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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I had a dream there were clouds in my coffee. Clouds in my coffee.
      Huh.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        You’re so vain. You prob’ly think this post is about you.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          You seriously don’t remember the text to MLK,Jr.’s “I had a dream” speech?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Not as well as I remember Carly Simon lyrics, apparently.

      • The Wanderer

        You’re so vain – DAMN!.

      • Khavrinen

        That line has bugged me for decades. What the hell does “clouds in my coffee” mean, anyway?!

  • Nounverb911
    • snark-lurker

      is theze foe me i can haz them?

      • Nounverb911

        All yours.

    • The Wanderer

      Mmmmm . . . doughnuts . . .

  • Msgr_MΩment

    If I had had a tongue like that at that age, well let me tell you, I never would have needed to stick my fingers in my nose.

  • La forza del resistino

    Love baby giraffe looking around at all the camera attention asking am I just a common Kardashian?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • Gayer Than Thou

      That awkward moment when you’re the President of the United States and you have no fucking clue what the big picture is.

      • Alan

        No fucking clue where your own ass is in a dark room.

      • Left Coast Tom

        “That awkward moment four years when you […] have no fucking clue […]”.

        FIFY…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Carpe Vagenda
    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I honestly couldn’t believe it when I saw that. STAY IN DC IF YOU WANT TO SAVE MONEY. We built you a whole house. Use it.

      Which is stupid. Of course he doesn’t want to save money. He wants to funnel more cash into his own properties.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It’s just kind of delightful that POTUS4F already shut down Manhattan. There was literally no way to get him to Trump Tower past the protesters.

      • Opiwan

        Yeah, but if he’s in DC he might be called upon to do, you know… WORK over the weekend. Can’t have that.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Yeah, fuck off to New Jersey and stay fucked off, Littlefingers.

    • Nounverb911

      When does Chris Christie arrive with the fresh Egg McMuffins?

    • Chadwells

      I’m sure it has nothing to do with the entire city hating his fucking guts. What a maroon.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      She changed the locks, didn’t she.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        She really doesn’t have to. She’s got the life of a rich widow now.

        • snark-lurker

          but she still get stuck with the corps sumtimes

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Now saving taxpayers is a concern? I laugh, bitterly.

      https://twitter.com/markberman/status/860482210536841216

    • ltmcdies

      what saves the country money, asshole, is working from that big white house set up for the president to work from….

      • PubOption

        When Donnie is in NJ, there will still be security at the White House, still be security at Trump Tower and he will have added a requirement for security at Bedminster, so no saving there. He also flies to somewhere in NJ and is then picked up by a motorcade, incurring additional costs compared with him staying in DC. The only cost saving I can see is that the flight to Bedminster is shorter than that to Florida.

    • arglebargle

      Closer to the golf course, obvs.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Cinco de Mayo! Here’s some Mexican culture that I learned about on MST3K, of all
    things. These are Los Chinelos, maskers who appear at Carnaval and other festivals. The tradition came into being some time in the 18th or 19th centuries when Spain and France were taking turns trying to rule Mexico. The good people of Morelos found the Europeans to be rather funny and these costumes satirize their mannerisms and pretensions. All in good fun, of course; no disrespect intended (snicker).

    Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

    https://youtu.be/0iVKxbXG5T8

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • PubOption

      What surprises me is that Gohmert was against the bill at one point.

      • cmd resistor

        He’s one of those Freedom Caucus guys, right? They hated the first one because it wasn’t evil enough.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Well, they fixed that, didn’t they?

    • Yr. Gma

      They are all white men. What are the odds?

  • memzilla Ω
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    The Bannonality of evil. That came to me in a dream last night.

    • shastakoala

      Night terrors!

    • ariel_gee_398

      May be best to just stop sleeping now.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        See below. Yes.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        OT, but did you see the Real/Athletico match? I’m not a Ronaldo-hater, so I was ok with it. Barring a miracle, it looks like Real and Juve in the final.

        • ariel_gee_398

          I did. I wanted Atletico to at least keep it competitive, but I don’t hate Ronaldo or Madrid. I do find his branding and self-promotion a bit much, but at least he has the goods to back it up. Pogba may yet come good, but at this point, his brand is far bigger than his talent.

          This is the time I was supposed to be in Brussels, and my friend has been sending me photos of all the beer he’s drinking. I’m happy for him, but mostly it’s just fucking torture.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “Look at the massive amount of beer-related fun you’re missing out on, loser!” Why would that bother you.

            I have no doubt that Christiano Ronaldo is likely one of the most insufferable people on the planet. But like you said, he backs up the talk in astonishing ways and, by most accounts, is a good, well-liked teammate because of his dedication and professionalism. Arrogance seems to be a necessary ingredient for great strikers. Pogba, for now, seems like a complete bust. Maybe he can’t handle the expectations of a big club? Zlatan was supposed to be the guy who was over the hill and declining.

            Buy yourself some great beers and nurse your grievances.

          • ariel_gee_398

            I was tempted to crack open that Sucaba I’ve been saving and send pictures of me drinking that, but decided to be nice.

            He came from Juve, didn’t he? For a start, with the stupid money splashed around on players that are so young, some of them are going to turn out to be busts. But I also think Mourinho has been having his own crisis of confidence this year, maybe making him less effective in getting the best out of players. You can’t imagine morale at the club is very high right now.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You could send pictures of you drinking a beer and just tell him it’s the Sucaba. Wait…why am I making suggestions here?

            I thought Pogba came from PSG, but I could be wrong about that. I can’t figure Man U. out…they have no identity these days. The past two coaches were utter disasters, but they seem like they have the talent now…just no heart. Mourinho’s team selections baffle me…Juan Mata is always stellar when he’s in, but he never plays. Fellaini? As I read somewhere else, that dude turns slower than a quart of milk.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Well, he and Mata have history and I would trust him to nurse a grudge. As for Felliani, I just have no idea what managers see in him. The only thing he’s really good at is chest control, but then once he has the ball at his feet, it almost never comes good. Plus the discipline issues. I just think Man U have suffered from old-fashioned managers, Fergie governed through force of will and history, but was by all accounts an asshole. Moyes is rarely loved by his players. Van Gaal, well, I’m just glad Spurs didn’t get him, they were apparently chasing him but landed Poche when he went to United. And Mourinho is the same kind of old-fashioned, psychological game playing manager who believes respect is owed him, not something he has to earn with each new group of players. And I just think that doesn’t work as well with today’s players.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’d forgotten that they were together at Chelsea, and he didn’t rate Mata there either. Fellaini is knucklehead, isn’t he?

            Football is really hidebound when it comes to coaches….the same ones keep getting recycled over and over again (Bruce Arena, please step forward), and success 20 years ago-or not-seem to count more that the ability to coach modern players in the modern game. Athletes these days tend to be smarter, more empowered, and take better care of themselves than in the past. They aren’t going to put up with those old-school hardhead tyrants like Van Gaal. Hopefully some day they’ll wake up and get a little more progressive…something akin to newer NBA coaches like Steve Kerr; smart, contemporary, more attuned to today’s players.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Well, we’re starting to see more of those kinds of coaches, clubs really need to cool it with the itchy trigger finger when firing managers. Especially poorer clubs. It’s absurd that a 4 game losing streak puts your job in danger these days.

  • Nounverb911
    • Alan

      “Rather than cause a disruption….” Too late.

      • ltmcdies

        rather than face more protesters you mean…right Donnie

    • Lily412

      A big disruption? Did I miss something? What the hell is he talking about?

  • Dutchman

    My general air of stabbyness continues unabated. I should just take the day off and celebrate Cinco de Mayo.

  • Nounverb911
  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    In light of Colbert’s joke, “…Putin’s puttin’ in Trump’s blow hole.” would have been a crude but better joke.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Kellyanne Conway wants all Americans to know that Trumpcare will be available to anyone who has a microwave. And many of the newer models scan for cancer.

    • PubOption

      Is she still a thing?

      • Skeptical_thinker

        She has only ever been a “thing”.

  • Nounverb911
    • John Thorstensen

      Oooh, nice J. Robert Oppenheimer / Baghavad Gita reference! Well played!

  • memzilla Ω
    • Lily412

      Do men get alimony in the UK? And isn’t there a way to protect your assets if the other party cheated? I don’t know how it works across the pond.

      • Alan

        Columbia.

        • MynameisBlarney

          *Colombia

          • Alan

            Thanks, I should never copy what other people write.

          • Talk American! It’s “Columbia”. 😀

    • NastyBossetti

      Literally? Or like, she spent it all on delicious meals at really fancy restaurants?

    • therblig

      GOP Inspirational quotes:

      [Uncle Charlie]
      Women keep busy in towns like this. In the cities it’s different. The cities are full of women, middle-aged widows, husbands dead, husbands who’ve spent their lives making fortunes, working and working. Then they die and leave their money to their wives. Their silly wives. And what do the wives do, these useless women? You see them in the hotels, the best hotels, every day by the thousands, drinking the money, eating the money, losing the money at bridge, playing all day and all night, smelling of money. Proud of their jewelry but of nothing else. Horrible, faded, fat, greedy women.

      [Charlie]
      (off-screen) They’re alive! They’re human beings!

      [Uncle Charlie]
      (he turns toward the camera, in gigantic close-up) (coldly) Are they? Are they, Charlie? Are they human or are they fat wheezing animals, hmm? And what happens to animals when they get too fat and too old? Well, I seem to be making my speech right here.

      • Tishalicious

        I love that movie…I still get shivers when Charlie walks down the stairs wearing the ring.

        • therblig

          i love when she snarls at him “I’ll kill you myself”. her transformation is amazing.

      • PubOption

        The first paragraph inspires Melania.

  • Chadwells

    Yesterday wore me out. That was a rage-a-polooza. Still raging…but tired raging. Sad. Weak.

  • Nounverb911
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Creeeeeeeepy!

    • Chadwells

      That’s dark! I wouldn’t feed that turkey to the homeless!

    • snark-lurker

      i wanna watch when it is carved

    • Brad H

      Best have a Costco sized supply of Pepto & Imodium for the “guests” when serving that meal. That isn’t even something you could feed prison inmates, as it would constitute cruel and unusual punishment!

    • SomeBigRedDog

      That hair is not fit for human (or dog) consumption.

    • Notreelyhelping

      “More Trump?”
      “No thanks. I’ve had plenty.”

  • memzilla Ω
    • The Wanderer

      Looks more like Miss Havisham.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Happy Cinco de Mayo. I hope those of you that live close enough to NYC have gotten in line for your taco bowls. Best in the nation!

    PS, Trump loves Mexicans. Not the overwhelming majority, who are rapists and drug dealers, and not judges, but a few that are good people. I assume.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “My TERIFIC health care bill is so great people will get sick of being healthy.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Bill D. Burger
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I’m sick to fuck of people talking about how Trump won because of working class anger or was elected in response to Washington elitism or … whatever. Trump is POTUS because of an undemocratic peculiarity of our electoral process invented in 1789.

    • dslindc

      But . . . but . . . economic anxiety!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      And racism. And sexism. And butter emails. And Comey. And Russians. And gerrymandering. And voter suppression.

      But besides that..

      • dslindc

        Mmmm, butter emails. Way better than margarine emails!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Trump’s emails: pure Olestra.

          • The Wanderer

            Side effects include anal seepage.

          • snark-lurker

            you just had to take it there, didnut you?

          • The Wanderer

            Yes. Yes, I did.

      • snark-lurker

        racism & sexism—the gop would have died years ago without those to sustain it

    • canes_pugnaces

      It’s an undemocratic process that has been exploited by the GOP and gerrymandered into a permanent rightwing GOP majority representation of a majority Democratic nation.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      And pretty fucking sick of those positing Hillary was a flawed candidate and if it weren’t for the meddling kids at the DNC, Bernie would have won all teh votes.

      She score 3 million more votes than Trump and beat Sanders in the primary. Trump won on the EC technicality.

      • NastyBossetti

        She is flawed. I heard she doesn’t even have a penis!

    • I’d argue that it’s because if the disproportionate representation in Congress. We stopped adding and subtracting seats in the House, giving states like Wyoming, Arkansas, or West Virginia more power over a city like New York, LA or Chicago which have more people. While both are equal contributors to the country, that doesn’t equate to a true democracy, and creates inadequate policy.

  • Nounverb911
    • dslindc

      Also, Melon probably doesn’t want him there.

      • snark-lurker

        who would?

      • Al Swearengen

        Is Melania at Bedminster? Too close to use the Barron excuse.

    • cmd resistor

      Were there lots of protests yesterday?

    • cmd resistor

      I didn’t realize he went straight to NJ, the chicken shit, and did not even drop in at Trump Tower to pick up clean underwear.

  • Chadwells

    Rep. Chris Collins is such a dick.

    • Alan

      Which makes him like the rest?

      • Chadwells

        Yes! The proverbial “bag of dicks”…new name for the lower chamber!!

    • cmd resistor

      He inspires throwing things at TV.

    • natoslug

      That’s why I stick with Tom.

  • Nounverb911
    • UnsaltedSinner

      We had a perfectly nice dinner. Some wine was thrown in certain people’s faces, but that’s OK.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Regarding the FCC “policing” offensive content. Despite Little Donnie’s (and almost everyone else’s) beliefs, the First Amendment restricts the government’s ability to censor speech. The government, like the FCC.

    One of my many peeves about media coverage of last year’s campaign was the refusal of news outlets to broadcast Trump’s actual words. They bleeped out “pussy” and “bomb the shit out of them” and other steaming phrases. Those were the only words Trump spoke they would not broadcast. It is not journalism’s job to shelter us from what candidates and politicians say.

    • bupkus231

      I don’t get it – Colbert’s show was ( well ) after 11PM – and so many of the good shows on after 9 or 10PM have “rough” language. If it’s the “sexual content” of the remark, I’m reminded of all the talk on the 8PM show “The Big Bang Theory” about “coitus”.

      Fox Business News and Ajit Pai can go have sexual congress with each other….

      • cmd resistor

        Certainly Trump talking about his penis size at a debate was just ok.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        But Colbert made his audience laugh at Jeff Sessions, so he’s toast now.

  • Nounverb911
    • PubOption

      Yoder, voted out could be.

      • FlownΩver

        Your lips to JoCo’s ears.

      • FlownΩver

        Also too: Paul Davis candidacy in KS-2 open seat gives a lot of voters a chance to say “Brownback? WTF were we thinking?”

  • RumAddled

    that is one derpy baby

  • Suttree

    Little babby giraffes! Also too, I would like to thank everyone for listening to me bitch last night. I love you guys!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I wasn’t on the ‘kette last night, but I’ll take credit anyway {bows}. Hope it was catharctic.

      • Suttree

        Hehe. Nods to you.

    • You could probably hear me bitching as well and I wasn’t on line.

      A rough night for us pre-existers.

      • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

        LIfe is a fucking pre-existing condition.

        God I am starting to hate Republicans more than I hate snakes.

        At least snakes serve a purpose.

        • Brad H

          Oh, but they do serve a purpose…

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-ksHlhWZUo

          • bupkus231

            Of course, if you dump a ton of it in one place, nothing under it will grow ( like mulching ). And the GOP has been spewing so much shit about this bill that I’m already finding it hard to breathe…

        • Suttree

          So do mice and rats. They are both cute my book. So are snakes.

  • Chadwells

    You can tell a lot about a person based on the time incriment they use for the dropped food rule.

    3 second rule vs. 5 second rule vs. 10 second rule.

    Just sayin.

    • Shanzgood

      What about people who just leave it there?

      • arglebargle

        I thought this was why we had pets.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Prezactly! I puked on the kitchen floor once (migraine) and was never so happy to have a dog in my life. I know, awfully gross, but hey, dogs.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            And plus: but hey, migraines.

      • Alan

        You mean the people I have to clean after?

        • Shanzgood

          Yeah, I hate those types.

          • Alan

            The people I live with. You seem annoyed today. Yes, I just spent 3 hours cleaning up after you and you left a plate with tomato sauce sitting in my white sink.

      • Chadwells

        LOL! Damn it…that should have been included. That would be my action…let my dogs eat it!

        • Shanzgood

          I should get a dog.

          • FlownΩver

            Everyone should get a dog. Rescue highly preferred.

          • Yellerduck

            Also good for cleaning up toddlers and their surroundings after messy snacks.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Because salmonella is probably a preexisting condition now, I must inform you that THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A XXX SECOND RULE! Throw that shit out!

      Sorry for yelling, but this is important.

      • Chadwells

        For real! That’s my reaction too!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Entirely relative to the surface involved, my good man. A clean tile floor – one can retrieve the comestible at one’s leisure. A kitchen floor of questionable hygeine – 3 seconds. A sandy beach – unless one has a severe lack of minerals in the diet, your lunch is, sadly, gull food.

      • Chadwells

        Agreed!!! Also…that tells me a lot about you! Some people wouldn’t make the distinction between environments!

        • Lance Thrustwell

          {bows} I exist to explore nuance. There are no absolutes, and anyone who disagrees is always wrong.

          • Chadwells

            Absolutely!

      • Yellerduck

        I once ate a chunk of Chicken-a-la-King that fell out of an MRE pack into a fire ant bed, ’cause that was what I had for that day and damned if I was giving it to those ants. The ants that didn’t blow off just added texture.

    • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

      Pick it up and blow it, your stomach will never know it

      I always say.

    • shivaskeeper

      As if the dogs will let food touch the floor? Or to snap it up before you can even start to move to pick it up. Not going to happen my good man.

      • Chadwells

        Tell me about it!! I have 4 dogs!

        • shivaskeeper

          Just two large ones who I do not feed human food to. I don’t let them beg from me. So they are always on the lookout for dropped food.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      There are no rules for dogs. I like eating month old french fries when my mom decides to move the couch and sweep.

      • Chadwells

        I can’t tell you the kinds of things I’ve found hidden in my house! 1 of my 4 dogs likes to hide food and visit it from month to month until it’s just the perfect kind of rotten.

        • Shanzgood

          I don’t want a dog now.

          • Chadwells

            LOL! It’s only 1 of 4 that does it…and he mostly does it with pigs ears….

          • Shanzgood

            I don’t want a pig, either.

          • Yr. Gma

            You know where bacon comes from, huh?

          • Shanzgood

            Pittsburgh!!

            Speaking of which, I haz news I’m about to post.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Ages ago we had toy poodle and as she got elderly, she starting hiding toast crusts in interesting places. Like my mom’s shoe.

          • Yr. Gma

            Senile pets are always so endearing. You have to love them just because they keep on living.

          • Courser_Resistance

            ‘Star’ put up with all kinds of shit from us kids except for one thing. If you danced your feet around a piece of furniture she was lying under, she’d dash out and bite them. Which my brothers thought was hysterical when they were young & wearing tennis shoes.

            It had been *years* since anyone had done the foot dance and us kids were grown, but my father, for some unfathomable reason, decided to do it in the kitchen with us adult kids watching. Senile, blind and almost toothless, she shot out from God-knows-where and sunk a canine tooth right into my dad’s white-socked foot. Drew blood. Us kids were just ROFLOAO and dad wasn’t mad. He got what he deserved!

    • therblig

      any skittle i find in the car is fair game. don’t judge me.

      • Chadwells

        HAHA!! Hard candy coating…exception to rule!!!

    • shastakoala

      We call the food under the sofa cushions trail mix.

    • natoslug

      If the 12 hour rule was good enough for Genghis Khan, the 12 hour rule is good enough for me, dammit! Besides, having four dogs and two cats means that my kitchen floor is licked and paw-swept clean many times a day.

    • Querolous

      What does Kæstur Hákarl say about Icelanders?

      • Chadwells

        When in Iceland, eat as the Icelanders generally don’t?

  • Nounverb911
    • shivaskeeper

      I got four of those. What do I win?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
        • shivaskeeper

          I’ll pass.

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            Chevy Vega?

            An old mule?

          • Courser_Resistance

            My family owned three Vegas! One for my mom, one for me and one for parts. Yeah, our neighbors *loved* us!

          • TundraGrifter

            Wasn’t that the car where you had to pull the engine to change all the spark plugs? I remember asking a mechanic who owned one about that and he said “No, that’s not true. I just cut off the fender.”

          • Courser_Resistance

            No, the Vega was actually really easy to work on. I learned all my car repair knowledge from them! I *think* they were actually designed for user-maintenance – at least that’s why my dad was so hot on them.

            We had a Mercury Marquis station wagon with a V-8 that had that problem. My dad just didn’t change that spark plug much and when it had to be changed, he took it to a shop he knew that had a trick for it.

          • Lily412
          • shivaskeeper

            Nothing wrong with an actual mule. The 4wd on them is pretty amazing.

          • Bee-Doo

            Not if you’re driving a Pinto.

          • shivaskeeper

            True that.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          I sat and stared at the photo for a minute. Thought it was a GIF and expected the car to explode or something.

        • The Wanderer

          No Corvair?

        • MynameisBlarney

          HA!
          My best friend in high school had that car.
          It had a pea green interior and some rims and tires on it that made it look even more ridiculous.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            I had a white one with that beautiful interior! It was one of the recalled ones, also too! It even had a sweet sunroof!

            The best feature: You could rev the engine really high, then let off, and it would issue the biggest backfire you ever heard!

            Only later when investigating a gasoline smell, did I find out that the recall fix, which consisted of a plastic barrier basically curled around the front of gas tank, had either rubbed a hole in the corner of the gas tank, right by that muffler that used to make the fun boom-boom sounds.

            I coulda been an unwitting astronaut!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Does the Secret Service come visit you if you use a lot of profanity in a letter to your congressperson? I wrote the nastiest letter I’ve ever penned to Martha McSally last night.

    • Chadwells

      I think you’re ok to call them names using any adjectives available….just don’t threaten anything! That’s my rule!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        No threats. Just mentioned that I hoped she enjoyed the fucking Republican beer bash after she sentenced some of her constituents to death with her vote.

        • Shanzgood

          Good

        • Pilotshark

          did you ask how she feels KILLING Americans?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          I hope you wrote it in red ink with a quill pen on parchment.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      They won’t have enough people to visit all the writers of profanity laced letters to their congresspeople.

    • Alan

      Do not threaten. Except with votes.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I told her that her vote was going to be a millstone around her neck.

        • Alan

          Sounds merely factual to me.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Hopefully the secret service are better at understanding metaphors than the president.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’m hoping they’re too busy with hookers and binge drinking.

        • therblig

          when millstones are outlawed, only outlaws will have millstones!

          • TundraGrifter

            I’ve read that people who ate bread made from flour ground on millstones lost their teeth because of the stone grit.

            Of course, back then most folks didn’t live very long anyway. Or lost their teeth to gum disease before they were worn down to a nubbin like an old dog’s.

        • TundraGrifter

          She’ll Yap that up.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I’d prefer the terminology “noose around your neck.” Tomato/ tomatoe.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Now THAT sounds a bit threatening. Not that I don’t agree…

    • bupkus231

      So long as you didn’t laugh at her, you’re okay.

    • TundraGrifter

      Writing that letter probably made you feel better. Actually sending it only gave a low-level staffer a much needed chuckle before it got chucked. Or passed around the office to end the Friday morning staff meeting.

    • Pilotshark

      well seeing they are spending there time and money on vacations with the don and family, they will not have the budget to come after you.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Doubtful she will ever see it, although she should.

    • cmd resistor

      I started slow with a “I’m disappointed in you” email to my rep. As far as I know, although he voted for it, he didn’t make stupid comments like she did.

    • VirginiaLady

      As long as you leave out things like coming to kill you, your family and your pets you should be good. Only vote violently.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      If so, they’re going to need a whole lot more Secret Service personnel.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      Just don’t sound like an NRA spokesman and you’ll be okay. The NRA is now out there with speeches and ads suggesting that NRA members need to be ready to gun down liberals, feminists, college professors, and other enemies of the state–for real, with their real guns.

      They’re getting away with it, because the US of A is a Jefferson Beauregard Sessions The Third kind of a country.

      Stick to expletives, undeleted, in all communications with Congressional representatives, and you should be fine. Stay away from even the hint of a threat, though, because this is America, and only gun toting, multi-billion-dollar reactionary dark money Republican lobbies are allowed to incite actual violence.

      And of course, whatever you do, don’t laugh at them. That’s actionable now.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Who could’ve envisioned the NRA becoming empowered enough to actually make plans to murder political opponents under the Trump presidency?

        • SpideySenser

          We are living and quite possibly dying in some far-fetched bizarre times. It’s getting really UN-real.

  • Nounverb911
      • Bettyjcotton

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  • Maybe Republicans should throw some bacon on this bill…
    https://media4.giphy.com/media/12ikTkCa8dVIjK/giphy.gif

  • TundraGrifter

    Re: Mr. Lewandowski: “He’s such a huge target in town, and to own a chunk of a lobbying shop and not do any lobbying — it’s just always going to create questions,” Bennett said.

    They just don’t understand that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

  • Relativicus

    Are billboards put up a year and a half ahead of the next election effective at all?

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Trump is out there campaigning three and a half years before the 2020 election. The best way to sell cheap MAGA crap is to bring it to the people.

    • TundraGrifter

      I think so. Not many people keep their minds open. Most folks, once they have formed a view, opinion or belief, hold on no matter what.

      In the case of those who supported and continue to support Mr. Trump, facts have proven of little utility in changing what passes for their minds.

    • FlownΩver

      “Congressman ______________ voted for bankruptcy and death” has a nice ring to it, IMHO.

      • Relativicus

        I agree, but once you’ve seen a billboard several times it tends to become a part of the landscape until a new one shows up. I guess it’s fine if they’re going to run it through to the election.

    • VirginiaLady

      Yes. It’s called striking while the iron is hot. And it will stay hot as we watch our friends and family get sick again.

      • Relativicus

        I wish I could agree but we have very short attention spans. It won’t take too long for “Didja see that billboard” becomes “That old thing?”

    • Alan

      Yes, but they have to stay up as a constant reminder so you drill it into their little pea brains. Like ten years of Benghazi email blowjob murder.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    http://www.joemygod.com/2017/05/05/report-trump-wants-vaccine-safety-commission/ of course Trumpy does, there seems to be no fringe claim that Trump doest believe, so no surprise here.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    If there were any remaining questions about the New York Times, there’s this solemn acknowledgement that the surviving poor get to live in a world without surplus population.

    https://twitter.com/JuddLegum/status/860487841566142465

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Dying is a benefit, just much less so than living.

      • Brad H

        Well, if the GOP plans on making Soylent Green…

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Besides, it’ll mean that the poor will be able to address their elder care expenses without counting on the depleting supply of ice floes.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Just think of it! No more taxes, or burdensome regulations!

        Have YOU considered corpse-hood today? Ask Paul Ryan how you can reduce the burden placed on Job Creators TODAY!

        • The KGB Ate Our Votes

          Just reading at the Atlantic where an enterprising young woman is offering a service to mail your loved one’s cremated remains to any member of Congress, should you have the misfortune to enjoy the fullest benefits afforded by TrumpCare.

          • Khavrinen

            How much to upgrade the service from “mail to” to “throw in the face of”?
            [ With votes, of course. ]

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      So Juddle Gum thinks “wealthy benefit, poors is fukt” is inaccurate? Is he reading the same thing the rest of us are wrt the new bill re: pre-existing conditons? ‘Cuz it seems pretty accurate from my point of view.

      • yeah I do not get it anyway. Pretty much accurate? Wealth will benefit, the poor won’t? Are people offended by the tiny bit of overstatement in the headline?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          If you can show me where the poor benefit at all, I’ll allow it.

          • ooohhhh. That is not how I took it, I took it as snark XD Cause wonkette probably.
            Sorta like
            Hey, rich get richer! Poor….not so much!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Uh, I guess we’re not reading the same headline, which states that the poor are actually going to benefit from this law, granted to a lesser extent than the rich.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Yeah, that headline reads “1% get most of the pie, poors still get a sliver” whereas the reality is “wealthy get everything, poors get dead.”

        • ZangoCrudmonger

          Aha, there’s the distinction. As an engineering type I see negative benefit as still a benefit, but negative?

      • SeeTrain65

        The headline implies the poor are getting something. They surely are not, unless you call “Fucked Over” a benefit.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      White people benefited from slavery, black people much less so.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Ben Carson begs to differ. Because slavery is where the people of Africa met Ben Carson’s brand of christ.

    • Alexander Stallwitz
    • The Wanderer

      “Let’s say, that they’ll be satisfied with less.” – Ming the Merciless (Max von Sydow), Flash Gordon

    • therblig

      “the toil of the many goes…to the fortunate few”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFn5E2PJPh4

    • Contemplative Ron

      A negative amount IS much less.

    • Randy Riddle

      I guess the editor nixed the draft headlines that included the phrases “fucked by” and “screwed up the ass”.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Wealthy People Won’t Have Heads Cut Off, Put On Spikes; the Poor? Probably Not, Probably”

  • bupkus231

    So, the Senate is not going to consider that pile-of-feces that Rump and the House Rs were celebrating yesterday. Wonder if anyone in the press will ask any of them what they think about this.

    As it is, the idea that the Senate will come up with their own bill, possibly passing it, and then sending it back to the House is not so reassuring. What triggers sending competing versions to reconciliation? Funny Horrible things have happened in those conferences.

    As it is, the only pleasant thing in my mind right now is to see how these vermin squirm when the CBO scoring finally comes out ( apparently in the next two weeks ). Let’s just hope the Senate doesn’t push their bill as rapidly as the House did, beating the deadline…

    • Alan

      I’m pretty sure the senate thinks the house is a bunch of uneducated dicks so reconciliation seems pretty far fetched.

    • tomamitai

      They and their supporters only believe in facts that support their side, so they could give two shits about the CBO.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • …but it is not actually repealed? Why are they celebrating, precisely?

      • therblig

        because orangeanus said it was repealed.

        • Does not any GOP government worker know how government actually works?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Apparently not any more than the NYT does.

          • well that’s a given. Though I would want to read the article and see how the hell even the rich benefit from this. Sure, those making the money off the industry and all- but the rich are going to have pre-existing conditions too, so their higher insurance rates oughta offset some of that and we all know how those tight fisted mother fuckers hate to give up a penny.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Except that their families already have executive insurance (yes, this is a thing), so this doesn’t affect them.

          • Suttree

            Fuck no. Collect government cash and lobbying munies and fuck everyone else.

          • Alan

            No.

          • From Russia with Love

            These people don’t comprehend how a toilet actually works.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        because the Democrats made them look bad by being there when the Freedom Caucus fucked them on the budget, so they had to kill poor people to make themselves feel as if they accomplished something that’s important to them.

      • MynameisBlarney

        They’re celebrating being absolute dickheads.

      • Blackest Noobs

        ha! I know! what a bunch of assholes!!!!

        they’re over-confidence, among many other sins, will be their undoing.

        dumb mutherfuckin’ assholery Republicans.

        • Suttree

          We can hope. I still have some worries though.

          • tomamitai

            Are those worries known by the initials “DNC”?

          • Suttree

            Yes indeed!

      • ariel_gee_398

        Ivanka had a new gingham dress she thought would look great in Rose Garden photo ops?

      • Suttree

        Masturbating furiously?

      • TundraGrifter

        Something. They desperately needed to celebrate something. It’s the whole Trump Administration meme – you don’t have to actually do anything. You just have to look like you did. Rather like him “acting” Presidential instead of simply “being” Presidential.

        In their world there is no difference.

    • therblig

      “yay, daddy did something besides me: – Verunka

      • From Russia with Love

        I vanka, but not with you, Daddy.

    • Suttree

      People celebrating people dying. MAGA, Fuck these people.

      • Jim Johnson

        And fuck that disgusting, malignant narcissist and his spoiled demon spawn. Choosing juicy tax cuts for the filthy rich over the well being of our citizens is despicable.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      She’s the nice Trump who doesn’t agree with all the nasty things her daddy says and does, you know. Everyone tells me so.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        See, look at the dress. NYT politics is spread out on twitter this morning telling us that yesterday’s EO is proof that the Kushners are sooper-seekrit friends of Dorothy, and here’s the proof.

      • From Russia with Love

        She’d cut a bitch in a New York minute.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      She’s as horrible and stupid as her father. I hope the Trump spawn are driven out of NYC by sheer hostility, and her children are forced to attend public school, because no private school wants that riff raff.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I actually hope the children go live with a great aunt who is far far away from this dumpsterfire and they grow up to loath what their parents have down.

        Otherwise agree.

    • Alan

      She is now officially punchable.

      • Randy Riddle

        With votes. Wrapped in brass knuckles.

  • subatomic

    Isn’t it illegal to sell access to administration officials?

    • I am pretty sure we are well past the “isn’t it illegal” stage of this admin.

      • Randy Riddle

        We’re kind of to the “remember the good old days when Presidents didn’t kill people in front of tv cameras on fifth avenue?” stage.

    • Alan

      Hahahahaha.

  • Blackest Noobs

    wanna know how you can spot the assholes?

    they’re the ones celebrating before accomplishing the thing they set out to accomplish…like for example the House voting on their shitty healthcare bill.
    they’re acting like it’s already the law of the land and somehow forgot, oh yeah the Senate got to vote, approve, or revise it……so yep assholes….everyone of the cheap mutherfuckers drinking their Bud Lites.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    Be kind about the relationship between Murdoch and the senescent orange creature infesting the Oval Office.

    Rupert, faithful servant to the fossil fuel oligarchs on three continents for over half a century, is a very, very old man whose wealth, vast as it is, will not keep him alive much longer, and whose sons have ceased to fear him.

    And Donald is the first president ever who’s actually been “in” when Ol’ Rupe calls. The others (at least, the Republican ones) found him useful, but they were always “out” or “busy” when they found out that Rupe was calling. It’s been his heart’s fondest dream to be able to get through to the president of the United States on the blower.

    And now that the president of the United States is a former employee of Rupe’s, he can!

    It’s like magic. It’s like Sleepless in Seattle, only with Rupe and Donald instead of Meg and Tom.

    • Tania

      Rupert’s mother, Dame Elisabeth, would slap the both of them for the way they have been behaving. She was a matriarch and even though the family wealth is built on slightly dubious strategy, she would put Rupert back in his place. She would then give Trump a serve that would have him peeing his pants – all while maintaining ladylike decorum.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I’m growing fond of Trevor.

    https://youtu.be/frglD9wF6J0

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Nice Charlie Sheen joke.

      • Zyxomma

        Better Kate Upton joke.

  • VirginiaLady

    Hey France! Like what you see?

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Thanks, Dominic. The Wonkagenda is a welcome part of my morning routine. Your diligence is much appreciated.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Hear hear!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Likewise.

  • nightmoth
    • ZOMG THAT IS WHO HE REMINDS ME OF!!!!!!

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        You know who ELSE he reminds me of?

        • SpideySenser

          Creepy people?

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Himmler?

        • Eddie Munster?

          …No, wait. That one’s too easy.

      • Dinz6315

        Margaret Hamilton was MUCH better looking!…

    • Zyxomma

      Loved and shared.

  • TundraGrifter

    From the SF Chronicle:

    The spectacle of Republican members of Congress cheering the passage of their revised health care bill with high-fives and selfies in the White House Rose Garden didn’t sit well with a former Fox News veteran.

    The jubilant representatives were bused to the White House on Thursday after the revised GOP bill narrowly passed in the House.

    “What is the celebration? It can’t pass in the Senate. It hasn’t even gone to the Senate,” “Greta Van Susteren told her new collegue at MSNBC, Chris Matthews.

    She was just getting started.

    “It’s like claiming victory in a football game at the end of the first quarter or the half or something. For the life of me, I don’t know why they put themselves in a position where they’re clapping each other on the back for getting something halfway done. The American people want a product. We’re not even there and it’s not even likely to be there. Now we have this picture, this bus ride, this big hoopla.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      She also forgets WHAT they’re “celebrating”–the certain penury and death of millions of Americans in order to funnel more of our taxpayer dollars to the ultra-ultra-rich.

    • Randy Riddle

      Well, the beer celebration is sort of like NASCAR where it doesn’t matter who wins – you hang out and party all day just waiting for something to crash and explode.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      For the life of me, I don’t know why they put themselves in a position where they’re clapping each other on the back for getting something halfway done

      The Palin Effect™

      • TundraGrifter

        Germany should have tried that after the end of WW II.

        “We won! WE WON!” “VA Day!”

    • Yr. Gma

      Well, Van Cesspool said something sensible for a change.

  • Doug Langley

    Time for this week’s scorching takedown of . . . The Fountainhead!

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/daylightatheism/2017/05/fountainhead-friend-need/

    • Alan

      There’s a reason that not a single thinking economist or philosopher takes any of that shit more seriously than Dick and Jane.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I heart Fred.

    • zerosumgame0005

      fuck patheos, no way I am turning off ad-blockers

      • C4TWOMAN

        If you have a computer with Linux, it might let you slide. I’ve got ad-blocker+ and for some reason it’s given me no grief.

  • William
  • Carpe Vagenda

    but let’s get to the important news, shall we?

    https://twitter.com/DominicGwinn/status/860504580098052096

    • Aawwwww you noticed! I just put my GoPro in my cap. This should get interesting

      • Yr. Gma

        Trix will want a screening for us. (Yes, dear Rebecca, you will.) We are proud of our Dominic!

        • I pulled a stunt, give me a bit and I’ll show you.

  • jesterpunk

    Of course the_deplorables on reddit are behind the push to get Colbert fired. They cant stand anyone who criticizes their “God Emperor” and will try and ruin anyones life who does.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xcb4_QwP6fE

  • jesterpunk

    Trump cut all funding for a group that fights right wing terrorist. He wouldnt want anything to happen to his base.

    https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-counter-violent-domestic-extremism-white-supremacism-cve-funding-freeze-10-million-a7715101.html

  • Prexisting Condition Jack

    That’s just hysterical. Faux Business wants to have Colbert “fired” for saying ouch words? I bet more people watch Colbert than Faux business, so there’s that.

    Which begs the question, if “free market” is so great to conservatives, why are they the ones who always need some kind of hand-out to get their vile rhetoric to the masses? Conservatives do the most whining about how commercial success is “biased against them”. Maybe it’s not bias so much as it is that quality only comes from, more liberal mindsets.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Marla

    Get a tumor, Ryan.

    Make my day.

  • calliecallie

    Beautiful, graceful, big-eyed giraffe animals and then at 29 seconds in it’s like “WTF is that hanging from that baby giraffe’s underbelly? Gross!” Residual umbilical cord maybe? Can’t be his penis, can it?

    • chortlingdingo

      It’s the umbilical cord :)

  • Bitter Scribe

    Gee, the loathsome pigs who relentlessly slandered and lied about Obama and every other Democrat for years on end turned out to be loathsome pigs in their private dealings. What a coincidence.

  • TundraGrifter

    “King of Sweden to visit USA.” ~ News item

    She had a dream about the King of Sweden
    He gave her things that she was needin’
    He gave her a home built of gold and steel
    A diamond car with a p-la-ti-num wheel

    ~ Cab Calloway – “Minnie The Moocher”

    • Red Bird Ω

      Why?

    • sarafina

      He sounds nice.

  • Hardly Ideal

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Fox spend a good amount of time crying about the PC police? And now they want Colbert fired for saying something politically incorrect?

    Fucking snowflakes.

    • Khavrinen

      Hypocrisy — how does it work?

    • Laffing Crow

      I’ve decided that snowflake is too good for ’em. They’re ice spicules at best.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat
    • nightmoth

      Those are some good graphics there. I want to find out now how many Georgians will lose coverage due to our smarmy idiot Doug Collins, may he never know peace again.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Ivanka was taking selfies with some of them.

  • Hey, I got what I wanted. FINALLY! Someone in Congress did something about the opioid lottery winning moocher crisis.

    https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/1628/text#toc-H60781988CEA54F5BA42870F6881A078A

    See SEC. 114. REDUCING STATE MEDICAID COSTS.

  • Poly_Ester

    Did the Congressmen that attended each get a participation trophy?

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