Morning Wonketariat! Welcome to day 102, we made it! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.
- Congress reached a bipartisan deal to avoid a government shutdown and continue paying for Trump’s golf trips for the rest of the summer. Great job, guys!
- Trump is dumping his campaign staffers amid infighting and general stupidity, with one official saying, “it’s like a roomful of Jonahs from ‘Veep’.”
- Sebastian Gorka may be You’re Fired, but it’s DEFINITELY NOT because he’s a Nazi (he just likes the uniform).
- Florida GOP Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen is quitting and now there’s a mad dash to take her seat.
- Gamergate victim Brianna Wu is launching a primary bid against Dem. Steven Lynch for Massachusetts’s 8th district on a platform of opposing Trump and anti-doxxing after she found a Twitter bot lists names, occupations and financial contributions of Trump donors from FEC filings. Head, meet desk.
- Trump must’ve paid someone to write this WaPo op-ed about how bigly good he’s doing because it has at least three complete sentences. Then again, WaPo does pay people to edit words…
- Trump thinks Kim Jong Un is a “smart cookie” because he managed to assassinate his brother, some aunts and uncles, and some generals before the age of 30. Seriously. Now watch the dishonest media twist that all out of context.
- Trump had a friendly chat with Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte where they gossiped like a bunch of Heathers, prompting Reince Priebus to reassure everyone that Trump totally cares about human rights, except for all the times they slipped his mind.
- Trump has been eyeballing ways to kill first amendment freedoms because all those damn nerdy reporters keep reporting a bunch of facts he doesn’t like one bit, and that’s not even including his Russian pee hooker fetish.
- Sean Hannity and his army of attorneys will sue the shit out of everyone who makes libelous claims like, “Sean Hannity once videotaped himself having sex with a deflated football in a bathtub filled with lard, allegedly.”
- And here’s your late night wrap-up! Chelsea Handler thinks Trump should golf more; Hasan Minhaj killed at the WHCD (only metaphorically); Sam Bee had her own dinner, and brought along a very special guest.
- And here’s your morning Nice Time! Sea Otters!
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