SHARE
two of the disciples

Hey, you ungrateful American shits, did you spend White House Easter Egg Roll Day with the proper reverence in your heart for our lord and savior Donald “Pussgrab” Trump and his loving wife Melania? Kellyanne Conway is concerned you did not. She explained this to Ainsley Earhardt, one of the “Fox & Friends” idiots, in an interview conducted Monday morning. Turns out we are supposed to be VERY GRATEFUL that Donald and Melon got their shit together at the last minute, and found it in their yooooooge, loving hearts to throw the same event presidents and first ladies have been throwing every year for the last 139 years.

PRAISE TRUMP FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW. PRAISE HIM, ALL CREATURES HERE BELOW. PRAISE HIM ABOVE, YE HEAVENLY HOST. AND GOD BLESS IVANKA AND JARED TOO EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE JEWISH SO MUCH.

Why aren’t you fucking heathens singing along?

CONWAY: I think First Lady Miche— …

Language, Kellyanne, language! Try again:

… Melania Trump and her staff did an amazing job, her team did an amazing job here this year. Following the tradition of other first ladies, she picked four pastel colors and a golden egg. They worked really hard to make this happen today, Ainsley.

FOUR FUCKING COLORS. This happened in order to fulfill the prophecy written in the book of Daniel, what says, “And in those days the queen called Melon will prove her worthiness to stand by the messiah’s side, by successfully choosing four colors that will be good for Easter eggs. It’ll be a real goddamn Sword in the Stone moment, honestly.” (That’s the King James translation, in case you are wondering.)

EARHARDT: It’s absolutely spectacular.

When you’ve taken the “Fox & Friends” lady’s breath away …

CONWAY: And I’m told this is the 139th anniversary of the Egg Roll, sort of the longest continuous tradition at the White House, and it’s a day where we don’t think of politics. We think of the children who are involved. We think of the veterans and military families who are being honored here as being invitees. And obviously our amazing First Lady Melania Trump and President Trump will be participating today, and we should thank them. America should thank them for putting on such a beautiful event.

She’s right, y’all. In fact, we  probably need a new creed, so that we may have the proper liturgy to worship the Trumps and their miraculous Easter Egg Actions. Let’s make one up:

I believe in President Bannon, the Father Almighty,
maker of “alt-right” and Breitbart;

And in Pussgrab McLittlepaws, his only Son, our Lord;
who was conceived in a really hot way;
born of the Virgin Mary. Mary Trump, specifically;
suffered under Crooked Hillary Clinton, fake news about quote unquote collusion with Russia, and fear of stairs;
was crucified, dead, and buried by the failing New York Times and Alec Baldwin;
the third day he rose again, by making bombs go boom in Syria and Afghanistan, and then he did an Easter Egg Roll thingie on the fourth day, which was yooge;
he ascended into the White House residence, where Kellyanne had already turned on “Hannity” for him and laid out his bathrobe and a bucket of Funyuns;
and sitteth at the right hand of President Bannon;
from thence he shall come to judge the WEAK and the LOSER.

I believe in Ivanka,
the holy little sexxxy pants known as Jared,
the communion of all the best people, he only picks the best people,
the forgiveness of whatever Sean Spicer says that day about the Holocaust,
the resurrection of the utter failure of the first 100 days of his presidency;
and all the pussy one man can grab.

Amen.

There you go. Now click your heels three times, accept Donald Trump into your hearts, and you will be saved, tremendously.

Oh, also this is your open thread, so write some more prayers to Trump in the comments, what are not allowed.

Wonkette is funded by readers like you! Click below, for to fund us!

[h/t Shareblue]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Msgr_MΩment

    FOUR FUCKING COLORS.

    i.e. You had one fucking job.

    • beckstei

      Hey! her crayon box only had eight colors. It was hard to pick four! FFS! Shame on you for being so mean to Melon.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        She didn’t even have to take off her shoes to count them, so…

    • Ricky Gay

      What?! No Egg Romney?

      • TakingAmes

        Her?

    • Red Bird Ω

      ROYGBIV. It’s that hard.

      • willi0000000

        if you’re gonna include “indigo” you should also see “Octarine”

  • goonemeritus

    What kind of parent would let their kids within 500 feet of this self confessed sex offender?

  • msgypsy

    Which Sesame Street character showed up?

  • Ralph Gauer

    Catholic-inspired liturgical snark is the best snark.

    • SterWonk

      I’m a Godless (agnostic) heathen (raised by Hindus, but it didn’t take for any of us kids), but I know quite a bit about Catholic (and Orthodox) liturgy, because of friends and in-laws. As such, I have occasionally freaked people out who tried to bullshit me with their “Christian” credentials. (Of course, a few of them came back with the whole “The Devil can quote scriptures for his purposes!” retort. )

  • Anna Rompage
  • Ricky Gay

    When the almighty says “Take, eat: this is my body…” Do NOT EAT!

    • Wonkaholic

      Unless She’s chocolate. Then all bets are off.

  • orygoon

    I would have grilled ol’ Kellyanne about what all churching did the First Family get themselves to last week? I’m Episcopalian (lots of liturgy but we aren’t really usually exactly fervent, you know) and there were services all the darn week long.

    • theblackdog

      As a fellow Episcopalian who is in the choir at his parish, I’m glad we’re done with this past week.

      • orygoon

        I hear ya! In fact I probably heard you. Or your counterpart, in our parish.

    • GoutMachine

      From what I can tell, Cheeto Hitler was attending the High Church of Twitter Rambling

  • Anna Elizabeth

    No Shit, Y’all: I just found a Personalized Nostradamus Quatrain Generator, and here’s what I got-

    No more than seven months will he hold the office of prelate

    From three fronts the enemies assail

    Drowsy with peace, war will arise

    When the dead will come out of their graves

    I hope that old French idiot is right this time. Anyway: http://www.getodd.com/stuf/nostradamus.html

    • TakingAmes

      So you’re saying the zombies are the third front? Is it all quiet on the western front? I’m confused…

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Not entirely sure myself. Michel De Nostradame tends to be that way. Obscure, enigmatic, Bullshitlike.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    Tell me Kellyanne wasn’t spending most of her time reminding Donnie that he can’t fire the kids he doesn’t like, trip them or push them out of the way when they went for an egg he liked, or just take all the eggs for himself.

    • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’
    • puredog

      He just signd their MAGA hats upon request, then threw them into the crowd.
      ETA: Like Roni observed a moment ago.

    • cmd resistor

      You notice they didn’t ask HER to read to the kiddies.

      • Contemplative Ron

        Which was really unfair, because she had Michelle’s book from last year all ready to go!

        • cmd resistor

          Actually I meant KellyAnne. Melania actually did read a book called Party Animals. The readers I saw were: Jeff Sessions, Sean Spicer, Betsy DeVos, Melania, and Ben Carson with his wife. I think they can save KellyAnne for the Halloween festivities.

          • Contemplative Ron

            Ack, must remember, engage brain before typing…

          • cmd resistor

            I only know this because i obsessively watched the live feed on and off all day although no sound.

  • Treg Brown

    “And in those days the queen called Melon will prove her worthiness to stand by the messiah’s side, by successfully choosing four colors that will be good for Easter eggs. It’ll be a real goddamn Sword in the Stone moment, honestly.”

    These two sentences are why, despite your fascination with Jared Kushner and Derick Dillard, you are loved.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “Look at how bigly presidential we were! Despite some early setbacks, we managed to pull off an event that required us to rise to the same level of managerial excellence exhibited by the Bumblefuck, Iowa Jaycees .”

  • Reddishrabbit

    I find the Easter bunny against my religion. The Cadbury Bunny is the true Bunny, for he brings forth redemption (in small eggs of bliss).

  • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’
    • calliecallie

      Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!!!1!!1!

    • aureolaborealis

      I’m still a little clueless about how any of these folks will go down in flames if they are the ones responsible for bringing people down in flames for this sort of thing.
      Edit: Perhaps this is when the tumbrils start getting built?

      • GoutMachine

        Not until those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.

      • Claire

        I don’t know either. The Republicans certainly aren’t going to let go of power, and their idiot voters want to live in a country where stuff like this is perfectly OK as long as their team is doing it.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Please, universe, don’t toy with us this way. . .

    • Red Bird Ω

      Was one of the hacks Paul’s P90X routine?

    • Crystalclear12

      Don’t care if it’s true because it made me smile. And I REALLY need a smile today!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I’m not getting my hopes up. If I were on the Trump-Russia-collusion team, I’d be feeding as much false information to the public as I could, hoping to have some disproved notions to point to as a distraction.

      I’ll wait for the indictments.

    • Claire

      Shit, son. If half of this is true, we’re going to have to redo the election, Constitution or no. Or else Orrin Hatch is going to be a very surprised president.

    • leemoder

      Captain America better be suiting his ass up.

  • Reddishrabbit

    The first egg rolls were actually not open to African Americans, which is why many people went to the national zoo.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    sort of the longest continuous tradition at the White House

    But what about the “Transientcide Night”?

    It is my understanding that Andrew Jackson started the tradition of abducting a transient and killing him in a horrific way. Kalvin Koolaidge kills 245 in one night. And trust me, the Anarchist who shot McKinley, yep, White House boiler room escapee.

    If you don’t believe me research if on the internet, but if you do, you may become one of the victims.

  • Thiazin Red

    Question, what age did everyone stop believing in Santa/Easter bunny/etc, if you did at all? Am I the only one who figured it out as soon as I was exposed to a lot of other children in kindergarten? Did you get suspicious when rich kids always got more and better presents, no matter how they behaved?

    • BrendaKay

      I believe I was in 2nd grade – was told by an older “friend”. Was a good big sister and did not tell my little brother. He still took it hard when he eventually found out a few years later. ;-)

    • Jennifer Nicole

      I don’t recall the exact age, but I know it followed the tooth fairy because my father used to have major sinus issues so he woke me up trying to replace my tooth with a dollar due to his heavy breathing.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Wait what!
      MOM!!!!

      Seriously Santa I think it was when I got my first bike (I heard my father cursing as he tried to assemble it) remember faking it that year and honestly not too surprised.
      I don’t remember believing in the Easter Bunny.
      I have faith in the Cadbury Bunny, since it is written, proof is in his work.

    • theblackdog

      I think I was 9 or 10? It was a discussion with my dad and that was it. I also kept my mouth shut to my two younger brothers.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I don’t remember how old I was, but I was pretty young when I found out.
      Though, I was around 10 or so when I just couldn’t accept the big lie that is religion.

      • Thiazin Red

        I never believed in god, although I did in Santa. There was at least evidence of Santa until I figured it out.

    • jesterpunk

      I knew when I was 5 Santa wasnt real when I saw my mom putting presents under the tree from Santa. I didnt say anything about it though until I was a lot older.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Wise choice, I hear snitches get stitches.

        • jesterpunk

          I have 2 younger sisters that I didnt want to ruin the holiday for and I liked getting presents.

        • leemoder

          And no cookies from mom.

    • GoutMachine

      Damn good question; I’ve no idea. I think it was fourth or fifth grade. A fellow student of mine made some excellent arguments about how it was impossible for Santa to visit every home in one night, even if you accounted for time zones.

    • leemoder

      About the time one of my mom’s friends looked at me reading an issue of Superman and asking,” Aren’t you a bit old for comic books?”

      To which I pointed at the cross around her neck and replied, “Aren’t you a bit old for imaginary friends?”

      • Strepsi

        Oh you little bitch! Come sit by me.

    • thegirlwiththekittentattoo

      I don’t remember how old I was, but I had to sit in Santa’s lap one year and informed him that I’m Jewish and I know he’s not real. The hostess of the party was hella pissed at me and made me apologize a few weeks later in the carpool. It takes real class to shame a child in front of their peers for calling out their elaborate lie. Good times.

    • chortlingdingo

      I was in second or third grade, and I came down for water in the night and saw my mom stuffing stockings. It’s been like 20 years, and I don’t know that I ever told her that I saw her that night!

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      I don’t remember how old I was when I figured it out, but I remember when my son did–mostly because not only was he upset the Easter Bunny wasn’t real, he was upset that we lied to him.

      He was 5.

      We had a really good conversation about it though, about how for some reason we parents like to perpetuate these stories to our kids, the same way they were perpetuated on us, and he said that wasn’t nice. So we promised him not to lie to him about anything imaginary ever again, as he preferred the truth.

      Needless to say this conversation was revisited over the years, especially when our ‘nice neighbor lady’ wanted him to go to bible study at her house.

    • Contemplative Ron

      I’m not sure I ever did believe any of it. I definitely can’t recall any ‘come to Jesus’ moment when it dawned on me. Maybe I was too cynical as a kid – after all, my lovely ‘rents made sure to remind me on a regular basis that I was adopted and thus beholden to them. Growing up that way tends to… colour one’s outlook on life.

      • SterWonk

        :-(

        <HUG>

    • CindyinEncinitas

      There’s a picture of me on Santa’s lap where I couldn’t have been more than 3 and I remember how the conversation went: “You’re not the real Santa, are you?” “Yes, I am.” “No, you’re not.” I was a fierce little kid.

    • Querolous

      Not long after this song came out.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76K5UU0ihow

  • BrendaKay

    Time for more goats in pajamas!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RN50R3gycgo

    • calliecallie

      About 18 seconds in, that one little goat was just standing there on the hay bale, and I thought to myself, “come on, do something funny, little pajama goat.” And then he did. I LOLed. Who knew little goats in pajamas could be so hysterical?

    • Thiazin Red

      Its cute, but I can’t help but think about how gross those pajamas must have been in like five minutes.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Must they bounce everywhere they go?

      • Red Bird Ω

        Said Donnie to Ivanka. Hengh. Hmmm.

      • Lord Jim

        Dere tops are made a da rubber!

        Dere bottoms are made a da spring!

    • leemoder

      OK, that’s just aggressively adorable.

      They go boingy-boingy!

    • cmd resistor

      Even a couple of cats at the end. Cool.

  • BearLeft

    FOUR FUCKING COLORS. My admiration for her grows daily.

    • Bobathonic

      I bet a dollar she had someone call Paas.

  • Reddishrabbit

    I don’t watch video (especially with my boss 3 seats away) but did she thank all the Obama hold over volunteers?

    I’m guessing no.

  • calliecallie

    My only prayer to Trump is that he go the fuck away.

  • schmannity

    Nicene Incredulous.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I can pick out 4 colors that would look good on easter eggs. It doesn’t seem that hard really – am I missing something?

    • Reddishrabbit

      I did as a kid, you know those dye kits. Not hard.

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      Accessories?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Hint, Pastels kill it this time of year.”
      — M&Ms

    • Thiazin Red

      I also feel like the color choices would be really obvious, red, blue, green + 1 other one.

      • Strepsi

        NO. Easter is pink, purple, yellow and green. You’ll NEVER be First Lady! SAD!

        • Thiazin Red

          I was thinking pink is pastel red.

          • Strepsi
          • Lefty Frizzell

            Personally I would start with a pastel blue, coz that’s the real robin egg color and is pretty. Continue from there – pink, green and orange – all pastel.

            But really – it’s any 4 colors chosen at random – it’s a fucking painted egg, for a kid to roll down a hill for fuck’s sake. As long as it’s not grass green or earth brown you should do OK.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            Color wheel. Done.

          • Strepsi

            hahaha, I love the break between your 1st and 2nd paragraphs… is that where the Xanax wore off?

          • cmd resistor

            I had a friend who made egg dye for his kids out of stuff in nature so all the eggs WERE green and brown. They were kind of cool though, and it wasn’t every year.

          • PubOption

            Pastel blue is reminiscent of Tiffany, so must be used to a lesser extent than the other colors.

          • cmd resistor

            There was a lot of pink going around: Melania, KellyAnne, that reporter, and Tiffany.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          “Always a bridesmaid…”
          — Orange

    • Reddishrabbit

      She should have just copied M Obama eggs, shd is fine with copying her work.

    • jesterpunk

      The dollar store has better egg color choices…

    • Strepsi

      yeah, but Melania got stuck after “Gold, and…. and…”

      http://russian-crafts.com/images/detailed/39/fe-604-1.jpg

      • Creepoman

        Is diamond a color?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So, chicken eggs are shaped that way partly so they won’t roll in a straight line. Is this whole thing an exercise in teaching small children about frustration, or are the White House eggs rigged in some fashion?

    • Bill Slider

      Wire tapped.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    …and still nobody’s talking about where the word “Easter” comes from.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Come Thanksgiving, Bannon will chew the heads off the turkeys that Donnie pardons.

    • GoutMachine

      Oh he’s not pardoning any turkeys. He’ll give them all cabinet positions.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        You don’t want to be a turkey so close to the FBI’s thanksgiving.

      • Strepsi

        but I bet he’ll pardon some stool pigeons.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          This deserves more upfists than Disqus will allow.

    • “It’s tough to soar with the eagles when you hang out with a bunch of turkey’s.”

      —Thomas Jefferson speaking about the future donald trump

    • WotsAllThisThen

      They’ll have that turkey grinder shipped in from Alaska.

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      Then Trump could sign the heads and throw them into the crowd, and laugh.

  • Proud Liberal

    Yeah, well, if they did an amazing job, it was because of President Obama’s volunteers. All 140 of them.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Really???

  • Crystalclear12

    Ahh, the valley of lowered expectations.
    Welcome, Melania.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      kind of an uncanny valley, looking at her

  • calliecallie

    Open Thread comment. Just want to say thanks to the wonketeers who helped me with their good words to keep my sister-in-law at bay for Easter. Mr cc and I took a nice meal to mom at rehab (her 92nd birthday too), snuck her in a glass of Kendall Jackson in a travel coffee mug (one weird trick mr. cc uses for walks around the neighborhood after dinner), and then relaxed for the rest of the day. MUCH better than hosting 12 people for dinner, I must say. Thank you all!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Good for you, Callie! :)

    • grindstone

      Good for you, Callie. We managed to ditch the in-laws for the entire weekend, sleep in, eat, drink, get a few chores done around the house and enjoy a guilt-free, family-free holiday. And happy birthday to your mom, too!

  • Beowoof14

    Now I am thinking of Trump dressed pastels, which sort of makes my day. And the day after Easter here in Western NY is known as Dyngus day, and who can think of a bigger Dyngus than Donald Trump.

    • Proud Liberal

      Why he is the biggest Dyngus of all!

  • Alexander Stallwitz
  • wide_stance_hubby

    Donald Trump died for someone’s sins, but not mine.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    FOUR COLORS? As in one more than three? THAT four? Damn, she’s good. She’ll probably win the next Pulitzer for that.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      KAC tried tapping the number out with her feet, but after the third one, she fell over.

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

        Hi, I’m from the Internet.
        You won!

    • data_ninja

      I’m going to take a stab and say that if more colors were obtained, then a rainbow could have been made from them, and then that means that Trump would be pandering to the buttsechs folks!!!

      Because that is literally the only thing that would make sense at this point. (and it still really doesn’t)

  • Rasilom

    Let me try. Yea thought I walk through the vally of bigly low expectations In shall fear no puss grabbing, for I have no puss and wouldnt be considered a 10 any way.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Melania and her staff of Obama administration volunteers, who she had no role at all in bringing on board, because she’s too busy spending a half million a day in NYC being away from Donald, pulled off the Easter Egg Roll in spite of Donald’s total lack of interest in it because it’s not about him.

  • Reddishrabbit
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Almost as difficult as picking an inauguration cake.

      • thixotropic jerk

        so choklaty, so booful, so microbial

    • Red Bird Ω

      Adding the gold egg it what makes it truly their egg roll.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If the Easter Egg company hadn’t pestered the incompetents in the WH to death, it never would have happened.

    • cmd resistor

      Ok, so tell me they didn’t put Trumps psychotic serial killer signature on the back of those eggs. Obama’s fits with an Easter egg. Trump’s would give the kiddies nightmares.

      • BrendaKay

        Sorry to say, I’ve seen photos of Trump signatures on the back… let the nightmares commence.

    • ariel_gee_398

      If I change the word “large” to “big” in this sentence before I paste it into my paper, it’s not plagiarism, right?

      • Contemplative Ron

        No, it’s ‘research.’

  • Paperless Tiger

    God help us all. Amen.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Trip Space-Parasite

      Why can I only upvote this once?!

    • jaspersdad

      Her dogs have more class than trumpie.

  • I’ll give Melania credit for one thing and one thing only.

    She kept Gwyneth Paltrow away from the damn eggs.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/324132cc574af86323359e23a65d4a4742304c940ec0ebc7c5fcd23ebd196b88.jpg

    • Contemplative Ron

      Well, that solves the mystery of where the green eggs came from.

      • Bobathonic

        And where they go.

        • mancityRed6

          ewwww

          • thixotropic jerk

            “Lo! My Easter egg is borned!” Saith Melony-a and her gold-becrusted vag pooped out a faux-faberge eggule

          • mancityRed6

            and as it slowly sank into the ground, melting the soil and emitting a green mist, none of the kids went near it.

  • jesterpunk

    OT but who would ever expect to see the singer from Slipknot and Stone Sour singing the Spongebob theme song?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DHB0pb1Yc8

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Latverian Diplomat

    An Easter Message from President Trump:

    “Happy #Easter! The best hasenpfeffer is made at Trump Tower Grill! I love bunnies.”

  • LarryHoudini

    I keep hearing something about Pence being on TMZ. Which pop star did they catch him with? Harry Styles?

  • Red Bird Ω

    OT. I have nothing today. Busy busy.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      If you can name more than 4 colors, you have won this thread, and America has to thank you.

      • msanthropesmr

        Is purple a color or a flavor?

        • mancityRed6

          yes

        • wide_stance_hubby

          It’s a state of mind, man.

        • Anna Rompage

          And here I thought it was a texture…

        • Crystalclear12

          Depends on what you have taken.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I have the same question about green.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Teal and taupe don’t count – they’re not real colors

        • msanthropesmr

          Tell that to mid 80s car interior designers.

      • Doug Langley

        Plaid? Paisley? Shoot, I’m out.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “HUGE rally at the Very Famous White House today. Melania, who I don’t know, was there. The kids loved my speech.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Thiazin Red

    I’m reading Relic, and its odd that this is the first book in the Pederghast series, but the guy is barely in it. What page time he does have makes him sound like a ridiculous Mary Sue of Robert Langdon proportions. He is super smart and cool, is always right, knows everything about everything, sometimes even more that a PhD about their chosen field, with exactly zero humanizing flaws.

    The rest of the book is pretty good, the museum workers are pretty well written, and the central mystery is kind of silly but entertaining (evolution does not work like that). Its funny reading something from the mid 90s and seeing electronic mail spelled out every time. If the rest of the series is like this, well written relate-able characters solve mysteries while Penderghast is a glorified extra I’ll read the next one, but I don’t find spending more time with him appealing.

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      Sounds fun. :)

      I’m reading “El Monstruo: Dread and Redemption in Mexico City” by John Ross. It’s fascinating so far. I got it from one of those libraries that Drumpf wants to defund next year.

      This is the beginning of my attempt to be less of an ignorant American yahoo. Each month I will learn as much as I can about a chosen country. So far so good but it’s only been 4 days. ;D

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    My only prayer to His Ugly Orangeness is that he go the fuck away forever and take his swampy cabinet with him, probably to Pootie’s loving arms.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Lyin’ Sean actually called today’s Easter Egg thing “historic”. Write that down kids. It will be on the AP History exam forevermore.

    • msanthropesmr

      Who was the only president to have one Easter Egg roll before his impeachment?

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        “Short-Fingered Vulgarians for three hundred, Alex.”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Let’s put aside politics and come together as Americans to be thankful that Trump didn’t fire a cruise missile into all the children this time.

    • mancityRed6

      this time…

  • chascates

    I hope the amazing presidential couple will treat us to an amazing Memorial Day.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    If Trump is impeached but Pence survives – is he allowed to be alone with Merkel?

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Donnerwetter – NEIN!
      -Angela

    • harryr

      Or Queen Elizabeth?

    • Crystalclear12

      For Merkel’s sake I hope not.

  • Rick Hill

    trump made this…word thing… at the egg roll:
    “This is the 139th Easter Egg Roll. Think of it. 139. It began a long time ago, 1878,” trump said. “And we will be stronger and bigger and better as a nation than ever before. We’re right on track. You see what’s happening.”

    Wow. We had an egg roll and I already have more money in my bank and fewer minorities in my neighborhood. Thanks, donald!

  • Mpeg

    ♪ “Were you the-e-ere / When they Trump-ified Our Presidency?
    Were you theeeere / When they Trump-ified Our Presidency?
    Oh – ohh oh ohhhh –
    Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble..
    Were you there when they Trump-ified our Presidency…” ♪

    • Mpeg

      … were you there / when they gang-Bannon’ed the NSA;
      … were you there / when he pussy-grabbed our dignity
      … were you there / when he watched the hookers pee

    • Vecchioivan

      Were you there when they nailed him to the emoluments clause ….🎶

  • Bill Slider

    Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Jared my soul he will keep. There are four posters on my bed there are four Angels overhead. Melania, Ivanka, Kellyanne and that Fox lady. I could make Little Donnie jealous, but I think I’ll pass.

  • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy
  • Rick Hill

    Wait. We have a flotus?

    • Crystalclear12

      I thought her name was Ivanka?

  • Vincent Ricola

    Fuck these idiots. I woke up this morning, jogged 3 miles, then spent the rest of the day painting my living room while working from home (I even led a couple conference calls) and taking wellness breaks to comment on teh Wonkets. And I’m a super lazy. So I can’t be bothered to give any kind of shit about Melania having her multiple assistants plan a sucky egg roll where all the kids looked miserable.

    And now I bathe.

    • msanthropesmr

      Wow You bathe when working at home? Hmm. Interesting. I might need to try that.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Skype-Conference Bathe! OGTFOH!

  • Sophia

    Wow, I need to check my bible. I missed all that stuff in there.

    • Rick Hill

      I think it’s in there…let me look…ah, I found it:
      “And there rose from the fires a beast and it had nine heads and a bad combover….”

      • thixotropic jerk

        “…and lo did the little children get suffered by it –as well as every other living thing on the dead asteroid formerly known as ‘earth.”

  • Portia McGonagal

    And can we sing the well known Easter Hymn “Oh Holy Shit” ?

    • ITakeAcidAndIVote

      As long as it’s not by Father John Misty.

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      Oohhh holy shiiit,
      Donald Trump is the Preeesident,
      Except not reaaally,
      Because he cheated like a dooouche…

  • CatCope

    OMFG.. See, I am being reverent here because of Easter & all. However, F this. 139 yrs of tradition, you say. Ummm, how about that “tradition” of tax returns??

    • msanthropesmr

      Pffft. Only since Nixon.

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        I AM NOT A CROOK!

        • msanthropesmr

          No, but you still owe me the money from my scholarship.

          • Jeffocaster in the desert

            Just can’t let go……

          • msanthropesmr

            Hey man – I coulda pissed away that money on beer.

        • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

          NOT A PUPPET, YOU’RE THE PUPPET!

    • jesterpunk

      He only said a few dozen times he would release them if he ran for office so it doesnt count or something.

      http://www.nationalmemo.com/showusyourtaxes-heres-every-time-donald-trump-has-said-he-would-release-his-tax-returns/

      • Contemplative Ron

        He didn’t pinky-swear.

        • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

          But he Pinkie Pie promised (allegedly)! And you know how mad Pinkie gets if you break a Pinkie promise…

          • Contemplative Ron

            ‘Cross my heart and hope to fly
            Stick a cupcake in my eye.’
            I make people use that when they make a promise to me. Weirdly, it seems to work.

      • mancityRed6

        we didn’t see the quote marks when he said it.

  • memzilla Ω
    • msanthropesmr

      That rabbit has no gin blossoms.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I crack up everytime I see this. XD

    • Anna Rompage

      After seeing Stevie’s costume, they sent him down to Mar A Lago to pick up the keys Donnie “forgot” down there https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8d9e3f9bf5d6cd2ec3654d9134d94a9286dc05bf325edeab4d551ce011dfe633.jpg

      • Doug Langley

        “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

      • thixotropic jerk

        Damn Hoppy! I guess a diet of carrots is bad for yer toofs!

    • weejee

      I loved when the FLOTUS had to bitch smack her shitgibbon to remind the senile old fuck to remove his hand from her ass and put it over his heart at Anthem time.

  • tehbaddr

    It was amazing! So great you wouldn’t believe it! Trust me on this! People are talking!

  • DainBramage
  • Rick Hill

    At one point, trump was working the crowd(“We lerv you, donald!!”” Yeah, I am pretty amazing, aren’t I”) Someone handed him a MAGA hat, he signed it and threw it into the crowd…away from the person who gave it to him. You just can’t make this shit up

  • I have cake in the oven becoming cakey. Will have to make frosting though

  • Choosymom

    America should thank them?? For all that “hard work”?? Hahahahaha!

    Christ on a cracker, have we ever had a “president” surrounded by such bootlicking sycophants before?

    • Rick Hill

      “Oh please, donnie! Take all our consumer protections. Take our rights. Give away our national treasures to corporations for peanuts. Lock up our children and send the rest to fight vanity wars. And please…please just let me have the chance to stand in teh glow of your magnificence and tell you how great you are for making this sacrifice for us all!!”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    In the meantime, in order to do their part for the celebration, Uday and Qusay were in the West Wing clubbing a couple of Easter seals to have stuffed and mounted on the wall of the lincoln bedroom…

    http://images1.miaminewtimes.com/imager/youve-heard-of-easter-seals-right/u/original/6573485/easter_seal_thumb_250x385.jpg

  • Jan Ness

    I’d love to share but the wormy ppl may not agree that 5his is a good thing to share.

  • Suttree

    “And I will worship Turnip for bombing all of the poor children of Korea because I’m a fucking asshole.”
    -Republicans everywhere

  • Yr. Gma

    I am so happy to see KaC back in the limelight. (I’m not.)

  • msanthropesmr
    • Suttree

      Ok. That makes me happy. Thank you msanthropesmr!

    • Marla

      Be thankful you don’t have a Jack Russell. Talk about your domestic terrorist.

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes

    Give us this day our daily grope
    And forgive Him his trespasses
    As we forgive him for trespass against us
    And lead him not into temptation or teen queen dressing rooms
    And deliver Him from evil thoughts of pussygrabbing
    Amen

  • Marla

    I like your pink sweater there, Lady Skeletor. It looks like something Elton John or Dolly Parton threw out ages ago.

  • rosenbomb

    “Pussgrab McLittlepaws” ahahaha. What a good way to end my work day. Thank you, Evan.

  • Mavenmaven

    The Trumps are toddlers, if they manage to do the things that grown up people normally do, we’re supposed to applaud them and say “good job” (and then they make us deal with the sh*t they left in their diapers)

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Mr. TRUMP is my shepherd; I shall not want.
    He maketh me to lie down on yellow mattresses; he leadeth me beside the tinkling hookers.
    He restoreth my capital gains; he leadeth me to pay rent for his name’s sake.
    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of grift, I will fear no scam; for thou art with me; thy tiny rod and dainty hands, they comfort me.
    Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of thine suckers: thou anointest my head with finasteride; my lawyer’s fees runneth over.
    Surely bigly deals shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the penthouse of the TRUMP for ever.

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes

    We can now add White House Easter Egg Roll to the growing list of things Donald Trump sucks at. I watched him blow the whistle to start the egg roll, watch for about 25 seconds then turn his back on the festivities and wander away. Senility or disinterest? You decide.

    • Anna Rompage

      Didn’t you see all those MILFs there? Lots of pussy grabbing to do!

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      He doesn’t like children unless their last name is Trump. And not always then.

      • jesterpunk

        Those kids are losers, especially 4 year old Donald Trump Jr.

        http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/08/trump-files-when-trump-called-donald-jr-a-loser

        Seven o’clock in the morning, I’m going to school—hugs, kisses, and he
        used to say a couple things. ‘No smoking, no drinking, no drugs.’ I
        think a great lesson for any kid. But then he followed up with: ‘Don’t.
        Trust. Anyone. Ever.’ And, you know, he’d follow it up two seconds later
        with, ‘So, do you trust me?’ I’d say, ‘Of course, you’re my dad.’ He’d
        say, ‘What did I just—’ You know, he thought I was a total failure. He
        goes, ‘My son’s a loser, I guess.’ Because I couldn’t even understand
        what he meant at the time. I mean, it’s not something you tell a
        four-year-old, right? But it really means something to him.”

    • Doug Langley

      That’s his attention span.

    • EddieFrancis

      He saw a puss that needed grabbing.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I don’t think he smiled. Like, at all.

      Even W could fake sincerity.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        He was high.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Well, the Easter bunny brings nice surprises and candy to children who aren’t even named Donald Trump, and it’s definitely not a holiday that celebrates him, so I’m going with indifference and boredom.

  • Bad Scooter

    pussgrab their hearts. amen.

  • EddieFrancis

    It was the biggest easter egg hunt in history.

    Wait – biggest or shittiest. I get those words confused.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Ladies, there is no rule that says on Easter you must wear pink. None. So just stop it.

    • Jenny

      I wear pink as often as I can. These hags are ruining my favorite color!

  • msanthropesmr
    • Rick Hill

      Very studiously making himself immobile. Using dog telepathy to render your legs useless

      • msanthropesmr

        Oh, it’s dinner time in four or five wags, so he will let me up then.

        • Rick Hill

          Well, when his needs require it, yeah.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Right handsome little bugger! From one dog to another.

  • Vecchioivan
  • jesterpunk

    Dammit, just had to pay my federal taxes this year. Unlike the PEEOTUS I have to actually pay taxes. :-(

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Wish we could all tell our employers to stop taking our federal taxes until Trump produces his long forms. A tax holiday in honor of the bigliest tax cheat, ever. Period!

      • jesterpunk

        I wish I could tell the IRS I am not paying them because only losers pay taxes. Guess that only works if you are smart enough to bankrupt multiple casinos.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Wait, so you believe in functional government that you have to contribute to?

      They’ll never let you in the good right-wing cocktail parties with that attitude, bub.

      • jesterpunk

        Damn I always miss out on the parties. Oh well, sometimes taxes go for good things like education, help for people who need it and national parks. Dont mind paying for stuff like that its just a waste to pay for Trump to go golfing or for him to launch a bunch of bombs that do absolutely nothing but make Brian Williams happy Trump made something go boom.

    • mancityRed6

      the soon to be ex cashed in her 401k to pay off some loans that I had cosigned on (nice for me). we owed $3k in federal taxes because of it.
      I noticed she had a nice big 50″ tv the last time I was over there, I didn’t mention it though.

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes

    Hail Melania, full of grace. The Lord Trump is with thee.
    Blessed art thou amongst immigrants,
    and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Barron.
    Holy Melania, smother some cod,
    pray for us sinners,
    now and at the hour of Easter brunch

    • mancityRed6

      as a 16 year veteran of the Catholic church (I don’t really remember the first few), dammit, now that will be in my head.
      at least I didn’t reflexively look for a rosary, I just thought about it.

      • The KGB Ate Our Votes

        You will forever think, “smother some cod”.

    • SpideySenser

      With Mimosas.

  • Marceline

    While the Clampetts are screwing up Easter. Bamz and Shelley are hanging out on David Geffen’s yacht with Springsteen, Tom Hanks and Oprah.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/381cb6ccfa8dc1652f01c2b06f4979be2dbc7cc1ff0f976c6910f531c52eb1ef.jpg

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/17/politics/obama-snaps-photo-of-michelle-yacht/

    • mancityRed6

      screw being a fly on the wall, I want to be there with a few cases of beer and a handful of joints

      • MynameisBlarney

        INORITE!?!

        • mancityRed6

          get Springsteen high, and then bring out the guitar you had hidden…

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yeah…no…
            Even when I was able to make a guitar not sound like cats mating, it was all power chords. No finesse at all.
            I’d not want anyone to hear me try and play now.

          • mancityRed6

            not for you, you idjit…for the Bruce.
            “come on, just a few songs off of ‘Darkness at the edge of town'”

          • MynameisBlarney

            HA!

            You owe me damn keyboard, ya bastage!

          • mancityRed6

            hey, I know my dad, I ain’t no bastid

          • MynameisBlarney

            *narrows eyes*

            My old roommate used to say the same damn thing.

            Jason?

          • mancityRed6

            nope, but he was lying. he had the mailman’s eyes.

    • Duke

      Not only did I not get any Easter eggs, now I’m ashamed at who my friends are.

      Thanks, Obama.

    • jesterpunk

      Would David Geffen buy me Lead Belly’s guitar if i hung out with him on his yacht?

  • vivian

    18,000 eggs for 21,000 invitees so that 3,000 could feel the sting of coming away empty. Even Easter has to be a competition for these freak fucks.

    • mancityRed6

      “winners and losers, kids. it’s time you learn that.”
      -tRump

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Got have a few bullies pushing the weaker kids around to take their stuff. Else how will they learn how conservative economic policy works?

    • Rick Hill

      “Don’t worry, we have something for you if you didn’t get an egg. Take this certificate to any trump property and you get 10% off when you rent a room for a three day stay”

    • Reximus

      Cmon It’s for the love of Jebus

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Seriously, they couldn’t even figure out that if you invite 21,000 people, you should have AT LEAST 21,000 eggs!?! What a bunch of incompetent maroons.

    • jesterpunk

      Add planning an Easter Egg roll to this list of things Trump didnt know would be so complicated.

    • Doug Langley

      Well. They were duly warned when Trump greeted them and complimented them on being “competitive”.

    • Vel Venturi

      Next year they’ll go full on Objectivist egg hunt.

      • vivian

        Have half of the kids (the poor ones) dressed up as eggs, and the other half dressed as spatulas, because fuck the rich.

        • Doug Langley

          Umm . . . “A Modest Proposal” was supposed to be satire.

    • SpideySenser

      IK,R? Do the fucking MATH.

    • Sophia

      They overbooked. Call United!

  • Michael R
    • Msgr_MΩment

      “We are from France. Period.”

      • SpideySenser

        Freedom Fries Libelz!!1!!11@11!!!

    • thixotropic jerk

      Holy shit its the French Connection! The pumpkins! Look for the pumpkins!

  • Stulexington

    It’s a day where we don’t think of politics. You know except for the stump speech delivered from the balcony because Trump must campaign every time there’s a crowd or a camera pointed at him. And also it’s when we think of the Veterans because fuck they’re gullible and will vote for us if we just say we’re thinking of them. Also I’m not going to mention anything about children because fuck them they can’t vote.

  • Reximus

    she’s eggregious…as usual

    (no,no dont get up..I’ll let myself out)

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      We’ll let you over easy…this time.

      • Doug Langley

        Because we’re not hard boiled people.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Something, something, scrambled.

          • Reximus

            she’s just a shell for this admin

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yeah, that’s no yolk, for sure.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Not verrrrry runnnny

        • vivian

          .. a bit scrambled sometimes though.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          We see things sunny-side up!

      • CindyinEncinitas

        We’re not going to coddle her.

      • Querolous

        This shirred be the last pun in this thread.

    • Vecchioivan

      All this punning is poaching on my territory.

      • Doug Langley

        Apologies if it’s scrambling your senses.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Reximus should have omelette his way out.

    • SpideySenser

      OK. Omelette this thread hard boil itself out.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Senator Dean Heller and Congressman Mark Amodei held a town hall today at around 9 in the morning, expecting not to get pressed for their support of Trump’s daft “ideas”.

    They were wrong.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There goes my Schadenfreude meter again!

      Suffer, GOP maggots. Suffer.

  • honeywest

    You know what? Don’t treat people like children. Your party bitched and bitched and bitched about Libruulllls wanting a Nanny State and now we have the most insecure, immature, pathetic President who can’t handle criticsm and has to have his people scold us. FUCK YOU. I’m not thanking him for shit. I can’t wait for this lunatic sociopath to get impeached. And FUCK YOU Kelly.

    • Proud Liberal

      Standing ovation!

      • The KGB Ate Our Votes

        I think I had a standing ovulation!

        • MynameisBlarney

          I just jizzed my pants.

          • mancityRed6

            TMI, dude, TMI

          • The KGB Ate Our Votes

            Blarney!! Bad Brak!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Figuratively speaking, of course.

          • vivian

            That’s why you DON’T WEAR PANTS!

          • Paulinerwilliams

            Managing director of Google!, is explaining to users to start off “Work at home” method, that People have been doing for about one year now. These days alone, I generated close to $36,000 until now with no more than my home computer as well as some spare time, despite that i have a fulltime 9 to 5 job. Even everyone not used to this, can make $89/per h easily and the earnings can go even higher over time… This is how i started
            !st370c:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs660WebServiceGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!st370c:….,….

          • Jacquelynrharrison

            Managing director of Google!, is explaining to users to start off “Work at home” method, that People have been doing for about one year now. These days alone, I generated close to $36,000 until now with no more than my home computer as well as some spare time, despite that i have a fulltime 9 to 5 job. Even everyone not used to this, can make $89/per h easily and the earnings can go even higher over time… This is how i started
            !sy264c:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs554MarketNovaGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!sy264c:….,……..

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Barkeep, I’m buying honeywest’s next round!

    • SpideySenser

      I am totally OK with all that.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Yeah! What Honey Said! Take That! Big Dummies!

  • memzilla Ω

    I assume that everybody here remembers that Drumpf campaign hireling Rudy Giuliani did business with Rosneft in 2014, the state-owned Russian oil company that sold a piece of itself to “unnamed investors” in a deal brokered by another Drumpf hireling, Carter Page? Who is even now on Kremlin propaganda site Sputnik News, saying the Steele Dossier is Fake News? [True Fact: everything in the Steele Dossier that has been able to be checked out so far has proven to be true.]
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0f4c92774ee6f81656ebcbd1d9eff33d3c85ae7f73eb5eb2c34241785467807c.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      Why is this traitor not in prison?

      • mancityRed6

        the wheels of justice grind slowly, but they grind fine.
        although, sometimes (looking at you affluenza kid), a notch in the wheel misses the first time around.

        • BadKitty904

          Old sins have long shadows,” as my Granddad used to say…

      • The KGB Ate Our Votes

        He could just trip and fall out of a fourth floor building at this point. I’d be cool with that.

        • BadKitty904

          Things happen.” ~ The GOP

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Patience. He will be.

        • BadKitty904

          <– 28-yr-old red-headed male. Though you are correct, "patience" is not my forte.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            “I want patience, and I want it NOW!”

          • marxalot

            Serenity, dammit.

          • BadKitty904

            Also. Too.

          • BadKitty904

            Exactly.

          • LucindathePook

            I want chastity….but not just yet.

    • Anna Rompage

      I’ve heard rumblings that Ryan, Pence & perhaps McConnell, also had their hands in a big mess involving helping to illegally funnel Russian money into Super PACs…

      • BadKitty904

        Good. Send ’em all to the spice mines of Kessel, says I.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Open desert of Arrakis. I’ll call the worms.

          • therblig

            chiron beta prime. at least they’ll have christmas.

          • BadKitty904

            I’m going with Ceti Alpha V.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Necromunda. There, Nopony will get that one either. :)

          • thixotropic jerk

            KHAN!!!!!!!!

          • BadKitty904

            Ha!

        • georgiaburning

          Fulson’s World or Tanith

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Our new, improved, even more corrupt Guilded Age: Now with Treason!

    • Suttree

      I am really questioning reality right now. I seriously have not eaten LSD in about 10 years. This cannot be really be happening right now!

      • BadKitty904

        The Republican Party is finally winning the War on Drugs by making them redundant.

        • Suttree

          Ok, you made me laugh Badkitty. I am still questioning my sanity though. I just had my doctor double my dose of antidepressants and I feel kinda batshit crazy. Please tell me that this shit is crazy and it isn’t just my serotonin levels!

          • vivian

            Reality has gone sideways BIGLY (remember when that wasn’t a word?) for the past six months. I’ve learned to stop asking myself “how’m I doing?”

          • Suttree

            But I am really losing my shit right now. Part of it is serious depression and part of it is this fucked up reality. Along with everyone yelling at me to go to physical therapy I need to go to the head shrinker also too. I’m losing my shit!

          • vivian

            When reality goes shit, just remember, you are not responsible. You didn’t create the noise and you don’t have to dance to it if it’s someone else’s tune. Turn off the news, getcher animals out, give em a squeeze then take a walk around the block. Use your eyes. Get something better in your head.

          • Suttree

            I turned off the news, got my anermals and turned Into The Badlands on! Quinn just totally killed his son! I need to start the episode over now! Hehehehe

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Good for you. :) Hug your buddies and watch something fun. We’re here too, OK?

          • BadKitty904

            This is crazy. And we’re all in it together, until we can get these traitors out of office. THEN we can get them behind bars.

          • Suttree

            I need everyone to remind me to go to the head shrinker along with the physical therapist. I am totally losing my shit!

          • vivian

            Deep breaths and clean something. Always helps me.

          • BadKitty904

            Amen, amen, amen. Keep busy, not brooding.

          • Suttree

            Thank you sister! Lizzie is gone for a week so I need you guys support! I’m on the verge of a breakdown.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            ~hugs~

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Suttree walking helps me.

      • Sophia

        Flashbacks??

        • Suttree

          It kinda feels like flashbacks. It is more so anxiety attacks though.I totally need some Vallium or other sort of benzodiazapine. .Freakout central!

          • vivian

            Not to make light of what you are feeling, but it took me about a decade of BAD Springs to realize that fucking pollen can make your body feel like it’s having an anxiety attack… which of course makes you have an anxiety attack. Maybe try an anti-hystamine?

          • Suttree

            Ohhhhh, good idea! I have really bad allergies! They will also help me sleep. You are a sweetheart! I’m super snotty and sneezy right now!

          • thixotropic jerk

            How can you be two dwarfs at once? Is you a twin?

      • memzilla Ω

        I suppose it’s not going to help you that Giuliani also did business with Alfa Bank, the company whose server communicated with the server in Trump Tower?

        • Suttree

          I hate you Memzilla! Heheheh`hehhehhe

          • memzilla Ω

            Then you should take some comfort in the rumor that Giuliani is “desperate to make a deal” with the FBI but Comey laughed in his face. That means that the FBI has ALL THEY NEED on him already. Feel better? Good. GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY #nagware.

          • Pierre_de_Fermat

            JFC … “state-owned Russian oil company Rosneft” So America’s Mayor thought he could get away with some corruption and “light treason”? WTH happened to the GOP? This is affecting members of its leadership; not back benchers (only).
            But her emails …

      • CindyinEncinitas

        30 for me but I’d do shrooms again under the right circumstances. Maybe once.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        FWIW, yesterday was the anniversary of the first acid trip. April 16th 1943, Albert Hofmann managed to accidentally dose himself…

        • Rags

          I heard him lecture about the incident. It was a whopping 200 microgram test dose which they thought was too minute to have any effect. It didn’t kick in until he was riding his bike home and then oooooh mamaaaaaaaa…..

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I’ve read his accounts- he apparently had a hella good trip… and then some

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Bless his heart.

    • BadKitty904

      It particularly irritates me that he has my first name. Grrr.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Carter” or “Page”?

        • mancityRed6

          it’s gotta be Donald.

        • BadKitty904

          “Carter.” “Page” is a girl’s name.

          • Doug Langley

            Foxtrot libelz!!!!

          • marxalot

            No, that’s “Paige.”
            “Page” is something no one has done since 1999.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Wait. That’s still a thing? I thought we all gave Russian spy novels for lent and got distracted by mommy bombs.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      I have been reading Schindler (among others) and he seems convinced folks are going to jail for this. But he says it takes time to develop the case, and since the rot may be at the top, it will be harder.

  • Reximus

    So……Leafs / Caps tonite …who ya fa?

    • mancityRed6

      I know my boy from Ohio is a big Caps fan…I go for Chicago. Lazy fan for the last 26 years.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      The Habs

      • Reximus

        me 3!! Radulov goal was a thing last night

    • For the Summ of All Fears to come true at every major sporting event

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Leafs still have a team?

      • Reximus

        ya but it’s only because it’s in the constitution…Article 16 Leaf Fan Pain…you can look it up

  • Jamoche
  • The KGB Ate Our Votes
  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • Waiting for my cakes to cool, watching Kingsmen and just got to the church fight…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/96dfe456d70f47f44eb9191d440c3713977069eb417977747813356017cd317b.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      Those are Canadian cakes? Are there layers of poutine?

      • wait! what?

        This is not that kind of cake.

        • vivian

          not cakes we like?

          • wait! what?

            A “Kingsman” reference.

          • vivian

            Ah! Well then, those cakes we like!

      • They are chocolate chili cakes. They will be frosted with Vanilla Cinnamon Bailey’s Buttercream

        • BadKitty904

          Ooo, yum. Fax me some!

        • MynameisBlarney

          Jayzus!

          I’ll be in my bunk for a minute.

        • Doug Langley

          Are they spicy?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      You and Badkitty made me hungry. :D

    • Red Bird Ω

      Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  • FDRliberal

    Conway: “America should thank them for putting on such a beautiful event.”

    I won’t be thanking the Trumps, but may I instead send a note indicating the so-called president is an unstable pathological liar, that he will never be my president, and that he can go fuck himself?

    • Mister Atoz

      Pass it around first so everyone can sign it.

  • BadKitty904
    • Anna Elizabeth

      What’s great about pizza is that it’s bite sized.

      • BadKitty904

        If it’s not bigger than my head, it can too be food.

        • mancityRed6

          If it doesn’t kill you first, it can be food.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          It should fit….

    • MynameisBlarney

      Now that, is a big-ass slice o’ pizza.

      • BadKitty904

        LOL It’s actually the camera angle. My cousin took this pic and we both busted out laffing ’cause it looked like I was eating a slice the size of a kite.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I choose to believe that it’s from a 3′ diameter pizza.

          • BadKitty904

            Not that I wouldn’t eat that, too.

    • therblig

      A pizza the size of the Sun By Jack Prelutsky

      I’m making a pizza the size of the sun,
      a pizza that’s sure to weigh more than a ton,
      a pizza too massive to pick up and toss,
      a pizza resplendent with oceans of sauce.

      I’m topping my pizza with mountains of cheese,
      with acres of peppers, pimentos, and peas,
      with mushrooms, tomatoes, and sausage galore,
      with every last olive they had at the store.

      My pizza is sure to be one of a kind,
      my pizza will leave other pizzas behind,
      my pizza will be a delectable treat

      The oven is hot, I believe it will take
      a year and a half for my pizza to bake.
      I hardly can wait till my pizza is done,
      my wonderful pizza the size of the sun.

  • Sophia
    • suziq

      Oh, Franciscan, letting the Catholic Church decide medical issues for you! Doctors-who need ’em?

      • Sophia

        Not Catholic, just like the idea behind this prayer. I tripped across it a few years ago.

        • BadKitty904

          Thank you. My family has had a particular devotion to the Blessed St. Francis for a number of generations now. I appreciate the reminder.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I had an accounting gig at a Franciscan Motherhouse for a while. A lot of the admin for the diocese went on there and it also served as a retirement home for elderly Sisters. I’ve never been Catholic either, but those women had amazing stories. Also, they were extremely well-educated. Most of the women had earned advanced degrees over the years.

          • Alt-dog

            Whoa! For several years my sister was a bookkeeper for the Franciscan convent outside of Chicago. We were raised Catholic and my sis graduated valedictorian from her Catholic high school but we are both atheists. Anyway, she really liked the Sisters and one of them confided in her one time and told her she was the nicest non-believer she’d ever met. (She is, btw)

            When I read the first sentence of your post I thought “OMG, my sister is posting at Wonkette!”

          • Courser_Resistance

            Ha! This Motherhouse was in Denver. And man, talk about advocates for women. Privately, most of them believed in birth control and man, they were NOT fans of our Archbishop at the time. They called him ‘Frankie’ :-)

        • suziq

          I agree it does sound good but where I live (western WA) Franciscan is taking over a lot of medical practices and hospitals. I am old and don’t need family planning but they are annoying about other things too. We try to avoid them if possible but it isn’t always possible.

  • Reximus

    It’s tRump who’s the hommelet

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      Omelette du fromage he isn’t.

      • vivian

        Hommelette du merde, peut’etre

        • Reximus

          sans doute

        • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

          Oui.

  • tek
  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Is that some new kind of microwave?…

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yes. Please speak clearly into the Keepon.

  • Jamoche
    • Doug Langley

      The passive pooch!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “What? The dog? Well, he doesn’t have a name. My wife and I, we could
      never agree on one. We just say Hey or Dog or whistle. Doesn’t make any
      difference. He don’t come when you call him anyway.”

  • Nick Scroggs

    Screw it, it’s an open thread, I’m gonna say it, The Intercept does get annoying, but the sheer paranoia and seeing reds under the beds here on this website (inspired by an article earlier) is just, insane, okay? I feel like I’m back on that Los Angeles Sanders Facebook group trying to tell them that the Clinton conspiracy articles they kept posting (such as from US Uncut) are just making them angrier and stupider and less likely to make an effort to do anything. It’s like only the names and purpose of going after the person have changed. Plus, if you’re seeing conspiracies and Russian plants everywhere, it just reminds me of 1950s McCarthyism, and no I’m not meaning to exaggerate, this whole thing the web is in, it’s like… like for lack of a better analogy, focusing a whole investigation and paranoia onto Brian Kelley while Robert Hannsen walks around freely. Or like accusing Guatemala of going communist due to land reform, or Vietnam is falling under the Iron Curtain, all the while not noting the USSR is bankrupting itself. Like I said, not the best analogies, but my point is, stop calling everybody a fucking Russian shill if they question this stuff, stop treating everyone as puppets to the enemy who need to get tarred and feathered, and focus on actual suspects and such. it’s going into the annoying self-righteous craziness and conspiracies that I left that Facebook group for (I mostly blame the admin, he was, seeing enemies everywhere too.)
    And now, to get mocked for supporting Sanders and told that the group’s craziness means they were Under Russia’s spell, (I highly doubt it, the admin was a guy who got kicked off the Manhattan Beach school board), I’ll be gone a while, but like Elaine and David Puddy, I’ll keep coming back to Wonkette.
    And now, another cute cat picture. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3773020295d77547082bfdede70750116e5190284fb7bb9518f14e25562b4356.jpg

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Robert Philip Hanssen (born April 18, 1944) is a former U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agent who spied for Soviet and Russian intelligence services against the United States for twenty-two years from 1979 to 2001. He is currently serving 15 consecutive life sentences at ADX Florence, a federal supermax prison near Florence, Colorado.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Hanssen

    • thixotropic jerk

      Curious how you see Watergate then?

    • mancityRed6

      when nearly every single person associated with the upper echelons of this administration (Kellyanne, so far is a no) has had an association with someone who is a “friend” of Putin (and all the big business people are “friends” of Putin), and they constantly lie about their contacts with those people, something has to be up. tRump didn’t sell a house down in Florida to a Russian for twice it’s worth for nothing. And he didn’t sell condos in tRump tower to Russians for no gain.
      The Red Scare was completely unfounded, but this, this has legs.

    • mancityRed6

      upfist for the cat.

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      You seem to be a good person with their head on correctly, so I’ll put this as polite as I can:

      The difference between McCarthyism and now is that McCarthyism was built on basically nothing but anti-Communist propaganda and the Red Scare. This whole TrumpRussia thing, however, isn’t.

      • Rick Hill

        How can you say that? Just because several intelligence agencies have boatloads of evidences, virtually everyone around trump except Barron has a connection to Russia….I’m not seeing how anyone can possibly draw any conclusions from this….

        • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

          Oh no, you’re right! And that weird server in Drumpf Tower that’s (supposedly) communicating with Moscow..

          • Rick Hill

            How do we know it was from Russia and not some 400lbs kid in Hoboken? I eman, internets, who knows how that thing works?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Well, that was somehow demeaning…

      • Rick Hill

        Uhn. Some people like that. I didn’t get anything out of it, though. Btw, I heard you had some commies under your mouse pad. did you check that out yet?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Those were gummy bears…

          • Rick Hill

            “Red” gummies?!?!?

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Hard to tell now….

        • thixotropic jerk

          No commies just a little Mousie Dung (Mao Zedong)
          Thanks and do try the vegan veal, its so real you’ll feel guilty with each delicious bite!

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Come on – you still tryin’ out those dinner jokes?…

          • thixotropic jerk

            Did you hear the one about the Eyetalyan chef who died from his own cooking?
            Yah, he pasta way!
            BTW the spumoni is authentic and excellent and has actual bits of dried mummy in it from Tripoli

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            ‘E got gypped….

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I also recommend not watching so much of the O’Greenwald Factor.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Sir, the country is full of racists. Bernie is not your problem, he’s a symptom.

    • mancityRed6

      and Russia screwed itself with it’s 10 year war in Afghanistan.

    • MynameisBlarney

      You’re obvs a rooshan shill for not completely agreeing with us on everything!

      Seriously though,

      I don’t don’t see this whole fuckin’ fiasco as anything remotely like McCarthyism.

      There’s actual evidence of a LOT of people within and without the turmp regime colluding with the damn russkies.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      So, I take it then, that the Trump/Russian stuff isn’t your favorite hobby horse, yes?

    • jowgajen

      I agree that there is a fair amount of hysteria and wishful thinking coming from the left.

      But ….

      The Russia thing is being discussed in major media outlets. Elected officials are discussing the connection publicly. Trump has not released his tax returns. Some of his “former” aides are registering as foreign agents. Russian money and money connected to Russia has been invested in Trump businesses. The Sec of State has a strong connection to Russia. The list of verified Russian fuckery goes on even longer. There is something here. Something we need to know more about.

      Sure, conjecture that there’s a pee hooker video is fluff. And we share unsupported tweets about “chatter”. I give our Wonkers more credit than you do that they can critically assess these items. We tend to police ourselves, as well, more than many groups do, for sure.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I dunno – awful lot of smoke for there to be no fire attached to it.

      Just sayin’…

    • Ducksworthy

      Jill Stein.

    • mancityRed6

      and nope, I’m not gonna mock. way, way back in ’92 I was a big Perot fan.

      • msanthropesmr

        I will mock you.

        HAHA

        • mancityRed6

          meh, worse has happened.
          plus the whole “dropping out of the race” thing turned my off bigley. I voted Clinton for my first prez election.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        “The Economy is like that crazy Aunt you keep in the basement. Sooner or later, you’re gonna have to talk to the crazy Bitch and see what she has to say.”

        • mancityRed6

          stop spying on me…wait

          • Anna Elizabeth

            XD Making me laugh with food in my mouth!

      • thixotropic jerk

        “A yoooooge sucking sound!” I see the similarities

    • BadKitty904

      Well, it IS a cute cat.

      • thixotropic jerk

        another felinamous unbiased opinion prolly commie too –CATGHAZI!!11!!

        • BadKitty904

          But it would never occur to a cat to care what anybody else thought about its opinions.

          • thixotropic jerk

            My cats don’t appear to have opinions. They eat, sleep, repeat. Although I wouldn’t trust them in a voting booth.

          • BadKitty904

            If you don’t think they have opinions, try feeding them late or closing a door that’s usually kept open.

          • thixotropic jerk

            goes and try these things
            Hey! I think you might be on to something! Also– do you have a spare bandage/tourniquet?

    • The Witch of Endor

      Paranoia? Seeing reds under the beds? In what way? There are legitimate connections being made, and if someone questioning that is getting attacked, maybe it’s not about being a shill so much as being willfully ignorant.

      If there are posts where legitimate questions are being asked and people are being called “shills”, I’d like to know about them so I can make my own judgment. Can you direct me to those comments?

      But if it’s bugging you, best to take a break than to let it get further under your skin.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Nick, I think and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this one, but I think you are a good guy and I enjoy your posts on here. I hope you’re break wont be for too long, and Take Care of yourself, OK? :)

      • mancityRed6

        seconded. no harm, no foul, and no bad thoughts

        • MynameisBlarney

          *nods*
          Agreed.

    • MynameisBlarney

      FWIW, I was a Sanders supporter too.

      Once Hillz got the nod though, I was a Hillary supporter.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        This. Me too.

        • MynameisBlarney

          *terrorist fist bump*

      • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

        Heh…I remember being a little sad that Bernz didn’t get the nod, but accepting and perfectly happy to support Hillary as soon as she became the candidate.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Yeah, same here.
          On Raw Story there was a pretty big schism between the two camps.

          Even though I was a Bernie supporter, I’d changed my handle to “MynameisBernieBroBot” for a while. As a jab for the more militant Bernie supporters.

          I think they were analogous to the PUMA’s back when it was between Hillary and Obama.

          And like the Puma’s, the Bernie-Bros have all but disappeared now that the election is over.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I got banned from rawstory- in all likelihood for pissing off some Bernie bro moderator with a dose of reality

          • MynameisBlarney

            I had quite a few comments deleted by mods during that time.
            And a few warnings.
            Then someone led me here, and…well…
            Here I am. lol.

            I do wish that some of my friends from there would migrate here though.
            I miss them.

  • wait! what?

    Salted and Cured
    Savoring the Culture, Heritage, and Flavor of America’s Preserved Meats

    http://www.chelseagreen.com/salted-and-cured

    I just want it to be pictures, honestly…

  • Shoto

    “Why aren’t you fucking heathens singing along?”

    Um… Laryngitis?

  • therblig

    how did KaC get out of her restraints?

    • Ducksworthy

      Diligent chewing.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m more curious about how she dug her way up from 6′ under the WH Rose Garden.

  • Ducksworthy

    Won’t someone think of the children?

    • mancityRed6

      they did, that’s why there were 18,000 eggs for 21,000 participants.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    “Melania Trump and her staff did an amazing job.” When did she hire staff?

    • BadKitty904

      When did she do an amazing job?

      • She did prompt Twitler to behave like a functional adult for 3 seconds

        • BadKitty904

          I thought Iwanka was his keeper.

          • thixotropic jerk

            you misspelled “stroker”

          • Sophia

            I think her & Jared runned away for the weekend again.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        What do you mean?!!!! Four fucking colors! And gold!!!!!….

        • Rick Hill

          All the colors that there are and she picked four of them? That’s obviously talent AND dedication

    • Sean Spicer and Rinse Prepuce. They were not doing anything

      • thixotropic jerk

        Is puce the color of prepuce?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          And three other colors!…and gold!….

        • No, just the viscosity

      • Pinkham’s Law

        This is believable, since Jared is doing everything else.

  • msanthropesmr

    Explain how this is possible when you have all three branches of government in your weasel like grip

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/mnuchin-highly-aggressive-not-realistic-tax-bill-august

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Because the Republicans are too busy shanking each other in the yard to do anything resembling governing.

      • wait! what?

        My milk shake brings all the lobbyists to the yard,
        And they’re like,
        Its better than yours,
        Damn right its better than yours,
        I can teach you,
        But I have to charge

    • Sophia

      “It is fair to say it is probably delayed a bit because of the health care.” Huh, go figure.

    • mancityRed6

      just like being a parent, saying “no” is easy, especially when compromise is a bad word to the base that elects them.

  • Red Bird Ω

    OT: Are there any rose fans on Wonkette? If so, which one would you recommend to go with grilled meats? Also too, what is the current stat eof Prosecco? Is it for Millennials, WWII survivors or somewhere in between?

    • msanthropesmr

      I dig Vinho Verde Rose that they have a Trader Joes. ANd I am a wine snob. And it is like $4 a bottle.

      • Red Bird Ω

        Thanks. I’ll try that. Also duly noted on the prosecco.

    • msanthropesmr

      Forget prosecco – played out. Cava is where its at – seriously – better and cheaper/

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I’ll have to try that. :)

      • hendenburg2

        Cava?

        Isn’t that the Polynesian narcotic drink that is made by having young boys chewing a certain kind of root and spitting it out?

        • msanthropesmr

          No, you’re thinking of Merlot.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Them’s fightin’ words. XD

          • wait! what?

            I said I worked at Merlotte’s. – Lafayette Reynolds

      • wait! what?
      • janecita

        I agree!

    • jowgajen

      Caveat that I don’t eat meat.

      A dry rose will go very well with grilled meats. I would recommend a varietal rose, like a grenache rose or a pinot rose.

      Many rose’s are syrupy sweet, however, and to be avoided. Certainly anything with the word zinfandel should only be served in place of lemonade at a pool party, for example.

      Prosecco is alcoholic Sprite and should be treated thusly. I’m quite a fan of it, really, as I do not care for actual Champagne.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        I will take all of your champagne!

    • thixotropic jerk

      I like tea roses but the old fashioned ones are nice too provided they smell good they have to smell good –wait, waht wiz the kweshun?

      • Red Bird Ω

        :)

      • CindyinEncinitas

        David Austin roses that were hybridized in England to resemble old-fashioned roses, but are repeat bloomers, are gorgeous and they get huge in California. I recommend Gertrude Jekyll, since it is the one grown for perfume. I had one that had 14′ canes on it and it pumped out hundreds of blooms every bloom cycle. But yeah, meat? Wait, what was the question?

        • thixotropic jerk

          Yes!

    • hendenburg2

      Well, hybrid teas are kinda common, so maybe Grandifloras?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Rose – all of it, preferably the corked stuff. I hear it’s better because…..corks!…

    • marxalot

      Riunite lambrusco. Nice sweet red, tonnes of antioxidants. Screw tops actually preserve that, according to a doctor friend (who had a heart attack and is now a big antioxidant and cardio fitness dude). But what do I know, I’m sober now.

      • jowgajen

        Screw tops are better than corks in all ways. But consumers don’t find them sexy.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Just let him in the Hall of Fame already.

      • hendenburg2

        Scrolled past this, then I had to scroll back up because it dawned on me. Molotov.

        • MynameisBlarney

          HA!
          Me too!

    • janecita
    • georgiaburning

      Rhone wines from France are close to California roses in body but not generally as sicky sweet. They’re great with grilled meat though if you’re heavy on the BBQ sauce you might not taste the wine at all. There are some light Duoro reds from Portugal that can be good as well, but harder to find here.

      Also, please quit talking about Vinho Verde. I need to stock up before the hipsters discover it and those $5-6 bottles start going for $15-20. It is a really great summer wine.

      • Red Bird Ω

        Thanks. There’s one of those warehouse type stores nearby that have almost anything so I’m making a list. I’m miles away from a Trader Joe’s so I might miss out on this magical Vinho Verde. Trump’s America. :(

        • georgiaburning

          V V’s may be hidden in with the Spanish wines, which pisses off the Portuguese no end because of the history of the two countries.

          • Red Bird Ω

            Thanks again. What are your feelings about California wines? I have always liked Conundrum (white blended table wine). That and Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio.

          • georgiaburning

            You can surely find something to your taste. Europeans accuse California wines of being too heavily flavored (“big”) but a lot depends on the region and the grape. Different winemakers will have different styles as well. There are more choices than snooty Napa Valley and gallon jugs from Modesto.
            Based on what you mentioned, try some coastal whites. There are some good Pinot Grigios. Try a few a couple and see what you like. Some large wine stores have tasting parties, too.

    • RobKanC

      Not a wine drinker here. How does rose taste. I recently tasted some zinfandel and I liked it. I was put off by a really strong red wine that I had at a friend’s and have avoided wine since, but the zinfandel might have changed my mind. Any reco’s?

      • jowgajen

        Was it red or white zinfandel? Presuming you mean white, I have some suggestions:

        If you are getting started with wine through sweet whites, you aren’t the first person. With some fun tasting, you will eventually appreciate those strong reds. (No lie!)

        Prosecco is generally sweet and bubbly and a good entry into bubbly wines. Cava is lest sweet and has a bit of the grape must flavor that champagne has.

        Other fun sweeter whites … Muscatos (very sweet, desserty), Sauternes, Reisling — many a nice, slightly effervescent Reisling is to be found.

        Whites to stretch into – Pino Grigiot/Pinot Gris, Viognier, Chenin Blanc

        Dessert wines to try – Ice Wine. Port, go forth do it. Start with Tawny. Fruit wines and fruit blends, like raspberry wine or peach wine.

        Reds to stretch to – Primitivo, Grenache, Malbec. A lighter red zin. These will tend to be grape-y and fruity, more accessible to beginners. And eventually Merlot, which is a light red wine but has some stronger tobacco and earth flavors.

        • RobKanC

          It was definitely a red zinfandel though. I assume its red cos it was red in color. But thanks for the list. I will try to taste one each week :D and no I am not an alcoholic.. I also like mead though it can be a tad too sweet unless a tart flavor is added.

      • Red Bird Ω

        I drink mostly white wines like pinot grigios. Not a fan of zins but I’m trying to get on the rose bandwagon because I’m a follower not a leader. I’d like to see what the fuss is about. The only reds I like tend to be the Spanish wines.

        • RobKanC

          I have no idea what half the things you said are.

          • Red Bird Ω

            O_o

          • RobKanC

            In like a friendly, I am new to wine kinda sense 😁

  • What about these beautiful eggs? Who hunted for them?

    • SpideySenser

      Interesting!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    The shape of eggs to come…https://youtu.be/Jc17DqcA6Qc

    • wait! what?

      Based on recent history one of those shapes isn’t a globe.

  • Anna Elizabeth
  • Jamoche

    https://consumerist.com/2017/04/17/killing-privacy-is-fine-because-nobodys-got-to-use-the-internet-house-rep-says/#more-10275339
    “Nobody’s got to use the internet, at all.” – Wisconsin Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner

    I want to live on Beta Colony, where access to the data network is a constitutional right.

    • marxalot

      Access to information shall not be infringed! It’s in their constitution! (Somewhere after the part that states that every citizen of Beta Colony, after mentioning their president, is allowed to add “I didn’t vote for him.)

    • vivian

      is ‘brenner’ the German suffix for ‘totally and completely lacking’?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, sure. If you don’t want to get a job (when was the last time you saw a paper application? Even McDonalds tells you to fill out an online application).

      • The KGB Ate Our Votes

        And allow two hours to complete each application, intelligence and aptitude test and run through a few customer service scenarios where you select your response to an idiotic and/or abusive customer from a list of choices that, sadly, do not include: d. Throw your hands in the air, yell “Fuck this shit!” and walk out. Honestly, I was floored by the time my kids spent filling out online job apps for crappy part time jobs.

        • Jamoche

          Does everyone get the “so if someone tried to rob the place, what would you do?” question, and have it keep escalating no matter how many times you say “call mall security, that’s their job”? I’d thought it was because I’d made the mistake of listing my other job – karate instructor. Yes, I was a black belt. I was also a skinny college girl, and I’m not going to start a fight over a computer game.

          • jesterpunk

            I used to work at KFC when I was younger. We had a new manager ask everyone that question and they got mad at my response. I said ” I would give them anything they wanted and ask if they wanted a 12 or 16 piece chicken meal to go with it, you dont pay me enough to risk my life for something you have insurance to cover.”

          • Sophia

            That would be my exact answer if ever asked.

    • wait! what?

      Sensenbrenner’s main point, though — that you don’t have to use the internet, so quit if you don’t like the conditions — is laughably wrong. A huge number of people do need to use the internet.

      Millions of Americans work in tech- or internet-based jobs (hello!), telecommute, work remotely, or simply even need to know what’s going on in the world right now in order to do their jobs effectively. Even job applications for low-wage fast food and retail jobs are online now — and that’s without even getting into education, government services, social connections, and every other use of the great wide digital world that consumers have not only become accustomed to, but are often required to use whether they like it or not.

    • BadKitty904

      Starting with Wisconsin “Rep.” Jim Sensenbrenner.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Because watching Sensenbrenner use the internet is like watching Grampa Toomush….

    • msanthropesmr

      I have this 8mm porno film right here.

    • Vecchioivan

      Back in my day you had to start the Internet by rubbing two sticks together.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Well, you’ll never hear the repubbies admit what the name for that is/was.

    • janecita

      He would have to take my Internet out of cold, dead hands!

    • mancityRed6

      you kids and your smrt phones and your cat memes and your facespace…you don’t need that. I lived this long without it, and I can’t even program the clock on my VCR

  • Apple Scruff

    Nice to see they let Kellyanne out of her cage for such an important event.

    • BadKitty904
      • MynameisBlarney

        Clash of The Titans?

        • wait! what?

          No, just typical Donald team infighting.

        • BadKitty904

          Silver star for you, since it IS a Harryhausen creation. But it’s one of the harpies from Jason and the Argonauts

          • MynameisBlarney

            DAMMIT!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            One of my all-time favorite movies. Scared the living shit out of me when I was little but it’s awesome now. The camp. So delicious.

          • BadKitty904

            The Children of the Hydra’s Teeth were pretty effectively terrifying then AND now.

      • msanthropesmr

        That creature is elegant.

      • marxalot

        Harryhousen?

        • BadKitty904

          Yessir. Jason and the Argonauts, 1963.

      • jesterpunk
    • SnarkON

      They’ve probably already stuffed her back in there and thrown a towel over it so she goes back to sleep.

  • msanthropesmr

    Oh Shit. We’re the B ark, aren’t we?

  • SnarkON

    Thinking about the small business that had to crank out a billion Trump Easter eggs with 10 days notice. Wondering whether the White House had to pay extra for rush delivery, and whether the workers involved got overtime.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Wondering if Trump will stiff them..

      • SpideySenser

        Yup.

      • Dinz6315

        Wondering? Ha!

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Would stiff them, but government contract. This isn’t something for the campaign, their main grift.

    • SpideySenser

      Nope.

    • Incoming “Enough Already” Ham

      They would be cranking pretty fast, especially considering they had to be shipped from China.

    • thixotropic jerk

      The Maralgago Gang thank you for your concerns but all three of them were given extra large pieces of delisious beatiful chaklote cake at a 20% discount

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I still laughing that they sent the reminder to the WH via Tweet! They probably had a warehouse full and supplied the colors they had on hand. Put decals on an voila!

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes

    Did Kellyanne mention the Massacre at Rolling Green?

    • SnarkON

      TOO SOON.

      • Crystalclear12

        It’s still very hard for her. She did there, you know.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Kellyanne went bowling? What?

    • The Massacre was at Bouillon Green

      • Vecchioivan

        I thought it was Rolling Rock.

  • Michael R
    • thixotropic jerk

      Wait, how do we know fer shure KeCoKaCa isn’t Squeaky Fromme?

  • Apple Scruff

    For those who haven’t seen this yet:

    https://twitter.com/LouiseMensch/status/853729191136817153

    • RobKanC

      That website looks suspicious though.. Fake news is a problem on either side.

      • Apple Scruff

        It’s Louise Mensch’s blog. She’s a pretty high profile journalist that people trust, the first to report on the FISA warrants back in November. She has good contacts and has been pretty on the nose (she’s actually a Conservative who hates Trump). I think she programmed the blog herself, which is why it looks so amateur (other people have brought it up, she says no one else is allowed the passwords). I hope to god this is true.

        • Sister the Resister

          Thought I recognized the wordpress template, and yes, a wordpress blog. Which, btw, if you want to do a blog or website yourself, is an easy one to do it with.

        • @MrsRazor66

          I’m sorry, but Mensch is a psycho conspiracy nut conservative. I don’t have any idea why liberals have latched onto her. Anyone watching news back then could have guessed someone in the Trump camp had a FISA warrant on them. She just wrote about it without proof. Usually real journalists wait until it’s proven and not guessed. But since she guessed right 6 months ago, she legit now? When nothing else she’s written about has come true? She’s the liberals version of Alex Jones

          • Reximus

            Female Alex jones? Wouldnt take it THAT far

          • @MrsRazor66

            Anyone who disagrees with her she calls a Russian troll/spy/agent. She’s very close to the female Alex Jones

        • Reximus

          She was a british MP

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Stop it! Do you want Trump to nuke Canada?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Uhura has a message for the entire Drumpf derpministration:
    https://twitter.com/swear_trek/status/853020200316407808

  • msanthropesmr
    • BadKitty904

      Umm…

    • thixotropic jerk

      Angry summer squash or KaCo unmasked? Hard to tell without color you make things challenging!

    • snigsy

      Yup, that’s about right for so far this year.

    • mancityRed6
    • Sister the Resister

      what is Cheeto Benito going off about now? (Also, he’s really let his hair go…)

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Hail, Kellyanne, full of shit
    The Donald is with thee
    Blessed art thou among commentators
    and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Fox News

    Crazy Kellyanne, Mother of Lies,
    Pray for us voters
    now and in the hour of our Russian hack

    Amen.

  • Sophia
    • Vecchioivan

      “The Wit and Wisdom of Donald Trump”

  • Tiffany de Houston

    Just when I think I can’t laugh any more, Evan writes something hilarious again. Y’all are awesome!

    • Vecchioivan

      You’re welcome.

  • snigsy

    I hate Disqus. There, now I feel better.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      We’ve entered the Disqus Zone. Once you hit 500 posts in a thread, it’s a roll of the dice.

      • mancityRed6

        and this makes me wonder how der Brainfart can get by when they get 6,000 comments on a story about how Bannon will soon be shown out.

      • snigsy

        Can you say that in a Rod Serling voice?

    • Sister the Resister

      We all do, snigsy *pats back gently*

      • snigsy

        Thanks.

  • Shoto

    Three Sheets to the Wind. RIP Allan Holdsworth

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSRzaubL3V4

  • Suttree

    So I have turned off MSNBC and turned on Into The Badlands. I missed the last 2 episodes. Tea is brewing for vodka mixing. I still have 4 cigs left. The shakes a wearing off. I think that my anxiety attack is wearing off. Another drink might take care of it. Thank you guys for your help. I apologize for my freakout. I love all y’alls!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      ~hugs~ No need for apology Darling. I’m glad you asked for support. :) Anxiety attacks hurt, I’m glad yours is wearing out.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        So does getting fucking stabbed, I reckon!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Well, I missed it, but you will always get *hugs* from me.

      • Suttree

        Awweee I love you to WITP! Hugs!

      • MynameisBlarney

        Same here.

    • mancityRed6

      I prefer a cheap Irish whiskey with a nice cuppa PG Tips, but that’s just me.

      • Suttree

        I have a thing for vodka. *shruggs*

        • mancityRed6

          It really doesn’t have to be Irish, it just has to be sweet, so it can go in coffee, too. Looking at you Jim Beam.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            “Paging Dr. Beam, Doctor Jim Beam.”

          • mancityRed6

            There’s just some days when you don’t have shit to do.

          • Suttree

            I’m just happy that Lizzie puts up with it. It really isn’t a pretty habit. It isn’t pretty. I am a hardcore alcoholic. Like really bad. Like I am ashamed. Lizzie is just so nice to me! She accepts me for who I am. I told her the first day that I meated her.

          • Lizzietish81

            This is true. He was meating me.

          • mancityRed6

            considering how little I know about your past and what I’ve seen shared, I’m not judging. trust me, my two favorite writers are Thompson and Bukowski.

          • Suttree

            Mine also too!

          • Suttree

            I have terrible pain from being stabbed 15 times. So I tend to drink a lot.

          • mancityRed6

            yeah, that’s the little I know. I do have a friend who got stabbed in the heart outside a bar in San Diego while on leave, I don’t think he was ever the same.

          • Suttree

            My pain just never goes away. It’s fucking permanent! punctured intestine and lung! This shit will never go away! I have fucjiing pain damage! It hurts all of the time!!!! It fuvking hurts! All of the time!!!!!!!!! I am in constant pain!!!!!!!

          • mancityRed6

            I can dig it, just not on the same scale.

          • mancityRed6

            this is me:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXJVALn5ZGs
            not the same league and not even in the same ballpark, but it will hurt soon.

          • Suttree

            I haven’t been the same since. :( I really live in pain.

          • Sister the Resister

            Hugs to both you and Lizzie, you are always one of my faves around here.
            And speaking of vodka, since we’re doing that, it goes with LOTS of things, and you can mix it with delicious things that sort of spread out the alcohol part, and theoretically, you drink less as the hours wind on. It’s a theory anyway.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Dr. Bombay – it’s the easy way….

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I haven’t developed a taste for Gin, and it was Bombay Sapphire that I tried. It tasted really parfum-y to me.

          • Suttree

            I just like vodka because I can mix it with everything! Yurp, I am a hardcore alcoholic. I’m not proud of it, but it’s a thing.

          • mancityRed6

            I don’t wanna go into my consumption at this point.

          • Lizzietish81

            Wasting sickness is SO Victorian.

          • mancityRed6

            dammit ; )

          • Suttree

            I didn’t think that you were watching! BTW I don’t think that I have told you lately that I love you!

          • Lizzietish81

            I went out and got a haircut after failing to find Umberto Eco OR Vonnegut at the local library, then I played WoW.

          • Suttree

            I’m watching Into the Badlands. MSNBC made me sad. Pig seal is making me happy though! I love pigseal!

          • Sister the Resister

            PIG SEAL? What is “pig seal” ???
            (and I’m hoping it is a fuzzy stuffed hybrid animal, what some recent Wonkette article was telling us about, and how right-wing Jeebus hates that sorta thing)

          • stubbornirishlass

            Evolution = manbearpigseal.

          • Suttree

            Pigseal is pigseal. My new most favorite stiffee! I love her soooooo much! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/312bf342154d3f1551950eaa67dfe5ef3229ea1bbedf285e5064eaada4134a1d.jpg

          • Sister the Resister

            Yes, I can definitely see the appeal!

    • Lizzietish81

      Well I feel terrible now. Hugs and smooches.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        We gotcha both covered Doll. :)

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Noooooo.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Love you, buddy. Keep this for next time, which hopefully there won’t be. That’s me laughing at the end because I fell over.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq0izlUZxNQ

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Fun fact: Southwest Minnesota prairies are inundated with pelicans…

  • Scooby

    She then gifted herself a Fabrege egg from the Smithsonian.

  • Stranded Devonian Lungfish

    Evan, you really know your catholic liturgy; I am HOWLing!!

  • Michael R
  • Shoto
  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    So that’s where Smellyanne has been. Now she’s only allowed to cover the bullshit events. Quite a change.

    • BadKitty904

      I wasn’t aware she’d ever done anything other than…

  • Pinkham’s Law

    I must confess, my first response to Prince Harry “opening up about the hardships he faced after Princess Di’s death” was . . . not particularly charitable, shall we say?

    In fact, though, while he is one of the most privileged people on the planet, he is a human being, and his opening up about how depression affected him may help others recognize what’s going on in their life, and get help for it before it’s too late.

    • mancityRed6

      he served in the military, which is more than we can say for a lot of “R’s” out there.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Like one each Donald the Draftdodging Coward, for example.

        • MynameisBlarney

          And the vast majority of repubs.

      • ariel_gee_398

        And really gives a shit about the welfare of troops, unlike most all leaders, foreign and domestic.

    • Sister the Resister

      there’s a reason for the old “money can’t buy you happiness” line.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’m no Royalist, but I find it difficult to harbor any sort of contempt or resentment for the Royal Family.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I got a little teary reading the story. Their family business sucks and I wouldn’t wish that job on anybody.

    • Thiazin Red

      No matter how much privilege he has, he was still a kid who lost his mother in a pretty horrible way.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        I know. Listening to the story, dubbed over pictures/video of him today, made it easy to forget how very young he was back then. Hence, my initial reaction.

    • wait! what?

      I got to see them in a procession in the 80s in New Zealand. Prince Charles was terrible, and just rude.
      Princess Diana was amazingly accessible. Talking with everyone where she could. I cried when she passed away in the 90s.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        That was a bad day. I was really shaken. I called my little brother and we remembered seeing the wedding when we were small. A real life Prince marrying a Princess, with Guardsmen and that gown!

        And then she was gone like that.

    • Yr. Gma
  • Anna Elizabeth

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrI-UBIB8Jk&list=PLpRjkOHBe_TgmznCle__jWDhoV4aFgCjw&index=1

    Seriously my friends, I was in a rage this morning, and the “Guardians of the Galaxy Awesome Mix#1” calmed me down. I adore the movie, and the music they chose was inspired. Anna recommends the Awesome Mix #1 for Anypony that needs some fun and some hope. :)

    Gamora: I’m a warrior, an assassin. I don’t dance.

    Peter Quill: Really? Well, on my planet, we have a legend about people like you. It’s called Footloose. And in it, a great hero, named Kevin Bacon, teaches an entire city full of people with sticks up their butts that, dancing, well, is the greatest thing there is.

    Gamora: …Who put the sticks up their butts?

  • Me The People

    Totally normal for an American President to congratulate a foreign ruler on making the transition to dictator, of course, nothing to see here, etc.

    http://www.haaretz.com/middle-east-news/turkey/1.783894

    “U.S. President Donald Trump called Turkish counterpart Tayyip Erdogan to congratulate him on winning a referendum expanding his authority, sources in Erdogan’s palace said on Monday.”

  • Thiazin Red

    I’ve been reading articles about the first woman to run the Boston marathon, and men were seriously using the uterus will fall out excuse. How could anyone with even chimp level intelligence not realize that was bullshit? During pregnancy having a multi pound weight in it 24/7 for months isn’t enough to dislodge a uterus, but some running for a few hours would be too much?

    Then I learned that it was still being used as an excuse to keep women from being allowed to compete in Olympic ski jumping until a couple years ago.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      If it’s a legitimate race, the female body has a way to shut that all down.

      • Sister the Resister

        Kegels?

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      This is the oldest excuse in the book my experience with female athletes in contact sports has never shown any damage to reproductive organs. In fact they are probably more fertile because their sex drive is increased through exercise.

      • Undocumented Skwerl!

        And even though it has yet to be proven women have a sex drive!

        • mancityRed6

          no, it has yet to be proven that women can orgasm. at least, for me

    • Treg Brown
      • CindyinEncinitas

        It’s the unprincipled women in my life I value the most…

        • MynameisBlarney

          You and me both!

      • mancityRed6

        they said the same thing about the telephone.

      • Begin Anew Day

        Fortunately it all turned out to be true.

      • Persistent Demme

        My parents told my little brothers that hitting me in the breasts would give me cancer.
        (They were probably just trying to scare them, and stop them from hitting, but, hmmm…)

    • MynameisBlarney

      They interviewed that woman on NPR today, she said back then the story was that the lady bits would fall out, and then they’d turn into men.

      • Thiazin Red

        I’d heard about that in victorian times, but that people thought that recently was mind blowing.

      • mancityRed6

        they also thought that if you went faster than 60mph your face would fly off.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Actually, my dad told me that when he was mansplaining how I couldn’t expect to be hired as a chef.

      • mancityRed6

        wait, your uterus could fall out when you’re preparing meals? how do women do this at home?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          In a far less manly way. Fuck if I know. My grandmother ran a restaurant.

  • BadKitty904
    • wait! what?

      Pizza never satisfies :(

    • Lizzietish81

      So true story, my sister saw this movie as a child and it freaked her out causing her to forswear mushrooms forever.

      Soon after she met her husband he revealed that this movie also made him afraid to eat mushrooms.

      • BadKitty904

        One of the things I love most about Wonkette is that it includes people who can instantly ID Matango: Attack of the Mushroom People from a four-second gif, THEN tell a personal story about how it’s affected their lives.

        • mancityRed6

          I have it burned…er, a copy of it somewhere around here…I just haven’t gotten around to watching it yet.

          • BadKitty904

            It’s an “adventure,” I’ll warn ya right now…

          • mancityRed6

            I’ve seen Calamari Wrestler and 200 Motels by Frank Zappa. I’m sure I can handle it

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Isn’t it lovely? The most arcane ephemera from my youth reverberates here. It’s unbelievable sometimes.

      • mancityRed6

        in the UK in ’04 they legally sold magic mushrooms, they just put them in plastic containers that said “not for human consumption.”
        I’m not big on mushrooms, but ‘shrooms I’ll eat anytime. The ex said no.

        • mancityRed6

          I still had a good time, I ate her share.
          and I took vacation and a little train ride to Chester and got some more. Spent the day with the shades drawn playing playstation and finished up by watching Animatrix. It all made sense to me at the time.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Animatrix is fucking kickass.

          • mancityRed6

            I think I was playing the Matrix game at the time, too. It was all supposed to tie in together.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Wait…there was a Matrix vidja game?

          • mancityRed6

            ps2. it was actually pretty damn good

          • MynameisBlarney

            DAMMIT!
            Now I gotta dig out my old PS2!

          • mancityRed6
          • MynameisBlarney

            Nope, not gonna give Amazon my moneys until they pull their ads from blightfart.
            I will, however, donate this Friday to this site.

          • mancityRed6

            I did today. I checked my balance and I had a ridiculous amount of money left.

    • Michael R
      • BadKitty904

        Well, we actually live on a peninsula, but still…

  • Lizzietish81

    ANYWAYS, as often happens with Fox News, my brain went here

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rNfZxgkH7k

  • Anna Elizabeth
  • Shibusa
    • Puck

      And even then, it was an invite only deal.

  • ♚ King Leo ♚
    • jesterpunk
    • ♚ King Leo ♚

      Remember what you were up to at that time on that date. Someday, your grandchildren will ask what you were doing when satire ended.

      • mancityRed6

        Nov 9, 2016
        also, grandchildren? children?

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          11/9 – Never remember!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    So… I guess one of my friends on Facebook received a “friend” request from an oversharer. I mean, heck yeah, glad you guys are into it, but maybe keep those intimate details private?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/884309d201b73cf9fe261a216644ae4fe222abcadbbbc73a688f767324768b42.jpg

    • MynameisBlarney

      Seems legit.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I’m very into oral too, but that’s not generally how I introduce myself to people.

      • MynameisBlarney

        “Hi, my name is x, wanna 69?”

        I don’t think the law of averages applies to that.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Even at the Swingers club my then-Gf took me to, we weren’t *that* forward. XD

  • Sophia

    Rated mostly true by Politifact: “Here are some of the things that are more popular than Congress: hemorrhoids, Nickelback, traffic jams, cockroaches, root canals, colonoscopies, herpes. Even herpes, they couldn’t beat herpes in the polls.”

    http://www.politifact.com/california/statements/2017/apr/14/arnold-schwarzenegger/congress-really-less-popular-hemorrhoids-and-herpe/

    • Ωbjectifier

      Herpes really sucks. Hope I don’t get that again!

    • mancityRed6

      my root canal wasn’t that bad, and I can at least make fun of Nickelback songs.

  • Nounverb911
    • mancityRed6

      soon? I really want that prick Cernovich to come through with his threat

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Would you really believe him after pizzagate? I’m looking for the release of their internet search histories and other goodies since the GOP killed internet privacy.

        • mancityRed6

          I don’t really care if it’s true or not, I want to see/hear him name names and crimes.
          I want to see the right tear itself apart.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    2nd longest longest continuous tradition at the White House – show us your tax returns,

  • Carpe Vagenda

    because the universe loves us even if sometimes you can’t tell, this may be the ultimate open thread story.

    https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/854115422395936768

  • Shoto

    Another Holdsworth tune. We’ve lost one of the greatest musicians on the planet.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ykjciPDtKs&list=PLUfYhiL9NqMd7_V-hlcl4plxAfIzsZsJS&index=5

  • Teen Kid is currently texting me from a town hall being held by our house rep. It’s being held at a local University, so I assume there are probably other college students there. In response to a question about student debt and college costs, our rep basically said that too many people are going to college, and that they should be looking for trade jobs instead. Specifically mentioned boat building, I guess (there is a place in town that employs a lot of people to build boats for the people who can afford them.) Teen kid (in his second semester of college, in the honors program, with plans to go on to graduate school and become an astrophysicist) is messaging me going, “mom, this guy wants me to build boats! I don’t want to build boats.” Lol. But really — the best they can tell kids that are already in college is “give up your dreams and build boats”?

    • jesterpunk

      Then when the boat building company dies they will blame all the workers for building boats and not learning something different. Look at Detroit for 1 example, part of its problem was everything relied on a single industry when that went away it helped kill the town, same with the coal mining towns.

    • Puck

      Wonder when that Rep went to college. I’d bet good money it was a while back when that shit was wayyyyyy cheaper than it is now.

      • He graduated high school in 1997. Went to Yale and then Harvard Law. I kind of doubt anyone told him he should build boats instead.

        • Puck

          If you mean by that your Rep who was holding the town hall then he’s a bit younger than I was thinking. But to what you said, yeah… that’s not the advice Yale or Harvard is gonna give.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Diving for dear life, when we should be diving for pearls.
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=esjrHxpiet0

    • mancityRed6

      I have about 16 credit hours of college, spread out over three schools and 12 years. I never learned to study, is why.
      But I’m a CNC machinist and know G and M code programming. I play with things like this:
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fedc8b25b9a6f5475bf46670c275fe3addbbda746fcf076361831bd412a94264.jpg
      that cost several hundreds of thousands of dollars.
      it’s not for everyone.

      • Definitely not for everyone — my eyes crossed just looking at all of those buttons and knobs. Machines tend to break when I look at them the wrong way.

        I don’t have a college degree either, and I ended up doing more or less what I wanted to do for a living anyway. I actually tend to agree that we don’t all need degrees and even that there should be more trade jobs. I just don’t think that’s a one-size-fits-all solution. Clearly, some people need to go to college. Also, it just seems pretty tone-deaf to tell a bunch of students in the middle of college that their problem was that they decided to go to college.

        • mancityRed6

          I started out because my grandma said her husband was a machinist and he never lacked for a job. And I’ve been working the same controls for about 4 years now, so I can almost find them by touch.

    • Dg Hacket

      Rediculous! Is the rep getting compensation from the boat company?

      • Who knows. A friend of mine actually works there, and he hates it. Said friend has a degree in computer stuff (I’m pretty sure that’s the technical term) but had trouble finding a job around here in computer stuff, so is building boats instead. I guess that’s probably what the guy is talking about when he says too many people are getting degrees. Apparently doing anything to attract better jobs to the area is out of the question.

  • Shoto
  • chascates
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Rasmussen pulls through! Whoopee!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Well that’s certainly an unimpeachable source.

    • How about an actual poll with real methodology?

      • Puck

        I’m looking at it trying to find the raw survey data myself, not finding a link…

        • SayItWithWookies

          People are saying — isn’t that data enough?!

          • Puck

            Nope. I do surveys so I know how the info can be subtly manipulated. The specific phrasing of the question matters but i’m not finding a link for the data. Then again, I think rasmussen is kinda known for leaning way off to the right IIRC

    • ariel_gee_398

      The internet needs a new rule: The Trump Uncertainty Principle – For any post quoting the words or citing the actions of Donald Trump, it is impossible to tell if it is real or parody.

    • FauxAntocles

      Fine print: Among the dead responding to seance.

    • Puck

      I have to assume the 50% is those who strongly *and* somewhat approve but this stuck out to me…

      “The latest figures for Trump include 30% who Strongly Approve of the way Trump is performing and 39% who Strongly Disapprove.” So just there the # against is higher.

      And this one made me laugh about how they get the # “Some readers wonder how we come up with our job approval ratings for the president since they often don’t show as dramatic a change as some other pollsters do. It depends on how you ask the question and whom you ask.”

      Yes, it does depend on the question asked. I think they post the raw data but you gotta pay for that so meh lol.

    • vivian

      Among Breitbart supporters I surmise.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Ainsley Earhardt’s smile could blind an eyeless vole at twenty feet….

  • Shoto
  • jellysblues

    People are saying that this was the best Easter egg hunt ever. I’m hearing tremendous things.

  • Nounverb911

    So has Melania gone back to ‘Fortress of Solitude’ on Fifth Avenue yet?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      On the red eye as we speak.

  • Jamoche

    http://www.sfgate.com/technology/businessinsider/article/Mike-Huckabee-rips-Comcast-in-lengthy-tweetstorm-11078782.php
    “Mike Huckabee rips Comcast in lengthy tweetstorm: ‘I’d rather have Obama back as president than have Comcast’ (CMCSA)”

    You and all the rest of us – oh wait.

    • jesterpunk

      Maybe congress critter Jim Sensenbrenner can tell Huckabee he doesnt need the internet.

      https://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/04/17/sensenbrenner_blunder_after_privacy_criticism/

    • Treg Brown

      That’s the beauty of the unregulated free market Huck! You’re at their mercy.

      Also, too, Eat a dick.

    • mancityRed6

      google fiber, take me away…oh, wait, you’re already on.
      thanks.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I can’t wait until it gets to me, although I was able to get Comcast to drop my wireless bill by half with my contract renewal in February. By invoking the “you aren’t giving me high speed” and “I have other options soon”.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Anyone heard of the Nazi Furries? No seriously:
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4412692/Neo-Nazi-furries-uproar-causes-convention-cancelation.html

    My brain is still having trouble getting around the concept. Nazi Furries? Those wacky but harmless kinksters?
    *head spins*

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/04/14/18/3F3FC3F700000578-4412692-image-a-4_1492190322184.jpg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Spay and neuter, people!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Uuuuuh…

      *scratches head*

      They do realize that the nazi’s would killed them, right?

      • C4TWOMAN

        Apparently not?

      • Puck

        If they had critical thinking skills, they probably wouldn’t be nazis.

    • Puck

      On the one hand, that’s not something I would have ever thought of. But on the other, hearing that it is a thing I can’t say i’m surprised. If it exists, it will eventually show up on the internet.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Kinda like Godwin meets Rule 34…

        • Puck

          Pretty much what I was thinking. A non porn rule 34 mixed with a bit o’ nazi. Garnished with ridiculousness.

          • mancityRed6

            non porn? wait, have I been going to the wrong conventions?

          • Puck

            Well if youre looking for the non porn ones, and that’s your problem, then you’re probably going to the right ones lol.

          • mancityRed6

            I’m not, but I’m also not saying this wouldn’t be fun for lounging on a winter’s day, getting drunk as hell:
            http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0fc9JODLsmg/UugmzIJ6JRI/AAAAAAAAOZE/Qasmt4r3Ovs/s1600/Christmas+Story+bunny+suit.jpg

          • Puck

            Well yeah. That’s just a snuggie with ears. Add in some weed and netflix and i’m down. Don’t know why that kid seems so sad lol.

          • mancityRed6

            no weed, no netflix, and it’s in a movie almost literally everyone told me to see and I was like “meh”, maybe that’s why.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            And feet. My snuggie doesn’t have feet.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        APANFITF (always punch a Nazi Furry in the face)….

        • Puck

          That may actually be more satisfying. With the Furry version you can totally knock the head off. Can’t do that with a normal Nazi unless you want jail time.

    • Nounverb911
      • MynameisBlarney

        How many Russians did the nazi’s kill?

        • Anna Elizabeth

          More than 26 million. At Volgograd, there is a hill where you can find human bones by shuffling your feet.

          “Not one step back!” I guess there a millions of Red Army of Workers and Peasants veterans spinning in their graves now.

          • LadyLaz

            Wow.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah. I enjoy learning about he Brits and the US during the war, but the Soviet Union did the heavy lifting, and paid the most. There were women that never got married because so many Russian men had died.

          • Persistent Demme

            I had a Russian student once (ESL), that said, “you think you Americans won the war, but WE won the war.”

      • Jenny

        What in the hell? Has the whole world lost their damn minds?

        • Parakeetist

          Yes.

      • ltmcdies

        really…they must be running of old timers who remember the Siege of Stalingrad, huh?

    • Contemplative Ron

      This is not a new thing. Their antecedents go back a good 20 years. I had to deal with them WAY too often back in the day.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I occasionally ran into Furries in the sci-fi con community, or people who would now be called furries. But they were too sparse to represent any political position, except in very broad terms, socially liberal that later attracted some to Libertarianism. That was probably the alt-right gateway so to speak, for those who had racist biases.

        • Contemplative Ron

          It was more notable if you were in the community itself, especially on Usenet. There was a very hard core of regressives that was very noisy and liked to cause trouble (and who were secretly VERY weirdly kinked, according to some artists they had commissioned work from.) They are, to a great extent, why furry is so deadly dull in public these days.

        • Persistent Demme

          It usually is.

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        Your furry days?

        • Contemplative Ron

          Which technically are still going on. I just don’t bother with conventions any more, and I am nowhere near as pivotal a figure as I was in the 90s. But I still build a decent fursuit.

  • Nounverb911

    Next, kellyanne will tackle ‘My Pet Goat’.
    https://twitter.com/wheastereggroll/status/854067489939922944

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “Mommy, why doesn’t that lady in the pink dress have any underwear?”…

      • Nounverb911

        Sharon Stone libelz!

      • Anna Rompage

        Worried about panty lines?

        Or needed to make a quick get away after a little time spent in the janitors closet with Donnie?

      • jesterpunk
        • MynameisBlarney

          Yeah, right?

          I can’t see the link, and I’m pretty sure I don’t wanna.

          • jesterpunk

            The gif isnt anything bad, just think of your reaction to the comment about Kellyanne Conjob.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I literally just spewed beer on my keyboard.

            HA!

            *checks one item off the bucket list*

      • SayItWithWookies

        She’s auditioning for Uncle Rupert.

    • OrG

      I thought the Pagans gave us Easter.

      • MynameisBlarney

        No, it was Necromancers.

        Because, lich.

        • OrG

          That punkabilly band?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Um…

            Sure.

            They’re time travelers.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      God killed his son because love.

  • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

    Have we always had a mobile app? Why didn’t Shy tell me?

    • Yr. Gma

      Took me awhile to find that out, too.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Now I can be with you ALWAYS!!!

    • It’s super handy!

    • Shoto

      How do we get hooked up with that thing?

      • Add to your device homepage from mobile Chrome

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        I saw a mobile button at the bottom of a story. This one, in fact

  • Maxine on Chris! Maxine on Chris!

    • mancityRed6

      are you…trying to tell us something?
      calm down, and say it again.

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      I love them so many

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      You just know he’s gonna tweet on Maxine while Ivanka screams don’t do it. exhibit A – BillO

    • eggsacklywright

      Hope she’s wearing a spit guard.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Hayes

        • eggsacklywright

          Oops.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    CONWAY: I think First Lady Miche— …
    Another Fraudian slip.

  • Nounverb911
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      “Speak up!!”
      “Did he say, ‘Blessed are the cheesemakers’?”

      • C4TWOMAN

        Its’ actually a reference to all manufacturers of dairy products.

        • vivian

          Not just the curds?

          • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

            groooooooooaaaaannnnnn

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            No. This is why he said: Give us this day our daily Brie….

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Clearly the message here is that Jon Ossoff swings a way bigger stick than Donald Trump. Hand size thing, I guess.

    eta: sorry, link didn’t publish

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4961fafed277b7bf838e53c8741f23359abc0a6b79587db58173a3b076af06ba.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      Wait isnt he a politician from outside Georgia trying to influence the vote there? Also he has threatened to kill healthcare unless he gets what he wants. Projecting much?

      https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-line/wp/2017/04/13/trump-has-a-strange-new-plan-to-threaten-democrats-its-a-sick-joke/

    • RobKanC

      ummm.. how is Ossoff gonna do all that when the repubs are in the majority and this is mostly protest voting.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        With his Star Wars saber. Duh.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        No clue, but he seems to be way more powerful than Trump is.

        • RobKanC

          Plus I bet he won’t go to mar-a-lago every weekend.

    • ltmcdies

      notice how they keep Nancy Pelosing…..

      but if that doesn’t work….steal some voting machines.
      https://twitter.com/wsbtv/status/854091602494607361

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Funny, there are 15, yes 15, Republicans in that clown car. And the one polling biggest is at 20%. Karen Handel, who used to be the GA secretary of state, and is our version of Sarah Palin, having never completed any term on any post she has been appointed to.

  • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

    Get him Maxine!

  • Chadwells

    OT: That’s a good friend.

    “Oregon man dies ‘peacefully’ after told Trump was impeached”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/news/329204-oregon-man-dies-peacefully-after-hes-told-trump-has-been-impeached

    • Puck

      Indeed

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911

    I hope someone called the cops on this creep.
    https://twitter.com/TWareStevens/status/853758168501035009

    • Puck

      Well if they do they got his license plate # right there lol.

      • Picabo

        In GOD WE TRUST. LOL.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Actually, he pays extra for that! Most plates have the county you are registered in.

    • boyblue123

      republicans seem mighty worried over one rep’s seat

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        They should be. Atlanta is lit up, son! They have the nerve to act surprised too. During the legislative session, they scheduled votes for early and late nights and were shocked, shocked I say, that the galleries were full up with people.

        • LadyLaz

          This. Not just Atlanta

    • OrG

      Again,the only way these creeps can win is lying,cheating and stealing.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      All this Podesta talk has George Soros asking what about me?

    • Persistent Demme

      Broad daylight?!
      Rookie move, fella.

      • C4TWOMAN

        At least smear mud on your plates…

  • Nounverb911
    • OrG

      I agree on this,fuck the star spangled banner.

      • Wild Cat

        I go to a fucking ballgame. Everyone has to jack off to that fucking song, plus ‘God Bless America.’ Then they drag two soldier whores to be ball-slathered by the chicken hawk crowds. Military recruiters play the anthemn; our tax $$$ go to fighter jet flyovers.

        Fuck Francis Scott Key, Irving Berlin, war, and chicken hawks.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          A. Don’t fuck with Kate Smith singing God Bless America at a Flyers game. B. There is no B.

          • Wild Cat

            I know.
            Islanders fan here. It didn’t work in 1975 (good try, Clark Gilles), but we beat them in 1979-80, and the violent orange snowcones will never match our four-straight-cup dominance.

            PS: Penguins suck! ;-)

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Thems fighting words and yuze got your asses whooped by a rookie goaltender in Hextall in 1985. But truth be told, no Flyers fan hates the Islandez anywhere near as much as they hate the Rangez.

          • Wild Cat

            No Flyer fan hates the rags as much as an Islander fan. But current hatred level for NYI masochists is:
            Pittsburgh
            Washington
            rags
            Philly

          • Wild Cat

            Oh, and it’s rainjizz.

          • To be fair, Flyers fans hate pretty much everyone.
            Redwings, Devils, Islanders, Bruins…..

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Well, yeah. But we love everyone else!

          • Wild Cat

            Youse guys gotta go out to Las Vegas and drive the gamblers at the Golden Knights games to drink.

          • Rangers, Panthers, Avalanche even when they were the Canucks or whatever maple eating team….

          • Wild Cat

            a) What country names a team with an ethnic insult like that in the 1970s?
            b) They’re West Coast. Canucks are Quebec French Canadians—makes no sense.
            (I think David Bremmer had a long joke about this eons ago.)

          • I just could not remember if the Cans became the Avalanche or if they became one of those other teams. Think there were two canadian teams that moved, but cannot recall.
            Also, considering the Red Skins and the Indians and allllll the whoopin Cherokee/Seminole/Mowhawk HS teams, don’t think we can rightly poke at the Canadians naming their team Canuck muchly.

        • LadyLaz

          Yes!!! I am so tired of the military worshipping sh!t. I love the military but they are not gods!!!!

          • Wild Cat

            Why do you love them? They’re full up with white supremacists/racist warriors/evangelical shits. “God on My Side,” by military counsel Mikey Weinstein is a good source.

          • LadyLaz

            Well I love the military in general. Most of our high level officers are good. Individuals in the military. Eh not so much.

          • Wild Cat

            My final word of advice is to be very wary of the US military, very wary.

          • LadyLaz

            I think our founding fathers were wise to put it in the hands of a civilian

          • Military truly is half and half. Airforce fly boys are a bit much on the evangelical types, but the navy helps balance that out some.
            Bottom line, they take an oath to uphold the constitution first and foremost. Wary is fine, suspicious because reasons maybe not so much.

        • data_ninja

          Yeah, those fucking fighter jet fly overs scared the PISS outta me on opening day last Tuesday. I work downtown and those fuckers are LOUD, and I had no idea they were coming.

          • Wild Cat

            Plus that’s our tax money that can be helping humans here being wasted for a fascist jack off. We are the most fucked up shithole in the multiverse.

          • Begin Anew Day

            I understand that dimension X has a version of donnie with a purple mohawk on top of his head, a lot full of used cars to sell, 16 ex-wives, television ads that sponsor the late late late show. Dimension X also has legal weed everywhere and Barrack Obama was declared Benevolent Dictator Of All Earth for Eternity.

            Excuse me while I pack my ditty bag. I think I’ll just hitch a ride with Mr. Spock and bop on over to Dimension X.

          • Nyumbu

            Yup. All I’d been hearing all day was “y’think North Korea is going to bomb us (us being the nearest US target and the only one he has a prayer of reaching)” and then the jets started scrambling. OTOH, I guess I proved there are atheists in foxholes.

      • Begin Anew Day

        I only like it when Jimi Hendrix sings it.

    • jesterpunk

      Hey if Obama did that Lumpy would be complaining non stop. Oh wait Lumpy only cares when its a democrat and its a cheap shot to point out when a republican doesnt put their hand over their heart.

      https://mediamatters.org/research/2007/10/24/regarding-national-anthem-controversy-hannity-a/140186

      Lumpy and friends are hypocrites.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNiqpBNE9ik

    • Well be fair – it isn’t that he’s reluctant, it’s that he doesn’t HAVE one.

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        I think he just forgets where he is.

        • Jenny

          Well. In that case, next time I hope he remembers it is right up his ass.

    • Lizzietish81

      Weird I remember people flipping the fuck out over Obama not saluting a flag.

      • data_ninja

        You people and your memories.

      • Red Bird Ω

        I remember people flipping out over Obama not being white. :O

      • TheBoatDude

        Well, he was black, after all. What’s a decent person to do?

  • msanthropesmr
    • #nosuchthingasafish

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Dear Lord, I pray that you will give Tiffany Trump the wisdom and the power and the knowledge to run like hell from her family because they are shitheads. I ask this in American Jeebus name. Amen. PS. If you can’t grant this prayer, then can you please at least put a cap in the ass of people who oppose me? I hear you’re big on 2A issues.

      • Please let her know enough to be able to roll on them and yell”say my name, bitch!” as Donnie is hauled off to jail

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          And all God’s people said, “AMEN”

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I doubt it’s her–no blue check mark.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Randy Owen is Jeebus? Who knew?!
      .
      https://i.ytimg.com/vi/X8ou8iHmZTI/hqdefault.jpg

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Jesus Fucking Christ.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Jokes on Donnie. I hear he is his own enemy.

    • Jesus: You’re kidding me, right, Tiff? Fuck girl, get a grip.

    • LadyLaz

      Is that real? Because if so there is something seriously wrong with Tiffany trump

      • Not sure, but, there is something seriously wrong with Tiff.
        She is the kid her dad talked about how great her boobs would be as a toddler.
        Then he dumped her and her mother and had very little if anything to do with her since.

    • Begin Anew Day

      Donald is NOT liking that JC is taller, younger, prettier and can walk on water. Donald wants to fire JC.

      Face it donnie, it’s hard to top “son-of-god” on the resume.

  • Wild Cat

    Is that photo from Bob Dylan’s new album, “Slag on Slag”?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Minor-league “re-accommodation”, courtesy of the Dunedin Blue Jays.

    https://twitter.com/DunedinBlueJays/status/854124605023416320

    • OrG

      Is Florida trying to rehabilitate its image? Wait,it would have to be habilitated first.

    • Left Coast Tom

      This confused me at first as the only “Dunedin” I’ve encountered is a decent size town in New Zealand, but I guess this is in Florida?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yeah – little city with a Class A team in the Florida State League.

        • Parakeetist

          I live close to there, I go to the games sometimes.

  • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy
  • LadyLaz

    Yow! I am hheeeallled I tellzya. Healed

  • C4TWOMAN

    Oh look, the honeymoon is over for Russia:

    https://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2017-04-17/russia-warns-u-s-not-to-use-force-unilaterally-against-n-korea

    According to Dmitry Kiselyov, the Kremlin’s top TV mouthpiece, the riskiest is Donald Trump, the man Russian officials and propagandists hailed just a few weeks ago as just the kind of leader the world needed.

    In the latest sign of the Kremlin’s abrupt about-face on its erstwhile
    American hero, Kiselyov pronounced Trump “more dangerous” than his North Korean counterpart. “Trump is more impulsive and unpredictable than Kim Jong Un,” he told viewers of his prime-time Sunday “Vesti Nedelyi” program, which earlier this year carried paeans to Trump for his pledge to warm up relations with Russia.

    Is anyone swallowing this swill? If Putin was really “OMG worried” about Trump, he’d just release the pee hooker tapes or whatever the fuck he actually has on the Great Orange One.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yes, this totally means that there was/is no collusion at all.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I think one of Putie’s weaknesses is not understanding a population with a free and uncensored press is very hard to control.
        This story would play perfectly…if we weren’t aware of the Russian /Trump investigations , etc. How would we know it sounds dodgy?

      • vivian

        Absolutely nun. I’m convicted… I mean convinced!

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      well, like any other WMD, you can only use blackmail material once.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Imma guessing there are plenty more …um…grenades or mines, to extend the metaphor. And then there’s those “accidents”, if one wanders too far from the secret service and/or outside the US borders….

    • Pinkham’s Law

      How could Vlad have known that a brash, impulsive narcissist who has never had to answer to anyone since his father died would fail to be a subservient, submissive puppet?

    • If Vlad were really that concerned, he’d call his debts

  • Anna Elizabeth

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtOV7bp-gys

    As You Will
    Shall be the whole of the Law
    And if it don’t feel good,
    What are you Doin’ it for?

    I feel like Robbie wrote this song about me. XD

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      You are obsessed. Isn’t this the third night this song has been posted? Do we need to have an intervention?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Sorry.

  • Lizzietish81

    So on a slightly related note, I keep getting offers for eyelash extensions, which always makes me think of this….

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHTp8ngYBMw

    • msanthropesmr

      So, like random people on the street just asking you if you want them?

      • snark-lurker

        i too wondering…and extentions different than “false eyelashes”?

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          I got them once. Once. They were attached one by one to my existing lashes with excessive glue. When half of them fell off, they took my real lashes hostage. Never again.

          • snark-lurker

            yikes : (

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Four colors? I bet they were white, white, eastern european, and white.

    • yyyaz

      Eggshell, ecru, beige and cream.

      • Red Bird Ω

        Also porcelain and milky for our brethren in Ireland.

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          Parchment for that bitch, Queen Betty

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    I has a miserable! In preparation for dentures, I had every tooth in my head removed today. I look like hamster with face full of nuts, and feel like Steve Bannon smells. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b6dce58b028aebc3be96de476f413a2f787a424208c0826f8b1745f622fdce6e.jpg

    And in sideways. On the upside, I am trashed on Vicoden.

    • TJ Barke

      You’re spelling is very coherent for being trashed.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        I’ve always been a functional inebriate.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Dude…

    • snark-lurker

      i REFUSE to View that!

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        No empty mouth showing! Just sad misery face.

        • snark-lurker

          ain’t gonna look

    • OrG

      You’re wasting pain pills on pain?

      • proudgrampa

        Really. What’s with that?

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          Come visit me. I have 3 or 400 in my bathroom.

      • Begin Anew Day

        THAT made me LOL!

        ;>)

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Don’t want to, but Jesus tap-dancing christ it hurts.

    • proudgrampa

      I feel your pain…

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        I’m not feeling much of it right about now!

    • LadyLaz

      Sorry dude :(

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Thanks!

    • :huggles: will be joining you likely in a year, m aybe, tops.
      Sigh.
      20+ years of no dental yeah.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Mine was Tetracycline as a child, and no dental for about 10 years. Did finally get Delta Dental. Very reasonable, depending on the state. Plus the extractions went against medical ins.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Like a common Rush Limbaugh? Unpossible! Seriously, I’m sorry. That’s my biggest fear. I’ve had my whole mouth reconstructed, and if anything goes south…

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Thanks! That’s where I was, and dentures were better than replacing crowns and posts. Too much Tetracycline as a kid.

  • Picabo

    From Juanita Jeans. “White House Easter Egg Roll.

    How self-absorbed can a man be? Trump takes a kid’s hat, signs it, and then tosses it into the crowd.”

    http://juanitajean.com/oh-dude-thats-mean/#comments

    Watch the video.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      It’s all about him. The kid can go fuck himself as far as Donald is concerned.

      • MynameisBlarney

        That poor kids “Noooooo!” is what the turmp voters are feeling right now.

        They trusted him, and now they’re fucked.

        • ltmcdies

          I sincerely hope somebody in that crowd gave that kid his hat back..

          • You kiddin? From the fuck you I got mine crowd?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well…some are expressing a bit of buyers remorse.

            Not that I have any sympathy for them whatsoever.

            Fuck ’em.

          • snark-lurker

            why?

          • ltmcdies

            just for the kid….serves his idiot parents right seeing a demo of their “fearless leader” idiotic traits.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Because he’s not living up to the nationalistic and isolationist bullshit he was all about during his campaign.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            He did get it. Video from another angle shows that Donnie Dearest threw it juuuuuust out of his reach, and he was able to jump and grab it before anybody else go it. Fucking asshole.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Trump voters aren’t that smart…

          • MynameisBlarney

            No, they’re not really.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            My favorite bumper sticker EVER: “One out of three Trump supporters is just as stupid as the other two.”

    • ltmcdies

      saw that this morning….it’s like Trump needs a handler to stand right beside him for him to remember how to act.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Have you seen the video of Melania nudging Trump to put his hand on his heart for the National Anthem? Then the dumb fuck couldn’t even find his heart. Truly a moron.

        • ltmcdies

          noticed even Barron got that bit right…

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m starting to think Trump may have Alzheimer’s, or else he’s seriously mentally ill.

  • Debra Dassow

    It is a stupid egg roll, rabbits do not lay eggs, so perhaps Melanis could give a speech on the history of this tradition, Estes…spring … fertility etc.

    • yyyaz

      She seems just as incurious about anything outside her tiny bubble as her shitty hubby.

    • LadyLaz

      Omg!!! My kid was totally putting me on the paces about Easter this year. Little turkey was grilling me. “What do you mean Jesus rose from the dead, and what does that have to do with Easter bunnies laying eggs?” I was kinda proud. Showed true rational thought.

      And it didn’t help that my husband was in the background saying Jesus was a zombie.

      • Dok dun corrected me last night and said not zombie, lich.
        But I still think Zombie.

  • proudgrampa

    Watched a couple of stories about Ossoff, running in the Georgia congressional race, on MSNBC.

    Me likey!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Election results tomorrow!!

    • LadyLaz

      He’s cute. And a hope for a new kinda Georgia. I just got slapped for being mean over on the slate boards but this district went by 1.5% for trump. That’s a huge change. There are many highly educated young atlantans who do not like trump or the old south ways.

      • how were you being mean at slate?

        • LadyLaz

          Sigh. I was. Someone made a kackassery comment that of COURSE he’d lose because it was “f@cking Georgia.” I called him a moron and a bunch of slaties jumped on me for being a jerk. But it gets tiresome. In many ways the government does not accurately reflect the population (exhibit A – North Carolina). Georgia was close for HRC. And Atlanta went for her.

          I know. Many mouth breathers, but not as many (in re the population) than you’d think.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Georgia and North Carolina used to give me hope for the South, and then NC decided to go full on batshit crazy. I’ve still got my fingers crossed for Georgia.

          • LadyLaz

            Georgia has a strong enough business community that it can put a hurt on some of the stupidity. I attended a literacy brunch last week and it was a pleasure to hear a bunch of old white guys saying we needed better support and money for our teachers and public education.

            Don’t give up on NC yet. The population with some help from the Fourth circuit is pushing back on the gerrymandering. So bad down here.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m in South Carolina, so I’m just naturally fatalistic. I’m hoping to move to NC so I can help that state be normal again.

          • LadyLaz

            Charleston is lovely. I have good memories of pawley’s island as well in the summers. But my husband had a substantial job offer that would have settled us in Columbia. I just couldn’t. And he knew it.

            I want my kids growing up multicultural. And I do not underestimate the value of seeing many different kinds when one is small. ive already had the conversation with my oldest about why a woman may marry a woman because there are three LGBT families in my church. She’s eight.

            The reason we laud those who rise above their environment is because it is hard to do….

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I left Charleston at 20 to go live in NYC for 15 years. That made me figure out everything I had been raised to believe was bullshit.

          • LadyLaz

            I getcha

          • Oh, I know it. As a transplant yank now in the south, I know just what you mean.
            I do not think people understand how voter suppression and gerrymandering work, to be honest. How yes, gerrymandering does not work in statewides!!!!! Except….when you suddenly have to travel 45 minutes by car to vote, only, you do not have a car, and there is no mass transit.

            Edit: Also, in that scenario, I do not think it was you being the jerk, for what it is worth.

        • TheBoatDude

          She was probably being honest…that never goes over well…

    • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • proudgrampa

      OH MY GOD! THE SKY HAS STOPPED WORKING!!!!!!!!!!

      What? Oh. Never mind…

    • ltmcdies

      End Times? Does that mean all those obnoxious evangelical types will get raptured away…

      • Joke is on them. They get raptured to the afterlife- the remainder of us get to make this world actually worth something

        • ltmcdies

          that’s what I’m thinking…

          • Lookin forward to it myself. They totally misread that whole thing. Just wish we could see the looks on their faces when they realize they’ve been had…

        • TheBoatDude

          Whenever a Christian asks you why you don’t go to church “Becuase church is filled with people like you” is a fine response.

          • I don’t go to church because Jesus himself said to skip that and commune instead in private ^.^
            That gets em every time.

      • TheBoatDude

        Don’t tease…

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Straight to hell.

    • Lizzietish81

      It’s like the Hunger Games announcing who died that day

    • Ten bucks says this becomes the basis for some conspiracy theory that not only is our world flat, it is mostly a computer matrix like simulation.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I wonder if anyone tried turning it off and and turning it back on again?

      • Heh.
        Today our office printer went down. And no lie, my team leader went “Dd you try turning it off and on?” And I gave her soooo much shit.
        Then she called IT, and they asked the same thing of her XD She lost it, was good

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Priceless.

        • Pierre_de_Fermat

          Uh …. really. Sometimes it effects a reset. The restart should get the internal system to reinitialize itself. That sounds more IT-ish than “turn it off and on”, but these are not hugely sophisticated systems. And yes, sometimes the machines don’t work because they are unplugged. Really. (and don’t get me started on a broken cable)

    • TheBoatDude

      Now we have to turn the sky off and on again…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        ‘scuse me while I reboot the sky

    • Doug Langley

      Oh great. Does this mean Microsoft has bought the sky and will charge us to breathe?

  • According to Chris Hayes, bar for successful event for this administration is where no one was seriously injured. So Easter thing was massive success

    • ltmcdies

      the history of the White House Easter Egg roll has long list of causalities does it.

      Can’t be worse than the White House Turkey Pardon.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        can’t wait for some Obama embedded WH staffer presents Donald with a turkey with attitude. He has an effect on the avians
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M41aZX5ijVM

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          All turkeys have attitudes. They’re like stupid cats that way.

    • Objection! Child who had his hat signed, and then flung into the crowd to compete over it like a common apprentice show, was likely injured in soul!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      How about emotional trauma though? I’ll bet some of those kids will never be the same again.

      • snark-lurker

        all the MILFs were later seen walking funny

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      It’ll take years for the effect of the lead in the gold painted eggs to manifest.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I believe that’s what’s known as the “Bush doctrine.”

    • Left Coast Tom

      See, that’s why he’s paid the big bucks. Last time I was pulled over for speeding it never occurred to me to explain to the officer that it was all good because nobody was seriously injured.

      • We can pretend he was just being snarky, right?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • TootsStansbury

      This is the 4th of july.

  • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’
    • Ayep

    • ltmcdies

      if it’s spring it must “suppress the vote” time in Georgia

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        peach of an idea…

        • OrG

          That pun is the pits.

          • vivian

            Better call the fuzz

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Brave of you to say that.

      • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

        Fuzzy logic.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      George Soros strikes again!

    • Sophia

      Okay there is so much wrong in this story

      1) the equipment was stolen on Saturday evening while the vehicle was parked at the Kroger on Canton Road.

      2) Eveler said the machines have voter information on them, but that information is “hard to access.”

      3) the Cobb County Elections Office waited two days to notify my office of this theft.

      • If it is a machine and it stores information on it, it is not that hard to access.

        • Sophia

          Not like it’s a Library book that they have to return in a week. They have as long as they need to figure it out.

          • True that. But I bet whomever stoled it had it cracked in about an hour. maybe two tops if they stopped for some Taco Bell

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    All these things are fulfillments of prophecies that appear in The Gospel According to Derp, available at Amazon for $34.99 for hardcover, $18.99 for paperback. Coming soon as an audiobook!

  • mancityRed6

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/04/kellyanne-conway-suports-trumps-claims
    “Kellyanne Conway Supports Trump’s Claims Of Paid Agitators: ‘Look Into It!'”

    • We have, Kelly! Turns out the only agitators being paid by anyone are on the right and mostly from such illustrious sources as project veritas!

    • ltmcdies

      god she sounds more and more like Michelle Bachman every time she talks

      • mancityRed6

        go to link for a “good” picture near the end.

      • OrG

        That’s NOT a compliment,right?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’d almost admire her for her sheer ability to lie with a straight face, if she hadn’t supported the two biggest pieces of shit in American politics – Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. At some point she’ll start working for Paul Ryan.

        • ooooo who is to say she is not working for Paul?
          All those oopsies to make Trump look bad maybe?
          Someone should warn the twitters

          • Lambsendbeds

            It would be irresponsible not to speculate! Release the flying monkeys!

    • Delu

      When has she not supported Trump on what he said?

      At least before being lambasted for doing so?

    • Duke

      “Prove me wrong!”

      It’s a workable approach for the decietful

      • Lambsendbeds

        Just like Xenophilious Lovegood and the Crumple-Horned Snorkak.

        • Puck

          Well can you disprove that God is not a flying teapot spinning around the planet? I thought not :P

      • Puck

        Yeah… just the whole “prove a negative”… that’s not how this works.

    • SayItWithWookies

      If Assmouth ever said a single thing about his opponents that was based in fact, it might bear something more than out-of-hand dismissal. But that’ll just be a hypothetical forever.

    • Jenny

      Aww and people were just letting her on shows again. SAD!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    SAL-9000: Will I dream?
    Dr. Chandra: Of course you will. All intelligent beings dream. Nobody knows why.

    https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/what-computers-dream-of-when-they-look-at-porn-nsfw

    • TJ Barke

      It’s your brain running simulations.

    • mancityRed6

      I had a dream on Friday night/Sat morning that someone was letting me shred their weed and I offered $10 for two joints, but I didn’t have the money on me and had to go to the car.
      I met a couple of people outside that I have known in the past and then I woke up.

      • mancityRed6

        my dream last night is a recurring one where you have to bend the bucket seats down in a late ’70s corvette to get the headrests in place, but last night the headrests were gone.

      • Puck

        Absurd. $10 for 2 joints is too much lol.

        • mancityRed6

          you’ve obviously never been to Colorado. I think I paid $20 for a nice fat blunt.

          • Inflation is sneaky

          • mancityRed6

            it was big, but I did take the little filter off. no need.

          • Back in the day, a dime cost ten bucks. shit man, that is why it was called a dime.
            Could get nice fat ones from friends who always slipped in a lil extra. Allegedly.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            7-10 at my dispensary

          • mancityRed6

            yeah, “member” prices were lower, but at the time we were shopping at a chain that posted their prices on the net.

          • Puck

            I live in Oregon and with our legal places you can get a gram joint for $3.

          • mancityRed6

            if you could only see my side eye from Kansas.

          • Puck

            Yar, I hear ya lol. It’s nice here with it being legal. And you can just go into a store. Much better than waiting on a guy whos almost there… then again almost there… 4 hours later maybe shows up lol.

          • mancityRed6

            wait, they come to your house? I had to show up to work with $110 for an ounce 20 years ago.
            fat chance of that now.

          • Puck

            Well most of the people I got stuff from did delivery’s. Just really unreliable. If i’m doing my math right, from the legal weed places you can get an ounce for about that if you’re just lookin at the low quality (10% thc) stuff. Personally I don’t need the high grade stuff so that works for me lol.

          • mancityRed6

            yeah, having a choice was awesome. and the stores smelled so damn skunky from the outside.

          • Puck

            That’s the nice bit about from what iv’e seen here in town anyway. Yeah, they have the top shelf stuff but if you just want a decent high that wont knock your ass out they have that too. And it’s cheap lol.

          • Puck

            Well the legal people don’t deliver here, yet anyway. More of the “black market” people I know who do. Downside with them thou is they all run on drug dealer time. As in “oh yeah, almost there….(hour later) yeah about to hit you up (another hour goes by) yeah man almost there”… So while nice when they do show, bit of a pain when they don’t. And that’s whats nice about the legal shops. Just pop in, get what you want and get out lol.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            $25-$30 a gram for the top shelf KB in the dispenseries

          • Puck

            That’s for the top shelf stuff though. I’m fine with the mid to low grade stuff. I don’t need much lol.

          • mancityRed6

            that’s closer to what i paid for a quarter.

          • Puck

            Personally I don’t care for joints/blunts. Just a waste of weed. I’d rather just load a bowl, take small hits, hold in the smoke and enjoy lol.

          • mancityRed6

            after we got back we went out and bought the ex a nice glass bong. I stuck with some of my homemade pipes.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      I dreamt last night that I was taken into custody and brought, handcuffed, into a room where the Trump kids all pointed at me and accused me of saying nasty things about their father. I am not even kidding.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Trump Is Making the GOP Heinously Unpopular Again
    By Eric Levitz

    “The Republican Party has almost nothing to offer the average voter. Large majorities of Americans believe that abortion should be legal in most cases; taxes on the rich should not be cut; undocumented immigrants should be given a path to legalization; the environment should be prioritized over energy production; and the government should spend more money on Medicaid.

    But most Americans also think their government is corrupt and untrustworthy — and don’t get them started about those clowns in Congress.

    For as long as the GOP was in the opposition, this latter fact provided cover for the former one. Congressional Republicans could perform conservative purity for their base, while offering vague promises of “change” to the broader, dissatisfied public. And since Paul Ryan and company couldn’t actually pass their most heinously unpopular ideas into law, delivering for the tea-party crowd didn’t preclude appealing beyond it: In their fight against Obamacare, Republicans could equate Medicaid expansion with Stalinism to everyone on their email lists — while attacking the law for cutting Medicare and failing to provide truly universal coverage to the general public.”

    • TJ Barke

      So people are waking up to the “The government is broken, vote for me and I’ll make sure of it” ruse?

      • Delu

        I think they actually believe their own ruse.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Not Levitz. He reluctantly decided heightened contradictions weren’t a great idea after Trump got in office so now he thinks the Democrats should turn to white men, who know how to talk to working people (because those’re white men too).

        • Claire

          I’m pretty over this idea that the rest of us have to get the permission of rural white men to live in the 21st century. We’ve got the population, we’ve got the money, we should just find a way to steamroll them.

          • Step one is to stop wasting resources and time and attention on people who will literally vote against their own best interests so long as someone tells them what they want to hear.

          • Claire

            And it really needs to be step 1. I’m so tired of Democratic politicians chasing frantically after people who hate the Dem base, begging to be loved. Screw those people. Turn your own base out first, then worry about people who hate you.

          • So very much this. The problem with libtards is they want to govern ALL the people. You know. Like some sort of politician or something.
            They have not woke to the fact that, unfortunately as it may be, the right base considers Democrats to be somewhere below friggin ISIS on the grand scale of evil.

            Edit: Proof for this; Hillary calls half Trump supporters deplorable and they lose their shit. Trump et al constantly calls the Democrats “Enemies” and there is nothing wrong with that.

      • Jenny

        Nah. Now it is proof both sides do it. Revolution!!111! Wait, Voice is on… bqwhatever

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Most of the Republicans I know are genuinely stupid. I spoke to my neighbor today, who did NOT believe unemployment was 4.7% three months ago, but now totally believes unemployment is 4.5%. He literally thought unemployment was 30% during Obama’s term. I had to say to him “yeah, because there’s a bunch of old people like you sitting on your duffs collecting unemployment. I hope Republicans fix that by cutting your benefits, so they can cut taxes on the rich again, and you can get back in to the workforce.” Strangely, he has no desire to cut HIS Social Security benefits. He’s convinced the biggest driver of the national debt is Obamaphones.

        • Claire

          They’re so adamant that benefits should be cut for the undeserving, and it never once occurs to them that Republican politicians holding $1000-a-plate fundraisers in DC might think *they’re* the undeserving ones.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I asked one of the Republican dolts I know if he didn’t realize that when Mitt Romney was talking about the 47% of lazy Americans collecting checks he was talking about HIM. Naturally, they think Social Security is something they earned, and that the 47% of Americans who are “on the dole” are all on Welfare. They really have no clue that the GOP wants to cut SS and Medicare.

          • Claire

            I wonder if people like that just don’t have the first clue what genuinely wealthy people are like. Like, how does some random dude on Social Security think that he’s in the club of people Mitt Romney thinks aren’t a waste of space? People like that don’t understand that, to the 1%, there’s not much difference between poor white people and poor black people. The operative word is “poor,” and the 1% doesn’t want any part of that icky poorness stuff.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I know, that always cracks me up. I know a lot of rich people, and for the most part, they are disgusted by poor people.

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          Remind him that Regan started the obamaphone program. They love that.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            He doesn’t believe it, and he can’t Google it, because according to him Google is the leftist media. I shit you not.

          • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

            I vaguely remember a dust-up a few years ago (Birther claims, IIRC) that Google only gives “Leftist!!!!” results.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Yes, that Google search engine is nothing but algorithms that George Soros made up to deceive hardworking white Americans.

        • grindstone

          Huh, you live next to my FIL. He’s a pretty decent guy, but EVERYTHING that is wrong is Obama’s fault, and facts make no dent whatsoever.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Facts are totally unimportant to Republicans.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Hey, we’re Repubs, we just investigate what the Dems legislate.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Republicans really have no clue how to govern. All they can do is rail against Obama. They’re so dumb, they actually think believe Obama is runnig a shadow government, while he’s parasailing with Richard Branson.

        • yachting with the Boss and Oprah also!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            What fiendish plans are they cooking up while eating lobster, drinking champagne, and laughing at how stupid Trump is?

    • snark-lurker

      “‘Heinously’ Unpoplar”?
      fascinating

    • Claire

      That’s what we thought in 2016, too. I’ll believe it when they start getting voted out of office in large numbers.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That’s why a small part of me was hoping they’d repeal Obamacare, so they could get tossed out on their asses, and we could all go back to sanity.

    • Hutch

      Here’s the deal. You vote for me. Whatever. I tell you what to do and you keep your trap shut. I do nothing for you, but keep your trap shut.

  • Shoto
    • MynameisBlarney

      Damn, RIP Mr. Holdsworth.

    • OrG

      Wasn’t a huge fan myself,but I used to be in a band with a guy who worshiped him. He definitely had chops.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Joy covering Rachel tonight!

    • Lambsendbeds

      Love that woman!

      • Red Bird Ω

        My mom says she watches Joy when she wants a break from the repetitive news.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Just take Greta Van’s washroom passkey away from her and give it to Joy.

  • Hutch

    Honestly, I wake up every morning hoping someone has sprinkled really large lego block under Trump’s bed where he will wake up and fall on them naked. But really, really sharp, pointed, large lego blocks.*

    *Thanks so much Dok for clarifying the commenting rules..

    • Puck

      Personally, i’m hoping for the day when I can wake up and look at the news and not think “What. The. Actual. Fuck”. It may happen.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I wake up in the morning and check to see if WWIII has started.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I turn on the news every night, wondering what outrageous thing has happened while I’ve been working.

      • theblackdog

        I figure I’ll know in the morning based on if I’m horribly burned by a nuke blast. I really need to convince work to let me go full-time remote so I can get away from the danger zone that is DC

  • Ok. I have to go make frosting. Pics later…

    • Hutch

      Pics or GTFO, as they say.

      • I have to go make it be frosting, currently it’s 4 ingredients in their packaging

        • mancityRed6

          you know that stuff comes in little cardboard cans, right?

          • Ewww. No. I did not know that pancake mix existed until i was 16. And i was horrified to discover it did

          • data_ninja

            This is the reason they call liberals elitist. Because of you and your pancake bigotry. (I never thought I’d have to type those words ever again.)

          • True dat. I make de best pancakes with a mix that you just add water to.
            Course, there are copious amounts of butter and maple syrup afterward…..

          • data_ninja

            Pancakes are the breakfast version of nachos. They are simple delivery systems for toppings.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Aaack…you beat me to it!

          • we all have serious issues XD

          • data_ninja

            GMTA, etc

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Everyone knows pancakes are just butter and syrup delivery systems.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Add a Tbl or 2 of Vanilla extract to the water. Heavenly! Uh, not that I’D use a mix!

          • Doug Langley

            Confess, Pinky.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Heh. I can be lazy, sometimes. Dinner tonight? Green beans & cheese bread. I did take time to make some good green beans, but STILL!

          • mancityRed6

            how are you gonna do drop biscuits on the cheap and hungover without the Bisquick?

          • mancityRed6

            I learned about Bisquick from my dad who still made sure to put the fork marks in his homemade peanut butter cookies.

        • Red Bird Ω

          Cinnamon, vanilla, Bailey’s and butterscotch???

    • vivian

      So that’s what the kids are calling it these days?

    • eggsacklywright

      For your nipples?

  • Sophia
  • mancityRed6

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/04/abcs-jon-karl-calls-out-sean-spicer-admit
    “ABC’s Jon Karl Calls Out Sean Spicer: Admit That Trump ‘Is Never Going To Release His Tax Returns'”
    The video at the end.

    • Shoto

      Spicy is fast-talking, lying, used-car salesman, sociopath MFer.

      Yeah, I sugar-coated it.

      • jesterpunk

        That is insulting to used car salesmen, they may be liars but they are still not as bad as Spicer.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Wouldn’t last a week in car sales.

        • jesterpunk

          Car sales people have to actually know things.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      I cannot get enough of this — https://youtu.be/c_H_wiI46D8

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m pretty sure Spicer has started drinking heavily. Not that I blame hi!

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Nothing to see here. We won. So said the CU footballers following the 5th down TD in 1990. This is not college football Spicey.

  • LadyLaz
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      David Frum has spent the last ten years rolling his eyes at his own stupid party. I really don’t know why he just doesn’t change voter registration.

      • Because he wants all his money in his pocket and really thinks the invisible hand takes care of everything.
        He, and his kin, put up with all the other horseshit for lower taxes, yes.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        If you saw him talking about Gorsuch last weekend you’d know.

        • Love them corporate people <3

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          …and I always consider Frum the “sane” Republican.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            He’s less doctrinaire in some areas, certainly, although I think there’s a question whether some of that didn’t come from being ghosted by the usual suspects after the axis of evil mess with his wife.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            He’s said that he doesn’t think tax cuts for the rich are a panacea for all of society’s ills, which makes him a heretic to most of the RWNJs (aka Republican leadership).

    • jesterpunk

      Thanks Obama.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Jeff Sessions reads a bunny story to kids at the Egg Roll. Then calls on ICE to check everyone’s papers. Bunnies too. h/t Joy

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Sophia

    Hahaha: White nationalist claims Trump directed rally violence

    Trump supporter asks a federal court to hold the president liable for any damages stemming from a lawsuit filed by protesters who attended a Kentucky campaign stop.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/04/donald-trump-rally-violence-237302

    • snicker. Fuck you Trump, I want mine

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      See Trump, that’s what you get when you don’t pay their legal fees.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      It’s KY. They like big pockets in the court system.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Would you like a round of golf at at Doral Mr Heimbach. It’s beautiful, believe me.

  • Nightcrawler

    Good night, fellow Wonkers. Here is an OT post on how to spot a Columbo villain. Donnie probably fits like half of these. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3eeca978f64011c10acf529ac2bba46fd2d1037ab64d8f4c1e6ff154f50dd19d.jpg

    • Hutch

      Really good writers on Columbo.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      But can I wear a 4′ red tie with that turtleneck?

    • Doug Langley

      Ah, c’mon. A Columbo villain has to be smart.

  • Hutch

    My crazy sorta-neo-Nazi brother finally drank too much and had to be admitted to the hospital by his Trump supporting son. Using Medicaid. I pointed out that he may well be dying in an alley if the Repubicans get their way. He. Did. Not. Understand. What am I doing wrong here?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      You’re doing nothing wrong. Trump supporters are morons, and you just can’t fix stupid.

      • Hutch

        You’d think people who shared my DNA would be smarter. Well, nature – nuture, I guess. I got got as soon as I could.

        • got an out right racist trump supporting brother myself
          Nothin to do with nurture or nature. Pure free will.

          • Hutch

            You have my deepest sympathy. Honestly. It is really hard to deal with them.

          • I don’t. If he steps over the line I tell him he needs to shut up.
            He hates that. But I am big sister and that must still count for something.

          • Hutch

            I hear ya. My brother does not pull that hooey on me. However. This voting for morons has to end. I am going for that, persuasion-wise. Damnit.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          My brother is extremely bright, in fact I think he’s either a genius, or very close to being a genius. He’s got an MBA, but he’s dumb as a box of rocks when it comes to economic policy and politics. He thought Obama was a wild eyed socialist, and Reagan was a great president. Keep in mind he had to join the military (albeit as an officer) because he couldn’t find a job when Reagan was president. Derp.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Maybe it’s something to bring up each and every time they look like they might be thinking about possibly saying something about socialism being a bad thing. But in general, yeah, all you can do is acknowledge and move on with your own life.

      • Hutch

        I told them I was a socialist. They think I’m joking. NO, I’m not. Government is TOO ENSURE THE COMMON GOOD.

    • MynameisBlarney

      You can’t teach the willfully ignorant.
      I know this from personal experience with my own family.

    • Count Awesome

      White Power is the same as White Privilege.

    • Sheepshagger

      give him an ayn rand award for services to hypocrisy.

      • Hutch

        Really.

    • Nightcrawler

      “The government never had to help me with anything! Pull yourself up by the bootstraps!” Said the man who uses public roads, has his trash collected, uses the fire department etc.

      • Hutch

        Has NO ONE read Aristotle!

    • Lizzietish81

      Puppet theater?

      • LarryHoudini

        Hey I hope the pregnancy is going well.

    • janecita

      Caring too much.

      • Hutch

        Yes. I love them,

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    White House Says Tax Reform Will Be Delayed Because of Trumpcare Failure
    By Eric Levitz

    “The House GOP’s health-care bill was massively unpopular. Had it proceeded to the upper chamber, Trumpcare would have forced many Republican senators to choose between inviting the ire of their base or else that of swing voters. And if the bill were actually passed into law, it would have made life for the GOP’s elderly, rural voters violently worse — and given Democrats an even better shot at retaking the House in 2018.

    I’m not going to lie, I was genuinely hoping Trump and Ryan were going to screw the hell out of their own base. Their plan was TERRIBLE health care policy, but would have made them so wildly unpopular I would have schadened the hell out of that freude.

    • If it were not for all the people who would be hurt- and make no mistake, there would be many people hurt- I woulda been all for the Dems just going have at it, all yours!
      So long as the Dems didn’t touch it

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yeah, that bothered me, too, so ultimately I was rooting for it to fail. But a part of me REALLY wanted to watch them screw their own base so hard. I really think that’s the only way we’re going to get rid of Republicans for the next few decades, and then I can die happy.

    • Jenny

      The money gamblers who hold us hostage will freak. Incoming recession!

  • Count Awesome

    Lent should be longer next year so that instead of not eating meat on Fridays, people can just abstain from thinking about Trump.

    • Shanzgood

      That’s not a sacrifice, though.

      • Count Awesome

        It’s a sacrifice for Trump and would piss him off immensely though.

    • jesterpunk

      He will be impeached and removed from office by next year?

      • Count Awesome

        Maybe it could be the “Memorial Day Miracle” or the “Fourth of July Surprise”.

        • data_ninja

          I think May Day would be more appropriate.

  • Shanzgood

    I finally filed my taxes. And don’t judge me! I usually do them in early February but this has been a really screwy year.

    Anyway, half the extra money I earned getting a better paying job got sucked up into owing more taxes. So I don’t really feel as much pressure now to find a job that pays as much as the last one I had.

    That’s kind of sad in way but also gives me more options, I guess. And at least taxes were withheld at the right rate so I didn’t have to pay out again this year to either the Feds or the state.

    Yay?

    • data_ninja

      I did some contract work this year which I know is going to bite me in the ass next year. I figure that as long as I’m mentally prepped for it, it shouldn’t sting *as* much.

      Hold on, a time vortex just opened and Future_Data_Ninja just handed me a note. It says that I’m so, so wrong about the stinging part.

      • Doug Langley

        Wait – so we don’t have nuclear holocaust for at least another year?

        • data_ninja

          It was just more of a hand passing the note through the portal (I hear full sized ones are expensive), but it IS my handwriting. Now that you mention it, the paper is singed on the edges a bit…

    • I did mine tonight myself ^.^ I cannot claim that I usually do them in February.
      Personally I wish they would let us opt out of doing it. Srsly. They can keep the couple hundred I get back

      • Shanzgood

        I owed the state $2 but they can’t be bothered to collect less than $5.

      • Alt-dog

        I can deduct my donations to Wonkette, right?

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      I went shopping with my son tonight. He bought frivolous shit with his tax refund…work shoes, a vacuum, a microwave.

      I have read some articles over the years that say you don’t always win by making more money. It’s all down to what you want out of life, I suppose. But if you will be happier in a position that pays a bit less, I’d go with happy. Unless you’re in debt to your eyeballs.

      • Shanzgood

        The debt isn’t really mitigated if everything extra is going to taxes, though.

        Oh, well.

        • Little Doll–MOAMF

          Hm…true. Well, shit.

      • Doug Langley

        Very good shopping. The microwave gives him a free Obamaphone.

        • SnarkON

          Plus, it doubles as a spycam.

      • Alt-dog

        Did the microwave come with a high quality camera?

        • Little Doll–MOAMF

          But of course! All the best people have cameras in their microwaves!

    • Alt-dog

      Every year I grow increasingly frustrated with our insane tax system. It makes me want to move to the Netherlands:

      GROSS: You talk about countries where everybody does their taxes in, like, 15 minutes because it’s that simple.

      REID: You know, I was in the Netherlands on March 31 – their tax day is April 1 – talking to a – you know, a manager. He makes about 200,000 a year. He has a whole panoply of investments, two kids in private schools, two mortgages. He’d have to fill out 12 forms in the United States.

      And I said, Michael, how do you do your taxes? They’re due tomorrow. He says, well, I pop a beer. I go online and see if the government’s got the numbers right. And if they do, I hit a button. Takes five minutes. He says, but you know, sometimes I start checking the numbers. You – he says, you know, you start checking the numbers, it could take almost half an hour just to pay your taxes. He was outraged.

      • Shanzgood

        Also, I’m NEVER using Turbo-Tax again.

  • Shibusa
    • Carpe Vagenda
      • Am I the only one who looks at that rabbit, with the crossed eyes and over large glasses and of course the bucked teeth and the ah-so mouth and thinks Charlie Chan?

        • MynameisBlarney

          LOL

          Yes.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I got Rick Moranis in Ghostbusters, although I could see getting a Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s vibe.

    • GOOD.
      I thought at first he would because killing things with big bombs fuck yeah murrica!
      Glad that people did not fall for the squirrel

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        just the MSM

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Still inexplicably, disappointingly, high.

      • Shibusa

        Indeed. I have friends who think he is absolutely fantastic. I can’t even.

        PS I made the shrimp and grits! Turned out great. (I used turkey bacon, b/c I’m not a red meat eater–and Little Shibusa said, “It could only have been better with real bacon.”)

        • Pinkham’s Law

          I’m so glad you liked it! Thanks for the validation – now I can feel good about myself for another day. Y’know . .. pork is white meat, not red. Just sayin’, is all! *gigglesnort*

        • SnarkON

          You still have friends who voted for Trump?

          • Shibusa

            I know, right? Ugh. I just don’t “go there” with them about his absolute incompetence and idiocy. They must filter their news very aggressively.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      The yellow goes deep with this one.

    • Jenny

      FAKE NEWS!!

    • Snopes Shop

      I’ll never understand how they are that high

      • BadKitty904

        THAT is what keeps puzzling me. How can any vertebrate think that treasonous fuckwit is even doing his job, much less doing it well.