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SADNESSES!

Last week Sean Hannity was doing his usual, just getting his iPad screen all wet with his sad tears, because there were rumors that Bill Shine, co-president of Fox News, bestie of sex-slimer Roger Ailes and protector of falafel-spooger Bill O’Reilly, was about to be pushed out of his position at the network. In fact, journalist Gabe Sherman was reporting the rumors, which meant they were probably WHOA IF TRUE:

You can tell Hannity was crying that afternoon, because of all the grammatical errors in that tweet, unless he meant to put an umlaut in “Gabe” and he actually intended to sign his letter as “Best Sean.” But really? All of Fox News will DIE if Bill Shine is fired?

Well, RIP Fox News, we guess! Rupert Murdoch sent this letter to Fox employees Monday, to tell them how Shine had “resigned”:

OH DEAR! The chips just continue to fall! This couldn’t have happened to a nicer network that happens to have a long record of protecting sexual abusers and harassers, and that’s on top of how 98% of its reporting (basically all of it that isn’t done by Shep Smith) is 100% bullshit.

The New York Times gives a little more background, for readers who aren’t obsessed with the workplace politics of Dipshit Central:

Mr. Shine had been cited in several lawsuits as someone who enabled and concealed Mr. Ailes’s behavior and dismissed concerns from women who complained about it. He has denied all wrongdoing.

For more on that, check out Andrea Tantaros’s lawsuit and Gretchen Carlson’s lawsuit and the story of Laurie Luhn, and then just Google “Bill Shine” and “sexual harassment” and learn how he’s the guy who’s protected ALL the abusers, “allegedly.” From what we can tell, the only nice thing he’s ever done is that time he picked up the phone and called mutant Trump lawyer Michael Cohen and reminded him that it would be bad if the Trump campaign ended up getting Megyn Kelly killed. That was mighty big of him!

More from the NYT:

His departure is sure to roil some of Fox News’s most recognizable stars, with whom Mr. Shine had close relationships. Sean Hannity, the channel’s 10 p.m. mainstay, is particularly close with Mr. Shine, and he publicly defended his friend this week on Twitter, saying that removing Mr. Shine would be “the total end of the F.N.C. as we know it. Done.”

We are monitoring Sean Hannity’s Twitter feed for evidence of the pain he is now feeling, so we can LOL and kick him while he’s down. Unfortunately, he hasn’t tweeted since the news came out. Maybe he is looking for his inhaler.

He was tweeting Sunday night, though. If we are reading between the lines correctly, this is all part of a #conspiracy to do #microaggressions to the #safespaces of Trump-supporting #fuckholes by getting them fired. And it seems like he thinks he is next!

Goodness! We don’t know why he thinks he’s getting fired, since all the firings at Fox have been men who harassed ladies, and now Bill Shine, the man who protected those dudes. And yeah, we know that crazy wingnut anti-Muslim woman Debbie Schlussel said Hannity kind of perved on her, but she later clarified that she didn’t really mean he sexually harassed her.

So why is Sean Hannity, the dumbest person at Fox News, losing his paranoid shit right now?

Haha, just answered our own question, it’s because he’s stupid, THE END.

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[New York Times]

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  • proudgrampa

    “Bathe in Hannity’s tears…”

    I got the body wash!

  • msanthropesmr

    The shine is off the fox.

  • Shibusa
  • exinkwretch

    AND you’re gonna be working for a GIRL, Seanie Boy! Sucks to be you!

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      The girl is just as vicious as the boys ever were. And Jack Abernathy is still there. Fox isn’t cleaning house, they’re rearranging the deck chairs.

  • Mpeg

    Who?

    • msanthropesmr

      You know, that stupid guy with the hair. No, not Rick Perry.

      • Mpeg

        Schmannity is one of my favorite commenters. I’m sorry to see him/ her go.

        • schmannity

          Don’t worry. I just put another layer of aluminum on my hat. They’ll never take me. Bhahahahahahhahah.

    • Jamoche

      Lumpy.

  • mrFawkes
    • ariel_gee_398

      The wing nuts have been claiming for years that Barry is gay. To them, this is proof.

      • puredog

        I first read that as “this is poof.”

    • Ms.Moon

      The difference among all these men is the guy on the right still has a waistline and can see his feet without bending over. Of course if he weren’t a very happily married man he’s tall, dark, handsome, intelligent and has an amazing voice he’d have no problem getting dates or having women interested in him at all in any capacity. Bill Clinton had no trouble with this at all himself even though he was married and I heard he could make beautiful women appear out of thin air.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    He is very very stupid, so I guess it’s just possible that he still thinks that ALL of the other allegations were simply made up and that THEY might do the same thing to him.

    • puredog

      Or as was said on The Americans last week, “Sometimes they find things when there’s nothing there.”

  • msanthropesmr

    So in my fan fic, everyone is forced to resign from fox for collusion with the Russian government and then tried for treason after all of dumpf and his minions are sent to Levanworth. And then we hold new elections and Hillary wins and I get a pony that poops ice cream.

  • LiPao

    Maybe Klannity’s stooped posture will improve.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Sean shone Shine’s shphincter. Shame. Shene.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Shickening.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        You shaid it.

  • Ezio

    Man, so much drama over at Fox. I swear you could make a Soap Opera out of Fox News crumbling down.

    The Faux and the Feckless

    • BearGHAZI

      ‘Guiding Blight’

      • Mpeg

        “As The World Unlearns”

        • Ezio

          As The World Burns

          • LiPao

            Burma Shave

          • Pisto75666

            The Old and The Feckless.

      • arglebargle

        Generally Inhospitable.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          From smear to eternity?

          • Lynnrreel

            My last paycheck was $22500 for working 12 hours a week online.Start earning $97/hour by working online from your home for few hours each day with GOOGLE… Get regular payments on weekly basis… All you need is a computer, internet connection and a litte free time… Read more heres
            !sk207c:
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      • ariel_gee_398

        The Days of our Reichs.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        “All My Lawsuits”

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Secret Stormtroopers

      • Jeffery Campbell

        All My Nitwits.

    • schmannity

      The Edge of Fright.

    • schmannity

      Didn’t William Shirer write the book?

    • Dark Shadows….. oh, wait, that’s been done already.

      • Little Lulu Ω

        Dark Shadow Government?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      The Bold and the Dutiful.

    • Shibusa

      Paul Ryan’s Hope

    • Sean Hannity, Sean Hannity

      (with apologies to Norman Lear)

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      As the Stupid Burns

    • Opalescent Riddles

      The Ways of our Lies.

    • Snopes Shop

      All My Children

  • BearGHAZI

    Hannity will spank the shit out of anyone who accuses him of sex harassment

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Sidlesham broke their cover wide open, and damn but that’s clever. The ladies at Fox News are using a little-known provision in the constitution to impeach the President by exposing sexual misconduct at a major media outlet. Those founding fathers had some foresight, I tell you what.

    • whitroth

      Tell them to stop foolin’ around, and sue Trump for sexual harassment, and then the GOP will ecstatically impeach him. I mean, it worked for Bill C….

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Put him under oath and ask how big his inauguration crowd was, and they’ll have all the grounds for impeachment they ever needed.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    He’s hired THREE attorneys? Makes you wonder what he’s got to hide, even as he proclaims there’s nothing to see here.

    • PubOption

      But it seems that the attorneys have no idea (as to what should be done).

  • msanthropesmr

    If that’s the best Sean I wonder what the worst Sean is.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      The optimist believes this is the best of all possible Seans, the pessimist fears this is so.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Sean Young?

    • Indivisible Snark Tank
    • tomamitai

      “The Best Sean” / “Sebastian” ??? OMG, he’s really Gorka in an Irishman suit!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!

    • A Groucho Marxist

      Aw, I should’ve scrolled down further.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    What are They trying to stop him from doing? I’ve never been clear on what it is They will NEVAR stop these right-wing fucks from doing.

    • tomamitai

      Forcing Jews, Atheists, Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Buddhists, and 32nd degree Freemasons to say “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays”?

      • ahughes798

        No, they want us out of the US entirely.

        • Jukesgrrl

          Who would do the work?

          • ahughes798

            The gun-nuts, right-wingers, and x-tians, who are really intertwined these days.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Sad tears? How about we soak Lumpy’s iPad by finally waterboarding his dumb ass?

  • arglebargle

    High. Powered. Attorneys. Be very afraid.

    • vivian

      These one’s take AAA’s, six of ’em… in a pack!

    • mailman27

      Squeal Team 6

    • Oily Messiah

      Probably got him some Johnny Cochran action. If the magnum doesn’t fit, you must acquit.

    • schmannity

      You’d have to be high.

  • memzilla Ω

    Why is Hammity talking like he’s going to be indicted? Why isn’t Hammity extolling the virtues of “right to work” legislation? Why isn’t Hammity praising the Invisible Hand of the Market?

    • vivian

      Occam’s eight-ball tells me: Stupidity

    • Jamoche

      Because his version of the poem starts with “First they came for the pussygrabbers”.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The invisible hand is about to fist him, without lube.

  • whitroth

    The end of Faux News as we know it?

    Ding, dong, the bastard’s dead!

    And hey… it happened to help brighten up International Labor Day (and Beltaine, while we’re at it)! Light a bonfire… and burn Faux News in it!

    • ahughes798

      It’s May Day! I heard we used to celebrate it on May 1st, too, but for some reason it got moved to late summer because “we didn’t want to be like everybody else,” or some BS. I’m sure it had something to do with the Haymarket shootings and resulting bomb-throwing. The 4 people who were hung for the bomb are actually international heroes of labor….just not here.

      • whitroth

        No. It was anti-Communism, and the right and those who were then called industrialists hated unions, socialism, and anything that might make peoples’ lives better.. since it would a) take money away from them, and b) the hoi polloi wouldn’t know their place, and defer to their “betters”

        It was also hated by the nobility, since it was the peasants’ celebration, which is why they had the Church declare it to be Satanist and Evil.

        Unfuck “Law Day”. Happy Mayday! Go forth and screw in the fields, and bring fecundity to the Earth.

  • schmannity
  • Hmm. Sounds like Sean is trying to preemptively handle some forthcoming accusations of impropriety. I hope the fucker loses a great deal of sleep over it.

    • vivian

      Sources say it’s underage boys in the Public Library restrooms.
      That what people are telling me. You should see the letters. Tons of letters.
      Anyway, I don’t support him or unsupport him, I’m just saying that’s what I hear is all.

    • puredog

      “No, Sean, you’ve been a paragon of behavior (except maybe for that little gun thing. . .). No, Sean, we’re firing you because you are DUM.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    What’s an ombré? Is it like an omelet?

  • msanthropesmr

    You know, I never spend sleepless nights wondering if I’m gonna get caught. I must be living wrong as a godless liberal commie basterd.

  • Wild Cat

    I think Hannity is the only talking anus too ugly to be sexually abused at that Fox “News” rapehole.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hannity: “I got lawyers. I got righteous anger! I’m mad…mad! I ….I…..I’m a bad hombre! I know Donald Trump, you scummy peasants! He will get all of you! I….I….have investigators…..I….I…Oh you people! You’re gonn’a get it….”

    bwwwwahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3aa8aef948ef6242d5dac43a314b1a7e627535790030a23c4eb9464e9fb47518.gif

  • Jamoche

    “wrong ombré” – Wrong bad shade?

  • Seamus Romney

    Tears from obese, entitled, old white guys are the best tears.*

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/50115fc92b40e65ee9a19095f4c3564aee66cf02cf3066be46c9a4e47d152cda.jpg

    *spoken by someone who will eventually become an obese old white guy.

    • Ezio

      Tears from the one demographic that has nothing to be crying about. At least, not for being part of that demographic.

      • ahughes798

        Millenial?

      • Little Lulu Ω

        Sociopaths?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I think the part I like the best is how, after about eleventy tweets about what he’s up to he says, “no more tweeting, I don’t want to give anything away.” LOL really? Really, Sean? You don’t want to give anything away but it never occurred to you to put down your phone?

  • marxalot

    Where’s the Brolly Bunny when you need him?

    • CripesAmighty

      RLS got it above. :)

  • Shibusa

    I pray that Hannity hired Trump’s amazing top class birth certificate investigators!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Donald…..My Prez’! Help me. I need a bad hombre to put em’ in their place.

    http://s.quickmeme.com/img/72/721978c0fa0e20304ebafa5b28bd9fef7b1394eb2b40eaf4420df12389ad8c82.jpg

    From all of America: “Let’s see if that’s correct.”

  • Wild Cat

    100 Five Pointers on the Fox wall
    100 Five Pointers, that’s all
    If one of those Five Pointers should happen to fall (see ya, Bill),
    99 Five Pointer on the wall . . . (Hello, Sean) . . .

  • A Groucho Marxist

    If that’s Best Sean on Twitter, I’m having a hard time imagining how big of an asshole Worst Sean must be.

  • TundraGrifter

    I predict InSannity drops Shine like a bad transmission, now that the shine is off Faux News. I don’t believe his top flight attorneys and investigators any more than I believe Mr. Trump had investigators in Hawaii researching Mr. Obama’s birth certificate.

    InSannity will cut and run now that Shine is gone. You don’t try to hold onto a grand piano when its careening down several flights of stairs.

    • Oily Messiah

      Maybe he’ll undergo a whole reasonable conservative Glenn Beckian transformation … you know.. for money

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He’ll content himself with retiring to daily Scrooge McDuck style baths in his ill gotten hate speech money.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Out with the old douchebags, in with the new douchebags.”
    — FoxNews

  • His army and A team?
    Does that make Sean a beta cuck or a Theta Pi?

    • Oily Messiah

      Probably why Sean hasn’t been implicated in “sexual harassment” yet. Not too moral or too smart to harrass women, just too much of a cuck

  • puredog

    Since I avoid Fox News like the plague, and particularly its talking head sequences, I have never (or almost never) had the pleasure of watching Mr. H. So I’ll just take Wonkette’s word (who wouldn’t?) for it that he is an irredeemable douche.

    • Oily Messiah

      “Dumbest Anchor on Fox” and that’s according to the Murdoch owned WSJ so…

      • puredog

        My, that seems awfully. . .intramural.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        But honestly, how can they even tell? I mean, trying to sort through which anchor at Faux is the dumbest would be like trying to figure out if your knives were sharp by slicing your arm open with all of them and comparing the depth of the cuts.

    • he thanked the “irredeemable deplorables” if that gives you any inkling on just what levels of douchenozzery he is.
      A journalist, out loud with his mouth parts, aligning himself with the very worst part of a very bad electorate. Fair and balanced FOR SURE

    • Jukesgrrl

      Same here.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That’s unkind to irredeemable douches.

      • puredog

        AHA, but I didn’t libel them, because I is S-M-R-T!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      worse yet, he’s dumber than dirt. With Bill-O you could at least admire his brazen bullshitting for being quality propaganda, but Lumpy is nothing more than a cheerleader for the bottom of the barrel intellectually challenged teatards

      • Meccalopolis

        Yes, there is literally no crime he will not stoop to justify or blame on the other side. It’s comical in low doses

    • Ezio

      In high school I used to leave Bill O’Reilly on the tv to help me fall asleep and occasionally Hannity would come on right after and I listened to that too. Hannity is even more arrogant, obnoxious and loud than Bill is, as far as I’m concerned.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Wow, it’s a wonder you survived.

        • Ezio

          It’s pretty sad I once thought Mike Huckabee was a kind and lovely guy by comparison. He almost fooled me.

          • Jukesgrrl

            Thank heavens you’re smarter than that. Glad you’re here with us.

          • Ezio

            I wasn’t really believing what they said for myself, I was mocking them even before I started mapping out where I stood on social or political issues.

      • Serai 1

        How the hell were you able to fall asleep with that hideous racket going on?

        • Ezio

          I”m weird. I actually sleep better when there’s noise. If it’s too quiet I get freaked out.

          • Jukesgrrl

            I’m the same way, but I play ESPN.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I don’t think Hannity is the kind of white noise generator the sleep experts are recommending.

    • Serai 1

      I’ve seen a couple of clips. He strikes me as a stereotypical Irish Thug character. He would have been right at home in a Warner Bros. movie of the 30’s.

      • Oily Messiah

        Or on an 1890s police force, beating the shit out of his fellow irishmen for trying to get better labor conditions for themselves

      • Ezio

        Irish-Americans and Italian-Americans are funny because they’re the only groups who complain about their history of mistreatment while treating all other subordinate groups like crap.

        • well…the Pilgrims, Baptists and …everyone else who came after and before and during might rate on that scale, also XD

          • Ezio

            Were the Pilgrims and Baptists mistreated though? Seems more like the pilgrims were mistreating Indigenous folks the second they got here.

          • Serai 1

            I think Jen was saying the Pilgrims and Baptists were thugs as well.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            They were both persecuted in England, and the Puritans gave the Baptists a rough time over here.

          • Serai 1

            No, the Puritans were not persecuted in England. They were run out because they wouldn’t stop berating and abusing others. Nobody wanted them because they were noxious, and their leader Oliver Cromwell damn near ruined the country. That whole “looking for freedom” sob story is a cover for the fact that what they wanted was the freedom to persecute for themselves.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            The pilgrims are not the Puritans. They are two separate groups. The Puritans were relatively OK with the pilgrims probably because they basically absorbed them. They helped mythologize Plymouth Rock, etc.

            The Puritan majority in New England gave a lot of shit to the Baptists, Quakers, etc. The Baptists later gave shit to other groups, is my point.

          • Boojum

            This gives me an idea about what to do with the neo-Confederates and Talibangelicals. I hear there is some lovely space in Somalia.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Yeah,

            even though parts of the Jewish community were admirably involved in fighting for the rights of others, other parts of the Jewish community were very racist.

          • Serai 1

            Were?

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Fair enough.

        • Serai 1

          You mean here in the US?

          • Ezio

            Yeah I mean the US.

            Though there are some Irish folks who talk about how the English treated them. And some Sicilians who talk about how Northern Italians treat them.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          As an Irish-American, I take exception to this. I’m far too busy drinking to treat anyone like crap…

  • Suttree

    So how soon do we get the videotape of Hannity fucking a watermelon in the noonday sun? FFS read the book Wonkers!

    • msanthropesmr

      Do not want

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Oh sure, watermelons seem diffident and hard-to-get, but get a couple drinks in them and then watch out!

        • msanthropesmr

          Call any vegetable. Call it by name.

          • bobbert

            Yay, Frank!

    • elviouslyqueer

      A watermelon? No no. That’s pure chicken fucking right there. Behind the barn. WIthout so much as a drop of lube.

  • Jukesgrrl

    HuffPoo reported that Hannity “rallied around” Shine. He’s the only one they mentioned. My questions: Does one person constitute a rally? How can one person gather “around” another? I wouldn’t say, “My brother gathered around me.” It takes at least a few to surround. So where are Shine’s other supporters? Also, Olde Murdoch says, “Sadly, Bill Shine resigned today.” Bad grammar reveals a lot.

    • Ruddy shoulda trumped it.
      Bill Shine resigned today. People are saying! Everyone is thinking and make your own opinion. Sad.

    • Boojum

      His arms wrapped around him, his faced pressed into the hollow of his neck, his loins stirring, Sean Hannity rallied around Bill Shine.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Lesson to future FoxNews personnel. Just after a Republican POTUS victory is a great time for the higher-ups to clean house.

    • Oily Messiah

      Or right before a big merger with Sky TV

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      They’re just getting ready for TrumpTV?…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    All I know is that when I travel to certain cities that have huge billboards of his face on them, I drive by thinking that Hannity looks like a breeding experiment gone bad between siblings, and when you hear his “thoughts” things only go further downhill.

  • Fartknocker

    I so hope this presents a new job opportunity for Steve Bannon as the embedded White House reporter. I’m sure he will be as fair and balanced as he was when he was charged with domestic violence against his spouse.

  • Crystalclear12

    Shep, honey, when leave to go to another network could you turn off the lights on your way out?
    Thanks.

  • miss_grundy

    Methinks the shitgibbon doth protest too much. And I hope his two high-powered attorneys are working toward getting him a golden parachute when Faux News drops the hammer on him.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Shibusa

    Let’s hope Hannity’s career collapses like an undercooked soufflé.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Hey, that souffle only fell because of the tremor when Roger Ailes walked by, .

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Oh the Loon Hannity!”
    Quote from live coverage when Sean goes down in flames, Hindenburg style.

    • tomamitai

      I was trying to come up with a Hindenburg joke, but I couldn’t think of a way to associate Faux Newz with humanity.

  • TundraGrifter

    “…removing Mr. Shine would be ‘the total end of the F.N.C. as we know it. Done.’”

    At the risk of pointing out the obvious, it appears to me that’s pretty much the goal here.

    Stick a fork in F.N.C.

    • vivian

      I’d prefer a harpoon.

      • TundraGrifter

        Save the Whales! Harpoon Hannity!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Receptionist: “Mr Hannity. The Murdoch boys would like to talk to you. ____ Mr. Han…Sean….??? Are you there? ….”

    https://media.giphy.com/media/7kn27lnYSAE9O/giphy.gif

    • vivian

      This reminds me: if you are ever working in a large company and either an HR person or your boss approaches you and asks “Do you have a minute?” the answer is always “NO! This vitally important project requires my immediate and ongoing attention.”

  • Courser_Resistance

    Can Women be credited with bringing down F.N.C? God, I hope so but it remains to be seen. After all women are as capable of being horrifying racists as men are, but I have perhaps a sliver of hope this is the beginning of the end for the Faux News Network.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Telling right-wing rubes what they want to hear will always be profitable. It’ll be same shit, different shitheads.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      It’s sexists and racists all the way down…

  • Bill D. Burger

    In a few days, Hannity will gladly accept his new position at FOX and personally thank Rupert and the boyz’!

    https://lynnrockets.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/hannitydrag.jpg

    • Shoto

      Would it be wrong to throw this up on Hannity’s tweetering feed? Repeatedly?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Perhaps Murdoch is finally feeling free to fire (Ins)Hannity for cause: being stupid.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Supposedly, he’s the one trying to protect these “people” (aka money machines). It’s the sons, especially the younger ones, who see the writing on the wall. But until they alter the editorial slant, in my mind the personalities make little difference.

  • jesterpunk

    Just on general principles fuck fox news and I hope they do fold quickly.

    They went after Mr Rogers and called him evil.

    http://www.pittsburghmagazine.com/Pittsburgh-Magazine/September-2013/Now-the-Crazies-are-Coming-for-Mister-Rogers/

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh, I am SO looking forward to posting this when Sean is given his exit papers. Which hopefully will be approximately RIGHT THIS INSTANT.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/71150c9ba2f25c1e601c8354303e7c6fbe8e4ba5a804d22b171d430f9e1e4535.gif

  • boyblue122
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      So she did whatever Roger asked he to do? Huh.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Here’s an idea, ladies: Maybe if you all resign and leave them to harass each other?

  • Ezio

    It really seems like Shep Smith (and SOMETIMES Chris Wallace) are the only people who work at Fox who aren’t total asshats. They really need to abandon ship and go elsewhere.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Probably why Fox viewers are always demanding that Smith be fired.

  • Crystalclear12

    Hannity, your cross is ready.

    • Oily Messiah

      He’s just trying to decide whether to bear it or burn it.

      • Wild Cat

        He’s going to Linda Blair it.

        • vivian

          Is it wrong to hope for splintery wood?

          • Wild Cat

            Not at all. Aquinas would approve, in fact.

    • Bill D. Burger

      His new one? Hell, you can’t get him down off the old one. ;)

      • Isn’t it about time to replace the nails?

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        We do need the wood, too.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Singin’ in the Rain….

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      He puts the “stigma” in “stigmata”. And the T&A, also, too.

    • SeeTrain65

      “If this is the hill you want to die on, Sean, have at it.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • elviouslyqueer

    Also too, but good LORD if Hannity didn’t shart his granny panties so hard that they blew clean off his body and rocketed into orbit around Alpha Centauri.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    What the fuck are his “two amazing top class investigators” supposed to investigate?
    Anybody have even a guess?

    • Sheepshagger

      Magnets? The tide?

    • Oily Messiah

      Obama probably wiretapped him too

    • jesterpunk

      Which women at Faux news he can sexually harass and which ones will report him to HR.

    • Shibusa

      Benghazi?

    • ariel_gee_398

      His secret cookie jar collection?

    • vivian

      The lifelong mystery of which shoe/which foot?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Well, clearly, how much Soros was paying the women at FAUX to make this stuff up…

      • Jukesgrrl

        Is THAT why I haven’t received a check for all my marching?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Obama’s birth certificate, and what they’re finding is amazing?

    • Boojum

      His penis? It’s a missing personified body part case.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Elvis Causticfellow

      What, are they comparing double chins again?

  • Serai 1

    Oh, poor poor Fuxes. Here, let me play you the song of my people…

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v123/Serai/Comment%20pics/WorldsSmallestViolin.gif

  • Paul Dietzel

    Does he mean that “A team is on this” or that the “A TEAM” is on this . . . like in “I pity the fool” that tries to come after him.

  • vivian

    Alas poor Faux, what Ailes thee?

    • Ezio

      Their employees and higher ups seem to be quite…Doocy.

      I tried.

      • vivian

        To Shepherd them unto a Smythe
        that he might tend their tired hooves
        once shod for causes nobler than Sod

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Saith Obrion….

    • Shibusa

      Oh for Fox sake.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I knew him, Hannity. He was a man of infinite twit.

      • vivian

        The Infini-twit™

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Allegedly, Sean hogged the “star” bathroom, was known to shout “Oh, you pretty dollface!” from behind the stall door. Stalls were known to have mirrors. I read it on the internet….

  • JoeChristmas

    Needs Moar Stuart Varney!

  • wavicles

    Pointy-toed boots.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hannity’s as mad about this as Andrew Jackson was about the Civil War!

    ~snort~

  • LarryHoudini

    Thank you for this, God. Is there any reason You couldn’t have made them implode before they got Trump elected?
    Sorry, I know I know—mysterious ways, etc.

  • wavicles

    Done.

  • Ricky Gay

    Actual LOL alert!

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Can they shutter a network? Kinda like shuttering a restaurant infested with rats and overflowing sewage?

    • MCLepus

      Yes.

  • mikejaz2

    Oooh, Hannity has three lawyers and two investigators! Or is that two lawyers and three investigators? Or is it Larry Fine and Wally Gator? Stay tuned, UhMeriKKKa®!

    • Boojum

      Paula Deen had seven lawyers. See how that turned out.

      • mikejaz2

        You need a good course in rhetorical style. I’ve read your other replies.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    When can they drop the anchor on Andrew Napolitano?…

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Hannity is freaking out. He should call Alex Jones and do a rant together. It would make good TV.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “the total end of the F.N.C. as we know it. Done.”

    https://media.giphy.com/media/7428g6l35bQYhG5PR6/giphy.gif

    • Jukesgrrl

      I wish.

  • Ezio

    Sean can always land a new job at Infowars. I hear they’re looking to replace Anthony Cumia. LOL

  • Sandwichman

    Calling Hannity “dumbest person at Fox News” underestimates him. Dumbest in any crowd.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Hard to maintain a business based on butthurt revanchism when your biggest fan is president, ennit?

  • whitroth

    I see a headline says Scott and Wallace were promoted. Couldn’t we get Wallace and Grommet?

  • Jukesgrrl

    Glenn Beck … Bill O’Reilly … Sean Hannity … maybe Murdoch/Ailes shouldn’t have hired so many men who were raised Catholic.

    (Please note, I was raised Catholic. That’s how this occurred to me.)

    • Yr. Gma

      Paul Ryan. Maybe Fox is his next gig.

    • Daniel Nicolosi

      …understood, I’m a “recovering” catholic myself!

    • phoenix00

      Raised, currently practicing, but awful Catholic.

      Where do I start?

  • BouncyFlyer

    Sean, Sean, /b/ is not your personal army.

  • eyelashviper

    Oh the bitter tears of Hannity, O’Reilly, Ailes….what a joy.

  • Mahousu

    I have 3 high powered attorneys and 2 amazing top class investigators I have hired. They have no idea

    He didn’t quite finish the tweet. It was supposed to say: They have no idea, but said that if I sent them to Hawaii for research, they would come up with something … eventually. Fingers crossed.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Shine on you crazy paranoid diamond.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I find this oddly comforting.

  • So why is Sean Hannity, the dumbest person at Fox News, losing his paranoid shit right now?
    Because everyone is confusing Hannity with Leno???
    http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/019/588/No_idea.jpg

  • Nockular cavity

    &their goal is to try to find a way to Impeach president

    Say what?

    Da FUQ does some pervy ruckus at FauxNews have to do with the Perv-In-Chief?

  • Swampay

    “the total end of FNC as we know it” Dare we hope?

  • Deplorable bob

    What a effed up web site. Ya’ll are the most ignorant butt hurt princesses I’ve ever seen. Twisted fucks, that’s what ya’ll are, butt hurt snowflakes, one of your bitches was over at bb this morning, poor little punk got run off.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Can’t even use an apostrophe in the right fucking place. Thanks for sharing.

      • Deplorable bob

        Grammar nazis, the refuge of the terminally butt hurt. Move along gay boy.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Trump loves the uneducated. You’ll go far in life.

          • Deplorable bob

            I gaurandamntee that I’m better educated than you, you pathetic mouth breather.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “Gaurandamntee”. See, this is what happens after generations of inbreeding.

          • Deplorable bob

            Tell you’re mommy that, punk.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            MRS. Punk to you, genius.

          • Deplorable bob

            Mrs shill? As in a left wing hack shill?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Gotta run, cupcake. Go easy on the meth, yeah? It’ll make your dick fall off.

          • Deplorable bob

            You wish you had a good dick, but fat libtards just have to suffer in silence.

          • Boojum

            His hints grew stronger, as he praised the almighty phallus, desperate for the love that he had been taught was wrong, but felt so right.

          • Deplorable bob

            Tell it to mommy when she’s giving you head tonight.

          • Daniel Nicolosi

            project much BBB (BareBackBob)?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Your mom has fallen that far? No wonder you’re angry. Poor little guy.

          • Deplorable bob

            Apparently you have difficulty with reading comprehension. Try again chink.

          • notanncoulter

            yer yoozin da wrong rachel sler.

          • Deplorable bob

            English. Do you speak it, faggot?

          • phoenix00

            Your’s ain’t so good either.

          • Daniel Nicolosi

            something tells me your mouth is much bigger than your dick. so tell us, what does dRumpf’s dick taste like?

          • Mike Steele

            Unlike the latest generation, which has created a whole lifestyle cult around publicly declaring they can’t get laid…

          • Fun with Cthulhu

            Beautiful feature, blocking is.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Such well thought out arguments! I bet you’re on your middle school’s debate team, aren’t ya?

          • m3bosha

            Tell you are mommy what exactly? About being “smarter”?

          • Deplorable bob

            No you ignorant whore, this is what happens when somebody is smarter than you.

          • Daniel Nicolosi

            hahaha, well said BareBackBob…this is what happens when people are smarter than YOU — you make yourself look like a bigger ass than what was previously believed possible. By the way, education has nothing to do with “smarts”…as you have dramatically proven! Again, thanks for the comedy relief!

          • phoenix00

            This, however, might just qualify for this Sunday’s DSfB.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Right? You can’t make up someone this non-ironically stupid.

          • Boojum

            I will take that bet.

          • Deplorable bob

            Ok. What ya got fat boy.
            Tell ya what, I’ll go first, I’ve got a BS in forest resources from UGA, I also have a BA in fine arts from UGA, I Have a MS in Dendrology from UT. You have a Masters of pooping your pants, don’t you fat boy. Kiss your mom tonight for me, you feckless hack. She’ll be between my knees tomorrow.

          • Daniel Nicolosi

            …all from dRumpf university no doubt…

          • LadyLaz

            Figure you went to redneck U

          • Mike Steele

            NB: No mention of a successful career, a fulfilling love life or a home of one’s own. Guess, even with all that academic paperwork, you’re still so insecure that you have to troll for attention. WEAK! SAD!

          • C4TWOMAN

            “gaurandamntee”?

          • Deplorable bob

            Look it up bitch whore.

          • C4TWOMAN

            “gaurandamntee” means “bitch whore”?
            Well you learn something new everyday!

      • zerosumgame0005

        seriously, Google translate is bad at that shit, so be kind to the Putin-bot :P

    • Jgb979

      This above comment is actually the exact answer to the question “what will 1000 monkeys typing on 1000 typewriters produce”

      You sound butt hurt? Shall I call the butt hurt doctor? Do you need butt hurt medicine?

      • Deplorable bob

        You being one of the monkeys, right gay boy?

        • Jgb979

          I think we’re dealing with a rhetorical genius here.

          My favorite line from the Lincolin Douglas debates like everyone else’s is “you being one of them monkeys right gay boy”.

          Don’t stand directly under the banhammer!

          • Deplorable bob

            Bring it bitch. You’re a typical libtard, you only agree with speech that agrees with you, you’re a waste of dna.

          • Fun with Cthulhu

            i think this one thinks that “gay boy” is insulting.
            If you think someone’s sexual orientation is the basis for an insult, you’re at the wrong website. Why don’t you toddle off to someplace more welcoming, like maybe Stormfront?

          • Deplorable bob

            No, I think I’ll stick around, you bitches are amusing me. And by the way queers are some of the most idiotic creeps around.

          • mancityRed6

            aww, it’s not good if you hate yourself like that.

          • Boojum

            Are you coming out?

          • Chris

            4 chan posted that they’d lost their village idiot, I think we found it.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Because Breitbart treats opposing views with the utmost respect, and features them front and center. They never, ever, block commenters.

          • The Witch of Endor

            Of course I agree with speech that agrees with my views, you shambling imbecile. I’m not bound to listen to slack-jawed idiots spouting bad science, and trying to compensate for the fact that no one will fuck them.

            Not even with Shemp’s dick.

          • Boojum

            Now, me, I read speech with which I disagree, but am capable of discerning shit from shinola.

          • Chris

            I’m curious, why would agree with speech you don’t agree with? That sounds fairly silly.

          • LadyLaz

            Damn, they teach such idiot debating skills at trump u? Better line up and get some of that money back.

        • Boojum

          He projected his desires onto his adversaries, a hidden corner of his Id hoping that they would feel his yearning.

        • Daniel Nicolosi

          me thinketh BareBackBob protesteth too much! We love you BB, I haven’t been this entertained since 7th grade, keep up the good work sweetie pie! Oh, and don’t go out in the sun, you will melt….

        • Morsum me

          you seem to be obsessed with gaydom.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya,

      • Deplorable bob

        Buh, bye cupcake.

        • Boojum

          The sweetness of the creamy white frosting aroused him, leading him to encode his desire. “Cupcake”, he said, then whispered again, tumescently.

        • Daniel Nicolosi

          byebye BarebackBob…

          • Deplorable bob

            Funny how you fags always reduce it to sex. Is there something you’re hiding from everyone? I’m sure your fellow travelers will understand.

          • Morsum me

            “fags” always reduce it to sex? calling dr. freud. dr. penislover freud.

          • Deplorable bob

            Look at little Danny, most of his miserable life is lived out and he, she, it has nothing to show but anger. You’re an old man who will probably die soon and the world will never remember you. The world will be well shut of you, you’ll have nothing but a lonley grave that no one will visit because no one will care. What’s your mark on life princess? Just a pitiful old man.

          • Mike Steele

            If libs are snowflakes, why is it the RWNJ are the ones always melting down?

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      HI THERE!
      Fuck off.

      • Deplorable bob

        Why don’t you go play hide and fuck off in traffic?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      What’s bb?

      Bob’s Bunghole?
      Burp Bros? Best Blobs? Bannon’s Bagtasters?

      • Deplorable bob

        You know what it is punk. Much better than this pathetic facsimile of a web site.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          I totally do! It’s Bitchy Burpslobbers Dot Com!

        • boll ocks

          Lol Clint Eastwood is here! How does it feel to shit yourself in front of the entire RNC?

          • Deplorable bob

            Clean your diapers bitch.

          • LadyLaz

            Man all those mean words. Yawn.

      • Deplorable bob

        Only a faggot would think Bob’s bunghole.

        • The Witch of Endor

          And….?

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          OH! Breitbart’s bunghole!

          Still sounds a little gay, to be honest, bob.

        • Al Swearengen
          • C4TWOMAN

            It’s been years since I’ve seen that. Still classic.

        • Boojum

          And, yet, it was the first statement to which you responded. Almost as if there were some powerful, nay, irresistible urge that drew you to Bob’s Bunghole. A force that you may deny, but nonetheless was controlling you.

      • mancityRed6

        dead brainfart.
        I know, I know, I should be replying to the troll.

      • Al Swearengen

        Apparently “Bigly Butthurt”.

    • mancityRed6

      effed up? you mean fucked up?
      and ya’ll isn’t how you spell it so your southern ignorance is showing.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Dok, cleanup on aisle 5

    • Daniel Nicolosi

      BB = BitchyBareBackBoobyBob.

      • Deplorable bob

        Didn’t you already try that once princess?

        • LadyLaz

          This princess carries mace

    • m3bosha

      Oh my nerd! A almost fresh troll!

    • notanncoulter

      he seems nice.

    • Nick Slaughter

      pop quiz, what was the Civil War fought over?

    • ez

      Hey bob, how nice to meet you. Where can I get that slogan generator you are using?

      BTW, nice brave blue ‘Deal With It’ Cod piece you got there.

    • Morsum me

      fyi, deplorable is considered a negative adjective. also DIAF.

      • Deplorable bob

        Fuck off bitch.

        • Morsum me

          cunt whore slut sez what?

          • Deplorable bob

            That the best you got bitch?

          • Morsum me

            I save my best for losers. You’ve not attained that high mantle.

          • phoenix00

            You seem to repeat your insults. What’s wrong, can’t think of new ones?

        • Morsum me

          You’re a master. At sucking teeny tiny Trump peen.

          • Deplorable bob

            Fuck off bitch.

          • Morsum me

            deplorable felcher bob. tasty.

          • akita96th

            Wonketts are the troll masters….Come fuck with us lol….

        • memzilla Ω

          Tiny-dicked loser says what now?

          • Deplorable bob

            My dick is all in your face,

          • Jeffery Campbell

            Really? Could have sworn that was a gnat.

          • Deplorable bob

            You liked it, didn’t you gay boy.

          • Jeffery Campbell

            I am indeed gay, tho’ not a boy. You should also know I’m a size queen, so you hold no interest for me.

          • akita96th

            Your dick probably looks like a little chubby turtle with a bow tie….and might even been sprinkled with magical orange dust.

        • notanncoulter

          he seems nice.

        • davej1s

          bot.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Be gone! You have no power here.

      • Deplorable bob

        I’ll stick around you butt crack.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Unlikely. Someone is about to drop a house on you.

        • akita96th

          Yep he is a fknutt he has the mentality of a trumpanzee warrior without a clue.

        • HarpyLibtart

          Did you just self-identify as a dingleberry?
          Bless your trolly little heart.

    • akita96th

      Head on over to fox news they will love you long long time…Ya silly fknut…truth won’t set you free ..But it will make you sick….so dont come here to do your puking….

    • HarpyLibtart

      “BUTT-HURT SNOWFLAKES” shouts the boring troll as he frantically types insults whilst impotently foaming at the mouth after the only literate person in a Breitbart comments section hurt his little limp-dicked feelings…
      You managed to personify both irony and the Dunning-Kruger effect in one comment, you’re a real credit to troglodytes buddy. :P

      • Deplorable bob

        Fuck off you insufferable little cocksucker.

  • Fun with Cthulhu

    Isn’t Hannity still owed a waterboarding? …with water?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Yup. Fucking coward.

    • JoeChristmas

      You have won my MacBook for the day.

    • Zyxomma

      Yes, and Keith Olbermann will always be my crush, for that and many other reasons. MSNBC owes him a huge debt of gratitude for always having had guests who became their regulars after they fired him for making a contribution to Obama’s second campaign.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    I feel kinda bad for all the morons who’ll totally miss Sean Hannity counting off the same exact points on his fingers, day in and day out, into their dumb faces, except they won’t, due to their ongoing issues with object permanence.

  • Manhattan123

    “So why is Sean Hannity, the dumbest person at Fox News, losing his paranoid shit right now?”

    Don’t you wake up in time to see that morning show with the three stooges?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Never!

      Although I often view the video where they attempt to change a tire and lose the lug nuts.

      Classic TV!

  • Boojum

    And a woman shall lead them…

  • rubikcube

    Sean’s probably strutting his stuff at HQ. He’s almost the only old school douchebag left at FoxNews. Almost.

  • Duke

    Hi ho, Hi ho, it’s out of work you go!

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Mr. Hannity, HR is on the phone. They don’t sound happy.

    • TundraGrifter

      Actually, if I don’t know better I’d say it sounds like there’s a party in the background…

  • Thorn Spike

    Pardon me while I schaden my freude.

  • m3bosha

    So Fox is shedding it’s pervs, MSNBC would really like to be righty tighty like Fox and is having a hard time doing so becuase people actaully like news read by lefties, regular NBC is going to (allegedly) kick Lauer to the curb for Megyn.

    WTF people? MSNBC…. I know you want Trump to like you. It’s never going to happen. Get over it. NBC…. I know you want Trump to like you. Megyn Kelly is not going to help. Get over it. Fox…. about fucking time you ditch the pervs, but be careful what you wish for… Trump already likes you, but if you hurt his fee fees one too many times, he’ll block you from Twitter. To all the above… Trump is not one of the cool kids, he’s just the overweight bully with a small who-who-dilly who wants you to think he’s cool.

    • Lambsendbeds

      MSNBC is giving fucking Hugh Hewitt his very own show, ferchrissakes! Excuse me while I rage-vomit.

    • you can stop with ‘megyn kelly is not going to help.’ oh, lol.

  • Scooby

    Without Fox News how will I know what to think?

    • Um…you don’t.

      Ha! I saw through your attempt at such liberal tyranny! “Thinking.” Bah!

  • i’mjustaskingthequestion

    I dunno…really hard to imagine what fox is really doing here. Are they still going to be right wing, but just less douchy? I don’t get it. I just can’t see them giving up that constituency. Thars gold in them thar hills. So I just don’t trust this shit.

    • TundraGrifter

      Demographics are destiny.

      News Corp doesn’t want to be in the buggy whip business.

      • i’mjustaskingthequestion

        Ahhhhhh….yes…I get it now. Thanks. Totally forgot about that angle.

    • ez

      Steve Douchy is still on the Crusty Couch, some things just don’t change.

      • i’mjustaskingthequestion

        I hate that guy worse than anybody else. The fox five or whatever they call themselves. Yeah…you’re right. Business as usual!

  • goonemeritus

    Wow, you say a prayer, you light a candle but you never really believe God is listening.

    • LadyLaz

      If Sean hannity goes I might believe

    • Snopes Shop

      I had this thought when Scalia dropped dead but then….

  • Me not sure

    I posted this as a joke last week. W https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6382c09837b47b0eb662935cb59dcd78fca82ceab889423bc5077cbce78d7856.png ho knew that their programming would evolve into this so quickly?

  • Contemplative Ron

    ‘I have a massive army.’
    Fat-shaming your own supporters now, Sean, dear?

  • Mike Steele

    Betcha Sean’s two ‘top class investigators’ are a couple of Trump’s leftovers from the Great BO Birth Certificate snipe hunt. Just sayin’…

  • Lynnrreel

    My last paycheck was $22500 for working 12 hours a week online.Start earning $97/hour by working online from your home for few hours each day with GOOGLE… Get regular payments on weekly basis… All you need is a computer, internet connection and a litte free time… Read more heres
    !sk207c:
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  • ez

    ‘A team is on this’

    Sean, what you need is The “A Team” on it.

    Too bad they only help honest folk and then by shutting down the scum. I don’t think they will come to your rescue.

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Mr. T will dance right over to defend Hannity’s honor (sic)

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Mumen Rider Justice CRASH!

    Of course “high powered” attorneys are to be especially feared since they have access to different parts of the law than mere mortal attorneys.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      In a circle jerk, high powered attorneys ejaculate further than regular, garden variety attorneys.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    “They messed with the wrong ombre?” Like that thing you can do with your hair where it’s dark on top and and lighter toward the end? Or “Ombre Legere” the greatest opera aria EVAH? Precis: crazed women with pet goat wandering in her wedding gown singing to a shadow. That sounds about right. https://youtu.be/K8FnUmom2Dk

    • Erala Contratista

      Get a real colorist, idiot. DIY is tacky.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        I’m going to assume that is not directed at me personally. I’m an old bald man. There is no DIY hair care involved unless you count shaving a bit of stubborn fringe.

        • Erala Contratista

          Heavens no! Unless you ARE the bad ombre.
          By your description, you haven’t enough to mess with color, which is what the rest of us do. Don’t have time for roots.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Well, it was a really long miniseries.

  • W Dale Houston

    I’d give ten bucks to Sean’s favorite non-homophobic charity to hear him say “Sufferin’ Succotash”.

  • Run2Live

    “So why is Sean Hannity, the dumbest person at Fox News, losing his paranoid shit right now?”

    Probably a close call, but I thought F&F’s “not Steve Ducy” earned that honor.

  • honeywest
  • Marla

    I see Hannity is combing his hair with Trump’s sperm.

    • HarpyLibtart

      Is THAT what “the wrong ombre” means? :P

  • Maybe

    And here I am praying that it IS true because if it is that’s the total end of the FNC as we know it. Done.

    I guess it all depends on your point of view.

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