On Monday, we were very worried for Wonkette BFF Sean Hannity, because he had said that if Fox News president Bill Shine was forced out, it would be the END OF FOX NEWS FOREVER. Wouldn’t that make everyone sad? Moreover, there were many rumors a-swirling that if Shine was kicked out the door, Hannity might run away crying, never to be seen on Fox News again. Wouldn’t that make everyone’s dumb right wing uncle sad?
And then Shine got YOU’RE FIRED! What would become of our dear sweet dumbass Sean Hannity? Would his entire body literally ‘splode in rage, rendering him unable to suck Donald Trump’s proverbial dick on the television each night? We waited for his meltdown on Twitter, but alas, it did not come.
Instead, he just tweeted this:
Aw fuck, Sean Hannity is NOT leaving? The tweet he quoted went to an article that said that, contrary to reports that Hannity’s contract has a “key man” clause that says he gets to leave if Roger Ailes leaves, he is NOT leaving, so stop asking him. He will stay at Fox and work for that lady Suzanne Scott who got promoted when Shine’s ass was shown the door, because PFFFFFFFFT.
Here’s what happened during his show Monday night. Surprise, it was Sean Hannity, so it was disappointing and brief:
On Monday night’s edition of “Hannity” on Fox News, Sean Hannity closed the show by issuing a “special thank you to all our friends in the media that were tuning in tonight, maybe for the first time.” He then added that “all the lies you’ve heard about me are not true” and signed off.
Oh shut up, you fucking dork.
Of course, Hannity has lately been railing about all the people who’ve been schemin’ against him, and doing “lies, attacks, slander defamation, and NOW sabotage” [sic] to him. So maybe that is really happening! Maybe there is a secret cabal of liberals working to destroy the careers of all the paste-eating fools who love Trump, and now that they’ve gotten Roger Ailes, Bill O’Reilly and Bill Shine, Hannity will be the next victim of their insidious agenda!
Or maybe the Murdochs are going to force him out.
We don’t know if there’s a secret liberal cabal working against him, or the Murdochs are going to tell him to go screw, but we hope he still loses his job, because GO THE FUCK AWAY, Sean Hannity, you stupid loser.
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