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Before setting his sights on destroying our entire country, Steve Bannon had dreams of a more artistic nature. He wanted to make it big in Hollywood! He wanted to be a STAH! At least behind the scenes. As it turns out, he was not very good at that at all, owing to both his lack of talent and his inability to get along with people. With all the years he spent in Hollywood, he pretty much had as much to show for it as Donald Trump’s First 100 Days.

His big Hollywood career, or what we know of it, involved financing and co-writing a documentary about Ronald Reagan inspired by the work of Nazi propagandist Leni Riefenstahl, making money off of “Seinfeld” to some degree that is unclear, and trying to make a truly dreadful sounding update of Titus Andronicus:

Bannon left Mount in 1991, but still wanted to make movies. He had long been drawn to Shakespeare’s play “Titus Andronicus,” in which Titus, a Roman general, sacrifices the eldest son of Tamora, the Queen of the Goths, and her younger sons rape and cut off the hands and tongue of Titus’ daughter. In 1991, Bannon hired [Julia] Jones as a screenwriting partner, and their first project was an adaptation of “Titus,” which featured galactic travel and an episode of “ectoplasmic sex” between a “lower human” (a Moor in the original play) and a space queen.

Yeah. That didn’t work, so instead he optioned another updated version of the play, an off-broadway version written by Julie Taymor — which did get turned into a movie. A movie which somehow starred Anthony Hopkins, HRH Jessica Lange and Alan Cummings and still managed to be terrible. Which, frankly, is a feat in and of itself.

But his thirst for modern Shakespearean adaptations did not end there. Oh no, it did not. For Steve Bannon — a man with the worst taste in Shakespeare plays — also wanted to update Coriolanus. And boy did he ever! In collaboration with his screenwriting partner Jones — with whom he wrote that Reagan doc — Bannon wrote “The Thing I Am.” A rap musical adaptation of the play set during the Los Angeles riots that followed the outcome of the Rodney King trial. Shockingly, this project never made it to fruition.

But the video-based news organization NowThis has done us all a glorious favor and staged a table reading of the script, for us all to enjoy:

There are few things more cringe-inducing than a racist white guy doing his best impression of how he thinks black people talk, combined with his best approximation of iambic pentameter. Clearly, Bannon’s only qualification to rewrite Shakespeare is his fondness for the word “cuckold” as an insult, and I am not certain that counts.

Updating Shakespeare plays is nothing new — West Side Story (Romeo and Juliet), My Own Private Idaho (The Henry plays), Just One of The Guys (Twelfth Night), Big Business (Comedy of Errors), I could go on. Not to mention that Romeo and Juliet update that was the bane of my sophomore year of high school.

However, what separates Bannon’s work from these is that, while they either update the work entirely into modern English, or just use the original Shakespeare but put it in a modern setting, he attempts to blend African American Vernacular English with Shakespearean prose while having a clear understanding of neither of those things. He may as well have attempted to rewrite A Streetcar Named Desire in half-Southern drawl-half cockney rhyming slang.

Here is what the script is about, as per the Washington Post:

“The Thing I Am” presents Los Angeles during the riots as a war zone equivalent to the one created by the clash between the Romans and the Volscians. And Coriolanus’ rise and downfall in “The Thing I Am” present him as someone who could stop the violence in his own community but is temperamentally incapable of making the compromises and taking the strong stands necessary to do so. These ideas have a striking resonance with the ways President Trump now talks about American cities and African American communities.

That doesn’t make sense with the play! And the play, the way it is framed and cast here, does not make sense with the Los Angeles riots! It’s unclear which of these things he does not understand, but I’m guessing it is definitely both of them.

In Coriolanus, peasants are rioting against the patricians (specifically Caius Marcius/Coriolanus) because they don’t have any grain and are starving. Weird how that happens! Anyway, Caius Marcius is a huge jerk, and pretty much everyone hates his guts, including his fellow patricians, Agrippa in particular. Agrippa is like “Hey, how about we try not being jerks?” and Marcius/Coriolanus is not into that, because they didn’t fight in the war or something. Anyway, Marcius then fights some battle and is victorious, and then goes to Rome and everyone loves him there and he joins the Senate, but then everyone finds out he’s an asshole and they have another riot and boot him out, so then he goes to another place to try and fight Rome, but that doesn’t work out and people kill him. THE END!

It may have been a while since I’ve seen Coriolanus, and it’s not one of my favorites, but you get my drift.

The fact that Bannon looked at this play and was like “OH. I will set this during the L.A. Riots, you know, because there are riots in the play” is somewhat forgivable, and — hey — there might even be a way that could be done. But when you consider the fact that the L.A. Riots stemmed not from a conflict between black people, but over the officers in the Rodney King beating being found not guilty, a better analogy would have been to have made Coriolanus one of the officers or their attorneys or something like that. The most accurate analogy for Coriolanus, just in general, would be a Republican who was WAY EXCITED about getting to take food stamps away from poor people.

According to the Washington Post, the assessment by those who performed the reading was that this was Bannon’s way of saying “Hey black people, listen to me, a white guy! I know how you should be doing stuff!”

“I do think he was trying to understand race relations and take this overseer look of ‘Here’s what you’re not seeing.’ I think he thought he had a greater understanding than the people who were going through what they were going through,” [Gary Anthony] Williams told me. “Now, whether he had the tools to do that or not is open to everyone’s interpretation. My answer would be no, spelled in pretty large letters, with a very curly font. … Again, I think Steve Bannon thought he had figured out black people, much in the way of Trump: ‘Carnage! Chicago is carnage! … American carnage! That I have the answer. That if you could listen to me, this can fix that.’ ”

[Rob] Corddry said he was particularly struck by the script’s heavy use of “when you remember who’s writing it — an inappropriate urban dialect. There’s liberal use of the n-word.”

Accurate! And it does seem like this is Bannon’s way of getting to “say” the n-word as many times as is possible in a script, by having fictional black people say it for him. And unlike, say, the compleat workes of Quentin Tarantino, there is not even any awesome kung fu!

Of course, as much as we may be feeling grateful that no one was ever exposed to this monstrosity on the big screen, it is definitely worse having him in the White House —
for yet again, the world gets fucked because a bitter white guy was bad at art.

[Washington Post | New Yorker]

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  • Latverian Diplomat

    “It’s not my fault these projects didn’t work out. I blame Shakespeare. For example, I assumed a play called “Corral Your Anus” would have a lot more anti-gay stuff to work with.”
    — Steve Bannon

    • The Wanderer

      Not Without My Anus starring Terrance and Phillip sounds better. And has fart jokes.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    He is just a pale shadow of Ed Wood.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Next year, he’s going to remake King Lear….

    • Amy!

      That’s something worth looking forward to, then. Set contemporaneously?

  • In a better universe, Hitler was a low selling, but respectable artist whose paintings are mostly forgotten save by a few ardent collectors; Steve Bannon is writing schlocky B-movies that show up on Mystery Science Theater 3000; and Donald Trump is still hawking low grade steaks on an infomercial after ratings of Celebrity Apprentice tanked.

    Why can’t we live in the nicer universe?

    • The Wanderer

      MST3K libel.

    • georgiaburning

      Maybe, as my Cal Government prof proposed, Pat Brown should have let Sam Yorty run for governor in 1968. Ronald Reagan’s career would have ended, except for a few appearances on “The Love Boat”.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Steve Bannon lying about his CV.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjbPi00k_ME

  • ArgieBargie

    I won’t watch this and you can’t make me.

    MC Rove must be rolling in his grave.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Bannon should just stick to binge drinking and shooting up trucker speed. Those are the only things he’s really mastered.

    • SnarkON

      He’s also mastered bad skin.

  • Ezio

    This sounds even worse than that Leo DiCaprio/Claire Danes Romeo and Juliet where they call guns “swords” and speak ye olde English even though it’s a modern setting.

    • natoslug

      Mike White has ruined Shakespeare for me. Whenever anyone is discussing his plays, the following starts going through my head: “And some great movies have been made based on his plays: Hamlet, West Side Story, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Waterworld, Gladiator, Chocolat…”

    • Groundloop

      I’m not a big Shakespeare junky, but I liked the Ralph Fiennes adaptation of ‘Coriolanus’. Original dialogue but in the modern setting of a vaguely post-Soviet republic.

  • The Wanderer

    About 20 years ago I wrote, as a challenge from an online acquaintance who was an English teacher, a play about Charles Martel and the Battle of Tours in a Shakespearean style. She said she’d give it a B.
    I have since lost the file. (shrugs) Go figure.

    • La forza del resistino

      At least she was frank with you.

      • The Wanderer

        I wanted her to be merciless with it, and she was.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      If you’d kept at, you might have hammered out something really good. :)

      On the other hand, Charles Martel seems like the type of guy the Islamophobes would be excited about, if they knew any real history.

      • The Wanderer

        Martel wasn’t interested, as far as I can tell, with driving the heathens out of Gaul – just keeping them off his turf so he could go back to being the power behind the throne.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Maybe he could remake Julius Caesar, using the White House as the setting. I’ll bet he could find someone to play the role of Caesar pretty easily, and lots of willing Brutus wannabes are sure to be hanging around.

    • The Wanderer

      Casca wannabes.

  • laughingnome

    He’s co-producing King LEER right now.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Along with AS YOU LICK IT.

      • therblig

        The TemPissed

  • Ezio

    Steve Bannon probably wouldn’t want to do a version of Othello though. Not white enough for him.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’s make a great Iago.

  • La forza del resistino

    Lin-Manuel Miranda sez he never heard of this guy and he was not my muse.

  • Vecchioivan

    Failstaff.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Shamlet.

      • vivian

        I think Green Eggs and Hamlet might be more his speed.

        • Master Contrail Program

          That color goes with his liver nicely.

          • Lynnrreel

            My last paycheck was $22500 for working 12 hours a week online.Start earning $97/hour by working online from your home for few hours each day with GOOGLE… Get regular payments on weekly basis… All you need is a computer, internet connection and a litte free time… Read more here
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      • SnarkON

        Canned Clamlet.

    • Jennifer R

      MacBlech.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Julius Seize Her

    • Fartknocker

      The Birth of Moron.

    • vivian

      Julius Sees Her
      (aka Julius Seize Her)

      • Vecchioivan

        See also Julius Squeeze-her . . .

        • vivian

          I thought that was Orange Julius… oh, I get it now

        • formerChild

          Julius Sleazer

    • pstockholm

      Well we already have King Leer.

      • pstockholm

        Oops, laughinggnome an hour ago.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Keen Leer.
      Degenerates of Ventura.

    • OddMan

      “A Comedy of Errors” no wait, how about “Much Ado About Nothing”, shoot. This is not working.

  • memzilla Ω

    Agrippa, n.: what Steve Bannon does not have on reality. I hear his reboot is gonna be called Whitesplainius.

    • Oblios_Cap

      “Out, damned sot!”

      • SnarkON

        OH, SNAP.

  • canes_pugnaces

    I’m not sure how many screenplays I’ve read, or how many table reads I attended over the years, but this ranks way at the bottom, a place where few would dare go. Willingly, that is.

  • goonemeritus

    Nobody could have predicted that the movie business is hard.

    • jesterpunk

      Rob Schneider has a career in the movie business somehow…

      • Prof. T. Green Bastard

        Curse you, Adam Sandler. Many are your sins, but taking Rob Schneider w you might be the biggest. Should have just left him making copies.

        • jesterpunk

          Can we all just be glad Adam Sandler wasnt friends with Bannon?

          • Prof. T. Green Bastard

            Yes gawd! Dodged a bullet there.

      • goonemeritus

        Bannon is no Rob Schneider

        • jesterpunk

          I know, one is a talentless hack that only has a career because of who he knows and says offensive things the other is Rob Schneider.

          Wait that didnt work out the way I wanted it to.

    • Master Contrail Program

      I don’t know. If one takes the view of an award is an award, D’Souza is racking up the Razzies rather easily.

  • Crank Tango

    Which Shakespeare play had the hot tub full of acid, was that Macbeth?

    Double double, toil and trouble, and so on?

    • AJ Milne

      Stubble, see double, shale oil, then rubble.

      (/Updated.)

    • Latverian Diplomat

      By the pricking of my thumbs,
      A racist dickhead this way comes

    • WotsAllThisThen

      The bathtub full of acid, I believe, was from MacBreaking MacBad, act 1 season 1.

  • Indivisible Snark Tank

    I’m betting Bannon’s most favoritest part of Titus was the pies…

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Also, too, Kafka’s Amerika was about LA post-riot.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I believe the best impression of Bannon’s talent was expressed by the Bard in “King Lear”:
    “Nothing can come of nothing.”

  • Master Contrail Program

    Shakespeare may be a bit much for Stevie. Perhaps another prolific auteur would be more his speed. Might I suggest “Bannon Nine From Outer Space”?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Or perhaps one of his lesser known works, Bride of the Monster, set in a Manhattan penthouse.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • The Wanderer

      I award thee one upfist, sirrah.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Thankest thou, verily!

    • Jennifer R

      I recommend them. Hot wax on the backdoor is a pleasant feeling.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I’ll take your word for that, lol.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Egad! Cacti porno.

          • vivian

            Rule 34

        • hendenburg2

          I would assume that it’s the REMOVAL of the wax that’s the unpleasant part

          • MynameisBlarney

            That soothing heat before the “OHGODWHY!?!?!” and screams of agony?

          • hendenburg2

            Product idea: salon wax with a mild topical anesthetic mixed in

          • Prof. T. Green Bastard

            Salon idea: full service w complimentary horse tranq-u-coladas.

          • Jamoche

            I think I saw that on Shark Tank once.

          • Teecha

            It doesn’t hurt. Depends on your pain threshold.
            Now, threading- that’s painful!

      • snark-lurker

        BACK door?! HuH?!

        • Jennifer R

          Go the full length or go home.

          • snark-lurker

            Wowzuh!

  • mrFawkes
    • Still better than trump and HIS daughter.

  • La forza del resistino

    Hell hath no fury like a failed artist on Natl Endowment for Arts or Humanities funding.

    • pstockholm

      Jeez are we doing furries again?
      What? Oh. Sorry.

  • Wild Cat

    I have always felt that this was Mister Bannon’s finest production:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3DqNKUDV4I

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • SeeTrain65

      I wondered when this forgotten tome would be mentioned.

      Quick story: Before I was able to see, then purchase, every episode of the series, my brother and I found a Monty Python Trivia Book in his college book store and he read me a few questions. The question that made double over in laughter and bring hell upon us from the cashiers was this one:

      Q: “Who wrote “Gay Boys In Bondage?”
      A: Shakespeare.

      I became a fanatic almost immediately.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Too bad Coriolanus wasn’t more successful. I was also planning a Science Fiction Trilogy, Space Henry IV Part 1, Space Henry IV part 2 and Space Henry IV Strikes Back,.”
    — Steve Bannon

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Still a better love story than Twilight.

  • Nick Scroggs

    At this point, I’m wondering if American politics are simply a matter of who’s got self-awareness and delusions or not.

  • sherman

    Caught the Coneheads movie on TV this weekend. Opening credits showed Steve Barron as the director, which I confused with Steve Bannon. I felt sympathy the whole movie for the actors who had to work with such an asshole.

    Today I realized my mistake.

    Nevermind.

  • hendenburg2
  • wait! what?

    Updating Shakespeare plays is nothing new — West Side Story (Romeo and Juliet), My Own Private Idaho (The Henry plays), Just One of The Guys (Twelfth Night), Big Business (Comedy of Errors)…

    Then there’s the classic “Romeo Must Die.” With such classic lines as:

    “But look on the bright side: some you win… and Dim Sum, you lose.”

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      Also, too, The Tempest reimagined as “Oh Brother Where Art Thou?”.

      • Serai 1

        That was The Odyssey, dude. There was Tempest, starring John Cassavetes, though. That was pretty great, and everyone’s forgotten it. Molly Ringwald played Miranda as a spoiled teenager who just wants her TV and something to eat besides feta cheese (Prospero LOVES feta cheese), and Raul Julia played Caliban, the groundskeeper who pervs after her.

        • Fidel Jack Tenhet

          Is it bad that I always get those confused? I’m A Idiot most times.

          • Nah. Tempest is tedious. I know i know it’s a Great and Shakespeare’s swan song and breaking his staff and all that crap.

            Still, tedious.

          • Serai 1

            Nah. I can’t keep the Henrys straight, myself.

    • Serai 1

      Best modern translation of the Bard I’ve seen is Scotland, PA. A takeoff on Macbeth, and it is fucking BRILLIANT.

      (First link is the trailer, second is the whole movie.)

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiF-ftELdv0

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8D3Y1dyx74

  • Jenny

    ✔ Shit military career
    ✔ failed relationships with women
    ✔ failed artist
    ✔ racist as fuck
    ✔ insatiable lust for power

    Most people read about Hitler and go jeez, I don’t want to be that guy. Steve Puss Faced Bannon thinks Hitler was a mighty fine blue print.

  • Randy Riddle

    I wish “Day of the Locust” was in the public domain. I’d love to do a remake set in present day Washington, DC.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    The part where the Jews riot and kill Andrew Jackson’s wife and start the Hundred Years’ War was maybe the strongest part of Bannon’s work.

    • GoutMachine

      But it was really all over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

  • Nick Scroggs

    Also, reminds me of L Ron Hubbard’s battle in the Stars script, for some reason. Greedy assholes, cults, maybe?

  • Fartknocker

    Ectoplasmic sex sounds like something Rick Santorium would enjoy.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      When a keymaster and gatekeeper love each other very much…

      • Fidel Jack Tenhet

        “Oh Gozer where art thou?”

  • Jenny

    Hey now if my dad’s generation can get Olivia Mcboobiebustle for Juliet, then I can get a remake with Leonardo DiCaprio as Romeo. EQUALITY!

    • Ezio
      • Jenny

        I know. It is probably mentioned remake in Robin’s sophomore year, cuz we are close in age or something!

        • puredog

          “Romeo + Juliet.” Actually, not bad.

          • Serai 1

            It’s very inspiring if you’re looking to explode your conception of Shakespeare as Sacred Cow Not To Be Fucked With.

          • Jenny

            17 year old me sees no problems with it. It is really cheesy though. My first boyfriend dressed like Romeo and had a less decorated Taurus gun. So I have some really uncomfortable rose colored glasses about the movie!

          • Teecha

            It’s more than not bad.

      • God he was pretty. And SO fucking talented.

  • Mavenmaven

    One day this whole regime will be reset as a Shakespeare play.

    • Perkniticky

      Bush jr with his daddy issues would make a good Shakespeare play. Trump’s administration is only good for some B grade melodrama. It’s just all so unrealistic.

  • Paul Dietzel

    So, anyhoo, there are Cummins diesel engines that folks are always goin’ around misspelling as “Cummings” and now too, apparently, there is Alan Cumming to whose name Wonk has just added an “s”. On the other hand there was Bob Cummings whose
    co-star on the TeeVee in the 50’s was Ann B. Davis but in the 60’s was Julie Newmar.
    And that’s about as much of a change as your ever likely to make.

    • Bobathonic

      Meow.

    • mailman27

      Your spelling critique was flying high and proud until it bumped up against “your ever likely to make.” :)

  • prommie

    The Queen of the Goths moodily rides the subway with her raven.

  • Fidel Jack Tenhet

    I’ve seen Titus and it was absolutely awful. That said, that Bannon opus sounds too gut-wrenchingly, insultingly bad that I can’t imagine even the Vogon Poetry Slam interpretation being any worse.

    • Serai 1

      The Reduced Shakespeare Company included Titus in its production of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. They called it Roman Meals.

      Yes. Really.

      https://youtu.be/yqmfrqAVeK0?t=21m41s

      • Fidel Jack Tenhet

        I can’t even read Titus Andronicus without my brain going straight to “God That’s Good” from the Broadway Sweeney Todd.

        Then my brain goes straight to “There once was a man called Oedipus Rex, You may have heard about his odd complex. His name appears in Freud’s index ‘cuz he loved his mother.”

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Titus Andronicus always makes me think of Theatre of Blood and poodle pie. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theatre_of_Blood

        • Serai 1

          The curse of snark! The minute Airplane! came out, disaster movies became comedy.

      • SeeTrain65

        Sorta OT, and I’ve probably mentioned it before, but here goes: I can’t remember the comedian, but I do remember the joke from somewhere around the 80s:

        “You can see how much our values have changed just by going to the book store. … Complete Works of Shakespeare … $7.95. … 101 Uses For A Dead Cat … $9.95.”

  • Nick Scroggs

    And here’s an article on the Titus script, in case someone wants to read part of it (who would want the whole thing?). https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2016/11/29/titus-in-space/

  • BosGrl

    Fun fact! My 4th great grandfather’s name was Agrippa. I don’t think he was the model for Bannon’s character tho. ;)

    • snark-lurker

      4th great granpa? i did not know they went backthat far

      • BosGrl

        Yep. Traced him back to Sicily.

        • snark-lurker

          that is swell : )

      • Shanzgood

        Behave

        • snark-lurker

          am i in trouble again what me do this time?

          • Shanzgood

            Probably something

          • snark-lurker

            that not fair : (

          • Shanzgood

            Oh, pooh. Go ask She Who Must Be Obeyed. I’m sure she’ll come up with something!

          • snark-lurker

            ha ha wrong! i am her pet & She thinks i am little mr. purfect so there : )

          • Shanzgood

            Gimme her number.

          • snark-lurker

            i am not cray-cray now OT: just watched S1E1 of Sense8 everyone here “WTF?” but moi will watch more when home alone. you kinda relate to the lesbian & cutter stuff miright?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Trump’s grandpa’s was Agrippa Pussy.

      • Fidel Jack Tenhet

        Maybe 45’s his own grandpa. It’d be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • Crystalclear12

    If we had pretended to like his stuff would he have stayed out of politics?

    • Maybe, but we can’t spend all our time stroking the egos of mediocre white guys with artistic ambitions out of fear that they’ll be the next one to walk this particular path. There are too many, and they get just as mad if they’re not getting ALL the attention.

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      He probably never had a chance in Hollywood.

      “This town already has a gross, bloated, predatory, parasitic Rat King, TYVM.”

      -Harvey Weinstein

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

    – City of Los Angeles

  • William
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Wow, dawg. This speaks to me.

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      Speaks to me too. It says “run!” over and over again.

  • Beowoof14

    A work fueled by as much gin as Bannon must still be drinking, doesn’t surprise as being terrible.

    • Do we know if he’s always drunk? He sure looks it, but i never hear any talk of him actually drinking.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    With the wife of the British ambessida
    Try a crack out of Troilus and Cressida
    If she says she won’t buy it or tike it
    Make her tike it, what’s more As You Like It
    If she says your behavior is heinous
    Kick her right in the Coriolanus
    Brush up your Shakespeare
    And they’ll all kow-tow

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      Kiss me, Kate. I was wondering if I was the only one whose mind went straight there.

  • Fidel Jack Tenhet

    So this is what happens when you mix copious amount of cheap booze and trucker speed?

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      Yep. Add chili & you’ve got an “Alex Jones”.

      • Fidel Jack Tenhet

        “I’ll have an Alex Jones, neat, and put it in a side-car.”

        • Bobathonic

          Now hold my shirt.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I lived on caffeine, nicotine and Trucker Speed for the year I was a shuttle van driver. It wasn’t pretty…

      • Fidel Jack Tenhet

        Doesn’t sound pretty at all. I took trucker speed one time when I was 18 and I got physically sick. Threw up for a day and a half. I’m a lightweight with stimulants.

  • Fidel Jack Tenhet

    I’m listening to Alan Cumming right now. I’ve been stuck on the 1998 revival of Cabaret for about a week now.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Better Shakespeare:

    https://youtu.be/8y4crGU7dkg

    • Fidel Jack Tenhet

      Anne Francis stars in. . .

      • Bobathonic

        At the late night, double feature…

        • Fidel Jack Tenhet

          In the back rooooow.

          Oh ohhohhohhh!

          • I saw this in the theater when I was very young. But there were many back rows in my future.

          • Fidel Jack Tenhet

            I saw this in the theater when I was young too, and every Halloween since my sixteenth birthday. I even played Dr. Scott many times.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I thought Coriolanus was the explanation of why butt sechs goes in the opposite direction in the southern hemisphere

  • Bobathonic

    So….Bannon is no Kurosawa? Whodathunkit?

  • Anyone else sensing the pattern about frustrated yet horrible “artists” being denied the recognition for their “art” and thus taking it out on their countries?

  • SayItWithWookies

    I once attended a staging of Coriolanus as – and I am not making this up – a blues musical. And that’s how I know for a fact that twelve-tone blues and iambic pentameter go together like toothpaste and orange juice.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Not to nitpick or anything, but Tom’s of Maine used to make a yummy orange toothpaste before they sold out to Colgate.

  • The Flaming Carrot
    • SadDemInTex

      Jeezeus, doesn’t Bannon have enough money for a facial?

      • Lambsendbeds

        That’s actually one of the better photos I’ve seen of Bannon. Of course, the bar is set pretty low – practically underground.

  • chascates
  • azeyote

    he’s getting everyone to watch his new play now – live

  • So this is where that Puerto Rican stole that Alexander Hamilton show from.

  • Teecha

    As someone who has taught Shakespeare to kids for nearly 16 years, and has an MA in teaching Shakespeare, I feel I can provide a public service here. Titus andronicus is a rollicking revenge play, but it’s really not ole shakey’s best, in terms of characterisation, plot or language. I’ve seen fabulous productions of it, and am pained to think that this stupid Nazi thinks he can add anything to it. Or any Shakespeare play.

    What a complete tosser.
    I shall rummage through my Shakespearean insult kit…
    he is an impertinent, onion-eyed death-token and he can fuck off.

    • Oily Messiah

      Shakespeare would have had a field day with Trump, the problem being his leg is too little.

    • TA was my (shakespeare) theatre troupe’s most successful show – won all sorts of awards. And i understand your point, but tamora is one of my favorite roles (best stage death I’ve ever had and I’ve had many).

      • Teecha

        It’s my favourite WS play to watch (when done well)

        • I think mine is lear. Or 12th night. Though a good creepy maccers is always a treat.

          • Teecha

            I saw a production of MSND which was superb. The whole cast were in chorus in the ‘wither wander’ Puck scene. Moving like a tide, to and fro around Puck. I nearly cried, it was so beautiful.

            I also saw a touring company do Taming of the Shrew, lightly modernised, on a three storey stage in a local amphitheatre. The scene where Petruchio is getting kitted out was done with such style and panache. No words, almost dance like action. Still makes me shiver to recall it.

          • I recently watched The Hollow Crown productions. Richard the II is astonishingly good. I like Traymor’s Titus it is a rollicking good, extremely bloody soap opera with great costumes and scenery.

  • Daniel Krause

    “for yet again, the world gets fucked because a bitter white guy was bad at art.”

    Yikes, that is TOO DAMN ON THE NOSE

    • whitroth

      You mean, like the white guy who really wasn’t that good of an artist, a few years back?

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

        I wish people would stop ripping on Warhol.

        • Oily Messiah

          POP ART DESERVES RESPECT DAMNIT

      • Boscoe

        You mean the one who trashed the economy and started two unpaid for wars and then retired to paint pictures of his dick in the bathtub?

        • bobbert

          Further back, I think.

      • Daniel Krause

        Further back.

  • Oily Messiah

    In his next work, Bannon tries his hand at rewriting Shakespeare’s classic Julius Caesar, only its set in the white house and called “Julius Kushner.” Spoiler alert: Bannon ends up knifing Kushner to death shouting “Sic Semper Incestum” (rough latin for cuck).

  • Ricky Gay

    Et tu Bluto?

  • Uncle Wally

    I lasted about a minute with that video. . .

  • Bitter Scribe

    That New Yorker profile basically paints Bannon as a fraud who continually tries to steal credit for others’ work. Not hard to believe.

    That same issue also has a sympathetic (retch) profile of Rod Dreher, and another one that confirms Norman Podhoretz is even a bigger asshole than you thought.

  • The trump administration is less Shakespeare more Ubu Roi

  • whitroth

    Oh, GHU (purple be His Name), it just hit me: Queen of the Goths?

    Emperor! Emperor! The Goths are at the gates of Rome again!
    “Again? Ok, give them the usual tribute, absinthe cocktails, but for heaven’s sake, keep them away from the Emperess’ eyeliner!”

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Is society ever going to get tired of worshipping these Silicon Valley billionaires and hedge fund managers who worked hard, but also happened to be with the right company at the right time? The Starbucks in Cupertino, Mountain View, and Palm Alto are filled with customers (and baristas) every bit as smart as Bannon and Mercer. They are nothing special.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    That was elegant.

  • Me not sure

    Titus Andronicus is regarded as Shakespeare’s worst play by many, and as a result of that and staging difficulties is seldom staged. Julie Taymor is a great talent, as we’re many in the cast, but the film never overcomes the source material. Still,… Jessica Lange.

    • Dinz6315

      And Alan Cumming!…

      • Me not sure

        In a Thunderbird, of all things.

  • SpudRaider

    Here’s an idea I have been kicking around in my head for a few years. A contemporary Shakespearen play fit for a mind such as Bannon. It would feature Spud Mackenzie & the three frogs from the Budweiser ads from the ’90s. All icons of the Altright types The idea needs flushing out but Bannon is the man that could make my dream into a visionary experience

    • Lambsendbeds

      Spuds MacKenzie is an icon of the alt right? Sheesh, what’s next? Smokey the Bear? The Target dog? Woodsy Owl?

      • phoenix00

        There is Pepe The Frog….

      • SpudRaider

        My memory may be a little fuzzy, but yes I’m afraid it is so w/ Spud’s. In the90’s I remember there was some controversy about Spud & some Altright group of the time

  • Boscoe

    Titus in space? Sounds like Bannon would’ve given Woody Tobias Jr. a run for his money…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SESTzp-YfPk&t=99s

  • CripesAmighty

    Many moons ago, an old coworker wrote (and produced) a piece titled “Hamlet: The Investigation”. The premise was to pick up where Hamlet left off–when the cops show up. Wishing we could skip to that part, IRL.

  • Hizzoner

    Has anyone considered kicking this bozo in the Coriolanus?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I suspect that Bannon failed to become a STAH not just because he couldn’t act, but primarily because he was UGLY. He is still ugly, only more so.

  • mancityRed6

    Wasn’t Titus considered to be one of his worst plays? I kinda remember the reduced shakespeare company calling it his Quentin Tarantino period.
    Also, I kinda liked the Romeo and Juliet remake. Modern, but with original text.

  • BrendaKay

    Bitter white guy bad at art… so let’s gut art funding!

  • Scooby

    His jest will savour but of shallow wit. When thousands weep more than did laugh at it.

  • TootsStansbury

    Doesn’t Bannon have a nice, comfortable, acid filled hot tub he can slink off to?

  • NerdWithNoName

    In my Shakespeare class in college sooooo long ago, we read Titus first. The prof said it was so we could start with something we didn’t need to take seriously. If I remember correctly there was a bad guy who was a Moor which I think translates to black guy. This may have gotten Mr. Bannon’s attention. At some point in the play someone chops up their enemies children, cooks them up and feeds it to their parent for dinner. Shakespeare was having a bad day when he wrote Titus.

  • Anna_in_pdx

    Great final sentence.

    • SisterArtemis

      Great, and accurate

  • PDT

    So, is anybody else a fan of Brows Held High and want to see him do an episode on this Shakespeare adaptation?

  • UnsaltedSinner

    If he actually had talent, Bannon could have written the Shakespearean version of “The Big Lebowski”:

    https://www.amazon.com/Two-Gentlemen-Lebowski-Excellent-Tragical/dp/1451605811

  • Angela Montano

    New Shocking Book Details Law Enforcement Corruption

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    The book contains thousands of links to media accounts setting forth thousands of bad acts by law enforcement. The chapters are well researched and concise.
    You will not be able to put this book down. You will be shocked at the level of criminality by those who are supposed to protect us.

    Read today:

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