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actual president of America

Did everybody watch Monday’s fun Sally Yates hearing (also featuring former director of national intelligence James Clapper), where she kicked ass and took names, even though dumb Republicans tried REALLY HARD to change the subject to “unmasking” and “wire tapps,” because they are unpatriotic Trump-licking trolls? It was great! (If you didn’t see it, may we suggest Wonkette’s liveblog?) Taken in its totality, we can safely report that Donald Trump and his BFF literal foreign agent/disgraced former national security adviser Michael Flynn did not fare well in the hearing.

So Monday night, Trump pulled out his Twitter box (like he did before the hearing) and tried his damnedest to do “fake news” to what everybody saw on TV with their own eyes, to try to convince us all that Donald Trump rules and Sally Yates drools.

Oh goodness, Trump must have been watching a different hearing from the one we saw. Maybe Kellyanne flipped the TV onto “Judge Judy” when Trump wasn’t looking and he’s too dumb to know the difference. But Trump was so sure Clapper said there is “no evidence” of mutual masturbation between Trump and Russian intelligence that he excitedly changed his Twitter banner to look like this, albeit briefly:

Oh baby doll, you have embarrassed yourself, YET AGAIN.

Let’s go to the transcript and see what ACTUALLY happened, via the Washington Post:

SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM: Ms. Yates, do you have any evidence — are you aware of any evidence that would suggest that in the 2016 campaign anybody in the Trump campaign colluded — colluded with the Russian government intelligence services in improper fashion?

YATES: And Senator, my answer to that question would require me to reveal classified information. And so, I — I can’t answer that.

GRAHAM: Well, I don’t get that because [James Clapper] just said he issued the report. And he said he doesn’t know of any. So, what would you know that’s not in the report?

(CROSSTALK)

CLAPPER: Are you asking me, or …

GRAHAM: No, her.

CLAPPER: Oh.

YATES: Well, I think that Director Clapper also said that he was unaware of the FBI counter intelligence investigations.

GRAHAM: Would it be fair to say that the counter-intelligence investigation was not mature enough to come to his — to get in the report. Is that fair, Mr. — Mr. Clapper?

CLAPPER: I — that’s an — that’s a possibility.

GRAHAM: What I don’t get is how the FBI can have a counter-intelligence investigation suggesting collusion, and you, as director of National Intelligence not know about it, and the FBI sign on to a report that basically said there was no collusion.

CLAPPER: I can only speculate why that’s so. There wasn’t — the evidence, if there was any, didn’t reach the evidentiary bar in terms of the level of confidence that we were striving for in that intelligence community assessment.

OK, now we understand that Donald Trump isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, so maybe he really doesn’t understand what happened right there. What that exchange actually revealed is that Sally Yates knew about the FBI investigation — since she was the acting attorney general, a position which is boss over the FBI — and Clapper didn’t. So, based on what Clapper knew at the time, he hadn’t seen evidence of collusion. Based on what Sally Yates knows right now, she can report that CLASSIFIED! CLASSIFIED! CLASSIFIED!

Trump wasn’t done though:

Actually she revealed a lot! She told us just how hard she encouraged the Trump administration to shoot Michael Flynn into space because he was a LITERAL ACTUAL FOREIGN AGENT, for one thing.

There was also a really cool part when Senator Ted Cruz (R-Everybody Hates Him) tried to score points and make it look like Yates was being a Bad Actor by refusing to enforce Trump’s Muslim ban (which was not the point of the hearing at all), and Yates just casually dropped some truth about the Constitution, and about how it’s unprecedented for the president’s Office of Legal Counsel to be “advised not to tell the attorney general about [something like the Muslim ban] until after it was over.” ZING!

In fact, just watch the entire exchange with Cruz, because he was doing that know-it-all thing he does where he thinks he’s SO SMART, but then Yates completely out-lawyered him and reduced him to a puddle of foreign Canadian maple syrup:

In case Trump doesn’t understand yet, all the points here are being scored by Sally Yates, and none of them are being scored by the GOP or Trump.

Try again, Trump:

As soon as all the guilty parties are living in jail.

NEXT:

Nope. That fake non-story ended weeks ago and literally nobody in the media is talking about it.

Nice try, loser! Maybe Trump should resign, because America’s tired of being appalled and mortified by the incompetent, sad failure in the White House.

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[Washington Post]

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  • Nounverb911

    I read on the internets that Cruz actually went to Trump U Law School.

    • dslindc

      Harvard should be tripping over themselves to rescind his degree. It’s so embarrassing for them.

      • Nounverb911

        But aren’t they used to embarrassing alumni by now?

        • Oblios_Cap

          Those degrees certainly aren’t worth the money used to buy them.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            See: deserting coward and his Harvard MBA.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Harvard lost the ability t e embarrassed when they decided to comfort te wealthy at the expense of academic standards to keep those endowments rolling in.

  • dslindc
  • Nounverb911

    OT
    SO who’s on the short list to run against Cruz next year?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Beto O’Rourke has already filed; and Joaquin Castro has been reportedly mulling the idea over.

      • Werewolf

        Castro says he won’t, so it’s O’Rourke.

  • dslindc
  • memzilla Ω

    How much shade did goddamn American Hero Sally Yates (PBUH) throw at Dolt 45 in yesterday’s hearing? (2 pts)

    A. A little shade
    B. Some shade
    C. All of the shade
    D. Actual eclipse of the sun

    • dslindc

      I forgot my number 2 pencil!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s too bad the testimony wasn’t scheduled for 21 August, because then the answer is obviously D.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      I was told there would not be any math.

    • AJ Milne

      e. the Earth’s ice caps are expanding again, due to what researchers are now calling ‘Yates winter’.

    • davej1s

      I am liking Dolt 45.

  • TJ Barke

    “Nice try, loser! Maybe Trump should resign, because America’s tired of being appalled and mortified by the incompetent, sad failure in the White House.”
    You can say that again…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • MynameisBlarney

    Once again, I’d like to give a heartfelt “Go fuck yourselves, you motherfucking motherfuckers!” to every last fucking asshole that made turmps unpresidency possible.
    From pooty-poot on down to the slack-jawed anti-American fucktards that voted for him.
    All y’all can suck my goddamn dick!

    • Darlene Underdahl

      I’m angry and will remain angry with the white women who just couldn’t bring themselves to vote for a superior woman. You bitches know who you are.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      But, how do you really feel, Darlin’?

    • Werewolf

      And the dumbass purity trolls who voted for Tofu Palin.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Tofu Palin?

        • JCfromNC

          Jill Stein, mebbe?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Ah!
            Yes…makes sense now…

            It helps now that the caffeine has kicked in.

  • memzilla Ω

    Just a reminder that Twitler’s little-dicked strategy was revealed three days ago:
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b0c54df6109b783d138537669347bea80f74ab0fdb87242c31934ce086758df7.jpg

  • Villago Delenda Est

    /headdesk Cripes, this man is stupid. Has no idea what she testified to, like Our Sarah and “troopergate” thinks he’s exonerated, when in fact the testimony implies that he APPROVED of Kelly’s Russia ties.

    • Crystalclear12

      Man in charge of our nuclear arsenal

      And drink.

  • Crystalclear12

    Totally the Judge Judy thing.

  • La forza del resistino

    Prior to this year, Donald only saw the value of surveillance when it involved Marla and the Mar-a-Lago poolboy sexytimes.

  • Crystalclear12

    His tweets prove he is being “managed”.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not very well, though. Par for the course at Mar-A-Lago.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    All he knows is that they were talking about him. The words aren’t important – he just applies the Lord Rust treatment to them anyway.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Cruz? His Dad helped Oswald kill Kennedy and his Wife is ugly. Why is he even still in America?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Campbell’s Soup.,

  • Mpeg

    It’s so juvenile. As if “LOOKY HERE I GOT EVIDENCE I’m RIGHT! CLAPPER SAID IT HIMSELF! I’M GONNA PLASTER THIS ALL OVER MY TWITTER BANNER” which doubleplus proves in Visual Panoramic doodlespeak what he asserts about as effectively as “No Soliciting” signs emblazoned on my door keep the Jehovah’s Witnesses from knocking anyway..

  • Major_Major_Major

    To use his own inanity against him, Donny put “no evidence” in quotes, so was he joking? Being facetious? Hinting at the truth? It would be irresponsible not to speculate wildly.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend
  • LarryHoudini

    Reminds me of the time I took a hot date to a bar and ended up drinking way too much, almost got in a fight with some guy who spilled my beer and I guess I got a little too loud and sweaty because somehow my date slipped out on me and I went home alone and threw up all over the front porch and the next week the hot date wouldn’t answer any of my calls.
    BEST HOT DATE SEX EVER.

    • Larry, you’re quite the catch.

      • LarryHoudini

        I’VE HEARD THAT BEFORE MANY, MANY TIMES. I’M TERRIFIC.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Lots of people are saying that.

        • You can’t escape the terrificness and that’s why we love you, LarryHoudini!

        • Querolous

          ♫ Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble ♫

    • shastakoala

      You charmer you!

    • Longstreet63

      You know it’s only the corrupt liberal media that pretend you aren’t The Pinnacle of Hotness.
      Because they’re jealous.

  • Michael Smith

    Not sure if Trump is spinning, or is truly that stupid…

  • Major_Major_Major

    That top photo, pretty sure that is his mid-grab face.

  • beatbort

    Wow, is Cruz still a Senator? I had already forgotten he even existed.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Dumb or deflecting? Probably both. But anyway, keep flogging that Twitter chicken, you orange cowpie.
    https://twitter.com/tedlieu/status/861733324678549504

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/261d3c82b5f17458af6d27f883838678549bfd41d3ceb84a51fe87bb1325d9a4.jpg

    chown steve:carptenters hammer
    chown mark:carpenters level
    chown hillary:President Whitehouse

  • proudgrampa

    This was the first time I had seen and heard Sally Yates. Wow. She OWNED those Republican assholes!

    AND she’s HAWT!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Smart women are always the Hawtest!

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    The depantsing of fuckface Cruz was EVERYTHING. She is so kick ass.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Taxpayer-funded charades? Like the all of “Benghazi” and the “Bill Clinton Got a Blowjob” hearings?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The entire “let’s find something, ANYTHING to pin on Bill Clinton” circus that was the GOP obsession of the 90’s.

    • Longstreet63

      Oh, those weren’t charades! They were witch hunts.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Even though she did the verbal equivalent, what I would’ve payed to have Sally Yates march over and literally kick Ted Cruz in the nuts.

  • William
  • Relativicus

    Of course Trump knows the difference between a congressional hearing and the Judge Judy Show. Judges sit on the Supreme Court, not in congressional hearings. Plus, now Trump has first hand knowledge about the constitutional issues surrounding Ayesha’s attempt to reclaim $300 from that bastard Leon over at the Qwik-E Oil Change.

    • Longstreet63

      Who knew small claims could be so complicated? Nobody asks that question!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Count Awesome

    “It’s all Obama’s fault!”
    –Trump

  • goonemeritus

    I have never knowingly let a Russian agent continue to work for me for 18 days. Of course I don’t know stuff like our President, so maybe he had a reason to allow a Russian agent to continue to have access to all our national security secrets.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    As expected, Miss Lindsay has gotten over that brief spell of human decency he was afflicted with for a week or so, and is back to his old self as a Trump-normalizing piece of shit.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, yes, and I don’t need to borrow Mz. Lindsey’s fainting couch. Party before country for these assholes, always.

    • Longstreet63

      Quick, somebody talk about bombing somewhere! That always gets the blood pumping again!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Makes he and McCain so hot, they have to go get a room.

  • Count Awesome

    Flynn is not a foreign agent, he’s just a quadruple agent that is in so deep that not even he knows who he works for anymore.

    • Wild Cat

      No no no no no. He’s a triple agent who is into quadruple amptees. Can’t you get your corrupt cross-dresser-influenced Rudy Giuliani NY FBI intelligence right?

    • Longstreet63

      He’s a maverick National Intelligence Advisor who plays by his own rules…
      And, yeah, Russia’s.

  • Iron Monkey

    Clapper was great–“I have to keep doing this crap? I retired to get away from assholes like you, Senator”

  • The Wanderer

    “Taxpayer-funded charade.” I guess Trump’s conveniently forgetting the 9,178 Hillary email hearings/investigations/with-hunts.

    • TJ Barke

      TOTALLY WORTH EVERY PENNY!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      His entire “presidency” is a tax-funded charade.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Why is he worried? He doesn’t pay taxes.

  • calliecallie

    Although I hate Ted Cruz, I would caution us not to underestimate the Canadian Maple Syrup Cartel

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/oct/18/maple-syrup-heist-quebec-canada-courts-film

    Soon to be a motion picture starring Jason Segal.

  • He’s not playing to the rational person. He’s playing to the Trump voters who live in the alternate reality where Trump is the most successful President ever and everyone is picking on him because he’s so successful.

    He’s also probably playing to the low information voter who just hears all this noise about Democrats and Republicans fighting and assumes it’s politics as usual.

    There are a lot of stupid people who vote out there…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      More than 60 million of them, from evidence gleaned from the last election.

    • Michael Smith

      Yeah. Unfortunately, playing to only the rational people is a good way to lose an election.

      • nightmoth

        Please explain that to the Democratic Party. Of course, Hillary DID win by 3 million votes, but I, for one, am ready to take the low road in order to get the dummies back. After somebody’s in office, the rubes quit paying attention anyway, so why not run as an asshole, then act like a good guy in office? We’ve had so many good candidates defeated here in Georgia.

        • Michael Smith

          I concur!

          I’d like to mail to liberals pictures of myself winking and giving a thumbs up, and then go on TV and be like “Save America from those who are against law and order, and who are against American power, and who would make us ashamed of our heritage.”

    • cmd resistor

      Speaking of voting, Republican lady running in Ga-6th District mad because a federal judge said they had to re-open registration to comply with the National Voter Registration Act. She said it was a partisan thing. https://thinkprogress.org/georgia-registration-order-5b8b12f30fbb

      • The Wanderer

        I also hear that she was all set for a debate – until she learned it would be open to all. All of a sudden a “scheduling conflict” happened.

        • cmd resistor

          She was a vote squelcher when she was Sec of State.

      • anwisok

        Why, it’s almost like she thinks her hard-right position is only popular with a minority of the population – even in Georgia!

      • artem1s

        great news, she seems to be running a non-campaign. she has already dropped out of one debate because she thought it was going to be a closed event. She’s pretty much not appearing in public and counting on unlimited funding to carry her over the hump. It may not be enough but at least suppressing turn out won’t be enough this time around. And she’s doing nothing to encourage turnout with the Rs that didn’t vote for her first time around.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Sally Yates’ testimony proves more people showed up for Trump’s inauguration than any other inauguration in evers.

    Sincerely,

    John Barron

  • Longstreet63

    It may be that the answer to the question that doofus senator asked:”Who appointed you to the Supreme Court?”
    May eventually have an answer in few years…

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Now that Republicans have removed the filibuster, a Dem President and a majority Dem senate could appoint anyone they wanted.

      • From Russia with Love

        Gonna need more dead Republicans on the court, but that’s OK with me. Natural causes and everything (votes).

        • Longstreet63

          Hunting vacations in Texas all around?

          • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

            I hear Scalia’s pillow is currently between jobs.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Yo, I heard a rumor last week that there is speculation that Kennedy mayhaps, possibly might hang it up it very soon. I know their unsubstantiated but they still scare the fuck out of me given the Trump Circus.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    And we still don’t know the answer to why- why did Trump keep a paid foreign agent who lied on his NSC 18 days after he was told about it? Why didn’t he care?

    • La forza del resistino

      Professional courtesy. Flynn wrote the lyrics to ‘Lock her Up’.

    • fawkedifiknow

      I am waiting for the 64 thousand dollar question (showing my age here): What did Trump’s lawyer do with the information Yates gave him – twice? Did he tell the “so-called” President? Then what happened?

      • cmd resistor

        Now why would you want factual details?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Because Flynn called Obama a poopy-head and that’s good enough for Trump.

  • beingreleased

    I’m always amazed that Trump only follows 45 people on Twitter. It just screams narcissism: “Twitter is for other people to find out what I think, not for me to find out what other people think.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No one can think better than Donald, so why should he follow anyone but his sockpuppets, close “advisors”, and his vile spawn?

    • From Russia with Love

      I guess we shouldn’t worry until he starts following one of us…

    • PubOption

      I assume that he doesn’t follow Melania.

    • jesterpunk

      He doesnt even follow his non Ivanka daughter.

  • La forza del resistino

    Nixon got hung for a 18 minute gap, Donald has to ‘splain an 18 day gap between Sally’s visit and Flynn packng his bags.

    • beingreleased

      As someone more clever than me pointed out, the current republican congress would be erasing tapes for Nixon.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        So true

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      It’s easier when the people who elected you believe in chemtrails, that vaccines cause autism, and that the moon landing was faked.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Not to mention the genetic superiority of the white race.

      • chortlingdingo

        And that the earth is flat and gravity is a lie.

    • Michael Smith

      Nixon did all the damn legwork to make a presidency like this possible, and he’s not even around to see it.

      • Longstreet63

        Just as well. Dick would take no satisfaction. He didn’t do things for other people.
        Also, he was extremely competent at presidenting, despite being a criminal, bigot, liar, and criminal. He’d be offended on a professional level.
        Also, too: Red baiter.

        • IdRatherBeDancing

          True — Dick was not a moron. Just scary, cynical and paranoid as fuck or so I have read

          • Longstreet63

            I’d still take him over Trump.

          • britishvoiceman

            Too right – at least he was competent.

          • The Wanderer

            You’ve read correctly.

        • Michael Smith

          Yes he was. I would take him over Trump in a second. If we are going to have a President that does the lying and the illegal-moneying, might as well have one that knows how to be President.

          • Longstreet63

            I was reduced to using a similar argument on purist Democrats back during October:
            If you think they’re both corrupt, fine, but for gods sake vote for the competent one!

        • jesterpunk

          He did start the EPA, so that is one good thing he did.

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            And wanted universal Healthcare.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          “Red ‘bater” also too totally describes Donald, with his constantly fluffing Putin.

  • William

    Fox News Update. Cruz stable after undergoing surgery to have Yate’s foot removed from his ass. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/89b2ab1192241f029a958869ddd54d6142f4352e76a42f8ef54c5b33e000725e.jpg

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Did he see a proctologist or a podiatrist?

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Lobotomist. You probably won’t notice much of a change.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Oh. I would have thought it was because she tore him a new one.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      We’re all out of the Canadian variety, but try these, Tedward:

      http://ep.yimg.com/ay/yhst-76002650168316/bacon-bandages-8.jpg

      • William

        Nickelback, Ted Cruz, Justin Bieber? How is it we’re not nuking Canada?

      • alwayspunkindrublic
        • NastyBossetti

          I need to know what the prize is that comes inside a tin of Jesus bandaids.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Redemption. Or so I hoped when I bought the damned things. They’re actually really good bandaids.

          • NastyBossetti

            If you’re going to put a man who was nailed to a cross on your bandaid, it HAS to be good.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’ve never found another brand that was as effective at stopping the blood flow from my stigmata.

          • Notreelyhelping

            Sudden image of robe-and-sandals type climbing the cross and placing band-aids on Christ’s wounds. “Brought to you by Johnson & Johnson!”

          • Celtic_Gnome

            If they’re really Jesus bandaids, they damned well better heal all wounds in three days tops.

          • An Outhouse for the Resistance

            One ‘Get out of hell free’ card?

          • Bobo the Dork Boy

            Wow. Archie McPhee’s got them for $5.95. Way cheaper than Amazon.

        • chicken thief

          “Sterile”. Ya, right. That’s what that fucking angel told me, too.

          ~ Mary, Nazereth

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            And look what happened!

    • chicken thief

      Covered! Thanks, Obama!!!!

      • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

        Cruz is out of luck. Assholishness is a pre-existing condition.

        • britishvoiceman

          Don’t forget that those in Congress opted themselves out of this new abomination.

  • OddMan

    Another day ending in y and Our Dear Lord Dampnut™ shows us again how fucking stupid he is.

  • fawkedifiknow

    I liked the part where Cruz (R.- Canadian Reject) asked Ms. Yates if she was familiar with a certain statute, citing it’s particular section in the U.S. Code, and she indicated she wasn’t sure. He then began reading the statute giving seemingly unlimited authority to the President over immigration, WHEN READ ALONE. She interrupts by going all lawyerly and does what is called interpreting in paria materia (construction by reading all relevant statutes in order to reach a conclusion). And Cruz shuts up, having been schooled by a real lawyer, not a fake one, like him.

    • SweetDeeKat

      SWEET. Damn, it’s nice to see skills and knowledge in action.

    • kaydenpat

      I heard that by the end of the hearing, all Republicans had left the room. That shows that Yates wasn’t giving them what they wanted and they have zero interest in actually investigating Russian interference in our election.

      Shame. I hope we are putting pressure on our Congress Critters to appoint an independent investigator for this and not letting Republicans push it under the rug.

      • chortlingdingo

        I can’t decide if the lack of interest is because Russia’s got its fingers in more places than we thought or if they really are just trying to squeeze every last bit of usefulness out of Trump to push their own agenda.

        • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

          Yes.

        • artem1s

          I think Putin is focused mostly on screwing with the EU currently. But I think at least part of it is just forward momentum and the usual GOP proclivity to seize every opportunity to put their lizard faces on display and be all the dicks they can be.

        • Buzz1313

          This is what baffles me! Why Trump? They can put Pence in his place and get what they need, why won’t they just give him the boot? Oh.. because too many of them are neck deep in this shit(?) McConnell knew about the investigation but said sharing it would be influencing the election. Pence ans Sessions definitively knew about it. Wonder what they have on Paul Ryan? Assholes.

      • artem1s

        Twittler called them all and ordered them to make the EO a thing and is obviously trying to claim that she was fired for being bad at her job. He pulled his usual attempt at spinning that via Twit. He’s already abandoned the Clapper misquote because the twitterverse raked him over the coals on it. Once some real lawyers explain to him how badly the unmasking and EO BS went, the twittantrum is gonna be epic.

    • The Librarian

      Yes, context is important….

    • artem1s

      that exchange was pretty interesting. I kind of got the feeling she knew exactly where he was going with it but said to herself, ‘hey, yea, I’ll play dumb so you can hang yourself with this BS’. I’ll bet she is some kind of awesome during oral arguments.

  • CANADIAN MAPLE SYRUP LIBELZ!!

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Yates just casually dropped some truth about the Constitution, and about how it’s unprecedented for the president’s Office of Legal Counsel to be “advised not to tell the attorney general about [something like the Muslim ban] until after it was over.” ZING!

    Damn, that was a loud mic drop!

  • William
    • chortlingdingo

      Fucking John Cornyn is almost as bad as Ted Cruz. Let’s hope we can get both of those asshats out of the Senate. Cruz is on the ballot next year, and Cornyn is on 2020, I think.

      • Marla

        Cruz will be gone in 2020. Even the dumbass of dumbassest Texans can’t stand him

  • Mavenmaven

    Unfortunately he’s still “President” and hasn’t been impeached so someone is listening to version of things, the sniveling traitor.

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes
    • The Wanderer
    • chicken thief

      Happy ’cause he just took a big shit. Sad ’cause it was in his pants. Again.

    • Manders

      “I am happy. Seriously. No, really. This is my best life. Stop laughing.”

      I feel like lots of Congresscritters have this look – the mouth smiles, the eyes say, “I am dead inside.”

      • artem1s

        the eyes say, ‘when will it be dark so I can shed this pod body and immerse myself in babies blood and skull fuck a kitten’

  • kaydenpat

    Why haven’t those of you who tweet on the Left taken over the #fakenews hashtag? There are so many ways you could troll Trump and his supporters with that phrase.

    • The Wanderer

      They troll themselves.

  • BMW

    “…Donald Trump isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer…”

    He is a few fries short a happy meal.
    His elevator doesn’t go to the top floor.
    He’s not the brightest bulb in the pack.
    He’s not playing with a full deck of cards.

    • The Wanderer

      The cheese fell off his cracker.

      • The KGB Ate Our Votes

        Jeff Sessions?

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      He is a few pennies short of a dime;
      he is a few bricks short of a chimney;
      he is a few ducks short of a badling.

    • Querolous

      A few24 shots short of a fifth.

  • cmd resistor

    Nothing can make this shitgibbon look good.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Lying in a casket would be the only thing I can think of.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Only if there’s a stake through his heart.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          Mouth stuffed with garlic, lips sewn shut.

      • miss_grundy

        And only if it is a closed casket.

  • canes_pugnaces

    This endless drumbeat of ‘fake news’ is equal to, or more alarming to me than the Russian story. The constant eroding of facts and intellectualism by this immature shit-stained meat sock is right out of the Pol Pot, Mao, Stalin, Hitler playbooks.

    • AJ Milne

      _That_.

      When you’re living by lies, telling them steadily to stay alive, it’s a step ahead to put it about that _everyone_ is lying, all the time (like you), that there is no truth, all is deception. Major advantage: it exhausts people, puts them in a stressed, fatigued state, having constantly to defend even simple, previously perfectly uncontroversial realities. Make them work to convince you the sky is blue, so they’re too tired to argue the case or even to bring you to book when it comes to your next deception. Get them accommodated to constant lies, erode their confidence in reality, wear out even their disgust at deception, and you open the field for the lies you can tell them next.

      To call Trump corrosive in this regard is an understatement. He’s a fucking menace.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      It’s just so blatant with them now. They repeat the “fake news” lie as though Goebbels had never existed, like they’ve found some cool new toy and those of us who aren’t complete idiots look at our countrymen who believe it with absolute shock that anyone could be so damned stupid.

      I understand a thing I never wanted to understand at all. I understand why so many Germans fell for the Nazis garbage. I can’t stress how much I hate knowing that enough.

      • Contemplative Ron

        This is why people who were alive back then are so freaked out about what they’re seeing. They already KNOW how it works and where this is going. They don’t want it to happen again.

      • britishvoiceman

        In fairness to the Germans, they had no way of knowing that they were being fed BS – Trump supporters really have no excuse.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Also Putin’s….

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        This is true. Russians have said that “everything is possible, under Putin” which doesn’t mean the sky’s the limit, as you’d think.

        It means that you’re fed so much disinformation and contrary alternate facts, that you’re eventually consigned to admit vagary and imprecision in literally everything, therefore what they’re telling you might be true, too.

    • cmd resistor

      I made the mistake of listening to Laura Ingraham for 3 minutes on FOX this morning. Alternate facts for sure, delivered with a straight face.

      • miss_grundy

        Why would you put yourself through that torture??????

        • cmd resistor

          Normally I wouldn’t. Spouse stopped at the channel while passing by. I never do it myself. The segment started with the 3 stoogey people talking about chocolate and bacon.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Well, 45, which is it? He tweeted that what Sally yates said was, in fact, “news” . Sure, he says “old news”, but still news?

    • Dinz6315

      I’m eating Vermont maple syrup right now, so it’s cool.

  • chazmanr

    “In fact, just watch the entire exchange
    with Cruz, because he was doing that know-it-all thing he does where he
    thinks he’s SO SMART, but then Yates completely out-lawyered him and
    reduced him to a puddle of foreign Canadian maple syrup”

    Thanks Evan, I will never enjoy pancakes again!

  • weejee

    emails, must have Yates emails, and Hillz too, also.

  • Blackest Noobs

    oh white people so so so sad your swan song ends with a 70something year old insecure thin-skinned spoiled dumbass brat.

    look at all you have accomplished and the result of all that work, of all that glory has resulted in him…..the dumbest fuck there ever was.

    good job, white people….you’ve done all the white people who died before you proud!!!!

    • Boscoe

      hey, I didn’t vote for the fucker, stop racisming me! :P

  • writersbloc

    I haz a sad yesterday reminding myself this guy could actually serve out his full term….

  • Blackest Noobs

    why can’t we have crazy crackpots guns nuts on our side to do a lil assassination vacation in DC or Mar-a-Lago?

    • Me not sure

      ” Lee Harvey Oswald shot President McKinley at Ford’s Theatre in Wahington and now all of my enemies are wishing he would do the same thing to me.Well, I think that I can say, without reservation of any kind, that that won’t happen to me.”
      Hey look, Ma, I’m President,
      Donald J. Trump

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I been wondering where anybody like that may be.

  • Thorn Spike

    #FakePresident!

  • eyelashviper

    Interesting how a smart woman like Sally Yates can sit before a panel of Gop Stooges for hours, deal with their stinky lobs at her, and toss them back in their faces. She came out cool and collected, smiling and full of integrity. The Gopers, however, were sweating, angry, and some even oblivious to the egg and other organic material on their smarmy faces.
    Kinda like Hillary after her 11 hour grilling, when Trey Gowdy looked like he needed a medic, and Hillary was smiling and looking refreshed.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Well when you have an ideology that attracts the mean, angry and stupid in society…

    • Claire

      That’s because women like Sally Yates and Hillary deal with hostile, condescending men every day of their lives, whereas over-privileged assholes like the GOP senators don’t know what to do with people who won’t treat them like gods.

      • Blackest Noobs

        we as a country love racism but the one that TRUMPS that is our misogyny….nobody hates women better than us and those in our govt.

        • Boscoe

          John Lennon had a song about that…

          • H0mer0

            [but that Karma isn’t so instant]

          • britishvoiceman

            I think our friend’s referring to “Woman is the N*gger of the World”

      • DainBramage
      • Boscoe

        It’s easy to convince yourself you’re smrt when you surround yourself with imbeciles. i.e. Ted Cruz. Then you end up confronted with a competent professional and have your grease-weasel ass handed to you.

      • britishvoiceman

        Unfortunately, I think the same can be said for many strong, intelligent women, particularly those who are outstanding at their jobs.

    • artem1s

      Clapper was pretty awesome too. They were a terrific tag team. And I love the way they kept coming back to “I have no fucking idea WTF kind of mess the DOJ or the WH has gotten themselves into now. But they didn’t seem to want to pay attention to the August 8th memo my advice so they fired me. I am a private citizen now. KTB.”

      • eyelashviper

        His facial expressions were wonderful, it was all he could do to contain his disdain for their ignorance and partisan shenanigans.
        They both worked well together, and stood their ground before blatant Goper idiocy.

    • Pre-Existing CatCafe

      I know! It’s too bad we didn’t have a smart, cool, collected woman that we could vote for President!

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump found an Obama wiretap in his butt right next to the one from Putin he agreed to have because ya know, pee hookers. Always about pee hookers…..

    • Boscoe

      I still can’t figure out how the pee stays hooker-shaped. Is it frozen? Are they pee elementals?

      • H0mer0

        reminds me of one of Don Martin’s “A Mad Look at Winter” in which you see the dog frozen with his leg raised.

        • britishvoiceman

          LOVE Don Martin, especially “National Gorilla Suit Week”.

  • artem1s

    noticed how no one was defending Flynn and taking it as read that he is quite likely a security risk, and possibly a foreign agent or at least compromised? He is so far under the bus he’s gonna need Keanu Reeves to pull his ass outta there. No amount of claims that Yates was fired over the EO is gonna hide that timeline on Flynn.

    • Contemplative Ron

      Oops! Oh, well, sorry, Mike, better luck next time.

  • Yellerduck

    Hoax! Fake! Charades! Old news! It’s always projection, isn’t it?

  • Carole

    Maybe he should change his twitter header to “I am not a crook.”

    • Contemplative Ron

      Which is, of course, ANOTHER lie.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Nixon LIBELZ!

      No, really.

  • Portia McGonagal

    In my best Hermione Granger voice “What an idiot”

  • Oneofthebobs

    I guess Donald watched the hearing on his microwave.

  • Boscoe

    So… when does all the winning start? Wasn’t there supposed to be winning? I don’t wanna go out on a limb or anything, but I’m almost kinda starting to feel like this president is maybe not so competent or something.

    • Blackest Noobs

      so much winning you will get tired of winning.

      • Contemplative Ron

        It’s working. I for one am completely exhausted.

    • Professor Fate

      Yes one does begin to get the sense that perhaps, just perhaps we were over sold on his abilities a bit.

      • Blackest Noobs

        but yet those that voted for him should have fucking known better; all they had to do was ask anyone who ever did business with him.

        a majority of them would say never again and had to sue him…where he did the thing he says he never does…he settled.

        • miss_grundy

          Yet listen to the stupid paint store owner in Miami who did business with him and who had to have a lien placed on the Doral golf course before he got paid. Yet this same comemierda went out and voted for him because “business is separate from politics.” What a jerk!

          • Buzz1313

            Jerk is one word. What a jackass!

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Perhaps it is taking a wee little teensy bit longer than usual for what he said in September of last year to come true:

        “You have 40 days until the election. You have 40 days to make every dream you ever dreamed for your country come true.”

    • miss_grundy

      Starting? Dang, if you grew up in the Big Apple it is common knowledge that this guy is stupid.

  • JackLinks

    Two lovebirds totally in love with each other, as seen in this loving kiss!

    https://themarshallreport.files.wordpress.com/2016/01/ted-_81849323_467338048.jpg

    • Blackest Noobs

      who knew Teddy was one of those EYE WIDE OPEN kissers?!?

    • chicken thief

      I suspect they do love each other. I mean, what mother doesn’t love her kid?

    • Contemplative Ron

      Why is he looking at the camera?

      • Doug Langley

        Because that’s his real love.

      • Pre-Existing CatCafe

        Probably actually looking at his father.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Because that’s how they do it in German porn.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        He’s checking make sure it isn’t stealing any of her soul that he’s currently sucking out.

    • xServer

      He really is the creepiest piece of slime in the Senate right now, isn’t he?

    • H0mer0

      She can totes do better! His eye isn’t on her, WTF?

  • Blackest Noobs

    The Trump Factor:
    oh look another election where peeps are like yeah we see your Donald Trump and do not want our own Donald Trump. See, Americans are making the world better by being the worse example.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/south-koreans-go-to-the-polls-to-elect-new-president-after-months-of-turmoil/2017/05/08/1f9b5620-342a-11e7-ab03-aa29f656f13e_story.html?utm_term=.0678c534b71f

    • Contemplative Ron

      Thank you for your service, America.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    This gets more embarrassing by the day FFS.

    • ImdaPrincesse ™/MsWonderFall

      I’m going with seconds..

  • chicken thief

    When will this tax payer funded charade end?

    I’d guess after Flynn testifies. Along with Manafort, Page, McGahn, Sessions, Nunez, Jared, and their friends.

    • Sekhet Bast-Ra

      This isn’t over until Benghazemailgate is over.

  • anon_the_great

    Fuck Trump
    Fuck gaslightig
    We fucking see you, you fat, stupid asshole.

    • Pre-Existing CatCafe

      He’s not gaslighting, so much as lying.

      • miss_grundy

        He is gaslighting his followers. For the rest of us, he is lying. FIFY.

  • chicken thief

    The best thing about Trump tweeting about Yates and Clapper is that he is keeping them in the news. Fox didn’t cover the testimony on the news last night, leading instead with an Obama speech from Sunday night.

    His base wouldn’t even be aware of the hearing if he’d shut his fucking twitter hole.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I thought being a barely-concealed Russian agent would be easy.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    There was no mention of this on Page 6 so everything went OMG BRISKET PALIN POOPED OUT ANOTHER YOUNGUN!!!,! http://pagesix.com/2017/05/08/bristol-palin-and-husband-welcome-baby-girl/

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Did they name it Mudflap at least?

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I think it’s Atlas.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Doe, a deer, a female deer
          Track, a course on which I run
          Trig, a class I failed in school
          Atlas, delivered with a shrug

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            Guffawing loudly.

          • britishvoiceman

            Clever!

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Is his middle name Shrugged?

    • Jgb979

      Her first non-bastard….

      • Mr. Blobfish

        That sounds so dirty when you say it.

    • Bitter Scribe

      See, she’s busy adding to the ranks of the white* race while Malia Obama fights dogs in imaginary public parks on not-news sites.

      *I originally typed “shite race” there. Maybe I shouldn’t have corrected it.

    • Hardly Ideal

      *twitches violently at the mention of a Palin*
      *takes a deep breath*
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh_tJaupUk0

    • What the hell is with that family and names? Atlee Bay?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    There needs to be a caption contest for that picture.

  • Shoto

    “Yates completely out-lawyered him and reduced him to a puddle of foreign Canadian maple syrup:”

    Rotten poutine libelz.

    • I would’ve gone with “reduced him to a puddle of the greasy goo you see on top when you first crack open a can of Campbell’s Chunky Clam Chowder.”

  • Beowoof14

    Party over Country, Cash over doing what’s right, the modern republican mantra.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    If you use actual language and not newspeak, Trump said a true thing: Sally Yates’ testimony had to actually scare the shit out of the Fake Media.

  • hendenburg2
    • This had me DYING over here the other day…two minutes of perfection

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Kids: “We don’t want to find her”.
        Announcer: “And for the seventh week in a row, we can’t find any gumshoes willing to look for her!”.

  • Jgb979

    There is almost something adorable about watching Donald Trump try to stupid his way out of this. It’s like watching a toddler, who has scribbled all over the living room wall, try and blame it on the dog.

    PREEEEEEETTYYY sure there’s an ongoing FBI investigation but please keep that quote on your twitter profile to give future kids something to laugh about when studying your impeachment….

    • Jo Mathie

      When I was little I crayoned my name on the lounge wall and tried to blame it on my little brother who couldn’t actually write yet. I was still more believable than Donald “no I’m winning, totally, forget that I keep having to fire half my staff” Trump.

  • dshwa

    Let’s not forget the “Gee, Senator Cornyn, didn’t somebody want to make sure during my confirmation hearing that I would not an enforce an unconstitutional executive order? Oh wait, was that you?” moment.

  • Skeptical_thinker
    • britishvoiceman

      They also thought Trump won the debates.

  • Sekhet Bast-Ra

    This article is offensive to puddles of foreign Canadian maple syrup, which are sweet and thick rather than pale and oily. Cruz is actually more like the globs of mayonnaise-related whatsits in that gods-awful Canadian Burger King poutine. Come correct, Hursty. Srsly.

    • Gregory Brown

      Is it offensive to puddles of Grade B maple syrup, or is it offensive to Fancy, or Grade A Medium Amber maple syrup? Nervous Canadian maple syrups want to know. Any time the name Cruz is mentioned, the Canadian maple saps literally quiver in fright in the phloem.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Methinks the Village Idiot protests too much.

  • i’mjustaskingthequestion

    There was a time I reacted viscerally to trump’s…

    Uh…Comey out??

  • cats530

    Who needs an intellect when you have a YUGE ego?

  • Scooby

    Russia s old news let’s get back to investigating Benghazi.

  • Gregory Brown

    Sally Yates vs. Ted “The animal” Cruz, in the old Knockout video game: Cruz: Right, right right right. Yates: Body blow! body blow! body blow! uppercut! uppercut! knockout!

  • coozledad

    The Republicans are not going to stop this. It all comes down to the citizens flooding the streets and fucking shit up. And there’s going to be blood, because they’ve been training the military and the cops to fire on us since the Reagan era.

    http://www.marieclaire.com/politics/features/a27056/healthcare-bill-trump-authoritarian-regime/

  • javadavis

    “… when will this taxpayer funded charade end?”
    Wow, I was saying this every dammed day – starting in, i don’t know, around 1994? It went on for, what, six years?
    I’d say this is yet another proof that Trump is a wimp compared to our tough Hillary Clinton.

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