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On his second day of work as cohost of Fox’s hip edgy programme for yutes, “The Five,” former Bill O’Reilly sidekick Jesse Watters did not make a joke about how he wished to stick his dick into Ivanka Trump’s very pretty mouth. (Unlike Steve Bannon, who merely asked, “The little guy. He wouldn’t be fucking the Jew’s wife, would he?”)

The next day, it was announced Watters would go on vacation with his family.

They found a guy’s head in the desert, did you know that?

Sad.

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  • dslindc

    If this rate keeps up, they’ll finally have to hang a “Closed” sign on the door at Fox in about a month!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, speed the day!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Jesse Watters is not the sharpest spoon in the drawer, is he?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’m not convinced he’s even up to the level of “in the drawer” yet. He seems more like “found in the compost heap a few months later” to me.

  • elviouslyqueer

    “Spending more time with my family, also too” in 3…2…1…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    It is so hard to find anything sad about this story. Did a horrible person make a horrible remark about another horrible person? Yes, yes, and yes. Did said horrible person (the first one) already lose his job at a horrible “news” outlet? Apparently. I dunno, it feels a little like time to lie on the porch swing sipping a mimosa and smiling to myself once in awhile.

    • kaydenpat

      True. It’s all good.

    • goonemeritus

      Sometimes a silver cloud also has a silver lining.

    • willi0000000

      schadenfreude . . . it’s a helluva drug.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Eventually Fox is only going to be able to employee women (and Shep) to work there and it’s going to turn into a feminist paradise of truth-telling. I just know it.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Why is Shep on Fox? He can’t possibly like anybody he works with, and he’s good enough on camera to get something else, somewhere, surely?

    • kaydenpat

      Naw, there are plenty of Rightwing women like Coulter and Palin so FN will remain the same.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Soon only Tucker will be left, and then you’ll be sorry.

  • Ezio

    From this day forth, I declare Jesse Watters be known as Jesse Twatters.

  • schmannity

    I hope Watters has a nice time at Wallyworld.

    • Ricky Gay

      Watterworld, where he must distill his own pee

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Who’d have though Bill O’Reilly would hire a nonthreatening, incompetent dimwit for a sidekick?

  • arglebargle
    • kaydenpat

      Looking gorgeous!

      • willi0000000

        oh yeah . . . that’s what presidential looks like!

  • memzilla Ω

    So, loathsome fuckwit is either not loathed enough, or fuckwitted enough, to hack it at Faux ‘News?’ Which is it?

  • Manhattan123

    When a Fox anchor goes on a sudden “vacation” it’s like when your parents told you Buster, your 8-year-old beagle, went to a nice family on a farm upstate where he can run all day and chase rabbits.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    From a man with no lips.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    OT, but here’s an action item for Wonkers who live in one of these districts:

    https://twitter.com/TopherSpiro/status/857285744234246144

    • schmannity

      Diaz-Balart will do whatever Ros-Lehtinen tells him and she was already against the “kinder, gentler” version of Trumpcare.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The hardest part was getting the bag with his head in it past White House Security so Ivanka could see it. [ALLEGEDLY]

  • Ezio

    Jesse Watters looks like the love child of Adam Carolla and Tobey Maguire.

    • DainBramage

      Love had nothing to do with it.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Neither did Tobey Maguire.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Billy Bush is already calling him “roomie”.

  • JMP

    But if Fox keeps firing hosts who say horrifically offensive shit, they’ll have no one left! Which would leave the country a much better place.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Maybe he had to drive Jason Chaffetz to the ER

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Don’t worry, Jesse, you can come back from almost anything…well, almost anything.”
    — Josh Duggar

    • Vincent Ricola

      Josh Duggar
      *newest cohost of ‘The Five’

      • Latverian Diplomat

        He’s got his finger on…the nation’s pulse?

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          He can take my pulse any time.

          *throws up violently*

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Ricky Gay

      How long till he decides to spend more time with, erm, his fambly ?

      • willi0000000

        fuck that . . . how long till he’s running for president?

  • BearGHAZI

    Why? Is he gay or something?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Watters ought to read more Wonkette. Our dick jokes are way funnier and more subtle (and less sexual-harassment’y) here.

    • wavicles

      Naw, he likes to listen to Gutfeld’s schtick.

  • JMP
  • BadKitty904

    Shill Watters Run Derp…

    • Ricky Gay

      Ow, that’s​ gonna leave a mark

      • BadKitty904

        *purrs*

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Run Silent, Run Deep libel.

      Silent Running libel.

      Boy, you in a hole lotta trubble righcht hear.

  • goonemeritus

    How did this guy last two days without Bill?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Is that two days counting the weekend? :-)

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I was told my misogyny would not be a problem.”
    — Jesse Watters

  • Ezio

    OT: Psychologists explain why Alex Jones has such a propensity for taking off his shirt.

    http://www.avclub.com/article/read-psychologists-explain-why-alex-jones-keeps-re-254393

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Makes sense to me, I think they are 100% right.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        See also, Putin.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Oh yeah! That’s right, isn’t it. Putin loves to show off his manry Russian muscles.

          • Ezio

            Too bad they don’t turn to steel.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Hey Goons, thugs and Bosses!
            Guess what? I brought Colossus!

    • Jack Rogue Tenhet

      That absolutely scans.

      When I came off Xanax, for three days I was sweating like a pig. I was literally sweating constantly and it was that miserable cold sweat that just hangs on you. think major panic attack, just constantly for three days.

      Anyway, I did change my shirt every couple of hours, but I never sat around shirtless. I don’t do that when I’m alone at home by myself. It’s not an issue of confidence, I’m just not comfortable in my own skin if I am exposed like that.

      My older brother Joe was a different story. He was a sawed off little asshole, but he thought that he, himself hung the damned moon. He walked around shirtless and in shorts in the dead of winter. My mom said he was always like that. I know now that he was a severe narcissist. My family is ripe with narcissistic garbage.

    • Greyhame

      I just figured it was some kind of George Costanza bathroom thing.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “If this guy really does disappear…I’ll blame the Clinton Murder Machine.”
    — A Trumpkin

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
  • goonemeritus

    Unfair, they never disciplined Walter Cronkite for making all those off color remarks about Jackie Kennedy.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      XD

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Right? Remember during JFK’s speech about how we’d land a man on the moon, when Cronkite turned to the camera and leered at the footage of Jackie and said how he’d like to land on HER moon?

      • goonemeritus

        Can any of us truly blame him.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Rookie mistake. When you work at Fox you’re only supposed to make lewd comments about liberal women.

  • kaydenpat

    He’s so classy!!

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Y’know, I would actually rather someone would literally ask me for oral sex than joke about me having it. My own brother once said to me that my mouth “looks good for Hummers”, so there you go.

    • BeachBum

      I…..have…..no…..words…..I am wordless. Ummm, yeah, no, got nuttin’.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Wait, joke about you having what?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Yeah. I don’t talk to my family anymore.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          I still don’t follow exactly, but I hear that last part. Here’s to friends and new family! {hug}.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            ~hugs~

            thank you. Yeah, my brother was saying I looked like I’d be good at giving blowjobs.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            No, I got that part… oh, I get it. The sniggering, ‘joking’ attitude that’s really a put-down. Which is what Watters was doing. Okay, sorry, I’m dense sometimes.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Oh, np Lance. :) It’s better to ask if you don’t quite follow, especially the internet seems to make things a little harder to understand.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Jesse Watters is your brother? Condolences.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        That’s the “funny” part – my brother is so Left he thought Obama was a Neocon.

        • Al Swearengen

          The ever-annoying leftier-than-thou? They wrap all the way around to right attitudinally.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yep. Horseshoe theory in action once more.

  • writersbloc

    Man, that scene is hard to watch. Nicki deserved it, but then again, does anybody deserve that…. brutal.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That is an amazingly ugly scene. Yeah, not even torturers deserve torture. A quick death, get on with life.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Nicky deserved it and the message it sent; the brother, not so much.

  • Me not sure

    If this casualty rate keeps up their daily programming will consist entirely of this. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6382c09837b47b0eb662935cb59dcd78fca82ceab889423bc5077cbce78d7856.png

    • GreyWolfSC

      Pfft… they just blamed Obama for Trump hiring Flynn.

      • Me not sure

        I guess the fact that they both are Irish had nothing to do with it.

        • chicken thief

          I thought Obama was from Kenya…

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    • Latverian Diplomat

      Don’t worry, the world is full of communications majors with no priniciples.

    • Crystalclear12

      We demand “Hypno Toad”!!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        …Pepe?

    • i’mjustaskingthequestion

      At least it would finally be “fair and balanced”

  • JMP

    Those kind of lewd sexual comments about Ivanka Trump should only be made by her father.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Presidential perogative.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Period!

      (*Not a Megyn Kelly reference.) ___ her wherever….whatever

  • Mpeg

    I’d missed this somehow over the last couple days/ past week.
    How can i snark at this. People will never change. It’s true for both sides often as not; but the smarm factor permeating places like FOX cannot simply be wiped aside like an inconvenient smudge. They have to go at the whole establishment with power washers, industrial strength disinfectant, probably one of those things they groomed the Tin Man with — that terrified me as a kid? — the buffer, yeah get them under that swinging buffer tool overhead. Polish them off, someone please~
    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/27/97/7c/27977ce921f243797aaf1307ecb4173d.jpg

    • BeachBum

      Ooooh ! Bring the Buffer ! I would watch that !

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      The fish rots from the head. As a middle manager, I learned that if the director is an asshole, you will develop an asshole culture. There’s not much one or two people can do to mitigate it.

      • Eileen Besse

        ABSOLUTELY.

  • Greyhame

    Yep, just yesterday I was thinking Watters is like some idiot goon at the Bada Bing getting carried away with all the raucous behavior around him, and suddenly making a blowjob joke about Meadow Soprano within earshot of Tony.

    I mean all that sexist shit has always been just fine and dandy on Fox, as long as they were talking about someone else’s daughter. (or their co-workers)

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      That could absolutely have been a Sopranos episode. Was it?

      • Greyhame

        You know, I can’t remember. It’s possible …

        • timpundit

          Sorta. But it wasn’t a “friend” of Tony’s that made a remark about whipped cream on Meadow’s mouth. I think that was the first time I saw “curb stomping” in action.

        • Al Swearengen

          Meadow’s love life was a regular subject.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Like it matters? The women on their side didn’t give a fuk about all the hyper-weaponized mysogyny.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Not until it happens to them personally.

      • Jack Rogue Tenhet

        Yeah, nothing is real until it happens to them and even then whatever happened to them is always worse because their so virtuous and the rest of us are just takers.

        • willi0000000
          • Jack Rogue Tenhet

            I have always thought that no one who has ever lived life is a republican. To be republican, you must never have felt poverty, loss, mental pain and anguish, none of that because anyone who has felt those things and survived it never wish that on others.

            You have to have lived a very sheltered, “safe” existence to become a modern republican.

          • Al Swearengen

            There’s different strains. There’s the sheltered types like m_a’s mother. Then there’s blue-collar assholes with shit lives who like Republicans because they’re loud pricks who hate the right people. (And they’re all one lottery ticket away from joining Mar-a-lago. It’s my extended, rural family.)

          • Yr. Gma

            Today’s Republican is not the same as an Eisenhower Republican (which is what mine were.)

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            What’s really sad is watching former Eisenhower Republicans (like my parents) slouch toward Foxistan…

          • Jack Rogue Tenhet

            Yeah, things did change. From what I’ve read about Ike, I think I like him. I like that he actually spoke out against the military industrial com,plex and laid it out for the people.

            “You want a tank, it costs this many schools”

            I also loved that he was influential in bringing down McCarthy. That’s never not a good thing.

            The Republicans nowadays would never have been elected dog-catcher. They’re just resentful and entitled little pigs now.

          • major_asshole

            In some cases, even when it affects someone they love or bred they still don’t care. My personal war against depression and anxiety (and so much more) has inspired my mother to just say “get over it.” And when I came out (a decade since then!) she was and still is adamant that (a) it’s just a phase and (b) “gays need to quit whining. They’ve got it pretty good.”

            My mother is a bitch. And a Republican. And a fan of O’Reilly. (She bought at full price his latest book.) I cannot stand her bullshit.

            (End rant. Apologies.)

          • willi0000000

            no apology needed or wanted . . . everybody needs a good rant every now and again . . . i wish you, and everybody else, could have done as well in the uterine lottery as i did.

            [ . . . and that wasn’t much of a rant . . . you’ll probably get over it ]

          • Eileen Besse

            Sorry….

          • lroom

            Sorry to hear that. My mom and grandma were like that which meant when I became a single mother I was booted out of the family. You are awesome for coming out with relatives like that it couldn’t have been easy.

          • Yr. Gma

            I think Nancy’s sensible adult children worked on her after Dear Old Dad checked out with his Alz. She was sounding almost human toward the end there.

          • willi0000000

            horseshoes and hand grenades.

            [ and also too, thermonuclear weapons ]

    • I doubt it is even their base they care about. They just don’t want to tee off Daddy Trump by making the lewd about his daughter. Only he gets to do that.

  • boyblue122

    Until Fox raises the moral standards of the people they hire, this will just be a recurring issue

    • Lance Thrustwell

      When your business model involves (at least partly) provoking and infuriating people, that militates against things like moral standards.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That would imply that Fox would first raise the moral standards of the people that owns it. Given that the owners are the poisonously depraved Murdochs, ain’t gonna happen.

  • BeachBum

    OT I watched Nicole Wallace last night and was pleasantly surprised to hear her rip Mike Flynn’s asshole a wee bit more. Her premise was that if Flynn was too stupid to fill out the paperwork for security background, then he is without a doubt incompetent to do the job as WH NSA. Which of course the Trump WH has still not produced.

    • ken_kukec

      I usually don’t go for Republican women, but I’ve gotta confess to secret (or, now, not-so-secret) platonic crush on Nicole Wallace. Hell, I’ve been keen on her since it wasn’t even her, but Sarah Paulson playing her in “Game Change.”

      • major_asshole

        Well shit. After seeing her in American Horror Story and American Crime Story…I guess I have to watch Game Change.

      • chicken thief

        I think dealing with Palin warped Nicole a bit and now she’s about as far right as Barack Obama. Her and Smitty also too.

  • Anna Rompage

    The fact that Jesse wasn’t fired after his “buy a woman a lobester dinner, and she’s indebted to sleep with you” comment on national TV, speaks volumes of the kind of douchy MRA environment that appears to be pervasive over at Faux

  • azeyote

    They found a guy’s head in the desert, did you know that?
    no – but if there was a brain still in it Trump could sure use a transplant

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      You’ll show yourself out. Be sure to tip your server, everybody

      • major_asshole

        Would the joke that starts “tip the veal…” be inappropriate in this post?

    • The Librarian

      Abbe Normal?

  • Jack Rogue Tenhet

    OT but happy fun time for me–

    Listening to the ’98 revival of Cabaret. Natasha Richardson was like beautiful butter! I miss her so much!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64O77DC3F4k&list=PLJ2Is-OXdxAViH28HbqzwFWY56UvrgYKH&index=3

    • Bitter Scribe

      By all accounts she was a genuinely nice person. And it’s so cruel how she died.

      • Jack Rogue Tenhet

        Very cruel, yes. I loved her work a lot, still do.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Watters was the one who started Fox Nation. If you thought Fox is bad, look at Fox Nation.

  • Buzz1313

    What was he thinking?! He’s supposed to make bj jokes about Chelsea or the Obama girls (though if he did make a nasty joke about Malia and Sasha I’d personally kick his ass).

    • Bitter Scribe

      Yeah, the Obama girls have been pretty much off limits even to the most scabrous wingnuts. Of course this led to a great deal of whining about how librul hypocrites were mean to poor Bristol Palin and her pair of babydaddies.

      • chazmanr

        “the Obama girls have been pretty much off limits even to the most scabrous wingnuts.”

        Have you been living in a cave for 8 years? The latest one is that Malia got kicked out of Harvard for smoking pot on campus. She took a gap year and doesn’t even start at Harvard until the fall.

        • Bitter Scribe

          Well, not a cave, but not in the fever swamps either. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention.

        • Al Swearengen

          Haha, when was the last time someone was actually kicked out of college for smoking mj? 1950? Tells you the world wingnuts live in.

          • chazmanr

            Actually, my understanding is that “liberal” Harvard does actually kick people out for using illegal drugs on campus…eventually if they get caught “too many times”. But daughter of a former POTUS? Never.Gonna.Happen. They are expecting a discount in 2022 when they ask him to give the commencement address at Malia’s graduation.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            MJ in personal quantities has be decriminalized in Massachusetts for years. It is now legal to buy, but still illegal to sell since the November Elections. Once the current delaying tactics in the Massachusetts legislature are overcome, we will be right there with Colorado and the rest of the civilized states (you, too, DC).

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Yeah, but it’s gotta still be like booze. If you keep fucking up with it in ways that cause the campus to have to pay attention to it, you are likely liable for some kind of sanction.

          • Iam Reading

            1987, Miami University. Too bad it wasn’t Paul Ryan smoking that j instead of one of my fellow freshman dorm mates.

      • Manhattan123

        Didn’t some wingnut get outraged because they dared show up at the very​ solemn and sacred Thanksgiving turkey pardoning dressed like normal teenage girls instead of good little pilgrims?

        • Bitter Scribe

          Yes, and it turned out that when that wingnut was about Malia’s age, she shoplifted clothes. But I’m sure they were tasteful ones.

  • ken_kukec

    Watters cracked his “joke” because the last time a woman got anywhere near his dick, she bent over, flicked the head, and said “testing, testing. Is this thing even on?”

    • SeeTrain65

      “Tell the truth, I thought his lavalier had dropped into his lap.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    The headline to this post is a rotten tease. I wish someone with a mike and a cameraman had hunted him down, stuck the mic in his face, and broken his chops with questions like “Do you want Ivanka Trump to give you oral sex?”

  • Shoto

    The news of diseased psychopath Jesse Watters’ “vacation” is entertaining. There’s an online petition floating around on the electric box. Enjoy.

    https://actionnetwork.org/forms/should-jesse-watters-be-fired-from-fox-news

    • Internet Hitler

      There is no choice for “Don’t fire him. Let him continue to embarrass himself for out amusement.”

      • Shoto

        Good point. We should file a complaint with Bill Shine, assuming he hasn’t also been fired gone on vacation.

  • Shoto
  • chicken thief

    Fuck! Next thing ya know Fox will kill the leg cam and stop having “the bimbo on the couch” on Fox and Friends cross her legs twice each segment.

  • Poly_Ester

    He shoulda read the internal memo of why BillO was canned. This is what you get for being lazy, LOSER.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Or either the news.

  • chiefkurtz

    He’d fuck up a cup of coffee.

    • i’mjustaskingthequestion

      If it was really fucking hot (not even a single entendre so don’t go there…) I’d pay to see it.

    • Gregory Brown

      He could fuck up a two car funeral.

    • Swampgas_Man

      He could fuck up a glass of water.

    • Dutchman

      He could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer.

      • Wm Kiernan

        He could fuck up a wet dream.

  • i’mjustaskingthequestion

    Its beyond stupid. When I was younger and more naive, I taught my children, both girls, to be confident and powerful women. Now I tell them to aim for the balls.

  • Scooby

    So now is the show called The Four?

    • mardam422

      I’m no mathologist, but I think that may be right.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Given where the guy works, I’m not seeing the problem.

  • NerdWithNoName

    Youch! Trix, please give a guy a warning about videos like that! I try to never watch guys being killed with bats before 10.

  • Lurkylu

    He followed a reporter for 2 hours and confronted her about an unflattering Bill O article…..at a B&B….

    https://thinkprogress.org/i-was-followed-harassed-and-ambushed-by-bill-oreilly-s-producer-2849ba2cb056

    so, that seems totally within bounds.

  • rubikcube

    Someone should tail Jesse wherever he goes. There should be a live youtube channel of Jesse Watters being all comedy-video-confronted for sport in the street, at the bank, the grocery store, at his dojo or the dog park about his non-oral sex joke about Ivanka.
    Let’s imagine for a minute the breaking loose of holy hells if Anderson Cooper made a joke like that about Jared?

  • TundraGrifter

    The real life murders were even uglier than those shown in the movie. The mobsters didn’t use baseball bats – they used “fish bilies.” Little clubs, made to stun fish. It took those poor souls much longer to die. The torture was designed to send a message of disrespect.

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