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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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    • BadKitty904

      ZORAK!!1!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      “I am the Lone Locust of the apocalypse. Think of me when you look to the night sky.”

    • Mpeg

      FYI, the deVos linky takes me to the Ukraine. Like, on the internets not literally. That would be like getting wished into the cornfield.

    • The Wanderer

      It’s bad when you lose Zorak.

    • guppy06
  • memzilla Ω
    • beingreleased

      My problem with this comic is that it implies the pentagon was involved in the decision process, and that uses facts not in evidence.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Now watch this drive.

  • Nounverb911
    • arglebargle

      Bill Murray in any form always gets the upfist. Always.

      • vivian

        Should this be internet Rule 17b?

  • Nounverb911
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    I went to a Holocaust Center recently and could not find one employee in an orange work apron to help me.

    • arglebargle

      That’s because you needed help. They only ask if you know what you’re looking for and where to find it.

    • guppy06

      Try standing next to something expensive.

  • I will be terribly disappointed to see the trump dream team fall apart in the first 100 days.

    I’m counting on these assholes to de-operationalize the entire administration, not just a few individuals here and there.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Nounverb911
    • Al Swearengen

      We all know Trump doesn’t know the word “complimentary”.

  • dslindc

    I would kind of like to go on vacation and not come back

  • arglebargle

    You know you step-mangled all over your own weenus when ubergoober Alex Fucking Jones thinks you’re a dum-dum…

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/what-the-hell-is-that-conspiracy-theorist-alex-jones-cant-believe-spicers-ignorant-hitler-claim/

  • ltmcdies

    https://twitter.com/ReneMiamiHerald/status/852136723752648704

    Good morning Wonketeers…Ben Carson’s having a bad start to his day….

    • Nounverb911

      Maybe HUD should put some money into INFRASTRUCTURE repair.

      • arglebargle

        Now how did I miss this before posting my HUD comment?

    • Vincent Ricola

      LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

    • arglebargle

      Too bad it’s not a grain elevator.

    • Lulu Mac

      *whispers to self* I shouldn’t find this so funny, I shouldn’t find this so funny, I shouldn’t find this so funny…

      • OneYieldRegular

        s’alright. I’ve been stuck in an elevator myself, and I find it funny.

    • BadKitty904

      Good.

    • cheetojeebus

      Ben! PUSH A BUTTON!!11 ANY BUTTON!!!!1111

    • arglebargle

      Obviously some cuts to HUD would solve problems such as this.

    • guppy06

      “Mr. Secretary, have you tried actually pushing a button?”

    • The Wanderer

      Bloody fucks on a bed of thorns, that’s HILARIOUS!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Welcome to Trump’s America, where black men are confined to small, box-like rooms unexpectedly and indefinitely.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The executive branch is wallowing in incompetence.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Ha ha. I hope he remembers is when he tries to cut HUD funding.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I pity anybody who’s stuck in that elevator with him. Just imagine that, Wonkettarians. Stuck. In an elevator. WITH SLEEPY B!!!! The horror!

      • Doug Langley

        “My God, they’re all passed out! Four triple expressos, STAT!!”

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Hey Ben, I know the pyramids didn’t have these newfangled things, but just so you know, after the elevator door closes behind you, you have to actually push one of the buttons to make it go to another floor.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I could have missed something, no snark, but has the orange lad himself said jack shit about uncle Vlad’s doings in Syria?

    • guppy06

      “Sluuuuurrrrrp.”

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    Sean Spicer’s apology falls flat…..like matzo.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Bitter herbs FTW!

  • Vincent Ricola

    I normally try to avoid taking pleasure in the misfortune of others, but I will take a whole hour of my life to dance in joy if Billo gets shitcanned because he is a serial, aggressive, violent, sexual harasser and his reputation is unsalvageable garbage.

  • Paul Dietzel

    So then, to make everything OK, Spicy apologized to Sheldon Adelson ’cause since Ol’ Shel has all the munnies he must be the headest Jew, amiright?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Geeze, talk about a goat rodeo! But also, let’s talk about goats, as cute as they are.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewGBwGAeAtk

    • Lefty Frizzell

      I hadn’t realized until quite recently but baby goats might be cuter than kittens.

    • The Wanderer

      Adorable. The last one was all like, “I meant to do that.”

  • BadKitty904

    I don’t know why I think “Red-Tailed Guenon” sounds like an elderly Delta blues-man…

  • Crystalclear12

    Spicer stop picking at it or it will never heal!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Spicer reminds me of the guy in the movie who was bitten by the zombie and tries to hide it.

    • HazooToo

      Soooooo much. And he’d also be the one refusing to let newcomers join the group, at the exact same time, because “What if they’re bitten?”

  • calliecallie

    I read all these rage-inducing news summaries and then I watch that baby animal and instantly feel healed and all “awwwww!” That Momma took that baby’s face in her hands/paws and kissed his forehead, didn’t she? It sure seemed like it. “Look at that sheyna punim!” She probably said.

    • Word. The Betsy DeVos story was pretty enraging today.

  • Chadwells
  • Lulu Mac
    • Bill D. Burger

      Spicey: “For his safety, the doctor was given a security escort as he exited the plane. PERIOD!”

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Yesterday, I was out at a ranch about 60 miles from nowhere, buying some milled mesquite lumber. Virtually all the employees were people from Mexico. They weren’t filth, I saw no beheadings or machete attacks, and some really nice guys helped me load the lumber when I was ready to leave.

    • arglebargle

      Sneaky bastards, aren’t they.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Obviously you forgot what really happened because of the hyper-heroin they gave you from their cantaloup calves.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I used to live in South Texas. Probably 10-20% of the people I knew there were illegals. They were some of the least scary people I ever met (with one glaring exception I won’t go into, but psychopathy is a randomly occurring mutation that has nothing to do with ethnicity or legal status).

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        The economy here would collapse overnight if they all got deported. My interactions with undocumented folks are nearly always pleasant…they recognize and respect a fellow working man.

    • NastyBossetti

      Hmmm… This sounds suspicious. I get the feeling you are of Mexican heritage and are trying to trick us into thinking Mexicans (aka everyone from south of the US) are just people!

      • BoziSpicer

        Soylent Green is people.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I talked with mi gente yesterday. Our plan is to lull all white people into a false sense of security….then let the head chopping begin!

        OT, but I shared that article you showed me about Mike Ness being a poser with my cousin. He’s been a musician his whole life and actually met and hung out with Ness when they were both teenagers when Social D. was driving around the southwest in a van playing backyard house parties. We had a good laugh about it.

        • cmd resistor

          That must be why the Mexican neighbors are always inviting us over for large and wonderful cookout dinners. They had us fooled into thinking they were just hospitable folks.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Don’t turn your backs! That’s the way it always works. Fill them with carne asada, THEN strike.

          • cmd resistor

            Plus, you cannot finish a beer without them opening another one and putting it in front of you.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            This love of life and sense of fun is why they must be driven from our country! It’s an all-out assault on our treasured legacy of dour Puritanism.

        • NastyBossetti

          Your plan is not going to go so well, as long as we have other white people to stir up needless fear and hatred! Don’t think I don’t know that “mi gente” is code for your GANG!
          That article was pretty hilarious. How was the show, by the way?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            My gang are the best head choppers!

            The show was great, in that way when something is just warmly familiar and reassuring to you. Does that make sense? Their fans here are fanatical, so the energy was high. Ness was obviously tired toward the end and losing his voice a bit-I think it was one of the last dates of their tour-but he played an hour-long encore nonetheless…ended with “Ring Of Fire”. David Hidalgo Jr. is a BAD man on the drums.

          • NastyBossetti

            Yes, I totally get it.

  • Nounverb911
    • Marceline

      I’ve grown to really like Vincente Fox. I won’t claim to know how he was as President because I’m an American and therefore do not recognize the fact that other countries exist until their leaders do something I like but it’s nice to see people outside of the US who really support the resistance.

      • grindstone

        He’s pretty much a millionaire-conservative, but I seriously admire his cojones in taking on these clowns we have.

        (Also, I have to give him props for working his way up the corporate ladder if he really did start life as a delivery driver, although that sounds like a bit of Horatio Alger hyperbole to me.)

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The Donald Dumbster Fire just keeps derpier and derpier. It’s like there’s no end to it.

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, there’ll be an end to it, alright. One way or the other.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The greatest accomplishment of the Trump administration in the first 100 days is that about half of them have managed to stay out of jail.

  • Nounverb911
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “O’Reilly taking well-earned vacation. After my TREMENDUS accomplishments in 1st 100 days as American POTUS, I am too.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • OneYieldRegular

    If Rex Tillerson and Ben Carson some into contact with one another, does that create some kind of afternoon nap singularity?

    • The Wanderer

      The Zone of Narcolepsy will spread out and strike down people for miles around.

      • Longstreet63

        Emergency response teams in caffeinated hazmat suits are prepped to respond by dragging people out of the null zone…

  • Lefty Frizzell

    That Devin Nunes story is quite big! No Susan Rice smoking gun eh? Next they’ll concede she said something along the lines of “this is what it looks like but the information is sketchy, the situation evolving, and we’ll update you later” on the Sunday talk shows.

  • Nounverb911

    And the shitheel of the day award goes to…..MIKE HUCKLEBERRY!
    https://twitter.com/GovMikeHuckabee/status/852103168821481472

    • ltmcdies

      It’s like Mike lives in that DC Comic Bizarro land…..
      and does anybody outside of those who speak in tongues listen to this guy

      • Nounverb911

        Doesn’t his daughter work for Spicer?

        • Lulu Mac

          Ayup. and his son kills puppies, so…not sure which one is worse actually…

    • BadKitty904

      And if ANYbody knows “bias and arrogance,” it’s Cletus the Slack-jawed “Governor”…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        This turkey is in trouble. He’s made me shouty and slappy before breakfast!

    • cheetojeebus

      Oh, do tell us more, ya fackin idiot.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      What a fucking idiot!

    • janecita

      Huckabee is like fucking Herpes, he never goes away!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Says the totally classless, hypocritical, pedophile-enabling snake oil peddler.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Yeah because Mike Huckabee is the foremost expert in recognizing class and humility.

    • The Wanderer

      Huckabee showed that he was tone-deaf by defending a pinheaded shit-twizzler.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Oh, shut the fuck up and eat a squirrel, Huckabee.

    • NastyBossetti

      I was about to say it’s a little early to be giving out that award. Then I read the tweet.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      How long would it take to find Huckabee pretending not to understand something Obama or Hillary said? Answer: 0.41 seconds.

      “His [Obama] legacy is to embrace Iran — the biggest sponsor of terrorism in the world — and to reject Israel, “

    • arglebargle

      WTF? It took three fucking clarifications from the Spicer camp to try to make up for his stupignorance. THREE! He clarified his remarks, fucked that up so he had to send out a clarification of his clarification, fucked THAT up, so he sent out a clarification of his clarified clarification. Fucking fuck.

      https://www.axios.com/sean-spicers-3-clarifications-after-todays-hitler-comparison-2355940945.html

  • Bill D. Burger

    From the Great Beyond: “Hitler: ‘Thank you so much. My image has been so tarnished by ‘those people.’ Stay spicy. __ Adolph XOXOXOXOX.'”

    https://i2.wp.com/www.politicalgarbagechute.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Hitler_Sean_Spicer.jpg?resize=600%2C381

  • Chadwells

    The way I choose to remember J. Geils…rather than that pop shit!!

    https://youtu.be/VJWBG9YCSJk

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      Oooh, BillO as Spicer’s replacement? I can hear knives being sharpened.

  • Indivisible Snark Tank

    https://i.imgur.com/qIkDgXU.jpg
    Yeah, running the US like a major corporation makes TOTAL sense.

  • Marceline

    The reunion scene between Merkel and Obama is going to be epic.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/tKodWPKRz3k52/giphy.gif

  • Nounverb911

    “Thanks for the distraction, Sean.”
    –United Airlines CEO Munoz

  • shastakoala

    The end is near when “The Walking Dead” premiere beats out BillO in cable ratings.

    • YES!!!

    • Mary Sandoras

      That seems so appropriate.

    • BadKitty904

      I’d think people would confuse the two.

      • At the crossroads, stay strong

        You mean there is a difference?

  • Lulu Mac

    I can’t. I can’t even with this shitgibbon. FUCK YOUR CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/852153553493864452

    • The Wanderer

      Does he mean that shit I saw on his menu for the state dinner that he could have gotten from the Publix down the street?

      • cmd resistor

        I’d rather eat Publix deli food than Mar-a-Lago crap.

        • The Wanderer

          Truth to tell, Publix deli does sell some good stuff. I like their roast beef and liverwurst.

    • janecita

      What the fuck is wrong with this man? He is so fucking embarrassing!

      • At the crossroads, stay strong

        He’s an idiot elected by the United Idiots of America. We are now reaping, – and so quickly! – what they have sown.

    • Bill D. Burger

      He could have been referring to Omarosa.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Seriously? only half reached target and I would take russian missile technology over American.

      • Longstreet63

        Look, if the missile hits the target all the time, the navy would buy fewer of them. You have to think these things through.

    • Suttree

      Out of the box of Betty Crocker?

      • FlownΩver

        – which he had earlier grabbed?

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I bet Xi is happy that a confidential disclosure on a missile strike is being exposed on Fox by the way.

    • ariel_gee_398
    • cmd resistor

      Does this mean we have to boycott chocolate cake now?

    • Longstreet63

      Xi hated the chocolate cake. He sent me a text right after. He prefers tortes.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Trump: Over dessert “I said we’ve just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq”
      Maria: “Headed to Syria”
      Trump: “Yes”

      He probably doesn’t know the difference between dessert and desert either.

      • Doug Langley

        “We’ve gone to this fine restaurant and secretly replaced their chocolate cake with dishes of hot sand. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference.”

    • kareemachan

      drumpster, ask some kid who no longer gets a school lunch or breakfast about that fucking beautiful piece of chocolate cake. Then get back to us.

    • The question is not ‘Did the Girl Reporter jump up Trump’s ass after the interview?’ but ‘How far?’.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3trDL5MWlw

  • thewalkindude

    At a meeting of business leaders at the White House on Tuesday, President Donald Trump claimed that he was already making good on his promise to be “the greatest jobs producer that God ever created.”

    “We’ve created over 600,000 jobs already in a very short period of time, and it’s going to really start catching on now, because some of the things that we’ve done are big league and they are catching on,” Trump said.

    According to data from his own government, that’s just not true.

    Preliminary statistics released by the U.S. Labor Department show a total of 219,000 jobs were created in February and 98,000 in March. That makes a total of 317,000 new jobs.

    Trump only took office on the afternoon of January 20 and so spent jus 11.5 days of that month as the president. Despite this fact, a White House spokesman said that Trump is including the jobs created in the United States in January as well, according to CNN Money.

    But even if that’s the case—216,000 jobs were created in January—the total is still only 533,000, some way off Trump’s 600,000 figure.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Little Babby Donnie always rounds up. Crowd sizes, vote counts, penis size.

      • The Wanderer

        Especially penis size. He keeps trying to convince Melania that he’s bigger than Manolo.

    • Longstreet63

      Wait–when he says “things we’ve done” what could he possibly mean?
      He can’t even fill the jobs in his second level cabinet organizations.

    • BadKitty904

      Well, of course it’s not true. Look at the source.

      Any businessman stupid enough to believe ANYthing this Administration says will get exactly what he deserves.

  • Longstreet63

    Whatever Spicer’s alt fact apology, I feel it necessary to point out that while poison gas was little used in WWII in combat, this was mainly because Hitler was a gassing victim in the First one, where it was used by all combatants from 1915 on, including the US.
    Also, that in WW2, the Allies kept supplies of gas close at hand in case of policy change. A depot ship was bombed in harbor during the Italian campaign, exposing many chemical injuries to Allied soldiers, for instance.
    Postwar, the Russians deployed air dropped chemical weapons against Afghans and the US had a very legalistic view of what constituted a chemical weapon in Vietnam Nam, deciding that napalm, white phosphorus, and Agent Orange didn’t count.
    The biggest reason gas isn’t used much in modern war is that it isn’t very effective at winning battles.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Plus what about the use of depleted Uranium like everywhere since operation Desert storm?

      • Longstreet63

        Not actually a chemical weapon, but quite toxic if the bullet doesn’t kill you in the first place.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          Well it polluted large areas of Iraq to the point that in areas like Fallujah birth defects are the norm, not the exception.

          • Longstreet63

            It’s not harmless, but it’s not a chemical weapon. It’s meant to kill you with kinetic energy.
            It’s probably less lethal than land mines. Or living on the grounds of a former lead smelter.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Several Historians have suggested the real reason Hitler didnt use Poison Gas was because he was afraid that the Allies would use it in turn. Plus it only really works on a force that isnt mobile or is deadlocked.

      • Longstreet63

        Well, yes, but that was certainly a rational reason. He had personal experience with it. And he was right, they would have.

        • Alexander Stallwitz

          Churchill wrote in his memoirs that if the Nazis had invaded England, using Poison Gas was on the table as a option. No option was off limits, he said. He also said it would be brutal and merciless.

          • Longstreet63

            Yep, both sides were prepared but held back. Chemical weapons suck as a means of winning a battle, or they’d have been all in. It’s easy to ban ineffective weapons, like gas, nukes, and germs.

  • pstockholm

    Sure those guenons are cute, but have you seen my pet peeves?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      What do you feed them?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Don’t peeves tend to feed on themselves?

    • VirginiaLady

      We had a family of wild peeves living in our woods, but then the ilks ate them. Sad.

  • Lulu Mac

    He doesn’t even know what country he is bombing…JFC…

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/852157480150999040

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, not the Money Honey’s most desperate attempted save in that interview.

      Fox Business host Maria Bartiromo asked Trump why he still has so many Obama holdovers remaining in his administration, specifically pointing to Comey, who is not technically a political appointee.

      Asked whether it was “too late” to get rid of Comey, Trump appeared hesitant to discuss his future.

      “No, it’s not too late,” Trump said. “But you know I have confidence in him. We’ll see what happens. It is going to be interesting.”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      “Syria, Iraq, same difference. Whatever. We’re taking all the oil this time.”

      • Oblios_Cap

        we really only want their food processing business.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He got the dessert right. It was the most beautiful chocolate cake.

      • thixotropic jerk

        SO MUCH CONFUZE: Desert/dessert, Chocolate/Armament, Cake/Missile, Iraq/Syria/MouthHole; Prezniting Am HARD!!1!!11!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      OOOO EMMM GEEE, y’all! It’s just UNBELIEVABLE!!!11! that we can fire missiles–UNMANNED, also too–from hundreds of miles away and they can hit their TARGET!!! Who even knew we could do that these days?? UNPOSSIBLE, amiright!!!!

      I can’t believe the so-called Commander-in-Chief of one the mightiest military on earth registered his amazement at some very rudimentary not even 21st-century technology.

    • thixotropic jerk

      “I just launched 59 ounces of the most beautiful missiles of death by chocolate chocolate cake into my bloviating orange hole near the Iraq.”
      Cheeto Cheato Chipmunk

  • C4TWOMAN

    “Putin claims U.S.-Russia relations are worse under Trump, ”

    What is it with these Americans? We have script! Stick to it!

    • BadKitty904

      You get what you pay for, Vlad.

      • C4TWOMAN

        You say I not pay enough? You know how hard it is to get Russian LEET hacker Team on short notice? ‘We have social justice to finish in Greece’ they say. I say, ‘How I nuke Greece, then no SJW worries, yes?’ THEN they say ‘okay, sure asshole’.
        Vlad is good deal maker, no?

        • BadKitty904

          But the Dems are the smart ones, Vlad…

          • C4TWOMAN

            You no watch Russia Today? Hilary! Emails! Bengazhi!
            I pay out of pocket for RT to infect brainless Americans with propaganda, and you STILL not hate Dems?

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      I wonder if that means Putin has the biggest case of Trumpgrets of all

      • C4TWOMAN

        Oh, I would bet $$$ Putin is having daily ” WTF!” moments.
        Putin is a master criminal, a real life supervillian on par with lex Luthor. He’s expecting results: power, money, weapons contracts.
        What does he get? A lame PR slap fight over a Syrian airstrip.
        His puppet is lame. Can’t follow the most unsubtle of suggestions.
        The only reason Putin’s not considering invading the States and taking over personally are these two big oceans….

  • BadKitty904

    Sean’s career must be as shaky as…as a fiddler on the roof…

  • Bill Slider

    For your student debt consider a GoFundMe to help a brilliant young writer ease the tensions of Eternal debt so that he might shower the world what his brilliant words sharp mind and empty pockets. After all you need new socks the old ones have a hole in the, but not from wearing them on your feet.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      your words something about them interesting not quite fit but like them I do as warm mittens on hot chocolate winter’s night spring toast!

      • Bill Slider

        I had more in mind all those times he desperately needed a date and couldn’t find one.

  • Bill Slider

    I see Mr. Page thanks the FBI Witch Hunt against him is comprable to that which they did that one time against Martin Luther King Jr. Funny, I thought Mr. Page was white.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Must be all the times he marched in protest against segregation. Or his tireless work for the voting rights act.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Carter Page was a Freedom Fighter??? I thought that was only for pussy libtard snowflakes.

      • Bill Slider

        I know and I’m having trouble finding the Page, I Have a Dream speech.

  • William
    • Ωbjectifier

      $6.29/pound? Outrageous!

      • therblig

        it’s not hickory smoked, it’s frankincense

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Don’t forget to wrap it in bacon.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Yeh, um, guess we should look for a news story about this soon…?

      • William

        Naw, it’s an old photo.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Ah.

    • NastyBossetti

      Yes, it is delicious for Chanukah, if you’re a goy.

    • Tallmutha

      Delicious, but oh so wrong. Deliciously wrong.

    • puredog

      If that’s a current photo, it’s doubly funny.

    • The Wanderer

      It’s great with Swiss cheese on matzoh!

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    Betsy DeVos can’t understand why everyone can’t be rich like her and even need loans. Loans are for losers. Our Dear Velveeta Tweeta knows how to get around that. Go bankrupt! Easy-peasey.

    • BadKitty904

      And/or inherit millions from your slumlord, war-profiteer Dad….

    • Lori

      Student loans can’t be discharged in bankruptcy. Funny how you can declare bankruptcy multiple times and walk away again and again from the kinds of debt rich people take on, but the kind the not-rich need in order to attempt to make decent lives for themselves is forever. And by funny I mean we’re way overdue for hauling out the tumbrils. With votes, of course.

      • At the crossroads, stay strong

        How about keel hauling? That might change a few minds.

      • bupkus23

        That bit was changed in 2005. Thanks, GWB

        • Lori

          The law still treats student loans very differently from other types of debt and as a practical matter most people still can’t discharge it in bankruptcy. The standard for doing so is that making any payment would impose an undue hardship because it would prevent the borrower from maintaining a minimal standard of living and that the borrower’s situation is likely persist into the future. It’s tough to meet that standard.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Well, how else are they gonna get fodder for the next great Middle East Misadventure?
    “Welp, you’ve defaulted on your student loan. So it’s either being driven into crippling poverty for the rest of your life or enlistment in the military. Make your choice.”

    • Keith Taylor

      Looks that way unless Trump is impeached and God does something final to Mike Pence for taking God’s name in vain. (Which although pretty much an unbeliever, I think blokes like Pence are doing every time they even mention God.) And how about Deadbeat Trump’s long record of dudding contractors and employees and the trail of lawsuits he’s left behind him? That’s okay but failing to pay the vig (sorry, interest) on a student loan because you just plain can’t, is reprehensible. Makes sense. People who crave an education are parasites and they make the president look bad too. By knowing words. Even reading them sometimes.

  • MONKEY GOTTA RED BUTT!

    Always good for a laugh.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Please to not insult Preznit Trunk in this way offensive manner you thank you

  • Mahousu

    Hey, chemical weapons aren’t all bad. In late 1944, as things went rapidly downhill for Germany in France, the U.S. Army was concerned that Hitler might use mustard gas to retaliate. But someone had come up with a spiffy antidote, and my dad was one of the ones “volunteered” (United-style) to try it out.

    It turned out not to work that well, which left a scar on his arm he had the rest of his life. But on the plus side, it meant he spent most of that winter in the hospital, so missed out on the Battle of the Bulge.

    • David Chaillou

      Chemical weapons, is that like the phosphorus bombs and agent Orange the US used in Vietnam?

      • Oblios_Cap

        No, those were chemical agents.

        • David Chaillou

          Which is why they didn’t hurt civilians. I understand.

          • Oblios_Cap

            We’re the world’s protectors, not some desert barbarians!

          • David Chaillou

            Exactly. Instead of wrapping a towel around your head, you wet it and wrap it around the honoured visitor’s face. The civilised way.

    • Yr. Gma

      Good on you, Dad.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Not many people know that Trump sorry Hitler was experimenting with deadly Ketchup Gas but ultimately failed to deploy it because he could not get it to come out of the containers fast enough.

  • VirginiaLady

    If a student loan is taken out under one set of rules, and then a skank for god comes along and changes those rules, can the loan be considered null and void? Which rules would apply? And what if yours happened to be one of the FAFSA parent accounts that just got hacked? Asking so I can make an informed choice of either Tequila or Windex as my morning beverage.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Why not both? Windex chaser, after you have been anesthetized?

      • VirginiaLady

        Prolly taste better than the Tequila and Lemon Pledge incident. Desperate times.

        • thixotropic jerk

          Suggest a nice Scope chaser becasue ~peppomint schnapps + fresh minty breath alcohol overlay

  • ltmcdies
    • Shoto

      “Free at last, free at la…wait, what was I talking about?”

      — Mental Ben

    • Carpe Vagenda

      It’s almost as if the system needs infrastructure funds instead of a budget cut.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Too F-ing bad.

    • Doug Langley

      Wait. Was he gone?

    • This administration seems to get stuck in elevators a lot.

    • bupkus23

      They just showed him how to push the button for a floor and/or open the doors.

    • thixotropic jerk

      “Do they have to let us out of this nice square up and down room now? I was just settling down for a nap!”
      ~Ben “WhoSleepsForYou” Carson

  • thewalkindude

    Britain’s Daily Mail agreed on Wednesday to pay Melania Trump an undisclosed sum and issue an apology after the news group published an article about her previous professional work as a model.

    She had filed a $150 million (120 million pound) lawsuit against the Daily Mail’s owner in New York claiming the article had cost her millions of dollars in potential business.

    On Wednesday, the Daily Mail apologised for the article and said it would issue a retraction.

    “We have agreed to pay her damages and costs,” it said.

    A person familiar with the situation said the settlement was worth less than $3 million, including legal costs and damages.

    • therblig

      as a grifter, she’s an amateur.

    • Bebecca

      I hope she puts it in her own savings account rather than turns it over to Donald to use towards the rent, milk and eggs family budget.

    • bupkus23

      This wasn’t the story about her working as a model illegally while on a tourist visa, was it? I wonder whatever happened with that allegation….

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I think this was the story that she was a hooker.

  • goonemeritus

    Who among us hasn’t forgotten the odd $1.2million in earnings.

    • Shoto

      Dig around in the couch cushions. Maybe it’s there.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! Bill O’Reily might have been You’re Fired! I mean, that’s what happens when old men go on vacation, right? They never come back?

    You’ve never watched Australian soaps then. Characters go on holiday to Melbourne and come back played by a different actor. That’s what’s likely to happen with Bill; new face, same script.

  • vivian

    It’s well past time to turn the Page on the Russia scandal.

    • davej1s

      I don’t think so. I would like to see those tax returns first to insure that
      Donnie is not a Russian sock puppet…I suspect he is.

      • vivian

        Not “turn the page”, “turn the Page”

        • davej1s

          Dang…totally missed that…I hate when I am too dumb to participate intelligently.

    • What do you want to turn him into? A newt?

      • thixotropic jerk

        No please! Not another Gingrich! Gaaaggghhh!!!!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Oh, for the love of god. Remember this guy?

    https://youtu.be/oWHIjfg7Mbg

    He’s at the Newseum sharing an avuncular chuckle with Jim Acosta from CNN about what real americans care about (Acosta thinks it’s terrible that nobody has followed up with blue collar Trump voters, who Obama did nothing for).

    Derp guy says that as long as they have a bricklaying at the border Breitbart readers will be happy. And now Glenn Thrush is making the case for Bannon to stay because Mercer money and nice administration, shame if something happened to it.

  • Nockular cavity

    but the show must go on!

    But not, apparently, the goddam Easter Egg Roll, because even that’s too challenging for this gang of incompetent fucksticks.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Trump and Pence are so religious that they eschew bunny-related Easter things.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Things I eschew what are bunny related:
        Carrots
        Choklate
        Hasenpfeffer (Sorry Silly Wabbit!)
        Trix

    • Carpe Vagenda

      But they bought some to sell.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      “White House Easter Eggroll”… Part of the new deal T Rump cut with China?

    • thixotropic jerk

      Sorry, with 5 Spice you don’t get egg roll

  • rocktonsam

    so spicer and the rest didn’t have world history in middle school, ever watch the history channel before it became a buy junk channel or seen a mel brooks movie?
    and now no easter egg roll? they could have invited the gun nutz and tossed the eggs in the air and shot at the eggs instead. for jebus and merrikka

  • DerpyGurdyMan
    • The Wanderer

      Please tell me that’s a fake tweet.

      • DerpyGurdyMan

        Fake Tweet! So Unfair! Failing Twitter!

      • Hardly Ideal

        I don’t see it on The Bastard’s page, so I’m saying no.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Isn’t it a shame that we can’t tell. Through the looking glass, man.

      • Jamoche

        Pale gray text along the right edge is the giveaway – that’s the URL of the generator.

  • wait! what?

    Those budget cuts may target sanctuary cities; Chicago will persevere! (Taken this morning in Lakeview.)

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/55d9a56ab117e41e7bde15514ba55834cf5a1514ca43f6ca956e60fccdd1efcf.jpg

    • Resist Chicago!!

      (me and me bike are all over lakeview today – every wednesday for Obamacare. Heading to the new Whole Foods to check it out. It looks terrifying.

      • wait! what?

        It is. Almost as terrifying as its old location with the auction sign on it. I defer to Mariano’s off of Broadway because xSport is in the same building.

    • TakingAmes

      That photo is missing the leashed dog tied to the post as well.

  • The Wanderer

    Oy, such a mamzer, I’m telling you.

  • susan_g

    You could tuck a dreidel on Spicey’s philtrum.

  • Querolous

    Should have sent Billo upstate before this happened.(with votes) http://www.theonion.com/article/fire-consumes-big-happy-farm-where-families-send-s-20641

  • This adminstration is an abomination.

    Every day we get some fresh assault on the lower and middle classes, the stripping away of civil rights / protections for the fragile among us and the rapid destruction of the american landscape (both figurative and literal).

    But we’ll always have Russia.

  • Khavrinen

    “that’s what happens when old men go on vacation, right?”

    “Mama, what’s vacation mean?”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bZ8SGerM28

  • DerpyGurdyMan

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4f55b4bec22c0cb1077d40bfe83ec585d5a594767a11a479aac3f91263de4e92.jpg

    Are you going to the
    White House Press Fair?

    Bullshit, Rage, DisInfo and Lies

    Remember me to one
    who speaks there

    He once wore a Bunny Suit Fine

  • rubikcube

    “It’s all good. I’m not anti-Semitic, I’m just stupid! So incredibly, stupid.” – Sean ‘Spicey’ Spicer

  • BetsyBleedingheart

    Those letter are Hebrew but the words are in English order and the words are themselves in the wrong order and…you know what. Never mind. You tried.

    • mt2099

      I think that’s the joke.

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