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“I can wipe my own ass!”

Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Hey! Help out and donate a few Ameros and we’ll keep making all ‘splainerings and mom-bomb jokes that you love!

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  • Nounverb911
    • wide_stance_hubby

      You have the best coffee images. [bows]

  • Nounverb911
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      That cake makes me want to launch missiles. Or, if it’s from the filthy Trump kitchen, projectile vomit.

    • dslindc

      Is that one of those cakes we like?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yeah…
      I just got diabeetus.

  • Nounverb911
    • Rick Hill

      Save me half the pot

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yes.
      This is me this morning.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Legislative bad ass Maxine Waters is saying and tweeting all the things that are on the tip of the tongue of many Democrats.

    Those things are well past the tip of my tongue. And I am willing to undergo a tongue inspection to prove it.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Luckily, the Washington Post is there to set us straight.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/638a028abc9bf45f0cc86ca45ea64878389b4cb72168e51795f11bffcba69489.png

      The things I endure in order to read David Fahrenthold…

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Why do we have to be lectured like misbehaving children? We have actual, concrete reasons to hate and fear this administration! The nutcases who got their balls in an uproar over Obama were self-deluded racist shitstains. Grow up, Fareed, and stop feeding on the side that actually defends you.

        • UnsaltedSinner

          Ah, but you see, Fareed has noticed that some people on the left don’t understand that bombing stuff is always good, even when it’s Trump who does it.

          • Even when it’s just for show and does fuck all to stop Assad from killing civilians, bombing is good, apparently. Trump could drop missiles on the WWI cemeteries in Belgium and chucklehead pundits like Zakaria would still defend it, because big bombs give them the downstairs tingles.

  • Rick Hill

    I’d ask who among you is going to breitblast and stirring up the fools, “This is the last straw!!11! trump has lied to us and the one thing we wanted he just crapped out on by getting rid of our mn on the inside and letting that jew-boy take over!!!!111(add more argles and blargles)”

    I’d ask but it’s likely not necessary….

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Rapunzel! Rapunzel! String the fucker up!

      • vivian

        This has rather a nice ring to it!

  • OddMan

    Cost to kill 39 bad guys – $8.4 million a body.
    (That MOAB that we just dropped on Afghanistan cost about $315 million to develop and then $15 million each; this was the first time it was used in combat)

    Leadership shown by Lord Dampnut – priceless.

    • BadKitty904

      The Party of “Fiscal Responsibility,” my fellow tax-payers…

    • OneYieldRegular

      Once Trump discovered that nuclear weapons were bad, terrible, you people have no idea, you just know he asked “Okay, so what’s the biggest non-nuclear weapon I can use somewhere?”

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Oh, I’m still betting on him using a nuke. You KNOW he wants to.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      It’s not like that $15 million could be used for something else.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I saw somewhere that these numbers are not accurate. MOAB developed by the military, so no actual accounting ever done on true costs.
      Sorry, don’t have the linx.

  • Anna Rompage

    There is nothing even remotely stealth about any of these cockasses…

    • BadKitty904

      These asshats don’t rule by divine right – isn’t it about time for impeachment and recalls?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    That moab really is the personification of shooting a mouse with a bazooka huh?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      I have to say that this attack smacks suspiciously of “Well, we have these bombs, so we’d better use them!” I guess there’s always a chance that Brian Williams will wax poetic about how beautiful they look…

    • BadKitty904

      A prime example of “overcompensation”…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I get that he wants to devolve the National Park System, to privatize them.

      So why would he go and dump this part of Utah on Afghanistan?
      Makes no effing sense.

  • Nounverb911

    United brings it’s renewed A-Game.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/852875993803100162

    • MynameisBlarney

      Pffffft!
      Piedmont used to have Black Widows!

    • BadKitty904

      I assume said passenger had to pay extra for that service?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Motherfucking scorpions.
      Motherfucking plane.
      /recycled

    • Stulexington

      My favourite United ‘slogan’:
      We’re here to kick ass and sell seats.
      And we’re all outta seats.

    • Doug Langley

      United: “Well, it was all his fault for selecting a Clovis Cornillac movie for his in-flight entertainment.”

  • BadKitty904

    Despite the Repuplicans’ best efforts, it’s still Friday and it’s still Spring!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OH7K82xbTsU

  • memzilla Ω
  • Nounverb911
    • wait! what?

      She looks a lot like Virginia Madsen in this pic.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I thought for sure that Ellen would be finished when she came out, but she amazed me and everyone by being able to overcome. I think she is just the most loveable person – no snark at all. Just love her.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        What you said.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Did you see her at the Medal of Freedom ceremony? I teared up a little watching that.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Just thinking about it, me too.

      • Doug Langley

        Until she hosted the Academy Awards and messed that up. I swear, the producers must make that a requirement.

    • Pilotshark

      “It was 20 years ago today that Ellen paved the way”
      to the beat of Sgt Pepper.

  • Mary Sandoras

    So Trump has a republican majority congress but has to threaten dems to get Trumpcare to pass. Weak, low energy, sad and pathetic.

    • BadKitty904

      Unfortunately, the Dems will fold like origami…

  • AndyC316

    Actual witch Louise Mensch is saying arrests for Trump’s shitty idiot cabal to possibly begin next week. Has she ever been wrong? No seriously, has she ever? I think she’s been 100% on target since this whole shit show started

    • Nounverb911
      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Haha! Look at this silly looking motherfucker…

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        He’s like that guy from “The Spy Who Loved Me” and “Goldfinger” and “Dr. No” and “From Russia With Love” and “Man with the Golden Arm” and “Live and Let Die” and “The World is not Enough” and “Casino Royale” and, of course, “Octopussy”. Now that I think about it, Little Donnie’s life is based on Bond titles.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Oh look, it’s Leery Ol Queen in a James Bond suit.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall
      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        He looks like Jeff “The Racist Keebler Elf” Sessions’ brother.

      • AndyC316

        I think of all the dummies tied up in this, he will enjoy the big house the most <3

      • AJ Milne

        Waiter carrying a novelty lighter (with the safety off).

      • vivian

        Wow. This asshat loves him the costumes. Playing dressup can be eversofun. Too bad he has the heart of a tick.

    • UnsaltedSinner
    • SweetDeeKat

      I’d rather have the cases put together solidly than hope for quick arrests. That said, actual arrests would give me multiple if not fatal orgasms.

      • AndyC316

        I had same fear re quickness, but this has been brewing since July of last year. One positive — Flynn’s public request for immunity was met w/ indifference. Same apparently w/ terminal crank Rudy Giuliani (http://www.palmerreport.com/opinion/sources-rudy-giuliani-donald-trump-flip-fbi/2302/). No immunity means they don’t need them. If they don’t need them, that means they got all they need to bring it to a close. I just hope I’m at home when it happens – I also too think all my orgasms will come at once

        • Claire

          No immunity might also mean no one needs it because the FBI doesn’t intend to prosecute anyone. Comey threw the election for Trump and still has his job, why is he going to cook the golden goose?

  • CutterTeam

    Meanwhile, on Earth 2, President Hillary Clinton Prime and Vice President Tim Kaine Prime are reading briefing books, working to make college more affordable, and not golfing.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I see Evan’s fantasy self helped with the picture caption claiming that Jared is a “big boy.”

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      We need to get Evan a new fantasy.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Them scrawny fellers got it goin’ on where it matters most. Trust me on this.

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      I’m with Evan on this one.

  • Crystalclear12

    I really expected better lying from the Republicans.
    What has happened to the party of Nixon?!

    • FlemmishSpy

      Those rats don’t fuck themselves, ya know.

  • Mike

    Couple of crazy things on Twitter yesterday…
    https://twitter.com/TrueFactsStated/status/852551872741244928
    https://twitter.com/TrueFactsStated/status/852609433502920706
    Claude was a Clinton WH aide and has been pretty solid in the leak dept…if you follow the feed today it has a copy of the complaint against Rootie Tootie for prior knowledge of the hacks…

    You tell me…it sounds too good to be true…

    • Lance Thrustwell

      The rumor mill be millin’.

    • Chadwells

      Makes sense since we haven’t heard from Rudy in a while. Please please please be true!!!!

      • FlemmishSpy

        Rudy can fail.

      • Mike

        You know that Turkish crime lord that ran his empire out of Trump Towers Istanbul, Reza Zarrab…? Well Rootie was repping him until a judge began asking just what Giuliani’s role truly is with Zarrab…she kicked him off the case insinuating he was a co-conspirator…
        https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/28/nyregion/iran-sanctions-rudy-giuliani-turkish-trader.html?_r=1

        • Chadwells

          Rudy learned mob tricks better than anyone…so no surprise he’s a crooked jerkoff after all his law and order bullshit. I can’t stand that little weasel faced nutsack.

          • Mike

            I’d give somebody’s left nut to see him Pepe the Frog marched off to jail cuffed to Flynn, all the Trump’s, Jared, and Bannon.

          • I’d pay real, live, actual money to see that. Put that shit on pay-per-view.

          • Mike

            I’d break out the old VCR and the BetaMax just so I had a copy in every format to watch daily…it would be my screen saver…!!!!!

          • You could watch it in every room in your house!

    • UnsaltedSinner

      We’re not that lucky.

    • Mary Sandoras

      So, no President Kushner?

    • Marceline

      I’m trying not to get my hopes up. Part of me thinks that this is being leaked in the hopes of getting some people to flip since according to John Schindler…

      “Comey faces a particular problem, little understood by the public or even by most journalists covering KremlinGate. That’s the fact that classified evidence is inadmissible in court, and top-secret information will never be shown to a jury. FBI agents therefore face the uncomfortable difficulty of knowing (from highly classified reports) what was going on—and finding unclassified corroboration if they want to prosecute anybody.

      Hence the pressing need to get co-conspirators to “flip” on each other and, even better, coercing confessions from those facing possible prison time. This is the usual FBI modus operandi, and it’s most effective against smaller fish who aren’t eager to take the rap for bigger ones.”

      http://observer.com/2017/04/kremlingate-and-the-limits-of-classified-evidence/

      • Mike

        I’m a regular over at XX Committee and Schneider has been out in front of this. So has Bill Palmer…the funny thing is all 3 are saying the same thing and are part of the conversation going on right now on that feed.
        I’d hate to be let down on this one.
        Maybe the universe is aligning itself the way it’s supposed to…? Trump and Trumpism is a nuclear bomb that will destroy this country if we don’t defeat it now.
        http://www.palmerreport.com/

      • TakingAmes

        It strikes me that this bunch is particularly craven, selfish, and frightened, so it shouldn’t be too tough to get them to turn on each other to avoid prison at all costs.

        • Mike

          The scuttlebutt is that Comey isn’t in a deal makin mood simply cuz he’s got the goods on em…
          Damn, I hope this is true.

      • bupkus23

        Gee – I remember reqadin the same kind of “concern” when they caught Aldrich Ames. He’s currently serving a life without parole sentence – so whatever little “difficulty” this schmuck seems to think will prevent prosecution can certainly be overcome.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I wish MOABs didn’t sounds so much like MOOBs in my head.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Lethal MOOBs can’t be a good thing.

      • Vincent Ricola

        It’s distracting me, I want to take this very seriously and instead keep picturing giant boobs crushing a mountain.

        • Jennifer R

          Does it help or hurt the association that they can only be carried by a very old and slow aircraft?

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        MOOBs are never a good thing

  • memzilla Ω
    • ColumbusLib

      😆👍

  • Michael R

    Trump almost has this presidenting thing down

    https://s22.postimg.org/ecyg26mld/new_guy_bomb.png

    • Pilotshark

      well guessing this is another trillion dollar faulty weapon system coming soon to a theater of operations.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Dammit, those things are supposed to have clearly stencilled on them, “DO NOT DROP.”

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Mission accomplished! My depleted military is the best in the world.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Good_Gawd_Yall
  • FlemmishSpy

    Just wait until Bannon’s fans find out that Jared is a joo.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Bannon calls him a “globalist”, so I’m guessing he knows.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    President Bannon Sleeps With The Fishes.

    C’mon, now, did you see what Nemo was wearing?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Here’s a funny: until yesterday, I thought I had reached peak hate in re the entire republican party and the maladministration of Lord Dampnut. Surprise! I contain multitudes.

    • Crystalclear12

      Dig deep, my child for the road is long.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        The night is long and full of terrors, also too. GoT’s got nuthin’ on the infighting in a Trump White House, though.

        • calliecallie

          Needz moar beheadings. There are plenty of boobs though.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            And also those things on the physical front of the ladies.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      I too am discovering a capacity for angry loathing that I never knew I had.

      Thanks Donald!

    • vivian

      As for myself, I am Legion.

      • AJ Milne

        I got Legionnaire’s disease (at Mar-E-Coli).

        • bupkus23

          Poifect!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “You just might have The Force if……”
      /forxworthied

    • Rags

      My nightmare scenarios are having nightmare scenarios.

    • Crystalclear12

      My hatred of GOP and my hatred of stupidity are going at it like bunnies!!
      They’re everywhere!

    • eka

      can someone talk to me again about how i need to have empathy? cause i’m not feeling it much right now. oh, and the other night I was leaving a political event and it was about 11, i just wanted to go to bed, and somebody decided it would be fun to have me talk about public education to a libertarian. I’m struggling now with having empathy even for leftists, those sadistic bastards.

    • chortlingdingo

      I’ve been feeling sad, tired, and angry since November, which I can tell you is not conducive to my depression management.

  • Anna Rompage

    I was wondering why everything coming up on google was in czech, turns out my VPN has me routed through a Czech server….

    It’s too early for shit like this… I though for s second that Donnie had finally ceded the US to the eastern europeans…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Be sure to order all the beer you can while you’re routed through Czechia. It’s cheaper than water in some joints.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    By the way, nothing about north Korea? Their was an intelligence expert on tv here this morning Who claimed that we are in a lot of trouble and past the de-escalation point. I dont know the guy but usually “clingendael” peeps (dutch institute that researches war and counter terror) are very knowledgable and won’t dramatize stuff in the media.

  • Chadwells
    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Unfortunately, nuclear fallout does not respect borders. May we suggest something from our tropical island catalog?

      • eka

        islands don’t do well when the sea level rises 4 inches due to a huge chunk of ice falling off of antarctica.

        • bupkus23

          Perhaps tropical atolls, but pick a pretty volcanic one and head upslope!

          • eka

            … volcanoes have never been my habitat of choice, but I suppose given the circumstances the odds are in their favor.

            Will be interesting if Italy eventually becomes an atoll.

          • bupkus23

            Well, there are drawbacks if you pick an island with an active volcano – but ifn you’re in Italy, you probably are familiar with them…

          • eka

            not in italy now, but it’s our most likely escape path if the US goes full nazi. Unless my husband is willing to learn german (we are both eu citizens, different countries). I only spent a few years in italy, not much experience with volcanoes, though I did enjoy a visit to Etna.

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      That .gif is hardly disturbing, at all.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I’ll ask again, since it was on the lame duck thread:

    How many of you Newton-huggers going to the March for Science in DC next Saturday?

    Science, bitchez!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I would love to but can’t afford the trip – but I will likely go to the one here!

    • Mary Sandoras

      I’ll have to check my local area and see if they have anything going on here to participate in. I’m located in between 2 large cities so I might hit the jackpot.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Local knock-off will have to do for me and the missus.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’m doing production for the one in my city

    • Rags

      Going to local event.

      • calliecallie

        Ditto.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      NYC march for me.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Does spending that 24 hours in a flying metal can so I can get to the other side of the planet for science-related purposes count?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Spoken like a professor of biochemistry.

      • bupkus23

        That’s from 1980. Gee – what else happened in 1980?

    • Alan

      I shall walk to town for ours.

    • Ill_Used_Floppy_Disk

      Marching in Portland, that way we can get there by bus.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Bannon is no Luca Brasi.

    • Nounverb911

      The fish would throw him back!

      • Anna Rompage

        No even a lamprey would stoop to feeding on his decaying body…

        • WIDTAP

          Still – he would get the crabs.

    • Chadwells

      Right? LUCA LIBELZ!!!

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      Sort of puts Eisenhower’s warning ion focus, doesn’t it?

    • Debbies are like taco trucks

      That’s $444,444.44 per dead militant. Such a bargain

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Fiscal responsibility is only for Democratic administrations.

      • georgiaburning

        You can buy them off for a lot less

      • Opalescent Riddles

        I could have done it for half that.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’ve probably called or written to Flake 30 times. In return, I got an email announcing his town hall about 6 hours before the event….held 2 hours away in the Mormon Republican fortress of Mesa. I’m glad he was taken to task. Typical Republican….critical of Trump when it didn’t count, in his pants with him when it does. And his son is a dog-killer.

    • Marceline

      Why do so many Republican kids like to kill dogs? I need Sam Bee to examine this.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Animal cruelty in various forms has become a staple of Republican politics.

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          Because animal cruelty is a really good indicator of Sociopathy

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Ding, ding, ding.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Defenseless beings are easier prey for the party of strong defense.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I haven’t seen that huge a bomb since the Trump Taj Mahal.
      /mic drop

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        …since Trump Steaks
        …since Trump Airlines
        …since Trump U
        …since Trump Vodka
        …since Trump Atlantic City
        …since Tiffany

  • Rags

    “Watch out, that hippo is wiggling his ears! That means he is going to attack!!!!”

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      It would be irresponsible not to speculumate.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    People are saying that Donald Trump is a dangerous lunatic who is going to get everyone killed and we’ve got to stop him!!!

    Oh wait: that was 2016.

    USA! USA! USA!

  • lucidamente

    Over-under on how much longer The New York Times will be runnng stories like this?

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/14/us/politics/trump-policy-conservatives-rush-limbaugh.html

    • eka

      …. i think we are capable of marveling at human idiocy forever. does that answer your question? should we resurrect mencken?

  • Oblios_Cap
  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Trump dropped the MOAB for one reason: micro-dick and he’s VERY angry about it.

    • Oblios_Cap

      That, and he probably owns stock in the company that makes the $16M bombs.

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Why can’t he buy a Corvette like a normal tiny dicked old man?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Baby Feet can’t work the clutch.

        • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

          As is he’d ever drive stick

          • Anna Elizabeth

            XD

  • Chadwells

    Fucking Poopy Face Tomato Nose pissed off the entire military by calling it “my military”….the depths of his stupidity is astounding.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “The Stealth Caucus.” What a bunch of self-important assholes.

    • Oblios_Cap

      It’s worse than the Unholy Trinity!

    • boredcatlady

      Stealth-important?

    • BadKitty904

      There’s a diff between being “stealthy” and being “cowardly”.

    • geoffalnutt

      I actually read that as “The Stealth Circus”.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Far more accurate

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    We should all start the President Kushner meme now because fuck Babyhands McOrange and his tiny kid desk.

    • YES

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      I like saying the words “Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Turd.” It makes me laugh every time.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Hey Donald, all the ladies are saying that real President Kushner is soooo young and handsome and smart he makes so-called President Trump look even uglier and dumber.

      I can’t wait until real President Kushner is on the cover of GQ…

    • freakishlypersistent

      Plus Tinydick McFaketan hates it, he gets all pissy when not in the center of the dumpster fire.

  • BadKitty904

    Pro-tip: No matter what fuckery the GOP traitors get up to, Gilbert & Sullivan will always cheer you up:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4KyqXhAO5c&pbjreload=10

  • Nounverb911
    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I’ll wait until I see a verdict before I get my hopes up. I really didn’t see the Oregon Snack Team 6 boondoggle ending the way it did.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Is it coincidence that Oregon is a brand of chain saw bars and chains?

      • Claire

        Me too. This is the same Comey whose very public thumb on the scales threw the election to Trump in the first place. I’ll believe he’s not just dragging his feet when Trump gets perp-walked out of office and not before.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      the good news is- while it may tax our patience, the fact that the pace of this investigation seems so deliberate is a sign that the FBI is entirely comfortable with the way that it’s going

      • Jennifer R

        Watergate took 2 years, peach pol pot has been in office 12 weeks so this is a pretty good clip all things taken.

        • calliecallie

          I respect all that. I just don’t want him to destroy the world while we’re waiting.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        No sign! No sign! You’re the sign!

    • Where IS she getting all this?

  • Anna Elizabeth

    President Jared has a micro dick, but it’s still bigger than the phonograph needle with which Incesticon Don is “equipped”. Only a needle-dick would drop an airburst bomb on a cave complex.

    • Jennifer R

      Think he is unaware enough to order them to try to haul a turboprop out over the test site to drop one?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        My guess is just hearing the name of it guaranteed Drumpf would use one somewhere.

        • Jennifer R

          Hope that Afghanistan sated him because I think NK could shoot the plane down.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah. I love C-130s, I see -J models over my town almost every day. but they aren’t exactly built for a high-threat environment.

          • chortlingdingo

            My brother-in-law navigates for a CH-130 for search and rescue and mid-flight helicopter refueling. It’s crazy how big they are in person!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Sweet! :) I got to see one up close at an airshow, a CO ANG C-130H fitted for firefighting. They are huge planes.

    • freakishlypersistent

      STOP MAKING SENSE.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Even dumb peacenik libtards know this.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    No worries, people, Moose and Squirrel are on it! (Sekrit training video)
    https://www.facebook.com/Beautyofnature4016/videos/645747792300008/

    • calliecallie

      WHOA! What is that animal?

      • chortlingdingo

        A sugar glider, I’m pretty sure.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Guessing a flying squirrel, though it looks like a badger’s face. Could you imagine a Flying Honey Badger? That’d be wicked badass.

  • Nounverb911

    Will Uday and Qusay look good in prison stripes?
    https://twitter.com/Simon_Gemini/status/852865782388273157

    • Vincent Ricola

      At least we’ll be able to purchase the orange jumpsuit Ivanka wears for $15,000 on QVC.

      • AJ Milne

        Orange is the new tacky Chanel knockoff.

      • Me The People

        “One classy owner”

      • chicken thief

        The Donald has dibs on her prison undies.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ivanka’s working on whether to go pinstripe or bold sold stripes.

      • Bill D. Burger

        And accessorizing!!! OMG! Being First Lady Prisoner is soooo’ hard.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I hope they make her wear white after Labor Day. Dear God!!!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          No, that’s after she dies. IN HELL!

          • eka

            Seeing these assholes makes me wish for the first time in my life that I believed in religion. Because I would like to see them punished.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I’m sort of curious. What do the Federal Rules of Procedure have to say about that sort of thing?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If having no chin and slicked-back Gordon Gekko hair was a crime….

      • Claire

        I saw a guy at the opera the other night who had that hair. He looked like a travel-sized Patrick Bateman. I wanted to much to go up and laugh in his face all “You’re in the cheap seats, you tool, lay off the Brylcreem and Axe body spray.”

    • Me The People

      Tasty, very tasty.

    • AndyC316

      Doubtful — they don’t even look good in their own skin

      • Shanzgood

        It’s not their own.

        • AndyC316

          Oh right — lizard ppl…

          • Debbies are like taco trucks

            or Silence of the Lambs people, who knows?

        • AJ Milne

          I think we can close up this internet thingy now. Shanz won.

    • This is America. The rich don’t go to prison.

    • ServantToTheStars

      I hope Jewday and Jcrewsay go, too.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      I’m shocked — shocked, I tell you — to discover that they still use “tape” for these things.

  • Nounverb911
    • Me The People

      I guess she’s proof that you can still find the occasional conservative who has principles.

    • Marceline

      Tillerson is lower on my wish list than most. At the top is Sessions. I want him put under a jail somewhere.

      • says every one of us legal-pot-smoking folks…

        • Says everyone who has a shred of decency.

      • Me too. He’s top of my list (and I’m in obamacare so arguably Price has far more direct impact on my life). That sanctimonious lying little cracker needs to go done – and take his bigoted hypocritical moralizing with him.

  • Trump is threatening to hold healthcare subsidies hostage if Democrats don’t get down on their knees and submit to TrumpCare/RyanCare 2.0.

    And the Democrats better not fall for it. Let Trump and the Republicans have their fingerprints on the murder weapon. Don’t add yours.

    • Asterix

      I want to urge everyone to spend the weekend harassing Democrats about this. Make sure they understand they have to come out of the recess fighting this bullshit. Remind them we don’t negotiate with terrorists.

    • KnaveOfSwords

      Political optics aside, when the inarticulately-shouted demand is “I’m going to start killing hostages if you don’t let me start killing hostages,” there’s not a lot to be gained by giving in to their demands.

    • artem1s

      I think they should try to get him to fall for single payer or an enormous expansion of ACA. then sit back and laugh while the Freedum caucus come galloping back to DC to vote NO on it. make them eat it for the next 18 months.

  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger

      It’s so hard to make fun of a born clown.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        I have faith that we can power through and get it done.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I read shit about him sometimes and immediately think, “haha joke”. Then after a few seconds, it’s “wait, remember who we’re dealing with here”. Most of the time it ends up being true.

  • freakishlypersistent

    Jared, and his dumb wife, the handbag designer, are un-elected and running the country. Fuck those again, who voted for this shitshow.

  • You know, just fucking know, that this idiot doodles those numbers on a blank note pad 10 times a day… This should be the last nail in his Insane Asylum door

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b22bbff51025b0d890648b9c3773cf11fac2b1621514a3604d13e1d32515344.jpg

    • The Witch of Endor

      Stealing…

  • Fartknocker

    So were about to reach 100 days of Trump and all I can see is a continuous loop of Gallagher smashing fruits and vegetables with a bunch of dipshits sitting on the front row of a theater covered in a plastic sheet gleefully laughing.

  • Chadwells

    Wouldn’t it be great is the same legal system that Dampnut has manipulated for years…ends up being the thing that brings him down and locks him up? Yeah…let’s just take a second to enjoy that hopefully reality.

    • Shanzgood

      That’s why we get the Daily Nice Tine videos.

      • Querolous

        Do our Soros funded pitchforks have nice tines? I could see using the torch and pitchfork daily.

        • Shanzgood

          Oh ha!

          Stupid phone typing.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Leaving covered in shit and sadness is sort of too good for at least the Corey Stewart version of VA gubernatorial candidates. That busy-bodied asshole brought his racist friends down to Charlottesville to try and tell us what to do (or basically, not do) with our big, honkin’ Robert E. Lee statue. So, FUCK HIM.

  • DesertedPictures

    Here is a cheery thought: China is already convinced that war in North Korea is imminent. http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/conflict-could-break-out-at-any-moment-over-n-korea-china/3677944.html

    Maybe I’m sure that we have nothing to worry about… Trump would never actually start a war, would he?

    • Chadwells

      Yes. Yes he would.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      He would even fire the first shot, convinced that nobody would have the balls to shoot back.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Because he’s a dumbass. G-d help us.

      • Me The People

        While distancing himself from “The work of the military” in case it goes tits up, or until such time as he can claim a win of some sort.

  • rosenbomb

    Bundy times!! The Bundys are at my sister’s prison in NV. I didn’t get much in the way of details from her other than the fact that they carry around pocket Constitutions all day (lol) and sometimes refuse to follow orders (no surprise there). People love visiting them and there are always ‘protestors’ outside the facility.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Didn’t people love visiting Lunatic Asylums to laugh at the inmates once upon a time. Not that I’m suggesting that the Bundys should be laughed at.

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        Why not? Sounds like the right thing to do.

      • bupkus23

        I would suggest that. Doesn’t mean that their seditious threat should be ignored – just that it should be ridiculed as the fevered imaginings of unbalanced minds.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          What about poking them with sticks? That was popular with the Asylum visitors as well.

      • rosenbomb

        This would make some sense, but unfortunately I think most visitors are sincere fans.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Bundys are in a co-ed prison? Times are changing.

      • rosenbomb

        My sister is a guard. She’s worked in men’s facilities for over 10 years

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Even worse from the Bundys’ viewpoint. A woman in a position of authority.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Can she see that these dipshits get extra-rancid bologna for lunch?

        • RobespierreHoo

          Glad you cleared that up. Inquiring minds and all.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I like the baby waterpigmoosehorse.

    • freakishlypersistent

      The ears! They rotate 180 degrees! Squuuuuuuueeeeeeeeee!

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Killers. They are stone cold killers.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Yes. Fiona just happens to be a totally adorable stone cold killer.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Alan

      Don’t know why prairie dogs crack me up. https://youtu.be/fZIX7cPmFYc

      • SweetDeeKat

        Goats screaming are funny too.
        https://youtu.be/S9Iq6LA7sZI

      • Undocumented Skwerl!

        I got drunk in at a bar in Shelby, Montana and when I got back to camp spent the evening trying to catch one, going from hole to hole.–I knew I wouldn’t, but it was fun none the less.

  • William

    The White House clown pool/comedy show. Most of the time the jokes just write themselves.

    Audience Laughs as Kellyanne Conway Complains About Liars

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C9OIz7CUwAA_seR.jpg

  • Marceline

    I give Flake props for having a town hall. Rob Portman is so scared he not only hasn’t come back to Ohio, he left the country. He’s in China engaging “with senior Chinese officials.”

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Michael McCaul, the turd that represents my district, is so scared he only holds conference calls. I haven’t joined but I’ve heard you’re muted when you dial in.

    • Bill D. Burger

      And as much as I loathe Mark Sanford, that creep has listened for hours on end and taken an amazing amount of scorn and criticism (I realize he’s had more practice at that than most.) and he continues to hold townhalls and informal meetings with angry constituents.

    • chortlingdingo

      Yeah, my wonderful House rep. Lamar Smith is MIA for town halls. He’s probably too busy denying science or something.

  • Jennifer R
    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Is that included in the weekend package or do you have to go to the front desk to buy it?

      • God Emperor Emeritus

        I think it’s part of the dinner entertainment.

        – Hey everyone, who wants me to bomb [random place]?
        – *loud cheering*
        – Who thinks we should send some diplomats instead?
        – *a few hecklers yell*
        – THE BOMBS HAVE IT

      • Marion in Savannah

        I think that’s one of the perks they auction off before dinner.

        • bupkus23

          Along with first dibs at the restrooms, immediately after dinner.

  • Chadwells

    I call her my baby hippo. Mush Mush smoodge face!! My little sausage Maya. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3383bd9d2e57715e742c28bd2bf58faf57f8f155ede6d3b0036b61a174fbc25d.jpg

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What a sweetie-pie!

      • Chadwells

        She is. Thank you! Took3-4 years for her to even let me pet her…now she’s my ride or die buddy!!!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          A rescue, I assume? Good on you for not losing faith in her and giving her time to learn how to trust.

          • Chadwells

            Luckily it happened before my wife and I got hitched. Gave me time to get to know her. Yeah…rescue from a bunch of meth heads that tortured her. She’s the happiest girl in the world these days.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Unfortunately the rules for (non)commenters won’t allow me to say what I would like to do to the meth heads. But It certainly wouldn’t be with votes.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You’d love visiting my shop…in the heart of the Tucson meth ghetto. I’ve seen some shit…

          • Chadwells
          • BearDeLaOursistance

            Amen to that. All puppers and kittehs are regarded as my cubs and will be protected accordingly.

          • Alan

            I have a rescue dog (and I don’t even like dogs). They seem appreciative.

          • Chadwells

            They are.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Wonderful. My Molly had it rough for the first years of her life…chained outside in a concrete patio in Phoenix in the summer, never taken for a walk or a car ride. When I got her, you could count her ribs she was so starved.

          • Chadwells

            Breaks my heart. You’re a good person too!!! I’m sure she’s healthy and happy now!

          • alwayspunkindrublic
          • Chadwells

            The baby girl!!!!! She’s too cute!!!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            OMG, and she’s such a sweetie! That’s awful. I’m so glad she has a good life now.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            She was in rough shape when I got her…so malnourished her coat was brittle as a wire brush. The good thing is that she is SO strong-willed, she never let these assholes break her spirit, so it didn’t take her long to adjust and be able to give and receive love and affection.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            No wonder she got that PhD in WhosAGoodGirl. Give her a belly rub for me.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            As we speak…although she is giving me the stinkeye because I am about to leave for the shop.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Thor has a very special sigh he gives when I leave for work.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Awwww!

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            Oscar starts literally nipping my father’s ankles when he leaves for work. Does it to me too when I leave from a visit, even though I haven’t lived there in years.

          • eka

            i will never understand people who hurt animals. just as i will never understand people who want other people, such as refugees, to hurt. apparently it’s a thing in italy to abandon pets in august – everyone goes on vacation and if they can’t find a place that takes dogs, they’ll just leave the dog on the street. of course, there are good people who start projects to address the horrific things that humans do, but …. who are these people??

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I happen to think that the way one treat’s animals is a pretty accurate gauge of their character.

          • Persistent Demme

            When I took Rookie to the shelter for his micro-chip, a so-called human was there surrendering two dogs.
            My friends and the shelter manager had to talk me down, I was so incensed.
            I’d sooner have my arm cut off…

          • eka

            my brother knows to always get rescues, but he ended up with a purebred german pointer because an ex-girlfriend adopted a dog she had no interest in taking care of. they broke up, he took the dog. it was just a matter of luck for the dog that my brother briefly dated the ditzy girl, otherwise who knows what would have happened? of course, being a bred dog, there were health issues and the most enthusiastic little girl died about a year ago, but she was sweet and crazy-stupid. though she probably thought the same of us as we never actually killed the animals she so carefully pointed at.

          • Persistent Demme

            What a great breed!
            A friend of mine has three.
            They are very intense about their “jobs,” aren’t they?

          • eka

            they are! funniest thing was that my brother’s other dog was some sort of blend including sheepdog, so german pointer would chase the birds and the other dog would chase her trying to rein her in. amazing how embedded these traits are.

          • Persistent Demme

            And herders!
            So smart, so driven, and so bossy!
            Of course the sheepdog tried to rein her in.
            (Nature’s control freaks!)

          • Persistent Demme

            My boy, Rookie was like that, too.
            The vet said, “Feel these ribs? That’s not right.”
            He gained about 4 lbs. (a lot on a 15 lb. dog)! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a8715c51f41a6641e6d1138d5076aceb6fdf26032253459f38190a27d0262e84.jpg
            Now, he’s healthy and the best dog ever!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            What a good boy! That is a lot of weight for a small dog. Poor thing. Glad he’s got the best home ever.

          • SweetDeeKat

            You are a good person and made the world better.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Good for you. And I’m so pleased. Because she’s obviously adorable.

    • Cuter than TEN HIPPOS, PLUS TWO.

    • proudgrampa

      Aaaawww. That dog has all the cuteness.

    • Persistent Demme

      What a darlin’!
      You saved her life.

  • Bill D. Burger

    You know….if one of The Yam’s kids is indicted on one or more charges of criminality, and reports are swirling that’s entirely possible, then all bets are off and we may be in for The Mother of all Distractions. {{{{ KA—BOOOOOOMMM!}}}}

    [China Warns of Terrible ‘Storm Clouds Gathering’ in U.S.-North Korea Standoff
    By GERRY MULLANY and CHRIS BUCKLEYAPRIL 14, 2017
    Continue reading the main storyShare This Page
    HONG KONG — China warned on Friday that tensions on the Korean Peninsula could run out of control, after North Korea said it could test a nuclear weapon whenever its top leader, Kim Jong-un, decided, and as an American naval group neared the peninsula in a show of resolve.

    “The United States and South Korea and North Korea are engaging in tit for tat, with swords drawn and bows bent, and there have been storm clouds gathering,” China’s foreign minister, Wang Yi, said in Beijing, according to Xinhua, the state news agency.]

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/14/world/asia/north-korea-china-nuclear.html?_r=1

    • eka

      we’re about due for a war of distraction.

    • artem1s

      How is it that we are this far into this stand off without one quote from the SK leadership or Japan about how they feel about this posturing? WTF MSM?

  • puredog

    Greg Walden has long been a puzzling outlier in our Oregonian bastion of Democrat Purity. (Just kidding, there are known red pockets throughout much of the state.) Still, it would be a pleasure to see him replaced with a Good Person, or at the least an inexperienced and incompetent simulacrum of some kind.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Greg Walden is a stupid asshole. I would love for the ghosts of Tom McCall and Mark Hatfield to harass him for the rest of his sorry, worthless life.

    • FlemmishSpy

      That’s being blunt.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Check out the joint chiefs of staff meetings.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Seems to be chronic with this guy.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Cross Preznit’ Jared and you’re ganga have a bud time.

      “Can’t we all just get a bong?”

    • Chadwells

      Wouldn’t that be tops?

    • Weeding out deplorables

    • FlemmishSpy

      You don’t have to go all the way to the Mar a Lago kitchen to find roaches.

    • Chadwells

      Speaking of…I’m already there!!!

    • ISIS? He’ll smoke ’em out.

      • Querolous

        True story. I once knew a guy who lived in Zigzag and sold weed.

    • weejee
    • Pilotshark

      past me a BUD please.

    • chicken thief

      It’s just the way he rolls…

  • weejee
  • Ezio

    I love how all these Trump supporters are claiming Trump is being “strategical” and “tricking the media” with all of the boneheaded, hawkish moves he makes.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      They haven’t got a clue what he’s doing, and neither does he. So they’re both singing from the same hymn sheet.

  • chicken thief

    Personally, I find the in fighting among those three fine gentlemen vying for the GOP gubernatorial race in VA unnecessary. Any of the three is more than capable of protecting the interests of the oppressed rich white male demographic and have good ideas on how to fuck the poor and needy to achieve that goal.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      But are they all capable of maintaining the systemic, but hidden, racism?

      • From Russia with Love

        And have each of them hiked the Appalachian Trail if you know what I mean and I think you do?

  • William
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Off all the topics:

    He seems nice:

    https://twitter.com/loogunda/status/852876878977392640

  • calliecallie

    OT, but Illinois Democrats just won a bunch of local elections, in seats where Democrats have never won before:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/democrats-grassroots-trump-elections_us_58efd21de4b0bb9638e270c1

    • Rasilom

      THIS IS AWSOME!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        That’s how you do it. Start with the local elections.

    • nightmoth

      Yay!—OT—More good news (kinda, event itself bad):
      Gwinnett County, Ga. police chief has IMMEDIATELY fired two white cops after seeing video of them punching and head-kicking the fuck out of a young black man they stopped for a –ready for it?–broken tail light! Kid also had a joint.

      • ZAmazingProfessionalCrastinatr

        They need to be arrested.

        • nightmoth

          I’m expecting it. “Criminal investigation” also started immediately and will be turned over to DA.

    • artem1s

      DCCC and OFA are setting up ‘ready to run’ seminars across the country. Those Illinois seats are the product of one of them.

      This is how Richards came to be one of a
      few dozen people who gathered in Peoria in late February for Build the
      Bench, an all-day boot camp designed to train Democrats on how to run
      for local office. Rep. Cheri Bustos (D-Ill.) organized the event, which
      offered attendees an extraordinary level of nuts-and-bolts details on
      how to run a successful campaign, with presentations from organizers of Barack Obama’s presidential campaign and representatives of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee.

      we have a non-partisan one coming up in Cleveland at the end of the month
      http://www.cvent.com/events/ready-to-run-campaign-training-for-women/event-summary-101a5219fd7849f19408ec42f380d739.aspx

      of course it would make much more sense to spend this money on ad buys for an unwinnable seat in KS.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Does anyone remember “Chainsaw Al” Dunlap, the consultant who destroyed Sunbeam? I read up on him after reading the book “The Psychopath Inside.” I’m getting horrific deja vu.

    • nightmoth

      Unfamiliar with this, so thx for the book suggestion.

  • William
    • Thiazin Red

      Iggy Pop is objectively prettier that Conway.

      • FlemmishSpy

        I await the bare-chested dance off.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        And more intelligent. I never miss his show on BBC Radio 6 Music.

      • From Russia with Love

        No doubt gives a better blow job as well.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • From Russia with Love

      Donald with or without makeup:

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CN1hEqbWgAAZ8FA.jpg

      • bupkus23

        I thought Jesse sent Eugene to Hell? I guess being transported into Rump’s body would qualify…

      • chortlingdingo

        Why would you make me look at that with my own two eyes?

    • Opalescent Riddles

      “Celebrities” implies they are celebrated. These are more “infamousosities.”

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Or “revilities.”

  • Ezio
    • William
      • Bill D. Burger

        Trumpanzees just before the blast incinerates em’: “At least we didn’t have to suffer because of her emails.”

        • Pilotshark

          that warmongering bitch!

          see what she made Don do.

          /s in case

        • nightmoth

          Wait, wait! I was supposed to get raptured first!

    • TJ Barke

      Totes stolen.

    • specialcircumstances

      No joke, but on a prospective sales call recently here’s the response I got after asking how the person was “well as long as I’m doing better than Hillary Clinton on here worst day it’s all good…. oh sorry, hope that doesn’t offend you.”

      That was just for starters, but it is the strangest call I’ve ever had.

      • nightmoth

        Hmmm–cold call, or has your reputation as a “liebrul” preceded you?

        • specialcircumstances

          He asked for a call through our website so more a lukewarm call. Not sure if he’d looked up the company contact info, but I’m thinking it was kind of a go to for him.

          I really should add liebrul to my email signature.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    NRA branded camo Truck Nutz

    I want. /snark

    • MynameisBlarney

      You MIGHT be a stupid fuckin’ redneck if you have a pair of NRA branded camo truck nuts hangin off the back of your “Sorry about yer penis, bro” 4×4 pick up.

      • From Russia with Love

        I’m thinking about marketing a Sportscar Vagina that goes over the tailpipe(s). Need advice from this focus group.

      • Crank Tango

        I saw some truck nutz hanging off the front of a truck the other day. I’m not sure what they really meant by that, but I salute them all the same.

        • MynameisBlarney

          To be honest, I haven’t seen any here for a while. But they were more common a couple of years ago.

      • Claire

        I will never understand why some men think they’re being manly by hanging an “I am inadequate and have a micropenis” sign around their necks for everyone to see. For real, I do not get that. Men who do that don’t seem like the type to enjoy being laughed at.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I’m sure there’s a term used by Sociologists or Psychiatrists to accurately describe people with that mindset.

          Like, Tiny-peen Overcompensation Oblivious Syndrome or something.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I’d buy ’em, to put on the same truck with a rainbow flag and a Coexist sticker. Give the wingnuts a confuz. And/or an erection…

  • Since SOME PEOPLE seem to be obsessed with Jared’s fish boy abdomen they should be FINE with the ‘Stealth Caucus’.

  • Chadwells

    Soooo…why does the “Stealth Caucus” need to hire a Hollywood PR guy? Wouldn’t be for propaganda or anything, right?!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/533697cb5b24cc2d7b7c5b2a0b133277a69f0357e21dfa6e45ddf9e79426edc1.gif

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    RUMINT: Ivanka may have used Iranian ships to import some of her products, a violation of US Sanctions.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • William

    Day-um. White folks sure do have natural rhythm. https://www.facebook.com/lelita.pettigrew/videos/1445699425441711/

  • Nounverb911
    • eka

      citizenship is a hot issue these days. some people are getting it so they can vote these fuckers out of office, some (like my husband) say there’s no way in hell they will associate themselves with this shitty country (but he still won’t consider moving back to europe) and then there are those of us with dual citizenship wondering which way to go if they force us to choose.

      • NastyBossetti

        I keep wondering if this administration is going to be the thing that makes my husband apply for citizenship, so he can vote next time. Or if we’ll end up moving to Canada.

        • eka

          I can see how people could go either way. I think my husband won’t care about voting because he knows that italy post-berlusconi didn’t improve much. even the anti-corruption party is suspect because of nationalism and anti-EU sentiment. If people are still idiots, you can’t fix the political situation.

          • NastyBossetti

            I think in my husband’s case it would go a little way to appeasing the powerlessness he feels because he lives here, works here, owns property here, pays taxes here, and doesn’t get a say in who his representatives are.

          • eka

            understandable, though in our case my husband is on the planning committee in our town and deals regularly with municipal authorities, so I think he probably feels like state or national level he would be powerless with or without the vote, and since we live in a small town he has access regardless of citizenship. we’ve actually been getting very involved in local politics in recent months. He may not be able to vote, but he is active in trying to get others to vote.

      • Persistent Demme

        Drama-daughter has dual citizenship and an Israeli husband that can’t seem to get an interview yet for a visa to come here.
        Their lawyer says that a process that normally takes 3-4 months is now taking 7+ months.
        (Pelosi’s office is trying to help.)

        • eka

          interviews are weird. my husband is from rome and you’d think that would make things easy, but apparently they only conduct interviews and doctor visits for immigration visas in naples, so he had to drive down there. and of course his mother couldn’t find his medical records, so he had to get all his vaccinations again. we didn’t have a lawyer, it was expensive enough without … but we did have my parents cosign on the financials, because they do really care about how much money you have.

          • Persistent Demme

            Yep.
            Those damn interviews!
            He’s trying to minimize the very expensive travel to Tel Aviv and also be able to work here (film sound engineer).
            He could come on a tourist’s visa, but would not be able to work, and have to return to Israel for the spousal/relative visa.
            USCIS already lost or invalidated his check once, (lawyer says she’s never seen this before) and set him back about a month.
            Ugh!

          • eka

            my husband’s cousin was kicked out of the US for getting married and applying for a green card while on a work visa, so of course you have to be really careful about these things. My husband had a tourist visa for six months after we decided to move to the states, before the k1 was processed.

            When I was doing it, I heard the fiance visa was much easier than the spousal visa, which is why we decided to get married in the states instead of italy.

            the thing i hate is the proving income shit. because we were moving to the us because we couldn’t find decent work in italy, and yet we have to prove that we have income 120% above poverty level? Luckily I had savings and my parents cosigned, but if you’re moving to the country for job opportunities, obviously you don’t have income at the moment of moving.

        • theCryptofishist

          My niece, also dual citizen, had her husband wait for almost two years. He’ll finally be able to enter next month. Things is fucked.

      • I’m using mine to consider moving to canada.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    OT – Ima go do some window shopping at Target, maybe get some eyeshadow or something.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8dce3e2875d0a4eabda42ae63b8ee15e0b944872439adf49dbcab31475ab8769.jpg

    Have a good morning, Wonketeers! :D Catch Ya’ll laters.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Canada gave them away for free this year to everyone. Happy 150th birthday!

      • MynameisBlarney

        DAMMIT TRUDEAU!

    • TJ Barke

      What national parks? You mean those open pit mines?

      • MynameisBlarney

        The lumber yards?

    • Me not sure

      Maybe they’ll sell the $80.00 passes to Mexican seniors to help pay for the Border Wall National Monument.

  • Rasilom
  • Are you guys gor realz working today? I know I have to work (stupid health care jerb), but i could have sworn you all would be off

    • Antonin Dvorak

      I gotta work today, also too.

    • From Russia with Love

      We have separation of crutch and state.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        OT, but things not looking good for Bayern in the C.L.

        • From Russia with Love

          Nope. :=(

          Edit: Dortmund either. Jeez, what is THAT all about?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I was watching the match and imagining you having a real fit about the hated Ronaldo scoring twice.

          • From Russia with Love

            You’ve got that right.

    • NastyBossetti

      I’m at work. MrBossetti works for a German company, and he has the day off.

    • Asterix

      I am, most definitely, OFF!, but I am working.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I have Friday and Saturday off.

    • Chadwells

      What’s today?!?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I work all weekend

    • shoeflyin

      Oddly, client is closed but I’m supposed to bill today anyway. Ethical quandary, that.

    • Suttree

      Where in the Merkin bibble does it say that you should get a day off for anything!?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Two Corinthians. Chapter Mar-A-Lago.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Being self-unemployed, every day is a work day. But no, today I am making Greek Easter cookies. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/77ab3245623da0bde6a10c7ac545c5a87366e6cd7923f6e3e70d8b6bc69bead5.jpg

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      These 200-page pharmaceutical manufacturing files aren’t going to summarize themselves! Also too, tomorrow’s beers aren’t going to buy themselves! I is a bear with needs, who gives thanks to humanz for leaving that grain out in the sun to ferment.

    • Obamacare never sleeps.

  • Chadwells

    We publicly announce all the members with great braggadocio….and then we name ourselves the “Stealth” Caucus.

    We are killing it!! Idiots. Jesus fucking Christ.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If you tried to pitch this narrative in Hollywood, you’d be laughed out of the office and golf-carted to the front gate.

      • Chadwells

        Cancels meeting with my agent…

      • Ghenghis McCann

        United Airlines style.

  • Persistent Demme

    TAX DAY MARCH!! (Rally:Saturday 2:00, City Hall, March 3:00, Market)
    GO SAN FRANCISCO!! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/82ce0bb6739a99c0037714611c7e5cbaf22d60f0f6a2c9917d24587653843056.jpg

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Carpe Vagenda

    The guy who made New York’s “Charging Bull” statue is mad that the “Fearless Girl” statue makes him look inferior, and inadequate, and says this has never happened to him before. Seriously!

    ❤️

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Seriously, though: I think the “Charging Bull” sculptor has a valid point. So do the people who commissioned and installed “Fearless Girl”. It’s an interesting and instructive episode about the nature of public art and how we interact with it.

    • NastyBossetti

      Well, you know what they say about public art. When you drop a 3.5-ton bull that no one asked for in the street in the middle of the night, it’s not yours anymore.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Yes and no. The bull’s a trademarked image and protected under copyright law. So is Portlandia, to the frustration of city officials who’d like to sell scale reproductions.

    • Me not sure

      I expect, any minute now, that some artist will announce a commission to build a very beautiful wall between them.

      • Yr. Gma

        You win.

    • Suttree

      Nope. You are wrong. Art is art. Once you let out it is loose on the world, they own it. Fair fucking use! Also too, fuck this guy. I want to rent a truck and forklift and melt down his bronze for a new sculpture of a vulture eating a kitten.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        All right, but would you not agree that placing the little girl there changes the context within which the bull exists, and adds a layer of meaning that it’s sculptor did not intend? I’m deliberately ignoring the politics, BTW. Also, the guy may have copyright law on his side.

        • artem1s

          the law is not on his side. just ask Richard Serra
          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tilted_Arc

          • Jennaratrix

            Let me state first that I think the artist should STFU and deal; but that is my personal opinion and not germane to anything. Having said that, he might have some standing; the Wikipedia article you linked states: “The next year saw enactment of the Visual Artists Rights Act (VARA). VARA of 1990, an amendment to the Copyright Act of 1976, provides ‘moral rights’ to the artist so that they have rights to attribution and integrity when it comes to paintings, drawings, and sculpture.” So, while we may think it’s BS, it looks like VARA, which was enacted probably in part as a result of Serra’s lawsuits, might support Di Modica’s contention that the placement of Fearless Girl negatively affects the integrity of his work. As I’ve said, I think it’s BS, but it IS an interesting case.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Charging Bull” guy needs to get a motherfucking life, after he’s STFU.

    • artem1s

      Charging Bull was installed without permits. Fearless Girl artist went thru permit process and popularity of piece has made public ask for it to become permanent. Charging Bull asshole doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I believe “Charging Bull” was eventually legitimized…because it was publicly popular. Like I said, interesting and instructive.

  • Suttree

    So I didn’t watch any sort of news yesterday. Who did we bomb, and why? Besides shriveled orange dick!

    • Whatever will get Twitler’s poll numbers up

      • Suttree

        Thank you darling! But I just woke up and haven’t had coffee yet. That was a given! I know that through the fog of a hangover. :P

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “OK Mr President, if we let you use one of those Big Bombs, will you have your nap?”

      • Me not sure

        “Only if I can have chocolate cake first!”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “But only the best, yoogest chocolate cake.”

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          How can you have any polonium pudding if you don’t eat your chocolate cake?!?!?

          • Me not sure

            “Another Brick In The Border Wall?”

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Delay in Wonkposts. Virtual orgy in the seekrit chatcave? ‘Twould be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Donna Rose demanded some attention. They’d be utter fools not to give Donna Rose what she wants. She makes cats look like, well, cats.

      • Yr. Gma

        She truly is The Boss of Us. And them, too.

  • GemlikeFlame

    Gemlike’s Prediction Service:

    The first 100 days:

    immigration ban/reform: locked up in the courts indefinitely
    ACA repeal: hysterical laughter from left, right, and centrists.
    ACA subsidy extortion: Democrats unmoved.
    Tax reform: awaiting next attempt at ACA repeal.
    Next attempt at ACA repeal: hysterical laughter from left, right, and centrists.
    Campaign stances on China, NATO, etc: reversed
    Foreign heads of state alienated: all, including Putin.
    Bannon: denied three times, probably waiting for his kiss.
    Republican town halls: pie fights with rocks in the filling.
    Criminal charges for Trump children and campaign staff: pending.
    Social service programs: cut to the quick.
    EPA director requiring bodyguards to protect him from his staff: one.

    The future:

    Warner and the intelligence community reveals more damning evidence.

    Lindsay Graham grins sadly and has another Cosmo, later found face down in a
    K street gutter.

    Ryan, Nunes, and McConnell suffer simultaneous memory losses dating to
    about a year ago.

    Flynn, Manafort, and Giuliani start a beautiful friendship in the same penitentiary cell.

    • Me not sure

      Trump gives himself an A+ grade.

  • BrianW

    Hmmpf. I guess Bannon should have gone to Jared instead of trying to come at him.

  • schmannity

    So far, Fiona is the only good thing to come out of the Age of Trump

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Me not sure

      I used to work inside a very heavy and brutally hot Winnie the Pooh costume to help pay my way through graduate school. I hate be judgemental, but these “furry” assholes are just sick to begin with.

      • Yr. Gma

        You made some kids very happy, and thank you for your service.

        • Me not sure

          Tigger almost died once. No lie.

          • Yr. Gma

            Details?

          • Me not sure

            Stage fall. Look around, I think I left the details laying around here somewhere.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I happily remember the Winnie the Pooh and Tigger guys who, on an excruciatingly hot morning at Epcot, took command of the stroller and spent a solid ten minutes entertaining the then-one-and-a-half year-old offspring in a tiny patch of shade, putting an end to his heat-induced crankiness.
        They had to have been boiling, but they were kindness itself to my kid.

        • Me not sure

          The suits were heavy and hot in the early seventies when I did it. Hopefully they have some way of staying cool now. My traveling troupe had an Eeyore, a Heffalump, and a Woozle, as well as Pooh and Tigger. We did events like festivals, parades and stage shows as well as visiting children’s hospitals on behalf of the Winnie the Pooh children’s clothing line that Sears used to sell. During one of our stage shows at the Fox Theater in Atlanta Tigger fell from the stage into the orchestra pit and had to be rushed to the hospital. The kids were aghast.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Oh good lord, they were probably traumatized!

            My sister and I were actually in a fashion show Sears put on with those characters at our school in NY… I think my mom still has a picture of the two of us with Eeyore. I just assumed it was a PTA member under that costume.

          • Me not sure

            We were all college aged guys trying to make a little extra money in the group working the Southeast out of the old Atlanta Regional HQ. The city bought the old building and has converted it into a shopping and residential development called Ponce City Market.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7f0eaabd11e5b78ca6fe8a1f8c308a1d9420c04e28fe9deebcba82427a95b8d8.jpg

  • DerpyGurdyMan
    • Bitter Scribe

      Pretty to think so, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

    • DerpyGurdyMan

      “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    That bull sculptor really needs to get over himself. From what I understand, he’s made a cottage industry out of what used to be the Merrill Lynch (are they still around?) corporate logo.

    • Me not sure

      They still exist.

  • DerpyGurdyMan

    Perhaps ‘Charging Bull’ man is worried that life will imitate art, as in this scene from USA Network TV Show ‘Mr. Robot’ :

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1edb78da4182c7f9fd36d885f1bf329cd8d85470088f9dcada1dafe2e5020e88.jpg

  • Me not sure

    So alt right white nationalist anti-semite Steven Miller has latched onto New York real estate magnate and orthodox Jew Jared Kushner’s coat tails? Politics really does make for strange bedfellows.

  • Serai 1

    Anyone who expects morality out of Bezos is A Idiot, seeing as how the entire point of his empire is to be as amoral as possible.

    • TundraGrifter

      If you expect a corporation to be other than amoral, aren’t you at least beginning to buy into the theory that they are not only legal entities but they have some individual rights (as persons) as well?

      It is possible for a corporation to have the responsibility (morals) but not the rights?

      • Serai 1

        I’m talking about Bezos. He’s the one who gave Amazon its amoral character. To the extent that a corporation is a group of people, it can have the morality those people want it to have. Bezos is a rapacious asshole who only cares about being the Ruler of the Internet Universe, and doesn’t give a flying fuck how many jobs and lives he ruins in the process.

        • TundraGrifter

          Sounds like Bill Gates. And Steve Jobs. Certainly Larry Ellison. Hell, Henry Ford.

          I’m not arguing with your post. I’m just pointing out it isn’t easy to answer. As our President might learn someday, there are second and third and fourth order considerations.

  • VirginiaLady

    Didn’t watch the Virginia hunger games. Doesn’t matter what they run, we is staying blue. To do otherwise would be unwise since we enjoy living and our Planned Parenthoods. The only thing that would make the GOP look good now is if they all resigned. Even our crazies agree for once, and if you knew our crazies you would understand what a big deal that is.

  • Baby Fiona makes everything okay again.

    • DainBramage

      I wish I could waggle my ears like that.

      • Those chubby stubby legs trailing out behind her makes my heart explode.

  • DainBramage

    People misheard Bannon. He called Jared and his people the “Stealth Cucks.”

  • bookish

    Fiona’s fat waddly butt is so cute.

  • Yr. Gma

    I am going to the Cincinnati Zoo next month. I must see Fiona in person…uh, hippo.

    • C4TWOMAN

      She’s a hippo person!

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Aren’t we all.

  • Millswiththethrills

    Obsticle Coarse is the new Tortilla Curtain?

    • Turns out they only got enough for a mile long speed bump

  • SeeTrain65

    I always thought the Carpet Crawlers was just a Genesis song.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yUN6CsuVPw

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