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News man.
We hope he’s sad about this.

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: FIRED BABY FIRED.Bill O’Reilly has been He has FUCKED IT AND DONE IT LIVE for the very last time. Hooray!

Bill O’Reilly, paragon of moral virtue, is still on “vacation.” He deserves it! His new book about “American values” is topping the bestseller lists, and also there’s that thing about how a bunch of new ladies have been complaining that O’Reilly is the grossest sexual harasser since Old President Grab-Em-Pusses. (For the record, Donald Trump thinks Bill O’Reilly is a very nice boy and does not know what all the fuss is about.)

Tuesday, two different kinds of news broke about Bill O’Reilly. One is that there is a new accuser, a woman who worked around but not for O’Reilly, and he was very gross to her (al … legedly?), leering at her with his tiny troll eyes and calling her “hot chocolate,” because she is a black lady. The other news is that maybe the Murdochs have finally decided Fox News can’t afford to lose its moral moorings all that ad money, and O’Reilly might get to go on “vacation” from his show FOREVER.

First up, the new accuser:

Bill O’Reilly used to leer at an African-American Fox News clerical worker and called her “hot chocolate,” according to attorney Lisa Bloom, who helped the woman report the harassment to the network’s hotline. […]

“He would never talk to her, not even hello, except to grunt at her like a wild boar,” Bloom tells The Hollywood Reporter. “He would leer at her. He would always do this when no one else was around and she was scared.”

How nice. He wasn’t even her boss, he was just some perv down the hall who would get a Viagra boner every time he happened to be on the elevator with her. Presumably if he had found a way to spend more time with this woman, he would have told her he wanted to do the “falafel thing” to her pussy.

Also, in case you have not been to “outside” in a while, and you’re not sure what grunting like a wild boar sounds like, here is a compilation of Bill O’Reilly/wild boar sounds we found on the internet.

And now you know what O’Reilly (probably) sounds like in bed. It’s exactly what we would have imagined.

Now, as to the hot rumors from the No Spin Zone! It turns out that, despite how O’Reilly’s fans love him SO MUCH, especially when they find out he’s been gropey/rapey/falafels toward women, Rupert Murdoch and his sons Biff and Frederick (we think those are their names) may be ready to fire him like a common Roger Ailes. The news broke cryptically through Matt Drudge:

IN MEMORIAM: Bill O’Reilly’s career!

As to O’Reilly having a “tremendous run” and getting to “decide when and how things end,” Dave Itzkoff of the New York Times reminds us of the context:

Gabriel Sherman at New York magazine, who has been covering the inner workings of all the various Fox News sexual harassment scandals for a long time now (he got the scoop on Roger Ailes being fired for being a slimy gross pig man), and is in a position to know such things, fills in the blanks for us:

Three sources with knowledge of the discussions said that, while no final decision has been made, the Murdochs are leaning toward announcing that O’Reilly will not return to the air. Sons James and Lachlan have been arguing that O’Reilly needs to go, say these sources, though their father, Rupert, has resisted that outcome.

The prospect of dumping O’Reilly — once unimaginable — has gained steam this week due in part to street protests outside Fox News headquarters and advertiser boycotts on O’Reilly’s air. One network insider said Fox executives are alarmed by the severity of the ad-revenue decline. “It’s worse than Glenn Beck,” the insider said, referring to the advertiser revolt that helped derail Beck’s Fox News career in 2011.

Sherman reports that originally James Murdoch was the one saying O’Reilly should pack up all the loofahs and dildos in his office and go home forever, whereas Lachlan Murdoch agreed with Daddy that O’Reilly was the best. But apparently now the boys are aligned against BillO and everybody is GRRRR FIGHTING, because on the one hand ratings are still great, but on the other hand, they are hemorrhaging advertising money. Also, they’ve got to know in the back of their minds that if all these women have already come forward, there are probably 6,432 more where that came from, ready to tell their stories about how Bill O’Reilly is a misogynistic sex creep who can’t keep his rancid meat body to himself.

So that is where we are. “Hot chocolate” is the new “falafel thing,” and everybody needs to say a prayer to baby Jesus tonight that the Murdochs fire O’Reilly forever, because America needs some good news in these dark days.

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[The Hollywood Reporter / New York Magazine]

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  • memzilla Ω
    • calliecallie

      I find this cartoon not at all amusing. Does that make it a graphic novel?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I swear that if this actually happens as suggested, I will not be able to vouch for the safety of my TV anymore.
    https://twitter.com/RogueSNRadvisor/status/854448451777462272

    • Bill D. Burger

      Ditto! O’Reilly has, on numerous occasions, tempted me to “go Elvis” on a television monitor.

      • msanthropesmr

        He’s no Robert Goulet

    • calliecallie

      WHOA if true. They already have zero credibility. This will not help. Jeebus.

    • schmannity

      What about Spice Rack??!??!?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I hear there’s an opening at Fox News.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Frankly, I can imagine few things more likely to make Americans shoot their televisions than Billo running his pissflaps about what Cheeto Benito is doing….

  • Anna Elizabeth

    These old white asshole Fox viewers love O’Reilly because they are just like him. All the catcalls, vulgar come-ons, and the like I get are from fucking white asshole waste-of-skin males.

    • They’re wasting oxygen too.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Preach it!

  • ManchuCandidate

    I don’t falafel for O’Really at all.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      I hear he has a tahini dick…………

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Women just shawarma all over him.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      O’Reilly has become a PITA for Fox…….

  • DerrickWildcat

    Fox News: Fair, Balanced and Rapey.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Fox News: Creepy As Your Local Pedophile

      • Major_Major_Major

        Missing puppies and free candy, We need your help: Fox News at 11

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Vecchioivan

      Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?

    • The Wanderer

      “You’ll have had your tea.”

  • stankbait

    This worthless fuck really has trouble getting laid!

    • Proud Liberal

      Therein lies the whole problem with a lot of guys.

  • Proud Liberal

    Seriously, Bill O’Reilly is the least of our worries. Fascism is knocking at our front door.

    • TJ Barke

      And Bill O’Reilly wants to be one of its enablers…

  • Lefty Frizzell
  • Bill D. Burger
    • OddMan

      It’s almost like Trump is a real sexist racist lying asshole, and some folks actually like that in a President.
      Who knew?

  • Painter of Goats

    Somehow the sounds Bill-O makes during sex are less appetizing than dog vomit.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Thick as thieves. ‘Sexual predators stick together’

    http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/6275/59/16×9/960.jpg

  • baconzgood

    Baconz speaks boar fluently and with a slight Oklahoma accent.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Chadwells
  • TJ Barke

    Power tripping, sexist pig, fascist piece of shit.

  • Michael Smith

    His ratings are still high and his fans love him even more because of how rapey he is, but the advertisers are pulling their money??

    This is just another example of the Hollywood liberal media elite thinking they know better than Regular Americans!!

    • OddMan

      You say that as a snarky comment, but I have seen the exact same thing numerous times on ‘Right-wing’™ oriented sites.

      Damn.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        They never like it when that invisible hand slaps them in the face.

        • HogeyeGrex

          It’s almost like the three-plus million bigots-n-assholes that tune in to O’Reilly are actually only one percent of the country, and businesses are seeing that, easy to fleece as those few are, it still might be a better decision to market to the other ninety nine.

    • Caepan

      NOW who’s gonna sign up for these reverse mortgages?

  • rosenbomb

    The boyfriend’s dad LOVES BillO. We are visiting him in Ohio next month…bringing this up would be like playing with fire, but it would be hilarious.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      He’ll blame Obama, of course.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Or the biased left wing media.

      • rosenbomb

        Yeah…last time I saw him we argued about Trump and he had excuses for all of Trump’s behavior towards women. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  • Bill D. Burger
    • UnsaltedSinner

      I noticed that some Scandinavian channel was showing “Killing Jesus” this Easter, as if it was a documentary written by serious historians. Jebus…

  • Bill D. Burger
    • jesterpunk
      • The Wanderer

        Because it’s funny, and it illustrates how much DeVos will ruin American education (plus the possibility her own staff’s gunning for her).

      • Oblios_Cap

        Lots of white chillen in that there photo.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          That’s because the WH forgot to send comp tickets to the DC public schools; as is the tradition.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Lot of white chillen from private schools.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Got a really fat Kindergardner’s Pencil on you?

  • ServantToTheStars

    He just wanted to put his peanut butter in her chocolate.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7oD_oX-Gio

    • The Wanderer

      To use a fishing metaphor, he wanted to put his rod in her creel?

  • msanthropesmr

    Huh. I’ve always strived to be non-sexually harassy at work. Guess that’s why I don’t make the big bucks.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      It’s also why I’m still married after 20 years.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Don’t fish from the company pier” has been my motto for a long time.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        For every one time it ends well (successful marriages) I’ve seen about 5 times where it didn’t. And even where it ends well, one person ends up moving to a new job, because promotional opportunities dry up.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      You kids, behaving like professionals at work, where does it end?

  • baconzgood

    “It’s worse than Glenn Beck,”

    This is my new saying when things turn to shit.

    • arglebargle

      The horror.

    • calliecallie

      LOL

    • Notreelyhelping

      Baconz!

      • Oblios_Cap

        “In the beginning, Baconz was created. And it was good.”

    • Michael Smith

      I hope it catches on to the point that in the future people don’t remember the origin of the expression.

      “Traffic in the inbound lanes is worse than Glenn Beck this morning so you may want to explore alternate routes.”

      • schmannity

        The cancer has progressed from Stage IV to Stage Glenn Beck.

        • baconzgood

          That was sooooo not Glenn Beck!

      • baconzgood

        This half way house is worse than Glenn Beck

        • Oblios_Cap

          Halfway to where? That’s the rub…

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • “Look, Billo, it’s nothing personal. I mean, we were fine with you draggin’ the ex ’round by her hair, but these new bitches are startin’ to cost us money…”

  • arglebargle

    Uday and Qusay seems to work for republican sons names in many situations these days.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Last month, I walked over to Barnes & Noble to finally buy a copy of the new SI Swimsuit Issue. I let them sign me up for eMail coupons, but the second eMail I got was for this fucking pig’s fucking “Books”. Cancel eMails, Motherfuckers.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      When Boders (sadly) went out of business, they had shelves filled with steeply discounted right wing screed books that nobody wanted to buy.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I’ve seen a lot of them at Big Lots and Family Dollar too – guess that’s where they end up before it’s back to the pulping mill.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Yeah, like *all* the books at my Big Lots are that shit.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            IKR? We have a discount place here in Kentuckistan called Ollie’s – all the books are either religious bullshit or right-wing nonsense. Even the kids’ books. It’s horrible. I wanted to buy some books to donate at Xmas but there was not one single title I felt comfortable purchasing.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah. There’s a Christian Thrift store next to my Big Lots, they have all the same books! XD

            I love to go in there as a Punk Princess and buy the shortest shorts I can find. XD

          • theblackdog

            Now I need to check out Ollie’s in the People’s Republic of Maryland (which the RWNJ’s love to call this place) to see if they have a similar book collection.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Baen Books published Newt Gringrich’s alternative history where Germany gets the bomb first and wins the war. Baen writers were thrilled. They expected Newt’s book to be a bestseller based on his name recognition alone, and they’d all get bigger advances with all the ameros rolling in.

          Sales were so pathetic, Baen eventually paid a paper recycler a set price per pound to haul all the existing copies away because it was cheaper than paying warehouse storage fees.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I miss Borders so much. The one that was in our Mall had a gentleman that actually read SF books, we would chat a bit about them while I picked out my choice.

      • Jennifer R

        Guess we know why they went out of business.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          OT, but currently reading The Expanse series. Wish someone had steered me in that direction sooner

  • exinkwretch

    “Next on Fox News: “How Bill O’Reilly hitting on a black woman proves that racism is no longer an issue in America!”

  • Vincent Ricola

    Sky god wanted boners to become more infrequent with age. Why do the gross old men at Fox that down a handful of experimental drugs with their morning coffee think they know more than sky god about boners? Isn’t that blasphemy or something? Bill O’Reilly is a sinful devil man.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
  • Bill D. Burger

    He’s been the standard bearer for FUX News. He’s forever their shining beacon of being fairly imbalanced.

    http://www.newscorpse.com/Pix/FoxNews/oreilly-lies-cracked.jpg

  • elviouslyqueer
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Oh, that brutal media industry – where you still get to walk away with the millions you made misleading people, and will eventually write a book about it….

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Saaaay, you know who else had a tremendous run in a brutal industry?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Charles Foster Kane?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Michael Corleone?

    • calliecallie

      Hulk Hogan?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Honey Boo Boo?

    • Painter of Goats

      Atilla the Hun?

    • mackafritz

      Fred Rogers?

    • Major_Major_Major

      JCVD and Steven Seagall?

    • shastakoala

      Brute aftershave?

    • The Wanderer

      Wayne Rooney?

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Joni Ernst?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Arsene Wenger?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Visiting fans in Philly?

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Joe McCarthy?

    • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

      Ben Richards?

  • schmannity

    O’Reilly: Wild boar rutting sounds
    Ailes: Wild Hippo rutting sounds.
    Doocy: Wild frat boy rutting sounds.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Ewww…

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Well, that ends any lunch plans.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Trump: Squeee….

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Trump: Squeee…. ivanka!

        FTFY

  • Bill D. Burger
  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Hot Chocolate is a slur? I was speaking as a White Marshmellow looking to take a dip.

  • boyblue122

    A straight white racist, sex-offender just cant catch a break

  • memzilla Ω

    Daily Mail reports that Bill O’Loofahly is hiding out in Italy as his divorce case still litigates: “A New York court is being asked to unseal details about Bill O’Reilly’s contentious 2011 divorce and multi-million dollar legal feud with his ex-wife, which the cable news host has been battling to keep from the public.”

    My money’s on Faux ‘News’ not wanting to stick around and bet on the revelations further tanking his show.

    • The Wanderer

      “Hiding out in Italy.” Hmm. Will he be spotted at one of Berlusconi’s bunga-bunga parties?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        In the Jungle Room with the Bundy Dildo.

    • boyblue122

      Not to mention Lisa Bloom is representing anyone for free who was sexually harassed by BillO previously who wants to step forward.

      This wont end anytime soon

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      This just makes me sick! I want to be hiding out in Italy, dammit!…

      • Caepan

        That’s easy!

        Step 1) Be an ignorant, obnoxious, racist sexual predator.

        Step 2) Get your own show where you can call being an ignorant, obnoxious, racist sexual predator “The No Spin Zone”

        Step 3) Make rich people even richer by your being an ignorant, obnoxious, racist sexual predator.

        Step 4) When being an ignorant, obnoxious, racist sexual predator costs those rich people more money than you’re worth, take a “long planned vacation” in Italy.

        WARNING: Only works for straight-identifying white Christian males.

  • Notreelyhelping

    “And then we had this beautiful chocolate cake….”

    *gack! urp!*

  • Thaumaturgist

    What is the point of good ratings if you can’t monetize them?

    • Caepan

      Bet that’s what Rupert’s sons told him.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Lord Littledigits of Orange: “Leave Bill alooooooone’!”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B-kzlGWUsAAT3M5.png

  • Oblios_Cap

    Hot Chocolate? Why not the ever-hip “brown sugar”. Bill’s just nor one of the cool kidz anymore.

    • FlownΩver

      Mick/Keef LIBELZ!!!1!1

  • William
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Antonin Dvorak

      And Ted’s tied with Beto!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      You know it’s not good for me when you get my hopes up like this.

  • William
  • Nightcrawler

    Na na na na
    Na na na na
    Hey hey hey
    Gooodbye

  • Nightcrawler

    Can’t wait for Bill’s newest book, “Killing Journalism”.

  • shastakoala

    In the words of my dear departed mother, “That dirty sonofabitch!”

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    We wish this means we never hear from him again.

    We know that he will regularly get dragged out to represent white people like Hairy Hook or Pat the Buchanan.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’ll probably be hired by CNN?

      • shastakoala

        Meghan Kelly’s gonna love that.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        bqhatevr both sides

        Thanks donald!

      • Proud Liberal

        I wouldn’t doubt it. MSNBC hired Greta.

        • FlownΩver

          And I thought the Halperin-Heilemann “Conventional Wisdom Hour” was bad!

  • William
    • Anna Elizabeth

      OMG

    • theblackdog

      I just vomited a little

  • Oblios_Cap

    It doesn’t matter to m. I still won’t watch Faux News.

  • Crystalclear12

    So sad to see you go, Bill.
    And that completes the social lying portion of the day.

  • jesterpunk
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    When he’s gone, the advertisers can breathe a sigh of relief and start advertising during programming that is every bit as vile as O’Reilly’s, because they’re more than willing to support the message as long as the messenger doesn’t do anything too odious.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Some good news…because that weasel face fuckwit would have had his ass handed to him.

    “Chaffetz won’t run for reelection”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/house/329458-chaffetz-wont-run-for-reelection-report

  • Shibusa
  • Dutchman

    The best possible outcome of all of this would be to see Jesse and Noelle Watters begging for handouts on some corner of Avenue of the Americas while their children look on sadly.

    • Caepan

      I would welcome the opportunity to laugh at them while I walked by.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Please tell me one of his victims has copyrighted The Killing of BillO title already.

  • BrianW

    But apparently now the boys are aligned against BillO and everybody is GRRRR FIGHTING

    I prefer to think that everybody was Kung Fu Fighting, but that’s just me.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TgoF-ccdGM

  • Crystalclear12
    • Proud Liberal

      He’s going to run for Hatch’s seat in the Senate.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        But Orrin is only 83 y/o. In Mormon years of clean living, that’s like being 62.

    • boyblue122

      He made all the money he was ever going to make selling his soul to Russia and Donnie

  • schmannity

    I hope he is getting multiple face slappings on the Amalfi Coast (unless he likes that sort of thing).

  • folderol

    Probably NYT will hire him as a columnist.

    • Randy Riddle

      Trump will find a position for him in the White House. The _very_ White House.

  • Nightcrawler

    Unfortunately, wingnut talking heads are like Hydra. Cut off one head and another will take it’s place.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Well, I’ll be Black Widow. We need a Cap, a Falcon, a Maria Hill, and a Nick Fury, stat!

    • Bad Tom

      One taking the place of one you cut is manageable. TWO rising up when you cut one is a problem.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Let’s go find two more!”

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Annnndddd Trump announces Bill O’ to replace Spicey as press secretary. He also becomes head of Donnie’s female outreach…with both hands.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Anna Elizabeth

    I’ve seen Angels fall from Blinding heights
    But you Yourself are nothing so Divine
    Just Next in Line

    Bye, Felafel.

  • goonemeritus

    Being to cheap to pay high end hookers can sometimes be a false economy.

  • Nightcrawler

    I feel like watching an Old Spice commercial, because we have gotten rid of that pesky BO.

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      Old Spice commercials are pretty good these days.
      https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-oElH6M_5i4/maxresdefault.jpg

      • SnarkON

        OMG. And to think that Steve Bannon believes himself automatically superior to this gorgeous human being.

        • ImGoingBacon

          Isaiah Mustafa is amazeballs. Look him up on youtoob ‘…All Over This’

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      Unfortunately, he probably won’t go away. Some more desperate “news” outlet will hire his wrinkled ass. Breitbart, maybe.

      • Caepan

        Does Hustler want to start an on-line news channel? O’Reilly would be perfect for a prime time anchor spot.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Won’t work. Larry Flynt’s a liberal.

  • I am watchjng O Brother, Where Art Thou? this morning and just got to the lynching scene…other than the coordination in the formation marching, looks a lot like stuff i saw on the news…recently

  • Carpe Vagenda

    His new book about “American values” is topping the bestseller lists

    I have trouble fitting “Bill O’Reilly” and “topping” together in my head in any scenario which doesn’t involve a 900 number.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Ya know, I’ll bet listening to two wild boars have sex for two hours on noise cancelling headphones is more pleasant than hearing Bill O’Reilly make even a single lewd remark at you…..

  • Nockular cavity

    O’Reilly used to leer at an African-American Fox News clerical worker and called her “hot chocolate,”

    Ew ew ew ew ew X 10,000

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    When the time comes to round up and eat the rich, I’m not touching OReally’s greezy carcass, even if he roasts up like a nice wild boar,. There’s just a possibility of catching too many grody viruses.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    sad part of the story is Alec Baldwin worked hard in doing a spot on BillO character.

  • weejee

    …what O’Reilly (probably) sounds like in bed

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    / and that’s after the Limpid Lizard has had his Viagra™

  • Jennifer R

    New idea: No one over the rank of Captain is allowed to hold federal office or appointed position.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I like this.

  • Gorillionaire

    Imagine being an African American woman that needs a job so badly that she will work at Fox News.

    • SnarkON

      All journalists–white, black, men, women–need jobs so badly that any of us would work at Fox News. Sad but true.

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin
  • chicken thief

    “…on the one hand ratings are still great,…”

    And it would be totally unpossible to find a bloviating old white fuck that the old white fuck Fox listeners could relate to.

  • Grunting is what boor’s do.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Completely OT for this thread but: thanks to all who took the time to reply to my comment yesterday! I knew y’all would make me feel better, and you did. Good suggestions for pulling myself back from the brink of despair and lots of human compassion – no snark, just sincere thanks and love!

    • Me not sure

      Beneath all of these gruff exteriors…etc.,etc.

    • SnarkON

      You’re one of my faves TBH. Glad you’re feeling better.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Aww. Thank you!!

    • Yay! Some good news! This is why I love our Nasty, Vile, Little Snark Mob. I don’t contribute as much as I’d like, but I sure love it here.

  • Me not sure
    • Nightcrawler

      Interesting choice of color for those Fox posters.

    • chicken thief

      Isn’t that false advertising since the election? I thought both Rachel and Chris Hayes beat O’Reilly like the little sexual harassing perv he (allegedly!) is in recent ratings.

      • Me not sure

        It clearly says Fox News, so you’ll know it’s fake. They’re honest that way.

      • hillarysleftone

        I think they’ve recently won in overall numbers a few nights, but are/have been consistently beating him in “The Demographic” i.e. 25-44 y.o. viewers.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Nobody moves this man.

      The conversation was interrupted by the rev of a car engine. The commentratti looked to see a 2008 Honda, inexplicably fitted with a snow plow. Sitting in the driver’s seat, Hardly Ideal cranked the stereo and gave his best Kubrick Glare.
      “”Nobody moves this man?” I’ll take that bed,” he grumbled as he clenched the steering wheel, knuckles popping.

  • SnarkON

    If Bill “Falafel” O’Reilly does get fired, it will be a pita.

    • TundraGrifter

      There will be joy all over the hummusphere.

    • chicken thief

      Proof that not all puns fall flat!

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      We’ll all just feel afel!

    • eggsacklywright

      Never a dal moment.

    • Querolous

      This will be the last pone on this thread.

  • Randy Riddle

    I like hot chocolate. Especially with those little marshmallows.

    Thanks, Bill O’Reilly, for ruining it for me.

    • TundraGrifter

      “Hot Chocolates” – music by Thomas Walker – was the musical in which the late, great Pops Armstrong made his Broadway debut.

      Don’t let the old white guy ruin a good thing for you.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I didn’t think it was possible to fuck p hot chocolate until I had a cup from Starbucks. Burnt and bitter, just like Bill.

  • lowenufc

    Coming up next on the Blaze: Ailes and O’Reilly Rate The Skirts.
    you know someone is thinking it.

  • chicken thief

    “And now it’s time for the Doucey Factor. Welcome to the No Spin Zone…”

    ~ Steve, over and over in front of his bathroom mirror

  • Reximus
    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      I have a – let’s call it a ‘wreath’ – I’d like to drop there.

      • chicken thief

        Wreath, bag of burning shit….. toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe….

    • Manders

      For reals? Geezuuuuus. The man is not dead, just fired. For good reason.

    • JohnBull

      After clearing off the old wreaths for the Jerry Sandusky shrine.

    • LadyLaz

      No way.

  • The Librarian

    Ugh, no more got chocolate for me. Welcome to the Gag Factor.

  • Beowoof14

    Finally a replacement senator for Bluto Blutarsky.

  • hillarysleftone

    ultimately the decision comes down to, wouldn’t we get most of the advertising $$ back, with a different guy (haha, or”gal” I suppose, as if) in the time slot? and look good for cutting this asshole loose? These Murdochs are ultimately as cold-blooded as fuck, and I don’t think it will actually be hard for the boys to convince dad that O’Reilly benefited from them as much as they benefited from O’Reilly, talent is fungible, etc.

  • Beowoof14

    Well this news just came over the wire, so it looks like time for a little celebration:
    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/04/sources-fox-news-has-decided-bill-oreilly-has-to-go.html

  • Jeffery Campbell
    • Saxo the Grammarian

      From the article:

      The other main issue on the table is money. O’Reilly recently signed a
      new multiyear contract worth more than $20 million per year. When Roger
      Ailes left Fox News last summer, the Murdochs paid out $40 million, the
      remainder of his contract.

      That’s going to be a big buyout, and shows to go you how much Fox News needs this to go away.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance
      • Jeffery Campbell

        Walking out the door to join now.

  • rocktonsam

    has anyone set up a go fuck me site for THE pinhead yet?

  • WiscoJoe

    To paraphrase Geraldo Rivera, “Fox News has done more damage to old white men than globalization in recent years.”

  • Greyhame

    My goodness, I’m beginning to wonder if the Republican political machine really is the one true home of decency and morality, as they’ve been claiming to be all these years.

  • Little Doll–MOAMF

    I had a total laughing episode with the boar sounds. One of those episodes where you start laughing and can’t quit until you think you might puke. I’m still giggling.

  • ken_kukec

    Jerry Hall inspired Mick to write “Miss You”; maybe she can inspire Rupert to shitcan Baba O’Reilly.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    “He would never talk to her, not even hello, except to grunt at her like a wild boar,”

    In fairnrss, I have heard Bill O’Reilly talk, and it’s not that easy to tell the difference.

    • Paperless Tiger

      There’s always the possibility that the wild boar might actually know something, like where an acorn is at.

  • JMP

    Killing O’Reilly’s Career (Spoiler: it was suicide).

  • ken_kukec

    “Hot Chocolate” is to “Brown Sugar” as falafel is to loofah.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And now you know what O’Reilly (probably) sounds like in bed.

    Definitely not clicking on that video–this story is enough of a turnoff as it is:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/68e9d7043eaf545f1f9d5804e4031c0781c305d95a8815473ff93a28270cf27c.jpg

    • Hardly Ideal

      Word. If anyone needs me, I’ll be getting my brain bleached by a nice lady wearing a cute apron (and nothing else).

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Listening to that wild boar while thinking of BillO made me laugh and laugh.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    The thought of the backlash against Fox News that is coming from Billo’s devoted fans brings a smile to my face. Do Hannity next!

    • stubbornirishlass

      Unfortunately, Hannity seems to have a reputation of being nice to his co-workers.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Yeh, Hannity may be a right wing sleazy apologist, but he professional about it.

  • nightmoth

    Well, good. Good riddance to Bill and hope Sean gets shut down next. IF ONLY justice did not move SO SLOWLY that massive damage gets done before the court of public opinion convenes.

  • ken_kukec

    When it comes to growling at the ladies, you, Mr. O’Reilly, are no Barry White!

    • stubbornirishlass

      He’s no wild boar, either. And given the choice, I’ll take the boar and like it.

      • Erala Contratista

        Mmmmmm…Roast boar….

        • TundraGrifter

          Over at Fox and News Corp this afternoon it’s roast bore.

  • Biff52

    Ahem:
    BIFF LIBEL!!!1!

    Carry on.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      There are Biffs and there are Biffs, if you know what I’m saying…

  • pgjack

    I’m all for the creep being fired but he’ll just pop up somewhere else. Let’s face it, his fans like Trump’s fans don’t give a damn about his vile behavior as long as he keeps lambasting those liberals. Oh! Really? could meet Trump in Times Square and take turns shooting people and their fans would still kiss their lily white asses.

    • John Norris

      On The Blaze with Glen Beck?

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Sounds like Billo is about as popular as a dose of clap over at Fox:

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/mean-and-self-centered-bill-oreilly-is-widely-disliked-by-fox-news-employees/

    The moral of the story, I suppose, is that if you are going to be a serial sexual harasser, you should try to be nice about it…

  • SadDemInTex
  • Bitter Scribe

    I wonder…if Fox does cut him loose, will he have to pay any subsequent harassment judgments out of his own pocket?

  • Mavenmaven

    Trump will totes give him a job.

    • eggsacklywright

      Spicey’s replacement.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Poor Pope Frank! I hope he washed with bleach afterwards.
    https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/854743419540865024

    • TundraGrifter

      Man – You know you’re deep in the horse puckey when The Pope can’t save your ass.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    If there’s anything I know about black women, it’s that they looooove to be called “Hot Chocolate.” Especially by white male co-workers.

    • puredog

      Do they love it as much as “Brown Sugar”?

      • LadyLaz

        Sadly, when my husband approached me (off the clock atta bar), he called me sugar britches and I giggled.

        But, beer.

        And funny man.

        • TundraGrifter

          “Sugar britches?” Do they melt away when they get wet?

          • LadyLaz

            Snort. Evidently coupled with beer.

          • TundraGrifter

            The suds make them vanish? What a great invention! I’m jealous.

      • John Norris

        Not if they are diabetic.

  • Chadwells

    Oh get fucked, O’Reilly. Asshole. BillO on the cross.

    “O’Reilly meets with Pope Francis in Vatican’s VIP section: report”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/media/329509-oreilly-meets-with-pope-francis-in-vaticans-vip-section-report

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Sources briefed on the discussions say O’Reilly’s exit negotiations are moving quickly. Right now, a key issue on the table is whether he would be allowed to say good-bye to his audience, perhaps the most loyal in all of cable. Fox executives are leaning against allowing him to have a sign-off, sources say.”

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/04/sources-fox-news-has-decided-bill-oreilly-has-to-go.html

    My god, could you imagine what a masterpiece of masturbatory self-pity it would be!

    • mardam422

      A masterly masterstroke of phrase. A masterwork of masterfulness, worthy of a mastermind.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Could it be more embarrassing that Nixon’s resignation speech?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        OMG yes! He’d be all Noble Conservative Truth-Telling Lion Brought Down By Conspiratorial Leftist Hyenas Who Hate America!

        • C4TWOMAN

          Don’t forget to include Feminazis.

      • TundraGrifter

        Does Bull O’Really?’s (ex-) wife have a good Republican cloth coat?

        Oops – wrong Cringe Speech…

    • TundraGrifter

      I’ll wait for this next turgid book. Then make like a stone and skip it.

  • Panika MCD

    I thought FAUXNews released all the statements about how NO ONE EVER has complained about BillO to HR or the hotline. HUH! I guess the lady doesn’t count as someone because of the being a vagina haver thing.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Maybe it’s her skin color.

      • puredog

        Why not both?

      • Panika MCD

        that was also too a guess, but I was having trouble putting it so delicately as I am distracted by WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL in the TX Senate Gallery. it smells like burnt popcorn up in here.

  • mardam422

    I hear he was always telling one of the women “Fuck it. Let’s do it live!”

  • JoeChristmas

    And all the rubes who watched this payaso.

  • Royal Ugly Dude
  • LadyLaz

    My phone just told me that Bill O’Reilly is GONE. Holy sheet. I can’t believe what is going on over at Fox

  • Robert James Nugent

    Clearing the decks to buy Sky Network in UK

  • Carole

    OK, the wild boar sounds are scaring my dogs. Time for some baby boars. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3a1b86bb61ba864ee1a574c0527c5493d955246500df6e1a8320e5b36b046eb1.jpg

  • Raan

    Allow me to reiterate my comments on Chaffetz, as they also apply here.

    You’ll make some new disaster
    That’s what I’m counting on
    I’ll let you get right to it
    Now I only want you gone

  • ken_kukec

    Finita la commedia!

  • Jim QuinnX

    First Ailes, now O’Reilly. Don’t most things come in threes?

    • Brendan_M

      Chaffetz could be the base in that particular Eiffel Tower, if you’d like to imagine that.

  • Brendan_M

    Breaking out the motherfuckin’ iced tea in celebration.

  • CATMAN

    Oh, boy–does this mean DumbFuckerTucker will be shoved to the forefront?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The irony being that, thanks to Bill, they’ve lost their strongest followup, the on-air female talent. Megan or Gretchen could have stepped into that slot and owned it, but they ain’t there no more. Pity.

  • Erala Contratista

    “his mind is on vacation and his mouth is working overtime”…..What a genius Mose was :-D

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Is Tucker going to bring back the bowtie?

  • bluicebank

    We need such good news as this.

    There’s no joy in mudville, for the mighty O’Reilly did it live and fucked the falafel. Or the chicken. Could have been a pooch.

  • Ms.Moon

    Fox entertainment needs to have their female staff go to judo, ninja school, self defense classes or something. I mean that would definitely be more helpful than anything else they’re doing at least women who work there will learn how to get away from a harasser, because I don’t know if they do those workplace harassment seminars because they do not seem to be working. Bill is consistent, he’s an equal opportunity harasser and will try to sexually molest women of all colours so all women need to wear their stabby shoes and have an escape plan when in his presence at all times.

    • Conservatives want to go back to the 1950s where the little women worked until they caught their hubby. Sexual harassment was part of the deal. I think it’s atrocious and I’ve been on the receiving end of it a couple of times. But even before this all blew up it was still pretty obvious about what culture to expect at Fox news.

    • phoenix00

      Are you sure this is a bug and not a feature? 52% of white women did vote for a pussy-grabber after all.

      • Ms.Moon

        Bless their hearts they did but so many of those women are how can I say this without sounding catty ….facially impaired I’m quite sure any attention would be welcomed. I remember what the women at the rallies looked like square and dump truck like.

        • phoenix00

          I don’t disagree, but as a filthy heathen violence-prone Liberal, I prefer to a) not body-shame, and b) characterize one not-very white person who once said ” I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

          • Ms.Moon

            And I agree with you, however, the actions of these women by voting for a man who doesn’t care much for people of colour, women’s health, or the truth or reality has put us all in grave danger. I have no empathy for them, no sympathy for them and I calls them as I see them they racist sympthizing, idiots who deserve every bit of karma that they have gathered by putting all people in danger they are straight up and down inside and out ugly.

          • phoenix00

            That I completely and utterly do not dispute. They got their one opportunity, and they blew it.

  • TundraGrifter

    No more “Maybe.” This is not good news for Jesse “Foul” Watters.

    • SeeTrain65

      I sure hope not. What I really hope is he’s not promoted.

      Or, that he is.

  • Edith Prickly

    They’re going to replace BillO with TUCKER CARLSON?? BAHAHAHAHAHA

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/oreilly-out-fox-news-1.4076058

    • Erick the Kracker

      The young twerp replaces the old horny guy.

      • Edith Prickly

        Tucker is 47 – not exactly a spring chicken, though I suppose he’ll look young to BillO’s audience of paranoid octogenarians.

    • phoenix00

      You know the Fucks Nooz roster is well-stocked with reprehensible prospects.

  • Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch! Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead….

    And in the year of the Cock – who would’ve thought.

  • susan_g

    Now that billo is “available”, trumpo should give him Spicey’s job.

  • The Reverend Stu’
  • Brendan_M

    Bill O’Reilly has announced plans to spend more time with his family. Pending current litigation, of course.

  • ltmcdies

    well…..isn’t this a nice bit news to wake up to after a night shift…I will celebrate with a posted tweet

    https://twitter.com/Only4RM/status/854523893540937729

  • ltmcdies

    oh hell let’s go for another posted tweet in celebrations

    https://twitter.com/NerdyWonka/status/854723556294447104

  • Caepan

    Bill O’Reilly gets advice at his next job: “No, Bill we can’t turn off his mic. This is the drive-thru.”

  • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy
  • Rotisserie Teal

    Sure, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. But, this is still a good thing. I am most heartened by the extreme butthurt this will elicit among his horrid viewership.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    So you’re saying that he’s lost his….
    http://tribzap2it.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/david-caruso-sunglasses.jpg?w=540&h=351
    …BULLYING PULPIT?

    • phoenix00

      YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

  • DPatrick

    Dear Wonkette,

    This is defamation. We’re suing your ass.

    Hugs & Kisses,
    Wild boars everywhere

    • thewendyb

      The sound was totally accurate, boar.
      Sorry yr genetics gave you O’Reilly O sounds.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Never saw the appeal of O’Reilly, but then, I’m a Maddow kind of guy.

    And Rachel can falafel me until the swallows return to Capistrano even though that’s not really her thing.

    • thewendyb

      Well, it IS mine and if Rachel did me like a Falafel I could DIE HAPPY.

      • @MrsRazor66

        I agree… she’s on my list of people who if she wanted to runaway with me and live happily ever after, I’d leave my hubby for her. She’s 1 of 2 people. I prefer to keep the 2nd private.. But interestingly enough, she’s on my hubbys list as well. He likes the nerdy chicks that look like librarians. Yup, I got a keeper 😉

  • thewendyb

    Never had spending $9.99 a month felt SO GOOD.
    WONKETTE.
    Because it’s dark out there.

  • thewendyb

    I used to felalfal whenever he came on the screen.
    (I intended a feel awful pun, but this one is multitasking!)

    • phoenix00

      I felomited whenever he came on, myself.

  • John Norris

    IIRC, yesterday or the day before, Mr O’Reilly said he was the victim of the left-wing media. Seems I do remember some 16 to 20 years ago Sec Clinton complained about a vast right-wing conspiracy to the amusement of the right-wing nut jobs. Et Tu Billus?

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Sure it’s fun to indulge in a little schadenfreude where O’Really? is concerned, but for some of us, it’s one less person to make fun of on a daily basis. It is going to be hard to replace that kind of daily stupid. Now I have to go to my brother-in-law’s house and watch as he attempts to drink his sorrows away….so, not a total loss I guess.

    • Oh there is plenty daily stupid to go around, in fact it is a booming market! Would wonkette exist without a steady supply of stupid to write about?

      I wondering if O’Reilly will have his own spin off channel like Glen Beck has or there is a senior editor position over at Breitbart after Milo Wankeropolous was kicked out.

    • SeeTrain65

      There’s still Hannity, a far richer source of idiocy.

    • Lily412

      Our president is a joke, but it’s not really very funny.

  • Dolmance

    I like to think I’ll never have to hear from that hateful mutant Fascist again, but I’ve seen too many of these guys get “rehabilitated,” and get shuffled around to some other network, like CNN.

    And honestly, is Tucker Carlson supposed to be an improvement?

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