Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.
- Trump isn’t the kind of guy who pulls out before he can make a big splash, so he’ll “renegotiate” NAFTA instead of leaving a big mess and saying, “I’ll call you.”
- FCC Chairman and corporate shitheel Ajit Pai is moving to reclassify the Internet as a Title I information service and kill net neutrality because the Internet is a scary place, and your ISP should be able to gatekeeper what you can and can’t see so that your fee-fees don’t get hurt.
- The Senate took a field trip to the White House yesterday to hear about how spooky North Korea has been, and most of them left bored and wondering if they could have snuck out early.
- Trump’s tax cuts are the golden showers Reaganites always dreamed about.
- Foggy Bottom will continue to be a ghost town under Rexxon because Not America sucks, bigly, and FSO’s are the most un-American Americans in America because they live and work in Not America. Believe me. Can’t be trusted.
- Ted Cruz wants a new space race, just don’t expect him to actually pay for it.
- Jason Chaffetz will leave the House early because his foot hurt, not because some wingnuts want him investigated for possibly cashing Russian checks.
- The House has a one-week stop-gap spending bill hanging in the weeds just in case the GOP accidentally shuts down the federal government (AGAIN).
- Jesse Watters couldn’t even last a week in primetime before Fox News kicked his ass to the curb for being a sexist dickhole.
- Looks like Jared has his own potential conflict of interest in a rich scumbag friend who’s being investigated in four separate countries, including the U.S.
- Trump said Republican Governor of Maine Paul LePage
iswas a fatty, prompting Chris Christie to lock himself in a bathroom with a pint of ice cream, a meat lovers pizza, and a VHS copy of Steel Magnolias.
- Trump had a red button installed in the Oval Office that signals a White House
slaveaide to bring him a Coke instead of launching nuclear weapons. CRISIS AVERTED!
- And here’s your late night wrap-up! Trevor Noah wondered what black people are supposed to do on Confederates Day; Stephen Colbert provided some evidence that Trump is an eight-year-old; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at Trump’s tax cuts and EO’s, and then Bernie told him things he hates; and James Cordon talked about Trump’s Coke button
- And here’s your morning Nice Time! Baby Capybara!
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