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Donald Trump is a deeply, deeply holy man, as we all know. As such, he is very concerned about religious freedom. Yesterday, after signing his newfangled Religious Freedom thingamajig that apparently doesn’t actually do anything (which is good!), he accused the Obama administration of denying soldiers at military hospitals the right to have people bring religious materials to them.

According to Trump, this is what happened at the Walter Reed hospital in Maryland:

“The abuses were all over. As just one example, people were forbidden from giving or receiving religious items at a military hospital where our brave service members were being treated, and when they wanted those religious items. These were great, great people. These are great soldiers. They wanted those items. They were precluded from getting them.”

How very sad! Can you just imagine? Our American veterans being banned from getting the bibles they so desperately wanted? Elderly moms being stopped at the gate and having their rosary beads confiscated, when all they wanted to do was bring a little prayer into the lives of their suffering children? Even I, an avowed atheist, would never be OK with something like that!

Except that didn’t happen at all! (SURPRISE!) The policy — which was never actually enforced, mind you — had nothing to do with people getting a bunch of saint candles in a care package, but was instead meant to keep proselytizers from annoying patients. There had been multiple complaints about some of these groups being “persistent” and “occasionally threatening,” and this was merely an attempt to solve that problem.

It is, of course, every American’s right to run for the basement and pretend not to be home when the Jehovah’s Witnesses or the Mormons or whoever come-a-calling. What sort of monster would want to force our service men and women to be their captive audience? As if having an ass full of shrapnel or whathaveyou isn’t bad enough, you’re gonna make them sit through that? I think not!

Even the Mormons know that no one wants to talk to them, ok?

The policy was poorly worded at first, which led religious groups to believe that there was a wholesale ban on anyone giving anyone any bibles, which was not the case. It was subsequently reworded to make the intention more clear.

Trump, naturally, took this non-incident and turned it into OUR SOLDIERS ARE BEING DENIED THEIR RELIGIOUS FREEDOMS when in fact no one was denied any such thing, and patients at Walter Reed have all the bibles and worship services their hearts desire. They even all get chaplains! Whether he’s willfully misinterpreting it, or is just stupid is up for debate, but let’s be nice and assume the latter.

It sure would be nice, however, if the President of the United States occasionally took the time to figure out if something he was going to say was true before running his mouth about it. Because now there are going to be lots of people out there gasping and going “Oh no! Why were the poor soldiers denied their bibles!” when that was definitely not a thing that ever happened.

[Talking Points Memo]

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  • Oily Messiah

    Obama hid the wiretaps in the confiscated bibles he took from soldiers knowing Trump wouldn’t open the book. Allegedly for fear of contact burns.

  • Yr. Gma

    Every time he opens his mouth…

  • Mavenmaven

    He hasn’t cared whether what he says is true or not from the beginning. You can rest assured this will rally the base and we’ll keep hearing about it over and over from the usual characters.

    • cmd resistor

      Including him.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    So what happens when the fake news becomes fake news?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
      • katkelly57

        Ever since I was a kid watching his show (love ya Flip), when someone would ask if I went to church…that’s what I told them…still do depending on who asks.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If they’re not at least 90% of the pie, they’re in a panic.

    • weejee

      I’m stuck between agnostic and nothing in particular. An apatheist, don’t know and don’t care.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I know I’m praying for Donald’s removal from office on a daily hourly minutely basis, that’s for sure.

    What? If minutely isn’t a word, it should be FFS.

    • Mpeg

      It is I think. When you pronounce the “mi” like “why” and “nute” like fruit, it qualifies~

      • Bebecca

        yes but it seems like minutely is the opposite of minute-ly

  • Turgid Love Skwerl

    Good thing President Trump is letting our Muslim soldiers get their Korans!

    https://media.tenor.co/images/cfda316fad50d032817ea1c9fa82ed8f/tenor.gif

  • Me The People

    OT : Great article by Ken Levy in Counterpunch:

    http://www.counterpunch.org/2017/05/05/why-the-right-is-morally-wrong/

    Republicans’ penchant for blaming the victim is as misguided as it is
    uncharitable. Many people are mostly, if not entirely, blameless for
    the burdens that dragged them down: poverty, poor nutrition in
    childhood, physical or sexual abuse, weak education, indoctrination,
    dangerous neighborhoods, youthful mistakes, freak accidents, physical
    disabilities, neurological defects, and mental illness.

    Even those who are supposedly responsible – and therefore blameworthy
    – for their bad behavior have much less free will than we normally
    think. All of our behavior emanates from our personalities and our
    circumstances, and both of these are ultimately the result of pure luck,
    factors that are ultimately outside our control: genes, upbringing, and
    environment. Yes, for mostly utilitarian (incentivization) reasons, we
    should be blamed for our wrongdoing (and praised for our
    accomplishments). But we need always to keep in mind that all of our
    actions, omissions, efforts, and failures are still the products of our
    personalities and circumstances, which are – again – ultimately outside
    our control.

    This insight – this realization about just how little control we have
    over our lives, over who we started out as and who we became – should
    encourage greater understanding and empathy for the many who suffer,
    struggle, and fail. There but for the grace of God – or luck – go I.

  • aureolaborealis

    All the devoutly religious people I’ve ever known referred to the Bible as an ‘item.’

  • Mpeg

    If Teh Lord had wanted everyone to have bibles, He would’ve ordered a Tower Of Bible be built, not a Tower of Babel, you Scripture-thumpin’ mealy-mouthed idjits~

    • Contemplative Ron

      I think I’ve finally found a name for my multilingual religious book store!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Il Douche probably read some moron’s comment on not-so-Breitbart, and being A Idiot, assumed it must be true.

    • Oily Messiah

      Fuck policy briefings, I’m reading maga comments !

  • jesterpunk

    Someone should tell the chaplains at that hospital.

    http://www.wrnmmc.capmed.mil/PatientVisitors/SitePages/PastoralCare.aspx

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    “It is, of course, every American’s right to run for the basement and pretend not to be home when the Jehovah’s Witnesses or the Mormons or whoever come-a-calling.”

    Ignoring them will probably be illegal soon. Conservative logic says that by ignoring the Mormon at your door, you’re interfering with their “Freedom to Share Religion”.

    • Oily Messiah

      I don’t know most evangelical conservatives view Mormons and Jehovah’s witnesses as heretical cults, if allies of convenience in politics. Probably not a lot of sympathy there.

    • jesterpunk

      My first apartment the only way I could get rid of Jehovah’s witnesses was to answer the door in all black playing Black Sabbath really loud.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQUXuQ6Zd9w

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        My uncles (maternal and paternal respectively) during their university days would invite innocent JWs in for an enthusiastic discussion of dialectical materialism. The JDubs seldom returned.

    • JMP

      I haven’t had to deal with Mormons, but have found with Jehovah’s Witnesses that telling them I’m an atheist usually leads to them running off, like it was contagious.

      • Oily Messiah

        I had a religion professor who would invite them in and break out his Greek and Hebrew bibles, they stopped visiting quick.

        • Contemplative Ron

          ‘Stay away from the guy at number 12, he actually knows more than we do!’

    • Me The People

      ‘No more will we tolerate those who would shut the door on God’ etc. Could happen.

    • Sophia

      Last I heard from the Fundagelicals, Mormons are a cult so I think I’m allowed to ignore them.

  • arglebargle

    Fuck Trump. Fuck religion. Oh, and while I’m at it fuck Joe Paterno too.

  • Wild Cat

    Always keep a Bible at hand. You never know when you’ll run out of toilet paper.

    • Chadwells

      Makes for good rolling paper too.

      • Wild Cat

        Hmmmm….maybe I’ll put the vape down tonight . . .

        • Oily Messiah

          Make sure you use a page that mentions stoning

          • Wild Cat

            But Onan’s story has the glue that can complete the roll . . .

          • Oily Messiah

            Meanwhile use the page that has the story of the talking donkey for your LSD blotters

          • The Wanderer

            Balaam’s Ass is my favorite Bible character.

          • Oily Messiah

            Yea, he took no shit.

          • The Wanderer

            And he didn’t start talking until it was essential.

          • Wild Cat

            Maybe we can aid Joseph getting over Mary’s in vitro by a sadistic god by sharing a Bible spliff?

        • Chadwells

          I can’t quit my Brass Knuckles vape cartridges!!

          • Wild Cat

            I just go grinder with Fire Haze, yo.

          • Chadwells

            Right on! Ain’t no school but the old school!!

      • cmd resistor

        I know someone who used one of those little free bibles they used to give out in schools whose pages are about the size of a rolling paper to roll evil weed. The page was chosen because it was either the St. Paul wives submit verses or similar.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      If you run out of toilet paper, it is God’s will.

  • The Wanderer

    My Dad’s pancreas essentially burst back in 1975. It’s a condition that can kill within 24-48 hours, but he was a stubborn sort, living on until 2004.
    That’s not the point.
    The point where this joins the topic is we had a visit from our pastor when my Dad was in the ICU. With tubes and suction hoses and monitors attached to or sticking out of him, my Dad was assured by this priest that it was “God’s will” that he had gotten sick.
    I wanted to kick him in the balls and tell him that that was “God’s will,” too.
    Coupled with a few other experiences over my life so far, I do not and will not trust any priest, pastor, reverend, rabbi, imam, lama, shaman or witch doctor. I look on them and whatever the hell it is they presume to sway with their magic formulae with deep suspicion, and I would far sooner trust modern medical science over “prayer.”
    /rant

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Would you believed they were all denied a pony?

    • Contemplative Ron

      Denied a pony? That is a deliberate slap in the face of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (may Her Holy Hooves never be shod!)

  • Rasilom

    One of my fav things to do when a thumper knocks on my door and asks if it can talk to me about saving my soul is to say in my deep rumbly demon voice…”You can not save what is already sold. Now bring me a small child for I am hungry and must feed.” The look I get is ALWAYS worth the price of admission.

    • Oily Messiah

      Do they ever offer to pray for you

      • JohnBull

        It’s best that they don’t.

      • Bebecca

        and why don’t you cross your fingers too, it will provide the same results. That’s what I say when anyone says that to me.

    • shivaskeeper

      The door to door ones just annoy me. DO you really think I can be over 40 years old in America and somehow not have heard of Jesus, the Bible, and your particular sales pitch? Really? Now take this address off your list and get off my lawn or I let the dogs loose.*

      * For the record, the hyper aggressive dog lost his fight with old age last year and hadn’t been particularly aggressive for several years prior. The current two would likely knock you down to lick you to death if given the chance.

    • Bebecca

      “Sorry I’m an atheist” causes deer-eyes in the headlight. (Like…whaat, I’ve never met one of them).

  • whitroth

    Hey, I’m being denied my religious freedom at home. I haven’t had any nice white missionaries ring my doorbell in, like, forever, and I want to play.

    Think cat playing with mouse….. There was that time back in Austin when my late wife and I took a couple of guys on… aMAZing how fast they could backpeddle….

    • The Wanderer

      “It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it’s told.”

    • whitroth

      So, for all of you, try *this* on your doorbell ringer: you wait until they say the Magic Words, “Kingdom of God”.

      Y’know, that doesn’t sound very American. Don’t you believe in Democrcacy and the Constitution? Do you want to overthrow the duly-elected government, and replace it with a theocracy, like in I-ran?

      Much fun ensues….

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Religious items that remain banned, even under the better worded policy:

    — Bong in the shape of a Jesus statue
    — Send Me to Heaven Brand 100 proof Sacramental “Wine”
    — Hot Nun on Nun Action 64 pages in color!

    • The Wanderer

      How about Mary Magdalene’s Naughty Bits on Blu-ray?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I haven’t seen that one, but have you seen the Naughty Nuns series? I especially liked Vol. III, In the Habit, and Vol. IX, Moister in the Cloister.

        • The Wanderer

          Dirty Habits was the definitive work in that oeuvre.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That last one sounds like that Catholic adult magazine that’s sadly no longer in print – Repenthouse

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Vatican II ended so many classic traditions.

    • mancityRed6

      how did you get a copy of my xmas wish list?

    • Swampay

      reminds me of the time that I got my not-religious grandma a really pretty candle for xmas one year. The fact that from the front it was Jesus’s mama Mary didn’t have that much of an impact on me, it was just pretty. Grandma was a bit put off by the Mary thing, but everyone (but young me) got a good laugh because when you turned it around, from the back it looked very much like a penis. Intentional? Who knows.

      Back to the point. Are Mother Mary dildos permitted at the hospital? Even if they’re really pretty from the front?

  • Chadwells

    Fuck bibles. I’m still trying to figure out how Alex Jones getting WH press credentials does not make him a perjurer after claiming in sworn testimony that he is a “performance artist?!?!”

    • georgiaburning

      It fits. The resident of the WH is a reality TV personality

      • Contemplative Ron

        Second-rate reality TV personality, TYVM.

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          Scott Baio libel

          • Contemplative Ron

            Tenth-rate.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            Libel libel!
            Imma need to see some defamation of Scott Baio STAT!

        • georgiaburning

          thanks for fixing that

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        “Personality” implies human being. Evidence?

        • Contemplative Ron

          Hey, my car has personality, and if it’s human it hasn’t told me yet.

    • Me The People

      Because everyone knows what a joke WH press credentials are right now?

  • JMP

    If Muslim soldiers at military hospitals were denied access to the Koran, he’d probably be equally pissed, right?

    • jesterpunk

      He would just insult them like his did with the Gold Star family during the election.

  • weejee
    • The Wanderer

      One of many of Saint Ronnie’s statements that are deemed to be apocryphal.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Oh, I think even dumb ol’ Trump might suspect this isn’t true, Robyn, if he bothered to think about its veracity at all. But he’s just shrewd enough to realize this is a good urban-legend-type of thing to repeat to get the fundies on his side again after some of them were unhappy with the nothingburger ‘religious freedom’ EO he just signed.

    Classic Trump, really.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “It doesn’t have to be true, as long as it’s useful.”
      — Ghost of Lee Atwater

  • shivaskeeper

    Bullshit like this gets resurrected more often than Jesus did. These fuckers so need to scream oppression all the time that it’s kind of pathetic at this point. They need to justify the oppression since they are the last generation that gets to fulfill Biblical prophecy, just like every generation before them though a bout themselves. Since the Bible says they will be hated and persecuted for their beliefs right before the end times, they need to be persecuted. Anything that is not 100% deference to them and their beliefs will be twisted into persecution. Fuck them.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Quick, you could go at any moment. This could be your last chance at salvation!”
    — A Vulture for Jeebus

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The Trump administration can be measured by the letter ‘o’. From election day to Friday, January 20 and all the events that accumulated through the following Friday.

    November 2, 2016
    We are so fucked.
    Friday, January 20, 2017
    We are soo fucked.
    Friday, January 27, 2017
    We are sooo fucked.
    Friday, February 3, 2017
    We are soooo fucked.
    Friday, February 10, 2017
    We are sooooo fucked.
    Friday, February 17, 2017
    We are soooooo fucked.
    Friday, February 24, 2017
    We are sooooooo fucked.
    Friday, March 3, 2017
    We are soooooooo fucked.
    Friday, March 10, 2017
    We are sooooooooo fucked.
    Friday, March 17, 2017
    We are soooooooooo fucked.
    Friday, March 24, 2017
    We are sooooooooooo fucked.
    Friday, March 31, 2017
    We are soooooooooooo fucked.
    Friday, April 7, 2017
    We are sooooooooooooo fucked.
    Friday, April 14, 2017
    We are soooooooooooooo fucked.
    Friday, April 21, 2017
    We are sooooooooooooooo fucked.
    Friday, April 28, 2017
    We are soooooooooooooooo fucked.
    Friday, May 5, 2017
    We are sooooooooooooooooo fucked.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      At some point we’ll need to express it logarithmically…

  • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

    Well, hell. Now I want pie.

    • Sophia

      Forget the Book of Mormon, cut my grass and I’ll give you pie

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

        If I’m cutting grass, forget the pie and open an IPA.

  • Bebecca

    and how long before the christianists use this for financial gain? “Our brave soldiers are not allowed to have religious materials while in the hospital. Send us dollars so we can prevent this continuing”.

    • The Wanderer

      Probably yesterday.

  • Anna Rompage
  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Hey proselytizers, we’ll make a deal. You can preach to one patient for every miraculous, doctor-certified healing you perform. Regrowing amputated limbs will get you to the front of the line.”
    — A Medical Professional

    • Contemplative Ron

      I like. It’s WAY past time they were told ‘Put up or shut up.’

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Just think of all the thing they will be actually denied with PTSS, Missing limbs or as Robyn puts it: “an ass full of shrapnell.”

    • Wild Cat

      You catch the Miffy exhibit last year? I was actually amused.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSdDElVMlpU

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Apparantly blocked for my country. Which makes sense because Dick Bruna’s first name says a lot about his stance on copyright infringements

        • Wild Cat

          He just died, right?

          Had no idea he was so litigious.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            He sued people for this not because of bad taste but because of missed royalties.

            http://dirkzwagerieit.nl/files/2011/09/Nijntje-afbeelding-71-293×300.png

            Explanation. Nijntje is the original Dutch name for Miffy and Nijn is pronounced nine.

          • Wild Cat

            I think they left that out of the exhibit.

            Do kids actually care about Miffy in the NL now?

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            My 3 years old loves Miffy.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • mancityRed6

      there are some people, who, merely by continuing to exist, take any thought of a divine presence and bashes it death against the ground

    • whitroth

      I’d rather he replaced the French archaeologist in the climax of Raiders….

  • Latverian Diplomat

    About now, I would really love a story about some hapless Gideon Society dude getting a beatdown from security at a Trump Hotel.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    You know, if this really had happened, I’m pretty sure we’d have heard about it…you know, before some big photo-op? I mean, how many investigations of the VA happened in the last 8 years?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      One tearful grandma who tried to give her grandchild a rosary or something simlar would rocket to the evening news faster than an ICBM.

    • shivaskeeper

      It did sort of happen. Robyn hit on it. The policy was badly worded and twisted by the Religious Right. It was reworded in short order. Basically it comes down to the various groups cannot bother you unless you request them and invite them in. No more walking in uninvited to a captive audience in the guise of doing a pastoral or visiting preacher service.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
  • Anna Rompage

    Donald Trump is a deeply, deeply holy man, as we all know.

    I mean what’s a little pussy grabbing to the folks who worship a man who is his own father, and who raped a poor virgin so that he could manifest himself in a human body?

    And if this son father character is so powerful as to create the entire universe all in 6 days, why the hell did he have to rape a poor woman just to appear to us in human form?

    • puredog

      You misspelled “hole-y.”

  • btwbfdimho
  • Ezio

    Ya know, there are countries in the world where Christians are legitimately persecuted for their faith, but America isn’t one of them. Nor any other Western nation. Like in some parts of the Middle East or Southeast Asia, there are Christians there who act ecstatic when they see a bible because it’s so rare there and they could be jailed for their beliefs.

    It baffles me how many American Christians don’t seem to see how they trivialize REAL persecution of Christians by thinking not being able to impose beliefs on others or saying Happy Holidays is somehow oppressing them.

    Then again, those Christians are people of color, so I guess some American believers don’t care.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Not being given extra privileges is kinda like being persecuted.”
      — A Christianist

    • Anna Rompage

      If there’s one thing the conservatives Christians are good at, it’s feigning the massive “persecution” that they all face on a daily basis…

      • Ezio

        When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

        • Contemplative Ron

          Hell, they could probably find something to whine about if they suddenly WERE the only legal religion.

          • georgiaburning

            Then the Baptists would go after the Catholics, Mormons, and Jehovah Witnesses and the real knives would come out

          • Ezio

            Heck didn’t the Klan used to set fire to Catholic Churches or something?

          • shivaskeeper

            Yes. Yes they did. The papists,usually the Irish, were as bad as the blacks.

          • georgiaburning

            Yes. And synagogues

          • Paul

            The Catholics? Hell no. The pope has those Swiss Guards with the big axe thingies. Knives are pure folly against them.

          • shivaskeeper

            40K plus different sects of Christianity. From large main stream denominations to small store front churches. Which one has the truth? Of course they would find a way to complain about it.

    • shivaskeeper

      When our Evangelicals go off about persecution they tend to avoid mentioning those places. It makes their “persecution” seem a might bit trivial and weak.

  • Nounverb911

    Did trump mention that one can get a Koran in Arabic at his DC Hotel for no charge?

  • Jenny

    I just love the fact we elected everyone’s crazy chain email uncle to the WH.

    You know they always have solutions for all the problems, and won’t stfu but give them a legit challenge to solve and for some reason they fail.

    Golly gee, who knew problems could be hard! It is your fault completely unrelated thing!!!

    Crazy email uncles need to sit down and shut up cuz we’re tired of your bullshit!

    • Stulexington

      It’s almost like you can only see the symptoms and need to identify and solve the underlying cause to actually get anywhere.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Pro tip: If Trump said it, it must be false.

  • btwbfdimho
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “But you said Clinton was just as bad.”

      • Prexisting Condition Jack

        But emailzzz! Benghazigate! Pizzagate! So many stupid gates.

        • Lamashtar

          Flynnghazi was proffered up. We could try –ghazis from now on..

      • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

        Jill Stein wasn’t a Wall Street Whore!

        • whitroth

          No, of course not. Didn’t you see the pic of her at the same dinner table as Flynn and Putin?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Over in the Vatican West (Colorado Springs), a local news org. was interviewing Trump supporters just a few weeks past. One elderly man reflected the bizarre disconnect and willful ignorance of Cheetolini’s supporters on these matters: “Obama wanted to outlaw Christianity and Hillary would have finished the job. President Trump has saved our religion. This is a Christian country and that’s why Christians supported him .”
    (I know. There are so many lies and idiotic disconnects there, one is just taken aback.)

    His was blind stupidity and amazing nonsense, but I suspect not unusual for millions of a similar stripe and just impervious to the facts and truth.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/aa83354e153cad8e24fbe88558dbd258734de2748e2825b12a9404a3041d0f6e.png

    • mancityRed6

      damn, that Obama was a lazy ass. no FEMA camps, Jade Helm XX didn’t do diddly, he didn’t take all the gunz, and he didn’t outlaw Christianity. I don’t think I’ll vote for him again.

    • Wild Cat

      You’re using a lot of elitist fancy words for:

      “Religious idiots who voted for T%#*P are a bunch of clueless dogfuckers.”

    • shivaskeeper

      Sometimes you just want to slap the fuck out of someone you haven’t even met with a clue x 4. The lack of awareness in that statement is staggering. The bald faced lies should be enough to condemn this particular one to his own hell for bearing false witness.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Kicking the poor, the disadvantaged, and those different from us, so very hard makes up for all the adultery, lying, cheating stealing, etc. which to be honest we also do as much of as we think we can get a way with.”
      — An Unusually Frank Christianist

    • Prexisting Condition Jack

      Jesus killed the sick, Blinded the sighted, fed the poor to the Romans, brought the living unto the dead, fed the fatted calves of government pizza and beer, brought money changers into the temple and dodged the crucifixion. Yes, that Jesus is a Republican Jesus.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Are they fucking SERIOUS?!?!? With all the fucking libel shit these RWNJ spout?! Man….GTFOH.

    “FCC probing Colbert’s Drumpf, Putin joke”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/332132-fcc-probing-colberts-trump-putin-joke

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Oh, great. It’s Nipplegate all over again…

    • jesterpunk

      The deplorables on reddit and Faux News are trying to get him fired for criticizing Trump.

      • Chadwells

        LOL! Good luck with that!

        • jesterpunk

          They are not very smart but they do try and ruin anyones life who dares criticize their “God Emperor”

    • puredog

      Three-part test: ““It must appeal to an average person’s prurient interest; depict or describe sexual conduct in a ‘patently offensive’ way; and, taken as a
      whole, lack serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value.” I’d say a fair application of that test is that Colbert’s remarks might satisfy the second prong, but no way does it meet the first (except for pervs) or the third (I mean, come on). And even so, its satisfaction of the second prong is in service of amplifying the “political value” of the third.

    • Ezio

      I don’t like the joke Colbert said, but I don’t think he should be out of a job for it. BTW, these are the people who constantly claim they want free speech.

      • jesterpunk

        Its only for them though, they want to be as racist and sexist as they want to be but dont want to be criticized.

      • georgiaburning

        You can have free speech as long as you say what you’re supposed to say

      • whitroth

        Maybe I should complain to the FCC: Faux News is an obscenity, and should be off the air. So should the GOP…..

        • CripesAmighty

          Sure fits the definition above–off ya go, frontless desk dolts.

    • Me The People

      “It must appeal to an average person’s prurient interest; depict or
      describe sexual conduct in a ‘patently offensive’ way; and, taken as a
      whole, lack serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value,”
      it reads.

      As a spot-on metaphorical description of Trump and his relationship to Putin, it clearly has much value in several categories, so this should go nowhere.

    • shivaskeeper

      If it goes to any sort of court, the FCC will lose. They know it, we know it, Colbert knows it. This is just seeing if he can be intimidated. I doubt he will be intimidated.

    • Prexisting Condition Jack

      The FCC can’t keep the man off of cable. He’ll just go to cable, be able to say “cock holster” as a catchphrase and make a lot more money off it.

      So FCC and rightwing Nazis?

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/af8cc7f182f64232a29d7749228b25e60c2c514482213d602ad156522d8f2549.gif

      • Chadwells

        Funny thing….last night, Colbert got his highest ratings since he started doing the show!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Soldiers recovering from battle in peace and quiet. #TrumpWillFixThat

  • Ricky Gay

    President Emily Litella

    • Shoto

      I second the nomination.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Reporter:”Do you read the bible?”
    General Patton: “Every goddamn day!!!”

  • Swampay

    Do you think he knows when he is lying? I don’t think he always does, probably not in this case. I think he’s more idiot than liar, and he’s PLENTY of liar.

    • DrBigHead

      I think you are correct. He probably did not lie in this case, because that would require knowing what the truth is. He is too intellectually lazy to find out the truth, so he just spouts off what he wants to be true at that moment.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Technical point of pedantry – I don’t believe (no pun intended) there’s a substantive difference between ‘agnostic’ and ‘atheist’. It’s just a matter of attitude, really.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      And Atheist knows there is no God.

      An Agnostic doesn’t believe that–among other things–is something we can know.

      Atheist, however, does not imply irreligious. Buddhists, for example, are basically atheists.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        #notallbuddhists. Buddhism comes in a lot of forms, some of which have a plethora of supernatural beliefs.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          Supernatural does not imply theist. Only a God or Gods implies theist.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I’m afraid I must beg to differ. An atheist doesn’t “know” there’s no God. That’s a negative that can’t be proven. But an atheist is willing to argue the importance – or even necessity – of basing one’s life on the rational assumption that there is no God. A fine distinction, perhaps, but an important one.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          Atheists know :) No proof == DNE for all practical purposes + plenty of proof that alleged “proof” is false. This is the crux of much western atheism, anyway.

          Faiths like Buddhism, on the other hand, don’t worry about proofs. They confine themselves to their own doctrine (e.g. Karma, Nirvana, Eight-fold Path, etc). Still, no God(s).

          • MynameisBlarney

            It’s not so much that atheists “know” there’s no god, it’s more like non-belief.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            That’s a good way of putting it.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            I know you’re kidding, but “strident atheist” and atheist are not the same thing.

          • MynameisBlarney

            #notallatheists

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Heh. Fair enough, though it’s worth remembering that many atheists are not strident because they can be prosecuted or even killed for that (non)belief in their countries.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            A-theist literally means “no God(s)”.

          • whitroth

            *chuckle* How do you feel about me – to use my late ex’s description of herself, an atheist Pagan?

          • Latverian Diplomat

            It depends on your epistemology.

            If you don’t accept the existence of things for which there is no proof, as a matter of course, any meaningful distinction between agnosticism and atheism vanishes.

            The person who coined the term agnostic, T.H. Huxley, is someone who fell in that epistemological camp, and whom you would probably consider an atheist.

          • @MrsRazor66

            I never had to get an episiotomy in catholic school… is that a Christian thing?

      • MynameisBlarney

        I guess I’m kind of a seriously skeptical agnostic with heavy atheistic tendencies.
        But it’s easier to just say I’m an atheist.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Fair enough.

    • SnarkON

      One doubts. One has no doubt.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        One might doubt, or one might not. And to have ‘no doubt’ is an epistemological non-starter for a rational person.

    • Ezio

      I’ve seen people say they are both. Like an agnostic atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in God or see evidence for Him, but is open to the possibility that they could be wrong.

      Conversely, there are agnostic theists, who believe there is a God but are open to the possibility they could be wrong.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        In other words, rational people! We could use more of those.

        • Shibusa

          Amen. ;-)

      • whitroth

        Theists? Oh, you mean like the Founding Fathers…..

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Yes, if one is in the habit of believing that things for which there is no evidence that they exist, don’t exist, the distinction between atheism and agnosticism vanishes.

        ETA: And FWIW, some people do feel there is evidence against the existence of God at least the sort of God commonly believed in, for example, the problem of natural evil.

        So, while some people feel that agnosticism is more logical, or evidence-based position, that’s open to debate, IMHO.

      • Bebecca

        This is what I am. I am convinced there is no god but my mind could be changed with adequate proof.

    • whitroth

      There is. And attitude… are you talking about the militant agnositic? “I don’t know if there’s a God, and NEITHER DO YOU!!!”

  • Prexisting Condition Jack

    So the president who wants to deny healthcare to veterans is upset they may not get bibles (they totally get bibles. You get the religious book of your choosing in a pocket form when you enlist, folks. I still have my Catholic bible from 35 years ago).

    Prioritize, 45. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.

    • jesterpunk

      Did you know those veterans have comfortable housing for now?

      https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/03/us/politics/ben-carson-hud-poverty-plans.html

      • Prexisting Condition Jack

        Yeah, I saws that earlier today. What a douche-nozzle.

        • jesterpunk

          Shows how much they care about veterans, only when they can use them against some other group.

          • Prexisting Condition Jack

            What group of anyone isn’t just a tool for them? they’d rape their own mothers if they could squeeze a nickle out of it.

          • shivaskeeper

            As it has always been. As it will always be.

          • The Wanderer

            Per in saecula saeculorum.

          • shivaskeeper

            Per omnia or Per in?

          • The Wanderer

            Per Omnia. My mistook; I are A Old and not well-up on mine Atinlay.

          • shivaskeeper

            I always blame auto-correct.

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth
    • Ezio

      He should be more worried that his party keeps smacking down any bills that could potentially help homeless or disabled veterans….

      • whitroth

        Hell with that. You’re being *rational*, and we’re talking about Trumpo….

    • LucindathePook

      I just found my Navy lifer neighbor’s old WWII Catholic Missal from the government in with his stuff after his widow died and we helped clean out her old house.

  • SnarkON

    Sick people denied Bibles = bad. Sick people denied medical insurance = no problem. #GOP

  • Chadwells

    OT: I guess Fuckface is gonna have to find a new scapegoat. These are the kids he’s been crying about for ever.

    “Rape charge dropped against undocumented Maryland student”

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/05/us/undocumented-immigrant-rape-charge/index.html

    • shivaskeeper

      When has reality gotten the way of some good old fashioned outrage from the right? This story will be repeated ad infinum regardless of the truth to it.

      • Chadwells

        Just like he keeps running his ignorant pie hole about the central park 5…even after DNA exonerated them.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      They’ll just scream, “FAKE NEWS!”

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Evangelical ‘End of timers’ rallied for Dubya and, this time, for Trump. They believe we are living in “End Times” and the fuckers seem intent on making that a reality.

    http://thefallingdarkness.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/END.jpg

    • Shoto

      “Mar-a-Lago. Shit, I’m still at Mar-a-Lago…”

      — Random White House Reporter

  • Me The People

    Is shittgibbonious fucknuggetry a pre-existing condition?

  • Shoto
  • Ezio

    IMPORTANT: Read this very short, sweet and brilliant response to Trumpcare from a rich lady. It’s just *Italian chef kiss*

    https://medium.com/@JenAshleyWright/why-i-a-rich-person-do-not-care-for-trumpcare-e5ffed2e5035

    • C4TWOMAN

      Very nuanced.

    • Sophia

      Not what I was expecting. Excellent response.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Mormons? Psha! So late 20th century…
    Cthulhu is Lord and Saviour, er, whatever is the opposite of “saviour”…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO1s_wNm2Ac

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Savorer? One who savors the taste of human souls.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      OMG thank you for this!

    • whitroth

      Why do you think there’s a difference? Old line from an ancient underground comic: even the grave couldn’t hold him! He’s coming… and he WANTS YOUR SOUL!!!

  • I love it when missionaries tell me how much they love Jesus…

    But they sure don’t want to hear about what Jesus actually commanded them to do!!!?!?

    That makes me very patriotic and angry.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/3osxYrgM8gi9CDjcPu/giphy.gif

    • TundraGrifter

      Did you ever read “Missionary Stew” by Ross Thomas? Or any other excellent novel by him? Highly recommended.

    • TundraGrifter

      Good Lord! We had the Crazy Neighbor From Hell who looked just like her! What a bitch!

  • The Wanderer

    Because someone has to post this on this page:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAbJI2aQFqI

  • TundraGrifter

    Do I have a right to Paula Wright $1,144 “Resurrection Seeds” without actually sending in the $1,144?

    • Shoto

      You could move the decimal point, then send her $.1144. In pennies. Thank you, Jeezuz.

    • Anna Rompage

      Who wants to pay $1,144 just to come back as a tomato plant?

  • Prexisting Condition Jack
  • TundraGrifter

    Is that the book with the details about twin fawns under the sweater….something…something….Solomon?

    • The Wanderer

      Song of Solomon is poetic porno from back then. Christians have tried for centuries to spin it as an allegory between Christ and the Church.

      • shoeflyin

        Considering it’s old testament, that’s a good trick

    • William

      No. That’s the book where two penguins walked from Antarctica to the middle east to get on a boat.

    • hanadora444

      And don’t forget what happened to Lot and his family AFTER his wife turned into that pillar of salt.

      • whitroth

        Could we turn Trumpolini into a pillar of salt? Along with Ryan?

    • whitroth

      Y’know, in ancient Israel they actually passed a law against reciting the Song of Songs in inns…. Obscenity….

    • Thiazin Red

      And the one queen with donkey dick boyfriends.

      • The Wanderer

        You can see plenty of that on XHamster and Pornhub, so I’m told.

  • memzilla Ω
    • William
    • William
    • Thiazin Red

      Too true. We had some near my grandmother’s house, and if you saw the van coming it was time to hide. Turn off all the lights, close the blinds, do not let them see you. If they knew you were in the house they WOULD NOT leave.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      They came to my door. First time since I moved in 10 years ago. If they show up again, I’ll tell them that the complex is private property and to get off my lawn.

      • katkelly57

        Many years ago when living in FL, I used to get the Mormons 2-3 x’s per week.

        I finally had enough of it…so when they came around again, I told them to come back, that I was busy as I was right in the middle of a sacrifice to Babalu Aye…..never came back.

    • katkelly57

      Every time they come to my door, they ask if I know any Latino families.
      I almost responded in Spanish….then I thought, if I do, they’ll never leave.

      Soon after, I put a dry erase board on the front door stating…
      If you are a JW or Mormon and you knock on my door, I’ll knock on your head.

      That was over 2 years ago and I’ve not had either drop by.

      • therblig

        i miss my cicada killer wasps. we used to have a recurring group in our big flower pot out front. they’re perfectly harmless to anyone except cicadas and seem to be quite inquisitive. most folks, including JWs, mistake their curious swarming as hostile, and since they appear in groups of 5-10, folks would generally move along to the next house. haven’t seen them in a year or so.

        also, they’re pretty big and scary looking. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/50a3894cf329f5a8a1663cb253b0271b687301a805c461cd75fc73778e698b6b.jpg

        • katkelly57

          I’d be afraid of them too….I didn’t know there was such an insect.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      From my father

      *knock knock*

      HI! We’re Jehovah’s Witnesses!

      Perfect! I’m Jehovah’s Prosecutor!

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      My favorite caption to this photo is “Have you heard the word of our Lord and Savior Godzilla today?”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Just another example of the dystopian hellscape that has been Obama’s America since January 20, 2017.

  • William
    • whitroth

      I would not suggest he try that with *any* of my daughters. Lessee, the youngest was, a couple of years ago, helping her now-ex FiL carrying 80lb bags of cement…..

      • Finnabar87

        LOL

        A friend’s daughter is a firefighter in Gwinnett County, GA.

        She weighs in at 120lbs and can carry 240 pounds on her shoulders.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Good news, everyone!!! Martyr alert!!!

    “Drumpf Army Secretary Pick Withdraws After Opposition Grew Over Anti-LGBTQ Comments”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mark-green-withdraws_us_590cda69e4b0e7021e97bc3b?ir=Politics&utm_hp_ref=politics

    • whitroth

      That’s the one who denied evolution?

      • Chadwells

        Not sure…all I know is that he hates the gays and calls them a disease. Based on that…I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a flat-earther too…so why not throw in evolution denier?!

        • TJ Barke

          Oh he is. And his coup de grace was a magnificent botching of the tornado through a scrapyard fallacy.

      • The Wanderer

        I think he also said something about how Obamacare kept sick people from getting to Jesus, or something to that effect.

        • TJ Barke

          A real peach.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Yup. And that he would never tolerate kids learning anything about Islam.

          • TJ Barke

            Because why bother to know anything about your *enemy*?

        • C4TWOMAN

          Now I have this bizarre image of Obama playing interference, trying to keep someone from scoring at Jesus’ goal.
          Talk about Jesus Saves…..

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            But Moses invests!

    • C4TWOMAN

      1.Reactionary Right Career Politician spends years building cred making bigoted extremist statements.

      2.When nominated for high profile position forced to withdraw due to bigoted extremist statements.

      Frankly it’s a wonder they get anywhere with that strategy….

      • Chadwells

        No one ever accused them of being smart!

      • CripesAmighty

        They just run for something in the nearest 3-tooth district. And get a job (with phat pension) for life (or 20-and-cash-out).

        • xbutter

          I looked up ” 3-tooth district” in the intertubes and found nothing, so it looks like you win the award for “best new synonym for Trump voting congressional district”. Congrats!

          • CripesAmighty

            *bow*

          • HarpyLibtart

            Urban Dictionary entry, stat. :P

      • emjayay

        But they withdraw with a lot of blaming liberals for misrepresenting their views by quoting lots of stuff they wrote in context.

    • Anna Rompage

      Thank the lord and savoir, sweet little baby cheesus crust, that guy is a total asshole!

      • Chadwells

        Weapons grade!

    • Bebecca

      Yay but Trump has an unbelievable capacity for choosing someone even worse than the one before.

      • Chadwells

        True story.

  • Paul Dietzel

    A couple months back I was at a VA facility for a post-op checkup after Mohs surgery and while in the waiting room I was approached by some kind of faux chaplain ( a Ned Flanders type ) who was wandering the wards unimpeded. It only took him a minute to realize I was more interested in reading a Rolling Stone article than in talking to him. He went off and bothered someone else instead.

    • shivaskeeper

      They are also some of my favorites. Telling them to eat a dick is a great diversion in the VA waiting room. Mrs Keeper says she does not see any of them in the VA women’s clinic. Lucky her.

    • MOG253

      “Can I pray with you?” NOOOO

  • Finnabar87

    Plus, what they really wanted was porn.

    • Guy Cole

      This. Absolutely this. US peoples (and those who wish to be), those warrior care packages are all greatly appreciated. It is highly unlikely your home made cookies, etc will be consumed. And I have all the bibles, etc that I would ever want (i.e. none). Porn is what our all American red white and blue heroes want. When stuck in a foxhole or a FOB, girls are what we miss. Send us pictures of daughters, nieces or even their hawt mothers. Even better, box one up and ship her out. Worth a try. Sweet glorious porn… what was the question again?

      • Finnabar87

        Sometimes, most of us just need to watch people fucking each other.

        And nekkid fellow humans, too.

        • The Wanderer

          Damned right.

      • The Wanderer

        “To: War Department, London.
        Dear Sir, consignments of women arriving from England are not up to War Department standards. As it is, we are returning two crates of them which went off during the voyage. And as you know, we soldiers consider women to be a sacred animal. Please expedite.”
        – Major Denis Bloodnok, OC, First Offense Fusiliers, MC, Coward and Bar.

  • Prexisting Condition Jack

    Anyway we can help 45 live his fantasy of actually being awarded the purple heart? Asking for a friend.

    • Proud Liberal

      Posthumously I presume?

      • Finnabar87

        With votes of some sort, yes.

        Votes can mean anything you wish, here.

        • Proud Liberal

          Oh I know what my vote means then! :-)

  • Sophia

    Who out there is watching The Handmaid’s Tale? I am usually a little disappointed with shows based on books I have read but the series so has me waiting for the next episode. We’ve only done episodes 1 & 2 here so far. I don’t have HULU but it’s running a week behind on Bravo.

    • Proud Liberal

      Now that I know that, I will be watching. Good show?

      • Sophia

        So far. I was wondering how they would do it as a lot of the book is her thoughts, but that has been coming through real well.

        • Proud Liberal

          Great, thanks. I need to get away from the news…

    • I figured i could just watch the news

    • suziq

      Just finished episode 4 last night and I can’t find any place that says how many episodes there are in season 1, but that it has been renewed for a 2nd season. Very good, but then I started getting freaked out, like is it going to get better or worse? I didn’t read the book. Don’t know if I can handle more depressing dystopian stuff since it is too close to real life!

      • Sophia

        I think if they try to go beyond the timeline of the book I may give it up then. Not sure what the plan would be for season 2.

        • emjayay

          Atwood isn’t sure either. Season 2 will be going beyond the book.

      • C4TWOMAN

        So this is part of why I’m just not into Handmaid’s Tale. I’ve bored people before about how Atwood has no idea how economies work or can’t fight her way out of a paper bag(unfortunately way too come with some women authors). And I get people want to have their fears about misogynistic agendas validated and there is something to seeing the hypothetical worst case scenario that can get the mental juices flowing. Kay. If people are enjoying it, great.

        But…I had kinda hoped all of Atwoods serious plot flaws would have been fixed. As far as I can tell(skimming wikipedia), this is not the case. Sigh.

        Frankly, I would have preferred a completely new story based on the concept of someone TRYING to institute a Gilead regime…and all the reasons why it would not work, but would be a disaster just trying. THAT would have been very interesting.

        To start with, you cannot remove that many women from the work force virtually overnight without the economy collapsing. Stock markets fall when unemployment gets in the teens. They’re pulling out 40-50% of the workforce almost overnight?

        Secondly, no matter how many inbred idiots might initially support the idea of this regime, once it got real, there are too many friking guns out there for it to be practically enforced.

        Could a fanatic regime still try? Hell’s yeah. Say hello to food riots, immigration riots, insurgency camps, good old fashioned street terrorism. All that will lead to refugees and sanctions. In the age of the Internet, no damn will this be poo pooed, like Atwood infers(I assume they’re up dated it?)

        At the end of maybe a year, the few people who didn’t get out, MIGHT be in Offerd’s situation…which will last for about as long as the food production/supplies will. Maybe 3 years?

        What was revolutionary story concept in the 80’s(?) reads like political disaster porn now. IMO. Enjoy it for what it is.
        I mean hell, I watch The Walking Dead. But I’m also a harsh critic of Kirkman’s similar “everything will just go to hell for reasons” plotting.

        • emjayay

          Yeah, this is a problem with a lot of scifi and speculative fiction. Atwood combined most of what men have done to women in the past if not all at one time. I think you have to kinda forget whether the result would actually work.

          Like in the last Star Wars movie they went to the giant empire capital or whatever that was and I kept thinking how do you build a complex in outer space that’s the weightless space New York City equivalent? What materials, how, who, with what money or resources. It made no sense. A lot of any scifi film makes no sense. You have to suspend that part of your disbelief.

          • C4TWOMAN

            I’m willing to suspend a lot. I get that. But when the premise of the book is OMG women are fucked yet again and will ALWAYS lose in any fight and inevitably become someone’s sex slave….welp, that’s too damn close to all the bullshit I refused to assimilate as a kid and I do not consider, yet another story assuming women will always lose to be particularly insightful.

            People may not realize how pervasive this theme is, but as a teen I sure was. I could count on the fingers of one hand the scifi authors I read that did not make this assumption: Frank Herbert….Tolkien….I’m already running low on authors…oh, Asimov, at least intellectually…. It was bad, really bad.

            And I’d like to point out male readers are NEVER expected to accept a male character being sexually exploited or brutalized with the assumption that, “Oh well, what can you do? It was inevitable…”

            Spoiler: the entire literary works of modern and post modern fiction are dominated by books with this assumption(women = losing). That’s why it would have been really interesting to explore how this is not actually true in the pure sense and what would have happened if someone tried it. Since it’s not true, there’s really no point in aggravating myself as there is little insight to gain. It’s not The Walking Dead, where there is enough genuine relateable drama that I can just roll my eyes at the “government collapsed because of zombies” premise and get something out of it.

            Obviously YMMV. Enjoy it for me. I hear it is very well done, for what it is. I’m watching Doctor Who–then mebbe some historical reality shows, my telly crack cocaine of choice.

            Cheers.
            =^-^=

      • Lambsendbeds

        I think I read that there were 10 episodes.

    • Finnabar87

      I read the book when it was first published and saw the film (there was very creepy fuck scene with Faye Dunaway and Robert Duvall and their ‘handmaiden’ Natasha Richardson. Horrible, that).

      I started the news series, but it made me so remarkably sad I couldn’t bear it.

      This sort of thing is happening more and more; I am tentatively referring to it as The Man in the High Castle syndrome.

      • I haven’t been abke to make it through season 2 of that

      • Sophia

        Yea, they did the creepy fuck scene last Sunday, if it stays with the book I think that’s the only time they’ll have that weird shit.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Not to spoil, but no ceremony nights are a regular thing.

    • @MrsRazor66

      I am. I signed up for 30 days of free Hulu, so I’m on episode 4 so far and O. M. G. I am like you, I hate movies/series based on books but this one is amazing and scary as hell. Wait until you see episode 3 & 4. I’m so mad I have to wait a whole week for the next episode. I wish they’d release 3 every week like they did the 1st week.

      • Sophia

        We only got 2 episodes the first week and I was like “tell me they are going to run this every night” but no, 1 episode a week after the initial ones. Good to know it stays true to the story

    • HarpyLibtart

      No shit, I’ve been carrying security cash in my wallet since we started watching.
      I know I live in Australia and we’re entirely too secular for that type of Y’All Qaeda fundamentalist regime, but still. :P

  • Shibusa
  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    A pocket bible stopped a bullet from hitting my heart and killing me dead!

    • Mister Smith

      The King Kevlar version?

      • Odd Jørgensen

        New Impenetrable Version.

    • gkshenaut

      I wonder: what has stopped more bullets, pocket Bibles or pocket flasks?

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        I think the pocket flasks keeps them from being fired.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Wouldn’t it be great if a bunch of atheists kept track of proselytizers who wound up in the hospital and showed up to annoy them with speeches about how religion is bullshit?

    • HarpyLibtart

      Can’t remember who it was but I saw a Tweet recently that said:
      “If Heaven were real, rich white people would be hoarding Bibles, like they do everything else.”
      So. Much. Truth.

  • JackLinks

    Why didn’t Goldberg serve in the Iraq/Afghan Wars? That’s why he’s a “doughy-pants load!”

    “As for why my sorry a** isn’t in the kill zone, lots of people think this is a searingly pertinent question. No answer I could give — I’m 35 years old, my family couldn’t afford the lost income, I have a baby daughter, my a** is, er, sorry, are a few — ever seem to suffice.”

    — Jonah Goldberg

  • JackLinks

    Here’s a little insight to Goldberg aka “The Doughy Pantsload!”

    http://www.salon.com/2012/05/10/jonah_goldbergs_desperation/

  • Mister Smith

    So 2 Corinthians walk into a VA hospital …
    … and Frederick Douglass tells them Dr. Andrew Jackson will be with them as soon as he’s done treating Luciano Pavarotti.

    • norcalOG

      The very same Dr. Jackson who treated the wounded after the Bowling Green Massacre after personally shooting four of the terrorists.

      • Mister Smith

        The Mazel Tov cocktails did tremendous damage.

    • TundraGrifter

      Remember after Princess Diana died in that terrible car wreck and it was blamed on the paparazzi? Somebody heard the news and asked “What was that fat bastard doing chasing her?”

  • clairence

    he used the word ‘precluded’ so I am pretty sure someone just told him to read this message.

    • zerosumgame0005

      and had to have it spelled phonetically

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      That little bit gave me pause, too. I’ve never heard him say anything that didn’t sound like it came out of the mouth of a child.

      • Jaye44

        15 years ago he was still a jackass but perfectly articulate in interviews; I am convinced we are seeing dementia. This is how my father sounded as Alzheimer’s took hold.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Yeah, I lived in NYC in the 1980s, and he was a joke back then, but he didn’t talk like a deranged child. I can’t figure out if he’s pretending to be a moron to appeal to the GOP’s base, or if he’s actually just mentally ill, or he has Alzheimer’s.

          • tkingt

            My cousin worked for Trump Inc. in New York for eight years. Many employees are convinced he has syphilis. His mental faculties have been deteriorating for years. I hope so.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m guessing by the end of his term he’ll be wandering around aimlessly, unaware of his surroundings, like Reagan used to do.

      • Mystery_Poster

        Haha, I thought the same thing. 3 syllables is a lot for him.

  • chascates
  • Angela Ruzzo

    “Whether he’s willfully misinterpreting it, or is just stupid is up for debate. . .” Do you think he actually read the regulation? No, President Bannon read it for him and gave him the Republican CliffsNotes version.

    Until 3 years ago I volunteered at the local V.A. hospital. There were Bibles everywhere (I did not see a single Koran). The staff frequently ask the patients if they want to talk to a religious expert of their choice. I noticed they occasionally pester the ones who say “No” on their admission records – I have heard new staff say “I see on your chart that you do not want visits from a pastor/priest/rabbi. Do you want to update that”? When my father was dying in a VA hospital in 2008, a minister visited his room twice while I was there, just to check on him, you know, and make sure he hadn’t changed his mind about being an atheist and going to hell, and I had to tell the guy to go away and not come back.

    • Keith Taylor

      Scene in Joe Heller’s CATCH-22. High-ranking officers are monstering the mild earnest chaplain because they suspect him of being party to some kind of plot.
      “Did you make the statement that atheism is not against the law?”
      The chaplain felt he was on firm ground here. He nodded. “Yes, sir. I did make such a statement. I made it because it is true. Atheism is not against the law.”
      “But that’s not a reason to go around saying so, chaplain, is it?”

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I remember that. Great scene. Great movie. Great book.

    • major_asshole

      I am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, such pestering is not limited to VA hospitals.

      My mother had surgery to remove cancer in her right lung a year and a half ago, and when they took her in, the admissions clerk asked her if she’d like to specify a religious affiliation to have a minister on hand should things go south. Twice this same person asked.

      During hour six of a three-hour surgery, a guy with a priest’s collar came up to me and asked if he could pray over me for my “loved one.” (He didn’t know who I was there for, only that I was sitting alone trying to read.) Told him no. Told a nun no. Told another minister no.

      And this was at a secular hospital–Ochsner in New Orleans.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I am not at all surprised to hear this about Ochsner in New Orleans. I lived around there for 4 years, and it was the first time I ever met people who had never met an atheist, and when I told them I was one, they were speechless, as if I had said I was a Klingon. They simply could not comprehend the concept. If I had a dollar for every time someone in Louisiana told me to “have a blessed day” I would be living on the Riviera today. They weren’t pushy about religion, not like they are in the Midwest, they simply couldn’t imagine how anyone could get through the day without it.

        • Mystery_Poster

          I live in GA and hear “have a blessed day” all the time, too. It’s so pretentious and self-righteous, I just want to smack them. However, being a polite person, I just look at them. I do not say, “I’d rather have a cursed day, thank you very much.”

          • Angela Ruzzo

            People put this phrase on their answering machines too. Made me furious.

            I went to the Tangipahoa Parish Courthouse in Louisiana to get an important document once, and the desk of the woman who has to help you find the right book was absolutely covered with about 100 Christian knick-knacks and statues and plaques and posters, all loudly advertising Jesus in one way or another. Now, this was illegal. Her desk was in plain view from the public areas, and you could not choose to not go to her desk if you needed a particular document. If she had a private office, out of public view, she could do this, but not in a public area. I thought about contacting the ACLU or writing a letter of complaint to the Parish President, but then I thought, “Hell, no, that will raise a huge stink, and get your name in the local paper, and people will burn crosses in your front yard. Just get the hell out of this state ASAP.” So I did. It is much better in Missouri. The people here are too reserved and too frugal to advertise for Jesus.

            I wondered what would have happened if I had walked in to that Courthouse wearing one of my Arabic or Atheist t-shirts. I was tempted.

        • emjayay

          One more reason to not think about moving somewhere the livin’ is easy.

    • TheBoatDude

      If heaven is filled with people like that, I’ll take my chances with hell.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        My father used to say something like that. He grew up in a strict Methodist family, and would sit in church listening to hellfire and brimstone sermons outlining all the things that could get you sent to hell. He thought all those things were the fun things, like dancing and playing poker, and the people he liked best were the ones who did all those things, so he decided he’d rather go to hell, because that’s where all his friends would be.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    When I first heard him say that bit of quackery I said to myself “I’m fairly certain that’s bullshit, maybe I should investigate further. Then I was like ‘nah, I got a life, and I already know it’s bullshit, so why bother?'” Naturally it turned out to be pure, unadulterated bullshit.

    • Mike Steele

      For further obfuscation on this matter, consult America’s answer to RT: state-sponsored Faux News.

  • Poly_Ester

    Hey, Hey. DJT how many lies did you tell, today?

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I wish I was rich so I could go to Walter Reed with a truck loads of the Bhagavad Gita, the Koran, maybe a few hundred copies of the Kojiki, and DEMAND to be allowed to make sure everyone of our fighting men and women got theirs for free! Right now! Because religion is important, and gosh darn it the President needs holy books for the soldiers and such!. I’d even donate a few copies of The Golden Dawn, in the name of our reverend leader, to local schools around here! But…alas..

    • Keith Taylor

      I’d advise, if you were rich and could do that, not to forget the “Malleus Maleficarum” by those fine upstanding devout lads Sprenger and Kramer. Still timely even though it dates from the 1480s. Now there’s a REALLY religious book.

    • The Wanderer

      Don’t forget the Satanic Bible!

    • emjayay

      They are all the word of God. Or Gods.

  • Alan

    The idiot in chief is no more religious than my dog. The act is nothing more than pure bullshit to appeal to the idiots who voted for him. It’s getting old.

    • Stulexington

      Except it still works on the idiot brigade. He’ll keep doing it till it stops working.

  • Keith Taylor

    Soldiers in military hospitals recovering from injuries should insist on Bibles! The Bible contains more sado-masochistic incest porn than any website you might select! (This may be why it’s reading matter approved by Donald Trump, even though he doesn’t actually read.)

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    I wonder when CAIR will start placing a Koran in every hotel room in America? I think it is only fair.

  • Bettyjcotton

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !so275c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
    !so275c:
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    • The Wanderer

      Thou art a tramp, Betty, a whore, a harlot and a snavvel. Get thee gone.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I miss Lori.

      • Mike Steele

        You’d think she wouldn’t have to work, what with being married to that up & coming (R) Congressman. Tom, buy your wife a car!

  • Mystery_Poster

    To update one of the oldest jokes in the book:
    Q: How can you tell when Trump is lying?
    A. His thumbs are moving.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      Alternately:
      Q. How can you tell when Trump is lying?
      A. Bannon’s lips are moving.

      • Mystery_Poster

        I bet we could come up with a million of them.

  • i’mjustaskingthequestion

    The guy reeeally hates President Obama. I guess it kind of sucks following Barak into the presidency…he must feel like a kazoo player following Pavarotti on stage at the local talent competition. So very, very sad…

    • Mystery_Poster

      I heard him on the radio the other day whining like a 3rd grader, “Obama hates me.” whaaaa…..
      No shit, he and millions of others.

  • Zyxomma

    I really enjoyed that Mormon Adele video — I hate that song; I think auto-tuned-to-death Adele sucks.

    Last year, the woman I help in Brooklyn had a huge package to ship, and her local UPS shipper was closed. I borrowed her mini hand truck to bring it with me to Manhattan, where things are open later. Two Mormon “elders” kids helped me carry it down the subway stairs. I asked them if they celebrate Joseph Smith’s birthday as a holiday; they didn’t know.

    A couple weeks later, when the Q train in Brooklyn was replaced by a bus, there they were. I thanked them for helping me with the heavy box on the hand truck. One of them wrote me a note, and handed it to me — Joseph Smith’s birthday is right near Christmas, so they celebrate the birth of their prophet along with that of the other guy.

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