965

      • Sophia
        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          Me too. Her father was fond of Kim Davis so the association is reinforced.

        • Claire

          Ugh, you are so right. It’s like they want credit for being “plain” like the Amish, but just wind up looking like they have horrible taste and have given up on themselves.

      • LucindathePook

        Yeah, it’s a religious thing. For some reason for me, it is her hair. She could just get it evened up; it’s all scraggly. Or wear it up if no time for a haircut with her busy schedule. I’m no fashion plate, but I’d try harder if I had a job where I was on national TV representing a POTUS of some ilk or other.

        • BosGrl “Unmasked”

          She was wearing eyelashes from the dollar store, tho.

          • LucindathePook

            That is A-OK. It is good to look comely for your eventual headship, as long as the body is covered. One entices him with one’s countenance. Yes, I read a Duggar-satire blog.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Free Jinger?

          • LucindathePook

            Previously TV forum

      • Meccalopolis

        They are very hypocritical that way but only for the elites

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      only 54%?

      • Swampgas_Man

        Cheeto’s got a solid bedrock of about 30%, just like Dubya. What worries me is that other 20%.

        • Incoming Ham

          He was right about being able to shoot someone in the street and no one would do anything about it. They would probably cheer.

    • not_vh

      only 54%?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Now that you mention it–yes, you would:

    https://twitter.com/digby56/status/862781583010353152

    • Joe Beese

      DId the quid pro quo include appetizers?

      • BosGrl “Unmasked”

        Only for Drumpf.

      • wait! what?

        2 scoops of appetizers, perhaps?

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Calamari? Wait, that’s squid pro quo.

  • The prospect of O’Reilly’s malfeasance scuttling Murdoch’s Sky deal is giving me a schadenboner.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Trump really is channeling Sideshow Bob these days, isn’t he?

    https://youtu.be/2WZLJpMOxS4

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

    IL Gov Bruce Rauner spoke at graduation at Chicago State U today. He was booed with great gusto.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    More voices are saying this. Time for me to retweet and join in (more so):

    https://twitter.com/rezaaslan/status/862781712165556224

  • Bill D. Burger

    If you missed Sarah Huckabee’s White House presser today, here’s a look at the highlights:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb25qTC4KSQ

    • BadKitty904

      She seems nice.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Aw, come on. The woman has a skill (which, if she took the trouble to acquire it, is most likely a useful skill).

        • BadKitty904

          Oh, I wasn’t being hateful. My Family (i.e., extended kinfolk) are very heavily involved in agriculture, citrus, ranching, etc. My brother, my cousins, and I spent most every summer of our youth on various family farms or ranches and I have the very highest opinion of pigs and those that love them.

          To quote my Granddad, “A pig is a gentleman…

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • YoBunnyBunny

      But I thought Trump was the “Law & Order” President???

      • jesterpunk

        Well if you count being sued more then any president ever then sure.

      • Incoming Ham

        Law and Disorder.

        • Crank Tango

          *Flaw

    • Swampgas_Man

      Nuthin’ warmer than feathers, hot tar and torches!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Votes. Votes are warmer.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Countless” … as in “having no count” as in “zero?”

  • Shibusa
  • Circa80

    Maureen Mc Fill-me is aka Who*e of Babylon I don’t care what she sez. I used to live in her area… she was doing anything that moved …. mailman, fireman, policeman. Doing them in a motel behind Bill O’s back, while she was married. Who knows whether the fight started because of HER infidelity.

    • BosGrl “Unmasked”

      Uh. Nobody deserves to be assaulted.

      • Parakeetist

        Circa’s probably one of those MRA kids. Can’t get a woman, so he hates them.

    • vivian

      Hi Bill! How’s retirement?

    • jesterpunk

      Assault is wrong. Period.

    • TJ Barke

      Fight? Fight? That was not a fight, fucknuts.

    • John Mruzik

      I’m just a drunk country doctor, but does that (if true) justify battery?

    • doktorzoom

      Gosh, you seem nice.

      No, wait, I meant “Banhammered.” You seem very, very banhammered.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • Mary Sandoras
    • YoBunnyBunny

      Hmmmm… methinks some fuckshit is afoot… (all the side-eye right now)

      • Mary Sandoras

        Yeah, dems are calling it unserious.

    • Amy!

      He’s chief justice of the dc circuit. They don’t want him to be a judge. Slimy move.

    • jesterpunk

      That is kind of weird, even weirder is Nazis actually agree with it.

    • not_vh

      CYA.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Hillary, or GTFO!

      (What ever is wrong with these weaseldicks??)

    • Shibusa

      They want to install a conservative on the US Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit.

  • janecita
    • Joe Beese

      When the guy said “you can’t stop the agents of the FBI from fighting for justice”, I thought, “Not that no one’s tried.”

    • boyblue122

      Scully or GTFO

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    High time for Dianne Feinstein to become the third:

    https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki/status/862797906088218625

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      I have such a massive crush on that woman. Kamala, that is.

    • not_vh

      seriously, i’ll play Jack Obvious and ask. how can he proclaim to recuse himself, while simultaneously continue to meddle. which is it? did he recuse himself or not.

  • BosGrl “Unmasked”

    Guy on MSNBC saying BUT BILL FIRED FBI GUY!

    • Bill D. Burger

      And that shill began by saying, “Everyone knows (*Immediate tell: So you already know a lie is coming.) that President Trump would never try to shut down an investigation.”

      I laughed out loud.

    • jesterpunk

      Can Rachel explain to that guy why he is a moron and how they are not the same thing at all again?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      After a 15-month investigation that led to a report the size of a small novella, and after Clinton offered to let Sessions resign and he refused.

  • Circa80

    Maureen Mc Fill-me eventually married one of her extra marital lovers. She is so heavy now she couldn’t cheat if she wanted to.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Pinkham’s Law

      I guarantee, once POTUS went to bed, the CIA, NSA, FBI, SS, and every other three letter agency in existence EACH ran their own sweep of the building.

  • janecita
    • Yr. Gma

      True. He was smarter.

  • Nounverb911
  • janecita
    • AJ Milne

      Y’know, it just occurred to me from the above montage…

      … they’re all Slitheen, aren’t they?

      • janecita

        They might certainly be, specially Eric, his disguise isn’t too good.

        • Bec Jenn

          Dad too. There is a picture downthread that looks like 45 is taking a dump mid presser. But some of the slitheen had that look too. And the fat suit isn’t looking so good either.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Slitheen?

        • janecita

          Dr. Who.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Ah. Sporadic and random watcher, as you can tell.

          • AJ Milne

            Points of concurrence:

            . largeish, nasty, flatulent
            . fond of taking over national governments through impersonation of humans
            . kinda pathetic/embarrassing in retrospect

      • LucindathePook

        I thought you meant Slytherin, and that works as well.

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Very OT, but DAMMIT, he should play for my hometown Steelers instead!

    https://twitter.com/TDavenport_NFL/status/862795393683402752

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    Ima still agitated and angry as I’ve evers been, so I’m trying to focus on positivity.

    I made a wallpaper from a StarTrek Online screenshot: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d7f8eba666796517ae71263eccd15de3c58ab979ca415d947f9a9fddea281c7c.jpg

    • Bec Jenn

      Me too. I’ve been down in the dumps lately too. I need to stay positive as well. I think it’s time to play some games. BTW, is there an F1 race this weekend? It would cheer me and DH up as well. (we are Kimi fans, but also Bottas fans too).

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        I’m not sure, actually.

        I was just playing STO. I literally beat down an Iconian Herald with fists and feet. Don’t fuck with an Andorian, you robots!

    • not_vh

      always anna. no position to give you fundas about life. but from what i know, focusing on positives and good problems and ignoring noise and useless problems is helpful.

      note i’m not saying run away from challenges right? without challenges and hardships life would be boring. the key here is chasing after good challenges.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

        Thank you, I think you are right, here. :)

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    I wonder if James Mattis and the Joint Chiefs are presently having discussions along the same lines as this. I hope they are:

    There were also serious questions about whether or not Nixon, in a desperate attempt to hold on to power, might use the military to protect himself and the White House. Tensions were already high in the streets of Washington, D.C. with protesters loudly demonstrating and calling for Nixon’s resignation. High-ranking officials in the Department of Defense and the White House privately worried about the possibility that Nixon would ring the streets around the White House with tanks and armored personnel carriers, ostensibly to protect the Executive Mansion from acts of civil disobedience, but also to set up a fortress-like barrier that might allow him to remain in the White House in the case of a Congressional or Supreme Court-ordered removal from office.

    Most startling of all is the fact that in the week before his resignation, Nixon’s inability to efficiently or appropriately wield executive power had dwindled so far that Secretary of Defense James R. Schlesinger urged General George S. Brown, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, to not take military orders directly from the President. In an attempt to save the country from any extra-constitutional power grab by a desperate President, the military chain-of-command took the extra-constitutional step of removing the President from the loop. Schlesinger also investigated what his options would be if troops had to forcibly remove the President from office. The Defense Secretary’s tentative plan was to bring the 82nd Airborne to Washington from Fort Bragg, North Carolina if that was necessary.

    • BosGrl “Unmasked”

      Good God.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Given how Trump’s been treating his Joint Chief Commander, this may have already happened here.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I’ve been wondering if the military would follow him blindly or remove him from office, if it came down to those options.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Let’s just say I don’t want to find out. And I may be misguided, but I like to think taking up arms against their countryman would be anathema to the vast majority of our service members. There are ‘outlyers’ everywhere in society, but most people aren’t nuts.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I guess I’d trust that more if Ferguson and DAPL weren’t actual things I saw with the eyes in my head.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Yes, but: if POTUS has been removed from office by legal means,

            helping him stay in power would be a literal military coup. I can’t see the Joint Chiefs going for that.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I’ve been concerned about this since Donald started giving free reign to the military commanders to do what they see fit to do, unconstrained by presidential directives.

      My hope–and it is a sick one–is that something will go wrong in Pakistan or someplace, Donald will pass the buck and blame the military, and they will decide their self-interest lies in turning on him.

      Frightening that I have to think this way FFS.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        There won’t be a military coup. Neither against, nor for, The Donald. Conservative to a fault they may be, but High Command is loyal – to the Country and the Constitution, not to the Republican Party.

    • Greyhame

      To Precipitate a full-blown constitutional crisis within the first 100 days would be quite a feat for a newly-elected president. But I’m confident that we’ve got the right man for the job here.

      • Amy!

        Well, first hundred-plus. Passed a hundred by the first of May.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        We’ve been in Constitutional crisis after Constitutional crisis. I’ve actually lost track.

  • Nounverb911

    Whoever isn’t a potential candidate for FBI director please raise your hands.

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/862797004140929028

    • Shibusa

      I hope she doesn’t get it. They need somebody who knows what they’re doing, and who is honorable and decent. No Republican in House or Senate fits that description at this point.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        That’s what they need. What they want is a hack who will use the Bureau as a political weapon.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Mike Flynn isn’t busy.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      How ’bout Evan McMullin?

      • mfp

        this is snark, right?

    • HazooToo

      I have not been asked yet, but if I am, I will decline.

  • Bill D. Burger

    [(CNN)The White House said Thursday that removing FBI Director James Comey from his post would hasten the agency’s investigation into Russian meddling.

    “We want this to come to its conclusion, we want it to come to its conclusion with integrity,” said deputy press secretary Sarah Sanders, referring to the FBI’s probe into Moscow’s interference in last year’s election. “And we think that we’ve actually, by removing Director Comey, taken steps to make that happen.”]

    Clear admission of obstruction.

    https://notrump17com.files.wordpress.com/2016/11/lock-him-up-notrump17-com.png?w=240

    • LucindathePook

      She’s right, though. This whole Comey firing thing has really gotten the investigation into high gear, and I hope a speedy conclusion. Well, not too speedy–just in time for 2018 election.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Wall St. Journal is laughing at her and reporting that, according to their inside sources, the FBI probe is widening and speeding up, though NOT in the way she and her boss hope.

  • Nounverb911
  • Scooby

    And don’t forget he did all this with a land line!

  • Shibusa

    “The guard was startled by O’Reilly’s appearance because he was naked from the waist down while attacking her.”
    https://media.giphy.com/media/SbIUFlIZIs6FW/giphy.gif

  • Nounverb911
    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Really…?

      • Sophia

        Yes. apparently he gets more chicken than anyone else as well.

        The waiters know well Trump’s personal preferences. As he settles down, they bring him a Diet Coke, while the rest of us are served water, with the Vice President sitting at one end of the table. With the salad course, Trump is served what appears to be Thousand Island dressing instead of the creamy vinaigrette for his guests. When the chicken arrives, he is the only one given an extra dish of sauce. At the dessert course, he gets two scoops of vanilla ice cream with his chocolate cream pie, instead of the single scoop for everyone else.

        https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliareinstein/donny-two-scoops?utm_term=.fmJQg6beR#.qoO6mO7zW

    • jowgajen

      This may be the level of discourse necessary for a goodly number of Americans to understand what sort of man he is.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Well, I sez to ma, I says: “Ya know, I thought the man wuz ok. I thought he’d be a really good preznit. But then I find out that he gits two scoops of ice cream fer dessert, ‘stead of one like ev’body else. And that’s jest gluttony. I don’t hold no truck wif gluttons. So I say, mebbe it’s time that varmint moseyed on out o’ the White House, if he’s jest a greedy pig lahk that. Anyhow, that’s wut I said to maw, jest yestidday.”

    • Jenny

      That bastard!

    • Thiazin Red

      Literally a toddler.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      OK – now we surround the White House while eating ice cream cones with three scoops.

      Who’s with me?

    • boyblue122

      The Onion is closing up shop and going home

    • ariel_gee_398
    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      That explains the fat ass.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Also, Assmouth’s highchair is a foot taller than Steve Bannon’s.

  • BosGrl “Unmasked”

    Watching some of the Drumpf interview with Lester Holt. Calls Sally Yates someone “no one ever heard of” at the time she was Dep AG warning the WH about Michael Flynn.

    • BosGrl “Unmasked”

      Holy shit. “I have to speak with Putin also. It’s called Russia.” O.o

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Isn’t that one of his go-to disparagements?

      • sw19wilson

        It’s a very Stalinesque trait.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    What’s going on in failing California, LA Times link?

    Gov. Jerry Brown offers more cash in his new budget, jabs lawmakers who follow Trump’s lead

    Although California Gov. Jerry Brown sent legislators a budget plan on Thursday with a surprisingly new optimism on tax revenues, he warned of major cuts under national healthcare changes.

    And he specifically called out Republican members of Congress from California for voting for a plan that hurt their constituents.

    “I really don’t understand why those people in swing districts are following the dictates of Donald Trump,” Brown told reporters at the state Capitol. “They’re going to have to do penance for it.”

    The governor’s revised budget raised revenue projections from his January plan by $2.5 billion, historically the kind of news that has offered a shot of adrenaline into efforts by lawmakers to expand state spending.

    Where Brown projected a $1.6-billion deficit when he proposed his January budget, the improved tax collection has shrunk the overall shortfall to $400 million, according to the governor’s budget staff.

    Still, Brown urged lawmakers not to view the more upbeat forecast as a reason to raise their expectations on what he believes will be a weaker economy in the near future.

    “Make no doubt about it,” he said, “cuts are coming over the next few years.”

    tl;dr:

    My avatar to Donald Trump: Drop Dead*

    * yeah yeah with votes

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Wait, what? Is that real? That’s another level. Steam? what the fuck?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        And “What is digital?” I can’t even!

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          They flick the planes off the deck with their fingers. Presidunce Stubby can’t imagine how that could be effective.

        • An Outhouse for the Resistance

          Its like cyber.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Steam is our current system for catapulting planes off the deck. It’s also a 70-year-old method that will become obsolete eventually.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          It sounds from the interview that they were showing him the new computerized method and he couldn’t figure out what they were talking about. “You have to be Einstein to understand digital.” I wonder if he knows digital is related to the cyber.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        The new system is called “EMALS” (Electro Magnetic Launch System), and is basically an enormous linear electric motor. It will be vastly superior to the steam system when perfected, but is suffering from teething problems.

    • Thiazin Red

      What even? Somehow this makes even less sense than usual.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Well, it’s what happens when someone who knows less than nothing about Naval construction tries to bluff his way through. All he knows is that the new system runs off of a computer, so therefore it is “digital”.

    • Greyhame

      Jesus, it must have been like trying to talk my elderly parents through a basic operating system upgrade over the phone.

      “You have to be Albert Einstein to figure it out!”

  • boyblue122
    • BosGrl “Unmasked”

      It’s his bedtime story he uses to console himself.

      • boyblue122

        lol

    • mackafritz

      He talks to himself in the third person?

      • jowgajen

        Apparently.

      • boyblue122

        gotta be a narcissistic trait

        • Opiwan

          See “Henderson, Rickey” for proof of that…

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Trump added “And there are no brain slugs controlling Trump, he just doesn’t like salt anywhere near his hair.”

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        I’ve read other statements where he referred to himself in the third person like some crappy royalty.

      • Sophia

        All the time

    • Thiazin Red

      Yeah, because he really acts like hes not desperately trying to hide something.

    • Claire

      Christ. Someone be kind to me and tell me this is not a real thing that was said by the President of the United States, who has access to the nuclear codes.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      He didn’t say this, did he??? He’s not that fucking stupid, is he? Probably…

      It sounds like he’s basically saying out loud that he has motive and intent to obstruct justice, which is usually hard to prove against a president because absent any verbal statements saying so we always assume that he has legitimate policy reasons for executing his duties.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Can someone please remind what it was I came in here to say? I got distracted reading all your brilliant comments.

    • HazooToo

      You have a copy of the pee tapes and you’re giving it to Wonkette first.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Nah, my boyfriend George Clooney has it.

  • Suttree

    It is a very weird feeling to wake up to an open thread, I thought that I missed my PT appt. And I dreamed about cats!

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Yay!

      • Suttree

        My PT is tomorrow at 1:30 remind me. :)

      • Suttree

        But my dreams had so many cats!

  • mfp

    yeah, the lester-trump interview….i’m sorry, ‘murrika, but donald fucking trump is a lying piece of shit and is absolutely in-fucking-sane…i really dont understand why the fbi hasnt stormed the white house and arrested his lying ass

  • Nounverb911
    • Claire

      I grew up in a working-class neighborhood. I knew a lot of people who, in their 20s and 30s, still had their high school graduation tassel hanging from their rear-view mirrors because that was basically the only thing they’d achieved in their entire life. It was sad and made me uncomfortably aware of the ultimate futility of life. Trump dwelling on his electoral college victory gives me the same feeling except without the pity.

  • Peter Walford

    “The guard was startled by O’Reilly’s appearance”

    https://notalentforcertainty.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/1311609332291.jpg

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Where’s his Dick?

  • Thiazin Red

    I’ve come to the conclusion that Citi Bikes need to have sensors which detect traffic lights and direction. That way when some fuck stick nearly runs me over running a red light going the wrong way down the street they can automatically be billed for all of their violations.

    • sw19wilson

      Some dickhead cyclist ran through a red light at fullspeed, yesterday evening: right in front of me, just as I was accelerating.
      He was fucking lucky, by about 1 second. For once, the motorcyclist would have been the one who came out of a road traffic accident significantly better off than the other party.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Every time I see some new quote from Dolt 45, it sounds less and less sane than the one before. He is so illiterate, so ill-informed – he’s like a case study in What Happens to Grandpa After Twenty Years of Watching Faux Gnus.

    • jowgajen

      I’m wondering if he’s decompensating even further this week.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Ding! Ding! Ding!

        I think that’s exactly what’s happening. Everything is spinning out of control. He can’t control anything and all the ‘shows’ are talking about how much he sucks. He’s not built to handle this shit.

    • Bill D. Burger

      FUX News: Fairly Unbalanced ____ We Distort: You Abide.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Manhattan? Why don’t these red blooded manly men move to Kansas or Indiana?

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    I’ve been struggling to describe the feeling I get when I hear Trump speak of-the-cuff or when I read an actual transcript rather than a paraphrase. I mean, aside from the anger and all that.

    The closest description I can think of is “uncanny valley.” Like, this is supposed to be a human being but his speech does not resemble that of a thinking human being with some understandable thought process going on.

    • sw19wilson

      Sociopaths can only mimic certain feelings.

    • Thiazin Red

      A mix of anger, sadness, confusion and contempt for me. I’m not sure how to combine those into one word.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        We should ask a German.

        • sw19wilson

          To be fair, they don’t have a great track record in how to handle authoritarian nutjobs.

          • nonono

            But they have a really great record of combining multiple words into one: sadenangstenytrumpenfuhrer

    • HazooToo

      Something is WRONG with him. Deeply wrong.

    • HorseChestnut

      For me, stunned disappointment in anyone who has ever given this piece of shit the time of day.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        This. So much this. Anyone who could listen to this fucking moron for more than five seconds and still think he was qualified to be POTUS is completely beyond redemption, IMO.

    • not_vh

      for me its disbelief at how this idiot ended up where he did and impotent rage at all the mess he’s causing. and how nobody seems to be able to control him.

    • Sophia

      I was thinking the other day while I was reading an interview that too often he sounds more sane in print than in real life. Some papers must be doing a hell of an edit job before they publish

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      For me it’s confusion from all his word salad. I’m starting to think he has some sort of paranoia on top of dementia (I’d like commenter below to note sociopaths are of average or high intelligence and I’ve met a ‘psychopath’ [psychopaths are prone to being con artists] and they were honestly much smarter; Donnie deserves neither descriptor) .

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I’m sticking with the NPD theory because it seems to make the most sense. I followed a blogger online who appeared to be a narcissist who was in some ways very similar. Strange way of communicating, no need for consistency or truth, everything revolved around her. Even down to a particularly stylized way of making sure to always refer to herself.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          If you do could you remember that you’re supposed to indicate through either the term “abusive” or “malignant”? Because some people with actual narcissistic personality disorder are not in fact terrible.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He sounds like a B-movie phony tough guy that’s suffered some serious head trauma.

    • Greyhame

      ” – an existence unmolested by the rumbling of a soul.” – Mark Singer
      http://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/best-wishes-donald

  • Nounverb911

    https://twitter.com/NBCNightlyNews/status/862798121612578820

    “And Efrem Zimbalist Jr was really good in his role.”

    –DJT added

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Once again, Dolt 45 manages to sound like a pre-teen on the phone with her best friend talking about a new boy band. REAL presidents say things like “The FBI is our nation’s most prestigious intelligence agency, responsible for (blah blah blah zzzzzzz sounds, blah blah, blather, wake me when it’s over).” Drumpf says, “I love the FBI. nobody loves the FBI more than me.” Please, shoot me before he talks again!

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        He decided not to go tell them that. Maybe the love isn’t returned.

    • Vecchioivan

      I hear great things about this Elliot Ness guy.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Though I’m not fond of that Scully person. She’s only a 7.”

  • HazooToo

    If you guys want a game to distract you from the horseshit today, I would like to suggest This War of Mine. http://store.steampowered.com/app/282070/This_War_of_Mine/

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Looks like good practice. We should all get up to speed.

  • Nounverb911

    Are Uday and Qusay going hunting this weekend?
    https://twitter.com/dave_brown24/status/862801347300687872

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      O….kay. We have to wait a week? Is that so they can come up with something?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      So, in other words, he’s just warned ISIS that we’re coming after them this weekend? Good to know.

    • boyblue122

      Will the announcement come with a “Mission Accomplished” banner

    • mackafritz

      I don’t think we have had much to do with it. The Iraqis and the Kurds are doing all the heavy lifting.

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Pretty sure I should skip this one, for the sake of my sanity:

    https://twitter.com/jwpetersNYT/status/862652492844347393

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I’m wearing my shocked face.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Hope you guys enjoyed democracy while it lasted.

    • Shibusa

      Who the fuck is still “sympathetic to the president” at this point?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        About 36% of the American public.

        • boyblue122

          “i love the uneducated”

        • Bec Jenn

          Remember the show “Family Ties”? I do remember that there were a few people who were quite a lot like Alex P. Keaton and were on Nixon’s side. Don’t expect much here either.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          plus Mitch McConnell and ZEGS, which is the bigger problem.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Of course. Again – off/on switch mentality. Zero nuance.

    • jowgajen

      It’s a masterpiece of both-sides-do-it reporting.

      • Bill D. Burger

        The MSM did it all through the primaries and into the general. They listed opposite the daily Trump scandal, in the ‘name of fairness,’ Benghazi and emails, so the public, bewildered by the number of Trump frauds and lies equated those two things. Her mole hill was equal to his mountain.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Trump taint licker Granny Grassley will be among the last to face reality and the coming removal of Lord Orange.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        If there is any justice, come next election Chuck’s ass will be Grass(ley) and his constituents will be pushing lawnmowers made of votes.

  • ken_kukec

    “The guard was startled by O’Reilly’s appearance, McPhilmy wrote, because he was naked from the waist down while attacking her.”

    At least whoever was on the other end of the phone was spared that sight.

    • Note that he (guard) apparently wasn’t startled by the fact that he (O’Reilly) was dragging his wife around by the neck… ‘cuz that’s just standard procedure, I guess.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    It’s funny because impeachment was thought up to get rid of presidents voters thought too annoying. *looks at Donnie’s poll numbers again* If only Republicans weren’t such treasonous jerks…

  • JurisGal

    What a sad, pathetic poor excuse of a person.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Boots can articulate my feelings better than me

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFl7f_Q3uKM

  • Picabo
    • ariel_gee_398

      #Trumpgrets

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        In Trump land it’s #Trumpgerts like “No regerts”

    • Bec Jenn

      I thought this picture was hilarious. Compare this to the tape of the moran harassing that family with so much macho bravado, and then his booking photo as a bitchy crying annoying little baby.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      These fucking haters, fucking worthless Subhuman Grease-stains with eyebrows.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Sawed-off little fuck. He should’ve been arrested for that shirt alone.

    • Claire

      If I had been the one taking this picture I would for real have pointed my finger and laughed at him. Really loudly. So I guess it’s a good thing it wasn’t me.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Roni Raven
    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Um, isn’t this just the same surveillance they’ve been talking about?

      • Roni Raven

        Indeed it is. But this sheds more light on just how extensive the material they have is:

        “Every time we read a public name of a Russian individual who had some contact with anyone associated with Trump, from Russian government officials or shady characters with ties to Russian intelligence, there is an above-average probability that their conversations were recorded and emails were monitored.”

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Leak. Them. NOW!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Unmasking!

  • Nounverb911
    • TootsStansbury

      The trumplings have no difficulty “processing” this. Their fearless leader says jump and they’ll jump on the flaming bag of dog poo no questions asked.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      All Trumpkins are currently in the same state – the state of confusion.

  • Shibusa

    Maybe Trump should nominate Hillary Clinton to head up the FBI. Nobody on Earth would work harder.

  • Roni Raven

    And the MSM is pointing you at crazy Trump squirrels while completely ignoring this:

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-05-11/republican-fundraising-firm-in-maryland-raided-by-fbi-reports

    • jowgajen

      This is related to 4 year old election malfeasance for a VA Governor’s race. There is no relation to #TrumpRussia, that’s just wild rumor mongering as far as I can tell.

      • Roni Raven

        That’s what someone wants you think. Did you read the last paragraph? They buried the lede.

        WHAT A COINKYDINK!!!

        Whitfield was also a director at BKSH and Associates, where he provided strategic government relations counseling. That firm was formed in 1996 when Paul Manafort and Roger Stone left Black, Manafort, Stone and Kelly and it merged with Gold and Liebengood. Manafort and Stone both went on to become close advisers to Trump. They had departed by the time Whitfield joined the firm.

        EDIT: Also too this was a big raid with a lot of resources. I have trouble believing it’s related to that 4-year-old case,

        • jowgajen

          Time will tell. But we must guard our hearts and minds from our own tendency to believe what we would like to be true.

          • Roni Raven

            And we also must be very skeptical of what the Republican Party tells us.

            “The FBI is not saying what the warrant is for.

            The state’s Republican Party said the raid concerns fundraising questions in a previous political race.”

            http://www.wbaltv.com/article/fbi-searching-annapolis-fundraiserconsulting-firm/9639787?src=app

          • jowgajen

            That’s a good find.

          • Roni Raven

            This also too from article:

            None of the building tenants, which include Annapolis lobbyists, said they know what the search is about. In addition, the office building neighbors also said they don’t know why the FBI is interested in the office.

          • Claire

            Would they, though? My company shares an office building with like 20 other companies and they could be Martians for all we know.

  • mfp

    trump is a lying piece of fuck…there is absolutely no fucking way that comey told him he wasnt under investigation…”he told me over a nice dinner”…bull fucking shit…show me the video, you lying piece of fuck…gawdammit, FBI, arrest this mothafucka…khaa-rhyst, how much blatant evidence do you need

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      9/10, not enough “lying piece of fuck.”

      • mfp

        lying piece o fuck lying piece o fuck lying piece o fuck lying piece o fuck lying….aah fuckit ah got blistahs on me fingahs…

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Patience, young padawan. They must build the case first. That means serving the search warrants, then sifting through what they find. Then, sweep up the low level suckers and offer them deals to roll on higher-level suckers. Then roll them up and offer DEALS, not immunity, to them. Then, and only then, will they go for the kingpins.

      The wheels of justice, they say, grind slow, but they grind exceedingly fine.

      • nightmoth

        Thx for the reminder, Pinkham. We all want to push the pedal to the metal, and it’s too true that it doesn’t happen like that. But maybe the FBI can find a fuel additive?

      • mfp

        mmmm…ok…i get all that, except people (me included) have been busted on the lamest of probable cause-es…just ask martha stewart…these last few days have been just (again, cant think of a better word) blatant

        also, i am not a young anything–and being an old, am not knowing of ‘padawan’…you crazy kids, always talking code around, and making fun of the old folks

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Translation: Trump tells NBC he knew firing James Comey would prove he colluded with Russia, but he went ahead with it anyway because he’s a pissed-off jerkbaby who thinks he was elected god-emperor.

      • jowgajen

        I actually think he did it because he wanted to and because he’s just not good at this.

        • Amy!

          He hasn’t actually succeeded at anything people-oriented in his life, has he? I’m not counting hiring an accountant to use a loophole to avoid paying taxes, or providing money laundry services to newly-rich (and long-time-corrupt) Russians. He went bankrupt running a casino! If he hadn’t been born with enormous privilege, he’d be one of the small-time scammers the cops roll their eyes about when they have to go pick him up, again, for cheating some poor granny out of her welfare check.

          • Roni Raven

            Today, we are all granny.

    • Claire

      Nobody’s confused, you senile old fool. Everyone knows exactly why you fired him.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      And yet, the Administration was surprised that it was controversial. Huh. Not sure how those two positions work together. Guess I just haven’t mastered doublethink yet.

    • TootsStansbury

      Confused? I got two words: light switches. OK three: stairs.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Yeah, this was around the time they released the Holocaust Remembrance Day statement that didn’t actually mention anything about Jewish folks.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Is there any way he could be even MORE contemptible? I suppose we can rest assured that, if there is, he is going to find it.

    • sw19wilson

      And yet, despite everything … 36%.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Including majorities in some states I bet

        • sw19wilson

          Most of them welfare states, to boot.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “What’s a Holocaust?”

      –Donald Trump

      • Roni Raven

        “And how did it get hollow?”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “And how much does it cost?”

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        “Holocaust… Holocaust…Hey! Did I come up with that?

    • jesterpunk
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Unlike the former speaker of the house, who cried only when he thought about how high up the ladder he had climbed since tending bar…

  • memzilla Ω

    Complete-r story on today’s FBI Raid on the GOP Campaign Consulting/Financing firm. The FBI would not say what the warrant was for (dun dun!), but the FBI did say the raid was executed with “fierce coordination.”
    Firm has ties to Twitler operatives Roger Stone — who got his start executing dirty tricks for Richard Nixon — and Paul Manafort — who was Campaign Chairman during GOP Convention until he had to be fired for his ties to Russia.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3a8d9cb39cb90bb2e6d956ff601cc65a8220d39922169da4e1b816d115a03a1d.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ae0dea79daa50f4ac0f806b86b4666b420372983dad7c2d963e6a60cf488abbf.jpg

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    Ima trying to remember there is something on this benighted planet besides haters and Christians and stupid waste-of-skin Republicans:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Whgn_iE5uc

    • Roni Raven

      What are we, chopped liver?

      • jowgajen

        Yeah, but the good kind your great aunt makes with the onions and the rye toast points.

      • jesterpunk

        At least we arn’t canned clams.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        If we’re chopped liver, we’re locally sourced, non-GMO vegan chopped liver.

    • jesterpunk

      Good song choice.

  • nightmoth

    What a news day! Thank heaven I made it to happy hour.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5o7mN2XQBZE

    • Painter of Goats

      All babby goatz are show-offs!

      • snark-lurker

        and they eat stuff & then poop

    • TootsStansbury

      I was in a furniture store e while back and the proprietress had a baby pygmy goat and goat pal. I want one. They hang out in the house and watch TV.

    • La forza del resistino

      Don Jr looks at Eric and asks, Ever shoot somethin’ off a roof bro’?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      How the fuck did I get up here????…..

    • proudgrampa

      I LOVE baby goats! They are so cool.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Amy!

      That article is 100% fucking snarktastic brilliance.

    • georgiaburning

      I like the comment a few lines down: “4 months in, and now even James Comey is a sympathetic character”

    • Sophia

      That was awesome. Round of applause for Mary Sue

  • sw19wilson
  • La forza del resistino

    Spicey emerges from hiding and is seen in the hallways at 30 Rock
    https://youtu.be/wXzNufNaVQo

    • DainBramage

      This fills me with joy.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    An Open Letter to Mr. and Mrs. Fred Trump:

    Y’all fucked up this boy of yours pretty good. He’s just about the worst human being I’ve ever seen, and I’m old enough to remember when there wasn’t a three-point shot in basketball.
    Could you not at least have tried to instill a little humility in him? Or how about some empathy? The ability to share? For fuck’s sake, he doesn’t even have pets. Hitler – goddamned Adolph Fucking Hitler – had a dog.
    I mean, we’re talking about a guy who went on a nationally-aired radio program and agreed that his own daughter was, and I quote, “a piece of ass.” I sincerely hope that you were dead when the photos of her grinding on his lap came out, because if you were alive and you didn’t do anything about that, you’re the worst grandparents in the history of the world.
    Now, I’m not even going to go into everything he’s been up to since 2015. It’s just too depressing to try to relate it all. But I would like to point out that if you had raised him well, none of us would be suffering like this. So I hope that where you are, it’s very hot, there’s no expensive bottled water, and you’re spending all your time being forced to watch re-runs of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
    In conclusion,
    Fuck you,
    America

  • LarryHoudini

    Last night, John Schindler (20committee) promised the shit would hit the fan today, so I was all primed for the Russian hooker peepee tape leak, or something along those lines. And? Nothing.
    If you can’t trust a secondhand source on Twitter that you don’t even know, who can you trust?

    • Roni Raven
      • sw19wilson

        The trouble is, under any other administration in the known universe, this – or indeed any – single thing would be fucking enormous.
        Trump is such a careening clusterfuck that nothing actually fazes us any more.

        • snark-lurker

          no, [we] are phased, tRumpster is not fazed

        • Roni Raven

          That’s part of the plan. Keep us all off balance with one shitstorm after the other until we have too much shitstorm fatigue to do anything about it.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Part?

    • snark-lurker

      donut look at me!

    • Thiazin Red

      Hes been saying stuff like that for months now. I doubt he knows anything.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    God knows we need the world’s help right now:

    https://twitter.com/KeithOlbermann/status/862810231876800512

    • RobKanC

      FAKE NEWS!!!!! – Drumpf supporters.

    • Everrett Fanuelli
      • Ωbjectifier

        Sorry. I haven’t a square to spare.

    • Well. That was chilling

      • Michael R

        Dark enough ? Dark is the mood I’ve been in
        since election night , under all the humor that we do here .

    • Courser_Resistance

      I needed to hear that, scary as it is. It’s confirmation that I’m not crazy. Or at least not crazy all on my own.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Straight out of every work of dystopian fiction but it’s real, it’s happening now, and it’s way more farcical than anyone had imagined.

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    You know, I’m not the kind of person who worries that she would embarrass herself in front of a celebrity, but the longer we live this national nightmare, the more I fear that if I met Barack Obama in the wild I would start crying immediately and have to excuse myself.

    We miss you, Bamz.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Or Clinton or Bernie or O’Malley or even Rubio for chrissakes!

      • sw19wilson
        • idiotboy

          Getting rid of all that chest hair sure seems like a lot of (painful) work. Who has time for that stuff?

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          That first pic looks like a ripped Pauly Shore.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Oh my

        • Yr. Gma

          I would not have objected to seeing lots of President O’Malley vacation pictures.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Shit! Lincoln Chafee would look good by comparison.

      • Bitter Scribe

        OK, Rubio is taking it too far IMO.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I actually had a dream about Bamz last night….a big gathering of people, and we were all clamoring-in somewhat Biblical fashion-just to touch the hem of his garment. Then he led us in singing “Amazing Grace”. Yeah.

    • DainBramage

      Whereas if I were to meet Liar Trump, I would immediately begin projectile vomiting.

      • TootsStansbury

        What I would do would violate the Rules.

      • Amelia Resists and Persists

        Ha, if it were Trump, I would flip him off. I know because it’s what I do every time he’s on my tv.

        • TootsStansbury

          When the People’s Climate March passed ass mouth towers there were so many boos and shames and immense flocks of birds. It was a beautiful moment.

          • notaten

            I went to a wedding in Las Vegas last June, before the election mind, and the wedding venue was off the strip, so they arranged a van to shuttle all of us drunks back to the hotel (4 hours of open bar, much dancing and debauchery). On the way back, the shuttle went by the Trump hotel and everyone started booing. The driver pulled over, said if everyone hated Trump he had a special treat for us. We all say yeah, fuck that guy, so he has a huge banner that he already had a holder for to affix to the van that says”Fuck Trump”. We drove through the driveway in front and back, screaming and yelling the whole time, twice! The driver said he did that at least twice a week, because he hated Trump that much. So much fun!

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Yup. I flip him off vertically, then horizontally, and then repeat with both hands simultaneously in complementary and random directions.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    The thing about watching Jackie Gleason in the Honeymooners – no matter how many times he shouted “To the moon, Alice!” or “Pow! In the kisser!” and shook his fist and his cheek wattles, you knew when Audrey Meadows rolled her eyes, it was never gonna happen. Bill, not so much…

  • EDUCATION TIME: ALABAMA TALK FROM MY YOUTH

    Can you decipher the following sentences?

    “That storm last night liked to tump over the new swing set.”

    “I was proud to see Dub and ’em over Thanksgiving but I wish they hadn’t brung Millard and that bunch with them.”

    “No I did not pick up the sugar at the store because if you keep putting it in everything you’re gonna get The Sugar just like your momma.”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      “How’s your mom ‘n ’ems?”

      • That one gets into some right smart finesse there:

        The suffix “n em” indicates a fondness for the person and/or their family.

        The suffix “n that bunch” indicates you do not care for the person and/or their family, not one little bit.

      • Werewolf

        That’s more of a Louisiana thing-like “Where yat?” or “makin’ groceries”.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        That sounds almost phillufian

        • No, it’s Scotch-Irish. :)

          (My Worser Half is 100% pure-blooded Phillufian. Them people are a might teched in the head. ‘Wooder’ for ‘Water’ PLEASE.)

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Yes, yes…that makes my ears bleed, but not nearly as much as “Mayan” for “mine” which is also heard in these parts.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Yes, yes I can.

      • not_vh

        no i couldn’t.

    • Thiazin Red

      Two out of three.

    • h4rr4r
      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Someone I know says “da beetees” and I’m not completely convinced they aren’t seriius.

    • BadKitty904

      Set that poke down yonder.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Here? Pert near…..

        • No, it needs to go plum acrost the street.

        • Meccalopolis

          Yer ’bout a cunt hair off

        • BadKitty904

          Nigh on.

    • Werewolf

      Yuh-huh.

    • HorseChestnut

      Pourin the rain down out there.

    • La forza del resistino

      I’m still waiting for someone to explain the story behind the naming of Muscle Shoals

      • I think they meant it to be ‘Mussel Shoals’ and just got it wrong. There’s lots of mussels in those lovely North Alabama lakes and rivers.

        I grew up in that area and nobody eats the mussels. I’d trust them on that.

    • BadKitty904

      Did he fetch that sorghum like I tol’ ‘im?”

      That boy ne’er fotched e’er a bit.”

    • Werewolf

      Yore gooder to me than ary angel.

    • Meccalopolis

      Huh, I understood that perfectly but my kin are from Florence south Carolina

  • Shoto

    Has everyone around here been “Fuck it, we’ll do it live” ing? Did I miss all the good stuff?

    • not_vh

      so ya, i did this recently at work. luckily it was in front a colleague who knew the context. he lol-ed.

      slightly ot, i find that my anger levels are generally high since nov last.

      • Courser_Resistance

        My anxiety levels too.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      It works for every occasion. :)

  • Bill D. Burger
    • BadKitty904

      I’ve certainly never seen nor heard of anything like it in my lifetime.

      THANKS, GOP!!1!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Hey, y’all on Twitter. ‘Trix is feelin’ mighty low. You want to pop in and tell her things ain’t so black as they seem?

  • MynameisBlarney

    OK…

    Just started watching Sense8.

    HOOOOOOLY fuckin’ shit!

    Yeah…gonna be binge watchin’ that shit.

    So…try not to wreck the place whilst I’m gone, mkay?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump calls Comey a “showboat”!

    Uh huh…. a response is just hard to put into words.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/966b5f80f039ecccac88e1b91c3a8638867b35285d31b03b55d0ff03e8e29895.gif

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Gold-plated, diamond-encrusted kettle says what?

    • Meccalopolis

      That thing is tripping me out

  • Treg Brown
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Thiazin Red

      That picture makes him look like an old man version of that creeper elf from the claymation Rudolph.

      • Certified Green Bastard

        Hermey, no!

    • therblig

      keeblerific!

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      That’s awesome.

  • HogeyeGrex

    a security guard assigned to protect O’Reilly and his family

    A) Not doing such a great job on the latter.
    B) From what? Jesse Watters?
    C) I am imagining dude, after seeing shit like this once too many times, going, “Yo. Fellas. Over here.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Shoto
    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      It’s Tricky Dickless.

    • Certified Green Bastard

      Oh shit, that looks like Jeremy Clarkson.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      That’s frightening.

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      This is probably unfair to Nixon: Tricky Dick was an asshole, but he wasn’t nearly as dumb and Drumpf.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So apparently the Donald basically admitted to firing Comey over Russia in his interview with Lester Holt. He also said he has a certified letter saying he has nothing to do with Russia. Apparently it says he may have already won a million dollars.

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2017/5/11/1661436/-Trump-on-Comey-firing-I-said-to-myself-this-thing-with-Trump-and-Russia-is-a-made-up-story#comments

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      He also has a note from Epstein’s mother. See? Not guilty!

      • Sophia

        I heard it was a note from his mother. “Dear Mista FBI Director: my son didn’t have anything to do with those Russians. Signed: Trump’s Mother”
        (Stolen from somewhere)

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          It was from John Barron Esquire

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Is it worse if he thinks “certified letter” means a letter whose contents have been certified to be true, or if he knows that’s not the case but he can fool the rubes into thinking it is? I know, I know: BOT,K.

      • jesterpunk

        I am going to send him a certifiable letter saying he owes me eleventy billion dollars. Its a fool proof plan.

    • Roni Raven

      I’m not a lawyer but how is that not obstruction of justice?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        When you get to fire the Director of the FBI.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Thiazin Red

      Putin needs to stop having work done.

      • Certified Green Bastard

        I say more. I recommend Joan Rivers’ doc.

        • Meccalopolis

          Took a few seconds to sink in: bravo

    • Rick Hill

      More like: “This putz is blowing it big time. Better grab all we can, while we can”

      • Claire

        I really wonder what he thinks about all this. If Hillary had been elected he could probably have just gone on with his psyops and election-fucking without anyone being the wiser. Either he’s cackling over the chaos he’s caused in America or he’s cursing over having the mask ripped off like the villain in a Scooby-Doo episode and how it’s going to foil his long-term plans for the rest of the world.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          It fucked him up in France, so that’s a starter.

          • Pre-existing Ron

            It’s an ill wind etc.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Roni Raven

      Sad that anyone can begin a sentence with, “At least Nixon didn’t…”

    • wait! what?

      …now the Chinese… ;)

    • SayItWithWookies

      I’d say traitor — scuttling the Paris peace talks so he could win the election, even if it meant tens of thousands more Americans died? Yeah, traitor.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        One out of two isn’t bad.*

        *Actually, in this case, it is pretty bad.

    • dshwa

      Well, possibly traitor. But he could at least keep his lies straight from one sentence to the next.

  • Rick Hill

    Little known fact: Dogs used to be as big as horses
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aKVyEWb_460s.jpg

    • snark-lurker

      yeesh!

    • therblig

      My Friend What-the-Fucka?!?!?

    • Meccalopolis

      That’s creepy

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That’s bad news for the Huckabee family.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Saw him when he was in Los Angeles and he was very informative. His book was also very well written and informative. See him if you can!

    https://twitter.com/TimothyDSnyder/status/862744912785178625

  • Shoto
  • Sophia

    A tale of 2 men

    President Trump defended his delay in firing former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn on Thursday, calling him “a very good person” and saying he didn’t want to be too quick to fire him.

    “This man (Flynn) has served for many years, he’s a general, he’s a — in my opinion — a very good person. I believe that it would be very unfair to hear from somebody who we don’t even know and immediately run out and fire a general,” Trump said in an interview with NBC’s Lester Holt that aired Thursday night.
    ~~
    Aides said Trump moved quickly after receiving a recommendation on Monday to terminate Comey from Rosenstein, who began reviewing the situation at the FBI shortly after taking office two weeks ago.

    Comey found out he was dismissed from television news coverage that splashed on screens at an FBI field office in Los Angeles while he was addressing FBI employees.

    After witnessing the televised report, Comey reportedly laughed, saying he thought it was a fairly funny prank, according to a separate New York Times report.

    Comey then stopped addressing the group after staff members told him to enter a nearby office. Shaking hands with the group, Comey entered the office and confirmed that he was fired.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Apparently Trump waited 18 days to dismiss Flynn because he didn’t think it was an “emergency.” True fvckin’ story. It’s on CCN’s website.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He waited because he thought he could get away with it.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Obama told Trump Flynn was a rotten apple long before this. Yates told him the same weeks before. Lying sack of shit.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Meanwhile, according to WaPo, Trump’s staff have to remind Trumpkins that contacting Flynn right now would be a bad idea. Supposedly he keeps bugging them about this because he’s dying to call Flynn.

        • Swampgas_Man

          Dying to re-write Flynn’s next talk to the investigators.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Is “call Flynn” street talk for “beating off?”

          Because that’s the only way he isn’t insane.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          He wants to make sure he has his home address correct so he can have one of his thugs put a severed horse’s head in Flynn’s bed.

  • Shoto
    • Sophia

      “Speak directly into your microwave”! LOL!

  • Wild Cat

    He beats his wife; then beats himself off.

    A perfect marriage.

  • Nounverb911
    • I am a fat lady and i have fewer chins than Twitler

    • Shoto

      ♫ We represent the Lollipop Guild… ♫

      • snark-lurker

        i am the lemon drop kid no kidding

      • Pisto75666

        I wonder if that makes KAC the Lullaby League?

    • wait! what?

      Heartless contempt for humanity?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Anyone here familiar with the Dutch media? Is this credible? (Oh God I hope so!)

    https://twitter.com/grumpymoochie/status/862817540283797509

    • Rick Hill

      I saw something else on money laundeirng over at RS, today.(Who can keep up with all of it?)

    • Shoto

      It has been noted in several interviews with Ian Masters that there’s solid reporting happening in Europe, including the Netherlands. One of these assertions came from James Henry, an investigative economist and lawyer who is a Global Justice fellow at Yale and co-founder with David Cay Johnston of DCReport.org. That’s about as solid as I’ll ever need.

      Henry interview here. Drag up to 2:50 to get past the intro.

      https://fdmedia.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/bbriefing_2017_05_04a_james-henry.mp3

      • snark-lurker

        but doz (R) congress care?

        • Shoto

          Of course not. We need to flood these gasbag assholes with so much information that it forces them off the dime.

        • FauxAntocles

          They’re in on it…

    • Sophia

      I saw this earlier but I couldn’t decide. Don’t we have a wonker from netherlands?

    • Certified Green Bastard

      Damn, that Dutch snark was so potent, it made my eyes red & my throat burn.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        What are you talking about? No, I mean, what are you talking about?….

  • Nounverb911
    • ariel_gee_398

      Tickling the polar bear? Which sounds like a euphemism for a when a really pale woman masturbates.

    • BearLeft

      Getting hair-care tips.

    • SayItWithOtters

      Crashing the set of “American Hustle,” obviously.

    • mancityRed6

      Making sure he got his whole pace in the picture?

    • Jenny

      He was trying to get into page 6 anyway he could?

  • Chadwells

    Very pissed my computer is broked. Sorry if I haven’t responded to some of y’all!

  • Michael R
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    My kick-ass member of Congress Adam Schiff will be on Chris Hayes tonight!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8eacf67d2b626ee4d1e8916327c0faf47d4e930e54bb01ce86a96776dd469792.jpg

  • Thiazin Red

    I’ve become completely intolerant of comic book illustrators who just color in obviously naked women. Its both extremely lazy and offputting. Shirts do not have individual breast cups, fabric doesn’t go into the bellybutton or the ass crack.

    I hear about something that sounds interesting, but when I see that I have no more interest.

  • Sophia

    You’ll love the spin on this, lying sack of shit, 2 totally different vetting procedures. Trumps’ vetting should have been more invasive for a political appointee

    During the interview Thursday, Trump also said he didn’t know about Flynn’s payments from the Russian and Turkish governments, but suggested former President Obama did.
    “Obama perhaps knew because [Flynn] had clearance from the Obama administration,” Trump told NBC News. “And his clear — and this is something they never want to report — he had clearance from the Obama administration. The highest clearance you can have.”

    http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/333055-trump-defends-delay-in-firing-flynn-it-did-not-sound-like-an

    • mancityRed6

      “the best–the absolute best clearance”

    • TJ Barke

      We’ve already been over that, fuckface!

    • georgiaburning

      The fact that Obama fired Flynn was all the vetting that Trump needed to hire him

  • Serai 1
  • wait! what?

    Ah, the good old days; when we sang songs of presidential praise…

    https://youtu.be/l7iVsdRbhnc

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Swampgas_Man

    Suggested next wife for O’Lielly Since so many were interested in my CGI work
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5208a16902c59e36a53c1c5a0598b692a855c72c458b9d55fec456f62730aa38.jpg

    • mancityRed6

      those legs remind me of a bread I’ve eaten before, and now I’m hungry.

      • HorseChestnut

        Like challah!

        • HogeyeGrex

          Challah at me, gurl!

    • Doug Langley

      From My Super Ex-Girlfriend:

      “I need to be on top. Trust me on this.”

      (awful flick, don’t waste your time)

  • BearLeft

    It’s just like it says on the box, Fairly Unbalanced (or something like that).

  • Chadwells

    Novel idea for you, Fuckface…STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE INVESTIGATIONS AND LET THE INVESTIGATING AGENCIES FIND OUT!!! You stupid bastard.

    “Trump: ‘If Russia did anything, I want to know that'”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/333051-trump-if-russia-did-anything-i-want-to-know-that

    • Contemplative Ron

      Keep in mind that it’s Donnie: it’s quite possible he’s forgotten.

    • Roni Raven

      Oh he knows, he knows. He’s in it up to his big fat ass.

    • Sophia

      YOU ALREADY KNOW YOU MORAN!

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c87ff8a346f1613b2dce2309c85db695ba1de40f9d5749364704cbace5e5949b.jpg “I see from your records that you were once suspected of voting for a democrat.”

  • ken_kukec

    Is it just me, or has Trump put on about 30 pounds of bloat since being inaugurated?

    He looks like a water bed covered in Mortadella.

    • HorseChestnut

      He does not look well.

    • Pre-existing Ron

      And he waddles. Some people can carry the weight, but he can’t. To me it looks like he is slowly rotting away.

      • Roni Raven

        Dementia affects one’s balance also too.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I thought he was getting some exercise on weekends….

        • Ωbjectifier

          Golf and masturbation are not exercise.

          • snark-lurker

            jacking off & tRumpster in the the same train of thought sucks

          • Doug Langley

            To Donnie, even chess is exercise.

          • ken_kukec

            Not for Trump, maybe. But if you do ’em right …

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          He actually hates exercise – he considers standing at a lectern at one of his rallies to be “exertion”.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            His biglyest exercise in the past year has been grabbing Ivaka’s ass. Live. On national TV.

            Hey, Jared, this is the guy you are sucking up to. The creepy father-in-law who grabbed your wife’s ass.

        • ken_kukec

          Climbing in and out of a cart doesn’t really count as cardio.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Cheating at golf doesn’t quite qualify as exercise.

        • Pre-existing Ron

          Whatever it is he does on weekends, it ain’t exercise. Well, I suppose he exercises his mouth, but…

    • Steve Cole

      Rage Stroke! Rage Stroke! Rage Stroke!

    • Sophia

      It’s from the 2 scoops of ice cream with dessert and pressing that coke button

      (true: I was googling because I couldn’t remember if it was coke or pepsi and the first thing the autofill came up with was “trump coke head”)

    • Doug Langley

      The food’s better than Trump Tower.

    • Claire

      I’ve seen estimates of 60, which seems more likely to me. I don’t think 30 pounds added onto his inaugural weight would make this visible a difference.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        But I’ve lost 30 pounds since he was elected, so it all evens out.

        • ken_kukec

          Yeah, me, too. Just a couple more Trump tweets and I’ll be at my ideal weight.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Even I know TWO scoops of ice cream makes my belt shrink.

  • Moebym Reborn

    My Republican Friend (TM) purportedly loves Bill O’Reilly (according to our mutual friend), and I bet she believes his ex-wife is a lying b***h like the other women who accused him of sex crimes. I’m so glad politics has not entered in our conversations yet, but it’s probably gonna come sooner or later.

    After reading Comey’s letter, I was – dare I say it – pretty moved, despite his actions that contributed to Hillary’s loss.

    It’s so much bigger than that now.

    • Claire

      Yes, that was a decent letter. I hate that motherfucker for throwing the election to Trump, but I’ll give him that.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Roni Raven

      Why don’t they call for impeachment instead?!!!

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Because Dems aren’t reactionaries like the Repugs. They actually believe in laws and a process

        • Roni Raven

          If he fired Comey to stop the Russia investigation as he and Sanders both implied, that’s obstruction of justice and grounds to start the impeachment process.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            Yeah but you don’t want to rest on one count. You want to gather more evidence in order to draw up more charges.

          • Swampgas_Man

            “Give him enough rope to hang himself”? He’s got a whole hemp factory by this point!

          • mancityRed6

            then they have to have an investigation that proves intent.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            Right. At most the Donald’s comments can only be seen as circumstantial.

    • Greyhame

      Someone forgot to stay on-message spinning this whole Comey disaster.
      https://youtu.be/qFff-A5xEx0

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        “Yeah, he called me, yeah, that’s it, that’s the ticket…..”

    • RobKanC

      Like the voters care. I am fed up with this country. They will vote for GOP in 2018.

      • snark-lurker

        it is always all about the (D) turn-out #s

        • RobKanC

          And enough idiots voted for fucking Jill Stein. Jesus, I hope when they are in a prison camp their conscience is clear.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    OK, here’s something I have to get off my chest:

    Trump doesn’t even lie well. He is terrible at lying. He does a lot of lying, so you’d think he’d be good at it, but he just isn’t. Quantity over quality even lying.

    • Pisto75666

      Easy to do when no one bothers to fact-check the lie(s)

    • Sophia

      Yea I know. He would make a shitty used car salesman but the morons love him. What’s that about?

      • mancityRed6

        because anyone who makes a deal with him (and has the lawyers to back them up), knows that they’ll come out better.
        look at how he overpaid for the planes for his tRump airlines.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        As a teacher I can tell you. It’s because it’s easier for cowards to befriend the bully than stand up against him.

      • dshwa

        An admiration for toxic masculinity and a shared commitment to acting on unconscious racial/cultural fears.

        • Meccalopolis

          Well said

    • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend
    • not_vh

      he lies well enough to have survived this long.

      • mfp

        see above non-comment by dshwa

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He’s been getting away with it since he was a small child. He relies not on quality but volume.

    • snark-lurker

      never before has anyone questioned, out loud, what he says. this doz not compute for him

    • dshwa

      Narcissists (and antisocials) unconsciously screen their close associates for ones that won’t challenge their narrative. It’s worse for Trump because he’s always had the money to keep that circle around him limited in ways a less well off person couldn’t. That’s probably why he’s melting down, this is really the first time in his life he’s without that screen around him.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He’s down to Jared, Sean, Kellyanne and the Huckster spawn.

        And Jared will sell out for a second.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      His “tell” is that his cock holster is moving.

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Aunt Maxine is on Chris Hayes!

    • …and telling it like it is.

      • Ωbjectifier

        She is nothing if not Persistent.

  • Rachel Book Harlot
  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Theorem: If you are reduced to claiming that a letter attesting to your innocence proves you’re innocent because it’s a “certified” letter… you are simply guilty as hell.

    • not_vh

      Proof:
      LHS = Well duh!
      QED, Hence the theorem
      *double underline*

    • janecita

      I’m sending my brother a certified letter, telling him that I’m mom’s favorite. Voila, now it’s true!

    • Roni Raven

      If you feel compelled to fire the person investigating you, you are simply guilty as hell also too.

    • weejee

      Certifiable, too, also.

    • boyblue122

      Its like what happened during the little Malheur adventure, Cliven Bundy sent the state of Oregon a certified letter claiming Malheur refuge was his.

      Seems like a sovereign citizen tactic

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        A softbrained citizen tactic, maybe.

        • boyblue122

          ha…that works too

      • Incoming Ham

        We need to send tarps and dildos

      • Yr. Gma

        It is. They believe the Postal Service is the only legitimate government agency.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Bill O’Reilly?
    He seems…. human.
    Vaguely.

    • snark-lurker

      you ok? recent head injury? bad brown acid?

      • Incoming Ham

        Bad brown acid and the bird flu have been going around.

    • Vecchioivan

      Bipedal, at least.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        As long as his knuckles are available to brace his walk.

  • janecita

    Wtf is Ken Cuccinelli doing on TV???? Fucking CNN!!!!

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Question asked and answered. I marvel at your efficiency.

    • mancityRed6

      Jeffrey Lord was busy?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Piers Morgan had a date?

    • Shoto

      Jeff Zucker and CNN’s Tweetering feeds need to be hammered over the idiots, assholes, jagoffs and morons who are on their payroll and/or regularly invited on as guests.

      Why does Jeff Zucker still have a job?

      • janecita

        He gives good head?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          GOOD HEAD LIBELZ!!!!!!!111!!1!!11, 1!1
          1!

  • Chadwells

    Resigning vs. Firing…2 entirely different things, you dumb twat. I reckon everyone has already snarked about this?

    “Sarah Huckabee Sanders reads list of Democrats calling for Comey to resign”

    http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/video/sarah-huckabee-sanders-reads-list-democrats-calling-comey-47357703

    • Roni Raven

      Who would Jeebus lie to?

    • mancityRed6

      that’s the one thing that people supporting the line of “no big deal” are missing.
      it would be one thing if Comey had resigned, it’s an altogether different beast when he’s fired by the guy he’s investigating.
      kind of like how they frame the AHCA as having “access”

      • Chadwells

        Exactly!!!

    • Greyhame

      Do we look like a fucking idiot to you, Sarah Hucabee-Sanders? We are not staggeringly stupid, like your boss or his die-hard supporters.

    • Claire

      How convenient that they don’t understand the difference between criticism of Comey’s behavior and criticism of Trump’s behavior.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      She’s a bigger liar than her pigfucking father.

      • Sophia

        Learned from the best

      • Chadwells

        Well said.

    • Sophia

      We’ve been calling on trump to resign, does this mean he can now be fired please?

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    This would be why we need to stay vigilant and fight a multi-front war FFS:

    https://twitter.com/AdamsFlaFan/status/862817242760826881

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Say, you know who else thought he was laying the groundwork for a thousand year Reich?

      • dshwa

        Caligula?

      • Vecchioivan

        Can we have a hint?

      • janecita

        Angela Merkel?

      • Doug Langley

        Millennial Man?

      • Crank Tango

        Charlemagne?

        • Meccalopolis

          Kid charlemagne?

      • Wild Cat

        Steven Reich?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Wilhelm Reich?

          • Wild Cat

            Orgone!
            You know who else was into orgone?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Roscoe Turner?

          • Wild Cat

            Orson Bean, Dead Breitbart’s father-in-law.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Crank magnetism- how does it work?

          • AJ Milne

            William T. Reicher?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Will Riker?

      • Wild Cat

        ‘The Big Bang Theory’?

      • Shoto

        First Mate Gilligan?

      • II Gosala

        Romulus?

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Remus libelz!!!!!!!1!!!

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        rIke Turner? “Rollin’ on the river.”

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        Robert Reich?

      • Incoming Ham

        Nero?

    • weejee

      He’s never gonna get that far Cally. Impeached or 25th Amendment, Section 4.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a6ca7df681174ffada612aac0d4bd6d1a0b71f69dcbe10a7a118ce58f3c3c646.jpg

  • janecita

    I love Stephen King! He calls Trump, “Forrest Trump.”

    • Roni Raven

      Forrest Gump libelsZZ!!! Forrest was kind.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        That movie still stunk though. So it’s kinda like Trump

        • janecita

          It was a terrible, terrible movie.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I think I’m the only person on the planet who never saw it.

          • II Gosala

            Nah, there’s two of us.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Let’s start a club.

          • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

            I didn’t see it either. I remember visiting my cousin in Minneapolis when it came out. A TV spot for the movie came on, and he stood up with a look of weary disgust on his face. “I gotta go take a Gump,” he announced, and walked into the bathroom.

          • janecita

            Don’t bother:-) Did you get to check out any of John Connelly’s books?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I haven’t yet. I have this thing where, when I hear about a good book, I reflexively put in on reserve at the library. Typically, all those stack up, then become available in the same fucking week…then I’m frantically reading (which I rather enjoy) to try to finish them without late fees. But thanks for the reminder!

          • janecita

            I do the same thing! I’m lucky though, my library doesn’t have late fees. Start with “Every Dead Thing,” that’s the first one.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            WHAT?!? No late fees?? What kind of librul snowflake paradise do you live in? And how do I move there? Do you get a ribbon and a cookie when you return a book on time?

          • janecita

            It gets better, I live in Hunterdon county, but since my town is really tiny, we have to use the zip code of the closest largest town, which is in another county, Warren. I get to use the services in both counties. Warren’s libraries don’t have late fees, Hunterdon’s libraries have free passes for museums.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Unfair! No wonder you’re always in a positive mood. Free museums and a life without late fees is something most Americans can only dream of.

          • Sophia

            Nope, I never saw it either

          • puredog

            Just so that we are fair and balanced, I rather liked it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Both sides do it!

        • Thiazin Red

          That movie was infuriating. Do whatever anyone tells you without question and be rewarded with fame and money.

          Want more than a shitty life in a crap hole town? Die of AIDS whore!

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            Baby Boomers have fucked us over in more ways than just voting Republican

          • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

            Um, actually, most of us are “solidly Dem and liberal,” and didn’t become hypocrites. You’re looking at the generation just above us–the pink-pillbox hat man-in-the-flannel-suit cocktails-for-lunch folks, and the generation just after us, the Yuppies who went to Wall St. We fought for things endlessly and still are. And FG isn’t “the Baby Boomer” movie-as the POV about our entire generation’s cause, fighting the Viet Nam war (if you recall, the movie demonizes us). It’s an idealized vision of America from someone brought up working-class Catholic on the south side of Chicago (Bob Zemeckis).

          • Roni Raven

            Well, I think it was a bit more nuanced than that.
            It’s well known that victims of childhood sexual abuse adopt self-destructive habits as adults.
            I see what you’re saying though.

          • Meccalopolis

            I remember someone calling it a 50s vision of the 60s

        • Wild Cat

          Yup, The White Guy Feel Good Film of the Year.

      • janecita
        • not_vh

          you mean, life is a box of shit muffins?

          suddenly, everything makes sense.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          I believe Trump has purchased stock in this chocolate manufacturing company:

          https://youtu.be/Qs8KNgT-kqo

    • Apple Scruff

      I can’t believe no one came up that sooner!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • not_vh

      and i’m wondering what exactly is the guy that he lets out so much CO?

    • Crank Tango

      In Chump’s case, it’s all methane, and some fecal particles.

      • DrBigHead

        And I was just thinking about making supper…..

    • Greyhame

      More like self-incrimination! He has the right to remain silent, but not the ability.

    • mancityRed6

      http://crooksandliars.com/2017/05/trump-lies-about-three-times-comey-said-he
      “Trump Lies About ‘Three Times’ Comey Said He Wasn’t Under Investigation”
      “First of all when you’re under investigation you’re given all sorts of documents and everything. I knew I wasn’t under. I heard it was stated at the committee at some committee level that it wasn’t.” -tRump

      • Meccalopolis

        Documents? What the Fuck is he talking about?

      • Ducksworthy

        Well, to be fair, at that point he switched to lies about phone calls with Comey.

      • RobespierreHoo

        The “documents” the dumbass is referring to probably means a “target” letter from the prosecutors given to a rube along with their grand jury subpoena, to alert them they can come in and testify truthfully, or come in and plead their right against self-incrimination. Can’t drag a rube in the crosshairs before a grand jury.without one and count on using testimony for perjury indictment.
        While he probably learned about target letters from his mobbed up days in the City, I’m sure you’ll be shocked to learn that Trump is wrong re a president. His grand jury is the House of Representatives.

        • mancityRed6

          I’m fairly certain he’s never had to deal with any legal documents, except for being told where to initial, sign, and date.

    • Thiazin Red

      I know they have training, but how can anyone sit through an interview with him and not end up throwing things in frustration or just screaming “Are you fucking kidding me you moron” over and over.

      • mancityRed6

        when I was listening to NPR back in ’04, I had those same thoughts when they would talk about the W administration.

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        I really ask this all the time–or even more, how can they, as professionals, not point out that he is deranged, incompetent, and incoherent? They’ll lose “access”? “Access” to someone’s deranged, incompetent, incoherent ramblings? Most of their info comes from leaks anyway! If they would all start actually reporting on what is going on, they could actually help, instead of being mealy-mouthed enablers. Seriously: it’s like someone scuttling around enabling their awful badly-behaved relative, “Don’t make him mad, it just gets worse” when they need to stand up and call him out.

    • Apple Scruff

      Is it still “gas-lighting” if it didn’t take? Or is it just a lot of gas?

    • Yr. Gma

      Why do we keep giving it a nice name like “gaslighting”? It’s bold-faced lying, pure and simple.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    https://twitter.com/Fusion/status/862824410020929536 In case you guys wanted an update on that.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Ugh. Awful. Just awful.

  • Nounverb911
  • Picabo
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    This is what a true patriot looks like:

    https://twitter.com/ddiamond/status/862445983371673600

    • not_vh

      check out 3 dudes in front of the guy.

      • Jenny

        They look economically anxious.

      • Ducksworthy

        The schadenfreude is sweet.

      • georgiaburning

        Are those real security or some costumed strip-o-gram guys?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Oy vey. I got a call from Az. Public Media-the local NPR affiliate- the other day about a possible commission for building a conference table. Now, I’ve said some harsh things about NPR of late…”useless quisling pieces of shit” to name one. BUT a useless quisling piece of shit with a paycheck for me is a horse of a different color! I set aside 2 hours to meet with them at their facility on the UofA campus; turns out they had purchased a shitty Office Depot 8′ white vinyl top/metal base table and wanted to know if I could “inexpensively” turn it into a 12′ conference table with “a nice mahogany finish”. I stood there slackjawed for a moment and left. I should’ve known. Assholes didn’t even reimburse me for my parking fee. Fuck NPR.

    Edit: In fairness, everyone there was REALLY nice. The real culprit was a constipated UofA bean counter I’d met before on a previous project.

    • mancityRed6

      you could have at least quoted them a price on some 1/4″ plywood (the only weight those legs would take at 4′ longer), stained up real purty like

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        That was pretty much the budget.

        • Ducksworthy

          I think you can find wood grain siding in 12″ sheets.

    • Crank Tango

      Speaking of constipation, please go get me some hot dogs from El Guero Canelo, thanks.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        There’s one about half a mile from my house! Guero Canelo gets all due credit for more or less inventing-and perfecting the Mexican hot dog, but since then, they are ubiquitous at places all over town…and really good.

        • Crank Tango

          Yeah when I lived in the dirty tuce they only had the one on south whatever it’s called. It’s been well over a decade now, I still crave them.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            South Sixth. Stop. You’re making me hungry.

        • DrBigHead

          I’ve lived here for over 30 years now, and until about 10 or so years ago had never heard of a Sonoran hot dog. I have a friend who is one of the Los Decentientes (descendants of the soldiers who established the original Spanish presidio). She said she had never heard of them until recently.

          Doesn’t change the fact that they are good, though. And I prefer the little pop up tents around town over Guero Canelo. Lost some of the charm after they started getting all the attention.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            They were something of an obscure cult obsession for a number of years, then Guero Canelo started getting some pub, Calexico wrote a song about them…and the rest is history. Mexican food in Tucson has changed a lot from the real traditional Sonoran style I grew up with.

        • Pre-existing Ron

          I must know: what is a Mexican hot dog?

          • DrBigHead

            Hot dog wrapped in bacon on a soft bonilla toll, with beans, cheese, tomato, mayo, and other things. Key attribute appears to be the bacon, roll, and the beans. Toppings can vary greatly.

            In Tucson you have those who prefer Sonoran style dogs and others who prefer Chicago style. Reconciling the two groups would be easier than getting congress to play nice.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Generally with a couple of hot yellow chiles on top that can be removed, for the faint of heart. Like the $2 street taco, it is a perfected art form.

          • DrBigHead

            Absolutely (and having lived here happily for as long as I have, the chiles were a given!).

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I actually like both, depending upon my mood

          • DrBigHead

            Unacceptable! tHIS

          • DrBigHead

            IS

          • DrBigHead

            Unacceptable! This is too important NOT to take sides!

            Chicago Dogs Forever!!!!!

          • Pre-existing Ron

            I think I know what I’m making for dinner tonight! Thanks!

          • DrBigHead

            Be sure to eat it outside at a folding table under a ramada. And don’t forget the Negro Modelo

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          lol, they’re on every street corner

    • II Gosala

      I encounter that attitude all the time. Champagne taste in a beer budget and it’s my fault that those things don’t work together

      my sympathies.

    • DrBigHead

      The U of A is full of constipated admin assholes (long history there). That being said, the rank and file are mostly decent people. You just have to look sometimes to find them.

      And reimbursement for parking! You poor naïve man! Parking fees is one of their main sources of revenue. Ms. BigHead pays over $500.00 a semester for the privilege of parking in an open lot a mile from her office.

      • II Gosala

        Back in the mesolithic age when I was a grad student, parking was the issue that got the unionization movement moving.

        • DrBigHead

          For those with a familiarity with the U of A campus, when I paid my first fees I was able to park in a public surface lot immediately south of the Admin building (where one of the chemistry buildings now stand.

          God, I am beginning to sound like my father….

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Get off my Old Main lawn!!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It is a racket. The people I know who work there, some of whom don’t make great money, pay a crushing amount for parking. I just thought they’d have a little mercy on a poor-boy independent contractor.

        • II Gosala

          Mercy is not a value in Trump’s America. If you’re hosed, it’s your fault.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yes, master.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’ve managed to collect gate codes to a couple off street parking areas from friends.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Well shit, hook a brother up next time.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I hate the UA parking Nazis. I’ve actually had them argue about me pulling my equipment truck into the loading dock at centennial Hall. Needless to say, that conversation got ugly in a hurry…

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Hey, you don’t want any sound for the show tonight, pal? I’ll have the ticket holders look you up.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Dafuq? How could you accomplish THAT, short of waving your wand and transfiguring the thing?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It was a completely absurd and almost humiliating situation. I said almost nothing. Just nodded my head and left. Sheesh.

  • Shoto

    Dropping this piece from KO on the thread again. I’ve also sent it around via email. I recommend that everyone else do the same.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GZ6QJYk2sA

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Posted and saw this earlier. A good and terrifying video!

      • Shoto

        That’s why I re-posted, and sent it around to people via email. It needs to go viral.

    • Apple Scruff

      I was just saying this to my friend yesterday. We need other countries to take down Trump since our own people won’t do it.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    BillO sets the moral standards for us all.

    • snark-lurker

      ?!?!?!?

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        Mind boggling, eh?

        • BJW

          Whatever he does, if we do the opposite we are good people, yes?

          • Jeffocaster in the East

            Yes.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Wow. Steve Schmidt is PISSED.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • AJ Milne

      Divide by zero error.

      Reboot administration.

      • Pre-existing Ron

        REDO ELECTION FROM START

      • Msgr_MΩment

        He broke the President!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Orange Screen of Death.

      • Incoming Ham

        Debug and recompile

  • Apple Scruff

    OH FUN. Carter Page is coming on Chris Hayes’ show.

    • snark-lurker

      this should be….something

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        It is. Chris Hayes has already laughed at him.

    • Thiazin Red

      AKA the only person who can act more guilty than Trump.

  • Michael R

    What just came out of my oven ?
    People wants to know !!!
    A variation on the NO KNEAD bread recipe ( see the internets ) .
    I am not a professional actress , I am an ordinary housewife like yourself

    https://s1.postimg.org/dqq050dpr/bread_A.jpg

    https://s17.postimg.org/6ssklf01b/bread_B.jpg

    • snark-lurker

      Dood! success!

    • Thiazin Red

      That is some nice bread.

    • not_vh

      nicemento!! bon apetit.

      that reminds me. what do the guest at marlgo murmur under their breath at dinner? born ape teat.

    • janecita

      That looks so good!

    • Bitter Scribe

      *drools*

  • Apple Scruff

    Trump pressed Comey for loyalty at a private dinner in January. The FBI director promised only “honesty.”

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/us/politics/trump-comey-firing.html?smid=tw-nytimes&smtyp=cur&_r=0

    • Crank Tango

      UH that’s the one thing he wants less than anything else.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Finally the press gets around to reporting the real reason Comey was sacked. Fuck.

    • RobKanC

      Bet the head of FSB is loyal to Putin. Why not the FBI. Drain the swamp. MAGA – Trumpkins.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The guard was startled by O’Reilly’s appearance, McPhilmy wrote, because he was naked from the waist down while attacking her.

    Bill-O is now not the only person for whom this was a massive boner-killer.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Carter Page says it’s all lies. Must be true.

    • not_vh

      defintely. common .

    • Apple Scruff

      Chris is trolling him so hard.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        The laughs are great.

    • Sophia

      Did he put that in a certified letter?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Carter Page on Chris Hayes? Dafuq?

    Unless Chris is ready to rip him a new one, I’m out FFS.

    • ariel_gee_398

      He and Trump clearly shared a buffet of lead paint chips at some point.

    • dshwa

      I’m guessing Chris figured he could trip him up easily.

      • Apple Scruff

        It’s not hard!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      More opportunity to tell lie on the record. What an ass.

    • not_vh

      slack you always give them slack.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        As long as the slack is when he’s standing on the chair.

        • not_vh

          you give enough slack they will eventually discover the chair and its edge.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Give a man a rope and he hngs tll h’s dd.
            Teach a man to rope and h’s dd frvr.

          • vivian

            Sorry, I think you’ve misquoted here. It’s:
            Give a man a rope and he’ll fish,
            teach him to rope a fish and he’ll run for office.

  • mancityRed6

    Alright kids, I’m going to go figure out what I’m gonna shove in my facehole before my nightly coma.
    Until then, I’m gonna be watching this:
    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/05/colbert-hosts-daily-show-panel-real

    • not_vh

      happy weekend man. you start early, end early don’t you?

      • mancityRed6

        I’m off until Tuesday, today was my first Saturday.

      • mancityRed6

        and yeah, you wake up at 4AM for a job for 6 years, it tends to set a schedule.

  • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

    I’m sure someone has already posted this but “naked from the waist down” EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Emily’s List is doing trainings nationwide for women who want to run. I think also for those who want to help, so I sent my contact info in case they are training campaigners. Onward!

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I hope opening that in an incognito window takes out the autofill with my info. Oops if it didn’t!

      • jesterpunk

        The fields are blank.

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          So I don’t have to worry about any local Deleted Commenters.
          Good to know. Thanks honey!

    • msanthropesmr

      Run Cally Run!

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Thanks, honey, but I’m more interested in being the power behind the throne.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Off topic: Emily’s List is a great organization! Does anyone know if there’s an equivalent in Canada? Some religious organization managed to get an anti-abortion flag raised above the Ottawa city hall (not the same as Parliament Hill, but the government building of the provincial capital). It was taken down shortly thereafter due to public outcry, and the mayor is being taken to task for letting it go up at all.

      I can’t believe there are these kind of GOP-style crazies in the lovable land of milk and… well, maybe not honey, but maple syrup and lumberjacks. I do know that being close to the U.S. has been very influential on Canadian society for better or worse (mostly worse). I just don’t want to see a Tangerine Nightmare happen above the 49th.

      • Courser_Resistance

        We don’t either!

        • Three Finger Salute

          I know. I like Justin and want him to do well. He’s not perfect; no one is, but he’s LIGHTYEARS ahead of the abyss that Harper dragged the country into along with his “C.R.A.P.” (Conservative Reform Alliance Party) coalition that was heavily influenced by American GOP evangelicals and business interests. A lot of the same things Harper did, Trump is doing now, particularly the silencing of scientists, inflaming ethnic tensions against the Muslim community, and doubling down on the failed drug war.

          Kellie Leitch, one of the candidates for the current C.R.A.P. leadership contest, was the architect of the “barbarism hotline” that put the final nail in Harperism once and for all. And yet she’s pushing that as her core campaign issue. Nothing about jobs. Just “barbarians, barbarians, barbarians.” And insinuations that Justin is a puppet sellout to the Muslim Brotherhood. Same old same old.

          I’m sure you know Canada has a version of Breitbart called Rebel Media, run by an obnoxious (but determined, and therefore dangerous) little troll named Ezra Levant who has made a career out of hating all things Trudeau. I bet he even hates the Doonesbury cartoonist who isn’t even related to them. They used to be “Sun News” (similar to Fox News) on cable, but got shut down for lack of interest (free market at work eh?) — averaging only about 6K viewers on any given night. Ironically, their highest rated broadcast was Justin’s now unforgettable boxing match where Ezra’s pathetic excuse for color commentary basically consisted of homophobic insults against the future prime minister. Calling him a shiny pony, a ballet dancer, Tippy Toes Trudeau, etc. Dumb comments from the peanut gallery.

          I call him Libel Suit Larry, because that’s what he always finds himself involved in when he spreads atrocious lies about people he doesn’t like. Especially the Trudeau family. Not just Justin: everything from Pierre fuddle-duddling kids to Margaret having an affair with Trump (!!!). What’s really scary is, Rebel has a whopping 500K subscribers on YouTube, far surpassing the number of cable viewers in its previous incarnation, so there’s a LOT of people who buy into this alt-right stuff.

          I don’t know if Rebel has any connection to the Ottawa anti-abortion flag event, but no doubt they’ll be defending it to the hilt on their Infowars-style YouTube channel. They tend to do this sort of public attention-seeking stuff. Last year, the Rebel cult dispatched their sycophants with (proverbial) torches and pitchforks out to a speech given by Alberta Premier Rachel Notley, where they threatened to “Lock Her Up!” for no other reason than she supports Trudeau’s carbon tax. Gee, I wonder where’d they get that catch phrase from?

          What I do know is that one of Ezra’s hack “journalists” working for him was involved with the hacking of Emmanuel Macron’s email account. The guy has a pretty seedy background affiliated with some kind of Balkan/Slavic nationalist group that promotes historical revisionism of the Bosnian genocide. Not sure if I can post links in here, but this is an article about it:

          montrealsimon . blogspot . ca/2017/05/the-french-hacking-attack-and-rebel.html

          Which is the epitome of irony, as Ezra had to pay out bigly to a Muslim journalist he accused of “anti-Semitism,” as part of his most recent libel suit. You’d think, then, of all people he wouldn’t be too fond of this sort of thing???

          I hope the French and Canadian authorities are aware of this, and that they cooperate in investigating him and Levant and shut this swamp down once and for all. Ezra panicked and pulled down all of Posabiec’s videos from Rebel’s YouTube channel. That’s worthy of more than a libel suit. That’s criminal election meddling as far as I’m concerned! Lock him up!

  • Apple Scruff

    Carter Page is the biggest dork. Ever.

    Yes, I’m 8 years old.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Carter Page: I’m dumb enough to talk to the media while I’m being investigated so I must be innocent!

    • dshwa

      Trying to drop some subtle hints so he can cut a deal perhaps?

    • Sophia

      Usually ends up with his foot in his mouth

    • memzilla Ω

      His tell is his smirk. Every time he smirks he’s lying. Oldest tell in the book.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        The whole time I was thinking I’d love to get this guy in a poker game.

      • AJ Milne

        Trump’s is easier…

        His lips move.

        (*Yes, that _was_ necessary.)

    • not_vh

      i doubt that dog is smart enough to hunt.

    • AJ Milne

      I occasionally picture his theoretical handler, somewhere, just _staring_ at the screen, amazed, sipping vodka contemplatively, wondering about maybe a new career in something a little less wacko… Like maybe professional wrestling.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Carter Page is Trump’s Hariet Miers. Discuss.

    • msanthropesmr

      That would be Cater Page.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Hey, I just found this site searching for news about the Comey firing and came upon this story. Were any of you folks aware that Bill O’Reilly once wrote a horrible Fifty Shades type of novel, about a news reporter (of Irish background, lol), who kills everyone responsible for firing him and does some weird kinky stuff to a female journalist investigating the case — who he also tries to kill when she finds out that he’s the psychopath behind it all?

    Is there a male version of Mary Sue? This sounds like an insight into his really angry and disturbed self. It was called “Those Who Trespass” — figures he would borrow a line from the Lord’s Prayer for the title. I’d say it’s sacrilege, but the Catholic Church has a history of being not-nice to women and forgiving of creeps who abuse them.

    • msanthropesmr

      No, but if you hum a few bars, I can fake it.

    • AJ Milne

      I remember Franken mentioning this thing in Lies and the Lying Liars &c…

      Somehow, it never ended up my reading list, tho’… Maybe when I finally lose my mind entirely, I guess.

      (Note to all present: when I post the review, you may stage your intervention.)

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      Yes. I think both Al Franken and Stephen Colbert have helpfully quoted from it–Colbert quite recently IIRC. HORRIFYING.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Doesn’t she bang a bear in this book?

      • Three Finger Salute

        LOL. I haven’t the stomach to read it, so I wouldn’t know.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I was not, but it appears that our new friend is technically correct, which, of course, is the best kind of correct.

      https://st.hyperborea.org/journal/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/fluffmodeus.png

    • TJ Barke

      I’m not sure, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

    • Ducksworthy

      You’ve touched on one of my pet peeves. When I was young, before color TV, the Lord’s Prayer had a line about “Forgive us our Debts as we forgive our Debtors.” When did this get changed to be about property rights?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Probably about the same time the national motto of “In Mammon We Trust” was printed on the U.S. currency.

        • Ducksworthy

          Too bad. I said I liked Ike. Course I was only 8 or so. My parents took me to Adlai Stevenson’s grave sometime later.

    • Lambsendbeds

      A male Mary Sue is called a “Marty Stu”.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    https://youtu.be/sdXTO0pR2zM we need some nice things, have a fox playing with a dog toy.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Thanks I needed that

      • Three Finger Salute

        How about another “Fox” video, this one of two friends who couldn’t be more polar opposites from each other getting along despite each other’s differences?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfT6vnsVpyw

    • BadKitty904

      Here’s Akira Kurosawa’s take on the Foxes’ Wedding Procession…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veHLjCd3NaM

    • Lambsendbeds

      Awwww…how adorable! What a beautiful animal.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Leave it to Carter Page to make you feel that neocons are misunderstood.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I almost killed myself last night. The only thing that stopped me was that I have promised my Baby Girl to go down fighting. I cannot call the crisis line that someone provided because I do not have a phone. Everytime I post about being harassed by old white men, or stared at, or anything, some idiot here demands I clarify if I mean all of you here.

    Don’t bother to respond, don’t eMail me, Don’t. I’m sick of all of you, I’m sick of life, I’m tired of abuse and hate and stupidity and assholes.

    Goodbye.

  • Picabo

    Malcolm Nance refers to Dolt 45 as the “target.” As in “the target is getting buggy” and “the target went over the side.”

    • wait! what?

      Ugh, another red button request: Coke the target.

  • memzilla Ω

    BREAKING: FBI Raid On GOP Consulting/Financing Office With Ties to Manafort And Stone Now Linked to SCL/Cambridge Analytica With Ties to Bannon and Mercer https://twitter.com/SarahLSmith677/status/862777633574092800

    • TJ Barke

      Come on, connect those dots!

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Who is this person? Calling potential BS until it’s verified

    • Three Finger Salute

      “I am not a crook. Bigly.”

    • Hutch

      They are “fundraisers” and I hate them. Worked in the region and they are just total pricks. And maybe money launders. I hope so.

      • Claire

        Didn’t Ken Cuccinelli sue them for grifting? You have to be mighty skeevy to put of Ken Cuccinelli.

        • Hutch

          Yes. And I met the principals. TOTAL pricks. They got in trouble for taking most of the moolah. They give people who raise money for good causes a really bad rep.

          • Claire

            Ugh. Why are there so many awful people?

          • Hutch

            It’s so easy to be a prick;
            It’s so easy to beee-a prick.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          yes

      • BadKitty904

        There’ve been rumors of high-level Trumpkins laundering Russian mob money for some time now…

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fe77eb7e271ab484b23c5a7377a1475234694ea02b88ddf1f5866d190a51c618.gif

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Doesn’t the drier push the bigger bills to the outside?

          • AJ Milne

            … also, don’t use high heat. Shrinks twenties to tens.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Sounds like someone actually following the money.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
      • Hutch

        Oh, ya big baby. *punch* Buck the fuck up and resign.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Seriously, if he wants us all to butt out his surely fucked-up and likely illegal-as-all-hell shady business dealings, resigning is the thing to do. Actually, it won’t do jack shit for him now, so he just should have saved himself–and most importantly–the American public the bother of His Magnificent Shittiness as POTUS of the U.S. of A.

    • Cogswell, Precious Snowflake

      B-b-but Hillary Clinton, Obama, Bill Clinton, Benghazzzzzziiiiiiiarglebargleurglegurgle.

    • jesterpunk
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Anna Elizabeth, if you are still here, PLEASE check out this online support group. And remember, we love you!

    https://www.dailystrength.org/group/transgender

    • BadKitty904

      ???

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        She made a now-deleted comment below where she talked about suicide. I am praying right now that she doesn’t do that!

        • snark-lurker

          she maybe just saying goodbye to this conversation thingie

          • Resistance Fighter Callyson

            I’d like to hope so, but her last comment seemed much darker than that. Here’s hoping you are right.

          • snark-lurker

            I AM HOPING AS HARD AS I CAN

        • BadKitty904

          I know she was feeling down, but surely not. Does someone have her contact info???

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          I hope she’s okay.

    • snark-lurker

      mebbee she is just bailing from these non-comments. she has bounced back before.

  • snark-lurker

    I replied to Anna Elizabeth: “Good-bye. I wii miss you.” : (

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Her comment was deleted before I could post my reply. I hope to God she is still with us. We love you, Anna Elizabeth!

      • snark-lurker

        MEE TOO!!!

      • Al Swearengen

        Same here.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • jesterpunk

      Insurance companies make money for the “job creators”.

    • Bill D. Burger

      He was my hero for the day. I really enjoyed his dressing down of MacArthur.

  • Cogswell, Precious Snowflake

    The proper question to ask is, “How many times did ∅’Leilly Beat His Ex-Wife For Catching Him Having Phone Sex?”

    • Pinkham’s Law

      AOT,K!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Blah Blah O’Reilly?
      That’s just teenage wasteland!

      • therblig

        more like old age waste product

  • Roni Raven
    • Apple Scruff

      Trump has done stupid things x infinity. But pissing off the FBI is probably the dumbest. They will take him down and laugh all the way to the end.

      • dshwa

        And pop the champagne bottles in the rotunda of the capital during the impeachment.

        • Apple Scruff

          I want to be at that party. I need to befriend an FBI agent.

          • Courser_Resistance

            I’ve known a few over the years. One or two were typical fed assholes, but most of them were just… pretty normal law enforcement. It pretty much depends on their role and the circumstances. Working side by side with them on a difficult case, they were good guys. Actually more willing to mix with us volunteers than the CBI guys. But in other roles, yeah, seriously no-fun people.

      • Roni Raven

        Remember too that he has also pissed off the IC by pooh-poohing their finding that Russia meddled in the election. I’m sure in both camps he is a dead man walking (figuratively speaking, of course).

        Go get him, guys and gals! You’re our only hope!

        • Apple Scruff

          Did you read the part about Comey saying Trump was “crazy”? LOL.

          Awe, James.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I’d venture to say he’s pissed off ALL the intelligence agencies. Not to mention, thrown a hand grenade into our international relationships. This makes their work infinitely harder. I don’t know any particulars, just more of a general understanding of how intelligence lives and dies on relationships and mutual trust. Trump is lighting fires around the edges and agencies are getting… cranky. Trump won’t like them when they’re cranky.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    OK, I promised my dogs a trip to the dog park so I am off for a while. Ron Wyden tweeted that he’ll be on Rachel’s show (which I’ll see at 9 Pacific time.) BBL, and I really hope everyone is well (scroll down if you don’t know WTF I’m referring to.)

  • HazooToo

    DAMMIT, What the fuck?! Who is it? Who’s the asshole who keeps deciding it’s fun to piss off our own goddamn commenters? You better learn how to pick your fights better, because driving people away when they’re already in a vulnerable state is FUCKING BULLSHIT.

    • Roni Raven

      In this instance, it was I. You can look at my history because my post is still there. It was in response to Anna’s post that said she was trying to remind herself (paraphrasing) that there were people besides so-called Christians and Republican wastes of skin in the world and she posted a music track.

      I replied as a joke, “What are we, chopped liver?”

      I hadn’t been on all day so I didn’t know she was in a vulnerable state but even so I don’t think “What are we, chopped liver?” is exactly combative or hostile. Other Wonkers responded to it as the joke I intended it to be.

      I certainly wasn’t picking a fight or trying to drive her away.

      EDIT: Also too this is the second time I’ve seen her fly off the handle at what was clearly intended as a lighthearted joke (not mine that time).

      • HazooToo

        I saw that remark earlier. It made me pause for a second, but I didn’t really guess the kind of impact it would have either. I just feel so damn angry and powerless to help her.

        • Roni Raven

          Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. She’ll come back, reap all the support and affection Wonkers (including myself) have showered on her in the past, then get pissed off again at one or more perceived slights, lather, rinse, repeat.

          As for me I’m done with that, and since Forrest Gump came up in the thread, that’s all I have to say about that.

    • Jenny

      No idea, but it IS the internet. There really isn’t anyway to tell if someone is blowing smoke up your ass.

      Once upon a time I stayed up all night with someone on the video game internets so this person wouldn’t commit suicide. After like the 5th I’m going to kill myself episode, I eventually ignored him.

      Fun fact, we now live in the same town and even worked in the same place before we put two and two together. He’s still alive and later admitted to me that he was just being a hormonal teenager and liked my attention.

      Another time a person in Warcraft said something similar. Blizzard Entertainment actually called the cops, dude was sitting on his couch eating cheerios, never once occured to him that other people might get upset.

      Another internet friend did actually kill himself, no warning, no posts, just a light hearted email in our inboxes about his plans for farming mats the next day.

      Not that these situations are like Anna, or anything. But this isn’t the first time someone on the internet has said they were going to hurt themselves.

      I commend you guys for being such good people and trying to help where it is needed. You guys are good libtards that way.

  • not_vh

    test. wow: The post you are trying to reply to has been removed by a moderator.

  • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

    Anna Elizabeth, we love you. WE LOVE YOU. Please create a throwaway email account, link it to a Paypal Account, and I will send you money via Paypal. You can get a phone and you can get some food. WE LOVE YOU. ALSO, you can chat online with Suicide Helplines: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

    • janecita

      What’s going on? She said that she was feeling better before.

      • HazooToo

        Someone apparently tried to pick a fight with her, and I want to know WHO.

        • janecita

          Me too!!! Wtf, Don’t pick on Anna Elizabeth people!!!!!

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Roni Raven made a flip remark that wasn’t well received. She apologized immediately, but damage was done.

          • snark-lurker

            oh my sometimes we just fuckup the werds :( & bad things happen

          • HazooToo

            Was it the “chopped liver” thing? Fuuuck.

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Yeah, that. I could see how it could go wrong, but I was too slow on the draw.

          • HazooToo

            Me too. I feel so helpless when this kind of thing happens.

          • Sophia

            Ah shit. Sometimes the space between face to face and keyboard to keyboard is huge.

        • Sophia

          WTF! We don’t hurt each other. Whoever it is stop it.

        • janecita

          Roni Raven is good people, but Anna is in a vulnerable state, we should all be very careful around her.

          • snark-lurker

            people can haz word accidents too

          • Hutch

            I know. I said a flip remark, too. But, trying to be a family member. And her response was perfect. I didn’t realize how fragile she was.

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        She posted something really scary and suicidal a few minutes ago, then the post was removed.

        • janecita

          No lie, I worry about that girl. I always get so relieved when I see her around here.

          • Hutch

            She walks a real tight rope. I am humbled by her bravery.

    • dshwa

      There’s also CPEP facilities in many hospitals, where she could talk to someone.

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        Yes, thank you, she can go to any ER and they will help her and admit her.

    • jesterpunk

      I hope she is ok.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Anna, honey, come back to your peeps. I love you and you are a star.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Early night here – which may mean a way late appearance later. Either way, time to say Goodnight, Sweethearts, Goodnight.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egX9N8yOgaU

    • Sophia

      Good night

    • BadKitty904

      Sweet dreams, Mr. Pink!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Weird. So many applicants for this post have strong Russian accents.
    https://twitter.com/weareteamtrump/status/862834489747165184

    • jesterpunk

      Is he hiring more foreign visa holders?

      • Roni Raven

        No, now they have to pay him to get a visa.

      • BadKitty904

        Da.