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I am completely serious, you crazy witch! And get this dog out of my head!

So maybe yesterday we brought you the fake news that Alex Jones is really a performance artist, according to the lawyer representing Jones in his divorce and child custody case. But how do you know that’s true? Just because Jones’s legal representative insists Jones isn’t an unhinged freakazoid doesn’t mean Jones is actually Mr. Normal, buddy, because what’s good for Alex Jones’s custody case may not be good for his career as a professional one-man conspiracy spigot. So this morning, Jones delivered a rant from his car about how what you see on the interwebs is the real, true Alex Jones, not an act at all, you sheeple! Here, enjoy some stream-of-Jones, filmed on a GoPro while the great showman was on his way to another day in court, where he’s apparently not only fighting his wife for custody of their kids, but also fighting the Globalists, who are insisting on weekends and every other Tuesday night, at least during the school year, plus a week’s vacation at Bohemian Grove every other summer.

He’s not a happy guy! Sure, maybe he does some acting on his show, he has a persona, but it reflects who he truly is, which is, yes, an intellectual who plays to the Fourth Wall and occasionally screams at it: “We’re all actors, but I believe in what I stand for — I’m not an actor as my main identity.” After all, as T.S. Eliot’s Prufrock put it, do we not all “prepare a face to meet the faces that we meet”? Not that you’ll ever find Alex Jones prancing around on a beach in white flannel trousers. The man does NOT approve of prancing:

They’re prancing online going, ‘Finally you admit it’s all fake and none of it’s real.’ Yeah, Brexit’s fake, taking down the New World Order’s fake, getting all of the gun laws repealed, that’s not happening? No, it’s happening. Getting a good Supreme Court justice appointed? That’s not happening? Everything we want is starting to happen.

The real highlight of the video, for us, comes when Jones gets to the courthouse parking lot and is so caught up in his performance for the webcam that he keeps missing his turn. Art requires a certain amount of sacrifice, and Alex Jones’s life IS his art. Seem slippery? As it should — as Laurie Anderson has a friend ask her in “Language is a Virus,” “Hey! Are you talking to me? Or are you just practicing for one of those performances of yours?”

Frankly, We’re inclined to believe Jones is a bona fide goofhead, since as far as we know, he’s been living this character since before he was briefly featured in Richard Linklater’s 2001 rotoscoped paean to Austin Weirdness, Waking Life (we’d thought he was in Slacker, but misremembered: that was Linklater’s 1991 live-action paean to Austin Weirdness).

If you want to keep up with the latest developments in Jones’s divorce/custody hearing, check the Twitter feeds for Huffington Post reporter Roque Planas and Texas Monthly contributor Dan Solomon. A couple samples for you:

Ahem, that’s “ad litem,” Mr. Planas, but OK. We’re mostly just left with one burning question:

Why the hell isn’t this on Pay-per-View?

Also, this is your OPEN THREAD.

Yr Wonkette is completely real, as our car repair bills certainly make clear on a regular basis. Please keep us rolling along by clicking the “Donate” linky below. And when we drive, we keep our eyes on the road and don’t try to do a webcast, for godssake.

[RightWingWatch via Joe. My. God.]

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  • Little Doll–MOAMF

    Aw, poor Alex Jones. It’s Catch-22! But of course he will insist on whatever butters his bread being the TRUE him.

    At least the kids will get some nice child support. Sounds like all his ranting ass is good for, really.

  • Treg Brown
    • jesterpunk
    • BadKitty904

      *waves paw*

      • Treg Brown

        I saw that pizza you ate last night. It was bigger than your head :- )
        Have a great night!

        • BadKitty904

          That was the angle of the pic! I posted that as a joke!!!

          You, too, Doc! Heal people!!!

        • puredog

          Never eat anything bigger than your head.
          — B. Kliban

          • Red Bird Ω

            Nancy Reagan too?

          • puredog

            Nancy did the eating, or so I hear.

          • FlownΩver

            Yes, but only the head.

    • Red Bird Ω
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Alums gather for Slytherin class reunion…

  • puredog

    Prufrock didn’t prance upon the beach. He indicated an intention to wear white flannel trousers and “walk” upon the beach. Now, Thomas Stearns, he might’ve been a prancer.

    • Bill D. Burger

      But does he dare eat a peach?

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        No, but in the room the women come and go
        Talking of Michelangelo.

        So he’s got that going for him.

        • Bill D. Burger

          Just as long as he doesn’t end up like a patient etherized upon a table.
          ;)

          • puredog

            Let us go and make our visit.

      • puredog

        We don’t know.

    • Michael Smith

      That sounds a bit obtuse.

  • memzilla Ω
    • mailman27

      Upfist with extreme resignation.

  • Creepoman

    All he wanted was a Pepsi.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I agree with him Mom on this one.

    • JMP

      From Jones’ behavior he seems to be much more of a coke fan.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Alex Jones – the tarbaby is inside him!….

    • Yellerduck

      That’s why his head keeps getting stuck.

  • BadKitty904
    • Bill D. Burger

      I have to crank that up every now and then just to keep my sanity!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I love that purple-themed pic of Alex. Are those empty thought bubbles above his head?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • puredog

    Editrix should just get a McLaren-Bago. End of maintenance problems.

    • snark-lurker

      did the Wankabago quit agin?

      • puredog

        She’s just endorsing all our Ameros right over to her mechanic, who’s no Click and Clack.

        • snark-lurker

          well when that thing’s rockin’…

    • PubOption

      It could be the Prius giving problems this time (assuming she still has it)

      I once had the misfortune to park next to a McLaren. When started the engine rolls coal until the turbo cranks up, so don’t have your windows open.

  • JMP

    Good job undermining your own custody hears there. I would not want to be that crazy man’s lawyer right now, having a client who refuses to shut up when it’s in their own best interests is the worst.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Alex,

    Ya wanna know how I know you’re a danger to society?

    You just recorded a four minute interview with yourself while driving.

    Get off the road, jackass. *flips finger because I’m from Jersey*

  • puredog

    This feels like Open Thread already. Is this Open Thread? WHY IS IT OFTEN NON-ANNOUNCED? (Sob.)

    • BadKitty904

      There, there. It was announced on the main Wonkette page.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        And at the bottom of the article.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Well, the early evening drinking hurts, too…

        • C4TWOMAN

          You and your observations skills. Show off.

      • puredog

        (sniffle) thanx
        Oh, and, uh, yeah, I sees that now.
        The day drinking, plays hob with the comprehension.

  • Michael Smith

    Yet, this is the man that Trumpists will believe over Actual Journalists, because Actual Journalists are part of the “Liberal Elite.”

    On the advice of someone here, I’m reading Nixonland to try and understand what it is about this hatred for “the elite” that drives “regular Americans” to fall in love with shady, duplicitous, self-serving politicians while detesting good leaders. And can liberal-minded people use this tendency to their advantage?

    So far, it looks like Nixon was able to convince people that he was a “regular American,” who the “liberal elites” made fun of and bullied because liberals think they are better than normal people. His own resentments resonated with others, which brought him unbelievable popularity. And this has been the GOP strategy ever since.

    Liberals hated this strategy, because it completely ignored substantive politics, but was infuriatingly effective. The GOP was and is the party of the elite. The GOP opposes help for regular Americans and believes government should assist only the rich and powerful, while regular Americans should have recourse only to the rich’s “free market.” To the contrary, the liberal Democrats are the party of the New Deal. The Democrats are the working class’s natural and obvious party, and in turn the working class was an almost guaranteed liberal voting block for decades.

    Except the New Deal liberals were too socially-conscious to indulge resentment between groups of working-class Americans, and would only acknowledge mistrust for authority when the authority was conservative. The liberal old-guard of Nixon’s formative political years arose during the Depression, when there were really no liberal “authorities” to speak of. But by the 1950’s, those authorities existed, and Nixon (and Nixonians) capitalized on the resentment that always accompanies authority. “The liberal media hates me, the liberal academy hates me, the liberal political families hate me – because I don’t kowtow to them. And they hate all of us regular Americans for that reason, too.”

    They tugged on this resentment anytime liberals supported something the working class might resist. Nixonians appeared like Eden’s serpent, tempting the common man: “Did the liberals really tell you to sacrifice your prosperity to give handouts to black people? To throw your hard-earned money at state colleges where kids use LSD and protest Vietnam all day?” Before the liberals could respond, they had lost long-time voters, who all of a sudden saw them as egghead snobs, pursuing social engineering with no heed for their constituents’ feelings. Despite everything the liberals had done for the working man, the working man turned his back because the Republicans were willing to indulge resentments that the liberals preferred to believe could be educated away, or, worse, would just fade if ignored.

    That seems to be an exact reflection of what is going now – except Trump takes Nixon’s model to its logically absurd end. Not only does the GOP represent the interests of the rich but secure the vote of the poor, but the President himself is a rich member of the American elite, who convinces the poor that he is Just Like Them. At least Nixon really had to work for a living most of his life.

    Perhaps this demonstrates that the only way to reverse this half-century death spiral of liberalism is to abandon the dream that if the poor and working classes were better educated they would stop voting against their interests. Because Trump’s election shows that even when the lie should be incredibly obvious to the most unintelligent person, the underclass will buy it when it is presented in that Nixonian style.

    Do liberals need to switch tactics and indulge the paranoia and resentment of the people? It isn’t going away. And pretending otherwise only hurts us. And yeah, I know, Trump barely won this election – but conservatives’ use of Nixonian tactics have made liberalism a much harder sell and much harder to defend than it should be and that doesn’t look like its ending any time soon.

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      Upvoted for thoughtful ideas, but I don’t think we should indulge humanity’s worst instincts in order to lure voters away from the GOP, no. Besides, plenty of people voted for Hillary, it’s not like we’re a dying breed.

      • Michael Smith

        Maybe we just need to find a way to present ourselves as the underdog. One thing Nixon liked to do was to say something untrue and wait for an opponent to call him out on it – then he would be like “Oh look at Mr. Smarty-Pants quoting statistics at me. This is just how the elites are.” And somehow the majority of voters would end up taking his side – not because he was right, but because they related to his plight.

        • Little Doll–MOAMF

          I fear we may enter that era only when the GOP has done so much damage to everyone else that they finally really start eating their own. Trump’s ACA repeal would definitely get that ball rolling. But the fallout will be severe and affect all of us for generations.

          These people don’t give a damn about anything that happens to anyone outside their own little limited sphere. The only thing that will convince them to change their thinking is when they themselves start to suffer for the people they’ve put in office. Just like the only thing that tends to open their minds about things like being gay or trans is when they find out one of their kids are such.

          The new wrinkle in all of this is how they are now spoon-fed bullshit on the internet and news waves 24/7. What Nixon tapped into was their paranoia and selfishness, and the GOP now feeds that all day, every day. At this point they’re all like bullshit addicts.

          The thing is, here’s how I see it. There really are more of us than of them. The GOP can’t seem to win an election unless they literally lie, cheat, and now steal (as in the stolen voting machines in GA). Do we need to convince these mouth-breathers to vote with us, or do we need to work to stop the voting laws now in place to keep a bunch of corrupt GOP politicians from stealing elections?

          • Michael Smith

            I think a horrible conservative-driven collapse is what caused the great liberal consensus of the 1930’s-1960’s – the Great Depression and the undeniable suffering it wrought on people who otherwise might be convinced to vote Trump. I shudder to think that a similar or worse occurrence is necessary for that consensus to reemerge. I’m not sure how many we can survive.

    • Zombishroom

      I try to share my outrage over how Republicans are selling out the working class (and our browser histories) and letting corporations screw us but I don’t know how much difference it makes. Some folks are hung up on abortion and will suffer anything to save a couple of fetuses.

  • This is all a secret plot by Agenda 21 to discredit Jones and steal our golf courses.

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      ALTERNATIVE 3 LIBELS!!!!

    • Rick Hill

      How else are we going to get extra land to grow government subsidized arugula?

    • C4TWOMAN

      Those aliens need to expand their landing platforms. Plus they’ve heard there’s easy pickings to abduct lately. Could explain a lot….

  • arglebargle

    Ohhhhhh…. squirrel. Really. Baby squirrel on our back patio last night. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/55e766565ab4c9285625198d4d00814dc0395dc9155915d97382e99f73d5c6fe.jpg

    • Contemplative Ron

      I just replaced a sliding screen door on our porch. The squirrels kept clawing through the mesh to get at the bag of peanuts I keep there for them. So far no idea if they can get through the heavy-gauge aluminum that’s there now.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Divorce? Hey gals, Alex will be on the open market soon!

    • C4TWOMAN

      The dreamy batshit loon of my dreams? Oh boy can’t wait…

    • Vecchioivan

      You can tell him by his mating call.

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CohJksnlT1g

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Shame on you for releasing my Sleep Lab tape!

  • Vincent Ricola

    Oh man, what I would give to hear the judge’s thoughts on their first exposure to Alex Jones and the pure grade insanity of disinfoWars.

  • Treg Brown

    Headin to the hospital for the night. Good luck to us all in the Georgia 6th!

    Hello BadKitty!!

    https://twitter.com/TeamOssoff/status/854296671844519936

  • Nightcrawler
    • jesterpunk

      How would that bother Obama? Remember the right screaming Obama dared to eat a burger with fancy mustard?

    • Rick Hill

      He knows fckin’ well Obamzdaman isn’t vegan(Not that there’s anything wrong with that) Just using the ignorance of his followers to generate hate

    • boyblue123

      Only real ‘Muricans eat whole bulbs of garlic

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      Have a nice heart attack.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Obama wept.”

    • BadKitty904

      What is that white stuff, lower-right? Cauliflower? Beef fat?

      • boyblue123

        I thought it looked like whole bulbs of garlic

        • BadKitty904

          But…but…but isn’t garlic used in FOREIGN food??1?

      • Dg Hacket

        Yeah, that’s just big chunks of fat

      • thixotropic jerk

        Those are the preserved hearts of the small children he has pickled in his basement

        • BadKitty904

          As if Jones were that talented…

    • JMP

      No wonder he has such a manly grotesque fat physique he likes to show off with constantly removing his shirt on camera.

    • Ahh, the favourite RED MEAT of the standard ‘murrican… hot dogs and shish kabobs

      • PubOption

        But the kabobs are Islamic.

  • goonemeritus

    I guess he likes his career more than he wants custody of his kids.

    • BadKitty904

      The pay i$ better.

      • Rick Hill

        I was going to say..why have three kids an no money when you could have no kids and three money?

        • Jamoche

          They don’t want to do the actual caretaking part, but it hurts their wee little egos to not have possession of their property. Speaking from experience as former “property”. My paternal DNA contributor managed to piss off his own lawyer (“Yes, she’s 18. Yes, legally you don’t have to contribute to her college. Morally – sheesh.”), though not nearly as much as Jones is doing.

    • ANNG14

      Not what he said in court. Apparently Jones wants it both ways.

      • Dg Hacket

        Did he, in fact, perjure himself? I say yes

        • ANNG14

          Jones admitted to being phony to cash in on rage.

    • C4TWOMAN

      For the kid’s sake, lets hope so.

  • Panika MCD

    was that swing through the AFL-CIO parking lot just to see if he could run over a few union members or something? I am glad I was not on the sidewalks or the road when he was on his way to court!

  • Rick Hill

    But…what if we ARE the craezy ones?

  • not_vh

    you can fool all people all the time?

  • Jamoche

    https://consumerist.com/2017/04/18/as-congress-preps-to-scrap-prepaid-card-protections-lawsuit-seeks-release-of-emails-between-lawmakers-lobbyists/#more-10275489

    But their emails!

    At some point in the coming weeks, Congress is set to consider a fast-tracked proposal that would nullify a slew of new protections for the millions of Americans who use prepaid debit cards. With the clock ticking down to that vote, a lawsuit is trying to compel the release of any communications about these rules between industry lobbyists, lawmakers, and federal regulators

    Yes, minimum wage people, look forward to getting paid via debit card that costs more to use than you make.

    • DainBramage

      Look, I’m not in favor of violent, guillotine weilding revolution in any way. But these guys just seem to want to push us regular folks in that direction.

      • Contemplative Ron

        Sooner or later you’re just going to have to go for it. To do otherwise would be impolite.

    • TJ Barke

      Company scrip: The Next Generation.

  • Crystalclear12

    I imagine his lawyer spent some time explaining STFU to his client.

    • snark-lurker

      cannut unring that bell

    • Nightcrawler

      And him calling his lawyer a globalist shill.

  • elviouslyqueer
    • thixotropic jerk

      Hope that’s the DC zoo and that ShTrumpet will be making a visit soon

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh, and for the record, Roque Planas = MUY fappable. Arriba, bitches!

    • BadKitty904

      A very cute smile!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Scott Walker is screaming “NOTICE ME, SENPAI!” at His Fraudulency.
    https://twitter.com/ScottWalker/status/854419576104378368

    • Beowoof14

      Ah yes, its always been about the bucks, and not the Milwaukee team.

  • Jenny

    Sorry but not sorry that his crazy ass is having to defend his”credibility” in court. Even if it is a custody court.

  • Rick Hill

    Is he fighting just to be a dick that has to win everything? Because this guy looks like he just can’t wait to get a trophy wife or two to hang on his arm.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Alex Jones – lithium is a terrible thing to waste.

    • BadKitty904

      This is why you don’t mix steroids with peyote.

      ~ Stephen Colbert on Alex Jones

    • Shoto

      In Jones’ case, a full-frontal lobotomy is a terrible thing to waste, but I take your point.

      • Pepper Jack

        I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        The docs went in and tried but found nothing but a brain stem present.

    • JMP

      It’s a fairly unstable, easy-to-destroy element, so it’s very rare despite being the third-lightest one there is.

  • C4TWOMAN

    “because what’s good for Alex Jones’s custody case may not be good for his career as a professional one-man conspiracy spigot.”

    This is an ongoing problem for conspiracy grifters:
    1.either they’re on to the TRUTH and the gubbmint is out to get them
    or

    2. They’re lying fraudsters running a long and very lucrative con.

    After decades in business, Alex Jones is clearly a No 2 non-special.

    1. Either he believes every single contradictory conspiracy he’s pushed in the last 20+ year–including the gubmint out to get him etc.

    or

    2. It’s all an act to make $$$$$

    I think we can figure out which one it is,

    • JMP

      A ot of these people often seem to start out just grifting the rubes but after a long period of stewing in the crazy end up basically conning themselves and believing in their own bullshit. This can be seen in cult leaders as well, with for instance both Joseph Smith and L. Ron Hubbard following that pattern.

      • C4TWOMAN

        True. But in Jones case he’s showing too much calculated awareness and worry of OMG Losing the CASH COW $$$$$$$ for us to really buy he’s lost that much touch with reality.

  • Panika MCD

    seriously, Dok. that was not the court house parking lot. it was the AFL-CIO. he was on Levaca and should have turned around on 12th, but he cut through the AFL parking lot (probably to run over some nasty union globalists) and went towards the Capitol with is THE OTHER FUCKING WAY. for someone who harasses people at every government building or at least sends his goons to and for someone who grew up here (it is a mystery to us how as Austinites don’t really have TX accents and he’s fucked in the head in a way we can’t take responsibility for) he sure does not know his way around town. that’s probably because he runs his show out of his house.

    • Red Bird Ω

      No TX accents in Austin, huh?

      • Panika MCD

        they sent too many Californians and Oregonians here. we have a fairly flat affect. even the kids who come in from around the state for college tend to lose their accents after time. it’s just the lege that has the big league TX accents. and, it should be noted, that there are several TX accents, not just the one as we are a big state.

        • Red Bird Ω

          I grew up in Houston. I guess I can only recognize that one.

          • Panika MCD

            it is very different from the ones in NE TX and the ones from the Panhandle and definitely the Hill Country is different.

    • Juan de Fuca

      it is a mystery to us how as Austinites don’t really have TX accents

      Umm…as one who has lived in Texas and snowboarded frequently in northern New Mexico, I’ve met plenty of people from Austin who did indeed have Texas accents. In fact, you could pick them out very easily on the slopes by their accent.

      “So where’re you from?”

      “Austin, Texas!”

      “You don’t say!”

      Embrace the accent, Panika. I love Austin, BTW. Hated the traffic but love the area :-)

      • Panika MCD

        they moved here for college and hadn’t been here long. or they moved here as adults. Watson definitely has a thicker accent when he’s in the Pink Dome than when he’s out of it, but it comes from Ft. Worth. I shits you nots. I’ve been living here since I was 6 (except for college and grad school) and I don’t have an accent.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Well, you don’t have a typical Texas accent. I assume you’ve tested this in another major city like LA, but I believe you. My last roomie was from Austin and at the time I didn’t realize that meant like another country in the middle of Texas. Ne had NO accent–which probably means it was coastal city/urban yank.

          • Panika MCD

            there is not typical Texas accent. there are several regional accents. we are bigger than France.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Oh dears. I have put feet places they don’t go.
            Yes, while that is true, there is still an expectation. The stereotype if you will. I have no idea where the stereotype comes from. I assume it’s some pastiche.
            And for the record, while you’re as big as France, your population is less than half. Londoners have several accents and are less prickly about it….

          • Panika MCD

            but people recognize the difference between a Posh accent and a Cockney. they don’t recognize that Jeremy Bird sent an email to all Texas Dems trying to put on a TX accent IN AN EMAIL and no one knew what the fuck he was doing, but he sure must have thought we were all stupid. France has several accents. just because we have a lower population, doesn’t mean that the geographic distance doesn’t have the same affect. that wide open space which makes for some cloistered communities tends to enhance it. it’s like that island off of NC that still speaks the dialect of English what was spoken around colonization–it’s been able to do that because it’s been isolated.

          • Panika MCD

            and this is the language nerd in me talking.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Oh I have that crazy person too …history sets her off…
            =^-^=

        • Juan de Fuca

          Five bucks says you have an accent…

          ETA: Just joking :-)

          • Panika MCD

            I’m one of those chameleon people who take on the accent of whoever I’m talking to if I’m around them too long.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I sometimes do the same thing, lol. My daughter still has her Aussie accent and I sometimes pronounce no as “Noir” when I’m around her.

  • Shoto

    I’m betting The Globalists were responsible for Jones’ trouble finding a parking place. That’s the way your hard-core globalist works.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I mean, can you prove that the deep state isn’t beaming harmful beams into our GPS systems from shadow cell phone towers all over the US that are causing us to not find parking spots?

      Wake up people.

    • Crystalclear12

      Well, it’s not easy organizing a pack of parkers but we feel it’s worth it.
      Local Globalist #245

      • Shoto

        Go unions!

    • Werewolf

      Nah, we Globalists have been busy celebrating Passover-got no time for messing with parking for meshuggeners like him.

  • Beowoof14

    Alex says he’s a thinker. That level of misunderstanding of what people who can actually think do and say is stunning. And the gun laws, this dope wants to go back to the old west where everyone is walking around packing heat. And with no training or idea of how to actually use the guns. I can see Alex becoming one of the guys who shoots his penis off. http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/193576/at-least-five-americans-accidentally-shot-off-their-penises-since-2010/

  • Nightcrawler

    Honestly, Alex Jones took me by surprise last year. I’m not kidding. I once wasted an entire summer vacation watching his conspiracies about bohemian grove and whatnot. For the longest time I dismissed him as merely some random conspiracy dude.

    But during the election? I saw a guy who went from being vehemently anti police 4 or 5 years ago to going all in FOR the police because of black lives matter. I saw a guy who used to criticize the left and right to going full wingnut and emboldening the alt right. It’s really crazy.

    • Bill D. Burger

      He’s a slimy opportunist of the lowest order. He’s tried to make being batshitcrazy a political movement, and he has succeeded to a degree with the on air aid (along with FOX etc….) he has given Trump.

    • C4TWOMAN

      He appeals to people who feel cut off and isolated. I remember considering his stuff at one time. He made some good points, but his manner was off putting so I never got INTO him. Also I’m not an emotionally vulnerable person without a support network IRL. He’s exploiting isolated and alienated people. Another thing to hate him for.

      • Nightcrawler

        I mean 16-year old me who didn’t care about politics at all watching his videos made me think “aw yeah that’s right the left and the right both suck”, which was about the only thing I used to agree with him on. But this dude has went full wing-nut. The same types of moves he says he criticized the Bush administration for he defended under Trump making the boom-booms in the Middle East.

    • Panika MCD

      he’s only for the kinds of polices that beat the crap out of people who look like NOT HIM. he has no love for our law enforcement in Travis Co.

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

    Bill Hicks has really let himself go.

  • ariel_gee_398

    If I were one of his kids, I might be inclined to ask the court to let me choose the option behind Door #3.

    • BadKitty904

      If I were one of his kids, I wouldn’t admit it.

      • Fortunately, Jones is a pretty common last name, so they can always claim that they’re no relation.

  • TJ Barke

    AJ, kook or conman?

    • BadKitty904

      Yup.

    • thixotropic jerk

      why not both? Kooky Conman / Conny Kookman?

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        KINKY FRIEDMAN LIBELS!!!!

        • puredog

          KOOKIE BYRNES LIBELZ!!!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I see you have never read A Treatise on the Duality of Assholes.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Con man. I like to focus on the con aspect because that’s legally actionable. A kook is annoying, but not illegal.

  • Rick Hill

    Have you also heard there’s been a new plant species discovery, deep in teh fetid swamps of Alabama? A nasty, foul and disgusting plant that, if you are near enough to smell the rotted odor it gives off, you become a walking zombie, unable to make rational conversation and less sense. They named it after Alex Jones, Deadly Hoar’s breath.

  • Persistent Demme

    The only way to oust Trump without a civil war IMHO, is for the FBI, CIA, and Reeps to take the lead.
    Who will step up?
    Agree?
    Disagree?
    Discuss.

    • snark-lurker

      they all crooked, some in different ways, but all crooked

    • Red Bird Ω

      He could leave on his own if the money’s not there. That’s how the grifters work.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Sometimes it takes time tho. Depends on the intelligence of the grifter. Smart ones cash out as soon as they’ve lost control of teh con. Stupid one linger around , like gambling addicts, hoping it’ll turn around…
        OH MY GOD We’re going to have to nuke the White House, aren’t we?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          The Canadians. The Canadians have to nuke the White House.

          • Contemplative Ron

            Shh, ixnay on the Anadiancay ukesnay. Nobody’s supposed to know we have them. At CFB Cold Lake. Ready to bolt onto the CF-188s.

        • Red Bird Ω

          You’re right. Assuming that rumors about his debt is true, he doesn’t know when to say when.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    OK, now when exactly IS an appropriate time for him to take his shirt off?

    • Nightcrawler

      When everyone has lost their sight?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Near as I can tell, when he is deep-throating a sausage.

    • Crystalclear12

      In the dark.

    • BadKitty904

      In Hell?

    • Dg Hacket

      They probably had to explain to the court that he didn’t take his shirt off to challenge someone to a fight, it was because he was hot

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      When the forensics team comes to collect evidence.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • BadKitty904

      Which proves that gun laws are far too lax. And nothing else.

    • boyblue123

      White guy does it, hes a lone wolf

      Non-white guy does it, indictment of their whole race/religion

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    “Scotty, full reverse, that’s the Alex Jones Machine!”

    “But Captain the Derp Field around that beastie is drawing us in. Wait, use a resonance burst from the deflector dish in order to simulate an antimatter explosion and free the Enterprise!”

    “Just fucking do it, Mr Scott.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6ecaa39e85cf8021d4dadaf36c0a859bef6d2b5e45616b54f8836ca5fe12f128.jpg

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I hope my tendency to take my pants off an inappropriate times doesn’t affect any of my court cases.

    • snark-lurker

      i won’t abject

  • Little Doll–MOAMF

    Mmm, Earl Grey green tea.

    Does this make me an elitist?

    • Vincent Ricola

      If Earl Grey green tea makes me wrong, I don’t want to be right.

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      Is it single estate and organic?

      If not, then shut the fuck up, pleb!

      • Little Doll–MOAMF

        Ooooh, mean!

    • hendenburg2

      Nope. Bergamot oil is an affront to all that is good and holy with tea.

      Also, it was used to make shitty black tea taste like good black tea (not that “good black tea” is an actual thing). Because 19th century.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        Hey, if people want to spray perfume in their tea, it’s all good.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        OT/somewhat: I have long suspected Starbucks’ signature House Fire Roast is simply to conceal sub par beans.

        • hendenburg2

          I know “Espresso Roast” and “French Roast” are usually burned beans.

          Also: never seen “House Fire Roast”. Usually just Pike Place.

      • Little Doll–MOAMF

        That’s interesting, I did not know that.

        So, not elitist? Not even the green tea part? OK

        lol

    • PubOption

      Does the NRA serve Gunpowder Green tea?

      • willi0000000

        never inside their offices . . . everywhere else is OK.

  • FlownΩver

    Hollywood Reporter 2/24/17:

    Dan Abrams, ABC News’ chief legal analyst and the founder of Mediaite, is set on Monday to debut a new online video channel that will expand LawNewz and bring live coverage of trials and other court hearings.

    As Janine Melnitz put it, “We got one!”

  • BadKitty904

    The Republicans have driven even Nature itself crazy:

    Bewildered Beaver Becomes Accidental Leader of 150 Curious Cows
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/beaver-leads-cows_us_58f5c796e4b0b9e9848e08a6?section=us_weird-news

    Goose Instructs Police Detective to Kindly STEP OFF
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/goose-attacks-detective_us_58f6236ae4b0da2ff86351eb?section=us_weird-news

    9-Foot-Long Gator Plays Easter Bunny, Dropping into Family’s Home
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/alligator-porch-easter-morning_us_58f50ebbe4b0da2ff8625a76?section=us_weird-news

    • Jenny

      Hell no at the alligator. Climbing stairs to get in a house? I would buy a new house!

      • BadKitty904

        They tend to ramble a bit during the mating season.

  • ANNG14

    ‘He’s playing a character’: Alex Jones’s lawyer says it’s all an act in child custody battle defense

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/hes-playing-a-character-alex-joness-lawyer-says-its-all-an-act-in-child-custody-battle-defense/

  • Thaumaturgist

    This quandaries me. (Or is it “quandarys” like “lobbyists.”). Someone help me. I don’t know which way to spin.

  • Nightcrawler

    Paul Joseph Watson, a guy who works with Infowars, literally said earlier this year that “conservatism is the new punk rock”.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Spoken like someone who doesn’t have clue one what punk rock is.

      • Nightcrawler

        PJW is a British guy who takes pictures of himself standing next to flowers. What do you expect here?

    • BadKitty904

      Paul Joseph Watson obviously doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.

    • TJ Barke

      No. No it isn’t. Because punk rock actually had intellectual undercurrents.

      • Nightcrawler
        • Little Doll–MOAMF

          Ignorance and stupidity, and the desire to make the clock go backward is just like, omg, so never cool.

        • Juan de Fuca

          I lasted 26 seconds into it. What’d I win?

        • TJ Barke

          Fascism is the fascism.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Paul Joseph Watson is the new dumbass.

    • JMP

      That makes as much sense as the latest Suburu being just like punk rock in 1992.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLhfxI8T2cU

    • jesterpunk
    • Bill D. Burger
  • Vecchioivan

    I hear the global localists are in league with the People’s Front of Judea.

    • TJ Barke

      SPLITTERS!

    • BadKitty904

      That’s People’s Judean Front!!1!

    • Duke

      I heard that, too. Shocking.

  • FDRliberal

    Vox and Carlos Maza explain clearly how CNN totally sucks in an informative video.

    Vox: CNN treats politics like a sport — that’s bad for all of us

    In an interview with the New York Times Magazine, CNN president Jeff Zucker described the network’s approach to covering politics, saying, “The idea that politics is sport is undeniable, and we understood that and approached it that way.”

    The repellent Zucker, who equates sports with politics, is one of the biggest Trump normalizers out there today.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      So CNN treats politics like sports, and ESPN treats sports like politics.
      I’m gonna go have a lie-in now.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Worst of all, a bloodsport.

  • Jenny

    How has this Judge unaware of infowars? The stickers are plastered on every corner and on the back of every busted ass shit heap driving around Austin? She must live in Bee Cave or something.

    • Juan de Fuca

      They’re plastered on the back of every busted ass shit heap in Southern California also. Well, I’ve seen a few of them at least which is a few too many. Dipshits.

      • Jenny

        She must stay in for lunch because I can bet there is one plastered on the cross walk outside the court house. Move closer to campus and there is a sticker every 10 feet.

        • Juan de Fuca

          There’s a Ron Paul sign still hanging on a tree in Fallbrook, CA that I pass every week. Ron fucking Paul. Because he’s still relevant. But then again, Fallbrook is kinda like our Florida except they grow the best avocados in the world in Fallbrook so there’s that.

          • hendenburg2

            That isn’t surprising because I’m pretty sure 25% of Camp Pendleton lives in Fallbrook.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I dunno. There are some places that are so right wing they even hate the military. I have coworkers who grew up in Fallbrook and said folks there hated the military and all types of government. Most of the Marines I know live in Oceanside or up here in Temecula which isn’t exactly a liberal bastion but is moderate enough to make it a good town. Fallbrook is the town that Tom Metzger (KKK leader) lived in for years and the father of the guy who played a role in that Geraldo Rivera/KKK brawl years ago. It’s a nice town to drive though on the way to Camp Pendleton and through Camp Pendleton to San Onofre State Beach.

          • hendenburg2

            Isn’t Fallbrook south of Temecula on the 15?

          • Juan de Fuca

            Yes it is. About 15 -20 minutes from I where I live in Temecula.

    • There was a time in my life when j was unaware of Alex Jones. That was BW (Before Wonkette)

      • Jamoche

        And I only knew about Breitbart because Google News would include it.

    • major_asshole

      On a road trip from Phoenix back home to south Louisiana, we had to drive twelve hours through Texass. At a gas station somewhere between El Paso and San Antonio just off I-10, I was pumping fuel when I saw three stickers that just said “Infowars.com.” Should’ve covered em with duck tape.

  • Reximus

    So Twitler got up @ 5:40 this a.m. to tweet that he was going to be on Fox & Friends at 6am…which he had taped the night before, so basically he got up extra early just to watch himself on tv

    http://www.palmerreport.com/opinion/6am-donald-trump-television/2349/

    • Contemplative Ron

      Probably kept pointing to himself on the screen and said, ‘Hey, that handsome guy has some great ideas! Can I get him for my Cabinet?’

    • major_asshole

      That level of narcissism surprise you?

      (Because it shouldn’t.)

    • willi0000000

      had to watch . . . couldn’t remember what he said the night before.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    So this morning, Jones delivered a rant from his car about how what you see on the interwebs is the real, true Alex Jones, not an act at all, you sheeple!

    This ought to be good:

    It’s the war on knowledge, the war on intellect…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d17e58dc9e2f804a82899c72aaf1b24f279fdd1ed30fecf45656886526890d7e.jpg

    • not_vh

      yo undear alex jones you are not smart enough to get away with this. hopefully we are not dumb enough to let you.

    • major_asshole

      I…I don’t think he understands that HE is the war on intellect and knowledge. He is also the war on critical thinking.

  • Duke

    If this is my open thread, what are all they other people non-commenting for? I can make any other thread my open thread if I want to.

    I’m taking my shirt off. That’ll fix all of you.

    • HazooToo

      Goooood, gooooood…. Next the socks… Then dance for me. Make it jiggle.

  • Panika MCD

    PUKING CHARTER SCHOOLS.

    give me the funning gifs what charter schools make you think of.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • UnsaltedSinner

    This may be old to you, but I think we need to make sure we really appreciate the beauty in this world.

    https://twitter.com/MelissaJPeltier/status/854017013714489346

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    So, um, how did this guy end up with custody of his kids in the first place?

    • BadKitty904

      How did this guy end up with kids in the first place?

      • Contemplative Ron

        Well, when a narcissistic Daddy loves himself very much…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Roofies.

    • snark-lurker

      mebbe she didn’t want them but now, child support is lookin gooder

  • BosGrl

    Hey guys! Maintenance painted the front door of my apartment this afternoon and now BosDaught and I can’t get out. Send handsome firefighters to rescue us!

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    No, Alex, listen. It’s not the Bilderberg Group that wants to corner the global fast food market, it’s Build-A-Burger. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5d1da58015dd2d0f67472e1ac2cd6e20e10fd73bb4ff950a9cbb64b4234b11a3.jpg Alex attempts to reconcile these two thoughts.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    I must say that as despicable Alex is he’s right at home here in Austin. His brand of weirdness what with the taking-his-shirt-off and whatnot is right up there with Leslie and the Cola Sisters in the Keep Austin Weird pantheon.

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/8bLGkAcZP_Q

    • not_vh

      i have seen static images of aj topless and now these ladies. NOT THE SAME.

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Did I read somewhere that Leslie passed away?

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        He did a few years ago. He’s sorely missed.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    taking down the New World Order’s fake

    Still going on about the New World Order, eh?

    http://i.imgur.com/Fyw5RLj.gif

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Just because why not? Here’s some grumpy looking old farts playing some boogie-woogie like there’s no tomorrow:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a2e7aB0t8I

    • Roy can play. I saw him many times in the late 80’s as part of the Bay Area blues scene.

      He sat in with John Lee Hooker fairly often.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Roy Rogers? What, no Trigger alert?

    • Vecchioivan

      IS that Snortin’ Norton Buffalo?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I did sound for him a couple years ago at our local blues festival- great guitarist

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUmy85nfYSU

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

    The Fall – The War Against Intelligence.
    https://youtu.be/v_Ljh2H5cd0?t=1380

  • boyblue123
  • major_asshole

    Serious thought, if I may:

    In court Jones claimed to be portraying a character when he does his InfoWars bullshittery.* Today he posts a video contradicting his statement in court. Does that not count as perjury should the judge catch wind of it?

    *”Bullshittery” is an actual word according to my phone. Yay!

    • Parakeetist

      I hope so.

    • hendenburg2

      There is precedent for it not counting. When 3 of the former members of Dead Kennedys sued Jello Biafra, they claimed in court that Biafra personally and maliciously withheld royalties from them, but said outside of the courtroom that it was just an accounting error. Didn’t stop the court from ruling that it was intentional.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I don’t believe he was under oath in the car.

      • major_asshole

        I wouldn’t be under oath in a bar, but if my lawyer says I don’t​ drink, he’d be under extra scrutiny if he’s hoisting shots with me.

        Which is to my mind about what’s happening.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Well don’t tell my lawyer. He’s sitting 3 barstools down.

  • Crystalclear12
    • BadKitty904

      And the “syphilis-induced dementia” rumors just keep getting louder…

      • Crystalclear12

        Maybe he didn’t win his Vietnam after all?

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Donald keeps talking about NATO members needing to “pay their bills,” which is utter nonsense. I would think he’s been told many times already that NATO is a treaty, it’s right there in the organization’s name. As such, there’s no such thing as paying for membership. It seems he’s too stupid to understand that or he thinks it’s good red meat for his followers, who are actually too fucking stupid to understand what NATO is. I think it’s the latter. He just does it because it gets him applause but he knows full well it’s bullshit, which is worse.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        Just because the other NATO countries aren’t dumb enough to spend nearly 4% of their GDP on War, doesn’t make them slackers.

        • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

          Eggsackly.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Why is he still making stump speeches when he can’t be assed to staff the Executive Banch?

  • C4TWOMAN

    Okay is anyone else getting these little icons like “view” and “play” instead of an image or video embed loading?

    EDIT: okay I get it. Mouse over and “embiggen”. Think it’s to save browser loading…yay?

    • II Gosala

      That’s what I normally get. Ilike it because disqus is more responsive that way. I think there is a setting somewhere.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Yeah, it works okay. I edited my comment. It’s actually a good thing–just never was like that for me. Maybe something to do with my last update…

    • Jamoche

      Yes, on purpose – there’s a menu by your name at the top of comments, and if you pick “Hide Media” you get those buttons. It helps to have that on because Disqus dies when the threads get long and have lots of embeds showing. But you can toggle it back on with “Display Media”

      • C4TWOMAN

        Thanks. I must have accidently hit that while disqus was jumping around….

        • Jamoche

          I think Disqus randomly turns it on too. It definitely doesn’t stick :(

        • CindyinEncinitas

          The size of the media we were all uploading is why we can’t have the Wednesday dance party any more, I think.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Hey, Jay Rosen on the press and Trump at NYU live feed in about twenty minutes.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Melania breathes a deep sigh of relief. At least I assume that’s what it is. I really can’t read that face.

  • Lizzietish81

    OT: But latest in the Austin trip drama (short version, one of my friends in getting married in Austin, we survived a 12 car trip together so I consider her enough of a friend to go, but some of the others that are going got on my last nerve during the election)

    One of them, one that I hadn’t come to think of as a moron just posted this charming gem.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BAFyVOvoyzw/

    And then asked if I support hypocrisy when I pointed out it made no actual sense.

    Truly this trip will be a test of my patience.

    To quote Rocket Raccoon

    “Fine, but I can’t promise when all of this is over I’m not going to kill every last one of you jerks.”

    • Jenny

      Same shit that was with O.J. the justice system is after a rich black icon!1!!!

      Also too he raped “whores” so clearly it doesn’t count!

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        Dave Chappelle does a really funny running gag/long arc on OJ, during his (first?) special on Netflix.

        • Suttree

          I got to see him live about 12? years ago. It was back when his CC show was huge. I like his standup even better than the show.

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            It’s good to have him back, either way!

          • Suttree

            I loved the show also too! What did the five fingers say to the face!?

    • Suttree

      Is this person making a really horrible joke are is he really A Idiot? Wtf?

    • Panika MCD

      well, that’s fun.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      I can certainly see why black people would distrust the police. But in Cosby’s case, you have to distrust his 60+ accusers, too.

    • Crystalclear12

      I think you have grounds for justifiable homicide.
      With votes, of course.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      It’s not impossible to believe both. A better comparison would have been Cosby to Donnie.

    • HazooToo

      Please get away from that person. It’s no good making yourself feel angry and yet powerless to scream at a fool.

      • Lizzietish81

        The list of people I will avoid talking to is growing long.

        I should really keep a list of people I’m willing to talk to

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          A friend of mine has an excellent rule that you only really need – and can manage – five good friends. Everyone else you just take or leave/pick up with once in a while, and forget about in between.
          And we’re both cool with me being in the latter group. :)

          • HazooToo

            My monkeysphere is down to two people who are not family. And you guys, but you’re all in one place where I can love you at a distance.

        • HazooToo

          That. And also, keep in mind that the list of people to talk to can include the bride and no one else!

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      I hope you still get to have fun in our fine city.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      errr, ummm, so because there have been a number of miscarriages of justice in the US we should advocate for yet another one by looking the other way re: Cosby’s multiple sexual assaults? LOLWUT?

      BTW, George Z has a mugshot too and Bill Cosby is free- so fucking what?

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        and Bill Cosby has at least fifty allegations of sexual assault against him–which because they come from women, are not considered “proof”?

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Interesting co-inky-dink: A friend of mine in Austin just married off a daughter. Theme wedding, dressed like Elizabethan-era well-to-do.

      • Lizzietish81

        Everyone came as Blackadder?

        • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

          Ha! No, but my friend looked a lot like Blackadder’s brother from the first season (I forget the name). So I guess medieval period, not Elizabethan. The picture on FB was too funny.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    If you told me he was doing some kind of dramatic reading of Trump’s latest tweets, I’d have believed you.

  • Suttree

    Alex’s modified reality is the brown acid.

  • Nephilim
  • Carpe Vagenda
    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      So…When can we deport Katrina Pierson?

      • vivian

        or Melania Trump?

    • ariel_gee_398

      How many immigrants get driving without a license violations because they can’t legally get a driver’s license?

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        AOT,K?

        • ariel_gee_398

          Except for a few places. Like California. Which is why one of Dipshit Donnie’s devoted dingbats thought 3 million undocumented immigrants voted in CA – she was confusing the ability to get a license with Motor Voter laws.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            oh, they hate how we actually want our freeways to have licensed drivers on them, not to mention insured drivers. Never mind that their licenses say in bright red print that they are non-citizen licenses and cannot be used to access any Federal services, or to vote. And why people who are here under the radar would voluntarily present themselves to a government official and risk deportation to, er, vote. They want to demonize our hard-working immigrants just like good old Adolf and Josef used to do.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        The only way that guy could sound any more stupid is if the shoplifting was stealing food for a sick parent/sibling.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      This was a reply from a Wonkette alum:

      https://twitter.com/GaryLegum/status/854447865673994241

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

        “Sahil Kapur” being your typical Salvadoran name…

  • Bill D. Burger

    Fun times:

    US to test anti missile weapons next month. North Korea vows swift war if their missiles are interfered with. They also vow to test one missile a week in defiance of US threats.
    US scrambles fighters to intercept Russian jets off the coast of Alaska flying too close to US surveillance planes.
    DOD says the threat of a terror attack inside the US is greater than at any time since 911.

    Just a few of the fun headlines beginning to pop up over the last hour.
    WhooooooPeeeeee! ___ “It’s the end of the world as we know it / And I feel fine….”

    https://i.imgflip.com/1h57pq.jpg

    • Panika MCD

      just when I was thinking I might need to take a sabbatical an AK.

    • RobKanC

      Making America great again.. Can’t do it without invading an asian country. its in the bylaws.

    • wait! what?

      …and the Nimitz and Reagan carrier groups are going to the Korean peninsula.

  • Nightcrawler
    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I think the same about people who could have voted but chose not to (which is also an insult to those who couldn’t or had their votes thrown out) or voted third party/write in.

    • RobKanC

      But what else were they supposed to do. Vote for a woman?

    • vivian

      Yeah but but but ….emailghazi!!1!

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Officials familiar with the process say even if the application to monitor Page included information from the dossier, it would only be after the FBI had corroborated the information through its own investigation.

      Oh…

      #LeakTheInfoNowPlease!

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    My favorite part of “feminists” defending Barbie is they have to completely ignore the fact that 1) children are impressionable, 2) dolls didn’t start out that ridiculous looking, and 3) her body isn’t anatomically possible. But sure, we should be teaching kids that it doesn’t matter what you look like with a doll that only comes in “always based on European beauty standards, even when non-white” and sizes -5 to -10.

    • Jenny

      Barbie lover here. Her size or shape never crossed my mind as a kid. All I cared about were her sequined dresses.

      Barbie now comes in many shapes, hair, and skin color. It took all of me to not buy the three different shades of Barbies this past Christmas. The latina Barbie was the prettiest Barbie.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I haven’t looked at them in a long time. I saw one that looked almost realistic last year or so, but I did notice the last time I saw a barbie that was supposed to be African-American had traditionally European features and that was… weird.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        I’m a huge fan of Barbie My Scene (discontinued). Loads of different skin colors, tones, hair, etc. Also the boys don’t look like Ken dingbats, which helps.
        I never really liked the vapid look (and weird dimensions) of the standard Barbies. Although I did turn a bunch into Zombie Barbies a few years back. They looked a lot better!
        Also, on the broader topic of dolls, with BJDs (ball-jointed dolls) you get a lot more body shapes and so forth. Some are rather etiolated, but that’s a goth aesthetic, or Sybarite/Fashion dolls.
        Robert Tonner does Ellowyne Wilde series, and she’s very much a rounder/normal shape than others coming out of Japan/Far East.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          Every time I look at BJD I want their clothes. Their skirts are so perfectly fluffy. I’d need like three petticoats for that.

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            It’s not the cost of the dolls that do you in – it’s buying the outfits, and then the shoes… and then you spot that lovely jacket that would go perfect with…..

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I wanted Queen Elizabeth I Barbie. She was definitely collector and not for kids

        • Jenny

          I had some collector dolls and several boxed dolls from my childhood that were my prized possessions. Especially the childhood dolls because I went through literal hell with just to keep.

          My kids, found them in my closet, unboxed them, drew on them and just did what kids did with dolls. Devastated about it but didn’t punish them because dolls.

      • CindyinEncinitas
    • Panika MCD

      I thought they introduced a bunch of new styles that were all Barbie? (IDK, I was always a pets and stuffed animals gal myself.)

      • Jenny

        She does, the fashionista line. Tall and skinny, curvy, petite, glasses, curly hair, brown eyes, asian. Many different dolls now. And for a time they had a Barbie customizer so you could get the doll you wanted.

        • Red Bird Ω

          Whoa. Wish I had that when I was young.

    • Thiazin Red

      I wasn’t big on Barbie as a kid, but with the ones I did have the feet were the weirdest thing.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I really liked Barbie (until an older girl cut off our dolls heads with a chainsaw and everyone told us we should be fine with that) and I definitely noticed when I didn’t grow up looking anything like her.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I’m not going to defend her, but let’s put it is perspective. Barbie is supposed to be clothed. For cloths to fit, the physical doll has to be narrower is places. All naked dolls look weird.

      That said, the problem IMHO isn’t that Barbie exists. It’s that for a long time she was teh ONLY thing that existed. Boy dolls, er “action figure” lol have a variety of macho images–men like tanks, lean mean combat rangers, and ninjas. Okay, you may not dig the theme, but there is diversity here. What do the girl dolls have? One twinky fashion model.
      There will never be One Doll that can possibly represent everyone. But there’s no excuse not to have a diversity of dolls–and not just Barbie shaped in different colors/clothes.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        That’s part of what I was trying to say, thanks. You phrased it much better than I did.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      you think that’s bad? Think of poor Ken…

      • Panika MCD

        you jelly that he got a bulge and you got–eewwwww what is that?!

      • Red Bird Ω

        You mean boys don’t all want to grow up to be a fake looking man child ?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          based on my grandkids, boys want to grow up to be transformers…

      • Koch Blockula

        “Barbie told Ken that their marriage was a failure,
        ‘Cause neither she nor Ken had any genitalia…”

        That’s from some old movie, but I can’t remember which one…

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        Ugh. What a fucking dweeb.

    • HazooToo

      I like the pretty weirdly shaped dollies. I like their pretty clothes and hair. I like them and I want to own them and I want to be them. And I hate that I’m not a cute, shapely, pretty doll shaped woman like them, and I also hate that I want to be like that, and that’s why there’s no defending them from me. You are absolutely fucking right.

      • C4TWOMAN

        The bigger objection I have is when some idiot takes it upon themselves to label sections as Boys Toys and Girls Toys. Usually it’s a rogue employee, but still…

        • HazooToo

          I’ve seen that. But I also think it’s a little weird that action figures are so ugly and such shitty quality, and I wonder if that’s just to avoid being mislabeled as dolls and considered “girls toys”. Also, girl superheroes are rarely found on boys shirts.

          • mancityRed6

            “girl superheroes are rare”
            yeah.

          • HazooToo

            Compared to boy superheroes, sure, but we still have all of these: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_superheroines
            It’s just kinda sad that more of them end up either killed, turned evil, or kidnapped to motivate the hero, than actually end up independently saving the world.

          • mancityRed6

            my comics were Mad, Cracked, and some horror comic that my memory says was Eerie, but the internet says I’m lying to myself.
            I never really got into superheroes, so, yeah, that list is completely unknown to myself. thanks.

          • HazooToo

            Try poking around with the X-Men, if you want to start. The earlier the better. Lately there are so many damn universes, it’s hard to know WHAT the fuck is going on.

          • mancityRed6

            I’m not even keeping up with the movies and tv shows. Too busy rewatching Buffy and the last Battlestar.

      • Jenny

        Man, I don’t know. I’ve been beaten over the head with beauty, white supremacy, and being a proper southern girl, while being a mixed race kid. But the skin color and shape of Barbie never mattered to me. The only ones who seemed concerned about it were adults.

        In the mean time, I was too busy driving Barbie in a hot pink remote controlled Lambo to her high powered job at Barbie Inc, then partying it up with Ken at the dance club to care.

        • HazooToo

          I’m a white girl who grew up an incredible nerd and loner, and envied the hell out of people who knew how to be liked. It’s probably as much to do with my own self-esteem issues as with the doll, but my type of person is probably common, which means my issues with the doll may be, too. But I still want to buy them and play with them, because pretty and fun.

          • Little Doll–MOAMF

            I remember that childhood too.

            At 55, I’ve finally given in to that urge, though I also hope to get well enough to start selling things I’ve sewn on Etsy again. I used to make historic clothes for people but since my digs are much smaller now, I thought doll clothes would be nice.

            First acquisition? Carpatina. http://www.carpatina.com/dolls/
            Still no African dolls though. Boo. This is the one I got.
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d555937e33297eaafc6bd75b01cc6b09d565a9279419cae348b096175ff73197.jpg

          • Little Doll–MOAMF

            One thing that made me fall in love with the company was how they came out with a knitting pattern for pink pussy hats. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b9b92ab3724b96c708ee2dee45e04714ac68130f3928e6c617393ac032eb785e.jpg

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            I don’t have any American Girls or Carpatina (yet!) – more body shapes, more outfits!
            Closest I have is a Maudlynne Macabre, face-wise, if not body.
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/420d0827a564be0bd3b897a5c7c2a0f75f2acc39fb59c8575039d14299169ca8.jpg

          • Little Doll–MOAMF

            Oh, those are adorable!

          • Little Doll–MOAMF

            Hang onto that doll! I just checked on them, it seems they’re not being made any more. :(

          • HazooToo

            Now that one is super cute! It’s sad to think I probably would have been disappointed to get her as a child, because she’s exactly the type of doll I’d want my daughter to have, if I had one.

          • Jenny

            They are pretty and fun.

            I played Barbie with my sisters and my neighbors. Most of the time alone because my imagination was more fun to me.

            While I’m sitting there being told how to act and what to do, Barbie was doing shit. Running a law firm, or being an editor for a newspaper, or training for space missions. When she was done she would take Skipper and Kelly to get ice cream. Then a date with Ken or Derek or neither because she’s busy with her rock band. Then she would get in her Barbie jet and fly from her townhouse in the city to her mansion in Malibu and surf or roller skate all weekend.

            You could tell Little Jenny no; but Barbie can and did do anything she wanted, when she wanted, and how she wanted.

            If that is not feminism, then nothing is.

          • HazooToo

            True. That is true. Okay, you’re both absolutely right, because Barbie can be both. Nobody can tell her not to be a contradiction, either.

          • Jenny

            The doll itself is plastic. She isn’t anything but what someone puts into it.

            Despite and possible in spite of what her male designers and marketer’s thought of women, little girls played with her. They led army’s of My Little ponies against G.I. Joe, or threw them down slides to measure distance and acceleration, and sometimes yes just put new clothes on them. None of that is wrong in my opinion. She’s a toy and toys aren’t supposed to be anything else but fun.

          • PubOption

            If you dressed a Ken doll in Barbies clothes and then threw him down a slide, could you measure the coefficient of drag?

    • Bitter Scribe

      Some artist once made a Barbie doll patterned after an actual woman with realistic measurements. I can’t find a link to it, but IIRC, it was hotter than the real Barbies.

    • Lizzietish81

      Well great, now this song is in my head

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyhrYis509A

  • BadKitty904

    Aight, time to start a-fixin’ supper. Y’all behave!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag3pZaUmqFA

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Vincent Ricola

      Is anyone sending them pizzas yet?

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        Anyone giving away Obamaphones?

      • RobKanC

        Is that even legal?

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I thought Democrats aren’t supposed to care.

        • Panika MCD

          TOTALLY. you just have to not wear any markings identifying party and give it to everyone who wants it outside the 100 ft. diameter.

          • Suttree

            I got pizza in November!

          • Panika MCD

            you think people don’t want pizza at April special elections like they did in November?

          • Suttree

            I hope they get pizza as good as we make it in Jersey, :)

          • puredog

            mmm 100-foot diameter pizza mmmm

          • Panika MCD

            it’s a great idea to send down well known local elected officials like John Lewis to talk to the voters and feed them the pizza. you can change your shirt, but you can’t change your face!

      • Panika MCD

        we should send some to the county party for “PLS PASS ON TO VOTERS!”

    • not_vh

      please, by the will of mother of every baby, may this happen.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • not_vh

      this is seriously unfair.

      i work around 70 hrs per week. whatever i earn i pay taxes. i don’t begrudge either paying taxes or that somebody who works less than me makes more.

      but at an individual basis, dollar on dollar earned every one should pay the same, no?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Well, no, because 10% for a person who makes 10,000 is 1,000 whereas someone who makes a million pays 100k but the millionaire definitely shouldn’t be paying *less*.

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          Basic Income would go some way to correcting that.
          Indirect taxation (e.g. consumer tax on luxury goods) would be fairer… and encourage reinvestment – higher up the chain.
          But it’s an art, not a science – whatever either side will tell you.

  • The Flaming Carrot

    OK, that answers the burning question I have had since I read that Alex Jones was married. If she did, she certainly doesn’t anymore.

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      And every day she’s swears under her breath and says, “There ain’t enough whiskey in the whole goddam world…”

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    ‘And if you give me, weed, whites, and wine
    And you show me where to sign’
    Copied from the InfoWars corporate job app form

  • Bitter Scribe

    Apparently Jones is so loathed locally that it took an entire day to seat the jury. One jury pool member after another kept admitting that they couldn’t stand him.

    (Go read the Dahlia Lithwick piece at the link. It’s hilarious. And apologies if someone already posted it downthread.)

    • Jamoche

      But where are all the Alex Jones supporters? Easy. Well, one or two were probably lost to the killing fields of the Bowling Green massacre. And at least some would-be Jones sympathizers were unable to show up to duty because they’re being held against their will in the Walmart death camps (a precursor to martial law under Operation Jade Helm). If you just find the disappeared patriots, you will have Jones’ supporting jury!

      • Panika MCD

        they are also reading up on the aluminum that the globalists are putting into M&Ms, those following around the cloud seeding pilot program peoples and you know, the ones who were turned gay by the water as they are frogs.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        chemtrails got the rest…

    • Panika MCD

      he and his “journalists” harass people. I’m surprised they managed to cobble together an unbiased jury out of the entire state!

    • hendenburg2

      What I noticed was that the gender of his 12-year-old changes. Here, the child was said to be a boy. In Dahlia’s peice, the kid is a girl.

      I’m inclined to believe girl, because of a block quote involved him calling the kid “sweetheart”

  • Panika MCD

    DUCK ALL THE CHARTER SCHOOLS.

    seriously. public schools have to go to the voters for facilities funding. they want to bypass them by bitching to the state and making the entire state pay for their facilities. and now some bitch is talking about how Anne Frank would spend the money on charter schools because there is a charter school in Texas called Anne Frank Academy because OF. COURSE. THERE. IS. and the author said we will find funding for it by “squeezing and cutting” the budget because she’s not on Sen Fi–so let’s all give the state budget body dysmorphic disorder.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/Fjr6v88OPk7U4/giphy.gif

    • Thiazin Red

      People should not be allowed to vote on school budgets, that only leads to schools not getting the money they need. Its idiotic that we run things this way.

      • not_vh

        this is not necessarily of use to Panika-ji. But from what little I know, every major metropolitan region i have lived in is segregated by quality of school district.

        i will hold my peace for the moment, but the whole point of basic education seems to be lost. i’ll just say this literacy and admission to colleges is not education. life is much bigger than that,

      • Panika MCD

        yeah, but they do.

    • not_vh

      what is the charter of a public school? is that the same as a charter of public school?

      • Panika MCD

        they are supposably “public charter schools” because they get public Texeros, but they do not have to do all the same things public schools have to do.

    • jaspersdad
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Maxine just said she and millenials have “a love fest”…..I’ll be in my bunk…

  • ♚ King Leo ♚
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Of course local law enforcement will immediately track this guy down.

    https://twitter.com/Impeach_D_Trump/status/854360330646036484

    • boyblue123

      Kinda late now that early voting is over

      • OrG

        I’m sure the statute of limitations has not expired.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        You know, it’s never too late to give douchenozzles who think they’re above the law criminal records.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          especially a felony that would curtail voting

          • jesterpunk

            It would keep them from owning a gun too.

        • boyblue123

          too late for stealing signs to have an actual effect on the voting, sorry

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I guess he’s preparing for the runoff. Let’s hope he doesn’t get one :)

        • AJ Milne

          This.

          It’s important people respect this process. It really is. Not taking that seriously, it’s just not healthy for a democracy, and I figure it probably creeps from the small to the unconscionable, the more people _don’t_ take it seriously. All this shit being pulled, from gerrymandering to fucking engaging foreign intelligence organizations to screw with your opponent (allegedly, he typed pro forma), it starts with this attitude, this do whatever you can get away with crap… Who gives a shit if the vote reflects an informed populace and an engaged electorate, just lie cheat and steal, whatever you can pull…

          So sure, he’s probably just a stupid, small fish, some jerk who figured he’d get away with it. But he still belongs in court, and on the front page, below six-inch type that reads ‘Asshole’.

    • ♚ King Leo ♚

      isn’t that a felony?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Do his supporters care?

      • boyblue123

        Depends what a sign costs and how many signs he stole,right

        • MynameisBlarney

          I don’t think that matters.
          Pretty sure that’s illegal as fuck.

          • boyblue123

            Its illegal but to be charged with a felony you need to steal a certain dollar amount of property i think

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        shouldn’t be that difficult to find, given the license plate

        • boyblue123

          Hopefully someone at the registry of motor vehicles in Georgia is looking into who owns that plate

    • Picabo

      IN GOD WE TRUST. He doesn’t.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Hey, if the Russians can ratfuck an election, whaddya got against good ol’ Americans doing it, HNNNGGGGG????

      • AJ Milne

        GOP talking point: ‘We’re hiring good ole’ _American_ ratfuckers!’

        (Now, anyway.)

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hope they vote him thoroughly with a rusty ballot box.

    • II Gosala

      What a peach. He seems nice.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I have a feeling he was hired help…

    • mancityRed6

      ok, yeah, it’s 6 years old, but I’m too lazy to google any farther
      http://www.campaigntrailyardsigns.com/campaign-yard-sign-theft-laws/
      yeah, it depends on the dollar amount

    • tehbaddr

      Next he’s going to Comet Ping Pong!

      BTW Disgust has been seriously fucked , no?

  • Shoto
    • Thiazin Red

      It works even better in the book where the Emerald City is a lie, the wizard just conned everyone into wearing green goggles.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Everything we want is starting to happen.

    In a way, that’s true, because we wanted you to get fucked.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Ahem…I only offered to get him fucked with votes.

      • stubbornirishlass

        I would actually prefer that he be fucked with indictments, please and thank you.

  • Shoto
    • Bill D. Burger
    • Msgr_MΩment

      To be fair, he is so qualified that Ivanka lets him do what she won’t even let the POTUS do. Hopefully.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        allegedly

        • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

          Not an escort.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Hey now – he was born rich and white and dude in America and I heard that means a person is qualified for everything.

    • Rags

      forgot relations with china, mexico and canada.

  • Nightcrawler
    • AJ Milne

      More plot holes than a George Lucas screenplay.

      • jesterpunk

        But still a better love story then Twilight.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • tehbaddr
  • Carpe Vagenda

    A short list of administration staffers who HR has cleared to speak to the press:

    https://twitter.com/SteveKopack/status/854464467329069057

    • Suttree

      Has a needier person ever existed in the history of the universe?

      • jesterpunk

        Maybe, but I dont think anyone was dumb enough to make them leader of a country before.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oh, one or two. But he’s certainly blown right past Nixon and W going jet speed as the most pathetic manbaby to ever have the bomb.

      • marxalot

        Yes, and I used to date him, but he’s neither malicious nor stupid. Quite the opposite.

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      And I know, I know, should be minutes, seconds, nanoseconds, wbqtevr…
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d31c5150c4ef9a5e4a60ebe2da6f3796464b0f2a8a217a4d53b3727adc00f814.jpg

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Underlings approve of boss’s decision.
      Stop the freakin’ presses…

    • UnsaltedSinner

      In other news, Trump’s children have presented him with a commemorative cup for winning the title “World’s Best Dad”.

  • Michael R

    Everything you need to know about Alex Jones in about one minute

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc8DEpM4-6A&t=4m31s

  • Picabo

    We are having a brain drain and loss of foreign doctors. Now this. “Tourism Industry Firm Forecasts $18 Billion Annual Decline And Loss Of 107,000 Jobs Because Trump.”

    http://www.joemygod.com/2017/04/18/tourism-industry-firm-forecasts-18-billion-annual-decline-loss-107000-jobs-trump/

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Listening to this guy reminds me of Thanksgiving dinner at the home of my Fox watching inlaws. My wife insists that throwing a turkey leg at her brother is bad table manners…but next time? I’m gonna risk it!

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Make sure you take off your shirt first!

    • RobKanC

      Its not bad manners if the turkey leg is on fire. Just make sure there is no rug or something.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Better a turkey leg than a tureen of hot gravy.

    • wait! what?

      Make it a breast, then she can tell him to make her a sandwich.

    • AJ Milne

      It’s not bad table manners if you inquire, first, which part of the bird he prefers.

    • Suttree

      Getting drunk and breaking every wine glass is an option also too.

    • marxalot

      Just aggressively “pass the gravy” at him. Make sure it’s still hot though. Offer to heat it up for him first, no no, don’t get up, I’ve got it.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    “My good friend Ron Ryan…”
    “Uh, sir. It’s Paul.”
    “SILENCE! If I say your name is Ron, it’s RON!”
    https://twitter.com/jkarsh/status/854415573714780160

    • weejee

      Alzheimer’s runs deep in the Donald.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Or tertiary syphillis

    • wait! what?
      • AJ Milne

        … also to be fair, he _is_ pretty forgettable.

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        It’s Ron, he said so.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      he meant Ron Paul, easy mistake…

    • ariel_gee_398

      Did he really forget or is he just practicing his pick up artist game and negging Paul?

    • ltmcdies

      BWHAAAAAAAHHHHHHH…..

      we should call him Ron Ryan from here on in….

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I prefer Aqua Buddha.

  • pgjack

    After his youthful years concealing his insanity Mr. Jones finally realized how many suckers there are on the right wing of American politics and began stuffing his pockets with their cash.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Hi, I’m from the Internet.
      Guess what? You won!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      “hey Vern, I turned my trailer into a sailboat!”

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Given that he was driving onto the windiest bridge in the area, he’s damn lucky it didn’t end up in the sea.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          and take his station wagon with it

    • Doug Langley

      “What do you mean, trampolines fold up?”

  • weejee

    ad litem

    With Jones wouldn’t ad laudanum be more reasonable?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      ad nauseam

  • Panika MCD

    the stoopeed charter bill was just voted favorably as substituted with the 2 dems and Sen. Seliger voting against.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Of course it was – now how much alcohol will it take to erase the process by which it got through?

      • Panika MCD

        I was wrong. it was 2 Dems against, Seliger’s over in another committee–VAN TAYLOR voted against the stupid charter bill. that’s a surprise. we’re exporting him to Congress and he’s just a character!

  • marxalot

    I liked the rotoscope use in “Scanner Darkly.” Not sure how I felt about it for “Waking Life.” Plainly, I need to revisit it.
    Also, re-watching movies sober that I vaguely recall having watched while drunk is… an experience. Maybe I’ll blog about it.

    • QueerPunk

      Watching “Waking Life” while blazing is highly recommended.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I texted Mrs. de Fuca:

    “You know if Jon Ossoff wins tonight I’m buying this right?”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9342b1bcc752b3c07e38b31f96e1213bc247103953996f4d34ca1a3f2a70ad86.jpg

    She texts me back: “I knew I should’ve bought you that for Christmas.”

    Yes. Yes, you should have.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Officers rue the return of US ‘war on drugs’

    Now a new administration looks set to turn back the clock. Attorney General Jeff Sessions likes to reminisce about the aggressive law enforcement of the 80s and 90s and recently labelled cannabis “only slightly less awful” than heroin.
    “We will enforce our laws and put bad men behind bars,” he said in a recent speech in Richmond, Virginia.
    “We will fight the scourge of drug abuse.”

    • boyblue123

      We will fight the war on drugs*

      *except for Opioid abusers cause thats our base

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Between the oxy, the meth, and the booze, I’d say a majority of the GOPtard base is into one drug or another.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • btwbfdimho
  • MOVIE ALERT:

    Opening this weekend:
    Free Fire -hilarious, ultra violent, 70’s style gangster meet-up gone wrong

    Colossal: most original film i have seen in years. Relationship dramedy mashed with Kaiju monster movie. Amazing.

    Go see both! Or if you have to choose, see Colossal

    • marxalot

      I’m seeing Your Name tongiht, and then Colossal ought to hit this weekend when my gf comes into town, so we’ll go see it then. Looking forward to it.

  • Sophia

    Close to 20,000 Massachusetts criminal drug cases are set to be dismissed because of a scandal involving a former state chemist who admitted faking tests, civil liberties activists and prosecutors said on Tuesday.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/thousands-of-massachusetts-drug-cases-to-be-dismissed-after-lab-scandal/

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, I remember that story. Good. That was disgusting.

    • Panika MCD

      I thought they were 2 different cases…?

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
    • Open in another Tab to check whilst being trapped at work

    • boyblue123

      Ossoff was only polling around 43-46%ish so itd be amazing if he won tonight with 50% of the vote so the election doesnt have to go to a runoff

      • It would be nice to drink in celebration after election results

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yeah, it’s gonna be Ossoff vs. some rando with an R after his name. Which makes it a close thing.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        Hopefully the other Dems won’t do a Stein on him, but run-off is likely.

    • jesterpunk

      Looks like some places had really high turnout today which is really good, high turnout tends to favor democrats.

      https://twitter.com/robinbiro/status/854424768833085444

  • Scooby

    We may be laughing…but those poor kids.

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
  • Hardly Ideal

    So he’s a crank at best and a charlatan at worst. Either way, it won’t play well for him in the end.

    Helluva living he chose to take. Even my aunt had better work and she died on the brink of bankruptcy, busing luggage for rich assholes staying at the Disneyland hotel.

  • Picabo

    I was over at Friendly Atheist this morning and clicked the “Channels” tab on Patheos. Then clicked the Catholic channel because I am an old and have been away from that nonsense for a long time. Read two posts and thanked the FSM for getting me away from that. Wow! Just Wow. They live in a bubble. Went for a long walk after that. Won’t do it again.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Not all of them. The guy who replaced Palpatine just opened a free laundramat with supplied detergent to supplement the public showers he had built for homeless people in Rome. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but it’s a shitpile better than letting Princess TnT buy you Prada slippers.

      • HazooToo

        Aren’t our Catholics mad at him for being too Popelike?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          THEY SO ARE.

          That miserable fuck who runs Home Depot actually had it released to the press that he sent a message through a compliant local dignitary that our large american donors were going to defund the church if he didn’t get in line, and Bannon (who’s of the pre-Vatican 2 ilk Palpatine was flirting with) fucking hates him.

          • HazooToo

            Good fucking luck, defunding the goddamn Catholic Church. What was that about rich men and camels and needles?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            It’s not as if he was funding any of the programs that helped the poor anyway. Just the lobbyists.

    • Suttree

      I became an atheist when I was five and found out the easter bunny wasn’t real. I have actually been envious of having the ability of delusions for self benefit a few times.

  • memzilla Ω
    • jesterpunk

      There are some jobs no American wants no matter how well it pays.

    • BadKitty904

      Trumps believes in “selling America” to “Russia”.

    • Rick Hill

      “Buying cheap, hiring cheap,…ok, the last one’s correct”

  • Doug Langley

    Mancityred was kind enough to send some money my way, so I went out and had a belated Easter lunch at Red Lobster. I settled on:

    cup of lobster bisque
    garlic roasted shrimp
    broiled scallops drowning in butter
    mashed potatoes
    some odd tomato/onion/mozeralla cheese thing

    Really tasty!! And not too expensive. So thanks!!

    • BadKitty904

      a.) That was extraordinarily kind of Our MCR;
      b.) I’d think you’d need to lie down after all that.

      • Doug Langley

        Lie down? It was such a gorgeous day (73 and sunny) I thought about taking a long walk. Decided against it, trying not to burn off too many calories.

        • geoffalnutt

          No. You burn off the calories, they fall on the ground – and people trip over them. Don’t do it. Public safety!!

    • janecita

      How did you job interview go? I forgot to ask before.

      • Doug Langley

        You mean my phone interview with the place in Maryland that posted the dream job? Well, turns out the job description they posted was absolute fiction and they wanted something completely different. Back to square one.

        • Suttree

          Fuck! I’m sorry man. That sucks!

          • Doug Langley

            How . . . how . . . HOW DO THESE FUCKIN’ HR PEOPLE KEEP THEIR JOBS????????? Someone explain this to me!!!!!!

        • janecita

          That sucks! I’m sure that you will find a great job soon, stay positive!

          • Doug Langley

            How do you know? Tell me where it is and I’ll get it!

          • janecita

            I know because I’m part all knowing witch!

        • CindyinEncinitas

          So sorry, bro.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Sometimes I wish I was a jerb creator and not a librul, leftist, socialist, commie, tree hugging hippie.

  • Jamoche

    http://www.sfgate.com/weird/article/Man-dies-peacefully-after-hearing-fake-news-about-11080949.php

    An Oregon woman lied to her ailing ex-husband so he would have a peaceful death.

    The last voice Michael Garland Elliot heard was that of his ex-wife, Teresa, telling him, “Donald Trump has been impeached,” according to Garland’s Oregonian obituary.

    “Upon hearing that he took his final, gentle breath, his earthly work concluded,” the obituary continued.

    • snark-lurker

      if thar be a here-after i betcha Elliot is PISSED!

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Her words to Flying Spaghetti Monster’s ears.

    • BadKitty904

      Now he will return to earth as an avenging spirit…

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I’m watching the episode of “Blackish” from right after the election and these white people are pissing me off, even though they are fictional characters.

    • Michael R

      I’m still damaged from when Maude Flanders was killed by the t-shirt cannon .

      • I still cry when Mrs Landingham goes to pick up her new car

        • Sister the Resister

          me too. Delories Landingham was a special kind of character.
          Also, I cry when Dumbledore dies,
          and strangely enough, Snape too.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        TOO SOON!

      • mancityRed6

        spoilers, people. jeez

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      It WAS a little too on the nose…

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

    Jesus wept.
    https://twitter.com/SteveKingIA/status/854465237977710593

    The replies are pretty uplifting tho…

    • BadKitty904

      Fortunately, any vertebrate knows that Steve King is a vile, vicious fuckwit.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He needs a serious contender and a giant meteorite, in no particular order.

    • ltmcdies

      Fuck this guy…..

      • jesterpunk

        Dont read the comments on that article whatever you do.

        • ltmcdies

          No problem….I never read ‘the comments”

        • mancityRed6

          only the best and brightest minds of this country read USA today
          /sn

          • Suttree

            I kinda remember getting one at the hotel room door. I believe I finished the crossword before my coffee. Then I threw it the fuck out.

          • mancityRed6

            they were the first national newspaper to use color, every day!
            but, yeah, that was the mid ’80s, and now?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I will happily drink one, just so I can piss on his grave

    • ltmcdies

      yes they are….

    • boyblue123

      Steve King dreams of an America that resembles Lord of the Flies, where no one has an IQ above room temperature

      • mancityRed6

        this is why I don’t want to go to Iowa even though it’s just north and slightly east of me.
        Nebraska, sure…but not Iowa

    • jesterpunk

      Steve King can eat a bag of dicks then go fuck himself when he is done.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I’d have him fuck himself first because, bag of dicks.

        • jesterpunk

          You know what, that works even better.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            He can just cram the hole bag up his fuck hole. Gah! He make me so stabby.

    • ariel_gee_398

      What would Jesus do, you asshole?

      • mancityRed6

        very bad things to Steve, with votes.
        if the story is true, Jesus did curse that fig tree for not having fruit out of season…so…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Yathink Stevie Boy was ever a valedictorian?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        There might have been some valediction poured out over him…

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Steve King is an evil man. Who knows what happened to him to have had such an impact on his psyche. I’m surprised he’s lived as long as he has. I would not want to be related to him. Shit, I don’t even really want to be on the same planet as him–and I ain’t fucking going anywhere.

    • Lord Jim

      It would be better for you if a millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble. Luke 17:2

  • BadKitty904

    Aight, supper’s in the oven, the wine is “breathing,” and the Big Cat’s on his way home. What’d I miss?

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Lingerie?

      • BadKitty904

        Well, I do have some sporty boxers…

        • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

          That’ll do it.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Saran Wrap or GTFO!

        • snark-lurker

          She Who Must Be Obeyed met me at the door like that once and I… …uh… …nevuh mind

          • Msgr_MΩment

            …..obeyed.

          • snark-lurker

            YES! that’s it the werd i was lookin for! thx

    • BadKitty904

      OK, you people, I meant “what did I miss ON HERE while I was off cooking”.

      • II Gosala

        Never mind us. Go be bad…

        • BadKitty904

          But I want my supper!

  • btwbfdimho
  • Msgr_MΩment

    No results yet, but the Georgia Secy. of State sit at http://results.enr.clarityelections.com/GA/67317/Web02-state/#/ should keep us junkies up to date.

  • Panika MCD

    Sen. Huffines just won’t let go of the notion of moving from a property tax to a consumption tax. Sen. L. Taylor then says, “Yeah…that’s one of the things that sound a lot better than it is when you really get into it.” Sen. Huffines is not having it. Sen. L. Taylor is all, “hey, we did sekrit Conservative Coalition meeting and it’s still a bad idea EVEN IF ALL THE LIBTARDS ARE OUT OF THE ROOM!” Sen. Huffines still is not having it.

    https://68.media.tumblr.com/f8b8af27a23c2c5e050811701000bfd9/tumblr_o3mr3hvsqh1ukldkho1_400.gif

  • geoffalnutt

    “Damn!!! I’m so crazy it’s crazy. No, really!

  • Yr. Gma
    • wait! what?

      Link ist borken.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        ist now unborken.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Bless his…..
      No. Can’t do it.

    • ltmcdies

      he’s really not a well old guy now is he…

    • Sister the Resister

      Like many, not a fan. But I don’t wish elder years of ill health on anyone.

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

        Also too, compared to some of his successors, he was downright pragmatic.

        • Lord Jim

          After having campaigned on “Read my lips – No New Taxes”, he raised taxes when it was clear that was what had to be done. As with Johnson and the Civil Rights Act, Bush knew he would pay, but he did it because it was necessary.

  • Rick Hill

    Some people just don’t realize how differently things are done in Japan…. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/609dc208252b7e69d383168d9bef6eaae3d91f1677632933849180e85ae09b92.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      What? I’ve got two tattoos myownself…

      • Rick Hill

        A heart with an arrow through it, says “Fritz” and WWMD?(What would Morris, do?)?

        • BadKitty904

          lol I think the only pix I have are a bit risque for Our Wonkette. Dok’s virtue might be infringed.

          • Rick Hill

            I thought it would be a badass “Nine Lives” with nine crossed out and a successive countdown with each crossed out and what remains is “One”

            (Spellcheck helpfully informs me badass is, indeed, one word)

          • BadKitty904

            Actually, I kinda like that…

      • mancityRed6

        the cats don’t, but one of the pups had a circle with a line through it on the side of her belly.

        • BadKitty904

          Awww!

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Donald finds a compass in his CrackerJack box and now can find his way to the West Wing on his own w/o Secret Service help.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      maybe he can figure out the difference between North Korea and Australia

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I heard he keeps getting stuck in the north corner of the Oval Office because the compass only points north.

      • mancityRed6

        if I had only not cared about my grammar.
        you win this time…: )

    • mancityRed6

      “This thing is broken, it only points in one direction!
      “West, I said west, dammit!”

  • Picabo

    Programming note. Stephanie Miller will have Malcolm Nance on tomorrow for the full three hours of her show.

  • Hither and Yawn

    And in the parlor the women come and go
    Talking of the Kimye and Snookie show.

  • Edith Prickly

    Alex Jones is a virus.

  • Suttree

    Why the fuck is Chris Christie on my television talking about drug rehab? He’s already term limited. Is he trying to buy a soul?

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
  • Panika MCD

    I’m going to kill these witnesses. we are now on a bill that EVERYONE supports. it’s to make a commission to fix public school finance in TX, but people seem to be missing that the committee is not the commission. 35 people DO NOT NEED TO TESTIFY.

    • The Witch of Endor

      One of my favorite bits from that film.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Molly Ball has to explain vaping to Tweety.

  • beingreleased

    The 2001 Jon Ronson book Them: Adventures with Extremists has a chapter with Alex Jones. He was crazy back them too.

  • beingreleased

    I’m planning on going to the Science March DC on Saturday. The only sign I can come up with is “We’re Fucked”. I don’t think my wife will approve.

  • jesterpunk
  • Reximus

    Billo 99% gone from Fox

    • BadKitty904

      It’s a start.

    • ltmcdies
    • Msgr_MΩment

      So, all but his peener?

      • Reximus

        it has it’s own contract…

        • Me not sure

          I suspect that over the years it has contracted a great many things.

      • Rags

        1% is way too high a percentage.

    • Me not sure

      Maybe he can open a street corner no-spin stand.

    • OrG

      Eh,they’ll just make him a martyr,victim of the Liberal conspiracy.

  • ♚ King Leo ♚
    • BadKitty904

      Close enough.

    • jesterpunk

      How long until Paul Ryan changes his name to Ron?

      • HazooToo

        We could just change it ourselves. There is no Paul. There is only Rooooon.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        In a three-way name trade w/Gov. Paul Walker & Sen. Scott Johnson.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He was obviously dreaming about that OTHER libertarian shitbag, Ron Paul.

      • vivian

        Who knows, with the scrambled eggs he has for brains he could have been ‘thinking’ about Ronnie Spector or Ron Reagan, or Ron McDon, who the fuck knows?

    • jowgajen

      In Trumplandia his name is now Ron.

    • LarryHoudini

      Easy mistake for Trump. His wingman back in the Studio 54 days was a Wisconsin guy with big ears and widow’s peak named Ron Ryan. He also had a feeble grasp of economics and used to show off pictures of himself curling 5 pound dumbells.

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Why would POTUS bother knowing the Speaker’s name?

  • Hemp Dogbane

    I’m listening to the Cloud Cult album Light Chasers. Dorks against the darkness!

  • Yr. Gma

    More in my little history lesson and pep talk for the future: The Watergate break-in happened in June of 1972. Nixon resigned in August of 1974. It didn’t happen overnight. It was drip, drip, drip for a long time. This mess won’t be over in an instant, either. Drip, drip, drip. Patience.

    • beingreleased

      But today we have twitter.

      • OrG

        Yeah,but then we had an actual media.

        • Lord Jim

          Twitter is not real media? Boy, do I feel silly.

    • HazooToo

      I can’t give you patience, but I do have a big box of endurance, here! Same price per weight! Smoke it, snort it, rub it on your belly, it’ll get you through until we can somehow begin to pick up the pieces!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I don’t want to be anywhere near that drip drip.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Is it yellow?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Are you curious?

    • BadKitty904

      I’m trying to be patient, but I’m not sure what will be left of America if we have to put up with two years of these corrupt, traitorous swine.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Another factor: Nixon wasn’t dumb as a box of hammers.

  • Me not sure

    “All the world’s a rage
    And Alex Jones and friends are merely fakers.”
    Wm. Shakespeare (or is it?)

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Wm. Fakespeare.

      • Me not sure

        A very bard dude.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Knew his way around the Globe, eventhough he never left England.

  • Jennifer R

    Early voting from DeKalb has Ossoff at 71%. This will drop as the night goes on, but is a nice place to start at.

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

    Ossoff on 71% with first 10,000 votes counted.
    Handel (R) and another (R) on 10% each.
    Can they haz concedeburger now, maybe?

    NB Not sure how Mohammad Ali Bhuiyan (Republican) got through to run, or why.

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      Dammit, fast-typing election wonks!

    • Sister the Resister

      71%? that’s rather encouraging!
      I know in a lot of places, cities tend to get counted first, and have more liberals in them, and later vote counts from rural (more conservative) areas bring vote counts down (because to me, GOP votes are down, BECAUSE REASONS), but still, very good news.

    • Me not sure

      He’s a vote syphoner, pure and simple.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      first votes tallied are early and absentee, which will favor Ossoff. Best not to get too excited for a few hours…

      • OrG

        Yeah,but it’s better than a sharp stick in the eye.

        • Sister the Resister

          and better than starting off at less than 50%

      • suziq

        True, but weren’t they claiming a few days ago that the Rs were getting out the early voting too? So, probably still a Very Good Sign.

    • artem1s

      some brilliant nerd put together this spreadsheet to track whether O is meeting benchmarks,
      https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1T9gbq8BANoatjNTf68wPw9s_JXZYh2xRy9naqC5tWh8/htmlview?usp=sharing&sle=true
      I love the inter tubes

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        Mmmm numbers porn!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    No surprise when you get a peek at the private lives of these assholes-Jones, O’Reilly, Glenn Beck etc.-that virtually everybody hates them…often including their own children. I bet Hannity takes the cake in that department. No wonder they’re angry and paranoid.

    • HazooToo

      I want to see how Huckabee’s children and grandchildren really feel about him.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        His kids seem to be fellow sociopaths like the Trump spawn.

        • HazooToo

          Hopefully the grandkids wind up truly disappointing his entire face in.

    • Panika MCD

      how do we not have a good nickname for Alex Jones yet? Jessica Jones would like to know.

      http://www.burntx.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/jessica-jones-fight.gif

  • Nounverb911
    • artem1s

      thick as a door post. these people have killed irony and taken all the joy out of the world

    • Suttree

      Does satire even exist anymore? This reads like an actual headline. The Gish Gallop of this administration is wearing my brain down. And Horowitz was tweeting facts the other day!!!!!! Gah!

    • Tiffany de Houston

      Unfuckingbelievable!

    • not_vh

      oh ya. and monsieur kushner got all the jobs ‘coz of de la merit sans la nepotisme.
      i’m telling you folks, we’ve got to go french for the season on this.

  • not_vh

    sashi tharoor keeping things real for plebs like me. to be use to the world, we need to keep ourselves relevant, be on our toes, and do more.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcW4ABcY3zI

  • BadKitty904

    Aight, my lil’ chickpeas, the boss is home. Back laters!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      You let the cat back in the house?

      • BadKitty904

        lol My husband, actually. Our kitties are indoors-only, as outdoors in Florida is dangerous for felines.

    • ltmcdies

      enjoy dinner….

  • Nounverb911

    Boorish BillO, was even more boorish than we knew about.
    https://twitter.com/NYDailyNews/status/854435730373869569

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
      • Sophia

        Look how flat back those ears are. I don’t think I’d be doing any petting.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Love these guys like Trump, Ailes, and O’Reilly; they look like waterlogged, diseased potatoes, but somehow convince themselves that they’re big hits with the ladies.

      • snark-lurker

        well when gold-diggers are always digging…

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I wouldn’t necessarily label women with professional ambition trying to navigate their way through a sexually predatory work environment as gold-diggers. I think it’s a little more complicated than that…and these fucking vipers use it to their advantage.

          • snark-lurker

            my point was that the “gold mines” believe they are something more special than just a hole in the ground

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        money changes everything

    • Count Awesome

      “You don’t call her hot chocolate. You drug the hot chocolate.”
      –Bill Cosby

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Oh, Brother.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      What part of “Do not grunt like a wild boar at a woman without her consent” does this reprobate not understand?

  • Left Coast Tom

    The real highlight of the video, for us,
    comes when Jones gets to the courthouse parking lot and is so caught up
    in his performance for the webcam that he keeps missing his turn.

    Can this video be used to give Jones a ticket for Distracted Driving?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • TJ Barke

      Some people, I believe somewhere in England, put graffiti penises around all the potholes in their town and that forced the council to have them filled.

    • doktorzoom

      Vigilante pavers would be a nice idea….

    • Parakeetist

      I love England.

  • Nounverb911
  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

    While waiting on Georgia, here’s a really trippy version of Radiohead’s Pyramid Song:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiKWfcy-Z70
    FYI If you start it at around 14 mins (at about 30% volume) and then play the actual version over it, it is pretty amazing!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3M_Gg1xAHE4

  • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ab8de3f41f19b8f9c059533334176f54449954767dc2a8726201bddf2be8c7c6.jpg

    Stein’s 2016 campaign was heavily promoted by RT. She hasn’t spoken much about the RT dinner, but in an interview with NBC News last fall, she deflected questions about her appearance, instead chastising the U.S. media for not paying attention to her campaign while RT gave it a lot more attention.

    “And my own connection to RT, you know ironically, it takes a Russian television station to actually be open to independent candidates in this country and that is a shame. A shameful commentary on our own media,” she told NBC’s Alex Seitz-Wald.

    (Stein did well enough to help Russia achieve its aims. Her vote totals in the crucial states of Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Michigan were all greater than Clinton’s margin of defeat, and arguably denied Clinton an Electoral College victory.)

    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/guess-who-came-dinner-flynn-putin-n742696

    • Left Coast Tom

      Cool, it’s helpful to have a version of this picture with the names appropriately labelled.

      Interesting crowd for the 10th anniversary of a website…

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      Useful Idiot

  • Panika MCD

    witness: I’m so gifted that I didn’t notice that they were still requiring GT services to be provided while the GT allotment which was not actually earmarked for GT services EVER has been added to the basic allotment. that is gifted.

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

    If you prick me…

    https://youtu.be/i4VxbnGbWbM

  • Nounverb911

    Cue Ann-Margaret:

    We hate you, Billo
    Oh, yes we do
    We hate you, Billo
    And we will be too

    Bye bye Billo
    I ain’t gonna miss you so
    Bye bye Billo
    Why’d ya have to go?

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/854480323572359168

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Killing My Career

      by Bill O’Reilly

      • ltmcdies

        I’d read that….well I’d read the cliff notes on Wikipedia

        • I’d just pirate it off the internet.

      • Count Awesome

        Not quite killing it softly though.

    • not_vh

      good riddance to bad rubbish. what’s to discuss? unceremoniously thrown out is more the speed. no?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      And Bill was there! Fuck it!….

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño
  • Picabo
  • Anna Elizabeth

    Hey Y’alls. It’s been a really shitty day, but my Baby Girl talked me down from the brink. She calls me “Mom”, but she’s a better and smarter girl than her Mom will ever be.

    • Big hugs!

    • snark-lurker

      somebody in the world loves you & that’s all you need…but yuh gotta know it & remember it & never EVER forget it!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        You’re right. I had sent her a “Goodbye” eMail, but it turned out she was between classes and saw it immediately.

        • snark-lurker

          Remember.
          Never Forget.
          You are not alone.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Welcome back. I don’t know much about your shitty day or your life which does not seem to be a stroll in the park. Unless there is park on the way to Target. There’s something half-whacky about you I like. Probably the MLPs.

      I’m almost positive there’s nothing I can do except try to be a non-judgmental friend if you need one. justpixelz@gmail.com I am also on WeChat as justpixelz.

  • The Witch of Endor
    • Reality Killswitch

      You just hit home!

  • Nounverb911

    “It’s all a vast left-wing conspiracy!”
    –BillO

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/854482354919886848

    • ltmcdies

      oh yeh…he’s out

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        already rewriting the obituary

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Mistah O’Reilly, he dead.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Exterminate the brute. With votes.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Marc Kasowitz, aka one of Trump’s lawyers.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        O’Reilly’s divorce lawyer was my ex-wife’s. I’m sure she’s proud.

    • TJ Barke

      They wouldn’t know far left if the FARC executed them.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I had no idea Steven Miller also worked for Bill O’Really…

    • SayItWithWookies

      Evidence of the smear campaign against Bill O’Reilly? Yeah sure — it’s right here behind the video of the thousands of Muslims in New Jersey cheering as the WTC fell, and right next to Michelle Obama’s “whitey” tape.

  • Reality Killswitch

    Conservatives and their obsession with strongmen!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The Great White Dope (for this week anyway.)

    • Heck, the week is young and Trump is still in office. Someone’s bound to be going “hold my beer” right now.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Anna Elizabeth

      One could argue that the Doolittle Raiders changed the entire course of the war in the Pacific. Tojo had personally assured the Emperor that the Palace would never be touched, and one of the Raiders hit the Palace grounds with a small bomb. The loss of face was immense, and it ended up with Tojo re-prioritizing operations, and bought the USA time to reorganize.

      • doktorzoom

        What’s more, it didn’t occur to the Japanese military that those B-25s could have come off a carrier, so they figured the launching point for the raid had to have been Midway Island, leading to the battle that turned the tide of the Pacific war.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          A good point. The USN put every card on the table for Doolittle, Hornet carrying the B-25s, and Enterprise escorting. It was worth it, and with Naval Intel breaking the Japanese codes and knowing Midway was the target for that major battle, they could bet it all again on Three of a Kind, and the US Navy essentially won the war strategically at Midway.

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            Intel? What is the word, Intel?

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Intelligence, Naval Intelligence, that well-known, oft-used Oxymoron. :)

          • Picabo

            The USN won the war at Midway? How about Stalingrad and Kursk?

          • Anna Elizabeth

            The Pacific War, against the Japanese. I know the Soviet Union did the heavy lifting against the Nazis, but the US Navy’s victory at Midway ended Japan’s strategic offensives.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            The US was barely “in” the war, as it was. Most of the actual anti-American activity was in disruption of Merchant Marine craft attending shipping to Europe. There was some small West Coast offensive. Had Hitler beaten the rest of Europe, we would have come to some strategic compromise, but the US would have retained its autonomy, unless either Japan or Germany acquired the atomic bomb first…the idea of serious invasion into the US or Canada would have been an unwinnable proposition. Many New York or Los Angeles citizens don’t understand how big and how resistant the entire country is to invasion..

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Oh indeed. The US is immune from invasion, and was never in real danger.

            I shudder to think of the human costs of allowing Imperial Japan to complete the Co-Prosperity Sphere, though.

          • Picabo

            OK. I’m good with that. You will like Craig L. Symonds work. https://www.amazon.com/Craig-L.-Symonds/e/B000APOD6W/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Speaking of Kursk, I’m about to start my copy of Will Fowler’s “Kursk: The Vital 24 Hours”. It’s about the Waffen-SS attacks on Prohkorovka.

            I’d eventually like to wargame that part of the battle, and when I can get a new photoetch-folding tool, I have a model of a Das Reich Tiger 1 that was there.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          As an aside, FDR announced that the Raiders had launched from “a secret base in Shangri-La”, referencing the popular film “Lost Horizon”. Later, the Navy built an Essex-class aircraft carrier named USS Shangri-La. She was refitted with an angled deck sometime after WW2, and carried jets for years, with tons of combat cruises to Vietnam.

          I have a coule of Navy jet model kits with <Shangri-La codes on the markings, they always make me smile. :)

      • Picabo

        Well . . . not sure about that. A bit of mythology. Read “The Battle of Midway (Pivotal Moments in American History” by Craig L. Symonds.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          OK, I’ll take a look. “Miracle at Midway” was my standard.

          • Picabo

            It’s a long read but worth worth it.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I’ll see if the library can get it. :) I love the War in the Pacific, I still need to read my copy of Barrett Tillman’s book about the Marianas Turkey Shoot.

    • ltmcdies

      if Trump had president…that ship would have been heading to Pitcairn Island..Fiji….Newfoundland

  • Panika MCD

    POLL: naming things!

    it has come to Jessica Jones’ attention that we do not have any recognizable nicknames for this guy who thinks the water turns the frogs gay–which is a bit long to type every time, no?–but she will not abide by this lesser Jones going after her good name.

    please provide recommendations for what to call the King of all Chemtrails or Jessica Jones will punch you in the face in your mind.

    https://nypdecider.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/jessica-jones-ep10-16-16.gif?w=618&h=371&crop=1

    • HazooToo

      The Tadpole. Because frogs and also because he’s… prolly got a tiny pole?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Just riffing: Callous Jones, Phallus Jones, Howler Jones, Alex Bones, or…The Sausage, cause he just looks stuff into that skin of his.

      • Panika MCD

        I’m liking the Howler… got to take the jones off, though.

    • not_vh

      i don’t know, jonesing jessica? or the french version la damme de la made up stuff?

      i dunno this is too much pressure how can we keep up with this deluge of random weirdness? yelp!!

      • Panika MCD

        we are re-naming Alex Jones, not Jessica Jones and she would like him to not have her name. she has more right to it than he does because she is BAD ASS and he believes in #pizzagate half the time.

        • not_vh

          oh, in that case, isn’t alex jones your regulation tuber?

          • Panika MCD

            nope.

          • not_vh

            :( he is a tuber.

          • Panika MCD

            maybe, but he’s not regulation anything.

  • RobKanC

    The suspense is killing me. Come on Georgia. Count the damn votes already.

    • Suse

      Ossoff is leading strongly at around 45%

      • RobKanC

        Oh. Can’t say I am not disappointed. I was hoping he was above 50% 😐

  • mancityRed6
  • Left Coast Tom

    According to the attorney for Kelly Jones, ex-wife of the infamous radio
    host, Alex Jones said he couldn’t remember “basic facts” about his
    children during a deposition because “he had a big bowl of chili for lunch.”

    from SFGate.

    • Panika MCD

      how the fuck is it possible that he has lived here his entire life?! CHILI IS THE STATE DISH, STUPID. except…think he went to the Texas Chili Parlor which is a known libtard hangout and maybe someone put a sedative in his food? (it is very close to the courthouse) nah. he’s just a very stupid person.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    What’s up homies, wonking from school – no spell check, not working, WONKING!

    Got class in 1/2 hour. How is everybody?

    • The Wanderer

      A bit buzzed on gin and tonic, I is.

    • suziq

      Getting kind of tired of all the winning. How are you doing?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Just tired…work and school and the other work and the house chores.

        • suziq

          Work still good? It is hard when you have to juggle all those things but worth it in the long run!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yeah, getting better. Still early though.

            Here’s hoping. And thanks for asking. ; )

    • Me not sure

      Ask me when the results from GA 6 come in .

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        shit, it’s 8;30 there, no? Should be any minute, based on the elections i used to work.

        • Me not sure

          The Dekalb county vote is coming in strong for Ossoff. The vote to watch is Cobb County.
          If the early vote in Cobb is indicative of things to come , WHOA!

    • Working with surreptitious Wonking. Had cake for breakfast, LIKE AN ADULT

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, I saw that in the 5 minutes I had for wonkette this morning. Bill Cosby used to have a bit about his son wanting cake for breakfast…but Bill Cosby’s an a-hole, so ignore it.

        • My family’s philosophy: if there is cake in the house, it’s a goddamn breakfast food. Tomorrow will be cake and bacon

  • jowgajen

    WaPo deftly shows us what is wrong with America today:

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-makes-rare-trip-outside-washington-to-sell-his-america-first-agenda/2017/04/18/c30dd4a8-2445-11e7-a1b3-faff0034e2de_story.html?utm_term=.97b9bd3ea1f4#comments

    Helen Powell, 67, took a bus to down the street to try to catch a glimpse of Trump and view the spectacle of protesters gathered at the site of the president’s speech.

    She named “jobs” as the reason she voted for Trump after previously casting a ballot for Barack Obama.

    “And he’s got God in his life,” she added. “Hillary Clinton wasn’t going to help us at all.”

    She added, “She was going to get rid of all Christians, and she was going to bring in more Muslims.”

    Across the street, Dawn Wrath, who didn’t vote for Trump, walked over to the crowd with her daughter after taking the day off from work.

    Wrath, 41, said she has no problem with the president’s jobs message, “if it’s true.” But she said that isn’t the reason Wisconsinites voted for him.

    “I think it’s mainly racism,” she added.

    • Wild Cat

      Her brain has been soaked by too many pee hookers. Hope they’re absent when there’s a fire in her crack bowl.

      • jowgajen

        Oh no crack is for the blahs, also too expensive on a fixed income.

        She prefers meth.

        • Wild Cat

          I think she takes the stuff that was in

          THE FILTHIEST TOILET IN EDINBURGH

          from ‘Trainspotting.’

      • HazooToo

        It’s Fox and lying ass Republican candidates. They will actually stand up in public in front of voters and say “Democrats are in favor of easing immigration laws because they want you to get raped and murdered by Messicans.” Not because our country actually depends on immigrants in any way, or was fucking founded by them and is made up of them from coast to fucking coast, with actual REAL Americans being left tiny crumb-like reservations, but because we want to kill and defile people. Actual politicians will say this. And then double down on it.

    • TJ Barke

      Yes, that’s totally accurate. She was definitely going to get rid of all the christians and bring in muslims to replace them, for some reason…

      • Me not sure

        Spite, just spite.

      • Left Coast Tom

        I can see where that would be perfectly normal behavior for a devout Methodist like Clinton.

      • Suttree

        And repeat after me, it’s always fucking projection!

    • ltmcdies

      I know every freaking nation on this planet has it’s stupid ignorant people…I really do
      But damn, dumb Americans do “shine” in this area.
      well I hope her loss of health care and may be her social security was worth keeping the mooslums out.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      The only difference between Trump and this atheist is that Trump pretends. He’s got as much faith in god (or anything beside himself) as…dammit, I’m too tired to be funny. Someone else fill in the blank.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Who would you less rather drop LSD with, this guy or Trump?

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      yes

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Good answer.

    • ariel_gee_398

      You could put up a picture of Charles Manson and most of us would pick him.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      proverbial gun to the head, Donnie would get even stupider and would be totes easy to fuck with until you turned him into a blubbering pile of goo, whereas Jones would just be annoying as fuck and you’d end up having to kill him just to shut him up

      • BreakingDeadMen

        I concur

    • The Witch of Endor

      AOT,K

    • OrG

      No.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Also good

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Imma go with “purple chocolate G# wombat”

    • HogeyeGrex

      I don’t know. I could have a lot of fun turning either one of them into mental jello if there was enough acid involved.

      Y’all on my battleground now, son.

    • Suttree

      I would go for Turnip. He seems like he would totally lose his shit and go hide in the closet until I came down.

    • Panika MCD

      I’ll take the vegetarian.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    sigh. Remember the world before the evil Clintons, when Guam voters knew their place?

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/854446450121592832

    • Wild Cat

      Keep in mind mental-health services are minimal in Vermont.

      • Suttree

        Actually they are pretty good. You just need to drive 50 miles to get there though.

    • HazooToo

      IT IS NOT HILLARY’S FUCKING FAULT THAT MONEY IS HOW YOU WIN ELECTIONS, YOU PISSY OLD GODDAMN ASSHOLE!

      • Wild Cat

        If it’s any solace, the advance for his book was 138th of what the Obamas received.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Doesn’t matter. Republican-leaning news organizations will keep promoting him until he goes off to spend eternity with Paul Robeson kicking his lazy ass.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Well, he certainly did do his best to keep money from soiling the KS election.

    • Shanzgood

      Boo fucking hoo. If you couldn’t think far enough ahead to consider what the alternative would be if she lost, you’re fucking useless.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I would argue that after their trip to the mountaintop this past year he and his wife are something significantly worse than useless.

  • Nounverb911
  • OrdinaryJoe
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      GA State Trooper: “Nobody goes through Georgia that fast, son.”
      Driver: “Sherman did.”

  • Suttree
    • Shanzgood

      I can’t make it go.

      • Suttree

        I just fixed the link.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        We look for things to make us go

    • HazooToo

      Broken link.

      • Suttree

        Weird. It is working on my computer. Maybe refresh because I originally had a broken link.

        • HazooToo

          Went in through your posts. GOD, I hate that commercial!! Not because sexist, though maybe stereotypical of the whole “sexy librarian” thing, but the CRUNCH! I have misophonia and eating noises make me want to grb smn b th thrt nd sqz ntl thr ys blg and then scream “STOP EATING LIKE A DAMN ANIMAL, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!”

          • Suttree

            Oh, I remember you telling me about that. I actually like the “sexy librarian” thing. To me it means she’s smart. Smart women are sexy. Q.E.DERP. Shut up! I’m a man who likes smart women! Glasses help too. I’ll just stop right there. :)

          • HazooToo

            Smart women are fucking amazing. But I distantly remember reading some shit about “Creepy things men have said to woman librarians” because of the Sexy Librarian thing, which is why it’s a little sexist. Maybe a 1.5 out of 10? Idk, I am not a sexy librarian.

  • Rick Hill

    So…what is it that may be happening in current events? Hmmmm. Apparently, Ivanka was awarded 3 Chinese patents the same day she dined with President Xi….Nope, nothing new, nothing noteworthy….
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/ivanka-trump-awarded-3-china-trademarks-on-the-same-day-she-dined-with-chinese-president-report/

    • Count Awesome

      She got those patents because Xi also thinks she’s quite bangable.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Something to occupy us while we wait for Mr Ossoff to curb stomp the republicans in GA-06

    https://youtu.be/QQ9gs-5lRKc

    • not_vh

      did ya see that ricochet?

    • not_vh

      ooh i love this.

  • Shanzgood

    FUCK! I was wrong about the skewed sideways mobile view being fixed. I wouldn’t care about it being all back and forth sloppy but when it’s like that I don’t get new comment notifications and there’s no telling when or why it’s going to be that way other than when the PAY ME NOW YOU FUCKERS buttons are sideways like this

    HELP ME SHYPIXEL YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE!!!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0832b36062f651a08cb69061a9eb6dec1cf927c382b1378973a43da1c8da1e21.png

    • II Gosala

      Mine does that sometimes. Usually closing tbe window and restarting fixes it. Not always.

      • Shanzgood

        Yeah but that’s exactly how to lose all the new post notifications, which is what I’m trying to avoid.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I dunno if it works on mobile, Shan, but when I lose my notifications, I go to the Disqus page and they are still available, just not highlighted in Red.

          • Shanzgood

            I don’t mean just for MY posts.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Ohh, I getcha now.

  • Persistent Demme

    I’m having panicky, anxiety-filled flashbacks as I watch Georgia returns, even though it looks great for the Dems. Is it good? I can’t think.
    Help me Wonkers!

    • Hutch

      I drove people to the polls. Like five. All I could do.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        That’s a lot!

        • Hutch

          I loved one women, “Is Obama running again?” I was sorry to say no.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            If only!

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      Estimate is he’ll get 46-7%, and fall short of the 50%, so there’ll be a run-off. But it’s not beyond the realms of probability/margin of error, that he gets over the line.
      Early signs are promising.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        still holding at 61.3%

    • HazooToo

      I wish I could. I recommend “sharing without caring” until the election is in your state. Share the everloving shit out of special election notifications and support for Dems, and contribute if you can, but do NOT let yourself care about the result. Pretend to yourself that it’s less vital than it really is.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Have you tried breathing? In……………out………………………….in………………………out, Grrrrrr…………………shhhh…………………in……………………

  • Panika MCD

    pro-tip: when testifying in committee DO NOT EVER READ YOUR RESUME. this guy, knowing the committee members personally for LONG TIME, spent 5 minutes giving his whole resume and then his organization’s whole history. and then, at the end, he had to add even more history about the people he works for now and someone else had to do the dumbest visual aid ever. (just kidding: there are very few visual aids that aren’t dumb in a legislative hearing.) and and and…of course Lucio has the gavel and does not have his hearing aids on or even know how to use the timer so he’s just letting people JIVE TURKEY or something!

  • not_vh
    • yyyaz

      So far, so good.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Don’t know about y’all, but it slightly bakes my ass to see Bernie on his big nationwide tour, lecturing on the right course for the future of the Democratic party. I’m sure he means well but, yo Bernie…maybe the first suggestion is you ought to BE a fucking Democrat, you sanctimonious old git.

    • jowgajen

      Good God this chaps my hide.

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      Given that he shat his pants at the DNC last year, maybe best he stays out of the Big Tent altogether and just yells at passing clouds.

    • Panika MCD

      he does not mean well. he just misses the rallies. he’s doing the exact same thing as Tsarina Short Fingers.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        that aspect scares me a little about him. I’m not quite sure how much of his movement is ego driven

        • jowgajen

          All of it.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I wouldn’t go that far, but it definitely is a factor

        • Panika MCD

          if it wasn’t ego driven, wouldn’t he be putting this money into some candidates like Ossoff or Quist instead of spending it on a tour that focuses on him making concerned faces at people?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            did he put money into the Kansas race?

          • Panika MCD

            I don’t think so, but he complained about other people not doing it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That new lake house isn’t going to fund itself.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          According to Susan Sarandon he simply doesn’t have an ego. Of course, Susan Sarandon is very dumb and stupid, so make of that what you will.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            And according to everyone else, Susan Sarandon is a fucking idiot. But hey, Trump and Hillary are the same, right Susan?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          A lot. He decided being Jesus of Vermont wasn’t a big enough platform anymore.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I get that he has some great ideas that Dems really need to listen to and he brings an energy and enthusiasm that they sorely need, but at some point Sanders needs to be satisfied with being A voice for the party, rather than insisting on being THE voice of it, because while he’s right on a lot of issues, he’s also wrong on some of them and his tunnel vision is infuriating.

      and it wouldn’t fucking hurt to actually join the damn party before you go around lecturing and scolding it…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Is he planning on running for pres again? He found the party so useful for that last time…until he didn’t.

    • ariel_gee_398

      My parents are old hippies, and my mom in particular is enamored of him. I raised the point of his not being a Dem, and she actually said, “Why should he join the party, why does it matter?” Thank the Easter beer for the fact that I managed not to shout back, “Because if he wants to FUCKING LEAD the party, he should be a member.”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        For once, beer is responsible for restraint. I find that reassuring.

        I think I might’ve beat up your parents outside a punk club one night. We’re they the ones wearing tie-dye and reeking of patchouli?

        • ariel_gee_398

          Seems unlikely. They were less the hanging out by punk clubs type, more the marching/protesting/growing their own organic weed types.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            OutSIDE the punk club. I can smell hippies from miles away. We’re you dressed in tie-dyed onesies as a child?

          • ariel_gee_398

            No, any decisions I made regarding tie-dye were my own.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I love that take-charge attitude in toddlers. Remind me to tell you the story of the hippie volunteers in tie-dye I was tasked to supervise for a volunteer building project at my favorite local charity. I’ll share the epilogue: “Dear Lord, spare me from the well-intended.”.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Bernie needs to STFU before he embarrasses himself further.

    • ltmcdies

      He ain’t making with the reconciliation as much as hectoring for cult members. Not really helpful overall

  • Villago Delenda Est

    He’s a loony.

    • Hutch

      Great Frankenstein call-back!

  • Nounverb911

    So Joni, when are you going to show trump your ‘special’ skill?
    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/854469276383809537

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • jesterpunk

      DeStefano and his team ensure that candidates pass the ultimate test in this administration:loyalty. (Never Trumpers or those who said something unflattering about the candidate on Twitter or Facebook are almost always disqualified.)

      So they dont care if the person is qualified or not, as long as they never criticize Dear Leader.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    iCarly gonna give it a another go, see if she can embarrass herself a little more.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/854493504596267009

    • Panika MCD

      probably was her plan the whole time: build name ID, run for something lower.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        I believe many municipalities elect their dog catchers …. that should be about the right height for Carly’s “lower” run.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          A race between her and Sleepy Carson for dog catcher might be good for giggles.

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            Trump already put him in charge of the Projects.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Why couldn’t she just run for Mayor of Carmel like Eastwood did?

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            Too close to the lynch mobs in Silicon Valley?

          • Anna Elizabeth

            What do you have against Carmel? XD

          • vivian

            Sticks on your teeth

          • Anna Elizabeth
          • Left Coast Tom

            Democrats now outnumber Republicans in Carmel (1110-839, out of a total of 2613). linky.

            She could try Paso Robles, 6953 GOP to 4911 Democratic, and she’d get to drink delicious wine.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          or sheep catcher in her case

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

        • Panika MCD

          pretty sure that’s just a joke.

    • ariel_gee_398

      It’s just like Scott Brown said: If at first you don’t succeed, try to find a state with a smaller population that hates you less.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’m thinking Guam?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Too bad Guam isn’t a state. Might have been her chance!

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Well, I won’t tell her if you don’t.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            But does SHE know that?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        How many former HP workers are there in Virginia?

        • Left Coast Tom

          Virginia…tech company with federal contracts…I’m willing to bet quite a few.

        • ariel_gee_398

          About as many as there are current HP workers in Bangalore?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      She’s gonna need more orthodontia after the curb stomping she’ll get in VA.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, please, please, let her run, and let Trump endorse her. There is so much material about “rightshoring” from when she was the point person on the tech industry’s panel on getting government subsidies to send tech jobs overseas.

    • Nounverb911
      • Latverian Diplomat

        The best carpet bags are made from Demon Wool.

      • II Gosala

        Cerbaaas?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Continuing the robust Republican tradition of failing upwards.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Fuck up a major corporation, and realistically there are no consequences. So much for “personal responsibility” among the .01%.

      • OrG

        “Personal Responsibility” is for the proles not the 1%.

    • Left Coast Tom

      So she’s given up on the idea of running in California?

      • Persistent Demme

        She knows she’d lose, bigly.

    • Shanzgood

      Yay for women’s equality when we can have just as many incompetent unqualified and badly educated female candidates as male ones!

      WHO’S WITH ME?!?!

      • Granny Sprinkles

        It’s nice to see women breaking into the carpet-bagger biz.

        • Shanzgood

          Just as long as it’s via nepotism or cronyism rather than affirmative action. The latter would be totally unfair.

          • Granny Sprinkles

            It just goes without saying that legacy picks are the only true democracy.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Sure why not Virginia. It’s not like she can win in California.

      • HogeyeGrex

        I hear they really love it down there if you get a handbag made from rug to carry around.

        • The Witch of Endor

          Just remember, my State very nearly elected Ollie North to the Senate.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Keeping VA blue, one election at a time. Thanks Carly.

    • Shoto

      Carly Fiorina: Putting the Bat in Dingbat!

      • Rasilom

        Bat liblez!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      If at first you don’t succeed break 5%, try, try again.

  • Nounverb911
  • Left Coast Tom

    I don’t have any Georgia pictures to contribute to the “while we’re waiting”, but North Carolina is nearby and this one’s generic as to location (it was taken in the Smokies, through deep humidity caused by Hurricane Issac looping around the entire Southeast)…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c58f4224526de970e678c18b570622b0a2a80122ef0c8d57f5b280fe26f5ea04.jpg

  • Hutch

    I dont’ like Mark Manson overall, but I did like this.

    https://markmanson.net/american-dream

  • Nounverb911
    • jowgajen

      3% — way too soon to get excited.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        I think the 3% is off. Other sites say about one third of total expected votes are in.

        • jowgajen

          Yes but they are all early voting, which doesn’t tend to be representative of the end result for whatever reasons.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    From Kos:

    Tuesday, Apr 18, 2017 · 8:24:08 PM EDT · David Nir
    About 12,000 votes (almost certainly early votes) just dropped in Cobb County, the most Republican part of the district. Ossoff is at 57% in this batch.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    not sure how I feel about this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8u6ClmBYEA

  • Nounverb911
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Not so much redefining stupid as distilling it into a more potent form than you usually encounter.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        weapons grade

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Trümp Tweets: Weaponized Stoopid

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

    Sad news: Turkish state media just called the Georgia election for Handel, with 97% of the votes counted.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Trump is calling to congratulate as we speak.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Does Ivanka’s mobile phone work in Jhyna?

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          It was probably made there, so one would hope so!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Also, all those Armenians were just resting…

  • Nounverb911
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Had a conversation today with the son of my favorite customers. He’s starting his medical residency in a few weeks, and as it tends to do, the subject of Trump came up… like the classic bad penny. He said that, as a soon-to-be-affluent white man, he would be mostly insulated from-and likely the beneficiary of-Trump’s swath of destruction through this country, but the most important thing is not just looking at what benefits you, but what’s better for the good of society as a whole. Not the most profound insight, ever, but I nearly wept with gratitude hearing it from this self-aware, socially conscious, and gifted young man. His parents-wonderful, highly educated folk-raised the boy right.

    • OrG

      I guess NOT being a sociopath IS praiseworthy.

      • Shanzgood

        Is this where we are?

    • Hutch

      My sister, a nurse of many years, read your post and said, “Good luck as a cog in a wheel. And you’re not fucking God.”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He’s specializing in family practice seeking to work in underserved communities. Not God, but someone I believe will do his best to make a positive difference.

        • Hutch

          My sister is the same. But she is not cool with with idea that Trump and the GOP won’t impact her compassionate work.

    • TootsStansbury

      He sounds nice. For realz.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He is. Good kid.

    • Doug Langley

      What? A doctor who isn’t motivated by mountains of money?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        I blame Obama.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Live NYT GA-06 Results (from Nounverb911 graphic below)

  • Jennifer R

    Cobb County, the most republican of the counties tonight just put out the early voting numbers, and they are better than hoped for. 57%

    • Suttree

      I know someone in Cobb and they are republican as fuck.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • not_vh

      i’mma try not jinx this to much. kansas didn’t go well with me getting too enthusiastic.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hoping Handel’s calling him “messiah” by the end of the night.

      • not_vh

        hoping karen cant handle it by the end of the night.

      • vivian

        As long as she won’t come Bach

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I’m guessing she’ll be too Straussed out.

          • vivian

            Bach to Chopin wood, I guess

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Good time of year for it. Spring, Rite?

          • vivian

            Yeah, but I always come a little unRaveled. Don’t Tell William.

          • vivian

            Spring also gives me the Butterflies, Madame, as Joe Green would say.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            They co-opted our pun thread above, to many up votes. Assholes.

          • vivian

            Usually it takes a couple of days. My timing’s off. Harumpf.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You’re just way ahead of your time. They’ll appreciate you some day! *says every frustrated artist and savant ever*

          • vivian

            What if I’m not way ahead of my time, but just like 7 minutes ahead. Not enough time to put it to use, but just enough to be slightly confused and annoyed by everything. “Eck, this again… didn’t we already cover this?”

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’d suggest Haydn out for a few days.

      • Rags

        for your evening entertainment…
        https://youtu.be/sjWPXybVjYE

    • Courser_Resistance

      No Shit??? I just got here! Hope that’s true!

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      results Is slow

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Georgia

        nuff said…

        • Shoto

          “Is it rainin’ outside?”

          “I dunno. Why don’t you call in the dog and see if he’s wet?”

          — Georgia

    • ariel_gee_398

      I read that the expected vote total is between 140k-150k.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I read that too. I find this encouraging.

    • WeaselPoo

      So how shitty must Amy Kremer and William Llop be to lose so bigly to Mohammed Ali Bhuiyan ?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        GA-06 is more diverse than people give it credit for being. Only part of it is in Cobb County. The majority is in Fulton (North of John Lewis GA-04 and and north of Hank Johnson GA-05). We staved off some heinous redistricting attempts in the lege this year, trying to move black people out of two other districts prior to the 2018 midterms. Shit is getting real!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        At the levels they’re at I think it’s probably about whose family is bigger.

      • Claire

        I’m just disappointed that Ragin’ Edwards is doing so poorly.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Failing NYTimes says 4% of precincts are in, while Decision Desk says 140K-165K total votes are expected (56K reported above).

  • Panika MCD

    what’s the difference between this mystical CORPORATE AMERICA what I have never visited. I have heard a lot about it and it sounds very different from, say, the Grande Canyon or Boys Town in Chicago or Bourbon Co. in KY (which is really a historical area, but whatever) can someone at least narrow down what it is not so we can know what it is?

    • snark-lurker

      after much deepthink, i got…nothin

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      It’s located in the mythical mountain time zone.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Fuck no, we’re not claiming Tallahassee! Florida’s stuck with that asshole.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • ariel_gee_398

      Who among us doesn’t resort to racial slurs when we’re mad? Oh, none of us?
      Cause we’re not fucking racists?

      • Thiazin Red

        Yeah, I’m pretty sure if thats where you go when you’re angry it says something about you.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I only do it in private conversations with colleagues, so it doesn’t count as racism.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He was drunk. You know…the Mel Gibson defense.

        • SayItWithWookies

          “I didn’t mean to say the n-word, sugartits.”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        well… Mel Gibson mebe

      • Jonny On Maui

        He’ll, I still use racial slurs. Just yesterday I was complaining about the fucking Ferengi…

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          P’Tok!

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Varool!

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Oh yeah? Well, oo-mok you, buddy.

    • WeaselPoo

      No excuse?!! C’mon man, it was the liberal media/Soros/Clinton/feminization/fiscal anxiety/bitches be lyin’ that MADE you do it.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Soros has been paying me a fortune to report Republicans using racial epithets. It’s all part of his plan.

    • Hutch

      So what else is new? Good lord, I live here.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Well, I thought the whole insulting your caucasian colleagues by referring to them as, you know, not white when talking to colleagues who are not white thing was kind of novel.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Water wet? Sun rises in East?

    • Claire

      Okay, see, this? Republicans want to live in a world where this shit is completely okay. I can find no good explanation for why people like this are worth sharing a country with, let alone having one of their voters count the same as four decent people when we’re selecting a President.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Just be honest, for once in your worthless life, Frank, and admit you’re a racist asshole unfit for any public office.

    • memzilla Ω

      “Using his temper as an excuse for his behavior, Artiles said there was no excuse for his behavior.” — #honestreporting

  • Shoto
  • Thiazin Red

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e45e2ed34b25ca91ea0001ae3c77551ad37196a9817497a60460924ee535b595.jpg

    I’ve been doing it wrong, I’m almost an outcast, but I’ve barely been dissolute! I’ve got say it looks pretty sweet, I need to do my youth over again.

    • Jennifer R

      The fast life doesn’t go away that fast either. Old times people were bad at sinning I guess.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
      • Thiazin Red

        Well I don’t like babies, so old timey medical literature says I have no choice. But on the plus side, I get saucy literature, great hats and fancy parties at least until I become an outcast.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Oh, Lawd have mercy….Not Coquettery! Such language!

      • snark-lurker

        would you plz stop sneaking in like this yuh gonna gimme a art attack!

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          Is that like when a painting does karate at you?

          • Jonny On Maui

            I think Art Linkletter did something to snark-lurker as a child, maybe polkaed him or something…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            fed him acid and pushed him out a window

            Too soon?

    • jowgajen

      Still working on fast life and dissipation despite being on the other side of 40.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Notice what the virtuous woman has between 26 and 60 — nada.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Those are the sammich years.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          the wonder bread years

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Wonder bread and Valvoline

          • Doug Langley

            Miracle Whip and Velveeta.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Bad girls go… everywhere.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I vote for fast life and dissipation- it’s not for everyone, but it’s hella fun

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      This is really fucked up. Being studious in the 1970’s made me an outcast.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      No time like the present

    • Panika MCD

      I’ve been doing everything right! I will be literate, adept at coquettery, live fast for a long time and love my fur babbies! I have become 4 of the things!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Come on, Jon Ossoff! Let’s do the damn thing!

    • Apple Scruff
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      still holding at 57%

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        And that’s with the Cobb County early votes counted!

        • II Gosala

          Cobb county is red?

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Yep. But this district not just Cobb County. It also includes North Fulton and North Dekalb and is neighbor to Lewis D-GA05 and Johnson D-GA04.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Gonna be some rage-tweeting from the White House crapper tomorrow morning if this holds up.

    • Shoto

      All we need is 50% to make Drumpf’s orange head assplode.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        And the Georgia Legislature, who tried some redistricting bannanigans during the final hours of this latest session.

  • The Witch of Endor
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      My idea of Heaven, minus the cigarettes that is…

    • Panika MCD

      I NEED BOOZE NOW!!!

  • Suttree

    Am I really watching a second 19 year old X-Files that I have already seen? It is old enough that I don’t remember all of the details though.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I have the first 2 seasons on DVD, I still love it. :) Scully was Muh Grrl.

      • Thiazin Red

        Anderson is one of the few people I would totally lose it for if I met her. I would terrify her telling her how much Scully meant to me as a kid.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I can myself going into Gush Overload too. :D

          • snark-lurker

            and now that she’s out bi…humm!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            XD Indeed!

    • snark-lurker

      you are not alone
      i am watching with you

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Through the microwave oven?

      • Suttree

        So do you dislike Agent Spencer as much as I do? I do like Krycek episodes though!

        • snark-lurker

          i just like Scully hot the bestest

          • Suttree

            Scully is beautiful!

          • snark-lurker

            and way cool today too

    • Hutch

      Are you going to physical therapy, sweetheart?

      • Suttree

        I called the doctor twice today. They were waiting on the PT to call them back. So I have to call again in the morning.

    • Panika MCD
  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It looks like an American Airlines hub

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Still more comfortable than United.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          too soon!

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Can’t be … too clean and well run.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          DFW the hell where airline passengers go to die- they just don’t know it because they’re still changing gates long after they’re dead and gone

          • Doug Langley

            That also describes O’Hare.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Might be. My luggage isn’t there.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’ll be impressed when the mighty aircraft carrier Admiral Kuznetsov doesn’t have to travel everywhere with its very own rescue ship.

      http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/10/21/russian-carrier-plagued-by-technical-problems/

  • Jamoche

    Dear local news, your virtue signaling about the horrible people who watched the video of the guy who committed murder on Facebook Live would be a bit more believable if you’d fucking well stop showing the Facebook Live video. It’s just the driving around part, but I don’t want to see even that much, fuck you very much.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So the whole “Buy Americon, Hire Americon” thing. What’s the Devil in the details? Is it only related to tech and H1B visas? I see a whole bunch of rubes cheering this on on the Facebooks without realizing that we don’t have a bunch of people qualififed for these jobs, hence foreign tech.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “Whata ya mean mah GED ain’t good enough fer dem jerbs?”

      • Jamoche

        “It’s just sitting around and typing, how hard could it be?”

        • Doug Langley

          And half the words are spelled wrong, too.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            “An’ what’s wit all the { } [ ] ; ()* shit?”

      • Jonny On Maui

        “Coding? I gotta Captain Crunch decoder ring ..”

        • Jamoche

          Now, if you had a Captain Crunch whistle and a landline, you might have something.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      The H-2’s that Donald uses at Mar A Lago are not included, so…

      • Shoto

        How about the Slovenian pole dancer who’s working at Trump Tower? (Looking at you, Melanoma.)

    • Panika MCD

      mebbe is “Buy (CORPORTATE) America, Hire (CORPORATE) America” which I now understand is somewhere in the mythical land of Mountain Time.

      • It’s the opposite of the “trickle down” theory.

    • dshwa

      Or that we don’t make the stuff here,and the stuff we do is more expensive that the crap they now buy at Walmart

    • Rick Hill

      Since trumpco will not divest itself, does this mean he just ordered his entire business empire to buy and hire American?

      • dshwa

        Ha ha ha no it’s just another slogan for the marks.

    • Claire

      I don’t think the President can actually tell corporations who they can hire and what they can buy, though I guess he can screw over the H1B program. So I’m not sure what purpose the EO even serves other than making the rubes think he’s a-bringin’ their jerbs back.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Buy American has long been a requirement of federal contracts, the only thing he has a say in, so nothing new there.

      As for H1Bs, I call bullshit on industry’s claim there aren’t enough qualified Americans. H1B employees are just cheaper and more docile.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Hey, Korea is still there. Carl Vinson fled the AO, so that’s something.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      They have been ordered to stop off and pick up the pee hookers.

    • Shoto

      Apparently, the Carl Vinson took a hard left turn just past Hawaii.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    So the Orange One gave a speech today at Strap-on Tools in Kenosha…He likes Wisconsin because it’s a Swingers State…

  • memzilla Ω
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Hey, did Shy do a thing? I am always hitching about not being able to comment on mobile Wonkette, but it works now!

    • Shoto

      Quick Question, mainly because I’m A Idiot:

      I haven’t been able to load a Wonk mobile app on my electric android device. I follow the instructions, to no avail. What am I doing wrong – other than that I’m A Idiot.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        permissions problem?

        • Shoto

          Actually, I’m not finding the add prompt that the drop-down indicates should be there. Or maybe I’m just a Moran.

          “Add to Home Screen” is not appearing.

          I found a prompt that adds an icon to the home screen, but the site still appears to be the desktop version.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            go to the mobile wonket site on your phone’s browser (I use mobile chrome). there should be three vertical dots next to the address bar. Click that and it should give the ‘add to homescreen’ link. In the default android browser it gave me the popup to do so

          • Shoto

            That’s where I stall. I’ve got Read, Shop, Subscribe, Donate, Contact, Tips. No “add to homescreen.” I’m using Samsungs default browser.

            Tried it on Chrome and found the prompt.

            Yeah, I’m A Idiot.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            try launching the page in incognito mode and see if you get the popup

      • II Gosala

        I’ve never bothered with the app. I just go to the website and everything is honky-dorry

      • SayItWithWookies

        The icon is practically invisible — it’s a gray rectangle with a small, plain W in it. I had it on my phone for three days before I saw it.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Today I walked to Target just to look at stuffs, I saw a Guardian of the Galaxy 2 poster I want on Payday, and maybe a blouse. Anyway, some guy started eyeballing me, but faded fast when he saw the look in my eyes. I was running the lyrics to “You Know My Name” in my head, I bet I looked like a Stone Killer. XD

    Walking back, past Goodwill, somebody in a station wagon honked loudly at me from the lot, I looked to see if it was a friend, but it was some baldy in his 60s, so I kept moving. Baldy ended up slowly following me in his car, because obvs how *dare* I not give any male the attention he deserves on demand? I ignored him, with my hand near my Pepper Spray.

    What in the actual fuck is it with men anymore?

    • Jennifer R

      Men are better than us, and therefore any woman who doesn’t bow down and blow them instantly is a trouble maker looking to have the taste slapped out of her mouth, or love of dick raped into her.

      Wow I am bitter to men tonight.

      • dshwa

        We’re not all bad. Just you know, 95% of us.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I think the situation is exacerbated by the fact that men with healthy views of the world aren’t out trying to quiet the voices in their heads by cruising strangers. There are plenty of decent ones out there, they’re just quietly living their lives.

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          That is the funniest “not all men” comment I’ve ever read. Would it be condescending if I gave you a gold sticker?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        It was triggering, really.

        One time at the Dollar store I got out of line when I didn’t like the vibe of a man standing next to me. He ended up sitting in his car for like 25 minutes waiting for me to exit.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Bitter to Men – great band name!

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      It’s been a while since I wad harassed (which is one reason i love living in Los Angeles), but i used to give assholes like that my best “bitch, please” look. YMMV if the guy seems sketchy.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        That worked on the guy in the store. Seriously, he turned pale when he saw my eyes, and whatever stoopid thing he was going to say went unsaid.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        It shuts off like a tap about the age of 45 or 50. Over 50 it’s the opposite problem–you’re invisible. And not just on the street. In meetings. To store clerks. To waitresses. Let alone potential sexual partners if you’re into men. I always laugh at the store clerks trailing black teens because it’s the invisible old ladies who are stealing them blind (allegedly).

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Didn’t turn off for me until I started using a cane. True story: My SIL (age 45) was in the mall and a guy walked up behind her and went “ahhhhhhh, BIG JUICY”. Whiich story my niece (age 14) retells with lots of giggles. And I know the exact glare the guy got.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I once had a man follow me through the grocery store with his BABY IN HIS CART, repeatedly whistling at me. I never reacted to it once. No matter how close he got, no matter how loud he was, or how many times he whistled, I acted as if he didn’t exist. He never said a word to me, just repeated the same whistle over and over, while following me, trying to intimidate me. Did I mention he had a little fucking baby with him? I just wanted to buy my groceries and get home from work, you know? As to your question, how long you got?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I hear you. :) One of the most difficult things for me is having to be Ms. Cool Cucumber around asshole men almost every day, which leads to some fucking freakouts and breakdowns when I get home.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I saw what you posted downthread about having a bad feeling about a guy and being right about it. When I was a young girl, my Mom told me I had an inner voice that would often let me know when something was off, or dangerous, about a man. She said if that little voice speaks up, I was always to listen to it, because that voice is always correct. She was so damn correct also, too. Always listen to that voice. Trust your feelings.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Thanx Hun, I do. “Trust your Instincts”, as the Klingons say.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I mentioned this earlier but someone told me it freaks them out if you just make The Face (Jenna Marbles) and start shrieking.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        XD I guess I should keep that in my bag of tricks.

  • Panika MCD

    I have a Sen. Higher Ed hearing at 8 am and I’m still in Sen Ed. I always forget about how the last few weeks of the session start sucking.

    • SayItWithWookies

      A friend of mine works at a clerical job for our state legislature — “crossover day,” when all the bills that have passed one house go to the other one, is the craziest day of the year, when she’s often pulled a 24-hour shift.

      • Panika MCD

        I call that “dead bill week” because every once in a while one side or the other insists that all bills get a hearing and they use that week for hearing those bills THOSE BILLS because there’s no way they’ll get on the calendar in time to pass.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Crossover day is nutz but is the just the start. The days leading up to Sine Die are worse.
        ETA: Maybe that’s just Georgia?

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          We call it “Rush to Close” in Nevada. Day 120 (of 120) is when the real fuckery happens, as they do all they can to ram through the last-minute stuff before 1am.

          • Panika MCD

            we just suspend the rules in the Senate on that stuff, but it’s like special purpose districts.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            What is worse is when they rewrite valid bills to add the questionable or nasty shit from bills that have already been rejected. This year, lots and lots of the citizenry showed up every day, even to the 8:30 a.m. and late night sessions. I felt even more energized.

        • Panika MCD

          the day the budget passes is the best day because that means that we are not going to a special session.

  • Wild Cat

    Georgians: Who is Chipper Jones endorsing? Any of the old Born-Again Starters involved in campaigns, like a Smoltz?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Chipper is on a book tour for his memoir and staying out of this shit. Books won’t sell themselves.

      • Wild Cat

        Wow—didn’t realize he was still marketable. Usually players cash in with books during their active-playing days.
        Most athletes are right-wing religious fucks.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Yeah, but Chipper was signed to the Braves right out of HS and played with the one team his whole career. He’s like Big Papi down here. He had two book signings in town on the same day two weeks ago.

          • Wild Cat

            I was thinking of him because a guy he mentored, Zach Wheeler, was pitching tonight for my Mets.
            How’s the new stadium?

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            In Cobb County. Fucked up access. Will never go.

          • Wild Cat

            Yeah, exploited taxpayers and a burnt bridge. Heard it was hitter-friendly. I’m so old my first Mets/Braves game was in 1970. In 1971, snuck down with a pal to the first row, visitor side, and was only 25 feet from Hank Aaron in the dugout.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            I moved back to Atlanta in 1972 and saw Hammerin’ Hank hit 715 in 1974.

          • Wild Cat

            Cool. I saw it as a special broadcast on national TV. He was incredible. And he was so segregated as a youth in the apartheid South, it’s amazing how his first time out of his small town was his first minor league road trip.

  • Jamoche
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      They also have evidence that these same organizations refuse to say Merry Christmas.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      What did the left do? Besides take the words of his mouth and report them, and report the accusations against him. This should be fun. Sounds like he’s trying to carve out a place for Billo outside the Fox News sphere.

      • Claire

        He’d better. Rumor on the Twitterz is that he’s getting ousted. I guess we’ll see in a week or so.

    • OrG

      Even if that’s true(it’s not),SO FUCKING WHAT.

    • Rick Hill

      It’s a long way from being a tough on the mean streets of Bawston, eh, Bill-O?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      How dare the far-left conspire to plant conservative women at FOX News, of all places! And how dare those conservative women fall under the sway of liberal propaganda about being treated with respect and dignity…

    • jesterpunk

      The party of personal responsibility ladies and gentleman. Surprised he didnt blame Obama somehow.

    • Shoto

      Lisa Bloom, who’s representing any number of women who have come forward about Rageoholic Bill-O, does not approve of this message.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      As Lord Cardigan once so eloquently put it “Crimea River, Muthafuck.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Objection, your honor! No evidence of any character to assassinate!

    • WeaselPoo

      Please let him point the finger at Senator Al Franken and call him to appear as a hostile witness!

  • janecita

    Am I the only one that thinks that Lady Gaga looks like a young Hillary Clinton?

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2017/04/18/prince-william-speaks-lady-gaga-mental-health/100591028/

  • Nounverb911
    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      And that is wrong why?

  • Apple Scruff
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    53.9% with 99k votes counted

    • Jennifer R

      With the vote estimates being revised to 200K I don’t know how to feel tonight now.

      • dshwa

        Usually, high voter turnout favors the Democratic candidate. Cautious optimism here.

        • Shoto

          We still need 50% or better to avoid a runoff. An outright repudiation of the Republican Shitshow would be best case.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          it’s gonna be close

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            At least the other Dems are running at 0.3% etc…
            Which will only become a pisser if favored son polls 49.5% or something.
            Still a good moral victory and stepping stone, regardless, but…

        • Rick Hill

          Yeah, usually the red shift kicks in and …Pfffttttttt. There goes the lead. Funny that there’s never a blue shift

          • II Gosala

            Well the universe is expanding: so….oh, not that red shift. Sorry

    • Shoto

      32% reporting.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I hope so — Josh Marshall’s been saying it’s heading to a runoff since 9:26.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        it still might- gonna go down to the wire

  • Panika MCD

    funny TX place names:

    Cut n’ Shoot
    Flower Mound
    Slocum

    add your own.

    • Jamoche

      West. Because it’s in east Texas :)

      • Panika MCD

        it’s Central Texas. it’s near Waco because McLennan County is just a fucked up place.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Dime Box

    • Doug Langley

      Paris.

    • OrG

      Ko

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • janecita

      Ding Dong, Loco, Woman Hollering Creek.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      Oklahoma has Bugtussle, Pushmataha, and Cookietown. Three of my personal faves.

      • janecita

        We have Buttzville, Bargaintown, Loveladies and Ho-Ho-Kus in NJ.

      • Panika MCD

        I do love me a Bugtussle. thought there was more than one knocking about still.

    • Suttree

      There is a Podunk near my dad’s house. I had no idea it was a real place!

    • Suttree

      Big Tuna, Texas. Bonus points if you get the reference.

      • yyyaz

        “Greater” Tuna.

        • Suttree

          That’s a different reference.
          Sailor: Did I ever tell ya that this here jacket represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom?
          Lula: About fifty thousand times

      • Panika MCD

        it’s in the Paramount Theatre!

    • Sister Suffragette

      Bee Cave.

      • Panika MCD

        I still fail to see how that is funny. I grew up near it and it’s recently exploded in population (which means the cool mom n’ pop stores are gone), but I don’t see the humor the way I do when I forget what a funny name Dripping Springs is.

  • WeaselPoo

    Just some random fails from Trumpnation Today that caught my eye.

    Dept of Education releases publicity shot of Betsy Devos reading to kids at Easter Egg thingie, banner text reads “Secretary of Educatuon”

    The USS Carl Vinson “armada” that the White House claimed it had immediately sent sailing to North Korea after their recent provocative missile test, was actually doing the opposite of going to North Korea, and continued to not sail to North Korea for several days after the WH claim, until finally being told to do the opposite of that.

    Interview with Ainsley Earnhardt of FOX, Trump was asked about his deep thoughts and strategery regarding North Korea, and with great confidence he explained that “this gentleman” –no doubt using airquotes— in referring to whoever is in charge of North Korea, had previously bamboozled sad and weak presidents Obama and Clinton, whereas he Donald J Trump, was not fooled at all by what’s his name, that guy.
    Ainsley did not point out to Trump that Clinton had to deal with Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il , and Obama with Kim Jong-il and Kim Jong-Un, three related but still distinct Supreme Leaders.

  • Nounverb911
    • Red Bird Ω

      Is this good or bad?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        It’s perfect.

        • Red Bird Ω

          I guess the guy we like is getting more than 0.2%?

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Yeah, like 50+% right now.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Lewandowski mo fails to impress.

  • Jennifer R

    We picked off a local special election win in VA tonight!
    https://twitter.com/lowkell/status/854505152371445761

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      Grassroots!
      (US Greens please take note)

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        I vote we let greens sleep through elections

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          Up in BC, the Greens look like the only valid opposition to the BC ‘Liberals’ (conservatives hijacked the party, there is no liberal Liberal Provincial Party, IYSWIM, and the NDP lefties are still recovering from apparently screwing the pooch back in the 90’s before I got out there)
          At least in parts of the coast and Vancouver Island. The May elections will be interesting.

          Over in the UK, if the snap general election gets passed through Parliament, I doubt the Greens will make much progress, but Labour will get annihilated. They (and the LibDems) can block the snap election in Parliament tho…. rather than give a mandate to the Tories through to 2022.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Would it be bad to mention the phrase “RoundUp.” Yeah, OK, right, that is bad. Never mind.

          Though for the record, even my super-eco native plants landscape guy has authorized the use of RoundUp to help eliminate the wire grass (aaarrgggghh that is some evil shit) in the nice patch of dirt where we’re gonna install a meadow.

    • Panika MCD

      you elect a position that we don’t! HUH! (we have an elected county clerk, but our district court clerk is appointed.)

  • MynameisBlarney

    So…I basically put in my notice at work today. No time frame, but I let my family know that I won’t be working for them forever. I’ll help them get modern and train my replacement. I also let them know that if I stay it will be the death of me. I just can’t stay in a place that makes me so fucking miserable.

    It wasn’t as liberating as I imagined it would be.
    I think that feeling will only come as I get closer to my goals…and hopefully attaining my happiness.
    I’ve waited far too long.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Congrats on making the first step. :) Go for Broke, you deserve to be happy. ~hugs~

      • MynameisBlarney

        Thanks, you deserve to be happy too. And loved, and safe.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Thanx Hun ~hugs~

          • MynameisBlarney

            Hugs rightbackatcha darlin!

    • snark-lurker

      watcha wanna do now?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω
      • MynameisBlarney

        Short term, start savin up mad cash.
        Long term, start feeling out career opportunities out west.

        • MynameisBlarney
        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Good for you! I did a version of that back in the day (both with ending a marriage and later a career) and there were some lean, lonely, hard times along the way but I NEVER looked back. Any situation that requires, “if it stay it will be the death of me,” demands, grab hammer and break glass! Mazel Tov!

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            And I’m wiping away tears.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yeah, I’m a bit teary eyed right now too.
            Maybe it was more liberating than I thought.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Towards the end of “Postcards From The Edge,” wherein Meryl Steep, portraying a recovering-addict actress, has a scene with old and wise Rob Reiner, playing her director, who has a great line about the epiphany coming before the associated feelings. Something like that. It’s a process. First we have to break shit and that never feels but so good. Though it can be a sweet, very sweet sadness.

          • TheBoatDude

            Was that Reiner in that scene, or Hackman?

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Dude, you are so right! Reiner played the buffoon of a producer and Hackman was the wise old director.

        • snark-lurker

          whut you mean by “west”?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Colorado maybe.
            Got friends out there.
            Don’t know exactly what I’m gonna do yet, but I GOTTA do something.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yes you do have friends here. :)

          • MynameisBlarney

            *wiggles eyebrows*

            Indeed.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            XD Hit me up when you get here, I know some great places to eat.

          • MynameisBlarney

            You’re goddamned right I will.
            And I need to check out your would-be suitor. Make sure he’s legit!

            I worry about you, yanno.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            ~hugs~ You’re the best Blarney, thank you. :)

          • MynameisBlarney

            No no no…

            YOU’RE the best!
            And don’t you fucking forget that shit, goddammit!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I’ll try Hun, I promise.

            I told my Baby Girl I owed her a smile:

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7e402f964ed6075cb94a97760004c9bddab8d752049a30eaf75ff48f60002afd.jpg

            And for you, too

        • Jonny On Maui

          How far west?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Further west than the Appalachians.

          • Jonny On Maui

            That’s a lot of West…

          • MynameisBlarney

            *grins*

            Yes. It surely is.
            And I am longing for it.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do
      I spent most of my life wrapped up tight
      In somebody else’s hand-me-down old shoes
      Starting today, I’m someone I’d be proud to know
      You might tell me where to go
      But there ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do”

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I thought I was going to disco dance my way out of the soul-crushing office I worked in for almost 15 years on my last day. Instead, I felt…sad and strange. It was unreal. Even though I wasn’t happy there, it was a huge part of my life. The next day, I started to feel excited, but it was still unreal to me. It’s been almost 4 months now, and I haven’t missed that place one single time, not for a second. If you aren’t happy where you are, you won’t miss it when you’re gone!

      • Jacquelynrharrison

        Managing director of Google!, is explaining to users to start off “Work at home” method, that People have been doing for about one year now. These days alone, I generated close to $36,000 until now with no more than my home computer as well as some spare time, despite that i have a fulltime 9 to 5 job. Even everyone not used to this, can make $89/per h easily and the earnings can go even higher over time… This is how i started
        !sy262c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs552ShopNovaGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!sy262c:….,….

    • janecita

      Congratulations! Cutting the cord might be hard, but you are doing the right thing.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Thanks.
        I hope so. I’m just tired of being out of my element. It’s been 13 years of hell.
        I’ve become weary of being the whipping boy for their frustrations.

    • data_ninja

      I made the journey last year to get out of the place that was killing me and making me miserable. It took way too long to do it the ‘polite way’ (find someone competent to train, leave enough documentation, etc) even though I was thrown into that very position trial-by-fire. The one thing I learned from the experience, was that people were taking advantage of my generosity and good nature, and kept bringing up things and then postponing them to keep me there longer. Since this is a family gig of yours (if I understand correctly), I don’t know that if that situation will occur for you, and I certainly hope it doesn’t. But my point of this all is that you need to look out for yourself right now, because your being miserable can only be fixed by you. And of course, good luck.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yes, that’s pretty much it.
        I took on this job with no training, and they expected me to know everything right off the fucking bat.
        I’m treated like I’m their personal servant, “Hey Blarney, never mind that you’re busy running the entire fucking corporation, I need you to find me some stupid fucking bullshit online and buy it for me, because I’m too busy with my garden or my fucking redneck four wheeler hobby to bother with doing it myself.”

        They are going to fucking miss me. That’s goddamned guaran-fucking-teed.

        • data_ninja

          Christ, that sounds too eerily similar. Replace four wheeler hobby with sports cars, and “Sorry, we can’t afford a new server now, let’s wait until the old one dies a painful death”.

          Like I said, good luck. It really sounds like I know what you’re going through. (mostly)

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Jon Ossoff, Dem.60,319 50.8%

    40% in

    • jowgajen

      He’s running barely above Hillary, I don’t see him winning it outright tonight.

    • Apple Scruff

      CNN says 54% Ossoff with 62% reporting.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        The NYT is behind … but Ossoff is going UP not down as more results are reported.

        • Apple Scruff

          Yes, CNN seems to be the furthest ahead. I am surprised MSNBC doesn’t have the race results ticking on the screen. I’m impressed by their restraint.

        • Jennifer R

          I can’t remember the last time late straggler votes gave the election TO the dem.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Richard Daley?

            Oh, I thought you said dead votes

          • Jennifer R

            Never change Zippy.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        We’ll just s