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On last night’s edition of “The Factor” — the first to be O’Reilly-free — Mike Huckabee stopped by to talk to stand-in host Dana Perino about how super unfair everyone in the media is being to Donald Trump.

Horrified, he noted that when Trump tweeted his totally unsubstantiated claim that Obama put a “wiretapp” in Trump Tower, 99.5% of the coverage of that was negative! Amazing! You would think that at least a few news organizations would be able to come up with something nice to say about the conspiracy theory that Trump just pulled out of his ass, but no. Also no one had nothing nice to say about how he handled the Obamacare repeal that did not end up happening.

This, he claims is why “journalism has died in this country.” Because obviously if people were doing real journalism, they would say “Oh! How nice it is that Donald Trump is making up weird lies all the time and posting them on Twitter! That is some real good Presidenting he did there!”

Mike Huckabee knows a thing or two about good journalism, for sure. And also KISSING!

“You know there’s three things you can’t do. You can’t spit into the wind, you can’t climb a ladder leaning toward you or kiss a woman leaning away from you. Add one more to the list if you’re Donald Trump: You can’t get a fair shake from the media.”

First of all, you totally can kiss a woman leaning away from you. You just have to lean further than you would otherwise. And leaning towards someone is, amazingly enough, not a sure sign that they want you to stick your tongue down their throat. I lean towards people I don’t want to make out with all the time.

Second, Donald Trump could totally get a “fair shake” from the media if he didn’t constantly lie and do and say things that are terrible. In fact, every single time he does anything that appears to be sort of normal, or gives a speech that is not completely off the rails, he is immediately showered in praise and everyone in the media announces that he’s finally “pivoting” towards being “presidential.” The bar is very, very low here. If he says something true, does something that is not embarrassing, or uses the right fork at the dinner table, we’ll get a full new cycle of how very presidential he is being.

For what it is worth, I do not recall Mike Huckabee or Fox News ever giving a “fair shake” to Obama or anyone on the Left.

It was a rather loaded analogy to choose, of course, considering the fact that Bill O’Reilly got the axe largely as a result of companies choosing not to advertise on “The Factor” following a (new) slew of sexual harassment allegations against him. Not to mention the fact that Trump himself has previously bragged about going around kissing women without asking, among other less family-friendly things.

The gist of that statement isn’t as much about what you can’t do as what you can do. You can spit if there isn’t any wind blowing towards you, you can climb a ladder tilted away from you, and you can kiss a woman leaning towards you. And if she is leaning towards you, it’s because she is basically asking for your tongue down her throat. Otherwise, she’d be leaning back. Obviously!

When men defend the super creepy behavior of other men, it’s largely because they fear that their own behavior is similarly creepy. That they have kissed women who did not want to be kissed by them. That they now have to go and reexamine all their past kisses for signs that they were being rejected when they thought they were not. Which, to some, is a positively terrifying thing to do.

If I were you, fellas, I would not go and take any journalism or kissing advice from Mike Huckabee, by whom I am reasonably certain no woman, including his own wife, has ever wanted to be kissed.

[NYDailyNews]

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    Romance Expert Mike Huckabee Has Some Ass Kissing Tips For YOU!

    FTFY.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    But do I kiss a woman who is leaning in, or no?

    • Contemplative Ron

      I usually wait until they get REALLY close, to be sure. In fact, if you wait until their head is on your shoulders and they look up at you in a certain way…
      FUCK, I miss the g/f.

    • Oblios_Cap

      According to Robyn, yes:

      And if she is leaning towards you, it’s because she is basically asking for your tongue down her throat. Otherwise, she’d be leaning back. Obviously!

      That’s news to me, but she’s knows what she’s talking about, I guess.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I’d rather stick my lips in a wood chipper than take kissing advice from Huckleberry there.

    • FlownΩver

      Choose the form of the disgustor:

      (a) Huckabee
      (b) a Wookiee

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’ve got some kissing advice for him, too.

    He can kiss my ass.

    • msanthropesmr

      Makes it easier when. You lean away from him too.

  • x111e7thst

    Now I am thinking about Huckabee’s mouth. How do I stop thinking about this?

    • Contemplative Ron

      Louisville Slugger. Apply directly to forehead.

    • schmannity

      Try biting a sour orange or a green persimmon.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I do not recall Mike Huckabee or Fox News ever giving a “fair shake” to Obama or anyone on the Left.

    Me, either. I wouldn’t want a shake from him anyway. More than 2 shakes and he’d be playing with it.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Thanks for the diet tip.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    This fucking guy. I just don’t get it. He’s been overwhelmingly rejected by Republicans twice, but he still thinks people care about his opinions.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      In his defense, Fox News seems to share that particular delusion.

  • schmannity

    Bloated Arkansas pigfucker sez whut?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    You don’t spit into the wind? Yeah sure, but I bet he doesn’t know you don’t pull the mask off that old lone ranger, and that you don’t mess around with Jim!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      ba ba ba BA bum

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Illegal immigrant Superman sure could use a good cape tugging though, just to show him what for.

    • msanthropesmr

      Don’t pull my finger.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Dammit! I read down and still missed this!!!

    • The Wanderer

      (bluesy guitar riff)

  • Nockular cavity

    That can’t be right. I’m pretty sure that every woman at Fox News was leaning away from BillO, but he kissed them anyway.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Villago Delenda Est

      I love the way that you have to “see more” to get the entire story on that particular image. It’s kinda like an online “MAD fold in”!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Huckster ain’t even relevant enough to insult anymore.

    Just sit down, shut up and eat your fuckin fried squirrel.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “The dilemma we women face, is that if we lean away too far, the aspirin may drop from between our knees.”
    — A Good Southern Woman

  • Chadwells

    It only matters when it happens to them. Duh. GTFOH.

  • schmannity

    Dana Perino: Who do I have to harass to get this job?

  • Treg Brown

    “You know there’s three things you can’t do. You can’t spit into the wind, you can’t climb a ladder leaning toward you or kiss a woman leaning away from you. Add one more to the list if you’re Donald Trump: You can’t get a fair shake from the media.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dbf47932634940f66b2f37645549f9a20f92a381c4ff00ed23c9266e83cf8cdf.jpg

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Dude looks like a fuckin’ psychopath.

      • Treg Brown

        You should see his brother…

  • JMP

    You also shouldn’t eat squirrel, much less cook it in a popcorn popper, but that doesn’t stop some idiots from proving that what I thought were unfair stereotypes of Southern rednecks were in fact completely fair.

  • Contemplative Ron

    I have climbed many a ladder that was leaning towards me. It’s all about where you put your feet. And you spit into the wind by applying a small angle, five or ten degrees.
    Does the Hucksterbee know ANYTHING about ANYTHING?

  • lucidamente

    Ok, but where does Mike Huckabee stand on rake-stepping?

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      He’s pretty in-your-face on that issue. I hope.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Hey Huckster, what does Trump do when a woman leans away from him? Please tell your viewers, in the interest of journalism.

  • William
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • schmannity

    Mike Huckabee is to politics as Ted Nugent is to music.

  • JMP

    Trump is a Republican, Huckabee. Do you know how hard he has to work to get critical media coverage? The media bends over backwards to be deferential to Republicans, while constantly attacking Democrats, yet Donald manages to be so awful that they have no choice but to accurately cover him as the liar and racist that he is, which takes a hell of a lot of work.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      OMG, last Friday I made the mistake of listening to NPR for 30 seconds. The anchor (not even a right wing pundidiot) was saying how nice was to see Trump suddenly reverse his positions on certain issues. Obama used to consult with experts, but “nothing seemed to change” whereas, you can actually see Trump “learning”.

      The radio was switched off at that point.

      • Shanzgood

        You’re very restrained.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Well, my brain wave energy blast projection failed to have any effect.

      • William

        I heard the same show. I wanted to retrieve my shooting iron and totally Elvis my radio.

      • Meccalopolis

        The NPR stands for Normalizing Plutocratic Rape

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Does he have an opinion about things that can be done to child sisters who are asleep?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Failing @realDonaldTrump, who has been wrong for years, just got caught in a BIG LIE concerning navy armada visit to N.K..

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/855055509455593472

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Is he just calling people liars without even specifying what it is they are supposedly lying about?

      Well, considering the source, I guess that makes sense…

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Just accept they were caught in a big lie. No need to question what the lie was or anything about the circumstances or context or whether anything Trump says is true.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        He figures he can say “New York Times” and “big lie” and get the proper conditioned response from the wingers.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Shot, over. Fire for effect.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Apparently this refers to the fact that less of the Patriots team went to the WH to visit him than went to see Obama.

      Crowd size matters!

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Is that really a “Big Lie”? Really? Say, compared with:

        “We’re going to have insurance for everybody,” Trump told The Washington Post. “There was a philosophy in some circles that if you can’t pay for it, you don’t get it. That’s not going to happen with us.”
        “[They] can expect to have great health care. It will be in a much simplified form. Much less expensive and much better,”

        • Oblios_Cap

          yep.

        • Contemplative Ron

          Words fall out of his mouth. It doesn’t matter which words or in what order, that they came from HIS mouth makes them true. Words that contradict his are ipso facto Big Lies.
          It’s such a simple worldview that you can see how attractive it would be to simple minds.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    OT, but from a link within the Daily News link above, I knew Gisele was with us:

    Gisele Bündchen and her husband may be on different teams when it comes to President Trump.

    The Brazilian supermodel and wife of quarterback Tom Brady tweeted out a link to an anti-Trump climate change protest the same day the New England Patriots visited the White House.

    “March for climate, jobs, and justice. To change everything, we need everyone,” Bündchen said with a link to Years of Living Dangerously project.

    Zing!

    • Ms.Moon

      I think she’s retired from modelling, however, they usually go into beauty business and generally stay within the fashion/beauty world. Having her husband taking pictures with 45 is probably not good for any of her future business endeavours. His modelling company had to fold because nobody would hire models associated with him.

  • Vincent Ricola

    But what are his thoughts on dangerous psychopaths that murder dogs?

  • AndyC316

    What are his kissing credentials? I have a feeling the last think he put his tongue inside of was a nearly empty mayo jar

    • Shanzgood

      I would give him a peanut butter jar since it would keep him occupied for longer.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Seems kinda mean to the peanut butter, which is a lovely substance.

        • Shanzgood

          I love peanut butter, too, but idea was that the jar is empty so he spends along time on the floor, holding it between his paws until he’s totally cleaned out the jar.

          You’ve had dogs, right?

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            My mom used to do that with empty Yoplait containers – kept her Australian shepherd busy for a good half an hour.

          • NastyBossetti

            My dog is too stupid for that. He won’t stop until he’s eaten the container.

          • Shanzgood

            Oh, I thought you were gonna say your mom liked to lick the container clean!

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Wait, your mom used to vomit into empty Yoplait containers? Boy, performance art sure is weird.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Only cats. They have similar obsessive behavior, but it has more to do with ruining my furniture and barfing on every surface in the house.

          • rosenbomb

            My cat vomited on my laptop the other day…

          • Shanzgood

            So now you have a new laptop AND a new cat?

          • rosenbomb

            Luckily the laptop was closed, so I just had to wipe up some puke. She also barfed on the outside of a bag of fresh-baked cookies, because reasons.

          • Shanzgood

            My cat does all his bodily functions outside, thankfully. I keep a disposable litter box just in case but I don’t think he’s ever used the current one. And on the rare occasions I hear him working up to ejecting a hairball I toss him out the door.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Sounds about right.

          • Jenny

            My dogs just chew the plastic jar. That will teach you, peanut butter jar!

      • puredog

        Spoken like a dog-haver.

  • laughingnome

    All American women are leaning away from Huck.

    • puredog

      “What is this THING? Blotting out the SUN?”

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    You just have to lean further than you would otherwise.

    As a matter of physics, Huckabee can’t lean.

  • Chadwells
  • Lefty Frizzell

    In Huckabee’s book hilariously titled God Guns Grits and Gravy, he put forward the theory that smalltown America in the midwest and south is “real”, and that literally everybody else in the entire world is in a liberal “bubble”.

    Also god keeps telling him to run for president, presumably to teach him something about his limitations that he’s incapable of learning.

    That’s pretty much all you need to know about the creepy fuck.

    • TJ Barke

      I think he’s got his bubbles backwards.

  • memzilla Ω
  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Outside of pizza rat’s 15 minutes, I don’t recall rats getting a fair shake in the media either.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “We blame Mickey Mouse. Or maybe Bubonic Plague. Nah, probably the first one.”
      — Rat Anti-defamation League

      • Iron Monkey

        I don’t know Mr. Rat–that “death of half of Europe” thing is a tough sell.

        • Contemplative Ron

          Less so than you’d think.
          – Joseph Goebbels

        • Latverian Diplomat

          That was a long time ago. Let’s let bygones be bygones. BTW, you gonna finish that pizza?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Actually, the thing you can’t kiss is your own elbow. That, you can’t do.

    • Contemplative Ron

      You can, but the surgery is quite painful.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      And all that trying made my neck hurt!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Assmouth has definitely not gotten a fair shake – in fact, his treatment could only be considered fair if he had been universally excoriated from the start of his campaign to the present. But the media could make up for it by starting another channel just for the purpose of talking shit about him – if they start soon.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I had forgotten how much I hate the sound of Dana Perino’s voice.

  • TJ Barke

    Yes the man that the media will not call a liar despite his constant brazen lying is being treated so unfairly.

    • Shanzgood

      But, but…you have to prove INTENT, dontcha know. Maybe he’s just WRONG, but it’s not on purpose!!1!!

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yeah, he just says words. He isn’t responsible if the words that come out are wrong.

        • Shanzgood

          Armadas go in, armadas go out…etc…

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    You also don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger or mess around with Jim.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    TicTacs, Mike. You can do all the kissing or anything else you want, they don’t care.

  • timpundit

    Jesus wept.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    [Mike Huckabee], by whom I am reasonably certain no woman, including his own wife, has ever wanted to be kissed.

    https://peopledotcom.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/kim-davis-800-1.jpg

  • jesterpunk

    Hey Mike remember when you defended the Dugger kid who sexually assaulted his sisters because he was a good Christian? Yeah go fuck yourself.

    Also a song just because of these so called Christians like to defend sexual assault.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMLsF8ajI6U

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Upfisted with extreme prejudice for Apocalyptica.

      • Shanzgood

        Ditto. I love them!!!

        • MizzMazz

          Cult is one of my favorite albums.

  • Spurning Beer

    K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, shithead.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Mike Hucksterbee was apparently put on this world by Satan himself to discredit Christianity. Fortunately, many of us recognize that Hucksterbee is a Mammonist, so Satan fucked up there and should go back to knitting flaming socks.

  • Zonath

    You also can’t get Fuckabee to spout a folksy-sounding down home aphorism without wanting to punch him in the face (with votes).

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Your implication of violence has me about as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs. Or a pig in a sausage shed. Or a knock-kneed possum in a…

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Cat house on a Saturday night?

  • Chris Hall

    or uses the right fork at the dinner table

    that’s easy for him to remember, it’s the one with the cork on the dangerous end.

    • Suttree

      Ruprick libelz!

  • Me not sure

    “The Factor, Bill O’Reilly free since …what time is it now?”

  • MynameisBlarney

    So, I just got a “survey” from the ACLU.
    Anyone else get one of those?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Yep. And I sent in and renewed my membership at the same time.

      • MynameisBlarney

        So it’s real then, cool.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      I used to donate to the USO to actually support the troops. But then I started getting fund raising “surveys” and other pitches from the NRA, Heritage Foundation, that Larry Klayman outfit and a few others. I realized the USO was selling/renting their mailing list to those organizations who figured people who like the troops must hate Obama, gun control, etc. It’s sad that something charitable and somewhat patriotic got tinged with partisanship. I don’t donate to them anymore.

      • Meccalopolis

        You can always volunteer. The overseas ones were the best

  • Iron Monkey

    The picture at the top of the story is disgusting.

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      I pretty much say that about any picture of a Republican, but that’s just me and I never give any of them a fair shake.

      • Iron Monkey

        Since I developed prostate difficulties (TMI) I realized that a fair shake was really necessary

  • The Wanderer

    I’d sooner tongue-kiss an alligator than take romancin’ advice from this hypocritical shithead.
    Hell, I’d tongue-kiss my ex-wife, and I don’t call her The Evil Succubus for nothing.

  • BMW

    “That was Dana Perino discussing how unfair the press is to Republican presidents. Next on Fox News, the head of Exxon tells us why burning fossil fuels is good for the environment and tomorrow on Fox and Friends, Paula Deen discusses the health benefits of her butter & lard diet.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “But first, our newest analyst Cliven Bundy has something else to tell you about the blacks.”

  • Jenny

    WE HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO “WE” KEEP HOPING WILL BE PRESIDENTIAL. SIT AND THINK ON THAT MCFLY!

    • Jennifer R

      And we have defined presidential to him as “drop bombs”.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Hell, we’ve defined it as “don’t publicly shit yourself” and he still has a problem.

  • Mavenmaven

    Journalism is dead… what is Huckabee on Fox News if not the tombs and sepulchres of Journalism?”

  • OrdinaryJoe

    This guy has gone way past the expiration date on his package.

    • puredog

      I’ll thank you not to write about Chucklebee’s package again.

  • Me not sure

    Speaking of kissing, I think that Tom Brady got told by his wife that if he ever expected to get ” kissed” again, he’d best skip the visit to the White House. And as usual, fuck the Pats.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Lysistrata approach for the win!

      • Me not sure

        The wisdom of the ancients.

    • theblackdog

      Dammit, now that means I have to have a nice thought about Giselle since she’s clearly not as dumb as her hubby.

  • Shibusa

    According to Robert Costa, Trumpcare 2.0 /GOP conference call will take place Saturday with a target date for vote Wednesday. There is No legislative text, no public hearings, no CBO score. WaPo says Trumpcare 2.0 will cause premiums to soar for those w/preexisting conditions. It’s not good. https://twitter.com/TopherSpiro/status/855009459676033024

    • The Wanderer

      A flaming sack of dog shit in a pretty box. Got it.

      • Contemplative Ron

        Not all THAT pretty a box.

    • OrG

      Can you tell I’m shocked? This is my shocked face.

    • Jenny

      They keep hoping we won’t be paying attention.

      • Contemplative Ron

        Who will Donnie launch an ineffective and expensive attack on as a distraction?

        • HogeyeGrex

          Well, they did finally seem to find the Carl Vinson.

          • Contemplative Ron

            Wait, he really meant us? I thought he was joking!
            – Captain Doug Verissimo

    • Lefty Frizzell

      That must come with a whole fuckton of tax cuts and deregulation if senate are even considering risking their arses for it.

    • theblackdog

      Welp, if they bog themselves down with this I should expect to be furloughed after next Friday.

      • Jenny

        It’s the democrats fault for the shut down. They won’t gut Obama care!!

        • theblackdog

          Yup, I’m sure they will be to blame somehow.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      You only release legislation on Shadfest weekend if you don’t want anyone to know what’s in it.

    • ariel_gee_398

      The “plan” I saw was a pdf of a word document that basically said, Point 1: We are keeping all the good stuff people like in the ACA and Point 2: States can get waivers to chuck all the good stuff we just promised we’d keep if it will “lower premiums” and “save money.”

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    I’m surprised that, as long as Huck was tossin’ out them down home bromides, that he didn’t use “you can’t thread a moving needle,” or hold up an inkwell and challenge someone to dip a quill in it while he deftly manoeuvred it to make it impossible.

    • William
    • laughingnome

      How about a salt of hydrobromic acid consisting of two elements, one of which is bromine, as sodium bromide, NaBr?

    • puredog

      That latter’s a good way to get an impromptu tattoo dot.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Or a whole inkwell spilled on your shirt.

        Of course, when he puts it down and acts all violated, you can dip the quill and say, “There you go.”

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Maybe he should start asking if they’d like to be kissed, since he can’t understand context clues.

    • DainBramage

      But then they might say “no.”

  • Shoto

    Maybe Chucklehead Huck leaned in to kiss Smegma-Face Chaffetz, so Smegma-Face Chaffetz decided to leave Congress to spend moar time with Chucklehead Huck?

  • Crystalclear12

    Why is Huckabee still a thing?!

  • The man has never danced with a girl, dipped, and ended the song with a kiss? Truly, he has no soul. Well, he’s a Republican leader, so I guess that goes without saying, but still…

    • TundraGrifter

      We have a couple of (now reasonably grown up) kids and it makes me sad they’ve never slow danced.

      Without a doubt, that was one of the high points of both high school and college.

      • Shanzgood

        I must be A Oldz, then.

      • Growing up fundamentalist, dancing was suspect and forbidden, so Mrs. Shadow and I took tango classes before our wedding so we could have a nice first dance..

        • Shanzgood

          Awww!

        • Lance Thrustwell

          I hear it takes a particular number to do that. I forget which one though.

  • Suttree

    I’m pretty sure Faux and Blightfart have been fellating Turnip for over a year now. What pisses me off is that we ever got to this point because the media was giving him a fair fucking shake. He should have been laughed off. It is precisely the media’s fault you stupid pigfucker!!!!!

    • Shanzgood

      Yay! Someone said “pigfucker” without referring to Kansas!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY.

      (This message brought to you by LizzieTish81. Just do what LT says and no one will get hurt™.)

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Those are some sick-ass kissing tips.

    Sorry, misplaced hyphen.

  • TundraGrifter

    “I used to kiss her on the lips;
    “But it’s all over now.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Dana Perino has dead eyes. There is no soul in there.

    • Jack Rogue Tenhet

      Being soulless is a requirement to work for faux news, isn’t it?

      • Contemplative Ron

        It used to be that if you weren’t they’d just put you in a room with Roger Ailes, who’d suck it from your body. Now you have to get it removed before the second interview with HR.

        • Shanzgood

          Is that a special procedure arranged by Wolfram & Hart?

          • Jack Rogue Tenhet

            I’ll ask Angel Investigations.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Not much brain either. Most of these assholes have “the lights are on, but no one is home” faces.

    • Flashman

      Back in the day, a number of good lefties (I am told), while despising Dana Perino, nevertheless wanted her to discipline them for the worms they were. The Obama years were not kind to her.

  • Jack Rogue Tenhet

    “The media that 45 constantly attacks isn’t lavishing him with 24/7 praise! We’re the victims here! We, the rich, white, men are the victims here!”

    I can’t roll my eyes enough anymore. Get over it, Mike! All of you, get over it. You won, get over it.

  • boyblue122

    OT – is Putin starting to get impatient. I saw an article about the GOP selling access to their leadership for $5000 and it came from the Intercept.

    Kompromat drip-drip time?

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      How many rubles are needed to convert $5k ameros?
      – Vlad

    • May be their realization that their usefull tools were looking a little toooooo lenient, so time to trot something out that will just piss off the left a little

  • TundraGrifter

    Robyn: Perhaps he’s confused about the different between a woman wanting to be kissed and when he’s been told to “Kiss off!”

  • Oblios_Cap

    I just saw that Ferret-face is stepping down because of an multi-year affair. I can’t vouch for the veracity of that, though.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Ferrets are cute.
      Chafenutz? Not so much.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Girl? Boy? Other?

      • Jack Rogue Tenhet

        Yes.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Lawn Mower?

  • Jennifer R

    Cause I am good at putting stuff where it can be seen, the DCCC is still putting money into GA 06.
    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/855110896208793601

    • The Wanderer

      Are you also good at putting things on top of other things?

      • Jennifer R

        I fancy myself good at following orders actually.

        • Shanzgood

          I am, if they make sense. If they don’t, I start asking questions and making suggestions and then everything goes to shit.

          • Jennifer R

            Haha, there are solutions to that situation, but I like it rough.

          • Shanzgood

            Oh. I thought you meant something else…never mind!

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            A little insubordination now and then, eh?

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        No fewer than twenty-three!

    • Oy.
      Wish they would not adopt the “career politician!” thang.
      Career politicians are fine! Can be great! It is the grifting mother fuckers you need to keep an eye on

      • Jennifer R

        Play to the audience I guess? I figured her jetting around running in a bunch of places would be a bad thing to GA voters, compared to Ossoff being born in the district.

        • hendenburg2

          Yeah, but that’s generally a bad idea, arguing for it in one race and against it in another.

  • Vecchioivan

    So if she leans towards me to kick me in the nuts it’s NOT a good sign?

    • boyblue122

      Shes just playing hard to get

    • Bitter Scribe

      It’s just her way of reminding you to wear a cup.

    • hendenburg2

      Then you should be very thankful because that means she probably doesn’t have good kicking form.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Kissin’ tips with Huck!

    On today’s episode, we tell y’all how to kiss a pig. First, y’all feed the pig a couple of apples, so it knows, y’all are friends. Then, ya just pucker up and plant one on Miss Piggie’s snout. (Unless y’all are a lady – then you kiss a boar. Gay bestiality makes baby Jesus cry, y’all!) Then you take the pig to the slaughterhouse and have it processed into sausages and pork chops. That way, your shameful secret is safe – and for a bonus, y’all get some good eatin’, too!

    On next week’s episode of Kissin’ tips with Huck, our special guest, Gov. Sarah Palin, tells us how to kiss an Alaska moose, and then make chili out of it. Catch y’all later!

    • Vecchioivan

      Got any good popcorn popper possum recipes?

      • hendenburg2

        Pretty sure I saw that on Andrew Zimmer

    • puredog

      Will she toss in tips on lipstick?

    • hendenburg2

      Yeah, I’m sure Huck has kissed TONS of tips

    • BrianW

      Needs moar grits and gravy.

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    Is it just me or does Fuckabee look like he always deserves a swift kick to his family jewels and a pepper spray to the face?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      yes

    • BrianW

      You could reverse those, and the sentence would still work just as well.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Tonight on The Fucktor, Steve Bannon talks about personal hygiene!

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • Kiri the Unicorn

    While
    addressing the 2015 National Religious Broadcasters Convention in
    Nashville in February, Huckabee warned of the dangers of letting
    transgender people into gendered spaces. “We are now in city after city
    watching ordinances say that your 7-year-old daughter, if she goes into
    the restroom cannot be offended and you can’t be offended if she’s
    greeted there by a 42-year-old man who feels more like a woman than he
    does a man,” he said, in remarks first reported by Buzzfeed. Then
    he joked: “Now I wish that someone told me that when I was in high
    school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take
    showers in PE. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side
    and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.’”

    http://time.com/3905462/mike-huckabee-transgender-joke/

    So: by his own words, Mike Huckabee is a sex crime that’s waiting to happen, and has been for years.

  • Cranky Man

    My go to guy for kissing advice is George Castanza.

  • anon_the_great

    “…or kiss a woman leaning away from you.”

    Come on Mike, that’s what pussy grabbin’ is for. Kinda like a bowling ball. Didn’t you learn nothin’ from from your Ruskie-soaked BFF?

  • coozledad

    And your son can’t beat a dog to death without people realizing you are fucked up and your whole family is fucked up about as bad as you are.

    • Qntino773

      Or the time when Mikey released a serial rapist only to have that person murder and rape again after telling Mikey he had been forgiven by god.

  • Terpsichord

    https://youtu.be/odkIEDi2x0g
    The Huckster is correct. Jim Croce sez you can’t spit into the wind.

  • BrianW

    Well, let’s see. So far today we’ve had Palin and Nugent in the White House, and kissing tips from Mike Huckabee. Hold on a moment.. (checks bank account). Yep, I am paying Wonkette to do this shit to me. I’m beginning to think that I might have some secret masochist freak that I never knew about until now….

    • Anna Rompage

      You haven’t seen anything yet! Just wait until they give a column to Kellyanne, to write about fashion tips, and self promotion…

      • BrianW

        Why do you hate me, Anna? What have I ever done to you? :-(

      • BrianW

        I replied to this an hour ago, but apparently Disqus ate it. So, again: “Why do you hate me Anna? What have I done to you?” :-(

  • Beaufighter

    That’s enough hearing about Huckabee kissing for this year, thanks.

  • Lipstick all over Mick Huckabee? I guess that proves you can put lipstick on a pig.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      One of those Arkansas razorbacks

      Sooie!

  • BMW
  • Albatrossity
    • Shanzgood

      You know that wasn’t consensual, right?

      http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1941127

      • Albatrossity

        Yes, I did know that. The point was to, again, show that Huckabee’s folksy aphorisms are quite often just incorrect.

        • Shanzgood

          Ok, cool. I don’t know you and you didn’t make any comment with the post so I was just making sure it wasn’t “Oh, look! You CAN kiss a woman who’s leaning away!”

          • Heyzeus Ahchay

            When you’re Mike Huckabee, ALL females lean away when you pucker up and lean forward. And most of the young boys do, too, but he can still kiss most of them because they’re shorter and weaker than he is, so he’s happy.

          • Shanzgood

            Ew. BTDT and still wanna vomit while having a Silkwood shower.

  • BearLeft

    And, as gubner Huckabee and “not a puppet” Trump continue to demonstrate daily, you CAN spit into the wind. You just get it all over your face.

  • Swampay

    Also, too, Trump is in fact getting more than a “fair shake” from the media. Some media give him such a good shake it’s practically a hand job. And considering that the MSM* keep trying to treat him like a reasonable human being and hardly ever call him a toad faced lying bully idiot puss burglar, I think they’re being more than fair.

    (Beloved Wonkette does not count as MSM. This is a compliment, not an insult.)

  • Yr. Gma

    Huckleberry is so pathetic as he tries to maintain relevance.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    You don’t tug on Superman’s cape
    You don’t spit into the wind
    You don’t pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
    And you don’t mess around with Jim…

    • Erala Contratista

      Many thanks! (Great sigh of relief due to not waking up at 2am with the complete verse)

    • phoenix00

      And you never talk about Fight Club.

  • nightmoth

    One of the few things I still enjoy about the South are the rural-based folksy expressions like “so lazy he wouldn’t hit a lick at a snake” or “a few eggs short a dozen.” But I’ve NEVER heard “try to kiss a woman leaning away from you” and I suspect it came from Huckabee’s very own personal history. I hope he fell on his face.

    • whitroth

      Trumpolini, and Hucklebee remind me of my late idiot, er, sister. Nothing above a 10, and missing red cards from 4-6, and black 7’s and 8’s….

  • goonemeritus

    You can spit into the wind, you can climb a ladder leaning towards you, And my dog doesn’t care how much you lean away when he wants some face. As to Trump getting a fair shake, the fact that he is not referred to as serial adulterous, sexually assaulting racist conman who is likely a traitor seems more than generous.

  • ltmcdies

    what’s next ,Mike…a woman can’t be raped if she keeps her legs together…

    another folksy wee saying that’s full of shit

    • Shanzgood

      Reminds me of the judges and juries flummoxed by jeans. “How could he rape you when you were wearing those? They’re impossible to remove unless you helped!” Something like that. Rapists have been acquitted on those grounds in various countries.

    • whitroth

      My daughters know the correct answer: it’s not keep your legs closed, it’s knee them in the balls, hard.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Can you tug on Superman’s cape, though?

  • Elder God’s Minion

    I’ll give him one thing though, he sure does know a fair bit about kissing Trumps ass.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      ditto the Duggars’ asses

  • VirginiaLady

    Reading Huckabee and kissing in the same sentence did not lead my thoughts to a woman on the receiving end. I keep seeing a large disgruntled sea bass saying no means no.

  • Roadstergal

    You don’t need your Obamacare contraception. You just need this video of Huckabee talking about kissing.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Just what I needed to read to keep the edge on my anger today. :)

  • whitroth

    I’ve kissed women leaning away from me… of course, they were bending over backwards, and I was holding them (don’t want someone falling over backwards, esp. if you’re kissing….)

    And how does he know you can’t climb a ladder leaning towards you, inquiring minds want to know. Perhaps he tried, and fell on his head, and that’s why he’s A. Idiot?

  • Qntino773

    Mikey also knows a thing or two about pedophilia, rape and animal cruelty given that his friends and family are into those sorts of things.

    • janecita

      Don’t forget incest, he also knows about that.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      4 words: Friend of Josh Duggar.

      • phoenix00

        AND Kim Davis

  • Greyhame

    What? That’s not a saying. Is that a saying in Arkansas, about things you can’t do? No one has ever said that in my neck of the woods.

  • chicken thief

    “And another thing I know – Kim Davis covered in prison sweat is hawter than a fresh fucked fox!”, Huckleberry added.

  • chicken thief

    I wish they would have broken the news to Mike Huckstain that his boyfriend, Wango Tango Ted Dirty Diapher Nugent was at the WH with that floozy, Sarah Palin while he was wasting time spewin bullshit on The O’Reilly Factor just so we could have seen him cry on air.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      I wish that someone had reminded the lardbutt that today is Weed Day

  • cats530

    Can someone please hang Huckabee by his pee (colored) tie?

  • cats530

    “You can’t spit into the wind, you can’t climb a ladder leaning toward you or kiss a woman leaning away from you.”

    Sure you can. You can do all of those things. What a weirdo.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Well, something for sure: You can’t get an intelligent word to pass from Mike Huckabee’s orange-colored lips regardless of how long you listen.

  • azeyote

    i’d give that dick a fair shake so i don’t get my boots wet –

  • Scooby

    ive done all those things before breakfast.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I have never been kissed on the mouth by someone who (whom?) I didn’t want to kiss me. That must be a horrible experience. I can’t even imagine it.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      Whom. It’s the accusative. For example, “I don’t want HIM to kiss me.”

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I thought it was “whom” but when I said it aloud to test it, it sounded very awkward. If I had a British accent, it might sound better, LOL.

      • mailman27

        Isn’t “who” the subject of the clause rather than the object? “Who” being the person I didn’t want to kiss me? I’m so confused. (I love this kind of shit.)

    • hvdv

      It is very, very bad.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Then I would be tempted to bite something. Twenty years ago I read about a serial rapist in St. Louis who was breaking into houses of elderly women and raping them and forcing them to perform oral sex at knife point. A 60-something lady bit his penis off, then calmly called the cops. Bravo to her, say I. Unfortunately, he survived. She was not arrested.

        • hvdv

          Yay elderly ladies! (Now there’s a motivation for flossing.) Thing is, though, with the kissing, that one tends to be stunned for a second or two, and then the first impulse is to pull away, rather than bite down.

  • incandenza

    Mike huckabee is everything i hate about being alive

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    My advice for kissing Suckabee:

    put a bag over your head

  • mailman27

    And never hang a dog to death. Unless you wanna!!!

  • JParkerSD46

    Hey, Schmuckabee. You forgot that you can’t tug on Superman’s cape or pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger. Jim Croce hates you. Oh, and pretty much everyone else, too.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Tic Tacs. Works every time, amirite?

  • phoenix00
  • SeeTrain65

    Since I’m too lazy to look downthread, I’ll just assume I’m the 50th or 60th person to put this up. (EDIT: Turns out if I’d just looked down a few posts, I needn’t have bothered.)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4qUXcXuMSE

  • Professor Fate

    Of course what Huck fears most is that people kissing could lead to sex which could then lead to dancing.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    If the bar were any lower it would make a nice home for unwed earthworms.

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