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The Islamist regime of Turkish president President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan scored a YOOGE victory in its election Sunday, where the question on the ballot was, “Should we keep being a corrupt parliamentary democracy, or should we say fuck it and just let Erdoğan be dictator?” A little over 51% of Turkish voters picked the latter choice, though the New York Times reports the president’s referendum was expected to win by WAY more than that. About five seconds later, the Organisation for Co-operation and Security in Europe (OSCE) issued a statement that called the election process corrupt and unfair, and noted there were “voting irregularities.” Did we mention this election happened under a declared state of emergency?

Erdoğan immediately was like “FAKE NEWS! CROOKED LYING HILLARY!”

“We will continue down our road,” he said. “This country held the most democratic elections that have never been seen in any other country in the West.”

Oh, lordy. (Sidenote: Remember that time then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made an enemy for life out of Vladimir Putin when she had the balls to point out that HIS elections were bullshit? Good times.)

As The Telegraph reports, the U.S. State Department was waiting for OSCE to weigh in before it said anything, but now that it has, here’s what State thinks:

If you cannot click to embiggen that, the gist is that State acknowledges the OSCE’s report, including “observed irregularities on voting day and an uneven playing field during the difficult campaign period, which took place under a state of emergency.” State goes on to encourage Turkey to uphold its fucking Constitution and protect its citizens, but says we can still kinda be friends, because YOLO. (This has been our foreign policy toward Turkey for a hot minute now, because “NATO” and also “reasons.”)

So cool, the United States government is presenting a united front in calling Turkey and its president on their shit. HAHAHA FOOLED YOU, the orange toddler in the White House had other ideas, and decided to call the Turkish president on the Obamaphone and give him a pat on the butt:

If you can’t embiggen THAT, it says this:

Turkey dictator president, you just did something TREMENDOUS. Your win in the Turkey electoral college was historic and if three million illegals in the California part of Turkey hadn’t voted, your win would have been EVEN YOOGER. I look forward to using your country to grift some more money for my hotel/mobster/money laundering business! Grab ’em by the pussy!

Love, Donald

Or something like that.

Now, for the record, White House spokes-idiot Sarah Huckabee Sanders says Trump’s tongue-bathing phone call wasn’t an endorsement of the results of the referendum, but that Trump had to call because “the Middle East is a rough neighborhood,” and there are “bullies” like Syria over there, so we gotta stick with our pals, to which we reply, “Oh fuck off, Mike Huckabee’s daughter.”

First Lady Ivanka Trump also added her congratulations:

Haha just joking around, that is a 2012 tweet from Ivanka thanking her good old buddy Erdoğan for coming to visit her and her daddy, as they opened one of their tacky hotel buildings in Istanbul. But that was then and this is now, and we’re sure there aren’t any conflicts of interest with how Trump treats folks like Erdoğan when it’s just bid’ness, and how he’ll treat them as the U.S. American president. Trouble is, as Mother Jones notes, Trump literally admitted he has a conflict of interest with the Turkish government back in 2015, in an interview with Steve Bannon, you know, back in the days when Donald Trump did not know Steve Bannon.

Also, Trump LOVES fuckers like Erdoğan, because he has a penchant for falling in love with literally the worst human rights-abusing leaders on earth. Exhibit A: OMG PUTIN! Exhibit 2: That creep in the Philippines.

Oh, and do you remember how Trump’s original national security adviser, Michael Flynn, was LITERALLY A FOREIGN AGENT of the Turkish government? Trump claims he was shocked to find that out, but Trump lies too much for us to believe that shit. It was no big deal though, because Flynn was just (allegedly! haha) doing backroom deals to circumvent American extradition law and kidnap this exiled Turkish cleric, to give him back to Turkey president, probably so Turkey president could kill the guy. Totally normal!

Michael Flynn could not be reached for comment about Erdogan’s YOOOGE win, because his mouth was full of Turkish government dick at the time, allegedly.

We’ll close with a voice of reason, the Republican chair of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, Rep. Ed Royce, because that’s how far gone Trump is as an American leader, that we’re approvingly quoting Republicans on foreign policy:

Any time Congress is ready to push that impeachment button, that’d be fine with us!

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[New York Times / The Telegraph]

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  • goonemeritus

    Birds of a feather oppress together.

  • Nounverb911

    “Wait, do I still have to wait until Thanksgiving to pardon Turkey?”
    –DJT

  • Shibusa
    • HazooToo

      “Either your wife goes first, or you escort her down the steps.”

    • schmannity

      Evil and Evil Genius?

    • snark-lurker

      “He thinks I trust him. The fool.”

    • schmannity

      Steve Miller, pictured here, shortly before being pushed down the stairs by Bannon.

    • The Wanderer

      Tweedleshit and Tweedledung?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I still prefer yesterday’s caption: “Snakes on a plane”

    • Michael Smith

      “Look buddy, I’m in no mood to have my picture taken. You see that guy behind me? I just had to sit in an enclosed space with him for several hours. Yeah, he smells as bad as you think.”

    • calliecallie

      “Soon I will control it all, and this old fool behind me has no clue! Bwahahahaha!”

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Riding high I got tears in my eyes
      You know you got to go through hell
      Before you get to heaven

      – Steve Miller, “Jet Airliner”

  • Chadwells

    “Any time Congress is ready to push that impeachment button, that’d be fine with us!”

    FFS, seriously!!! Let’s get on with it because this orange bastard is doing irreparable damage while we wait!!!!

  • Proud Liberal

    DT was the only Western “leader” who called Erdogan to congratulate him on his win. My God, what has America done?

    • Wild Cat

      Committed suicide.

    • aureolaborealis

      Probably also the only Western leader with years of sleazy business entanglements with Erdogan, too.

  • Michael Smith

    Hey, when you’re president of a country full of Islams, sometimes you gotta be a little dictatorial to maintain order, right? We know how those Muslims are – give em an inch, they take a mile. Its just like the Blacks and the Mexicans here.

    Liberal elite ivy tower eggheads may caution understanding and spew out bleeding heart concepts like justice, compassion, due process, popular governance, and executive accountability, but that’s because they are all either born with a silver spoon up their ass or they make their money from selling out their country. WE THE PEOPLE know better.

    I think Trump should have a referendum like this here, then we could get rid of the LIEBERALS once and for all, and finally get on track to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

    • Alan

      I think they’re working on that.

    • Contemplative Ron

      Damme, dude, you’re pitch-perfect. <shudders>

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        Way too articulate, though. And I didn’t catch any misspellings.

        • Michael Smith

          I appreciate that! I would probably laugh if I saw a wingnut railing against something as esoteric as “executive accountability.”

  • FlownΩver

    Only two poles are required for an axis of evil. Just saying.

    • schmannity

      Leave Warsaw out of it! Whut?

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I thought the Alt-Right and the MAGA-hatters were *opposed* to the Deep State?

    Fucking fascists and traitors, every damned one of them.

    • snark-lurker

      ‘mornin, sunshine!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Hey Doll. :) How are you today?

        • snark-lurker

          good–developing new coping skills, as needed, keeps me on top

          • Anna Elizabeth

            :) I’m working on mine, too.

          • snark-lurker

            you can handle Anything [unless you give up]. wanna try a new angle? mebbee you’re a butch lesbian? i donut know, do you? the change of style could be fun just for the clothes

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I don’t think I could do Butch, but Ima gonna try Rocker/Punk Chick I think.

          • snark-lurker

            that seems like just a change of tint from where you are now. I DO think butchy dyke may work for you. think about it, gurl

          • Shanzgood

            How’s your baby girl?

          • snark-lurker

            back home for 2 days, now at large in “the states” w/BF currently somewhere in TX (i know shut up) thx 4 askin. you & yorn?

          • Shanzgood

            Ok. Daughter and I both have the sniffles but not awful.

            Baconz has court on Tuesday so maybe his attorney can make the case to let him go home. Fingers crossed!

          • snark-lurker

            she lives at home too? my daught is 26 & lives here when not out splorin places

  • geoffalnutt

    Donald’s a would-be dictator – jealous of actual dictators. We’re not having it.

  • Wild Cat

    We haven’t had a real election since 1998 or so. Why should the Turks?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsQrKZcYtqg

    • Antonin Dvorak

      What was 2008 then?

  • schmannity

    My only regret so far is that I wasn’t around to work with Idi Amin.

    Donald Jackoff Trump

    • PubOption

      Mugabe is still available.

  • Chadwells

    Is that down thread mofo serious or joking?

    • Michael Smith

      If you’re talking about me, I’m joking.

      I was worried that wouldn’t come across.. sorry I have nasty cold and am in a mood to see the world in its most negative light.

      • Chadwells

        LOL!!!!! Glad I asked!!! Carry on and feel better, brotha!!

      • suziq

        I got that too! Damn tired of it, wish it would go away.
        But also it did sound pretty snarky to me, the trolls are usually much more trolly.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Everybody I know (including me) has a nasty cold right now.

        Thanks Donnie.

  • arglebargle

    “Michael Flynn could not be reached for comment about Erdogan’s YOOOGE win, because his mouth was full of Turkish government dick at the time, allegedly.”

    So, more than just the Tayyip?

  • Nounverb911

    Will effect my supply of Turkish Taffy?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abuMyirUpcQ

    • Wild Cat

      A dentist’s dream . . .

    • Contemplative Ron

      I still remember that damned jingle…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      This is side five. Follow in your book and repeat after me, as we learn three new words in Turkish…’towel’…’bath’…’border’…

  • The Wanderer

    I don’t think Trump knows about Zimbabwe, or he’d be saying Nice Things about Robert Mugabe.

    • arglebargle

      “Idi Amin is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job
      and is getting recognized more and more, I notice,” the president said.

    • Bill D. Burger

      I’d make a sizable wager that if a large world map with only the borders of countries were outlined, the rest blank, that Turnip would have a VERY difficult time locating the United States.

      • The Wanderer

        I wouldn’t take that bet.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • The Wanderer

      Yep. Ticking all dem boxes.

    • Chadwells

      List forgot tiny hands.

    • therblig

      trump is all tater and no dick

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nightcrawler

    “I wish Erdogan all the best with Turkey. I sure hope he got a YUGE Butterball and seasoned it well”. -Donald Trump, probably

  • Vincent Ricola

    OT – CNN sayz Jason Chaffetz won’t seek reelection in 2018 because he’s going to take some of that sweet private sector monies spend more time with his family. I’m guessing he doesn’t want to be a loooooooooser because he wants to eventually run for the govenor seat.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Now he can finally have that talk with his daughter about what the president said on the Access Hollywood bus.

  • memzilla Ω

    Besides Lord Dampnut, also calling Erdogan with congratulations also calling Erdogan with congratulations were the leaders of Azerbaijan, Qatar, Guinea, Bahrain, Djibouti and the head of HAMAS.

    *headdesk*

    • The Wanderer

      Pillars of democracy, that lot.

      • Contemplative Ron

        You misspelled ‘pillagers.’

        • The Wanderer

          They’re all pillage idiots.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Boy, that’s a great list to be on. What, Mephistopheles couldn’t get through?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Machiavelli is still on hold …

    • OddMan

      The US really really needs that Incirlik Air Base in Turkey. Don just was a little too open about kissing up to Recep.

  • The Wanderer
  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Donald asks why he has to wait until November to pardon a Turkey.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Crystalclear12

    Seriously, take away his phone privileges!

  • msanthropesmr

    Cui bono?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    “We will continue down our road,” he said. “This country held the most democratic elections that have never been seen in any other country in the West.”

    Please tell me this is a translation/transcription error and not his normal speech pattern.

    • The Wanderer

      “We shall march upon a road of bones . . . “

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    Wiki: Fascists believe that liberal democracy is obsolete, and they regard the complete mobilization of society under a totalitarian one-party state as necessary to prepare a nation for armed conflict and to respond effectively to economic difficulties.Such a state is led by a strong leader—such as a dictator and a martial government composed of the members of the governing fascist party—to forge national unity and maintain a stable and orderly society. Fascism rejects assertions that violence is automatically negative in nature, and views political violence, war, and imperialism as means that can achieve national rejuvenation.

    MAGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Now substitute RWNJ or Trump for Fascist….

  • calliecallie
    • The “trump effect” in action.

      • calliecallie

        I was thinking maybe Kompromat, but bqhatever. I am happy either way.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Anna Elizabeth

    One wonders what kinds of hours they are keeping in German and Polish military command centers these days?

    • The Wanderer

      Probably on double-super-slasher-overtime.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Indeed.

  • Duke

    He’s a power-hungry cretin. And Trump envies him for it.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Bill D. Burger

    “The Great Dictator Apprentice”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C3-HdIYWIAAo3iV.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      Wow.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Twitter: Not fascists, but #1 with fascists.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Keep fuckin that chicken.

    • Michael Smith

      So is Erdogan violating Twitter’s terms and conditions there? Or just violating Twitter?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I think Twitter just lies back and thinks of the profits.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      For a minute, I hoped that was a guillotine instead of a “take picture here” thingummy. Dammit.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nockular cavity

    Trump had to call because “the Middle East is a rough neighborhood,” and there are “bullies” like Syria over there

    Pfft!

    Ever been in a Turkish prison, Sarah?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I hear they also have drive by cruise missileings as well.

  • William

    Nothing surprises me. If a decade ago someone had suggested I’d live in a world where a Russian Hooker had to nudge a U S President to remind him what to do when the National Anthem plays, I would have suggested he was reading too many comic books.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • The Wanderer

      (tsks) It’s a well-known fact that Recep Tayyip Erdogan does NOT fuck goats.

      He screws chickens.

    • Stulexington

      Yes, we need to quit them cold turkey.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Too greecey for me.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Thanks Evan. Great article.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    “This country held the most democratic elections that have never been seen in any other country in the West.”

    That’s either the most tortured grammar, or the most telling Freudian slip, I’ve ever seen a leader use. Though his claim that Turkey is part of the West is dubious and becomes more so by the day.

    • The Wanderer

      I heard that there was an earthquake centered on Ataturk’s Tomb.

    • TJ Barke

      He’s been practicing his Trumpisms.

  • NastyBossetti

    Just to be clear, because it’s so hard to tell anymore; who said this – our president or the president of Turkey?


    “We will continue down our road,” he said. “This country held the most democratic elections that have never been seen in any other country in the West.”

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Friendly reminder, you have to type “blockquote” inside the .

      • NastyBossetti

        Thanks! I changed it to italics immediately after posting, but I guess people who were already here would have to refresh to see that.

    • h4rr4r

      What I like is that he thinks Turkey is in the West.

      • Contemplative Ron

        Yes, I thought that was settled back in 395CE.

        • h4rr4r

          Go look at a map of Turkey. Most of it is in the middle east.
          Note how I said Middle east, and not far east or near east. So not even close to West.

          • Meccalopolis

            It straddles the fence

          • h4rr4r

            Between the near east and the middle east.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Turkey had, until recently, tried to be a part of the West, at least in terms of culture and government.

        • h4rr4r

          Sure, but that was so long ago now.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Yes.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    “There are those who are belittling the result. They shouldn’t try, it will be in vain,” [Erdogan] said. “It’s too late now.”

    Those last four words are probably the truest he’s ever spoken. No modern dictator has ever given up their power voluntarily, and Turkey’s going to learn that good and hard.

  • Anna Rompage

    So let me get this straight; Trump called to congratulate a hard line Islamist leader, that has manipulated the system to massively expanded his powers while installing a Sharia Law lite govt, all at the cost of actual free and fair democracy…

    Jesus fucking christ…

    The truth is stranger than fiction…

    • Proud Liberal

      Sign of things to come here.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Trump’s too incompetent to pull off a true dictatorship. I guess we should be thankful that on top of the Pacific Trash Vortex of stuff we as a nation can’t do right (small-scale elections in Georgia, for instance), authoritarianism is one of them.

        • Proud Liberal

          I pray you’re right.

        • Contemplative Ron

          I’m sure he has buddies who’ll be happy to take care of that small detail. Who knows, they might even let him stay on as a figurehead.

    • Nightcrawler

      He registered a company in Saudi Arabia (a literal Islamist theocracy) DURING the election. Are you shocked?

    • TJ Barke

      Truth is dumber than fiction…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      They took away his phone before he could send his first draft: “Hey, Sailor!”

    • aureolaborealis

      So let me get this straight; Trump called to congratulate a hard line Islamist leader

      That he has a longish history of sleazy business with, yes.

  • Me not sure

    “Hello, Adolf? Sorry to hear about the putsch. Well, at least there was good beer.
    Hang in there. Gotta run.”

  • Chadwells

    OT: Dear Tom Brady….whether you go to the WH or not, everyone knows you are a Dampnut d–k suck. K. Thx. GFY.

  • Mpeg

    Doesn’t
    “I, Erdogan”
    anagram into “Rogaine’d” or something?
    Maybe that’s the secret to the mysterious chemistry between the two assholes!

    • The Wanderer

      I get “Reactionary Gyp Peed” from an internet anagram maker. Or maybe “Deprecatory Gay Pine.”

    • Anna Rompage

      Personally I think “Orange Id”, or “Raged Ion” could be likely a winners!

  • ariel_gee_398

    Sorry, Kurds, I guess your babies aren’t beautiful enough:
    Mr. al-Hussein said he was “particularly concerned by reports that no credible investigation has been conducted into hundreds of alleged unlawful killings, including women and children.” He called for an independent inquiry without restrictions, noting that his investigators had been denied access to the Kurdish areas.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/10/world/europe/un-turkey-kurds-human-rights-abuses.html

  • Claire

    OT: Y’all, when Samuel Alito has to tell you to your face that you’re a moron, maybe you shouldn’t have taken that job after all.

    http://www.palmerreport.com/opinion/neil-gorsuch-crashes-and-burns-in-first-day-of-supreme-court-hearings/2347/

    • Proud Liberal

      I love that he got the smack down that he did. I get the feeling the Supreme Court has had enough of the Republicans’ bullshit.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      A grown man that uses “gosh” and “golly” as much as he does is either a dolt or is doing a shitty Harold Hill impression while he tries to sell you a bridge.

      • Nightcrawler

        Awww, they just want to go back to the 1950’s.

    • Nightcrawler

      *Circus music plays*

      • The Wanderer

        That would be Fucik’s March of the Gladiators, which I claim is the Republican Party anthem:
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLegSgWi0cI

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Have you ever watched any gladiator movies?

          • The Wanderer

            I have, and I have danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Hey, I’ve been to Nice and the isle of Greece
            Where I sipped champagne on a yacht
            I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed ’em what I’ve got
            I’ve been undressed by kings and I’ve seen some things
            That a woman ain’t s’posed to see
            I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me

    • Antonin Dvorak
      • ariel_gee_398

        Mike Pence is going to be real mad when he hears about that.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Please, please, please, Almighty Cthulhu, may Gorsuch be on tape with the Russians, too.

        • Randy Riddle

          Nothing would surprise me about these people.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        You know, Scalia was a real grump who loved to antagonize and rile up the lawyers who appeared before the Court. But I don’t think he ever was as overtly snide as Gorsuch was in that moment.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Plus, he was Air. You. Dite.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Gorsuch is as worthless a piece of shit as his mother was. Appointing a moran to the USSC is what one would expect of the shitgibbon, after all.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        In a hideous parallel universe, he’s serving Harriet Miers her coffee right now.

      • Christopher Story

        And given the Russian hacking of our election, it can be argued that Gorsuch is the first SCOTUS judge installed by a hostile foreign power.

    • Chadwells

      My favorite part…

      “Donald Trump may have set the bar so low with his consistently incompetent and often deranged behavior that his choice of Gorsuch came across as reasonable by comparison, simply because Gorsuch wasn’t visibly deranged himself.”

      • Randy Riddle

        “visibly” is the key word here…

    • TJ Barke

      The best people…

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Looks like Justice Clarence has a new BF.

  • LarryHoudini

    Coming soon:
    • Congratulations to Philippines President Duterte for bringing Law and Order back to his fantastic country!
    • Press must show RESPECT to leaders! China’s President Xi’s recent crackdown on press absolutely necessary! Terrific!
    • Congratulations, Russia’s Vladimir Putin! You have done noting noteworthy recently, just think you’re really really terrific!!

    • The Wanderer

      Odds are very high on all three.

    • Nightcrawler

      Can he be supportive of Xi? I thought he needed to keep up that charade of him hating China for his Infowarrior supporters?

      • LarryHoudini

        You’re expecting some sort of consistency? lol

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        See Ivanka, sales……

  • Msgr_MΩment

    So, are you saying that Erdogan got 19.6% of the vote?

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Has Trump got dementia or is he just laying the groundwork for a dementia defense?

    • The Wanderer

      The question is not whether he has dementia or not, but When did he get it?

      • PubOption

        What did the President forget, and when did he forget it.

        • Randy Riddle

          The things we were asking ourselves constantly during the Reagan years.

        • puredog

          What did the President not know, and when did he not know it?

    • Nounverb911
      • Stulexington

        He’ll have lucid moments.

        • Contemplative Ron

          Still waiting for one.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      I imagine total ignorance can look a lot like dementia.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Yes.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Hands are too big.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Not just the hands.

  • Beowoof14

    Donnie believes he knows everything and is not listening to the intelligence committee.

    • Christopher Story

      Trump: “If Obama could do it for eight years, how hard can it be?”

      • Beowoof14

        Against all evidence you decide to support Trump.

  • Contemplative Ron

    Gone, gone, the form of man!
    Rise the demon Erdoğan!

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Ha! I await him only speaking in rhyming couplets.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      King Kirby libelz! XD

  • Beowoof14
    • Shoto

      Tragedy, right?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Go Tucker!

    • Anna Rompage

      Good news, though I guess that mean Sean Hammity is likely to get two hours of air time a day now…

      • Proud Liberal

        Oh, God….

      • Nightcrawler

        Ah yes, the perpetual lap dog of whoever his republican party masters are at the time.

      • puredog

        Hannity purportedly doesn’t want the slot. Now Tucker, that’s a different story. I personally might LOVE to see O’Reilly take over Spicey’s position. But maybe not.

    • Nightcrawler

      “It looks like I was the pinhead after all”.

    • Notreelyhelping

      May I be the first to suggest: FUCK IT! WE’LL DO IT LIVE!

  • Proud Liberal

    I feel bad for the women in Turkey. Erdogan is a hardliner and will take away all of their rights.

    • Pilotshark

      thanks to Wikileaks that will be a easy thing for him to do.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Does he know that Erdogan hates the Kurds more than ISIS?

    • Proud Liberal

      Does he know anything at all?

      • Anna Rompage

        That his armada is just about to make landfall in North Korea?

        • Proud Liberal

          That “armada” thing cracks me up. I seem to recall a Spanish armada but not a Naval fleet as an armada…I have never heard it called that before.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          I’m still finding it amusing that the Pentagon chose to turn the Carl Vinson around rather than, I dunno, use the carrier force already stationed in Yokosuka (the Ronald Reagan battle group). I can’t imagine it would have taken that long to get the Reagan in motion compared to getting the Vinson to come back from thousands of miles away.

          • The Wanderer

            You have to wake the Reagan up and tell it where it is.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            She’s in Selected Restricted Availability since January. Probs is faster to fast-transit another carrier across the Pacific right nows, assuming we had a POTUS and not a brain-addled Traitor.

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Fair enough point. Which then posits why we have a carrier forward-based that is in that status in the first place, but that question is neither here nor there.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Indeed. They might be refinishing the Flight deck and similar.

            Isn’t it sad that I can be more up-to-date on the US Navy by checking Wikipedia than the fucking POTUS is with his Daily Fucking Briefings?

          • Ducksworthy

            Wait. There are briefings? Who knew?

          • Anna Rompage

            My guess is that the military heads are stalling for time & hoping Donnie will be impeached by the time the Vinson gets close to North Korea…

      • Wild Cat

        He knows when its genitalia is in its child’s genitalia. That’s pretty much what the moops of our great nation voted for.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Hahahaha, NO, sobs…hahaha

    • Wild Cat

      What about the Wheys?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Roger that. I’d be surprised if Incesticon Don ever heard of the Kurds.

        • PubOption

          “I know there are Turds in Syria, Assad is one of them.”

        • Anna Rompage

          Kurds? they deep fry those, serve them with that gorgeous ranch dressing and they’re really popular in places like Wisconsin…

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Them’s Good eatin’!

          • Anna Rompage

            They’re squeaky, deep fried goodness, that’s for sure!

          • Meccalopolis

            Gouda eating’ (you’re welcome)

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Well Played, my Friend!

          • Doug Langley

            How long are you going to milk these puns?

          • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

            It’s a feta worse than death!

          • Anna Rompage

            I know, they’re a bit cheesy

          • puredog

            Now you’re just poutine on airs.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      No.

    • GRH

      The Cheeto-n-chief will hate the Kurds (YPG – PYD – YPJ) also,too, when someone informs him that they are Socialists and Feminists.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Does he even care?

    • 40% of the Kurdish regions of Turkey voted for him. Go figure.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Which may be news to them.

        • No, actually. He’s a big opponent of the Kurdish revolutionaries, but in contrast that means he’s strongly supported the Kurdish uprising in Syria, over the border – because Kurds shooting Syrians/Russians/ISIS means less Kurds with guns in Turkey. A large minority of Kurds appreciate this. https://www.ft.com/content/b5eff7f6-1928-11e7-9c35-0dd2cb31823a

          I don’t mean to be rude, but a lot of European/North American liberals have a very superficial view of Middle Eastern countries in general. Erdogan is a conservative and an authoritarian. But we can’t be like Trump, assuming if we don’t like the vote (and I don’t) it must be rigged. Dude is popular, like even Nixon won elections fair and square. Yelling RIGGED to everything means you give up trying to actually win, as Berniebros found out.

          • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

            No, you’re right to chide me. I didn’t realize how the politics between Kurds and Turks actually worked, so my jest went flat. I learned and I will watch the details closer.

    • Sorry to complicate the narrative, but a large minority of Kurds like his style. https://www.ft.com/content/b5eff7f6-1928-11e7-9c35-0dd2cb31823a

  • elviouslyqueer

    Congratulations Mr. Erdogan! It’s too bad that Turkey doesn’t have an Electoral College but I’m sure your victory was YUUUGE and will absolutely Make Turkey Great Again. I look forward to seeing the IMMENSE crowds at your inauguration because, who knows, you might even approach the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of people who came to my inauguration.

    Just kidding. That won’t happen on my watch, sucker.

    Oh, and if any protesters show up, just go on Twitter and call them haters and losers. They love that shit and eat it up with a gold-plated spoon.

    See you next week at Mar-A-Lago. Ivanka and Jared have a special Turkish Delight planned for you in their bedroom!

    Donnie

  • Shoto

    Off-topic, but word on the street is that Dickhole Smegma-Face Jason Chaffetz won’t be seeking reelection.

    • Major_Major_Major
      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        “In Congress, Chaffetz was known as a hard-charging oversight chairman, taking on an investigation into Planned Parenthood and Former Democratic Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server while she was Secretary of State.”

        That’s pronounced “known as a GOP hatchetman who used his office for the sole purpose of providing his party with opposition research,” CNN.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Gotta get the hagiography started sooner rather than later nowadays…

        • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

          Who the Hell wrote that pile of bull exhaust? Chaffetz’s mother?

    • Which is sad because there would have been great joy in watching him loose HARD

    • A few weeks ago Samantha Bee had a picture of him with a batch of baby possums, but I can’t find it, to post here and celebrate! (Oh yeah, baby possums LIBELZ!)

    • DainBramage

      I’m sure he’ll land on his feet with a sweet lobbying gig.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Anyone have any idea of who replaces him as Oversight chair? It should be Elijah Cummings, but Providence is rarely that kind.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Jim Jordan (R-OH), one of the Freedom Caucus freakazoids, is apparently high on the list to replace him if the Republicans hold the chamber.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          An anti-abortion zealot and otherwise complete nut. Neat.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Republicans on this committee include: John Duncan (TN), Issa, Jordan, Sanford, Amash, Gosar, DesJarlais, Gowdy, Foxx, Farenthold, and Rubio acolyte Ron DeSantis. My guess would be Duncan, because nobody knows who he is.

        • Ducksworthy

          I’m going with Gosar the Gosarian, because I can.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Fuck the State Department. Why would anyone listen to them when we have Jared?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      The tag line “He went to Jared” takes on a whole new meaning …

      • therblig

        bannon still pushing “every kkkiss begins with kay”

  • Listen to Katharine Hepburn sing all about money and politics!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0UxAoqzTeY

  • Antonin Dvorak

    In other Oversight Committee news, Rep. John Sarbanes (D-MD) wants Erik Prince to testify before congress (and Ivanka, too!)

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/18/politics/john-sarbanes-trump-business-ties/?iid=ob_lockedrail_longstory_pool

    • phoenix00

      Is that the Sarbanes in Sarbanes-Oxley? One of Trump’s AND Wall St’s least favorite regulations?

  • elviouslyqueer
    • The Wanderer

      Yay!

    • Wild Cat

      Maybe he can become Greek Orthodox and run to be president of Astoria, Queens?

    • Greyhame

      Possibly wants to side-step the coming shitstorm as Russia-gate finally breaks wide open, so as to have less of a Trumpian stench about him when he runs for Governor of Utah in 2020?

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Or for Prez while avoiding the smoking ruins of the GOP.

  • DainBramage

    C’mon, Turkey! Everyone knows the results of such a thing are supposed to be 77%. Maybe next time.

  • Jamoche
    • Proud Liberal

      Are people woke at last?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump loves him some dictator…he was bigly in love with China’s crackdown in Tiananmen square as well. Fucking authoritarian creep…

  • Mirful

    Headline: “Everybody Calling Bullshit On Turkey’s Fake-Ass Election, Except…” The Peter-Principle-President.

    • Jim Johnson

      The Dunning-Kruger President?

      • Mirful

        Well, yeah, but it’s not as alliterative as “Peter-Principle-President.”

        • Jim Johnson

          Dopey-Dungful-Donald?

  • Proud Liberal
    • jesterpunk

      Wait so even coal companies are involved in the war on coal now?

      • Proud Liberal

        It appears so!

        • Little Doll–MOAMF

          I never could figure out why this didn’t happen long ago. They HAVE to understand that fossil fuels are not sustainable! Why they haven’t been investing in renewables for fucking years now is beyond me. Don’t they like money?

          • Red Bird Ω

            Politics. They didn’t invest in it because the wrong people were going to profit/benefit from their decision. But now that it can be used to help boost the image of “one of their own”, they are okay with the investment. I bet that the same people who were complaining about solar power during the election will have nothing but good things to say about solar power now.

          • jesterpunk

            Dont be too sure of that, some people think solar power will drain the sun.

            https://www.discovery.com/dscovrd/tech/town-rejects-solar-panels-that-would-suck-up-all-the-energy-from-the-sun/

          • Opiwan

            That made me die more than a little inside…. Jeebus Cripes.

            “DAMN THOSE PLANTS FOR DRAINING THE SUN LIKE A TURRIST SOLAR PANEL!”

          • Red Bird Ω

            I’m sure that there are some who will still play their part. But if this election has proven anything to me it is that a large segment of white Americans will make decisions solely based on race.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            Or the nuclear power plant owner can block the sun.

          • chortlingdingo
    • therblig

      “I insist they purchase american solar seeds for this farm” – DJT

    • Thiazin Red

      Hmm, wasn’t there a candidate for president who proposed the same thing, but for some reason that was super evil at the time?

    • WotsAllThisThen
  • Jamoche

    Donnie gets one right! Guess he forgot that he’s Hollywood.
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/854676780527079425

    • Paperless Tiger

      They don’t wanna claim him either.

    • jesterpunk

      Trump couldnt even believably play himself in Home Alone 2 but he did fire Gary Busey.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      If he’d gotten more than 50%, Ouday would have claimed that the election was “rigged” thanks to “illegals” who were bussed 3000 miles from California.
      They’re really starting to sound desperate.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        They are desperate. A close fight in a safe district in a safe state. This is not the kind of history the Rebs wanted to make when they laid back and let the Orange Orangutan in.

    • Bebecca

      Does anyone ever say to him or herself “I can’t possibly hate him more” and every day you’re wrong-or is it just me?

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        sometimes I can wait a whole two days before I ratchet it up a notch. But only by not reading the news.

    • SeeTrain65

      He’s obviously going by the same standards of his own election, where 62 million is more than 65 million.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Obviously Trump is hoping for some pointers when we have our own state of emergency. Like this weekend when scientists use peaceful protest to undermine government policy. Marshall Law!!!11!!

    March for science Saturday. Be there AND be square!

    • Nick Scroggs

      I will.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        And lab coat and eye protection.

    • zerosumgame0005

      don’t forget your pocket protector AND pocket square!

      • C4TWOMAN

        And Sonic Screwdriver light pointer!

        • Querolous

          And the sliderule hanging next to the onion on your belt!

    • phoenix00

      All I’ve got is a Shark With A Frickin’ Laser Beam On It’s Frickin’ Head.

      https://www.thinkgeek.com/product/f2eb/

    • H0mer0

      Marshall from “How I met your mother” is going to be there?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Jenny

      Lmfao those are staffer kids too!

  • Jim Johnson

    He’s just saying what Putin has commanded him to say…
    Trumpy wants to be a big boy dictator some day also too.

  • Nick Scroggs

    Well, I’m back for now, mainly because I’m sick and too physically weak to do much else. I think it’s a stomach virus, since it hit me last night and I had to vomit into the toilet last night, mostly just stomach acid I think, didn’t have my glasses on. Not my week, is it, find out charity guy I was sure was legit was actually a scam artist (gonna kick his metaphorical ass next time I see him), humiliated myself being a dissenter to you guys (I personally still think the DNC should have drafted Elizabeth Warren as a better candidate also), get a stomach virus, and my cats all of a sudden start fighitng in my room in an unexpected fight that left bloody noses this morning. Anyway, going to say that of course Trump is friendly with Erdogan, they’re peas in a pod, narcissistic,authoritarian, interested in making as much money and killing off anyone who hates them. Again, reminds me of the Godfather Part II’s Cuba sections. Edit, and just saw the national Rview said “MArch for Sicence regrets MOAB used on ISIS.”

    • Persistent Demme

      For some reason (electrolytes?) Gatorade has always helped when I have been sick like this.
      (Sorry for the momming.)

      • H0mer0

        a nice warm glass of cum has always helped when I was sick like this….oh wait, what were we talking about?
        (also too, I could never imagine that kind of advice from my mom.)

    • NellCote71

      I had the stomach virus, too. Unfortunately, I was also recovering from detached retina surgery, so whilst vomiting, I cupped my hand over my eye in the insane notion that I could keep my retina from popping out.

    • phoenix00

      Oy get well soon!

      (More than what we can say for certain governmental institutions….)

  • Paperless Tiger

    Thank God we have a democracy so we can vote against democracy. Wait, what?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I hate Erdogan possibly more than I hate Trump.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I liked him better when he was Smeagol.

    • NellCote71

      Nope. Erdogan is not likely to start WWWIII, unlike President Armady McArmadaFace.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Cool story. I still hate Erdogan more.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well, given Trump’s love of both dictators there won’t be another Russo-Turkish War anytime soon.

  • Mavenmaven

    Which of these two will offer the other asylum first, when the people rise up?

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Trump to Erdogan. Americans have a high tolerance for fascism and unpopular populist rulers.

  • Bitter Scribe

    If Trump allows Fethullah Gulen to be extradited, he’ll go from a corrupt, incompetent president to a corrupt murderer.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      If he doesn’t, I will be amazed.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Michael Flynn could not be reached for comment about Erdogan’s YOOOGE win, because his mouth was full of Turkish government dick at the time, allegedly

    It’s phrases like these that are why I read Wonkette.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Col. Sarah Huckabee Sanders

    • Shoto

      “Finger-lickin’ good.”

      — Josh Duggar

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Or maybe now just her permanent White House nom de plume: Col. Sarah Huckabee “Finger licken’ good” Sanders. Or some variation.

      • NellCote71

        You are so sick. I have think I am in love.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        🤢…

  • susan_g

    Because he’s a guy who bigly appreciates a fake-ass election.

  • Panika MCD

    these people are having serious difficulties with knowing the difference between a press release and a readout. here’s my impression of the White House Communications staff:

    http://68.media.tumblr.com/0af1079288768394201b6fea7960ed5f/tumblr_nlvw2uXWP11upzlweo1_500.gif

    • phoenix00

      That Spicer guy? So awful at impersonating Melissa McCarthy.

    • H0mer0

      is that one Dipsy?

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    *Shots have been fired at the Korean DMZ. NKPA armoured columns are moving on Seoul. Trump descends AF1’s stairs with Melania trailing behind and is immediately besieged by military officers seeking guidance*

    “Somebody make sure my golf clubs are in the lead car, have my spikes cleaned, and tell the chef at Mar-a-Lago that there will be another four at dinner tonight.”

    *Officers (appalled)*

    But Mr. President – what about the war!”

    *Trump glances back at Melania*

    “Don’t worry – she’ll catch up.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/605221bd8f85e8b41590f2bcda1a17beefbf9624c0415fc4325884c8ca6edd7e.jpg

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    “Michael Flynn could not be reached for comment about Erdogan’s YOOOGE win, because his mouth was full of Turkish government dick at the time, allegedly.”

    Known as “Turkish delight” in some quarters.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “How many votes do I have to ‘find’ before everyone considers my victory legitimate? Umm…. asking for a friend.”
    — Recep Tayyip Erdoğan

    “That’s me! I’m his friend!”
    — Donald Trump

  • Bebecca

    Did anyone see MSNBC last night, a clip of Trump saying he has a conflict of interest in Turkey? I’ve never attached a link before, I hope I did it in accordance with the rules here
    http://time.com/4746348/donald-trump-turkey-conflict-interest/

    • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

      You can link anything except porn or your own blog, pretty much.

  • So exactly how many foreign policies do we have going now?

    This is so awesome.

    • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

      We have so much foreign policy, you’re going to get tired of foreign policy.

    • Manhattan123

      Five: Trump, Tillerson, Jared, Bannon, that guy who sends out tweets from the NSA.

      • NellCote71

        Don’t forget the generals.

        • H0mer0

          Don’t forget Poland—
          oops, wrong stolen election.

    • phoenix00

      Zero. Flying by the seat of their so-called pants, which are on fire.

      Possibly on United Airlines.

  • Cliff Hendroval

    Trump is apparently in favor of more Islamicist dictators, I guess.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      “more Islamicist dictators” FIFY
      “…you can tell a man who loses by the company he chooses. And the pig got up and slowly walked away.” – Benny Hill.

    • Keith Taylor

      I’m pretty surprised that he doesn’t like Kim Jong-Il. He’d appear to be Trump’s kind of person. He (Donald Trump) likes Putin and Duterte. The Korean despot even goes for awful suits and worse haircuts. You’d think they were made for each other.

  • Scooby

    Thank God we only have to deal with this country at Thanksgiving.

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    Erdogan is what Trump wants to be when he grows up… or grows a pair.

  • SeeTrain65

    Genghis Khan is still waiting for his congratulatory telegram from Trump on winning the Eurasia general election.

  • etremble

    Mmmm a referendum under emergency rule, wonderful and totally legit, sure Trump loves that shit

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