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OMG! Jeff Sessions was totally right! Smoking that jazz cabbage does turn you into a worthless slacker! To be fair, in the noble struggle to confiscate money from people too weak to put up a fight, Colorado was always kind of a lightweight — it’s no Texas or Oklahoma! But if your legislature can’t even pass a cash grab that passes muster with Samuel Alito, you hippies need to ease off that migraine medicine for a minute. It’s like Colorado’s heart isn’t even in stealing from poors any more. Sad!

Nelson v. Colorado: It’s Not Stealing If You’re The Government

Prior to 2013, an exonerated defendant could easily get back any fines or fees by asking the trial judge to order a refund. Say Dustin was convicted of shoplifting two bars of Sex Wax from the King Soopers, but his conviction was overturned on appeal. The judge ordered the state to return the $128 in court costs, and Dustin was back on his board that afternoon. It’s all good!

But then Colorado passed the Exoneration Protection Act, allowing defendants to sue the state for wages lost during the period of wrongful imprisonment if their convictions are overturned. Which is very chill! But the law also says that if Dustin wants his $128 back, he has to hire a lawyer and file a civil lawsuit to prove his innocence. So Dustin is shit out of luck, because he’s not shelling out thousands of dollars in legal fees to get a refund of $128. Harsh!

DO NOT Pee on Justice Ginsburg’s Leg and Tell Her It’s Raining!

In Nelson v. Colorado, decided 7-1 by the Supreme Court last week, Colorado made two arguments to justify hanging on to Dustin’s cash. First, they said that the money was magically transformed into state property when seized. It’s not Dustin’s money! It’s “PUBLIC FUNDS.” Justice Ginsburg was not having it: “Colorado has no interest in withholding from [Defendants] money to which the State currently has zero claim of right.” So much for that mountain magic.

Colorado also tried to argue that defendants who escaped prosecution based on technicalities are not “innocent,” and thus shouldn’t be able to get their money back. But Notorious RBG knows a shakedown scheme when she sees one!

Colorado may not retain funds taken from [Defendants] solely because of their now-invalidated convictions […] for Colorado may not presume a person, adjudged guilty of no crime, nonetheless guilty enough for monetary exactions.

Guess which Justice thinks it’s just fine for Colorado to keep PUBLIC FUNDS collected at a trial? In fact, why should the state even have to return them under any circumstances?

In the absence of any property right under state law (apart from the right provided by the Exoneration Act, which petitioners decline to invoke), Colorado’s refusal to return the money is not a “depriv[ation]” of “property” within the meaning of the Fourteenth Amendment. Colorado is therefore not required to provide any process at all for the return of that money.

Did you guess Clarence Thomas? Well done! You sure do know your fascist justices!

Isn’t he dreamy?!?!?!

So, Now What?

Sadly, the exonerated defendants in Colorado were not a couple of lovable burnout snowboarders. They were actually convicted of sex crimes against children and later exonerated on procedural grounds. BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT. Seven justices just agreed that Colorado violated due process and property rights by saying, “We’re keeping your money. If you don’t like it, SUE US.” So, if Colorado can’t do that, maybe Texas can’t either?????

And last month that loony eighth Justice wrote an absolutely scathing critique of government asset seizures run amok.

This system—where police can seize property with limited judicial oversight and retain it for their own use — has led to egregious and well-chronicled abuses. […]

These forfeiture operations frequently target the poor and other groups least able to defend their interests in forfeiture proceedings. […] Perversely, these same groups are often the most burdened by forfeiture. They are more likely to use cash than alternative forms of payment, like credit cards, which may be less susceptible to forfeiture. And they are more likely to suffer in their daily lives while they litigate for the return of a critical item of property, such as a car or a home.

Wait, Justice Thomas thinks we really need to take a look at civil asset forfeitures because they violate due process? Who saw that one coming?

So maybe slapping down Colorado’s cash grab is just the beginning? Because, as government shakedown schemes go, Colorado’s is basically all seeds and stems.

And can it really be NICETIMES at the Supreme Court this week? Yes, yes it can! But only for a second, so enjoy it now before Justice Gorsuch gets down to blessing whatever crazy shit Jeff Sessions can dream up to screw browns and women.

[ Colorado’s Exoneration Protection Act / Nelson v. ColoradoLeonard v. Texas, J. Thomas’s dissent commentary (thx Biel-z-Bubba) re denial of certiorari / WaPo series on abuse of civil asset forfeiture ]

We actually found a happy story about the Supreme Court! That has to be worth a dollar, right?

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  • Villago Delenda Est

    Clarence Thomas is an embarrassment to his race.

    The human race.

  • schmannity

    Don’t blame Thomas. He’s been rudderless since Scalia’s death. Now he can copy from Gorsuch’s opinions if Gorsuch would just move his arm a little.

  • BMW

    Civil forfeiture laws: when you absolutely positively need to fund your police department, accept no substitutes.

    • onedollarjuana

      One of the most heinous parts of the War on Drugs is the seizing of personal property under the guise that it’s ill-gotten gains. Then the police sell off that property so even if the drug cases are thrown out or the defendants are not guilty, too bad so sad their stuff is gone, and good luck trying to get compensation from the police.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Or better yet, they convert it. We had a couple law enforcement agencies who had Ferraris and Lambos that were seized property that they converted into pursuit vehicles.

        • From Russia with Love

          When you need Ferraris to chase the druggies, you’ve more or less already lost.

          • onedollarjuana

            Actually, that is exactly how fast boat technology was advanced during Prohibition. Boat builders made fast boats for rumrunners to elude the cops, so the cops had those same builders make faster boats to chase the rumrunners.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Crockett and Tubbs.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      These military grade weapons aren’t going to buy themselves.

    • Stulexington

      Objection! If they were funded they wouldn’t need to steal stuff from scary looking poors.

  • memzilla Ω

    Maybe some legal genius can figure out how to make this “you can’t hold on to the thing you illegally grabbed” ruling apply to THE FUCKING 2016 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION???

    • Me not sure

      Pussy or power?

      • Jack

        “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” – Abe Lincoln

        “Grab them by the pu**y” – Donald Trump

        This is what the once-proud Republican Party has come to. Teddy Roosevelt is rolling in his grave!

        Newsflash – AMERICA IS DOING BETTER THAN EVER. RECORD unemployment numbers, legalized gay marriage, 5% growth, best year for jobs since 1999, consumer confidence up, deficit down 60% in 2014, gas prices low, health insurance cheaper than ever ($85/month), car insurance cheaper than ever ($25 per month from Insurance Panda), the 1% starting to be taxed more!

        I can’t wait for this 4 year night mare to be over!

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          LOL, you Insurance Scamma guys crack me up.

          • Lamashtar

            I feel dumb. I couldn’t figure out why you guys were mocking him for 5 minutes.

        • memzilla Ω

          More Insurance Pander spam? Do you know Lori?

          • From Russia with Love

            Poe’s law in living color!

        • Nockular cavity

          THANKS OBAMA!

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Jack be nimble,
          Jack be a dick,
          Jack can tailor his stupid non-comment to fit any narrative, thank you very much.

      • Ellencconway

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  • Chadwells

    Still doesn’t make up for that last post!!!!

  • From Russia with Love

    Didn’t know they made Mr Zog’s anymore. Even though surfing was all the rage in Colorado when I lived there as a kid.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Vickers & Academy is especially tubular.

      • From Russia with Love

        The Astronauts playing surf music at Tulagi’s in Boulder in the late 60s certainly was!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I knew there was a reason I’ve always admired astronauts.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Sweet! :D

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Isn’t ZOG some white supremacist thing? Zionist occupation government? Dear God, the Illuminati have taken over the surfboard wax industry!!

  • baconzgood

    Why are you stealing board wax in Colorado? It’s in the fucking Rockies.

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      Snow boards,

      • baconzgood

        Don’t tramp on my snark. By the way. I read a bunch of the books you sent me. AWSOME! I liked the one about nuclear excavation in Alaska

        • memzilla Ω
          • baconzgood

            Tuesday I stand tall in front of THE MAN. Hopefully (s)he will have mercy and lift this damn contempt of court bull shit that’s kept me locked up for 3 months.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Bona Fortuna.

          • memzilla Ω

            Look remorseful and use your body language. Judges pick up non-verbal cues like a vacuum cleaner.

          • baconzgood

            I’ll be sure. I want to see Baconz Jr. and Hambone.

          • chortlingdingo

            Good luck!

          • frrolfe

            Hope all goes well. Look after yourself and keep cool,

        • Lamashtar

          “excavation”?

          ::googles::

          “Peaceful nuclear explosions – Wikipedia”

          Hunh.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    God. I feel really, really sheltered. I never knew that there was such a thing as Sex Wax. And now that I know, I’m disappointed that it’s not what I though it was going to be.

    • From Russia with Love

      And it’s to make your feet sticky. Kind like un-ski wax.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        When it comes to snow sport technology, I’m at a loss. Because eating fondue and drinking spiked hot chocolate is about as close to “snow lodge culture” as I ever want to get.

        I do like X-country skiing though, so it’s not a total loss for me.

        • From Russia with Love

          Read the package label. It’s really for surfing, and has temperature ranges like REAL cross country ski wax used to have (when I was a kid and had to ski 50 miles to school every day).

          • Rags

            Wow, you had wax for your skis for your 50 miles to school? I bet you even had TWO skis, you sissy!

          • Boscoe

            Was it uphill BOTH WAYS? ;P

          • Rags

            Hills???? Hills????? Nothing but precipices! Thanks, Obama!?!!!??!!11!!!!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I just found out last week about this new stuff called “car wax”. And “soap”.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        And was it you that said you vacuumed this week? This really is an era of new discoveries for you, isn’t it?!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I’m slowly working my way towards acceptable human comportment. “Take your time, do it right” is my motto.

    • VirginiaLady

      You’re gonna love Gorilla Glue.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        I have a whole yard full of broken primates that need gluing. Are you telling me that there’s a product that can help?!

        • From Russia with Love

          Works particularity well on the Pope.

      • Rags

        Ciptin! The Sex Wax and Gorilla Glue are in Red Zone proximity!!!

  • h4rr4r

    Civil Asset Forfeiture should never have been legal in anyway, shape or form. It should take a criminal conviction to deprive someone of their property.

    • Me not sure

      Something, something, due process, something.

      • Boscoe

        We used to have a brilliant piece of legalized theft where the cops would actually bring a u-haul along and load it up with EVERYTHING they could grab and then not even press charges. So yeah, not only not convicted, but not even charged. But, they MIGHT have been up to something, so it counts.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Remember the good old days when the accused was innocent until proven guilty? Now the standard is innocent until declared guilty by a Fox News bimbo.

        • Me not sure

          …or the President himself.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I don’t know if I can go that far – I think a person could be deprived of his or her property on the basis of something short of a criminal conviction. But civil asset forfeiture is the worst, because it often results in the deprivation of property on the basis of pretty much nothing at all. Common scenario: deadbeat Grandson gets a DUI in Grandma’s car. The car is “seized” under some kind of civil asset forfeiture (because it was used in the commission of a crime). Grandma can have her car back if (but only if) “someone” pays grandson’s ticket plus towing and storage costs plus court fees. Grandson won’t be paying that any time soon, and so it sucks to be you, Grandma, if you don’t have the cash.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Your example makes sense. Yes, it sucks to be you, Grandma, but best case you were naive, worst you willingly enabled a fuckup. Next time you’ll do a better job vetting who borrows your car. It’s cold, but it must be so. You can always blame the lousy parent who isn’t your child and hit them up for the cash.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          The problems are two: first, Grandma loses her car without having done anything illegal or even wrong. Usually, we think of deprivation of property under those circumstances as violating our due process rights. The other problem is that such a regime will always affect poor people much more significantly than wealth people because poor people are much more likely to share cars and much less likely to have access to resources to get the car back. And then it has a domino effect, right? Grandma can’t get to work, loses her job and thus her healthcare, etc.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            It’s not a perfect system, and the income inequality thing is definitely problematic. But it’s her job to not be “unaware of what he plans to do” when willingly lending her car to him, and so it is not necessarily the case that she is “not in any way a participant in whatever it is doing,” because if she hadn’t lent it out, there would be no “it” that it was “doing.”

            Perhaps her car insurance would cover her for this. In a better world, she’d have access to good public transportation, and her health insurance would not be tied to her job.

          • Serai 1

            It’s her JOB to surveil everything her grandkid does? What the fuck?? Holy shit, I’m glad I don’t live in your world.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Oh, but we do live in such a world. Bartenders are supposed to avoid serving alcohol to the inebriated, for example.

          • Boscoe

            Right, but he doesn’t have his bar confiscated by the state if the guy leaves and gets drunk somewhere else because the bartender at the first bar “should have known”….

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Bingo.

          • Lamashtar

            I believe its called “parenting” or something.

          • Serai 1

            Right. Because kids have no use for privacy or independence. Jesus fuck.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Unfortunately, Grandma got her insurance from Panda. While it’s cheaper than shit, it’s also shit when it comes to doing anything for her..

          • Opalescent Riddles

            *coffee spew*

        • Serai 1

          Naive? What, grandparents are now supposed to be paranoid of their grandkids? What the fuck kind of world are you living in?

          • Opalescent Riddles

            A bit of skepticism towards the lendee might be healthy when one is lending something capable of killing other people. Substitute “gun” for “car” in this scenario, and people’s opinions might be quite different about Granny’s culpability if a crime is committed with the instrument.

            Ultimately, I am not convinced that civil forfeiture should allow Granny’s ride to be confiscated and/or that she is liable for the associated costs. However, I don’t find arguments such as yours particularly persuasive.

        • Rags

          Libertarian nonsense

          • Opalescent Riddles

            It might actually be fascist.

      • h4rr4r

        In that case Grandma willingly handed over a car for use in the commision of a crime. If she was not aware that would happen, she should get her car back.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          You’d think, right? But this is the great scandal of civil forfeiture. Grandma lends her car to Grandson, unaware of what he plans to do and not in any way a participant in whatever it is doing, but somehow, she’s out of a car.

          • h4rr4r

            Yeah, that is why I think to take the car they should have to convict her as an accomplice.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            OK, I was looking for something to dislodge me from my current train of thought, and I think you’ve provided it.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Possibly the standard is that a reasonable person could not have foreseen that the car would have been used in this crime. That would make it very hard to find her guilty beyond reasonable doubt, and so she should not suffer for the crime.

          • h4rr4r

            I think the standard should be that she was convicted of a felony. It is really that simple. Even if she was an accomplice, unless it is a felony the state should not deprive anyone of their property.

      • Serai 1

        In other words, extortion.

      • Around 1971 I was snookered right proper in New Jersey, at a friend’s house. Someone noted that we were short on chips, and wouldn’t it be nice if we had some? I was too drunk to drive, and a young man volunteered to pick some up if he could borrow my car. I was in no state to directly assess his sobriety, so I gave him the “stand on one foot, close your eyes, and touch the tip of your nose” test, and he seemed solid and balanced, so I gave him my keys. Didn’t think to ask if he had a driver’s license – I mean, who would ask such a thing if they didn’t? And at a party of generally inebriated young people, too!

        He got charged with driving without a license, and possession of pot (in his pocket). I had to pay to get my car back from the pawn shop. He wasn’t charged with car theft, because I remembered loaning it. Neither was I charged with being an accessory, because …I dunno, I tried?

        Seemed reasonable to both of us. Anyway, I had to pay to get my car back, and that was SOP then for these situations. This was well before “civil” forfeiture got established.

    • Lamashtar

      I am looking kindly on seizing assets as part of RICO convictions, though.

      • h4rr4r

        Felony convictions or any kind to me open that door. Due process is a big deal to me.

  • Me not sure

    Wait,…what was that about children again? Were they using the wax on kids?
    Maybe they should get the money and lose the kids?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Colorado is therefore not required to provide any process at all for the return of that money.

    How nice. Come up with some trumped-up charges, get a warrant, seize all their stuff, and keep it even after the defendant is acquitted. That’s a very interesting world Justice Thomas creates in this opinion.

  • Mpeg

    Verizon revoked my service to receive Emails through them. Now i have no access to the personal property comprised of countless spam. They’re not gonna challenge me to sue for claiming all that spam back though. They’re just gonna inflate the monthly charge another 25%, for services that just got reduced 35%, invoiced in fine print at the end, “Now everybody gets a share!”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • NastyBossetti

      My next door neighbor would love this, for when we have our annual big party in October. He always texts MrBossetti around 10pm, telling us to take it inside.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I saw a shirt online I almost bought for my son for Xmas. It said, “Sorry I’m late. I didn’t want to come.”

      • MynameisBlarney

        HA!
        I’m so gettin that one.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Or, during assembly, you could leave off the last two sections and hang it on your front door all year long.

  • baconzgood
    • Latverian Diplomat

      We through those extra Zod Pogs in a trash compactor, and Zog came out.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Is HuffPo and the internet for real? People, try not to be as fucking stupid as he is…we have enough of that sort running government. He meant GENERAL ELECTION, fucking idiots.

    “Hey, Donald Trump, The Internet Wants To Know Who General E. Watch Is”

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_58fdf895e4b018a9ce5ccfb5?ir=Politics&utm_hp_ref=politics

    • From Russia with Love

      Relatives of Sheila E?

      • Chadwells

        LOL…right!?!

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Some of those posts kind of looked like trolling, more than earnest inquiries.

      • Chadwells

        With all there is to troll that asshole with…they failed at trolling.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Well, in fairness to idiots everywhere, assuming you had 10 characters in which to convey “General Election,” a much more comprehensible and logical choice would be to just say “Election.”

      • Chadwells

        I’m not denying the dumbassness of said tweet…but to waste the internet space with a story about this particular one is kind of dumb.

        I don’t know…that Farese story got me all kinds of hostile. I’m just yelling at the walls now.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Like 24-hour cable news networks, HuffPo has more space than they could possibly fill up with worthwhile stories. But I think your reaction is
          completely understandable. That story made me wish I had a punching bag set up nearby.

      • You could cut it to Gen El, but then people would think you’re talking about one of Superman’s relatives.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Generation L was, like, in the 1830s.

        • Lamashtar

          General ZOG murdered General El prior to the destruction of Krypton.

      • From Russia with Love

        “Election.” No the one that I didn’t lose, in other words both of them.

    • anwisok

      Yeah, that’s stretching a bit. No reason for it, either – he gives so many GOOD opportunities for mockery, there’s no reason for reaching.

    • Serai 1

      Unfortunately, I see a lot of gun-jumping and idiotic conclusions being drawn these days. Thanks to social media and the day’s reigning witch-hunt mentality, anything that sounds a little odd gets blown up into MONUMENTAL STUPIDITY or some HEINOUS CRIME OMG. I guess the phenomenon of “see shiny thing = brain shutoff” isn’t restricted to one side or the other.

    • Rags

      General E Watch is getting recognized more and more, I notice.

  • calliecallie

    “…and Dustin was back on his board that afternoon…”
    Throughout that post I was thinking that there are no waves in Colorado. Never even occurred to me until the end that there would be snowboards. Because I am old, and snowboards were not a thing back in the day.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Wow. I had no idea until I read your comment. Man do I feel….HEY! YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!

      • VirginiaLady

        Present for the old’s roll call as well.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I was all “wait, you can’t use Sex Wax on a snowboard!” But now I find out that they actually do sell a “Sex Wax” for snowboards as well. (Somehow, and sadly, “Best for your Bottom” is not on the label.)

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    They can pry my gummi bears out of my cold dead hands.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Thanks $5F,
    Wow. Justice Uncle Thomas sided WITH the police state to keep money. How would he have ruled if it had been Justin’s GUNS had been confiscated. How daring. If only Gorsuch could have ruled as well. It could have been 7-2.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Thing about Clarence Thomas that you have to remember for anything about him to make sense, is that he belongs to a particular kook legal school that thinks that Marbury v. Madison was incorrectly decided, and that the Supreme Court has no authority to tell legislatures how to do anything. It’s about as Quixotic and irrationally stubborn as it sounds, and kinda underlines how hard up for black judges the GOP was/is.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Thomas is black? Who knew??

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Oh that’s a whole other can of worms. He seems to legitimately think that white people he hangs out with would stop noticing his blackness if other black people would just stop being so black all the time. He really does seem to view all other black people as an embarrassment to him, personally.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Whereas other black people view him as an embarrassment to them, justifiably.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            Touche!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Poor thing. He suffered so terribly from those programs that helped him get a leg up in life….now he crusades to make sure no other poor black child has to endure what he did and possibly end up as a Supreme Court justice some day.

          • There’s always people who, once they’re successful, persuade themselves that they “did it on their own.” Of course, they ignore – or deny – all the societal programs and investments that led to their success.

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            With Thomas it’s slightly more complex than just that. Thomas is acutely aware that many around him suspect that he got as far as he did because of AA, up to and including his SCOTUS seat. But he decided that he wanted to hate the people who made AA, rather than the dickheads who make that assumption.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Like every fucking silver spoon, trustafarian, white affirmative action beneficiary ever? *except Donald Trump, obvs*

          • Paul Ryan!

          • FlownΩver

            Sometimes it seems that “Pulling Up the Ladder” is in the Republican core curriculum.

          • Serai 1

            It all falls under the rubric of “Pigheaded Selfishness and Greed”.

      • Ducksworthy

        Clarence is like that Dave Chappell character Clayton Bigsby.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Clayton Bigsby?

          • Ducksworthy

            Thanks. Ihad to leave to confirm.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            A character Dave Chappell played, a virulent white supremacist, only he’s blind, and can’t see that he’s actually black. His supporters at the rallies aren’t quite sure what to do.

        • theblackdog

          I was thinking Uncle Ruckus from The Boondocks.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Right? That’s one of the most acute and cutting bits of comedy ever devised.

  • Chadwells

    Justice Thomas is about as useful as a dick flavored lollipop.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Okay, it’s cold and dreary and MONDAY for FFS! The morning’s threads thus far are just a stream of what-the-fuckery. Granted I do appreciate the almost unanimous 9-finger bitch slap to Colorado.

    Anywho, I think we need something cute to squee at until President For Life takes the stage at noon.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ab7bd3649a26569c846789fc016ce15dc89cf6a637bc5fb43841f716b4cdc993.gif

    • MynameisBlarney

      Those cats are just waaay too cute.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Sex Wax” sounds amazing until you find out what it really is. I had the same reaction to “sugar alcohol”.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sugar_alcohol

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Does “Sex Wax” also:

      cause bloating and diarrhea when consumed in excessive amounts

      ?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        It might, unless used as directed.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Like all State’s Rights kooks, I hate the 14th Amendment. Citing the 14th Amendment is like admitting the South lost the Civil War.”
    — Clarence Thomas

    • Ducksworthy

      Craving Savery? I knew he was a little kinky. Lets ask his wife Mistress what’s her name.

  • Zonath

    Thomas, citing back to the holding in Finders v. Keepers, 86 U.S. 199 (1897) found that the legal principle of Victus es et plorantium should apply in this case.

    Thomas also seems like the kind of dickhead who would cite his own concurring opinion in another case for support for his opinion in this one, because that’s precisely the type of dickhead he is:

    “But the Due Process Clause confers no substantive rights. McDonald v. Chicago, 561 U. S. 742, 811 (2010) (THOMAS, J., concurring in part and concurringin judgment)”

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      That’s an old Scalia-ism that he picked up, and is pretty much the legal equivalent of whacking yourself off to your own fanfic. Scalia would even cite his own *dissents*.

      • PubOption

        A dissent into madness?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Legal punnery is subject to fines and other severe pun-ishment.

          • Lamashtar

            Show us your briefs!

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Royal Ugly Dude

    Screw you, Colorado. I thought you were cool.

  • Anna Rompage

    I’m starting to think a Magic 8 ball would be a more reliable & knowledgeable jurist than Thomas is…

  • Ducksworthy

    The Government is never Wrong. Right Libertarians?

  • Me not sure

    Clarence, just to make things clear, sir. A lifetime appointment doesn’t mean that one is REQUIRED to stay on until one dies. There’s still a lot of Diet Coke to be drunk, so get out and live, live, live!

    • Tovarish Z

      So Trump can appoint someone even worse?

      • Me not sure

        Is that possible? Holy Jesus! The guy would have to be deaf, mute, and blind!

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Tommy Libelz!11!!1

          • Me not sure

            Windfall Wizard.

        • Serai 1

          Are you really under the impression that there aren’t a ton of wingnuts eager to get in there?

          • Me not sure

            As bad, maybe. But worse? The mind boggles.

          • Serai 1

            Oh, honey, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that things can ALWAYS get worse.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    To pick a nit – Thomas didn’t dissent in Leonard – he concurred.

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      Fixed. Thanks!

    • weejee

      Thomas suffers from nits? Well that explains a few things.

  • Jgb979

    “Colorado’s refusal to return the money is not a “depriv[ation]” of “property” within the meaning of the Fourteenth Amendment…..”

    A TRUE originalist would only apply the fourth amendment when the state had deprived you of your slaves.

    I liked him better when he just copied Scalia’s homework

  • TundraGrifter

    “…Colorado’s is basically all seeds and stems.”

    Wow – remember those times?

    I don’t.

    • Raan

      If you do, you weren’t really there.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I had a friend who was convicted of possession for two seeds and a stem in her car when the punishment was a year in jail and a thousand dollar fine.

  • proudgrampa

    *sighs*

    I got nothin’.

  • Anna Rompage

    The Multnomah Co Sheriff (Portland, OR) used to do the same thing back in the 80s & 90s.

    They would confiscate peoples money, homes, cars & other personal items, and refuse to return them even if there was no conviction… Fortunately our state supreme court overturned those tactics…

  • azeyote

    well that puts a real wedgie on Sessions going after the marijuana outlets –

  • The Wanderer

    There are entire municipalities that depend on fines and civil forfeitures to run their police agencies.

    • DainBramage

      I hate people won’t vote to fund their basic services.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGkXlZUlLJc

    • ahughes798

      My town relies on red light cameras everywhere to make up the holes in the budget.

    • Querolous

      booH nidoЯ

  • Lance Thrustwell

    So is he for it or against it? Again, I’m confused. Maybe on the pro-civil asset forfeiture decision there was some technicality? Conservatives do love their technicalities.

  • goonemeritus

    These forfeiture operations frequently target the poor and other groups least able to defend their interests in forfeiture proceedings.

    As a business professional I question the States strategy, I think the problem is they are targeting the wrong demographic. It must be easily provable that stealing from the rich is ultimately more lucrative.

    • It’s more difficult though.

      Poor people aren’t as likely to put up a fight due.

    • atheist

      Every bully knows that an unfair fight is the best kind.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      The rich: a) pay for politicans that pass forfeiture laws and 2) hire attorneys to fight back and then pay for new politicians who won’t bite the hand that feeds them. The poors do neither.

    • Trip Space-Parasite

      But there are so many more poors, they make it up in volume.

    • Bad Tom

      Except the rich can lawyer-up. And do.

    • ahughes798

      He steals from the poor,
      and gives to the rich.
      Stupid Bitch…
      Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore. Dennis Moore.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Colorado surfers are the worst.

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    Colorado’s argument seems like a logical extension of John Deere’s that “only corporations can own property, humans can only license it” . Just like Corporations, the state is People too, my friends. Oh, and humans are not people. That solves everything.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It’s like Colorado’s heart isn’t even in stealing from poors any more. Sad!

    The religious wackos haven’t taken over enough of the state ,obviously.

    • this country says it’s about

      No just El Paso County

      • Oblios_Cap

        I lived there before they took it over.

    • Teto85

      They were all over the Air Force Academy during bush the lessor’s time. Are they still?

      • Oblios_Cap

        I went USAFA JC and left after 2 years. I was back in Florida in 1980; at that time they weren’t too bad.

        • Teto85

          That was during Rea*an’s time, just when they were starting.

  • Erala Contratista

    Ooog! Flashed back to my beachin’ teen years. Wondered where you could possibly need surfboard wax in CO.

    • Jenny

      It is for the surfbort. Probably.

    • Persistent Demme

      Do snowboarders use it?

    • SkinlessGenderlessMan

      Well, you can surf standing waves on rivers….. Rather do that in a kayak, personally, but you can use a surfboard.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Another example of Trump’s great leadership. He already said he’s the only one who gets to steal stuff, because he’s president.

  • guppy06

    We actually found a happy story about the Supreme Court! That has to be worth a dollar, right?

    I don’t think my checking account can get me nicetime stories through to January 2021, though.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    One would think Justice Thomas would be particularly sensitive to issues of seized property, what with the precedent set by the Emancipation Proclamation in that regard.

  • Scooby

    So how is it that Taxes are stealing but this is not?

  • UpstateNYObserver

    I am at a loss for appropriate words to describe how vile Thomas is. Not a true loss of words, just a loss for that that wouldn’t get Robyn or Doc pissed.

  • You know, if the 2nd Amendment crowd really was interested in taking up arms to fight government tyranny, they’d be all over civil asset forfeiture……

    • Jeff Mc Donald

      I was thinking something similar. Like, what if the assets seized were a persons guns? I mean, would we see all of the conservative justices heads explode trying to sort that out?

  • this country says it’s about

    As a person of color, I wonder what kind of self loathing Thomas is harboring in his heart(?). In another life, he seems like he would have been one of African-born slave catcher dragging his fellow Africans into a horrific bondage. It is like he lives by feeding on the suffering of others. What a terrible choice to fill the post left vacant by the retirement of Thurgood Marshal!! Marshal fought for my generation’s right to have equal opportunity in education. Thomas (who is less than a year younger than I am) seems bent on punishing poor people for being poor in spite of the fact his parents were poor. His one stroke of fortune was one of his grandfathers was a successful fuel oil merchant. I think he takes for granted the value of the mentoring he got from his grandfather and his worldview about the poor and self reliance assumes that mentoring is out there for everyone if only they would follow their assumed-to-be-there mentor’s lead they wouldn’t be poor.

    • billofjazz

      I too saw that capability in Thomas, and was very disappointed that he got a seat on SCOTUS. Didn’t like him from the start and I haven’t changed my mind.

    • tomamitai

      Didn’t he say somewhere that his intelligence and hard work meant nothing because everyone he met assumed he’d gotten where he was because of affirmative action, and he was all butt-hurt about it? I can understand his feeling that way because I’ve known people who have insinuated, or even said outright, the same about people of color or women or disabled people in positions they didn’t believe they had earned; but then, people say the same stuff when the boss’s kids or other relatives get jobs through nepotism and they don’t seem to be bothered by it. (cough)Jared(cough)Ivanka(cough)Eric(cough)Donnie Jr.

  • SeeTrain65

    Strangely enough, I thought it was the new guy who dissented. You know, the one who shouldn’t be there?

    Yeah, I know. That last sentence was much too vague. I should have said “the five who shouldn’t be there.”

  • Teto85

    Justice (Uncle) Thomas.

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