Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.
- SPECIAL MORNING MADDOW! In their race to spin yet another miserable failure on the budget, Mick Mulvaney had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and reporters were having NONE. OF. IT. (“This is incredible!“)
- The GOP is worried sick that its ailing TrumpCare/RyanCare/WealthCare bill might not pass because all those preexisting conditions keep dragging it down. Now, if only there some kind of law, perhaps an Act of Affordable Care, that could ban those preexisting conditions…
- The NSA only collected 151 million phone records in 2016, which sounds like a lot until you realize just how many sociopaths are trying to deconstruct the government, and manipulate the democratic process.
- Jeff Sessions was probably hoping that you didn’t hear that the two cops involved in the death of Alton Sterling will not face charges because it might make Jeff Sessions look like a racist.
- Michael Slager, the former South Carolina cop who shot Walter Scott, has pleaded guilty and faces life in prison for violating Scott’s civil rights.
- Carter Page RANDOMLY sent a
rantstatement to the Daily Beast saying that it’s a good thing he never briefed Trump on things because could have been bad seeing as how “Big Brother” was spying on him for his “thought crimes” with Russian spies.
- The Heritage Foundation has You’re Fired Jim DeMint for sucking at his job of advancing the conservative movement beyond the toilet, and apparently there’s more evacuations in order.
- Former Trump staffers have headed up to K Street to take some money, give zero fucks, and refill “the swamp.”
- Just who the hell are Trump’s friends? Snuffaluffagus? Tyler Durden? Duchess? Drop Dead Fred?
- While working on a heart attack, Rush Limbaugh called Mike Pence and bitched about the budget, causing Pence to spout something about the military, and winning, and numbers, and Asia-Pacific.
- CNN won’t air Trump’s new 2020 campaign ad because it’s full of bullshit (besides, impeachment proceedings are right around the corner).
- Trump is expected to sign an E.O. on religious liberty, so let’s all start smoking and drinking excessively as members of the First Church of Hank Chinaski.
- Rudy Giuliani was slapped by a judge for filing an affidavit that kind of glossed over the fact that his Turkish gold-trading friend was working with the Iranian Revolutionary Guard in order to circumvent sanctions, which is pretty goddamn illegal and WOAH, if true!
- The Trump Organization’s website continues to advertise Trump properties in Not America because they’re “historical clips,” not conflicts of interest.
- Now that Trump and Chinese President Xi Jinping are besties, the U.S. Navy is no longer patrolling reefs in the South China Sea.
- Putin and Trump called each on the phone yesterday and giggled like a bunch of teenagers about missile sizes, but then of course, Putin probably already knows exactly how small Trump’s missile is.
- Next week is Public Service Week where we remember that some poor non-partisan wretches in musty windowless office basements are who really crunch the numbers, draft policy and generally keep things running.
- Famed author Jean Stein, who chronicled the strange lives of the wealthy, has taken her life at 83. Stein was the mother of Katrina vanden Heuvel, editor of The Nation. We are full of sad, and offer condolences.
- And here’s your late night wrap-up! Colbert revisited Operation Desert Storm; Seth Meyers did a Check In with why airlines suck, then had some talky time with Rachel Maddow; Trevor Noah kind of misses Hillary Clinton; Jimmy Kimmel kidnapped Will Arnett to guest host; Conan O’Brien is trying to make a fortune with Jeff Goldblum; and James Cordon had dogs in sunglasses.
- And here’s your morning Nice Time! Black-footed cat kittens! THEY’RE SO TIMID!
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