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Time for another Funtimes With Polls post! The top line result of a new poll out from Quinnipiac is that everybody still hates Donald Trump, EVEN THOUGH he did boom booms to Syria, and EVEN THOUGH a majority of Americans actually approved of those boom booms. Trump might have given the idiot media a thrill up its leg with that missile strike, and MSNBC’s Brian Williams might have been like “GIGGLE JIZZ, BOMBS IS PURTY,” but at the end of the day the strike seems not to have changed Americans’ minds on whether Trump is unhinged or has tiny hands or sucks at life, or anything like that.

Is it possible we liberals, alarmed that Trump will try to use some sort of attack (real or imagined) to consolidate power like a common Vladimir Hitler, have been worried about nothing? Could Trump be so weak and sad and pathetic that no matter what happens, Americans will always recognize that the fuck-up in the White House is still a fuck-up, and a shitty one at that?

The last time we told you about a poll, it was Gallup at the beginning of this month. Trump’s approval rating was 36%, which is only slightly more popular than getting buried alive with all of Bill O’Reilly’s used falafel things. At the time, Quinnipiac had Trump at 35%. Trump has actually gained in this latest Quinnipiac poll, but not very much:

American voters say 61 – 31 percent President Donald Trump’s decision to launch a missile strike in Syria was the right decision, giving him a slight lift in his job approval rating, although it still is a negative 40 – 56 percent, according to a Quinnipiac University national poll released today.

Shorter America: ANY DUMB FUCKER CAN DO BOMBS. Hilariously, though, when asked if Trump’s bombing would actually be effective in stopping Syria from doing chemical weapons, 62% of Americans were like “LOL nah,” so we guess there’s a whole third of the nation that just gets a boner when we drop bombs, and gives zero fucks whether those bombings achieve any sort of goals. GO BOOM!

Only 39% of Americans have a favorable opinion of Donald Trump, as a human, and everybody still hates him for all the other reasons that are not GO BOOM:

American voters’ opinions of some of Trump’s personal qualities are still mostly negative:

58 – 37 percent that he is not honest, compared to 61 – 34 percent April 4;
55 – 40 percent that he does not have good leadership skills, unchanged;
57 – 42 percent that he does not care about average Americans, little change;
63 – 33 percent that he is not level-headed, compared to 66 – 29 percent;

And 100% of Americans agree that the thing on top of Donald Trump’s head looks like a syphilitic beaver pelt from an ugly dork beaver that isn’t even good at sports, according to an exclusive Wonkette poll we just made up in our brain.

Now, if we may share you a graphic from Quinnipiac, showing the fluctuations of Trump’s approval rating since he has become president:

It kind of veers around between 35 and 42 percent, depending on whether Americans had a good morning shit that day.

Now, if we may share you a couple of New York Times dicks, being New York Times dicks, acting all “Good news for Trump! PIVOT! We are real journalists!” This happened Tuesday, before the new Quinnipiac poll came out:

It’s true that in the Quinnipiac poll, Trump has an 87% approval rating among dumbass Republicans. It’s not really true that Trump is moving much in Gallup’s daily tracking poll. But woo hoo, let’s get SO ‘SCITED that a president whose popularity hovers somewhere between dick cheese and anal fissures has the approval of most Republicans. We guess they’re the only Real Americans who matter, right?

To be fair, Maggie Haberman isn’t really a dick. But she works for the NYT, which always turns people a little bit stupid. You cannot hang around Maureen Dowd and Ross Douthat without a few of your brain cells getting murdered to death, especially if MoDo brought “brownies from home” that day.

Let’s find out if Jeremy Peters is a dick, by checking to see what he’s tweeted lately:

Oh fuck you, you flaming fuck tentacle from the outer rings of hell. Jon Ossoff lives just outside his district, because he and his girlfriend moved there so she could GO TO SCHOOL, which is apparently something Jeremy Peters needs to do. Ossoff grew up in the district, and he said if he wins, he’s a-movin’ right back.

And no, nobody is talking about Chelsea 2020, but nice try.

This post was originally about a Quinnipiac poll, but then it turned into “Hey look at this stupid New York Times asshole,” because that’s just how things are sometimes.

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[Quinnipiac]

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