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Let’s not get too literal about this, OK? (photo by @DevaKneivel)

The Senate Intelligence Committee has asked the Treasury Department’s Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN) for any financial information it might have on Donald Trump, top administration officials, and people in his campaign, according to the ranking Democrat on the committee, Virginia Senator Mark Warner. Just to make sure there aren’t any financial shenanigans or tomfoolery in other countries, particularly with Russia. Which there aren’t of course, because the president says Russia is a ruse — possibly the whole country. Lord knows we’ve never been there, so he could be right.

“We’ve made a request, to FinCEN in the Treasury Department, to make sure, not just for example vis-a-vis the President, but just overall our effort to try to follow the intel no matter where it leads,” Sen. Mark Warner told CNN. “You get materials that show if there have been, what level of financial ties between, I mean some of the stuff, some of the Trump-related officials, Trump campaign-related officials and other officials and where those dollars flow — not necessarily from Russia.”

What Warner seems to be trying to say with the words coming out of his mouth is that FinCEN is the branch of the Treasury that investigates money laundering by crimers and terrorists, including money laundering through big real estate transactions, which just might be of interest in any investigation of Team Trump, maybe.

Warner is serious enough about the request for financial information that he’s willing to hold up hearings on confirming Trump nominee Sigal Mandelker until the request is fulfilled, which is pretty remarkable considering that Trump has nominated so few people for his administration in the first place:

“Chairman Burr and I requested that information — until we get it, I’m not going to support the administration’s nominee for undersecretary of Treasury finance, for terrorism and finance, because they owe us these documents first,” Warner said.

Warner didn’t specify on whom exactly the Intelligence Committee is requesting data or what documents have been requested, and while the committee’s Republican chair, Richard Burr, said Tuesday he “won’t confirm anything that the committee’s working on,” when asked about Warner’s comments, he said “I’ll let that stand.” So we guess that’s a non-confirmation confirmation.

On Monday, the question of Trump’s financial ties to Russia came up during the Senate Judiciary Committee’s hearing with former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper and former deputy Attorney General Sally Yates, when Lindsey Graham asked Clapper if he’d ever encountered “a situation where a Trump business interest in Russia” caused him “concern.” Clapper declined to directly answer that one, saying he was unable to “comment on that because that impacts the investigation.” Oh? What investigation would that be?

On Tuesday, Graham went on CNN to say he wanted “to know more about Trump’s business dealings,” since Clapper had said he couldn’t answer that question since maybe it would get in the way of the FBI’s investigation. Graham later walked the comment back slightly, saying his own investigation at Judiciary wasn’t specifically investigating Trump’s businesses, but was more interested in “all things Russia.” Coincidentally, “All Things Russia” is our second least favorite public radio show, right after “This American Carnage.”

Ah, but Graham’s possible interest in Trump’s Russian connections sure got a reaction from the Trump administration Tuesday; asked about Graham’s comments, Sean Spicer assured the press Trump’s totally on top of it:

“He has no business in Russia. He has no connections to Russia. So he welcomes that.”

“In fact, he has already charged a leading law firm in Washington, D.C. to send a certified letter to Sen. Graham to that point, that he has no connections to Russia,” Spicer added. “So that should be a really easy look.”

Yep, that’s a certified letter, you see — from a leading law firm at that — and there’s no greater proof of innocence, at least according to the tiny Sovereign Citizen law manual in Spicer’s brain. Stay tuned for more impressive proof that Trump has no connections to Russia, like maybe some important reminders that he won the 2016 election, so that’s that.

Now we’re just waiting for Spicer to explain the Senate can call off that request to FinCEN, because he’s going to fax over a copy of that letter. Maybe on a secure line, even!

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[CNN / Mother Jones / Buzzfeed / TPM / CNN / TPM]

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  • anwisok
    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Nice try.

    • calliecallie

      That cat looks like he’s ready to cut a bitch.

      • Chris

        It does doesn’t?

    • Parakeetist

      Squee. :)

  • Joe Beese

    “We don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia.”

    https://www.bigspeak.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/BigSpeak-Motivational-Speakers-Bureau-Eric-Trump.jpg

    • memzilla Ω

      I see that rat-faced grin of his and my first instinct is to check my cheese supply for nibble marks.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Scabbers libelz!!!

    • crunchyknee

      I always get the T bros confused. Is he the rapey one, or the dumb one?

      • therblig

        the one who should have been drowned at birth?

        oh, wait – that’s all of them.

        • arensb

          With votes, I assume.

      • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

        Yes.

      • SpideySenser

        Personally, I can never tell which one is Uday and which other one is Qusay. It’s a conundrum.

    • Chadwells

      Talk about a fucking face for radio. All that money….you’d think this fucking piece of trash would have fixed his fucked up teeth. Ivanka fixed her trash face….so why not?

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3bb79d0a8d36594426e950673d1f950646336483147c4a039222ff7e260fca36.gif

      • Joe Beese

        And that’s his glamour shot!

    • Chadwells

      His smile looks like a prolapsed rectum.

      • leemoder

        Psst…That IS his rectum.

    • It is not his teeth really. It is that he cannot smile without snarling

      • Bozilingus

        Resting sneer face

        • HooverVilles

          Funny!

      • Ill-Advised

        That one-aided upper lip curl is grade B contempt and should be slapped from his face WITH VOTES. 20,000 from Wisconsin should do it…

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I would like to take this opportunity to a apologise to everyone on my “That’s a face I could never get tired of slapping” list. You’ve all been replaced.

    • SpideySenser

      Even punchier then Ted’s face.

  • WeaselPoo

    Is this the place where we get to say something nice about Trump?

    • His work supports USPS?

      • natoslug

        He’s making USPIS Great Again.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      He’s Making America Hate Again?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        He’s bringing us all together!…

  • Major_Major_Major
    • Manders

      The Wire never gets it wrong.

    • calliecallie

      In America, you follow the money. In Russia, money follow you, even when you’d rather it didn’t.

  • TundraGrifter

    Looks to me like the President just poured about two galleons of gasoline onto the Trumpster Fire. As they used to say about President Nixon, he never misses a chance to miss a chance. If there’s the slightest opportunity things will calm down, he fire’s ’em right back up. There’s nothing like the smell of a burning Administration in the morning.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    The golf writer, James Dodson, recalled asking Eric Trump about golf course funding during the Great Recession while at a Trump course in Charlotte, to which Trump allegedly replied: “Well, we don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia.”

    http://www.wbur.org/onlyagame/2017/05/08/eric-trump-russia-golf-course-funding

  • Sending a certified letter like that only confirms that trump is certifiably crazy.

  • Joe Beese

    IRON-CLAD proof of innocence! Why isn’t the failing NYT reporting this?

    http://solopracticeuniversity.com/files/2014/05/Certified-letter-300×181.jpg

    • shivaskeeper

      Looks legit to me. Lets drop the whole thing.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        It’s in all-caps? Good enough for me….

        • shivaskeeper

          Good catch. I didn’t even realize this was from the real US Post Office and not the US Post Office of the Corporation of US America.

        • Paul

          No quotation marks either. Gotta be reliable.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Reggie Redbird?

      • snigsy

        From Normal, IL.

        • PubOption

          Wrong side of the river to be a Cardinals fan.

        • Abby normal!

      • Joe Beese

        Of the Shawnee tribe, I believe.

  • shivaskeeper

    This leading law firm that sent the letter. It’s not the one that cleaned up DJT’s financial dealings and put everything into a blind trust so there isn’t even the hint of a conflict of interest is it? The one with the stacks of folders on the desk to prove it? The one that has won awards in Russia for being so awesome in Russia?

    Since the firm was never named, it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Are you psychic?

      • shivaskeeper

        I keep getting asked that. But I never see the question coming, so I doubt it.

  • Michael Smith

    Certified mail costs like an extra dollar. He must have been trying to dog whistle sovereign citizens by even saying that.

  • snigsy

    I think my head will soon fall off because of all the head-shaking I’ve done in the last year.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
      • snigsy

        Maybe one day I will achieve that level of inner calm.

        • Joe Beese

          I aspire to Mike’s level of detachment.

          A man of no illusions, you know?

          • Fun Fact: Jonathan Banks got those red sneakers over the wire on the first try. He had to do the shot over and over because he was supposed to miss the first two (three?) times.

    • grindstone

      I am going to a GI doc shortly to find out how badly mangled my digestive system has become. I’ve had a CT and ultrasound already, something ain’t right, and I think I can trace all this back to the stresses at the end of 2016. I obsessively check certain websites for news, sometimes at the expense of my work. Last night, with the Comey firing, I was surfing the new sites until well past midnight. If I didn’t know better, I’d think all this destruction of my beloved country and democracy might be affecting my health!

  • schmannity

    Smallest ham-handed ploy evah.

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Legal Zoom – Top law firm!

    – Sean Spicer

    • FauxAntocles

      TOP. LAW. FIRM.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Joe Beese

      Or was he returning from an afternoon dalliance with Lady Blow?

      • Red Bird Ω

        I’ve heard rumors.

        • Joe Beese

          It would go a long way to explain his testy demeanor.

    • snigsy

      That and speaking really quickly, stumbling over one’s words, and then yelling.

      • Rags

        And lying

    • arglebargle

      Maybe he was just hungry.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Do you have video of Donnie touching his nose? Like a lot???

  • therblig

    any truth to the rumor that trumpy moaned “oh, vladdie” as he licked the stamp?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      licked the stamp

      Did you get his phone number?

  • snigsy

    Shazam! The Great Trump makes things go poof again.

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Nothing like starting the day with a little stabbiness.

    • calliecallie

      When was the last time we started a day without stabbiness? I can’t remember. November 8, 2016, maybe.

      • chortlingdingo

        For me, it was before I started paying attention to politics when I was 20 and voted for Obama in 2008 and then watched the Republican party act like toddlers having a tantrum and a horrific amount of hatred and racism bubble up into the open.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Joe Beese

      Mrs. Beese – in what I assume are the throes of desperation – has latched on to the idea that Oprah could run for President in 2020.

      And why not? We have nowhere to go but up.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Black AND a woman?!! Insanity!!

        • SpideySenser

          Shirley Chisolm LIBELZZZ!!1!1!11!

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            Honestly, if Maxine Waters were to run, I’d lose my shit. She’s legit badass.

          • SpideySenser

            I’m all in, Auntie Maxine – 2020! Or BUST!

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        I saw something about “The Rock” was considering running, but I may have fallen for an Onion headline.

  • JESUS CHRIST I CAN’T FOCUS ON ANYTHING!!

    This is what living in a banana republic is like isn’t it? Disorienting, distracted and ultimately ineffectual.

  • Crystalclear12

    He’s just not very good at this, is he?
    The Republicans should have taught him better.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      He’s not actually very good at much of anything.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    He has no connections to Russia……..because he put it all in a trust run by his kids! Nothing to see here, folks, move along….

  • Joe Beese

    There is only one reasonable conclusion that can be drawn from the decision to fire Comey: that there is grave wrongdoing at the center of the Russia scandal and that it implicates the President. As I write this, I have a difficult time believing that last sentence myself. But sometimes you have to step back from your assumptions and simply look at what the available evidence is telling you. It’s speaking clearly: the only reasonable explanation is that the President has something immense to hide and needs someone in charge of the FBI who he believes is loyal. …

    This is a very dark and perilous moment.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/into-the-abyss-trump-fires-comey

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • Hey, Joe! :huggles for you and the missus)
      Also, yep, we’re pretty fucked. Time to sing some country Joe yet?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          I’ve been thinking about this. The reason so many young people were behind the Nixon impeachment was the draft. How do we get this young generation to wake up now, or are they following this shit?….

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            From the youngs I have worked with recently, they get it but in the sense of a clown, clowning. Not with the sense that perhaps we had back in the day that this is serious shit.

          • chortlingdingo

            I’m 29 and my little circle of peers all take this extremely seriously. Of course, we’re all queer in some fashion, so we tend to keep a close eye on things.

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            Good! I,m talking more about early teens.

          • Wait for it! Last night on PBS, they said Trump was considering a measure to let the Pentegon choose how many boots get on grounds and stuff. Guess what is part of that?

          • grindstone

            One of my oldest friends was career Army. He thinks my concern about this shitshow reinstating the draft is just drama on my part. I would put .nothing. past these assholes.

          • Crank Tango

            I believe this generation doesn’t wake up, but they “woke” or something like that.

  • Manhattan123

    I’m going to send a certified letter to the IRS next year saying I don’t owe taxes.

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    Now that you mention it, I have never been to Russia, so it might not actually exist. Fake Maps!

  • Well, there you go! It’s *certified*! Might was well shut that whole “investigation” idea right down!

    Oh, wait. Did Donald correctly distinguish between the “real, natural person Donald Trump” and the “contracted indentured slave of the international banking cartel, per the mumblymumbly Act of 1930-something something”?

    Was an Admiralty flag involved?

    • Anna Rompage

      If that certificated letter was also notarized, I might buy into it, but without the notarization, there’s no way…

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Wait until SovCits learn about apostilles.

  • Anna Rompage

    Any chance that congress could get Trump to declare he has no Russian business or financial ties while under oath?

    I mean if lying about a blow job can get a President impeached, surely lying about business & financial ties to a global adversary would produce the same result…

    • Proud Liberal

      Not with today’s Republicans.

  • Proud Liberal
    • Nick Scroggs

      That’s also David Frum, ignoring the W Bush administration.

  • Anna Rompage

    “In fact, he has already charged a leading law firm in Washington, D.C. to send a certified letter to Sen. Graham to that point, that he has no connections to Russia,”

    Didn’t the law firm that Bernie Madoff hired to defend him, proclaim his innocence too?

    • You’d be surprised at how many law firms proclaim the innocence of their clients

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Almost as if they were paid to do it.

      • Anna Rompage

        It’s almost as if they accept a clients money to proclaim innocence, regardless if the client is guilty or not…

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Great minds, etc….

    • Joe Beese

      Top firm. Classy firm. Very very smart people.

    • cmd resistor

      I really thought that was a joke the first time I read it. Like your law firm is going to write a letter saying you are an evil crook.

  • CogitoErgoBibo
    • The Librarian

      I wish they had the balls to leave en masse

      • therblig

        re: the fbi, i hope they have the balls to stay and put down the rabid shitgibbon.

        • The Librarian

          JFC, somebody has to!

    • Allegiance to HIM. Not the country. To Him.

    • Joe Beese
      • DainBramage

        I bow down to no man in that outfit.

    • suziq

      Is that a joke? Oh please tell me that is a joke.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Hard to say. That account has definitely been known to joke. If it’s true, we’ll hear about it from someone in the real press eventually.

        • suziq

          Everything about this is totally freaking me out right now. Because how can we even have gotten to this point?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Then they all took the Meyers-Briggs test and went to team-building exercises before lunch at Ruby Tuesday’s.

  • memzilla Ω
  • arglebargle

    Apparently Air Force one is in the shop and Trump is forced to fly United…

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-united-passenger-urinate-cup-20170510-story.html

    • Doug Langley

      My, I’m so glad United learned a valuable lesson from their previous incidents.

  • Sew Imperfect

    He’s got several “Donny you’re a good boy” mom love notes from his lunchbox that he saved. They can be sent Express to the Senate. What more proof do you need?😂

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      I don’t think his parents EVER praised him. Or showed him love. He’s still trying to prove his worth to them, even though they’re dead.

    • QHarp, Mujer malévola

      ‘Dear Donald,

      Your mother says to remind you that you’re a disgrace to the family and to not to socialize with any Black children at school today.

      Love,
      Cook’

  • calliecallie

    “…because the president says Russia is a ruse — possibly the whole country. Lord knows we’ve never been there, so he could be right.”
    In understand it’s flat, also too.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    The red thumb print will prove his innocence.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack
    • Lance Thrustwell

      It was delivered in a surrey with that fringe on top.

      • calliecallie

        By Trump’s bodyguard.

        • ken_kukec

          Like a common Corleone, Trump always has Rocco or Neri deliver the news,

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    The lawyers should wait to see if the retainer check clears first.

    • Ricky Gay

      I shoulda scrolled. 😀

  • TJ Barke

    I’m a get me a certified letter that says I’m a sex god…

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That’ll wow ’em at the singles bars. Get a notary to sign it, also too. More sexxiness.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I’m always a sucker for a copyright. Makes us laydees all hawt. Just sayin’.

      • Roadstergal

        Oooh, was that certified _and_ sent via a courier? Come over here, stud!

    • Finnabar87

      The ladies love them some ceritifed mail.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      make sure it is of a size to carry next to the Trojans

    • SpideySenser

      I’d rather see your financial reports.

      • TJ Barke

        No, that would kill the mood right quick…

        • SpideySenser

          So, no trust fund?

          • TJ Barke

            ‘Fraid not.

  • natoslug

    You paid a law firm for that service, Donny? 60+% of the country would have testified that you’re certifiable for free.

    • Ricky Gay

      Paid? Let’s wait until the check clears.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Oh now he is just trolling us — in Oval, first response from Orange baboon himself regarding the Comey firing — sitting next to him — Kissenger. lol. I almost give him points the utter trolling here.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    Treason doth never prosper, what’s the reason? For if it prosper, none dare call it Treason.

    ~John Harington

    • Roadstergal

      A little too on the nose.

  • If one sends a lie as a certified letter, does that constitute as mail fraud?

    • Chadwells

      That is a great question. Kind of like perjury?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I do not know but I like the way you think!

    • shivaskeeper

      Isn’t the certified part just that letter A is from person B and delivered to person B with a confirmation? Or is that registered mail?

      The point being I don;t think a lie in a letter that a legal firm draws up on his behalf is going to be mail fraud,

      • I think it is since he is involving the post office. QED.

        • shivaskeeper

          Right. But if I owe you money and send you a letter saying the check is in the mail, that’s not mail fraud. That’s just me lying to you, even if I send it certified.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Right. It probably is not mail fraud. It may, however, be misrepresentation. Which is a legal ethics violation.

        • shivaskeeper

          See that there might be something then.

  • Michael R

    If we’re just tossing around paper things …

    https://s23.postimg.org/mbhq01y3v/go_directly_to_jail.jpg

  • Joe Beese

    Lawmakers arrived Wednesday morning on Capitol Hill faced a barrage of questions—about the fate of the Russia investigation, the need for a special prosecutor, and why the White House was so unprepared for the fallout from firing Comey.

    “Let me put it this way, I think they’re fully aware now,” Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN), who chairs the Foreign Relations Committee, told reporters

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/comey-firing-trump-backlash-surprise

  • The Librarian

    A certified letter from a law firm means jack shit, but to his supporters it’ll show “proof”. Proof that Trump said words is about all it stands for.

    • TJ Barke

      The same kind of people that think the bible is true cuz “word of god”

      • The Librarian

        Yep. Even though it’s been shown to be written and rewritten at different periods in time.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Have you or your staff been implicated in assisting a hostile foreign power? Call 1-800-TRSN-LAW today.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Operators are standing by. Offer void in Florida. Too many crazies calling.

  • La forza del resistino

    Paging Inspector Closeau, The preznit admires your work and has a job offer for you

  • Dutchman
  • Chadwells

    Pretty much me in my edit bay as we speak…my EP is scared to enter.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e789bba1a2286980ffff40fab7be14b06e0361b8f870c55a2551c985392cfd47.gif

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      That was me yesterday when our system ate my document that I had just finished writing

    • Crank Tango

      I worked in a call center and this weird quiet guy did that one day, screaming into the phone, “FUCK YOU LADY! FUCK YOU!! I QUIT THIS FUCKING JOB!!!”

      It was unsettling, to say the least. We were just glad he didn’t shoot up the place.

      • Chadwells

        HAHA! I don’t mean to laugh…because I’m sure it was quite upsetting to have that kind of thing aimed at you. I have been there before….but over the years I’ve learned to be the opposite. I kill them with kindness and it has had amazing results!! Even the CA EDD folks tell me “Thank you….you will have been the nicest person I’ve spoken to all day!”

        • grindstone

          You have tapped into the southern woman’s secret weapon: sweeten them until they have an insulin collapse. Of course, now, we must kill you. I’m so sorry, honey.

          • Chadwells

            It’s ok…I’m ready!

        • Crank Tango

          They were usually just happy I was a Murican. I made out OK anyway, they closed my department just as I was trying to go back to grad school, I took the payout and went to France. People were crying in the meeting when they told us, but I got a migraine from grinning ear to ear all damn day.

          • Chadwells

            Sweet!! Well done!

  • Anna Rompage

    So in other words, all Obama had to do to prove his citizenship was to have a law firm send a certified letter calming he WAS actually born in Hawaii?

    jeeze, that would have been so easy…

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    OT – I went to the store for more Coconut Water while it’s on sale -that’s some good stuffs! -and I only got catcalled twice, men from behind me. I think the assholes that could see my face thought better of their actions…..

  • arensb

    Not related to anything, but:

    We’ve made a request, to FinCEN in the Treasury Department, to make sure, not just for example vis-a-vis the President, but just overall our effort to try to follow the intel no matter where it leads,

    If a genie offered me three wishes, one of them would be to have people construct proper sentences with subject, verb, and objects, rather than loose collections of clauses that slowly meander toward a point, like a drunk staggering to the next pub.

    • mardam422

      Mrs. Brown? (My sixth grade English teacher).

    • Lefty Wright

      Even a genie can’t get a straight comment from a weasel. Warner appears to be only slightly better than Trump or Nunes in relaying a clear message. As a Democrat talking about this investigation, you would think he would get to the point. Then we have Burr, a master at making nothing sound like something.

  • Chadwells

    I’ve written and deleted more comments than I can count today….it’s that kind of day.

  • biologydave

    A certified letter you say? Well, I am mollified and will never bring it up again. Sorry to take up your time.

    • Finnabar87

      That changes everything, by jove!

      • mardam422

        We’ve done all we can do!!

    • Crystalclear12

      Says every Republican.

      • biologydave

        Starting with John McCain

  • UnsaltedSinner

    If this version of events is even remotely true, Trump’s stupidity is truly mindboggling, flabbergasting and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ce9a3e256fddf3cc977f2565c908664e81e221e698fac51cfe562d0b64c080a5.png

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/05/10/comey-firing-trump-russia-238192

    • Skeptical_thinker

      The president deliberated for more than a week before ousting the FBI chief who was investigating Trump associates.

      Assuming facts not in evidence. Trump has shown no ability to deliberate.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        More likely he decided to do it and then gave his minions a week to make a case he didn’t listen to. This is Ed Klein from back in the day

        I’ve got to make a decision about Marla,” Trump told me again and again over the course of the next couple of days. “We have a baby. We have a good relationship. It’s a little unfair to her. . . But I love the freedom.”

        Although he cranked up the suspense at every opportunity, I suspected that he had already made up his mind but needed to feel that he had total control over when and how the information would be released.

        “When Donald started talking about divorcing Ivana, he used to call people at night,” said one of his friends. “His survey is a way of notifying the world. So a month before his wedding to Marla, he comes to me and says, ‘I don’t know if I should,’ and I immediately knew he was going to marryher.”

      • UnsaltedSinner

        “The president spent a week looking for an excuse to oust the FBI chief…” is probably more accurate.

        • SpideySenser

          “The president spent a week looking for a̶n̶ ̶e̶x̶c̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶o̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶F̶B̶I̶ ̶c̶h̶i̶e̶f̶.̶.̶.̶”̶ the golf ball he lost on the 7th hole.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      It seems pretty plausible to me. He comes from a family with what seem like pretty serious genetic cognitive deficits, he’s managed to bullshit his way through the world in a way that’s convinced him that he’s actually smarter than everyone who can read, he doesn’t pay for anything, he’s surrounded by people who tell him he’s the awesomest thing ever, he used a bankruptcy of historic size to get out of taxes for most of his adult life and then the bank wrote off most of the debt, and he’s around the age where his dad’s mind started to go. Why on earth would he think there would be consequences to anything?

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    So yesterday there was a report by a sports writer that said one of the male offspring bragged about how they had a $100 million line o’ credit with Russia, and today Prez Turd Thrower claims he has No Business with Russia?! FFS.

    • Marsupial

      Not just a credit line, but something to the effect of how they get TONS of money from Russia — as much as they want! Gotta build those golf courses! (I’m too crisis fatigued to look up the exact quote right now, but it was by the rapey looking one.)

  • Meccalopolis

    Nyt: days before firing comey asked doj for more resources for Russia probe

  • Michael R
    • SeeTrain65

      “And please note, Mrs. Miller, that on paragraph three, section one marked ‘Homework, eaten by dog,’ my client states …”

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I made some devil’s advocate arguments earlier, and I wasn’t being entirely serious. But I do wonder about a couple of things – does anyone here who is SMRT about legal stuff know if Trump (or Sessions, etc.) had the power to take Comey *off* the Russia investigation and appoint a special prosecutor instead? Or to appoint one and have him work with Comey/the FBI?

    If either of those options were feasible, then I think the last plausible excuse that Trump or his enablers could possibly muster is… gone. I mean, really gone. Does anyone else see it the same way?

    • Proud Liberal

      Yes, they could have done that but I sense they don’t want a special prosecutor. They are in cover up mode.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Sessions could appoint a special prosecutor time he wants

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Not if “recuse” has any meaning anymore. The appointment would have to come from the new Robert Bork.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          True- I should have been more clear. Normally an AG can do so as needed. In this case, it would fall to Rosenstein

  • La forza del resistino

    As long as the certified letter is done in red ink, a segment of the population will take it as the truth.

    • chortlingdingo

      Don’t forget the thumbprint next to the signature too, also.

  • eastcoastlib

    “Your honor, with regards to that twenty kilos of coke you found in my trunk, I have here in my hand a certified letter from my lawyer Saul”

    “Oh!!! the letter is certified you say? You’re free to go, have a nice day!”

  • Michael R
  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Looks like Senate Dems are gonna stonewall any and all activity until a Special Prosecutor is appointed. Good, good, good. Let this firing be the straw that gets serious action going on getting him the fuck outta office.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      It’s about time they found their fucking sacks.

    • HooverVilles

      How about first in succession Pence and second in succession Ryan too.

      • shivaskeeper

        True. Unless they are involved as well. There are no do overs, but there is a slight chance it won’t be them.

        In any case, any non career appointee from DJT is out the same day he is. Whoever is next can reappoint them, but some will need to be reconfirmed by the Senate. That would be the chance for the do over.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Certified letter — lmao – he really really really is stupid. Certified letter means fuck. And is this leading law firm (Trump & Associates) like that reputable doctor who “certified” that Trump was the healthiest president ever in the history of the world. Jesus. They all should be jailed for continuously and relentlessly assaulting our intelligence

    • CynicalOptimist

      PTBD – Post Traumatic Bullshit Disorder

    • jesterpunk

      Can I send him a certified letter saying he owes me eleventy billion dollars?

      • Jennaratrix

        Sure. And it’ll be just as valid as the one he’s sending about Russia.

        • jesterpunk

          Sweet, brb getting a certified letter saying they have to pay me eleventy billion dollars. They think its real even if it isnt worth the paper its written on.

  • Relativicus

    I won’t be satisfied with the results of any investigation until I get a look at the final electoral map from the 2016 election.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    We need an outsider who isn’t beholden to special interests to go to Washington and shake things up.

    • snigsy

      Given the amnesia that seems to be in so many water supplies, that line could actually work as a WH response.

    • Shoto

      And a businessman, because they’re Real SMRT and they can run the gubmint like a business.

      • shivaskeeper

        Yesterday his Taj Mahal in AC sold for four cents on the dollar. Lets put that guy in charge.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I hear Hillary Clinton is looking for a new role.

  • It’s me, Dick.

    Yes, but was it notarized?

    • Joe Beese

      And pinky sworn.

      What more do you people want?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      and hermetically sealed

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall’s front porch, too.

  • Joe Beese

    She works hard for the money.

    Counselor to the president Kellyanne Conway said Wednesday that it is “inappropriate” for the media to question the timing of President Donald Trump’s hiring and firing decisions in the executive branch.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/05/10/kellyanne-conway-reacts-james-comey-firing-238209?lo=ap_f1

    • Proud Liberal

      HE WORKS FOR US!!!!! He isn’t above the law Kellyanne!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      fuck her, it’s not up to her or Donnie to decide what’s appropriate

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        *Makes rude hand gesture at blonde mouthpiece shill*
        “Appropriate this, be-otch!”

    • Sister Suffragette

      Last night she told Anderson Cooper he was being “unkind” for pointing out that Trump had heaped praise on Comey as a candidate and asking what had changed.

    • NastyBossetti

      It’s exactly appropriate. This is the job of journalists.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Great optics, Donald. Just what you needed today.

    https://twitter.com/pbump/status/862331436057202688

    • Proud Liberal

      US press not allowed in.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Who is the guy on the right?….

      • UnsaltedSinner

        The Russian ambassador, I believe.

      • Proud Liberal

        Ambassador Kislyak.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Looks kind of like Kislyak.

      • shivaskeeper

        Kissenger.

    • snigsy

      That’s a lot of jowls.

      • Jennaratrix

        So. Many. Jowls.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Now you kill moose and squirrel.

    • Shoto

      And there’s Hank & Don photo-oping today, too. Also. You can’t make this shit up.

      https://twitter.com/jeneps/status/862328641027526656

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        We’re getting the band back together! we’re gonna party like it’s 1972!

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      “No, Mister President. “Putz” is Russkiya for “strong, handsome leader”. Comrade Foreign Minister was complimenting you!”

    • chortlingdingo

      He really has gained a lot of weight, hasn’t he?

  • memzilla Ω
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Won’t be able to comment for a while. I have about 30 certified letters to write. Who knew defense lawing was so easy?

    • msanthropesmr

      My client didn’t​do it and this is a certified letter so you must drop the case ipso facto

      • HoldonKaitlaninEncinitas

        Cogito ergo desperado.

        • msanthropesmr

          Why don’t you come to your senses.

          • HoldonKaitlaninEncinitas

            I wish I could, but I’ve been out riding fences and I have a headache.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Open the gate.

          • HoldonKaitlaninEncinitas

            Oh wow. Thanks. That’s better.

  • Chadwells

    It’s days like this that I wish I could calm my ADD addled brain and meditate.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      I have to keep my hands busy myself, like with my miniatures and scale models.

      • Chadwells

        Oh hell yeah….that is a fantastic idea!! I might have to try that myself…but I’m not sure my brutish nature can do that kind of delicate work!! Only one way to find out, I reckon.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          :) It’s not about perfection, Hun. I enjoy it so much, and I reach a near-meditative state while working on them.

          • HoldonKaitlaninEncinitas

            Crocheting helps me.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            I think the process has similar effects on mind-body relaxation. :)

          • HoldonKaitlaninEncinitas

            Yeah. Repetitive small movements with a mathematical element are relaxing to me.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

            Yeah, painting my miniatures is similar, not mathematic, but like “hear is the proper color for a 1942 uniform”, plus the movements.

    • Shoto

      Amp yourself up on some Walter White meth. After that, you won’t even give a fuck.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Is this letter as super-serious and effective as his religious liberty executive order?

  • therblig

    Donnie Trump is entitled to all the honors and benefits occurring thereto.’
    Signed, Little Orphan Annie.
    Countersigned, Pierre Andre!
    ln ink!
    Honors and benefits. Already at the age of 70.

  • Vincent Ricola

    OT – Jack Kingston is bizzaro world evil Woody Boyd and, once we get rid of agent orange, I’d like a senate investigation into his financial ties to Russia.

  • Bebecca

    and it’s probably a sternly-worded letter.

  • msanthropesmr

    I wonder if he has 8×10 color glossies showing the garbage.

    • Oblios_Cap

      No good. Justice is blind.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Man, this shit show is killing me. Hardly slept last night. In a very small way I’m understanding how Jewish fathers in Germany were feeling in 1939 when they all but knew there was no way out.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      difference is- this bunch of clowns are going to fuck this up bigly. As evil and soulless as they are, their incompetence is worse

      • TJ Barke

        Maybe, but how much damage will they do in the interim?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Quite a bit, unfortunately. But nowhere near WWII era Germany damage.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        From your keyboard to God’s monitor.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      ~hugs~ Stout Hearts, my Darling. All we have to do, really, is decide that we wont go down easy.

  • La forza del resistino

    Breaking: Donald fires Frederick Douglass for treating Jefferson Davis unfairly and hurting his feelings.

    • proudgrampa

      “You can’t fire me! Slaves have to be sold!”

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Next up, Trump tries to fire former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper.

  • msanthropesmr

    I want my secret decoder ring to understand what is really going on

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Drink more Ovaltine

      • NastyBossetti

        Jinx

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Hey! Keep it down up there!

          • eggsacklywright

            “It’s just the normal noises in here!”

      • eggsacklywright

        I tried Ovaltine once when I was a kid. It tasted like chocolate milk with sawdust in it.

    • NastyBossetti

      You’d find out the whole thing is just an ad telling you to drink more Ovaltine.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

    Y’all know how utterly, incomprehensibly stoopid the average R Voter proves themselves to be every time they speak or type? They are still fucking Rocket Scientists compared to Cheeto Benito and his Band of Lickspittles.

  • memzilla Ω
    • wait! what?

      Moulder and Scully are NOT going to go looking for that.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Saved and faceborked. Thanks.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Can’t he get his hippie doctor to write a letter that clears him of any Russophilia? He writes such excellent letters, truly the best!

  • It’s all a ruse. There’s nothing there. Even though my sons said we get our money from Russia and people around me made calls to Russia and I publicly said I wanted Russia to hack Hillary’s emails more, there’s nothing there. I don’t know why everyone keeps making a big deal out of it.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    It’s pretty hard to believe anything they say or do when Trump or someone from his entourage has told at least one lie every day since he started his campaign in 2015.

    • msanthropesmr

      One?

  • Bebecca

    Does anyone else feel weird about Comey? He disastrously changed the course of history but he might be the person that could (or would have) take down the monster he created?

  • Thaumaturgist

    WaPo says. Comey asked for more money for the Russia investigation three days ago.

    • weejee

      Follow the money for sure.

  • Lefty Wright

    How much are they paying Spicer to stand up there and look like an idiot? He must be raking in the bucks from Trump, Russia or the Republican Party. No federal government position pays well enough for that embarrassment.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      The Mercers must have deferred accounts for all these people. It’s not worth this without whorebucks up front.

    • BearLeft

      Probably pays more than the Easter Bunny gig did. Probably.

      • Sister Suffragette

        One would think he’d have sweated more in the Easter Bunny costume than he does in his current gig, but no.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Dear The Senate:

    I have been Donald J Trump’s attorney for over 30 years. I am pleased to report that all depositions given by Mr. Trump have showed only positive results. Actually, his truthfulness and credibility are astonishingly excellent.

    I can state unequivocally that Mr. Trump is the most innocent individual to ever hold the office of President.

    Bigly yours,

    John Baron, Esq.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      P. S. Believe me…

      • Kaylarmundy

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !ss256c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
        !ss256c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs546DigitalTalkGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!ss256c:….,……

    • wait! what?

      We would also have accepted “truthiness.”

    • chicken thief

      PS. All the above can be verified with the very credible John Miller, should further references are needed.

  • Chadwells
    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Do they have high speed internets?

      • Thaumaturgist

        How would I get my Wonkette fix?

        • Yellerduck

          You set up your modem to download overnight. It helps to have two phone lines so the download doesn’t get cut off if someone calls. The next night you do the same thing, but with your comment to upload. In 1991, that was slick as fuck.

      • Chadwells

        Good question. That might be a deal breaker…

        • Prof. T. Green Bastard

          If the answer is ‘no’, count me in. My lil heart can’t take this shit anymore. I’ll grow out my ladybeard & be the village hermit.

    • SeeTrain65

      Good deal, even with the earthquakes.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I’m gonna go out and plant some perennials. Somehow, it just seems to me that there must be a point where everyone kind of shakes the fluff out of their heads, stands up and says, “This isn’t normal. None of this is normal”….

    • proudgrampa

      proudgramma and I are planning to do some planting this weekend. Flowers will definitely put some color back into our world.

      Peace.

      • Ill-Advised

        I put in irises called “Superstition” in the political bagua of the yard. Seemed appropriate.

        • proudgrampa

          Fascinating! That is a gorgeous flower.

          Just curious – which is the “political” bagua?

          • Ill-Advised

            The place where Health,Helpful Others, and Wealth, coincide with a WiFi signal.

            Or as one comedian put it, in American terms IIRC:
            “No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.”
            Or while the president is Trump.

          • proudgrampa

            Thanks! Best laugh I’ve had in a while!

            WiFi signal, indeed! Cheers!

  • SadDemInTex
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • ken_kukec

    Trump’s “best of luck in your future endeavors” in the letter firing Comey — class-act all the way, that guy.

    • anomie

      that really was an adorable touch.

  • Joe Beese

    To recap:

    So far, the scandal has engulfed Paul Manafort, one of Mr. Trump’s campaign managers; Roger Stone, a longtime confidant; Carter Page, one of the campaign’s early foreign-policy advisers; Michael Flynn, who was forced out as national security adviser; and Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who recused himself in March from the Russia inquiry after failing to disclose during his confirmation hearings that he had met twice during the campaign with the Russian ambassador to the United States.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/09/opinion/donald-trumps-firing-of-james-comey.html

    I think there may be some cahootinizin’ going on!

  • LarryHoudini

    Funny, I know someone called Lindsey Graham a “disgrace,” a “nut job,” and “one of the dumbest human beings,” but I just can’t remember who.
    I wonder if Lindsey does???

    • Joe Beese

      … Huckabee responded “if people were going to be adjudicated of everything they said on the campaign, nobody could hold office. People say stuff in campaigns that they know they can’t hold up to.”

      http://www.mediaite.com/tv/huckabee-totally-normal-for-politicians-to-say-stuff-in-campaigns-they-know-they-cant-hold-up/

    • jesterpunk

      The same guy who gave out Lindsey’s cell phone number at a rally causing him to get harassing phone calls?

      • LarryHoudini

        Yeah, that fucking dipshit, but I forget who it was.

        • jesterpunk

          Was it Ben Ghazi? That guy is always under investigation.

        • Rags

          It sure wasn’t Frederick Douglass cuz a lot of people are saying good things about him

  • Anna Rompage

    Kellyanne Conway saw the letter before it was sent out, and says it’s totally legit!

    • wait! what?

      She kept it warm with her feet in the Oval Office couch cusions.

      • chicken thief

        She take a photo of it with her legs spread like a common Fox ‘n Friends era Gretchen?

        • wait! what?

          ew

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Semantically speaking. It seems like the usual shoving suggestion from someone is with regard to the letter coming from someone else. “You can shove the letter you sent me up your own ass.” ( this common usage does seem to skip over how to get the letter back to the sender to be shoved up. But common slurs and retorts are not necessarily practical or well thought out.)

    Is it right/common usage to suggest that someone shove up their ass the letter you send them?

  • memzilla Ω
    • Anna Rompage

      I’m sure the Russian Ambassador has a short list of Kremlin approved candidates that he’ll pass along to Trump during their meeting today…

  • Jennaratrix

    Huh. So all you have to do to prove you aren’t a criminal is have your lawyer send a certified letter to someone that reads “I AM NOT A CROOK!”? Guess Nixon should have done that instead of saying it on television.

    • Erala Contratista

      Nixon was a lawyer. Maybe he knew something Donni doesn’t?

  • weejee
    • Rags

      I would totally kickstart that

    • anomie

      no puppet no puppet, you’re the puppet

  • The Wanderer

    Hmm. Trump seems to be thinking how far he can stomp on the Legislative Branch’s prerogatives before he manages to alienate both sides.

  • wait! what?

    This American Horror Story – Carnage! All things Russian

  • Joe Beese

    Only incompetence can save us now.

    By Tuesday evening, the president was watching the coverage of his decision and frustrated no one was on TV defending him, a White House official said. He wanted surrogates out there beating the drum. …

    Two White House officials said there was little communications strategy in handling the firing, and that staffers were given talking points late Tuesday for hastily arranged media appearances.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/05/10/comey-firing-trump-russia-238192

    • Thiazin Red

      The fact that Trump is an incompetent moron who surrounds himself with other incompetents has been a cushion against some of the stuff hes tried to do.

      • grindstone

        While it galls me mightily that he trots around and golfs with “dignitaries” all the time, at least he’s not actually attempting to president. Why yes, I am an optimist.

      • anomie

        totally agree, but that knowledge walks such a fine line — relief vs. terror.

    • Edith Prickly

      OMFG, what a maroon. No one is defending you because what you did is INDEFENSIBLE, numbnuts. Go to Mar-A-Lago this weekend and don’t come back.

  • Courser_Resistance

    The world is on fire and my brain is a bag of cats.

    Could be an interesting day…

    • VirginiaLady

      The voices in my head want me to remind you that at least the bag of cats isn’t on fire. They are a lil more positive and upbeat today.

  • Mavenmaven

    The only thing certified regarding Trump is that he is, as of yesterday, a Certified Tin-Pot Dictator.

  • canes_pugnaces

    FUcking Jeff ‘KKK’ Sessions. I hope he and all the corn syrup and meth-filled Confederate bagger Trumpanzees will see their bloated, bloviating messiah get his just due by 2018

  • Yellerduck

    Is there even really such a place called Russia? I mean, has anyone really ever seen it? I think this “Russia” is all on a Hollywood sound stage. What a hoax.

    This has been a preview of tomorrow’s early a.m. Trump tweet.

    • katkelly57

      Ole “Sarah, IcanseeRussiafromhere Palin” will set ’em straight.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • katkelly57

      Yes, we have no bananas, we have no bananas today.

    • SeeTrain65

      “What more could you want? We kept the red, white and blue, and of course, everybody loves bananas!” – Scaredy Spice

  • I don’t think Vladimir the ghost of Donald’s daddy is going to be able to get him out of this one by buying some chips and holding them for a few weeks.

  • Thiazin Red

    Sadly, I’m sure there are people who are impressed by the certified letter, and don’t realize anyone can go to the post office and send one.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Yeah – I send them all the time, when it’s something that I want proof the other party received so they can’t go “nope, don’t know what you mean”.

    • JD Mulvey

      Another classic Trump projection.

      The only thing a certified letter does is give you proof that the recipient got it –as if the Senate might deny ever seeing it?

      The Senate doesn’t do that. Only Trump does that.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Jenny

      Wouldn’t the FBI need a certified law enforcement guy in charge? I know most places require a peace officers license, would seem like the FBI would need the equivelent.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Comey wasn’t one when he ran the place. He had no law enforcement background other than being a U.S. Attorney.

        • Jenny

          Could be an argument for why they need a licensed cop in charge.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Respected? By whom? He managed to piss everyone off just before he left the Senate.

    • Edith Prickly

      Lieberman is still alive?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I want a private eye in charge. A real gumshoe type, straight out of an old detective novel. Fedora, trenchcoat, drinking problem. “You don’t scare me, see?”

    • SeeTrain65

      I’d sooner take my chances with a rabid weasel than let that rabid weasel back into a position of power.

  • Jenny

    You know when it would have been a prudent time to check out his financials? Before he was the nominee!

  • MynameisBlarney

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/05/attorney-general-jeff-sessions-open

    Sessions open to completely shutting down investigation.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      YOU RECUSED YOURSELF, FUCKFACE!

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Apparently “recusal” has a different meaning in wingnut land than it does to us lesser beings.

      • mancityRed6

        technically, he wouldn’t do it, but they would put an interim FBI head that would be “open” to closing the investigation.

    • Jenny

      Sessions was the keebler elf they kicked out of the tree.

      • Well, his cookies tasted bad. He wouldn’t use brown sugar or molassess

      • VirginiaLady

        He’s been gnawing on the roots ever since.

        • Mondoshawan

          Also, too, having moved on from gnawing on the roots of the Cookie Tree to those of the Tree of Liberty, he is doing a LOT more damage now.

    • Joe Beese

      Very accommodating of him.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      This is like Nixon’s response to the tapes: the coverup goes public.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Good lord. If that happens, the word ‘impeachment’ is going to start getting thrown around by more than just the lib-core.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
  • Chadwells

    Go fuck yourself, Pence. No one gives a flying fuck what your opinion is on the subject of Russia. Don’t you have some kittens to drown, you evil fuck?

  • I think Sally Yates would be a good choice for director of the FBI.

  • proudgrampa
    • Antonin Dvorak

      A new bill approved by the state House will legally protect motorists who hit protesters blocking the road—as long as they “exercise due care,” according to The News & Observer in Raleigh.

      The Fuck? How do you exercise due care running someone over?

      • proudgrampa

        I know, right? And I’m only on my third martini this morning…

      • Lance Thrustwell

        You make sure to hit them just off-center, so you get the head under a wheel after initial impact.

      • Sophia

        If you don’t get them the first time, back up

      • JohnBull

        Driving while White has its privileges. A million dollars says a minority will NOT ever be judged innocent.

      • Rags

        It takes care to take out both the mom and the stroller. And wheelchairs are also kinda tricky.

      • NastyBossetti

        Make sure you kill them totally dead?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Be sure you nail the black guy?

    • MynameisBlarney

      That is so fucked up.

  • VirginiaLady

    Wonder if he’s gonna try to fire Mark Warner next? Will he have to kick Virginia out of the United States first? I want to know if he explores the possibility.

    • LesBontemps

      I’m surprisingly okay with booting out Fairfax County, but I’d like to keep the Blue Ridge Mountains please.

  • memzilla Ω
    • proudgrampa

      No kidding…

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      That was spoken at the protest live stream a few minutes ago.

    • cmd resistor

      So that explains it. Trump is just being fiscally responsible.

  • JD Mulvey
    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      Don’t be stupid, be a smarty!

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Come and join da nazis party!

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      “The President is small potatoes compared to Hitler”. A Republican said this. Was it sarcasm? Or am I losing my mind?

  • Claire
    • proudgrampa

      Duh….

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      *deadpan* I’m totally shocked at that. Could knock me over with a feather.

      • Claire

        If you aren’t shocked, you should be. Surprised, no; but this is an absolutely shocking middle finger in the face of America and every one of its institutions by a sitting President, and being blase about it doesn’t win anyone any points.

    • Crank Tango

      It’s just like when dad has thanksgiving with his new family.

      Only, dad’s going to jail for treason.

    • cmd resistor

      Just wow.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Just watched a spontaneous rally on moveon.org.

    We won’t stop until we get a special prosecutor.

    Since Brian Williams loves to misquote “The Future” by Leonard Cohen, here’s a line for that very song for him to consider right now:

    “your servant here, he has been told,
    To say it clear, to say it cold,
    It’s over, it ain’t going any further.
    And now the wheels of heaven stop,
    You feel the devil’s riding crop,
    Get ready fr the future, it is murder.”

    http://moveon.org/soundthealarm

  • Oblios_Cap

    So … what it Rick Perry doing about the cave-in at Hanford? Isn’t that something he’s supposed to oversee?

    • Chadwells

      That’s a wonderful question.

    • wait! what?

      Trying out for Dancing with the Stars 2 – Rise of the Revenge

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      As a downwinder, I am thrilled that a man with glasses is responsible for that mess.

    • Mr. Blobfish
    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Are we sure he didn’t cause it?

      He’s probably trying to get a Certified Letter from the guy who drew Not-Me in the Family Circus comic.

    • anomie

      did not need to be reminded of that fun fact just before bedtime… that should shave off a few hours of sleep in worry time.

  • chicken thief

    Damn it! I should have had a leading DC law firm send a certified letter noting my innocence!

    ~ Charles Manson

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      A war criminal and a tinpot dictator meet. Also a Russian was there.

      • snigsy

        I was thinking a goblin and a shitgibbon. But I like your description better.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        And they all walked into a bar annnd….

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          “What’s with the long face?” Badump bump!

      • Ill-Advised

        How many people were present?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Haldeman and Ehrlichman were unavailable.

      • Erala Contratista

        “And little does eat ivy…” *humming to self*

    • Someone on Twitter mentioned that the US press is being excluded from the Russia meeting, while the Russian press is included.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Of course it is. Trump is a traitor. Constitution over party!

    • ariel_gee_398

      Cause when you need that veneer of respectability, only a war criminal will do.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Cuz Josef Mengele was unavailable?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • miss_grundy

      The assholes……especially the ones who flunked history.

    • SeeTrain65
  • ken_kukec

    The letter being “certified” proves what? … That Trump’s law firm doesn’t trust the USPO to deliver a piece of mail to congress for the cost of a 49¢ stamp?

    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s just as impressive and believable as his doctors note was.

    • cmd resistor

      So is it being sent by certified mail, or the letter itself certifies that he’s clean, and what lawyer would ever sign something like that?

    • Erala Contratista

      Why not send your bodyguard to pick it up?

  • proudgrampa

    Anticipation is making me wait…
    https://youtu.be/PDJ_Mz8ftqI

    • snigsy

      What, we’ve moved on to ketchup commercials now?

  • Crank Tango

    Am I distracted from Trumpcare enough yet?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Nah! I’m not. I can multitask where cruelty policy resistance is concerned.

      • Crank Tango

        I wonder if “sick of winning” is a pre-existing condition.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Probably.

  • Trump does need to be certified, although his letter does not.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • cmd resistor

      He must be older than dirt.

    • snigsy

      Constitutionless Joe?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Does he think summoning a walking corpse from the Nixon years is going to give him gravitas?

      • miss_grundy

        I think it will just remind everyone who is old enough that we may be living through some new Nixonian scandal.

        • Erala Contratista

          Makes me think if you don’t learn from the past you get a chance to repeat the past. Or something.
          But then if you are totally ignorant of the past, does this mean you aren’t actually repeating…..ummm….think I’ll quit digging, take a nice nap.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Why is it that good and decent people die every day and abject inhumane monsters like Kissinger just live on and on? Also, Dick Cheney.

    • wait! what?

      Henry looks like he comes in 2 parts and was put together wrong in that chair.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Someone forgot th torso.

    • NastyBossetti

      Is Donald Trump wearing Cuban heels?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      LEARN HOW TO TIE A FREAKIN’ NECKTIE, YOU DUNCE!
      Sorry. Pet peeve.

    • Slithytoves

      Kissenger looks like a bowling ball with legs.

      • SeeTrain65

        His father’s name was Ebonite.

      • anomie

        and he looks oddly pleased to be there.

        off topic, did Trump redecorate the whole freakin White House in that weird gold color that matches his hair?? I keep noticing it and feel like I might’ve missed a Martha Stewart segment on it maybe?

    • LesBontemps

      Conjuring the Nixon years in every way possible. Who thought this was a good idea?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “Steve! They didn’t buy it, Steve. The letter didn’t work. Should we try sending it Priority?”

  • Sew Imperfect

    He is currently meeting with a Russian spy master and American journalists were not allowed in, only Russian! This is not a drill!!!!! Our democracy is under attack!

  • NastyBossetti

    I have an idea so crazy it just might work! What if I send a certified letter to Donald Trump telling him he’s been relieved of his duties and is no longer president?

    • Brilliant!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sorry – it has to be from a top D.C. Law firm. Doesn’t count otherwise.

      • NastyBossetti

        I’m sure I could crowd-source the funding needed for this.

      • Naytch

        Dewey, Cheatem & Howe on K street…

    • Mr. Blobfish

      You can have Publishers Clearing House show up with a subpoena on the back of a big novelty check.

  • Joe Beese

    Frank Rich sounds optimistic.

    Let’s assume the worst immediate scenario for the moment. … the new director’s attempts to further derail the ongoing investigation will be met with revolt by the career professionals within the organization — an unwinding that may already be happening. There will be chaos. There will be leaks. There will be resignations. There will be synergy, clandestine or otherwise, with the Senate and House investigations into Trump and Russia. …

    Anyone in criminal jeopardy will be out to save his or her own butt, not to protect Donald J. Trump. This includes Michael Flynn — whom Trump is trying to hush up by continuing to sing his praises in public, presumably because Flynn knows enough to blackmail Trump (just as Russia knew enough to blackmail Flynn). …

    The White House will be outwitted and outmaneuvered at nearly every turn by the events to come. … A White House gang this insular, this politically naïve, and this transparent in its maladroit efforts at deflection and deception is a gang that can’t shoot straight. …

    Now that Trump, by his own actions, has shown that the Russia investigation is anything but the “total hoax” that his Tweets have claimed — now that everyone knows he sees himself in criminal jeopardy — he’ll be engulfed in 24/7 whack-a-mole as the “fake news” rolls out one revelation after another. And those revelations won’t just be about Russia, but about the entire family enterprise. It should not be forgotten that the week’s other news has included the revelation that Jared Kushner’s sister, Nicole Meyer, took advantage of a freshly minted Trump law to market U.S. immigration visas to Chinese customers in exchange for $500,000 investments in a Jersey City real-estate development. What’s the story with Nicole Meyer? What else has she been up to? We are soon to find out.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/05/the-comey-firing-may-be-the-beginning-of-the-end-of-trump.html

    • Wild Cat

      About what?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      All well and good, but Mitch Fucking McConnell and Paul Fucking Ryan.

      • Wild Cat

        I’ve a better chance of fucking Scarlett Johansen tonight . . .

        Frank Rich has warm, fuzzy 1970s sex/politics fantasies.

        We’re in FULL FASCISM now.

        Thanks, you lazy 40% who didn’t vote, you bastards.

      • shivaskeeper

        It will hit a point of critical mass that even they won’t be able to ignore and deflect away from. Time and pressure.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Sounds like a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my country, but damn it, America, you chose this. Can’t go around it, gotta go through it.

      • shivaskeeper

        True words. Maybe this time the country as a whole will learn a fucking lesson.

        • IdRatherBeDancing

          hahahahaha — nah. Recall that within 6 years of Nixon –ya that Nixon of Watergate, Laos and Cambodia criminality was succeeded within 6 years by Reagan. So. No, we won’t learn.

      • Erala Contratista

        Second this.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Useful idiot still idiot, not very useful.
    https://twitter.com/democracynow/status/862285087186014208

    • MynameisBlarney

      Fuck greenwald.

    • miss_grundy

      Why is anyone paying attention to this asshat???????

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Did he hear that from his friend Assange?

    • ariel_gee_398

      I’m waiting for my cats’ morning litter box droppings to weigh in, then I can decide whether I find them or Greenwald more convincing.

    • Serai 1

      There’s another asshole we don’t need on our side, thanks.

    • Erala Contratista

      Isn’t his sell-by date sometime about 5 years ago?

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Hey Wonketteers, here’s a poll for you to respond to: https://twitter.com/bryankentner/status/862288727321825282

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      The stupid comments on that page are proof there wont be any peaceful resolution of this nightmare.

      • anomie

        thought the exact same thing… like you want to say, “are we watching the same movie here?”

    • MynameisBlarney

      Can’t see the link.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    A tiny bright spot: Republican Sens. Lindsey Graham (S.C.), Susan Collins (Maine) and John McCain (Ariz.) joined all 48 members of the Democratic caucus in rejecting repeal of Obama drilling rule.

    • miss_grundy

      Meh. These three love to talk out of both sides of their mouths.

    • MynameisBlarney

      While that IS good news, I’d like to see them joining forces to impeach turmp and sessions.

      • cmd resistor

        Any good news is better than the floods of shit news.

      • Claire

        Maybe McCain is working up the courage to vote against his party more often. Baby steps.

    • Serai 1

      Very good at CYA, those three.

  • miss_grundy

    The more this putz screams his innocence, the more we know he is guilty. He has been in Russia’s pockets since the 90s because no U.S. bank will lend him money. Too bad we have such lousy journalists in America. Perhaps the French media could connect the dots for us so we can impeach his fat butt already.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I am betting on the BBC and the Guardian. The Brits hate, hate, hate Trump. That’s where the original dossier came from.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      There really was a skull on the brim? I’m old enough to know better but fuck me for not knowing that.

    • wait! what?

      An American fascist, dressed as German fascist, with loyalties to a Russian fascist; sounds like a new show on A&E:

      Trump Dynasty

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        So long as there are surgically enhanced women, I’m good with that.

  • Nick Scroggs

    Unrelated thing, just, came up with it while thinking of stuff for a midterm essay. Just, something I like, where people aren’t bitter and calling each other idiots. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEg7dF5rg8Y

  • Me not sure

    Sessions who is not supposed to have ANYTHING to do with either the Clinton email matter or the matter of Russian collusion because of recusal has now, not only gotten involved with the firing of the person whose agency has been conducting those investigations, but has been reported as saying that he wants to call an end to the Russian probe. Sessions is dirty in this and knows that he could be in legal jeopardy, in my opinion, and needs to be squeezed. We need to do what Schumer called for, and then force Trump to try to fire a prosector like Nixon did. Turn up the heat on anyone involved and eventually someone will break.

    • cmd resistor

      He is scarier than Trump sometimes. I heard this thing on I think This American Life and there was this reporter who interviewed Bannon back in the days when Brietbart was new and he was relatively unknown. Then he went to some Brietbart party in DC and there were all these youngish Brietbarty people there and then also, Jeff Sessions, the oldest person there and a surprise to that reporter. Sessions and Bannon go way back and just latched onto Trump thanks to the Mercers, I think. He is an evil fuck who should have lived out the rest of his days in relative obscurity but…..

      • As a proud Alabama native, I do wonder about your brilliant Washingtonians who keep returning to The Yellowhammer State for their evil minions.

        That’s some twisted shit, man.

      • I heard that too. Terrifying.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    “He sent his longtime private security guard to deliver the termination letter in a manila folder to FBI headquarters”. So far, this is my favorite part of the show.

    • wait! what?

      …who sang the “Mission Impossible” theme, on the way over…

    • snigsy

      The Onion folks must be twiddling their thumbs.

      • anomie

        sort of like how real life in America has stolen House of Cards thunder.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Woulda been cool if he’d sent his old retired butler. “Master wants you to read this motherfucking letter, you cocksucking turd, you should hang.”

    • Sophia

      He made sure he would fire Comey in the most humiliating way. Who thought that up? trump or preznit Bannon?

      • cmd resistor

        Yet some asshole CNN panelist last night was saying how, in spite of the Apprentice, he actually hated firing people in person. Right.

        • Contemplative Ron

          Hey, he didn’t even fire his second WIFE in person.

        • anomie

          actually sounds like it could be true.

          “the apprentice” was a contrived scenario.. real life is messier.

          and at heart he’s a huge insecure coward.

          sorry.. I meant yoooge.

    • Rags

      but he couldn’t be arsed to do the same thing for his close friends in Congress???

    • Ωbjectifier

      Of course Comey was in LA at the time. You’d think someone would know that, or maybe they did.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        “Woopsie, looks like all these files on his desk fell into my briefcase! Oops it just latched and, golly darns, I haven’t the combination! I will have to return them to him later, when he’s back!”

  • My tax “attorney” told me sending my return by “certified letter” was a “waste” of “money”.
    https://media.tenor.co/images/4a4f2c4adf4e93d00413e08cf377f6b8/tenor.gif

  • Prof. T. Green Bastard
    • jesterpunk

      You have to change the first line to “To Whom My Concern”

  • Rags
  • Nick Scroggs

    Not sure which is worse: Whatever Eric Garland’s amphetamine and “LOL” tweets will say about everything being a part of a Russian conspiracy, or Glenn Greenwald saying the firing was about Trump wanting a loyalist and not having anything to do with Russia. God, I miss real journalism, rather than these idiots who make me just want to shoot myself in the leg.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Glen: It’s never lupus Russia

      • Nick Scroggs

        I give up. Is that all we on Wonkette can really say? I was just complaining about both, and you just go right to one side.

  • theblackdog

    I feel sorry for whatever law firm has to put up with that request

  • cmd resistor

    I can’t tell the crowd size because it’s a close up shot but here is live video of a moveon rally at the White House. https://www.facebook.com/moveon/videos/10154396299975493/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED

  • Serai 1

    Here is a Fun Fact!

    Seems Ragey Spice hid in the bushes after Comey was fired

    AHAHA. Oh, these Manly Men, SO BRAVE OMG.

  • LesBontemps

    Coincidentally, “All Things Russia” is our second least favorite public radio show, right after “This American Carnage.”

    The show I can’t stand is “Czar Talk.”

    • Spurning Beer

      “Wait, Wait, Don’t Ask Me”

  • chascates
    • Serai 1

      That was actually pretty fucking funny.

  • Rags

    Donald Trump set himself up as the wholly-owned subsidiary of the Russian Empire Real Estate Investment Trust in the 80’s. All else follows directly from this fact.

  • Opiwan

    Ah yes, but is the certified letter SIGNED IN RED INK???? TELL US THAT, BUSHY SPICE! #chemtrailsonthepage

    • Serai 1

      BY SEVEN WITNESSES???

    • Keith Taylor

      Signed in blood and witnessed by B.L.Z. Bubb is my guess.

  • not_vh

    i bet the certified letter has atleast one sentence about the “considerable assets” and “impressive business empire” of Mr. Trump.

    • jaspersdad

      And map of his electoral college win.

      • subatomic

        Probably an enlarged hand print as well.

  • OddMan

    A letter?
    A Goddamned fucking letter?
    A GODDAMNED FUCKING CERTIFIED LETTER?
    Really? REALLY?!?
    Oh, it’s by a leading law firm in Washington, D.C, well then that’s OK.

    • OddMan

      I just hope that they used the correct font and line spacing.

      • Erala Contratista

        And proper engraved stationery, dammit!

        • chicken thief

          No shitty white bond paper like you run through a common copier – that 20 lb ivory shit that looks totes official!1!!!!

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        It’s going to be Comic Sans and you know it.

        • SeeTrain65

          NEW RULE:

          Any time someone mentions Comic Sans in reference to this administration, there has to be an accompanying Zapf Dingbats joke to go with it.

    • Was it sent “Receipt Requested”?

    • unionthuggery

      If he was really innocent, he’d have sent it domestic registered to be sure of absolute accountability.

  • LesBontemps

    Please oh please oh please make that “certified letter” public. lololololollooolololol.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I will treat that letter with all the seriousness that I treated the one from Trump’s personal physician.

    • Hospergar

      What is it with the malignantly deranged and certified letters? What do they think the certification means?

      • Chris

        Certified mail is the first line in perfected service.

  • subatomic

    I wonder if this letter will read like the letter from tRump’s “doctor”. That would be hilarious.

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

    When I was much younger and the whole Clinton business was going down, I thought – who even cares who the president gets bjs from, this isn’t even a scandal worthy of the title, like Watergate was.

    That didn’t actually mean I wanted to LIVE through a scandal though. This is less fun daily.

    • lynchie

      after all there is no “bad” blow job

  • BreakingDeadMen

    A Party of gun
    and money junkies will end
    with Russian Roulette

  • whitroth

    Ok, Wonketteers, try *this* one on for size: maybe Trumpolini knew about the Treasury investigation, for laundering foreign money via real estate transactions, and that’s why he won’t release his tax returns… and maybe, just maybe, why he ran for President in the first place, figuring he could quash the investigation….

    • Contemplative Ron

      Seems a bit too clever for Donnie, but not impossible.

  • Mister Smith

    Impeach the entire Criminal Trump Regime!

    • HooverVilles

      THIS!
      Otherwise it will be Pence or Ryan or…

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I bet O.J Simpson wishes he thought of this. “See, officers, i have a certfied letter from a top law firm saying I didnt kill these people. well, sounds good to me. You are free to go”

  • unpocketedstupidcomments
  • Pinkham’s Law
  • Scooby

    I have top men working on it…top men.

    • HooverVilles

      Believe me, they’re top women.
      Trust me!

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Well, as long as it’s in a letter, how can it be disputed? If something is written down, that makes it true.

    • Keith Taylor

      We both know there are people, a disturbing number, who would take that sardonic comment of yours literally and go, “Yes, of course.” Once upon a time it came as a surprise to me to learn that. I was about twenty and ingenuous even for that age. Someone said to me, of Erich von Daniken’s CHARIOTS OF THE GODS, not long after he started the whole ancient astronauts thing, “It must be true or they wouldn’t let him print it.”

  • Kaylarmundy

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !ss256c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
    !ss256c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs546DigitalTalkGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!ss256c:….,…….

  • Randy Riddle

    Exhibit A at the eventual Trump Presidential Library and Disaster Remembrance Center.

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