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Good thing you can afford a TrumpCare Gold plan.

Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • Nounverb911
  • HazooToo

    It’s been over a year since I joined, where the hell is my free gun?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Still not knowing or caring who runs this Twitter account, because posts like this one make me laugh. Poor Cheetoh. Can’t “you’re fired” the judges.
    https://twitter.com/RogueSNRadvisor/status/857222283328315393

    • Nounverb911

      OT
      I saw all your twittergraphs from Alabama, they were great. So how close to Alonso did you get?

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Very. Never talked to him. Figured it would be a bit invasive, since I’m not media. But he actually had a pretty good sense of humor!

        • Nounverb911

          COOL!

    • HazooToo

      I really would like it to be real. So much.

      • Claire

        Sometimes I wonder if there’s real stuff mixed in among the snark. Some of their posts seem pretty on-point.

        • HazooToo

          There’s nothing we can point to and say “Definitely real!” because if there were, the WH would be able to track it back and find them. So we have to take everything as ‘opinion and unverified’ from these accounts, but at the same time, some of them have been very quick to give advance warning about events that actually happened and most of them have been at least supportive and sources of actual news articles that have been missed or glossed over, where important info is buried. So yeah, valuable, but it would be so nice if we could actually have verification that wouldn’t screw their lives over completely.

          • Claire

            It would for sure, but I don’t know how it would be done either. If I were an honest to God White House aide behind one of those accounts, I’d plant the occasional falsehood just like I’m sure the owners of the legit feeds do.

            It gets even more cloudy when some of the National Security set on Twitter are saying that half of the accounts are Russian disinformation channels. (Probably not this one, though, because it seems to be like ninety percent satire.)

  • Nounverb911
    • JohnBull

      That is the face of a woman who’s never been called on her shit.

      • therblig

        verunka salt

      • Red Bird Ω

        That’s the face of a woman who is full of shit.

    • HolidayinCambodia

      I saw a tweet that said that she looks like a gal who fucks with her bra on.

      Whatever that means.

      • From Russia with Love

        She looks like a gal who fucks until she gets a ring on it.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Well, she is a Jewess.

          • ZAmazingProfessionalCrastinatr

            Only because she went to Jared.

        • calliecallie

          That’s not how they told us it worked back in junior high school.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    TrumpCare Rises From The Grave!

    Trump 2017: Shambling toward Glory

    • dslindc

      Zombie TrumpCare? Brrrraaaaaiiiiinnnssss . . . . we have no brrrrraaaaiiiiinnnssss!

  • dslindc
    • Nounverb911

      Ted Cruz can read that during his next filibuster.

  • Nounverb911
  • dslindc
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hope they were laughing at her, not just near her.

      • Bill D. Burger

        There were actually ‘Boos’ and ‘Hisses’ from the crowd as she spoke.
        Personally, I think it was, rather than Merkle currying favor with Turnip through his daughter-wife, getting even for his treatment of her on her state visit to D.C.

        Loved it!

    • vivian

      Merkel: ..and then she says, get this, she says ‘My father is a champion of women’! She actually says this to me with a straight face! These Americans, their sense of humor is so strange!

      • therblig

        “My father waves his sham peen at women” – vanky

        • aureolaborealis

          “And by ‘women’, I mean, of course, ‘me’.”

    • From Russia with Love

      “Wer ist diese Fotze?”

      • Koch Blockula

        A new German word for my expanding vocabulary! Thanks!

  • Nounverb911
  • memzilla Ω
  • baconzgood

    Baconzmad.

    Fuck the MAN fuck my ex-wife. Fuck this place. I’m thinking of quitting Wonkette because I have had all my snark destroyed.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Ouch. I’m sorry. Luckily, you came to the place with unlimited snark reserves. Let us carry you for a while.

    • Alan

      Let the bullshit make you more snarky.

    • MynameisBlarney

      NOOOOOOOOOO!

    • dslindc

      There is always more snark in the banana bacon stand!

    • Me not sure

      Did we quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? HELL NO!

    • We love you Baconz!

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      So you are having a shitty day as well huh? Always persevere, don’t give up, don’t give in there is always an answer to everything.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Here, take all ours, and we’ll simply replenish our strategic snark reserve.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        We’ve got your snarkback.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Damn. Suckage to the max. Sorry Baconz.

    • Vienna Woods

      A snarky hug for you here. Life is not fair, but sometimes it is spectacularly not. This is one of those times.

    • vivian

      The little I know of your situation smells like 18 kinds of wrong. I do not understand it; I do not like it and I wish you were free and free to hang here with us.

    • From Russia with Love

      Naw mang.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Channel you inner dragon and continue to bare your fangs and flames! We need you here!

    • Red Bird Ω

      Don’t go. Keep hope alive.

    • memzilla Ω

      Keep a log of the bullshit that happens. Written records, even without any other documentation, are valuable in court because they are written in a “state of mind” moment and the opposition will generally not have a written record to refute yours. Even if you have to write the shit on toilet paper and hide it. ProTip: lockers can often be tipped backwards and items slipped underneath them.

    • HazooToo

      Wasn’t there actual proof they refused to let you get a job? Who was the judge? Which particular location are you in? I know you may have answered all of this before, but I missed it completely.

      • baconzgood

        Yes there was. The judge actually let the Plantiff decide the verditc. The Judge said to my EX “What do you want me to do”

        Apperently this is pretty common in family court.

        • HazooToo

          It’s an absolutely batshit response. I want to do something.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Don’t get me started on ex-wife.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        /takes FS’s ex-wife. Please

    • janecita

      Don’t quit us! I agree, your ex- wife is the worst!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      ~hugs~ Don’t give up on snark, Baconz. It’s not over yet, it isn’t.

    • subatomic

      Please hang in there Baconz. The snark will return.

    • Claire

      You can come to Wonkette and just rant. God knows I do.

    • calliecallie

      {{{HUGS}}}!!11!ELEVENTY!

    • aureolaborealis

      Have you got a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Robert Fisher?

  • memzilla Ω
    • therblig

      well, it is the law.

      • Bozilingus

        The law of the blacktop jungle.

        • Gayer Than Thou
          • MizzMazz

            Same could be said for Trader Joe’s.

          • Judithrmoore

            My last paycheck was $22500 for working 12 hours a week online.Start earning $97/hour by working online from your home for few hours each day with GOOGLE… Get regular payments on weekly basis… All you need is a computer, internet connection and a litte free time… Read more here
            !sd31s9c:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs609HomeStudioGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!sd319c:….,…….

    • Alan

      Always have a book.

    • OddMan

      Feeling a bit peckish this morning are we?
      Lots of that going around.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Shameless and disgusting. Here’s how you know how badly “Trumpcare” sucks _ The GOP Healthcare Replacement Bill would allow members of Congress to keep their ACA (Obamacare) benefits but would take them from YOU peasants! Unbelievable:

    [4/26/17: House GOP health bill changes exempt members of Congress
    © Greg Nash
    A new amendment to the Republican ObamaCare replacement bill exempts members of Congress and their staff from its effects.

    The new changes to the bill would allow states to apply for waivers to repeal key ObamaCare provisions, such as the protection against people with pre-existing conditions being charged more and the requirement that insurers cover a range of health services, like prescription drugs and mental health.

    The GOP amendment exempts members of Congress and their staffs to ensure that they will still be protected by those ObamaCare provisions.]
    The hypocrisy and depravity of these people burn. They are shameless.

    http://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/330592-house-gop-health-bill-changes-exempt-members-of-congress

    • vivian

      Could a Congressperson hire each one of his/her constituents as a consultant for $.01 and then extend the benefits to them? Asking for a friend.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You might as well ask whose behind is the Giant Rat of Sumatra.

        • Bozilingus

          “Anyone here want to contact V.D.?” – Violet Dudley

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Because of course.

    • Alan

      Of course they did.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Naturally. Why should they have the same insurance as the poors?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Morning Wonks,

    Bad news. They chose to go for the other candidate. They couldn’t really explain why the choice was made calling it “Throwing a dart at a world map for thre next vacation” Since both candidates were both as competent and they simply could not decide and the most senior director made the decision on gut instinct.

    Wished them and the selected candidate the best but man it feels like a punch in the throat.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Damn that sucks, I’m sorry.

    • Nounverb911

      Sorry to hear that.

    • vivian

      You never know. Something might not work out with the person they chose and you might get a call from them in a couple weeks… It’s happened to me.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        let’s hope so but at the same time I am a compassionate person who honestly wishes the other person will do great..

        • vivian

          That says a great deal about you. Their loss, I’d say.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            I don;t know him but I do know he’s a human being with dreams and ambitions. Maybe he needed the job harder than I did and maybe he hugs his kids and wife tonight saying everything will now be alright. Who knows but that thought makes me smile a little and I know my chance is just around the corner.

          • MizzMazz

            See, my first response would be to be bitter, but after reading what you wrote, it made me stop and think. You’ve inspired me to try to be a better and more positive person. Thank you.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Well as my grandmother would tell me: If you can make someone’s day a better one or give someone a positive view about the future you have done well. I guess in a way it was a good day. Today you, tomorrow me.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Are the supervisors Freemasons? Because I’ve always wanted to be a Freemason fuck the Freemasons. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyL5mAqFJds

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Every time a decision gets made on gut instinct, there’s a little more fuckery in the world.

    • janecita

      I’m sorry. It is kind of fucked up, that they can’t even explain why they chose the other candidate over you.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Yeah well in a way I don;t really care either. The decision was made. Time to move on.

    • Contemplative Ron

      It always does. But you know you have value. SOMEONE will recognise it.

    • I feel for you! May your renewed job search be painless, quick and rewarding.

  • Nounverb911
  • memzilla Ω
    • Alan

      Eww. Always be nice to the waitstaff.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Always be nice.

        • Elvis Causticfellow

          Except when being nice is counterproductive.

        • Alan

          Point taken. But even assholes should learn to pick and choose when to be assholes, if only for their own good.

      • aureolaborealis

        Or really anyone who handles your food.

    • The Wanderer

      And the “Bleu cheese dressing” on his iceberg lettuce wedge salad has a “super secret special ingredient.”

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Boogers and cum!

    • HazooToo

      Objection: The taste of testicles is completely obscured by the $2.99 ketchup he dumps on it.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      I know how waiters get away with fucking with his food. How do his tailors get away with what they do?

      • Alan

        He doesn’t have a tailor.

        • Contemplative Ron

          And he refuses to buy his clothes from the big & tall shop.

    • Claire

      I learned so much from my last boss about how not to set up meetings if you don’t want people to literally hate you. I never thought about it before because I’ve always worked with meeting-courteous people, but wow, is it ever possible to do that shit wrong.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Parakeetist

      I am going to buy more Chobani.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Chili makes it hard to spell correctly too.

  • Suttree

    I love baby hippo!

    • Wild Cat

      Jonah Goldberg is no longer a baby!

    • therblig

      i would totally get a baby hippo if it weren’t for the damn local ordinances.

      well, and the whole killing machine thing.

      • From Russia with Love

        What a way to die… smothered in baby hippo love!

        • therblig

          i would burn my “no fat chicks” t-shirt for fiona.

          • janecita

            That’s as terrible as my brother’s “rehab is for quitters” shirt!

          • From Russia with Love

            My wife’s favorite is mine that says “Loose women tightened here.”

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Ah, just do what a lot of real asswipes do and abandon it when it gets big.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Also too, and perhaps more importantly, they spray their poop.

        • therblig

          we’re in the middle of a total sewer line replacement right now. coals to newcastle.

        • aureolaborealis

          My public service for the day:

          https://youtu.be/U-jXMeo4a4k

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Also known as The Morning After Chili Night.

  • Nounverb911
    • Contemplative Ron

      Eyup.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      The Commie Solution. Better dead than red, amirite?

  • Nounverb911
  • The Wanderer
  • HolidayinCambodia
    • Left Coast Tom

      It’s “judge shopping” when Santa Clara and San Francisco Counties have their case heard in San Francisco? Where were they supposed to have filed?

      • HolidayinCambodia

        Maybe the Конституционный Суд Российской Федерации in Китай-город? That’s what it says right here on RT.

    • Contemplative Ron

      The pathetic man-baby, who can’t tell the difference between 59 and 79, decides that 1.6% GROWTH in GDP indicates that trade deficits are hurting the economy.
      Okay, then.

      • HolidayinCambodia

        TBF, he probably has not actually “decided” anything, other than to skip the prune juice this morning.

  • Nounverb911

    On this day 80 years ago, German and Italian aircraft bombed Guernica, Spain.
    Obviously we still haven’t learned anything since….

    https://twitter.com/almayadeen_es/status/857200434729156609
    https://twitter.com/MartinRowson/status/857146854861152257

    • Contemplative Ron

      Yes, it taught us that mass murder from the air is really, really easy.

    • janecita

      I taught us, that you can convince other countries to invade Iraq if you cover the Picasso painting that depicts said bombing.

  • MynameisBlarney

    So, my aunt’s ex husband was found dead this morning.
    He was an abusive, cheating piece of shit and I hope the son of a bitch fucking suffered.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    Anne Coulter will descend from Castle Greyskull to address her five or six minions at U.C. Berkeley (and sell some books), and local officials are bracing for riots.

    And of course they will not be restricting access to her event so expect a very ‘free’ exchange of ideas.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Those are not “ideas”….(as in, “Here’s an old idea – fuck you!)…

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Do you think, in the interests of free speech, that they’ll let me go to the Ken Ham Noah’s Arc “Museum” and talk about the physical impossibility of that myth?

      • therblig

        do you have the entry fee? get on your camel and ride through that needle’s eye.

      • Contemplative Ron

        Srsly, don’t try. It would seem they have BOUNCERS, who keep an ear out for heretical ideas. Or even sniggering.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Oh fer fuck’s sake? Seriously?!

          • MizzMazz

            For reals, they do.

          • Contemplative Ron

            Seriously. There was a rather good article on some self-described ‘atheists’ who went there when it opened, and they mentioned these guys a few times. Wish I could find it, it was quite funny, with comments like, ‘Where did Noah get his steel nuts and bolts from?’

    • Persistent Demme

      I wonder if Milo shared any “tips” about free speech.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      While I’m all for resistance, in Ann Coulter’s case, I’d like to see indifference. Let her speak to her small collection of followers, but ignore her completely. That would piss her off more than any protests, which would just be the free publicity she craves.

      #ignoreher

  • Me not sure
    • Nounverb911

      Maybe Melania should move here then.

      • Me not sure

        Mitch McConnnell’s safe place.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Dammit, Jim! That effing wall can’t stop them!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Good Morning, Wonkettesaxiibka! Just got back on board (the power was out in three counties this morning, and all I did was plug in the coffee machine – sorry!)…

    • The Wanderer

      Does your coffee machine look like this?

      http://becht.com/images/Industries/refining.jpg

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        That’s a little on the small side – you could make, what, a couple of espressos with it? Sad….

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Ooooh. Stainless steel. Very nice.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Panika MCD

      I am FOR SHOCKED!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      It’s obviously good guys with guns shooting bad guys with guns.

      • From Russia with Love

        You can normally tell who’s the good guy. He’s not bleeding.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Around here, I tend to automatically assume that anyone acting extremely dickish and aggressively in traffic is armed, and that anyone being courteous and polite isn’t, in a desperate attempt to avoid being shot.

          • cmd resistor

            Why I tell the aggressive drivers in the family to please not act like assholes while I am in the car as I prefer not to get shot by the crazy people they are reacting to.

    • therblig

      yesterday, they found a gun in one of jersey city’s middle school and the first comment was along the lines of “too bad the teachers are denied their 2nd amendment concealed carry rights”. fuckwads.

      • janecita

        Thank God, that we still have decent gun laws in Jersey!

    • Contemplative Ron

      That settles it, I’m armouring the Fusion just in case Canadians are allowed into the US again.

    • cmd resistor

      I don’t know about Illinois but I read a story the other day about an 18-wheeler driver who was shot while driving, managed to pull off the road without injuring anyone else, and then he died. I don’t think they even know who shot him, much less why.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Ug, awful.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Uncle Wayne will explain this to us. He will explain how more people must have guns. You will go and get a gun. You will feel much better after you and every member of your family, including the dog, are fully armed. You and your neighbor will explain to each other how safe you feel as you compare the features of your firearms. Each night, you will lock your doors, place your gun under your pillow, and fall asleep to the tap-tap staccato of gunfire in unsafe neighborhoods close by where everyone does not have a gun.

      Feel free to ask me any questions. The answer is, “More guns.”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Interesting. When they debated concealed carry in my state, opponents feared a wild west mentality where minor traffic incidents would end in bloodshed. We were assured we were full of shit.

    • aureolaborealis

      I was pondering this the other day. I live in a state that allows concealed carry (and, of course, open carry) without permit. There was a goober at the supermarket with his young wife/partner and newborn baby. And probably his favorite member of his family, his Glock, on his hip. I thought, this guy has the option of concealed carry, yet for some reason he chose a hip holster. For some reason, surely not post-adolescent machismo and/or mental illness. Pretty much every open carry dipshit I come across has a weird, twitchy, in-your-face energy about them that creeps me the fuck out. I mean, assuming you need to carry a gun, why wouldn’t you opt to conceal it?

      Pancho was a bandit boys,
      His horse as fast as polished steel,
      Wore his gun outside his pants,
      For all the honest world to feel.

  • LarryHoudini
    • Msgr_MΩment

      False Flag Day libel!!

      • LarryHoudini

        Wow, there’s some irony.

    • MynameisBlarney

      If only this were available in Cliff Notes.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        For Trump, it will probably have to be written entirely in emoticons.

        • MynameisBlarney

          They’ll have to act it out like they we’re playing charades.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          tv version…

    • Mike

      Too long…needs to be 8 bullet points on 1 page (double spaced)

    • From Russia with Love

      “Can you winnow this piece of shit down to 140 characters for me?”

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Say, you know who else is getting used to deeper water, and will have to get used to deeper water still?

  • Nounverb911
    • Panika MCD

      maybe he did not know it was after midnight or is in the mythical land of Mountain Time?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Sheesh…at least back in the Bush years you had to use a phony name, news organization, and more or less PRETEND not to be a psychopath to get a White House press pass.

    • From Russia with Love

      Or be blowing George W Bush.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Or that. What was that dude’s name again?

        • From Russia with Love

          Something Gannon.

          • zerosumgame0005

            that was one of his names, used a different one I think on his rent-boy website

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ah, yes. Jeff Gannon. Which wasn’t his real name, if I recall. He was a real live wire on the gay pick-up scene.

  • Nounverb911
  • Panika MCD

    on the Ninth Circuit thing–doesn’t he realize that SCOTUS doesn’t take enough cases from any appellate court to overturn them 80% of the time? they only hear about 65 to 80 cases a year with an additional 50 rulings which don’t have oral arguments. the Ninth Circuit rules on over 12 thousand cases a year. SCOTUS would have to take and overturn over 9,600 cases just from that court to be overturned that much. only about 7 thousand plaintiffs and defendants petition SCOTUS in a given year. oh, wait. I forgot who we were talking about here. he probably hasn’t gotten to, “who knew law was complicated?!”

    if Ryan Zinke wants to get rid of some CSA monuments that are lying around on their lazy, loser asses, that would be perfectly fine by me!

    in TX news: a gutted and then ungutted version of SB4 (the sanctuary cities ban) will fall upon the House Floor today to be regutted. we believe it will end up being a symbolic measure which pretty much says we comply with PEP and will, after all that, have been a horrible waste of time that just made everyone GRR MAD at each other. and, because “sanctuary city” still appears in no statute around the country, Austin Mayor Steve Adler traveled to DC yesterday to speak with Sessions about, “who you callin’ ‘sanctuary city’?” and Sessions said, “oh, no. we didn’t mean YOU GUYS!” which is weird seeing as how they sent in ICE to scare all our brown people in February and even let it slip to a judge that they did it because they hate Sheriff Sally Hernandez’s new policy on compliance with ICE detainers. HUH! it should be noted that Austin/Travis Co. is really late to the game of denying ICE detainers for people with traffic tickets and such seeing as how all the rural counties were saying, “we ain’t got money for this shit!” and all the urban ones were saying, “we ain’t got room for this shit!” well before we decided to let all the non-violent offenders out.

    • Me not sure

      The phrase “Doesn’t he realize?” could be used to preface any question asked about Trump’s familiarity with any facet of the US Government.

  • MynameisBlarney

    For some odd reason, I don’t think this will prevent them from trying anyway.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10028980539

  • The Wanderer

    Hastur’s Caprine Cock, I should NOT be having to hit the antacids this early in the day.

  • Crystalclear12
    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s almost like they’re trying to taunt us into attacking in a blind fit of rage.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      No shame.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    About that really, really terrific healthcare bill:
    https://twitter.com/pdmcleod/status/857223206356344832

    • Msgr_MΩment

      It’s not like anything has changed except for the desperation of 45.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I stopped scratching hash marks on my bedroom wall, so I’ve lost track of time – aren’t we outside the First One Hundred Days anyway? If so, what’s the rush?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          I think I have Friday penciled in as the Day We Nuke North Korea.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Oh, I hope not – I have dinner reservations that were hard to get.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Look Closer

      For them. Not for you.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I find it hard to believe that any healthcare plan acceptable to the freedom caucus can pass the senate. But then I guess lots of things I find hard to believe have been happening recently.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I thought that for a while, but the cheerleading for Trump’s bombing stunt and their Russia “investigation” has pretty much destroyed any faith I might have once held out for.

  • Nounverb911
    • Chadwells

      Wowwwwww!!!!!

    • Alan

      Lucky he didn’t break his neck.

    • MynameisBlarney

      When I was younger…MUCH younger, I loved playing baseball.
      And was pretty decent at it too.

      But not that decent.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        :D

        • nightmoth

          Hi, sweetie—welcome back.
          Also, I was thinking about something you posted the other day, and I think you would look very hot in a Red Guard tank commander uniform.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            ~hugs~ Thank you. I actually am looking for some pieces her-and-there on eBay. It’s not impossible I could eventually put a uniform together. :)

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I was wondering why the throw to home was placed there, that’s even moar awesome!

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Missed the cutoff man. Likely would have been an out if the 1st baseman had relayed the ball.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Yeah, I had originally seen a Tweet with just the jump, and seeing the whole thing was even more spectacular. :)

    • janecita

      That’s impressive!

    • Me not sure

      Every time I think that I’ve gotten jaded about sports, somebody pulls off a feat like this and I get drawn back in.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Silly Canadians. There’s no acrobatics in baseball!

    • Werewolf

      That was a thing of beauty.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      And you complained about doing forward rolls in 1st grade. See right there?

  • Look Closer

    Fuck it. Repeal Obamacare. Fucking asshole Republicans. I fucking hate you.

    • HazooToo

      It is tempting to throw hands up and let them fuck the entire country while staying as far from the scene as humanly possible. But at the same time, doing that would actually condemn people to death. I seriously feel bad for our Dems in congress right now, for the hate they’re getting, but I feel proud that they’re not as easily fed up as we are. At this point, I would sooner gouge my own eyes out with a hot rusty coat hanger than vote Republican. Ever.

  • Jgb979

    “There are still 470 positions in the federal government that require Trump’s nomination and a Senate confirmation”

    Shhhhh no one tell him this
    We might make it out of here with only one Trumpist judge

    • Rick Hill

      So many open positions…so few unqualified campaign donors….

    • PubOption

      We might also have one Trappist judge.

  • Rick Hill

    Because the grift isn’t happening fast enough. Ivanka opens her own foundation and accepting check from foreign governments.Isyn.
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/ivanka-is-starting-her-own-foundation-and-is-accepting-checks-from-foreign-governments-report/

  • We ALWAYS need moar Fiona!

  • Chadwells

    Well…when we’re all dead, these evil cunts will have to start robbing and killing each other.

  • OddMan

    O Lordy Lordy Lordy, today’s Wonkagenda is a list of things so bad that any one of them would have brought down any rational government.
    We are becoming so immune to all the truly terrible things that are being foisted upon us, I feel the entire country is the frog in the pot of slowly boiling water.
    We are being cooked alive.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      And those are only the low points….

    • Look Closer

      That is not an exaggeration.

    • Rick Hill

      “…frog in the pot of slowly boiling water. ”
      Hardly an apt analogy. More like we are all being kept alive while our organs are being removed for resale.

    • laughingnome

      Stalin was described as a genius at dosing. Just gradually wearing down people until they were inured to his most outrageous crimes.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      This is happening because systematically, for more than 40 years–for longer than a lot of Americans have been alive, in fact, so that there are whole generations that have no memory of a better time–the Republican Party, subsidized by its powerful dark money donor base, has been taking us down this path.

      The men who own the Republican Party hate democracy. They have this in common with the industrialists and financiers who backed Hitler back in the 1930s: they weren’t “pro-Nazi,” necessarily, but they saw fascism as a means to an end, the end being the dismantling of the democratic state (the silencing through any means of union organizers and socialists was a bonus point).

      The assault on constitutional order and democratic governance in this country has been non-stop, certainly since Reagan won in 1980. The divide-and-conquer tactic of pitting us against each other by race, gender, region and faith has also been non-stop, and incredibly effective.

      Republicans, as it turns out, are really, really good at breaking things: and things once broken tend to stay broken.

    • nightmoth
  • Nounverb911
    • Look Closer

      It’s because he speaks is own God damned language. I swear, he is going to be the death of me.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I’d rather hear nails on a chalkboard that have listen to that stupid fuckin bastard bumpin’ his gums.

        • Look Closer

          Same. I never thought I would go insane during my lifetime. He has tested that.

          • vivian

            Probably not after either…

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Bill D. Burger
    • From Russia with Love

      Speaking “style?”

      • Phoenixdoglover

        They.still.don’t.get.it.

    • cmd resistor

      “There is a lot of repetition, building up patterns of trust with the listener, repetition of ‘you know,'”
      WTF? Patterns of Trust?

      • HazooToo

        The whole Patterns of Trust thing actually works better when the person using it already hasn’t given you over a hundred reasons NOT to fucking trust them.

    • Claire

      It might flummox linguists, but it doesn’t appear to flummox neurologists and gerontologists.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        And psychologist and psychiatrists.

  • Chadwells

    Dom…I could feel you struggle through this edition of Wonkagenda…it was equally difficult reading it and trying to have snarky input!

    • I’m in finals week and I had to look for bars w/o WiFi in my neighborhood. I dealt with a lot of very friendly European immigrants last night…and their beer…

      • Chadwells

        LOL!!! You do you, buddy!!

  • schmannity

    Trumpcare covers euthanasia? Great! I love the Peace Corps!

    • Me not sure

      ISWYDT

    • From Russia with Love

      And a landwaranasia.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Well looky who just joined the investigation…

    http://www.businessinsider.com/april-doss-will-join-senate-intelligence-committee-russia-investigation-2017-4

    Finally, a bit of good news for once.

    • Look Closer

      Maybe traitor Burr got the memo.

    • From Russia with Love

      “Hey, that’s cheating to hire smart people!”

  • Chadwells

    My wife broke me of the “c” word….but Dampnut and his cronies have made it impossible to quit it.

    Sorry.

    • DrBigHead

      I have always been of two minds about this. While I understand the resistance to the use of the “C” word, if I have reached the point where a profanity-laced screed is the only rational response, I want that screed to be as hurtful as possible.

      • From Russia with Love

        I try not to use it on close friends and family… but it does kinda have a punch to it.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Hmm – the ‘N’ word, the ‘C’ word – I can’t wait ’till all epithets and slurs are known only by their first letter. Eventually, the words they begin will be forgotten, and the former euphemism will carry the pejorative force of the original word. Whaddya think of that, you W-words?*

          *Wombats.

      • The Wanderer
    • schmannity

      I can’t quit you.

      –Broke C Mountain

    • nightmoth

      When I worked at a rape crisis center, a radical lesbian feminist gave me the okay to use the “C” word because (1) I might hear it from a rape victim, particularly a poor one, and (2) it originally derived from the name of some fertility goddess, according to my trainer. She also had a black belt in karate, so who was I to disagree?

      • Chadwells

        Good enough for me!!!!

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • cheetojeebus
  • Ghenghis McCann

    Some more news about Ivanka’s “overpriced tacky crap” from the Guardian:

    The president’s daughter’s fashion line has being sold with an ‘Adrienne Vittadini Studio’ label in the US discount chain Stein Mart. Sad …

    https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/shortcuts/2017/apr/25/why-ivanka-trump-designs-appearing-under-adrienne-vittadini-name

    • John Millar’s favorite

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      At the thrift store, they still have the original tags. I did buy one dress because it had pockets. It’s hard to find a dress with pockets. And I only paid $12, which was probably a stiff discount.

  • Look Closer
  • Look Closer

    Dear Media Pundits:

    Trump won with 25% of the vote. He did not win with a mandate. Treat him that way! And stop letting his talking heads say he got a mandate!!!! Stephanie Ruhle, I’m talking to you.

    • cmd resistor

      And please stop acting like he is the least bit normal.

      • mackafritz

        And stop acting like it’s the greatest thing ever when he says something normal.

        • Elvis Causticfellow

          Basically, just please stop.

    • nightmoth

      Thankew! I, too, am on high alert for the media trying to normalize this unprecedented “situation” and my anger button is getting mighty worn.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, god, talk to Glenn Thrush. Following yesterday’s brave contrarian credential Breitbart stand, today it’s everything Trump does is normal, since he won the election. I wonder if Clinton and Obama know?

  • Mary Sandoras
  • Look Closer
    • DrBigHead

      The grift, it is strong in this one….

    • cmd resistor

      I usually find pics of her just annoying because of who she is but she manages to look like she has more brains than her Disney villain brothers. But this pic has that same vacuous look that her father had in his younger days, a true yukky family resemblance. And FU for the foundation.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Thankfully, I got kittens!

        • cmd resistor

          I don’t have the kitten replacer on my work computer. Not that I read that article at work or anything.

  • FauxAntocles

    Apropos to nothing: modern humans have been around for ~40000 years, which is ~2000 generations so each if us has 2^2000 ancestors. That translates to 10^600; considerably more than the 10^10 people who have lived in that time. I figured some of them were doing double duty, but that’s ridiculous.
    Anybody see something wrong in how I got there?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Keep in mind the further back you go, the more ancestors we have in common.

      • FauxAntocles

        True, just wasn’t expecting 60 orders of magnitude…

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Yes – your original figure. I don’t see how you get 2 to the 2000th power ancestors. Btw, I think doesn’t take that .

      • FauxAntocles

        Yeah, I had to edit it…
        If I’m 2^0, my parents are 2^1, gps 2^2, ggps 2^3…
        Actually, now I’m thinking it’s more because the 2^2000 would only represent the 1st generation.
        Math is hard!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Some were doing more than double duty. 1 in 200 men are apparently direct descendants of Genghis Khan (no relation).http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/gnxp/2010/08/1-in-200-men-direct-descendants-of-genghis-khan/

      • FauxAntocles

        That you know of ;)

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I knew I had the blood of conquering Mongols in my veins! Must be why I’m sometimes grumpy before coffee in the morning.

      • The Wanderer

        He was a randy little bugger.

    • Trip Space-Parasite

      My understanding is that there was a severe population bottleneck about 70kya (modern humans actually date back about 200ky), so everyone alive today is descended from those few thousand or even few hundred humans.

      • FauxAntocles

        Ok, but what’s frying my brain today is that each of those ancestors is my ancestor billions and billions of times over.

        • Trip Space-Parasite

          I’m pretty sure that’s not the right way to conceive of it (imagine, as an alternative, that the Jesus freaks’ creation story was correct and humanity started with one breeding pair; would you say that each of them was your ancestor billions of times over?) but I’m not coming up with a better way to explain it.

          Mmmm, fried brains.

          • FauxAntocles

            We usually talk about the family tree with limbs and roots running along clearly defined paths, but after a few generations it becomes a web and after a few more it’s just a cloud. Just weird to have a new thought at my age.

          • Trip Space-Parasite

            Yes, a giant multidimensional web that expands and contracts throughout the ages! Which makes the “population bottleneck” metaphor visualize well.

    • Doug Langley

      I was told there would be no math. : (

    • Yr. Gma

      Inbreeding.

      • FauxAntocles

        That’s what I was afraid of.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    So His Fraudulency won’t even be at the all-Senate briefing on North Korea. He’s gonna be signing yet another EO (something called the “Education Federalism Executive Order”, which sounds ominous) and then hosting the “National Teacher of the Year” ceremony (yeah, I gagged too). He will “drop in” on the briefing, probably to get some photos looking like he’s taking it seriously.

    • I saw about this particular EO a few hours ago. It attempts to remove Federal responsibility for some or all school programs

      • HazooToo

        No more oversight on anything. All of Obama’s accomplishments undone or set to be sabotaged. All of our allies threatened, insulted, blamed, and disrespected. Make America Abandoned, Neglected, and Exploited again. I am so looking forward to taking the day off from this.

    • DrBigHead

      I think his absence is a good thing. Leave this to the grown ups. They haven’t let us down before…..

      >snark off<

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    PROTECTION – Jesus Hussein Christ, Pruitt, you moronic fuckweasel. the “P” in EPA stands for “PROTECTION.” How fucking hard is that to understand. I really hate these fuckers.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      He knows it’s “Protection.” The problem is, he thinks it’s “Environmental Protection Racket” — if the environment can’t pay upfront for it’s own protection, it just might have to get fucked up.

  • chortlingdingo

    Mike Cernovich is getting press credentials? Christ, we really have reached the end times.

    • HazooToo

      Got em and lost em in one day. Whined about it while taking his dog to the groomers on his ex-wife’s alimony money.

      • Rick Hill

        So…trump’s long lost illegitimate son?

        • HazooToo

          Anything is possible, these days.

  • Relativicus

    I think it’s horrible that The Left helped reanimate Coulter’s fetid corpse.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      You know i have never seen Coulter and Conway in the same room together…

      • Meliflaw

        Wow, a friend and I were discussing that just yesterday. What a plot for a dystopian novel.

  • Claire

    I think it’s safe to say the MAGA crowd isn’t going to be getting their jobs back if the UN slaps sanctions on us for human rights violations.

    • Yr. Gma

      Oh I hope they do! Then Donnie will try to evict them from NYC because he wants the real estate.

  • dshwa

    Fox news complimented Ivanka’s microphone holding and speaking technique, showing that they’ve learned absolutely zero from the Ailes and O’Riley episodes.

  • ziggywiggy

    Just let Coulter speak, actually find some place else to be. Let the area be empty, or maybe a dance party, but make it fun and silly. That would be a much bigger statement about what people think of her(and give a lot less ammo to trumpers who claim the left isn’t tolerant). She should be turned into nothing, kind of like blocking a troll on FB. They can be hard to ignore but once you’ve blocked them they just fade away.

    • The Wanderer

      Give her a place to speak.
      With a laugh track machine.

    • Why is it that the right has a right to speak at “liberal places” but you never see them all up in arms about Liberty U denying say, Planned Parenthood any equal time?
      But we should be tolerant of them and let them speak. Because they HAVE to speak where they are not wanted, instead of on any given street corner. Because they have the right. No one else does, but they do, apparently.

      • ziggywiggy

        But I don’t think there’s really many conservative places where liberals would want to give speeches or talks. Coulter WANTS violence, wants fires and overturned cars, so either let her speak and find an alternative way to protest or give her what she wants. I myself prefer seeing super snarky signs and a really happy fun dance party, or the thought of her showing up and no one is there, that would really fuck with her head.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          The dance party in front of Ivanka and I bought it at Jared’s place had the neighbors joining. I especially loved the woman in the fur with a glass of wine.

      • Claire

        Because being tolerant and reaching out to the other side is somehow always and only the responsibility of liberals. The side that actually wants to suppress everyone’s rights, violently for preference, is universally acknowledged to have a get out of empathy free card.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Because denying you your voice or your rights is about religious freedom, which is obviously different from the hateful liberal intolerance which is destroying free speech in America.

    • ThatDale

      Have the university radio station play funky dance music; everyone tune in via app and headphones; party down! No noise, just people dancing weirdly to silence and ignoring that person.

  • HazooToo

    Additional cute, if the hippo is not enough. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3o5pkOSgwc

    • VirginiaLady

      Wish our raccoons did housework. Ours just sit out back, stealing our wifi and and emptying our bank accounts buying candied fruit and beef jerky. Who told them about Prime??

      • Yr. Gma

        Raccoons are very smart. I knew someone whose “pet” took the door off the refrigerator on the hinge side.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    I’m getting so fucking tired of these assholes who say “He’s becoming presidential” whenever the stupid son of a bitch says or does something that is minimally competent. If a brutal asshole kept a neglected puppy chained up in a shed in his back yard, would you smile and say “he’s becoming a responsible pet owner” if he opened the door and tossed in some kibble and a bowl of water? No you fucking wouldn’t. So cut the bullshit.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      ^this^. Bravo.

    • Bitter Scribe

      It’s a matter of balance. They slag on him so often for all the stupid shit he says and does every single day that they feel they have to give him that “presidential” thing every now and then so they won’t be accused of being biased against him (like they’re not accused anyway).

      In other words, it’s a concentrated, distilled version of the media’s approach to conservative Republicans in general, for the last 35 years at least.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Man, WTF is it with UC Berkeley bringing in the most obnoxious wingnuts they can find to speak? Do they have a Department of Trolling or something?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      It’s not the university. It’s the conservative student group. They’re the assholes.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    I have lived in Washington for many moons and I am just NOW hearing about the expansive sex dungeons??!!!! Thanks Wonkette — I will be back in the Fall.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender
  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Openly gay Pennsylvania state rep was trolled, so he called the dude’s grandmother. Grandmother’s number was listed on his FB account. Nana is sad, too.
    https://www.queerty.com/rep-brian-sims-totally-trolled-antigay-troll-internet-living-20170426?utm_source=notification&utm_medium=push&utm_campaign=onesignal

    • Yr. Gma

      Do not get Gramma involved. That troll is in for some serious scolding and/or disappointed head shaking every Thanksgiving from now until Gramma goes to the big kitchen in the sky.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Spoken like a true Gramma.

  • aureolaborealis

    Anne Coulter will descend from Castle Greyskull to address her five or six minions at U.C. Berkeley (and sell some books), and local officials are bracing for riots.

    Somebody watch to see whether the ‘Black Bloc’ crew gets out of the other side of Anne’s limo while the cameras are on her.

  • Internet Hitler

    SAVANNAH GUTHRIE: Do you believe in raising taxes on the wealthy?
    TRUMP: I do. I do. Including myself. I do.

    #TrumpLies

  • Meliflaw

    Nope, the original nasty woman now claims she is not gracing our favorite rad town because the university there is so thuggish and so full of Nobel laureates and other snobbish elites who hate freedom of speech and thought. Whew–thank you, Athena or whoever. Now the activists who actually live here can get back to peaceful resistance of the un-president (assuming A.C.’s brick-totin’ minions don’t decide to invade in her place).

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