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It all started so well for Tomi and Glenn. She was a 23-year-old attention fiend with the long, peroxided hair and sleeveless dresses required by the Wingnut Code. He was a middle-aged, Mormon media mogul just looking to get richer by feeding conspiracy theories to dimwits. They could have made beautiful music together! So in 2015, they signed a two-year deal for her to make arglebargle an hour a day on The Blaze, plus extra nonsense-vomiting on social media and television.

Lahren hit the ground running, slagging Colin Kaepernick, Black Lives Matter, and Beyonce’s Super Bowl show. But then…

On March 17, Lahren got overwhelmed by the estrogen fumes on the set of The View and outed herself as pro-choice!

I am a constitutional, y’know, someone that loves the Constitution. I’m someone that’s for limited government. So I can’t sit here and be a hypocrite and say I’m for limited government but I think the government should decide what women do with their bodies. I can sit here and say that, as a Republican and I can say, you know what, I’m for limited government, so stay out of my guns, and you can stay out of my body as well!

Oh, Noes! When The Blaze hired her to talk crazy shit, they didn’t mean that crazy. So HR called her and said, “Don’t bother coming in to work any more, babykiller. We put yellow caution tape over your office door, but we saved an extra roll for your big, fat mouth. You can spend the next six months doing anything but television until your contract is up. STFU and have a nice life.” MORE OR LESS.

Now, Tomi Lahren might not have been valedictorian at University of Las Vegas. But she remembers a little something called The First Amendment, you guys! And she knows that a grown adult woman can say whatever she wants, and no lameass contract promising that she won’t disparage her employer and granting The Blaze veto over her television appearances is going to stop her.

So on April 7, she filed a lawsuit against Beck and The Blaze International (TBI) alleging that they had wrongfully terminated her, breached her employment contract by not allowing her to rant at the camera for an hour every day, and were being super mean about not letting her go on competing networks and talk shit about them.

Lahren acknowledges that she’s still, you know, getting paid. But that’s just a part of Glenn Beck’s wily plan to silence a patriotic warrior for the First Amendment!

Several days later, Plaintiff received yet another call from a TBI Human Resources Director/Supervisor who made it clear that Plaintiff’s services were no longer needed by TBI, her employment was terminated, she would have no more shows, but TBI would nevertheless continue to pay Plaintiff—presumably hoping they could find an exit strategy to sanitize their unlawful conduct under the Employment Contract.

Also, too, Glenn Beck is totes jelly of Tomi Lahren for being the princess and heir apparent of Wingnutistan.

It is not a secret within TBI that Beck is known for berating, belittling, and acting in a condescending and heavy-handed way and his treatment of Plaintiff, in particular, is a case in point. […]

Defendants’ acts were/are motivated by an unlawful animus and a specific intent to inflate Beck’s profile, from what has become a mediocre following, all at Plaintiff’s expense.

She also claimed to have been locked out of her own Facebook page. How’s a girl supposed to get her fix of public attention with just Twitter and Instagram? It can’t be done!

Beck and The Blaze countersued, bringing a What The Fuck Are You Even Talking About Motion yesterday. MORE OR LESS. The Blaze pointed out that Lahren is still getting paid and receiving health insurance benefits, that she was never “fired” and is still their employee, and that she still has access to the Facebook business page which was set up and administered by the company.

And how could anyone think Lahren was taken off the air for being pro-choice! Perish the thought! They were totes going to do that anyway because she is a craycray nightmare to work with.

Lahren’s treatment of the floor crew was inappropriate and unprofessional, constantly complaining about everything including but not limited to lighting, room temperature, editing, shooting, directing, etc

Lahren’s word choices on air had to be addressed repeatedly for bordering on the profane.

Lahren would not work with one of two full time make-up artists, which resulted in a report to TheBlaze’s human resources department.

Lahren has been overheard by many employees complaining about TheBlaze, stating that she will sue TheBlaze and that she could own TheBlaze when she is done.

Lahren was divisive and created conflicts with other media personalities at TheBlaze.

Lahren turned down a number of advertisers on TheBlaze for unexplained reasons, limiting any chance for TheBlaze to recoup its investment into her and her show.

Lahren publicly commented on and disclosed the dollar value of her wardrobe allowance without TheBlaze’s prior approval, in violation of her employment agreement.

Lahren embarrassed the company and many of its staff and other personalities because her statements were uninformed and inconsistent.

And even if they had fired her for mouthing off on The View, the employment contract allows them to terminate her for “conduct or involvement in a situation that brings Employee into public disrespect, offends the community or any group thereof, or embarrasses or reflects unfavorably on TBI’s reputation.”

Lahren’s statements were offensive to many of TheBlaze’s supporters and followers because they imply that only a hypocrite would believe in the Constitution or conservative values but not be pro-choice. Because Lahren is closely associated with TheBlaze, her statements also reflected negatively on TheBlaze’s reputation.

So, Messrs. Beck et al. would like her to shut up now, as per her contract, pleaseandthankyou. They included that clause about mandatory, sealed arbitration in the employment contract for just this reason, young lady!

Yesterday, Lahren also amended her complaint to say that even if she wasn’t actually “terminated,” the Court should declare the contract null and void. Except for the money part — The Blaze should totally have to pay her through September, ‘kay?

All of this raises three important questions:

  1. Among all these garbage people, whom to hate most?;
  2. Is Lahren as dumb as she seems, or is she cleverly boosting her profile and thus her employment prospects when she’s a free agent in October?; And
  3. How much brain damage does watching an hour of Tomi Lahren clips inflict? (Asking for a friend. But seriously…)

[All Court Documents can be accessed at the Dallas County Circuit Court Search Page by entering the case number DC-17-04087]

These people are HORRIBLE! But we at Wonkette are awesome and ad-free! Maybe throw a dollar in the kitty?

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  • Oblios_Cap

    I hope they both lose. Meh.

    • theblackdog

      “I’m locking you both up on charges that you’re both extremely stupid”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Root.For.Injuries

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      With votes!

  • Chadwells

    I have nothing good or nice to say about any of this. Bunch of fucking idiots fighting each other. Good.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Preview of the 2018 Midterms. Pop the corn!

  • schmannity

    “Lay down and play dead really isn’t my style.”

    Uh, go on …

  • memzilla Ω

    FALSE FLAG DISINFORMATION CUCK-BUNKING PR STUNT ORCHESTRATED BY THE ILLUMINATI AND THE BILDERBERG GROUP!

    I can haz conspeeracy Oscar nao?

    • msanthropesmr

      Yes.

  • msanthropesmr

    How do you apply that much eye makeup anyway?

  • Vincent Ricola

    Who?

    • BadKitty904

      Thank you.

    • Jgb979

      Don’t ask….trust me

  • elviouslyqueer

    Tut tut and forsooth. This little spat could easily be solved in a Celebrity Death Match replete with chainsaws and test tubes of Ebola.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Agreed. They should just keep it simple.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Two idiots enter. No idiot leaves. Easy-peasy.

      • leemoder

        Clown hammers at 10 paces.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Machine guns and meth, I’ll have you know. Hold my beer…

      • elviouslyqueer
        • Marion in Savannah

          What about the poor snakes? You WANT them to be poisoned by biting those two?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      A warm-up round of socks filled with horse manure might be appropriate so we’ll have something to remember them by after they’re gone.

  • Me not sure

    She has one of the worst cases of troll mouth that I have ever seen. She needs to see a good oral surgeon as soon as possible, or it will lock into that position and require an operation to become mobile again.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meh…

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    She’ll be a CNN regular before the end of the day.

    • Shoto

      Jeff Zucker is already on the phone with her.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Suing your employer always looks good on your resume.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Two government haters want to use the government’s power to solve their spat.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      That’s how deep their animosity runs: they can both claim “see what you made me do?!”

  • calliecallie

    I am uncomfortable agreeing with Glenn Beck on this. Or ever.

  • Anna Rompage

    Is it too much to ask that she accidentally shoots herself in a way that keeps her from spreading her vile bullshit for the rest of eternity?

  • Sleeping Satellite

    She has strikingly good trigger discipline.

    • Shoto

      Obligatory, of course. She saw the technique demonstrated on teevee that one time.

  • Nounverb911
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Instead we got Comey sending a letter to Congress about Weiner’s laptop and forgetting to mention his investigation into Donald J. Trump’s treason.

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    I can’t wait to see the bidding war between CNN and FOX for this shit sandwich.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Lunchtime for the Wonketteriat!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yy6qICUTe0

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I was hoping to never hear about her or the Milo asshole ever again.

    • Shoto

      I thought Milo and Tomi were going to start up their own internet teevee channel together. Am I misinformed?

  • schmannity

    Daisy Dukes, plaid shirt, leg warmers, Glock. Where are the black horn rimmed glasses?

    • elviouslyqueer

      It’s like Michelle Fiore, except with slightly smaller tits.

    • AndreWaters20

      Stop! I’ll have to see a Dr. if my erection lasts more than 4 hours!

  • Jgb979

    “Lahren acknowledges that she’s still, you know, getting paid”

    Now I may not be valedictorian from The Devry technical school of law, but to be liable for damages, don’t you have to have actually suffered from …………..damages?

    Aren’t wingnuts big fans of right to work laws, given the right to fire for any reason whatsoever? (ooooooooooh not when it applies to them)

    • SpideySenser

      Cha-ching!

  • Meteor would take out too many innocents.

    How about rooting for persistent crabs and genital herpes for all parties involved?

  • BadKitty904

    I’m calling that ashed of hair-dye “Republican blonde”…

  • Anna Rompage

    “Lahren embarrassed the company and many of its staff and other personalities because her statements were uninformed and inconsistent.”

    Sweete little baby jeebus eating a sausage made of the easter bunny… If conservative talking heads are going to be held to that kind of standard, there’s gonna be a lot of unemployed, souless people soon..

  • JMP

    There’s also the question of why conservatives seem to think anorexic walking skeletons with bottle-blonde hair are somehow attractive.

    • weejee
      • Wild Cat

        O good: Banana Blender Porn!

        • SpideySenser

          That’s quite a niche ya got there.

      • Red Bird Ω

        Bananas get sweeter with age. Fauxblondes, not so much.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “Give her another chance!”…..

    • Lance Thrustwell

      They fit an abstract ideal of beauty, these blonde, toothy Fox Peroxide types. And for conservatives, it’s all about box-checking and abstract categories. Real people, real feelings and actual experience take a back seat. Always.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I’m not saying that there aren’t people who find that profile attractive. What I find confusing is people who only find that attractive.

      And to make it even wierder, America’s archetypical blonde everygirl, who they’re all trying to look like, was born looking like this.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b7bb6ce7a66a30c311ee00c8bf63434a4ab1c80d2c9edda33bc8dbd0f06955e1.jpg

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Who is that? Jennifer Aniston? I don’t think she’s exactly blonde, is she?

      • BadKitty904

        She was born as Corey Haim?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          She was born as a very pretty young girl of greek descent with dark curly hair and a larger-than-button nose.

          • BadKitty904

            My Big, Fat Greek Poseur

          • Carpe Vagenda

            At least she’s good at it.

          • Red Bird Ω

            She never denied her Greek heritage.

      • Red Bird Ω

        Jennifer Anistopolous was born with a dark brown wavy haired mullet and dangle earrings? Who knew?

        • SpideySenser

          Imma say prob a very painful delivery.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            We’re Greek! When we have a painful delivery, we dance!

          • SpideySenser

            OPA!

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I think the mullet and the dangle earrings came sometime between the birth and the decade-defining straight blonde shag.

          • Red Bird Ω

            Those of us of a certain age remember her from Camp Cucamunga. She’s ageless and can pull off any hair style.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I thought she was more interesting as a brunette, but then I didn’t have cable through the run of her big show, so I’m not her market.

    • Red Bird Ω

      I think it signals a type of conformity that makes them happy. Notice how they all try to look exactly the same?

    • SpideySenser

      Fugly byotches, with votes.

  • Nounverb911
    • Suttree

      I’m thinking improvement.

  • Suttree

    So I googled “no fucks to give” and came up with these. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d3e84abac467e69e40f5b5612ee3f887df5fa983bf759222ece723e052568d95.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/865346bfe08cacb557451203572b6f6881721d7ddf5ab0ca2520e3c118d73d62.jpg Is Donna Rose actually that popular?
    ETA: Oops I googled “let me count the fucks”.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      DONNA ROSE IS OUR future QUEEN PRESIDENT DO NOT DOUBT HER POWER, mortal.

  • Nockular cavity

    Lahren’s statements were offensive to many of TheBlaze’s supporters and followers because they imply that only a hypocrite would believe in the Constitution or conservative values but not be pro-choice.

    Jesus in the garden! Suck it the fuck up, snowflake.

  • Wild Cat

    Can we just destroy the Gutenbergs, Hearst, radio, TV, the Internet, Twitter, and cell phones and start all over?

    Think of the chill’ren.

    • leemoder

      What did Steve Guttenberg ever do to you?

      …Beside “Don’t Tell Her It’s Me”, that is…

  • cheetojeebus

    AOTK

  • Mpeg

    The toxicity, it burns~

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Is this one of the “Performance Art” things like the thing that Alex Jones was talking about a few days ago? It sucks!

  • Trump’s Easter Egg Roll was much more bigly than Obama’s ever were, just like his inauguration
    https://twitter.com/HilareeBanks/status/853957329615634432

    • Shoto

      “Largest turnout for a White House Easter Egg Roll in history. Period.”

      — Spicy Spicer

    • NastyBossetti

      Was there really no one there? It looks like about 30 people showed up, based on this photo.

    • What I noticed was that Trump and crew were all in suits and ties, instead of “we’re here to have fun” attire.

    • Red Bird Ω

      The Trump’s are planning on a more low-key, lightly attended event than previous years. Over the last eight years, the Obama’s egg rolls had so many activities that some complained children weren’t able to enjoy the event. One aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity, according to the same New York Times story, didn’t have the actual number of people planning to attend and said that the plans for the event were “evolving.”

      D.C.-areas schools are still wondering if they’ll be getting the complimentary tickets they’ve been promised in years past and Republicans in the House and Senate have also been left wondering if they can provide tickets to some of their constituents.

      • “… some complained …” would those be the same people who thought Obama was homosexual and Michele was a transexual?

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Ah, they go together, not like chocolate and peanut butter – more like, well…..shit and piss, I’d hazard….

  • cheetojeebus

    ISO comfy new digs. Looking for a nice dry cave near a clean water source and in a moderate climate. No Neighbors!!

  • dslindc
  • Alexander Stallwitz
  • WotsAllThisThen

    Shit, man. Who do I have to piss off to get a two year paid vacation? Note to potential employers: It would be very hard for me to sue anyone if I’m constantly hopping between tropical islands.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Anybody know what happened to Anna Elizabeth Tifosi for Life? She disappeared from Disqus again and I worry about that girl.

    • Anna Rompage

      I believe she was here yesterday…

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        Replies to her comments now say -> Guest.

        • Anna Rompage

          Hmmmm….

          Fingers crossed it’s just a blip…

    • janecita

      I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’m always looking for her, just to make sure that she is alright.

    • NastyBossetti

      She just posted upthread 2 minutes ago.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        Yay!

  • Prof. T. Green Bastard

    That bitch is 23?

    God. Damn.

    I recommend more water & cutting back on her intake of soul-shrivelling evil, which is also just brutal on your skin. Right, KellyAnne?

    • Anna Rompage

      I think she might use the same trucker speed that ALex Jones is on…

      • Jacquelynrharrison

        Managing director of Google!, is explaining to users to start off “Work at home” method, that People have been doing for about one year now. These days alone, I generated close to $36,000 until now with no more than my home computer as well as some spare time, despite that i have a fulltime 9 to 5 job. Even everyone not used to this, can make $89/per h easily and the earnings can go even higher over time… This is how i started
        !sy263c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs553TopNovaGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!sy263c:….,…….

    • janecita

      Great minds, blah, blah, blah.

  • rosenbomb

    This Steinhead on my FB used Tomi Lahren coming out as pro-choice as an opportunity to lord over everyone, saying liberals are hypocrites for supporting her. His post was based on one opinion piece. Libs don’t give a damn about Tomi. She still sucks.

  • WiscoJoe
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Whoever loses, we’re all entertained for a couple hours!

      • WiscoJoe

        Definitely more entertaining than watching Alien vs. Predator.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Lahren talks like a conservative who has a close friend or relative with a life choice issue that actually invokes some empathy from her. Like a common Dick Cheney.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Worse than that- she just said what she thought would endear her to that particular audience. It’s not she hasn’t been a flaming pro lifer in the recent past…

      • Little Doll–MOAMF

        Yep, it was a coward move. She was “surrounded by the enemy!!11!” so, like trump, said what she thought that audience would want to hear.

    • puredog

      Maybe. Or maybe she was “pontificating for a friend.”

  • doggiedaddy

    Whore setting engaged.
    https://m.popkey.co/246d03/Ml5ME.gif

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    In a game like this, I root for injuries.

  • george gonzalez

    Oh, the Schadens and the Freudes! If she gets fired that probably terminates her health care. Under TrumpCare she might have quite a problem getting health care if there is any pre-existing condition. Is generic stupidity such a thing?

  • Zonath

    I hope they both make so many frivolous, baseless arguments that the judge in the case has no choice but to dismiss the suit and assess monetary sanctions against both sides. Bonus points if the judge quotes this:

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/LQCU36pkH7c

    • Zonath

      Blah. Disqus fail:

  • janecita

    I can’t believe that Tomi Lahren is only 23 years old! She looks at least 15 years older.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      A couple dozen abortions can do that…

    • snark-lurker

      let us sea her birth certificate

    • Jenny

      Sun damage and “contouring & air brush makeup”

    • Nightcrawler

      Because she was made at the same factory where they built Ann Coulter, Gretchen Carlson and Megyn Kelly. .

      • Prof. T. Green Bastard

        Hell Industries, 7th Circle Plant.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Also needs mohr natural hair coloring, professional looking haircut, and major conditioning.

    • She’s going for the Anne Coulter market.

  • Nightcrawler

    So being pro-choice was the straw that broke the camel’s back for republicans? Not the fact that this ignorant, 20-something year old girl has spent the last year saying condescending things about black history?

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      It’s always OK as long as it’s someone else being made to suffer.

    • Thaumaturgist

      99% ignorant isn’t enough.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Hey Y’all. I don’t mean to scare people. Life feels everyday like when my parents were alive. It’s a war every day, and I rely on my obsessions with hobbies etc to give me a reason to go on.

    Don’t tell me about meds, hospitals, and all that. I’ve had more rides in handcuffs than a Mafia torpedo, a trip with the Deputies to a mental ward has always been my punishment for pushing back against abuse. And the people that run the mental hospital in my town are religious fanatics with a hard hate for Queers. I will not ever be made a zombie or wear handcuffs again.

    I’m going to go window shop at Target. See Y’alls later.

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      Have fun, be well!

    • Contemplative Ron

      Knock ’em dead, hon. You know we got your back.
      But I’m confused, since when did Target have a glazier on staff?

  • Prof. T. Green Bastard

    Oh & as a non-feminist, she should accept whatever Alex Jones says, lucky as she is to even have held a job, & go runnin back to her daddy’s house to await suitors & get wifed up.

  • Gorillionaire

    She’ll be fine. There are plenty of job opportunities in America for spokes models that speak directly to the middle school aged compulsive masterbator demographic.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      the middle school aged compulsive masterbator demographic

      Gary Cohn?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        All of us, Katie.

  • Little Doll–MOAMF

    Once again, those who interact with a narcissist find out what the “devalued” stage feels like.

    This chicka will not shut her gob about anyone she doesn’t like. Ever.

  • Fartknocker

    This is why I love Wonkette so much. It’s like the TSA for pre-screening stupid, obnoxious, racist, and just outright bad websites I don’t ever need to click on them or listen to read about these centrifuge grade shit slinging idiots thanks to Wonkette.

    And Tomi appears to be a pissy, uninformed bitch.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      appears?

  • DainBramage

    offends the community or any group thereof, or embarrasses or reflects unfavorably on TBI’s reputation.

    How is it even possible to reflect unfavorably on The Blaze’s reputation? C’mon! It’s as unreputable as they come.

  • mancityRed6

    I’m gonna say she should have read her contract better. Or at least remembered some of the key points. I’m not a fan of the moron Beck, but I’ll go out on a limb and say that he probably had better counsel when the contract was written than she had (if any) when she signed it.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    New plan. I’m going to spout radical conservative views, get a two year contract with the Blaze, and then say something pro-choice. They cancel all my shows but I still collect a paycheck. I can finally do all that traveling I’ve been wanting to do.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Facebook Killer spotted in Pa, kills self after chase.

    • Shanzgood

      I’d heard he was in Pittsburgh. My first thought was “Well, at least I know baconz is safe.”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Lay down and play dead really isn’t my style

    At least we know she’s fun in the sack. TBH though, considering we’re talking about Lonesome Rhodes Beck, who could blame her for closing her eyes and thinking of England?

    • thixotropic jerk

      “Hey wait a minute!”

      ~Bill “Not Really a Necro” Cozzzzby

  • Apparently Tomi, like most conservatives, hasn’t bothered to understand that “free speech” does not mean “I can say whatever I want without consequences.” I know that my employer has standards about our conduct, including some speech, and that applies during our work hours, and after if we are dumb enough to identify ourselves as working for them. Apparently that hasn’t penetrated her special little snowflake mentality yet. As it is, she’s getting a paid vacation, which is rather mild.

    I’m enjoying my popcorn while watching this.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It’s snowflakes all the way down with these fools…

  • Jenny

    Wait, whining about summer school? What a loser!

  • Red Bird Ω

    I predict that grifting will be the next big profession among recent college graduates.

  • chortlingdingo

    I would never have guessed that she is only 24 from those pictures.

    • chascates

      It’s not the years, it’s the mileage.

    • thixotropic jerk

      24 in Rethuglicken years = multiply by a factor of 3 dark and add one shrunken bitter soul

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    The irony is that none of these supposed lovers of the constitution know fuck-all about it. The fact that Tomi managed to briefly land on the right side of the issue for once in her short, uninformed life is pure happenstance…

  • capnkrunch

    Isn’t it nice how she has a contract that can’t just be terminated for no reason without warning? You know, unlike the rest of us who work “at will” because of the Republican “right to work” bullshit.

    It’s funny how the people who push these agendas never seem end up being affected by them. It’s almost like they know they are doing horrible things but don’t care that other people get hurt as long as the profit.

  • TJ Barke

    Liberty and justice for me but not for thee.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    ♪ Tomi can you hear me…♪
    https://i.giphy.com/k4G1w7yV1j5iU.gif
    ♪ Tomi can you see me…♪
    https://i.giphy.com/xUA7aZG9Mwd5kUIYzS.gif

  • Opalescent Riddles

    I really don’t care about either of these douchebags. Never seen more than 5 seconds of either one while channel-surfing. Oh, saw one as a guest on The Daily Show for a few minutes. I think it was the skinny one.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Thanks for pointing out the Wingnut dress code of teeny sleeveless dresses, even in winter. Wear a fucking suit jacket if you want to be taken seriously. I know I’m old (I think women should wear stockings in court) but jesus, people, I fought long and hard to be able to wear that dark jacket.

    p.s. I’m a gurl, btw

    • Shanzgood

      Wow, second time today I’ve felt like an old fashioned Oldz! I, too, am of the persuasion that it’s more professional to wear hose with skirts in a super-professional environment like court. Day to day office, maybe not. But I wouldn’t show up to an interview bare-legged.

  • Edith Prickly
  • The Witch of Endor

    If she’s 23, I’m fucking well 18. Unfuckingbelievable.

    • Edith Prickly

      I was just wondering why all the Republican ladybots look 40 regardless of their biological age. Must be all the bile and bathtub gin Koolaid they drink.

      • Shanzgood

        Thanks for that. I was feeling kind of bitchy looking at that first picture and thinking “Wow, she’s got a case of early-onset KAC disease going on there!”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Fumes from the blond hair bleach.

        • Edith Prickly

          The bleached hair, the mask-like makeup, the 1960s-sorority-girl sleeveless sheath dresses…

          • SnarkON

            Overly hairsprayed hair ages anyone who wears it by at least a decade.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            They do all look like sorority-girl extras from Revenge of the Nerds.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Maybe the Blaze could settle with her by agreeing to pay her a dollar for all the times she’s complained about intolerant, punitive liberals viciously attacking anyone who disagrees with them. That would probably be a tidy sum.

  • Edith Prickly

    These two douchebags deserve each other. A match made in wingnut hell.

    • SnarkON

      My mom used to say the same thing about me and my sister when we argued, without “douchebags.”

  • Mavenmaven

    She’ll just follow the usual wingnut path, grift, get pregnant, go on dancing with the stars, grift some more.

  • Lahren deserves less success than she’s gotten, yet believes she deserves way more than she’s gotten. The Blaze is probably right in what they say about her.

    Beck deserves way less success than he’s gotten, yet wants even more. Lahren is probably right in what she says about him.

  • Sleeveless dresses are the code unless you’re First Lady Michelle Obama, in which case it’s a despicable, disrespectful desecration of the office of the President. Apparently.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Right to bare arms is NOT a right to bear arms NOR to arm bare armed bear armed bears m’kay?

      • phoenix00

        Putting a sleeveless shirt on an armed bear, however, is your right and privilege.

  • “Student loans are not a punishment. Take responsibility.”

    …and get a $200,000 a year job a year out of your mediocre college performance.

  • x111e7thst

    the kkk took my baby away

    • thixotropic jerk

      But not before the Glenn Beckkk Dingoes ate it

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Slightly O/T: I am so over this whole “how many liberals can we piss off” thing. It’s, well, mean. And I think The Real Problem With America Today. I disagree with many conservatives on many things. I rarely want them to hold power or enact their policy proposals. I am suspicious of the motivations behind many of the beliefs of many of them. But really, I just want them to leave us all alone. I don’t want to piss them off.

    • barandsail

      Too late.

    • BigCSouthside

      They want to piss off and “trigger” snowflakes

      We just want to keep them from doing really fucked up cruel shit

    • SpaceCaptainWarlock

      While I guess we’re being serious here, I would say that’s an oversimplification. The problem on the left is that some segment feels it’s their duty in life to be recreationally outraged at everything. That segment of the left has a terrible problem picking their battles and they will cast anyone who points that out to them as a far-right, racist, misogynistic bigot.

      The problem on the right is that they abhor facts. Or some segment of them do (it’s most). They’ve been trained/indoctrinated by religion/tradition to choose their reality and then they only want to hear and see things that confirm their fantasy. Anyone who points that out is the enemy and a far-left, Marxist “cuck”.

      The media of course knows that a divided nation is good for ratings. And the ruling elites know that a divided nation is easier to control. Easier to pull the wool over their eyes.

      Moderates are completely turned off by the whole affair.

      And I’m oversimplifying as well.

      • thixotropic jerk

        OVERLY OVERSIMPLIFICATIONIFYING LIBELZ!!!111!!

      • DensityDestiny

        Spoken like a true liberal.

      • I’m guessing your old white straight male……..

  • I think this will backfire on her, that reputation for being a right cunt to work with is not going to do her any favours, not EVEN with Fox News, where she could be PrettyIdiot#482992 if she’d learn not to sass her betters.

  • TundraGrifter

    They are the married couple we all know. They can’t stop bickering and picking on each other. Happily, they deserve each other.

    “We put yellow caution tape over your office door…”

    I worked at a bank where this guy went on vacation and his co-workers brought in the tenant improvements crew and took off his door, sealed up the space with drywall, and had it taped and painted.

  • Contemplative Ron

    Tomi blurted:

    I am a constitutional…

    So she’s a healthy walk in the country?

    • TundraGrifter

      She’s definitely no walk in the park.

      Or day at the beach.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Reminds me of when my Archie Bunkerish father told me he enjoyed hanging out at his golf club because of the “socialism.”

  • TundraGrifter

    Back in the day, vagrants could be arrested for having no visible means of support.

    So many of these Regressive talking heads (female and male) are intellectual vagrants. Their statements show no visible means of support such as facts, reason and logic.

  • barandsail

    24? She looks like Kellyane’s 3yrs younger sister.

    • SnarkON

      True fact: Kellyanne is only 32, which just goes to show that batshit conservatism is really aging.

      • cats530

        I thought she just turned 50? And even at that, she looks 70.

      • Jukesgrrl

        She was born on January 20, 1967, in Camden, NJ, as Kellyanne Elizabeth Fitzpatrick. If Tomi looks 3 years younger, that would make her 47, lol.

        • SnarkON

          I was kidding, of course.

  • PixieThis

    Anti-feminists should be seen and not heard. So she needs to shut her mouth and make me a sandwich.

  • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

    Branding no-no: Some should have pointed to these idiots that TBI stands for Traumatic Brain Injury.

  • PixieThis

    Also, they can’t own guns, work outside the home; they must be modest and speak gently in a low voice. They must remember they’re ladies and without their beauty and grace, we would fall into anarchy. Probably they shouldn’t drive either. And their heads should be covered (and arms and ankles) so they don’t incite lust.

    And goddammit, where’s my fucking sandwich.

    • cats530

      Don’t forget the FLDS adage to women-folk: “Stay sweet” or “Keep sweet” or no man will find you attractive (gag).

  • William
  • chiefkurtz

    No doubt this will end with her doing porn. Like all those fired teachers before her, it was their ONLY option.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Uhm…tell me more about these fired teachers turned porn stars. Asking for a friend.

  • William
  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Come ooooon, Injuries! Go, Injuries, Go!

    Injuries, Injuries, we’re their fan! If they can’t do it, nobody can!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I’m gonna totally start suing people for things I think they might do in the future.

    • jesterpunk

      I am going to sue you for violating my patent granted in Texas for suing people for things you think someone might do in the future on the computer. (Thats how this works right, you add on the computer then sue in Texas and win eleventy billion dollars.)

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    This hasn’t gotten ugly until Beck and Tomi have faced off in a knife fight…bring in the knives!

    • SnarkON

      Which one will bring a gun?

      • CircusMcGurkus

        Did they challenge each other to a duel? Is there a way to mash up the Hamilton-Burr thing with Thelma and Louise so they can have guns and drive off a cliff together to rap music?

    • Zippy W Pinhead
  • JParkerSD46

    You ask, “How much brain damage does watching an hour of Tomi Lahren clips inflict?” on The Blaze International (TBI). How ironic. TBI also refers to Traumatic Brain Injury. Answering for a friend. You’re welcome.

  • norcalOG

    Quien es mas macho: Tomi Lauren o Glenn Beck?

    • SnarkON

      Ricardo Montalban.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        ¡Jajaja, Ricardo!

      • norcalOG

        O Fernando Lamas? Pero esta ahora.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Garrett Morris as Chico Escuela. “Baseball been beddy, beddy good to me.”

      • phoenix00

        Something something rich Corinthian leather something something.

  • SnarkON

    The only reason Tomi ever got attention in the first place is because she displays all of the semiotics of “pretty” — blond hair, fake tan, etc. — without actually being pretty. Not shedding a tear for her.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    1. Among all these garbage people, whom to hate most?

    AOTK

    2. Is Lahren as dumb as she seems, or is she cleverly boosting her profile and thus her employment prospects when she’s a free agent in October?

    Yes

    3. How much brain damage does watching an hour of Tomi Lahren clips inflict?

    Five minutes spent perusing her Twitter feed killed many of my favorite brain cells. Get out while you can.

    • timpundit

      I forgot my middle name after only watching five minutes of her. Let my tragedy be your warning , people.

    • HazooToo

      I hate her the most. She’s young and pretty, which encourages more people to be garbage like her. Glenn Beck only seems to attract older garbage souls, with his creepiness and boo-hooing. She attracts all ages.

  • cats530

    “Feminists you don’t speak for me and you never will,” is the message printed on Lahren’s sign.

    Yes, we feminists did speak for YOU and that’s why you have the right to an abortion if you want one, honey.

    Do you really think all the misogynist white male supremacist forced-birthers speak for you? You know damn well what their message is.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      We might not speak for her, but can somebody with a stable hand perhaps write for her?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      I have a strong feeling you speak for her more than any of us can possibly know.

  • keenanjay

    “they imply that only a hypocrite would believe in the Constitution or conservative values but not be pro-choice.” Did they mean pro-life?
    Set them all ablaze (w/v)!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    See wingnutz get all uncomfortable and suspicious when one of their spawn starts talking about how ‘bortions are OK and every woman gets to make her own decisions

    • Pisto75666

      If she would have said something like “all black people are criminals!*whispers* “abortionsareok”, she would’ve been perfectly fine.

  • anon_the_great

    1. Her
    2. Yes

    3. Nanosecond

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    This is all happening in Texas. We are (sadly) and “At will” state. You can be fired from any job without a reason.
    Miss Thing does have a contract. Due to Texas employment law the best she can hope for is to get her contract paid out. This makes it easier for The Blaze to enforce a “Non-compete” contract.
    She should kick back, cash those Mailbox Checks, and start looking for a job in the fall.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Agreed. If Conan O’Brien–who was genuinely jobbed–could do it, she can do it.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    She is in Dallas. An easy ride down I-35 to Austin, where she can work for Alex Jones. She just needs to brush up on her Hollow Earth and Reptilian Alien briefing materials.

  • rubikcube

    No winners….

  • Jukesgrrl

    I love how Libertarians are all in favor of unbridled capitalism until a contract they’ve signed inconveniences them.

    And aside to Tomi … it’s not the make-up artist’s fault you look old for your age. That scrunchy face you think is cute is aging you.

  • I knew garbage mouth Barbie wouldn’t last long. What really angered me was a warm reception that harridan got on the Daily Show. I was so angry I haven’t watched it since.

    • RugzYaBurnt

      Yeah, the Daily Show gave an unhinged RWNJ a platform; in other breaking news, sky is blue, grass is green, president of the U.S. dumb as expired hair gel.

  • merl1

    It doesn’t look to me like she’s trying to boost her profile. It looks more like professional suicide. Who the hell would hire her after this?

  • RugzYaBurnt

    Y’know, if I were a bad feminist, I would be tempted to suggest that despite being ten years my junior, Tomi looks twice my age, what with the roots, the self-inflicted wrinkles in the forehead, and the tar-grade mascara. *If* I were a bad feminist! Good thing I’m not!

    • Natalie Frenshen

      I saw that picture then her age and I though the same thing.
      Girl looks ragged, she’s going to look like Kelly Conjob soon and that’s not a good thing.

    • HarpyLibtart

      It’s not just the women though – Alex Jones is in his mid-forties and Glenn Beck is 53 but looks older than my 65yo dad…
      Selling one’s soul for the adulation of the garbage people demographic really accelerates the ageing process, apparently.

      • RugzYaBurnt

        Cold comfort!

  • SeeTrain65

    Dear Third Wayers:

    THIS is decision where we need Giant Meteor. Get to it.

  • WminPhoenix

    To Me Me Me is still getting paid by Beck. What’s your issue, snowflake? Your just a welfare queen getting paid for doing nothing. This is a publicity stunt so you can get a job at Fox News.

  • Ricky Gay

    I wish those two would just scissor and get it over with.

  • Tj McGee Wright

    This is still wayyyyyyy too funny. All her peroxide-addled yapping about intolerant libruls blah blah blah. And then….

  • thewendyb

    Send.
    Money.
    Wonkette is counting on YOU.
    (I AM DOUBLE DESIGNATED DONATING, BITCHES!!
    That’s right I signed up TWICE!)

  • Lizernst

    Well, she *is* a baby killer

  • Zyxomma

    Yesterday I saw a woman wearing a red T shirt emblazoned with giant white letters: GIANT METEOR 2016 Get it over with already.

  • boredcatlady

    I hate everyone in this story and if there’s a game theory way to make it lose-lose I’m super okay with that.

    THAT BEING SAID.

    People at the blaze deagging her after the fact is exactly what guilty companies do too, and if it’s a woman, it’s always “diva/drama/bitch.” Real familiar with that one. That is all.

    They all suck and fuck em

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