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AWWWWWW (pic courtesy of the people pictured above, who are boning, via Vanity Fair)

HAPPINESS AND MAZEL TOV! We bring you tidings of comfort and joy, and the news that Joe Brzezinski and Mika Scarborough, hosts of the popular MSNBC morning show “Mark Halperin Has No Idea We’re Playing With Each Other Under The Table,” ARE FINALLY GETTING MARRIED! After literally one thousand years of rumors about how they were making nasty in every broom closet at the MSNBC studios, the happy couple has finally come forward and said, “Yeah, all those times we play fight on TV? That’s foreplay. And afterplay. And very soon it is going to be HOLY MATRIMONY PLAY, WITH OUR HOO HOOS.”

Vanity Fair has the story! You see, Mika’s 50th birthday was Tuesday — the day she and Joe were on TV talking about how maybe Donald Trump is coming down with a wee case of dementia — but right before that they were on vacation. Isn’t that weird that they would take their vacation at the same time? A casual observer might think they were off in some exotic location doing bonesies to each other, and a casual observer would be right. They were in Cap D’Antibes, a fancy Mediterranean resort in France!

When they got there, Mika says she was thinking “OOH HE FANCY taking me here! I wonder if he is going to make an honest woman out of me!” But the first night he didn’t do it, so she was like “Meh.” But on the last night of the trip …

… [T]he couple ascended the hotel’s palatial walkway from the pool and restaurant to its mansion overlooking the Mediterranean. They were en route to the Bellini bar in its lobby when Scarborough paused and stopped Brzezinski. “Halfway up the hill, he said he needed to sit down,” she told me. “We hadn’t been feeling well, so I thought, Oh, poor guy, he can’t make it up the hill.”

“His glasses were fogging up he was so nervous. I kept thinking he really must not have felt well,” Brzezinski said.

LOSER! But it turns out he was just very nervous, because he was about to pop the question:

Scarborough then plopped down on one knee with an oval-shaped diamond ring set in platinum that he’d been hiding in his suitcase for days and asked her to marry him. “When I saw him on one knee, I started laughing nervously, almost hysterically,” she said. “And then he asked, and I said, ‘Absolutely.’”

YAY!

Vanity Fair notes that both have been married before, but they claim they never bumped uglies in a cheaty way before their divorces. They don’t even live together yet, but they’re trying to figure that out. You see, between them they have six kids, and also “three dogs, three cats, two rabbits, and chickens.” They are going to need a lot of bedrooms, and probably granite countertops!

As to the wheres and the whens of their wedding day, we don’t know the details yet, but we know what it’s not going to be. You see, before Joe and Mika started noticing that Donald Trump is an authoritarian, senile troll man, they were BFFs with him, and just after the inauguration, they went down to Mar-a-Lago for a normal and ethical journalistic interview with the new president. But while they were there, they were cuddling with Jared Kushner on the water bed and Jared was like “OMG I wanna do your wedding, I am a grown-up who is the president of doing weddings!” But then Donald Trump was like “BE QUIET MY SEXXXY SON-IN-LAW, I WILL GRAB THIS WEDDING BY THE PUSSY!”:

Once the fish and scalloped potatoes had been served, and special sauces delivered directly to Trump were placed on the table, the couple said that the president came up with an idea: If they planned on getting married, they should consider doing so at Mar-a-Lago or the White House, they recalled. “That’s when Jared interrupted and said, ‘Hey, you know what? I’ve got my license. I could marry you,’” Scarborough said. (A White House spokeswoman had no comment.)

According to Scarborough, that’s when Trump snapped from the end of the table, saying: “Why would you marry them? They could have the President of the United States marry them.”

Haha, remember when Joe and Mika helped ruin America by helping propel Donald Trump into the White House? Good times.

Anyway, now that the happy couple has broken up with Trump, Mika says she has no interest in getting hitched at the White House:

“The White House that I grew up in was an amazing place. If it weren’t Trump, it might be something to think about,” Brzezinski said. “The mental picture is just fascinating, but the reality is just . . . no. No, no, no, no, no.”

We guess they will have to do it somewhere else. Ooh, ooh, maybe they could do it on their show and Mark Halperin can be the flower girl!

Just kidding, Wonkette toddler Donna Rose is going to be the flower girl, because Joe and Mika stoled her during the New Hampshire Primary:

Side-eye.

Anyway, we are very happy that Joe and Mika will only be living in sin and doing premarital finger-bangs for a little while longer, and we wish them many happy years together. Wonkette looks forward to receiving our invitation to the wedding, to which we will RSVP “maybe.”

The couple is registered at Big Lots.

Wonkette is funded by readers like YOU. If you like us, click below, to fund us!

[Vanity Fair]

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    C’mon, girl, dish. Show us the ring. Did he go to Jared?

  • Painter of Goats

    I have looked absolutely everywhere and I just can’t find any fucks to give about this.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    THIS, btw, is the actual thing that reallly made James Comey “mildly nauseous”.

  • Bill D. Burger

    [Joe And Mika Ready To Bang Each Other In The Bonds Of Holy Matrimony!]

    http://www-static.weddingbee.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Ewww.jpg

  • jesuswasablack

    Gee I hope Mika doesn’t turn up dead in Joe’s office!
    https://i2.wp.com/www.allhatnocattle.net/joescabs.jpg

  • BearGHAZI

    IT’S A TRAPP MIKA!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • ltmcdies

    Ugh….

  • “…and special sauces delivered directly to Trump…” = ketchup.

  • Bill D. Burger

    [Joe And Mika Ready To Bang Each Other In The Bonds Of Holy Matrimony!]

    https://m.popkey.co/dd3886/EawY_f-maxage-0.gif

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Loser. He couldn’t even afford to pop the question via Jumbo-tron?

  • Mpeg

    Trump snapped from the end of the table, saying: “Why would you marry them? They could have the President of the United States marry them.”

    and added: “… MEATHEAD!!!”

    I swear to god, this fücknoggin’s psyche is begging to be locked away for permanent psychiatric treatment.

    • JCfromNC

      Honest question: Does the POTUS even have authority to conduct weddings? Or would it be him conducting a dog-and-pony show ceremony with a Justice of the Peace doing the actual tying of the knot afterwards?

    • SterWonk

      Archie Bunker LIBEL!!! He at least tried to learn, and was well-meaning. (IIRC; I haven’t seen an episode of All in the Family in maybe twenty years.)

  • Marsupial99

    Oh…. there it is. Never mind!

  • ArgieBargie

    They deserve each other.

    That’s probably the nicest thing I can say about this.

    • Bobathonic

      And simultaneously, the harshest!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh! …. How can we celebrate this? What to do for them?

    http://www.everafterromance.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/bastards.gif

  • anwisok

    “And then he asked, and I said, ‘Absolutely.’

    Truly, a question you shouldn’t ask if you don’t already know the answer.

  • gallbladder

    Where are they registered?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Bed, Bath, and Blithering Idiots, probably.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Bed, Bath, and Bombs.

    • Vincent Ricola

      youcantaffordit dot com.

    • ManchuCandidate

      The Scarlett Letter

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Some level of the parking structure for Dante’s Inferno.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Oh you haters. This is a love story for the ages.

    Boy meets girl. Boy works with girl. Boy fingerbangs girl. Boy and girl divorce their significant others. Boy and girl help gets deranged Trumpenfurher elected. Boy marries girl. US America dies more on the inside.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      America insists it’s not dead, feels better, wants to go for a walk, is dancing. Boy convinces NY Times reporter to cosh it and cart it off.

  • Vecchioivan

    Now they can legally adopt Willie Geist.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Hahahahahaha!

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Put a helmet and harness on him, and tie him to a tree in the back yard. He can play with the dogs, cats, rabbits and chickens.

      • Vecchioivan

        Tell me about the rabbits again, Joe.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wonkette toddler Donna Rose’s side-eye to Joe Scarface is EVERYTHING.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      HRH DR side-eye is best side-eye.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Awwwww. Super-rich and connected white people on teevee found love with each other after “quietly divorcing” the other people they were married to for decades. They really are just like the rest of us.

  • WiscoJoe
  • onedollarjuana

    “three dogs, three cats, two rabbits, and chickens.”

    As in “keep f’ing that chicken”?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I knew they were meant to be when — during the conversation about the President maybe being senile — Joe cleaned his glasses with his tie while Mika gazed lovingly at his crotchal region. Seriously, watch that video.

  • The Wanderer

    How to celebrate? Hmm . . .
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rgDvP39Lqw

  • Marsupial99

    You know, I’ve strangely been more ok with Joe & Mika just knowing that, waaaaay back in the primary days, Trix & Shy actually trusted them enough to hold Future President Babby for a few minutes.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Mika and Joe turning against Trump, Jim DeMint getting kicked out of Heritage Foundation, maybe there is a god…

    “Nevertheless, there is some logic in delivering Heritage to someone who’d be willing and able to transform it into a more explicitly populist and nationalist think tank. Throughout his presidential campaign, Trump tossed around a bunch of ideas that are anathema to small-government conservatives like DeMint and Needham, promising to break up the big banks, craft trade policies that served American workers first, protect entitlement spending, and prioritize middle-class tax cuts over giveaways to the rich. Once in office, however, the Trump administration has largely abandoned these commitments. Apart from embracing a more restrictionist immigration policy, the president really hasn’t delivered on much of anything. Part of this is a reflection of the fact that he’s staffed the executive branch with so many folks from think tanks, places that either oppose these sorts of objectives or haven’t thought about them deeply. This includes the Heritage people in the Trump administration—though DeMint embraced Trump early on, he and his staff never quite cottoned to the populism Trump advocated on the stump.

    http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2017/05/why_is_jim_demint_out_at_the_heritage_foundation.html

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Word is that the Heritage leadership job is being looked at as a good place to stash Bannon.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That’s what the article I read said, too. The HF seems to just be a place to bury embarrassing Republicans at this point.

        • Lamashtar

          Brings new meaning to the phrase “heritage, not hate!”

          (I think I’m funny.)

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            That was funny! Only a southerner would understand it though.

  • writersbloc

    Lawls, “Registered at Big Lots”

    • Me not sure

      They have a section of products called “As Seen On TV”, so that makes sense.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • gallbladder

      Par for the course.

    • The Wanderer

      They can’t even get the name right. It’s called TRUMPDONTCARE.

    • Greyhame

      There’s NO TIME to lose on silly details like CBO scoring or spell-checking! Must vote NOW NOW NOW.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        I’m old enough to remember when Obamacare was rammed down your throats in a matter of just 15 months or so.

      • Me not sure

        When it’s time to drop a turd, it’s time.

  • chiefkurtz
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Who is Lori?

      • chiefkurtz

        right (or left) click “search google for image”.

      • Bill D. Burger

        The Ugly Story in Joe Scarborough’s Political Closet

        By RogerShuler
        Tuesday Mar 15, 2011 · 1:29 PM EDT

        Many Americans probably have forgotten, or never knew, that a 28-year-old female staff member was found dead in the summer of 2001 in the office of U.S. Rep. Joe Scarborough (R-FL).

        Does that mean Joe Scarborough is a murderer? No. But we suspect someone who had access to Scarborough’s office in 2001 is a murderer. We find it unlikely that the head trauma that killed Lori Klausutis was the result of an accident.

        http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/3/15/956651/-

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Ahhh, yes, I remember that now. I never knew her name.

  • memzilla Ω
    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Spectacularly perfect!

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      Anytime I see a screenshot of them together, I hear “I Smell Sex and Candy.”

  • tihond

    See, this is why Mike Pence won’t even eat dinner with a woman.

  • arglebargle
    • anwisok

      Made by the Heinz-Kerrys? I THINK NOT!

      • MynameisBlarney

        He saves the little packets from McDonalds because he’s too cheap to pay his own.

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet
      • MynameisBlarney

        Who the fuck eats fried chicken with a knife and fork?

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          This motherfucker right here.
          Edited to add: the one pictured above, not myself!!

        • Fidel Jack Tenhet

          The same kinda guy who eats a slice of pizza with the same. His cutlery is also engraved with his name, fun fact.

          • Jenny

            Hey, my grand mother fed baby me with a silver spoon with my name on it. But I outgrew it and even learned my own name!

            Trump should try that!

    • natoslug

      I feel sorry for the cook who has to carry the “special sauces” out of the elephant masturbatorium each day for Donut’s meals. Even sorrier for the one who has to coax the sauce out of the elephants.

      • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

        You had me at masturbatorium…

  • SnarkON

    “The White House I grew up in”? WTF?

    • DrBigHead

      Well, her old man was on Carter’s staff for his entire presidency, so that would have been when she was 8 years old or so. Still, I wonder how much time she actually spent there.

      • Me not sure

        He was National Security Advisor and had been a respected Soviet specialist in academia for quite a while.

  • LesBontemps

    Evan, I think you misspelled “molotov.”

  • calliecallie

    We could send them “Hell. No.” hats as an engagement gift.

  • Me not sure

    OT and totally just parental pride : Son not sure (our youngest) just got moved from being a tech at the car dealership that he works for to a salaried position in the business side with a sizable raise and better hours. He just got married and went off of our healthcare and has to get his through work, so this couldn’t happen at a better time.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yay! Congratulations!

      • Me not sure

        Thanks. He’s been a good kid his whole life and this is just what he and his new bride need.

        • Fidel Jack Tenhet

          Always appreciate happy news! Good for him and her.

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      Molotov!

      LikeIAm.

    • natoslug

      Wait, kids eventually leave home and get jobs? Why the fuck has nobody ever told me that this was an option for my wonderful spawn?

      • Me not sure

        I had to order E-Z Sprinkle Unicorn Glitter and sprinkle it over the threshold of the seventh son of a seventh son and then rub my loin with John The Conquerer Root while chanting a Druidic spell before it happened. It may work for you too. If you can corner Gingrich try throwing in an eye of Newt.

  • Jenny

    Do people who are oldz still get all sweaty and nervous about proposing?

    I ask because I was brushing my teeth and the boyfriend was like hey one of these days we should talk about marriage. My response was “mmasjdhshsggs” cuz of how I was brushing my teeth.

    Yeah sure, there is an idea to talk about, but talk to me when you’ve got acreage in Montana instead of a worthless ring.

    But don’t these people know about this marriage thing and how it goes down? Does an older person really need to break their knees for it?

    • natoslug

      If I were going to propose again (which would likely piss of my wife a bit), I certainly would not be going down on one knee. The knees already feel like daggers are stabbing underneath my kneecaps just walking. And besides, there are better things to go down on than a knee.

      • Jenny

        Right? I am 37 and I try and do lunges and shit for exercises. You know what looks dumb? Asking my son to pick me up!

        But also, they’re divorced. Do they really need a proposal story?

        • natoslug

          I like to think I am still young at 49, but have the knees of someone twice my age. And he refuses to take them back. The only consolation is that the grinding and popping noises that come from my knees and one shoulder usually means everyone else in the house runs away in disgust when I stretch or exercise, so nobody has to see me if I fall over.

      • Me not sure

        Wife says she likes the cut of your jib.

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      When I proposed, first and only time. I just said “You wanna?”

      “What?” She said, dismissively.

      “Should maybe get married. Been a year since we moved in together.”

      “Get me a ring?”

      “I will.”

      “I’ll say ‘yes’ then.”

      Married, nine months later.

  • Basic English

    You misspelled “Molotov.”

  • Ryan Denniston

    Why so nervous Joe? You do have some experience at popping the question!

  • La forza del resistino

    The way he talks over her on air daily, had me believing they tied the knot years ago.

  • Crystalclear12

    What is it with conservatives getting hitched? Do they know something we don’t?!

    • BosGrl

      Yes. God (TM) is going to smite all of us who aren’t snuggled into a MAN/WOMAN Bible-approved marriage and we are going to be LEFT BEHIND so they need to hurry!

      • Crystalclear12

        I knew it!

  • Marceline

    I’ve never been happier to see two people leave the dating pool.

    • timpundit

      Now we can cut back on the chlorine a bit.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Jay B.

      William Powell at this very second is more charming than Scarborough will ever be.

      • timpundit

        Powell was a master. The Thin Man is a great movie.

        • Jay B.

          My Man Godfrey is right up there too. As far as The Thin Man series, Hammett turned rampant alcoholism and gigantic drunken fights with Lillian Hellman into sophisticated gold, god bless him.

        • proudgrampa

          And I always thought Myrna Loy was drop-dead gorgeous.

  • Vincent Ricola

    You all who watch this terrible morning show think it’s bad now, just wait until they kick off the 6 months worth of wedding planning segments and you have to spend 20 minutes a morning watching Joe test out reception appetizers.

  • Okay. I never actually watched more than a clip of the show at a time, but all these years I thought she was the smart one, and just barely tolerating him, kind of like Melania.

  • Bemused

    *shrug* Good luck to them, congrats, every happiness, etc.

  • anon_the_great

    And Jared said, “Hey, you know what? I’ve got my license. I could marry you.”

    What? In addition to running Murica on the down low is Jerry one of those mail-order pastors what like the Universalist Church and such?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Maybe since his Cardinals don’t like the one we have now Jared can be the Pope too.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Wait, I thought Jared was going to bring peace to the Mideast?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Well, it’ll sure shake up the factions at the Dome of the Rock, is what.

      • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

        We haven’t had an anti-pope for much too long.
        I hear it’s nice this time of the year in Avignon.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Right. The argentinians couldn’t take down this guy, but Steve Bannon’s gonna have macedonian teenagers call him a cuck so bad…

    • II Gosala

      Universal Life Church. The Universalists merged with the Unitarians in 1964 .

  • BosGrl

    OT: Paul Ryan talking on the teevee right now. I can’t wait until Pope Francis calls him and tells him his Catholic ass is going straight to hell.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Yeah, I agree with him that what’s killing people is big government. We all need the freedom to not be able to afford insurance.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Ugh. Why did I turn this on? Paul Ryan is the worst.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He is literally the worst. I try not to hate people in real life, but I hate every last one of these motherfuckers, with Ryan at the head of my hatred line.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          He’s third in mine: Twitler, McTraitor, then Ryan.

        • SisterArtemis

          McConnell will always be my Most Despised One in DC. Unfortunately, he’s very good at what he does, though I was temporarily heartened a few times during the Obama administration when he stumbled. But alas, Mitch regained his footing, tight little smile firmly in place.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Did you see the nun from The Little Sisters of the Poor getting lauded by Donald Trump this AM? Kind of ironic that she showed up to support a man who is getting ready to screw 24 million people out of their health care.

      • BosGrl

        Hm, I must have missed that particular gem :(.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I’m bleeding out of my ears from the sheer cognitive dissonance.

  • Fidel Jack Tenhet
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Paul Ryan talking in front of Congress about how he’s going to save the nation’s health, by pulling health insurance from 24 million people. I hope people remember Paul Ryan throughout history as a sad, angry man who turned in to a despondent alcoholic after he was kicked out of office.

    • BosGrl

      He’s a pathetic excuse for a human being. He can just go fuck himself, hard, with a cattle prod made of votes.

  • JD Mulvey

    I’m going to assume the chickens are Mika’s.

    • LesBontemps

      Well, the ones that are gonna be coming home to roost are Joe’s.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Y’know, sorry.

    I am not married.

    I have never even been close.

    BUT

    The way this prick treats her, on live TV no less, no

    I know this makes me sound like kind of an MRAsshole, and I’m sorry for that. But, guys that talk to women that way need to _not be with women_.

    • JD Mulvey

      Yet somehow guys that treat women that way seem to never be at a loss for them.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        Yea, exactly why I thought twice about going down that particular rabbit hole. Let’s just leave this where it is, shall we?

      • Shanzgood

        Maybe you’re using the term “women” a little too loosely.

    • Yellow_Dog_Dem

      Thank you. I feel the same way. He’s a pig.

    • You’re absolutely right. He’s a creep, and she’s stupid for putting up with it professionally. Who knows how bad it will be at home. Good luck to her.

    • Shanzgood

      How does that make you an MRAsshole?

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        See reply to JD below. Uncomfortably close to nice guy territory.

        • Shanzgood

          Oh, huh. I didn’t read it that way at all, if that helps any. Pointing out that a certain guy is an asshole isn’t the same as pulling a “nice guy” maneuver, IMO.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Better safe than banhammered :/

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Blackest Noobs

      oh that’s the Republican smirk smile….

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Hmph.

    That is the sum total of my opinions regarding their wedding. I don’t wish them ill, but overpaid semi-journalists with shaky judgment can eat their shrimp cocktails quite well without me being present, thankyouverymuch. {flounces away}.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Calling them semi-journalists is being too kind.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’d rather be talking about what a douchebag Paul Ryan is.

  • Paul Dietzel

    But what are ol’ Zbig’s thoughts on this? Or, since she just turned the big 5-0, does daddy not have a say anymore?
    The first comment on this thread was Msgr_M asking if Joe went to Jared (for the ring, I assume.) Reminded me of some comic’s comment “Every kiss may begin with Kay’s but every blow-job begins with Tiffany’s”

    BTW did I do right hyphenating BJ or is it all one word or two separate unhyphenated ones? Would the NYT Style Manual tell me?

  • BadKitty904
  • Blackest Noobs

    sorry but not sorry….what a bunch of assholes…lesson to anyone who is a spouse with an on-air personality….get a GOOD FUCKIN PRE-NUP!!!!

  • Nick Scroggs

    And they can go fuck themselves. That is my take on these two, in addition to not caring whatever. Also, MSNBC just keeps having all these tlright wingers complaining about Obamacare now.

    • Bobathonic

      Pretty sure they’re way ahead of you on the fucking bit.

  • proudgrampa

    Longest hyphenated name in history.

  • Michael Smith

    Oh, Big Lots, that’s a good idea.

  • georgiaburning

    Great that they got together, that way no one decent gets messed up in a relationship with either of them.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Sorry to raise you blood pressure, but this was just choice.

    “Chaffetz is all smiles as he scoots back from a fully-insured surgery to repeal health coverage for millions.”

    https://twitter.com/BenMarter/status/860160883095371776

    • BadKitty904

      Traitor on a trike.

      • Fidel Jack Tenhet

        Bastard on a Bike.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Fuckhole on a Fourwheeler.

          • Fidel Jack Tenhet

            Dickbag on a something that works with that.

        • Jon Sussex

          Troll on a roll.

        • Vincent Ricola

          Wanker on Wheels.

          • Fidel Jack Tenhet

            Prick on a Penny-farthing.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Asshole on a parasol.

        • desida

          …Jon Snow libelz? Am I doing this right?

    • elviouslyqueer

      #DildoInABozoWig

    • Blackest Noobs

      someone ought to punch him the face enough times to put him back in the hospital….if no one is up to it, i’ll do it free of charge.

    • Jenny

      Is that his wife? Is he now following the Pence doctrine? Why does she look like she is going to church? Can you help an asshole to the bathroom in a dress like that?

      • elviouslyqueer

        And why is she wearing something that looks like a oversized placemat?

        • Vincent Ricola

          Those shoes tho.

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      They’re not even trying optics anymore. That’s kinda scary.

    • Stulexington

      And then scoots away from his job at the investigation “ooow ooow relapse, can’t do my job, gotta take a month to recuperate.”

    • Shoto

      That sorta looks like a pre-existing condition to me.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Sorry, but this is more important than Mika and Joe fingerbanging adulterously:
    “Republicans posture in favor of the goal of providing medical care to those who can’t afford it, while opposing any specific plan that does so, and refusing to defend the policy outcome their actual position would bring about. They held to that strategy during the Obamacare debate, and through years of voting to repeal the law while promising their alternative would come soon. It was the strategy they tried to carry out earlier this year, when they would repeal Obamacare immediately and replace it … eventually.

    Republican efforts to repeal Obamacare without a replacement failed. But they are attempting the next closest thing: a bill the party leadership will try to rush into law without the barest elements of due diligence. There have been no hearings, no studies, no Congressional Budget Office analysis; not even the text of a bill circulated the day before Thursday’s vote.

    The heart of the bill is the same one that was polling at under 20 percent and failed two months ago: a near-trillion dollar tax cut for wealthy investors, financed by cuts to insurance subsidies for the poor and middle class. They have added a series of hazily defined changes: waivers for states to allow insurers to charge higher rates to people with preexisting conditions and to avoid covering essential health benefits, and a pitifully small amount of money to finance high-risk pools for sick patients.

    The implications of these changes are vast. The Brookings Institution notes that if a single state eliminated the cap on lifetime benefits for a single employee, then employers in every state could actually follow suit, thus bringing back a horrid feature of the pre-Obamacare system, in which people who get hit with expensive treatment suddenly discover that their insurer will no longer pay for their care. This would affect not only those getting insurance through Medicaid or the state exchanges, but also through their job.

    Thanks, Morons, in the MidWest!!!!

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/05/trumpcare-an-abdication-of-responsibility-a-moral-disgrace.html

  • BadKitty904
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Republicans worried that they’ll be punished for NOT repealing Obamacare. Can’t wait till they get home and find out how grateful their constituents are that they now don’t have health insurance. I’m thrilled that EVERYONE will get to have higher premiums. I’m sure their older, rural voters will be thrilled that they get to pay five times as much for health care now. FREEDOM!

    • Radical white terrorists are the fucking worst

    • Blackest Noobs

      even better is the cause where states can opt out of the pre-existing conditions…so basically Trump and Republicans lied about keeping that part and when it turns out those Republican-states can easily say no jose to the pre-existing conditions, Trump and the Congressional Republicans will blame their lesser Republicans for rejecting it….no wait..they’ll blame Democrats….what the fuck was i thinking…..

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Why not go with the tried and true “it was the black guy’s fault?”

        • Blackest Noobs

          don’t worry they’ll definitely blame him for sure

    • georgiaburning

      The more that health care is abandoned in rural areas, the quicker that older, rural voters will die off. This will result in a faster shift of population percentages towards urban areas and a loss of safe Repub seats in statehouses and Congress. So, not only are the Repubs grannykillers, they suck at math.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Luckily they’re very good at gerrymandering.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Maybe Kim Davis can marry them!

    “On Tuesday, a federal appeals court ruled that Kim Davis — the Rowan County clerk who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples on “God’s authority” — can be sued for damages. Last August, a U.S. District judge dismissed same-sex couples’ case against Davis on the grounds that Kentucky had changed its marriage-license policy. But the Sixth Circuit Court reversed that decision, saying that the policy change doesn’t eliminate the harm Davis caused the couples, the Lexington Herald Leader reports.”

    http://nymag.com/thecut/2017/05/same-sex-couples-can-sue-kim-davis-kentucky-court-rules.html

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m so confused. We had a “nice time” post about a horrible thing, and now we have a story which, while ranking fairly high on my “I really don’t give a shit” meter, is at least not entirely sucky. What gives? Is it opposite day?

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Wow, the Republican Senate just passed a $1.1 trillion dollar spending bill. Fiscal conservatives!

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    If it weren’t Trump, it might be something to think about,” Brzezinski said. “The mental picture is just fascinating, but the reality is just . . . no. No, no, no, no, no.”

    Something-something-something “failing MSNBC morning show losers Joe and whatsername” coming soon from a twit near you…

  • Anna Rompage

    I think I’ll be sending them a gallon of Lysol, and a costco sized pack of personal antimicrobial hygiene wipes, just so they can feel comfortable with one another, before they get down to doing the nasty…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Did they repeal the ACA yet? I’ve been hiding under the desk.

    • Parakeetist

      Yes.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    OT:
    Don T Care passes on pure partisan vote.
    I hope we’ll stop hearing how the ACA passed on a pure partisan vote now.

    • Jenny

      Cool. Where we meeting for the riots?

  • Wild Cat

    “You mean we can do golden showers, S&M, brown showers, Spider Cosplay, enemas, anal fisting, giant Negroid dildos, bug stomping, and bubble-bursting without guilt under the eyes of God, now, Joe?”

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    They are the creepiest couple.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    How popular is Trump? Glad you asked! 52% of people hate his guts:
    https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/trump-approval-ratings/

    I’m sure fucking people out of health insurance will vastly improve his popularity.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I hope Wonkette Toddler, now all growed up and walking on her own (as if down an aisle, strewing flowers, why not?) is practicing the side-eye. One doesn’t want to give up on competencies, just because one is a bit older and more mature.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • ariel_gee_398

      Where’s the Road Runner to paint a fake tunnel on a wall when you need him?

    • Stulexington

      I’m so happy I have health insurance so I can be here today to fuck over everyone else’s health insurance.

  • Donkey Option

    “special sauces delivered directly to Trump” – They’re talking about ketchup, right?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Raise your hand if you think we paid for that scooter.

    https://twitter.com/BenMarter/status/860160883095371776

  • Mahousu

    The White House that I grew up in …

    Things back then were a lot more casual. No need for day care – just drop your kids off at the White House and Jimmy and Rosalynn would look after them. It was pretty cool – Jimmy taught me how to frame windows and install solar panels.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    OK, NOW the AHCA is up for a vote, and they’re neck-and-neck coming down the stretch….
    Livefeed: https://www.vox.com/2017/5/4/15543728/american-health-care-act-vote-time-live-online-results
    19 Ratfuckers agin’ vs 1 Demonrat not voting.

  • La forza del resistino

    I have no life. Watching the House AHCA vote like watching a NBA shot clock. and now it’s over. 217 – 212 with 2 members still in the john apparently.

  • rubikcube

    Oh, fuck them.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Congresscritters singing Na-na-na-hey-hey to the failed AHCA. Nice touch!
    EDIT: Shit, I can’t do math, and should shut up.
    217-213-1. It fucking passed.
    EDIT(EDIT): Highest paid choral society since the Nazi Bundestag.

    • Jenny

      That’s going to be great for a commercial.

  • Shoto

    Will the pending nuptials of Joe-Scar and Stepford Mika guarantee that they’ll be twice as hackey, or just double the hackey? Arithmetic is hard.

  • Well, I wouldn’t want to have honeymoon sex after looking at Trump’s face all through the ceremony either. I’d be too busy in the shower, scrubbing away the icky feelings.

    Of course, that would also be true if I were marrying Morning Joke.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Republicans singing “Hey, Hey, Goodbye” to Obamacare. Hope they remember those lyrics on their way out of Washington.

  • The Wanderer

    The final vote for the abomination known as the AHCA:
    217-213, with 20 GOP votes No.

    “Run to your houses, fall upon your knees,
    Pray to the gods to intermit the plague
    That needs must light on this ingratitude.”
    Julius Caesar, Act 1, Scene 1.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Hey, they just passed the bill to kill Obamacare! Congratulations, dipshits of Middle America, you got what you voted for.

    • UnsaltedSinner
    • chicken thief

      I live in NJ and that fuckwad Freylinghuysen voted Yes. God damn it God damn it God damn it God damn it.

      Fuck.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Hopefully he’ll be out of office soon enough.

        • chicken thief

          His seat is pretty safe. He was reelected last time with 58% of the vote, but had 62% the time before that.

  • William
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    OT: But needed something light to share.

    https://twitter.com/JoshButler/status/859924971639808001

  • Shoto

    When will the ever-smug ZEGS Ryan be gloating before the cameras?

    • La forza del resistino

      As soon as he is done donating a kidney to a poor in need. NOT.

  • Fidel Jack Tenhet

    I was so good yesterday. Now I’m having a drink.

    They get to drink,m so do I.

  • hillarysleftone

    poor chickens. it’s always “3 dogs 2 rabbits, and chickens.” liken they aren’t even consequential enough to merit getting counted. and yet, they’re the only ones in that menagerie that provides something good to eat, practically every fucking day.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      You kin et rabbitses.

      • Mpeg

        “HASENPFEFFAH!!”

      • hillarysleftone

        yeah but nobody’s eating those rabbitses, or the chickens either–I was talking eggs.

    • chicken thief

      They can put the chickens in the past tense now – I figured out which one had them…

  • Fidel Jack Tenhet
  • Fidel Jack Tenhet
  • Oblios_Cap

    House Republicans just voted 217-213 for Trumpcare.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Washington Post reports that Trump has a major victory, because he promised to repeal Obamacare, and Republicans just did it. They forgot to mention he promised to replace it with something WAY better, at a much lower cost. I don’t think the people who voted for him thought an ass raping would be better, but they’re about to find out. In fairness to Republicans, I’ll have to admit that getting fucked in the butt will be a whole lot cheaper than health care.

    • Bobathonic

      It ain’t repealed yet.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Exactly. The Senate is a hard row to hoe. And you can bet the pressure now will be even higher on them. They want us demoralized and defeated. They are WRONG.

      • Contemplative Ron

        That won’t stop him from claiming the win.

  • Fidel Jack Tenhet

    Just.

    Fuck.

    ~fin~

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Fuckity Fuck.

  • Proud Liberal

    Welp. The fuckers passed AHCA.

    • jesterpunk

      Did the senate pass it too?

      • Proud Liberal

        No and I don’t think they will….but McConnell is a fucking asshole, so you never know.

        • jesterpunk

          So the house gets to say they attempted to repeal it and even sang a song together but the mean senate wouldnt pass it when they run for relection?

          • Proud Liberal

            I’m sure it’s so they can go back to their constituents and say they did it. I don’t think they will get the reception they expect.

          • Greyhame

            So they want to endanger the lives and wellbeing of my family like this, and they expect a pat on the back when they return to their home districts? Prepare for a teachable moment, motherfuckers.

          • jesterpunk

            Thats ok they are busy passing laws so those voters dont hurt their feelings by yelling at them. They only like it when republicans yell at democrats not the other way around.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            And by “constituents” they mean, of course, their wealthy patrons and billionaires and voter-machine-hackers.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        No

    • chicken thief

      Miller time in the Rose Garden!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    The House of Representatives is officially America’s Death Panel™.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I feel so represented right now.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        This honestly is taxation without representation at this point.

        • Contemplative Ron

          Given that they’re deliberately voting AGAINST the wishes of the majority of their constituents? Yes.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    And I thought that the idea of Mika touching any part of Joe made me ill. It’s nothing compared to my post-House-vote nausea. FUCK ALL YOU GOP ASSHOLES WHO VOTED FOR THAT PIECE OF TRASH. With votes, of course. Because we’re klassy here like that.

  • The only way some of us will be able to keep our insurance is to run for, and win, a seat in congress.

    Let us raise hell.

    • Proud Liberal

      100% vote in 2018!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      The town halls should be EPIC when Republicans return home. If they even have the balls to have them.

      • My rep, Virginia Foxx, hasn’t had a live “town hall” since before Obama took office. It’s “telephone town hall’s” for her with screened questions and canned answers.

        I prefer screened porches over screened questions and canned clams over canned answers.

        • SisterArtemis

          She’s a piece of work, that one.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          You should organize a rally in front of her fucking office, and have her canned answers debating the furious audience.

  • TJ Barke

    I’m very close to punching a hole in the wall…

    • Chadwells

      I’m already bandaging my knuckles.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      We all are! I’m having a major rage stroke right now, and I just got health care through an employer.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I think I’m gonna have to cry. Because even if it gets stopped in the Senate, when is this shit going to end? How long are people going to have to live in fear of this and a million other terrible things?

      • Proud Liberal

        It’s at a breaking point now. I can’t stand anymore!

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I’m just so sorry. You aren’t alone.

    • Brad H

      I hear ya. I can’t watch anymore. Watching “Evil Twins” in ID Discovery is more appealing.

  • Me The People

    I think maybe America needs a few Jeremy Paxmans to deal with the Trump administration.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyqnu6ywhR4

    Persistence!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    David Axelrod pointing out that Obamacare markets are “failing” because Trump and Co. have done everything they could to sabotage it.

  • Edith Prickly

    Ah Evan, I knew you would respond to this news with the appropriate gravitas.

    And now the sucky part – sorry a bunch of sociopaths just murdered your healthcare, US of A Wonkers. I feel sick too.

    • Manders

      They haven’t done anything yet. But they’re sure trying their hardest. And they’re going to be hearing a whole lot from us. Count on it.

      • Fidel Jack Tenhet

        They’re already hearing from me.

        If it’s anything, the phonelines here, (red state) are more jammed than usual today. Been on hold for about twenty minutes already.

        • Manders

          I just found the two NJ reps who voted yes – they’re not my reps, and they’re not up for re-election until 2022; but I have relatives there, and I intend to make their lives reallll difficult.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            All members of the House are elected every two years.

          • Manders

            Doy. You’re right. I was thinking Senate. In that case . . . [rubs hands evilly. With votes. Literally.]

    • Crystalclear12

      This is just another ceremonial vote because they know the Senate is going to kill it with fire.

  • Thaumaturgist

    I am embarrassed for Canada. Taoiseach Edna Kenny meets with Justin Trudeau and all Ireland is giggling. (Justin’s six don’t match.) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/86948430305187f7dba3632206df37efabf0b6d357775053f319cae77119ed36.jpg

    • Edith Prickly

      Go easier on the weed, JT.

    • marxalot

      …are those C3-P0 and R2D2 socks?

      • The Wanderer

        They appear to be.

      • Edith Prickly

        LOOOL, what a nerd!!

      • Fidel Jack Tenhet

        Yes, I believe they are, now that you mention it.

        The left(?) sock is def. R2.

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      Glad you said something about the socks. I’m not petty, I actually have OCD in that way.

    • Contemplative Ron

      Mismatched Star Wars socks? He did that deliberately. You can tell.

      • SpideySenser

        May the 4th be with you!

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Beware the Revenge of the 6th.

          • SpideySenser

            Especially after Fri night drink-up.

    • SpideySenser

      That’s adorbs!

    • Gussie Jives

      Guys, it’s May 4th. Star Wars Day.

  • Jennifer R

    How long until she ends up strangled in his office one morning?

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      ISWYDT.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    What is this now, 61 pointless House repeal votes? I’d love for us not Red States to leave these fuckers the fucked world they want. Ahh. Red state citizens dying for freedom. Proudly, if a tad slowly and miserably. But. It’s what they wanted, those voters, the writhing miserable dying fucks. Freedom.

    • Proud Liberal

      Freedumb!

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      Will the good blue states take refugees who are staunch liberals? Asking for myself and my wife, not a friend, but myself and my wife.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Oh yes. We think community is community.

        • Fidel Jack Tenhet

          Well, we can contribute. My wife’s a great organic baker, I’m a writer of sorts and generally not a bother to anyone.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            It can all work. From my own perspective, anyone is welcome so long as they keep their God in their own pants and don’t make it a life passion to fuck the poorz, brownz, and gheyz

          • Fidel Jack Tenhet

            Good then. Have no use for any gods, don’t fuck the poors, browns or anyone else. I am a bit crazy though, just being upfront.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Crazy like that just about describes me also too

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          We actually have humanity in our souls.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        we need to stay in the red states and flip them. A good part of why Hillary lost is that liberals tend to cluster together geographically, diluting their vote

        • SisterArtemis

          Zippy, that’s absolutely spot on. It’s all very well musing about a west coast nation, but no state is purely blue or red, progressive or conservative. We have an intensely focused right-wing here in the western states, make no mistake about it. And the red states have some of the most diligent, dedicated, heartfelt lefties ever.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          I think it’s more that conservatives sort of man-sit over much of the country.

        • desida

          Right after the election my friend and I were talking about starting a campaign encouraging liberals thinking of moving to Portland to move to Atlanta instead. Atlanta is a perfectly lovely and progressive city – it actually went to Hillary by a wider margin than Portland did, believe it or not – and is much more diverse and affordable. Turn Georgia blue!

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        Yes. You can come here to CA anytime you want. We really are going to have to create CaliWashOregonia, but boy will our Wall be nice, and Mexico will help us with it too. Gladly.

        • SisterArtemis

          Time to drag out Callenbach’s Ecotopia again?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    But at least the pussified GOP asshats who voted for the AHCA get a bus ride to the rose garden. Wonder if there’s a way to keep them all there. Forever. For their safety, of course. We can always build a new White House. The cleanup cost in fumigation alone after this administration moves out are going to be astronomical anyway.
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/860194183797243904

    • Wes Grogan

      I hear skidmarks are really tough to get out of suede.

  • memzilla Ω

    O/T: House passes ACA Repeal bill. Dem’s chant “na na hey hey goodbye” on floor, presumably at the chances of any Rethuglican who signed this POS of getting re-elected in 2018.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2ecfd24a81396283b2f8795132e336a924c70b64a7604cc152ed882eb0c92e00.jpg

    • theblackdog

      This is true, and to add to it I’m hearing that the best thing to do is really turn up the heat on the House members who voted for this bill. The senators who are up for reelection in 2018 are going to be watching to see the reaction from the public. If they see some major blowback they’ll be even less inclined to support the bill.

    • Truthiness2U

      I read it was Repubs celebrating end of the ACA, not Dems. But we hope it will be true of getting rid of the Repubs who voted for this.

  • The Wanderer

    Dear Wonketers,
    I regret to inform you all that the current project I’m writing has reached a delicate point, and I must devote a large amount of cerebral processor time to making sure I get the dialogue right. I will not be non-commenting for the rest of the day, but may drop by after I eat dinner.
    Cheerio!

    • If what you’re working on has to do with how to deal with rage strokes, please share with your Wonkette classmates as soon as you can.

      • SpideySenser

        Have you tried rage yoga? I hear it’s quite therapeutic.

        • Contemplative Ron

          I tried that recently. But after I wrapped a new Evora 400 around a telephone pole I was back to being angry. ‘Lotus position’ my ass.

          • SpideySenser

            ISWYDT!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hey – I’ve got a final tomorrow and you don’t see me running off!

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        Right? I’m supposed to be writing, but do you see ME not spending hours on the comment threads?

        • redarmyzombie

          Rhetorical question, Wonkette doesn’t allow comments.

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      I will be joining you at some point in the future. I’m still in the fermenting process, but once I start writing, I will be completely unreachable to anyone at all.

      Good luck and work well!

    • SpideySenser

      So, cereal for dinner?

  • JD Mulvey

    This became a free vote for Republican “moderates” in the House. They could fulfill the only promise they’ve ever taken seriously by voting to repeal the ACA in full knowledge that it won’t pass the Senate.

  • Indivisible Snark Tank

    Anyway, now that the happy couple has broken up with Trump, Mika says she has no interest in getting hitched at the White House:

    “The White House that I grew up in was an amazing place. If it weren’t Trump, it might be something to think about,” Brzezinski said. “The mental picture is just fascinating, but the reality is just . . . no. No, no, no, no, no.”

    We guess they will have to do it somewhere else. Ooh, ooh, maybe they could do it on their show and Mark Halperin can be the flower girl!

    Or they could just wait a few months until Lord Dampnut is impeached…

    • jesterpunk

      Then they could have him marry them from prison?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Good LORD I hope that’s correct. But it really seems as if there are no consequences these days. Ever.

      • Jennifer R

        The only consequences will be the ones we inflict.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I plan to inflict a metric fuckton of them. Already emailed Martha McCarpetbagger after this morning’s vote informing her I intend to do everything in my power to make sure she loses the next election (after resistbotting her yesterday). There’s a rally/protest in front of her office later today, then it’s time to go after my senators. Fuck these clowns, time to make them feel the heat.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Oh goody, now we get to listen to a parade of republicons lie their asses off about the abortion of a bill they just passed

    • SisterArtemis

      Abortion libulz!

      But as to your larger point, yes, the patting of each others and their own backs will be mighty plentiful, I fear. Glad I don’t do much tv, and that only on the web, not the channels.

  • Wes Grogan

    Chandler has never looked happier.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Jenny

      As long as it applies to the K street lobbying jobs for our “wonderful” reps too.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        nope, it’s a bill of attainder aimed directly at Bamz. Every president in recent history has gone on the speaker’s circuit and earned hundreds of thousands of dollars a year doing so. It didn’t become a problem until the blah guy planned to do it.

        • Axomamma

          Let me guess. It only applies to Obama and Clinton but not the Bushes.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • RobKanC

      But why should I pay for others healthcare. Jesus did not do that. Sure, he cured ppl but never paid for others health insurance.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      He gets along with the Pope, great guy by the way, very strongly. Just like the Israelis and Palestinians.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Yeah, don’t know why nobody’s fixed that yet, there’s no real conflict there.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I would pay to watch Papa Frankie tear Dolt 45 a new one. Then again I should probably save my pennies for when I get sick or injured since I’ll have to pay out pocket and don’t even have a firstborn to offer up.

  • Mavenmaven

    nice news for these two. for the rest of us, whose medical care will now be a crapshoot, we need to vote EVERY ONE OF THOSE REPUBLICAN BASTARDS OUT OF OFFICE. Imagine, voting in a bill they haven’t even read, just to spite the black guy.

    • Jennifer R

      Vote them off the planet.

  • rocktonsam

    and this news on a day I have no moar fucks or shits to give.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      This . Is. War. ( with Votes) . I was reluctant to actually March, and though I belong to indivisible group, I’ve been something of a slacker. No more. I won’t rest until every one of these evil fcuks is on the unemployment line. Every. Last. One.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        yup, time to suck it up and get involved- make these fuckers pay

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Yeah, I think I know what my indivisible group will be focusing on this Saturday.
        RESIST.

      • Aunt PithyPat

        That’s the fckn spirit!!!! Fck them with VOTES!

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • alpacapunchbowl

      Disgusting fucking pieces of shit.
      I don’t belong to a gym, but I might have to find one that offers free trial days and has heavy bags that I can punch and kick the crap out of.
      I haven’t felt this shitty about the future since the first few months after the election.

  • Skaarphy

    Something to take the mind off these kind of things;
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZpXPwmbQvc

  • theblackdog

    Ironic (maybe not, don’t care right now). I’m in a play that centers around one of the main characters who is dying of cancer and it opens tonight, on the day that the House passed the AHCA. I wonder if we can throw in a line or two about going bankrupt.

  • SisterArtemis

    An OT Woot!
    Got the evening off next Monday, so I will make a late but definite appearance at the Portland Drinky Picnicky Thing. As, I hope will all possible PNW Wonketeers. See you there!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Oh, jesus christ, fucking yaffers, I can’t even.

    https://twitter.com/mollyhooper/status/860204116659851264

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Uh, that sports metaphor means something not bigly.

    • Aunt PithyPat

      Well, so much for my lunch.

  • RobKanC

    ACA has been repealed. Do you smell that kids. It’s the smell of freedom. (Maybe a bit of hubris and bullshit but mostly freedom)

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Senate?

      • RobKanC

        They will repeal the rules if that’s what it takes to pass it.

        • mary5920

          Last year, I thought you would be overly cynical…this year, not so much.

    • MynameisBlarney

      No, it hasn’t.
      It’s gonna die in the Senate.

      • RobKanC

        I don’t trust that for one second. Pence is the tie breaking vote and it will pass. It’s borderline delusional to think somehow the GOP will have a change of heart.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • redarmyzombie

    “…and special sauces delivered directly to Trump were placed on the table…”

    Is that Putin cockholster sauce, or pee hooker sauce?

    • sadboy

      It’s not the sauce, it’s what we stir it with that makes it special.

  • Skaarphy
  • Mr. Blobfish

    It’s just like the Brady Bunch, but with characters you really don’t care for.

  • TJ Barke

    There’s no insult sufficient to describe these fucking vultures.

    • Aunt PithyPat

      I want to be happy for them because I want my default setting always to be “love,” but those soulless jackals materially aided getting Dolt 45 into the White House. Fck them.

  • Jim

    Everyone deserves a second chance at love. Even dum dums.

  • Erick the Kracker

    Yet another magic vagina story.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    If Wonkette Babby is not the flower girl I want my money back.

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    I’m sure the party-line vote will have the villagers rending garments and clutching pearls in no time.

    • Axomamma

      They’re too busy admiring the audacity. Tomorrow they’ll rend their garments and clutch their pearls because Democrats are being rude.

  • Alan

    Who’s the overgrown dorky looking frat boy?

  • mary5920

    I really apologize to the universe for opening up this story rather than the vote to screw everybody out of health care, but have to get away from the abomination of desolation for a brief moment.

  • JoeChristmas

    Best side eye — ever — by Wonkette baby.

  • Axomamma

    The timeline here is a little confusing. How could the proposal be a surprise if they were discussing venues at Mar a Lago in January? I hope they both get crabs.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Most couples talk about engagement before they get married. I had to move the timeline waaaay up but we were already discussing stuff (that will still definitely happen several years from now). That’s normal because “Surprises are foolish things. The pleasure is not enhanced, and the inconvenience is often considerable.”

      Also modern couples treating both parties equally and all that.

  • anthonypete300

    I hope it ends in another ugly divorce and that they are both miserable :)))))))) cause that’s what these craven, hypocritical, self important pos’s deserve :))))

  • Napoleanofthetrump

    What is your problem with granite countertops? They look great, and they’re barely more than Formica.

    • Duke

      Cold

    • Morsum me

      They emit radon.

      • ♚ King Leo ♚

        They do not.

        • Morsum me
          • delete your account probably

            That’s EXACTLY what the EPA is saying, there.

          • Morsum me

            have trouble reading the very first sentence?

          • delete your account probably

            Have difficulty locating a peer-reviewed study that backs up your DEATH MAGIC CONSPIRACY? Have to rely on bureaucratic ass-covering – a tactic identical to the “autism warnings on vaccine” gibberish spouted by your fellow travellers, the anti-vaxxers?

          • Morsum me

            it’s not a conspiracy. i don’t have to rely on your anti-government propaganda either. i know science. nor am i an anti-vaxxer. you should follow the advice of your username. have a nice day. or don’t.

          • delete your account probably

            Yes, yes, you’re just spreading dumb fearmongering for no reason. Literally no scientists are calling for the banning of granite countertops – don’t you DARE pretend that science is on your side.

          • Morsum me

            see where i said that scientists are calling for banning granite countertops? no, of course you don’t, because i NEVER SAID ANY SUCH THING. try again wolf breath.

          • delete your account probably

            YOU STRAIGHT UP TOLD SOMEONE THE “PROBLEM” WITH GRANITE COUNTERTOPS WAS THEY EMIT RADON WHICH. IS. NOT. TRUE. IN. ANY. MEANINGFUL. SENSE.

          • Morsum me

            show me where i said “PROBLEM” shitferbrains. do they emit radon? YES, they do. DIAF.

          • delete your account probably

            “What is your problem with granite countertops?”
            “They emit radon.” <- YOU SAID THIS YOU TWERP

          • Morsum me

            And you claim they do not? They do. This is basic science. Do you sell granite countertops?!?!?!

          • delete your account probably

            Yes, yes – conspiracy theorist calls enemy corporate shill. That’s never happened before. Sorry you had to switch to abuse.

          • Morsum me

            Bye bye troll. I’m sorry that you can’t understand basic science. If you can’t understand that, there’s no hope for you. You still won’t refute that granite emits radon. I wonder why that is. You sell granite, don’t you?!? I’m a “conspiracy theorist”, but the EPA is “bureaucratic ass-covering”. You’re a gem.

          • delete your account probably

            OK see you in two weeks when you want to lie about GMOs or chemtrails or whatever.

          • Morsum me

            Maybe you can tell me about how great Trump is, granite salesman! You sell granite, don’t you?!?

          • delete your account probably

            Yes, you already called me a shill, person who is so nuts they started yelling at three-week-old posts.

          • Morsum me

            night night granite salesman.

          • delete your account probably

            OK crazy person who thinks anyone that disagrees with them is a hard-right Trump supporter. You are a cartoon.

          • Morsum me

            You’re welcome crazy person who thinks that granite doesn’t emit radon. And is a granite salesman.

          • delete your account probably

            Weird how you self-righteous dogmatic cranks can never let anyone else have the last word, even when you’ve declared you’re leaving several times. Good luck with your future scaremongering lies!

          • Morsum me

            says the last word granite salesman guy who won’t admit that granite emits radon. it does, doesn’t it? you won’t say it, will you? you literally won’t say the truth. hahahahahahaha

          • delete your account probably

            see?

          • Morsum me

            see what? granite emits radon? say it if you dare, granite salesman!

          • delete your account probably

            OK crank

          • Morsum me

            Granite emits radon, but the granite salesman won’t admit it.

          • delete your account probably

            u r nuts

          • Morsum me

            Not as nuts as a granite salesman who won’t admit that granite emits radon.

          • delete your account probably

            OK crank

          • Morsum me

            let’s see who will say the last thing. i can guarantee it will be you.

          • delete your account probably

            Sorry you’re like this.

        • Morsum me

          yes they do

          • delete your account probably

            OK, not sure why you came back to push this fearmongering once again.

            Still not true.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Personally I think they look like a children’s craft project and people’s obsession with perfect cookie cutter houses that “add value” is a serious problem and didn’t end when the housing bubble burst, like it should have.

      • Napoleanofthetrump

        But the added value is in utility.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          Do… do you remember the housing bubble?

          • Napoleanofthetrump

            Yeah, but I like to cook and granite is way better than linoleum for that. You can work on the counter and it cleans up way easier.

    • gregormendel

      Stains. It’s a countertop, not something to treasure forever. Not going to put in all that time cleaning.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Granite countertops are one of the best things ever. Easy to clean, they look great and function as a cutting board for fresh baked pizza if the cutting is done wisely and with a layer of parchment or wax paper you can simply throw away afterwards. Haters are gonna hate.

      • HarpyLibtart

        Also very good for baking – stuff doesn’t stick when you’re kneading and you can chill it for rolling pastry (my landlord renovated and put them in, so I can enjoy them without having to feel bad about being bougie. :P)

        • Juan de Fuca

          Exactly and I also knead my pizza dough out on them. People who hate on granite counter tops are people who’ve never had a granite counter top.

          I’m also still trying to figure out what granite countertops have to do with this story but I’m running with it.

          • ahughes798

            I understand they stain easily and also you have to put “stuff” on them twice a year. I like soapstone better.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I’ve never had a problem with stains and have no idea how that story got started or what in the world people are storing on their granite counter tops. Unless it’s the granite laminate. I have real granite (luckily it came with the house – I couldn’t afford to have it installed) and it’s the best thing ever and easy as hell to keep clean and also use as a cooking surface. Just my $0.02.

      • Napoleanofthetrump

        Exactly. The only thing better would be bent sheet stainless, and that shit is crazy expensive.

  • chimpevil

    oh ugh

  • Kakariki

    Joe Scarborough literally said he went into politics because of how much he hated Bill Clinton. So now we know his real problem with Bill Clinton is that he didn’t divorce Hillary and marry Monica.

    • Steffy93

      That makes no sense.

  • leemoder
  • Morsum me

    Joe “what dead intern” Scarborough got the better deal.

    /shameful Brzezinski crush

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    They should get Trump to marry them in the Rose Garden. The reception should be at the Old Post Office. Think of the cake. Cake like you’ve never seen.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Except when it’s an exact copy of a cake you’ve seen*
      *insert citation here

  • Stephanie Rakowski

    I always love how sly Donna Rose is in that pic

  • Wookie Monster

    Is Mark Halperin still hoping for a threeway?

  • JParkerSD46

    Forgive me for not joining in the congratulatory orgasms, but Who. The. Fuck. Cares?

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    But he’ll still be able to insult her on-air and stuff, right? Because that says lurve u baby!

  • Juan de Fuca

    Wait! Joe and Mika have been in a romantic relationship all this time??

    GTFO!

    http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/joaquin-phoenix-shock-signs.gif

  • Zyxomma

    That Donna Rose Side Eye is still the best.

  • The Librarian

    Joyous news! Mazeltov cocktails all around.

  • Steffy93

    Best of luck to them.
    And what in the world is wrong with this website?? So much hatred.

  • Sid Pevear

    I still remember Zbigniew Brzezinski calling Joe’s knowledge “stunningly superficial”.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mk18af8z9Y

    That was one of the greatest moments!

  • gkshenaut

    Still not going to watch their show. Or their network. Or their medium.

  • Keith Gargus

    On a scale of one to ten the ‘Eww’ factor on this pairing is about thirty.

  • peteywheats

    definitely granite countertops

  • JD Mulvey

    Joe might marry Mika –but that doesn’t mean he’ll ever give her equal billing.

  • crazymonkeylady
  • Mika, remember never to be alone with him in a room containing blunt objects.

    • Hey, interns gotta be killed. And JScar is nothing if not a traditionalist.

  • JohnE_o

    Kinda sucks for their exes and the kids they had together.

  • cleos_mom

    I can’t find the words to express how little I care about this. Even composing this post is causing a brain cell or two to die in vain.

  • toughsister

    Mika’s new husband is solidly, if not extremely, right-wing. Up until now, I thought she was, if not a flaming liberal, at least a respectful neutral. But in the end, whether they fornicate within the bonds of holy matrimony (on their kitchen’s granite countertops) or live in sin, I have difficulty seeing why anyone would give a flying fuck.

  • Alexander Stallwitz
  • Choosymom

    I’m developing a dependency on Evan’s writing. Sharp, funny as hell, biting…
    Ok fine…I’m crushing on Evan! Is that so wrong??

  • Internet Hitler

    I’m sure Old Joe can still make it up that hill, if you know what I mean and I think that you do.

    And Mika grew up in the White House? Who knew?!

    • lurch394

      Go back to the Carter Administration. Her father was JC’s National Security Advisor, Zbigniew “Woody Woodpecker” Brzezinski. This is why Washington never changes.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    That pic of DR in Mika’s arms is priceless …
    But that happened back when the world still made sense … Before Frederick Douglass and Andrew Jackson teamed up to destroy the country.

  • nikto

    What would Lori Klausutis say?

    We’ll never know.

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