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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • memzilla Ω
  • memzilla Ω
  • Michael R
  • Mavenmaven

    So there will be a new Palin news site for the ultra right in the place of Fox, to be called Cux?

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • David Chaillou

      Please make it stop. My diabetes is getting diabetes already.

  • dslindc

    I tried to read the list, but my browser jumped right to a disqus ad. Everything is terrible.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/98651e588bf4050760b6a757fade950442d885ddb0fe7156a13fd74a77744283.png

    • wait! what?

      To be fair, the boiler plate no longer indicates that Wonkette is ad free or totally supported by donation…

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Oh dear Lord, tell me that is not Lena Horne in a maid getup!!

  • arglebargle

    Let us pity poor, poor Ivanka. The campaign was so grueling she went into “survival mode” and had no time for a massage. She may as well have said “Let them eat cake”.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/05/ivanka-trump-laments-the-campaign-was-so-grueling-she-didnt-have-time-for-a-massage-or-to-meditate/

    • wait! what?
      • From Russia with Love

        For Ivanka it should read 5 Employment Laws You May Not Care That You’re Violating.

    • Bobathonic

      “Survival mode” and yet no *actual* cannibalism? Another trumpian disappointment.

      • arglebargle

        Too much gristle.

        • Bobathonic

          How could they even notice a detail like that when it’s well done with ketchup?

        • puredog

          Too much silicone or fat, depending on the Trump in question.

  • arglebargle

    Has anyone said “Fuck Hannity” yet today?

    • dslindc

      All of us, Katie.

    • The Wanderer

      Not me. I’m still saying my “Fuck Trump” mantra.

    • I go to sleep like Arya Stark. Reciting a list

      • The Wanderer

        Like saying the bedtime prayers, but instead of saying “Bless Mommy, and bless Daddy,” you’re saying, “Fuck Trump, and fuck Putin, and fuck Spicer, and fuck Hannity . . . ?”

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Not even with Trump’s dick, TYVM

  • memzilla Ω

    It’s like someone made a list of Who Would Be The Worst Person In The World To Hire For This Jerb Who’s Not Just Incompetent But Would Actively Sabotage Its Mission.

    • shivaskeeper

      With one or two exceptions that’s been the case for all of his picks. If I didn’t know better he’s getting the names from the very people who want to bring down the various agencies. But he’s a smart guy, very deep thoughts, not sad and weak, who would never have to get the names that ways since he pretty much knows how to do everything already.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Ivanka has the eyes of a succubus in the photo that accompanies the NYT story.

    • therblig

      “If I were you, I’d stay off that bus” – Groucho Marx

    • MynameisBlarney

      She’s not quite succubus material though.

      • Bobathonic

        It’s that inability to truly commit.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Corporate succubus? Maybe not a succubus, more like a succusedan.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    New Randy Rainbow, also too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPg0BWvhMkA

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I love that guy.

  • The Librarian

    “The whole idea of ‘America First’ is that we’re not trying to make the world better,” Malinowski said. “We’re trying to protect the homeland and the domestic economy, and the rest is all cutting deals with whoever is willing to cut deals with us. There’s not much room in that equation for standing up for the rights, freedoms and well-being of other people.”

    This is the bestest summary of Trump’s not America. You could make it even more succinct by saying by just saying “Fuck everyone, but US, sorry, not sorry”

    • La forza del resistino

      The Shining City on the Hill now comes with a dimmer switch.

    • WeaselPoo

      “Fuck everyone but US”? Not even, it’s actually fuck every not us where average Republican voters imagine they are “us” and NOT THEM, when in fact the white/racist/misogynist/hypocritical/amoral wealthy Republicans that drive all the fucked up policies the rest of us have to deal with collude under the principle of Us First and fuck every one else ( including the average republican voting idiot.

      • The Librarian

        Actually, I meant it as a play on words for us and U.S. but your comment works either way.

  • Panika MCD

    TX SB4 was going to penalize “sanctuary cities” (which the law itself still doesn’t define) by refusing to fund certain programs like ones for victims of domestic violence, but that got removed in the House version. the Dems spent a lot of time trying to “fix” the bill last week which seemed like a waste of time unless they were just trying to be pains in the ass (which most of them weren’t). if we were smart, we would have passed the original version which was so bad the courts would have no choice but to YOU’RE FIRED it. and a bunch of people got charged with misdemeanor trespassing.

    in other TX news, the guy who left a sticky note on his GF’s door saying he was going to shoot up the Pink Dome for his big FIVE OH b-day (4/13) and was subsequently arrested on 4/12 for having 13 guns he wasn’t supposed to have (plus a shit ton of ammo) almost got let out of jail yesterday because Judge Lane honestly believed he wrote the note while suffering from Reefer Madness (Steve Boehle, the crazy guy, smokes it to reduce the frequency of seizures he experiences from a TBI earlier in his life). and the people on internet comments sections have decided that in both the UT stabbing and the Dallas shooting yesterday that the authorities are withholding more than names because, apparently, we live in Minority Report or something.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Nasty little bit of news about Zombie Trumpcare that I didn’t know until this morning: If you work for a multi-state corporation/mega-company who provides your insurance options, your employer will be able to choose which jurisdiction sets the insurance standard for the company. Meaning forum shopping for the cheapest, least coverage-y coverage. So keep calling those Congresscritters. Full article: https://www.brookings.edu/blog/up-front/2017/03/24/new-changes-to-essential-benefits-in-gop-health-bill-could-jeopardize-protections-against-catastrophic-costs-even-for-people-with-job-based-coverage/
    https://twitter.com/TopherSpiro/status/859168002100604929

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Good information to have, thanks.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Gifts to big corporations and the lobbying industries representing them, both of whom fund reelection campaigns, make this a lot more palatable for the critters.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’ve experienced this first hand. I worked in Colorado for an oil & gas company based in Texas. So the company chose Blue Cross/Blue Shield to administer their ‘self-insured’ plan. Which sounded good but was horrible with that ‘balance billing’ bullshit, which means they cover about 29 cents of something and you pick up the rest because the charge exceeds their limits for the visit.

      This violates Colorado’s Division of Insurance rules, but when I asked them about it, told me that because the company was based in Texas and was self-insured, it didn’t have to adhere to the normal CO DOI rules.

      So yes, it sucks rocks and is a shitty excuse for health insurance

  • La forza del resistino

    Another delay on the Trumpcare vote will have Paul Ryan singing the blues.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n20U8hWHSE

  • ManchuCandidate

    STATES RIGHTS FOREVER!!!!*

    *unless we’re the ones in charge and not some black liebrul guy then it’s all about respectin MAH AUTHORITY!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Also, too, if my escaped “hired help” happens to be in your state north of the Mason-Dixon line.

    • cmd resistor

      I heard some idiot GOP representative on TeeVee this morning talking about why we need to have the states do healthcare because that is what the people WANT. Because they can get their state governments to do what they want. I am tired of these politicians saying that they are doing this or that because they know what the people want — yes, they elected us to KILL Obamacare, blah blah blah.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I feel vewy vewy wary about being grateful to a rabble of dumb-as-shit nihilistic animals, but still – thanks Freedom Caucus! It’s nice to see a political fuckup, a mockery of a sham of a farce, actually work out to the left’s advantage for a change.

    Just for fuck’s sake nobody make the mistake of thinking they’re our friends.

    • David Chaillou

      The enemies of our enemies are their enemies.

      • puredog

        Sounds like a Trumpism, or maybe more accurately a Bushism.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m actually very afraid that us progressives will get our own version of Purity Ponies who will obstruct progress because OMG “incrementalism is EBIL!!!”

      So I’m not feeling at all sanguine about our limited success thus far. If the Dems don’t get their own house in order, we’re doomed and I’m not seeing anything so far that gives me any confidence at all in ‘our side’. Our protests and marches are very uplifting, but if we can’t translate that enthusiasm into votes, we’re doomed.

    • puredog

      Little danger of that.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m watching that Jimmy Kimmel monologue and sobbing at my desk. I’m not normally a huge fan, but the way he took his personal situation and applied it to the greater world to make a very serious plea raised my estimation of him considerably.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I cried too.

    • The Wanderer

      I choked up.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Pooty and Ang don’t agree on much, but…
    https://twitter.com/DarthPutinKGB/status/859397288770359296

  • From Russia with Love

    “the lady — we forget her name — who lives in Trump Tower, and another half to help him become a Florida Man.”

    Pretty sure he was a Florida Man before ever setting foot in Florida.

    • bupkus231

      “Florida Man” is a state of mind(less), so yah!

  • Nounverb911
    • La forza del resistino

      With Cinco de Mayo approaching, we can soon learn Monteczuma chased the Frenchies out on that day with tainted taco bowls.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Revenge is a dish best served cold. And greasy, apparently.

        • Once&futureFred

          Maybe revenge is a dish best left out on the counter for an indeterminate time…

    • ltmcdies

      Ana is my favorite GOP commentator….

  • ManchuCandidate

    http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i54/5/6/28/frabz-Yeah-well-Im-gonna-go-build-my-own-government-with-blackjack-and-df271c.jpg

    Try as the “alt” right motherfuckers might to make their own Faux “info” network with blackjack and hookers, but Alex Jones will cut a bitch cause that’s HIS network.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Is that Lena Horne? Wow.

    So, locals.

    https://twitter.com/sahilkapur/status/859176636335390724

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      “This sucks, but I’m a Republican so I have to support it even if I know it’s terrible. Please, oh Senate, save us from ourselves and from my being too much of a pussy to cast a controversial vote!”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oh, his big donors support it, he supports it. He just has some extremely spoiled constituents who pay stupid taxes for the privilege (largely because his party has controlled most of Albany for decades) and they really, really don’t like benefits being taken away.

    • arglebargle

      Once he starts leaning it’s a safe bet he’s just gonna go ahead and fall flat on his pug face.

    • The Wanderer

      Wow. That’s some integrity there, Petey. Blow off your job and kick it upstairs in hope that other people will fix what you’re too stupid or too frightened to attempt?

    • georgiaburning

      You don’t need to be an idiot when you are elected as an “R”, they will give on the job training.

    • puredog

      “I would hope it gets ̶c̶h̶a̶n̶g̶e̶d̶ shat upon over there.”
      FIFY

      • puredog

        Actually, that’s a more workable plan for the Thugs than trying to forge a “compromise” in the House between the “moderates” and the F.C.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Boy, that whole local sovereignty/freedom/Gadsden flag bullshit really went out the window fast, didn’t it?”

    All that still applies to private ownership of tactical nuclear weapons, as guaranteed by the 2nd A.

    http://img04.deviantart.net/1908/i/2012/037/4/0/rocket_launcher___honest_john___xm33_by_slasinth-d4ovnb0.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      Ah, the ancient and venerable Honest John.

      • therblig

        i seem to recall building an Estes Industries version of that one.

        • The Wanderer

          I recognize it mainly through the somewhat swollen head on the end of that phallic shaft . . .
          Okay I’ll stop now.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            A little pointier than I like at the tip. But to each his own.

          • The Wanderer

            Kind of like a foreskin, maybe?

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            LOL

          • Bobathonic

            Isn’t it sort of…turgid?

          • The Wanderer

            Not as turgid as a love missile – er, muscle.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            No no, do go on.

          • The Wanderer

            No no, I’m at work. I must not have such thoughts thunk while thinking at work.

        • From Russia with Love

          I used to build those things too. Then put in the biggest engine that would fit and blast it into outer space.

        • Once&futureFred

          Sshhhhfffffffffffftttttt aaaand gone..

    • Bozilingus

      Craigslist or Ebay? Asking for a friend…

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I got mine at a local gun show.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    More history repeating itself in the stupidest of ways:
    https://twitter.com/TIME/status/859398432141844480
    The jokes just write themselves.

    • The Wanderer

      Pardonnez-moi.
      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
      Merci.

    • From Russia with Love

      She just had to change every mention of “freedom” to “police state.”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      So, Le Pen ISN’T actually mightier than the sword?

      • The Wanderer

        What you have done there, I have seen it.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I’ll show myself out.

          • From Russia with Love

            Le Pen is for Le Pig.

  • The Wanderer

    I can just see Pelosi patting Ryan on the shoulder after the spending bill went through and saying, “There, see? Bipartisanship isn’t that hard.”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      *evil laugh*

    • puredog

      That WaPo article is hilarious. Who knew the Freedumb Caucus was going to be our best friend?

      • The Wanderer

        For the stupidity of our enemies, Ereshkigal make us truly thankful, amen.

      • From Russia with Love

        Freedom Cuckus.

  • Spurning Beer

    Donald has finally achieved a “win”! He followed the lead of every candidate for 6th grade class president, and criticized school lunches. Bold!

    • arglebargle

      He already expanded recess hours so this was the logical next step.

      • From Russia with Love

        Surprised banning books was not priority #1.

        • JohnBull

          Books is jerks!

          • arglebargle

            No jerk. No jerk. You’re the jerk.

        • arglebargle

          He did cut the reading and comprehension homework WAAYYYY back though.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Expanding recess would actually be a good thing, so I doubt he’d be for it.

    • MynameisBlarney

      They’re really not even trying to go under the radar with the “Make America Dumb As Fuck” plan.

      https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029004407

  • Suttree

    I want that oven! I won’t need the skirt because I don’t wear pants. And Lizzie can stay out of the kitchen..

  • janecita

    I will cut a bitch if I hear one more woman say, “Ivanka is OK!”

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Us menfolks still can?

      • janecita

        It’s worse when a woman says it.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I was more than usually willing to give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s such a blatant victim of bad genetics, bad parenting and stockholm syndrome. But I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like the only difference between her and her brothers is that she had a better plastic surgeon and they married their mom instead.

          I’ve pretty much arrived at it would be sexist not to accept her at her words and deeds that she’s an awful person.

          • From Russia with Love

            But I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like the only difference between her and her brothers is that she rarely shoots endangered animals.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that if her husband did, she would.

          • puredog

            I hope that she gets far enough down on her luck soon enough that when she is forced to pose for Playboy for pocket change it might still be worth seeing. (Redundant addendum: I am a terrible person.)

          • Claire

            I think she’s better at the superficial emulation of human behavior than they are, over sufficiently short exposure. It can take a couple of times watching her to notice the places where the human skin was poorly glued on.

          • From Russia with Love

            In all honesty, she’d shoot the world’s last remaining zebra if she could get the Chinese to make shoes out of it.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Do they ever give any good reasons WHY they believe she’s okay? Because, frankly, I haven’t seen one yet.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Less crazy than her father is the only thing I can see

        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          She is able to string together decent sentences, I guess– but they are mostly smarmy lies.

    • Jim Johnson

      She is NOT OK.
      There is something more than a bit odd with that princess.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Today’s National Forecast:

    90% chance of Trump saying something stupid, followed by stunned disbelief from fewer and fewer people as the chemicals needed to produced “stunned disbelief” are depleted among those still watching the attention hungry idiot.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sharp pointy vote showers in the DC area.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Jimmy Kimmel. Word.

    • I agree with him all of never, and he is the last of the late night hosts i watch clips from, however, that monologue was powerful and amazing and right. One of my cousins was born very premature and i can’t imagine my aunt and uncle having to make those kinds of horrific financial decisions (which they didn’t cuz Canada). That same cousin has now had two kids of her own, both of whom were also premature. They are super adorable 5 and two year olds now

  • elviouslyqueer

    *looks over Wonkagenda recap*

    *shuts off computer*

    *drives to liquor store and buys ALL the vodka*

    FIN

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      The Gay Agenda has much less brunching in it these days. Sad.

    • snark-lurker

      hay wait for me!

    • The Wanderer

      That reminds me that I have a bottle of Oddka brand apple pie-flavored vodka. What would make a good mixer with it, I wonder.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Vanilla ice cream

        • The Wanderer

          I’ll give it a whirl tonight for dessert.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I’d go with adding a cinnamon-flavored alcohol, lots of ice and sip slowly. More of a martini-ish sort of thing since it’s all alcohol, all the time.

        • Bobathonic

          I think Fireball on vanilla ice cream sounds good.

      • arglebargle

        ice

        • From Russia with Love

          A glass below it. Air above it.

    • puredog

      “Oh? And when the last bottle is empty, and the Devil turns round on you —
      what will you drink then, elviousqueer, the bottles all being empty? This country’s
      planted thick with vodka from coast to coast — man’s vodka, not God’s —
      and if you drink them all up — and you’re just the man to do it — d’you
      really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then?
      Yes, I’d give the Devil a drink, for my own safety’s sake.”

      • bupkus231

        There’s always bourbon!

      • Suttree

        You guys are feeding into my agenda.

  • Duke

    Carol Brady was hot.

    I identify with the pug.

    Happy Tuesday, y’all!

  • Claire
    • The Wanderer

      Gotta love those religious blinders.

    • From Russia with Love

      The’re not really evil, they just need some leeches to get rid of the vile humors.

    • Vincent Ricola

      “Unfortunately many of our health-care problems are self-inflicted:
      two-thirds of Americans are now overweight and one-third are obese.”

      And we’re fixing this problem by shitting on healthy school lunches and letting an unregulated McDonalds put whatever untested chemical filler they Frankenstein’d up in the lab in their food?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        What is it about “choice” you don’t understand? The parents choose not to send a healthy lunch with them. Oh, they can’t afford it? Well, they shouldn’t have chosen to have children. See?

        There’s no end to their nonsense, because it’s based on a tragic, sins-of-the-father view of the world. It’s one I “choose” not to accept.

        • SweetDeeKat

          You forgot the “it’s a child, not a choice” bumper sticker.

          I’m searching the medicine cabinet for forgotten painkillers.

      • puredog

        Sounds legit.

      • theCryptofishist

        That Mrs. Obama–total tranny.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      It still floors me that these people apparently have no idea how insurance works. It relies on the healthy people to subsidize the sick ones. Which is why they should all be in one pool. It’s not rocket surgery. We subsidize the sick because one day we’ll all be the sick.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Which tends to work out most advantageously these days for obese, diabetic, hillbilly heroin-addicted unemployed red state goobers.

        • Jim Johnson

          Don’t forget alcoholic also, too.

      • Claire

        They know how it works. They just don’t think it should work for anyone except them, like that idiot who was going blind and kept voting Republican and complaining about the safety net but always thought there’d be “help” there for him if he needed it.

        • puredog

          They know how it works, but they are led astray by their deep need to hand huge tax cuts to their criminal overlords.

        • PubOption

          Glenn Beck?

    • Nockular cavity

      Dear God: drop a piano on this guy’s head, and I will believe, I promise.

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Ladies and Gentlemen: Calvinism!

      • bupkus231

        More like Calvinball – because Goppers change the rules to favor themselves all the time. Just wait until this asshole is diagnosed with a chronic condition ( whether or not it was caused by his bad habits ), and his line will change…

        • Courser_Resistance

          I know this is just awful, but wait until it’s one of his kids or grandkids – that gets them worse than their own selves.

      • Spurning Beer
        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          That poor boy really needs to get checked out by a urologist

          • theCryptofishist

            And possibly by a copy write attorney.

          • Jim Johnson

            Sick, avatar stealing plagiarists! I’m really pissed off too.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Of course they think this. They also think poverty is a reflection on your moral character rather than a condition perpetuated by all the shitty laws they pass and the pillaging they allow the financial industry and the criminal justice system to engage in. Prosperity is proof of god’s love for you, and if you aren’t prosperous, then god doesn’t want it for you, so fuck you. A great ethos to govern by.

    • ltmcdies

      Hey Trump smokers, enjoyers of Bud beer…..he’s talking about you too, you know..

      not just black kids who get shot

      that the whole thing with “underserving sick” …. you can expand that out to include alot of conditions and situations

    • La forza del resistino

      He obvs missed the Kimmel show last night.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Right. There’s just one problem with that – the majority of anyone’s health status is more of a quirk of genetics than lifestyle. Sure, lifestyle can make a big difference, but your susceptibility to disease is largely genetic.

      Case in point: I’m in excellent health for any age. My resting heart rate is between 58-62 bpm; Blood pressure at last check 110/45; Cholesterol is >100; blood sugar right about 100. Basically, all my metrics are perfection.

      But I’m a smoker and am overweight (obese on some charts which is bullshit, but whatever). I smoke weed daily (which probably helps keep BP low) and spent about 5 years trying my best to become an alcoholic (didn’t work – also a quirk of genetics, NOT personal fortitude). Doctors take one look at me and instantly make a list of problems I should have: Heart disease, diabetes, yadda.

      Probably the ONLY significant thing I don’t do is drink soda. I generally eat pretty healthy, but honestly, I probably eat just as much crap as everyone else (Deep South excepted)

      I’m about to schedule my annual low-dose chest CT for long-time smokers, at no cost (Thanks, Obama). Last year’s result was great! No plaque in my coronary arteries, lungs clear.

      This demonstrates the absolute fallacy that good health is the result of a virtuous lifestyle.

      • ltmcdies

        Genetics plays more of a role than the pushers of diet products and health clubs would like us to believe.

        OTOH….as a health care person I would be remiss not to mention that I have observed over the years…the impact of some of our health choice hits harder if one gets sick with something else..

        example…a smoker will have a longer harder time battling a pneumonia as they get older than a non smoker. If, god forbid, they need to go on a ventilator , harder time being weened off.

        I think western medicine has pushed the idea we can control for everything way too much but it’s whistling in the graveyard to think nothing we do to ourselves matters.

        Personally I go subscribe to the use your common sense approach.

        • Courser_Resistance

          You’re absolutely correct about that. Personally, I know that I won’t be able to quit smoking with out significant mental health support. I can go hours and hours without a cigarette without feeling serious compulsion. My addiction is purely emotional or whatever. (Part of this is my own feeling that there’s no value in extending an overall difficult life. Particularly in these times) For me, I work in order to live and I live in order to work to support myself. There is no prospect of that changing anytime. And there’s got to be more to life than that. I’ve lived a ‘good life’ more or less, I’m ready to go, anytime.

          • ltmcdies

            I’ve been told by ex smokers that they never done anything so tough as quit smoking and I believe them.

      • lroom

        First cancer surgery was when I turned 18. I couldn’t tell you how many more since but it was definitely genetic.

    • Al Swearengen

      Well, they are poor, the biggest sin of all. Because which poor loser would Republican Jesus death-panel?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    People in sanctuary cities just need to form armed brigades and face down any federal intervention at gunpoint. Apparently, that’s not against the law in this country anymore.

    • From Russia with Love

      Apparently, that’s not against the law in this country anymore.* **

      *May work better in some locations than others.
      **May work best in Nevada.

      • Courser_Resistance

        It could work here in Denver, too. Sure we’re all blue and shit, but many, many of our progressives (including me) own guns. We’re for SANE gun policy and universal background checks. But don’t think we WON’T use them to protect our full constitutional rights.

        • From Russia with Love

          Good luck with that. No offense, but here’s what they’ll be packing:

          http://466th.tripod.com/F16Loadout.jpg

          • Contemplative Ron

            Donnie is insane, definitely, but is he THAT insane?

          • Celtic_Gnome

            And, as we slouch toward Thursday, no one thought the National Guard would ever fire live ammo into a crowd of unarmed civilian students.

          • Contemplative Ron

            Good point. Depressingly good.

    • therblig

      i’m in. but just for the dildos and lube. ok, and the freedom!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Don’t forget the vanilla almond coffee creamer. A must-have in any standoff with jackbooted federal thugs!

        • theCryptofishist

          In San Francisco you can get much better coffee for defending your sanctuary city. Heck, even the jackbooted federal thugs have better taste in coffee than in vanilla almond creamer. I know this, because I are one: SCIENCE FACT. Allegedly.

          • puredog

            A spy in the house of love?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            So hey, you must know “Frisco Mike”, the illiterate, butthurt troll who posts long, angry, incoherent responses to comments I made 4 months ago. Tell him I said hi.

          • theCryptofishist

            Done.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Wait….YOU’RE not Frisco Mike, are you?

          • theCryptofishist

            I bathe less erratically.

          • theCryptofishist

            Bwahahaha. You’ll never know one way or the other.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Nah. You’re WAY too coherent. Proper spelling and punctuation is another tipoff.

          • theCryptofishist

            The speelin kums hard. (Tdik choke.)

      • The Wanderer

        55-gallon drums of lube!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        What about the dick jokes?

        Oh, wait. You’re not talking about Wonkette, are you?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Just as long as it’s all white guys.

  • therblig

    From NYT on Verunka: “By inserting herself into a scalding set of gender dynamics, she is becoming a proxy for dashed dreams of a female presidency and the debate about President Trump’s record of conduct toward women and his views on them.”

    after that, i read as much as i could before the bile and vomit starting rising.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The NYT is unfit for wrapping fish nowadays. Birds refuse to shit on it for various reasons related to their dignity.

      • From Russia with Love

        And if they do happen to shit on in an emergency, you can’t tell it from the editorials.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’ll scald THEIR gender dynamics, by god. What fucking “debate” about his record? There is no debate. He’s casually sexist in policy and criminally sexist in person. And Ivanka doesn’t give a shit.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Both sides do it?

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          Only if you believe Linda Tripp

      • ariel_gee_398

        And the only reason he’s just casually sexist in policy is because he’s too lazy to learn how to be worse.

      • NastyBossetti

        It feels like the debate is about whether anyone gives a shit, and whether anyone should give a shit.
        Neither of which should be up for debate, either, but this is where we are.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          You sound like you give a shit! Pfft, that’s so 2016.

          • NastyBossetti

            I’m hoping that not giving a shit is just a fad that will pass, so I don’t have to do it myself.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ivanka, in fact, has been often been the focus of his criminal sexism.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Yurrk.

    • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

      Good God, the NYT needs to put down the crack pipe.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      The day I rely on Ivanka as proxy for Hillz is the day after my frontal lobotomy.

      • But i’m sure your scar will be adorable!

        • Me not sure

          Temple dimple?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me…

        • Courser_Resistance

          It’s almost time to break out the bong. I try to hold off until about 8:30 am for the sake of my lungs.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            It’s healthier than hitting yourself on the forehead with a ball peen hammer

          • Contemplative Ron

            Less clean-up, too.

      • bupkus231

        I kinda read that “proxy” bit as saying Ivanka has become a target for all the bitterness of those of us who rue Hillary’s loss – IOW, we hate Ivanka, not that she’s standing in for Hillary.

        Am I just confoozled?

        I agree with LT, that there is no “debate” about Rump’s record of sexism and misogyny – just like there’s no “debate” about his utter assholery.

    • cmd resistor

      That’s plenty right there, thanks.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    The NYT just needs to rehire Judith Miller and put to rest once and for all the idea that they have a single fucking clue about anything but fellating those in power.

  • Randy Riddle

    Fascinating how conservatives have their panties all in a wad over O’Reilly’s dismissal and the fear that FoxNews is somehow going to turn into a haven for Communists overnight by not showing enough fascists. It’s not like FoxNews viewers can’t just tune into the latest History Channel Nazi Marathon instead.

    • chortlingdingo

      Huh, the History Channel does play a lot of WWII material. I never really noticed.

  • elviouslyqueer

    A memo from the Trump administration wants to end Michelle Obama’s girls’ education program, “Let Girls Learn,” but now they’re talking about giving it to Melon Trump to stare at longingly.

    In related news, Melania will also be put in charge of bulldozing the White House garden and replacing it with a Sonic Drive-Thru.

  • Beowoof14

    With Colbert saying Trump’s mouth is Putin’s cock holster, I found I could get to sleep with the problems in America being repeatedly pointed out on late night.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      If things get any worse with Trump, I’m really hoping that Colbert and CBS will step up – i.e. be unafraid to start using the T-word (traitor), U-word (unfit), I-word (impeach) and so forth. Colbert will totally go there if they let him.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I’m not sorry he’s fired up, I just wish he’d been able to work up a little enthusiasm before November.

        • puredog

          There was then no need, IIRC.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Um. Imma leave that there?

    • theCryptofishist

      But if he’d said that about Ivanka, wow!

    • Yeah those last few minutes were actually quite stunning. This is where we are now.

  • Nockular cavity

    “they’re talking about giving it to Melon Trump to stare at longingly.”

    Or “dejectedly,” or “amusedly,” or “borededly,” who can tell?

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Disgustedly. It’s her only expression, which was a strange choice by the surgeon

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Resting Model Face.

    • Suttree

      Maleus Malefabctorum

  • eyelashviper

    Thank you for Nice Time and late night wrap-up…without it, I could not even begin to deal with the latest in Trump-Nues…

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I do look forward to that conservative alternative to Fox News.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQWPR9TM0Gk

    • MizzMazz

      Hey, that reminds me of *my* family!

  • ltmcdies

    Kimmel’s monologue …. man I wouldn’t wish that situation on my worst enemy. went through similar with one of my newborns who’s all grown and doing great. But I live in Canada so the whole “who’s pays” only applied to the ambulance ride and I don’t even think we paid that in end.

    Hope baby Kimmel does great and that his Dad goes on to hammer all attempts to turn America healthcare clock back to pre- 2008 with all the contempt they deserve

    • Courser_Resistance

      A good friend of mine recently had her baby 10 weeks premature. While babby didn’t have any significant issues like Kimmel’s son, it was still a very harrowing experience for them. We were all praying for her and yes, many in her circle are Wiccan or Athiest, but you better believe that we all prayed in our own way for the best outcome for mom and baby.

      I broke down in sobs when I heard that her Muslim surgeon ASKED if he could pray for her baby and then HELD HER IN HIS ARMS while the anesthesiologist administered the epidural.

      Neonatologists and their staff are some of the kindest, most compassionate people you will ever meet.

      • ltmcdies

        they are very special people….talented and dedicated….

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Since “fair and balanced” is already copyrighted, their new network’s motto could be “alt-facts for the alt-right”

    • Me not sure

      Alt the time?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Alt-ernate Reality.

    • Jim Johnson

      … for the Alt-Reich.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Contemplative Ron

      Says it all, doesn’t it?

    • BeachBum

      Hi lar ee us !

  • Courser_Resistance

    Sweet Jesus, time for the bong…

  • theCryptofishist

    (Okay, are the ads back for anyone else?)

    • PubOption

      Yes.

    • Maclare

      yep

  • dshwa

    Republicans just need to “say they did it” voting against Obamacare again? What was wrong with the other eleventeen billion times they did it?

  • Contemplative Ron

    I am very glad I don’t have time for this shit today.

  • eyelashviper

    The NYT’s Apology Tour to Ivanka Trumpworld is just downright disgusting…
    And the three writers are women who call themselves journalists!

  • Alexander Stallwitz
  • William
  • William
  • katydid13

    As a GAO employee I appreciate the shout out!

    • You’re welcome! I’m always on the look out to help OUR federal workers!

      http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/4673461/respect-knuckles-o.gif

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      As a real life citizen who relies on the GAO for my basic life type stuff, I thank you for enduring the long hours, miserable pay and obnoxious idiots to make things better for the rest of us.

      • katydid13

        We try to help.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Why are ads showing up in the non-comments?

  • calliecallie

    Missed the briefing this morning, but had to come back after reading some of today’s posts. I needed that baby goat.

  • calliecallie

    I saw that Jimmy Kimmel thing on my phone first thing this morning and didn’t watch it because I knew I would cry.
    Now I have watched and, yes, I am crying. Like a baby.
    Maybe Jimmy Kimmel would consider running for Congress?

  • Bitter Scribe

    I caught the very end of the Kimmel monologue last night (switched over from Colbert) and wondered what the heck had set him off like that. I had no idea it was his own child. Thanks for posting that clip–I was sure Wonkette would come through.

  • SisterArtemis

    I see Disqus is fucking with our overlords this morning. I’m getting frames for ads above the comments section and within it. This makes me sorta stabby (in a half-hearted way, the full-hearted stabbiness being saved for The Trumpening) and protective of our Editrix and her minions. Grrrrrr!

  • ziggywiggy

    Hillary is live on msnbc(they’re showing most of it,too) sounding all Presidential and smart. I know this sounds super childish but… it’s not fair! I WANT A DO OVER!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    If you haven’t already done so, watch the Colbert video- he’s on fire the whole way through, but the last couple minutes are devastating

    • jaspersdad

      Kim Jong gonna un….

  • Chris

    I watched the Hillary Clinton interview live. I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Such a contrast to the boy king

      • Chris

        This is so awful.

    • Lamashtar

      There are many times I want to disagree with her, rail about decisions made, but damn, do I wish she were in charge somewhere.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • Suse

    Hey, that’s Lena Horne opening the oven in that photo.

  • Lamashtar

    When I join the Trump Administration, I will spend all my time writing MOAR porny fanfiction, not scrubbing it from the internets.

  • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

    I really appreciate the late night roundup; and seeing Jimmy Kimmel so human helped me have compassion for him. He always seemed like such a self-absorbed jerk before (going back to the “Man Show”) that I found him hard to like at all. I hope he has an actually good therapist; not a “Hollywood” therapist. I don’t try to “make people” cry, but when it happens organically, it is amazing and healing. Surprisingly to non-therapists, I use it to arouse anger. Blunting the cycle of grief for the loss of anything prevents growth, anger is an important part of it and provides energy to move forward. People reject the anger stage, finding it a negative emotion after having been told for all their lives they had “no reason” to be angry. When it rightly needs to be felt toward a parent, the societal messages to honor parents (no matter how shitty) present a huge barrier.
    Done therapizing for the moment.

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