Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.
- After Trump professed his love for several psychotic dictators, and Spicey clarified that love, human rights groups are freaking out. May be time to reconsider that backpacking tour through Not America.
- House Republicans are continuing to try and shove the ghost of zombified TrumpCare/RyanCare/WealthCare/FuckThePoorsCare down the throats of Americans just so that they can say they did it, even if it’s beaten back into the grave after reaching the Senate.
- Funny story about that spending bill! After the House Freedom Caucus told Paul Ryan to go fuck himself, Ryan had to court Democrats and give them pretty much whatever they wanted otherwise the GOP would be blamed for shutting down the government (AGAIN).
- Congress is giving the Secret Service $120 million to protect the Trump family; half goes to direct security for Trump himself and the lady — we forget her name — who lives in Trump Tower, and another half to help him become a Florida Man.
- A memo from the Trump administration wants to end Michelle Obama’s girls’ education program, “Let Girls Learn,” but now they’re talking about giving it to Melon Trump to stare at longingly. Looks like the only STEM education you’re going to get is in the garden, Sally!
- BUT WAIT, there’s more! Look who the Trump administration has tapped to head Title X: Teresa Manning, an anti-abortion activist who thinks contraception increases the chances of pregnancy, as if the pill mutated women into weird clones of Carol Brady.
- WE’RE NOT DONE YET! Charmaine Yoest has been tapped to head HHS, a Reaganite who has spent the last few decades dividing her time between Mike Huckabee, the Family Research Council, and scrubbing herself from the Internet. [Morning Maddow]
- Boy, oh boy! It’s sure is great that we have a true feminist in the White House like Ivanka Trump shattering glass ceilings with silver spoons.
- Trump made a stink about dismantling “big banks”, so he’s surrounding himself with the CEOs of big banks and asking them for their advice.
- SCOTUS says it’s cool for cities to sue big banks for fucking over their housing markets. Call your alderman, your city council, eyeball city hall, and yell at your neighborhood meeting! For democracy, accountability, and cheap rent!
- Texas is trying to push a ban on sanctuary cities with a bill that would force police chiefs and sheriffs to play nice with the Feds or face fines and jail time. Boy, that whole local sovereignty/freedom/Gadsden flag bullshit really went out the window fast, didn’t it?
- Did you know that the GAO is one of the lesser known offices that saves tons of Ameros because it has nerds who sit around finger stabbing calculators and digging through overlapping policy? It’s true!
- Joe and Mika spent the better part of an hour this morning admitting Trump might have dementia, or Benjamin Button disease.
- Hannity broke the fourth wall and told all his “friends” that all the bad things people keep saying about him are just 100% not true. Meanwhile, reports surface that while Fox becomes too “liberal” by You’re Firing assholes and putting a woman in charge, there are serious and advanced discussions in the works to create a new alt-right/conservative media network.
- Here’s a bunch of real reporters ignoring Mike Cernovich in the James Brady Briefing Room as he starts ranting like A Idiot.
- And here’s your late night wrap-up! Colbert dedicated his monologue to Trump; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look how hard being POTUS has been for Trump; Trevor Noah wondered if Trump has actually changed in the last 100 days, and talked to the Pod Save America guys; Connan O’Brien found a documentary about the Civil War produced by Trump; and Jimmy Kimmel talked earnestly about his newborn son’s triumph over heart disease (it’s really touching).
- And here’s your morning Nice Time! This baby goat and a pug!
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