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POPPY’S UP, Y’ALL! AND HE’S READY TO RUMBLE!

The strategy of shit-talking judges is paying off BIGLY for the Trump administration, so it’s time for some more crazy. Let’s start with accusing San Francisco of “judge shopping” by bringing suit in … San Francisco, and work our way backwards through the newest “Your Bullshit Executive Order Is Illegal” Injunction.

But first, a little inflammatory rhetoric from your friend Sean Spicer.

San Francisco, and cities like it, are putting the well-being of criminal aliens before the safety of our citizens, and those city officials who authored these policies have the blood of dead Americans on their hands. This San Francisco judge’s erroneous ruling is a gift to the criminal gang and cartel element in our country, empowering the worst kind of human trafficking and sex trafficking, and putting thousands of innocent lives at risk.

Oh, Spicey! You never disappoint.

Remember When Bannon Had Power and He Wrote All Those Gonzo Executive Orders?

On January 25, newby President Donald Trump signed an Executive Order “Enhancing Public Safety in the Interior of the United States.” He was very GRRRRRR ANGRY because his electoral college win was yuuuuge, so hating immigrants is obviously the law now.

Sanctuary jurisdictions across the United States willfully violate Federal law in an attempt to shield aliens from removal from the United States.  These jurisdictions have caused immeasurable harm to the American people and to the very fabric of our Republic.

Since then, evil leprechaun Jeff Sessions has been hovering menacingly over coastal cities, threatening to take away all their lucky charms if they don’t hand over the “aliens” pronto. Or at least the brown ones. But then California cities said, COME AND TAKE IT. Only they pronounced it Complaint for Declarative and Injunctive Relief in the case of County of Santa Clara v. Donald J. Trump, et al, because they are elite liberals.

Yesterday, Judge William Orrick issued a nationwide injunction on enforcing the Executive Order and a walloping smackdown of Trump and his big fat mouth. It is glorious! Let’s Lawsplore!!!

We Can Hear You! If You Plan to Break the Law, Don’t Announce It on Television (You Fucking Moron)!

Hanging out on teevee with your best pussgrabbin’ pals is almost as fun as golfing. Tweeting the latest Fox arglebargle is also an important presidential job. But then courts ruin it by citing your THE BEST words as evidence of your actual intent. Which is NO FAIR ACTIVIST JUDGES!!!

Government attorneys had the unenviable job of arguing that Trump’s Executive Order should be held separate from all the crazy shit Trump said about it. But Judge Orrick was all LOLOLOL! Since most of the injunction rests on Section 9(a) of the EO, let’s dive right into it.

(a)  In furtherance of this policy, the Attorney General and the Secretary, in their discretion and to the extent consistent with law, shall ensure that jurisdictions that willfully refuse to comply with 8 U.S.C. 1373 (sanctuary jurisdictions) are not eligible to receive Federal grants, except as deemed necessary for law enforcement purposes by the Attorney General or the Secretary.  The Secretary has the authority to designate, in his discretion and to the extent consistent with law, a jurisdiction as a sanctuary jurisdiction.  The Attorney General shall take appropriate enforcement action against any entity that violates 8 U.S.C. 1373, or which has in effect a statute, policy, or practice that prevents or hinders the enforcement of Federal law.

Looks like a naked threat to withhold all federal dollars from cities who don’t want to hand people over to ICE, right? Unless you are the government lawyer tasked with arguing before Judge Orrick. In which case, you march right up there with a straight face and say:

  1. This Order only applies to funds granted by the Department of Justice and Homeland Security. Why would you think Donald Trump is talking about Medicaid and Education dollars? OMG, NO!; and
  2. This EO is just the president using his “bully pulpit” to encourage States to comply with the law. Because he cares about the citizens of Santa Clara. Threaten? Who’s threatening?

EXCEPT…you’ll never guess who went on Bill O’Reilly’s Grope-n-Grab Hour to talk about using federal funds as a “weapon” against sanctuary cities.

I don’t want to defund anybody. I want to give them the money they need to properly operate as a city or a state. If they’re going to have sanctuary cities, we may have to do that. Certainly that would be a weapon. […] I’m very much opposed to sanctuary cities. They breed crime. There’s a lot of problems. If we have to we’ll defund, we give tremendous amounts of money to California . . . California in many ways is out of control.

On February 5. Nine days after he signed the “sanctuary cities” order.

Bad news, Pops. THE JUDGE HAS CABLE.

With regards to the merits of the Government’s construction, the Order is not readily susceptible to the Government’s narrow interpretation.

Article 1: Separation of Powers

The president is a powerful guy, but not as powerful as his buddy Vlad. That part in the Constitution assigning federal spending powers to Congress is kind of a big thing. Trump can veto a budget, but he can’t rescind any funds or place conditions on disbursement. (Or pass 9th grade Civics, apparently.) WEAK!

The Order’s attempt to place new conditions on federal funds is an improper attempt to wield Congress’s exclusive spending power and is a violation of the Constitution’s separation of powers principles.

Ouch. Good thing you stopped letting Bannon draft those orders!

Fifth Amendment: Due Process

Laws aren’t supposed to sneak up on you. A competent legislator would never say, “Don’t be a sanctuary city!” without spelling out exactly what that means. But whichever flunky on Team Bannon drafted this order is neither “competent” nor a “legislator.” So, Trump’s January 27 EO gave Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly discretion to call out “sanctuary cities” and yank their federal funding at will.

On February 10, San Diego’s police chief asked Kelly directly for the definition of a “sanctuary city.” And he responded, “I don’t have a clue.” Nevertheless, the administration was threatening to claw back money already allocated to blue states scofflaws if he stared into the Magic Hate Ball and SANCTUARY CITY floated up.

If the Secretary has unbounded discretion to designate “sanctuary jurisdictions” but has no idea how to define that term, states and local jurisdictions have no hope of deciphering what conduct might result in an unfavorable “sanctuary jurisdiction” designation. […]

It does not direct the Attorney General or Secretary to provide “sanctuary jurisdictions” with any notice of an unfavorable designation or impending cut to funding. And it does not set up any administrative or judicial procedure for states and local jurisdictions to be heard, to challenge enforcement action, or to appeal any action taken against them under the Order. This complete lack of process violates the Fifth Amendment’s due process requirements.

Tenth Amendment: STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE

The Tenth Amendment forbids the federal government from conscripting states to carry out federal laws. Because of this, courts have consistently held that states cannot be required to help Immigration and Customs Enforcement to deport their residents.

Until 2009, Santa Clara County voluntarily coordinated with ICE to hold an average of 135 people in its jails every day, at a daily cost of $159 per person. ¡Tantos pesos! The Obama administration refused to reimburse Santa Clara for any of these funds, so the County stopped complying in 2010.

Now, being a Constitutional scholar, Donald Trump knows well that he can’t tell cities how to use their police forces. But he’s just saying, it would be really sad if something happened to the 35 percent of Santa Clara’s budget that depends on federal funds. Not that he would ever threaten…

The Executive Order attempts to use coercive methods to circumvent the Tenth Amendment’s direct prohibition against conscription. While the federal government may incentivize states to adopt federal programs voluntarily, it cannot use means that are so coercive as to compel their compliance. The Executive Order’s threat to pull all federal grants from jurisdictions that refuse to honor detainer requests or to bring “enforcement action” against them violates the Tenth Amendment’s prohibitions against commandeering.

Dammit!

Karma’s a Bitch

Remember back in 2010 when President Obama was drunk with power and tried to force states to set up their own healthcare exchanges and expand Medicaid so poors would die a little less? Remember how a bunch of patriotic Republican governors stood up against totalitarianism and sued for their right to deprive their own citizens of healthcare? Remember how the Court said that the Obama administration COULD NOT coerce states to comply with the ACA by withholding federal funds?

TG we had those principled men standing up for the Spending Clause we all hold so dear!

In 2012, the Supreme Court held that the federal government could not withhold Medicaid funding to coerce states to expand eligibility. Nat’l Fed. of Indep. Bus. v. Sebelius (“NFIB”),132 S. Ct. 2566,(2012) And yesterday, Judge Orrick cited NFIB when he told the government to GET FUCKED with its threats to withhold money unless states start handing over their residents for deportation.

Legislation that “coerces a State to adopt a federal regulatory system as its own” “runs contrary to our system of federalism.” States must have a “legitimate choice whether to accept the federal conditions in exchange for federal funds.” In NFIB, the Supreme Court concluded that the Affordable Care Act’s threat of denying Medicaid funds, which constituted over 10 percent of the State’s overall budget, was unconstitutionally coercive and represented a “gun to the head.” The Executive Order threatens to deny sanctuary jurisdictions all federal grants, hundreds of millions of dollars on which the Counties rely. The threat is unconstitutionally coercive. [Citations omitted.]

Sad!

And the Horse You Rode In On!

Judge Orrick noted several other ways this EO is hilariously, amateurishly illegal. As Trump himself would say, “Very, very bad. The worst.” The Judge opined that the president might educate himself on the difference between his “right to use the bully pulpit to encourage his policies” and actual factual lawmaking. Also, he told the government to shove said order up its ass in all fifty states.

The Government argues that, if an injunction is issued, it should be issued only with regards to the plaintiffs and should not apply nationwide. But where a law is unconstitutional on its face, and not simply in its application to certain plaintiffs, a nationwide injunction is appropriate.

So, a very good morning to you, California! Thanks for standing up to the Lunatic in Chief. We owe you one!

[Executive Order / Santa Clara v Trump, all docs available at court website / Pool Notes from John Kelly’s Feb. 5 Press Conference]

Who’s going to wade through four years of these facacta cases? We are. So don’t forget to tip your servers!

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  • memzilla Ω

    “Save us, Obi Cal Iforny, you’re our only hope.”

  • Oblios_Cap

    Sounds like L’il Donnie is having himself a good old-fashioned ragegasm.

    • Ezio

      How ironic he and his supporters pride themselves on the constitution but they always violate it.

      • jesterpunk

        Remember how awful it was to have a President who was a Constitutional lawyer and actually tried to help people with his policies?

  • Ezio
  • elviouslyqueer

    But first, a little inflammatory rhetoric from your friend Sean Spicer.

    Oh me please for the summary of Cinnamon Mento Spice’s speechifying.

    *ahem*

    “Bullshit bullshit bullshit outright lie fucking lie more bullshit pissy interjection another outright fucking lie some egregious bullshittery lie lie lie RAGE podium throwing bullshit bullshit. FIN.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      (Revs up his Segway podium and aims at the front row of the WHPC)

      • kareemachan

        Of which Breitfart will no longer be part of…

  • jesterpunk

    So theoretically if Trump could withhold funding from California could California withhold its money that it sends to the federal government? Considering California already sends more money then it gets back it would be funny if California decided to stop paying, it would hurt those moocher red states that get back way more then they send.

    • Chadwells

      California Border Tax!!!!

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Beat me to it by a few seconds

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    And on that 80% overturn rate for the Ninth Circuit, Snopes would like to have a quiet word with you, Donnie. http://www.snopes.com/ninth-circuit-court-most-overturned/

    Among the less than one tenth of one percent of circuit court decisions reviewed by the Supreme Court, about 80 percent of the Ninth Circuit Court’s decisions were overturned. The Supreme Court neither reviewed nor overturned eighty percent of Ninth Circuit Court’s decisions.

    • jowgajen

      Poooooosssssibly because the Supremes are busy and don’t’ take cases that don’t look likely to have something to say about them.

  • jesterpunk
  • Lefty Frizzell

    Does California being a net contributor to the federal budget make the withholding of federal funds a tad impractical – can’t they just reciprocate and come out the winner?

  • Chadwells

    Dampnut got some “easy D” up his ass.

  • Nounverb911

    Is it too late for California to secede?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Nobody knew lawing was so complicated.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I was getting used to Trump’s Twitter tantrums but after reading this I all of a sudden realized how unprecedented this is. Not even a Zimbabwe saw such disrespect to fellow members of government. Yes they disappeared but at least the plan wasn’t announced on goddamn twitter.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Poor Donny. CA hasn’t shown him any luv’ huh? Best time was when he fled his limo and waddled down the side street to get into the CA GOP convention to avoid mean ol’ protesters.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xrYLuMPhgqU/maxresdefault.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hell, even OJ did better than that!

  • Chadwells

    Just like this moron to bring a knife to a gun fight.

    • Nounverb911

      I read that as “Bring a moron to a gun fight”.

      • Chadwells

        That works too!!!

  • Nounverb911

    “How dare some place that used to belong to Mexico say what we can or can’t do in Amerikkka?”
    –Jeff Sessions

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Poor Donald. He’s treated so unfairly by his intellectual, legal, and moral betters.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Princess Tiny Meat:

    Here. Let me hand your ass to you legal style. Hope you can find it with your tiny, Mini-Me fingers.

    No love,

    Judge William Orrick, Head Motherfucker What Really In Charge

    • cmd resistor

      But wait, I saw a FOX headline about how this judge contributed to Obama or something something, although I refused to read it.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Enclosed: Please find one (1) map and one (1) flashlight.

  • I like this Constitutional ‘spanering. Very useful and much easier to digest than The Federalist Papers

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      All any proper conservative judge needs is a bible, a copy of The Federalist, and Black’s Law Dictionary.

      • I’m just gonna go back to the Hamilton soundtrack, like the filthy libtart i am

        • Persistent Demme

          Ugh!
          I blame that (wonderful) show for Mr. Demme’s tries at “rapping.”

  • MizzMazz

    I love my State.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      We up north love it too, just as long as you people stay in your state! :P

      • MizzMazz

        Snarfle. I remember seeing those bumper stickers, ‘Welcome to Oregon/Washington – now go home.” We have our faults too, driving up property values for one, and that big on on San Andreas

        • Villago Delenda Est

          We’ve got that stupid subduction zone off the coast that is going to slip some day and turn us all into jello.

    • Chadwells
  • memzilla Ω

    It’s the figurative equivalent of a judge dropping trou / hiking dress and peeing on top of Lord Dampnut’s head! Which, btw, I would pay good ameros to see.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I know all secessionists are considered to be un-practical, extremist loonies, but in this case wouldn’t a credible threat of it be pretty fine leverage? USA sans CA is yoogely more fucked than vice versa. I’d apply for a passport tomorrow.

    It’s a big subject I know. About half-joking.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Cascadia Rulz!

      • kareemachan

        Ecotopia!

    • jesterpunk

      Well California by itself is the 6th largest economy in the world. I think they would be fine by themselves.

      http://www.reuters.com/article/us-california-economy-idUSKCN0Z32K2

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I’ve been saying it for awhile. West coast secession. Self determination is s unversal human right. Let the glorious Red States fly their freak freely.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      I’ve been saying since the election–and like you, only half joking–CA has the 6th largest economy in the world–ranked with other countries, not states, and with a GDP higher than Russia, Italy, France, and if we left, we’d probably have a larger economy than the United States.

      CA provides the rest of the country, and the world, with the source code for its internet, virtually all the websites people commonly use (FB, Twitter, YouTube, etc). We invented the iPhone. We create all the movies, TV, internet content, and videogames for the rest of the country/world. Star Wars? Pixar movies? Created, written, directed, produced, financed and distributed by Californians. (I got into a crazy argument with an idiot on FB once who seemed to think “anyone can make movies, and they shoot them everywhere, so it’s NOT all California”).

      We grow most of the produce. All those goods from China–which include most of the components for everything “made in USA”–all come through our ports. We sent a fucking spaceship to fucking MARS.

      It’s existentially enraging to be dragged back into medieval-level ignorance by racist, nateful moron backwoods yokels in some tiny rural patch in Alabama or Wyoming. I read recently that “there are only two escalators in the entire state of Wyoming.” Yet their vote in the electoral college counted for something like eight times the vote from California. TWO ESCALATORS! The state with TWO ESCALATORS IS DECIDING POLICY! The people who only have electricity to begin with because of a Democratic president back in the 1940s, and who continue to have safe drinking water, safe food supplies, safe bank accounts, cars that don’t explode, police, fire, hospitals, and even paved roads because of our tax dollars.

      I say we join with Oregon and Washington and have a nice left-coast country. And I’m sure not only Mexico but Canada would be glad to help build a wall between us and the rest of the U.S. Again, I am only half-joking.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Got it. If California secedes, where does California get the water to grow crops in the desert?

        • kareemachan

          Well, if they didn’t grow water-intensive crops, it probably wouldn’t be a big problem.

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          From Northern California

        • Left Coast Tom

          Most of California’s water drains from its own mountains, San Francisco Bay is a giant estuary taking in water from the Shasta area and much of the Sierra Nevada – the southern San Joaquin Valley is entirely interior drainage fed by the rest of the Sierra.

          Only the Imperial Valley, and San Diego area, rely upon water draining from elsewhere, and that flows down the Colorado River, to which California would have rights anyway, as does Mexico.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    This EO is just the president using his “bully pulpit” to encourage States to comply with the law. Because he cares about the citizens of Santa Clara. Threaten? Who’s threatening?

    This is the sort of defense I expect to see in a mob trial. Not a case in federal court involving the President’s executive power.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Oh, Teddy’s “bully pulpit” – “Charge!”……………………back up the stairs, donald….

    • Left Coast Tom

      You really should read the order, it’s hilarious! What this is about is…the Trumpanzees didn’t even try to defend the Constitutionality of the EO. One of their arguments was that Courts are supposed to narrowly construe laws (which the EO is not, as the Judge pointed out, but he went with this anyway) if necessary to avoid a finding of unconstitutionality. So, the EO should be construed as simply requiring whatever the law requires anyway – in other words, the EO is basically null and void, or as the Judge termed it, “self-cancelling”.

      Further, a more subtle dig in the “Conclusion”…the judge basically pointed out that his order doesn’t change anything the government claimed in their arguments anyway, and further that the order doesn’t prevent the government from defining terms like “sanctuary city” which the EO never bothered to define.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    This EO is just the president using his “bully pulpit”…

    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

  • beavertank

    While this ruling is, without a doubt, great it doesn’t fix the deeper DoJ and DHS problem faced by an awful lot of immigrants and those who would help them.

    The Sessions memo prioritizing enforcement of 8 USC 1324 (the relevant part is “harboring aliens without immigration status”), which is a five year felony, is aimed directly at churches and others who want to try to protect those without status from ICE and DHS’s new “deport ’em all” approach to enforcement.

    And DHS’s new “everyone is a priority” prioritization system for removal means that people who shouldn’t have any reason to fear, like people who are in the middle of a spousal green card process, are suddenly finding themselves arrested and in removal proceedings.

    This ruling is barely a bandaid on top of the awful policies the Trump administration and his bigoted underlings are still being allowed to put into full force.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      ICE is the American Gestapo.

      • beavertank

        Absolutely. And filled to the brim with all manner of racists and bigots. Who are also, usually, kind of idiots.

        It’s the perfect storm of hateful people with power that has little to no oversight and few constitutional protections for the people they target.

  • Nounverb911
    • Look Closer

      Deep, dark, sadness. :-(

    • Very much.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      :( RIP.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Let’s see. Jonathan Demme vs. Michael Bay as a director. Who would you hire for an intense psychological thriller?

      • The Wanderer

        I would hire Bay, only if the script required the villain to explode spectacularly at the exact end of the movie.

  • janecita

    I wonder, how long the United States would survive, if every blue state stopped sending money to the federal government?

    • Chadwells

      Can we just go ahead and do that now, please?

      • janecita

        I wish we could! Let Alabama and Mississippi pay the tab for once.

        • Look Closer

          Don’t forget KY and WV either.

          • janecita

            All the red states can pool their money together. That would keep the government afloat for at least a month.

          • That sounds insanely optimistic

          • janecita

            Well, Texas is a red state. I’m assuming that they would be giving most of the money.

          • Texas takes the least for its people, but is right up there with taking plenty of Fed money for its governments- both states and locals, and not just in cases of natural disaster
            (though they do have those, and I do not begrudge them the nickels they get for it neither).
            Short order: Texas is a taker state, also.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Wouldn’t that be funnily ironical. Texas unhappily supporting its Red Brethren, for another half decade or so til even Texas turns blue.

          • gastonb

            Except passing those red trucker hats around for donations won’t get you much besides some old chips from the trumpaloon casinos.

          • Contemplative Ron

            One of the short months, anyway.

          • janecita

            I’m thinking February.

          • calliecallie

            Don’t forget the KY! A common refrain.

    • Anna Rompage

      They would go back to living like it was the 50s again… The 1850s that is…

      • janecita

        They would love that!

        • Beanz&Berryz

          0% Black unemployment.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Right? The most infuriating thing about these dickwads threatening not to send “federal funds” to us here in California, for example, is that a really, really large fucking percentage of those federal funds are OUR FUCKING DOLLARS. It truly becomes taxation without representation, and I deeply resent paying it.

    • Persistent Demme

      California: 6th largest economy.
      In. The. World.

  • calliecallie

    “A competent legislator.” That’s almost an oxymoron.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They exist, but they all have that telltale D behind their names.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      well they demonstrate a degree of competency in fund raising and occasionally baby kissing.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sing it, Cally!

      • Judithrmoore

        My last paycheck was $22500 for working 12 hours a week online.Start earning $97/hour by working online from your home for few hours each day with GOOGLE… Get regular payments on weekly basis… All you need is a computer, internet connection and a litte free time… Read more here
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  • Mpeg

    Trumpy thinks if he tweets over & over his fingers will build muscle and his hands will swell with manliness. Someone should let him know this nonstop tapping on his iDevice will make them even shorter and stubbier.

  • calliecallie

    The Constitution, how does it work?

    • schmannity

      So far, so good.

    • snark-lurker

      this SC(R)OTUS will “deconstruct” the Constitution one hearing at a time

  • schmannity

    Is this what Ted Cruz meant when he referred to Trump’s New York values? I was not aware that New York, as they say in the South, is eat up with dumbass.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Those bright lights on Broadway have a second purpose.

  • gastonb

    ‘Nya-nya-ne-nya-nya,’ Putin Puppet!

    • Jack Rogue Tenhet

      “I’m not the- You’re the puppet!

  • Nounverb911
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Guess who’s going to play for Cleveland next year!

      • Nounverb911
        • Zippy W Pinhead

          naw, Da Bears picked him up

          • The Wanderer

            From Football Heaven, Papa Bear Halas looks down and weeps.

      • Alan

        They’re planning on having another season?

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Due to unforeseen circumstances the 2017-18 will begin as scheduled.

          • Alan

            Couldn’t sell it off probably.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    On February 10, San Diego’s police chief asked Kelly directly for the definition of a “sanctuary city.” And he responded, “I don’t have a clue.”

    “We don’t know what they’re doing, but they’re doing something bad, that’s for sure!!!”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a65ff6fb22465fe4de3383495bc8a0bb530469ed043d9ec7c569662abbefc60e.jpg

    • Nounverb911

      Any city Melania is hiding in?

  • BadKitty904

    Who woulda thought that California would be the last, surviving remnant of America?

    • Marsupial99

      After we tossed the Republicans out of the legislature, we realized what the problem had been!

      • BadKitty904

        Now, if we could just do that with Congress…

    • bobbert

      Well, maybe those of us who have lived here for a while. This is actually bad timing for the Rs; we currently have a supermajority (which here means greater than 2/3) in both houses of the lege, and I have the notion that Moonbeam is aching to kick some ass.

      • BadKitty904

        Ask him not to overdo it, just yet. The rest of us may need to flee there before long.

  • anwisok

    I’m torn. Should I dance and sing over how totally the Judge crushed this EO, or shall I scream and throw things over the infuriating, hateful intent of the EO?

  • Jack Rogue Tenhet

    “States rights. . . Unless we don’t agree with said state, in which case we’ll see you in court!”– Cons.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Thus it ever was…particularly with the Fugitive Slave Act

      • Jack Rogue Tenhet

        I know, I just can’t stomach such blatantly inconsistent rhetoric.

  • Crystalclear12

    Thank you, California.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    $5F gives good teaches in the morning.

    • Shanzgood

      I was just thinking that! Nice job, eh?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        A sweet mix of substance, snark, and naughty words. Plus also too legal citations. I like her a lot!

  • San Fran to ICE: Boot straps, bitches, stop being such lazy moochers and do your own ICING of people, we gots better things to spend our ameros on.
    Fucking karma, love it.

  • Jack Rogue Tenhet

    I did love $5F’s leprechaun metaphor. She framed the gag and went with it. Great piece of writing, once again.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    So, Putin is trying to get California to secede, and California is trying to make the US a nation?……huh.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      So. What was ever Russia’s strategic interest in the west coast of North America? (There is an answer)

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I think more that Putin just wants to destabilize and weaken the West and NATO countries and is using the tools at his disposal…

        • Beanz&Berryz

          So Putin can have … Germany? Ukraine? California? I’m willing to risk that western allies together can be enough of a pain in the ass that Russia won’t drive tanks into Germany. Or it’s one aircraft carrier to San Francisco. And for my own personal self, that risk is worth it to be rid of red state Pluto-theocratic governance.

          • Contemplative Ron

            He wouldn’t need tanks. The idea is to install governments friendly towards Russia, and if he can’t, weaken them so that they can’t oppose what he DOES accomplish. Why fight when you can get them to surrender even before the shooting starts?

          • Beanz&Berryz

            So how does a reasonable West Coast America counter-weight to a Russian Puppet Republican States of America further weaken Liberal Democracies? Name one Republican politician of significance who is actually pushing to investigate/out Trump’s collusion with, or help from, Russia. In the absence of a plurality of significant Republican’s, the Republican States of America have stopped being a meaningful counter-weight to Russian adventurism. Oh, and a counter-productive war of idiocy with North Korea doesn’t further Liberal Democratic security anywhere, either.

            The Republicans decided the American Experiment was a waste when they decided to game voting rights and legislative districting everywhere they could. If Russian scare-mongering is the only reason the rest of us should put up with Republican games, then there really isn’t any innate reason with this national experiment needs to be dragged out.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Sea otters. Well. Just their fur. That’s it. With most otters gone now, we’re safe from the Russians.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Fort Ross.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Sea otter furs. Fort Ross was the collection depot.

    • Thaumaturgist

      If California refuses to secede, can we expel California?

      • kareemachan

        There goes a bunch of wine. You might want to rethink this.

        • zerosumgame0005

          most of the almonds and avocados and other stuff too!

          • Persistent Demme

            One time, my CA uncle wanted to have a dinner party using only foods that start with “A” from CA.
            Let’s see…almonds, avocados, abalone, apricots, artichokes, asparagus…

          • Left Coast Tom

            I know of two wineries in CA that make wine from the Aglianico grape.

          • bobbert

            Are you here in the reddish foothills? Because I know Gianelli makes a fine Aglianico, and Inner Sanctum an interesting Albarino.

          • Left Coast Tom

            I live in the Bay Area, but…thanks for the Gianelli recommendation! The two Aglianico makers I knew of were Rock Wall and Heringer (and they’re from the same vineyard – Heringer’s). That one’s rare.

            Albarino’s not so rare in CA, but…Inner Sanctum…I haven’t explored Sierra wineries south of Murphys, perhaps I should do so. Thanks.

          • H0mer0

            [one of the previous inhabitants of the Co-op I lived in suggested to a hearing-impaired young man he befriended that telling a girl that you have abalone in your room was a no miss pick-up line]

    • Left Coast Tom

      So, Putin is trying to get California to secede, and California is trying to make the US a nation?

      Joint Statement from CA’s Senate and Assembly Leaders, the day after the election…closed with the following:

      California was not a part of this nation when its history began, but we are clearly now the keeper of its future.

      • H0mer0

        [that would give me a woody if I had wood]

  • Jack Rogue Tenhet

    Let’s all sing that familiar refrain, “Take his twitter away!”

    • timpundit

      No way. His twitter is causing him more harm that it is helping him.

      • dshwa

        Yeah. Keep him talking and typing.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    is California even a state?

    • Jack Rogue Tenhet

      Never heard of it. I think it’s where Mountain Time exists.

      • zerosumgame0005

        NO NO NO! not MT!!!!!!!

    • Anna Rompage

      From what I hear, it’s just a soon to be island somewhere out in the pacific…

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Yes, but New Mexico is still being debated.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      It’s more of a state of mind than anything, really.

    • just_jim

      If not, Californians have been sending hundreds of Billions of dollars to DC for nothing.

  • calliecallie

    Hay! To be fair, is our Preznit learnin’? He was at least clever enough this time to say “see you in the Supreme Court.”

    • Opalescent Riddles

      That’s only because he knows a guy there.

  • Rick Hill

    How’s about someone ask trump if he will ever ever, pinky swear to not stomp on state’s rights? You know it wouldn’t be special, he’d break that promise like all the rest.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Pssst, Donnie. This wasn’t a ruling by the ninth circuit court, you idjit

    • I wanna know if that 80% overturned crap is right or not.
      Can’t seem to find anything concrete not from a wingnut site.

      • kareemachan

        Check Snopes. They have it snoped out.

      • Internet Hitler

        Only .01% of rulings went to SC.

      • dshwa

        80% of the 0.01% of the rulings reviewed were overturned. So .008% I think is the math.

      • zerosumgame0005

        about as real as the bombing of a deserted (warned by Trump!) air base in Syria destroyed 20% of their planes or whatever

      • bobbert

        As usual, it depends. The Supremes hear about 100 cases a year, total. The Ninth Circuit disposes of 3,000 to 10,000 cases per year. Pretty obviously, the Supremes mostly deal with complicated cases.

        And indeed, they tend to overturn around 79% of these cases from the Ninth, because for most of my lifetime, the SCOTUS has been ideologically locked into a very conservative position.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        It’s not

  • I’m enjoying the fact that the judicial branch seems to be separating itself from AG Sessions and his Dept of Vengeance.

  • Swampay

    I’m starting to have hope that the system will, in fact, protect us.

    • Contemplative Ron

      Don’t get too hopeful, but this does help quiet the worst of today’s stomach tremors.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Let’s see what kind of convolutions Gorsuch goes through to find the EO constitutional.

    • Stranded Devonian Lungfish

      I read that as “convulsions,” which I think works, also too.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Grand malfeasance or petit malfeasance?

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Petit malseizance.

    • Internet Hitler

      “The Founding Fathers who wrote our Holy Constitution did not recognize California as a state. And therefore…”

  • The Wanderer

    “Criminal aliens,” Sean Sphincter?
    The Slitheen?

  • VomitFreeSince’93

    I see somebody is still mad at California for making him lose his Miss Popularity title.

  • Jgb979

    “First the Ninth Circuit rules against the ban”

    Sooooooooooo it is a ban?

    Our special special big boy president might not be so smart in the brain hole

    • Sophia

      I was wondering about that as well. This has had so many twists and turns I can’t remember if it wasn’t a ban or wasn’t a Muslim ban.

      • Contemplative Ron

        I think this one was a Messican ban.

  • William
  • William
    • Doug Langley

      “What’s all this I hear about ill eagles? I think eagles are wonderful birds! They’re our national bird. They’re patriotic! Someone should get on this and give them some medicine!”

    • Alan

      I’m pretty sure stupid non-immigrants have ruined her schools.

    • Contemplative Ron

      I’m confused. Is she the illeaGAL?

  • Kenni Kuhlmann-Clark

    Lookup “pre-enactment anxiety” or “pre-enforcement anxiety” disorder or condition….. That’s apparenlty the basis of the blocking of the Executive Order… By the Judge-activist (I had heard he is a Prez Obama appointee, but have not researched it yet)

    • Marsupial99

      This can’t be a serious comment, can it? Is it just a comment for the sake of commenting? 3 weasel words/phrases in one short paragraph (“apparently,” “I had heard,” & “(I) have not researched it yet.”) and a call for everyone else to do research (“Lookup…”).

    • Professor Fate

      He’s a Judge. A judge activist is not a real thing.
      The basis of blocking the order is pretty well laid out in the article above. sure it has big words and is logical and stuff but give it a try.
      And were you abducted by aliens? I only ask because your post stops mid-sentence.

    • HazooToo

      “Trump’s Greatest Accomplishment in First 100 Days: Preventing Hillary
      Clinton From Winning! …. I’d vote for him again — just for that!”

      You may want to leave. We don’t, and will never, share your views.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Your entire comment appears unresearched…

      You could read the decision of course, I have…it’s great, which is what I thought your Trump-Hero wanted to make America.

      The closest I can get to your argle-bargle…Trump’s EO facially threatened to withhold Federal funds (worded that way because the DoJ claimed the EO didn’t really mean anything at all, even though the plain words tried to indicate otherwise). These threatened funds include money for programs where the county carries out the purpose of the program and then, afterwards, applies for reimbursement. The plain words of the EO left the counties unsure whether they would receive the reimbursement they were promised, and therefore left them unsure whether they should bother carrying out the programs funded by that money, given that the money only arrives afterwards. That’s why you’d find stuff about “contingent liabilities” in that decision, if you had bothered to read it, which you plainly didn’t.

  • unclejeems

    “‘States Rights!’–when it fits in with our political agenda!”–bold new rallying cry of the Dixiecra–uh, Republican Party.

  • William
    • Khavrinen

      The Emperor’s New Wall. I suggested this myself more than a month ago here.

  • Aileen

    West coast, best coast! (Also I’m including Hawaii in this)

    • H0mer0

      [I used to be one of youse but I got kicked out on account of not being SMRT enough for graduate school there. I miss it but can’t afford to live there anymore.]

      • Aileen

        It is ridiculously expensive. Even in Portland, which used to be the affordable west coast city. :(

  • writersbloc

    /EverBuildingSlowclap

  • dshwa

    Love that he used Republicans own lawsuit against them. Smart judging.

  • And then the White House complained about how a single unelected judge could “make law” across the entire country, pretending that this wasn’t triggered by a single President who lost the popular vote by a wide margin.

  • azeyote

    Trump should go back to the miss universe thing where he could get the girls to put out for whatever his tiny hands could grab, and the judges would grovel and do what he says –

    • H0mer0

      If the man has such tiny hands, why did Melon have to get such big implants?

      • azeyote

        she wants him to know what he can’t have anymore

  • Panika MCD

    a) no, they were just denying funding for crime victims assistance, rehabilitation programs, indigent defense, body cameras, etc. that’s nice.

    b) California is still a giver state which means they pay more in federal taxes than they receive. what they’re talking about with “how much we spend on CA” is anyone’s guess.

    c) so the definition of “sanctuary city” has been hiding in Jefferson BS’s magic hate balls this whole time? that’s nice. bless his heart.

    d) they do receive partial reimbursement for honoring detainers. it’s called SCAAP funding, but it was lowered to 15% reimbursement from it’s gentle slide from 100% funding previously (they didn’t raise it over the years to account for inflation). in FY2015, the program was appropriated $165.3 million for SCAAP and if they had been providing full reimbursement, it would have been $1.08 billion. and who was holding the purse strings when those slashes were inflicted on the program? the GOP. though, to be fair, Bamz was talking about eliminating it entirely because he didn’t like the idea of locking people up for traffic tickets. http://www.houstonchronicle.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/Jailers-decry-cuts-in-program-to-reimburse-them-6872702.php

    e) there are some federal court directives to PORT cities (don’t forget the El Pasos of this world) which prohibit their law enforcement from engaging in 287(g) programs. I didn’t find anything in the court documents about what a shitty position this EO had put those cities in in the ruling. but it’s worth noting.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    $5Fem you are the best at law-splaining.

    • Sister the Resister

      I personally think she should up herself to at least being a TenDollarFeminist

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Keep FDF and donate the difference to Wonkette.

  • BearGHAZI

    For an authoritarian get-‘er-done tuff guy, our prez sure is a complainey little bitch

    • AJ Milne

      This.

      For serious, now, whenever I hear reporting that Trump is talking ‘tough’, I already know before they even get to the actual quote that there’s a big, limp, whiny whinge a-comin’, full of boo hoo baw ‘very unfair’, ‘mean to me’, and so on…

      Only thing I can’t work out is if maybe the reporters are being sarcastic? Otherwise, this is a usage of ‘tough’ with which I was previously unfamiliar.

      • H0mer0

        Dammit AJ! You’ve given away my parenting techniques!

  • Contemplative Ron

    Love Lyin’ Spice’s rhetoric there. You’d think the North Koreans had landed in San Francisco and were slaughtering their way towards Nevada.

  • Persistent Demme

    Splain me this, Wonkers.
    Can Ca threaten to withhold their contributions to US America if Donnie-boy threatens to withhold his?
    (Sorry if this is answered in the post. I’m terribly confuzzled.)

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Not really, I bet. The $$ from California is paid by individual and business taxpayers, each of whom is on the federal tax hook their own selves. The state is not in the loop for sending money to the Feds.

  • Mister Smith

    President Cuck gets blocked again.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • CindyinEncinitas

    “We give tremendous amounts of money to California . . . California in many ways is out of control.” Um, actually, California gives tremendous amounts of money to the rest of the country, you stupid fuck. And yeah, we like being out of control. I enjoy it a really lot, personally.

  • boredcatlady

    They’ve been doing that stupid “San Francisco doesn’t count as America (because teh gay)” schtick for too long.

  • Scooby

    Wasn’t this the issue In National Federation of Independent Business v. Sebelius

    • Left Coast Tom

      Yes. Karma’s a bitch.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    This is amazing lawsplaining. Thank you!!

  • nightmoth

    “blood of dead Americans, sex trafficking, innocent lives”
    Spicey hit the trifecta there with bombast.

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