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Aren’t there any AMERICANS in the judicial system?

It’s not exactly as ironic as rain on your wedding day, but close enough for Alanis Morissette to maybe sing about: A lawsuit filed by lawyers for Juan Manuel Montes, the 23-year-old guy who should have been protected by DACA but was deported anyway in February, has been assigned to U.S. District Judge Gonzalo Curiel, the judge in one of the Trump “University” class action lawsuits. Yes, the same Gonzalo Curiel who Donald Trump had multiple public hissy fits over last summer because the Indiana-born federal judge was “Mexican,” and therefore obviously too biased to give Trump a fair hearing.

Trump ended up settling all of the lawsuits against Trump “University” for $25 million, so it stands to reason he’ll be just peachy with Judge Curiel presiding over a case that makes Trump’s immigration policy look cruel and arbitrary. We certainly can’t imagine he’d take time out from his busy job of leading America and dealing with multiple foreign crises just to have some kind of meltdown or send a bunch of Tweets suggesting a conspiracy is afoot. Couldn’t possibly happen. That would be as ridiculous as a presidential candidate going off on a series of racist tangents just before his own nominating convention, accusing a judge of being impossibly biased simply because of his heritage — while not bothering to formally file a motion asking for another judge. See? Not gonna happen.

Montes, you’ll recall, was rushed across the border in February after a Border Patrol agent nabbed him in Calexico, California. He’d left his wallet in a friend’s car, so he couldn’t show his ID or his paperwork showing he was currently enrolled in DACA — the one program the Trump administration has promised will still protect people from deportation, because Donald Trump has such a big heart. But the Border Patrol goons wouldn’t let Montes retrieve his ID, and convinced him to sign paperwork allowing him to be deported immediately. Montes, who suffers from learning disabilities due to a childhood brain injury, didn’t even know what he was signing. To make matters worse, after being mugged in Mexcali shortly after being dumped there, Montes tried to go home, and was then arrested as an illegal border crosser, and a Very Bad Hombre.

Now living with an aunt and uncle in Mexico, Montes is being represented by lawyers with the National Immigration Law Center, who have filed suit to force Homeland Security to release all their records on his arrest and deportation. That case has been assigned at random to Judge Curiel, purely by coincidence, in accordance with the rules for the Southern District of California:

Kari Hong, an assistant professor at Boston College Law School who used to be an attorney in California, said judges are selected based on a rotating schedule. The court sets up a list of available judges and they are assigned each case as they come in.

You can hear the gears turning in Trump’s head, can’t you? But…but…this is the judge Donald Trump already said was too biased to handle another lawsuit, because he’s Messican, and Donald Trump’s going to build a beautiful wall to keep Messican terrorists and murderers like this learning-disabled DACA guy from ever getting into the USA! Are Messican judges even allowed to rule in cases involving other Messicans? Everyone knows only white judges can be objective (preferably, all judges would be male and Republican, but we haven’t fixed some flaws in the system yet). Shouldn’t Curiel have to recuse himself for having a conflict of interest?

Probably not, says Hong, who explained that having been yelled at by a guy with weird hair doesn’t count:

“Simply being attacked by the President isn’t a conflict of interest. If that were the standard, the entire 9th Circuit Court of Appeals couldn’t handle a single case,” she said, referring to the San Francisco-based appeals court that shot down Trump’s attempts to institute a travel ban against six majority-Muslim countries.

Well, crap. If you can’t make a judge in a federal case go away simply by yelling at him, then where the hell is justice anyway?

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[USA Today via Jesse Lehrich on Twitter]

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  • Chadwells
  • Anna Elizabeth

    HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

  • dslindc
    • Bill D. Burger
      • Msgr_MΩment

        Holy shit. I had no idea. No wonder he hasn’t been leaving me any weed.

      • Stulexington

        And then eat them because you have the munchies. Don’t worry, he’ll understand, he’s cool like that.

      • OddMan

        Getting old got a little easier.
        I love California Medical Cannabis. Every 2 weeks this nice young gentleman comes over to our house with two duffel bags full of the most wonderful assortment of edibles, smokeables and spreadables you have ever seen. I look through his selections and pick out my 2 week supply. And the cost is less than the money I save from Canadian prescription drugs.
        Strange days.
        Happy 4:20

      • Villago Delenda Est

        If you visit Track Town for a legal weed shop, you’ll have hundreds to choose from!

        The shake out is going to be brutal.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Kari Hong, an assistant professor at Boston College Law School who used to be an attorney in California, said judges are selected based on a rotating schedule. “Simply being attacked by the President isn’t a conflict of interest. If that were the standard, the entire 9th Circuit Court of Appeals couldn’t handle a single case,”

    Hong jury is still out.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • tihond

    In other news, Ted Nugent visited the white house.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Now 30% whiter!

    • SnarkON

      How would you know? THOSE VISITOR LOGS ARE PRIVATE.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Ted Nugent. Visitor “Logs”. Haha. Hahaa…

      • Undocumented Skwerl!

        But known suspected child molester Ted Nugnet’s Press Secretary, Ted Nugent, creamed his jeans when he walked into the White House.

    • ArgieBargie

      Invited by Sarah Palin, no less, who also invited Kid Rock.

      The White Thrash House.

      • ariel_gee_398

        If you had asked me to devise my worst political nightmare scenario 5 years ago, I couldn’t even come close to “Donald Trump invites Sarah Palin to visit him at the White House and she brings Kid Rock and Ted Nugent.”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Was there a Mediocrity Convention going on in D.C. that day?

          • ariel_gee_398

            Mediocrity is aspirational for this crowd.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Nugent plays dive gigs so shitty that even I’d turn them down.

          • ariel_gee_398

            And I hope you don’t have a song about raping a thirteen year old and “sharing” her with a cop.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Uh…no. I do have several songs about kicking the fuck out of people who do shit like that, though.

          • ariel_gee_398

            I only recently became aware of that song of his. That Huckabee pals around with him but thinks Beyonce is trash, well, racists gotta racist, I guess.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            He also has a fondness for dressing up in Native American garb and speaking reverently about the “old ways”, while at the same time referring to actual living Native people as sub-human “mongrels”. A real charmer, that one…no wonder he’s high on Republican guest lists. He played some toilet gig out at the hickoid county fair here a number of years ago. I was really tempted to go out there and get up in his grill.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Is Kid Rock actively working to be a douchebag loser, or was he born that way?

        • ArgieBargie

          That’s future Senator Rock (R-Michigan) for you. Show some respect.

          • persistently_resistant_gayby

            I have to go throw up now.

        • Yes.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Sadly, it was the Patriots who won the Superbowl. I still want to see James Harrison bodyslam a bitch.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Great. Now we’re going to have to burn everything he touched, right?

    • Mpeg

      Nuge is sorry he couldn’t participate in the Easter Roll children’s book festival. He badly wanted to share with them Julie Andrews’ classic “Last of the Really Great Whang-dang-doodles”~ https://pictures.abebooks.com/isbn/9780060218065-us.jpg

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Let’s invite the guy who was investigated by the Secret Service for publicly threatening to murder Hillary Clinton with a machine gun to be an honored guest at the White House.” Sheesh…white trash and their wacky hijinks, eh?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      If I ever go to the White House, I will need to know exactly which chairs Mr. Nugent sat in.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Never seen a pic of that judge before – he looks so damn straight! From Trump’s rants I was expecting Philthy on the cover of Ace of Spaces.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot..but “The Factor” is now a healthier place.
    Congrats to BillO’ “FeelMyLoofah” Really.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C92_f6bVYAA4det.jpg

    • Proud Liberal

      Standing ovation!

  • Chadwells
  • ManchuCandidate

    “I mean, who expected the Messican Inquisition?”
    -DJT

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Our principal weapon is taco trucks. That’s all. Taco trucks. “

    • Chadwells

      No one expects the Messican Inquisition.

    • Chadwells

      Forgot to add this!!!

      https://youtu.be/sAn7baRbhx4

  • puredog

    “. . .while not bothering to formally file a motion asking for another judge.”
    In federal court, such recusal motions are directed to the discretion of the target judge, and, absent some sort of smoking gun, are rarely successful. In many state courts, if you move fast, you get one such motion granted as a matter of course (but then you are likely stuck with your second assignment).

    • Proud Liberal

      What would be the reasoning? DT doesn’t like the judge, therefore we want a new one?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        My sense would be that because DT trashed him publicly, he’s got a subconscious bias against someone who doesn’t like him. At least, if I were drafting the motion that’s the theory I would use.
        It’s not a good one, but all it has to be is a plausible one.

        • Proud Liberal

          Oh, I’m sure they can get a new judge. Curiel could even recuse himself.

          • theblackdog

            But would he want to?

          • Querolous

            If he doesn’t want to then he must be biased?

  • Vincent Ricola

    It’s not my taco trucks on every corner dream come true, but I’ll take this gift from the universe as a placeholder for now.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Well, I’m sure His Fraudulency will handle this with all of the grace and equanimity that we have come to expect from him.

    • Proud Liberal

      Like living in the toilet?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Man, did this kid get serially fucked by the system or what? Thank God America Is Great Again, though.

  • Paperless Tiger

    How do you say caramba?

  • Jeffocaster in the desert
    • Proud Liberal

      I’m buying one. I don’t trust my government anymore.

      • TakingAmes

        Why don’t we all buy one, then join the NRA as voting members? Maybe that’s how we make a difference by turning the NRA into a buncha lefty hippie snowflakes.

    • snark-lurker

      this is one i would like to have cuz it takes 4-10 shot shells that are not so deadly (except point blank) and your aim can be off & still “protect”

  • therblig

    “It would be inappropriate of me to comment about an ongoing legal case in which a biased crooked mexican judge is about to rule in favor of a drug smuggling mexican rapist lusting after our beautiful white daughters” – DJT

  • wavicles

    Value-added dick joke… isn’t that what a gun-humper carrying is gun is?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      What is science?

      • MynameisBlarney

        It think it’s magic.

        • Wild Cat

          No, silly, Jesus Is magic!

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Friendship is magic! And so are grilled shrimp with a good dipping sauce.

      • Wild Cat

        Something first-world nations in Europe and Asia and other non-psychotic lands hold to be of value. It often benefits humans, albeit it has also been abused by sociopathic leaders (see war crimes, United States; Tuskagee Experiments, United States; eugenics (Europe).

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Sessions comes with the belief that if the police arrest you, you must be guilty. Therefore, forensics only exists to get guilty people out of trouble.

      • therblig

        i suspect his “one drop rule” isn’t for dna testing.

    • Proud Liberal

      I get the feeling he was picked on a lot as a child.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Where are the fucking checks and balances…? I NEED MY CHECKS AND BALANCES.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        It’s all bounced checks and New Balance(*) sneakers from now on.

        (*)I hear that NB is the unofficial shoe of right wing diphits, which bums me a little because I really like their walking shoes.

    • Doug Langley

      Can’t imagine why Trump would have a problem with hair evidence.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Umm, Mr. Trump. your ‘hair’ contains three elements that aren’t even on the periodic table?”
        — A test tube jockey, soon to be fired

  • Wild Cat
  • MynameisBlarney
  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    Why is it getting more difficult to read Wonkette these days – every news article is making me depressed and morose. Its really hard to keep track of all the shit the Trumpcano churns out everyday – I’m getting sick of it… (No offense to you – Dok, Evan, Editrix, Shy, Robyn, Five Dollar Feminist and others)

  • SayItWithWookies

    I know who I’d like to preside over the impeachment trial now – would Curiel have to be made a Supreme Court Justice first?

  • Ah! Once in a while, fate drops in to see what condition its condition is in!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Anything that causes Donald pain I fully support.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Do you think he’d like Conversion Therapy..?

    • Proud Liberal

      I’m all for torture when it comes to that man.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    “… mugged in Mexcali shortly after being dumped there…”

    Hey, that was my bachelor party!

  • fawkedifiknow

    That DACA young man has learning impairment resulting from a traumatic head injury, but what is Trump’s excuse?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Traumatic head injury suffered by being dropped on his head repeatedly, for the last 70 years.

      • “M”

        Self-inflicted dropping.

        • ahughes798

          Which is why he is afraid of stairs.

    • Mavenmaven

      After 4 years of Trump we will all be traumatic ‘head’ injury victims.

      • “M”

        It’s already happening. There’s more than one reason the Rethuglicans wanted to cut mental health out of Obamacare.

  • La Tijera

    Only a WASP is capable of ruling on this without prejudice, or maybe a very patriotic Scotts/Irish southerner.

    • goonemeritus

      I’m holding out for a Catholic female with Belgian ancestry.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      In other words, a Real ‘Merican.

    • norcalOG

      Better yet, a Scots/Irish /Mexican judge–say, Andrew Jackson Rodriguez–bilingual , of course, a Stanford grad who is a widower with four children (lots of sitcom possibilities) who reflect their heritages. FUture actress Betty Blanco Rodriguez, future athlete Tomas Brady Rodriguez, future actor and distressed middle child Felipe Seymour Rodriguez, and the baby, Rosa de Guadalupe Gaga Rodriguez, who already is painting strange logos on her feet while belting out Top 40 musical hits.

  • SweetDeeKat

    I am so happy. Whatever Judge Curiel does, it will be bulletproof, because he is a decent judge; and it will make President Pussgrab go APESHIT.

  • Bebecca

    coincidental or karma, take your pick

  • norcalOG

    Of all things: an Indiana-born Mexican! Hoosier padre?

    • Yellerduck

      ISWYDT.

  • anwisok

    This is serendipity at its finest. Delicious!

  • I like the right wing logic with the court thing.
    Create a conflict of interest by going in public and yelling at judges. Then claim the judge has a conflict of interest and should recuse themselves.

    • Krombopulous Pichael

      oh, it follows along nicely with all their other “logicz”…
      go in and break shit and then complain its not working and its never worked and goddammit why do we have all this broken shit lying around?!
      they love doing that one..

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        you forgot “Why haven’t the Dems fixed this yet? This proves they’re incompetent”

  • Bill Slider

    President Michelle Obama will invite this young man to be a VIP guest at her inauguration.

  • Beaufighter

    Said it before, say it again: hug a judge today. They’re your first line of defense.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Simply being attacked by the President isn’t a conflict of interest.

    That’s the most polite version of “bitch, please” I’ve heard in a while. Well done!

  • calliecallie

    Karma is a delightful bitch, isn’t she?

  • kareemachan

    A friend’s SIL is border patrol. He’s probably having a (how to put this nicely?) fine time these days. I don’t know, as we don’t talk to them any more.

  • JMP

    The Border Gestapo presumed he must be an illegal alien because the guy didn’t have ID with him, and I’m sure because of the color of his skin. This is fucking frightening; they’re basically treating anyone brown without ID on them as a presumed criminal, even though the idea that everyone must have ID on them at all times is ridiculously authoritarian and horrifying.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Oh, that’s easy to fix. Latino people could just wear an identifying symbol on their clothing to prove they’re citizens. Maybe something distinctive, like a star. And it should be in a bright color to make it noticeable. Orange or red? Or is that a little too garish? Maybe a lighter, more subtle shade…

    • davej1s

      To save Herr Trump, President Bannon, and President Kushner some valuable time, perhaps we should all get tattoos on our wrists? That has proven to be ridiculously authoritarian and horrifying in the past.

    • this country says it’s about

      “Papers please.” This is is the kind of sh*t I was taught in grade school why the USSR was bad and we were good! We didn’t do this crap

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “That judicial schedule is Mexican!”
    — Donald Trump

  • The Librarian

    Here comes the judge!!
    Hopefully to make things right for Mr. Montes and to make Mr. Trump SAD!

  • FZsdaughter

    The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.

    • TakingAmes

      i hope I hope I hope I hope I hope

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Does it?

      The Donald seems to bending it backwards, as well as assuring that the bend can never recover.

  • Bitter Scribe

    …who have filed suit to force Homeland Security to release all their records on his arrest and deportation.

    IANAL, but IIRC, illegal entry and deportation are civil cases, not criminal, which is why Homeland Security doesn’t automatically have to release the arrest records. Correct? Of course, to the “ILLEGAL MEANS ILLEGAL THEY’RE BREAKING THE LAW THEY’RE CRIMINALS ARGLEBARGLEAAAAGGGGBBBGH” crowd, that distinction doesn’t mean much.

  • Panika MCD

    Justice? I keep it in a special little box at the back of my closet next to the water heater. unfortunately, it also has a lot of ills and hope in it which would be a horrible thing to let loose.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I will refrain from commenting on this case until Justice Gosuck has weighed in.

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